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Previously on
Young Sheldon...
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- Why was Veronica Duncan hugging you?
- I'm tutoring her in trigonometry.
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- Just between us, she's a little slow.
- That's not what I heard.
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There's nobody at my house.
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- You want to come over?
- Yes.
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- What's that?
- Some stupid haunted house
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my mother's doing for the church.
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ADULT SHELDON: Mr. Lundy's scene about lust
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made a deep impact on my brother's date.
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She asked to be saved by Jesus.
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[crying]: I don't want to
live like this anymore.
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ADULT SHELDON: And as
it turns out, she was.
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Dear Lord Jesus, set me free.
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[music playing over TV]
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ADULT SHELDON: In Conquest
of the Planet of the Apes,
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we learned how humans taught
the apes to become civilized.
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Which I think should start
with potty training,
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but I'm not a screenwriter.
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Can you help me with
my math homework?
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No.
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Please. It's really hard.
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"It" isn't the problem.
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Sheldon.
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Fine, what are you working on?
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There's a number, then there's a line,
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then there's another number under it.
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Fractions?
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Yes, fractions.
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ADULT SHELDON: At that moment,
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it occurred to me
if I could teach mathematics
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to someone as dull-witted as my sister,
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I could create a race of superhumans
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that would do my bidding.
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And who wouldn't want that?
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Please, Sheldon.
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You know what, Missy?
I'd be happy to help you.
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Thank you.
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♪ Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪
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♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪
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♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪
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♪ I am a mighty little man ♪
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Synced & corrected by MaxPayne
== https://subscene.com ==
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Try thinking of it this way: Imagine a pie.
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The number on the bottom of the fraction
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is how many pieces the pie
has been sliced into.
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What kind of pie is it?
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Doesn't matter.
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But it would help me picture it
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if I knew the kind of pie.
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Fine, it's banana cream.
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I don't like banana cream.
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Okay, what kind of pie
would you like it to be?
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What about those little
apple pies from McDonalds?
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Sure. I burned my mouth on one of those.
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Didn't stop me. I still ate it.
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[doorbell rings, door opens]
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Veronica. Hi.
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Hey, Georgie.
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You-you changed your hair.
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I did.
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It's shorter.
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It is.
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I like it.
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Thank-thanks.
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You here to see me?
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I-I'm here for your mom's Bible study.
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Oh, sure, of course.
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I'm glad you could join us.
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Come in, won't you?
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[chuckles] You're part of the group, too?
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Faith, the Bible, God,
I'm nuts for that stuff.
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[laughs softly]
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So one-fourth of the 12
pieces of pie is...?
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Three?
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Yes.
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And one-third of the 12 pieces is...?
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Four?
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Yes. Now how much is
one-third of the pie plus
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one-fourth of the pie?
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Well, three plus four is
seven, but there's 12 pieces,
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so seven-twelve-iths.
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It's twelfths. And yes.
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I did it.
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ADULT SHELDON: Actually, I did it.
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In less than ten minutes,
I taught fractions to a monkey.
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Welcome, Veronica. We're
so glad to have you.
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What are you doing?
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What's it look like?
I'm here for Bible study.
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Did you just take a shower?
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No.
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[sniffs] You did, too.
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So I want to be clean for Jesus.
Get off my back.
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Interesting.
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Georgie, if you want to
be a good Christian,
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maybe you should stop
lying through your teeth.
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Just be happy I brushed them, okay?
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Hmm...
MISSY: Okay.
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All done. Thanks.
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While we're here, would you like me
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to introduce you to algebra?
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Al who?
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Oh, boy.
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It's not a person,
it's an ancient Arabic method
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of finding the value of variables.
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Oh. Nah.
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ADULT SHELDON: Clearly, I needed
a more sophisticated technique
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to motivate my simian sister.
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Are you sure?
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If you learn a little algebra,
I'll give you a banana.
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All right, now we're
reading from Matthew 4.
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Georgie, why don't you get
us started on verse 17?
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Me?
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Yes, you.
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Oh. Okay.
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Um... Verse 17...
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[quietly]: Verse 17...
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Give me a minute.
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Here.
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Bless you.
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Okay, here we go.
"From that time,
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"Jesus began to preach and say 'Repent,
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"c-change your inner self,
your old way of thinking,
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"regret past sins,
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"live your life in a way
that proves repentance:
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Seek God's purpose for your life."
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Powerful stuff.
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Can I get an amen?
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ALL: Amen.
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Amen.
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Need any help there, Sheldon? I'm looking
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for some books on education theory.
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- What for?
- I'm trying
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to develop a technique
to teach someone
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who falls into the conventional
category of "stupid."
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Oh. Well, now, there's a
wide range of stupid.
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Can you narrow it down?
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She wrote a fan letter to Alf.
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Got it. So you're looking to
make a pretty radical change.
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Well, ideally, I'd like to
wipe my sister's brain clean
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and start over, but my
mom wouldn't like that.
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Yeah. Moms are no fun.
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Hey, Veronica.
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- Georgie.
- So, listen,
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I was doing my prayers
last night and, uh,
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you won't believe it,
but I think God spoke to me.
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Really?
What did he say?
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Well, I couldn't understand
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all of it, 'cause it was
in an ancient language,
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but the part I did understand
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is he wants us to spend more time together.
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Doing what?
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Oh, you know, praying,
helping the needy.
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Your usual Christian activities.
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Well, I'm okay with that.
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Good. So you, me and God, we'll hang out.
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Sounds good.
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Okay. See you later.
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[chuckles] See you.
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I may be going to hell.
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[exhales sharply]
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So you're hoping to create an army
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of super-intelligent children
who will do your bidding?
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In a perfect world, yes.
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You should spend more time with my mother.
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That's her goal, too.
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SHELDON: Ooh, this is interesting.
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According to Socrates, all knowledge exists
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within the student and
just needs to be drawn out
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through skillful questioning.
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Are you saying I knew that
before you even said it?
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I don't know, did you?
Well, according
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to Socrates, you do know and
the answer's inside you.
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Well, then, ask me a skillful
question to draw it out.
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Do you know if I knew before I knew?
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No.
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Hey, it works.
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It does.
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[camera beeps, whirs]
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I'm recording my findings
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so that future generations
of mankind can understand
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the steps I took to create
homo novus, "new man."
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Of course, there's a strong
likelihood that my homo novi
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might've wiped out all future generations,
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so I have no idea who's watching this.
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What are you doing in here?
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I'm keeping a video diary of my
experiment to create homo novus.
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Homowhat?
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Novus. It's Latin.
It means "new man."
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Oh. I guess that's okay.
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Y-Your mom's at church.
W-What do you want for dinner?
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I believe you know what I want for dinner.
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Is that right?
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It's Thursday.
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What does Mom always make me on Thursdays?
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Spaghetti and hot dogs?
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Socrates. Got to love him.
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CONGREGATION: ♪ Then sings my soul ♪
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♪ My savior God to Thee ♪
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♪ How great Thou art ♪
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♪ God to Thee ♪
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♪ How great Thou art ♪
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♪ How great Thou art ♪
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- ♪ How great Thou art ♪
- ♪ Then sings my soul ♪
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♪ My savior God to Thee ♪
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♪ Then sings my soul ♪
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- ♪ How great Thou art ♪
- ♪ My savior God to Thee ♪
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- ♪ How great Thou art. ♪
- ♪ How great Thou art. ♪
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PASTOR JEFF: And now,
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why don't we take a moment to pray,
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uh, keeping in mind that our prayers
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should not be for our own benefit,
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but for our family, friends,
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fellow Texans, Americans
of all races and religions
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and the world.
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Well, most of the world.
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Y'all know what countries to pick.
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MARY: Lord, please look after my family.
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Give them everything they
need to be happy and healthy.
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And this lovely young girl with me tonight,
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help her stay on the path of righteousness.
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VERONICA: God, please look after my sister.
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You can find her at the
women's correctional facility
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in Lubbock.
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Help her seek salvation in you
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instead of cocaine,
marijuana and bass players.
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GEORGIE: Jesus, I'm sure,
even from Heaven, you can see
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how hot the girl sitting next to me is.
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And I know I'm not supposed
to pray for myself,
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but here's the deal: If you can get her
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to fall in love with me, and you know,
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00:10:06,151 --> 00:10:07,631
make some bad decisions,
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I swear I'll come to church every Sunday.
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MARY: And thank you for
bringing Georgie tonight,
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even though you and I
both know why he came.
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Speaking of which, whatever
he's praying for right now,
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ignore it.
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VERONICA: And please protect
me from impure thoughts,
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and teach me to respect
the sanctity of my body.
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GEORGIE: Now if for instance she
and I were to go skinny dipping
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and one thing were to lead to another
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under the moonlit sky, get this:
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Not only do I become a devout Christian,
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I will also bug everybody
I meet to do the same.
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And you know I can be real annoying
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when I set my mind to it.
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MARY: Amen.
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VERONICA: Amen.
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GEORGIE: I'm gonna take your
silence as a yes. Amen.
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What are you working on?
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A list of possible boyfriends
for my Cabbage Patch doll.
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How do you think Celeste would
look next to Joey Lawrence?
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00:11:03,861 --> 00:11:05,950
I don't know who that is.
253
00:11:05,994 --> 00:11:07,778
He's Blossom's brother.
254
00:11:07,822 --> 00:11:09,954
I don't know who that is.
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00:11:09,998 --> 00:11:12,870
It's a show. She wears hats.
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00:11:12,914 --> 00:11:15,786
Anyway, I've been doing some research,
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and I've come to the
conclusion that I don't need
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to teach you anything.
259
00:11:18,920 --> 00:11:20,704
You already know everything.
260
00:11:20,747 --> 00:11:21,923
Cool.
261
00:11:21,966 --> 00:11:23,446
Your brain already contains all the math
262
00:11:23,489 --> 00:11:24,839
that will ever be known.
263
00:11:24,882 --> 00:11:27,102
I heard you and I said "cool."
264
00:11:27,145 --> 00:11:28,755
Well, wouldn't you like to explore
265
00:11:28,799 --> 00:11:31,367
that great treasure trove of knowledge?
266
00:11:31,410 --> 00:11:34,587
That depends. What's a trove?
267
00:11:34,631 --> 00:11:37,547
We'll circle back to that. True or false?
268
00:11:37,590 --> 00:11:40,419
At times, you have referred
to yourself as being dumb.
269
00:11:40,463 --> 00:11:41,899
True.
270
00:11:41,943 --> 00:11:44,249
And do you enjoy feeling that way?
271
00:11:44,293 --> 00:11:46,382
No.
272
00:11:46,425 --> 00:11:48,166
Well, let me change that.
273
00:11:48,210 --> 00:11:49,776
I'm presenting you with an opportunity
274
00:11:49,820 --> 00:11:52,779
to achieve the full potential of your mind.
275
00:11:54,172 --> 00:11:57,828
Are you gonna do some experiment
where we switch brains?
276
00:11:57,872 --> 00:11:59,090
No.
277
00:11:59,134 --> 00:12:00,526
'Cause I've seen it on Gilligan's Island
278
00:12:00,570 --> 00:12:01,832
and I've seen it on The Flintstones
279
00:12:01,876 --> 00:12:04,008
and it never goes well.
280
00:12:05,575 --> 00:12:06,837
[exhales sharply]
281
00:12:06,881 --> 00:12:09,927
Ooh. Gilligan.
282
00:12:09,971 --> 00:12:14,584
♪ Then sings my soul, my savior God... ♪
283
00:12:14,627 --> 00:12:16,760
Oh, who do you think you're fooling here?
284
00:12:16,803 --> 00:12:19,458
I have no idea what you're talking about.
285
00:12:19,502 --> 00:12:22,461
Listen to me. Veronica has
a rough family situation,
286
00:12:22,505 --> 00:12:24,507
and she's trying to improve her life.
287
00:12:24,550 --> 00:12:27,553
And I admire that. Very inspirational.
288
00:12:27,597 --> 00:12:28,946
Georgie,
289
00:12:28,990 --> 00:12:31,166
believe me, I'm glad to
see you in a church,
290
00:12:31,209 --> 00:12:34,778
but I do not want you taking
advantage of that girl.
291
00:12:34,821 --> 00:12:39,130
Taking advantage? Veronica and I
are Bible buddies, nothing more.
292
00:12:40,175 --> 00:12:42,438
I'm serious. Right.
293
00:12:42,481 --> 00:12:44,875
Maybe you should ask yourself what's in you
294
00:12:44,919 --> 00:12:47,312
that makes you see sin
in the hearts of others.
295
00:12:47,356 --> 00:12:49,619
Okay, now you're pushing it.
296
00:12:51,490 --> 00:12:54,580
Lord Jesus, please help
my mother with her anger.
297
00:12:56,843 --> 00:12:59,368
Can I get an amen?
No.
298
00:13:01,500 --> 00:13:03,502
Why do we need the camera?
299
00:13:03,546 --> 00:13:06,418
So people in the future can
see your transformation.
300
00:13:06,462 --> 00:13:07,680
[camera beeps]
301
00:13:07,724 --> 00:13:09,030
Where are you going?
302
00:13:09,073 --> 00:13:11,467
To put on a dress for the future people.
303
00:13:11,510 --> 00:13:13,643
Hello, people of the future.
304
00:13:13,686 --> 00:13:16,472
My name is Missy Cooper and
this is my best friend Celeste.
305
00:13:16,515 --> 00:13:19,866
[whispers]: She's dating Joey Lawrence.
306
00:13:20,911 --> 00:13:22,434
[sighs]
307
00:13:25,527 --> 00:13:30,619
- You want to hang out Saturday?
- Can't. I signed up to get baptized.
308
00:13:30,663 --> 00:13:33,579
Oh, yeah.
I've been meaning to do that.
309
00:13:33,622 --> 00:13:36,930
Well, why don't you join me?
We could do it together.
310
00:13:36,974 --> 00:13:39,585
Sure. You and me, getting double dunked.
I like it.
311
00:13:39,628 --> 00:13:41,630
Can you imagine afterwards?
312
00:13:41,674 --> 00:13:44,546
All of our sins will be washed away.
313
00:13:44,590 --> 00:13:47,462
Yeah, and we can start
cranking out fresh ones.
314
00:13:50,291 --> 00:13:52,380
I just don't know where I went wrong.
315
00:13:52,424 --> 00:13:53,773
Are you sure your questioning was skillful?
316
00:13:53,816 --> 00:13:57,255
I thought so, but after two
hours of interrogation,
317
00:13:57,298 --> 00:13:59,257
all I could extract from my sister's brain
318
00:13:59,300 --> 00:14:02,651
was that there was some sort
of block with new kids on it.
319
00:14:02,695 --> 00:14:04,479
Sheldon, how's your
educational project going?
320
00:14:04,523 --> 00:14:06,699
Poorly. I've hit a wall.
321
00:14:06,742 --> 00:14:09,267
Have you considered B.F.
Skinner's behavior modification?
322
00:14:09,310 --> 00:14:11,399
- What's that?
- It uses punishment
323
00:14:11,443 --> 00:14:13,532
and reward to get the results you want.
324
00:14:13,575 --> 00:14:16,622
Ooh, punishment. I like the sound of that.
325
00:14:16,665 --> 00:14:20,974
[quietly]: In the right context, so do I.
326
00:14:21,018 --> 00:14:22,932
I took a real beating at the craps table,
327
00:14:22,976 --> 00:14:25,979
and then I won it all back
playing Caribbean Stud Poker.
328
00:14:26,023 --> 00:14:28,460
Well, how does Caribbean Stud Poker work?
329
00:14:28,503 --> 00:14:30,766
I have no idea.
I was drunk off my ass.
330
00:14:30,810 --> 00:14:32,159
[both laugh]
MARY: Way to go, Mom.
331
00:14:32,203 --> 00:14:34,727
Way to lead a Christian life.
332
00:14:34,770 --> 00:14:36,685
Oh, does my daughter think poorly of me?
333
00:14:36,729 --> 00:14:37,599
Yes.
334
00:14:37,643 --> 00:14:40,863
Good. I can die happy.
335
00:14:40,907 --> 00:14:45,085
Hey, Mom, just a heads-up,
I'm getting baptized tomorrow.
336
00:14:46,782 --> 00:14:48,175
Good Lord.
337
00:14:48,219 --> 00:14:51,352
That boy's randiness knows no bounds.
338
00:14:51,396 --> 00:14:52,745
What are you talking about?
339
00:14:52,788 --> 00:14:53,702
He's only doing it
340
00:14:53,746 --> 00:14:55,313
'cause of that Veronica girl.
341
00:14:55,356 --> 00:14:57,576
Oh, sure.
That makes sense.
342
00:14:57,619 --> 00:14:59,186
What do you mean, it makes sense?
343
00:14:59,230 --> 00:15:01,449
When I was his age,
I hitchhiked to Florida
344
00:15:01,493 --> 00:15:03,712
'cause I had a friend that had a girlfriend
345
00:15:03,756 --> 00:15:05,801
who knew a girl who might be willing.
346
00:15:05,845 --> 00:15:07,499
But then you met my daughter
and you didn't have
347
00:15:07,542 --> 00:15:09,414
to travel so far. [Laughs]
348
00:15:10,415 --> 00:15:11,590
[bottles clink]
349
00:15:14,027 --> 00:15:15,768
SHELDON: According to B.F. Skinner,
350
00:15:15,811 --> 00:15:18,118
if I can find the appropriate
punishment to motivate Missy,
351
00:15:18,162 --> 00:15:22,296
there's no limit to what she
might be able to learn.
352
00:15:22,340 --> 00:15:25,125
But what might that punishment be?
353
00:15:25,169 --> 00:15:27,562
Whip her with a rubber hose?
354
00:15:27,606 --> 00:15:31,610
No. That sounds like
a recipe for tendonitis.
355
00:15:31,653 --> 00:15:35,483
Administer small electric shocks?
356
00:15:35,527 --> 00:15:37,137
Tricky.
357
00:15:37,181 --> 00:15:39,183
If I get the voltage wrong, I
could spend the rest of my life
358
00:15:39,226 --> 00:15:42,229
in an institution for
the criminally insane.
359
00:15:44,275 --> 00:15:46,842
Or I inflict harm
360
00:15:46,886 --> 00:15:50,585
on the object she loves
more than life itself.
361
00:15:52,631 --> 00:15:58,071
Celeste, you're about to become
part of scientific history.
362
00:16:00,247 --> 00:16:02,510
All right, everybody, welcome to the 1990
363
00:16:02,554 --> 00:16:03,903
East Texas Baptist Olympics.
364
00:16:03,946 --> 00:16:06,427
[laughs]
365
00:16:06,471 --> 00:16:08,821
'Cause we're in the pool of water.
366
00:16:08,864 --> 00:16:11,171
Anyway, I want to welcome
367
00:16:11,215 --> 00:16:13,391
our little sister Veronica Duncan,
368
00:16:13,434 --> 00:16:15,393
who I will be dunkin'.
[Chuckles]
369
00:16:15,436 --> 00:16:16,959
Sorry.
370
00:16:17,003 --> 00:16:19,571
I can't turn it off. And
I also want to welcome
371
00:16:19,614 --> 00:16:21,747
George Cooper, who has recently found
372
00:16:21,790 --> 00:16:23,314
his way to the Lord.
373
00:16:23,357 --> 00:16:25,794
Howdy. Praise Jesus.
374
00:16:25,838 --> 00:16:27,187
[sighs]
375
00:16:27,231 --> 00:16:29,537
Are you ready to learn
some advanced calculus?
376
00:16:29,581 --> 00:16:31,017
Nope.
377
00:16:31,060 --> 00:16:32,975
Be right back.
378
00:16:33,019 --> 00:16:35,456
Take your time.
379
00:16:35,500 --> 00:16:37,589
Veronica, do you trust in Jesus Christ
380
00:16:37,632 --> 00:16:40,418
as your personal Lord and savior?
381
00:16:40,461 --> 00:16:42,637
[laughs softly]: I do.
382
00:16:42,681 --> 00:16:44,900
JEFF: It's upon your profession of faith
383
00:16:44,944 --> 00:16:47,338
that I baptize you, my sister,
384
00:16:47,381 --> 00:16:52,952
in the name of the Father, the
Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.
385
00:16:52,995 --> 00:16:56,869
♪ Wade in the water ♪
386
00:16:56,912 --> 00:16:58,392
♪ Wade ♪
387
00:16:58,436 --> 00:17:03,180
♪ In the water, children, wade ♪
388
00:17:03,223 --> 00:17:06,183
♪ In the water ♪
389
00:17:06,226 --> 00:17:10,099
♪ Washing me down, washing me down ♪
390
00:17:14,060 --> 00:17:17,411
♪ Wade... ♪
391
00:17:17,455 --> 00:17:20,284
Dang.
392
00:17:20,327 --> 00:17:22,895
All right, let's try this again.
393
00:17:22,938 --> 00:17:24,592
Would you be ready to learn
some advanced calculus
394
00:17:24,636 --> 00:17:26,551
if it saved Celeste's pigtails?
395
00:17:26,594 --> 00:17:29,597
What are you doing?
Put her down.
396
00:17:29,641 --> 00:17:32,209
Not until I modify your behavior.
397
00:17:32,252 --> 00:17:36,604
In the name of the Father, Son
and the Holy Spirit. Amen.
398
00:17:36,648 --> 00:17:38,693
♪ Drop me in the water... ♪
399
00:17:38,737 --> 00:17:40,782
Sheldon, I'm warning you.
400
00:17:49,661 --> 00:17:51,010
ALL: Hallelujah!
401
00:17:51,053 --> 00:17:52,054
[laughs] We did it!
402
00:17:52,098 --> 00:17:53,621
♪ Tease me... ♪
403
00:17:53,665 --> 00:17:55,710
Ooh, I'm so happy.
404
00:17:55,754 --> 00:17:57,625
I love you.
405
00:17:58,713 --> 00:18:01,368
Is it working? Are you feeling motivated?
406
00:18:01,412 --> 00:18:03,414
Very.
407
00:18:03,457 --> 00:18:04,502
[animal growling]
408
00:18:07,505 --> 00:18:10,290
[Georgie grunts]
[all gasping]
409
00:18:10,334 --> 00:18:11,726
Care to explain yourself?
410
00:18:11,770 --> 00:18:13,511
I was trying to motivate Missy
411
00:18:13,554 --> 00:18:16,209
to expand her intellectual horizons.
412
00:18:16,253 --> 00:18:18,516
By torturing her Cabbage Patch doll?
413
00:18:18,559 --> 00:18:20,605
Well, it's not like I shocked
her with electrodes,
414
00:18:20,648 --> 00:18:22,520
- which was an option.
- Enough.
415
00:18:22,563 --> 00:18:24,739
To be clear, I meant to
shock Missy, not the doll.
416
00:18:24,783 --> 00:18:25,958
That would be ineffective.
417
00:18:26,001 --> 00:18:28,047
Enough! And you.
418
00:18:28,090 --> 00:18:30,963
Getting baptized just to kiss a girl?
What were you thinking?
419
00:18:31,006 --> 00:18:33,661
Sounds like you know
what I was thinking.
420
00:18:33,705 --> 00:18:36,621
Well, you are both grounded.
421
00:18:42,097 --> 00:18:45,361
MISSY: Dear Alf, I'm your number one fan.
422
00:18:45,405 --> 00:18:47,842
I like you because you're
an alien but you're funny,
423
00:18:47,886 --> 00:18:51,411
unlike my brother who's
an alien but just a jerk.
424
00:18:51,454 --> 00:18:54,327
Anyway, I hope you're enjoying
your time here on our planet
425
00:18:54,370 --> 00:18:56,808
and have found things
to eat other than cats.
426
00:18:56,851 --> 00:18:58,679
I recommend chicken nuggets.
427
00:18:58,723 --> 00:19:01,595
Sincerely, Missy Cooper, age ten.
428
00:19:01,639 --> 00:19:06,165
ALF: "P.S. My favorite color is pink.
What's yours?"
429
00:19:06,208 --> 00:19:08,602
Ha. What a cutie pie.
430
00:19:08,646 --> 00:19:11,170
Hey, hey, Barbara, we got any
more of those pink T-shirts
431
00:19:11,213 --> 00:19:12,606
with my face on them?
432
00:19:12,650 --> 00:19:15,261
I want to send one to
this Missy Cooper kid.
433
00:19:15,304 --> 00:19:17,829
Oh, oh, and get me some
chicken nuggets, huh?
434
00:19:17,872 --> 00:19:21,397
Hello?
Anybody out there?
435
00:19:23,356 --> 00:19:25,706
Apparently not.
436
00:19:25,750 --> 00:19:26,751
Barb!