[Adam] Hey, girls, come here.
[Danielle] Previously on OutDaughtered.
Who wants to come on a little trip?
[girls] Me.
Daddy convinced me to let y'all go.
To...
[girls altogether] Yeah!
It's the biggest like, video creator summit, probably in the world.
Hey, guys. We're doing interviews.
We are.
I started as a mom doing hairstyles
on my bathroom counter on my kids.
There's Mindy right here.
-Hi. -Hey.
Mindy McKnight has a bunch of kids, owns her businesses,
has a channel. I'm like, that's exactly what I've been trying to figure out.
I totally get the multiples.
-Yeah -It's hard.
Okay.
I feel like we do, we do, we do, we do.
But it's like sometimes I just want to be just me and you.
How do we deepen our marriage after 18 years?
How are you handling all this?
Doing more stuff.
How's your sanity?
Is it ever well? I don't know.
[Priscilla] Danielle doesn't like to ask for help.
So as a friend, I'm just concerned
because I see that she's overwhelmed.
Have you thought about seeing someone?
You know, a therapist?
I don't have time for that right now.
I feel like I have to stay busy or, like I might cry.
You getting up?
For her to have a bad day.
[Adam] Like, I have to be prepared all the time.
Girls, you're gonna need to start getting ready for school.
It's hard because you just never know when it's going to hit.
[funky beach music playing]
Ava, you're gonna have to pick that up.
Whoever makes the biggest mess is...
-Parker. -No.
No, I'm not.
[gasps] You would sleep for the whole day and not play.
Don't do any fun thing. Just go,
"Nope, too tired. I'm going to sleep."
Mm-hmm.
You look like you're feeling better.
[scoffs] Is that because I'm putting makeup on?
No, you're just up and out of bed and, like, alert.
Yeah.
[Adam] Danielle is like way stronger than me,
as far as like being able to just to deal with like pain.
And so, when it comes to like her autoimmune stuff,
you know, she could be feeling horrible and not being able to get out of bed.
And the very next day it's like, she just looks like she's fine.
But you never really know.
What are the kids doing?
The girls are wanting to decorate for Halloween.
They've been bugging me.
Yeah, I mean, I like to get out and
you know, we'll do something with you all make a day of it, I guess.
[Danielle] I get these flare ups and it might be harder
to deal with it emotionally than it is to deal with the physical pain
because I'm not this person and I don't want this to happen to me
and I get down on myself, which then probably doesn't make it better.
But I want to be there for the family.
You know, I'd wanna, like, show up for all of us.
[clears throat]
Were you able to find somebody so that we can actually do this retreat?
I mean, Deb said that she could stay with the girls
so we could go.
In a few days, Danielle and I are gonna be going on a couples retreat.
With a few of our couple friends.
[Adam] You know, we're going to be meeting with a life coach
just to help us with communication.
But I don't want her to push herself too far
because deep down inside, I know she's probably struggling.
Well, okay, then I'll go get them rounded up.
Happy Halloween!
[Riley] What does RIP stand for?
[Blayke] Rest in peace.
I don't get it.
Do you want to wear a tutu?
Daddy, how does this go?
The knee bone's connected to the leg bone.
[Hazel giggles] Let's see.
It was fun decorating our house for Halloween, but it was kind of exhausting.
Let's see. Where would you put this?
I can't believe you fit in that costume.
You know, I wore that.
You know, that's like seven years old.
[kids crying]
You like a banana ...
[Adam roaring]
[Adam] Parker was a lion.
Hazel was a turtle.
Ava was an elephant.
Mama was a banana.
[Hazel] Daddy... [screaming]
[pretends to be scared]
[Hazel giggles]
I mean, I think I can say the buzz bees love Halloween.
It's probably just dad and kids.
[Adam] Danielle is not as much of a fan.
[Danielle] Oh no, no, no, no.
Look what you're doing to her.
[Danielle screaming]
Oh my gosh.
[muffled speaking] Ouch, don't poke me in the eye.
I'm the best at scaring people because there would be a wall.
So I'd hide behind the wall,
and then when they're right here, I go 'ahh' and I jump.
[Adam] Every year, the girls get more and more into Halloween.
Riley.
Lately, they've been asking for me to take them to a real haunted house.
And so, I'm gonna do it tomorrow.
Is this how it goes?
[Adam] All right. Let's get on this.
I think Mommy's on the phone.
Hi.
[Mandi onscreen] Hi.
Look how sweet.
Same, yeah. It's great to meet you
and see Baby Cole here. It's so sweet.
After meeting that mom of six at VidSummit,
I really wanted to like, reach out to other moms of multiples.
So, I met Mandi through an online moms group, and she's got five kids.
She's got twins and triplets.
And so we thought it might be fun to just connect.
Of course.
And it's true.
I can't really relate to my best friends because, I mean, honestly, I don't have
any friend who has multiples. Like, I just can't find someone
to like relate my stories to.
Yeah, I mean, it'll never not be challenging.
It'll just change.
So, like now, we've got six kids who all have different...
Different interests, different activities.
So it's hard to juggle that. Communication between you and your spouse is key,
and me and my husband's brains work completely different.
He could care less about a list, he says
he keeps it all in his head, and he'll say,
I'm more of a control freak, but I know what I need to get done.
No. But you know what?
I should start doing a weekly meeting with Adam to talk about stuff.
But also,
it's funny you say that because...
I mean, I would love to start some type of like...
multiples moms group.
We can even bring the dads, and the dads will watch the kids,
and the moms will sit back and we'll chat.
I mean, it's nice to, you know, talk with Mandi
and just be able to relate.
All right, bye.
[Danielle] She only lives a few hours away.
So I think we're gonna try to find some time to meet up before the holidays.
[Hazel] Hey, Mama.
-[other girls] Mama. -What on earth do you have on?
They found their costumes.
That's from, like when you were one years old.
This used to be too big for me.
[Danielle] It was too big for you.
-[Hazel] But now it fits. -[Danielle] Yeah.
[Danielle] So I was on a call with this mom,
and she's a type A person like me and like has her stuff together.
Or so we feel like we do.
Anyway, I was chatting with her and just thinking about, like,
trying to just get, like,
multiple moms together to just kind of like share knowledge and whatnot,
and they need support in such a unique way, like,
women that I feel like I could you know...
Help, in a way, I guess.
[Adam] I don't know why, but like when things are already difficult.
Danielle just finds a way just to keep adding more things to her plate.
I think a multiple support group is a great idea.
Danielle would be awesome at that.
But I mean, just the other day, she could hardly get out of bed.
Honestly, right now, she's at a point
where she just really needs to focus on herself.
I just really feel like a calling of, like, how can I outreach other women
who are going through something that I've experienced?
I still feel like there's a whole avenue of you
maybe even meeting their husbands.
-And like, they're dads... -Let's not go that far.
[Danielle] This is something that I really want to do.
Like, I think that this is what I've been looking for,
is like some way to resource other moms and have a support group
for multiple moms, I think would be great.
I just want him to get on board.
Anyway, I just was excited, and it was nice to meet her.
And as much as I feel like I fail at times,
I still feel like this is what I've been called to do, you know.
[Danielle] Riley, you look so funny.
Tonight, I'm taking the girls to a real haunted house.
We've got this retreat coming up, so we'll see how that goes.
[Danielle] We've been married almost 20 years, and so I'm actually not even sure
what emotions might come from it.
Does anybody know of the marriages that fail,
what percent fail because of communication issues?
-A lot. -98%.
[spooky music playing]
[Danielle] Y'all stand right here.
Come here, Ri. Right here.
Okay. Come on this side of the dinosaur.
Hazel, go by Parker.
[Adam] Cheeseburgers.
Tomorrow, Danielle and I are taking off to
a couples retreat for the weekend.
But tonight, I'm taking the girls to a real haunted house.
They're kind of at that mature age where, like, I think they can handle it.
[kids laughing]
[Danielle] Riley, you look so funny.
When I went to the haunted house, I was a ginormous purple dinosaur.
My costume was...
[Hazel] My costume was a witch.
[Parker] My costume was a tiger.
[Olivia] My costume was...
[Hazel] Oh and our costume was really itchy.
[Danielle] All right, this is y'all's first real haunted house.
Seriously, I can't stand that you want to put the kids through this.
I think it's great that the girls are asking about this.
I mean, not long ago, I mean, we couldn't even walk past the outside of this place.
[Adam] See the zombie?
[Danielle] Oh my gosh. Okay, let's go.
Come on, let's go.
[girls whimpering]
I'm done. Done.
All I know is this better not be a disaster
with five crying little girls and one dad laughing the whole time.
[Adam] Do you want to take that off to be able to see?
[Riley] I can't see.
[Danielle and Adam laughing]
[Riley] Oh my gosh!
[Danielle] All right, I'm out. I don't...
This is not a good idea.
I, 100% will not be forcing the kids to go through the haunted house.
So Riley, Hazel and Blayke are going in the haunted house with Adam.
And Parker, Ava, Olivia are gonna hang out with me and Kiki
and go play some games.
Y'all go do the beanbag toss.
Can I do that game?
Parker's too worried that somebody's gonna jump out.
-No. -[Danielle laughs]
Be careful out there.
So how's it been finding a helper? Have you had any luck?
I mean, we've done a couple of interviews and stuff prior to...
It's probably tough.
Yeah, I think six kids scare people away. [laughs]
[Adam] She has the guts out.
There you go.
Ahh! So close.
[Danielle] So we've got this retreat coming up. A weekend retreat.
So, we'll see how that goes. Don't know what to expect out of that.
I hate that it didn't work out that we couldn't make, you know?
I'm sure they'll make it fun for y'all.
Yeah, and I mean, we like to do activities and hang out and, like, hopefully,
it has some type of, like, you don't just sit there
and, like, get talked to the whole time, you know.
I think this couples retreat is something that Adam and I could really use.
I mean, we've been married almost 20 years,
and like there are a lot of stresses
that change over 20 years, and so I'm actually not even quite sure
what emotions or things might come from it, I don't know.
Oh, God.
In the haunted house, I'll tell you all the people that went in.
It was Hazel, Uncle Dale, Bronson, my dad, that came in.
But they're not scared because they know it's fake.
-Ew, ew. -No.
Do you want to see?
I do too.
[voice in the background] Whoa!
[Riley] And then, when I saw the spinny part, it was fun.
but it looked like you were going upside down and it hurt my eyes.
I felt like I was going to throw up.
Is that it?
[Adam] Oh, we're back outside.
Aww. Oh my goodness.
All right, let's go find where Mommy went.
What do you think, Ri?
I was scared but I liked it.
[Adam] Of course.
I'm surprised that some of them actually enjoyed the haunted house.
And this wasn't just a haunted house.
This was a haunted house.
That girl was squeezing me, dude.
Yeah, that was the eight-year-old version.
How was it?
You didn't like it?
[guitar music playing]
-Do you have your pillow? -[Danielle] No.
[Deb] Hazel.
You take your pillow everywhere.
You're gonna help me while Mom and Dad are gone?
You're gonna be good for Deb?
Galveston.
[Deb] What time do they go to bed?
7.30, prepped in, getting in bed and 8 o'clock it's lights out.
We don't want to continue to, you know, ask family members and friends
to come watch the girls, but the nanny interviews
haven't been going as well as we had hoped.
So we asked our friend Deb, she said yes, and so we're going to roll with it.
There's some wine in there. Help yourself.
-About 9:30. -[Danielle laughs]
Once they all go to sleep.
-[Danielle] Knock, knock. -What up?
-Hey. -Right on time.
I'm Kris.
I'm a hugger.
Oh, I'm not. So, hi.
[inaudible]
-It's okay. -All right.
How are you?
This will be a fun weekend, you know, with friends.
But also we'll have wine.
So I'm already there.
So, first and foremost, now that you're here, what would you want from this?
Like, what would be a goal at the end of this?
I'll start, you know, like we do all these things to improve ourselves.
And this is just one more thing to like,
help improve like, you know, our communication
and better understanding each other, just so we do have direction.
It's super beneficial for our relationship just to focus on communication and us.
So how long has everyone been married in the room?
Seventeen years.
-Okay. -20.
10.
19.
19. Okay, all right, the newlyweds.
Exactly.
The interesting thing is, guys, everyone's over 10.
10 is a tough year to get through, right?
There's a lot of bumps and hurdles that happened around that time,
and then you, "Oh, we made it through," right?
And so making it to the other side doesn't necessarily make it easier.
The other thing also, your kids are going to grow up.
But if you look at each other, this is what you have after they grow up.
[Adam] We've seen it happen to so many other relationships.
They, you know, they focus so much on their kids,
and then by the time their kids leave the house,
it's like, they don't know who each other are anymore.
Does anybody know of the marriages that fail?
What percent of marriages fail because of communication issues?
-A lot. -50%.
-I would say higher. -70%.
98%.
Because of communication.
All right, so we're gonna spend a lot of time on that.
I didn't think this would get so serious so quick.
I mean that stat was pretty alarming.
And so this might be harder than we thought.
Everybody up for it?
[quirky music playing]
Okay, so we're not gonna snack anymore right now.
Do you know how we've been talking about Mama wanting to hire somebody
to kind of help around the house and do cleaning and all that?
She doesn't have anybody.
So I thought, well, we will help her out a little bit
and surprise her when she gets home.
Today, I came over to help watch all of the girls
while Danielle and Adam go on a little trip to Galveston,
So we'll do a little work and then have a little party.
Anybody in for the party part?
-I am. -You are?
-I am. -Okay.
So can you get the stuff to wipe the table?
And you can start sweeping.
[Riley] But then we get these ice cream parties.
And they would be delicious.
Yes.
[Deb] That looks like a big fork.
-Parker, Parker, Parker. -Ew.
Who to know how to use the dryer.
-Wait, me. -[Deb] Well, come on.
The type of thing that I would help my mom and dad do around the house.
I'd probably pick up my bed and clean my room, not my closet.
[Deb] Good job. Look at that. That's bigger than you.
I can't wait to tell your mom how good y'all were.
[Deb] And you just didn't fuss about it.
[violin music playing]
Put your blindfolds on.
Your partner is gonna verbally walk you through an obstacle course.
Oh, Lord.
And you've got to listen, and you've got to trust them and move around.
The best prescription for a couple is slowing down and talking.
All right, so get close to your partner.
Slowing down is saying, "I need to trust."
So my goal is to get all of the couples
to listen to each other.
I'm in front of you. Put your hands down.
-[Kris] All right, yeah. -[Adam] Whenever I'm blindfolded,
I can't be responsible for where my hands go.
Blindfolded or not, you're always just focused on one thing, anyway.
Well, two things.
-Okay. Straight, straight, straight, left. -[indistinct chatter]
Now slide to the right.
Slide, slide, slide.
-[Danielle] Right shoulder, a little bit forward. -[Adam] All right.
[Danielle] Okay, forward. [claps]
Squat.
-Squat? -[both chuckle]
[Adam] I was pretty comfortable with Danielle,
telling me where to go, like, I fully trust her in that moment.
I think you trust that she's going to lead you very well.
And sometimes you lean into that, right?
So we would have switched roles...?
I would have been all over the place.
[Kris] You would have probably felt
-very, a different way. -[people chuckling]
I trust Adam.
I just don't know if I can let go of my control,
and so it's more difficult for me.
[Kris] The problem is, guys,
when you get so comfortable in a marriage and in situations,
one person starts taking on a role
and the other person starts backing off of it,
and there's no reason for the person to like, step in.
You start picking up those roles
and you don't learn how to reverse them,
it just comes second-- second nature.
And then we get exhausted.
[Kris] And you get exhausted.
[Danielle] I learned that you have to
focus on your thought of what you're going to say
so that it's clear for direction.
And because he can tune me right out,
it was great for him to just like, listen,
listen, listen.
The idea is don't keep doing it the same way.
Next time you have an option to change it,
get uncomfortable and change it.
It's all humid out here.
-I got marshmallow on your phone. -Great.
[Kris] Okay, quick question. Who actually has done love languages before?
Do you actually know what the five love languages are?
Words, affirmation, physical touch,
uh, acts of services...
-Gifts. -...gifts.
-[Kris] Gifts. -And quality time.
[Kris] Wow, I love this.
So those are the five, and we all know them.
Tell each other what your love languages are.
Because it's also about friendships and everything else.
It used to be acts of service, but now it's gifts.
-[man] When did it change? -Uh...
Probably when the boys were younger.
[Danielle] Mine's acts of service because ever since I've been a child,
I've had to do so much for myself,
that for someone to take the load off of me
is a huge weight of like love.
Doing things without me asking,
that is something that I normally do.
For instance, like you're just automatically going to start washing laundry,
because, you know, I do it, and you know it'd help me out.
Like, that shows me love. That's how I understand love.
[Danielle] All right, what was yours?
Words of affirmation.
-What about this, babe? -And then, physical touch.
[chuckling] I love you. I love you.
-Physical touch. -You feeling my tank,
-Physical touch. [laughing] -you feeling my tank right now.
Like, literally his top two are my bottom two.
So touch,
touch is very personal.
And of course, I broke all the rules when I hugged people
when they came in the door, right?
So if someone is a very "high touch" person
and that's what they need,
and the other person is a very "low touch" person.
That's very challenging because you can't fake that part, right?
It's not about sex and things like that.
It's really about that intimacy about being connected.
But when your partner needs that,
you have to work 10 times harder
than any other love language.
Because it's not something-- it has to be sincere and natural.
[Adam] I mean, they say opposites attract,
so I mean, there's definitely some attraction there.
But it makes things a lot difficult,
and you know, there's some flare ups from time to time,
but love and marriage takes work.
So those are the hardest ones,
when someone is high touch, and very low touch,
the rest of them, you can kind of navigate.
[Danielle] You know how I grew up,
we're not lovey-dovey sisters and whatnot,
and like, but we still love each other.
And I love Adam. And his family.
And they are more lovey-dovey,
and that's strange to me.
But you know, we can be aware of it
and put the other before ourselves.
And then hopefully it will make these acts of loving easier.
So love languages are so important,
because if you know it and you do nothing about it,
problems start.
[Priscilla] Look how beautiful of--
this makes me want to get a beach house.
I know, that's my goal, too.
-[chuckles] -I usually don't even care about a beach house,
-but... -[Danielle] Priscilla's been in my life
for 15, 16 years.
We really have always have been able to give sound advice
and not just wanting to tell your best friend
what she wants to hear,
I'm telling you what you need to hear.
[Priscilla] So do you feel like this is helping you any?
I think that it's good to, like,
kind of get refreshed with, like,
"Hey, we're in this together. Like we're a team, you know?"
Yeah, and I'm sure there are times when each one of you
might need the other one to step up a little bit more.
Yeah, sometimes it gets overwhelming
-and, you know, I mean, six kids. -Yeah.
[Danielle] And I feel like I can take on a lot
and work well under stress.
But at some point, it does affect me,
-Yeah. -if I'm honest.
And then there's days, like when I literally can't get out of bed.
Uh...
And it's just those days come and go,
and I just can't always guess when it's going to happen.
-Yeah. -But when I get to that breaking point,
you know, I think it does freak Adam out,
and scare him a little bit.
So I don't know,
I mean, it's going to happen again. I guarantee it.
It's just the way that life is, you know,
But it's also very hard for me to, like, accept
that I have to, like stop and rest.
-Calm down... -And also to realize that you need somebody else
-to help you. -Last time we were together,
we were talking about therapy,
and maybe that you could use some help
-and that... -I don't like the word "help".
So are you scared to talk about it?
I'm not scared to talk about feelings.
I'm scared...
I'm not scared.
[Danielle] But there, I think there's just a a line
of once you start, you can't stop.
And then what is that going to do to me?
Like, being emotional is hard
because I don't feel like, I was taught these things, you know?
And I'm not one to necessarily hide how I'm feeling.
Uh, 'cause if I'm mad, I'm mad. If I'm sad...
Well, I just--
When I'm sad, you know it, because it exploded, because I--
because I maybe have hid it for a little-- just that one emotion.
Are you saying you don't feel--
Do you feel comfortable sharing
like some of the stuff with a therapist?
I think that it's good. I just... I just...
run from the...
-[Danielle] Uh...Yeah. -Openness?
But...Yeah.
[Deb] So after we eat, you want to have a little ice cream?
-Yeah! -[girl] Uh-huh.
-With sprinkles? All right. -[Riley] Yes.
-[call ringing] -Oh, Mama's calling.
-Hey. Hey. -Hey, Mama.
[Adam] Hey, what about me?
-[chuckles] -Hey, Daddy!
[Riley] Mama, we cleaned the whole house.
[Deb] You wanna see how clean the floors are?
So maybe this will get you down the road
-until you can get someone hired. -[Danielle] Good.
-[chuckles] -[Riley] And after this,
we get um, ice cream with whipped cream sprinkles and chocolate.
[Riley] Okay.
-Love you. -[Danielle] Bye.
-[Adam and Danielle] Bye. I love you. -I love you. Bye.
-[Deb] Yeah. Are y'all ready to have ice cream? -[Riley] Yes.
She's the most messiest eater when it comes to ice cream.
Very much so.
[giggles]
Okay, bring it over here, Haze.
Why would it go...? Gravity.
[girls giggle]
-[Ava] I'm hoping for like... -Uh-huh.
[Blayke] That's enough. That's enough.
-[Deb] Ava Lane! -[girl] [giggles] Ava!
-[Riley] That is a lot. -[Deb] Oh well.
I just always wanted to just be that family friend that could help out.
-Cheers! -Cheers!
[Deb] Thank y'all.
Thank y'all for letting me come over.
I was not looking for a job.
I do have my grandkids now.
-[Deb] Oh! -[Parker laughing]
And I think there's so much that needs to be done.
I've encouraged Danielle to even consider getting two people to help.
-[Deb] Uh-oh, oh no! All right, get a paper towel. -[girls giggle]
So I'm hoping that she finds someone
on a more permanent basis.
-[girl blows raspberry] -Let's go up the stairs
and um, make sure our bedrooms are perfect for when Mom comes home.
-Ava, you want to read with me? -No.
I'm the only person probably living in this world
with the only set of all-girl quintuplets.
So I like being the big sister,
and getting to help them learn and stuff like that.
Why don't you want to read?
-They might be like fun. -No, it won't.
Why?
Do you like to read at school or no?
I don't know.
-Do you? -Yeah.
I like reading nonfiction books.
Do you not know what fiction and nonfiction is?
Nonfiction is real things.
And fiction is not real things.
Yeah, and so the more you read,
you'll probably like it a little bit more.
[Blayke] All right, I'll hold the book for you,
and you can, like, try and read a sentence or something.
Please?
-Right. -[Blayke] Here, read this sentence.
"The girls looked at each other.
Let's go."
Hey, that's good.
With my sisters, I always feel like I have my own little classroom.
And so I think when Ava gets the hang of reading a little bit more,
then she'll like it.
If you ever need help with, like reading
or doing your homework for school or anything,
you can ask me for help if you need it anytime,
-[Danielle] What? -[Adam] After that workout?
Yeah.
-Uh-- -How you feeling?
I don't know. I just haven't had a--
I've had a hard time getting back into it.
[Adam] You have no "take it easy" mode.
[Danielle] I agree.
It does make me concerned
whenever I see, [sighs] you know,
just her stress level, like climb.
Because, you know, the more she's stressed,
the more pain she starts getting.
She has more episodes where she can't get out of bed and stuff like that.
And so, I want to do what I can
to like, alleviate that and help her.
You ready to, uh, to do our session?
Are you ready?
[Danielle] So we're about to have our one-on-one session with Kris,
and I don't know how it's gonna go,
but I just want it to be healthy and helpful.
I don't know, I think we just have to find
how do we communicate to each other.
This is awesome, that we have this opportunity
to get some kind of advice
that I want to be able to take home.
So, let's go.
My arms are sore. [chuckling]
-Babe-- -I've tried that.
-[Danielle] Phew! Freaking hot, man. -[whistling]
-[Kris] How you feeling? -Uh...
I'm good. Just, the story of my life's waiting on this man.
Oh, well, I heard that. Yeah.
-Yeah. -[Danielle] [giggles] Okay, sit.
Oh, okay, so we've been here a couple of days.
-Yeah. -[sighs]
So, what was the kind of biggest takeaway so far?
Realizing how different we are as far as how we want to feel like loved.
-Yeah, that's a huge one for you guys. -And--
[Adam] You're talking about, like, how I play like, good cop,
and it's just because, like, I want that like love and affection from the kids,
because I don't necessarily get it from you.
And so, like, I'm the good cop with them
because, like, I want them to, like,
be drawn to me and, like, love me, you know?
It's definitely hard to kind of
hear for the first time, honestly,
that sometimes Adam plays the good cop
just so he gets, you know,
the attention and praises and love and affection from all the girls.
That's a hard thing to hear as a wife.
I feel like, it kind of stabbed me in the heart a little bit.
It's makes me feel really sad
because I don't want him to think that I don't love him.
I think the biggest issue,
our struggle that we have
is just our total different communication styles.
I'm a blabber and Adam's a processor,
but he doesn't, rarely, ever explode.
-So it's just, I mean, always, it's always there. -[Kris] Just always there.
And you almost sometimes want him to just let it all out.
-I do and I'm just like, can you just...? [chuckling] -[Kris] Right.
-Right. -[Adam] But I don't want to
because, like, I know that if I match you,
-It's just going to, like, spiral out of control. -[Kris chuckles]
And so, like, I just choose to, like, shut down,
-and then... -Never talk about it.
[Kris] Never talk about it.
-[Danielle] Yeah. -And that's an introvert.
-[Danielle] And I'm... I'm... -He's a big time introvert.
Just tell me what's in your head,
-Like there's--Like, I can't-- -[Kris] Yeah.
I can't do anything unless I know.
You're the highest risk for him. If he loses you, he has nothing.
-It sounds like there's fear in there. -Okay. Yeah.
Because it's very easy to talk to somewhere you have nothing to lose.
Very hard to open up to someone where you have a lot to lose.
-[Adam] Mm-hmm. -[Kris] You know.
So the best thing you can do there,
give him an hour.
To go to the gym, do whatever you want.
But when you come back, we're gonna have this conversation.
Now he's not put on the spot.
So for you, it's the patience,
because you just want to solve it right now, right?
Like, why would we wait an hour if we didn't have to?
It's truly understanding that she needs an answer,
knowing that you can get through the conversation
and everybody's going to be okay.
[Danielle] Our communication styles,
between me and Adam, have always been the struggle.
And so, it feels really important
for us to talk about this and address it
so that our marriage is growing in the right direction.
Like the issues that she's had with, like her health,
the autoimmune stuff.
It's like--It's just hard.
I feel like a lot of the stuff within the house,
all these things that I'm doing and doing, it depletes me.
And then I need her at the end of the day to, like, acknowledge it.
And she just doesn't.
[Danielle] Well, one, I get frustrated with,
"Oh, because you did this, I'll do this."
I--I need it to be, because it's out of love.
I get frustrated that when I'm physically and mentally struggling,
I still have to have the weight of him saying,
-'Oh, well, I did more than you." -Right.
-And it's the way-- -And that...that just...
that makes me want to punch the wall. [chuckles]
Everyone needs to feel appreciated for what they did.
You know, it's just how, then we get that appreciation.
-Yeah. -[Kris] I just think there's a lot of things
that have maybe been stirring for a while in that relationship.
So, you know, going back
and kind of learning that, let all that go
so you don't keep carrying it around.
You know, unpack some of that.
Leave some of that weight behind.
All right, well, I'm gonna give you this homework.
You don't have to do all of it in one night.
One of those exercises at the end of the night
for 10 minutes is say thank you for three things.
Just say thank you.
And that's what he's looking for.
But it's also you saying thank you for what she does.
-Right? -[Adam and Danielle] Okay. Okay.
-Awesome. -[Kris] It's interesting
because everyone's issue is different,
and you can't say one is more important than the other.
But she is the classic super mom, right.
"I can do it all, and I don't need anyone's help."
And someone, maybe that has always been a survivor.
He's putting more on the plate because it makes him feel alive.
But eventually it's the same thing
that kind of starts to dwindle at their health
and take them down.
The last thing I want to say,
have either of you ever considered going to therapy?
Um...
So, like I went and saw somebody for a while.
I was just kind of struggling and kind of flailing
-as far as like identity and stuff like that. -[Kris] Mm-hmm.
How about yourself?
[Danielle] Um...
No.
I'm better in survival mode, I guess.
Okay. It's so easy to carve out time for everything else,
but not time for this.
And first, you have to take care of yourself,
because if you can't, you're not going to be available
-to anybody else. -Right.
Right. I mean, are you on a course that you're both on together
because you're in survival.
[Danielle] A lot of what Kris is saying makes sense,
and we're leaving here with a lot of things to, you know, work on.
As for therapy, I guess I have to start thinking about that, too.
Going to a therapist. It's a safe place without judgment.
-To just [exhales] -[Adam] Yeah.
[Danielle] I can't constantly stay like overwhelmed.
And so scheduled a therapist appointment.
Therapist appointment, for what?
[Crystal] You're just gonna sit down and get together and cry?
[mockingly crying] [chuckles]
[Danielle] And that's decorations.
Oh, that's good. All these racks are going, right?
Yeah, so just a few more things
need to be steamed and tagged.
-[Danielle] Okay. -Yeah.
-Hello. -[Danielle and Madison] Hey. Hey.
Whoa, look at all the holiday stuff.
You want to get in here and come help steam and get ready?
-[chuckles] -Oh yeah, you want a holiday temp job?
[Crystal] Oh, this is cute.
The holidays are the busiest time of the year for us,
and it starts right after Halloween.
We've got my annual fashion show, which is in November.
We've got Thanksgiving coming up
and we have Black Friday,
which means the more I prepare,
the better off I'll be going into this season.
So are you nervous about
this year doing the fashion show is bigger?
-[Danielle] Yes. -Plus you're at a bigger venue, so.
-Yeah. I have more product. More--more everything. -[Crystal] Yeah.
-That's a lot of load on you. -I know.
[Danielle] And I can't constantly stay, like, overwhelmed.
And so I scheduled a therapist's appointment.
Therapist appointment? For what?
-[Danielle] Someone to talk to. -Huh?
[Crystal] What made you decide to do that?
After our little marriage retreat.
She recommended because you and Adam
don't really communicate that well between each other?
Like it's not-- it's not necessarily, like, there's a problem.
-[Crystal] No, yeah, I know. -It's just like--
I'm just always stressed out.
-And... -[Crystal] Well, I mean, yeah,
-I get stressed out, too, -It's--
but I never think about going to see a therapist.
When I hear the word "therapy,"
when it comes to my mind, I think, you know, help.
Getting help, not saying that she needs help,
but it's interesting that she decided
[chuckling] Let's go to therapy.
It still blows my mind.
[Crystal] Who needs a damn therapist?
Like us three never talked about our feelings.
-I know. -[Crystal] So, all right, what do you expect to say
when you go there? You're just gonna sit down and get together and cry.
[mockingly crying] [chuckles]
I mean, I'll... I'll... I'll blab my issues and complaints and stress.
-I don't know, I mean-- -You might be like this. [sighing in relief]
When you walk out of the therapy, that first session. [chuckles]
You need therapy just as much,
-Why? -because you don't think about feelings
-and process feelings. -Ah.
I don't know. I don't know if I'd ever do it.
That's when you just go get a massage,
pamper yourself or just go outside and scream and talk to yourself.
Have I ever been to therapy?
Hell, no.
And should I go? I don't know.
You hear some people that do go to therapy.
I mean, they have horror stories, and then some of them don't.
So maybe she just needs somebody else to talk to,
besides just her friends.
But then again, I don't know.
I'm just trying to understand, what are you planning on gaining?
I mean, I think when I get overwhelmed, stressed,
it plays a part in my health issues,
But there's eight schedules that this family runs off of.
And I mean, I don't want to complain and nag and stuff
all the time with Adam, and that's our relationship.
-Yeah. -I don't know.
So, like I mean, I want to get something out of it.
I just don't want to physically go through
like the emotional side of it.
I don't like to be emotional, I guess.
Just weird, like, I don't like it.
The one feeling I know really well
is when I feel stressed.
But as a mom, you've got to deal with your things separate.
I don't want to stay in like this...
like [screams] phase.
Even if it is an hour that I'm going to dedicate,
-Yeah. -it is an hour for me
and the purpose of going is to benefit from it
and to have some kind of growth from it.
I mean, I don't know.
I just know that, I don't want to keep feeling like this
and something just needs to change.
[narrator] Next time on OutDaughtered...
Daddy signed you up for junior cheerleaders.
[Danielle] Did you forget what week it is?
Fashion Show week.
I mean, you're gonna practice cheer with them?
I can teach them to dance.
[Riley] Now we rock.
One, two, three!
-I think she was that good. -[girl] That good.
-Put it in the pocket. -[girl] Hm.
Hi, I'm Jen.
-Hey, nice to meet you. Yeah. -Nice to meet you. You ready?
-Yeah. -Come on back.
I'm here for my first, uh, therapy session.
I have no idea what to get out of this.
For the past couple of years, I've just had some health issues.
That changes your mental state when you're not feeling well.
-Gotcha. -And I'm not sure my husband is understanding in that.
I feel almost like resented.
Do you ever let yourself just cry and go?
I don't like to do it.
'Cause there's a block in there,
we'd have to go over.
Yeah.
Today is the Graeson B Holiday soiree and Fashion Show.
-Let's get this started. -[audience cheering]
[announcer speaking]
[audience cheering]
[Adam] Can you see the stadium?
It's game day.
-Who's excited? -[all cheering]
I was almost about to pee my pants.
[all] Let's go!
[all cheering]