1
00:00:01,479 --> 00:00:03,319
For most students
the weekend
2
00:00:03,369 --> 00:00:05,046
represented two days of fun,
3
00:00:05,124 --> 00:00:07,715
freedom, and
in the case of my brother
4
00:00:07,793 --> 00:00:10,644
a chance to ignore
all forms of hygiene.
5
00:00:13,320 --> 00:00:15,262
Come on! Come on!
6
00:00:15,385 --> 00:00:17,320
To me however
it represented...
7
00:00:17,398 --> 00:00:19,801
An unwelcome break
from education.
8
00:00:23,432 --> 00:00:25,582
Whoo! Thank the Lord!
9
00:00:25,759 --> 00:00:28,065
But this wasn't
a typical weekend
10
00:00:28,143 --> 00:00:29,975
because this was the weekend
11
00:00:30,053 --> 00:00:32,027
I got to do my parents taxes.
12
00:00:32,173 --> 00:00:35,735
Howdy do, W-2.
13
00:00:35,813 --> 00:00:39,058
♪ Nobody else
is stronger than I am ♪
14
00:00:39,136 --> 00:00:41,727
♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪
15
00:00:41,805 --> 00:00:44,528
♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪
16
00:00:44,606 --> 00:00:47,690
♪ I am a mighty little man ♪
17
00:00:47,768 --> 00:00:50,887
♪ I am a mighty little man ♪
*YOUNG SHELDON*
Season 02 Episode 04
18
00:00:50,965 --> 00:00:53,722
Episode Title:
" A Financial Secret and Fish Sauce"
19
00:00:57,072 --> 00:00:59,364
"If you were not covered
by retirement plan
20
00:00:59,442 --> 00:01:00,841
but your spouse was,
21
00:01:00,919 --> 00:01:03,269
see the worksheet on page14"
22
00:01:03,566 --> 00:01:05,152
Try and stop me.
23
00:01:06,378 --> 00:01:08,552
Mom, I was going
through our expenditures
24
00:01:08,630 --> 00:01:10,739
and noticed
our grocery bills are up 12%
25
00:01:10,817 --> 00:01:13,300
compared to last quarter.
Any idea why?
26
00:01:13,588 --> 00:01:16,357
There's a person at the end of
the table that eats for free.
27
00:01:16,435 --> 00:01:18,723
There's a person at the
other end of the table
28
00:01:18,801 --> 00:01:20,319
that eats for three.
29
00:01:21,541 --> 00:01:24,098
I've been buying groceries
for the church food drive.
30
00:01:24,176 --> 00:01:25,179
I think that's it.
31
00:01:25,257 --> 00:01:27,098
Ooh, I bet
I could write that off,
32
00:01:27,176 --> 00:01:28,260
including the gas
33
00:01:28,338 --> 00:01:30,098
it took to drive
to the grocery store
34
00:01:30,176 --> 00:01:31,463
and then to the church.
35
00:01:31,541 --> 00:01:33,083
With all that driving,
maybe she can count
36
00:01:33,161 --> 00:01:34,494
her car as a home office.
37
00:01:34,572 --> 00:01:35,778
Sounds aggressive, but I
38
00:01:35,856 --> 00:01:37,426
like how you're thinking.
39
00:01:37,604 --> 00:01:39,967
None of that is necessary,
it's for charity.
40
00:01:40,045 --> 00:01:41,313
What's the point of charity
41
00:01:41,391 --> 00:01:42,956
if there are no tax benefits?
42
00:01:43,244 --> 00:01:44,322
Eat your peas.
43
00:01:44,400 --> 00:01:45,848
I like
how he's thinking.
44
00:01:45,926 --> 00:01:47,769
You eat your peas, too.
45
00:01:51,822 --> 00:01:53,385
Dad, banking question.
46
00:01:53,463 --> 00:01:54,486
What's that, buddy?
47
00:01:54,564 --> 00:01:56,215
I noticed
there's a check missing.
48
00:01:56,293 --> 00:01:57,957
I have a copy of check 128
49
00:01:58,035 --> 00:02:01,362
and a copy of check 130,
but 129 isn't there.
50
00:02:01,618 --> 00:02:03,650
Oh, yeah,
don't worry about it.
51
00:02:03,728 --> 00:02:04,980
But I enjoy worrying;
52
00:02:05,058 --> 00:02:06,659
I find it very relaxing.
53
00:02:06,900 --> 00:02:07,947
'Course you do.
54
00:02:08,025 --> 00:02:09,543
I balanced
the rest of the account,
55
00:02:09,621 --> 00:02:12,173
and it appears to be
a check for $300.
56
00:02:12,251 --> 00:02:14,629
All right, well,
let's just put it down
57
00:02:14,707 --> 00:02:16,815
for $300 for miscellaneous.
58
00:02:17,275 --> 00:02:19,967
I've never labeled anything
miscellaneous in my life.
59
00:02:20,045 --> 00:02:21,202
I'll go ask Mom.
60
00:02:21,280 --> 00:02:22,423
Wait.
61
00:02:23,759 --> 00:02:25,448
I just remembered.
62
00:02:27,392 --> 00:02:29,277
I gave the money to a friend.
63
00:02:29,355 --> 00:02:31,283
- Who?
- It doesn't matter who.
64
00:02:31,361 --> 00:02:32,449
Why'd you give it to them?
65
00:02:32,527 --> 00:02:35,159
They needed it.
It... it's like charity.
66
00:02:35,407 --> 00:02:37,488
Ooh, another write-off,
excellent.
67
00:02:37,566 --> 00:02:39,018
Hey. Hey, hey, hey.
68
00:02:41,759 --> 00:02:44,596
What do you say, we
keep this quiet?
69
00:02:44,947 --> 00:02:46,384
You mean like a secret?
70
00:02:46,462 --> 00:02:49,300
No, no, just, you know,
something between you and me.
71
00:02:49,378 --> 00:02:50,525
What about Mom?
72
00:02:50,603 --> 00:02:52,415
Mom is on
a need-to-know basis.
73
00:02:52,493 --> 00:02:55,424
- What if Mom needs to know?
- Okay, it's a secret.
74
00:02:55,774 --> 00:02:56,932
Just trust me.
75
00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:59,743
It is better for everyone
if she doesn't know about this.
76
00:02:59,821 --> 00:03:01,571
But I'm not good
at keeping secrets.
77
00:03:01,649 --> 00:03:03,650
It's not hard.
Just keep your mouth shut.
78
00:03:03,728 --> 00:03:05,551
But I'm not good
at keeping my mouth shut.
79
00:03:05,629 --> 00:03:09,338
Sheldon,
all you got to do... is be cool.
80
00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:13,189
"Be cool."
81
00:03:13,329 --> 00:03:16,229
He might as well have asked
me to fly around the backyard.
82
00:03:18,347 --> 00:03:20,414
- Good night, baby.
- Night, Mama.
83
00:03:20,492 --> 00:03:22,588
- Love you.
- Love you, too.
84
00:03:24,556 --> 00:03:26,306
Oh, hello.
85
00:03:26,418 --> 00:03:29,619
I was just brushing
my teeth like I do every night.
86
00:03:29,899 --> 00:03:32,127
Ah, ha!
Nothing new there.
87
00:03:32,273 --> 00:03:33,426
You all right?
88
00:03:33,504 --> 00:03:35,478
Yes. I'm cool.
89
00:03:35,556 --> 00:03:37,038
I'm very cool.
90
00:03:37,126 --> 00:03:38,689
Tell Sheldon
what cool means.
91
00:03:38,767 --> 00:03:39,892
Hush.
92
00:03:40,603 --> 00:03:42,066
Sweet dreams.
93
00:03:42,144 --> 00:03:43,282
Love you.
94
00:03:43,955 --> 00:03:46,901
Love you, too,
'cause you're my mom.
95
00:03:54,870 --> 00:03:56,423
You're so weird.
96
00:03:56,884 --> 00:03:58,447
More than usual?
97
00:03:59,368 --> 00:04:01,204
No, I guess not.
98
00:04:01,640 --> 00:04:03,064
Perfect.
99
00:04:03,960 --> 00:04:06,040
To avoid looking suspicious,
100
00:04:06,118 --> 00:04:09,367
I tried to interact with
my mom as little as possible.
101
00:04:09,445 --> 00:04:12,565
Thankfully, it's rude to
speak with your mouth full.
102
00:04:12,691 --> 00:04:15,035
You look tired, baby.
Sleep okay?
103
00:04:15,228 --> 00:04:16,399
Mm-hmm.
104
00:04:18,853 --> 00:04:21,862
So how big a tax refund
you think we're gonna get?
105
00:04:22,587 --> 00:04:23,664
Mm.
106
00:04:24,345 --> 00:04:25,877
- Mornin'.
- Mornin'.
107
00:04:25,955 --> 00:04:27,793
I slept in the nude last night.
108
00:04:27,871 --> 00:04:30,096
Felt every little breeze.
109
00:04:30,603 --> 00:04:32,393
Thank you for sharing that.
110
00:04:32,736 --> 00:04:34,049
You're welcome.
111
00:04:34,286 --> 00:04:36,994
Fight, you cowards, fight!
112
00:04:37,072 --> 00:04:39,393
You fight, Skeletor.
113
00:04:40,447 --> 00:04:43,111
Mare, we got any batteries?!
114
00:04:43,189 --> 00:04:46,471
Look in the drawer by
the refrigerator.
115
00:04:46,900 --> 00:04:49,416
There was only so much food
I could eat,
116
00:04:49,494 --> 00:04:53,205
so I started avoiding
my mother whenever possible.
117
00:04:55,759 --> 00:04:57,333
What are you doing in there?
118
00:04:57,411 --> 00:04:59,065
Keeping your secret.
119
00:04:59,150 --> 00:05:00,572
You got to pull it together.
120
00:05:00,650 --> 00:05:02,599
This is me pulling it together.
121
00:05:02,677 --> 00:05:04,416
- Pull harder.
- Find 'em?
122
00:05:04,591 --> 00:05:07,096
Yeah. Got 'em. Thanks.
123
00:05:07,174 --> 00:05:09,781
You're very welcome.
Hey, have you noticed
124
00:05:09,859 --> 00:05:11,409
anything off with Sheldon?
125
00:05:11,487 --> 00:05:14,547
Uh, no, no, no.
Can't say that I have. Why?
126
00:05:14,625 --> 00:05:16,008
He's been awful quiet,
127
00:05:16,086 --> 00:05:17,784
and, at the risk of being indelicate,
128
00:05:17,862 --> 00:05:19,750
he's gone several days
129
00:05:19,828 --> 00:05:21,437
without a bowel movement.
130
00:05:21,539 --> 00:05:22,688
How do you know that?
131
00:05:22,766 --> 00:05:24,203
Well, I was worried about him,
132
00:05:24,281 --> 00:05:25,992
so I took
a look in his potty journal.
133
00:05:26,070 --> 00:05:27,563
He's still keeping that thing,
huh?
134
00:05:27,641 --> 00:05:30,423
Oh, yeah, that's why
he wanted the Polaroid camera.
135
00:05:31,564 --> 00:05:33,844
Uh, well,
I'm sure he's gonna be fine,
136
00:05:33,922 --> 00:05:35,895
uh, but I'll keep an eye on him.
137
00:05:35,973 --> 00:05:37,641
- Thank you.
- You got it.
138
00:05:41,520 --> 00:05:44,445
- She's gone.
- Thank you.
139
00:05:44,523 --> 00:05:46,900
Batteries are in this drawer.
140
00:05:55,006 --> 00:05:56,526
We got a problem.
141
00:05:59,884 --> 00:06:01,830
I don't know how much
longer Sheldon can hold out.
142
00:06:01,908 --> 00:06:04,164
This is why I did not
want you to write a check.
143
00:06:04,242 --> 00:06:05,782
Well, I'm sorry,
but I didn't have
144
00:06:05,860 --> 00:06:07,207
that kind of cash lying around.
145
00:06:07,285 --> 00:06:09,425
I do not want Mary
to find out about this.
146
00:06:09,503 --> 00:06:10,925
Well, what about Sheldon?
147
00:06:11,003 --> 00:06:13,474
The kid hasn't pooped
in days, he might pop.
148
00:06:13,552 --> 00:06:16,539
Slip a little Metamucil
into his apple juice, he'll be fine.
149
00:06:16,617 --> 00:06:18,471
Why don't we just
come clean?
150
00:06:20,892 --> 00:06:22,916
All right, sure,
we could do that.
151
00:06:23,365 --> 00:06:25,932
You could rat me out
to Mary and...
152
00:06:26,509 --> 00:06:29,424
I could tell her
what you did at the church picnic.
153
00:06:29,727 --> 00:06:31,017
Come on.
154
00:06:31,345 --> 00:06:32,761
Now you're just playing dirty.
155
00:06:32,839 --> 00:06:35,325
We sink or swim together,
George.
156
00:06:35,415 --> 00:06:37,744
We sink or swim together.
157
00:06:44,118 --> 00:06:46,104
Grandmas are supposed to be nice.
158
00:06:46,182 --> 00:06:48,229
What went wrong with you?
159
00:06:51,142 --> 00:06:53,274
Avoiding my mother
in our own house
160
00:06:53,352 --> 00:06:54,908
was proving to be difficult,
161
00:06:54,986 --> 00:06:57,299
so it was time to get creative.
162
00:06:57,509 --> 00:07:00,638
Hello. I'd like to book
a room in your hotel.
163
00:07:01,508 --> 00:07:03,556
I'd be arriving tonight.
164
00:07:04,134 --> 00:07:06,236
No, it's just me.
165
00:07:07,306 --> 00:07:10,087
Ooh, a queen bed,
that sounds fancy.
166
00:07:10,165 --> 00:07:12,838
And how much would this room cost?
167
00:07:14,321 --> 00:07:16,510
Wow. Is that per month?
168
00:07:17,634 --> 00:07:19,376
Per day?
169
00:07:20,563 --> 00:07:23,236
By any chance, do you
have a children's rate?
170
00:07:24,509 --> 00:07:27,463
We've been friends for
a while now, haven't we?
171
00:07:27,938 --> 00:07:29,354
I suppose so.
172
00:07:29,517 --> 00:07:31,873
Given that, how would you
feel about a sleepover?
173
00:07:31,951 --> 00:07:34,104
Sure.
Your mom lets you watch TV.
174
00:07:34,204 --> 00:07:36,127
Jake and the Fatman is on tonight.
175
00:07:36,313 --> 00:07:38,353
I meant we could sleep at
your house.
176
00:07:38,431 --> 00:07:40,338
But you'll miss
Jake and the Fatman.
177
00:07:40,485 --> 00:07:42,643
Even better.
So what do you say?
178
00:07:43,688 --> 00:07:44,973
I'll have to ask my mom.
179
00:07:45,071 --> 00:07:47,774
Well, be sure to tell her
I'm clean, I'm well-behaved,
180
00:07:47,852 --> 00:07:49,222
and if you don't have a lot of room,
181
00:07:49,300 --> 00:07:51,402
I can fit in really tight spaces.
182
00:07:55,942 --> 00:07:57,608
So your first sleepover.
183
00:07:57,686 --> 00:07:59,152
Pretty exciting, huh?
184
00:07:59,230 --> 00:08:02,181
No. It's not exciting,
it's constipating,
185
00:08:02,259 --> 00:08:04,471
and I'm only doing it
to avoid Mom.
186
00:08:04,845 --> 00:08:07,067
But still,
it's your first sleepover.
187
00:08:07,145 --> 00:08:08,689
It's fun stuff.
188
00:08:10,173 --> 00:08:12,222
Okay, I know you're having
a tough time with this,
189
00:08:12,300 --> 00:08:14,728
but...
you're doing great.
190
00:08:15,603 --> 00:08:17,316
You spend some time at Tam's house,
191
00:08:17,394 --> 00:08:20,326
you know, clear your head,
and come back home refreshed.
192
00:08:20,404 --> 00:08:21,753
And then I can tell Mom?
193
00:08:21,831 --> 00:08:23,736
Oh, no, you can never tell Mom.
194
00:08:24,087 --> 00:08:26,588
Wouldn't it be easier
to just be honest?
195
00:08:26,767 --> 00:08:29,010
Usually, it would be, but...
196
00:08:29,157 --> 00:08:31,393
sometimes
the truth can hurt people.
197
00:08:32,696 --> 00:08:34,410
We wouldn't want
to hurt Mom, right?
198
00:08:34,488 --> 00:08:35,768
Of course not.
199
00:08:35,851 --> 00:08:37,119
Attaboy.
200
00:08:40,823 --> 00:08:43,748
Hey, here's a funny
prank you can try tonight.
201
00:08:43,826 --> 00:08:46,597
When Tam falls asleep,
put some shaving cream in his hand
202
00:08:46,675 --> 00:08:48,051
and then tickle his nose.
203
00:08:48,129 --> 00:08:49,173
Why?
204
00:08:49,368 --> 00:08:51,142
'Cause then he'll go to,
205
00:08:51,220 --> 00:08:52,441
you know, scratch his nose,
206
00:08:52,519 --> 00:08:54,485
and he gets shaving cream
on his face.
207
00:08:54,743 --> 00:08:56,020
And then what?
208
00:08:56,126 --> 00:08:59,111
Well... that-that's it.
209
00:08:59,595 --> 00:09:01,196
But I'm a guest in their home,
210
00:09:01,274 --> 00:09:03,090
and that doesn't seem
like a very good way
211
00:09:03,168 --> 00:09:04,650
to repay their kindness.
212
00:09:04,829 --> 00:09:06,213
Never mind.
213
00:09:06,462 --> 00:09:08,464
And what if the shaving
cream gets in his eyes?
214
00:09:08,542 --> 00:09:09,563
That would sting.
215
00:09:09,641 --> 00:09:10,844
Sorry I mentioned it.
216
00:09:10,922 --> 00:09:12,683
Also, I didn't bring
my own shaving cream.
217
00:09:12,761 --> 00:09:14,947
I'd have to use his dad's, and that...
Forget it!
218
00:09:21,815 --> 00:09:22,817
Hello.
219
00:09:22,895 --> 00:09:25,114
Hi. You must be Mrs....
220
00:09:25,192 --> 00:09:26,254
Tam's mom.
221
00:09:26,332 --> 00:09:28,349
I'm Sheldon's dad, George Cooper.
222
00:09:28,427 --> 00:09:29,441
Nice to meet you.
223
00:09:29,519 --> 00:09:31,114
Thanks for letting him
spend the night.
224
00:09:31,245 --> 00:09:32,996
It's his first sleepover.
He's excited.
225
00:09:33,074 --> 00:09:34,796
Actually, I'm quite apprehens...
226
00:09:34,874 --> 00:09:36,566
He's really looking forward to it.
227
00:09:36,644 --> 00:09:37,972
Uh, in case something
228
00:09:38,050 --> 00:09:39,794
comes up, just
give us a holler.
229
00:09:39,872 --> 00:09:40,962
I mean, a call.
230
00:09:41,040 --> 00:09:43,127
If you hollered,
we wouldn't hear you.
231
00:09:44,009 --> 00:09:46,098
That-that was a joke.
232
00:09:46,402 --> 00:09:47,809
Ha-ha-ha!
233
00:09:48,105 --> 00:09:50,043
Okay, buddy, have fun.
234
00:09:52,456 --> 00:09:54,011
Visiting Tam's house
235
00:09:54,089 --> 00:09:56,959
for the first time was
an emotional roller coaster.
236
00:09:57,037 --> 00:09:59,988
For example, it's traditional
in Vietnamese homes
237
00:10:00,066 --> 00:10:03,084
to have gruesome religious
iconography near the entrance.
238
00:10:03,162 --> 00:10:05,058
I did not like that.
239
00:10:05,136 --> 00:10:07,159
However, it's also customary
240
00:10:07,237 --> 00:10:08,959
to not wear shoes around the house
241
00:10:09,037 --> 00:10:10,684
for sanitary reasons.
242
00:10:11,120 --> 00:10:12,600
I did like that.
243
00:10:12,678 --> 00:10:13,893
Interestingly,
244
00:10:13,971 --> 00:10:16,928
one of the main ingredients
in Vietnamese cooking
245
00:10:17,006 --> 00:10:20,576
is an extremely pungent
condiment known as fish sauce.
246
00:10:20,654 --> 00:10:22,309
I did not like that.
247
00:10:22,456 --> 00:10:24,347
But before every meal,
248
00:10:24,425 --> 00:10:27,856
it's common for everyone
to wash their hands and face.
249
00:10:27,934 --> 00:10:29,484
I did like that.
250
00:10:29,562 --> 00:10:33,284
Forks are not customary
in a Vietnamese household.
251
00:10:35,298 --> 00:10:37,214
I did not like that.
252
00:10:37,292 --> 00:10:40,495
And instead of napkins,
there was one towel
253
00:10:40,573 --> 00:10:42,489
for everyone
to share at the table.
254
00:10:43,609 --> 00:10:45,770
Seriously, what are they thinking?
255
00:10:47,527 --> 00:10:49,381
I can't help thinking how odd it is
256
00:10:49,459 --> 00:10:51,873
that Shelly volunteered
to go on a sleepover.
257
00:10:51,951 --> 00:10:53,076
Oh, I don't know.
258
00:10:53,154 --> 00:10:54,876
Hmm? He's growing up.
259
00:10:54,954 --> 00:10:57,620
It's natural for a young boy
to want to spread his wings
260
00:10:57,698 --> 00:10:59,249
a little bit, try something new.
261
00:10:59,327 --> 00:11:00,691
That's nonsense.
262
00:11:00,769 --> 00:11:01,883
Last week, I brought home
263
00:11:01,961 --> 00:11:03,912
the Raisin Bran with
the sugar on the raisins.
264
00:11:03,990 --> 00:11:05,629
He almost lost his mind.
265
00:11:06,308 --> 00:11:07,605
If you ask me,
266
00:11:07,683 --> 00:11:09,449
you're worried about nothing.
267
00:11:10,339 --> 00:11:11,370
Maybe it's me.
268
00:11:11,448 --> 00:11:13,723
Maybe I did something
to upset him.
269
00:11:13,964 --> 00:11:15,677
What are you talking about?
270
00:11:15,755 --> 00:11:17,788
He loves you
like crazy.
271
00:11:17,889 --> 00:11:19,769
Much more than
he loves this one.
272
00:11:19,847 --> 00:11:20,835
It's true.
273
00:11:20,913 --> 00:11:22,036
I don't know.
274
00:11:22,114 --> 00:11:24,560
I just feel like
something isn't right.
275
00:11:25,198 --> 00:11:26,256
Mom!
276
00:11:26,409 --> 00:11:28,324
I got my hair stuck in my zipper!
277
00:11:28,402 --> 00:11:30,864
That's the kid you need
to be worried about.
278
00:11:34,034 --> 00:11:35,919
Okay, Connie, why don't
we just come clean?
279
00:11:35,997 --> 00:11:38,028
- No.
- You heard her.
280
00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:40,051
Now she's blaming herself.
281
00:11:40,222 --> 00:11:41,282
And Sheldon's so upset
282
00:11:41,360 --> 00:11:43,745
he's... he's acting
like a regular kid.
283
00:11:43,823 --> 00:11:45,659
- All right, let's tell her.
- Thank you.
284
00:11:45,737 --> 00:11:48,060
But first I'm gonna tell her
what you did at the picnic.
285
00:11:48,138 --> 00:11:50,418
- Oh, Mary!
- Okay, okay, shh.
286
00:11:54,620 --> 00:11:56,745
I don't know how much longer
we can keep this going.
287
00:11:56,823 --> 00:11:58,680
I'm willing to find out.
288
00:12:06,050 --> 00:12:08,909
So, this game is called
Mystic Warlords of Ka'a.
289
00:12:08,987 --> 00:12:10,057
It's pretty fun.
290
00:12:10,135 --> 00:12:12,174
There are six kinds
of secret warlords...
291
00:12:12,252 --> 00:12:15,481
- Secret warlords.
- It's a secret. Secret.
292
00:12:15,559 --> 00:12:16,675
It's a secret.
293
00:12:16,753 --> 00:12:18,568
Have you noticed
anything off with Sheldon?
294
00:12:18,646 --> 00:12:19,943
Something between me and you.
295
00:12:20,021 --> 00:12:21,636
Mom is on a need-to-know basis.
296
00:12:21,714 --> 00:12:23,558
I took a little look
in his potty journal.
297
00:12:23,636 --> 00:12:26,021
- It's a secret.
- Several days without a bowel movement.
298
00:12:26,099 --> 00:12:27,561
- Sheldon.
- Secret. Secret.
299
00:12:27,639 --> 00:12:29,114
- A secret.
- Sheldon.
300
00:12:29,448 --> 00:12:31,403
Did you hear anything I said?
301
00:12:31,761 --> 00:12:35,387
Sorry, I was reliving
a traumatic experience.
302
00:12:35,470 --> 00:12:36,739
What do you mean?
303
00:12:39,370 --> 00:12:42,050
Tam, I have a secret
that's weighing on me,
304
00:12:42,128 --> 00:12:43,465
and I need to tell someone.
305
00:12:43,572 --> 00:12:44,839
Okay. Tell me.
306
00:12:45,198 --> 00:12:46,884
But I promised I wouldn't.
307
00:12:47,237 --> 00:12:48,710
Okay. Then don't.
308
00:12:48,886 --> 00:12:50,706
But it's driving me crazy.
309
00:12:50,784 --> 00:12:52,123
Too bad you're not Catholic.
310
00:12:52,201 --> 00:12:53,746
You could confess it
to a priest.
311
00:12:54,519 --> 00:12:55,949
That's a great idea.
312
00:12:56,331 --> 00:12:58,329
You're Catholic.
I'll confess it to you.
313
00:12:58,430 --> 00:12:59,574
I'm not a priest.
314
00:12:59,652 --> 00:13:00,771
I'm not a Catholic.
315
00:13:00,849 --> 00:13:02,660
It makes perfect sense.
316
00:13:02,972 --> 00:13:05,436
Okay,
whenever you're ready.
317
00:13:06,550 --> 00:13:07,829
What are you doing?
318
00:13:07,907 --> 00:13:09,770
I'm assuming the position.
319
00:13:10,098 --> 00:13:11,546
Okay.
320
00:13:12,136 --> 00:13:14,423
Forgive me, Tam,
for I have sinned.
321
00:13:14,511 --> 00:13:16,447
This is my first confession.
322
00:13:16,527 --> 00:13:18,504
I forgive you, my son.
323
00:13:19,519 --> 00:13:23,317
I was doing my parents' taxes
and noticed a check was missing.
324
00:13:23,620 --> 00:13:25,060
- I asked my father about it...
- As I walked Tam
325
00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:26,729
through the whole sordid affair,
326
00:13:26,807 --> 00:13:29,584
I could feel a weight
lifting off my shoulders.
327
00:13:29,662 --> 00:13:32,357
It was a relief to
finally unburden myself
328
00:13:32,435 --> 00:13:33,745
of this deception.
329
00:13:33,823 --> 00:13:35,405
By the time I reached the end,
330
00:13:35,483 --> 00:13:37,512
I felt like a new person.
331
00:13:37,823 --> 00:13:39,473
That's the whole story.
332
00:13:40,495 --> 00:13:41,947
Cool. Can we play now?
333
00:13:42,025 --> 00:13:44,234
And now that my conscience
had been cleared,
334
00:13:44,312 --> 00:13:46,559
my colon was ready
to do the same.
335
00:13:46,792 --> 00:13:50,252
Excuse me.
I need to use your bathroom!
336
00:13:57,025 --> 00:13:59,620
Thank you for letting me
sleep in your bed.
337
00:14:00,033 --> 00:14:02,861
My father taught me that
we must always honor our guests
338
00:14:02,939 --> 00:14:04,891
and treat them
with the utmost courtesy.
339
00:14:05,079 --> 00:14:07,729
The Vietnamese are
a very welcoming people.
340
00:14:07,986 --> 00:14:10,854
Yeah,
that hasn't always worked out for us.
341
00:14:15,767 --> 00:14:18,134
Do you think
your dad would ever ask you
342
00:14:18,212 --> 00:14:19,926
to keep a secret
from your mom?
343
00:14:20,004 --> 00:14:21,025
Oh, no.
344
00:14:21,103 --> 00:14:23,213
He's so honest,
it's annoying.
345
00:14:24,095 --> 00:14:25,080
Enough talking.
346
00:14:25,158 --> 00:14:26,478
Sleep now.
347
00:14:29,126 --> 00:14:30,815
She's just annoying.
348
00:14:38,697 --> 00:14:40,754
Well, you did it.
349
00:14:41,905 --> 00:14:43,776
How was your first sleepover?
350
00:14:46,677 --> 00:14:48,449
They feed you any weird food?
351
00:14:48,527 --> 00:14:51,768
When I was in 'Nam,
we ate fish soup for breakfast.
352
00:14:53,564 --> 00:14:55,059
Sheldon, I'm talking to you.
353
00:14:55,137 --> 00:14:57,159
Well, I'm not talking to you.
354
00:14:57,634 --> 00:14:59,025
Okay, what's going on?
355
00:14:59,103 --> 00:15:01,598
After having my first
good night's sleep in a week,
356
00:15:01,676 --> 00:15:03,541
I woke up
with a fresh perspective.
357
00:15:03,640 --> 00:15:05,002
And that is...?
358
00:15:05,447 --> 00:15:07,236
It was irresponsible of you
359
00:15:07,314 --> 00:15:09,080
to burden me with that secret.
360
00:15:09,408 --> 00:15:10,855
Sheldon, we've been through this.
361
00:15:10,933 --> 00:15:13,174
Okay. It's...
It's complicated.
362
00:15:13,345 --> 00:15:14,931
While I may not look
up to you
363
00:15:15,009 --> 00:15:16,613
from an intellectual
standpoint,
364
00:15:16,691 --> 00:15:18,987
I've always looked up
to you as a role model.
365
00:15:22,329 --> 00:15:24,172
I can't do that anymore.
366
00:15:27,755 --> 00:15:29,776
And don't worry...
We made a deal.
367
00:15:30,009 --> 00:15:32,174
I'll continue to keep your secret.
368
00:15:43,903 --> 00:15:44,861
Hey.
369
00:15:44,939 --> 00:15:45,885
What's up?
370
00:15:45,963 --> 00:15:48,432
Um,
I need to tell you something.
371
00:15:48,510 --> 00:15:49,803
What did you do?
372
00:15:50,684 --> 00:15:52,685
When Sheldon was doing our taxes,
373
00:15:52,763 --> 00:15:54,189
he noticed a missing check.
374
00:15:54,267 --> 00:15:55,302
What did you do?
375
00:15:55,380 --> 00:15:57,442
Before I answer,
do you trust me enough
376
00:15:57,520 --> 00:15:59,304
to understand
it was for a good reason
377
00:15:59,382 --> 00:16:00,982
and j-just leave it at that?
378
00:16:05,051 --> 00:16:06,963
What did you do?
379
00:16:07,091 --> 00:16:09,132
It's all your mother's fault.
She is a bad person.
380
00:16:09,210 --> 00:16:10,771
I've been telling you for years.
381
00:16:11,161 --> 00:16:12,567
What did you do?
382
00:16:12,645 --> 00:16:14,460
Okay, now, before I answer that...
383
00:16:14,538 --> 00:16:15,961
Just tell me what you did.
384
00:16:16,039 --> 00:16:17,725
I got a DWI.
385
00:16:18,005 --> 00:16:19,057
Mom!
386
00:16:19,135 --> 00:16:20,794
It's not as bad as it sounds.
387
00:16:20,872 --> 00:16:23,164
How is driving drunk not bad?
388
00:16:23,242 --> 00:16:25,248
I wasn't exactly driving.
389
00:16:25,419 --> 00:16:27,124
I don't follow.
390
00:16:27,559 --> 00:16:29,593
I was at the dog track
with Georgie,
391
00:16:29,671 --> 00:16:30,842
and I had a few...
392
00:16:30,920 --> 00:16:32,013
Georgie?
393
00:16:32,411 --> 00:16:33,763
With God as my witness,
394
00:16:33,841 --> 00:16:36,389
I've never been to the
dog track in my life.
395
00:16:36,669 --> 00:16:38,148
She knows.
396
00:16:38,294 --> 00:16:39,846
Oh, I've been there a bunch.
397
00:16:39,927 --> 00:16:42,181
Will someone please
tell me what happened?
398
00:16:42,411 --> 00:16:45,525
Okay, me and Meemaw were
in the bar at the track...
399
00:16:45,603 --> 00:16:47,360
You took him to a bar?
400
00:16:47,438 --> 00:16:48,943
He wasn't drinking.
401
00:16:49,091 --> 00:16:50,942
She had a few
too many margaritas,
402
00:16:51,020 --> 00:16:52,046
so I drove us home.
403
00:16:52,124 --> 00:16:53,730
But you don't have a license.
404
00:16:53,808 --> 00:16:56,617
That's why we swapped places
after the cop pulled us over.
405
00:16:56,695 --> 00:16:57,887
Oh, dear Lord.
406
00:16:57,965 --> 00:16:59,359
I had nothing to do
with this part.
407
00:16:59,437 --> 00:17:01,247
- Shut up.
- Will do.
408
00:17:01,653 --> 00:17:02,935
I didn't want Georgie
409
00:17:03,013 --> 00:17:04,046
to get into trouble,
410
00:17:04,124 --> 00:17:05,531
so I got behind the wheel
411
00:17:05,609 --> 00:17:07,257
before the cop walked up.
412
00:17:07,335 --> 00:17:10,208
And then I got arrested, and, uh,
413
00:17:10,286 --> 00:17:11,583
he bailed me out.
414
00:17:11,661 --> 00:17:13,913
So you all thought
you should keep this from me?
415
00:17:13,991 --> 00:17:15,418
- Absolutely.
- 100%.
416
00:17:15,496 --> 00:17:17,755
Okay, here's
what's gonna happen: you
417
00:17:17,833 --> 00:17:19,515
and you are staying at her house
418
00:17:19,593 --> 00:17:20,971
until I say otherwise.
419
00:17:21,049 --> 00:17:23,445
One could argue
I was the hero in this story.
420
00:17:23,523 --> 00:17:26,398
You went gambling
and you drove without a license
421
00:17:26,476 --> 00:17:27,916
and you lied to my face.
422
00:17:27,994 --> 00:17:29,346
Heroically.
423
00:17:29,497 --> 00:17:30,862
Go.
424
00:17:35,848 --> 00:17:38,471
I love everything
about this.
425
00:17:42,578 --> 00:17:44,445
I'm guessing
you're mad at me.
426
00:17:44,523 --> 00:17:46,193
Aw, forget about it.
427
00:17:46,309 --> 00:17:47,867
I appreciate you not...
428
00:17:48,106 --> 00:17:50,037
ratting me out
about the picnic.
429
00:17:50,458 --> 00:17:53,451
Well, we had a deal.
430
00:17:53,598 --> 00:17:56,906
Besides, your marriage
is already hanging by a thread.
431
00:17:56,984 --> 00:17:58,662
It is dangling there.
432
00:17:59,434 --> 00:18:01,847
All right, well,
I'm gonna turn in.
433
00:18:02,121 --> 00:18:03,418
Mmm.
434
00:18:03,685 --> 00:18:05,107
Good night.
435
00:18:06,243 --> 00:18:07,739
Night!
436
00:18:13,864 --> 00:18:14,880
Hello?
437
00:18:14,958 --> 00:18:16,195
So, get a load of this.
438
00:18:16,273 --> 00:18:18,849
Last church picnic,
your husband
439
00:18:18,927 --> 00:18:20,513
snuck in a six-pack,
440
00:18:20,591 --> 00:18:22,106
polished off
the whole thing,
441
00:18:22,184 --> 00:18:24,453
then went to wait
in line for the bathroom...
442
00:18:24,531 --> 00:18:25,536
Hey.
443
00:18:25,653 --> 00:18:27,302
You got an extra toothbrush?
444
00:18:27,380 --> 00:18:28,898
Under the sink, darlin'.
445
00:18:28,976 --> 00:18:29,958
Thanks.
446
00:18:30,036 --> 00:18:31,514
You got it.
447
00:18:32,794 --> 00:18:36,805
So then the big gorilla decides
he doesn't want to wait in line,
448
00:18:36,883 --> 00:18:39,892
so he stumbles over to
the church vegetable garden
449
00:18:39,970 --> 00:18:44,403
and proceeds to irrigate
the whole damn thing.
450
00:18:44,481 --> 00:18:46,624
I've eaten those vegetables.
451
00:18:46,702 --> 00:18:48,529
Sweet dreams.