WEBVTT 1 00:00:03,525 --> 00:00:06,528 ADULT SHELDON: Not all science is created equal. 2 00:00:06,571 --> 00:00:09,705 There's physics, the undisputed king of science. 3 00:00:09,748 --> 00:00:11,489 There's chemistry. It's no physics, 4 00:00:11,533 --> 00:00:13,926 but it's not a bad way to pass a rainy afternoon. 5 00:00:13,970 --> 00:00:16,059 And then there's biology, 6 00:00:16,103 --> 00:00:18,061 the squishiest of the sciences. 7 00:00:18,105 --> 00:00:19,628 Ugh! 8 00:00:19,671 --> 00:00:22,500 Once you have deposited enough saliva 9 00:00:22,544 --> 00:00:23,588 in the blue Benedict's solution, 10 00:00:23,632 --> 00:00:25,764 we'll mix it 11 00:00:25,808 --> 00:00:27,157 in the centrifuge. 12 00:00:27,201 --> 00:00:29,290 After that, we'll pass it through the spectrometer 13 00:00:29,333 --> 00:00:31,901 to measure how much glucose is present. 14 00:00:31,944 --> 00:00:34,338 And won't that be a party? 15 00:00:34,382 --> 00:00:35,383 Sheldon. 16 00:00:42,999 --> 00:00:45,306 [whirring] 17 00:00:45,349 --> 00:00:47,743 [hissing, clanging] 18 00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:54,141 Oh, dear. Oh, dear. 19 00:00:54,184 --> 00:00:56,186 It's warm. Oh, dear. 20 00:00:57,448 --> 00:01:00,321 ♪ Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪ 21 00:01:00,364 --> 00:01:03,193 ♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain 22 00:01:03,237 --> 00:01:05,717 ♪ I bet I could be your hero 23 00:01:05,761 --> 00:01:08,111 ♪ I am a mighty little man 24 00:01:08,155 --> 00:01:12,420 ♪ I am a mighty little man.♪ 25 00:01:16,685 --> 00:01:18,469 And then there was some extra money in the budget, 26 00:01:18,513 --> 00:01:20,210 so I was able to order those tackling dummies 27 00:01:20,254 --> 00:01:21,733 I had my eye on. 28 00:01:21,777 --> 00:01:23,648 I don't understand why the football program gets 29 00:01:23,692 --> 00:01:25,650 so much money, while the equipment in the science lab 30 00:01:25,694 --> 00:01:27,652 is outdated and falling apart. 31 00:01:27,696 --> 00:01:28,871 Oh, I can explain that. 32 00:01:28,914 --> 00:01:30,133 This is Texas. 33 00:01:30,177 --> 00:01:31,134 Pass the ribs. 34 00:01:31,178 --> 00:01:32,135 Well, it's not fair. 35 00:01:32,179 --> 00:01:33,180 It's a school. 36 00:01:33,223 --> 00:01:35,007 Education should be their priority. 37 00:01:35,051 --> 00:01:36,618 All right, I'll explain it again... 38 00:01:36,661 --> 00:01:37,967 MEEMAW: I think Shelly's got a point. 39 00:01:38,010 --> 00:01:40,274 The school is supposed to prepare these kids 40 00:01:40,317 --> 00:01:41,666 for the future. How many of 'em 41 00:01:41,710 --> 00:01:44,104 are gonna be professional football players? 42 00:01:44,147 --> 00:01:45,670 No one at this table. 43 00:01:45,714 --> 00:01:48,543 But how many of 'em are gonna be scientists? 44 00:01:48,586 --> 00:01:49,805 I know. 45 00:01:49,848 --> 00:01:52,373 George, isn't there a way they can take some 46 00:01:52,416 --> 00:01:54,375 of the football money and spend it on science? 47 00:01:54,418 --> 00:01:56,812 Really? I need to explain it again? 48 00:01:56,855 --> 00:01:58,727 You know, Moon Pie, in the '60s, when the hippies wanted 49 00:01:58,770 --> 00:02:01,251 to change things, they would just protest. 50 00:02:01,295 --> 00:02:03,035 You were a hippie?Oh, no. 51 00:02:03,079 --> 00:02:05,429 But I wrote a letter complaining about the hippies, 52 00:02:05,473 --> 00:02:07,649 and the police chased 'em right out of that park. 53 00:02:07,692 --> 00:02:09,129 So my point is... 54 00:02:09,172 --> 00:02:11,174 maybe you could write a letter. 55 00:02:11,218 --> 00:02:13,568 Ooh! Maybe I can lodge a formal complaint 56 00:02:13,611 --> 00:02:15,744 with the school board about the sports budget infringing 57 00:02:15,787 --> 00:02:17,093 on the other departments. 58 00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:18,225 Okay, last time: 59 00:02:18,268 --> 00:02:19,748 Canada, 60 00:02:19,791 --> 00:02:21,576 the other states, 61 00:02:21,619 --> 00:02:23,404 us. 62 00:02:25,275 --> 00:02:27,016 [indistinct chatter] 63 00:02:29,671 --> 00:02:31,020 [shouts][shouts] 64 00:02:31,063 --> 00:02:33,196 What are you doing, standing there? 65 00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:35,372 I wrote a formal complaint letter to the school board 66 00:02:35,416 --> 00:02:37,461 on how much money is spent on football. 67 00:02:37,505 --> 00:02:39,724 I was hoping you could deliver it to them. 68 00:02:39,768 --> 00:02:41,639 You do realize your father's a coach here. 69 00:02:41,683 --> 00:02:43,119 Yes, sir, I do. 70 00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:44,990 Maybe you ought to talk to him about this first. 71 00:02:45,034 --> 00:02:46,035 I did. 72 00:02:46,078 --> 00:02:47,906 He didn't care for the idea at all. 73 00:02:47,950 --> 00:02:50,257 Well, there you go. 74 00:02:50,300 --> 00:02:52,128 There I go what? 75 00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:54,826 Let me see that. 76 00:02:54,870 --> 00:02:56,698 [sighs] 77 00:02:56,741 --> 00:02:59,918 "Barbaric sport... encourages bloodlust similar 78 00:02:59,962 --> 00:03:01,790 "to Roman gladiator games... 79 00:03:01,833 --> 00:03:03,879 "Christians, lions... 80 00:03:03,922 --> 00:03:06,229 money better spent on science and learning." 81 00:03:06,273 --> 00:03:08,231 You're joking, right? 82 00:03:08,275 --> 00:03:10,755 Did you see the word "bazinga" anywhere in that letter? 83 00:03:14,716 --> 00:03:16,021 Out. 84 00:03:16,065 --> 00:03:18,937 I'll just have to go over his head. 85 00:03:22,158 --> 00:03:24,247 President Cooper. 86 00:03:24,291 --> 00:03:26,118 That's serendipitous. 87 00:03:27,381 --> 00:03:28,817 Hello. 88 00:03:28,860 --> 00:03:30,253 [gasps][shouts] 89 00:03:30,297 --> 00:03:31,733 What? 90 00:03:31,776 --> 00:03:34,388 I understand that you're in charge of student elections. 91 00:03:34,431 --> 00:03:35,824 [exhales] 92 00:03:35,867 --> 00:03:36,955 I am. 93 00:03:36,999 --> 00:03:39,175 I'd like to run for class president. 94 00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:40,829 Really? 95 00:03:40,872 --> 00:03:42,396 Really. 96 00:03:42,439 --> 00:03:44,180 Okay. 97 00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:46,922 You can sign up, but I have to warn you-- 98 00:03:46,965 --> 00:03:49,968 you'll be running against Nell Cavanaugh. 99 00:03:50,012 --> 00:03:51,056 So? 100 00:03:51,100 --> 00:03:53,798 She's well-liked by the student body. 101 00:03:53,842 --> 00:03:55,278 So? 102 00:03:55,322 --> 00:03:58,412 These elections tend to be a bit of a popularity contest. 103 00:03:58,455 --> 00:04:01,284 So? You're gonna make me say it, huh? 104 00:04:01,328 --> 00:04:02,503 Say what? 105 00:04:02,546 --> 00:04:04,505 People don't like you. 106 00:04:04,548 --> 00:04:07,116 Well, as my meemaw likes to say, water off a duck's back. 107 00:04:07,159 --> 00:04:09,336 Elections shouldn't be about popularity. 108 00:04:09,379 --> 00:04:11,947 They should be about who has the best ideas. 109 00:04:11,990 --> 00:04:14,254 And what's your idea? 110 00:04:14,297 --> 00:04:15,646 Less money on football, 111 00:04:15,690 --> 00:04:17,039 more on science. 112 00:04:18,083 --> 00:04:20,085 Really. 113 00:04:20,129 --> 00:04:22,740 Guess what. I'm running for class president. 114 00:04:22,784 --> 00:04:24,307 Good for you. 115 00:04:24,351 --> 00:04:25,917 You're encouraging him? 116 00:04:25,961 --> 00:04:27,745 He's gonna get destroyed. 117 00:04:27,789 --> 00:04:29,051 You don't know that. 118 00:04:29,094 --> 00:04:30,748 I feel like I do. 119 00:04:30,792 --> 00:04:32,750 Well, whether you win or not, 120 00:04:32,794 --> 00:04:34,709 I think it's great that you're trying. 121 00:04:34,752 --> 00:04:36,711 But you think I'll win, right? 122 00:04:38,452 --> 00:04:41,106 God's listening, Mom. 123 00:04:41,150 --> 00:04:43,108 I think it's certainly possible. 124 00:04:43,152 --> 00:04:45,067 Do you have a campaign strategy? 125 00:04:45,110 --> 00:04:45,894 No. 126 00:04:45,937 --> 00:04:47,635 Do you have a catchy slogan? 127 00:04:47,678 --> 00:04:48,636 No. 128 00:04:48,679 --> 00:04:49,898 Does he have a shot at winning? 129 00:04:49,941 --> 00:04:50,942 No. 130 00:04:53,162 --> 00:04:56,774 Hello, I'd like to speak to the mayor, please. 131 00:04:56,818 --> 00:04:57,775 My name is Sheldon Cooper. 132 00:04:57,819 --> 00:04:59,211 I'm running for class president 133 00:04:59,255 --> 00:05:02,606 and was hoping he could give me some advice. 134 00:05:02,650 --> 00:05:03,825 I'm ten years old. 135 00:05:03,868 --> 00:05:05,348 But if it helps get him on the phone, 136 00:05:05,392 --> 00:05:07,481 I'm well-behaved, a straight-A student, 137 00:05:07,524 --> 00:05:09,831 and have impeccable hygiene. 138 00:05:09,874 --> 00:05:10,788 [beep]Hello. 139 00:05:10,832 --> 00:05:12,616 This is Mayor Harrison. 140 00:05:12,660 --> 00:05:15,184 I understand you are running for office. 141 00:05:15,227 --> 00:05:16,577 Class president. 142 00:05:16,620 --> 00:05:18,666 Do you have any advice on how to win? 143 00:05:18,709 --> 00:05:20,842 The most important thing is to get out there 144 00:05:20,885 --> 00:05:22,365 and connect with people. 145 00:05:22,409 --> 00:05:24,019 That's tricky. 146 00:05:24,062 --> 00:05:25,760 I'm not terribly fond of people. 147 00:05:25,803 --> 00:05:27,849 Well, you might need to get over that. 148 00:05:27,892 --> 00:05:29,111 Assuming I can, 149 00:05:29,154 --> 00:05:30,852 how do I connect with them? 150 00:05:30,895 --> 00:05:32,854 A friendly handshake is a great start. 151 00:05:32,897 --> 00:05:33,855 Oh, boy. 152 00:05:33,898 --> 00:05:36,031 Now I have to touch them? 153 00:05:36,074 --> 00:05:38,033 ADULT SHELDON: Over the next few days, 154 00:05:38,076 --> 00:05:40,035 I mounted my campaign. 155 00:05:40,078 --> 00:05:42,907 My name is Sheldon Cooper, and I'm running for class president. 156 00:05:42,951 --> 00:05:43,865 Okay. 157 00:05:43,908 --> 00:05:45,910 Put her there. 158 00:05:47,564 --> 00:05:48,870 Greetings, fellow students. 159 00:05:48,913 --> 00:05:50,611 I'm running for class president. 160 00:05:50,654 --> 00:05:53,048 Here's a button. 161 00:05:54,136 --> 00:05:55,659 Have a grown-up put them on you. 162 00:05:55,703 --> 00:05:57,008 They're sharp. 163 00:05:57,052 --> 00:05:58,270 Hello. 164 00:05:58,314 --> 00:05:59,359 I'm Sheldon Cooper, 165 00:05:59,402 --> 00:06:01,099 and I'm running for class president. 166 00:06:01,143 --> 00:06:02,536 Yeah?I understand 167 00:06:02,579 --> 00:06:04,059 you had a baby last year. 168 00:06:04,102 --> 00:06:06,104 If you bring it in, I'll try to kiss it. 169 00:06:14,156 --> 00:06:15,157 Vote Sheldon for class president. 170 00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:17,725 Vote Sheldon for class president. 171 00:06:17,768 --> 00:06:21,163 Vote Sheldon for class president. 172 00:06:21,206 --> 00:06:23,165 Don't worry-- it's a number two. 173 00:06:23,208 --> 00:06:24,862 You can use it on standardized tests. 174 00:06:24,906 --> 00:06:26,473 Okay. 175 00:06:26,516 --> 00:06:27,430 And, of course, homework. 176 00:06:27,474 --> 00:06:30,390 I love homework. 177 00:06:30,433 --> 00:06:32,783 Well, it's so nice to finally meet you. 178 00:06:32,827 --> 00:06:33,915 I'm Nell Cavanaugh. 179 00:06:33,958 --> 00:06:35,482 My opponent. 180 00:06:35,525 --> 00:06:38,136 I would shake your hand, but my mom is washing my mittens. 181 00:06:38,180 --> 00:06:40,051 Okay. 182 00:06:40,095 --> 00:06:41,792 [chuckles] 183 00:06:41,836 --> 00:06:43,054 She was really nice. 184 00:06:43,098 --> 00:06:45,187 She even said, "May the best student win." 185 00:06:45,230 --> 00:06:46,362 That's sweet. 186 00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:48,059 This was a great idea. 187 00:06:48,103 --> 00:06:50,453 Children like cupcakes, and, by giving them cupcakes, 188 00:06:50,497 --> 00:06:52,716 they'll transfer that affinity to me. 189 00:06:52,760 --> 00:06:55,980 That's another way of looking at it. 190 00:06:56,024 --> 00:06:58,940 By that reasoning, a rich person could simply buy people's votes. 191 00:06:58,983 --> 00:07:00,855 It's been known to happen. 192 00:07:00,898 --> 00:07:01,812 Until my ship comes in, 193 00:07:01,856 --> 00:07:03,814 I guess it's cupcakes. 194 00:07:03,858 --> 00:07:06,034 Georgie, check it out. 195 00:07:06,077 --> 00:07:08,036 Oh, man, I hate that he's doing this. 196 00:07:08,079 --> 00:07:09,820 What? It's cute. 197 00:07:09,864 --> 00:07:11,169 It's embarrassing. 198 00:07:11,213 --> 00:07:13,607 I would think you'd be proud of him. 199 00:07:13,650 --> 00:07:16,044 That's 'cause you're a better person than me. 200 00:07:16,087 --> 00:07:18,786 Maybe you ought to ask God to take away your anger 201 00:07:18,829 --> 00:07:20,178 and replace it with love. 202 00:07:20,222 --> 00:07:22,703 Can I ask him to take away my brother instead? 203 00:07:22,746 --> 00:07:24,052 Georgie. 204 00:07:24,095 --> 00:07:25,532 Not kill him-- 205 00:07:25,575 --> 00:07:27,621 just strand him on an island somewhere. 206 00:07:28,665 --> 00:07:29,623 A nice island, 207 00:07:29,666 --> 00:07:31,451 with coconuts and stuff. 208 00:07:32,887 --> 00:07:34,889 [indistinct chatter] 209 00:07:38,632 --> 00:07:40,198 [chuckling] 210 00:07:48,076 --> 00:07:49,599 Nell Cavanaugh, 211 00:07:49,643 --> 00:07:52,863 it appears we're taking the mittens off. 212 00:07:52,907 --> 00:07:55,475 Well, that's unfortunate. 213 00:07:55,518 --> 00:07:57,041 Oh, this goes well beyond unfortunate. 214 00:07:57,085 --> 00:07:58,652 It's flat-out unfair. 215 00:07:58,695 --> 00:08:01,176 Did you not say that you love homework? 216 00:08:01,219 --> 00:08:03,091 Of course I said it. I say it all the time. 217 00:08:03,134 --> 00:08:06,181 But she took it out of context and is using it against me. 218 00:08:06,224 --> 00:08:08,096 Well, that is what happens in politics. 219 00:08:08,139 --> 00:08:09,967 People stretch the truth. 220 00:08:10,011 --> 00:08:11,708 Well, those people are dirty dogs. 221 00:08:11,752 --> 00:08:12,970 They certainly are. 222 00:08:13,014 --> 00:08:14,972 Now, let me ask you something. 223 00:08:15,016 --> 00:08:16,931 How bad do you want to win this election? 224 00:08:16,974 --> 00:08:20,108 Bad enough to let 105 kids shake my mitten. 225 00:08:20,151 --> 00:08:21,544 Okay, then you need to toughen up. 226 00:08:21,588 --> 00:08:23,981 Politics is not for the weak-kneed. 227 00:08:24,025 --> 00:08:26,636 Are you suggesting that I fight fire with fire? 228 00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:28,290 I am. 229 00:08:28,333 --> 00:08:31,206 So going to my room and crying in my pillow is not an option? 230 00:08:31,249 --> 00:08:32,512 It is not. 231 00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:36,994 Then I have some thinking to do. 232 00:08:38,996 --> 00:08:39,954 MISSY: Oh, yeah. 233 00:08:39,997 --> 00:08:40,955 You're screwed. 234 00:08:40,998 --> 00:08:42,957 Which is why I need your help. 235 00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:44,132 Why me? 236 00:08:44,175 --> 00:08:45,220 You're ruthless. 237 00:08:45,263 --> 00:08:46,787 I've seen you cheat at Candy Land. 238 00:08:46,830 --> 00:08:48,963 Thanks. Go on. 239 00:08:49,006 --> 00:08:50,225 Well, I'd like to retaliate, 240 00:08:50,268 --> 00:08:52,053 but I don't know anything about her. 241 00:08:52,096 --> 00:08:53,620 Make something up. 242 00:08:53,663 --> 00:08:56,100 Ooh, tell people she has head lice. 243 00:08:56,144 --> 00:08:58,102 I won't resort to lying. 244 00:08:59,147 --> 00:09:01,410 There's a Denise Cavanaugh in my class. 245 00:09:01,453 --> 00:09:03,151 Could be her little sister. 246 00:09:03,194 --> 00:09:04,369 So? 247 00:09:04,413 --> 00:09:05,588 I'll see if I can dig up something about Nell 248 00:09:05,632 --> 00:09:06,981 you can use against her. 249 00:09:07,024 --> 00:09:08,765 Thank you. 250 00:09:08,809 --> 00:09:11,289 Georgie, I hate to have to ask this, 251 00:09:11,333 --> 00:09:13,204 but are you going to vote for me? 252 00:09:13,248 --> 00:09:14,554 No. Go away. 253 00:09:14,597 --> 00:09:15,772 Are you sure? 254 00:09:15,816 --> 00:09:17,774 If I win, I can make you a hall monitor. 255 00:09:17,818 --> 00:09:20,124 Imagine the respect you'll get then. 256 00:09:20,168 --> 00:09:21,778 Get lost. 257 00:09:27,218 --> 00:09:31,527 GEORGE JR.: Lord, please take away my anger toward my stupid brother. 258 00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:33,094 My life is hard enough. 259 00:09:33,137 --> 00:09:34,922 Don't let him be president. 260 00:09:34,965 --> 00:09:36,706 And while we're talking, 261 00:09:36,750 --> 00:09:39,143 Veronica-- help me out. 262 00:09:39,187 --> 00:09:42,103 Encourage her to do something with me she'll regret. 263 00:09:42,146 --> 00:09:43,670 Amen. 264 00:09:43,713 --> 00:09:45,672 [school bell rings] 265 00:09:45,715 --> 00:09:47,282 Remember, 266 00:09:47,325 --> 00:09:50,154 tomorrow we'll be dissecting worms! 267 00:09:50,198 --> 00:09:51,416 [groaning] 268 00:09:51,460 --> 00:09:54,681 Ah, your sadness makes me happy. 269 00:09:54,724 --> 00:09:56,117 Mr. Givens, I just wanted you to know 270 00:09:56,160 --> 00:09:57,901 that I'm still working hard on my campaign 271 00:09:57,945 --> 00:10:00,121 to get more funding for the science department. 272 00:10:00,164 --> 00:10:03,559 Oh, great, 'cause I've got to dig up tomorrow's worms myself. 273 00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:06,170 Anything you can do to help me win a decisive victory 274 00:10:06,214 --> 00:10:08,172 come Election Day would be much appreciated. 275 00:10:08,216 --> 00:10:09,652 Oh, well, I'm sorry, Sheldon, 276 00:10:09,696 --> 00:10:11,654 the faculty doesn't get involved in student elections. 277 00:10:11,698 --> 00:10:13,656 Oh, I understand. 278 00:10:13,700 --> 00:10:16,050 You have to remain neutral. Wink, wink. 279 00:10:16,093 --> 00:10:18,269 I'm sorry, wink, wink? 280 00:10:18,313 --> 00:10:20,968 You want new science equipment and I want that for you. 281 00:10:21,011 --> 00:10:23,753 One hand washes the other. Wink, wink. 282 00:10:23,797 --> 00:10:26,495 Oh, sure, wink, wink. 283 00:10:26,538 --> 00:10:29,193 Now you're getting it. Wink, wink. 284 00:10:29,237 --> 00:10:31,282 Wink, wink. 285 00:10:31,326 --> 00:10:32,283 Wink, wink. 286 00:10:32,327 --> 00:10:35,330 [sighs] That kid creeps me out. 287 00:10:35,373 --> 00:10:38,507 ADULT SHELDON: Another hurdle in my political career was glossophobia: 288 00:10:38,550 --> 00:10:40,204 fear of public speaking. 289 00:10:40,248 --> 00:10:43,294 I've been known to experience dry mouth, perspiration, 290 00:10:43,338 --> 00:10:45,688 heart palpitations, and fainting. 291 00:10:45,732 --> 00:10:47,255 A similar response to what I experience 292 00:10:47,298 --> 00:10:48,952 around unleashed dogs. [line ringing] 293 00:10:48,996 --> 00:10:51,041 Hello, this is Sheldon Cooper. 294 00:10:51,085 --> 00:10:52,869 Can I please speak with Pastor Jeff? 295 00:10:52,913 --> 00:10:55,742 PEG [over phone]: Hold on. [coughing] 296 00:10:57,308 --> 00:10:59,093 Hey, Sheldon, what can I do for you? 297 00:10:59,136 --> 00:11:01,095 I need to give a speech at school, 298 00:11:01,138 --> 00:11:03,010 but I have a fear of public speaking. 299 00:11:03,053 --> 00:11:04,751 Since you give a sermon every Sunday, 300 00:11:04,794 --> 00:11:06,709 I was hoping you'd have some words of advice. 301 00:11:06,753 --> 00:11:09,059 As a matter of fact, I do. 302 00:11:09,103 --> 00:11:12,584 When I look down on my congregation and I feel nervous, 303 00:11:12,628 --> 00:11:15,544 I just ask the Lord to speak through me. 304 00:11:15,587 --> 00:11:17,546 Like a ventriloquist? 305 00:11:17,589 --> 00:11:19,113 Not exactly. 306 00:11:19,156 --> 00:11:20,723 I think of it more as a... 307 00:11:20,767 --> 00:11:21,985 Like one of the Muppets? 308 00:11:22,029 --> 00:11:23,291 No, not that either. 309 00:11:23,334 --> 00:11:25,336 'Cause you do look a little like Kermit. 310 00:11:25,380 --> 00:11:27,861 Uh, okay, good luck to you, Sheldon. 311 00:11:27,904 --> 00:11:29,863 Hello. 312 00:11:29,906 --> 00:11:32,169 Dr. Sturgis. Can you give me any advice 313 00:11:32,213 --> 00:11:34,258 on how to overcome a fear of public speaking? 314 00:11:34,302 --> 00:11:37,218 Ah, you know, when I was a young man 315 00:11:37,261 --> 00:11:40,874 I had a terrible fear of speaking to an audience. 316 00:11:40,917 --> 00:11:42,527 What did you do? 317 00:11:42,571 --> 00:11:44,965 Actually, it kinda took care of itself. 318 00:11:45,008 --> 00:11:48,620 One day I was, uh, playing miniature golf 319 00:11:48,664 --> 00:11:52,320 with some colleagues and I got struck by lightning. 320 00:11:52,363 --> 00:11:54,452 Oh, dear.No, it was fine. 321 00:11:54,496 --> 00:11:59,153 When I came to, I found myself with the gift of gab. 322 00:11:59,196 --> 00:12:00,415 Big crowds, 323 00:12:00,458 --> 00:12:03,331 small crowds, you couldn't shut me up. 324 00:12:03,374 --> 00:12:05,202 I don't see how that can benefit me. 325 00:12:05,246 --> 00:12:07,814 Not unless you'd like me to take you miniature golfing 326 00:12:07,857 --> 00:12:10,251 next time there are clouds on the horizon. 327 00:12:19,695 --> 00:12:21,436 Everything okay? No. 328 00:12:21,479 --> 00:12:24,265 I have to give a speech in front of the entire assembly. 329 00:12:24,308 --> 00:12:27,094 Oh. Got a little stage fright? 330 00:12:27,137 --> 00:12:28,791 Unfortunately so. 331 00:12:28,835 --> 00:12:31,794 Just thinking about it causes my bladder to misbehave. 332 00:12:31,838 --> 00:12:34,101 [chuckles] Yeah, I been there. 333 00:12:34,144 --> 00:12:35,711 You have? 334 00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:37,147 Sure. 335 00:12:37,191 --> 00:12:38,845 When I first started coaching, 336 00:12:38,888 --> 00:12:40,498 I was real nervous to talk to the team, 337 00:12:40,542 --> 00:12:42,283 you know, give a locker room speech. 338 00:12:42,326 --> 00:12:45,242 Then, one day it dawned on me, 339 00:12:45,286 --> 00:12:46,766 I'm not just talking to football players, 340 00:12:46,809 --> 00:12:49,246 I'm talking to teenage football players. 341 00:12:49,290 --> 00:12:51,292 Most of them aren't listening to a word I'm saying. 342 00:12:51,335 --> 00:12:53,294 That's an interesting perspective. 343 00:12:53,337 --> 00:12:55,252 I'll tell you something else. 344 00:12:55,296 --> 00:12:57,646 You don't give yourself enough credit for how brave you are. 345 00:12:57,689 --> 00:13:00,083 I don't? No. 346 00:13:00,127 --> 00:13:03,217 Sheldon, you are ten years old, going to high school. 347 00:13:03,260 --> 00:13:06,394 Everyone's older than you, everyone's bigger than you, 348 00:13:06,437 --> 00:13:10,398 but you keep at it, day after day. 349 00:13:10,441 --> 00:13:12,922 That's brave. 350 00:13:12,966 --> 00:13:14,924 Any kid who can do that could give a speech 351 00:13:14,968 --> 00:13:17,622 to the United Nations if he had to. 352 00:13:19,581 --> 00:13:21,017 Thanks, Dad. 353 00:13:30,592 --> 00:13:32,333 I heard what you said in there. 354 00:13:32,376 --> 00:13:34,465 That was very beautiful. Thanks. 355 00:13:34,509 --> 00:13:37,294 I gave a similar speech to my team last week. 356 00:13:37,338 --> 00:13:39,166 Boy, did we get our asses kicked. 357 00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:45,302 ADULT SHELDON: Emboldened by my father's pep talk, 358 00:13:45,346 --> 00:13:48,001 I began working on my speech. 359 00:13:48,044 --> 00:13:50,742 I aspired to walk in the footsteps 360 00:13:50,786 --> 00:13:52,048 of history's greatest orators: 361 00:13:52,092 --> 00:13:54,355 Socrates, Winston Churchill, 362 00:13:54,398 --> 00:13:57,488 and, last but not least, Professor Proton. 363 00:13:57,532 --> 00:13:59,360 Hey, I spoke to Nell's sister. 364 00:13:59,403 --> 00:14:00,970 Found out some interesting stuff. 365 00:14:01,014 --> 00:14:04,539 Thanks, but I've decided I don't want to stoop to her level. 366 00:14:04,582 --> 00:14:06,802 If I can't win on the quality of my ideas, 367 00:14:06,846 --> 00:14:09,022 then I'd rather lose with my head held high. 368 00:14:09,065 --> 00:14:10,284 That's really stupid, 369 00:14:10,327 --> 00:14:12,852 but in case you change your mind... 370 00:14:15,376 --> 00:14:17,944 All right, y'all have heard 371 00:14:17,987 --> 00:14:20,120 from your secretary candidates, your treasurer candidates, 372 00:14:20,163 --> 00:14:22,600 your vice presidents... 373 00:14:22,644 --> 00:14:24,646 It's time for the big finale, 374 00:14:24,689 --> 00:14:28,171 the closing event, the headliners... 375 00:14:28,215 --> 00:14:31,653 Nell Cavanaugh and Sheldon Cooper. 376 00:14:31,696 --> 00:14:34,656 One of these two will be president of your class, 377 00:14:34,699 --> 00:14:37,659 so listen to what they've got to say and choose wisely, 378 00:14:37,702 --> 00:14:40,705 which will be a whole new experience for most of you. 379 00:14:40,749 --> 00:14:43,708 Remember, heckling will get you detention. 380 00:14:43,752 --> 00:14:44,927 STUDENT: Bite me! 381 00:14:44,971 --> 00:14:45,885 [laughter] 382 00:14:45,928 --> 00:14:48,061 Bryan Larkin, two days! 383 00:14:48,104 --> 00:14:50,150 You want to try for a week? 384 00:14:50,193 --> 00:14:51,934 I didn't think so. 385 00:14:51,978 --> 00:14:53,980 Nell, floor is yours. 386 00:14:54,023 --> 00:14:56,330 [cheering and applause] 387 00:15:01,204 --> 00:15:03,076 STUDENTS: Nell! 388 00:15:03,119 --> 00:15:04,251 [whooping] 389 00:15:04,294 --> 00:15:06,557 Thank you, Ms. MacElroy, 390 00:15:06,601 --> 00:15:09,169 Principal Petersen, our hard-working teachers, 391 00:15:09,212 --> 00:15:10,518 and my fellow students. 392 00:15:10,561 --> 00:15:14,087 I'm blessed to call so many of you friends. 393 00:15:14,130 --> 00:15:15,871 Y'all probably know everything about me already. 394 00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:17,525 Lord knows I love to talk. [laughs] 395 00:15:17,568 --> 00:15:18,961 [laughter] 396 00:15:19,005 --> 00:15:22,095 So instead of going on about myself, 397 00:15:22,138 --> 00:15:25,141 I'd like to talk to you about my opponent. 398 00:15:25,185 --> 00:15:27,970 Sheldon Cooper has been lobbying 399 00:15:28,014 --> 00:15:29,450 for new science equipment here at Medford High, 400 00:15:29,493 --> 00:15:33,236 and while that sounds wonderful, the truth is, 401 00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:38,546 he thinks our school wastes its money on football. 402 00:15:38,589 --> 00:15:41,244 [students booing] 403 00:15:41,288 --> 00:15:43,681 Do we really want a class president 404 00:15:43,725 --> 00:15:46,641 who doesn't care about football? 405 00:15:46,684 --> 00:15:49,383 STUDENTS: No! 406 00:15:49,426 --> 00:15:51,341 I know I am proud to be a Medford High cheerleader, 407 00:15:51,385 --> 00:15:53,039 and I love football! 408 00:15:53,082 --> 00:15:56,390 [cheering and applause] 409 00:15:56,433 --> 00:15:57,869 But you know the one thing 410 00:15:57,913 --> 00:16:01,569 I love more than football? 411 00:16:01,612 --> 00:16:03,136 God. 412 00:16:03,179 --> 00:16:05,965 [students affirming] 413 00:16:06,008 --> 00:16:08,097 [applause] 414 00:16:08,141 --> 00:16:09,664 Let me tell you another interesting fact 415 00:16:09,707 --> 00:16:10,970 about my opponent. 416 00:16:11,013 --> 00:16:15,061 Did you know that Sheldon Cooper is an atheist? 417 00:16:15,104 --> 00:16:17,019 [students gasping]That's right. 418 00:16:17,063 --> 00:16:20,066 He doesn't believe in God. 419 00:16:20,109 --> 00:16:21,937 Just keep that in mind 420 00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:24,157 when you cast your vote today. 421 00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:27,247 I'm Nell Cavanaugh. Go Wolves! 422 00:16:32,165 --> 00:16:36,212 [cheering and applause] 423 00:16:36,256 --> 00:16:38,171 And now, please welcome Sheldon Cooper. 424 00:16:41,130 --> 00:16:44,264 ♪ 425 00:16:51,271 --> 00:16:54,013 [whispering]: No one would fault you if you ran out the back door. 426 00:17:07,069 --> 00:17:09,289 ♪ 427 00:17:20,430 --> 00:17:24,086 [quietly]: Nell Cavanaugh is... a Yankee. 428 00:17:24,130 --> 00:17:26,654 [gasping] 429 00:17:26,697 --> 00:17:29,396 She may love football and she may love God, 430 00:17:29,439 --> 00:17:31,267 but she was born in Scarsdale. 431 00:17:31,311 --> 00:17:32,921 That's in New York. 432 00:17:32,964 --> 00:17:34,879 [gasping, booing] 433 00:17:34,923 --> 00:17:36,925 There's more. 434 00:17:36,968 --> 00:17:40,624 My opponent didn't move to Texas until she was seven years old. 435 00:17:40,668 --> 00:17:42,757 In fact, in her bedroom 436 00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:45,281 there's a pennant for the New York Yankees. 437 00:17:45,325 --> 00:17:46,282 [students jeering] 438 00:17:49,285 --> 00:17:51,679 While I may not be a fan 439 00:17:51,722 --> 00:17:53,289 of organized religion or sports, 440 00:17:53,333 --> 00:17:56,771 I promise, if you vote for me, I'll do my best 441 00:17:56,814 --> 00:17:59,643 to get new science equipment for our school. 442 00:18:03,647 --> 00:18:05,127 Uh... 443 00:18:05,171 --> 00:18:07,303 Don't mess with Texas! 444 00:18:07,347 --> 00:18:10,176 [cheering and applause] 445 00:18:13,788 --> 00:18:16,225 [chanting]: Sheldon! Sheldon! Sheldon! 446 00:18:16,269 --> 00:18:20,055 Sheldon! Sheldon! Sheldon! Sheldon! 447 00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:22,579 Sheldon! Sheldon! Sheldon! 448 00:18:22,623 --> 00:18:24,755 Sheldon! Sheldon! 449 00:18:26,409 --> 00:18:27,976 [whooping, whistling] 450 00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:37,116 [musical notes playing] 451 00:18:40,293 --> 00:18:43,122 ADULT SHELDON: Before I became Dr. Sheldon Cooper, 452 00:18:43,165 --> 00:18:45,298 I was President Sheldon Cooper. 453 00:18:45,341 --> 00:18:46,734 And I don't mind telling you, 454 00:18:46,777 --> 00:18:49,345 they both look pretty darn good on business cards. 455 00:18:49,389 --> 00:18:50,955 One of my first responsibilities 456 00:18:50,999 --> 00:18:52,218 as class president 457 00:18:52,261 --> 00:18:54,481 was delivering the morning announcements. 458 00:18:54,524 --> 00:18:56,961 Please rise for the Pledge of Allegiance. 459 00:18:57,005 --> 00:19:00,051 I pledge allegiance to the Flag... 460 00:19:00,095 --> 00:19:02,619 SHELDON AND CLASS: Of the United States of America... 461 00:19:02,663 --> 00:19:05,492 SHELDON AND GEORGE SR.: And to the Republic for which it stands... 462 00:19:05,535 --> 00:19:06,971 One Nation... 463 00:19:07,015 --> 00:19:09,235 Here's a fun fact about the next two words: 464 00:19:09,278 --> 00:19:11,759 "Under God" wasn't added to the Pledge of Allegiance 465 00:19:11,802 --> 00:19:13,108 until 1954. 466 00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:15,154 My first act as your president 467 00:19:15,197 --> 00:19:17,547 is to remove the words "under God" from the Pledge 468 00:19:17,591 --> 00:19:18,766 in order to honor 469 00:19:18,809 --> 00:19:20,420 the separation of church and state 470 00:19:20,463 --> 00:19:22,117 in this public high school. 471 00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:23,423 PETERSEN: Okay, that's enough. 472 00:19:23,466 --> 00:19:24,989 SHELDON: You can't take my microphone. 473 00:19:25,033 --> 00:19:26,687 I'm the president.[whispering]: Thank you. 474 00:19:26,730 --> 00:19:29,080 PETERSEN: All right, let's try this again. 475 00:19:29,124 --> 00:19:30,734 I pledge allegiance to the Flag... 476 00:19:30,778 --> 00:19:33,041 PETERSEN AND CLASS: Of the United States of America, 477 00:19:33,084 --> 00:19:36,218 and to the Republic for which it stands... 478 00:19:36,262 --> 00:19:37,524 One Nation 479 00:19:37,567 --> 00:19:38,873 under God, 480 00:19:38,916 --> 00:19:42,137 indivisible, with liberty and justice for all. 481 00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:44,139 Captioning sponsored by CBS 482 00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:45,967 WARNER BROS. TELEVISION 483 00:19:47,273 --> 00:19:49,057 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org