1
00:01:03,438 --> 00:01:04,723
Deadpoqol: Psst!

2
00:01:04,815 --> 00:01:07,181
Wakey-wakey, frosted flakey.

3
00:01:07,651 --> 00:01:09,892
Hey, brought you
a special present.

4
00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:12,315
Come on.

5
00:01:13,282 --> 00:01:15,147
Story time, chicken nugget.

6
00:01:15,951 --> 00:01:17,782
Rise and shine, there we go.

7
00:01:17,953 --> 00:01:20,444
Clear eyes, full hearts,
can't lose.

8
00:01:21,790 --> 00:01:23,200
Welcome back.

9
00:01:24,376 --> 00:01:26,332
What's going on?
Wait a minute... what?

10
00:01:27,421 --> 00:01:28,706
Where am I?

11
00:01:30,507 --> 00:01:32,293
Who dressed me? I did.

12
00:01:32,509 --> 00:01:34,374
I'm a big fan of bears.

13
00:01:34,553 --> 00:01:35,668
I'm not wearing pants.

14
00:01:35,846 --> 00:01:37,928
When's the last time you saw
a bear wearing pants?

15
00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:40,301
What the...

16
00:01:40,392 --> 00:01:41,392
Easy now. Hey.

17
00:01:41,727 --> 00:01:43,763
The only f-bomb
we're using around here...

18
00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:45,723
Is "Fred savage."

19
00:01:46,064 --> 00:01:47,929
Now, I want you to take
a deep breath...

20
00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:50,019
And listen to me
very carefully, Frederick.

21
00:01:50,193 --> 00:01:52,935
You're in a pg-13 version
of deadpool 2.

22
00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:55,445
- Which means we only get two...
- One...

23
00:01:55,616 --> 00:01:57,356
And a glass of white wine.

24
00:01:57,534 --> 00:01:58,899
Are you bleeping yourself?

25
00:01:59,077 --> 00:02:01,910
- You bet your...
- Little... I am.

26
00:02:03,248 --> 00:02:05,204
That seems weird that
you would do that yourself.

27
00:02:09,504 --> 00:02:10,835
Please stop that.

28
00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:11,964
Deadpool: Sorry.

29
00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:17,801
Did you reconstruct

30
00:02:17,888 --> 00:02:19,844
the bedroom set
from the Princess bride?

31
00:02:20,015 --> 00:02:21,050
Inconceivable!

32
00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:22,141
Oh, god.

33
00:02:22,225 --> 00:02:23,590
Yeah, always wanted to say that.

34
00:02:23,727 --> 00:02:24,727
Felt real good.

35
00:02:24,895 --> 00:02:25,975
Why am I here?

36
00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:28,933
Well, the reason that you're
voluntarily here...

37
00:02:29,107 --> 00:02:31,564
Is that so I could read you
the story of deadpool 2...

38
00:02:32,069 --> 00:02:34,651
Filtered through the prism
of childlike innocence.

39
00:02:34,821 --> 00:02:35,821
I'm a grown man.

40
00:02:35,906 --> 00:02:36,966
And nobody does
childlike innocence

41
00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:37,990
like you, Fred. Nobody.

42
00:02:38,075 --> 00:02:39,736
I need you almost as much
as you need me.

43
00:02:39,826 --> 00:02:40,826
I don't need you. At all.

44
00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:43,110
You need me to untie you...

45
00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:44,497
Once we're done.

46
00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:47,497
Hey! Easy, sugar mouth.

47
00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:48,853
This thing will go all day,

48
00:02:48,877 --> 00:02:50,583
all right? Lithium-ion
batteries. Hey...

49
00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:52,832
You are gonna love this story.
I promise you.

50
00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:54,542
It's got fencing, fighting...

51
00:02:54,716 --> 00:02:55,716
Revenge...

52
00:02:55,801 --> 00:02:58,508
Giants, monsters, true love...

53
00:02:59,054 --> 00:03:00,385
And miracles.

54
00:03:01,390 --> 00:03:02,971
Now...

55
00:03:03,725 --> 00:03:06,512
Once upon a time, there was
a boy named deadpool...

56
00:03:06,687 --> 00:03:08,803
Who starred in a surprisingly
popular movie...

57
00:03:08,980 --> 00:03:10,845
Which, in an industry
dominated by

58
00:03:10,941 --> 00:03:12,421
the exploitation
of existing brands...

59
00:03:12,484 --> 00:03:14,941
Demanded an immediate sequel.

60
00:03:15,404 --> 00:03:19,693
And, believe it or not,
deadpool 2 is a family film.

61
00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:21,026
True story.

62
00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:25,035
And every good family film
starts with a vicious murder.

63
00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:27,867
Bambi, the lion king, saw 7.

64
00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:29,781
Really, anything from Disney.

65
00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:32,246
And this family film
is no different.

66
00:03:32,629 --> 00:03:36,121
Anyway, you know [I get paid
to take out bad guys, right?

67
00:03:36,299 --> 00:03:38,335
Well, this guy, oof...

68
00:03:38,885 --> 00:03:40,967
He was one of the worst of 'em.

69
00:03:44,558 --> 00:03:46,298
Open up! Let me in!
He's got a...

70
00:03:53,358 --> 00:03:55,815
A panic room? Really?

71
00:03:55,986 --> 00:03:58,272
Can you come out?

72
00:03:58,363 --> 00:04:01,526
I really have to go.
It's my anniversary.

73
00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:08,725
Man: Over and over,
I hear people say,

74
00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:10,184
"I just don't have
enough confidence."

75
00:04:10,208 --> 00:04:12,290
Listen, confidence is not
something you have.

76
00:04:12,377 --> 00:04:13,457
It's something you create.

77
00:04:13,628 --> 00:04:15,744
And you can create it
at any moment in time.

78
00:04:15,922 --> 00:04:17,583
A sense of confidence is nothing

79
00:04:17,674 --> 00:04:19,026
but a sense of power
within yourself...

80
00:04:19,050 --> 00:04:22,258
Deadpool: Start the car!
Start the car!

81
00:04:22,429 --> 00:04:25,171
Dopinder, start the car!

82
00:04:32,981 --> 00:04:34,471
Whoo! Oh, I shit my pants.

83
00:04:34,566 --> 00:04:36,898
Actually, that may have been me.

84
00:04:37,068 --> 00:04:38,103
Oh, mission accomplished?

85
00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:40,109
Oh, in a George w. Sort of way.

86
00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:41,770
Can't stay
in a panic room forever.

87
00:04:41,865 --> 00:04:43,342
Dopinder: Oh, you're living
the dreams, dp.

88
00:04:43,366 --> 00:04:45,152
It has been
quite the run, dopinder,

89
00:04:45,243 --> 00:04:46,403
and who'da thought?

90
00:04:46,578 --> 00:04:49,411
Now I'm talked about in the
same sentence as Jesus and ll.

91
00:04:49,581 --> 00:04:51,412
Passion of the Christ, then me.

92
00:04:51,500 --> 00:04:52,706
At least domestically.

93
00:04:52,876 --> 00:04:54,036
We beat them overseas,

94
00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:55,742
where there's no such thing
as religion.

95
00:04:55,921 --> 00:04:58,162
I do want to live
the dreams, pool boy.

96
00:04:58,340 --> 00:05:00,547
Taxiing is not as sexy
as it looks.

97
00:05:00,717 --> 00:05:02,423
I want to fill my... pockets?

98
00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:05,378
What's your poison?
A little, uh, Instagram?

99
00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:06,840
Can't maintain focus

100
00:05:06,932 --> 00:05:08,493
without buying shoes online?

101
00:05:08,517 --> 00:05:10,428
I've never experienced
that last one.

102
00:05:10,519 --> 00:05:11,599
Talk to me, goose.

103
00:05:11,770 --> 00:05:14,477
I was going to say "soul".
I want to fill my soul.

104
00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:17,606
I want to belong to something,
like you, pool, sir.

105
00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:19,228
Dopinder... hmm?

106
00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:21,769
You never cease to surprise me.

107
00:05:22,989 --> 00:05:25,731
You know, the depth of
your heart is extraordinary.

108
00:05:25,909 --> 00:05:27,524
We all need
a sense of belonging.

109
00:05:27,619 --> 00:05:29,450
We all need
a genuine sense of home.

110
00:05:29,538 --> 00:05:30,538
A place in this world.

111
00:05:30,622 --> 00:05:31,982
I want to become
a contract killer.

112
00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:33,496
I'm sorry. What did you say?

113
00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:35,623
Remember when I kidnapped bandhu

114
00:05:35,710 --> 00:05:37,104
and threatened him
with great violence?

115
00:05:37,128 --> 00:05:38,459
You kind of killed him.

116
00:05:38,630 --> 00:05:40,566
And then remember the movie
interview with the vampire?

117
00:05:40,590 --> 00:05:41,590
Don't want to.

118
00:05:41,758 --> 00:05:42,758
When Tom Cruise fed

119
00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:44,629
10-year-old Kirsten Dunst blood

120
00:05:44,719 --> 00:05:45,879
for the first time...

121
00:05:46,054 --> 00:05:47,965
And she looked up at his smooth,

122
00:05:48,056 --> 00:05:51,219
handsome face and said...

123
00:05:51,393 --> 00:05:53,133
"I want some more."

124
00:05:53,228 --> 00:05:57,096
Oh, pool, picture me,
a 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst.

125
00:05:57,941 --> 00:06:00,432
I'll never not picture that.

126
00:06:00,610 --> 00:06:02,316
But I can't wait
to never speak of this,

127
00:06:02,404 --> 00:06:04,065
as soon as possible.

128
00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:06,946
We're here.

129
00:06:09,077 --> 00:06:10,077
You're my Tom Cruise!

130
00:06:10,245 --> 00:06:11,826
Deadpool:
And you're my Kristen Dunst!

131
00:06:11,913 --> 00:06:13,198
Kristen? Kirsten?

132
00:06:18,461 --> 00:06:19,871
Sorry I'm late.

133
00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:21,582
There was a bunch of

134
00:06:21,673 --> 00:06:23,379
handicapable children
stuck in a tree...

135
00:06:23,550 --> 00:06:24,550
Nope.

136
00:06:24,634 --> 00:06:25,874
You're right. I was rounding up

137
00:06:25,969 --> 00:06:27,154
all the gluten in the world...

138
00:06:27,178 --> 00:06:28,418
And launching it into space

139
00:06:28,513 --> 00:06:30,469
where it can't not hurt us
ever again.

140
00:06:30,557 --> 00:06:31,717
Try again.

141
00:06:32,183 --> 00:06:33,673
Diarrhea?

142
00:06:33,852 --> 00:06:36,389
We can't be sure
till I get this suit off...

143
00:06:36,563 --> 00:06:38,895
But, uh, all signs point to yes.

144
00:06:41,359 --> 00:06:43,145
Kiss me like you miss me, red.

145
00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:44,236
Well, come here.

146
00:06:58,335 --> 00:07:00,041
Aren't you gonna say it?

147
00:07:00,378 --> 00:07:01,584
Say what? You know...

148
00:07:03,214 --> 00:07:04,214
The thing.

149
00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:06,300
What?

150
00:07:06,468 --> 00:07:07,799
The part, where, you know...

151
00:07:07,969 --> 00:07:09,113
You want me to say the thing?
Yeah, from...

152
00:07:09,137 --> 00:07:10,364
Oh, you want me to say the...
From the... no.

153
00:07:10,388 --> 00:07:11,532
Deadpool:
"Is this a kissing book?"

154
00:07:11,556 --> 00:07:12,676
I'm not gonna say that. Why?

155
00:07:13,016 --> 00:07:15,507
Because I don't think that's
gross anymore. I'm not 12.

156
00:07:15,685 --> 00:07:17,721
And I think a kiss is
a very sweet, loving gesture

157
00:07:17,812 --> 00:07:18,812
between two people.

158
00:07:18,897 --> 00:07:21,809
Unlike taping someone to a bed
and kidnapping them.

159
00:07:21,983 --> 00:07:23,894
I did not kidnap you! All right?

160
00:07:24,069 --> 00:07:27,152
I like to call it "unsolicited
location enhancement."

161
00:07:27,322 --> 00:07:28,732
Whatever, ball gag.

162
00:07:28,907 --> 00:07:31,193
I'm just saying that
if you're gonna force me

163
00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:32,990
to sit here
and listen to this crap...

164
00:07:33,161 --> 00:07:34,361
I'm gonna have thoughts, okay?

165
00:07:34,496 --> 00:07:36,657
I'm gonna opine about things,
all right?

166
00:07:36,831 --> 00:07:37,934
I'm an actor, I'm a director.

167
00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:39,994
I know. I love
modern family so much.

168
00:07:41,252 --> 00:07:42,958
The point is, you need to anchor

169
00:07:43,046 --> 00:07:44,252
the story in believability...

170
00:07:44,339 --> 00:07:46,921
And I just don't believe
that she'd be kissing you.

171
00:07:47,092 --> 00:07:49,153
I mean, she's gorgeous,
and you're, like, you know...

172
00:07:49,177 --> 00:07:51,964
If rocky Dennis
had a baby with lava.

173
00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:54,504
Hey, zip it.

174
00:07:54,683 --> 00:07:57,140
We already pay someone to say
stuff like that to me, okay?

175
00:07:57,310 --> 00:07:59,266
And you're wrong
because she would kiss me.

176
00:07:59,938 --> 00:08:01,974
She loves my insides.

177
00:08:02,148 --> 00:08:03,148
Trust me.

178
00:08:03,441 --> 00:08:05,227
We all saw the first movie.

179
00:08:05,402 --> 00:08:06,858
Fred: I didn't.

180
00:08:07,028 --> 00:08:08,689
I kinda prefer marvel movies.

181
00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:12,491
We are marvel.

182
00:08:12,659 --> 00:08:15,275
Yeah, but you're, you know,
marvel licensed by fox.

183
00:08:15,453 --> 00:08:18,069
It's like if the Beatles
were produced by nickelback.

184
00:08:18,248 --> 00:08:19,283
It's music...

185
00:08:19,374 --> 00:08:20,374
But it sucks.

186
00:08:21,459 --> 00:08:23,791
Just checking the nose
for blood, there.

187
00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:25,584
I love nickelback!

188
00:08:25,755 --> 00:08:27,620
You get your dirty mitts
off Chad kroeger.

189
00:08:27,799 --> 00:08:32,042
And the joke's on you because
fox is being bought by Disney.

190
00:08:32,804 --> 00:08:33,804
Mouse ears.

191
00:08:33,888 --> 00:08:35,253
I think that puts
the joke on you.

192
00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:38,549
Ears closed. Mouth open.
You were nicer as a kid.

193
00:08:38,727 --> 00:08:40,183
Now, where was I?

194
00:08:40,603 --> 00:08:42,264
Right.

195
00:08:42,439 --> 00:08:45,397
Wade swept Vanessa
into his finely toned arms...

196
00:08:45,567 --> 00:08:46,602
And she kissed him

197
00:08:46,693 --> 00:08:48,979
with an expression that could
mean only one thing...

198
00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:50,943
True love.

199
00:08:51,114 --> 00:08:54,197
I'm gonna shower and get out
of this suit. In that order.

200
00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:55,652
Don't you want your surprise?

201
00:08:55,827 --> 00:08:57,658
Do I look like
a patient burn victim?

202
00:08:58,204 --> 00:08:59,819
I got one for you, too.

203
00:09:00,623 --> 00:09:02,113
Happy anniversary, baby.

204
00:09:02,292 --> 00:09:03,873
Open, open, open.

205
00:09:05,962 --> 00:09:07,327
Skee-ball token.

206
00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:08,870
Our first date.

207
00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:10,129
Yup.

208
00:09:10,633 --> 00:09:13,466
That's genuine, high-grade lead.

209
00:09:16,264 --> 00:09:18,175
I'll keep it forever.

210
00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:20,010
Thank you, baby.

211
00:09:21,728 --> 00:09:23,514
Open yours.
All right, all right.

212
00:09:24,314 --> 00:09:25,349
Oh...

213
00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:26,440
Well, that's...

214
00:09:27,025 --> 00:09:28,753
That's just the most
beautiful thing that I've...

215
00:09:28,777 --> 00:09:30,233
I don't know what this is.

216
00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:31,939
My iud.

217
00:09:32,197 --> 00:09:33,197
A bomb?

218
00:09:33,281 --> 00:09:36,193
No, dick for brains.
My birth control device.

219
00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:37,656
What, you mean that your...

220
00:09:37,786 --> 00:09:39,322
Baby factory's open
for business.

221
00:09:39,496 --> 00:09:40,576
Oh, my god!

222
00:09:40,830 --> 00:09:43,993
Oh, my god! I want a boy!

223
00:09:44,167 --> 00:09:46,954
Or a little girl!
Definitely one or the other!

224
00:09:47,253 --> 00:09:50,620
Oh! And I want our kid
to have only one name.

225
00:09:50,799 --> 00:09:53,290
Like Cher or Todd.

226
00:09:53,968 --> 00:09:55,674
You gotta put a baby
in me first, cowboy.

227
00:09:55,762 --> 00:09:56,762
Yes, I do.

228
00:09:56,846 --> 00:09:58,699
Let's watch some porn
and show that bed who's boss.

229
00:09:58,723 --> 00:09:59,883
Let's do that.

230
00:10:00,809 --> 00:10:02,470
Papa...

231
00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:05,268
Can you hear me?

232
00:10:06,898 --> 00:10:09,230
Papa, can you see me?

233
00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:11,641
Does this song
sound familiar to you?

234
00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:15,528
May.

235
00:10:16,157 --> 00:10:19,866
Connor, if it's a boy.
May, if it's a girl.

236
00:10:22,539 --> 00:10:24,871
So weird.

237
00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:27,540
Family was always
an f-word to me.

238
00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:32,128
My pile of shit father
took off and bailed.

239
00:10:33,424 --> 00:10:35,624
I mean, it's not like I have
a lot of strong role models

240
00:10:35,677 --> 00:10:37,793
to draw off of for Todd.

241
00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:39,844
Hey.

242
00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:41,546
Look at me.

243
00:10:42,517 --> 00:10:44,724
You are not your father.

244
00:10:46,229 --> 00:10:47,514
Besides...

245
00:10:47,689 --> 00:10:52,524
I will never, ever
let our child be named Todd.

246
00:10:53,528 --> 00:10:54,528
But here's the thing,

247
00:10:54,612 --> 00:10:56,273
isn't that how it always works?

248
00:10:56,447 --> 00:10:57,937
Like in star wars,

249
00:10:58,032 --> 00:11:00,193
men are destined
to become their father...

250
00:11:00,910 --> 00:11:03,526
And then have consensual sex
with their sister?

251
00:11:03,955 --> 00:11:06,537
I think you missed big,
big chunks of that movie.

252
00:11:07,208 --> 00:11:09,290
No, I'm pretty sure
Luke nailed her.

253
00:11:09,460 --> 00:11:11,246
Baby, that's empire.

254
00:11:11,754 --> 00:11:14,211
The point is, kids...

255
00:11:15,758 --> 00:11:18,465
They give us a chance
to be better than we are.

256
00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:21,420
Better than we used to be.

257
00:11:21,890 --> 00:11:24,506
You're a lot smarter
than I look.

258
00:11:25,435 --> 00:11:27,847
I'm gonna go make dessert.
And then...

259
00:11:28,229 --> 00:11:29,969
Let's make a super baby.

260
00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:35,934
Vanessa: What about Krystal?
But with a "k"?

261
00:11:36,362 --> 00:11:37,762
It's too stripper-y.

262
00:11:38,031 --> 00:11:39,521
Kevin with a "k"!

263
00:11:39,741 --> 00:11:41,777
No, too stripper-y, too.

264
00:11:42,410 --> 00:11:43,946
Uh, Earl!

265
00:11:44,287 --> 00:11:46,573
He's gonna go straight to jail

266
00:11:46,664 --> 00:11:48,495
if we name him Earl.

267
00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:50,831
What about Bruce?

268
00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:52,993
No.

269
00:11:53,171 --> 00:11:54,251
Get down.

270
00:11:54,422 --> 00:11:55,662
What?

271
00:12:18,071 --> 00:12:19,902
Baby? Baby?

272
00:12:23,451 --> 00:12:24,531
I'm okay.

273
00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:27,739
Thank god I didn't have to use
the cream cheese spreader.

274
00:13:02,699 --> 00:13:03,984
Please.

275
00:13:08,871 --> 00:13:10,577
Please. Please.

276
00:13:10,748 --> 00:13:13,785
Baby, I'm so sorry.

277
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:15,416
No!

278
00:13:21,426 --> 00:13:22,962
Fred: Wait. Wait a minute.

279
00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:24,717
You fridged Vanessa?

280
00:13:24,887 --> 00:13:27,173
Uh, "fridged." ” I don't
know what that means.

281
00:13:27,348 --> 00:13:28,463
It's a comic book trope,

282
00:13:28,558 --> 00:13:30,411
in which the wife or the
girlfriend of the hero dies...

283
00:13:30,435 --> 00:13:32,892
In order to further said
hero's motivation or story.

284
00:13:33,354 --> 00:13:35,185
Well, that sounds misogynistic.

285
00:13:35,356 --> 00:13:36,917
Yeah. It reduces the woman
to a plot device...

286
00:13:36,941 --> 00:13:38,647
Existing in the film
for no other reason

287
00:13:38,735 --> 00:13:40,575
than to serve as a source
of pain for the hero.

288
00:13:40,862 --> 00:13:43,524
Like mufasa in the lion king.

289
00:13:44,115 --> 00:13:46,481
Yeah, that's right, like
mufasa from the lion king.

290
00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:47,659
You got it.

291
00:15:21,462 --> 00:15:24,169
Papa, can you hear me?

292
00:15:25,341 --> 00:15:26,672
Is it just me, or does

293
00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:28,559
do you want to build
a showman? From frozen...

294
00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:29,959
Sound suspiciously like

295
00:15:30,054 --> 00:15:31,635
papa, can you hear me?
From yentl?

296
00:15:33,224 --> 00:15:35,055
Papa, can you hear me?

297
00:15:35,226 --> 00:15:37,467
Wade, you've been here
for three days, okay?

298
00:15:37,645 --> 00:15:38,851
Go home, take a shower.

299
00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:39,938
You smell like

300
00:15:40,022 --> 00:15:41,978
rush limbaugh's couch cushions
after shark week.

301
00:15:42,191 --> 00:15:43,681
I love frozen.

302
00:15:43,985 --> 00:15:47,227
I loved her. I loved her
like an ocean loves water.

303
00:15:47,405 --> 00:15:48,611
An ocean is water.

304
00:15:48,781 --> 00:15:53,445
More importantly, I liked her.
I really liked her, you know?

305
00:15:53,953 --> 00:15:56,073
George Michael was right.
I'm never gonna dance again.

306
00:15:56,497 --> 00:15:58,033
Oh, god.

307
00:15:58,207 --> 00:15:59,617
He's dead, too.

308
00:16:00,751 --> 00:16:02,116
At least we still have bowie.

309
00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:03,785
Mr. pool, David bowie is...

310
00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:05,040
Uh, uh, uh...

311
00:16:05,131 --> 00:16:06,621
Still with us.

312
00:16:07,091 --> 00:16:09,173
We do. We still have bowie.

313
00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:10,760
I'm sorry.

314
00:16:11,095 --> 00:16:12,130
Shot after shot,

315
00:16:12,221 --> 00:16:14,301
it's not gonna change the fact
that I think you're...

316
00:16:14,390 --> 00:16:15,993
Are you pissing?
Are you urinating right now?

317
00:16:16,017 --> 00:16:18,633
You're making the face that
you make when you urinate.

318
00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:20,392
Is he pissing? I'm on it!

319
00:16:20,688 --> 00:16:21,928
There you go, dopinder.

320
00:16:22,148 --> 00:16:23,888
If you want to be
a contract killer...

321
00:16:24,066 --> 00:16:26,478
You gotta handle a mop
before you handle a gun.

322
00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:27,713
Although I don't
quite understand

323
00:16:27,737 --> 00:16:28,977
how they are at all similar.

324
00:16:29,155 --> 00:16:31,441
Well, they both have handles.
Now, leave me.

325
00:16:32,366 --> 00:16:33,902
Go home, Wade.

326
00:16:34,076 --> 00:16:36,567
I don't have a home,
weas, you know. I got a...

327
00:16:37,663 --> 00:16:39,278
Okay, I'm fine.

328
00:16:39,457 --> 00:16:40,457
I'm fine.

329
00:16:40,541 --> 00:16:42,077
You know what "fine"
stands for, Wade?

330
00:16:42,251 --> 00:16:45,835
F'd up, insecure, needy,
and emotional.

331
00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:47,415
According to the...

332
00:16:48,716 --> 00:16:49,922
Kubler-Ross. Yeah.

333
00:16:50,092 --> 00:16:51,532
According to
the kubler-Ross model...

334
00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:54,836
Denial is just one of
the five stages of grief.

335
00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:56,970
Jesus Christ, buck!

336
00:16:57,391 --> 00:16:59,507
No more speaking lines for you.

337
00:17:27,463 --> 00:17:28,463
"I'm thinking it over!"

338
00:17:28,756 --> 00:17:30,292
Mother...

339
00:17:33,594 --> 00:17:35,175
The hell you doin' here?

340
00:17:35,346 --> 00:17:37,132
Don't you know how to knock?

341
00:17:37,306 --> 00:17:39,092
I thought you saw me...

342
00:17:39,267 --> 00:17:40,677
With your ears.

343
00:17:40,851 --> 00:17:41,954
You're lucky I didn't
shoot you in the...

344
00:17:41,978 --> 00:17:42,978
The wall?

345
00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:46,520
The refrigerator?
I'm in so much pain.

346
00:17:49,277 --> 00:17:50,733
Blind al: I heard the news,
sweetie.

347
00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:52,859
I'm very sorry. I am.

348
00:17:53,030 --> 00:17:54,816
What am I gonna do, al?

349
00:17:54,991 --> 00:17:57,107
Probably something terrible.

350
00:17:57,868 --> 00:17:59,108
Knowing you.

351
00:17:59,287 --> 00:18:00,823
It was my fault.

352
00:18:02,164 --> 00:18:03,904
I did this.

353
00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:06,575
And all I wanna do
is grab her and see her

354
00:18:06,669 --> 00:18:08,785
and tell her that I'm sorry,
and I can't.

355
00:18:10,548 --> 00:18:12,004
She's gone.

356
00:18:12,550 --> 00:18:14,962
Now, look, sugar.
You need to just keep living.

357
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:16,094
Thank you...

358
00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:19,425
Matthew McConaughey,
your words are a treasure.

359
00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:21,430
Listen to the pain.

360
00:18:21,517 --> 00:18:24,304
It's both history teacher
and fortune teller.

361
00:18:24,478 --> 00:18:27,345
Pain teaches us
who we are, Wade.

362
00:18:28,149 --> 00:18:31,391
Sometimes it's so bad,
we feel like we're dying.

363
00:18:32,069 --> 00:18:35,061
But we can't really live till
we've died a little, can we?

364
00:18:40,077 --> 00:18:41,487
Deadpool: Precious, aren't they?

365
00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:43,406
Whoa!

366
00:18:43,664 --> 00:18:45,029
Are you a superhero?

367
00:18:45,207 --> 00:18:46,697
You bet your pigtails, sweetie.

368
00:18:46,876 --> 00:18:48,286
What's your name?

369
00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:50,247
Captain delicious pants.

370
00:18:50,421 --> 00:18:53,208
Who's captain delicious pants?

371
00:18:59,764 --> 00:19:00,879
No, no, no. Come on, hey.

372
00:19:01,057 --> 00:19:03,048
There's, like, a hundred
benches around here.

373
00:19:03,225 --> 00:19:04,761
Go find another... beat it.

374
00:19:04,935 --> 00:19:06,550
It's a free country.

375
00:19:06,729 --> 00:19:09,436
You're right.
It is a free country.

376
00:19:09,607 --> 00:19:12,474
Hey, I want to just say,
I loved your work in up.

377
00:19:12,610 --> 00:19:13,610
I'm sorry?

378
00:19:13,694 --> 00:19:14,854
No.

379
00:19:14,945 --> 00:19:16,901
I'm sorry.

380
00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:17,989
Whoa!

381
00:19:18,074 --> 00:19:19,655
What? You don't like up?

382
00:19:19,950 --> 00:19:21,815
There's gotta be
some way to die.

383
00:19:21,994 --> 00:19:23,859
I just need to die harder.

384
00:19:24,038 --> 00:19:25,153
Trademark fox.

385
00:19:41,847 --> 00:19:43,587
Wade: Your crazy
matches my crazy.

386
00:19:46,143 --> 00:19:47,474
Wade: Skee-ball token.

387
00:19:55,736 --> 00:19:57,442
Vanessa: I love you,
Wade Wilson.

388
00:19:59,990 --> 00:20:01,400
Wade: Ness?

389
00:20:02,868 --> 00:20:03,983
Ness?

390
00:20:04,829 --> 00:20:05,829
Ness.

391
00:20:06,497 --> 00:20:09,113
Ness, there's something here.
I can't get to you.

392
00:20:10,918 --> 00:20:13,000
Your heart's not
in the right place.

393
00:20:13,504 --> 00:20:15,335
Wait, hold on. What?

394
00:20:16,173 --> 00:20:18,084
Your heart's not
in the right place.

395
00:20:18,259 --> 00:20:19,374
Wait. What do you mean

396
00:20:19,468 --> 00:20:21,428
my heart's not in the right
place? What does it...

397
00:20:21,887 --> 00:20:23,718
Turns out, I can die a little.

398
00:20:23,889 --> 00:20:25,345
I just can't stay dead.

399
00:20:42,450 --> 00:20:45,533
I'm terribly sorry for your
loss, Wade. You're broken.

400
00:20:47,371 --> 00:20:49,407
Deadpool: Oh...
I know that voice.

401
00:20:53,669 --> 00:20:55,205
Deadpool:
"Heart's in the right place."

402
00:20:55,379 --> 00:20:56,939
"Heart's in the..."
What does that mean?

403
00:20:56,964 --> 00:20:58,625
You've been sleep
for three days.

404
00:20:58,799 --> 00:21:00,414
I took a Liberty
of dressing you.

405
00:21:00,593 --> 00:21:01,833
Deadpool: No kidding.

406
00:21:02,011 --> 00:21:03,797
Why can't I finally die?

407
00:21:03,971 --> 00:21:05,381
Colossus:
Take your mask off, Wade.

408
00:21:05,556 --> 00:21:07,092
We must talk.

409
00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:09,473
You need fresh start.

410
00:21:09,560 --> 00:21:12,017
With training, you can be x-man.

411
00:21:12,188 --> 00:21:14,270
You're wasting your time,
shiny Jesus.

412
00:21:14,356 --> 00:21:15,471
I'm not x-man material.

413
00:21:15,691 --> 00:21:17,272
Understatement of the year.

414
00:21:17,735 --> 00:21:18,735
Wade, yukio.

415
00:21:19,195 --> 00:21:20,355
Yukio, Wade.

416
00:21:21,155 --> 00:21:23,271
What in the fudgcicle is this?

417
00:21:23,449 --> 00:21:25,189
She's my girlfriend,
you intolerant...

418
00:21:25,993 --> 00:21:27,779
Whoa! Pump the hate brakes,
fox & friends.

419
00:21:27,953 --> 00:21:29,693
I'm just surprised
anyone would date you.

420
00:21:29,872 --> 00:21:32,238
Especially pinkie pie
from my little pony.

421
00:21:32,666 --> 00:21:34,156
I like this guy.

422
00:21:34,710 --> 00:21:35,995
Give him a chance.

423
00:21:36,629 --> 00:21:37,856
It's great seeing you like this.

424
00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:39,916
Yeah.

425
00:21:40,382 --> 00:21:41,588
Bye, Wade!

426
00:21:41,759 --> 00:21:44,091
Now, some ground rules
while under our roof.

427
00:21:44,261 --> 00:21:47,128
"Rule number one. No killing...

428
00:21:47,306 --> 00:21:50,514
'Anyone ever, no matter how bad.

429
00:21:50,684 --> 00:21:53,391
"Rule two. Label everything
in refrigerator.”

430
00:21:53,479 --> 00:21:54,479
Wade?

431
00:21:55,356 --> 00:21:56,356
Wade?

432
00:21:56,440 --> 00:21:57,440
Wade!

433
00:21:57,525 --> 00:21:59,356
Don't try to chase me.

434
00:21:59,527 --> 00:22:01,392
I'm not ready
to be touched again.

435
00:22:01,904 --> 00:22:04,020
All these elderly white men
on the walls...

436
00:22:04,198 --> 00:22:05,813
Should have brought
my rape whistle.

437
00:22:07,159 --> 00:22:09,241
Those were already damaged
after they fell there!

438
00:22:10,037 --> 00:22:11,765
What am I supposed
to do around here, anyway?

439
00:22:11,789 --> 00:22:13,905
Sit in a share circle,
talk about my feelings?

440
00:22:14,083 --> 00:22:16,665
And how would I do that exactly?

441
00:22:17,253 --> 00:22:19,460
'Cause where the hell
is everyone?

442
00:22:19,630 --> 00:22:20,630
It's always just you

443
00:22:20,714 --> 00:22:22,275
and negasonic teenage
longest name ever...

444
00:22:22,299 --> 00:22:23,299
Enough!

445
00:22:23,384 --> 00:22:25,170
I said no touching!

446
00:22:29,723 --> 00:22:32,180
You'd think the studio
would throw us a bone.

447
00:22:32,351 --> 00:22:34,467
One that doesn't
end up in my mouth.

448
00:22:35,771 --> 00:22:37,011
The first movie made more money

449
00:22:37,064 --> 00:22:39,305
than the guy who invented pants.

450
00:22:39,483 --> 00:22:41,565
They can't just dust off
one of the famous X-Men?

451
00:22:41,735 --> 00:22:43,726
How 'bout that putz
with the giant pigeon wings?

452
00:22:43,904 --> 00:22:45,064
What do those do anyway, huh?

453
00:22:45,114 --> 00:22:46,474
Carry him
three feet off the ground

454
00:22:46,532 --> 00:22:48,568
to snatch up
the nearest muffin crumb?

455
00:22:48,742 --> 00:22:50,778
No, no, no!

456
00:22:50,953 --> 00:22:53,740
I am not x-man material at all.

457
00:22:53,914 --> 00:22:56,121
First off...

458
00:22:56,417 --> 00:22:58,499
I'm not even a virgin.
Second and more...

459
00:23:00,671 --> 00:23:01,706
I should have left you

460
00:23:01,797 --> 00:23:03,458
in the self-pity mess
I found you in.

461
00:23:03,632 --> 00:23:06,499
But this is what friends do.
They show up!

462
00:23:06,677 --> 00:23:08,338
Not when convenient or easy.

463
00:23:08,721 --> 00:23:12,088
When hard,
and you always make it hard.

464
00:23:13,100 --> 00:23:15,512
You are unwell.

465
00:23:15,686 --> 00:23:17,768
I'm sticking my neck out
bringing you here.

466
00:23:17,938 --> 00:23:19,678
Wait. One of the assholes

467
00:23:19,773 --> 00:23:21,183
who killed Vanessa got away.

468
00:23:23,777 --> 00:23:25,768
Oh, Jesus Christ!

469
00:23:25,988 --> 00:23:28,008
I thought you were gonna
kiss me for a second there.

470
00:23:28,032 --> 00:23:29,885
Please know I wouldn't be able
to stop you if you did.

471
00:23:29,909 --> 00:23:31,945
Wade, whoever they are...

472
00:23:32,119 --> 00:23:34,280
We track them down
and bring them to justice.

473
00:23:34,455 --> 00:23:35,786
It was me.

474
00:23:39,126 --> 00:23:40,707
I'm the asshole who got away.

475
00:23:41,837 --> 00:23:44,453
I killed every last one
of them, except me.

476
00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:46,546
Couldn't kill me.

477
00:23:49,845 --> 00:23:51,836
We were gonna start a family.

478
00:23:53,599 --> 00:23:55,681
We were, uh...

479
00:23:56,852 --> 00:23:59,218
We were gonna be a family.

480
00:23:59,355 --> 00:24:00,355
Colossus: Wade...

481
00:24:00,522 --> 00:24:03,309
Vanessa is gone.
She's not coming back.

482
00:24:04,902 --> 00:24:07,109
This may not be
family you want...

483
00:24:07,279 --> 00:24:09,565
But it's family you need.

484
00:24:09,740 --> 00:24:10,980
You have a good heart.

485
00:24:11,075 --> 00:24:12,611
It belongs here
where it can grow.

486
00:24:14,411 --> 00:24:15,992
What did you say?

487
00:24:17,456 --> 00:24:18,787
About my heart?

488
00:24:24,296 --> 00:24:26,287
I think I'm in the right place.

489
00:25:19,768 --> 00:25:20,768
Fred: Whoa!

490
00:25:20,936 --> 00:25:24,053
Cable? You got cable?

491
00:25:24,231 --> 00:25:25,351
If I didn't know any better,

492
00:25:25,399 --> 00:25:26,980
I'd say that
you're getting into this.

493
00:25:27,151 --> 00:25:28,151
You know cable?

494
00:25:28,736 --> 00:25:31,227
Uh, the biological son of
cyclops and madelyne pryor...

495
00:25:31,405 --> 00:25:32,440
Jean grey's clone.

496
00:25:32,614 --> 00:25:34,525
Half-brother to Rachel summers
and Nate grey.

497
00:25:34,700 --> 00:25:35,906
Raised as the askani's son,

498
00:25:35,993 --> 00:25:37,273
and genetic template for stryfe.

499
00:25:37,369 --> 00:25:38,809
From a possible
alternate timeline...

500
00:25:38,954 --> 00:25:40,945
Having been taken as an
infant to the future...

501
00:25:41,123 --> 00:25:42,684
And infected with
a techno-organic virus.

502
00:25:42,708 --> 00:25:44,744
I hope you have given
this deeply-nuanced

503
00:25:44,835 --> 00:25:46,996
and richly-layered backstory
its due.

504
00:25:52,092 --> 00:25:54,128
Yeah, we're covering
the time travel stuff.

505
00:25:55,179 --> 00:25:56,614
Instructor: We have
eight weeks of boot camp

506
00:25:56,638 --> 00:25:57,638
ahead of us, men.

507
00:25:57,723 --> 00:25:59,463
That'll get us
toned and prepared

508
00:25:59,558 --> 00:26:00,718
for all matter of combat.

509
00:26:02,978 --> 00:26:06,937
Not working out at all.

510
00:26:07,149 --> 00:26:10,983
Masking tape. It is no friend
to chilled aluminum.

511
00:26:12,321 --> 00:26:13,321
Velcro.

512
00:26:13,405 --> 00:26:15,521
Color-coded. Efficient.
Environmentally friendly.

513
00:26:16,241 --> 00:26:17,651
Who's he talking to?

514
00:26:17,826 --> 00:26:19,471
And why is he dressed like
a registered sex offender?

515
00:26:19,495 --> 00:26:21,235
Can we focus for a moment,
ladies?

516
00:26:21,413 --> 00:26:23,475
Please, we need to talk about
next month's meal plan.

517
00:26:23,499 --> 00:26:25,535
Obviously, everyone hated
the ceviche.

518
00:26:25,709 --> 00:26:27,145
I read the suggestion box.
That's on me.

519
00:26:27,169 --> 00:26:28,409
I'm gonna stop you right there.

520
00:26:28,587 --> 00:26:30,623
I see through this weak act.

521
00:26:30,923 --> 00:26:35,087
You may have fooled colossus
with this nice guy shit...

522
00:26:35,260 --> 00:26:36,340
But not me.

523
00:26:36,512 --> 00:26:37,547
Don't be mean.

524
00:26:37,721 --> 00:26:38,801
Back off, ntw.

525
00:26:38,889 --> 00:26:39,889
Wade: No, no, no.

526
00:26:40,057 --> 00:26:41,217
No, let her go.

527
00:26:41,391 --> 00:26:43,928
Let her go. It's okay. She
has a right to be skeptical.

528
00:26:44,103 --> 00:26:46,719
Look at me. I'm an easy target.

529
00:26:47,856 --> 00:26:48,936
You know, historically,

530
00:26:49,024 --> 00:26:51,140
mischief has been my mistress...

531
00:26:51,318 --> 00:26:54,230
So I understand, you know.
But I like to think that...

532
00:26:55,656 --> 00:26:57,863
Well, you guys have really
rubbed off on me.

533
00:26:59,034 --> 00:27:01,320
I like to think that I've
rubbed off around you too.

534
00:27:01,703 --> 00:27:02,818
A lot.

535
00:27:02,996 --> 00:27:05,578
And for the first time
in a long while...

536
00:27:05,749 --> 00:27:07,205
I ike me.

537
00:27:09,044 --> 00:27:10,079
I accept your apology.

538
00:27:10,254 --> 00:27:11,369
I never apologized.

539
00:27:11,547 --> 00:27:12,957
I was talking to your heart.

540
00:27:13,132 --> 00:27:15,464
See? You're not
lost cause you thought.

541
00:27:15,634 --> 00:27:18,717
I'm proud. You're everything
I knew you can be.

542
00:27:18,887 --> 00:27:20,718
Thank you, colossus.

543
00:27:20,889 --> 00:27:22,489
Just trying to be
the world's best x-man.

544
00:27:22,641 --> 00:27:24,051
Sorry, x-person.

545
00:27:25,686 --> 00:27:27,551
Hmm. Something wrong
with the soap.

546
00:27:28,397 --> 00:27:30,513
It's fine. I just filled it.

547
00:27:30,649 --> 00:27:31,889
Give it a few more pumps there.

548
00:27:33,485 --> 00:27:37,649
Now, if you'll excuse me,
it's dust bunny season...

549
00:27:37,823 --> 00:27:38,823
And I'm hunting wabbits.

550
00:27:39,533 --> 00:27:40,693
Bye, Wade.

551
00:27:46,081 --> 00:27:47,161
Colossus: Wade.

552
00:27:47,749 --> 00:27:48,749
Wade.

553
00:27:49,543 --> 00:27:50,543
Wade!

554
00:27:50,961 --> 00:27:53,703
Hey, I was just taking cerebro
for a spin here...

555
00:27:53,881 --> 00:27:55,462
Looking deep into the future.

556
00:27:55,632 --> 00:27:56,792
Phew. This thing...

557
00:27:56,967 --> 00:27:58,862
That's not how cerebro works.
That's not how cerebro works.

558
00:27:58,886 --> 00:28:00,422
Yes. Yes, it is.

559
00:28:00,888 --> 00:28:02,424
We have mission.
We have mission.

560
00:28:02,598 --> 00:28:04,384
We do. You do.

561
00:28:04,558 --> 00:28:05,718
You guys be safe out there.

562
00:28:05,893 --> 00:28:08,635
No, I want you to join.
No, you want me to join.

563
00:28:10,272 --> 00:28:11,387
I'm sorry, what?

564
00:28:11,565 --> 00:28:12,600
You are ready.

565
00:28:12,774 --> 00:28:14,694
That's a terrible idea,
and it's gonna end badly.

566
00:28:14,860 --> 00:28:16,350
Be at the x-jet in five.

567
00:28:19,281 --> 00:28:21,613
Reporter: Irene merryweather,
whit news.

568
00:28:21,742 --> 00:28:23,607
Live here at
a breaking news situation

569
00:28:23,702 --> 00:28:26,284
at the essex house
for mutant rehabilitation.

570
00:28:26,455 --> 00:28:28,320
A mutant boy
is appearing to have

571
00:28:28,415 --> 00:28:29,621
some sort of an incident...

572
00:28:29,791 --> 00:28:31,561
With police here behind me.
Russell: Get away from me!

573
00:28:31,585 --> 00:28:33,826
There are two police vehicles
that are overturned.

574
00:28:34,004 --> 00:28:35,369
Russell, calm down. Freak off!

575
00:28:35,464 --> 00:28:36,524
Reporter: A scene of
absolute chaos here.

576
00:28:36,548 --> 00:28:37,788
Officer: Calm down.

577
00:28:37,883 --> 00:28:40,625
Russell: I'll burn you!
You stay back!

578
00:28:40,761 --> 00:28:42,001
Get away from me!

579
00:28:58,237 --> 00:29:01,195
It appears as if
the X-Men are arriving...

580
00:29:01,365 --> 00:29:02,445
Deadpool: Scatter!

581
00:29:02,616 --> 00:29:04,607
Reporter: With what appears
to be a trainee.

582
00:29:05,118 --> 00:29:07,985
Deadpool: Everyone, calm down!
The pros are here. I...

583
00:29:08,163 --> 00:29:09,198
We're the X-Men!

584
00:29:09,331 --> 00:29:11,538
A dated metaphor for racism
in the '60s.

585
00:29:11,959 --> 00:29:14,325
So, respect.

586
00:29:14,503 --> 00:29:15,743
At ease, officer.

587
00:29:17,339 --> 00:29:19,170
What are you doing?

588
00:29:19,341 --> 00:29:20,501
My job!

589
00:29:20,676 --> 00:29:22,076
You're the one who said
I was ready,

590
00:29:22,135 --> 00:29:23,466
and I frankly disagreed
with you.

591
00:29:23,637 --> 00:29:26,049
But here we are, trying to
overcome our differences.

592
00:29:26,139 --> 00:29:29,222
Like Beyonce says, "please...

593
00:29:29,393 --> 00:29:30,724
"Please, stop cheating on me."

594
00:29:30,811 --> 00:29:31,891
Officer: Hey!

595
00:29:31,979 --> 00:29:33,219
This is the fifth incident.

596
00:29:33,397 --> 00:29:35,479
This kid needs to be
in the ice box, not here.

597
00:29:35,649 --> 00:29:37,264
Russell belongs in our care.

598
00:29:37,442 --> 00:29:39,103
Not in prison. I assure you...

599
00:29:39,194 --> 00:29:40,338
We have everything
under control.

600
00:29:40,362 --> 00:29:41,464
Russell: Stay back!
I'll burn you!

601
00:29:41,488 --> 00:29:42,648
Not getting a real

602
00:29:42,739 --> 00:29:44,400
"under control"
vibe here, Marty.

603
00:29:44,866 --> 00:29:46,777
It is Glen, isn't it? Daniel.

604
00:29:46,952 --> 00:29:48,283
I'll ask the questions, Miguel.

605
00:29:48,370 --> 00:29:49,610
Let me talk to the kid.

606
00:29:49,788 --> 00:29:54,248
You stay here with your
weird, secret sex lips.

607
00:29:55,627 --> 00:29:56,787
Russell: You wanna die?

608
00:29:56,878 --> 00:29:57,939
Deadpool.: This kid's adorable.

609
00:29:57,963 --> 00:29:59,107
I don't know why I packed
the hollow points.

610
00:29:59,131 --> 00:30:00,587
I'll burn your arms off!

611
00:30:00,757 --> 00:30:03,248
First day. I'm so nervous!

612
00:30:04,136 --> 00:30:05,626
Did you just say
"hollow points"?

613
00:30:06,346 --> 00:30:07,506
Yeah, probably should've

614
00:30:07,597 --> 00:30:09,178
brought a super soaker.

615
00:30:09,808 --> 00:30:11,048
Hi, there!

616
00:30:12,102 --> 00:30:14,559
Stay back or Justin bieber dies!

617
00:30:14,646 --> 00:30:18,184
Justin bieber.
He called you Justin bieber.

618
00:30:19,067 --> 00:30:21,058
Hold on! Wait, wait, wait!

619
00:30:21,236 --> 00:30:24,194
Okay, let's not do
whatever that is.

620
00:30:24,364 --> 00:30:25,729
Okay? Let's just talk!

621
00:30:25,866 --> 00:30:27,151
It's Russell, right?

622
00:30:27,576 --> 00:30:29,407
Firefist. Firefist.

623
00:30:29,870 --> 00:30:31,986
Ooh, that's a great name.
Where does it burn?

624
00:30:32,164 --> 00:30:33,964
Just the fist, or all the
way up to the elbow?

625
00:30:38,337 --> 00:30:40,578
Definitely all the way
up to the elbow.

626
00:30:40,672 --> 00:30:43,254
Come quietly,
or there will be trouble.

627
00:30:43,925 --> 00:30:46,837
You stole that from robocop!
That's from robocop!

628
00:30:47,012 --> 00:30:48,593
Just stand down!

629
00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:50,671
You're embarrassing me.
Look, fire...

630
00:30:53,310 --> 00:30:55,266
I can't say it! I'm so sorry!

631
00:30:59,191 --> 00:31:02,809
Oh, my gosh! That does it!

632
00:31:03,236 --> 00:31:04,567
Put your hands behind your knees

633
00:31:04,654 --> 00:31:06,110
and get down on your head! Now!

634
00:31:06,281 --> 00:31:08,363
Wade! What was first rule?

635
00:31:08,533 --> 00:31:10,364
Label everything
in the refrigerator!

636
00:31:10,535 --> 00:31:13,072
Do not escalate!
Rules are meant to be broken!

637
00:31:13,246 --> 00:31:14,611
Colossus:
That's the exact opposite

638
00:31:14,706 --> 00:31:16,071
of what they're meant for!

639
00:31:17,000 --> 00:31:18,831
Come on! Finel

640
00:31:19,002 --> 00:31:20,202
I'll start from the beginning.

641
00:31:20,545 --> 00:31:22,957
My name is deadpool,
and I'm an x-man.

642
00:31:23,131 --> 00:31:25,292
Trainee! Shut it!

643
00:31:25,967 --> 00:31:28,253
Look, I get it.

644
00:31:29,429 --> 00:31:31,420
All right, you're scared.

645
00:31:31,598 --> 00:31:32,633
Alone.

646
00:31:32,724 --> 00:31:33,759
You got no family.

647
00:31:33,850 --> 00:31:34,911
I didn't have a family, either.

648
00:31:34,935 --> 00:31:36,641
You live in this dump.
Guess what?

649
00:31:36,728 --> 00:31:39,185
I used to live in a
shithole just like it.

650
00:31:39,356 --> 00:31:41,847
But you know something?
To make matters worse...

651
00:31:42,025 --> 00:31:43,785
It's a confusing time
in your life right now.

652
00:31:43,860 --> 00:31:47,352
Your body is going through
some fiery changes.

653
00:31:47,531 --> 00:31:49,396
Too far?
I went too far, didn't 1?

654
00:31:56,706 --> 00:31:58,196
That was effervescent.

655
00:31:58,750 --> 00:32:00,581
Stay in school, kid.

656
00:32:01,044 --> 00:32:02,534
Or don't. I didn't.

657
00:32:03,046 --> 00:32:04,582
And I'm an x-man.

658
00:32:04,673 --> 00:32:05,673
Trainee.

659
00:32:06,341 --> 00:32:08,457
Superhero landing coming up!

660
00:32:13,098 --> 00:32:15,589
Ouch, ouch, ouch!
Oh, god, that hurts.

661
00:32:16,393 --> 00:32:17,428
7

662
00:32:36,413 --> 00:32:38,244
I could get used
to this x-man shit.

663
00:32:38,331 --> 00:32:39,559
Negasonic teenage warhead:
Trainee!

664
00:32:39,583 --> 00:32:40,618
Deadpooqol: Trainee!

665
00:32:41,084 --> 00:32:42,824
Officer: Get a power restraint
on him. Now!

666
00:32:42,919 --> 00:32:46,002
Deadpool: Calm down, squirt.
It's over. We got ya.

667
00:32:47,924 --> 00:32:49,334
What's that do?

668
00:32:49,509 --> 00:32:50,965
Power-dampening collar.

669
00:32:51,052 --> 00:32:52,332
Shuts down all mutant abilities.

670
00:32:52,429 --> 00:32:55,136
You can't get it off.
Unless you've got a grenade.

671
00:32:55,223 --> 00:32:58,181
Huh. Could've used
one of those in the first act.

672
00:32:58,351 --> 00:32:59,591
Headmaster: Thank you!

673
00:33:01,354 --> 00:33:03,561
That was absolutely thrilling.

674
00:33:03,732 --> 00:33:05,723
True heroism in action.

675
00:33:05,901 --> 00:33:08,017
We are in your debt.

676
00:33:08,195 --> 00:33:09,935
We can take it from here.

677
00:33:10,113 --> 00:33:12,195
Take me to the ice box, please!

678
00:33:12,365 --> 00:33:13,525
Anywhere's better than here.

679
00:33:13,700 --> 00:33:14,815
Deadpool: Believe me, son,

680
00:33:14,910 --> 00:33:16,275
you do not wanna go
to the ice box.

681
00:33:16,495 --> 00:33:18,360
Let's get you inside, young man.

682
00:33:18,538 --> 00:33:20,278
No, wait, wait. Wait.

683
00:33:20,457 --> 00:33:21,947
You guys stay there.

684
00:33:30,717 --> 00:33:32,548
Those guys hurt you?

685
00:33:33,929 --> 00:33:34,964
Who?

686
00:33:37,015 --> 00:33:39,722
Baldilocks? Jared kushner?

687
00:33:41,186 --> 00:33:42,676
Both of 'em?

688
00:33:46,816 --> 00:33:47,976
Ah, screw it.

689
00:33:48,151 --> 00:33:49,607
Four or five moments!

690
00:33:49,736 --> 00:33:50,736
I'm sorry?

691
00:33:50,820 --> 00:33:54,028
Four or five moments!

692
00:33:55,283 --> 00:33:58,025
That's all it takes
to be a hero.

693
00:33:59,079 --> 00:34:01,070
People think
you wake up a hero...

694
00:34:01,414 --> 00:34:03,029
Brush your teeth a hero...

695
00:34:03,625 --> 00:34:06,116
Make love to
a soap dispenser a hero.

696
00:34:07,921 --> 00:34:11,664
But, no, being a hero
takes only a few moments!

697
00:34:13,009 --> 00:34:14,624
A few moments...

698
00:34:14,803 --> 00:34:17,294
Doing the ugly stuff
no one else will do.

699
00:34:24,813 --> 00:34:27,145
Wade, what did you do?
Colossus, no!

700
00:34:27,315 --> 00:34:28,771
That kid was abused!
You can tell.

701
00:34:28,858 --> 00:34:30,461
You can always tell!
Colossus: We have rules!

702
00:34:30,485 --> 00:34:33,147
You are not judge,
jury or executioner!

703
00:34:33,321 --> 00:34:36,154
Forget your rules!
I fight for what's right!

704
00:34:36,324 --> 00:34:37,905
And sometimes
you gotta fight dirty!

705
00:34:38,076 --> 00:34:41,159
You've let me down
for the last time, Wade.

706
00:34:41,663 --> 00:34:42,903
Officer 1: Collar him, too.

707
00:34:43,081 --> 00:34:44,742
Officer 2: And get these guys
in the pod.

708
00:34:44,916 --> 00:34:46,060
Take them to the ice box.

709
00:35:07,772 --> 00:35:10,058
I wonder what gang I'll be in.

710
00:35:11,776 --> 00:35:13,937
- Is there, like, a sorting hat?
- Hi.

711
00:35:15,614 --> 00:35:16,614
I've always seen myself

712
00:35:16,698 --> 00:35:18,404
as more of
an east coast hufflepuff.

713
00:35:18,491 --> 00:35:19,491
Gol

714
00:35:20,076 --> 00:35:22,909
I've made a critical error
on my airbnb reservation.

715
00:35:23,079 --> 00:35:27,163
This is not what the website
looked like at all.

716
00:35:28,752 --> 00:35:32,290
I love the decor though. I had
no idea hopeless was a color.

717
00:35:32,464 --> 00:35:33,704
Guard: Hard left, douchebag.

718
00:35:38,178 --> 00:35:39,338
Please, after you.

719
00:35:41,556 --> 00:35:44,013
Another disgusting minority
off the streets.

720
00:35:44,100 --> 00:35:45,100
We'll sleep well tonight.

721
00:35:45,268 --> 00:35:46,268
Let's get a bagel.

722
00:35:49,898 --> 00:35:52,514
Nighty-night,
you annoying prick!

723
00:36:23,848 --> 00:36:27,181
Man: I'MMA tell you
what the big lie is.

724
00:36:27,352 --> 00:36:28,746
Toilet paper.

725
00:36:28,770 --> 00:36:31,853
Toilet paper
is a plenty fine appetizer.

726
00:36:32,023 --> 00:36:34,139
But, then...

727
00:36:34,317 --> 00:36:36,558
Huggies natural care wet wipes.

728
00:36:36,736 --> 00:36:38,067
That's your main course.

729
00:36:38,238 --> 00:36:41,355
They're soft, they're moist.
They're for babies.

730
00:36:42,033 --> 00:36:45,070
Finally, one more pass
with the toilet paper,

731
00:36:45,161 --> 00:36:46,742
maybe clear out
that excess moisture.

732
00:36:46,913 --> 00:36:48,449
Maybe treat yourself
to a blow and go,

733
00:36:48,540 --> 00:36:49,820
if you can get you a hair dryer.

734
00:36:49,874 --> 00:36:52,206
Just about 30 seconds
will do you good.

735
00:36:55,922 --> 00:36:57,128
What the heck?

736
00:36:58,174 --> 00:36:59,209
Year?

737
00:37:00,218 --> 00:37:01,218
What?

738
00:37:02,429 --> 00:37:04,044
What year is it?

739
00:37:04,222 --> 00:37:06,213
What kind of dummy question
is that to ask?

740
00:37:25,493 --> 00:37:27,779
Russell: You're a long way
from your superpowers.

741
00:37:27,954 --> 00:37:28,954
Wade: Yeah.

742
00:37:33,543 --> 00:37:35,408
I wanted to be a superhero.

743
00:37:35,879 --> 00:37:37,870
Always wanted a real super suit.

744
00:37:37,964 --> 00:37:39,625
What happened?

745
00:37:39,799 --> 00:37:41,919
When was the last time you saw
a plus-sized superhero?

746
00:37:42,343 --> 00:37:43,503
Never.

747
00:37:43,928 --> 00:37:45,714
The industry discriminates.

748
00:37:46,431 --> 00:37:47,841
Forget superheroes.

749
00:37:48,433 --> 00:37:50,719
The first thing I wanna do
when I get out of here...

750
00:37:50,894 --> 00:37:53,010
Burn the headmaster alive...

751
00:37:53,188 --> 00:37:55,679
And then take a selfie
with his smoldering corpse.

752
00:37:55,857 --> 00:37:57,597
Who says
prison isn't reformative?

753
00:37:57,984 --> 00:37:59,190
What did he do to you?

754
00:37:59,360 --> 00:38:00,566
He thinks we're evil.

755
00:38:01,404 --> 00:38:02,769
Blessed are the wicked

756
00:38:02,864 --> 00:38:05,071
who are healed by my hand.

757
00:38:05,241 --> 00:38:06,481
Your abilities...

758
00:38:08,119 --> 00:38:10,075
I know how seductive they are.

759
00:38:18,963 --> 00:38:22,455
Tomorrow, we'll find
the biggest guy in here...

760
00:38:23,676 --> 00:38:24,676
And we'll make him our...

761
00:38:28,181 --> 00:38:29,591
What was that?

762
00:38:29,766 --> 00:38:32,508
That is the biggest guy in here.

763
00:38:32,602 --> 00:38:34,558
Fun fact about the ice box...

764
00:38:34,729 --> 00:38:36,515
Though no one's ever seen it,

765
00:38:36,606 --> 00:38:38,688
they keep a monster
in the basement.

766
00:38:38,858 --> 00:38:40,564
Right next to a huge,

767
00:38:40,652 --> 00:38:42,188
steaming bowl of foreshadowing.

768
00:38:42,821 --> 00:38:43,821
Look.

769
00:38:44,823 --> 00:38:46,734
I can't protect you.

770
00:38:47,116 --> 00:38:48,231
With this collar on,

771
00:38:48,326 --> 00:38:51,318
my superpower
is just unbridled cancer.

772
00:38:51,496 --> 00:38:54,488
Give me a bow and arrow,
I'm basically hawkeye.

773
00:38:54,999 --> 00:38:56,955
Now, if you'll excuse me...

774
00:38:57,126 --> 00:39:00,289
I've got tumors to grow.
Vanessa awaits.

775
00:39:00,463 --> 00:39:02,704
I'll start by making us a shank.

776
00:39:02,882 --> 00:39:04,668
Good listening.
I stole that guard's pen...

777
00:39:04,843 --> 00:39:06,754
And stashed it
in the old prison wallet,

778
00:39:06,845 --> 00:39:08,176
if you know what I'm saying.

779
00:39:08,805 --> 00:39:11,342
Prison wallet?

780
00:39:11,474 --> 00:39:14,181
I really hope I don't know
what you're saying.

781
00:39:19,482 --> 00:39:20,842
Reporter: And to update you

782
00:39:20,900 --> 00:39:22,180
on the story reported earlier...

783
00:39:22,277 --> 00:39:23,733
After a lengthy standoff

784
00:39:23,820 --> 00:39:26,402
outside the essex house
for mutant rehabilitation...

785
00:39:26,573 --> 00:39:27,858
Two mutants were arrested

786
00:39:27,949 --> 00:39:29,689
and transported
to the ice box...

787
00:39:29,868 --> 00:39:31,348
Automated voice:
Entering repair mode.

788
00:39:56,895 --> 00:39:57,895
Psst!

789
00:40:00,607 --> 00:40:02,222
Don't do that.

790
00:40:03,151 --> 00:40:05,483
What? Why are you winking at me?

791
00:40:08,197 --> 00:40:09,482
I got your back.

792
00:40:09,657 --> 00:40:10,692
Oh, my god.

793
00:40:10,867 --> 00:40:12,198
You're sick,
I gotta protect you.

794
00:40:12,368 --> 00:40:14,233
Just leave me alone, kid.

795
00:40:15,413 --> 00:40:16,448
Oh, great.

796
00:40:18,166 --> 00:40:20,532
Well, hello there, new fish.

797
00:40:20,752 --> 00:40:23,744
It's nice to see some
fresh faces around here.

798
00:40:23,838 --> 00:40:25,954
I've done some
light catalog work...

799
00:40:26,132 --> 00:40:28,623
But, really, modeling is just
a stepping stone to acting.

800
00:40:28,801 --> 00:40:30,837
I was talking to him. Oh.

801
00:40:31,554 --> 00:40:34,637
Have we met?
I can't place your mustache.

802
00:40:34,933 --> 00:40:37,470
Black Tom Cassidy.
White Wade Wilson.

803
00:40:37,644 --> 00:40:40,886
What's your superpower?
Cultural appropriation?

804
00:40:41,064 --> 00:40:43,555
You're supposed to be
the toughest con in here.

805
00:40:43,733 --> 00:40:45,564
You don't look like much to me.

806
00:40:46,235 --> 00:40:47,441
First rule of the yard...

807
00:40:47,695 --> 00:40:49,435
Find the biggest guy
and make him your...

808
00:40:53,701 --> 00:40:55,362
Second biggest guy.

809
00:40:55,828 --> 00:40:58,114
The last thing I need
is more hepatitis.

810
00:40:58,373 --> 00:41:01,661
Oh, it's slippery, too.
This table needs a wipe down!

811
00:41:01,834 --> 00:41:03,234
Can we get a wipe down
on the table?

812
00:41:05,046 --> 00:41:06,627
Kid, I think you picked
the wrong side.

813
00:41:07,048 --> 00:41:09,209
No, I didn't! He's my friend!

814
00:41:09,592 --> 00:41:11,548
Zip it. We're not friends.

815
00:41:12,220 --> 00:41:13,710
Take a seat, shit dick.

816
00:41:25,733 --> 00:41:27,453
I had so much fun!
You were like...

817
00:41:27,610 --> 00:41:29,350
And I was like,
"take a seat, shit dick."

818
00:41:29,529 --> 00:41:30,735
Just let me die in peace.

819
00:41:31,447 --> 00:41:33,187
We make a great team!

820
00:41:33,700 --> 00:41:36,032
Oh, god! We're not a team.

821
00:41:36,202 --> 00:41:40,286
Why'd you say that back there?
We're friends, partners.

822
00:41:40,456 --> 00:41:42,492
We're not partners or friends.

823
00:41:44,419 --> 00:41:46,501
This doesn't end with us
riding into the sunset.

824
00:41:46,671 --> 00:41:48,627
It ends with me
dying of cancer...

825
00:41:48,798 --> 00:41:50,379
And you winning
the ice box award

826
00:41:50,466 --> 00:41:52,331
for most pinchable cheeks.

827
00:41:54,095 --> 00:41:55,710
There's only one person
in this world

828
00:41:55,805 --> 00:41:57,511
that I care about,
and she's gone.

829
00:41:59,308 --> 00:42:01,299
You wanna survive?

830
00:42:02,520 --> 00:42:05,557
Stop trying to shank
the biggest guys in here...

831
00:42:05,732 --> 00:42:07,768
And make friends with them.

832
00:42:09,068 --> 00:42:10,649
Make friends with someone.

833
00:42:11,904 --> 00:42:13,815
Anyone but me.

834
00:42:14,449 --> 00:42:16,360
Maybe even black Tim.

835
00:42:16,909 --> 00:42:18,365
Black Evan, I don't know.

836
00:42:18,536 --> 00:42:21,027
All I remember is
he was African-American.

837
00:42:52,403 --> 00:42:55,987
Automated voice:
Cells 7, 12, 14, 27.

838
00:43:09,378 --> 00:43:12,962
Automated voice: System
malfunctioning. 7, 4, 3.

839
00:43:13,132 --> 00:43:14,713
System malfunctioning.

840
00:43:21,599 --> 00:43:23,214
That was our cell.

841
00:43:24,018 --> 00:43:25,098
What did I do to piss off

842
00:43:25,186 --> 00:43:27,723
a grumpy old guy
with a winter soldier arm?

843
00:43:35,154 --> 00:43:36,644
Get away from me, kid!

844
00:43:38,658 --> 00:43:39,818
Listen to me! Go!

845
00:43:43,955 --> 00:43:44,990
Hello, Russell.

846
00:44:45,766 --> 00:44:47,176
Hello, superpowers.

847
00:44:59,864 --> 00:45:01,024
Who are you?

848
00:45:01,657 --> 00:45:02,988
I'm Batman.

849
00:45:14,337 --> 00:45:15,337
Ooh!

850
00:45:19,842 --> 00:45:22,504
Oh. That's got some zip.

851
00:45:29,727 --> 00:45:33,015
Don't feel bad.
Even I can't kill me.

852
00:45:33,147 --> 00:45:34,147
Talk!

853
00:45:34,315 --> 00:45:36,055
What kind of
spineless shit stick

854
00:45:36,150 --> 00:45:37,731
tries to kill a 14-year-old boy?

855
00:45:38,736 --> 00:45:39,936
You might wanna start talking!

856
00:45:39,987 --> 00:45:42,774
'Cause I got a long history of
firing at times like this!

857
00:45:43,407 --> 00:45:44,943
The name's cable.

858
00:45:45,451 --> 00:45:48,534
I'm from the future.
Just walk away.

859
00:45:48,829 --> 00:45:49,829
Ohl

860
00:45:50,122 --> 00:45:51,658
so, you're from the future.

861
00:45:52,083 --> 00:45:54,039
I have a question then.

862
00:45:54,210 --> 00:45:55,746
Is dubstep still a thing?

863
00:46:20,778 --> 00:46:22,643
Dubstep's for pussies.

864
00:46:22,822 --> 00:46:23,902
You're so dark!

865
00:46:24,073 --> 00:46:26,485
Are you sure you're not
from the DC universe?

866
00:46:26,993 --> 00:46:28,233
I love dubstep!

867
00:46:53,144 --> 00:46:54,475
Wade: Is that a Fanny pack?

868
00:46:54,645 --> 00:46:57,011
I used to have one of those
in 1990-never.

869
00:46:57,940 --> 00:46:59,851
Something to remember you by.

870
00:47:00,026 --> 00:47:03,564
Give me that back!
That goes with me everywhere.

871
00:47:03,738 --> 00:47:05,274
Like the memory
of your Fanny pack!

872
00:47:14,957 --> 00:47:16,288
Why are you protecting the kid?

873
00:47:16,917 --> 00:47:19,203
He's just some kid with an
are you my mother? Complex.

874
00:47:19,545 --> 00:47:21,536
I don't give a damn about him.

875
00:47:26,344 --> 00:47:27,504
What's this one do?

876
00:47:38,689 --> 00:47:40,270
Wade: In every film,
there's a moment

877
00:47:40,358 --> 00:47:42,644
when the hero hits rock bottom.

878
00:47:42,818 --> 00:47:44,729
In cool runnings,
it was when John candy's

879
00:47:44,820 --> 00:47:46,356
prized bobsled broke.

880
00:47:46,739 --> 00:47:49,355
In human centipede,
it was when those people...

881
00:47:49,533 --> 00:47:51,489
Signed on to be in that movie.

882
00:47:51,827 --> 00:47:53,283
But in this film, well...

883
00:47:54,163 --> 00:47:55,494
You're looking at it.

884
00:47:57,750 --> 00:47:58,865
Rock...

885
00:48:00,127 --> 00:48:01,492
Meet bottom.

886
00:48:10,971 --> 00:48:12,757
Vanessa:
I love you, Wade Wilson.

887
00:48:13,474 --> 00:48:14,474
Ness?

888
00:48:15,684 --> 00:48:17,140
Hey, ness!

889
00:48:18,020 --> 00:48:19,556
Ness, can you let me in?

890
00:48:19,730 --> 00:48:21,891
Please! Please.

891
00:48:23,984 --> 00:48:24,984
Jeez.

892
00:48:28,030 --> 00:48:29,790
You're not giving me
a lot of direction here.

893
00:48:29,824 --> 00:48:31,610
I'm at the end of my rope.

894
00:48:34,120 --> 00:48:36,361
Then I joined the X-Men.

895
00:48:36,831 --> 00:48:38,367
I went to prison. I, uh...

896
00:48:42,378 --> 00:48:43,959
Is it the kid?

897
00:48:46,006 --> 00:48:48,964
Kids give us a chance to be
better than we used to be.

898
00:48:50,219 --> 00:48:51,219
The kid!

899
00:49:05,192 --> 00:49:06,648
That's exactly what she meant.

900
00:49:06,735 --> 00:49:08,046
Your heart needs to be
in the right place.

901
00:49:08,070 --> 00:49:09,731
I'm not gonna abandon this kid.

902
00:49:09,905 --> 00:49:12,487
He's never had anyone, ever.

903
00:49:12,658 --> 00:49:13,864
I need to be selfless.

904
00:49:14,034 --> 00:49:15,865
Yeah, but what does that mean?

905
00:49:16,036 --> 00:49:19,153
It means I'm gonna save Russell.

906
00:49:19,331 --> 00:49:20,741
Maybe I couldn't save Vanessa...

907
00:49:20,916 --> 00:49:23,874
But maybe I can save a robust
teenager from New Zealand.

908
00:49:24,044 --> 00:49:26,022
Yeah, but what I mean is,
like, the world "selfless."

909
00:49:26,046 --> 00:49:27,566
I literally don't know
what that means.

910
00:49:27,631 --> 00:49:28,666
Jesus Christ.

911
00:49:28,841 --> 00:49:31,457
Okay, look.
According to my guy, okay...

912
00:49:31,635 --> 00:49:33,626
Those muties
are being transferred

913
00:49:33,721 --> 00:49:35,177
to a supermakx, 80 miles away.

914
00:49:35,347 --> 00:49:37,053
Great, I'll pick 'em off
along the way.

915
00:49:37,224 --> 00:49:39,340
Hold your testicles there,
buddy, okay?

916
00:49:39,435 --> 00:49:41,266
We're talking about
an armored convoy...

917
00:49:41,437 --> 00:49:44,053
And a vicious super soldier
from the future...

918
00:49:44,231 --> 00:49:46,392
Who is dead set on turning
your skull into an ashtray.

919
00:49:46,567 --> 00:49:49,559
You know what we need to do?
We need to build a team.

920
00:49:49,737 --> 00:49:51,523
We need 'em tough,
morally flexible...

921
00:49:51,697 --> 00:49:53,904
And young enough to carry
this franchise 10 to 12 years.

922
00:49:54,033 --> 00:49:55,614
We need ocean's fourteen stuff.

923
00:49:55,784 --> 00:49:57,820
The mother of all teams.
John wick 3.

924
00:49:57,912 --> 00:49:58,912
Cheap. But with

925
00:49:58,996 --> 00:50:00,098
the original directors. Smart.

926
00:50:00,122 --> 00:50:01,224
My body is an
instrument of death.

927
00:50:01,248 --> 00:50:02,283
Not now, dopinder.

928
00:50:02,458 --> 00:50:04,244
I could be of great use.

929
00:50:04,418 --> 00:50:05,999
What's your superpower?

930
00:50:07,838 --> 00:50:09,169
Courage. That's adorable.

931
00:50:09,340 --> 00:50:11,126
All right, I'll put out
a call for resumes.

932
00:50:11,300 --> 00:50:13,416
But we're not paying
medical or dental.

933
00:50:13,594 --> 00:50:15,630
It's time to get back
on linkedln.

934
00:50:40,871 --> 00:50:42,390
Male guard:
Attention, all inmates!

935
00:50:42,414 --> 00:50:45,201
Transport to cross force
maximum security

936
00:50:45,292 --> 00:50:46,532
mutant containment facility...

937
00:50:46,627 --> 00:50:48,413
Will begin at 0800 hours.

938
00:50:48,587 --> 00:50:51,078
Inspection of your cells
and out-processing

939
00:50:51,173 --> 00:50:52,504
will begin at 0600.

940
00:50:55,886 --> 00:50:57,501
Female guard:
Attention, all inmates.

941
00:50:57,680 --> 00:50:59,796
Transport to cross force
maximum security

942
00:50:59,890 --> 00:51:00,951
mutant containment facility...

943
00:51:00,975 --> 00:51:01,975
Black Tom: Oi.

944
00:51:02,059 --> 00:51:03,390
Mutant: What do you want?

945
00:51:03,561 --> 00:51:05,142
You stole my pudding.

946
00:51:05,312 --> 00:51:06,802
What pudding? You like pudding?

947
00:51:25,249 --> 00:51:26,249
Hello?

948
00:51:28,544 --> 00:51:30,034
I know you're in there.

949
00:51:41,098 --> 00:51:43,384
Must be hard
being the biggest guy in here.

950
00:51:44,768 --> 00:51:46,474
Lonely at the top, eh?

951
00:51:46,937 --> 00:51:48,973
They're moving us tomorrow.

952
00:51:51,358 --> 00:51:53,223
Maybe I can get you out of here.

953
00:51:54,445 --> 00:51:57,687
And we can make
the whole world our bitch.

954
00:51:59,450 --> 00:52:01,190
We need a secret code.

955
00:52:04,121 --> 00:52:06,863
No,
that's stupid, Russell. Idiot.

956
00:52:14,131 --> 00:52:15,621
We're a team.

957
00:52:15,716 --> 00:52:17,547
We're like thugs,
we're like gangsters.

958
00:52:17,718 --> 00:52:19,504
I'm like Tupac,
and you're like ice cube.

959
00:52:21,472 --> 00:52:23,588
Weasel: Supposedly,
she can rap, too.

960
00:52:23,766 --> 00:52:24,766
Deadpool: I like that.

961
00:52:24,850 --> 00:52:26,135
Terrific,
these are all terrific.

962
00:52:26,310 --> 00:52:27,925
Meet bedlam.

963
00:52:28,103 --> 00:52:30,264
Cool name! Superpowers?

964
00:52:30,439 --> 00:52:31,929
I can distort electrical fields.

965
00:52:33,150 --> 00:52:35,232
Including the one
inside your brain...

966
00:52:35,402 --> 00:52:37,984
Causing anxiety, confusion...

967
00:52:38,155 --> 00:52:39,155
Pain.

968
00:52:40,324 --> 00:52:42,189
So, basically,
you're Dave Matthews.

969
00:52:42,368 --> 00:52:43,608
We can use him.

970
00:52:45,412 --> 00:52:46,777
I'm zeitgeist.

971
00:52:46,955 --> 00:52:48,115
Cool. I like it.

972
00:52:48,290 --> 00:52:49,530
So you have the power

973
00:52:49,625 --> 00:52:52,082
to put your finger
on the pulse of society?

974
00:52:53,003 --> 00:52:54,209
No.

975
00:52:54,380 --> 00:52:56,120
No, I spit acidic vomit.

976
00:52:56,215 --> 00:52:57,250
Oh. Do you want me

977
00:52:57,341 --> 00:52:58,401
to demonstrate? Deadpool: No!

978
00:52:58,425 --> 00:52:59,819
Weasel: We'll take
your word for it.

979
00:52:59,843 --> 00:53:02,072
Thank you. Yeah. Listen, we've
all eaten at arby's, okay?

980
00:53:02,096 --> 00:53:04,758
And this is the vanisher.

981
00:53:08,227 --> 00:53:09,227
But...

982
00:53:10,396 --> 00:53:11,806
Vanisher!

983
00:53:14,233 --> 00:53:16,394
Nice! Right?

984
00:53:17,111 --> 00:53:18,271
He's not here, is he?

985
00:53:18,445 --> 00:53:20,106
He may be running late.

986
00:53:21,532 --> 00:53:23,989
My name's rusty,
but I go by shatterstar.

987
00:53:24,410 --> 00:53:25,490
Both: That's good, yeah.

988
00:53:25,661 --> 00:53:27,697
"Rusty" is terrible. Toughie.

989
00:53:27,871 --> 00:53:30,578
So, uh, where are you from?
The planet mojo world.

990
00:53:30,749 --> 00:53:32,660
So you're an alien, I guess.
Bad name.

991
00:53:32,835 --> 00:53:34,371
How does that, uh, help us?

992
00:53:34,545 --> 00:53:37,332
I'm basically better
than you at everything.

993
00:53:37,506 --> 00:53:39,226
Just once, I'm gonna find
a planet of people

994
00:53:39,258 --> 00:53:40,714
that are worse than me
at everything.

995
00:53:40,884 --> 00:53:42,966
A whole bunch
of functional idiots.

996
00:53:43,137 --> 00:53:45,156
I'm gonna go there, and I'm
gonna be their Superman.

997
00:53:45,180 --> 00:53:46,180
Isn't that Canada?

998
00:53:46,265 --> 00:53:48,677
You shut your
goddamn trash mouth!

999
00:53:49,852 --> 00:53:51,058
Weasel: Meet... domino.

1000
00:53:51,228 --> 00:53:53,184
Deadpool: What's your shtick?
I'm lucky.

1001
00:53:53,480 --> 00:53:54,480
That's not a superpower.

1002
00:53:54,815 --> 00:53:55,855
Yeah, it is. No, it isn't.

1003
00:53:55,899 --> 00:53:56,934
Yes, it is. No, itisn't.

1004
00:53:57,151 --> 00:53:58,231
Yeah, it is. No, itisn't.

1005
00:53:58,402 --> 00:53:59,402
Yes, it is. No, itisn't.

1006
00:53:59,486 --> 00:54:00,547
Yeah, it is. It really isn't.

1007
00:54:00,571 --> 00:54:01,686
No, it isn't. Yes, it is.

1008
00:54:01,780 --> 00:54:02,780
Told you.

1009
00:54:02,865 --> 00:54:04,355
Get out of my head!

1010
00:54:04,450 --> 00:54:05,485
I'm not in your head.

1011
00:54:05,701 --> 00:54:07,345
It looks like I'm in
an 11-year-old's bedroom.

1012
00:54:07,369 --> 00:54:09,514
If you're so lucky, then what
are you doing here with us?

1013
00:54:09,538 --> 00:54:11,266
I don't know yet.
What's that supposed to mean?

1014
00:54:11,290 --> 00:54:13,351
There's a reason why I'm here,
and I'll know when I know.

1015
00:54:13,375 --> 00:54:15,270
Everything usually just
kind of works out for me.

1016
00:54:15,294 --> 00:54:16,374
You're hired! You're hired.

1017
00:54:16,503 --> 00:54:17,834
Oh, lucky me.

1018
00:54:18,005 --> 00:54:19,005
Deadpool: She's great.

1019
00:54:20,382 --> 00:54:21,667
And last, but not least...

1020
00:54:21,842 --> 00:54:22,957
Peter.

1021
00:54:24,261 --> 00:54:26,217
Am I getting
catfished here or...?

1022
00:54:26,847 --> 00:54:28,803
Any powers you wanna
tell us about?

1023
00:54:28,891 --> 00:54:29,891
Peter: No.

1024
00:54:30,434 --> 00:54:32,015
I don't have one.

1025
00:54:32,186 --> 00:54:33,346
Um, I just saw the ad.

1026
00:54:33,479 --> 00:54:35,310
No superpowers at all?

1027
00:54:35,481 --> 00:54:38,473
I have both type 1
and 2 diabetes.

1028
00:54:38,942 --> 00:54:40,273
Ow! Oh!

1029
00:54:40,360 --> 00:54:41,566
That's all the diabetes.

1030
00:54:41,737 --> 00:54:42,897
Right, yeah, you got 'em all.

1031
00:54:42,946 --> 00:54:45,278
If you find a type 3,
let us know.

1032
00:54:45,449 --> 00:54:46,449
Yeah.

1033
00:54:46,533 --> 00:54:47,568
You're in.

1034
00:54:47,659 --> 00:54:48,774
Come on!

1035
00:54:50,996 --> 00:54:52,987
It's fulfilling work.

1036
00:55:03,926 --> 00:55:06,008
Guard: This is convoy 17
departing the ice box.

1037
00:55:06,178 --> 00:55:07,293
We are en route.

1038
00:55:15,395 --> 00:55:17,807
Cable:
Peacetime makes people soft.

1039
00:55:19,399 --> 00:55:21,264
I was born into war.

1040
00:55:22,736 --> 00:55:24,101
Bred into it.

1041
00:55:24,988 --> 00:55:25,988
Okay.

1042
00:55:26,865 --> 00:55:29,481
What's the most pain
you've ever felt?

1043
00:55:31,119 --> 00:55:32,180
These restraints are pretty...

1044
00:55:32,204 --> 00:55:33,319
Cable: I've got a list.

1045
00:55:34,623 --> 00:55:36,579
We're gonna work down it.

1046
00:55:37,459 --> 00:55:38,539
Together.

1047
00:55:39,628 --> 00:55:42,165
Number one,
I'm gonna bend something.

1048
00:55:42,631 --> 00:55:44,917
Something that was not
meant to bend.

1049
00:55:45,092 --> 00:55:46,194
I'm gonna stop you right there

1050
00:55:46,218 --> 00:55:47,403
because I'm not gonna
make it to two.

1051
00:55:47,427 --> 00:55:48,667
I won't even make it to one.

1052
00:55:48,846 --> 00:55:50,246
I don't do well with pain,
you know.

1053
00:55:50,389 --> 00:55:52,721
If I stub my toe,
I'm done for the day.

1054
00:55:53,100 --> 00:55:54,886
I cried when they
canceled Felicity.

1055
00:55:56,186 --> 00:55:57,288
I don't want you to hurt me,

1056
00:55:57,312 --> 00:55:59,553
and I'll tell you
anything you wanna know.

1057
00:56:00,774 --> 00:56:02,105
Except for where they are.

1058
00:56:02,651 --> 00:56:03,920
Russell's in a convoy
heading southbound

1059
00:56:03,944 --> 00:56:05,684
on Gerry duggan parkway.

1060
00:56:05,863 --> 00:56:07,423
The monster's with them.
I wouldn't mess with him.

1061
00:56:07,447 --> 00:56:08,508
Deadpool: You all know the plan.

1062
00:56:08,532 --> 00:56:10,898
Intercept the convoy,
grab the boy.

1063
00:56:11,076 --> 00:56:12,111
But not inappropriately!

1064
00:56:12,202 --> 00:56:13,202
Weasel: You know what,

1065
00:56:13,287 --> 00:56:14,347
I wouldn't mess
with deadpool either.

1066
00:56:14,371 --> 00:56:17,033
Because he's built a team.
He's unstoppable.

1067
00:56:17,207 --> 00:56:19,664
He has an ass pen.
He'll stab you with it.

1068
00:56:19,835 --> 00:56:22,326
Watch out for this guy, cable!

1069
00:56:22,504 --> 00:56:25,371
He's very short, 5'11".
Not like in the comics.

1070
00:56:25,549 --> 00:56:28,336
And if we succeed,
we all go home early.

1071
00:56:28,427 --> 00:56:30,713
Weasel: So if you go after
them, cable, I warn you...

1072
00:56:31,680 --> 00:56:33,295
There's a wind advisory
in effect.

1073
00:56:44,651 --> 00:56:46,291
Pilot:
A little turbulent up here.

1074
00:56:53,660 --> 00:56:55,400
I don't know much
about this cable fella...

1075
00:56:55,579 --> 00:56:56,859
But I guarantee he hasn't killed

1076
00:56:56,914 --> 00:56:58,779
as many people as melanoma has.

1077
00:57:00,042 --> 00:57:01,122
We're getting close!

1078
00:57:01,501 --> 00:57:03,037
As a former x-man...

1079
00:57:03,211 --> 00:57:05,076
Trainee. Thank you, bedlam.

1080
00:57:05,255 --> 00:57:07,962
I was always appalled
by the blatant sexism

1081
00:57:08,050 --> 00:57:09,050
in the group's name.

1082
00:57:09,217 --> 00:57:10,753
X-Men! Men!

1083
00:57:11,303 --> 00:57:14,170
The point is, our group
will be forward thinking.

1084
00:57:14,348 --> 00:57:15,633
Gender neutral.

1085
00:57:15,807 --> 00:57:18,594
From now on,
we'll be known as...

1086
00:57:20,270 --> 00:57:21,635
X-force.

1087
00:57:28,195 --> 00:57:30,481
Hang the laundry out
at 1,300 feet...

1088
00:57:30,656 --> 00:57:32,362
Intercept the convoy,
and grab the boy.

1089
00:57:32,532 --> 00:57:33,718
Let's bring on
the carnage, baby!

1090
00:57:33,742 --> 00:57:35,403
Get me on the ground,
watch me go!

1091
00:57:35,494 --> 00:57:36,529
All: Yeah!

1092
00:57:36,620 --> 00:57:38,406
I can't wait to kill!

1093
00:57:38,497 --> 00:57:40,158
Hey! Hey! Hey!

1094
00:57:41,291 --> 00:57:43,077
I just wanna say
how proud I am of this team.

1095
00:57:44,002 --> 00:57:46,744
You know, you guys look amazing!

1096
00:57:46,922 --> 00:57:49,664
Vanisher, I have no doubt
you look amazing too.

1097
00:57:49,841 --> 00:57:50,876
This is the family

1098
00:57:50,968 --> 00:57:52,754
that I've always dreamed
of having and I...

1099
00:57:53,303 --> 00:57:54,964
Ah, darn. I just...

1100
00:57:56,139 --> 00:57:57,699
I just get a little
choked up sometimes.

1101
00:57:57,849 --> 00:57:59,635
I hate to interrupt,
but is anybody nervous

1102
00:57:59,726 --> 00:58:01,011
about the high winds?

1103
00:58:01,186 --> 00:58:02,471
Gary. My name's Peter.

1104
00:58:02,646 --> 00:58:04,406
I realize that you're
new to this, but relax.

1105
00:58:04,523 --> 00:58:05,963
You've been chosen
by a higher power.

1106
00:58:06,233 --> 00:58:08,269
Did he just call himself god?
I think he did.

1107
00:58:08,360 --> 00:58:09,360
I'd like to go home.

1108
00:58:09,444 --> 00:58:11,150
I spent 10 years
in special forces.

1109
00:58:11,363 --> 00:58:12,507
You think we didn't
jump out of the plane

1110
00:58:12,531 --> 00:58:13,941
because of a light breeze?

1111
00:58:14,574 --> 00:58:16,815
You're in this shit now,
mustache!

1112
00:58:16,994 --> 00:58:18,972
I'm only yelling
to impress the other guys.

1113
00:58:18,996 --> 00:58:20,876
I'd never let anything
happen to you, sugarbear.

1114
00:58:21,415 --> 00:58:23,576
Leonard, hit it!

1115
00:58:32,175 --> 00:58:34,211
Gol go! Gol

1116
00:59:09,921 --> 00:59:11,286
Let's get some!

1117
00:59:11,381 --> 00:59:12,496
Whoo!

1118
00:59:12,591 --> 00:59:13,706
Oh, yeah!

1119
00:59:13,884 --> 00:59:16,717
Convoy, 12 o'clock!
On my command!

1120
00:59:17,679 --> 00:59:19,169
Deploy! Oh, hey now!

1121
00:59:19,514 --> 00:59:20,674
Whoa!

1122
00:59:26,521 --> 00:59:28,057
Little off course here.

1123
00:59:30,400 --> 00:59:32,891
Holy mommy, what the...?

1124
00:59:34,112 --> 00:59:35,602
Ah, there they are.

1125
00:59:36,073 --> 00:59:38,735
Look at these gorgeous
sons of bitches.

1126
00:59:39,242 --> 00:59:41,198
Oh, yeah! That's right, bedlam!

1127
00:59:46,124 --> 00:59:48,706
No! Tripping billies!

1128
00:59:49,294 --> 00:59:50,294
Shatterstar.

1129
00:59:51,004 --> 00:59:52,494
Okay, you got this.

1130
00:59:54,674 --> 00:59:55,674
I eft!

1131
00:59:55,801 --> 00:59:57,041
I eft!

1132
00:59:57,219 --> 00:59:59,210
No, stage left, you idiot!

1133
01:00:01,348 --> 01:00:02,838
Well, I guess we found something

1134
01:00:02,933 --> 01:00:04,013
you're not better at.

1135
01:00:06,061 --> 01:00:07,061
Vanisher.

1136
01:00:07,437 --> 01:00:09,177
Maybe the wind can't blow
what it can't see.

1137
01:00:11,691 --> 01:00:12,691
Oh! Really?

1138
01:00:12,818 --> 01:00:14,149
Wait, wait, wait. Was that...

1139
01:00:14,778 --> 01:00:15,778
Benjamin button.

1140
01:00:15,862 --> 01:00:17,398
Brad Pitt?

1141
01:00:17,572 --> 01:00:19,358
How'd you get Brad Pitt?

1142
01:00:19,533 --> 01:00:20,533
You're here, aren't you?

1143
01:00:20,659 --> 01:00:22,320
Yeah, but I didn't agree to...

1144
01:00:22,702 --> 01:00:24,238
Both: Oh.

1145
01:00:24,621 --> 01:00:25,621
See, Brad...

1146
01:00:25,872 --> 01:00:27,612
He's still locked
in my storm cellar

1147
01:00:27,707 --> 01:00:29,538
along with Celine Dion
and Matt Damon.

1148
01:00:30,168 --> 01:00:32,159
It's like Shawshank down there.

1149
01:00:33,547 --> 01:00:35,037
Matt Damon's in this shit?

1150
01:00:35,215 --> 01:00:36,500
Yeah.

1151
01:00:36,675 --> 01:00:38,666
I suggest you go down there
first thing...

1152
01:00:38,844 --> 01:00:40,334
And just punch him
as hard as you can.

1153
01:00:40,512 --> 01:00:43,094
You wanna establish dominance
or that guy will own you.

1154
01:00:43,265 --> 01:00:45,677
And quit burning our "s" words.

1155
01:00:46,101 --> 01:00:47,621
I've always wanted
to fight Matt Damon.

1156
01:00:49,980 --> 01:00:51,040
I'm sorry, what did you say?

1157
01:00:51,064 --> 01:00:52,064
What did I say?

1158
01:00:52,149 --> 01:00:54,265
- I thought you said...
- Matt Damon.

1159
01:00:54,484 --> 01:00:55,753
- I did. I wanna...
- Matt Damon.

1160
01:00:55,777 --> 01:00:56,777
You wanna what?

1161
01:00:56,862 --> 01:00:57,862
I wanna... him,

1162
01:00:57,946 --> 01:00:59,173
- and then I want him to...
- Me.

1163
01:00:59,197 --> 01:01:00,341
And then,
if I'm doing a good job...

1164
01:01:00,365 --> 01:01:01,425
I want all my friends and family

1165
01:01:01,449 --> 01:01:02,529
to come watch me...

1166
01:01:02,617 --> 01:01:03,617
Tell me more about that.

1167
01:01:03,702 --> 01:01:05,542
- Well, I feel like, if we...
- Each other,

1168
01:01:05,579 --> 01:01:07,444
you know, in private,
kinda work on our moves.

1169
01:01:07,622 --> 01:01:09,578
Then we kinda sell
some tickets...

1170
01:01:09,749 --> 01:01:10,949
And we get an arena, you know?

1171
01:01:11,084 --> 01:01:12,562
And then we...
Each other in the arena.

1172
01:01:12,586 --> 01:01:14,306
We get outfits.
You know, like cool outfits.

1173
01:01:14,421 --> 01:01:15,648
And we... each other...

1174
01:01:15,672 --> 01:01:17,400
And everyone's cheering
and betting on who's gonna...

1175
01:01:17,424 --> 01:01:18,664
Each other the hardest.

1176
01:01:18,800 --> 01:01:20,165
And then, when it's all done,

1177
01:01:20,260 --> 01:01:21,750
there's gonna be a champion...

1178
01:01:21,845 --> 01:01:23,156
And it'll be like,
I think I'll win...

1179
01:01:23,180 --> 01:01:24,615
'Cause I'm like
a really strong...

1180
01:01:24,639 --> 01:01:25,700
Right. Yeah, totally.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1181
01:01:25,724 --> 01:01:27,724
And they'll be like,
"wait, no, lay off Matt Damon!

1182
01:01:27,851 --> 01:01:29,182
"You're... him too hard!"

1183
01:01:29,269 --> 01:01:30,269
And I'm gonna say,

1184
01:01:30,353 --> 01:01:32,309
"no! I got a little more...
Left in me."

1185
01:01:32,397 --> 01:01:33,457
And then I'm gonna...

1186
01:01:33,481 --> 01:01:35,209
- And I'm gonna...
- And I'm gonna...

1187
01:01:35,233 --> 01:01:36,233
Why are you buzzing that?

1188
01:01:36,401 --> 01:01:38,129
'Cause I feel like
you're making it sound like

1189
01:01:38,153 --> 01:01:39,338
I'm saying something
I'm not saying.

1190
01:01:39,362 --> 01:01:40,362
What are you saying?

1191
01:01:40,447 --> 01:01:41,507
I'm saying
I wanna fight Matt Damon.

1192
01:01:41,531 --> 01:01:42,531
Oh!

1193
01:01:42,616 --> 01:01:43,901
You should've said so!

1194
01:01:43,992 --> 01:01:45,872
- I thought you were saying...
- Matt Damon.

1195
01:01:45,952 --> 01:01:46,952
No! No!

1196
01:01:47,037 --> 01:01:48,368
That's crazy! Crazy.

1197
01:01:48,538 --> 01:01:49,538
Why, did he ask about me?

1198
01:01:49,664 --> 01:01:50,664
No.

1199
01:01:50,749 --> 01:01:51,749
Okay.

1200
01:01:52,959 --> 01:01:54,915
All right,
we could do this with four.

1201
01:01:55,086 --> 01:01:57,828
Sugarbear. You got this, buddy!

1202
01:01:58,006 --> 01:02:00,122
That's the stuff!
That's the x-force spirit!

1203
01:02:01,134 --> 01:02:03,170
Never underestimate
a man with a mustache!

1204
01:02:03,345 --> 01:02:04,710
Just ask anyone in Brooklyn.

1205
01:02:04,804 --> 01:02:05,919
We did it!

1206
01:02:06,014 --> 01:02:07,595
You're a goddamn superhero, you!

1207
01:02:07,766 --> 01:02:08,801
X-force!

1208
01:02:09,392 --> 01:02:10,392
X-force.

1209
01:02:11,061 --> 01:02:12,392
Whoo-hoo!

1210
01:02:14,773 --> 01:02:16,638
Oh!

1211
01:02:20,362 --> 01:02:21,362
Peter.

1212
01:02:21,529 --> 01:02:23,174
Peter: I got you, buddy!
You're gonna be fine!

1213
01:02:23,198 --> 01:02:24,984
You got this, big guy!
Here we go, Peter!

1214
01:02:25,158 --> 01:02:27,319
Look at me.
We're x-force, right?

1215
01:02:27,494 --> 01:02:29,610
Yeah, we're x-force.
We're x-force.

1216
01:02:33,291 --> 01:02:34,906
Oh, my gosh! What the...?

1217
01:02:35,085 --> 01:02:37,041
Acidic vomit!

1218
01:02:37,128 --> 01:02:40,120
Oh, god! I'm gonna throw up
in my mask.

1219
01:02:42,133 --> 01:02:44,374
Domino:
Okay, I'm over the convoy.

1220
01:02:44,552 --> 01:02:46,463
Where did the rest
of the team land?

1221
01:02:47,138 --> 01:02:48,674
Deadpool:
Good news and bad news.

1222
01:02:48,848 --> 01:02:51,931
Bad news is
the whole team is dead.

1223
01:02:52,102 --> 01:02:53,102
The good news is,

1224
01:02:53,186 --> 01:02:55,142
I don't think anyone's
gonna miss shatterstar.

1225
01:02:55,313 --> 01:02:58,396
He was a bit of a prick.
Oh, but Paul!

1226
01:02:58,566 --> 01:02:59,566
Domino: Peter!

1227
01:02:59,651 --> 01:03:00,891
Peter, I'm gonna miss him most.

1228
01:03:00,986 --> 01:03:02,021
Domino: The whole team?

1229
01:03:02,153 --> 01:03:03,814
Only the main ones.
We're still good.

1230
01:03:03,905 --> 01:03:05,305
You are so dumb.

1231
01:03:05,448 --> 01:03:07,939
Even after all this time,
I still can't talk about it.

1232
01:03:08,118 --> 01:03:09,983
Who knew these winds
would be so strong?

1233
01:03:10,161 --> 01:03:12,527
Domino: Everyone!
Everyone on the helicopter!

1234
01:03:12,706 --> 01:03:14,412
And everyone
not on the helicopter!

1235
01:03:16,543 --> 01:03:17,953
Deadpool:
Looking good, vanisher.

1236
01:03:27,262 --> 01:03:29,127
Domino: They're headed
into the tunnel.

1237
01:03:29,306 --> 01:03:30,716
I'm that kid's only hope,

1238
01:03:30,807 --> 01:03:32,763
so sit tight
and wait for my word.

1239
01:03:32,934 --> 01:03:33,934
Domino: I'm dropping in.

1240
01:03:34,102 --> 01:03:36,093
Deadpool: Uh, that's
a negative, sole survivor.

1241
01:03:36,271 --> 01:03:39,434
Luck is not a superpower!
We are so screwed!

1242
01:03:39,607 --> 01:03:42,644
No, we most certainly
are not screwed.

1243
01:03:46,531 --> 01:03:48,897
Deadpool: Seriously,
I don't get it!

1244
01:03:49,075 --> 01:03:51,737
What, you shoot luck lasers
out of your eyes?

1245
01:03:52,871 --> 01:03:54,577
It's just it's hard to picture.

1246
01:03:54,748 --> 01:03:56,739
And certainly
not very cinematic.

1247
01:03:58,251 --> 01:04:01,288
I mean, luck? What kind of
caffeine-chugging...

1248
01:04:01,463 --> 01:04:03,954
Diet-soda-swillin'
freakshow comic book artist...

1249
01:04:04,049 --> 01:04:05,505
Came up
with that little Chestnut?

1250
01:04:05,675 --> 01:04:07,791
Probably a guy
who can't draw feet!

1251
01:04:15,727 --> 01:04:18,594
Once again, it all falls
on my shoulders.

1252
01:04:18,772 --> 01:04:19,999
It's why I'm cursed fo be
a solo act.

1253
01:04:20,023 --> 01:04:21,103
Wander the earth... I'm in.

1254
01:04:21,191 --> 01:04:22,556
I'm sorry, what did you say?

1255
01:04:22,734 --> 01:04:23,734
I'm in.

1256
01:04:23,818 --> 01:04:26,230
How in the name of Satan
are you in already?

1257
01:04:26,321 --> 01:04:27,321
Oh, shit.

1258
01:04:27,781 --> 01:04:28,941
It's cable. 12 o'clock.

1259
01:04:29,199 --> 01:04:30,234
Deadpool: Okay.

1260
01:04:30,325 --> 01:04:32,737
New plan. Use all of your
imaginary powers

1261
01:04:32,827 --> 01:04:35,443
to stop cable
from killing that kid.

1262
01:04:35,622 --> 01:04:37,237
I'm coming up on your six.

1263
01:04:44,881 --> 01:04:46,746
That gun is amazing!

1264
01:04:56,976 --> 01:04:58,466
Domino: Where is he?
I can't see him.

1265
01:04:58,645 --> 01:05:00,135
Deadpool: He's on the top.

1266
01:05:04,609 --> 01:05:06,224
Deadpool: He's in! He's in!

1267
01:05:06,444 --> 01:05:08,560
Russell! Russell Collins!

1268
01:05:08,738 --> 01:05:10,774
Deadpool: Hands off that kid,
John Connor!

1269
01:05:20,083 --> 01:05:21,198
Shit!

1270
01:05:43,148 --> 01:05:45,059
Deadpool.:
Two can play that game!

1271
01:05:47,152 --> 01:05:48,152
Got it!

1272
01:05:48,403 --> 01:05:49,518
No, I don't.

1273
01:05:49,696 --> 01:05:50,696
Showtime, mama!

1274
01:05:50,780 --> 01:05:52,395
Lady luck, take the wheel.

1275
01:06:14,387 --> 01:06:15,387
Eat me, mutant!

1276
01:06:16,055 --> 01:06:17,055
Deadpool: Ouchiel

1277
01:06:40,955 --> 01:06:41,955
Hang in there, doms!

1278
01:06:43,291 --> 01:06:44,531
Oh, this is really hard.

1279
01:06:56,262 --> 01:06:57,672
And give me back
my skee-ball token.

1280
01:07:01,184 --> 01:07:02,549
You're doing great. X-force.

1281
01:07:04,729 --> 01:07:06,720
I guess dubstep never dies.

1282
01:07:11,027 --> 01:07:12,027
Whoo!

1283
01:07:23,289 --> 01:07:24,324
That's unfortunate.

1284
01:07:27,460 --> 01:07:28,700
We got no brakes!

1285
01:07:28,878 --> 01:07:30,118
Figure it out!

1286
01:07:33,508 --> 01:07:35,044
There's nothing I can't kill.

1287
01:07:36,970 --> 01:07:37,970
Ooh.

1288
01:07:38,429 --> 01:07:41,717
Somebody knows karate.

1289
01:07:44,102 --> 01:07:45,638
Give me your best shot,
one-eyed Willy.

1290
01:07:58,074 --> 01:07:59,860
Those bullets are like,
super fast.

1291
01:08:00,034 --> 01:08:01,034
Here we go.

1292
01:08:01,578 --> 01:08:03,785
Domino, mind slowing us down?

1293
01:08:03,955 --> 01:08:05,661
Here goes nothing.

1294
01:08:31,608 --> 01:08:32,814
Man: Knock, knock.

1295
01:08:38,531 --> 01:08:39,771
That's my boy.

1296
01:08:45,330 --> 01:08:46,695
Holy...

1297
01:08:57,175 --> 01:08:58,665
Deadpool:
I'll be first to admit...

1298
01:08:58,843 --> 01:09:01,129
This did not go
according to plan.

1299
01:09:02,513 --> 01:09:04,049
I'll also be the first
to admit that

1300
01:09:04,140 --> 01:09:05,926
that plan was written in crayon.

1301
01:09:06,392 --> 01:09:08,508
Looks like Russell found
a hew friend.

1302
01:09:09,228 --> 01:09:10,889
Turns out domino's
a bit of a badass,

1303
01:09:10,980 --> 01:09:13,972
and maybe,
possibly mildly lucky.

1304
01:09:14,150 --> 01:09:17,267
But cable? Ugh.
That guy's in a mood.

1305
01:09:17,445 --> 01:09:18,445
A mood that is

1306
01:09:18,529 --> 01:09:20,315
about to get
significantly worse.

1307
01:09:44,097 --> 01:09:46,338
Something is so terribly,
terribly wrong.

1308
01:09:49,435 --> 01:09:50,720
Oh.

1309
01:09:52,730 --> 01:09:54,220
Oh, man, that hurt.

1310
01:09:59,612 --> 01:10:00,692
Russell.

1311
01:10:03,408 --> 01:10:04,488
Russell!

1312
01:10:05,201 --> 01:10:07,192
Russ, where are ya?

1313
01:10:10,832 --> 01:10:12,914
Russell. Russell, you're okay!

1314
01:10:13,084 --> 01:10:16,247
Oh, thank... oh, my god!

1315
01:10:16,546 --> 01:10:17,752
Juggernaut!

1316
01:10:19,006 --> 01:10:20,917
I thought that was you!

1317
01:10:21,092 --> 01:10:23,174
I should've worn my white pants.

1318
01:10:23,803 --> 01:10:26,920
You probably get this a lot,
but I am a huge fan.

1319
01:10:27,765 --> 01:10:31,007
Uncanny X-Men 183. Thor 411.

1320
01:10:31,185 --> 01:10:32,345
X-Men unlimited 12.

1321
01:10:32,520 --> 01:10:34,556
You know, it has always been
a dream of mine...

1322
01:10:34,731 --> 01:10:36,471
To see my face
reflected in your helmet...

1323
01:10:36,649 --> 01:10:38,605
As you charge at me
with murderous intent.

1324
01:10:38,776 --> 01:10:40,312
I don't mean right now.

1325
01:10:40,653 --> 01:10:42,518
I'm gonna rip you in half now.

1326
01:10:42,697 --> 01:10:44,938
That is such
a juggernaut thing to say.

1327
01:10:48,453 --> 01:10:49,488
Oh, my god!

1328
01:11:01,883 --> 01:11:04,249
Oh, my god!
I can't feel my legs.

1329
01:11:04,343 --> 01:11:05,343
I can't feel...

1330
01:11:06,471 --> 01:11:08,052
Oh, no, they're right here.

1331
01:11:08,598 --> 01:11:10,259
Got 'em. Russell.

1332
01:11:10,433 --> 01:11:12,014
I have a mission.

1333
01:11:12,727 --> 01:11:13,967
To get my revenge.

1334
01:11:14,437 --> 01:11:16,598
I'm going to burn
that headmaster alive.

1335
01:11:16,773 --> 01:11:18,855
You're not the revenge type.

1336
01:11:19,025 --> 01:11:20,231
Take it from a friend.

1337
01:11:20,818 --> 01:11:23,480
Friend? You said it yourself.

1338
01:11:24,280 --> 01:11:26,612
"I'm not your friend.
Find someone stronger."

1339
01:11:26,783 --> 01:11:27,989
So I did.

1340
01:11:29,410 --> 01:11:31,492
Russell, I couldn't
protect you back then.

1341
01:11:31,662 --> 01:11:34,950
But I can now. What do you
want me to say, huh?

1342
01:11:35,124 --> 01:11:38,366
"I care about you"? 'Cause
I care about you, Russell.

1343
01:11:39,003 --> 01:11:40,914
What's juggernaut got
that I don't have?

1344
01:11:41,088 --> 01:11:43,921
Don't you say legs! I know
you're gonna say legs!

1345
01:11:44,091 --> 01:11:46,924
Legs!
Still hurts to hear out loud!

1346
01:11:49,180 --> 01:11:52,047
What is that?
That's not a real rope!

1347
01:11:52,308 --> 01:11:54,424
You get back here, young man!

1348
01:11:55,436 --> 01:11:56,551
Doms!

1349
01:11:57,021 --> 01:11:59,012
Doms, get me
out of here, please.

1350
01:11:59,190 --> 01:12:01,431
Use my arms as backpack straps.

1351
01:12:04,278 --> 01:12:05,358
I think we may have found

1352
01:12:05,446 --> 01:12:07,402
your cosmic reason
for being here.

1353
01:12:07,824 --> 01:12:09,405
I'm pretty sure this isn't it.

1354
01:12:09,575 --> 01:12:10,860
Deadpool: X-force.

1355
01:12:24,257 --> 01:12:25,918
Blind al: No child is hopeless.

1356
01:12:26,175 --> 01:12:29,042
Don't give up on the boy.
How could he just walk away?

1357
01:12:29,720 --> 01:12:31,961
It was the coldness in his eyes.

1358
01:12:32,473 --> 01:12:34,054
You should've heard it.

1359
01:12:35,977 --> 01:12:38,263
I guess family
really is an f-word.

1360
01:12:39,105 --> 01:12:41,187
Rub my legs, mama.

1361
01:12:41,440 --> 01:12:42,725
Why would I rub your legs?

1362
01:12:42,900 --> 01:12:45,482
Please, they hurt.
I have growing pains.

1363
01:12:48,948 --> 01:12:50,154
What in the...

1364
01:12:50,658 --> 01:12:52,899
Why is your hand so tiny again?

1365
01:12:53,411 --> 01:12:54,776
That's not my hand.

1366
01:12:55,288 --> 01:12:57,119
Oh! Mary, mother of Joseph!

1367
01:12:57,707 --> 01:12:59,493
That was nice for me.

1368
01:12:59,667 --> 01:13:02,409
Wade! I heard what happened
with the convoy and...

1369
01:13:06,924 --> 01:13:08,755
Why wouldn't you cover that up?

1370
01:13:09,260 --> 01:13:11,672
A warrior has nothing
to be ashamed of.

1371
01:13:12,305 --> 01:13:13,795
Yeah, but you do. Look at you.

1372
01:13:13,973 --> 01:13:15,117
You're just straight, just...

1373
01:13:15,141 --> 01:13:16,597
Full winnie the pooh.

1374
01:13:17,059 --> 01:13:18,595
Toddler style?

1375
01:13:18,769 --> 01:13:19,769
Yes, sir.

1376
01:13:19,937 --> 01:13:21,417
Fred: Wait, hold on, hold on.
Hold on.

1377
01:13:21,647 --> 01:13:26,266
If the top half of deadpool
is growing baby legs...

1378
01:13:26,444 --> 01:13:29,436
Does that mean the bottom half
is growing a baby head?

1379
01:13:29,739 --> 01:13:31,008
Well, I don't see
why that matters.

1380
01:13:31,032 --> 01:13:32,032
I think it matters a lot.

1381
01:13:32,199 --> 01:13:34,261
I mean, if you want us to buy
the regeneration thing,

1382
01:13:34,285 --> 01:13:35,285
you gotta address it.

1383
01:13:35,369 --> 01:13:36,654
Are there two deadpools now?

1384
01:13:36,829 --> 01:13:39,036
And if so,
what's the other one doing?

1385
01:13:39,206 --> 01:13:40,206
And is he like you?

1386
01:13:40,291 --> 01:13:42,282
Does he have
the same personality as you?

1387
01:13:42,460 --> 01:13:43,495
Or the same memories?

1388
01:13:43,586 --> 01:13:44,586
And if he does,

1389
01:13:44,670 --> 01:13:45,981
then is he going to re-enter
the plot later?

1390
01:13:46,005 --> 01:13:47,461
'Cause he should.

1391
01:13:47,632 --> 01:13:49,151
You're really freaking
me out right now.

1392
01:13:49,175 --> 01:13:50,711
And if that one got cut in half,

1393
01:13:50,801 --> 01:13:51,945
then there would be
three deadpools?

1394
01:13:51,969 --> 01:13:53,729
I mean, you can see
where it all falls apart.

1395
01:13:53,888 --> 01:13:55,594
And quite frankly,
why I prefer marvel.

1396
01:13:55,765 --> 01:13:56,765
We are marvel.

1397
01:13:56,849 --> 01:13:58,885
Hilarious. You're fox.

1398
01:14:00,519 --> 01:14:01,519
Describe it.

1399
01:14:01,604 --> 01:14:03,040
I wouldn't ask him to
do that, if I were you.

1400
01:14:03,064 --> 01:14:04,464
Weasel: It's like, um...
Here we go.

1401
01:14:04,607 --> 01:14:06,043
It's like he's a muppet
from the waist down.

1402
01:14:06,067 --> 01:14:08,274
But this time, you can see
the muppet's twig.

1403
01:14:08,361 --> 01:14:10,213
Dopinder: Mr. weasel, I can
no longer be double-parked.

1404
01:14:10,237 --> 01:14:11,837
I've had three tickets already.

1405
01:14:13,574 --> 01:14:16,111
No, no, no, dp, not again!

1406
01:14:16,285 --> 01:14:17,741
This has happened before? Yeah.

1407
01:14:18,913 --> 01:14:20,265
Dopinder, either vomit

1408
01:14:20,289 --> 01:14:21,809
or don't. The indecision
is killing me.

1409
01:14:21,916 --> 01:14:23,781
Why couldn't god
take my hearing?

1410
01:14:25,711 --> 01:14:27,451
Oh. Wow!

1411
01:14:27,630 --> 01:14:29,166
Cool your pits.
They're growing back.

1412
01:14:29,340 --> 01:14:30,921
I'm talking about your face.

1413
01:14:31,258 --> 01:14:33,123
I've never seen you
without your mask before.

1414
01:14:33,302 --> 01:14:35,384
Jesus Christ!
Looks like an avocado.

1415
01:14:35,554 --> 01:14:37,169
Domino: Your legs, though,
they're cute.

1416
01:14:37,515 --> 01:14:39,301
You wanna borrow
a pair of pants?

1417
01:14:40,893 --> 01:14:42,178
I'm glad everybody dropped by.

1418
01:14:45,272 --> 01:14:46,762
I'll tell you why I'm here.

1419
01:14:46,941 --> 01:14:49,102
The time traveler's wife's
husband...

1420
01:14:49,276 --> 01:14:50,504
Beat me within
an inch of my life.

1421
01:14:50,528 --> 01:14:51,688
He was torturing me!

1422
01:14:51,862 --> 01:14:54,729
But all I told him was
everything he wanted to know.

1423
01:14:54,907 --> 01:14:57,068
So, I'm here to help us gear up.

1424
01:14:57,451 --> 01:14:58,762
So we can go after him
without me.

1425
01:14:58,786 --> 01:14:59,786
Wade: No!

1426
01:15:00,204 --> 01:15:01,535
I'm doing this alone.

1427
01:15:01,706 --> 01:15:02,706
The juggernaut

1428
01:15:02,790 --> 01:15:04,030
will kill you all. Fair enough.

1429
01:15:04,208 --> 01:15:05,686
Wade: I don't care
what the kid did to me.

1430
01:15:05,710 --> 01:15:06,937
I ain't letting
cable get to him.

1431
01:15:06,961 --> 01:15:09,293
I just need a couple of hours
to get some legs under me.

1432
01:15:09,463 --> 01:15:10,498
What will you do?

1433
01:15:10,589 --> 01:15:11,650
The first order of business is

1434
01:15:11,674 --> 01:15:12,734
to get me in front of cable...

1435
01:15:12,758 --> 01:15:14,111
So I can pull all the blood
out of his body...

1436
01:15:14,135 --> 01:15:16,376
And fashion his bones
into holiday jewelry.

1437
01:15:16,554 --> 01:15:18,215
Then, I'm gonna take his skin...

1438
01:15:18,389 --> 01:15:21,472
And stretch it out
over a homemade mating drum.

1439
01:15:22,810 --> 01:15:24,471
He's standing right
behind you, isn't he?

1440
01:15:33,195 --> 01:15:34,901
What in the ass?

1441
01:15:35,072 --> 01:15:38,189
Is this apartment listed
on tinder? Grindr?

1442
01:15:38,367 --> 01:15:40,358
You're much taller
in the comics.

1443
01:15:41,954 --> 01:15:44,320
Ugh. Is that really necessary?

1444
01:15:48,461 --> 01:15:50,247
Why? No.

1445
01:15:50,421 --> 01:15:51,461
What can we help you with?

1446
01:15:52,214 --> 01:15:53,829
I'm here to proposition you.

1447
01:15:55,342 --> 01:15:56,342
Oh, boy!

1448
01:15:56,427 --> 01:15:57,654
He's really teeing it up,
isn't he?

1449
01:15:57,678 --> 01:15:59,589
Who gets to make the first joke?

1450
01:15:59,764 --> 01:16:01,116
I think we should all
do it at the same time.

1451
01:16:01,140 --> 01:16:02,140
Good call.

1452
01:16:02,266 --> 01:16:03,326
For $45, you get succotash.

1453
01:16:03,350 --> 01:16:05,181
Both: I only do over
the pants, mouth stuff.

1454
01:16:05,561 --> 01:16:06,621
The proposition has a wonderful

1455
01:16:06,645 --> 01:16:07,645
guy pearce performance.

1456
01:16:07,730 --> 01:16:09,641
Wade: Wait, wait, wait!
I wanna do mine over.

1457
01:16:09,815 --> 01:16:12,056
Give us the line again.
I need your help!

1458
01:16:12,568 --> 01:16:14,768
Trust me, I'm even less happy
about this than you are...

1459
01:16:14,904 --> 01:16:16,184
But you unleashed
the juggernaut.

1460
01:16:16,739 --> 01:16:18,775
I can't bring him down alone.

1461
01:16:19,200 --> 01:16:20,440
So here we are.

1462
01:16:21,702 --> 01:16:23,317
We're no longer
accepting applications

1463
01:16:23,412 --> 01:16:24,492
for x-force, unfortunately.

1464
01:16:24,580 --> 01:16:25,700
We don't have a lot of time.

1465
01:16:25,831 --> 01:16:27,511
Your friend's about
to make his first kill.

1466
01:16:27,666 --> 01:16:29,146
No offense,
but if you know so much...

1467
01:16:29,210 --> 01:16:31,576
Why not travel back to when
he was a baby, kill him then?

1468
01:16:31,796 --> 01:16:33,787
I use a device
to slide through time.

1469
01:16:33,964 --> 01:16:36,376
The longer I travel,
the harder it is to control.

1470
01:16:36,550 --> 01:16:39,132
I got two charges:
One to get me here,

1471
01:16:39,220 --> 01:16:40,505
one to get me home.

1472
01:16:40,596 --> 01:16:41,631
Well.

1473
01:16:41,722 --> 01:16:42,928
That's just lazy writing.

1474
01:16:43,099 --> 01:16:45,681
Oh, yeah. I get it.
I see what you did there.

1475
01:16:46,018 --> 01:16:47,018
What?

1476
01:16:47,103 --> 01:16:49,469
Jokes about lazy writing to
cover up actual lazy writing.

1477
01:16:49,647 --> 01:16:51,558
Why don't you just write better?

1478
01:16:51,732 --> 01:16:52,938
Why don't you just shut up?

1479
01:16:53,943 --> 01:16:55,649
Your boy's gonna
kill the headmaster

1480
01:16:55,736 --> 01:16:57,146
of the orphanage tonight.

1481
01:16:57,321 --> 01:16:59,437
After that,
he gets a real taste for it.

1482
01:16:59,615 --> 01:17:01,526
Like a 10-year-old
Kirsten Dunst.

1483
01:17:01,700 --> 01:17:03,315
So he keeps killing...

1484
01:17:03,494 --> 01:17:04,950
And killing, and killing,

1485
01:17:05,037 --> 01:17:06,322
and killing.

1486
01:17:06,705 --> 01:17:09,697
Until one day,
he kills the wrong people.

1487
01:17:12,419 --> 01:17:13,784
My people.

1488
01:17:17,758 --> 01:17:18,793
Relax.

1489
01:17:18,968 --> 01:17:21,334
I'm retrieving something
from my utility bag.

1490
01:17:21,512 --> 01:17:23,753
It's a goddamn Fanny pack...

1491
01:17:23,931 --> 01:17:26,593
And you know it,
you sick son of a bitch!

1492
01:17:26,767 --> 01:17:28,428
The difference is night and day.

1493
01:17:32,565 --> 01:17:33,680
I'm sorry.

1494
01:17:34,066 --> 01:17:35,418
I said, "you remind me
of my wife."

1495
01:17:35,442 --> 01:17:36,586
No, I'm sorry
that you said that...

1496
01:17:36,610 --> 01:17:39,272
While making heavy eye contact
and applying lip balm.

1497
01:17:39,446 --> 01:17:40,606
Cable: She always struggled.

1498
01:17:41,740 --> 01:17:43,150
But she was funny...

1499
01:17:43,325 --> 01:17:45,737
And filtered her pain
through the prism of humor.

1500
01:17:46,579 --> 01:17:48,820
Something I could never master.

1501
01:17:49,623 --> 01:17:51,955
It was my fault she died.

1502
01:17:53,586 --> 01:17:56,623
It was my job
to stop people like him.

1503
01:17:57,298 --> 01:17:59,254
I came close a few times.

1504
01:18:03,470 --> 01:18:05,210
He wasn't too happy about that.

1505
01:18:06,807 --> 01:18:07,887
He was trying to hurt me...

1506
01:18:08,058 --> 01:18:10,674
And he knew exactly
how to do it.

1507
01:18:12,438 --> 01:18:14,099
Older Russell:
Blessed are the wicked

1508
01:18:14,190 --> 01:18:16,556
who are healed by my hand.

1509
01:18:19,695 --> 01:18:21,526
Cable: He came into my home...

1510
01:18:22,031 --> 01:18:25,114
And took the only thing
that made it a home.

1511
01:18:27,453 --> 01:18:28,943
Sound familiar?

1512
01:18:30,039 --> 01:18:31,700
I'm sorry. Uh-huh.

1513
01:18:31,790 --> 01:18:33,530
No, I'm really sorry.

1514
01:18:35,586 --> 01:18:37,167
But that isn't Russell.

1515
01:18:37,630 --> 01:18:39,710
It doesn't have to be him.
If you knew what I knew...

1516
01:18:39,798 --> 01:18:41,538
Yeah, he's got anger issues...

1517
01:18:41,717 --> 01:18:43,127
Maybe a small
learning disability...

1518
01:18:43,302 --> 01:18:44,667
Splash of diabetes...

1519
01:18:44,845 --> 01:18:46,130
But nothing that can't be fixed.

1520
01:18:46,222 --> 01:18:47,758
If you could go back...

1521
01:18:47,932 --> 01:18:50,548
And stop the people that took
your girl, would you?

1522
01:18:50,726 --> 01:18:51,761
Of course I would.

1523
01:18:51,936 --> 01:18:52,976
But I wouldn't kill a kid.

1524
01:18:53,103 --> 01:18:55,435
I'm not asking you
to kill a kid!

1525
01:18:55,522 --> 01:18:56,853
I'll kill the kid.

1526
01:18:57,024 --> 01:19:00,391
I'm asking you to save
hundreds of other kids.

1527
01:19:00,569 --> 01:19:02,776
Russell's gonna burn down
that orphanage.

1528
01:19:02,947 --> 01:19:04,858
And I can imagine
your dead girlfriend...

1529
01:19:05,032 --> 01:19:07,819
Would want you to do the
right thing, wouldn't she?

1530
01:19:08,244 --> 01:19:10,951
So, what's it gonna be,
handsome?

1531
01:19:11,538 --> 01:19:13,119
Give me a chance to save him.

1532
01:19:13,290 --> 01:19:14,621
What? You said...

1533
01:19:14,792 --> 01:19:16,436
Once he kills someone,
he gets a taste for it.

1534
01:19:16,460 --> 01:19:18,701
If we can get to him
before that happens...

1535
01:19:18,879 --> 01:19:20,494
Promise you'll give me a chance

1536
01:19:20,589 --> 01:19:22,295
to put him on a different path.

1537
01:19:22,466 --> 01:19:23,626
Define "chance."

1538
01:19:23,801 --> 01:19:25,153
I don't know.
How long does it take

1539
01:19:25,177 --> 01:19:26,321
to save someone's soul?
That's not...

1540
01:19:26,345 --> 01:19:27,585
I'll give you 30 seconds.

1541
01:19:27,763 --> 01:19:29,594
What? No! Best I can do.

1542
01:19:29,765 --> 01:19:31,050
Take it or leave it.

1543
01:19:41,527 --> 01:19:42,967
Weasel: He's doing it!

1544
01:19:43,112 --> 01:19:44,672
Look at the little fella.
He's doing it.

1545
01:19:44,697 --> 01:19:46,528
There he goes.

1546
01:19:46,699 --> 01:19:48,109
Cable: Jesus Christ!

1547
01:19:49,702 --> 01:19:50,702
Ugh.

1548
01:19:51,662 --> 01:19:53,152
Weasel:
There you go, little fella.

1549
01:19:53,706 --> 01:19:55,116
Go on, you're doing it!

1550
01:19:55,541 --> 01:19:58,783
My beautiful, hairless,
twizzler-legged baby boy.

1551
01:20:00,587 --> 01:20:01,667
Domino: Geez.

1552
01:20:01,839 --> 01:20:03,249
That's disturbing.

1553
01:20:03,424 --> 01:20:04,664
30 seconds.

1554
01:20:10,264 --> 01:20:11,754
Deal. Deal.

1555
01:20:14,351 --> 01:20:16,808
Blind al: I have no idea
what's happening.

1556
01:20:16,979 --> 01:20:18,560
Probably for the best.

1557
01:20:20,232 --> 01:20:23,599
Deadpool: And that is why
you never eat a raw starfish.

1558
01:20:23,777 --> 01:20:25,438
It's just common sense.

1559
01:20:26,071 --> 01:20:27,402
Where the hell are we going?

1560
01:20:27,573 --> 01:20:28,853
Deadpool.: You said it yourself.

1561
01:20:28,907 --> 01:20:31,740
Nothing can stop the juggernaut.
We need backup.

1562
01:20:31,910 --> 01:20:34,652
I will bathe in the blood
of your enemies.

1563
01:20:39,001 --> 01:20:40,616
Can you turn off the music?

1564
01:20:41,628 --> 01:20:43,619
You'll do no such thing.

1565
01:20:43,797 --> 01:20:45,597
Why don't you just say it
in an Indian accent?

1566
01:20:45,716 --> 01:20:47,252
I'm sorry? Apology accepted.

1567
01:20:47,426 --> 01:20:49,462
This is a side of you
I do not like.

1568
01:20:49,553 --> 01:20:50,553
Let me guess,

1569
01:20:50,637 --> 01:20:52,637
some of your best friends
in the future are Indian.

1570
01:20:52,681 --> 01:20:53,681
What the hell are you...?

1571
01:20:53,766 --> 01:20:55,597
Once again, intolerance rears
its ugly head.

1572
01:20:55,809 --> 01:20:57,265
I am so sorry. It gets better.

1573
01:20:57,436 --> 01:20:58,801
I'm not a racist, moron!

1574
01:20:58,979 --> 01:21:00,765
Precisely what a racist
would say.

1575
01:21:00,939 --> 01:21:02,554
I'm with the old white guy
on this one.

1576
01:21:02,649 --> 01:21:04,014
And that's a twist.

1577
01:21:04,193 --> 01:21:05,378
Deadpool: So what exactly do you

1578
01:21:05,402 --> 01:21:06,463
do in the future, anyway, huh?

1579
01:21:06,487 --> 01:21:07,852
Some kind of soldier?

1580
01:21:08,197 --> 01:21:09,858
Yeah, something like that.

1581
01:21:10,032 --> 01:21:12,193
Deadpool: I was a soldier.
Special forces.

1582
01:21:12,368 --> 01:21:14,825
I bet 50 years from now,
we're bestest buddies.

1583
01:21:14,995 --> 01:21:16,951
50 years from now,
you're very dead.

1584
01:21:17,122 --> 01:21:19,488
Your entire generation failed
this planet into a coma.

1585
01:21:19,666 --> 01:21:21,122
Boom!

1586
01:21:21,210 --> 01:21:22,370
Spoiler alert.

1587
01:21:23,545 --> 01:21:24,785
Planets.

1588
01:21:24,963 --> 01:21:26,248
Here's a spoiler alert.

1589
01:21:26,423 --> 01:21:27,663
I should have finished college.

1590
01:21:31,303 --> 01:21:32,530
Deadpool:
Well, I got news for you.

1591
01:21:32,554 --> 01:21:33,794
My heart is in the right place.

1592
01:21:33,889 --> 01:21:35,345
Russell's not gonna kill anyone.

1593
01:21:35,516 --> 01:21:37,535
Because of me, he's gonna know
what real love looks like.

1594
01:21:37,559 --> 01:21:38,559
We're all gonna die.

1595
01:21:38,644 --> 01:21:39,746
Because of you, I'll always know

1596
01:21:39,770 --> 01:21:41,931
what a grown man
with baby balls looks like.

1597
01:21:42,106 --> 01:21:44,017
I'm a grower, not a shower.

1598
01:21:44,191 --> 01:21:45,251
God, I wish this were a bus,

1599
01:21:45,275 --> 01:21:46,628
so I could pull the string
and get out.

1600
01:21:46,652 --> 01:21:48,313
It's a good thing
cable's not driving,

1601
01:21:48,404 --> 01:21:49,404
or you'd be in the back.

1602
01:21:49,530 --> 01:21:50,530
I am in the back.

1603
01:21:50,614 --> 01:21:51,614
Deadpool: Right here!

1604
01:22:10,175 --> 01:22:11,836
Deadpool: I made mistakes!

1605
01:22:12,219 --> 01:22:13,925
I wanna take them back!

1606
01:22:14,096 --> 01:22:17,338
You trusted me.
I took that trust...

1607
01:22:17,516 --> 01:22:18,801
And turned it
into a toilet stall

1608
01:22:18,892 --> 01:22:19,892
in an airport bathroom.

1609
01:22:20,060 --> 01:22:23,348
The one in Minneapolis.
You know the one.

1610
01:22:23,522 --> 01:22:26,229
But even you know
I was once an x-man.

1611
01:22:26,400 --> 01:22:27,560
Trainee!

1612
01:22:32,239 --> 01:22:34,651
You're still using
my velcro labels. Aw.

1613
01:22:34,825 --> 01:22:36,281
They do stick better than tape.

1614
01:22:36,452 --> 01:22:38,158
Hi, Wade! Please don't.

1615
01:22:38,245 --> 01:22:41,328
Say whatever it is you're here
to say. Make it quick.

1616
01:22:41,415 --> 01:22:42,780
Right. Quick. It's this kid.

1617
01:22:42,958 --> 01:22:44,323
Just like you, I let him down.

1618
01:22:44,418 --> 01:22:45,418
And just like me,

1619
01:22:45,502 --> 01:22:46,896
he's never had anyone
sacrifice anything for him...

1620
01:22:46,920 --> 01:22:49,080
Because the entire world
wrote him off a long time ago.

1621
01:22:49,173 --> 01:22:51,334
Look, he's teamed up
with the juggernaut!

1622
01:22:51,425 --> 01:22:52,631
The juggernaut!

1623
01:22:52,718 --> 01:22:54,446
Who's like my favorite
marvel character ever.

1624
01:22:54,470 --> 01:22:55,470
And hi, yukio!

1625
01:22:55,554 --> 01:22:57,954
That was really nice of you to
say hi, so I'm saying hi back.

1626
01:22:58,056 --> 01:23:00,422
You guys make
a super cute couple. Yeah.

1627
01:23:00,601 --> 01:23:01,636
Where was I? Oh, yeah.

1628
01:23:01,810 --> 01:23:03,788
You should never meet your
heroes, because honestly...

1629
01:23:03,812 --> 01:23:05,052
It causes nothing but problems.

1630
01:23:05,189 --> 01:23:08,352
Look, you can stop the
juggernaut. I know you can.

1631
01:23:08,525 --> 01:23:11,437
Do you know what would happen
to me if I helped you?

1632
01:23:11,612 --> 01:23:13,648
I would be disgraced.

1633
01:23:13,822 --> 01:23:15,778
You are a criminal, a fugitive.

1634
01:23:15,949 --> 01:23:19,316
But worst of all,
you broke my heart, Wade.

1635
01:23:20,871 --> 01:23:23,738
You know what? Your heart's
in the wrong place, big guy.

1636
01:23:24,708 --> 01:23:27,415
Doing the right thing
is sometimes messy...

1637
01:23:27,586 --> 01:23:30,919
And screwed up, and not
particularly convenient!

1638
01:23:31,089 --> 01:23:33,922
So stay here
in chateau de virgin...

1639
01:23:34,092 --> 01:23:36,083
While we go get our game on!

1640
01:23:39,223 --> 01:23:40,588
Domino: You're doing great.

1641
01:23:46,146 --> 01:23:47,665
Russell: So you wear
that helmet because

1642
01:23:47,689 --> 01:23:49,270
your brother
tries to read your mind?

1643
01:23:49,441 --> 01:23:52,558
Juggernaut: Yeah, but he's in
a wheelchair, so even-Steven.

1644
01:23:52,736 --> 01:23:55,193
Man: Someone's coming.
It's Russell, sir.

1645
01:23:55,364 --> 01:23:56,820
And he's not alone.

1646
01:23:57,324 --> 01:23:58,985
Headmaster: Secure the children.

1647
01:24:01,161 --> 01:24:03,698
They will not replace us.

1648
01:24:05,874 --> 01:24:08,331
Watch my back.
I've got the old man.

1649
01:24:08,585 --> 01:24:10,496
Amen, brother.

1650
01:24:16,677 --> 01:24:18,167
Time to make the chimichangas.

1651
01:24:18,345 --> 01:24:19,960
30 seconds.

1652
01:24:20,597 --> 01:24:22,713
I finally know why I'm here.

1653
01:24:23,141 --> 01:24:24,972
I was raised in this place.

1654
01:24:25,143 --> 01:24:27,429
Well, not raised.
I was tortured.

1655
01:24:27,604 --> 01:24:30,220
Wow! It's your cosmic reason
for being here.

1656
01:24:30,399 --> 01:24:31,639
Shall we? This is gonna be fun.

1657
01:24:31,775 --> 01:24:32,775
Deadpool: Yeah!

1658
01:24:32,859 --> 01:24:34,315
Hey! Been meaning to ask you...

1659
01:24:34,486 --> 01:24:37,273
What's with the dirty,
disgusting hobo bear?

1660
01:24:37,447 --> 01:24:40,280
It's not dirt. It's the
blood of my dead daughter.

1661
01:24:40,784 --> 01:24:43,275
Are you bear, god?
It's me, Margaret.

1662
01:24:43,453 --> 01:24:44,818
Give me some.

1663
01:24:44,997 --> 01:24:46,407
They say laughter
heals anything.

1664
01:24:46,498 --> 01:24:47,704
Except, of course, that.

1665
01:25:14,234 --> 01:25:16,941
Welcome home, Russell.
We missed you.

1666
01:25:18,155 --> 01:25:19,155
Russell!

1667
01:25:19,323 --> 01:25:21,655
You don't need to do this!
Let's talk!

1668
01:25:22,701 --> 01:25:24,221
Why are you dressed
like the unabomber?

1669
01:25:28,332 --> 01:25:29,332
That's why.

1670
01:25:29,416 --> 01:25:30,476
I told you he was too far gone.

1671
01:25:30,500 --> 01:25:32,536
Zip it, thanos! We have a
deal and you forgot...

1672
01:25:32,628 --> 01:25:33,913
Juggernaut: Hey!

1673
01:25:34,963 --> 01:25:38,080
I'm gonna shove that cab
driver right up your tailpipe.

1674
01:25:38,508 --> 01:25:40,590
My body and my hands
are so soft.

1675
01:25:40,719 --> 01:25:41,863
You should probably
head back to the car.

1676
01:25:41,887 --> 01:25:43,207
I think I'll head
back to the car.

1677
01:25:44,389 --> 01:25:47,176
It works best when you
pull the trigger.

1678
01:25:50,103 --> 01:25:51,388
That gun is amazing!

1679
01:25:52,773 --> 01:25:54,388
Russell: Say it!

1680
01:25:56,360 --> 01:25:58,225
You are an abomination!

1681
01:26:04,201 --> 01:26:07,193
Now, I'm gonna shove
the red guy up the old guy.

1682
01:26:07,371 --> 01:26:09,987
I believe him!
Every man for themselves!

1683
01:26:12,876 --> 01:26:13,876
Gotchal

1684
01:26:14,252 --> 01:26:15,412
juggernaut: Beat it, midget!

1685
01:26:18,423 --> 01:26:21,130
Hey, big guy,
the sun's getting real low!

1686
01:26:21,635 --> 01:26:22,635
Uh, that's not good.

1687
01:26:36,400 --> 01:26:37,640
Come here, beautiful.

1688
01:26:44,366 --> 01:26:45,366
Whoo!

1689
01:26:53,667 --> 01:26:54,702
Russell: Say it!

1690
01:27:42,299 --> 01:27:43,379
You came for me.

1691
01:27:43,550 --> 01:27:44,960
I'm not giving up on you,

1692
01:27:45,051 --> 01:27:46,916
and you are not
giving up on that boy.

1693
01:27:47,095 --> 01:27:48,926
Who says that rules
aren't meant to be broken?

1694
01:27:49,097 --> 01:27:50,962
It's time to fight dirty.

1695
01:27:51,141 --> 01:27:52,472
Time to sweep the leg, Johnny.

1696
01:27:52,642 --> 01:27:55,099
Hey! Pick on someone
your own size!

1697
01:27:55,270 --> 01:27:57,306
That's such a you thing to say!

1698
01:27:57,397 --> 01:27:59,183
Go get him, tiger!

1699
01:27:59,357 --> 01:28:01,564
Big cgi fight coming up!

1700
01:28:18,752 --> 01:28:19,832
He's doing great.

1701
01:28:20,003 --> 01:28:21,288
Russell: Say it!

1702
01:28:25,550 --> 01:28:26,960
Russell. Deadpool: Bingo!

1703
01:28:31,097 --> 01:28:32,097
Oh, great!

1704
01:28:32,182 --> 01:28:33,284
Orderly: There they are!
Those freaks!

1705
01:28:33,308 --> 01:28:35,328
Deadpool: A bunch of armed
pedophiles in nursing shoes.

1706
01:28:35,352 --> 01:28:36,967
Can I have one of those guns?

1707
01:28:37,562 --> 01:28:39,223
No. That's fine.

1708
01:28:39,397 --> 01:28:40,757
Get off this property,
mutant scum!

1709
01:28:40,816 --> 01:28:42,016
I'm just gonna use this brick.

1710
01:28:42,734 --> 01:28:43,734
Maximum effort.

1711
01:28:45,028 --> 01:28:46,689
Who says you
can't go home again?

1712
01:28:51,660 --> 01:28:52,660
Children: Yeah!

1713
01:28:52,744 --> 01:28:53,779
Say it.

1714
01:28:54,454 --> 01:28:55,454
Say it!

1715
01:28:55,539 --> 01:28:58,576
Blessed are the wicked
who are healed by my hand!

1716
01:28:59,209 --> 01:29:00,540
Blessed are the wicked...

1717
01:29:00,710 --> 01:29:01,950
Who are healed...

1718
01:29:02,420 --> 01:29:03,956
By my hand.

1719
01:29:18,228 --> 01:29:19,934
You annoying little punk!

1720
01:29:36,079 --> 01:29:38,866
Only best buddies
execute pedophiles together.

1721
01:29:46,339 --> 01:29:48,546
I need a bus
to get you all out of here.

1722
01:29:53,889 --> 01:29:54,924
Orphans.

1723
01:29:55,682 --> 01:29:56,682
Oh, geez.

1724
01:29:58,727 --> 01:30:01,309
It's time to burn
for what you've done!

1725
01:30:01,479 --> 01:30:03,970
A child should not be burdened
with such power!

1726
01:30:11,197 --> 01:30:12,482
Russell! Wait!

1727
01:30:16,995 --> 01:30:17,995
Deadpool: Oh!

1728
01:30:23,877 --> 01:30:25,583
Wait! He hasn't killed
anyone yet!

1729
01:30:25,670 --> 01:30:26,731
What more do you need to see?

1730
01:30:26,755 --> 01:30:27,755
No, he's just a kid!

1731
01:30:27,839 --> 01:30:29,830
Tick, tock. Meter's running!

1732
01:30:42,479 --> 01:30:44,310
I'm gonna make a necklace
out of your teeth.

1733
01:31:02,749 --> 01:31:04,865
I told you! Leave me alone!
Come on!

1734
01:31:05,251 --> 01:31:06,331
Listen to me!

1735
01:31:27,524 --> 01:31:29,139
Colossus: That's how we do it

1736
01:31:33,029 --> 01:31:35,020
they say millennials are
the hardest to reach.

1737
01:31:35,115 --> 01:31:37,606
Oh, no. You're doing amazing.

1738
01:31:37,784 --> 01:31:39,991
Damn, it feels good
to be a gangsta!

1739
01:31:43,665 --> 01:31:44,700
Deadpool: Go, go, go!

1740
01:31:48,211 --> 01:31:50,042
He dies tonight, Wade.

1741
01:31:50,213 --> 01:31:51,749
You can't stop me!

1742
01:31:52,716 --> 01:31:54,172
Cable: He even runs
like a pervert.

1743
01:31:54,384 --> 01:31:57,251
Like an online predator
who lost his laptop.

1744
01:31:58,471 --> 01:31:59,881
There's one bullet left
in that gun.

1745
01:32:00,056 --> 01:32:01,936
Wait, wait, wait! Please,
just give me a second!

1746
01:32:02,100 --> 01:32:03,431
I got this.

1747
01:32:03,601 --> 01:32:05,717
Russell!
Stay back! Go home, Wade!

1748
01:32:05,895 --> 01:32:08,102
Let's talk. It doesn't
have to go this way!

1749
01:32:08,606 --> 01:32:09,891
That piece of shit...

1750
01:32:10,316 --> 01:32:11,956
He deserves to die
for what he did to you.

1751
01:32:12,110 --> 01:32:14,021
He hurt you badly.

1752
01:32:14,738 --> 01:32:18,731
But look,
if you kill him, he wins.

1753
01:32:18,908 --> 01:32:22,025
You become everything
he says you are, but worse.

1754
01:32:23,079 --> 01:32:24,785
You're just a kid.

1755
01:32:24,956 --> 01:32:26,571
You don't wanna hurt anyone.

1756
01:32:28,043 --> 01:32:30,659
It isn't too late. Don't do it.

1757
01:32:36,217 --> 01:32:38,208
I never should've left
you there.

1758
01:32:40,305 --> 01:32:42,421
I never should've left you
in that prison.

1759
01:32:49,647 --> 01:32:50,887
I can't trust you.

1760
01:32:53,109 --> 01:32:55,225
I can't trust anybody!

1761
01:33:04,412 --> 01:33:05,618
Wonderful kid.

1762
01:33:05,705 --> 01:33:07,036
Russell:
You can't stop me, Wade!

1763
01:33:09,501 --> 01:33:11,617
I got one more idea.

1764
01:33:11,795 --> 01:33:14,582
It's just a really bad one,
even for me.

1765
01:33:14,756 --> 01:33:15,836
Wade, what are you doing?

1766
01:33:16,007 --> 01:33:17,622
This is for
all the marbles, kid.

1767
01:33:18,343 --> 01:33:20,129
You're gonna kill
someone today...

1768
01:33:20,512 --> 01:33:21,843
Blessed are the wicked...

1769
01:33:22,013 --> 01:33:23,924
Then it's gotta be me.

1770
01:33:25,141 --> 01:33:26,927
Who are healed by my hand!

1771
01:34:33,209 --> 01:34:36,167
Tell me they got that
in slow motion.

1772
01:34:41,176 --> 01:34:42,666
Oh, that's not good.

1773
01:34:44,262 --> 01:34:45,672
No, sir.

1774
01:34:52,687 --> 01:34:55,770
You sacrificed yourself for me.

1775
01:34:56,191 --> 01:34:57,191
Yeah.

1776
01:34:57,275 --> 01:34:59,140
And it was the best thing
I ever did.

1777
01:35:00,320 --> 01:35:02,311
I told you I care about you.

1778
01:35:02,488 --> 01:35:04,149
You're a good kid, Russell.

1779
01:35:05,325 --> 01:35:06,405
Hey.

1780
01:35:07,660 --> 01:35:08,866
The bear.

1781
01:35:09,037 --> 01:35:10,322
It worked.

1782
01:35:16,336 --> 01:35:17,416
Because of you.

1783
01:35:17,587 --> 01:35:19,578
No, Wade, because of you.

1784
01:35:20,131 --> 01:35:22,087
Stop, stop, stop!

1785
01:35:22,258 --> 01:35:23,258
Stop!

1786
01:35:24,761 --> 01:35:27,298
Just let it happen, okay?

1787
01:35:27,722 --> 01:35:30,759
I guess my heart was finally
in the right place.

1788
01:35:30,934 --> 01:35:33,346
That riddle is so messed up.

1789
01:35:38,107 --> 01:35:40,098
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

1790
01:35:40,276 --> 01:35:42,463
Don't be. I've been trying to
make this happen for a while.

1791
01:35:42,487 --> 01:35:43,897
Please, just don't leave me.

1792
01:35:44,072 --> 01:35:45,562
I don't wanna die
without an audience.

1793
01:35:45,740 --> 01:35:46,900
We are not going anywhere.

1794
01:35:47,075 --> 01:35:49,111
Wade: Oh, god, I hope
the academy is watching.

1795
01:35:49,285 --> 01:35:50,365
Just rest, okay?

1796
01:35:52,121 --> 01:35:53,201
Papa.

1797
01:35:54,290 --> 01:35:56,201
Papa, can you hear me?

1798
01:35:58,461 --> 01:36:01,373
Papa, can you find me in the...

1799
01:36:04,092 --> 01:36:05,377
Night?

1800
01:36:25,738 --> 01:36:26,978
Before I go...

1801
01:36:27,490 --> 01:36:29,230
Sorry, I got a bit more in me.

1802
01:36:29,784 --> 01:36:30,944
Domino.

1803
01:36:31,119 --> 01:36:35,613
I want you to have
my adventure time watch.

1804
01:36:38,209 --> 01:36:41,076
Turns out
that I'm the lucky one.

1805
01:36:41,838 --> 01:36:42,953
Thank you.

1806
01:36:44,257 --> 01:36:47,215
Hey, Sabrina, the teenage witch.

1807
01:36:47,844 --> 01:36:49,926
It has been a pleasure.

1808
01:36:51,556 --> 01:36:54,263
Hi, yukio. Hi, Wade!

1809
01:36:56,144 --> 01:36:57,350
And you...

1810
01:36:57,895 --> 01:36:59,180
Chrome bone.

1811
01:36:59,897 --> 01:37:02,354
I haven't always been
the best friend to you.

1812
01:37:02,942 --> 01:37:05,183
But you've always been
that to me.

1813
01:37:05,361 --> 01:37:06,646
So thank you.

1814
01:37:08,698 --> 01:37:10,484
Say the f-word for me.

1815
01:37:11,242 --> 01:37:12,482
Just once. Come on,

1816
01:37:12,577 --> 01:37:14,097
we'll do it together.
It's no big deal.

1817
01:37:14,162 --> 01:37:15,652
Here we go. One, two, three.
F f. F..

1818
01:37:18,666 --> 01:37:21,999
Wow! Enjoy hell, swamp mouth.

1819
01:37:23,421 --> 01:37:25,252
And you, cable.

1820
01:37:26,591 --> 01:37:30,254
You get back to your family.
You tell 'em Wade says hi.

1821
01:37:31,137 --> 01:37:34,345
And promise me.
Promise me one thing.

1822
01:37:34,807 --> 01:37:36,167
That you'll start
judging people...

1823
01:37:36,267 --> 01:37:37,598
Not by the color of their skin,

1824
01:37:37,685 --> 01:37:39,550
but by the content
of their character.

1825
01:37:40,271 --> 01:37:41,886
Jesus. Wade: R-dog?

1826
01:37:43,941 --> 01:37:45,021
Look.

1827
01:37:45,360 --> 01:37:47,942
Family is not an f-word.

1828
01:37:48,613 --> 01:37:49,898
All right?

1829
01:37:50,073 --> 01:37:51,938
There's one out there for you.

1830
01:37:52,533 --> 01:37:54,239
Just keep looking, okay?

1831
01:37:57,288 --> 01:37:59,654
Guys, for a second there...

1832
01:38:01,000 --> 01:38:02,786
We made a pretty good team.

1833
01:38:07,256 --> 01:38:09,087
Can you see it?

1834
01:38:09,801 --> 01:38:12,087
Do you see
that beautiful bright light?

1835
01:38:13,429 --> 01:38:14,589
There it is.

1836
01:38:20,853 --> 01:38:22,059
Oh, that's the sun.

1837
01:38:22,146 --> 01:38:24,011
Don't stare directly into that.

1838
01:38:24,190 --> 01:38:25,521
I just have a few final words.

1839
01:38:30,196 --> 01:38:32,312
Do you want to build a showman?

1840
01:39:48,608 --> 01:39:49,768
Sorry I'm late.

1841
01:39:49,942 --> 01:39:51,523
There was a bunch of

1842
01:39:51,611 --> 01:39:52,963
handicapable children
who were stuck in a tree.

1843
01:39:52,987 --> 01:39:54,193
No. No.

1844
01:39:55,281 --> 01:39:57,943
But I did have to help a kid.
Yeah.

1845
01:39:58,409 --> 01:40:00,274
He's got a terrible name.
It's just awful.

1846
01:40:00,369 --> 01:40:01,369
Ugh. I tried to tell him.

1847
01:40:03,706 --> 01:40:05,116
Is this heaven?

1848
01:40:06,000 --> 01:40:07,206
It is now.

1849
01:40:10,671 --> 01:40:12,081
I am so sorry.

1850
01:40:13,382 --> 01:40:14,622
Vanessa: It's okay.

1851
01:40:34,445 --> 01:40:36,185
I missed you so much.

1852
01:40:42,036 --> 01:40:43,697
What is it? What's wrong?

1853
01:40:45,623 --> 01:40:47,113
It's not time.

1854
01:40:47,750 --> 01:40:49,615
What do you mean it's not time?

1855
01:40:49,794 --> 01:40:51,284
I'm here, I made it.

1856
01:40:51,462 --> 01:40:53,043
You can't stay. No, no, no.

1857
01:40:53,214 --> 01:40:55,830
I'm staying. I'm not going
anywhere without you.

1858
01:40:55,925 --> 01:40:56,925
It's okay.

1859
01:40:57,426 --> 01:41:00,259
There's a time for us.
It's just not now.

1860
01:41:01,264 --> 01:41:03,721
They need you. Who?

1861
01:41:05,768 --> 01:41:07,053
Vanessa: Your f-word.

1862
01:41:08,312 --> 01:41:09,312
Wade: Why?

1863
01:41:09,689 --> 01:41:11,475
Vanessa: You'll find out.

1864
01:41:12,358 --> 01:41:13,848
I love you.

1865
01:41:14,026 --> 01:41:15,266
I love you.

1866
01:41:17,780 --> 01:41:18,940
I know.

1867
01:41:19,115 --> 01:41:20,115
Now, go.

1868
01:41:21,450 --> 01:41:23,406
Go on. Go, get out of here.

1869
01:41:24,453 --> 01:41:25,453
Go.

1870
01:41:28,249 --> 01:41:29,249
Hey!

1871
01:41:32,086 --> 01:41:34,418
Kiss me like you miss me, red.

1872
01:41:35,047 --> 01:41:36,162
Well, come here.

1873
01:41:49,478 --> 01:41:51,719
Wait, hold the mustard.

1874
01:41:51,897 --> 01:41:53,012
Are you crying? No.

1875
01:41:53,190 --> 01:41:54,230
Yes, you are. No, I'm not.

1876
01:41:54,358 --> 01:41:56,358
You got emotion juice
coming out of your eye holes.

1877
01:41:56,527 --> 01:41:57,629
It's not me. I'm not crying.

1878
01:41:57,653 --> 01:41:59,109
I think it's
this dusty soundstage.

1879
01:41:59,196 --> 01:42:00,196
Oh, really? Or bedroom.

1880
01:42:00,281 --> 01:42:01,508
It's a dusty bedroom. Thank you.

1881
01:42:01,532 --> 01:42:02,863
That's normal. Let it out.

1882
01:42:04,243 --> 01:42:06,279
I am crying. Yeah, you are.

1883
01:42:06,454 --> 01:42:08,098
And I'm caught off guard
'cause the movie's so bad.

1884
01:42:08,122 --> 01:42:09,122
Complete garbage.

1885
01:42:09,248 --> 01:42:10,454
It's very compelling. Yeah.

1886
01:42:10,541 --> 01:42:11,602
There's something that
really resonates for me.

1887
01:42:11,626 --> 01:42:12,626
It kinda gets you.

1888
01:42:14,712 --> 01:42:15,872
There is more.

1889
01:42:16,047 --> 01:42:18,208
I would love to read it
to you, Fred savage.

1890
01:42:18,382 --> 01:42:21,215
"Once again, Wade picked up
the love of his life

1891
01:42:21,302 --> 01:42:23,042
“in his approachably
shredded arms."

1892
01:42:30,436 --> 01:42:31,642
Vanessa: It's all right.

1893
01:42:32,313 --> 01:42:33,598
I'll be waiting.

1894
01:42:34,940 --> 01:42:36,771
It's pretty awesome up here.

1895
01:42:37,193 --> 01:42:39,275
I can have anything I want.

1896
01:42:39,528 --> 01:42:41,644
Can every day be
international women's day?

1897
01:42:41,864 --> 01:42:43,104
It is heaven.

1898
01:42:53,709 --> 01:42:54,915
Time to make the chimichangas.

1899
01:42:55,002 --> 01:42:56,002
30 seconds.

1900
01:42:56,087 --> 01:42:57,327
Hey. Been meaning to ask you...

1901
01:42:57,380 --> 01:42:59,746
What's with the creepy,
dirty hobo bear?

1902
01:42:59,924 --> 01:43:01,664
It's my daughter's Teddy bear.

1903
01:43:02,051 --> 01:43:03,291
Her name's hope.

1904
01:43:03,552 --> 01:43:04,552
Deadpool: Well...

1905
01:43:05,680 --> 01:43:07,466
What are you doing?

1906
01:43:07,640 --> 01:43:09,050
Somebody swiped right.

1907
01:43:21,654 --> 01:43:24,145
Tell me they got that
in slow motion.

1908
01:43:27,493 --> 01:43:29,108
Russell: You sacrificed
yourself for me.

1909
01:43:29,286 --> 01:43:30,901
Deadpool: It would seem I...

1910
01:43:33,499 --> 01:43:34,499
Huh?

1911
01:43:35,418 --> 01:43:37,750
Genuine, high-grade lead.

1912
01:43:39,797 --> 01:43:42,584
You time-sliding son of a bitch!

1913
01:43:42,758 --> 01:43:44,339
You did this for me?

1914
01:43:46,220 --> 01:43:48,711
Wait. You can't go back.

1915
01:43:49,348 --> 01:43:50,588
You used the last of your fuel.

1916
01:43:50,683 --> 01:43:52,298
What about your girl, your wife?

1917
01:43:52,476 --> 01:43:55,718
No, my family's safe.
And I didn't do it for you.

1918
01:43:57,231 --> 01:43:59,517
No, I'm gonna stick around
for a while...

1919
01:43:59,692 --> 01:44:00,692
And make sure the world

1920
01:44:00,776 --> 01:44:02,687
doesn't shit itself
into oblivion.

1921
01:44:03,404 --> 01:44:06,271
No. You did it for me.

1922
01:44:07,032 --> 01:44:08,363
No, I didn't.

1923
01:44:08,534 --> 01:44:09,819
You did. I really didn't.

1924
01:44:09,994 --> 01:44:11,834
Pretty sure you did.
No, I'm positive I didn't.

1925
01:44:11,871 --> 01:44:13,532
Fine. All right,
let's flip a coin. Okay?

1926
01:44:13,706 --> 01:44:16,288
Heads, you did it for me.
Tails, you did it for me.

1927
01:44:16,459 --> 01:44:18,459
I'm not even gonna look,
because you did it for me.

1928
01:44:18,627 --> 01:44:20,959
We must get the collar off.
Forget it. It's no use.

1929
01:44:21,130 --> 01:44:22,441
These collars
don't just come off.

1930
01:44:22,465 --> 01:44:23,465
Wade.

1931
01:44:24,592 --> 01:44:26,173
I have an idea.

1932
01:44:26,635 --> 01:44:28,626
No, no, no!
Let's not do that. Please!

1933
01:44:28,804 --> 01:44:31,090
I'd rather die of cancer.
Let's just...

1934
01:44:31,265 --> 01:44:34,382
Oh, gosh! They do say the pen
is grosser than the sword.

1935
01:44:34,602 --> 01:44:36,638
Russell: We need the code.

1936
01:44:36,812 --> 01:44:38,598
Try, uh, seven?

1937
01:44:38,773 --> 01:44:40,229
Deadpool: Settle down,
captain lucky.

1938
01:44:40,399 --> 01:44:41,730
It's not gonna be one number.

1939
01:44:41,901 --> 01:44:43,061
Oh, god, that's lazy writing.

1940
01:44:43,986 --> 01:44:45,317
I still got it.

1941
01:44:48,365 --> 01:44:50,447
Put that back
in your prison wallet.

1942
01:44:52,036 --> 01:44:53,822
I don't know how to thank you.

1943
01:44:53,996 --> 01:44:55,486
But I do know how to hug you.

1944
01:44:55,915 --> 01:44:57,121
No. Yes.

1945
01:44:57,291 --> 01:44:58,747
Here we go. Bring it in.

1946
01:44:58,834 --> 01:44:59,834
Come on.

1947
01:44:59,960 --> 01:45:01,245
Pelvis to pelvis.

1948
01:45:01,420 --> 01:45:02,660
Let's go tummy to tummy.

1949
01:45:02,838 --> 01:45:05,329
There we go. The kids
call this tummying.

1950
01:45:06,550 --> 01:45:08,131
Is there a knife
in my lower extremity?

1951
01:45:08,302 --> 01:45:09,712
There's a knife
in your leg, yeah.

1952
01:45:09,804 --> 01:45:10,884
I'm just gonna back up now.

1953
01:45:11,013 --> 01:45:12,449
Yeah, yeah.
No need to go full yentl.

1954
01:45:12,473 --> 01:45:15,135
Gonna pretend
like that never happened.

1955
01:45:15,309 --> 01:45:16,924
Let's go home, Russell.

1956
01:45:20,898 --> 01:45:22,684
All you dirty mutants

1957
01:45:22,775 --> 01:45:25,141
are gonna rot in hell
with the boy!

1958
01:45:25,319 --> 01:45:28,277
Your souls are
beyond redemption!

1959
01:45:28,447 --> 01:45:29,607
Let's see your soul, perv!

1960
01:45:29,782 --> 01:45:32,489
No, no! No! No more!
We're better than that!

1961
01:45:32,660 --> 01:45:33,740
We're better than him!

1962
01:45:33,911 --> 01:45:36,493
No more senseless violence!
No more bloodshed!

1963
01:45:36,664 --> 01:45:38,120
We'll let Karma
take care of him.

1964
01:45:38,290 --> 01:45:41,282
The day of reckoning is here!

1965
01:45:50,636 --> 01:45:52,592
I'm gonna miss him.
He seemed great.

1966
01:45:52,680 --> 01:45:53,760
Whoo!

1967
01:45:53,848 --> 01:45:56,214
Courage is my power!

1968
01:45:57,309 --> 01:45:58,995
Deadpool: I could hear you
coming the last 30 seconds.

1969
01:45:59,019 --> 01:46:00,779
I could barely keep
a straight face.

1970
01:46:00,813 --> 01:46:02,678
I want some more.

1971
01:46:02,857 --> 01:46:04,222
I bet you do, brown panther.

1972
01:46:04,400 --> 01:46:07,517
We should leave
before fudgernaut wakes up.

1973
01:46:07,695 --> 01:46:09,981
Good call.
You guys coming with us?

1974
01:46:10,155 --> 01:46:11,986
No, we'll get the kids
back to the mansion.

1975
01:46:12,157 --> 01:46:13,442
Besides, we're X-Men.

1976
01:46:13,701 --> 01:46:16,283
No, you're x-people.

1977
01:46:16,453 --> 01:46:17,659
You're exhausting.

1978
01:46:17,830 --> 01:46:19,491
I see what you did there. Puns.

1979
01:46:19,832 --> 01:46:20,947
Our door's always open.

1980
01:46:21,125 --> 01:46:22,885
That's kind, but I'm not
ready to date again,

1981
01:46:22,960 --> 01:46:23,960
let alone two women.

1982
01:46:24,712 --> 01:46:26,794
Bye, Wade! Bye, yukio!

1983
01:46:29,800 --> 01:46:30,800
Deadpool: What do you get

1984
01:46:30,885 --> 01:46:32,070
when you take
eight feet of chrome...

1985
01:46:32,094 --> 01:46:33,129
One pinch of courage...

1986
01:46:33,304 --> 01:46:34,419
A cup of good luck...

1987
01:46:34,597 --> 01:46:36,007
A dab of racism...

1988
01:46:36,181 --> 01:46:37,261
A splash of diabetes...

1989
01:46:37,433 --> 01:46:40,140
And a wheelbarrow
full of stage four cancer?

1990
01:46:40,311 --> 01:46:42,347
Answer: A family.

1991
01:46:43,063 --> 01:46:46,055
See? [ Didn't lie
what kind of film this was.

1992
01:46:46,233 --> 01:46:47,627
If there's anything
you take away today...

1993
01:46:47,651 --> 01:46:50,518
Other than the need to Google,
"what the heck is dubstep?”...

1994
01:46:50,696 --> 01:46:53,984
It's that we all need
to belong to someone.

1995
01:48:47,354 --> 01:48:48,719
Okay, there we go. Here we go.

1996
01:48:50,274 --> 01:48:53,766
After-credit scenes.
I love after-credit scenes.

1997
01:48:53,944 --> 01:48:55,184
They feel so private, you know?

1998
01:48:55,362 --> 01:48:56,881
'Cause it's just you in
the theater. Everyone's left.

1999
01:48:56,905 --> 01:48:58,145
Here's the curtain. Peek, peek.

2000
01:48:58,282 --> 01:48:59,592
Fred: But you know something,
you know?

2001
01:48:59,616 --> 01:49:01,481
You stayed.

2002
01:49:18,927 --> 01:49:20,667
How something so small generates

2003
01:49:20,763 --> 01:49:22,594
enough energy
to reverse time is...

2004
01:49:22,765 --> 01:49:24,721
Oh, just fix it, eleven,

2005
01:49:24,808 --> 01:49:26,639
or I'll take it
to the genius bar.

2006
01:49:26,810 --> 01:49:28,410
Cable's gonna kill you
when he finds out.

2007
01:49:28,520 --> 01:49:29,520
Never heard of him.

2008
01:49:29,605 --> 01:49:31,061
Why do you think
I'm helping him?

2009
01:49:32,316 --> 01:49:35,308
The lord works in
mysterious ways, don't I?

2010
01:49:35,486 --> 01:49:36,942
Have a good day.

2011
01:49:37,529 --> 01:49:38,644
Bye, Wade!

2012
01:49:39,031 --> 01:49:40,146
Bye, yukio!

2013
01:49:41,450 --> 01:49:43,281
That was probably a bad idea.

2014
01:49:43,577 --> 01:49:44,577
What have we done?

2015
01:50:02,805 --> 01:50:04,761
I hope we sharpened
the cream cheese spreader.

2016
01:50:10,979 --> 01:50:12,435
I'll be right back!

2017
01:50:14,274 --> 01:50:17,061
We're definitely naming
our kid Cher!

2018
01:50:17,528 --> 01:50:18,528
Whoo!

2019
01:50:20,155 --> 01:50:21,395
Deadpool: Peter!

2020
01:50:21,573 --> 01:50:22,938
Whoo! X-force!

2021
01:50:23,117 --> 01:50:25,324
Walk away! Just walk away!

2022
01:50:26,203 --> 01:50:27,989
But we're x-force!
Nope, we're not!

2023
01:50:28,163 --> 01:50:29,619
X-force is just a marketing tool

2024
01:50:29,706 --> 01:50:30,850
designed by fox executives...

2025
01:50:30,874 --> 01:50:32,535
To keep Josh brolin employed.

2026
01:50:32,709 --> 01:50:33,994
It doesn't exist.

2027
01:50:34,169 --> 01:50:37,457
All right, well,
this has been pretty scary!

2028
01:50:37,631 --> 01:50:39,212
And I need to feed my cat.

2029
01:50:39,383 --> 01:50:41,749
Go home, sugarbear. Go home.

2030
01:50:41,927 --> 01:50:45,169
Okay. Will you give
domino my email?

2031
01:50:54,106 --> 01:50:56,017
Wade, is that you?

2032
01:50:58,402 --> 01:50:59,733
I guess stryker finally

2033
01:50:59,820 --> 01:51:01,276
figured out how to shut you up.

2034
01:51:07,786 --> 01:51:10,869
Hey! It's me! Don't scratch!

2035
01:51:10,956 --> 01:51:13,038
Just cleaning up the timelines!

2036
01:51:13,542 --> 01:51:15,157
Love you!

2037
01:51:17,462 --> 01:51:18,918
Welcome to the big leagues, kid.

2038
01:51:23,510 --> 01:51:25,421
You're welcome, Canada.

2039
01:56:51,296 --> 01:56:53,332
Deadpool: "The end."

2040
01:56:54,716 --> 01:56:55,716
Fred: Just in time,

2041
01:56:55,800 --> 01:56:58,086
because I have lost almost
all feeling in my legs.

2042
01:57:00,514 --> 01:57:02,220
Ooh. No, they feel fine.

2043
01:57:02,390 --> 01:57:03,390
Can I go?

2044
01:57:03,558 --> 01:57:05,139
As you wish.

2045
01:57:07,354 --> 01:57:08,935
That must feel good.
Yes, thank you.

2046
01:57:09,105 --> 01:57:10,105
Deadpool: Yeah.

2047
01:57:12,567 --> 01:57:14,228
Come on. Whoa! Easy, now. Hey.

2048
01:57:14,402 --> 01:57:15,983
Easy, now.
There you go. Come on.

2049
01:57:16,154 --> 01:57:17,860
Take it slow. Take it slow.
Baby steps.

2050
01:57:18,031 --> 01:57:19,550
I can't feel my legs.
I can't feel my legs!

2051
01:57:19,574 --> 01:57:20,689
Deadpool: I know. Yeah.

2052
01:57:20,867 --> 01:57:23,859
You've been asleep for
three days, buddy. Come on.

2053
01:57:24,037 --> 01:57:25,823
Fred: Three days?
Deadpool: Yeah! Three days.

2054
01:57:25,914 --> 01:57:27,314
Fred: I've been here
for three days?

2055
01:57:27,374 --> 01:57:28,851
Deadpool: Yeah!
Fred: Why so long?

2056
01:57:28,875 --> 01:57:30,019
Deadpool: Oh!
Fred: That's too long!

2057
01:57:30,043 --> 01:57:32,083
Deadpool: Uh, can somebody get
this guy a Starbucks?