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Hey, looks like you're getting a little bit warm.
Yeah.
Well, can I buy you a drink?
Don't drink.
Can I get you high?
Don't smoke.
Are you always so talkative?
My mom said never to speak to strangers.
How 'bout a blow job?
Well?
It's pretty good.
What do you mean pretty good?
All right, it was very good.
That's better.
After all, it was your idea to live out all your fantasies.
I'm not the only one.
All the guys back at the house
want to live out all their fantasies
before they graduate
because after final exams,
it's the real world seven days a week.
Responsibilities, families, jobs, rent,
property taxes.
No more carefree college days.
Well, you gotta grow up sometime.
Not if I can help it, Cindy, my darling.
That's why we never went steady, right?
Wrong.
We never went steady because it wouldn't be fair
to either of us.
We're too young to be going around
like an old married couple
those days will be creeping up on us soon enough.
Not soon enough for me, me darling.
Say, look.
I gotta run.
You better get the car back
before mommy wakes up.
Mommy doesn't get up before noon.
Some people have all the luck.
Later.
He's never around when I need him
but boy is he exciting when I got him.
Remember, guys.
All of our fantasy fulfillment is going
to be based on two levels.
Individual activity and group activity.
Now, Larry where do we stand from here?
Well, so far we're not doing so bad.
Roger, you're way out in front.
We know you fucked at the homecoming game under a blanket.
You screwed at the midnight showing of pink flamingos.
And now this latest bit, the jogger thing
in that red convertible.
Of course, we know about your kinky girlfriend.
- Hey. - Oh, yes.
Snake cock Sutton here is getting rather successful
with the ladies touching his dork
by having the pockets cut out of his jeans.
He walks around with a double arm load of books
and then innocently asks these sweet young things
to reach into his pocket to pull out a quarter for him.
It works like a charm.
Yes.
Just out of curiosity, Sutton,
what is the reaction percentage on that?
Well, let's see.
10 slaps, two lays, and a blowjob.
Male or female blowjob?
You, star, you're next on the agenda.
You're our resident photographer and peeping Tom,
armed with that long lens of yours
and the proposition that most of the females
on the campus do not wear underwear,
you make them look like uh.
Like they're not wearing nothing.
Os = Owens
- great work. - Yeah.
- Four stars. - Indeed.
You guys haven't seen anything yet.
I'm assembling some video cassettes.
Doing x-rated versions of TV commercials.
Yeah?
Real tasty stuff.
Oh far out.
Oh me, me, yeah, I'm doing a lot of writing lately
and I'm screwing the ta from comparative religions.
Yeah, I understand she's changing her major
to physics, but who knows?
Well, whatever makes you happy.
It makes me happy.
What about group activities?
Well so far all we've been able to do
is brown out the glee club from usc.
I don't know, not good enough.
What we need is something with style.
Shit this is wacko, this is crazy.
Come on, hurry up.
Get down, get down.
Quiet.
Well, there it is, boys.
$30,000 worth of pussy heaven.
Won't they miss it?
Nah, we'll have it back by three am.
So who's to know?
The girls will love it.
Let's do it.
Yeah.
Hear something?
Nah, everything's legal.
Yeah, till you get caught.
Ah, come on.
Roger, see if you can get inside.
- Hey, the door's unlocked. - Far out.
Let's see if we can jump start it, gents.
Shit, this things as heavy as bernice's tits.
Come on, push, you jokers, push.
I'm trying.
Come on, man.
Drop the fucking brake.
Push harder, let's do this.
Let's go.
Come on.
Hey wild bill, wait for me.
Hey, star.
Did you come?
What the fuck do you think this is allover me?
How was it?
Great.
Hey, let's say we switch girls
and start allover.
All right.
It's gotta be the rams.
Vikings.
Hey, it's gotta be the rams.
Vikings would kick their ass.
Oh yeah, nice ass.
Okay, toots, nothing to write home about.
Move that knee just a little.
Yeah, there you go, baby.
Oh my god, it's prick tease.
My god, her pants ride up...
Oh.
If she doesn't say hi to me today,
I'm gonna die.
Hi.
Shit, damn.
Shit!
Sutton, those are your best slacks.
Yeah, I'm moving my act uptown.
That motherfucking cunt busting my balls.
And, what pray tell, is the matter?
Female problems?
Sounds like prick teaser.
Right, goddamn cunt.
Who's prick teaser?
Haven't you ever seen her?
She's that hot tuna that wears those real short
short shorts and.
I'm mean she's so tight
you can count every pubic hair.
Oh, what's the big problem,
why don't you ask her out?
Ask her out?
She wouldn't even give him a hello.
Nothing, I mean not even a smile.
Nothing.
Sounds like this hot, young tuna
needs a little cooling off.
This sounds like a job for the:
Twat team.
Twat one to twat two.
I don't see her yet, over.
You guys in position yet?
Twat two to twat one.
We are positioned and ready.
Okay, target is coming into view now.
Cutting across the parking lot.
She's right in front of the administration building.
She's about 10 seconds from drop.
Nine, eight, seven, six,
five, four, three,
two, drop!
Oh is that radical.
Here, Shirley, put this on.
I'll help you keep warm.
Come on with me.
Oh, thanks for letting me take a hot shower.
I was freezing.
Here, drink this, it will warm you up.
How's that taste?
That's delicious.
Say, have you seen my backpack anywhere around here?
Yeah, it's right here.
Oh.
Hey, you're kinda cute.
You mean you couldn't see me?
No, I can't see anything up close.
I'm far sighted.
I hate to wear my glasses.
So everybody thinks I'm stuck up.
Well, I think that uh...
My names Abigail.
But you can call me Abby.
Well I think, Abigail, that...
Abby.
Well, Abby.
I think that you're uh...
Yes?
That you're beautiful.
Oh.
Oh yeah.
Oh.
Oh yes, star.
Oh yeah, fuck me.
Oh give it to me.
Oh my god.
I'm gonna start coming.
You're beautiful.
You're delicious.
Oh no, it's starting to get hard again.
Well, keep that thing away from me, you fiend.
Well it's you, you really do it to me.
Well you really did it to me.
I feel like I've been ravaged
by the uncircumcised infidels.
If I come again, I think my nuts are gonna disappear.
Oh?
Oh come on, don't touch it.
Geeze.
You know what, fuck that.
What do you think we should do
about this rather large problem?
Got some vaseline?
Sure, why?
Why don't you fuck me in the ass?
What a hose monster.
Hey, look, this gonna be a really great idea, guys.
We'll bring a little bit of old time chauvinism
back to this liberated campus.
I don't know, a panty raid?
Yeah.
That's a throwback to the dark ages.
Oh come on, Sutton, get with it.
Yeah.
Just think, we'll be able to peek
at all those young little snatches.
When we attack, they'll never know what hit 'em.
We can chalk up another victory.
For the twat team, right guys?
- Yeah, yeah. - Right, right, right.
Okay, let's go.
- A piece of cake. - Ah, you said it.
Now listen, the object is to slap them on the ass,
get an article of clothing, and split.
Okay?
- Hey, guys. - Yeah?
I found an open window.
- Okay. - Let's get to it.
- Let's go. - Yeah.
I'm gonna get you.
Take this.
Take this and that.
Wrap them up.
Throw it on them, all of it.
Push them out the door.
All right.
This is another fine mess you've gotten me into.
You've got it.
Good old fashioned male chauvinism.
- Bye. - Huh, guys?
That's it.
Thank you.
That's why I'm a psychology major.
What we have here is a classic approach avoidance conflict.
We want to do well in the everyday responsibilities
in the real world, to become successful adults.
But we don't want to let go of our youth,
our fantasy, or our freedom.
Hey, that's no conflict for me, you guys.
I refuse to let go.
Period.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
I'm nearly ready to graduate
as a physical education major.
I don't want to go out there and teach gym.
I want box.
Right.
So, Larry, mister creative writer.
You've got a little insight.
What should we do?
Well, the way I see it.
You've got two choices
and I say you 'cause I've already come to my decision.
Now back to the two choices.
First, we can go ahead and graduate
and get out there on the assembly line.
Or you can reenlist for two more years
and go for your masters.
Two more years of this?
Yeah, it's better than wages, isn't it?
- You said it. - Yeah.
I don't know.
I don't either.
Larry, what's gonna be your decision?
I'm not gonna tell you guys.
I don't want to influence anybody.
Well, enough of this heavy conversation.
I'm gonna get decked out in my boogie best,
head to the music center and play touch pee pee.
Oh all right.
Well don't forget your quarters.
Oh uh, pardon me.
I've got to make a long distance phone call.
I wonder if you could reach into my pocket
and grab a quarter.
Are you playing tonight?
I'm gonna try.
Please, do me a favor
and just reach down in there and grab a quarter.
This is heavy.
Certainly.
My name's Stacy.
Oh, I'm Sutton.
I can't tell you what my friends call me.
I bet I can guess.
Yeah, well could you just reach down there,
did you get the quarter yet?
No but I think I found a roll of silver dollars.
I sure feel funny standing here like this.
Well, reach a little lower and you'll feel nuts.
If you still have to make that long distance phone call,
I've got a phone at my place.
Just what do you when you're not foisting
your manhood on unsuspecting females?
I'm graduating from college.
I'm a physical eduction major.
I bet you graduate with honors.
Well, you sure gave me an education.
You're something special.
Oh I bet you say that to all your victims.
By the way, just what do your friends call you?
Snake cock.
I can believe that.
It looks like the lone ranger rides again.
Hi ho silver.
One hen, two ducks.
Three squawking geese.
Four limerick oysters.
Five porculant porpoises.
Why don't you ever tell me that you love me?
How can I tell you that I love you
when you're sitting on my face?
Aba in psychology is okay.
A masters would be better
and a phd would be fantastic.
I realized I would be out of the mainstream, financially,
for the first couple of years.
But in the long run,
my earning potential would be increased.
Who are you trying to convince, you or me?
Me, I guess.
Why does it take me so long to make up my mind?
It's an important decision.
It's a crossroads.
Look, whatever you decide now
is going to effect the rest of your life
and it will also effect your work.
You're right.
You're absolutely right
and believe me I can feel the pressure right now.
Ah, don't let it get to ya.
You'll make the right decision when the time comes.
Do you really think so?
Oh, yeah I can bet on it.
Hey, I'm your biggest fan.
You're some kind of a girl, you know that?
I don't even deserve you.
Sure you do.
Hey, you know.
I think you're really right about not going steady.
Honest?
Honest.
I mean, if we didn't experiment now,
if we didn't try our wings,
later, we'd have nothing but regrets.
You're right, absolutely right.
Hey, let's go for a quickie in the bushes.
Oh, I love that mind of yours.
Out of all the hundreds of students,
I bet we'll be the first one to try it.
Oh yeah, Cindy.
That's nice.
Don't stop.
Yeah.
It's freezing.
Holy fucking shit.
Here, let me take some pictures.
Come on, look.
All right, all right.
Oh yeah.
Okay, let's move over to this side.
Right there, yeah, okay.
Love that shot.
Right, get something, eat something.
Yeah, there you go.
Ah, sensuous.
Boy, you look good.
I'll make a postcard out of this one.
All right, closer.
Smile.
Stretch.
And touch your toes, one.
Two.
And three.
And four.
Okay.
One.
The boys, I mean, are not refined.
They go with girls who buck and bite.
They do not give a fuck for luck.
They hunt them 13 times a night.
One hangs a hat upon her tit.
One carves a cross on her behind.
Do not give a shit for wit.
The boys, I mean, are not refined.
They come with girls who bite and buck.
Who cannot read and cannot write.
Who laugh like they would fall apart
and masturbate with dynamite.
The boys, I mean, are not refined.
They cannot chat of that and this.
They do not give a fart for art.
They kill like you would take a piss.
They speak whatever's on their mind.
They do whatever's in their pants.
They speak whatever's on their mind.
They do whatever's in their pants.
The boys, I mean, are not refined.
They shake the mountains when they dance.
Exquisite.
Hey, this aint any good,
do we get our money back?
I'm a pretty tough critic, star.
Yeah, well that goes double for me.
Hey, all right, all right.
Believe me, you're gonna like it.
Just give me a chance.
Okay.
This, I would like for you all to know,
that this is my world premiere
of my latest and my boldest work.
Hey, Mr. felis.
Hey enough.
Enough words, enough words.
Okay, so action speaks louder than,
action now, observe all.
Roll it big shot.
Come on, stick it in there
where we can see it.
Oh yes, here we go darling.
How about a little chocolate speedway tonight?
You know it's one of my favorites.
No, no darling.
You know how it makes me nervous.
It hurts.
Nevermind that.
I'm using the new brim contraceptive.
It's lubricated with a combination
of vaseline and novocaine for easy penetration without pain.
Oh darling, you think of everything.
Here, I'll just put the tip in.
You tell me if you notice the big difference.
I'll say.
Ah, say goodbye to pain and worry with brim.
In that case darling, fill it to the rim.
With brim.
Brim contraceptives.
Made with a combination of vaseline and novocaine
for easy penetration without pain.
Void where prohibited by law.
- Whoa. - It's getting.
Mama.
We're going to ask you
to reach through there
and test your powers of discrimination.
It won't bite me, will it?
I certainly hope not.
Now what do you feel?
Soft, they both feel soft.
Now tell the truth.
Do you notice any difference at all
between the two sides?
Not really.
They were both soft.
Now, they're smooth and warm.
Would you believe me
if I told you that one side was a college graduate
from New Orleans and the other side
was a cab driver from corpus christi?
That's hard to believe.
They both feel the same.
So what does that tell you
about over intellectualizing?
Why, it's just a waste of time.
It's what's below the belt that counts.
Next time I pick up a guy,
I'm not gonna waste time talking.
I'm gonna grab him below the belt.
Below the belt, a corporation against
over intellectualizing.
Don't think about it.
Do it.
He must be the college boy.
You said it.
Little mild bondage tonight, dear.
What are you doing?
Why, it's a new wild flowers baby oil.
It gives everything the scent
and feel of wild flowers.
Here, smell this.
Wild flowers.
Yes it, it really feels
and smells like wild flowers.
It also has a real nice fresh minty taste
so that, so that it leaves your mouth
with a fresh clean taste afterwards.
Now it really smells like wild flowers.
Just wild.
Pretty heavy, huh?
Four stars as usual.
A definite, multiple Emmy nomination.
Hey, no one knows that I'm gonna take this tape,
I'm gonna sneak it into the faculty screening.
I think their reactions will be a little less enthusiastic.
Something to remember us by.
Should of known it was too good to be true.
After all, it only happens in the movies.
We fucking made it!
Hey, fucking seniors.
Hey, you'll never have to take a bath again.
We made it.
Chancellor wilcox eats my shorts.
- Let's go. - Let's go.
I want box.
Let's get drunk.
Yeah.
- All right. - All right!
- Come on. - We made it!
Party time.
Fellas.
We made it!
All right.
Grab a beer.
Goddamn.
Goddamn, I'm gonna get laid for a week.
I'm gonna get drunk for a week.
I'm gonna do both.
- I bet you will. - Oh I want box.
I want to get blow brain.
I want some tuna.
- Yeah. - Boy.
Say listen, before we become yesterday's news.
Yeah.
Let's figure out what we're gonna do
for our last fantastic final orgy.
Hey, let's butt fuck some fags.
Shit, take him, man.
On your own time, Sutton.
On your own time.
Listen guys, let's be serious.
Yeah.
We made ourselves a promise
after finals and after graduation
that we'd have one final big bash.
Yes, we did.
And then we'd figure out
if we're gonna come back or what.
I already made my decision.
Me, too.
I made mine a long time ago.
- All right, all right. - Well, well.
- That leaves me. - Yes, it does.
Well listen, after we have our party
I'll let you guys know my decision.
So, what are we gonna do?
Well.
What we're gonna do is this.
See, I know that I have not been the most exciting guy
to be around the last semester.
I second that.
And furthermore, I decided to do something on my own
and I've come up with something a little imaginative
and daring and sexy.
- Oh yeah? - Yes?
Yes, you see.
I have it on good authority that chancellor wilcox
has installed a brand new jacuzzi grotto in his guest house
and I have it on further good authority
that chancellor wilcox will be gone until Monday.
- Monday? - Monday.
Three days.
Yes, indeed.
So, what we're going to do
is grab our ladies and some munchies
and some smokies, et cetera,
sneak on down to the place
and party our fucking brains out.
Hey listen, you go on down there.
We're gonna head up back here, go up the back way.
We'll meet you down there, okay?
- Okay, guys. - All right, go.
Shake cock, turn on your fucking lights.
Fuck man, this aint a road,
it's a goddamn mine shaft.
You sure this is the right way, Larry?
Will you relax?
I researched this all quite thoroughly.
There's no problem.
Damn, man.
Son of a bitch.
Son of a bitch, Larry.
Will you just please relax?
Everything is just going according to plan.
When do we get off this hershey highway?
I can't see shit.
Coast down the hill
and we'll end up right behind the house.
Fuck, man.
God damn.
Can we slow down, Sutton?
Slow down!
No fucking brakes.
Oh shit!
Everything under control, huh Larry?
Picky, picky, picky.
Oh Christ, I can't even get
out of the fucking car.
Keep trying.
Well, look on the bright side of things, Sutton.
At least we landed right in the middle
of chancellor wilcox's backyard.
Wild and crazy guys.
All right.
Oh wow.
All right let's go.
Hey, hey.
Nice.
Hey, star, how is it?
There we go.
That was great.
Eat the banana.
What in blazes is going on in here?
Sir, I can explain.
We just got here.
I wish I could tear up your diplomas.
We're just having a little party.
So why park in my backyard?
Oh, pardon us.
Is this a no parking zone?
I don't see it posted anywhere.
Hey man, I'll pay for the damage.
There's no harms done.
No harm.
And we'll all be back next year.
At least I will.
Me, too.
Me, three.
That makes four.
That you never set foot in another university
the rest of your lives.
Bullshit!
Big man, big man.
We're all of age.
We're doing no one any harm.
Who was that?
Oh, and by the way,
this is not a graduation party.
No, no.
This is my engagement party.
So why use my house?
Ah ha, because sir, I am engaged
to your daughter.
Hi, daddy.