1
00:00:02,381 --> 00:00:05,415
Look at him. Bres my heart.
2
00:00:05,418 --> 00:00:08,233
Poor little guy, all alone.
3
00:00:08,236 --> 00:00:09,402
I don't see why
4
00:00:09,405 --> 00:00:11,835
- his brother can't sit with him.
- Come on, Mary.
5
00:00:11,838 --> 00:00:13,164
When you were in high
school, would you have lunch
6
00:00:13,166 --> 00:00:14,952
- with a nine-year-old?
- Yes, I would've.
7
00:00:14,955 --> 00:00:16,522
Well, there's something wrong with you.
8
00:00:16,524 --> 00:00:18,202
I'm gonna keep him company.
9
00:00:18,205 --> 00:00:19,858
Hey, hey, hey, Mary. Mary.
10
00:00:19,860 --> 00:00:22,227
Think this through. Right now the kids
11
00:00:22,229 --> 00:00:23,562
are just ignoring Sheldon.
12
00:00:23,564 --> 00:00:25,764
What happens if he's
sitting with his mommy?
13
00:00:25,766 --> 00:00:29,435
They could mistake me for a senior.
14
00:00:29,437 --> 00:00:31,436
Well, I look younger than you.
15
00:00:31,439 --> 00:00:33,072
Just give this time, all right?
16
00:00:33,075 --> 00:00:35,207
It'll work itself out.
17
00:00:35,209 --> 00:00:37,889
My mother never understood
18
00:00:37,892 --> 00:00:40,679
that I actually enjoyed being alone.
19
00:00:40,681 --> 00:00:44,283
Solitude allowed me to
think about important things,
20
00:00:44,285 --> 00:00:46,739
like the effect of gravitational forces
21
00:00:46,742 --> 00:00:50,055
as you approach an event horizon,
22
00:00:50,057 --> 00:00:52,088
as opposed to less important things,
23
00:00:52,091 --> 00:00:55,527
like how many grapes my
brother can fit in his mouth.
24
00:00:55,529 --> 00:00:56,895
14!
25
00:00:56,897 --> 00:00:58,897
Yeah!
26
00:00:58,899 --> 00:01:00,899
Jean-Paul Sartre said,
27
00:01:00,901 --> 00:01:02,958
"Hell is other people."
28
00:01:04,172 --> 00:01:08,307
That's humorous because it's true.
29
00:01:19,487 --> 00:01:26,044
- Synced and corrected by VitoSilans -
-- www.Addic7ed.com --
30
00:01:32,199 --> 00:01:33,632
Something wrong?
31
00:01:33,634 --> 00:01:36,017
How come math is easy for Sheldon
32
00:01:36,020 --> 00:01:37,285
and hard for me?
33
00:01:37,288 --> 00:01:38,376
I don't know, honey,
34
00:01:38,379 --> 00:01:40,112
but you have your own gifts.
35
00:01:40,115 --> 00:01:41,603
Like what?
36
00:01:41,606 --> 00:01:43,186
Well, like...
37
00:01:46,614 --> 00:01:49,281
you have very pretty hair.
38
00:01:49,283 --> 00:01:50,657
True.
39
00:01:53,065 --> 00:01:54,431
Georgie.
40
00:01:54,433 --> 00:01:56,467
Would you do me a little tiny favor?
41
00:01:56,469 --> 00:01:57,360
Like what?
42
00:01:57,363 --> 00:01:59,269
Tomorrow at lunch, would you mind
43
00:01:59,272 --> 00:02:00,504
sitting with your brother?
44
00:02:00,506 --> 00:02:01,772
Don't do it, Georgie.
45
00:02:01,774 --> 00:02:03,073
You stay out of this.
46
00:02:03,075 --> 00:02:04,708
I ate with him in second grade.
47
00:02:04,710 --> 00:02:06,744
It really hurt my social life.
48
00:02:06,746 --> 00:02:09,204
Sorry, Mom. Can't do it.
49
00:02:10,683 --> 00:02:12,883
Why are you such a brat?
50
00:02:12,885 --> 00:02:15,152
Maybe I'm crying for attention.
51
00:02:15,154 --> 00:02:17,834
This isn't a joke, young lady.
52
00:02:17,837 --> 00:02:20,193
Yes, your brother may be smart,
53
00:02:20,196 --> 00:02:22,626
but he doesn't have
a friend in the world.
54
00:02:22,628 --> 00:02:26,497
And I am sorry, but I am
very worried about him.
55
00:02:30,503 --> 00:02:33,270
Nice going. You're making
Mom a nervous wreck.
56
00:02:33,272 --> 00:02:34,821
What did I do?
57
00:02:34,824 --> 00:02:37,775
You don't have any friends,
and she is beside herself.
58
00:02:37,777 --> 00:02:39,276
But I'm fine without friends.
59
00:02:39,278 --> 00:02:40,911
I don't know what to tell you, Sheldon.
60
00:02:40,913 --> 00:02:42,850
She said it's your fault.
61
00:02:42,853 --> 00:02:44,982
I'm going to watch ALF.
62
00:02:44,984 --> 00:02:47,384
Science fact:
63
00:02:47,386 --> 00:02:49,386
sisters are the worst.
64
00:02:58,475 --> 00:03:00,381
When you're three foot ten
65
00:03:00,393 --> 00:03:01,706
and in high school,
66
00:03:01,708 --> 00:03:03,132
getting from point "A"
67
00:03:03,135 --> 00:03:06,520
to point "B" can be a
harrowing experience.
68
00:03:13,569 --> 00:03:16,512
But it's worth it when point "B" is...
69
00:03:18,625 --> 00:03:20,867
the library.
70
00:03:20,870 --> 00:03:24,095
Home to the original
information superhighway,
71
00:03:24,097 --> 00:03:26,064
the Dewey Decimal System.
72
00:03:26,066 --> 00:03:27,565
Hey there, Sheldon.
73
00:03:27,567 --> 00:03:29,414
What can I get for you today?
74
00:03:29,417 --> 00:03:30,935
Chemistry?
75
00:03:30,938 --> 00:03:33,179
Quantum mechanics? Astronomy?
76
00:03:33,182 --> 00:03:34,831
No, nothing fun today.
77
00:03:34,834 --> 00:03:36,781
I need to learn how to make a friend.
78
00:03:36,784 --> 00:03:38,487
Aw, honey, you having a hard time
79
00:03:38,490 --> 00:03:39,922
adjusting to high school?
80
00:03:39,925 --> 00:03:42,626
I'm having a hard time
adjusting to Earth.
81
00:03:42,629 --> 00:03:44,829
Yeah. You and me both.
82
00:03:47,845 --> 00:03:49,544
Try this.
83
00:03:49,546 --> 00:03:52,414
It's been around a while,
but it's still quite popular.
84
00:03:52,416 --> 00:03:54,468
Unlike me,
85
00:03:54,471 --> 00:03:56,671
who's just been around a while.
86
00:03:59,134 --> 00:04:01,168
"How to Win Friends
87
00:04:01,171 --> 00:04:03,125
and Influence People."
88
00:04:03,127 --> 00:04:04,426
This might do it.
89
00:04:04,428 --> 00:04:07,029
"Principle one.
90
00:04:07,031 --> 00:04:10,499
Don't criticize, condemn or complain."
91
00:04:10,501 --> 00:04:12,501
The three sharpest arrows
92
00:04:12,503 --> 00:04:14,436
in my quiver.
93
00:04:14,438 --> 00:04:16,571
Thus began the greatest challenge
94
00:04:16,573 --> 00:04:17,973
of my young life.
95
00:04:17,975 --> 00:04:19,641
Hello, George.
96
00:04:19,643 --> 00:04:20,945
What?
97
00:04:20,948 --> 00:04:23,976
I do admire your thick head of hair...
98
00:04:23,979 --> 00:04:25,345
George.
99
00:04:25,348 --> 00:04:28,250
Thanks.
100
00:04:28,252 --> 00:04:29,818
What's going on?
101
00:04:29,820 --> 00:04:32,454
Well, I'm practicing the
principles in this book.
102
00:04:32,456 --> 00:04:35,106
- Why?
- Well, I know Mom is concerned
103
00:04:35,109 --> 00:04:36,546
that I don't have any friends,
104
00:04:36,549 --> 00:04:39,494
so I'm determined to
remedy the situation.
105
00:04:39,496 --> 00:04:40,896
Oh.
106
00:04:40,898 --> 00:04:42,297
George.
107
00:04:42,299 --> 00:04:44,484
Well, good for you.
108
00:04:44,487 --> 00:04:45,718
Do you feel complimented
109
00:04:45,721 --> 00:04:47,654
when I say your name, George?
110
00:04:47,657 --> 00:04:50,158
The book says you should. George.
111
00:04:50,161 --> 00:04:51,839
I suppose.
112
00:04:51,842 --> 00:04:53,875
Kind of overdoing it a little.
113
00:04:53,877 --> 00:04:55,625
- Sheldon.
- Well, thank you
114
00:04:55,628 --> 00:04:57,095
for your criticism.
115
00:04:57,098 --> 00:04:58,597
It also says I should praise
116
00:04:58,600 --> 00:05:00,881
any improvements that you've made.
117
00:05:00,884 --> 00:05:03,078
Okay.
118
00:05:05,054 --> 00:05:07,222
I'll get back to you.
119
00:05:09,477 --> 00:05:11,156
George.
120
00:05:12,765 --> 00:05:14,077
On the heels
121
00:05:14,079 --> 00:05:15,915
of that successful beta test,
122
00:05:15,918 --> 00:05:18,418
I decided to practice
the Carnegie principles
123
00:05:18,421 --> 00:05:20,249
on someone my own age.
124
00:05:22,353 --> 00:05:25,088
- Hello, Billy Sparks.
- Hey, Sheldon.
125
00:05:25,090 --> 00:05:27,434
I am genuinely interested in you
126
00:05:27,437 --> 00:05:30,216
and would like to encourage
you to talk about yourself.
127
00:05:30,219 --> 00:05:31,770
Billy Sparks.
128
00:05:31,773 --> 00:05:32,984
Thank you.
129
00:05:39,504 --> 00:05:41,070
You have the floor.
130
00:05:41,072 --> 00:05:42,781
Thank you.
131
00:05:45,043 --> 00:05:47,810
Looking back, I would've had better luck
132
00:05:47,812 --> 00:05:49,712
making friends with the chickens.
133
00:05:49,714 --> 00:05:51,583
Go Wolves.
134
00:05:51,586 --> 00:05:52,648
What?
135
00:05:52,650 --> 00:05:54,584
You're a cheerleader, and by saying
136
00:05:54,586 --> 00:05:57,086
"Go Wolves," I'm
initiating a conversation
137
00:05:57,088 --> 00:05:58,856
about something that interests you.
138
00:05:58,859 --> 00:06:02,325
Oh, are you one of
those special ed kids?
139
00:06:02,327 --> 00:06:04,325
My mom says I'm special.
140
00:06:04,328 --> 00:06:06,161
Would you like to be friends?
141
00:06:06,164 --> 00:06:07,968
I don't think so.
142
00:06:07,971 --> 00:06:09,932
Are you sure? What if I told you
143
00:06:09,934 --> 00:06:12,268
I admired your boldly-applied makeup?
144
00:06:19,156 --> 00:06:21,687
Greetings from stall number one.
145
00:06:21,690 --> 00:06:24,637
As much as I detest that
odd-smelling cigarette,
146
00:06:24,640 --> 00:06:25,817
I do applaud
147
00:06:25,820 --> 00:06:27,917
your rule-breaking bravado.
148
00:06:29,571 --> 00:06:31,237
My name is Sheldon. What's yours?
149
00:06:32,642 --> 00:06:34,403
Hello, gentlemen.
150
00:06:34,406 --> 00:06:38,427
Did you watch any sports
programs over the weekend?
151
00:06:40,664 --> 00:06:44,500
Or perhaps did some kissing with girls?
152
00:06:47,071 --> 00:06:49,208
Can you hear me?
153
00:06:50,468 --> 00:06:53,653
95, 96, 97.
154
00:06:53,656 --> 00:06:54,911
98.
155
00:06:54,914 --> 00:06:57,647
99, 100.
156
00:06:57,649 --> 00:06:59,615
- You missed 11 numbers.
- I don't need
157
00:06:59,617 --> 00:07:02,385
to be good at math.
I have beautiful hair.
158
00:07:02,387 --> 00:07:04,817
That's the saddest
thing I've ever heard.
159
00:07:04,820 --> 00:07:07,023
Didn't you already read that book?
160
00:07:07,026 --> 00:07:09,137
I'm reading it again.
161
00:07:09,140 --> 00:07:10,126
How come?
162
00:07:10,128 --> 00:07:11,961
I clearly missed something.
163
00:07:11,963 --> 00:07:14,997
I couldn't find one person
who wanted to be my friend.
164
00:07:14,999 --> 00:07:16,966
Did you look at the card inside?
165
00:07:16,968 --> 00:07:18,978
Why?
166
00:07:18,981 --> 00:07:21,481
That's just other people
who checked out the book.
167
00:07:21,484 --> 00:07:24,540
It's a list of losers like
you who can't find a friend.
168
00:07:24,542 --> 00:07:25,961
So?
169
00:07:25,964 --> 00:07:28,544
So they're desperate,
and you have their names.
170
00:07:28,546 --> 00:07:31,848
That's brilliant.
171
00:07:31,851 --> 00:07:33,583
Mm.
172
00:07:33,585 --> 00:07:36,203
Now, how is it that you can't count?
173
00:07:46,981 --> 00:07:50,234
So your father tells me
you've been reading a new book?
174
00:07:50,237 --> 00:07:52,567
I am. It's about how to make friends.
175
00:07:52,570 --> 00:07:55,087
Is that something you're interested in?
176
00:07:55,089 --> 00:07:57,389
Not really, but Missy told me
177
00:07:57,391 --> 00:07:59,625
it makes you sad that I don't have any.
178
00:07:59,627 --> 00:08:01,393
Oh.
179
00:08:01,395 --> 00:08:03,795
I got to sew that girl's mouth shut.
180
00:08:03,797 --> 00:08:06,131
So how's it going?
181
00:08:06,133 --> 00:08:09,034
Well, the principles in the
book didn't work for me at all.
182
00:08:09,036 --> 00:08:11,303
Although Dad does like
being called George
183
00:08:11,305 --> 00:08:14,106
over and over again, so
you might give that a try.
184
00:08:14,108 --> 00:08:17,109
Baby, you don't have to
go to any trouble for me.
185
00:08:17,111 --> 00:08:18,911
But I like doing things for you.
186
00:08:18,913 --> 00:08:20,445
You're a nice lady.
187
00:08:20,447 --> 00:08:22,848
- But if the book's not working...
- It isn't.
188
00:08:22,850 --> 00:08:25,717
But I realized if I
find the other people
189
00:08:25,719 --> 00:08:28,620
who checked out the book, they'd
be looking for friends, too.
190
00:08:28,622 --> 00:08:30,789
That's really smart.
191
00:08:30,791 --> 00:08:33,358
- Missy thought of it.
- You're kidding.
192
00:08:33,360 --> 00:08:35,694
I'm as surprised as you are.
193
00:08:38,766 --> 00:08:40,999
Excuse me, Ms. Ingram?
194
00:08:41,001 --> 00:08:43,012
Sheldon, it's recess.
195
00:08:43,015 --> 00:08:44,970
Go outside, see what it's like.
196
00:08:44,972 --> 00:08:48,106
Are you by any chance Evelyn Ingram?
197
00:08:48,108 --> 00:08:49,718
Yes.
198
00:08:49,721 --> 00:08:52,820
The same Evelyn Ingram
who checked out this book?
199
00:08:52,823 --> 00:08:55,179
- And why is that your business?
- I just
200
00:08:55,182 --> 00:08:57,257
assumed you were
looking to make a friend.
201
00:08:57,260 --> 00:08:58,826
Oh.
202
00:08:58,829 --> 00:09:00,661
Well, that was a long time ago.
203
00:09:00,664 --> 00:09:03,722
I had just gotten out of a
very difficult relationship.
204
00:09:03,724 --> 00:09:05,257
- With a friend?
- Friend.
205
00:09:05,259 --> 00:09:07,960
Ha! I gave that man
three years of my life
206
00:09:07,962 --> 00:09:09,494
and my innocence.
207
00:09:09,496 --> 00:09:10,961
I don't know what that means.
208
00:09:10,964 --> 00:09:14,333
It means men are lying dogs
only interested in one thing
209
00:09:14,335 --> 00:09:16,513
Well, that's not the
dictionary definition.
210
00:09:16,516 --> 00:09:17,610
Mm-hmm.
211
00:09:17,613 --> 00:09:19,297
Always starts the same.
212
00:09:19,300 --> 00:09:23,208
A quick glance across the room,
a casual hand on the shoulder,
213
00:09:23,210 --> 00:09:25,005
lunch at Stuckey's.
214
00:09:25,008 --> 00:09:26,500
Oh, yeah, it's all romance
215
00:09:26,503 --> 00:09:27,852
and flowers in the beginning...
216
00:09:27,855 --> 00:09:30,721
The list proved to be
a double-edged sword.
217
00:09:30,724 --> 00:09:34,752
It turns out self-help
books written in 1936
218
00:09:34,755 --> 00:09:36,799
were only of interest to adults.
219
00:09:36,802 --> 00:09:38,322
You're like, "I'm here because I care.
220
00:09:38,325 --> 00:09:40,525
And by the way, your phone
could make calls, too."
221
00:09:40,527 --> 00:09:41,834
Then tries to turn
this whole thing around
222
00:09:41,836 --> 00:09:43,328
like it's all about you being needy,
223
00:09:43,330 --> 00:09:44,963
and you're like, "Yes, I have needs!
224
00:09:44,965 --> 00:09:46,798
That's what makes me human!"
225
00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:49,234
Emotionally troubled adults.
226
00:09:49,236 --> 00:09:51,172
Child, go outside.
227
00:09:54,095 --> 00:09:56,161
Yes, that's my
signature. Why do you ask?
228
00:09:56,164 --> 00:09:58,809
I'm seeking people who
want to make friends.
229
00:09:58,812 --> 00:10:00,642
I wasn't interested in friends.
230
00:10:00,645 --> 00:10:03,148
I took out that book to help
me become school principal.
231
00:10:03,150 --> 00:10:07,019
- Did it work?
- Are we sitting in the principal's office?
232
00:10:07,022 --> 00:10:09,213
- No.
- And you know why?
233
00:10:09,216 --> 00:10:12,721
Because Victoria MacElroy is not a man!
234
00:10:12,724 --> 00:10:16,145
So to be clear, you're not
interested in making friends?
235
00:10:16,148 --> 00:10:20,098
What I'm interested in
is in living long enough
236
00:10:20,100 --> 00:10:24,091
to see women no longer treated
like second-class citizens.
237
00:10:24,094 --> 00:10:25,708
Well if your goal is a long life,
238
00:10:25,711 --> 00:10:28,906
that chili cheeseburger is a
step in the wrong direction.
239
00:10:28,909 --> 00:10:31,710
Food is all I have.
240
00:10:31,712 --> 00:10:33,878
Like I said,
241
00:10:33,881 --> 00:10:36,244
emotionally troubled adults.
242
00:10:36,247 --> 00:10:38,050
You gonna watch me eat?
243
00:10:38,052 --> 00:10:39,552
Get out of here.
244
00:10:42,090 --> 00:10:43,957
Everybody told me,
245
00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:46,041
"Hubert, don't date someone from work."
246
00:10:46,044 --> 00:10:48,126
But did I listen? No.
247
00:10:48,128 --> 00:10:49,895
Let me tell you
something. She likes to say
248
00:10:49,897 --> 00:10:51,036
I stole her innocence?
249
00:10:51,039 --> 00:10:52,472
Well, what about my innocence?
250
00:10:52,475 --> 00:10:53,999
I was never the same after we broke up.
251
00:10:54,001 --> 00:10:55,247
Two years later,
252
00:10:55,250 --> 00:10:57,439
Mr. Givens became the
high school principal,
253
00:10:57,442 --> 00:11:01,005
which might be why Ms.
MacElroy became morbidly obese.
254
00:11:01,008 --> 00:11:03,608
I had the brains, I had the
charm, and I don't like to brag,
255
00:11:03,610 --> 00:11:05,544
but I was pretty easy
on the eyes back then.
256
00:11:05,546 --> 00:11:07,612
That woman got herself
one heck of a package.
257
00:11:07,614 --> 00:11:09,715
But some people don't
want to be satisfied.
258
00:11:11,481 --> 00:11:13,151
Is that any good?
259
00:11:13,153 --> 00:11:14,892
I'm afraid not.
260
00:11:14,895 --> 00:11:16,888
I failed to make a single friend.
261
00:11:16,890 --> 00:11:19,758
That sucks. I have a tough
time making friends, too.
262
00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:22,403
The worst part is, it
was important to my mom.
263
00:11:22,406 --> 00:11:25,263
My parents pressure me about
making friends all the time.
264
00:11:25,265 --> 00:11:28,433
So you understand
what I'm going through.
265
00:11:28,435 --> 00:11:31,203
Oh, I read that book. It's excellent.
266
00:11:31,205 --> 00:11:32,721
Are you into rocketry?
267
00:11:32,724 --> 00:11:35,006
I started with water propulsion,
268
00:11:35,008 --> 00:11:36,808
worked my way up to solid fuel,
269
00:11:36,810 --> 00:11:39,511
then went back to water after
I set our garage on fire.
270
00:11:39,513 --> 00:11:42,347
- Nice.
- I also tried to get some uranium
271
00:11:42,349 --> 00:11:45,917
and build an atomic engine,
but that stuff's hard to find.
272
00:11:45,919 --> 00:11:48,754
Probably for the best.
273
00:11:48,756 --> 00:11:50,956
Well, good luck on your
quest to find a friend.
274
00:11:50,958 --> 00:11:52,513
You, too.
275
00:11:58,399 --> 00:12:01,450
If you haven't found one
yet, I have good news.
276
00:12:04,104 --> 00:12:07,005
Mom, what do you know
about the drug Prozac?
277
00:12:07,007 --> 00:12:08,407
Not much.
278
00:12:08,409 --> 00:12:11,042
Supposed to make people happier. Why?
279
00:12:11,044 --> 00:12:12,520
I was just thinking
280
00:12:12,523 --> 00:12:14,679
some of my teachers
might benefit from it.
281
00:12:14,681 --> 00:12:16,966
Speaking of which,
282
00:12:16,969 --> 00:12:19,217
you'll be happy to know
I made a friend today.
283
00:12:19,219 --> 00:12:21,520
Oh.
284
00:12:21,522 --> 00:12:23,455
Well, that's nice.
285
00:12:23,457 --> 00:12:25,624
But, as I said, this isn't for me.
286
00:12:25,626 --> 00:12:28,067
It's for you.
287
00:12:28,070 --> 00:12:29,528
He made a friend!
288
00:12:29,530 --> 00:12:30,591
He did it!
289
00:12:30,594 --> 00:12:33,532
Our little boy has got a friend.
290
00:12:33,534 --> 00:12:35,367
- Who is it?
- Who cares?
291
00:12:35,369 --> 00:12:37,502
It's a human being. It's a warm body.
292
00:12:37,504 --> 00:12:39,137
Mom?
293
00:12:39,139 --> 00:12:40,272
Yes, honey?
294
00:12:40,274 --> 00:12:42,174
- Can I come in?
- Of course.
295
00:12:42,176 --> 00:12:43,875
Be cool.
296
00:12:44,711 --> 00:12:46,445
- What's up, sweetie?
- I was wondering
297
00:12:46,447 --> 00:12:49,076
when I could continue my rocketry hobby.
298
00:12:49,079 --> 00:12:51,088
Uh, Sheldon, we've been through this.
299
00:12:51,091 --> 00:12:53,151
You can build them. You
just can't launch them.
300
00:12:53,153 --> 00:12:54,953
But launching them is the fun part.
301
00:12:54,955 --> 00:12:56,288
Tell that to the family of squirrels
302
00:12:56,290 --> 00:12:57,456
who died in the fire.
303
00:12:57,458 --> 00:12:58,763
Okay.
304
00:12:58,766 --> 00:13:01,193
It was just something I was
hoping to do with my new friend.
305
00:13:01,195 --> 00:13:02,494
Hang on.
306
00:13:02,496 --> 00:13:04,010
Uh, yes.
307
00:13:04,013 --> 00:13:05,063
It's fine.
308
00:13:05,065 --> 00:13:06,064
Ban is lifted.
309
00:13:06,066 --> 00:13:07,705
- Mary...
- It's for his friend.
310
00:13:07,708 --> 00:13:09,501
He's got a friend.
311
00:13:09,974 --> 00:13:11,837
Besides, those could have been rats.
312
00:13:11,839 --> 00:13:13,405
Their bodies were so badly burned.
313
00:13:13,407 --> 00:13:16,541
I thought we were being cool, but okay.
314
00:13:16,543 --> 00:13:18,322
Hey, here's an idea.
315
00:13:18,325 --> 00:13:20,745
Why don't you invite your
new buddy over for dinner?
316
00:13:20,747 --> 00:13:22,346
- Why?
- Well, honey,
317
00:13:22,349 --> 00:13:25,650
um, that is what friends do.
318
00:13:25,652 --> 00:13:27,452
My mother asked me to ask you
319
00:13:27,454 --> 00:13:29,321
if you'd like to join us for dinner.
320
00:13:29,323 --> 00:13:32,630
- Why?
- I was hoping you'd know.
321
00:13:38,622 --> 00:13:40,088
He's here!
322
00:13:40,091 --> 00:13:42,767
Everybody, stay calm! Just a normal day,
323
00:13:42,769 --> 00:13:45,283
- just a normal dinner.
- Can I eat in front of the TV?
324
00:13:45,286 --> 00:13:47,294
No, you can eat in front
of Sheldon's friend.
325
00:13:47,297 --> 00:13:49,450
- Aw, fudge.
- I know what "fudge" means,
326
00:13:49,453 --> 00:13:51,642
and you are right on
the edge, young lady.
327
00:13:51,645 --> 00:13:54,333
Welcome.
328
00:14:03,156 --> 00:14:04,890
So, uh...
329
00:14:04,892 --> 00:14:07,058
Tam. What kind of name is that?
330
00:14:07,060 --> 00:14:08,697
Vietnamese. Sir.
331
00:14:08,700 --> 00:14:10,929
Sure. You know, I spent
a little time over there.
332
00:14:10,931 --> 00:14:12,614
Army.
333
00:14:14,968 --> 00:14:17,102
Your mom's name isn't Kim-Lee, is it?
334
00:14:17,104 --> 00:14:18,637
No. Sir.
335
00:14:18,639 --> 00:14:20,238
Good.
336
00:14:20,240 --> 00:14:23,008
I mean, you know, it's a small country.
337
00:14:23,010 --> 00:14:24,543
So...
338
00:14:24,545 --> 00:14:26,213
Mary, how's that food coming?
339
00:14:26,216 --> 00:14:27,314
Almost.
340
00:14:27,317 --> 00:14:29,414
So, Vietnam, like in Rambo.
341
00:14:29,416 --> 00:14:31,516
- Yes.
- That's a cool movie.
342
00:14:31,518 --> 00:14:32,450
Yes.
343
00:14:32,452 --> 00:14:33,552
Are you in it?
344
00:14:33,554 --> 00:14:35,687
- No.
- Hmm.
345
00:14:35,689 --> 00:14:38,723
Why would you think you knew his mom?
346
00:14:38,725 --> 00:14:40,692
All right, Tam.
347
00:14:40,694 --> 00:14:43,666
I decided I was gonna make
you a real Texas dinner.
348
00:14:43,669 --> 00:14:45,230
Barbecued chicken and brisket.
349
00:14:45,232 --> 00:14:46,216
Thank you.
350
00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:47,933
Well, I figured you were probably tired
351
00:14:47,935 --> 00:14:49,834
of stuff wiggling around on your plate.
352
00:14:49,836 --> 00:14:51,997
Okay, let's say grace.
353
00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:53,705
Now, Tam, when I say "Jesus,"
354
00:14:53,707 --> 00:14:55,774
feel free to say the word
"Buddha" in your head.
355
00:14:55,776 --> 00:14:56,975
I'm actually Catholic.
356
00:14:56,977 --> 00:14:59,711
Oh. Well, that's too bad.
357
00:14:59,713 --> 00:15:01,596
Thank you, God, for this food,
358
00:15:01,599 --> 00:15:03,138
and bless the hands that prepared it.
359
00:15:03,141 --> 00:15:06,116
And thank you so much
for Sheldon's new friend.
360
00:15:06,119 --> 00:15:08,486
Amen.
361
00:15:08,488 --> 00:15:11,189
So, Tam, tell us about your family.
362
00:15:11,191 --> 00:15:12,763
What brings y'all to Texas?
363
00:15:12,766 --> 00:15:14,856
Well, after the American War...
364
00:15:14,859 --> 00:15:16,161
You mean the Vietnam War.
365
00:15:16,163 --> 00:15:17,662
We call it the American War.
366
00:15:17,664 --> 00:15:19,013
- Hmm.
- Anyway,
367
00:15:19,016 --> 00:15:20,664
after the war, my father was sent
368
00:15:20,667 --> 00:15:22,100
to a reeducation camp
369
00:15:22,102 --> 00:15:23,511
because he fought on the wrong side.
370
00:15:23,513 --> 00:15:24,569
You mean our side.
371
00:15:24,571 --> 00:15:27,172
I was trying to be nice.
372
00:15:27,174 --> 00:15:28,927
So, for many years,
373
00:15:28,930 --> 00:15:30,663
my mother and my sisters and I
374
00:15:30,666 --> 00:15:32,010
were very poor
375
00:15:32,013 --> 00:15:34,346
and very often didn't have much to eat.
376
00:15:34,348 --> 00:15:36,466
Then, when he was released...
377
00:15:36,469 --> 00:15:38,550
What'd they teach him
at the reeducation camp?
378
00:15:38,552 --> 00:15:39,784
How to be a communist.
379
00:15:39,786 --> 00:15:41,753
Cool, like in Rambo.
380
00:15:42,923 --> 00:15:44,142
When he was released,
381
00:15:44,145 --> 00:15:45,991
we escaped on a small boat
382
00:15:45,993 --> 00:15:49,561
and spent many weeks at sea
dodging Cambodian pirates
383
00:15:49,563 --> 00:15:51,440
until we reached Thailand.
384
00:15:51,443 --> 00:15:54,377
Oh, that's supposed to
be a beautiful country.
385
00:15:54,380 --> 00:15:56,635
- Lovely beaches.
- I wouldn't know.
386
00:15:56,637 --> 00:15:58,803
We were forced to
live in a refugee camp,
387
00:15:58,805 --> 00:16:02,044
where the only thing we had
to eat were pigeons and rats.
388
00:16:02,047 --> 00:16:04,138
Ha! That's a job for hot sauce.
389
00:16:05,872 --> 00:16:07,255
Finally,
390
00:16:07,258 --> 00:16:09,214
we were allowed to come to United States
391
00:16:09,216 --> 00:16:10,815
and start over in Galveston.
392
00:16:10,817 --> 00:16:13,785
My father saved money and
bought his own shrimp boat.
393
00:16:13,787 --> 00:16:16,488
There's a happy ending. Huh?
394
00:16:16,490 --> 00:16:18,623
See, kids? When the going gets tough,
395
00:16:18,625 --> 00:16:20,992
- America provides.
- It did.
396
00:16:20,994 --> 00:16:23,760
Until the Ku Klux Klan burned our boat
397
00:16:23,763 --> 00:16:25,430
and chased us away.
398
00:16:25,432 --> 00:16:27,899
You gonna put a good spin on that one?
399
00:16:27,901 --> 00:16:29,763
So we came to Medford
400
00:16:29,766 --> 00:16:31,770
and opened up a convenience store.
401
00:16:31,772 --> 00:16:34,205
My parents work 16 hours a day,
402
00:16:34,207 --> 00:16:35,940
seven days a week
403
00:16:35,942 --> 00:16:38,122
for very little money.
404
00:16:43,606 --> 00:16:45,434
Well, that was depressing.
405
00:16:55,554 --> 00:16:57,787
I don't understand why it didn't launch.
406
00:16:57,790 --> 00:16:59,190
Me, neither.
407
00:16:59,193 --> 00:17:02,525
Evil Nazi scientists
did it 50 years ago.
408
00:17:02,527 --> 00:17:04,059
How hard could it be?
409
00:17:08,432 --> 00:17:10,266
Can I help you?
410
00:17:10,268 --> 00:17:12,768
Sorry to bother you, ma'am. FBI.
411
00:17:12,770 --> 00:17:14,803
We're looking for a Sheldon Lee Cooper.
412
00:17:14,805 --> 00:17:17,026
George!
413
00:17:17,029 --> 00:17:18,228
I'm on the can.
414
00:17:18,231 --> 00:17:20,342
Now!
415
00:17:20,344 --> 00:17:23,395
- What?
- These gentlemen
416
00:17:23,398 --> 00:17:26,048
are with the FBI. They
want to talk to Sheldon.
417
00:17:26,050 --> 00:17:27,750
What?
418
00:17:27,752 --> 00:17:29,169
We... Uh...
419
00:17:29,172 --> 00:17:30,986
Y-You fellas must have made a mistake.
420
00:17:30,988 --> 00:17:32,454
Sheldon's nine.
421
00:17:32,456 --> 00:17:33,956
Well, someone living at this address
422
00:17:33,958 --> 00:17:36,325
recently called a mining
operation in Canada
423
00:17:36,327 --> 00:17:37,526
and tried to buy uranium.
424
00:17:37,528 --> 00:17:39,638
Okay, maybe it's not a mistake.
425
00:17:39,641 --> 00:17:41,041
It's ridiculous.
426
00:17:41,051 --> 00:17:43,013
Let's just go talk to him. Huh?
427
00:17:43,016 --> 00:17:45,433
He's just a little, itty-bitty thing.
428
00:17:45,436 --> 00:17:46,769
Really, he's harmless.
429
00:17:50,605 --> 00:17:52,572
Sorry!
430
00:17:52,575 --> 00:17:54,341
He's in the garage.
431
00:17:56,059 --> 00:18:01,872
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