1
00:00:02,656 --> 00:00:04,933
♪ This little light of mine ♪
2
00:00:05,001 --> 00:00:06,902
♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪
3
00:00:06,970 --> 00:00:09,576
♪ Let it shine, let it shine ♪
4
00:00:09,644 --> 00:00:11,218
♪ Let it shine ♪
5
00:00:13,455 --> 00:00:15,680
♪ Everywhere I go ♪
6
00:00:15,757 --> 00:00:18,093
♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪
7
00:00:18,428 --> 00:00:20,859
♪ Everywhere I go ♪
8
00:00:21,141 --> 00:00:22,398
♪ I'm gonna let it shine... ♪
9
00:00:22,547 --> 00:00:25,570
Well, I am happy to report
that my potato salad
10
00:00:25,638 --> 00:00:28,234
is once again the
hit of the potluck.
11
00:00:28,329 --> 00:00:29,886
- That's great, honey.
- I feel bad
12
00:00:29,954 --> 00:00:31,179
for Pam Staples.
13
00:00:31,258 --> 00:00:33,445
No one's touching
her potato salad.
14
00:00:33,992 --> 00:00:36,875
If you feel bad,
then why are you smiling?
15
00:00:37,179 --> 00:00:40,289
'Cause sometimes your
mommy's a big ol' hypocrite.
16
00:00:40,871 --> 00:00:42,947
Howdy, Coopers!
How we doing today?
17
00:00:43,015 --> 00:00:44,575
- Pastor Jeff.
- Thank you, Pastor Jeff.
18
00:00:44,653 --> 00:00:46,345
Y'all remember
my wife Selena.
19
00:00:46,479 --> 00:00:47,803
- Hi, Selena.
- Oh, yeah.
20
00:00:47,903 --> 00:00:48,983
¿Qué tal?
21
00:00:49,051 --> 00:00:50,312
You're married
to her?
22
00:00:50,820 --> 00:00:52,258
Why, yes, I am.
23
00:00:52,539 --> 00:00:54,429
You can think it...
You don't need to say it.
24
00:00:54,497 --> 00:00:56,820
How are you liking Medford,
Selena?
25
00:00:57,539 --> 00:00:59,484
¿Cómo te gusta Medford?
26
00:01:03,414 --> 00:01:04,734
She likes it fine.
27
00:01:04,804 --> 00:01:05,824
Oh.
28
00:01:08,312 --> 00:01:10,445
She needs to use
the little girls' room.
29
00:01:10,679 --> 00:01:12,445
Mary, could I talk to you
for a second?
30
00:01:12,513 --> 00:01:13,560
Sure.
31
00:01:13,799 --> 00:01:15,901
Don't worry.
I'll bring her right back.
32
00:01:16,103 --> 00:01:17,718
Wasn't worried, but okay.
33
00:01:17,879 --> 00:01:18,945
Okay.
34
00:01:19,851 --> 00:01:21,726
His Spanish is terrible.
35
00:01:21,794 --> 00:01:23,375
That's not what
she said at all.
36
00:01:23,443 --> 00:01:24,591
Oh.
37
00:01:25,491 --> 00:01:26,969
I don't know if you've heard,
38
00:01:27,037 --> 00:01:28,304
but our church secretary,
39
00:01:28,372 --> 00:01:30,687
Elizabeth Sohinki,
is currently seeking treatment
40
00:01:30,767 --> 00:01:32,892
for a little problem
with... shall we say...
41
00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:34,461
Under-the-counter medications.
42
00:01:34,529 --> 00:01:36,547
Oh. So that rumor's true.
43
00:01:36,615 --> 00:01:37,697
- Mm-hmm.
- Well, she did
44
00:01:37,765 --> 00:01:39,632
always seem extremely alert.
45
00:01:39,731 --> 00:01:42,015
Alert, shaky, sweaty. Anyway,
46
00:01:42,281 --> 00:01:44,287
we need someone to step in
and fill the position.
47
00:01:44,364 --> 00:01:46,203
I was wondering
if you might consider it.
48
00:01:47,632 --> 00:01:49,140
It's not just bookkeeping.
49
00:01:49,208 --> 00:01:52,211
I'd be in charge of handling the
maintenance issues... you know,
50
00:01:52,305 --> 00:01:54,093
plumbing, electric,
what have you.
51
00:01:54,161 --> 00:01:57,429
And I'd also head
the planning committee
52
00:01:57,497 --> 00:01:58,807
for all the
social events,
53
00:01:58,875 --> 00:02:00,814
which, of course,
includes the big three:
54
00:02:00,882 --> 00:02:02,586
baptisms, weddings, funerals.
55
00:02:02,654 --> 00:02:05,718
And here
is... the cherry on top.
56
00:02:06,656 --> 00:02:09,629
The sign in front of the church
with all the clever sayings...
57
00:02:09,697 --> 00:02:11,507
"Be an organ donor,
give your heart to Jesus"?
58
00:02:11,575 --> 00:02:12,656
Exactly.
59
00:02:12,788 --> 00:02:15,145
Guess whose job it would be
to write those.
60
00:02:15,512 --> 00:02:16,614
Yours.
61
00:02:16,715 --> 00:02:18,426
Already working on a couple.
62
00:02:18,494 --> 00:02:19,723
Listen to this.
63
00:02:22,021 --> 00:02:26,637
"The best vitamin
for a Christian is B1."
64
00:02:28,793 --> 00:02:29,965
What?
65
00:02:31,097 --> 00:02:32,287
You know, be one.
66
00:02:32,355 --> 00:02:33,757
Like be a Christian.
67
00:02:33,825 --> 00:02:36,071
And also B1 the vitamin.
68
00:02:36,139 --> 00:02:38,442
Well, now that you
explained it, it's funny.
69
00:02:38,548 --> 00:02:40,379
Yeah. Might be a thinker.
70
00:02:40,447 --> 00:02:43,207
But there's a lot more
where that came from.
71
00:02:44,708 --> 00:02:46,082
What about the twins?
72
00:02:46,348 --> 00:02:48,848
Well, I'll still get 'em off
to school every day.
73
00:02:48,916 --> 00:02:50,629
And when they get home,
74
00:02:50,699 --> 00:02:53,412
Mom can keep an eye on 'em
till I get back.
75
00:02:53,581 --> 00:02:54,667
Think she'll go for it?
76
00:02:54,765 --> 00:02:57,100
Are you kidding?
She loves 'em like crazy.
77
00:02:57,246 --> 00:02:58,570
Fat chance.
78
00:02:58,638 --> 00:02:59,856
Oh, come on.
79
00:02:59,924 --> 00:03:03,199
You come on.
I'm in the prime of my life.
80
00:03:03,267 --> 00:03:06,270
I got my water aerobics
and my salsa dancing
81
00:03:06,338 --> 00:03:07,830
and my bowling league.
82
00:03:07,926 --> 00:03:09,629
But you love your grandchildren.
83
00:03:09,697 --> 00:03:12,137
I love ice cream, too,
but I don't want to eat it
84
00:03:12,205 --> 00:03:14,449
from 3:00 to 6:00
five days a week.
85
00:03:14,578 --> 00:03:16,371
Well, I'm very disappointed.
86
00:03:16,458 --> 00:03:17,746
And I'm fine with that.
87
00:03:17,821 --> 00:03:19,379
Why don't you just
get a babysitter?
88
00:03:19,535 --> 00:03:22,035
Kinda defeats the purpose
of making extra money.
89
00:03:22,103 --> 00:03:23,421
Oh, yeah, right.
All right,
90
00:03:23,489 --> 00:03:24,848
let's
think about it.
91
00:03:24,916 --> 00:03:25,992
Georgie.
92
00:03:26,060 --> 00:03:27,090
Football practice.
93
00:03:27,158 --> 00:03:29,301
- And I don't trust him when I'm home.
- Oh.
94
00:03:29,369 --> 00:03:32,051
Okay, now, what are we
talking about here?
95
00:03:32,119 --> 00:03:35,618
Sheldon is intelligent
and responsible,
96
00:03:35,686 --> 00:03:39,637
and Missy...
is his sister.
97
00:03:39,944 --> 00:03:41,445
I think they'll be
fine home alone
98
00:03:41,514 --> 00:03:43,981
all by themselves for a couple
hours after school.
99
00:03:44,062 --> 00:03:45,809
- You think?
- I do.
100
00:03:45,877 --> 00:03:48,356
As a matter of fact, I actually
think it'll be great for them.
101
00:03:48,424 --> 00:03:50,115
These kids today
are so coddled,
102
00:03:50,183 --> 00:03:51,977
I honestly think
y'all are raising
103
00:03:52,072 --> 00:03:54,379
a whole generation
of sissies.
104
00:03:54,676 --> 00:03:57,762
Is that the way you speak
about your grandchildren?
105
00:03:58,535 --> 00:03:59,918
Yes.
106
00:04:01,574 --> 00:04:04,621
♪ Nobody else
is stronger than I am ♪
107
00:04:04,895 --> 00:04:07,397
♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪
108
00:04:07,527 --> 00:04:10,123
♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪
109
00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:12,886
♪ I am a mighty little man ♪
110
00:04:12,954 --> 00:04:16,392
♪ I am a mighty little man. ♪
*YOUNG SHELDON*
Season 01 Episode 14
111
00:04:16,459 --> 00:04:19,043
Episode Title: "Potato Salad, a
Broomstick, and Dad's Whiskey"
112
00:04:22,049 --> 00:04:23,574
Hi.
113
00:04:24,175 --> 00:04:25,401
How'd it go
with your mom?
114
00:04:25,469 --> 00:04:27,199
She's not interested
in watching 'em.
115
00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:29,121
Doesn't want to give up
her afternoons.
116
00:04:29,429 --> 00:04:31,480
Of course. Sorry.
117
00:04:33,795 --> 00:04:35,553
You know what, it's okay.
118
00:04:35,755 --> 00:04:37,023
The timing wasn't right.
119
00:04:37,091 --> 00:04:38,730
Maybe when the kids are older.
120
00:04:40,979 --> 00:04:42,376
Okay.
121
00:04:45,188 --> 00:04:47,064
I guess
I'll go get dinner started.
122
00:04:57,509 --> 00:04:58,868
How about this?
123
00:04:59,650 --> 00:05:01,369
Go ahead and take the job.
124
00:05:01,655 --> 00:05:02,764
Yeah, if it turns out
125
00:05:02,832 --> 00:05:04,664
Sheldon and Missy can't
look out for themselves
126
00:05:04,731 --> 00:05:06,527
for a couple hours
after school,
127
00:05:06,595 --> 00:05:09,639
then... well, we'll cross
that bridge when we come to it.
128
00:05:09,707 --> 00:05:10,787
Are you sure about this?
129
00:05:10,855 --> 00:05:12,647
Yeah. Actually,
probably good for 'em.
130
00:05:12,715 --> 00:05:14,576
Teach 'em a little
responsibility.
131
00:05:14,957 --> 00:05:17,178
That's exactly
what my mom said.
132
00:05:17,256 --> 00:05:18,475
Really?
133
00:05:18,796 --> 00:05:20,498
Well, I still like
the idea.
134
00:05:21,069 --> 00:05:23,539
Mmm.
135
00:05:25,826 --> 00:05:27,298
Thank you, God, for this food
136
00:05:27,366 --> 00:05:29,202
we're about to receive,
and for the nourishment
137
00:05:29,269 --> 00:05:31,561
of our bodies, and bless
the hands that prepared it.
138
00:05:31,629 --> 00:05:33,787
- Amen. - Amen. - Amen.
- Amen. - Amen.
139
00:05:34,232 --> 00:05:35,717
So, kids,
140
00:05:35,857 --> 00:05:38,292
we have a little family
business to discuss.
141
00:05:38,416 --> 00:05:39,931
- You're pregnant?
- No.
142
00:05:39,999 --> 00:05:41,967
- We're getting a puppy?
- No.
143
00:05:42,035 --> 00:05:43,608
I'm not sure I care.
144
00:05:44,818 --> 00:05:46,889
Starting next Monday,
I'm gonna take
145
00:05:46,957 --> 00:05:49,025
a full-time job
at the church.
146
00:05:49,193 --> 00:05:51,522
Well, who's going
to take care of us?
147
00:05:51,690 --> 00:05:54,251
Well, nothing will change in the
morning... I'll make breakfast,
148
00:05:54,319 --> 00:05:56,069
take you both to school.
Then, after school,
149
00:05:56,144 --> 00:05:58,311
you'll come home,
do your homework,
150
00:05:58,451 --> 00:06:00,176
watch TV,
play with your toys
151
00:06:00,244 --> 00:06:02,115
till I come home around 6:00.
152
00:06:02,227 --> 00:06:04,316
Well, why can't Meemaw
take care of us?
153
00:06:04,384 --> 00:06:06,140
'Cause she's not the person
you think she is.
154
00:06:06,207 --> 00:06:08,100
- George...
- You're really gonna leave
155
00:06:08,168 --> 00:06:10,045
- these two alone?
- Yes.
156
00:06:10,483 --> 00:06:12,201
That's a brave choice.
157
00:06:12,504 --> 00:06:14,631
Look, this job is important
to your mother.
158
00:06:14,699 --> 00:06:17,115
We expect you both to
step up and be responsible.
159
00:06:17,537 --> 00:06:18,951
I can do that.
160
00:06:19,522 --> 00:06:20,764
Missy?
161
00:06:21,061 --> 00:06:22,537
I'm thinking about it.
162
00:06:23,748 --> 00:06:25,373
Very brave.
163
00:06:35,374 --> 00:06:37,795
Okay, let's go over it
one more time.
164
00:06:37,965 --> 00:06:41,001
House key's under the
plastic owl by the front door.
165
00:06:41,850 --> 00:06:44,295
There's after-school snacks
in the fridge.
166
00:06:44,468 --> 00:06:46,949
One for each of you.
167
00:06:47,662 --> 00:06:50,342
Emergency numbers are
right there by the phone.
168
00:06:50,454 --> 00:06:52,678
First aid kit is
in the hall closet.
169
00:06:53,225 --> 00:06:54,951
And you won't be needing it,
170
00:06:55,026 --> 00:06:58,553
but under the kitchen sink
is a fire extinguisher.
171
00:06:58,721 --> 00:07:00,353
Ooh, that looks fun.
172
00:07:00,535 --> 00:07:03,876
For fires only, and don't be
starting one just to use it.
173
00:07:04,435 --> 00:07:06,942
It's like
she can read my mind.
174
00:07:07,270 --> 00:07:08,488
Don't worry, Mom.
175
00:07:08,556 --> 00:07:09,747
We'll make you proud.
176
00:07:09,815 --> 00:07:11,356
I know you will, baby.
177
00:07:11,424 --> 00:07:13,288
All set for your first day?
178
00:07:13,356 --> 00:07:14,802
- I believe I am.
- Mm.
179
00:07:14,870 --> 00:07:15,917
- Mwah.
- Mwah.
180
00:07:15,997 --> 00:07:17,302
- Go get 'em.
- Um.
181
00:07:17,694 --> 00:07:19,383
Thanks for waking me up.
182
00:07:19,513 --> 00:07:21,645
I woke you up
40 minutes ago.
183
00:07:21,713 --> 00:07:23,825
Well, you didn't do
a very good job.
184
00:07:23,976 --> 00:07:26,177
Bye, y'all.
185
00:07:32,999 --> 00:07:35,911
Okay, yeah.
Yeah.
186
00:07:36,251 --> 00:07:37,652
Okay, later.
187
00:07:38,938 --> 00:07:41,653
Sorry to bother you, Peg,
is Pastor Jeff available?
188
00:07:41,721 --> 00:07:44,341
Jeff! You available?!
189
00:07:44,479 --> 00:07:45,747
On the phone.
190
00:07:46,055 --> 00:07:47,786
He's on the phone.
191
00:07:58,716 --> 00:08:01,497
You know, my mother's had some
luck cutting back on the smoking
192
00:08:01,565 --> 00:08:03,395
by chewing that nicotine gum.
193
00:08:03,661 --> 00:08:06,286
Got some right here.
194
00:08:06,393 --> 00:08:07,794
So you do.
195
00:08:08,086 --> 00:08:09,215
Come on in.
196
00:08:09,294 --> 00:08:10,737
Go on, you heard him.
197
00:08:12,450 --> 00:08:13,997
Thank you.
198
00:08:14,505 --> 00:08:15,775
Hey, hey.
199
00:08:16,236 --> 00:08:17,494
Hey, Mare.
200
00:08:17,562 --> 00:08:19,260
Uh, you finding everything
you need?
201
00:08:19,328 --> 00:08:20,508
Oh, you bet.
202
00:08:20,682 --> 00:08:23,721
So, I've been going
over the books,
203
00:08:23,820 --> 00:08:26,294
and I think we have
enough money in our budget
204
00:08:26,362 --> 00:08:28,432
to purchase
a personal computer
205
00:08:28,500 --> 00:08:30,859
to handle all
the church business.
206
00:08:31,810 --> 00:08:32,935
Okay.
207
00:08:33,003 --> 00:08:34,794
Well, uh, why don't you
leave the paperwork here,
208
00:08:34,862 --> 00:08:36,192
and I'll-I'll take
a look at it.
209
00:08:36,260 --> 00:08:37,268
Of course.
210
00:08:37,339 --> 00:08:39,031
That's for your perusal.
211
00:08:42,765 --> 00:08:44,003
Everything okay?
212
00:08:44,136 --> 00:08:45,440
What?
213
00:08:45,508 --> 00:08:47,604
Yeah.
Right as rain.
214
00:08:47,672 --> 00:08:48,768
All righty.
215
00:08:49,346 --> 00:08:50,823
Hey, if you have a minute,
216
00:08:50,891 --> 00:08:53,927
I would love to talk to you
about the sign out front.
217
00:08:54,667 --> 00:08:56,182
Yeah, sure.
218
00:09:08,205 --> 00:09:09,875
So far so good.
219
00:09:30,157 --> 00:09:31,540
Hello?
220
00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:33,696
Anybody?
221
00:09:36,717 --> 00:09:38,329
They weren't kidding.
222
00:09:44,446 --> 00:09:47,352
Maybe I'll just have
one little peek.
223
00:09:49,540 --> 00:09:51,579
How come you're not
eating your snack?
224
00:09:51,766 --> 00:09:55,586
I prefer my snack to be a
reward for homework well done.
225
00:09:55,810 --> 00:09:57,821
You're like an old person.
226
00:09:57,983 --> 00:09:59,344
Thank you.
227
00:10:08,749 --> 00:10:09,750
What's your homework?
228
00:10:09,906 --> 00:10:11,366
Non-Euclidean geometry.
229
00:10:11,443 --> 00:10:12,719
How about you?
230
00:10:12,800 --> 00:10:14,430
"Symonyms."
231
00:10:15,227 --> 00:10:16,735
You mean synonyms.
232
00:10:16,803 --> 00:10:19,157
I'm pretty sure
she said "symonyms."
233
00:10:22,077 --> 00:10:23,235
Did you see that?
234
00:10:23,380 --> 00:10:24,993
Someone's out there.
235
00:10:27,067 --> 00:10:28,869
Oh, no. They're
in the backyard.
236
00:10:28,993 --> 00:10:30,550
What do we do?
237
00:10:33,473 --> 00:10:34,942
Aah!
238
00:10:47,395 --> 00:10:50,161
Would one of you please
get me a towel?
239
00:10:59,107 --> 00:11:00,755
Why were you sneaking
around out there?
240
00:11:00,837 --> 00:11:02,491
Yeah, you scared us.
241
00:11:02,559 --> 00:11:04,668
I was checking up on you two.
242
00:11:04,911 --> 00:11:07,708
And in case you're wondering,
you scared me back.
243
00:11:07,776 --> 00:11:09,466
Well, why didn't you knock?
244
00:11:09,567 --> 00:11:13,321
Because you two are supposed
to be doing this on your own.
245
00:11:13,398 --> 00:11:14,934
And you don't
think we can.
246
00:11:15,002 --> 00:11:16,045
Of course I do.
247
00:11:16,113 --> 00:11:17,546
I'm the one who told your mother
248
00:11:17,614 --> 00:11:19,537
that you were fine by yourselves
in the first place.
249
00:11:19,604 --> 00:11:22,053
Then why were you
checking up on us?
250
00:11:22,263 --> 00:11:24,192
That's called being two-faced.
251
00:11:24,260 --> 00:11:25,684
We'll be okay on our own.
252
00:11:25,777 --> 00:11:28,302
Yeah, we need to prove
we can do this.
253
00:11:28,950 --> 00:11:30,061
All right.
254
00:11:30,512 --> 00:11:31,996
I respect that.
255
00:11:32,333 --> 00:11:36,458
And I'm happy to keep this
little incident a secret.
256
00:11:36,526 --> 00:11:38,339
Really? I'm
telling everyone.
257
00:11:38,407 --> 00:11:40,270
It was hilarious.
258
00:11:41,512 --> 00:11:43,372
I'm going bowling.
259
00:11:46,512 --> 00:11:49,981
When we first started dating,
everything was wonderful.
260
00:11:50,058 --> 00:11:51,682
That's when
it I wonderful.
261
00:11:51,759 --> 00:11:53,825
All the problems started
once we got married.
262
00:11:53,893 --> 00:11:56,669
Well, marriage will do that
to a relationship.
263
00:11:56,824 --> 00:11:58,374
I-I got Selena
a credit card
264
00:11:58,442 --> 00:12:00,411
to make small purchases
for the house.
265
00:12:00,479 --> 00:12:03,362
You know...
coffee maker, DustBuster.
266
00:12:03,638 --> 00:12:04,973
You know what she did?
267
00:12:05,054 --> 00:12:06,895
She went to that
Sharper Image store
268
00:12:06,963 --> 00:12:08,614
and she bought a massage chair.
269
00:12:08,686 --> 00:12:10,997
Oh, I sat in one of those
at the mall.
270
00:12:11,077 --> 00:12:12,312
It was terrific.
271
00:12:12,380 --> 00:12:13,489
It's $2,000.
272
00:12:13,614 --> 00:12:16,645
Oh. Well, seeing as I know
how much you make,
273
00:12:16,713 --> 00:12:17,880
you can't afford that.
274
00:12:17,999 --> 00:12:20,281
I... uh-uh.
275
00:12:21,020 --> 00:12:22,544
Of all the afflictions
276
00:12:22,612 --> 00:12:26,083
that can befall a child,
one reigns supreme.
277
00:12:26,403 --> 00:12:29,120
Beyond scraped knees
and paper cuts,
278
00:12:29,197 --> 00:12:33,403
nothing strikes fear into the
hearts of kids around the world
279
00:12:33,612 --> 00:12:35,302
like a splinter.
280
00:12:35,423 --> 00:12:40,841
No!
281
00:12:40,911 --> 00:12:43,270
Tell me why you were pretending
to have amnesia.
282
00:12:43,348 --> 00:12:45,073
I've got a splinter!
283
00:12:45,323 --> 00:12:46,604
So?
284
00:12:46,681 --> 00:12:47,966
So, it's an emergency!
285
00:12:48,034 --> 00:12:49,069
Call Meemaw!
286
00:12:49,137 --> 00:12:50,202
Oh, calm down.
287
00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:52,610
- We can take care of this.
- No, we can't!
288
00:12:52,687 --> 00:12:55,757
Sheldon, if we can't handle
a little splinter,
289
00:12:55,825 --> 00:12:58,059
they're never gonna leave us
alone again.
290
00:12:58,520 --> 00:12:59,617
You're right.
291
00:12:59,694 --> 00:13:00,919
So, what do we do?
292
00:13:00,987 --> 00:13:02,270
Let me see it.
293
00:13:05,963 --> 00:13:08,216
Oh, boy.
That's a deep one.
294
00:13:08,566 --> 00:13:10,637
Hey, it's throbbing
really bad.
295
00:13:10,708 --> 00:13:12,364
Mom would take it out
with tweezers.
296
00:13:12,432 --> 00:13:14,423
Well, where would
we find tweezers?
297
00:13:14,542 --> 00:13:16,267
Let's see what we got.
298
00:13:16,454 --> 00:13:17,835
Band-Aids...
299
00:13:17,903 --> 00:13:19,437
cotton balls.
300
00:13:19,872 --> 00:13:21,356
What's "gowz"?
301
00:13:21,473 --> 00:13:23,618
It's gauze, and the fact
that you don't know that
302
00:13:23,695 --> 00:13:25,520
is not filling
me with hope.
303
00:13:26,721 --> 00:13:29,080
Where would Mom
keep the tweezers?
304
00:13:29,157 --> 00:13:31,137
Sometimes she uses a
needle on splinters.
305
00:13:31,205 --> 00:13:34,020
No. No needles.
Anything but needles.
306
00:13:34,583 --> 00:13:37,020
Wait, she has tweezers
in her makeup bag.
307
00:13:37,088 --> 00:13:38,848
She plucks her eyebrows
with them.
308
00:13:39,348 --> 00:13:41,442
And sometimes her mustache.
309
00:13:47,442 --> 00:13:48,622
Anything?
310
00:13:48,690 --> 00:13:49,948
Nope.
311
00:13:50,637 --> 00:13:51,694
Wait.
312
00:13:51,762 --> 00:13:53,104
Maybe they're
in her room.
313
00:13:53,243 --> 00:13:55,645
We're not allowed to go
in Mom and Dad's room.
314
00:13:56,075 --> 00:13:57,966
Want me to get the needle?
315
00:14:00,598 --> 00:14:02,280
Let's make this quick.
316
00:14:02,411 --> 00:14:03,781
Why are you whispering?
317
00:14:03,858 --> 00:14:06,098
That's how people speak
when they're being naughty.
318
00:14:06,166 --> 00:14:07,294
I wouldn't know.
319
00:14:07,362 --> 00:14:09,120
I'm naughty all the time.
320
00:14:17,338 --> 00:14:19,091
You're really not coming in?
321
00:14:19,367 --> 00:14:21,559
No. But you're doing great.
322
00:14:27,091 --> 00:14:28,472
What's wrong?
323
00:14:28,653 --> 00:14:30,551
This really is naughty.
324
00:14:30,698 --> 00:14:32,122
I told you.
325
00:14:36,674 --> 00:14:38,165
I don't see anything.
326
00:14:38,359 --> 00:14:40,442
There's just a Bible
and a flashlight.
327
00:14:42,440 --> 00:14:43,607
What do I do?
328
00:14:43,762 --> 00:14:46,101
Answer it but sound calm.
329
00:14:49,435 --> 00:14:50,559
Hello.
330
00:14:50,706 --> 00:14:51,843
Hey, it's Dad.
331
00:14:51,911 --> 00:14:53,083
How you guys doing?
332
00:14:53,159 --> 00:14:54,305
We're great.
333
00:14:54,512 --> 00:14:55,677
Glad to hear it.
334
00:14:55,809 --> 00:14:57,140
I'm watching TV,
335
00:14:57,208 --> 00:14:59,106
and Sheldon's reading quietly.
336
00:15:00,050 --> 00:15:01,321
I knew you could handle this.
337
00:15:01,389 --> 00:15:03,132
- I'm proud of you.
- You know what?
338
00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:04,675
I'm proud of us, too.
339
00:15:04,752 --> 00:15:06,607
Uh...
Okay, baby doll,
340
00:15:06,675 --> 00:15:07,896
I'll be home in a couple hours.
341
00:15:07,964 --> 00:15:10,088
Stay out all night.
We got this.
342
00:15:10,729 --> 00:15:12,522
Wha... Love you, too.
343
00:15:14,768 --> 00:15:16,544
That was intense.
344
00:15:16,612 --> 00:15:19,400
I don't think I'm cut out
for this latchkey life.
345
00:15:21,229 --> 00:15:22,526
You answer it this time.
346
00:15:22,654 --> 00:15:24,789
I can't; I'm supposed to be
reading quietly.
347
00:15:24,882 --> 00:15:26,474
Answer it, Sheldon.
348
00:15:27,096 --> 00:15:29,233
Well, I'm not going in there.
349
00:15:29,908 --> 00:15:31,486
Hello. Cooper residence.
350
00:15:31,556 --> 00:15:32,893
Sheldon speaking.
351
00:15:32,961 --> 00:15:34,085
Hey, Shelly.
352
00:15:34,316 --> 00:15:35,557
Oh, hello, Mom.
353
00:15:35,868 --> 00:15:37,526
How's your day going?
354
00:15:41,196 --> 00:15:42,331
Shelly?
355
00:15:43,050 --> 00:15:46,386
Shelly You there?
356
00:15:46,594 --> 00:15:48,151
Yes, I'm here.
357
00:15:48,620 --> 00:15:50,315
She wants to know
how my day's going.
358
00:15:50,383 --> 00:15:51,451
Say it's going good.
359
00:15:51,519 --> 00:15:53,214
- I can't say that.
- Why not?
360
00:15:53,282 --> 00:15:54,315
It's bad grammar.
361
00:15:54,383 --> 00:15:56,761
- How are you supposed to say it?
- "It's going well."
362
00:15:56,829 --> 00:15:58,354
Oh, that's nice.
363
00:15:58,440 --> 00:16:00,013
I've got to get back to work,
364
00:16:00,081 --> 00:16:03,611
but I love you
and miss you very much.
365
00:16:04,415 --> 00:16:05,472
Okay.
366
00:16:06,167 --> 00:16:08,393
I handled that really well.
367
00:16:11,586 --> 00:16:12,620
Got a minute?
368
00:16:12,697 --> 00:16:14,545
Sure, come on in.
369
00:16:15,128 --> 00:16:16,614
I just wanted to apologize.
370
00:16:16,792 --> 00:16:20,315
It-It was wrong of me to unload
my personal business on you.
371
00:16:20,409 --> 00:16:21,846
Here it is,
your first day and all.
372
00:16:21,914 --> 00:16:22,972
Oh, that's fine.
373
00:16:23,040 --> 00:16:24,465
Always happy to lend an ear.
374
00:16:24,542 --> 00:16:26,667
Great, 'cause I didn't
tell you everything.
375
00:16:26,948 --> 00:16:29,003
Really?
'Cause you told me a lot.
376
00:16:29,071 --> 00:16:30,956
This morning,
while Selena was in the shower,
377
00:16:31,024 --> 00:16:33,557
I went through her purse
and I took the credit card.
378
00:16:33,645 --> 00:16:35,181
- Oh, my.
- Now,
379
00:16:35,249 --> 00:16:38,276
do you think that's stealing,
or is it doing the right thing?
380
00:16:38,423 --> 00:16:41,015
You know, saving us
from bankruptcy and whatnot?
381
00:16:41,698 --> 00:16:44,842
Wow. Um, yeah,
that's complicated.
382
00:16:44,956 --> 00:16:48,565
Um... going through her purse...
Probably wrong,
383
00:16:48,659 --> 00:16:50,257
but on the other hand...
384
00:16:50,768 --> 00:16:52,445
well, there is no other hand.
385
00:16:52,513 --> 00:16:53,971
You can't be
doing things like that
386
00:16:54,063 --> 00:16:55,409
and have a healthy marriage.
387
00:16:55,477 --> 00:16:56,815
Why don't you just talk to her?
388
00:16:56,883 --> 00:16:58,875
Explain
your financial situation?
389
00:16:59,198 --> 00:17:00,596
That...
390
00:17:02,724 --> 00:17:04,721
Oh, we're closing
the door now, okay.
391
00:17:04,814 --> 00:17:07,931
That's not so easy.
392
00:17:08,453 --> 00:17:10,291
Because of the language barrier?
393
00:17:10,359 --> 00:17:13,385
That, and I implied,
when we were dating,
394
00:17:13,453 --> 00:17:16,302
that I was... well-to-do.
395
00:17:16,484 --> 00:17:19,620
Oh, Pastor Jeff,
why would you do that?
396
00:17:19,774 --> 00:17:20,878
You saw her.
397
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:22,524
Uh, she is the kind of woman
398
00:17:22,610 --> 00:17:25,393
that can make a man do
bad things.
399
00:17:25,743 --> 00:17:30,337
Well, I... I don't know
what to say to that.
400
00:17:31,234 --> 00:17:33,569
Maybe you ought to pray on it.
401
00:17:34,282 --> 00:17:35,459
You're right.
402
00:17:35,933 --> 00:17:37,809
You're absolutely right.
403
00:17:38,023 --> 00:17:39,091
I'll do that now.
404
00:17:39,292 --> 00:17:40,382
I'll do the same.
405
00:17:40,718 --> 00:17:41,742
Thank you.
406
00:17:47,948 --> 00:17:50,257
God, please give me the strength
407
00:17:50,325 --> 00:17:53,255
to not spread this juicy gossip
about Pastor Jeff.
408
00:17:53,638 --> 00:17:54,762
Amen.
409
00:17:56,088 --> 00:17:57,289
What are you doing?
410
00:17:57,506 --> 00:18:00,761
I'm reading quietly, so I don't
have to lie about it later.
411
00:18:02,452 --> 00:18:03,587
Found 'em.
412
00:18:03,764 --> 00:18:05,014
The tweezers?
413
00:18:05,116 --> 00:18:07,327
Mom's needles
and her magnifying glass.
414
00:18:07,408 --> 00:18:08,665
Absolutely not.
415
00:18:08,946 --> 00:18:10,413
Let me at least try.
416
00:18:10,481 --> 00:18:11,483
No.
417
00:18:11,577 --> 00:18:13,045
You're being a baby.
418
00:18:13,203 --> 00:18:15,686
Nothing you can say
will change my mind.
419
00:18:15,827 --> 00:18:17,578
What if it gets infected
and turns green
420
00:18:17,646 --> 00:18:19,147
and they have to cut it off?
421
00:18:21,373 --> 00:18:22,959
I think it's numb.
422
00:18:23,027 --> 00:18:24,592
Great, put your hand out.
423
00:18:26,921 --> 00:18:29,857
Wait, how do you plan
on sterilizing the needle?
424
00:18:30,288 --> 00:18:32,015
Mom uses a lit match.
425
00:18:32,170 --> 00:18:34,077
We're not allowed
to play with matches.
426
00:18:34,225 --> 00:18:35,630
What else would work?
427
00:18:36,264 --> 00:18:37,565
Alcohol.
428
00:18:46,373 --> 00:18:47,498
Stick your finger in there.
429
00:18:47,575 --> 00:18:48,643
I'll do the needle.
430
00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:51,295
Okay. I hope I don't get drunk.
431
00:18:52,248 --> 00:18:53,481
How long till you're sterile?
432
00:18:53,558 --> 00:18:55,951
I don't know,
but I'm getting lightheaded.
433
00:18:58,519 --> 00:19:01,856
No matter what happens,
hold still.
434
00:19:09,997 --> 00:19:11,021
I can't do it.
435
00:19:11,170 --> 00:19:12,890
- Yes, you can.
- No, I can't.
436
00:19:12,967 --> 00:19:14,649
- Just let me get it.
- What if you slip
437
00:19:14,717 --> 00:19:15,936
and stab me in the eye?
438
00:19:16,013 --> 00:19:17,373
I'm not gonna slip.
439
00:19:17,507 --> 00:19:19,693
Who always wins
when we play...
440
00:19:20,555 --> 00:19:21,912
Be right back.
441
00:19:26,482 --> 00:19:29,974
In 1989
the Milton Bradley Company
442
00:19:30,042 --> 00:19:32,706
had dozens of board games
on the market,
443
00:19:33,667 --> 00:19:38,125
but only one
where you were the doctor.
444
00:19:40,511 --> 00:19:42,558
Operation came complete
445
00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:44,409
with a red light-up nose,
446
00:19:44,776 --> 00:19:48,081
13 plastic body parts
for players to remove
447
00:19:48,284 --> 00:19:53,737
and, most importantly,
one pair of genuine tweezers.
448
00:19:58,977 --> 00:20:01,995
My sister performed
a medical procedure using
449
00:20:02,063 --> 00:20:03,604
a children's board game,
450
00:20:03,696 --> 00:20:06,558
while I bravely sat very still.
451
00:20:19,073 --> 00:20:22,589
I guess you could say
there were two heroes that day.
452
00:20:29,495 --> 00:20:31,933
Gee, how do you suppose
that happened?
453
00:20:33,065 --> 00:20:35,910
- Hello?
- In here.
454
00:20:36,652 --> 00:20:38,870
Why does the kitchen smell
like whiskey?
455
00:20:39,136 --> 00:20:40,652
Ask her.
456
00:20:40,963 --> 00:20:42,665
Oh, dear Lord!
457
00:20:44,550 --> 00:20:46,881
Wait till you hear
what I did to Meemaw.
458
00:20:46,949 --> 00:20:49,484
Our show came at number one.
459
00:20:49,577 --> 00:20:51,832
I did it! I did it!
460
00:20:53,304 --> 00:20:57,254
♪♪
Synchronized by srjanapala
461
00:20:57,363 --> 00:21:00,597
♪♪
462
00:21:07,855 --> 00:21:11,362
♪♪