1 00:00:02,661 --> 00:00:05,140 ADULT SHELDON: The average American consumes 2 00:00:05,143 --> 00:00:08,179 55 pounds of beef per year. 3 00:00:08,182 --> 00:00:10,016 And then there's Texas, 4 00:00:10,019 --> 00:00:12,869 where we can knock that off in a couple of months. 5 00:00:12,871 --> 00:00:15,929 Maybe faster, if we're talking about smoked brisket... 6 00:00:15,932 --> 00:00:18,207 (♪♪♪) 7 00:00:21,246 --> 00:00:23,398 curiously, the one cut of beef 8 00:00:23,401 --> 00:00:26,069 that Texans and Jews agree upon. 9 00:00:28,302 --> 00:00:30,669 (MOUTH FULL) This is really good, Meemaw. 10 00:00:30,672 --> 00:00:31,921 Really good? 11 00:00:31,923 --> 00:00:34,457 You're spitting the best brisket in Texas 12 00:00:34,459 --> 00:00:35,959 all over the damn table. 13 00:00:35,961 --> 00:00:37,660 Close your mouth when you eat. 14 00:00:37,662 --> 00:00:39,796 Or aim your face the other way. 15 00:00:39,799 --> 00:00:42,474 Connie, one of these days, you got to give me the recipe. 16 00:00:42,477 --> 00:00:44,334 You bet. For sure. 17 00:00:44,336 --> 00:00:46,820 - One of these days. - Oh, come on. 18 00:00:46,823 --> 00:00:48,286 You can't hold on to it forever. 19 00:00:48,289 --> 00:00:49,422 Mean that much to you? 20 00:00:49,425 --> 00:00:50,972 Mary and I were dating about a month... 21 00:00:50,975 --> 00:00:52,441 when she brought me home for dinner. 22 00:00:52,444 --> 00:00:54,237 I took one bite of this brisket, 23 00:00:54,240 --> 00:00:55,740 and I knew I loved your daughter. 24 00:00:55,743 --> 00:00:56,992 Gee, thanks. 25 00:00:56,995 --> 00:00:59,810 Kind of like Sleeping Beauty, except Dad kissed meat. 26 00:00:59,813 --> 00:01:01,884 (CHUCKLES) 27 00:01:01,886 --> 00:01:03,019 I tell you what. 28 00:01:03,021 --> 00:01:04,473 You go get a... 29 00:01:04,476 --> 00:01:06,055 piece of paper and a pencil, 30 00:01:06,057 --> 00:01:07,390 I'll write it down for you. 31 00:01:07,392 --> 00:01:10,242 Okay. It's happening... 32 00:01:13,331 --> 00:01:15,531 That's the fastest I've seen him run. 33 00:01:15,533 --> 00:01:17,767 It's the only time I've seen him run. 34 00:01:19,304 --> 00:01:20,303 There you go. 35 00:01:20,306 --> 00:01:21,914 Okay. 36 00:01:25,577 --> 00:01:26,943 I might make it this weekend. 37 00:01:26,945 --> 00:01:28,678 Or you could try a vegetable. 38 00:01:28,680 --> 00:01:30,468 Vegetable? That's funny. 39 00:01:33,651 --> 00:01:35,084 Okay. 40 00:01:35,086 --> 00:01:37,007 Now, this is for your eyes only. 41 00:01:37,010 --> 00:01:38,544 You're not to share it with anybody. 42 00:01:38,547 --> 00:01:40,147 I never... I would never. 43 00:01:46,631 --> 00:01:48,064 You're a horrible person. 44 00:01:48,066 --> 00:01:50,033 - (CHUCKLES) - What'd it say? 45 00:01:50,035 --> 00:01:51,300 I want to know what it said. 46 00:01:51,302 --> 00:01:53,236 - Me, too. - Just eat. 47 00:01:53,238 --> 00:01:54,778 Can I read it? 48 00:01:59,210 --> 00:02:01,210 You are a horrible person. 49 00:02:01,212 --> 00:02:02,311 Ain't I? (LAUGHS) 50 00:02:02,313 --> 00:02:04,914 All right, that's enough about the brisket. 51 00:02:04,916 --> 00:02:07,250 You kids excited for the church picnic tomorrow? 52 00:02:07,252 --> 00:02:08,910 - Not really. - I don't know. 53 00:02:08,913 --> 00:02:10,444 Oh, come on. 54 00:02:10,447 --> 00:02:12,687 You all saw the flier. The three "F"s: 55 00:02:12,690 --> 00:02:14,751 food, fun and fellowship. 56 00:02:14,754 --> 00:02:15,840 MEEMAW: And I'm bringing 57 00:02:15,843 --> 00:02:18,227 a big slab of my brisket. 58 00:02:18,229 --> 00:02:20,567 That's it. 59 00:02:20,570 --> 00:02:23,625 15 years in this family, and all the time I've been nothing 60 00:02:23,628 --> 00:02:25,228 but a good, supportive son-in-law. 61 00:02:25,231 --> 00:02:26,803 I always treated your daughter right, 62 00:02:26,805 --> 00:02:28,971 I gave you three beautiful grandchildren. 63 00:02:28,973 --> 00:02:31,507 Only thing I ever asked in return was that damn recipe. 64 00:02:35,713 --> 00:02:37,080 You're right. 65 00:02:40,819 --> 00:02:43,186 Get another piece of paper. I'll write it down. 66 00:02:43,188 --> 00:02:44,554 Don't mess with me, Connie. 67 00:02:44,556 --> 00:02:46,923 Get the paper before I change my mind. 68 00:02:53,331 --> 00:02:55,465 You're gonna do it to him again, aren't you? 69 00:02:55,467 --> 00:02:58,801 I kind of have to. 70 00:02:58,803 --> 00:03:01,763 ♪ Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪ 71 00:03:01,764 --> 00:03:04,539 ♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪ 72 00:03:04,542 --> 00:03:07,210 ♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪ 73 00:03:07,212 --> 00:03:10,246 ♪ I am a mighty little man ♪ 74 00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:19,249 (TOILET FLUSHES) 75 00:03:19,252 --> 00:03:21,206 MARY: George, she was just fooling with you. 76 00:03:21,209 --> 00:03:23,031 GEORGE: No, no, she's mean. 77 00:03:23,034 --> 00:03:24,237 She got a black heart. 78 00:03:24,240 --> 00:03:25,498 MARY: She does not. 79 00:03:25,500 --> 00:03:27,304 GEORGE: Why do you always side with her? 80 00:03:27,307 --> 00:03:29,351 MARY: Well, she is my mother. 81 00:03:29,354 --> 00:03:30,536 GEORGE: And there it is. 82 00:03:30,538 --> 00:03:31,604 There's the problem. 83 00:03:31,606 --> 00:03:33,539 You should be siding with me. 84 00:03:33,541 --> 00:03:36,775 - MARY: Over brisket? - GEORGE: It's not just brisket. 85 00:03:36,778 --> 00:03:38,911 It's the way she's been treating me since day one. 86 00:03:38,913 --> 00:03:41,886 Like I'm some kind of loser, a booby prize. 87 00:03:41,889 --> 00:03:44,243 - "Booby prize." - MARY: What was that? 88 00:03:50,420 --> 00:03:53,698 Georgie, you mind your own business. 89 00:03:53,701 --> 00:03:55,227 What did I do? 90 00:03:56,664 --> 00:03:58,664 What's going on? 91 00:03:58,666 --> 00:04:01,067 Mom and Dad are fighting. 92 00:04:01,069 --> 00:04:02,498 What about? 93 00:04:02,501 --> 00:04:04,006 Brisket. 94 00:04:05,673 --> 00:04:07,873 If they get a divorce, who do you think 95 00:04:07,875 --> 00:04:09,442 you'll pick to live with? 96 00:04:10,678 --> 00:04:12,445 Well, Mom, of course. 97 00:04:12,447 --> 00:04:14,280 I want Mom. Pick again. 98 00:04:14,282 --> 00:04:15,848 (SIGHS) 99 00:04:15,850 --> 00:04:18,351 (♪♪♪) 100 00:04:18,353 --> 00:04:19,819 I thought Dad was coming. 101 00:04:19,821 --> 00:04:21,432 No, he had work to do. 102 00:04:21,435 --> 00:04:24,103 - What kind of work? - I don't know. Coaching stuff. 103 00:04:24,106 --> 00:04:25,667 Can't he do it after the picnic? 104 00:04:25,670 --> 00:04:27,660 - No, Missy, he cannot. - Why not? 105 00:04:27,662 --> 00:04:30,096 Enough. 106 00:04:30,098 --> 00:04:32,298 How come Georgie's not going? 107 00:04:32,300 --> 00:04:35,601 He's grounded for eavesdropping on me and your father. 108 00:04:37,672 --> 00:04:39,605 Well, I hope he learned his lesson. 109 00:04:39,607 --> 00:04:42,108 Is this about the recipe? 110 00:04:43,211 --> 00:04:45,845 I bet he's mad 'cause you always side with Meemaw. 111 00:04:45,847 --> 00:04:47,947 And how would you know that? 112 00:04:47,949 --> 00:04:49,682 Georgie told me. 113 00:04:49,684 --> 00:04:52,018 Are you and Dad getting a divorce? 114 00:04:52,020 --> 00:04:54,553 'Course not. 115 00:04:54,555 --> 00:04:56,808 Well, if you do, I want to live with you. 116 00:04:56,811 --> 00:04:59,525 Sheldon, no one's getting a divorce. 117 00:04:59,527 --> 00:05:01,060 But thank you, honey. 118 00:05:03,765 --> 00:05:05,665 You know this all goes away 119 00:05:05,667 --> 00:05:08,501 if you just give him your recipe for the brisket. 120 00:05:08,503 --> 00:05:09,635 I know. 121 00:05:09,637 --> 00:05:11,370 And? 122 00:05:11,372 --> 00:05:14,272 I guess it's not going away. 123 00:05:18,146 --> 00:05:19,645 (FOOTBALL ANNOUNCER SPEAKING OVER TV) 124 00:05:19,647 --> 00:05:21,814 And I wasn't eavesdropping. 125 00:05:21,816 --> 00:05:23,282 Don't worry about it. 126 00:05:23,284 --> 00:05:25,317 I just don't see why I got grounded. 127 00:05:25,319 --> 00:05:26,852 What are you complaining about? 128 00:05:26,854 --> 00:05:28,954 You didn't want to go to church picnic anyway. 129 00:05:28,956 --> 00:05:31,290 I like complaining. I'm good at it. 130 00:05:38,111 --> 00:05:39,978 I'll be right back. 131 00:05:39,981 --> 00:05:42,448 Mind if I have a sip of your beer? 132 00:05:42,451 --> 00:05:45,204 You mind if I dip your head in the compost heap? 133 00:05:45,206 --> 00:05:48,441 You could have just said no. 134 00:05:48,443 --> 00:05:51,143 (♪♪♪) 135 00:06:14,602 --> 00:06:17,737 - What are you doing? - (GASPS) 136 00:06:17,739 --> 00:06:19,405 Nothing! Get out of here. 137 00:06:19,407 --> 00:06:21,667 You're looking for her brisket recipe. 138 00:06:21,670 --> 00:06:23,375 All of a sudden you got smart? 139 00:06:23,377 --> 00:06:24,610 I said get out of here. 140 00:06:24,612 --> 00:06:26,312 I won't tell, I swear. 141 00:06:27,982 --> 00:06:29,248 All right, help me look. 142 00:06:35,108 --> 00:06:36,889 - Ooh. - Found it? 143 00:06:36,891 --> 00:06:38,761 No, this is her French toast. 144 00:06:38,764 --> 00:06:40,926 You're not looking for French toast. 145 00:06:40,928 --> 00:06:42,762 She does make it good, though. 146 00:06:42,764 --> 00:06:44,588 Did you know she puts vanilla extract 147 00:06:44,591 --> 00:06:45,690 in her whipped cream? 148 00:06:45,693 --> 00:06:47,066 I did not. 149 00:06:47,068 --> 00:06:48,434 Quarter teaspoon. 150 00:06:48,436 --> 00:06:50,069 - Georgie? - Yeah? 151 00:06:50,071 --> 00:06:51,704 We're looking for brisket! 152 00:06:51,706 --> 00:06:53,670 Cranky. 153 00:06:57,979 --> 00:07:00,679 - (DOOR OPENS) - MARY: We're home. 154 00:07:00,681 --> 00:07:01,781 Be cool. 155 00:07:01,783 --> 00:07:03,649 I'm cool. You be cool. 156 00:07:03,651 --> 00:07:05,851 (LEATHER SQUEAKING) 157 00:07:09,390 --> 00:07:12,324 (CHAIR CLATTERS) 158 00:07:12,326 --> 00:07:14,059 Real cool. 159 00:07:34,615 --> 00:07:36,904 He thought I wrote it down. 160 00:07:38,677 --> 00:07:40,210 What a dope. 161 00:07:41,261 --> 00:07:44,556 MAN: Seltzer... (CONTINUES SPEAKING OVER TV) 162 00:07:44,559 --> 00:07:46,489 - hair tonic. - Hair tonic. 163 00:07:48,126 --> 00:07:50,260 (MAN CONTINUES SPEAKING OVER TV) 164 00:07:50,262 --> 00:07:51,821 Need help putting the kids down? 165 00:07:51,824 --> 00:07:53,830 No, thank you, I've been taking care of them all day. 166 00:07:53,832 --> 00:07:55,365 I think I can finish the job. 167 00:07:55,367 --> 00:07:56,866 Oh, come on, don't do that. 168 00:07:56,868 --> 00:07:58,601 Don't do what? 169 00:08:00,586 --> 00:08:02,252 Never mind. 170 00:08:06,407 --> 00:08:08,545 Just so you know, Sheldon and Missy won 171 00:08:08,547 --> 00:08:10,246 the three-legged race because she told him 172 00:08:10,248 --> 00:08:12,615 a bee was chasing them, and you missed it. 173 00:08:12,617 --> 00:08:15,385 I'm sorry, I-I just needed a break from your mother. 174 00:08:15,387 --> 00:08:18,087 Yeah, well, you took a break from your family. 175 00:08:18,089 --> 00:08:20,390 How long is this feud between you two gonna go on? 176 00:08:20,392 --> 00:08:21,591 That's up to her. 177 00:08:21,593 --> 00:08:24,173 You are both such... 178 00:08:24,176 --> 00:08:27,130 stubborn... donkey butts! 179 00:08:27,132 --> 00:08:29,198 - (MISSY LAUGHING) - Missy! 180 00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:30,433 Go to bed. 181 00:08:30,435 --> 00:08:32,001 MISSY: You don't know it's me. 182 00:08:32,003 --> 00:08:33,903 (RUNNING FOOTSTEPS, DOOR CLOSES) 183 00:08:35,365 --> 00:08:38,600 (CRICKETS CHIRPING) 184 00:08:38,610 --> 00:08:39,742 Hey. 185 00:08:39,744 --> 00:08:42,211 What do you want? 186 00:08:42,213 --> 00:08:44,714 Don't be that way. 187 00:08:44,716 --> 00:08:46,282 I brought you a cold one. 188 00:08:46,284 --> 00:08:49,252 Thanks. 189 00:08:49,254 --> 00:08:50,753 I still don't like you. 190 00:08:50,755 --> 00:08:52,722 (CHUCKLING) 191 00:08:57,295 --> 00:08:59,762 Would this change your feelings? 192 00:09:02,100 --> 00:09:03,299 Is that it? 193 00:09:03,301 --> 00:09:05,251 The Holy Grail. 194 00:09:09,174 --> 00:09:11,374 What changed your mind? 195 00:09:11,376 --> 00:09:13,423 You not going to the picnic today, 196 00:09:13,426 --> 00:09:15,411 that hurt Mary and the twins. 197 00:09:15,413 --> 00:09:17,080 I cannot have that on my heart. 198 00:09:17,082 --> 00:09:19,048 - Is that so? - Absolutely. 199 00:09:20,578 --> 00:09:22,177 Look me in the eye and tell me 200 00:09:22,180 --> 00:09:23,970 this is the actual recipe. 201 00:09:25,323 --> 00:09:28,318 George, what you have in your hand 202 00:09:28,321 --> 00:09:31,327 is the exact step-by-step instructions 203 00:09:31,329 --> 00:09:34,464 on how to make my brisket. 204 00:09:34,466 --> 00:09:39,002 I have never written it down until tonight because... 205 00:09:39,004 --> 00:09:42,071 I was afraid someone might steal it. 206 00:09:42,073 --> 00:09:45,228 But I'm entrusting this to you, 207 00:09:45,231 --> 00:09:49,162 and I hope that someday, when the time is right, 208 00:09:49,165 --> 00:09:52,743 you will see fit to share it with one of your children. 209 00:09:52,746 --> 00:09:54,246 Connie, I don't know what to say. 210 00:09:54,249 --> 00:09:55,849 Don't call me Connie. 211 00:09:55,852 --> 00:09:58,919 Call me Mom. (CHUCKLES) 212 00:09:58,922 --> 00:10:00,789 Thanks, Mom. 213 00:10:00,792 --> 00:10:02,692 You're welcome, son. 214 00:10:02,695 --> 00:10:05,496 Mmm. 215 00:10:05,499 --> 00:10:07,597 (♪♪♪) 216 00:10:07,599 --> 00:10:09,098 (QUIETLY) What a dope. 217 00:10:09,100 --> 00:10:10,633 ♪ What I want, you've got ♪ 218 00:10:10,635 --> 00:10:12,902 ♪ And it might be hard to handle ♪ 219 00:10:12,904 --> 00:10:15,905 ♪ But like the flame that burns the candle... ♪ 220 00:10:15,907 --> 00:10:18,404 ADULT SHELDON: The next morning, my dad embarked 221 00:10:18,407 --> 00:10:21,878 on a doomed quest to make the perfect brisket. 222 00:10:21,880 --> 00:10:23,880 Can I help you? 223 00:10:23,882 --> 00:10:25,581 Matter of fact, you can. 224 00:10:25,583 --> 00:10:27,025 ♪ You pull them all together... ♪ 225 00:10:27,028 --> 00:10:30,453 I need 12 pounds of prime Angus with a medium deckle, 226 00:10:30,455 --> 00:10:34,267 ideally slaughtered in the spring, no later than mid-June. 227 00:10:35,393 --> 00:10:38,654 ♪ You make my dreams come true... ♪ 228 00:10:38,657 --> 00:10:40,663 ADULT SHELDON: For the spice rub, 229 00:10:40,665 --> 00:10:42,632 Meemaw had him drive to New Orleans 230 00:10:42,634 --> 00:10:45,647 to buy ground coffee from Café Du Monde, 231 00:10:45,650 --> 00:10:49,756 and seven ounces of something called "holy ghost root" 232 00:10:49,759 --> 00:10:52,542 from a voodoo woman named Madam Laveau. 233 00:10:52,544 --> 00:10:53,876 ♪ Yeah... ♪ 234 00:10:53,879 --> 00:10:55,345 Could you grind my root for me? 235 00:10:58,116 --> 00:11:01,350 I-I'm-a... I'm-a rub it on brisket. 236 00:11:07,926 --> 00:11:11,027 ADULT SHELDON: Then back home, he applied the spice rub 237 00:11:11,029 --> 00:11:13,496 with such erotic tenderness, 238 00:11:13,498 --> 00:11:16,332 it made my mother a little jealous. 239 00:11:17,769 --> 00:11:19,402 ♪ Well, you... ♪ 240 00:11:19,404 --> 00:11:22,014 Finally, the cooking began. 241 00:11:22,017 --> 00:11:24,874 ♪ You make my dreams come true... ♪ 242 00:11:26,444 --> 00:11:29,078 ♪ Oh, yeah, I've been waiting for... ♪ 243 00:11:29,080 --> 00:11:32,248 14 hours of cooking. 244 00:11:32,250 --> 00:11:33,587 And basting. 245 00:11:33,590 --> 00:11:35,184 ♪ You make my dreams come true... ♪ 246 00:11:35,186 --> 00:11:37,286 And spritzing. 247 00:11:37,288 --> 00:11:38,521 ♪ Me, you, me, you, me... ♪ 248 00:11:38,523 --> 00:11:40,782 And tending to the fire. 249 00:11:43,261 --> 00:11:46,896 ♪ Oh, my, you make my dreams come true... ♪ 250 00:11:46,898 --> 00:11:51,968 Until it was finally time to let the meat rest. 251 00:11:51,970 --> 00:11:54,103 ♪ Waiting for, waiting for, waiting for ♪ 252 00:11:54,239 --> 00:11:56,172 ♪ Waiting for, waiting for, waiting for ♪ 253 00:11:56,174 --> 00:11:58,841 Oh... 254 00:11:58,843 --> 00:12:02,178 Rest, my darling. 255 00:12:02,180 --> 00:12:03,846 Rest. 256 00:12:03,848 --> 00:12:07,850 Mmm. This Café Du Monde coffee is very good. 257 00:12:07,852 --> 00:12:09,772 They make it with chicory. 258 00:12:09,775 --> 00:12:12,255 And what does it do to the brisket? 259 00:12:12,257 --> 00:12:13,936 Oh, I have no idea. 260 00:12:13,939 --> 00:12:18,267 Then why did you send George all the way to New Orleans? 261 00:12:18,270 --> 00:12:21,030 Well, they don't sell this around here. 262 00:12:21,032 --> 00:12:22,198 Mmm. 263 00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:24,700 Here we go. 264 00:12:24,702 --> 00:12:27,798 15 years and 14 hours later. 265 00:12:27,801 --> 00:12:30,267 Best brisket in Texas. 266 00:12:35,680 --> 00:12:38,259 GEORGE SR.: Connie, you evil bitch! 267 00:12:38,262 --> 00:12:40,629 It's smoother than regular coffee. 268 00:12:40,632 --> 00:12:43,318 That wasn't the recipe. 269 00:12:43,321 --> 00:12:45,654 You looked me in the eye, and you lied to me. 270 00:12:45,657 --> 00:12:46,789 Oh, Mom. 271 00:12:46,791 --> 00:12:49,225 You broke into my home and tried to steal it. 272 00:12:49,227 --> 00:12:50,259 Oh, George. 273 00:12:50,261 --> 00:12:51,561 You told her we went over there? 274 00:12:51,563 --> 00:12:53,396 (GASPS) Oh, George Jr. 275 00:12:53,398 --> 00:12:55,364 I didn't say nothing. I was cool. 276 00:12:55,366 --> 00:12:57,079 I am loving this. 277 00:12:57,082 --> 00:12:59,056 I don't want this woman in my house anymore. 278 00:12:59,059 --> 00:13:01,037 - She is my mother. - She is the devil. 279 00:13:01,039 --> 00:13:03,039 And what if the kids want to see her? 280 00:13:03,041 --> 00:13:04,974 Fine. 281 00:13:04,976 --> 00:13:06,909 Schedule it for when I'm not here. 282 00:13:06,911 --> 00:13:08,642 Or when I'm dead. 283 00:13:16,321 --> 00:13:18,256 And quit drinking my coffee. 284 00:13:27,540 --> 00:13:30,466 Turn off your train, we've got to talk. 285 00:13:30,468 --> 00:13:31,500 (TRAIN STOPS) 286 00:13:31,502 --> 00:13:32,535 About what? 287 00:13:32,537 --> 00:13:34,170 Mom is so upset about Dad and Meemaw, 288 00:13:34,172 --> 00:13:35,671 she might want a divorce. 289 00:13:35,673 --> 00:13:37,368 No one's getting divorced. 290 00:13:37,371 --> 00:13:38,574 How do you know? 291 00:13:38,576 --> 00:13:40,042 (WHISTLES) 292 00:13:40,044 --> 00:13:41,677 Great, now I have to throw that out. 293 00:13:41,679 --> 00:13:45,818 Mother-in-laws are always held in low regard by the father. 294 00:13:45,821 --> 00:13:48,251 It rarely leads to a breakup of the family. 295 00:13:48,253 --> 00:13:49,486 MISSY: He's right. 296 00:13:49,489 --> 00:13:52,054 Fred and Wilma are still happily married. 297 00:13:52,056 --> 00:13:53,956 I think if we can figure out 298 00:13:53,958 --> 00:13:56,058 a way for Dad to get Meemaw's brisket recipe, 299 00:13:56,060 --> 00:13:57,393 this all goes away. 300 00:13:57,395 --> 00:13:59,636 I don't see how we can accomplish that. 301 00:13:59,639 --> 00:14:01,029 (TRAIN CLATTERS) 302 00:14:01,032 --> 00:14:02,443 Put that down. 303 00:14:02,446 --> 00:14:03,599 That's not a toy. 304 00:14:03,601 --> 00:14:04,834 Sure it is. 305 00:14:04,836 --> 00:14:06,202 Choo choo. 306 00:14:06,204 --> 00:14:08,738 MEEMAW: Choo choo... 307 00:14:08,740 --> 00:14:11,307 Choo choo. 308 00:14:11,309 --> 00:14:13,843 Open wide, Moonpie. 309 00:14:13,845 --> 00:14:16,312 Here comes the choo choo train. 310 00:14:16,314 --> 00:14:18,350 Choo choo. 311 00:14:18,353 --> 00:14:20,383 Mmm. Isn't that good? 312 00:14:20,385 --> 00:14:21,550 (CHUCKLES) 313 00:14:21,552 --> 00:14:25,054 That's Meemaw's famous brisket. 314 00:14:25,056 --> 00:14:27,256 Would you like the secret recipe? 315 00:14:27,258 --> 00:14:28,462 (GASPS) 316 00:14:28,465 --> 00:14:31,260 You promise not to tell anybody? 317 00:14:31,262 --> 00:14:34,030 Of course you're not gonna tell anybody. 318 00:14:34,032 --> 00:14:37,600 I start with a tablespoon of cumin, 319 00:14:37,602 --> 00:14:41,003 and then a cup of brown sugar, and... 320 00:14:41,005 --> 00:14:42,505 I know the recipe. 321 00:14:42,507 --> 00:14:43,696 What? 322 00:14:43,699 --> 00:14:44,775 She told it to me. 323 00:14:44,778 --> 00:14:45,777 When? 324 00:14:45,780 --> 00:14:48,240 February 14, 1982. 325 00:14:48,243 --> 00:14:50,413 I was 23 months old, it was Valentine's Day, 326 00:14:50,415 --> 00:14:52,287 and Mom and Dad went out for dinner. 327 00:14:52,290 --> 00:14:54,617 You were there. Don't you remember? 328 00:14:54,619 --> 00:14:56,126 (SIGHS) 329 00:14:56,129 --> 00:14:59,251 (WIND WHISTLING SOFTLY) 330 00:14:59,254 --> 00:15:00,787 I got nothing. 331 00:15:00,790 --> 00:15:03,240 You can really remember when you were that little? 332 00:15:03,243 --> 00:15:04,821 Uh-huh. You were there, too. 333 00:15:04,824 --> 00:15:06,862 You were still struggling with potty training. 334 00:15:06,864 --> 00:15:08,540 (CHUCKLING) I don't think so. 335 00:15:08,543 --> 00:15:11,821 Oh, yes. Meemaw used to call you Mr. Soggy Pants. 336 00:15:11,824 --> 00:15:12,868 Nuh-uh. 337 00:15:12,870 --> 00:15:14,345 (LAUGHS) Mr. Soggy Pants. 338 00:15:14,348 --> 00:15:16,081 Quit it. This is serious. 339 00:15:16,084 --> 00:15:18,306 Sheldon, you've got to tell Dad that recipe. 340 00:15:18,309 --> 00:15:20,907 But Meemaw told me it was a secret. 341 00:15:20,910 --> 00:15:24,012 If you don't, and Mom and Dad get a divorce, it's your fault. 342 00:15:24,015 --> 00:15:26,402 All right. 343 00:15:26,405 --> 00:15:27,771 Fine. 344 00:15:28,920 --> 00:15:31,120 Good job, Soggy Pants. 345 00:15:31,122 --> 00:15:33,089 (REFEREE WHISTLE BLOWING OVER TV) 346 00:15:33,091 --> 00:15:36,126 Dad, could you please come into the living room? 347 00:15:36,129 --> 00:15:37,628 What for? 348 00:15:37,631 --> 00:15:38,961 My brain did something impressive 349 00:15:38,963 --> 00:15:40,939 and I'd like to share it with you. 350 00:15:42,300 --> 00:15:43,899 Hmm. 351 00:15:44,769 --> 00:15:46,902 (GEORGE SR. GRUNTS) 352 00:15:49,525 --> 00:15:50,873 What are you doing here? 353 00:15:50,875 --> 00:15:52,475 Same as you. 354 00:15:52,477 --> 00:15:54,543 I want to see what his brain did. 355 00:15:54,545 --> 00:15:57,113 Please have a seat. 356 00:15:57,115 --> 00:15:58,907 All right. 357 00:16:00,551 --> 00:16:01,915 (GRUNTS) 358 00:16:01,918 --> 00:16:03,350 GEORGE SR.: Well? 359 00:16:03,353 --> 00:16:05,787 I know Meemaw's brisket recipe. 360 00:16:05,790 --> 00:16:06,790 What? 361 00:16:06,793 --> 00:16:07,825 No, you don't. 362 00:16:07,828 --> 00:16:09,258 Yes, I do. 363 00:16:09,260 --> 00:16:11,594 And in order to bring peace to this family, 364 00:16:11,596 --> 00:16:13,282 I'm prepared to make it public. 365 00:16:13,285 --> 00:16:14,397 You're bluffing. 366 00:16:14,399 --> 00:16:15,798 One tablespoon of cumin, 367 00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:17,166 one cup of brown sugar, 368 00:16:17,168 --> 00:16:19,009 two tablespoons of smoked paprika... 369 00:16:19,012 --> 00:16:20,178 Okay, okay, stop. 370 00:16:20,181 --> 00:16:21,180 No, no, no. Keep going. 371 00:16:21,183 --> 00:16:23,138 How do you know the recipe, Shelly? 372 00:16:23,141 --> 00:16:26,248 Meemaw told it to me on Valentine's Day, 1982. 373 00:16:26,251 --> 00:16:28,110 You were out with Dad seeing Cannonball Run 374 00:16:28,112 --> 00:16:29,545 at the dollar theater. 375 00:16:29,547 --> 00:16:32,048 That's impossible, you weren't even two years old. 376 00:16:32,050 --> 00:16:33,849 Three tablespoons of dried mustard, 377 00:16:33,851 --> 00:16:35,415 one cup of Lone Star beer... 378 00:16:35,418 --> 00:16:37,808 Okay. 379 00:16:37,811 --> 00:16:39,544 Okay. 380 00:16:39,547 --> 00:16:41,247 Go ahead. 381 00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:43,459 Give it to your father. 382 00:16:43,461 --> 00:16:45,461 I can write it down for you. 383 00:16:46,898 --> 00:16:48,731 That's okay, I don't want it. 384 00:16:48,733 --> 00:16:50,923 (QUIETLY) You have got to be kidding me. 385 00:16:50,926 --> 00:16:52,434 Connie, you've had every opportunity 386 00:16:52,437 --> 00:16:53,936 to give me that recipe and you never did, 387 00:16:53,938 --> 00:16:55,771 because you've always treated me like an outsider. 388 00:16:55,773 --> 00:16:56,739 No, she has not. 389 00:16:56,741 --> 00:16:58,040 Oh, of course I have. 390 00:16:58,042 --> 00:16:59,341 See? She admits it. 391 00:16:59,343 --> 00:17:01,377 - (SIGHS) - Damn right, I do. 392 00:17:01,379 --> 00:17:04,880 Never thought you were good enough for my daughter. 393 00:17:04,882 --> 00:17:07,349 There you were, riding around on that dumb motorcycle, 394 00:17:07,351 --> 00:17:08,417 knocking her up. 395 00:17:08,419 --> 00:17:09,915 Why don't you kids go in the kitchen 396 00:17:09,918 --> 00:17:11,540 and fix yourselves some ice cream? 397 00:17:11,543 --> 00:17:13,343 I'm not going anywhere. 398 00:17:15,204 --> 00:17:17,751 Hey. I get it. 399 00:17:18,596 --> 00:17:19,962 I have a daughter. 400 00:17:19,964 --> 00:17:23,754 I wouldn't want her bringing home someone like that. 401 00:17:23,757 --> 00:17:26,224 But I've come a hell of a long way since then. 402 00:17:30,181 --> 00:17:32,341 Okay, you're right. 403 00:17:36,281 --> 00:17:37,914 George. 404 00:17:39,717 --> 00:17:41,251 I'm sorry. 405 00:17:43,888 --> 00:17:46,696 That means more to me than any recipe. 406 00:17:48,593 --> 00:17:50,559 Come here. 407 00:17:50,561 --> 00:17:52,928 (MEEMAW CHUCKLES) 408 00:17:56,167 --> 00:17:58,814 ADULT SHELDON: Don't let the hug fool you. 409 00:17:58,817 --> 00:18:01,939 The minute she went home, he made me give him the recipe. 410 00:18:04,357 --> 00:18:07,552 Here we go, maiden voyage. 411 00:18:09,712 --> 00:18:11,879 Mmm, mmm. 412 00:18:11,881 --> 00:18:13,271 Hot damn. 413 00:18:13,956 --> 00:18:15,778 GEORGE SR.: Hot damn. 414 00:18:18,075 --> 00:18:19,586 (GEORGE SR. MOANING) 415 00:18:19,588 --> 00:18:21,422 Hot damn! 416 00:18:21,424 --> 00:18:23,791 MARY: (LAUGHS) George! Language. 417 00:18:23,793 --> 00:18:25,125 Sheldon. 418 00:18:25,127 --> 00:18:26,859 Want some? 419 00:18:26,862 --> 00:18:29,060 Uh, no, thank you. I'm not hungry.