1
00:00:39,330 --> 00:00:43,050
- Access granted.
- Merry Christmas, Sergeant Maaka.

2
00:00:45,330 --> 00:00:47,906
Uh, thank you,
computer. And the same to you.

3
00:00:47,930 --> 00:00:51,906
O'Leary, Minogue, welcome to the
Paranormal Office Christmas party.

4
00:00:51,930 --> 00:00:53,386
You having fun?
Uh-.

5
00:00:53,410 --> 00:00:56,866
Um, yes. Well, I'm having
a lot of fun, as you can see.

6
00:00:56,890 --> 00:01:00,626
Uh, what's the best Christmas
present you ever got?

7
00:01:00,650 --> 00:01:05,506
Well, one time, when I was 10, I got this really
great, um-it was, like, a pull-back police motorcycle.

8
00:01:05,530 --> 00:01:07,906
It had lights, and you pulled it
back, and it drove itself. Oh, yeah.

9
00:01:07,930 --> 00:01:09,186
Great.

10
00:01:09,210 --> 00:01:11,466
Minogue.
Mum got me school clothes.

11
00:01:11,490 --> 00:01:14,026
I mean, she got me a school
uniform for the upcoming year... Hm.

12
00:01:14,050 --> 00:01:16,626
...which she said was generous,
but I think she's-No, that's cool.

13
00:01:16,650 --> 00:01:18,666
Was that gen-? Was that cool?

14
00:01:18,690 --> 00:01:21,506
It was cool.
See, one Christmas, I, uh...

15
00:01:21,530 --> 00:01:26,986
when I was 6 years old, and I got a teddy
bear with a tiny little police uniform.

16
00:01:27,010 --> 00:01:31,226
I loved it so much. Uh, it's actually
what inspired me to join the police force.

17
00:01:31,250 --> 00:01:33,586
One day, it went missing.
Where did it go?

18
00:01:33,610 --> 00:01:36,506
I-I don't know that.
I launched a full investigation,

19
00:01:36,530 --> 00:01:40,730
and I even wrote it its own
case file, as you can see.

20
00:01:40,770 --> 00:01:44,026
At the age of 6, you
wrote a case file? Yeah.

21
00:01:44,050 --> 00:01:46,330
Anyway, I thought that, uh,

22
00:01:46,530 --> 00:01:50,410
we should do a bit
of a Secret Santa.

23
00:01:50,610 --> 00:01:55,610
There's only three of us, though, Sarge. It
might be a bit obvious. Just humour me, O'Leary.

24
00:02:03,850 --> 00:02:05,850
'Minogue.'

25
00:02:06,010 --> 00:02:09,746
Oh. 'O'Leary.'
Do we get ourselves presents?

26
00:02:09,770 --> 00:02:11,770
Well, we'll go again.

27
00:02:12,250 --> 00:02:14,906
What should I get Sarge
for Secret Santa? Ah!

28
00:02:14,930 --> 00:02:17,866
Now you've told me it's Sarge. That's who you're
buying for. You're not supposed to let me know.

29
00:02:17,890 --> 00:02:19,890
No. I meant...

30
00:02:21,330 --> 00:02:23,666
if Sarge was my Secret Santa,
what would I get him?

31
00:02:23,690 --> 00:02:27,226
He's not my recipient. I know what
I'm gonna get the person that I've got.

32
00:02:27,250 --> 00:02:29,866
But you're better at keeping
secrets than me. Correct.

33
00:02:29,890 --> 00:02:34,546
Car Four, this is comms.
Uh, need you to go to the Tawa Mall.

34
00:02:34,570 --> 00:02:39,346
Apparently, the Santa there
has been making kids cry. Over.

35
00:02:39,370 --> 00:02:42,450
Uh, yeah, copy that.
We're on our way.

36
00:02:42,490 --> 00:02:44,946
I thought that's what Santas do -
make kids cry.

37
00:02:44,970 --> 00:02:47,346
No, they're supposed to make you
feel all excited about Christmas.

38
00:02:47,370 --> 00:02:49,706
Yeah, well, that's not what
they did. Well, what hap-?

39
00:02:49,730 --> 00:02:52,426
You'd go there and you'd
sit on his knee... Yeah?

40
00:02:52,450 --> 00:02:54,866
...and then he'd say,
'What do you want for Christmas?'

41
00:02:54,890 --> 00:02:57,306
And you'd tell him...
Yeah? Yes? ...And he'd go,

42
00:02:57,330 --> 00:03:00,786
'Don't like your chances, mate.'
What Santa-? 'Not on my watch.'

43
00:03:00,810 --> 00:03:03,826
And then your mum'd come over,
and he'd go, 'Ho, ho, ho!'

44
00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:08,466
So these kids shouldn't be so surprised that
they're crying, because that's what Santa's for.

45
00:03:08,490 --> 00:03:11,029
OK, I think you've had a bad
experience with a really bad Santa.

46
00:03:16,170 --> 00:03:19,066
You reckon Sarge might like some
scented soaps? Well, soap's what you get

47
00:03:19,090 --> 00:03:22,226
when you've got no idea what to get someone for
Christmas, so... Well, I got my brother Adam some,

48
00:03:22,250 --> 00:03:24,346
and he absolutely loved 'em.
He was speechless. Really?

49
00:03:24,370 --> 00:03:26,479
Yeah. He opened them up,
and he was like...

50
00:03:29,130 --> 00:03:32,426
Hi. Can I help you? I'm Ian.
I-I represent the mall.

51
00:03:32,450 --> 00:03:34,266
Oh. Hey, uh, we've
received some complaints.

52
00:03:34,290 --> 00:03:37,026
Apparently, your Santa's
been upsetting people?

53
00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:39,626
Oh. Yep. Um, he's...
he's just down this way.

54
00:03:39,650 --> 00:03:41,650
He's just by the FCK.

55
00:03:42,050 --> 00:03:44,050
Uh, did you mean the KFC?

56
00:03:44,090 --> 00:03:46,106
Oh, sorry. Just a little
bit dyslexic, yeah.

57
00:03:46,130 --> 00:03:48,226
I had to call this guy
in last minute... Mm?

58
00:03:48,250 --> 00:03:50,426
You will find your photos on the
website - ...and the problem now is

59
00:03:50,450 --> 00:03:53,826
he doesn't seem to leave. And your
souls. Return to your pathetic life.

60
00:03:53,850 --> 00:03:57,386
- Bring me the next child!
- He doesn't seem very Santa-y.

61
00:03:57,410 --> 00:04:00,306
Yeah, that's been the main problem.
I-I wasn't quite sure how to bring it up.

62
00:04:00,330 --> 00:04:02,186
And did you book this
guy? Look again to me! Yep.

63
00:04:02,210 --> 00:04:04,746
Yeah, so- And you said
you're dyslexic? Yes. Yeah.

64
00:04:04,770 --> 00:04:06,946
I'm just wondering if maybe you've
got your letters a bit muddled up

65
00:04:06,970 --> 00:04:11,426
and you've booked Satan instead of
Santa. We'll put that away for Georgia.

66
00:04:11,450 --> 00:04:12,666
Oh, yeah.

67
00:04:12,690 --> 00:04:15,626
Obviously, this is not optimum. Um, I
don't think Satan should be at a mall,

68
00:04:15,650 --> 00:04:18,786
especially not round Christmas time, um, so I
think it's important that we now get in there

69
00:04:18,810 --> 00:04:22,186
- and break this thing up. Minogue?
- Have fun with your headless doll!

70
00:04:22,210 --> 00:04:24,586
Take away your child -
and bring me the next one!

71
00:04:24,610 --> 00:04:26,786
Gidday, mate. Hi. Uh, we're
from the Wellington Police.

72
00:04:26,810 --> 00:04:28,906
How's it going?

73
00:04:28,930 --> 00:04:30,946
Good. Good. Pretty good, yep.
Yeah. Hey, look-Hi. Uh... Hi.

74
00:04:30,970 --> 00:04:32,906
...we've just had some complaints.

75
00:04:32,930 --> 00:04:35,506
Apparently, you've been
scaring children.

76
00:04:35,530 --> 00:04:37,426
Uh, no, I've...

77
00:04:37,450 --> 00:04:41,186
Well, I've been scarring children. Oh,
misunderstanding. OK, no, actually, that's worse.

78
00:04:41,210 --> 00:04:45,626
It's just that I was gonna claim
this mall to be my foul citadel.

79
00:04:45,650 --> 00:04:48,626
I was gonna take the souls
of the damned. Oh, here's one.

80
00:04:48,650 --> 00:04:52,386
Yes!
Yes, you'll do nicely.

81
00:04:52,410 --> 00:04:56,946
Come on, mate. Is this really the place where you
wanna start your fiery realm, though? I mean...

82
00:04:56,970 --> 00:04:58,786
It's a shopping mall
in Tawa.

83
00:04:58,810 --> 00:05:01,586
Well-Hey, um, if these
guys have booked you,

84
00:05:01,610 --> 00:05:04,426
- how does that work, exactly?
- Have you got an agent, or...?

85
00:05:04,450 --> 00:05:07,106
No. I-I was just sitting
on my throne in hell... Mm.

86
00:05:07,130 --> 00:05:10,626
...and I was summoned here. OK,
so how exactly were you summoned?

87
00:05:10,650 --> 00:05:12,346
- By fax.
- By fax?!

88
00:05:12,370 --> 00:05:16,185
Yup. If you fax Satan...
Mm? ...I appear.

89
00:05:16,210 --> 00:05:18,866
Ah. Yeah. As soon as they
invented it, we got one in hell.

90
00:05:18,890 --> 00:05:20,746
Guys. Oh. Sorry.

91
00:05:20,770 --> 00:05:22,786
Yes. You're now choking
a member of the public,

92
00:05:22,810 --> 00:05:24,266
you know? OK? That mall manager.

93
00:05:24,290 --> 00:05:25,666
He's not having a
nice time up there, OK?

94
00:05:25,690 --> 00:05:27,906
All right. I just really think,
potentially, it's time for you

95
00:05:27,930 --> 00:05:30,346
- to go back to hell...
- ...finish off your hell stuff...

96
00:05:30,370 --> 00:05:32,306
You've had a pretty good
run of it today, mate. OK?

97
00:05:32,330 --> 00:05:35,186
You're in the wrong suburb. Tawa
is not the place for you. Or anyone.

98
00:05:35,210 --> 00:05:37,826
- Let him go.
- OK! All right, all right, all right.

99
00:05:37,850 --> 00:05:41,786
Look, if you ever need to spice up a party, just
give me a fax. I might be interested in that.

100
00:05:41,810 --> 00:05:43,186
I can create havoc on earth...
Yeah?

101
00:05:43,210 --> 00:05:46,066
...make fire and blood come out of
everything, and, uh... Yeah, yeah, yeah.

102
00:05:46,090 --> 00:05:48,106
...also a dubstep DJ. OK.
Do people still listen to that?

103
00:05:48,130 --> 00:05:50,946
- Yeah!
- How does that go, again?

104
00:05:50,970 --> 00:05:54,066
Yeah, you can't dance to it.
Also, I'd get your card sorted out.

105
00:05:54,090 --> 00:05:55,946
If you're representing
your business,

106
00:05:55,970 --> 00:05:59,506
it needs to be a really clean card. Look, there's
probably a place here at the mall you can probably

107
00:05:59,530 --> 00:06:01,666
get some more printed. Yeah, yeah,
yeah. Oh, does Sammy still print the...?

108
00:06:01,690 --> 00:06:02,667
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, OK.

109
00:06:02,691 --> 00:06:04,386
Yeah.
It's 50% off today.

110
00:06:04,410 --> 00:06:05,147
Is it?
Yeah.

111
00:06:05,171 --> 00:06:08,466
You wanna take Satan down there? And you
guys can sort it out before he ducks off.

112
00:06:08,490 --> 00:06:10,986
Oh, I'd rather not, to be
honest. It's a fair call. Yeah.

113
00:06:11,010 --> 00:06:12,946
I mean, he had him by the
throat. Look, um... Yeah, he did.

114
00:06:12,970 --> 00:06:16,426
Do you need a lift anywhere, like,
to get back down to, uh... hell?

115
00:06:16,450 --> 00:06:20,546
Nah, nah. I'll just grab an Uber.
By the way, uh...

116
00:06:20,570 --> 00:06:23,050
one of you two is going to hell.

117
00:06:23,570 --> 00:06:25,506
I'll let you enjoy that on the drive
home. Two people or-.

118
00:06:25,530 --> 00:06:27,306
We're not playing your
game, Satan, OK? OK, all right.

119
00:06:27,330 --> 00:06:30,546
Well, I'll see one of you later.
Is it her?

120
00:06:30,570 --> 00:06:33,626
See you later. Thank you.
Is one of them tall or short?

121
00:06:33,650 --> 00:06:36,226
Who, who, who, who's it gonna be?

122
00:06:36,250 --> 00:06:38,146
Is it the tall one?

123
00:06:38,170 --> 00:06:40,026
Is it the short one? Tah-ta-ta!

124
00:06:40,050 --> 00:06:42,706
Whoosha-ka-ka, ha-te-fah! Off you
go, please, Satan. No, we've had enough.

125
00:06:42,730 --> 00:06:44,586
Enjoy the ride home, guys.

126
00:06:44,610 --> 00:06:48,106
Those hooves have given me an idea to
get Sergeant Maaka some toenail clippers.

127
00:06:48,130 --> 00:06:51,130
What? Does Sergeant Maaka
want some toenail clippers?

128
00:06:53,130 --> 00:06:55,866
Nah. Minogue and
O'Leary? Go ahead.

129
00:06:55,890 --> 00:07:00,906
We have a report of some stolen meat
from a barbecue at 12 Pamela Drive. Over.

130
00:07:00,930 --> 00:07:02,476
Yeah, on our way. Let's go.

131
00:07:04,570 --> 00:07:06,706
Hey. Thanks for coming. I'm
Kev. Gidday, Kev. Oh, hi, Kev.

132
00:07:06,730 --> 00:07:08,906
Gidday. We understand you've
had some meat go missing.

133
00:07:08,930 --> 00:07:13,426
Uh, yeah. Had a whole load of steaks
and chops and sausages... Mm-hm?

134
00:07:13,450 --> 00:07:17,066
...and corn-fed chicken breast,
bangers - you know, some, uh,

135
00:07:17,090 --> 00:07:20,106
sizzlers and saveloys for the kids.
Then we had some burgers

136
00:07:20,130 --> 00:07:23,226
and pork medallions,
and we had some venison mince.

137
00:07:23,250 --> 00:07:25,826
Uh, we had pork mince as well,
formed into little meatballs,

138
00:07:25,850 --> 00:07:28,466
with onion-Got it.
So you had meat?

139
00:07:28,490 --> 00:07:29,826
Meat? Uh, yeah. Yeah.

140
00:07:29,850 --> 00:07:33,106
All meat. All goneburger. So, goneburger?
Gone... Why don't you just write,

141
00:07:33,130 --> 00:07:35,786
'There was meat, and that's
all gone'? OK? Gone meat.

142
00:07:35,810 --> 00:07:38,706
And no one here noticed anything?
Not a sausage.

143
00:07:38,730 --> 00:07:42,946
OK, can we just keep those bad dad jokes
to a minimum? OK? Yeah, word to the wise -

144
00:07:42,970 --> 00:07:45,586
I wouldn't bother with those jokes.
She's a bit more highbrow than that. Right.

145
00:07:45,610 --> 00:07:48,426
I just don't get them.
Did, uh, anything else go missing?

146
00:07:48,450 --> 00:07:51,386
Well, we can't find my auntie.
Your auntie?

147
00:07:51,410 --> 00:07:54,546
You didn't think maybe you should've
told me that first? Well, we just noticed.

148
00:07:54,570 --> 00:07:58,026
Could she have stolen the meat?
Nah. She's in a wheelchair, so...

149
00:07:58,050 --> 00:08:00,946
Uh, Minogue! Yo! We've
got a missing person.

150
00:08:00,970 --> 00:08:02,226
No, I'm just over here.

151
00:08:02,250 --> 00:08:05,506
Not you - a missing person.
Oh. Copy that.

152
00:08:05,530 --> 00:08:07,626
We've got a missing woman.
She's in a wheelchair. Right.

153
00:08:07,650 --> 00:08:09,586
And how old are we talking?
Um, she's 91.

154
00:08:09,610 --> 00:08:11,610
91!

155
00:08:12,210 --> 00:08:13,546
But if you had to choose -

156
00:08:13,570 --> 00:08:16,546
meat or auntie... What?
...which one do you want back?

157
00:08:19,410 --> 00:08:22,306
So, um, obviously, there has been
some meat that's gone missing.

158
00:08:22,330 --> 00:08:25,586
Probably more importantly, there's
also an elderly woman that is missing too.

159
00:08:25,610 --> 00:08:28,426
Nah. She's not in
there. Is it there? Nah.

160
00:08:28,450 --> 00:08:32,626
Yeah, I've got a sneaking suspicion the
elderly lady is not particularly trustworthy,

161
00:08:32,650 --> 00:08:35,426
and I think if we find her,
we find the meat.

162
00:08:35,450 --> 00:08:37,340
Minogue! I think I found something.

163
00:08:40,890 --> 00:08:43,226
What do you think that is?
This might sound outlandish,

164
00:08:43,250 --> 00:08:45,786
but I think it's
a vertical spa pool.

165
00:08:45,810 --> 00:08:50,226
OK, that's not a spa pool, OK? It
looks like some sort of, uh, vortex.

166
00:08:50,250 --> 00:08:53,626
Mrs Siri, please
Google Image 'vortex'.

167
00:08:53,650 --> 00:08:56,490
You'll need to unlock your iPhone
first. You've gotta unlock your phone.

168
00:08:56,850 --> 00:08:58,210
Images?
Yeah.

169
00:09:00,810 --> 00:09:02,666
Definitely a vortex, isn't it?

170
00:09:02,690 --> 00:09:05,854
- Maybe one of us should stick our hand in.
- That's a stupid idea.

171
00:09:09,610 --> 00:09:12,906
It's cold in there. Well, that's gonna
be terrible if Auntie Flo's in there.

172
00:09:12,930 --> 00:09:15,226
Really good for the meat,
though, so...

173
00:09:15,250 --> 00:09:16,666
Kevin!

174
00:09:16,690 --> 00:09:22,426
Hi, Kevin. Hey, um, just wondering - were you
aware that you had some sort of a vortex back here?

175
00:09:22,450 --> 00:09:24,866
Uh, the big funny
colour thing? Yes. Mm.

176
00:09:24,890 --> 00:09:29,146
Um... yup. So you have noticed
it? I mean, yeah, I've noticed it.

177
00:09:29,170 --> 00:09:32,106
Yeah, I can't feel anything
back there. Oh my gosh.

178
00:09:32,130 --> 00:09:34,786
What? That must be where
the cat disappeared to.

179
00:09:34,810 --> 00:09:37,466
I think maybe one of us
is gonna have to go in there.

180
00:09:37,490 --> 00:09:39,386
That's insane.

181
00:09:39,410 --> 00:09:41,066
I'll do it.
Yup.

182
00:09:41,090 --> 00:09:43,306
Are you sure this is the best we can
do? I sort of feel like if that hose

183
00:09:43,330 --> 00:09:45,266
was tied around the tree or
something-Have you got good grip?

184
00:09:45,290 --> 00:09:46,666
Nah, I'm-Yeah, I'm
good. We've got it. OK.

185
00:09:46,690 --> 00:09:48,049
Good as gold.

186
00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:53,026
What?! What?! What?! What?!
O'Leary, my leg's being eaten!

187
00:09:53,050 --> 00:09:54,506
Come back! Come back!
It's being eaten!

188
00:09:54,530 --> 00:09:57,946
It's not. It's not. It's not being
eaten. You should've seen your faces.

189
00:09:57,970 --> 00:09:59,306
Or maybe it is being eaten.

190
00:09:59,330 --> 00:10:00,744
Nah. It's not.

191
00:10:04,010 --> 00:10:05,346
Steady. Hold it
tighter. Yeah, yep.

192
00:10:05,370 --> 00:10:07,186
Yep. OK, good! Pretty good.

193
00:10:07,210 --> 00:10:09,266
Good, good. Keep going back.

194
00:10:09,290 --> 00:10:11,426
Whoa, whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Oh God!

195
00:10:11,450 --> 00:10:14,130
I've lost it!
Minogue! Minogue!

196
00:10:15,811 --> 00:10:18,706
Minogue!
Aren't you gonna go in and help him?

197
00:10:18,730 --> 00:10:22,586
Did you go in and help your cat?

198
00:10:22,610 --> 00:10:24,626
- It's Minogue.
- You there, O'Leary?

199
00:10:24,650 --> 00:10:28,186
Minogue! Minogue, where are you?
O'Leary, I'm in the vortex.

200
00:10:28,210 --> 00:10:32,546
This place is crazy. It's sort of like a large
void - that's what I'd call it - but it's...

201
00:10:32,570 --> 00:10:36,306
it's full of stuff. You're in
the void? Swing ball set,

202
00:10:36,330 --> 00:10:39,186
Cabbage Patch Kid.
I used to have one of those.

203
00:10:39,210 --> 00:10:43,666
This is possibly where all the lost
stuff comes. Hang on a minute.

204
00:10:43,690 --> 00:10:46,026
I found the meat!

205
00:10:46,050 --> 00:10:48,050
He's found the meat!

206
00:10:50,530 --> 00:10:52,426
And Auntie Flo.

207
00:10:52,450 --> 00:10:55,786
And... And Auntie Flo.

208
00:10:55,810 --> 00:10:59,706
So, we seem to have discovered some sort of
dimensional vortex at the back of this property,

209
00:10:59,730 --> 00:11:02,386
from which Minogue has
retrieved an elderly woman...

210
00:11:02,410 --> 00:11:03,706
Auntie Flo, I'm so relieved.

211
00:11:03,730 --> 00:11:06,073
...and some meat.
Job well done.

212
00:11:08,650 --> 00:11:11,866
Well, that was a strange one.
I think that's an understatement.

213
00:11:11,890 --> 00:11:15,506
Well, it was a really, really, really
strange one. Would that be an understatement?

214
00:11:15,530 --> 00:11:17,740
I'd say that's getting
closer to what it was. Mm.

215
00:11:22,090 --> 00:11:25,666
Car Four, this is comms.
Go ahead.

216
00:11:25,690 --> 00:11:28,426
We got some sort of a disturbance
at a property in Salisbury Terrace,

217
00:11:28,450 --> 00:11:31,106
- number 22.
- Need you to respond. Over.

218
00:11:31,130 --> 00:11:33,730
On our way. Over.

219
00:11:33,970 --> 00:11:38,026
Evening, folks.
Good evening.

220
00:11:38,050 --> 00:11:39,946
Had a call-out from you guys?
Yes, yes, that was us.

221
00:11:39,970 --> 00:11:44,106
Um, one of the presents escaped and
started attacking us. Out of its box, so...

222
00:11:44,130 --> 00:11:46,306
Yeah. OK, so, was this
present, like, a new pet?

223
00:11:46,330 --> 00:11:49,626
A dog? No, no. No, it's-it's a
doll. Yeah, a possessed doll.

224
00:11:49,650 --> 00:11:52,026
How do you know it's possessed?
It mentioned it. Well, it-Yeah.

225
00:11:52,050 --> 00:11:55,666
Yeah, it, um... it burst out of the
wrapping paper and started attacking us,

226
00:11:55,690 --> 00:11:59,106
and then it mentioned that it was
possessed by a murderer. By a murderer.

227
00:11:59,130 --> 00:12:02,746
Yeah. It was going like...

228
00:12:02,770 --> 00:12:04,546
Awful.

229
00:12:04,570 --> 00:12:07,106
It was also yelling
insults at us as well. Yeah.

230
00:12:07,130 --> 00:12:11,106
About your jeans? No, it just
said that I wasn't very smart.

231
00:12:11,130 --> 00:12:12,506
Said that I talked too much.
Is that true?

232
00:12:12,530 --> 00:12:15,655
Is this true, you guys? Is this
your mum and dad - these people?

233
00:12:20,650 --> 00:12:24,866
So, we've just spoken to the family who believe that
a toy has come to life and is potentially dangerous,

234
00:12:24,890 --> 00:12:27,093
so we're just gonna make sure
that everything's safe.

235
00:12:28,970 --> 00:12:30,970
Hey, O'Leary.
What?

236
00:12:31,010 --> 00:12:33,210
'Hoo' is that?

237
00:12:36,490 --> 00:12:39,370
What's this?
That could be the box.

238
00:12:39,770 --> 00:12:42,306
Well, I'd say that's a pretty good
guess, yeah. It's like that movie Alien,

239
00:12:42,330 --> 00:12:45,346
where that alien bursts out of that guy's
chest. Wouldn't you say it's more like

240
00:12:45,370 --> 00:12:48,146
that movie where the toy comes
to life and terrorises the family?

241
00:12:48,170 --> 00:12:50,346
Toy Story.
I couldn't get through that.

242
00:12:50,370 --> 00:12:54,186
What was that? Did that just smash?
Go find out.

243
00:12:54,210 --> 00:12:57,266
Come with me. Get your
Taser out. Straight away?

244
00:12:57,290 --> 00:13:00,650
I'm not coming if you haven't got your Taser
out. OK, I'm getting it. I'm getting it.

245
00:13:11,930 --> 00:13:13,826
Can you try not
to make that big noise

246
00:13:13,850 --> 00:13:16,050
every time? I was
thinking about Alien again.

247
00:13:17,970 --> 00:13:19,970
What was that?

248
00:13:20,610 --> 00:13:22,946
Um... What was that? ...Cat.

249
00:13:22,970 --> 00:13:24,970
Probably, eh?

250
00:13:26,330 --> 00:13:28,986
Maybe we should, um, you know,
split up.

251
00:13:29,010 --> 00:13:30,786
OK.
OK.

252
00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:34,731
Not that far. What?
Just arm's-distance.

253
00:13:35,530 --> 00:13:37,346
Yeah, OK.

254
00:13:37,370 --> 00:13:39,370
You hear that?
What?

255
00:13:40,290 --> 00:13:42,026
Do you reckon it's in the fridge?

256
00:13:42,050 --> 00:13:43,890
Three, two, one.

257
00:13:45,850 --> 00:13:47,586
I'm all right. I'm all right.
He's all right.

258
00:13:47,610 --> 00:13:49,226
Yep. He's actually OK. I'm good.

259
00:13:49,250 --> 00:13:50,266
Dishwasher.

260
00:13:50,290 --> 00:13:53,186
I'll hold it, and if it jumps
at you, it'll go in here,

261
00:13:53,210 --> 00:13:56,386
and then we'll hold it down
like it's a spider.

262
00:13:56,410 --> 00:13:57,410
Empty.

263
00:13:59,930 --> 00:14:03,010
Did you hear that?
What?

264
00:14:04,010 --> 00:14:06,306
Anything in there?
Nothing.

265
00:14:06,330 --> 00:14:08,826
Uh, so, we've done an exhaustive
search of the property... Empty.

266
00:14:08,850 --> 00:14:10,146
Under the table!

267
00:14:10,170 --> 00:14:11,626
...and we've found
nothing whatsoever.

268
00:14:11,650 --> 00:14:16,066
I mean, we've looked pretty thoroughly through the
entire house, um, so we can probably go out now

269
00:14:16,090 --> 00:14:18,826
and have another talk
to the family...

270
00:14:18,850 --> 00:14:21,346
...and let them know that
everything's pretty safe in here.

271
00:14:21,370 --> 00:14:24,386
I mean, maybe they were
just imagining it. I think they did.

272
00:14:24,410 --> 00:14:27,466
- Yeah.
- I mean, how does a doll come alive and attack people?

273
00:14:27,490 --> 00:14:29,770
I dunno.

274
00:14:42,730 --> 00:14:45,146
What is that?

275
00:14:45,170 --> 00:14:47,466
You gotta stay still! He's digging
his teeth in! Get it off me, O'Leary!

276
00:14:47,490 --> 00:14:49,306
I'm not touching that!
Get it off me! It hurts!

277
00:14:49,330 --> 00:14:51,346
- Tase it! Get it away!
- No, it's busted!

278
00:14:51,370 --> 00:14:53,306
Get it off! Get it off!
It's broken!

279
00:14:53,330 --> 00:14:55,466
I'll kick it off. I'll kick it off. No,
Minogue! I'm right in front of you!

280
00:14:55,490 --> 00:14:57,330
I'll kick it off!
No! Here we go!

281
00:14:59,930 --> 00:15:03,466
Aargh! Minogue!

282
00:15:04,650 --> 00:15:08,530
Just been caught in a
Christmas tree.

283
00:15:09,490 --> 00:15:13,090
This is not optimum.

284
00:15:13,850 --> 00:15:16,266
Why do they make toys so
violent these days? I don't know.

285
00:15:16,290 --> 00:15:18,426
Look, but we've gotta get out there.
We've gotta catch this thing.

286
00:15:18,450 --> 00:15:21,010
Well, it's only little. It's not
like it can kill us or anything.

287
00:15:23,410 --> 00:15:25,546
Where's the Taser? You broke
it! We're gonna have to improvise.

288
00:15:25,570 --> 00:15:27,130
There'll be something
in these presents.

289
00:15:29,810 --> 00:15:31,066
A bat! Great.

290
00:15:31,090 --> 00:15:32,866
Well, this isn't gonna work.
Yeah, it's good.

291
00:15:32,890 --> 00:15:34,466
Well, you have it, then. We'll swap.
No, I don't wanna swap.

292
00:15:34,490 --> 00:15:36,450
Well, this shoots only
very soft projectiles. See?

293
00:15:38,050 --> 00:15:40,666
That's not a genuine 'ow'. I'm gonna open
the door, OK, and smack it with the bat.

294
00:15:40,690 --> 00:15:42,386
This isn't over.

295
00:15:42,410 --> 00:15:45,146
See? It's doing nothing!

296
00:15:45,170 --> 00:15:47,946
You can barely even feel it.
You're distracting me, Minogue!

297
00:15:47,970 --> 00:15:51,586
We've gotta concentrate. Damn, I'm out! Smash
it, O'Leary! It did nothing! It did nothing!

298
00:15:51,610 --> 00:15:53,610
Smash it!

299
00:15:53,810 --> 00:15:55,810
Think I got it.

300
00:16:01,490 --> 00:16:02,490
O'Leary?

301
00:16:07,650 --> 00:16:09,860
Requesting backup!
Find something to help me, Minogue!

302
00:16:11,490 --> 00:16:13,490
Pot plant?
No!

303
00:16:14,010 --> 00:16:16,290
Find another one!
Yoga mat!

304
00:16:17,130 --> 00:16:19,186
It's a scarf! It's a scarf!

305
00:16:19,210 --> 00:16:21,626
It's a really nice scarf. She's-Well,
that's got no use! Find something else!

306
00:16:21,650 --> 00:16:23,506
Yeah! Yes!

307
00:16:23,530 --> 00:16:25,650
It's too late.

308
00:16:26,770 --> 00:16:29,050
I've already killed it.

309
00:16:29,490 --> 00:16:31,106
Oh. Hi, guys.

310
00:16:31,130 --> 00:16:34,186
Um, so, we've incapacitated
the, uh, scary doll,

311
00:16:34,210 --> 00:16:36,466
and it shouldn't cause
you guys any more problems.

312
00:16:36,490 --> 00:16:39,106
His head's come off.
So, um, yeah.

313
00:16:39,130 --> 00:16:42,666
That's probably for you. It's not the
best- And that is not a great present,

314
00:16:42,690 --> 00:16:45,186
but you can have that.
Early Christmas present.

315
00:16:45,210 --> 00:16:46,826
Great.
See you later, guys.

316
00:16:46,850 --> 00:16:48,706
'Scuse me. Sorry.

317
00:16:48,730 --> 00:16:53,410
Another job well done.
Have an awesome Christmas, guys.

318
00:16:56,650 --> 00:16:59,706
You were really heroic in there
tonight, O'Leary. Oh, thank you.

319
00:16:59,730 --> 00:17:02,786
Maybe if I was the one
that got the cricket bat,

320
00:17:02,810 --> 00:17:06,746
then you'd be the one singing my praises
right now instead of me singing your praises.

321
00:17:06,770 --> 00:17:09,946
We can't know that, though, can we?
That's how I like imagining it in my head -

322
00:17:09,970 --> 00:17:13,066
that I was the heroic one, cos I had
the cricket bat and not you.

323
00:17:13,090 --> 00:17:15,026
I've seen you play cricket, though.

324
00:17:15,050 --> 00:17:18,746
Patrol Four, can you respond to a missing
persons at an office Christmas party?

325
00:17:18,770 --> 00:17:22,946
- 103 Willis St, level 2. Thank you.
- Yeah, copy that. On our way.

326
00:17:22,970 --> 00:17:26,186
Another missing person?
Mm. Christmas is so busy.

327
00:17:26,210 --> 00:17:30,170
'Scuse me. 'Scuse. 'Scuse.

328
00:17:32,210 --> 00:17:34,146
That's actually very dangerous.
I don't recommend doing that.

329
00:17:34,170 --> 00:17:36,266
That's dangerous. We've got this
guy that works here - his name's Jeff.

330
00:17:36,290 --> 00:17:39,426
He's a bit of a crack-up. Anyway,
he went into the photocopy room,

331
00:17:39,450 --> 00:17:43,210
and he took photocopies of his arse
and he emailed them to everyone, and look.

332
00:17:45,410 --> 00:17:49,586
No one saw him leave the photocopy room,
so I went and checked it, and he was gone.

333
00:17:49,610 --> 00:17:54,266
But then I went and had a look
at some of the security footage.

334
00:17:54,290 --> 00:17:55,461
Look at this.

335
00:17:56,330 --> 00:17:59,106
See? That's Jeff there. That's
gotta be a health and safety issue.

336
00:17:59,130 --> 00:18:01,146
Yeah, the glass
is reinforced, though.

337
00:18:01,170 --> 00:18:04,970
But then watch this.

338
00:18:05,130 --> 00:18:08,130
Out of it, eh?
OK. Where's this room?

339
00:18:09,730 --> 00:18:11,146
Well, he's not in here, is he?

340
00:18:11,170 --> 00:18:13,026
So, we know that Jeff just sat
on the photocopier...

341
00:18:13,050 --> 00:18:14,586
And then he just disappeared.
OK, yeah.

342
00:18:14,610 --> 00:18:16,626
Minogue, I think maybe
you should just try that. Hey?

343
00:18:16,650 --> 00:18:18,384
Well, you try what-
do what Jeff did.

344
00:18:20,090 --> 00:18:22,186
Minogue, what are you doing?
Doing what Jeff did.

345
00:18:22,210 --> 00:18:24,226
You don't need to take your
trousers down. Didn't think so.

346
00:18:24,250 --> 00:18:26,970
That would be unprofessional.
That would've been a stupid thing to...

347
00:18:30,690 --> 00:18:32,970
- OK, you ready?
- Yep.

348
00:18:37,370 --> 00:18:39,370
Tickles.

349
00:18:41,450 --> 00:18:44,346
Minogue! Minogue!
I should call the photocopy guy.

350
00:18:44,370 --> 00:18:47,866
Well, you're not gonna
get him on Christmas Eve.

351
00:18:47,890 --> 00:18:49,026
Oh, it's Minogue.

352
00:18:49,050 --> 00:18:51,106
- Minogue, where are you?
- In an inky-black void.

353
00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:55,170
It's probably the same black void
as earlier. I can see a light.

354
00:18:55,195 --> 00:18:57,946
Heading towards the light, O'Leary.
No-no-n-no, you never go towards the light!

355
00:18:57,970 --> 00:19:00,050
Stay away from the light, Minogue!
Think I can see-.

356
00:19:02,250 --> 00:19:05,506
I should just call Steve - like, he's
real good with technology and stuff -

357
00:19:05,530 --> 00:19:09,226
cos maybe it just needs new toner.
OK, I don't think it's a toner issue.

358
00:19:09,250 --> 00:19:13,106
OK, I'm... I'm... I'm gonna
have to, maybe, go in after him.

359
00:19:13,130 --> 00:19:15,466
If I get lost, you have to
call the police again. OK.

360
00:19:15,490 --> 00:19:16,826
Well, it's gotta go on A3.

361
00:19:16,850 --> 00:19:20,066
What are you trying to say?
No, it won't scan if it's on A4,

362
00:19:20,090 --> 00:19:22,066
cos we don't have the
paper for it. That's all. OK.

363
00:19:22,090 --> 00:19:26,546
Yeah, and I dunno how to go back now, cos you sat on
it and it broke. Well, I don't think it's my fault.

364
00:19:26,570 --> 00:19:28,706
What have you done?
I haven't done anything.

365
00:19:28,730 --> 00:19:30,666
This is not my office
building, is it? No.

366
00:19:30,690 --> 00:19:33,506
Oh yeah. Hang on.

367
00:19:33,530 --> 00:19:35,866
- Oh, it's Minogue again.
- Minogue, where are you?

368
00:19:35,890 --> 00:19:39,466
Gidday, O'Leary. Just wanted to let you know
that, um, I followed the light from earlier on.

369
00:19:39,490 --> 00:19:43,066
Uh, it's taken me all the way back to
the vortex at Kevin and Hine's place.

370
00:19:43,090 --> 00:19:46,706
And I also managed to get that Secret Santa
present. Minogue, where is your uniform?

371
00:19:46,730 --> 00:19:52,306
Um, I hung it up. Obviously, hanging it up was a better
alternative than getting into the spa pool with it.

372
00:19:52,330 --> 00:19:55,010
Oh, and, Gayle, look who I found.

373
00:19:55,090 --> 00:19:58,185
Say Gidday, mate.
Hey, Gayle! Hey!

374
00:19:58,210 --> 00:20:02,066
Hey, did everyone get those emails
of my bum? Yeah. It was hilarious.

375
00:20:02,090 --> 00:20:05,466
It wasn't hilarious.
We had to report it to the police.

376
00:20:05,490 --> 00:20:07,970
H-Have an awesome Christmas.

377
00:20:08,450 --> 00:20:10,946
I'll probably bring him down the
station when I get out of the spa.

378
00:20:10,970 --> 00:20:13,586
Uh, look, I'm gonna have to come
and pick you up. You come in your togs,

379
00:20:13,610 --> 00:20:15,626
and if you get in,
then I'll get out.

380
00:20:15,650 --> 00:20:17,850
OK, I'm coming to get you,
and I'm not bringing my togs.

381
00:20:20,170 --> 00:20:23,386
An inky blank void?
Mm. It was pretty freaky, Sarge.

382
00:20:23,410 --> 00:20:26,266
Sounds like you might've entered
some kind of fourth dimension.

383
00:20:26,290 --> 00:20:29,506
I'm surprised it didn't do all sorts of
weird things to your atomic structure.

384
00:20:29,530 --> 00:20:31,706
Atomic structure feels fine.

385
00:20:31,730 --> 00:20:33,506
What's an atomic structure?
I'll tell you later.

386
00:20:33,530 --> 00:20:36,946
Job well done. Mm-hm. On
to more important business -.

387
00:20:36,970 --> 00:20:40,226
Secret Santa. Oh!
Look at that. O'Leary.

388
00:20:40,250 --> 00:20:43,666
I wonder who
could've got me this?

389
00:20:43,690 --> 00:20:45,906
Oh. Scented soaps. Yay.

390
00:20:45,930 --> 00:20:48,130
Vanilla. Yep. Bit racist.

391
00:20:49,610 --> 00:20:51,977
Oh. Minogue.
Yes!

392
00:21:02,650 --> 00:21:05,666
You do know I'm a grown man?
Don't... Don't look at me.

393
00:21:05,690 --> 00:21:10,090
What am I gonna do with this?
Must be my turn, then. Hm.

394
00:21:10,530 --> 00:21:12,930
Oh, it's rather large and...

395
00:21:13,850 --> 00:21:16,650
feels quite... feels quite soft.

396
00:21:20,330 --> 00:21:22,330
It can't be.

397
00:21:22,810 --> 00:21:25,546
It can't be.
It's Officer Fuzzypants.

398
00:21:25,570 --> 00:21:27,306
Thank you!

399
00:21:27,330 --> 00:21:29,330
How did you find him?

400
00:21:30,130 --> 00:21:34,970
- Merry Christmas, Sarge.
- Merry Christmas, Sarge.

401
00:21:41,770 --> 00:21:43,770
Case closed.

402
00:21:44,410 --> 00:21:46,810
Na-na, na-na.

403
00:21:49,890 --> 00:21:51,074
Boop!

404
00:21:54,770 --> 00:21:58,946
Captions by Maeve Kelly.
Edited by Cameron Grigg.

405
00:21:58,970 --> 00:22:02,946
Captions were made with the
support of NZ On Air.

406
00:22:02,970 --> 00:22:06,050
www.able.co.nz
Copyright Able 2019