1 00:00:01,479 --> 00:00:03,319 For most students the weekend 2 00:00:03,369 --> 00:00:05,046 represented two days of fun, 3 00:00:05,124 --> 00:00:07,715 freedom, and in the case of my brother 4 00:00:07,793 --> 00:00:10,644 a chance to ignore all forms of hygiene. 5 00:00:13,320 --> 00:00:15,262 Come on! Come on! 6 00:00:15,385 --> 00:00:17,320 To me however it represented... 7 00:00:17,398 --> 00:00:19,801 An unwelcome break from education. 8 00:00:23,432 --> 00:00:25,582 Whoo! Thank the Lord! 9 00:00:25,759 --> 00:00:28,065 But this wasn't a typical weekend 10 00:00:28,143 --> 00:00:29,975 because this was the weekend 11 00:00:30,053 --> 00:00:32,027 I got to do my parents taxes. 12 00:00:32,173 --> 00:00:35,735 Howdy do, W-2. 13 00:00:35,813 --> 00:00:39,058 ♪ Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪ 14 00:00:39,136 --> 00:00:41,727 ♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪ 15 00:00:41,805 --> 00:00:44,528 ♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪ 16 00:00:44,606 --> 00:00:47,690 ♪ I am a mighty little man ♪ 17 00:00:47,768 --> 00:00:50,887 ♪ I am a mighty little man ♪ *YOUNG SHELDON* Season 02 Episode 04 18 00:00:50,965 --> 00:00:53,722 Episode Title: " A Financial Secret and Fish Sauce" 19 00:00:57,072 --> 00:00:59,364 "If you were not covered by retirement plan 20 00:00:59,442 --> 00:01:00,841 but your spouse was, 21 00:01:00,919 --> 00:01:03,269 see the worksheet on page14" 22 00:01:03,566 --> 00:01:05,152 Try and stop me. 23 00:01:06,378 --> 00:01:08,552 Mom, I was going through our expenditures 24 00:01:08,630 --> 00:01:10,739 and noticed our grocery bills are up 12% 25 00:01:10,817 --> 00:01:13,300 compared to last quarter. Any idea why? 26 00:01:13,588 --> 00:01:16,357 There's a person at the end of the table that eats for free. 27 00:01:16,435 --> 00:01:18,723 There's a person at the other end of the table 28 00:01:18,801 --> 00:01:20,319 that eats for three. 29 00:01:21,541 --> 00:01:24,098 I've been buying groceries for the church food drive. 30 00:01:24,176 --> 00:01:25,179 I think that's it. 31 00:01:25,257 --> 00:01:27,098 Ooh, I bet I could write that off, 32 00:01:27,176 --> 00:01:28,260 including the gas 33 00:01:28,338 --> 00:01:30,098 it took to drive to the grocery store 34 00:01:30,176 --> 00:01:31,463 and then to the church. 35 00:01:31,541 --> 00:01:33,083 With all that driving, maybe she can count 36 00:01:33,161 --> 00:01:34,494 her car as a home office. 37 00:01:34,572 --> 00:01:35,778 Sounds aggressive, but I 38 00:01:35,856 --> 00:01:37,426 like how you're thinking. 39 00:01:37,604 --> 00:01:39,967 None of that is necessary, it's for charity. 40 00:01:40,045 --> 00:01:41,313 What's the point of charity 41 00:01:41,391 --> 00:01:42,956 if there are no tax benefits? 42 00:01:43,244 --> 00:01:44,322 Eat your peas. 43 00:01:44,400 --> 00:01:45,848 I like how he's thinking. 44 00:01:45,926 --> 00:01:47,769 You eat your peas, too. 45 00:01:51,822 --> 00:01:53,385 Dad, banking question. 46 00:01:53,463 --> 00:01:54,486 What's that, buddy? 47 00:01:54,564 --> 00:01:56,215 I noticed there's a check missing. 48 00:01:56,293 --> 00:01:57,957 I have a copy of check 128 49 00:01:58,035 --> 00:02:01,362 and a copy of check 130, but 129 isn't there. 50 00:02:01,618 --> 00:02:03,650 Oh, yeah, don't worry about it. 51 00:02:03,728 --> 00:02:04,980 But I enjoy worrying; 52 00:02:05,058 --> 00:02:06,659 I find it very relaxing. 53 00:02:06,900 --> 00:02:07,947 'Course you do. 54 00:02:08,025 --> 00:02:09,543 I balanced the rest of the account, 55 00:02:09,621 --> 00:02:12,173 and it appears to be a check for $300. 56 00:02:12,251 --> 00:02:14,629 All right, well, let's just put it down 57 00:02:14,707 --> 00:02:16,815 for $300 for miscellaneous. 58 00:02:17,275 --> 00:02:19,967 I've never labeled anything miscellaneous in my life. 59 00:02:20,045 --> 00:02:21,202 I'll go ask Mom. 60 00:02:21,280 --> 00:02:22,423 Wait. 61 00:02:23,759 --> 00:02:25,448 I just remembered. 62 00:02:27,392 --> 00:02:29,277 I gave the money to a friend. 63 00:02:29,355 --> 00:02:31,283 - Who? - It doesn't matter who. 64 00:02:31,361 --> 00:02:32,449 Why'd you give it to them? 65 00:02:32,527 --> 00:02:35,159 They needed it. It... it's like charity. 66 00:02:35,407 --> 00:02:37,488 Ooh, another write-off, excellent. 67 00:02:37,566 --> 00:02:39,018 Hey. Hey, hey, hey. 68 00:02:41,759 --> 00:02:44,596 What do you say, we keep this quiet? 69 00:02:44,947 --> 00:02:46,384 You mean like a secret? 70 00:02:46,462 --> 00:02:49,300 No, no, just, you know, something between you and me. 71 00:02:49,378 --> 00:02:50,525 What about Mom? 72 00:02:50,603 --> 00:02:52,415 Mom is on a need-to-know basis. 73 00:02:52,493 --> 00:02:55,424 - What if Mom needs to know? - Okay, it's a secret. 74 00:02:55,774 --> 00:02:56,932 Just trust me. 75 00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:59,743 It is better for everyone if she doesn't know about this. 76 00:02:59,821 --> 00:03:01,571 But I'm not good at keeping secrets. 77 00:03:01,649 --> 00:03:03,650 It's not hard. Just keep your mouth shut. 78 00:03:03,728 --> 00:03:05,551 But I'm not good at keeping my mouth shut. 79 00:03:05,629 --> 00:03:09,338 Sheldon, all you got to do... is be cool. 80 00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:13,189 "Be cool." 81 00:03:13,329 --> 00:03:16,229 He might as well have asked me to fly around the backyard. 82 00:03:18,347 --> 00:03:20,414 - Good night, baby. - Night, Mama. 83 00:03:20,492 --> 00:03:22,588 - Love you. - Love you, too. 84 00:03:24,556 --> 00:03:26,306 Oh, hello. 85 00:03:26,418 --> 00:03:29,619 I was just brushing my teeth like I do every night. 86 00:03:29,899 --> 00:03:32,127 Ah, ha! Nothing new there. 87 00:03:32,273 --> 00:03:33,426 You all right? 88 00:03:33,504 --> 00:03:35,478 Yes. I'm cool. 89 00:03:35,556 --> 00:03:37,038 I'm very cool. 90 00:03:37,126 --> 00:03:38,689 Tell Sheldon what cool means. 91 00:03:38,767 --> 00:03:39,892 Hush. 92 00:03:40,603 --> 00:03:42,066 Sweet dreams. 93 00:03:42,144 --> 00:03:43,282 Love you. 94 00:03:43,955 --> 00:03:46,901 Love you, too, 'cause you're my mom. 95 00:03:54,870 --> 00:03:56,423 You're so weird. 96 00:03:56,884 --> 00:03:58,447 More than usual? 97 00:03:59,368 --> 00:04:01,204 No, I guess not. 98 00:04:01,640 --> 00:04:03,064 Perfect. 99 00:04:03,960 --> 00:04:06,040 To avoid looking suspicious, 100 00:04:06,118 --> 00:04:09,367 I tried to interact with my mom as little as possible. 101 00:04:09,445 --> 00:04:12,565 Thankfully, it's rude to speak with your mouth full. 102 00:04:12,691 --> 00:04:15,035 You look tired, baby. Sleep okay? 103 00:04:15,228 --> 00:04:16,399 Mm-hmm. 104 00:04:18,853 --> 00:04:21,862 So how big a tax refund you think we're gonna get? 105 00:04:22,587 --> 00:04:23,664 Mm. 106 00:04:24,345 --> 00:04:25,877 - Mornin'. - Mornin'. 107 00:04:25,955 --> 00:04:27,793 I slept in the nude last night. 108 00:04:27,871 --> 00:04:30,096 Felt every little breeze. 109 00:04:30,603 --> 00:04:32,393 Thank you for sharing that. 110 00:04:32,736 --> 00:04:34,049 You're welcome. 111 00:04:34,286 --> 00:04:36,994 Fight, you cowards, fight! 112 00:04:37,072 --> 00:04:39,393 You fight, Skeletor. 113 00:04:40,447 --> 00:04:43,111 Mare, we got any batteries?! 114 00:04:43,189 --> 00:04:46,471 Look in the drawer by the refrigerator. 115 00:04:46,900 --> 00:04:49,416 There was only so much food I could eat, 116 00:04:49,494 --> 00:04:53,205 so I started avoiding my mother whenever possible. 117 00:04:55,759 --> 00:04:57,333 What are you doing in there? 118 00:04:57,411 --> 00:04:59,065 Keeping your secret. 119 00:04:59,150 --> 00:05:00,572 You got to pull it together. 120 00:05:00,650 --> 00:05:02,599 This is me pulling it together. 121 00:05:02,677 --> 00:05:04,416 - Pull harder. - Find 'em? 122 00:05:04,591 --> 00:05:07,096 Yeah. Got 'em. Thanks. 123 00:05:07,174 --> 00:05:09,781 You're very welcome. Hey, have you noticed 124 00:05:09,859 --> 00:05:11,409 anything off with Sheldon? 125 00:05:11,487 --> 00:05:14,547 Uh, no, no, no. Can't say that I have. Why? 126 00:05:14,625 --> 00:05:16,008 He's been awful quiet, 127 00:05:16,086 --> 00:05:17,784 and, at the risk of being indelicate, 128 00:05:17,862 --> 00:05:19,750 he's gone several days 129 00:05:19,828 --> 00:05:21,437 without a bowel movement. 130 00:05:21,539 --> 00:05:22,688 How do you know that? 131 00:05:22,766 --> 00:05:24,203 Well, I was worried about him, 132 00:05:24,281 --> 00:05:25,992 so I took a look in his potty journal. 133 00:05:26,070 --> 00:05:27,563 He's still keeping that thing, huh? 134 00:05:27,641 --> 00:05:30,423 Oh, yeah, that's why he wanted the Polaroid camera. 135 00:05:31,564 --> 00:05:33,844 Uh, well, I'm sure he's gonna be fine, 136 00:05:33,922 --> 00:05:35,895 uh, but I'll keep an eye on him. 137 00:05:35,973 --> 00:05:37,641 - Thank you. - You got it. 138 00:05:41,520 --> 00:05:44,445 - She's gone. - Thank you. 139 00:05:44,523 --> 00:05:46,900 Batteries are in this drawer. 140 00:05:55,006 --> 00:05:56,526 We got a problem. 141 00:05:59,884 --> 00:06:01,830 I don't know how much longer Sheldon can hold out. 142 00:06:01,908 --> 00:06:04,164 This is why I did not want you to write a check. 143 00:06:04,242 --> 00:06:05,782 Well, I'm sorry, but I didn't have 144 00:06:05,860 --> 00:06:07,207 that kind of cash lying around. 145 00:06:07,285 --> 00:06:09,425 I do not want Mary to find out about this. 146 00:06:09,503 --> 00:06:10,925 Well, what about Sheldon? 147 00:06:11,003 --> 00:06:13,474 The kid hasn't pooped in days, he might pop. 148 00:06:13,552 --> 00:06:16,539 Slip a little Metamucil into his apple juice, he'll be fine. 149 00:06:16,617 --> 00:06:18,471 Why don't we just come clean? 150 00:06:20,892 --> 00:06:22,916 All right, sure, we could do that. 151 00:06:23,365 --> 00:06:25,932 You could rat me out to Mary and... 152 00:06:26,509 --> 00:06:29,424 I could tell her what you did at the church picnic. 153 00:06:29,727 --> 00:06:31,017 Come on. 154 00:06:31,345 --> 00:06:32,761 Now you're just playing dirty. 155 00:06:32,839 --> 00:06:35,325 We sink or swim together, George. 156 00:06:35,415 --> 00:06:37,744 We sink or swim together. 157 00:06:44,118 --> 00:06:46,104 Grandmas are supposed to be nice. 158 00:06:46,182 --> 00:06:48,229 What went wrong with you? 159 00:06:51,142 --> 00:06:53,274 Avoiding my mother in our own house 160 00:06:53,352 --> 00:06:54,908 was proving to be difficult, 161 00:06:54,986 --> 00:06:57,299 so it was time to get creative. 162 00:06:57,509 --> 00:07:00,638 Hello. I'd like to book a room in your hotel. 163 00:07:01,508 --> 00:07:03,556 I'd be arriving tonight. 164 00:07:04,134 --> 00:07:06,236 No, it's just me. 165 00:07:07,306 --> 00:07:10,087 Ooh, a queen bed, that sounds fancy. 166 00:07:10,165 --> 00:07:12,838 And how much would this room cost? 167 00:07:14,321 --> 00:07:16,510 Wow. Is that per month? 168 00:07:17,634 --> 00:07:19,376 Per day? 169 00:07:20,563 --> 00:07:23,236 By any chance, do you have a children's rate? 170 00:07:24,509 --> 00:07:27,463 We've been friends for a while now, haven't we? 171 00:07:27,938 --> 00:07:29,354 I suppose so. 172 00:07:29,517 --> 00:07:31,873 Given that, how would you feel about a sleepover? 173 00:07:31,951 --> 00:07:34,104 Sure. Your mom lets you watch TV. 174 00:07:34,204 --> 00:07:36,127 Jake and the Fatman is on tonight. 175 00:07:36,313 --> 00:07:38,353 I meant we could sleep at your house. 176 00:07:38,431 --> 00:07:40,338 But you'll miss Jake and the Fatman. 177 00:07:40,485 --> 00:07:42,643 Even better. So what do you say? 178 00:07:43,688 --> 00:07:44,973 I'll have to ask my mom. 179 00:07:45,071 --> 00:07:47,774 Well, be sure to tell her I'm clean, I'm well-behaved, 180 00:07:47,852 --> 00:07:49,222 and if you don't have a lot of room, 181 00:07:49,300 --> 00:07:51,402 I can fit in really tight spaces. 182 00:07:55,942 --> 00:07:57,608 So your first sleepover. 183 00:07:57,686 --> 00:07:59,152 Pretty exciting, huh? 184 00:07:59,230 --> 00:08:02,181 No. It's not exciting, it's constipating, 185 00:08:02,259 --> 00:08:04,471 and I'm only doing it to avoid Mom. 186 00:08:04,845 --> 00:08:07,067 But still, it's your first sleepover. 187 00:08:07,145 --> 00:08:08,689 It's fun stuff. 188 00:08:10,173 --> 00:08:12,222 Okay, I know you're having a tough time with this, 189 00:08:12,300 --> 00:08:14,728 but... you're doing great. 190 00:08:15,603 --> 00:08:17,316 You spend some time at Tam's house, 191 00:08:17,394 --> 00:08:20,326 you know, clear your head, and come back home refreshed. 192 00:08:20,404 --> 00:08:21,753 And then I can tell Mom? 193 00:08:21,831 --> 00:08:23,736 Oh, no, you can never tell Mom. 194 00:08:24,087 --> 00:08:26,588 Wouldn't it be easier to just be honest? 195 00:08:26,767 --> 00:08:29,010 Usually, it would be, but... 196 00:08:29,157 --> 00:08:31,393 sometimes the truth can hurt people. 197 00:08:32,696 --> 00:08:34,410 We wouldn't want to hurt Mom, right? 198 00:08:34,488 --> 00:08:35,768 Of course not. 199 00:08:35,851 --> 00:08:37,119 Attaboy. 200 00:08:40,823 --> 00:08:43,748 Hey, here's a funny prank you can try tonight. 201 00:08:43,826 --> 00:08:46,597 When Tam falls asleep, put some shaving cream in his hand 202 00:08:46,675 --> 00:08:48,051 and then tickle his nose. 203 00:08:48,129 --> 00:08:49,173 Why? 204 00:08:49,368 --> 00:08:51,142 'Cause then he'll go to, 205 00:08:51,220 --> 00:08:52,441 you know, scratch his nose, 206 00:08:52,519 --> 00:08:54,485 and he gets shaving cream on his face. 207 00:08:54,743 --> 00:08:56,020 And then what? 208 00:08:56,126 --> 00:08:59,111 Well... that-that's it. 209 00:08:59,595 --> 00:09:01,196 But I'm a guest in their home, 210 00:09:01,274 --> 00:09:03,090 and that doesn't seem like a very good way 211 00:09:03,168 --> 00:09:04,650 to repay their kindness. 212 00:09:04,829 --> 00:09:06,213 Never mind. 213 00:09:06,462 --> 00:09:08,464 And what if the shaving cream gets in his eyes? 214 00:09:08,542 --> 00:09:09,563 That would sting. 215 00:09:09,641 --> 00:09:10,844 Sorry I mentioned it. 216 00:09:10,922 --> 00:09:12,683 Also, I didn't bring my own shaving cream. 217 00:09:12,761 --> 00:09:14,947 I'd have to use his dad's, and that... Forget it! 218 00:09:21,815 --> 00:09:22,817 Hello. 219 00:09:22,895 --> 00:09:25,114 Hi. You must be Mrs.... 220 00:09:25,192 --> 00:09:26,254 Tam's mom. 221 00:09:26,332 --> 00:09:28,349 I'm Sheldon's dad, George Cooper. 222 00:09:28,427 --> 00:09:29,441 Nice to meet you. 223 00:09:29,519 --> 00:09:31,114 Thanks for letting him spend the night. 224 00:09:31,245 --> 00:09:32,996 It's his first sleepover. He's excited. 225 00:09:33,074 --> 00:09:34,796 Actually, I'm quite apprehens... 226 00:09:34,874 --> 00:09:36,566 He's really looking forward to it. 227 00:09:36,644 --> 00:09:37,972 Uh, in case something 228 00:09:38,050 --> 00:09:39,794 comes up, just give us a holler. 229 00:09:39,872 --> 00:09:40,962 I mean, a call. 230 00:09:41,040 --> 00:09:43,127 If you hollered, we wouldn't hear you. 231 00:09:44,009 --> 00:09:46,098 That-that was a joke. 232 00:09:46,402 --> 00:09:47,809 Ha-ha-ha! 233 00:09:48,105 --> 00:09:50,043 Okay, buddy, have fun. 234 00:09:52,456 --> 00:09:54,011 Visiting Tam's house 235 00:09:54,089 --> 00:09:56,959 for the first time was an emotional roller coaster. 236 00:09:57,037 --> 00:09:59,988 For example, it's traditional in Vietnamese homes 237 00:10:00,066 --> 00:10:03,084 to have gruesome religious iconography near the entrance. 238 00:10:03,162 --> 00:10:05,058 I did not like that. 239 00:10:05,136 --> 00:10:07,159 However, it's also customary 240 00:10:07,237 --> 00:10:08,959 to not wear shoes around the house 241 00:10:09,037 --> 00:10:10,684 for sanitary reasons. 242 00:10:11,120 --> 00:10:12,600 I did like that. 243 00:10:12,678 --> 00:10:13,893 Interestingly, 244 00:10:13,971 --> 00:10:16,928 one of the main ingredients in Vietnamese cooking 245 00:10:17,006 --> 00:10:20,576 is an extremely pungent condiment known as fish sauce. 246 00:10:20,654 --> 00:10:22,309 I did not like that. 247 00:10:22,456 --> 00:10:24,347 But before every meal, 248 00:10:24,425 --> 00:10:27,856 it's common for everyone to wash their hands and face. 249 00:10:27,934 --> 00:10:29,484 I did like that. 250 00:10:29,562 --> 00:10:33,284 Forks are not customary in a Vietnamese household. 251 00:10:35,298 --> 00:10:37,214 I did not like that. 252 00:10:37,292 --> 00:10:40,495 And instead of napkins, there was one towel 253 00:10:40,573 --> 00:10:42,489 for everyone to share at the table. 254 00:10:43,609 --> 00:10:45,770 Seriously, what are they thinking? 255 00:10:47,527 --> 00:10:49,381 I can't help thinking how odd it is 256 00:10:49,459 --> 00:10:51,873 that Shelly volunteered to go on a sleepover. 257 00:10:51,951 --> 00:10:53,076 Oh, I don't know. 258 00:10:53,154 --> 00:10:54,876 Hmm? He's growing up. 259 00:10:54,954 --> 00:10:57,620 It's natural for a young boy to want to spread his wings 260 00:10:57,698 --> 00:10:59,249 a little bit, try something new. 261 00:10:59,327 --> 00:11:00,691 That's nonsense. 262 00:11:00,769 --> 00:11:01,883 Last week, I brought home 263 00:11:01,961 --> 00:11:03,912 the Raisin Bran with the sugar on the raisins. 264 00:11:03,990 --> 00:11:05,629 He almost lost his mind. 265 00:11:06,308 --> 00:11:07,605 If you ask me, 266 00:11:07,683 --> 00:11:09,449 you're worried about nothing. 267 00:11:10,339 --> 00:11:11,370 Maybe it's me. 268 00:11:11,448 --> 00:11:13,723 Maybe I did something to upset him. 269 00:11:13,964 --> 00:11:15,677 What are you talking about? 270 00:11:15,755 --> 00:11:17,788 He loves you like crazy. 271 00:11:17,889 --> 00:11:19,769 Much more than he loves this one. 272 00:11:19,847 --> 00:11:20,835 It's true. 273 00:11:20,913 --> 00:11:22,036 I don't know. 274 00:11:22,114 --> 00:11:24,560 I just feel like something isn't right. 275 00:11:25,198 --> 00:11:26,256 Mom! 276 00:11:26,409 --> 00:11:28,324 I got my hair stuck in my zipper! 277 00:11:28,402 --> 00:11:30,864 That's the kid you need to be worried about. 278 00:11:34,034 --> 00:11:35,919 Okay, Connie, why don't we just come clean? 279 00:11:35,997 --> 00:11:38,028 - No. - You heard her. 280 00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:40,051 Now she's blaming herself. 281 00:11:40,222 --> 00:11:41,282 And Sheldon's so upset 282 00:11:41,360 --> 00:11:43,745 he's... he's acting like a regular kid. 283 00:11:43,823 --> 00:11:45,659 - All right, let's tell her. - Thank you. 284 00:11:45,737 --> 00:11:48,060 But first I'm gonna tell her what you did at the picnic. 285 00:11:48,138 --> 00:11:50,418 - Oh, Mary! - Okay, okay, shh. 286 00:11:54,620 --> 00:11:56,745 I don't know how much longer we can keep this going. 287 00:11:56,823 --> 00:11:58,680 I'm willing to find out. 288 00:12:06,050 --> 00:12:08,909 So, this game is called Mystic Warlords of Ka'a. 289 00:12:08,987 --> 00:12:10,057 It's pretty fun. 290 00:12:10,135 --> 00:12:12,174 There are six kinds of secret warlords... 291 00:12:12,252 --> 00:12:15,481 - Secret warlords. - It's a secret. Secret. 292 00:12:15,559 --> 00:12:16,675 It's a secret. 293 00:12:16,753 --> 00:12:18,568 Have you noticed anything off with Sheldon? 294 00:12:18,646 --> 00:12:19,943 Something between me and you. 295 00:12:20,021 --> 00:12:21,636 Mom is on a need-to-know basis. 296 00:12:21,714 --> 00:12:23,558 I took a little look in his potty journal. 297 00:12:23,636 --> 00:12:26,021 - It's a secret. - Several days without a bowel movement. 298 00:12:26,099 --> 00:12:27,561 - Sheldon. - Secret. Secret. 299 00:12:27,639 --> 00:12:29,114 - A secret. - Sheldon. 300 00:12:29,448 --> 00:12:31,403 Did you hear anything I said? 301 00:12:31,761 --> 00:12:35,387 Sorry, I was reliving a traumatic experience. 302 00:12:35,470 --> 00:12:36,739 What do you mean? 303 00:12:39,370 --> 00:12:42,050 Tam, I have a secret that's weighing on me, 304 00:12:42,128 --> 00:12:43,465 and I need to tell someone. 305 00:12:43,572 --> 00:12:44,839 Okay. Tell me. 306 00:12:45,198 --> 00:12:46,884 But I promised I wouldn't. 307 00:12:47,237 --> 00:12:48,710 Okay. Then don't. 308 00:12:48,886 --> 00:12:50,706 But it's driving me crazy. 309 00:12:50,784 --> 00:12:52,123 Too bad you're not Catholic. 310 00:12:52,201 --> 00:12:53,746 You could confess it to a priest. 311 00:12:54,519 --> 00:12:55,949 That's a great idea. 312 00:12:56,331 --> 00:12:58,329 You're Catholic. I'll confess it to you. 313 00:12:58,430 --> 00:12:59,574 I'm not a priest. 314 00:12:59,652 --> 00:13:00,771 I'm not a Catholic. 315 00:13:00,849 --> 00:13:02,660 It makes perfect sense. 316 00:13:02,972 --> 00:13:05,436 Okay, whenever you're ready. 317 00:13:06,550 --> 00:13:07,829 What are you doing? 318 00:13:07,907 --> 00:13:09,770 I'm assuming the position. 319 00:13:10,098 --> 00:13:11,546 Okay. 320 00:13:12,136 --> 00:13:14,423 Forgive me, Tam, for I have sinned. 321 00:13:14,511 --> 00:13:16,447 This is my first confession. 322 00:13:16,527 --> 00:13:18,504 I forgive you, my son. 323 00:13:19,519 --> 00:13:23,317 I was doing my parents' taxes and noticed a check was missing. 324 00:13:23,620 --> 00:13:25,060 - I asked my father about it... - As I walked Tam 325 00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:26,729 through the whole sordid affair, 326 00:13:26,807 --> 00:13:29,584 I could feel a weight lifting off my shoulders. 327 00:13:29,662 --> 00:13:32,357 It was a relief to finally unburden myself 328 00:13:32,435 --> 00:13:33,745 of this deception. 329 00:13:33,823 --> 00:13:35,405 By the time I reached the end, 330 00:13:35,483 --> 00:13:37,512 I felt like a new person. 331 00:13:37,823 --> 00:13:39,473 That's the whole story. 332 00:13:40,495 --> 00:13:41,947 Cool. Can we play now? 333 00:13:42,025 --> 00:13:44,234 And now that my conscience had been cleared, 334 00:13:44,312 --> 00:13:46,559 my colon was ready to do the same. 335 00:13:46,792 --> 00:13:50,252 Excuse me. I need to use your bathroom! 336 00:13:57,025 --> 00:13:59,620 Thank you for letting me sleep in your bed. 337 00:14:00,033 --> 00:14:02,861 My father taught me that we must always honor our guests 338 00:14:02,939 --> 00:14:04,891 and treat them with the utmost courtesy. 339 00:14:05,079 --> 00:14:07,729 The Vietnamese are a very welcoming people. 340 00:14:07,986 --> 00:14:10,854 Yeah, that hasn't always worked out for us. 341 00:14:15,767 --> 00:14:18,134 Do you think your dad would ever ask you 342 00:14:18,212 --> 00:14:19,926 to keep a secret from your mom? 343 00:14:20,004 --> 00:14:21,025 Oh, no. 344 00:14:21,103 --> 00:14:23,213 He's so honest, it's annoying. 345 00:14:24,095 --> 00:14:25,080 Enough talking. 346 00:14:25,158 --> 00:14:26,478 Sleep now. 347 00:14:29,126 --> 00:14:30,815 She's just annoying. 348 00:14:38,697 --> 00:14:40,754 Well, you did it. 349 00:14:41,905 --> 00:14:43,776 How was your first sleepover? 350 00:14:46,677 --> 00:14:48,449 They feed you any weird food? 351 00:14:48,527 --> 00:14:51,768 When I was in 'Nam, we ate fish soup for breakfast. 352 00:14:53,564 --> 00:14:55,059 Sheldon, I'm talking to you. 353 00:14:55,137 --> 00:14:57,159 Well, I'm not talking to you. 354 00:14:57,634 --> 00:14:59,025 Okay, what's going on? 355 00:14:59,103 --> 00:15:01,598 After having my first good night's sleep in a week, 356 00:15:01,676 --> 00:15:03,541 I woke up with a fresh perspective. 357 00:15:03,640 --> 00:15:05,002 And that is...? 358 00:15:05,447 --> 00:15:07,236 It was irresponsible of you 359 00:15:07,314 --> 00:15:09,080 to burden me with that secret. 360 00:15:09,408 --> 00:15:10,855 Sheldon, we've been through this. 361 00:15:10,933 --> 00:15:13,174 Okay. It's... It's complicated. 362 00:15:13,345 --> 00:15:14,931 While I may not look up to you 363 00:15:15,009 --> 00:15:16,613 from an intellectual standpoint, 364 00:15:16,691 --> 00:15:18,987 I've always looked up to you as a role model. 365 00:15:22,329 --> 00:15:24,172 I can't do that anymore. 366 00:15:27,755 --> 00:15:29,776 And don't worry... We made a deal. 367 00:15:30,009 --> 00:15:32,174 I'll continue to keep your secret. 368 00:15:43,903 --> 00:15:44,861 Hey. 369 00:15:44,939 --> 00:15:45,885 What's up? 370 00:15:45,963 --> 00:15:48,432 Um, I need to tell you something. 371 00:15:48,510 --> 00:15:49,803 What did you do? 372 00:15:50,684 --> 00:15:52,685 When Sheldon was doing our taxes, 373 00:15:52,763 --> 00:15:54,189 he noticed a missing check. 374 00:15:54,267 --> 00:15:55,302 What did you do? 375 00:15:55,380 --> 00:15:57,442 Before I answer, do you trust me enough 376 00:15:57,520 --> 00:15:59,304 to understand it was for a good reason 377 00:15:59,382 --> 00:16:00,982 and j-just leave it at that? 378 00:16:05,051 --> 00:16:06,963 What did you do? 379 00:16:07,091 --> 00:16:09,132 It's all your mother's fault. She is a bad person. 380 00:16:09,210 --> 00:16:10,771 I've been telling you for years. 381 00:16:11,161 --> 00:16:12,567 What did you do? 382 00:16:12,645 --> 00:16:14,460 Okay, now, before I answer that... 383 00:16:14,538 --> 00:16:15,961 Just tell me what you did. 384 00:16:16,039 --> 00:16:17,725 I got a DWI. 385 00:16:18,005 --> 00:16:19,057 Mom! 386 00:16:19,135 --> 00:16:20,794 It's not as bad as it sounds. 387 00:16:20,872 --> 00:16:23,164 How is driving drunk not bad? 388 00:16:23,242 --> 00:16:25,248 I wasn't exactly driving. 389 00:16:25,419 --> 00:16:27,124 I don't follow. 390 00:16:27,559 --> 00:16:29,593 I was at the dog track with Georgie, 391 00:16:29,671 --> 00:16:30,842 and I had a few... 392 00:16:30,920 --> 00:16:32,013 Georgie? 393 00:16:32,411 --> 00:16:33,763 With God as my witness, 394 00:16:33,841 --> 00:16:36,389 I've never been to the dog track in my life. 395 00:16:36,669 --> 00:16:38,148 She knows. 396 00:16:38,294 --> 00:16:39,846 Oh, I've been there a bunch. 397 00:16:39,927 --> 00:16:42,181 Will someone please tell me what happened? 398 00:16:42,411 --> 00:16:45,525 Okay, me and Meemaw were in the bar at the track... 399 00:16:45,603 --> 00:16:47,360 You took him to a bar? 400 00:16:47,438 --> 00:16:48,943 He wasn't drinking. 401 00:16:49,091 --> 00:16:50,942 She had a few too many margaritas, 402 00:16:51,020 --> 00:16:52,046 so I drove us home. 403 00:16:52,124 --> 00:16:53,730 But you don't have a license. 404 00:16:53,808 --> 00:16:56,617 That's why we swapped places after the cop pulled us over. 405 00:16:56,695 --> 00:16:57,887 Oh, dear Lord. 406 00:16:57,965 --> 00:16:59,359 I had nothing to do with this part. 407 00:16:59,437 --> 00:17:01,247 - Shut up. - Will do. 408 00:17:01,653 --> 00:17:02,935 I didn't want Georgie 409 00:17:03,013 --> 00:17:04,046 to get into trouble, 410 00:17:04,124 --> 00:17:05,531 so I got behind the wheel 411 00:17:05,609 --> 00:17:07,257 before the cop walked up. 412 00:17:07,335 --> 00:17:10,208 And then I got arrested, and, uh, 413 00:17:10,286 --> 00:17:11,583 he bailed me out. 414 00:17:11,661 --> 00:17:13,913 So you all thought you should keep this from me? 415 00:17:13,991 --> 00:17:15,418 - Absolutely. - 100%. 416 00:17:15,496 --> 00:17:17,755 Okay, here's what's gonna happen: you 417 00:17:17,833 --> 00:17:19,515 and you are staying at her house 418 00:17:19,593 --> 00:17:20,971 until I say otherwise. 419 00:17:21,049 --> 00:17:23,445 One could argue I was the hero in this story. 420 00:17:23,523 --> 00:17:26,398 You went gambling and you drove without a license 421 00:17:26,476 --> 00:17:27,916 and you lied to my face. 422 00:17:27,994 --> 00:17:29,346 Heroically. 423 00:17:29,497 --> 00:17:30,862 Go. 424 00:17:35,848 --> 00:17:38,471 I love everything about this. 425 00:17:42,578 --> 00:17:44,445 I'm guessing you're mad at me. 426 00:17:44,523 --> 00:17:46,193 Aw, forget about it. 427 00:17:46,309 --> 00:17:47,867 I appreciate you not... 428 00:17:48,106 --> 00:17:50,037 ratting me out about the picnic. 429 00:17:50,458 --> 00:17:53,451 Well, we had a deal. 430 00:17:53,598 --> 00:17:56,906 Besides, your marriage is already hanging by a thread. 431 00:17:56,984 --> 00:17:58,662 It is dangling there. 432 00:17:59,434 --> 00:18:01,847 All right, well, I'm gonna turn in. 433 00:18:02,121 --> 00:18:03,418 Mmm. 434 00:18:03,685 --> 00:18:05,107 Good night. 435 00:18:06,243 --> 00:18:07,739 Night! 436 00:18:13,864 --> 00:18:14,880 Hello? 437 00:18:14,958 --> 00:18:16,195 So, get a load of this. 438 00:18:16,273 --> 00:18:18,849 Last church picnic, your husband 439 00:18:18,927 --> 00:18:20,513 snuck in a six-pack, 440 00:18:20,591 --> 00:18:22,106 polished off the whole thing, 441 00:18:22,184 --> 00:18:24,453 then went to wait in line for the bathroom... 442 00:18:24,531 --> 00:18:25,536 Hey. 443 00:18:25,653 --> 00:18:27,302 You got an extra toothbrush? 444 00:18:27,380 --> 00:18:28,898 Under the sink, darlin'. 445 00:18:28,976 --> 00:18:29,958 Thanks. 446 00:18:30,036 --> 00:18:31,514 You got it. 447 00:18:32,794 --> 00:18:36,805 So then the big gorilla decides he doesn't want to wait in line, 448 00:18:36,883 --> 00:18:39,892 so he stumbles over to the church vegetable garden 449 00:18:39,970 --> 00:18:44,403 and proceeds to irrigate the whole damn thing. 450 00:18:44,481 --> 00:18:46,624 I've eaten those vegetables. 451 00:18:46,702 --> 00:18:48,529 Sweet dreams.