1 00:00:01,703 --> 00:00:03,123 It was a beautiful morning 2 00:00:03,213 --> 00:00:05,147 in East Texas. 3 00:00:08,403 --> 00:00:11,233 The kind of morning that made you want to get up, 4 00:00:11,310 --> 00:00:14,133 get dressed and test that acceleration 5 00:00:14,210 --> 00:00:18,040 due to gravity does not depend on an object's motion. 6 00:00:19,146 --> 00:00:20,530 I love Saturdays. 7 00:00:20,607 --> 00:00:23,880 The Earth causes the same gravitational acceleration 8 00:00:23,957 --> 00:00:25,627 of everything, even a doll 9 00:00:25,704 --> 00:00:27,589 and a flying Ping-Pong ball. 10 00:00:27,876 --> 00:00:29,660 It's not often a man of science 11 00:00:29,737 --> 00:00:33,174 gets to say "Yippee ki-yay," and mean it, but... 12 00:00:33,884 --> 00:00:35,706 Yippee ki-yay. 13 00:00:39,513 --> 00:00:40,551 Morning, Herschel. 14 00:00:40,628 --> 00:00:43,030 Hey, George. Uh, you didn't see a dog 15 00:00:43,107 --> 00:00:44,705 wandering around here, did you? 16 00:00:44,782 --> 00:00:46,397 No. Y'all get a dog? 17 00:00:46,474 --> 00:00:48,653 Uh, sort of. We took him in after my brother-in-law 18 00:00:48,730 --> 00:00:51,037 had to go live in a gated community. 19 00:00:51,114 --> 00:00:54,022 Oh, that sounds nice, uh, they got a no pets policy? 20 00:00:54,099 --> 00:00:55,140 He's in jail, George. 21 00:00:55,217 --> 00:00:56,310 Right, sure. 22 00:00:56,378 --> 00:00:57,515 In physics, 23 00:00:57,583 --> 00:00:58,818 nothing feels better 24 00:00:58,886 --> 00:01:00,423 than predicting an outcome. 25 00:01:00,573 --> 00:01:02,382 I love predictability. 26 00:01:02,459 --> 00:01:04,536 The force of gravity: predictable. 27 00:01:04,613 --> 00:01:07,117 Nuclear fusion: predictable. 28 00:01:07,326 --> 00:01:09,156 My brother peeing in the shower: 29 00:01:09,233 --> 00:01:11,203 repulsive, but predictable. 30 00:01:11,670 --> 00:01:13,507 What isn't predictable: 31 00:01:13,592 --> 00:01:14,992 dogs. 32 00:01:15,281 --> 00:01:17,757 I've always been terrified of dogs. 33 00:01:17,834 --> 00:01:21,451 To me, they're nothing but big, furry question marks. 34 00:01:21,528 --> 00:01:23,765 Question marks with teeth. 35 00:01:29,388 --> 00:01:33,687 In panic situations, I'd often lose consciousness. 36 00:01:34,825 --> 00:01:37,726 This time, I only lost my voice. 37 00:01:37,803 --> 00:01:38,874 Help. 38 00:01:38,951 --> 00:01:40,804 Please help. 39 00:01:41,354 --> 00:01:44,269 ♪ Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪ 40 00:01:44,346 --> 00:01:46,933 ♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪ 41 00:01:47,037 --> 00:01:49,837 ♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪ 42 00:01:49,914 --> 00:01:52,582 ♪ I am a mighty little man ♪ 43 00:01:52,705 --> 00:01:56,370 ♪ I am a mighty little man ♪ *YOUNG SHELDON* Season 01 Episode 20 44 00:01:56,453 --> 00:01:58,525 Episode Title : "A Dog, a Squirrel, and a Fish Named Fish" 45 00:01:58,787 --> 00:02:00,851 Uh, I was just admiring 46 00:02:00,921 --> 00:02:03,545 Grandpa Smurf's unique walking stick. 47 00:02:03,622 --> 00:02:05,140 Smurf-a-loo-loo. 48 00:02:05,217 --> 00:02:07,503 - That's not my walking stick. - Lunch is ready. 49 00:02:07,580 --> 00:02:09,011 Can you go get your brother? 50 00:02:09,088 --> 00:02:10,495 I'm watching TV. 51 00:02:10,572 --> 00:02:12,019 Just go. 52 00:02:12,581 --> 00:02:15,685 I have to do smurfing everything around here. 53 00:02:15,785 --> 00:02:16,973 I heard that. 54 00:02:17,050 --> 00:02:18,449 I said "smurfing." 55 00:02:18,526 --> 00:02:20,624 And I heard how you said it. 56 00:02:22,113 --> 00:02:24,427 She can cut her own crusts off. 57 00:02:24,761 --> 00:02:26,032 Sheldon? 58 00:02:26,458 --> 00:02:28,396 Who are you? 59 00:02:28,511 --> 00:02:30,622 You're so cute. 60 00:02:30,886 --> 00:02:32,615 Be careful. 61 00:02:33,074 --> 00:02:34,813 What are you doing up there? 62 00:02:34,890 --> 00:02:36,482 Staying alive. 63 00:02:36,566 --> 00:02:37,909 Whose dog is this? 64 00:02:37,986 --> 00:02:39,646 I don't know. Get help. 65 00:02:39,723 --> 00:02:41,385 Well, how did he get into the garage? 66 00:02:41,462 --> 00:02:43,349 Please get help. 67 00:02:43,426 --> 00:02:44,674 Maybe we can keep it. 68 00:02:44,751 --> 00:02:47,200 I'm begging you, get help now. 69 00:02:47,753 --> 00:02:49,669 First, I have to tell you something. 70 00:02:49,779 --> 00:02:51,033 What? 71 00:02:51,402 --> 00:02:52,947 Lunch is ready. 72 00:02:56,897 --> 00:02:58,565 Will you look at that? 73 00:02:58,642 --> 00:03:00,489 What kind of dog chews through wood? 74 00:03:00,566 --> 00:03:02,044 Y'all are feeding him, right? 75 00:03:02,121 --> 00:03:03,497 Maybe he's teething. 76 00:03:03,574 --> 00:03:04,755 You know, when Billy was little, 77 00:03:04,822 --> 00:03:06,215 he chewed right through his playpen. 78 00:03:06,282 --> 00:03:08,575 - No kidding? - Only had three teeth. 79 00:03:08,824 --> 00:03:10,669 Mostly gummed it. 80 00:03:11,097 --> 00:03:12,645 So how y'all want to fix it? 81 00:03:12,722 --> 00:03:14,088 Well, I figure I'll patch it, 82 00:03:14,165 --> 00:03:15,951 run some chicken wire along the bottom... 83 00:03:16,028 --> 00:03:18,401 That way, he don't chew through it again. 84 00:03:19,149 --> 00:03:20,520 Hello. 85 00:03:20,806 --> 00:03:22,495 - Hey. - Hey, Billy. 86 00:03:22,618 --> 00:03:25,222 Was this fence window always here? 87 00:03:26,034 --> 00:03:29,565 No, son, that's a new fence window. 88 00:03:30,907 --> 00:03:33,089 Anybody else getting dizzy? 89 00:03:45,618 --> 00:03:47,526 Why didn't you call for help? 90 00:03:47,860 --> 00:03:50,123 I tried, but no sound came out. 91 00:03:50,200 --> 00:03:51,784 You poor thing. 92 00:03:51,899 --> 00:03:53,305 It was very dirty up there. 93 00:03:53,382 --> 00:03:55,823 Is cleaning the garage your job or Dad's? 94 00:03:55,900 --> 00:03:57,224 Don't you worry about that. 95 00:03:57,301 --> 00:03:58,547 Here, have some tea. 96 00:03:58,624 --> 00:04:00,032 - Chamomile? - Yes. 97 00:04:00,109 --> 00:04:02,119 - One teaspoon of honey? - Yes. 98 00:04:02,196 --> 00:04:03,618 An ice cube to cool it off? 99 00:04:03,695 --> 00:04:05,287 I went with two today. 100 00:04:05,368 --> 00:04:07,058 You've been through enough. 101 00:04:11,860 --> 00:04:13,113 I prefer one ice cube. 102 00:04:13,190 --> 00:04:14,493 Drink it. 103 00:04:17,556 --> 00:04:19,172 It's nice when the kids are in bed, 104 00:04:19,249 --> 00:04:21,409 and we can just hang out and relax. 105 00:04:22,602 --> 00:04:24,894 I'm not even gonna respond to that. 106 00:04:25,453 --> 00:04:27,947 I finally got him asleep. 107 00:04:28,024 --> 00:04:29,808 He's still pretty shook up. 108 00:04:30,071 --> 00:04:32,846 Maybe having this mutt next door won't be so bad. 109 00:04:32,923 --> 00:04:34,637 Shelly could end up getting used to it. 110 00:04:34,714 --> 00:04:35,717 That's true. 111 00:04:35,794 --> 00:04:37,281 Remember when he got all freaked out 112 00:04:37,358 --> 00:04:39,073 by the fruit at the bottom of yogurt? 113 00:04:39,150 --> 00:04:40,737 Now he eats it no problem. 114 00:04:40,814 --> 00:04:42,431 He still makes me stir it. 115 00:04:42,508 --> 00:04:43,568 Maybe you could start out 116 00:04:43,645 --> 00:04:45,239 with a small pet, and work your way up. 117 00:04:45,307 --> 00:04:46,354 Like a turtle. 118 00:04:46,431 --> 00:04:48,117 He says they carry salmonella. 119 00:04:48,185 --> 00:04:49,274 A gerbil? 120 00:04:49,342 --> 00:04:51,320 Apparently, they caused the plague. 121 00:04:51,397 --> 00:04:52,502 What about a bird? 122 00:04:52,579 --> 00:04:53,700 Oh, I know that one. 123 00:04:53,777 --> 00:04:55,886 They'll steal his hair to make a nest. 124 00:05:10,751 --> 00:05:12,777 Mom! 125 00:05:14,320 --> 00:05:16,791 At least this time, sound came out. 126 00:05:17,274 --> 00:05:19,307 I call that progress. 127 00:05:31,617 --> 00:05:32,842 What's going on? 128 00:05:32,910 --> 00:05:34,536 Your dog got into our house. 129 00:05:34,633 --> 00:05:35,858 How the hell did he do that? 130 00:05:35,935 --> 00:05:37,472 He pushed in a screen window. 131 00:05:37,549 --> 00:05:39,421 You think he chewed through the fence again? 132 00:05:39,498 --> 00:05:41,872 All I know is Sheldon's yelling at the dog, 133 00:05:41,949 --> 00:05:43,407 and Mary's yelling at me. 134 00:05:43,484 --> 00:05:45,163 Now I'm looking at you in your underwear. 135 00:05:45,240 --> 00:05:47,444 Damn it, Herschel, what is going on? 136 00:05:47,521 --> 00:05:49,907 - Oh, hey, George. - Hey, Brenda. 137 00:05:49,984 --> 00:05:51,567 Bucky got in their house. 138 00:05:51,644 --> 00:05:52,603 That's funny. 139 00:05:52,680 --> 00:05:55,408 It might be funny one day, not right now. 140 00:05:55,711 --> 00:05:56,931 Look, I'm real sorry, George. 141 00:05:57,008 --> 00:05:58,885 I'll keep him tied up, it won't happen again. 142 00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:00,288 Y'all have a good night. 143 00:06:00,365 --> 00:06:01,523 George! 144 00:06:01,609 --> 00:06:03,554 You are not gonna believe this. Look. 145 00:06:03,631 --> 00:06:06,822 Their dog left a dead squirrel in our living room. 146 00:06:07,016 --> 00:06:08,931 Well, h-he is part hunting dog. 147 00:06:09,008 --> 00:06:10,327 I think that means he likes you. 148 00:06:10,404 --> 00:06:12,194 I'm not interested in winning his affection. 149 00:06:12,271 --> 00:06:15,389 I'm interested in keeping dogs and rodents outside of my home. 150 00:06:15,466 --> 00:06:16,551 Well, now, hold on. 151 00:06:16,628 --> 00:06:18,235 How do we know it was Bucky that left 152 00:06:18,312 --> 00:06:19,432 that squirrel in your house? 153 00:06:19,506 --> 00:06:21,517 Maybe that squirrel was already there. 154 00:06:21,617 --> 00:06:24,882 Why else would a dead squirrel be in my living room? 155 00:06:24,959 --> 00:06:27,564 I don't know what kind of house you keep. 156 00:06:27,789 --> 00:06:29,268 My house is immaculate. 157 00:06:29,345 --> 00:06:30,851 - George, tell them. - Uh... 158 00:06:30,928 --> 00:06:32,430 She does keep a nice house. 159 00:06:32,507 --> 00:06:35,040 Honey, it's a pretty good chance it was Bucky. 160 00:06:35,117 --> 00:06:37,384 - Whose side are you on? - Yours, always yours. 161 00:06:37,461 --> 00:06:39,282 All right. Everyone's upset, it's late. 162 00:06:39,359 --> 00:06:40,991 Maybe we should drop this for tonight? 163 00:06:41,068 --> 00:06:42,548 That's a good idea. Okay. 164 00:06:42,625 --> 00:06:44,357 You just keep your dog away from my son. 165 00:06:44,434 --> 00:06:46,410 - There you go picking it up again. - I am sorry, 166 00:06:46,487 --> 00:06:47,827 but their dog broke into our home. 167 00:06:47,904 --> 00:06:49,991 Something he probably learned from your brother. 168 00:06:50,068 --> 00:06:51,181 How dare you. 169 00:06:51,258 --> 00:06:53,608 Okay, I think that's a good stopping point. 170 00:06:53,685 --> 00:06:55,507 How do we know that your son didn't 171 00:06:55,584 --> 00:06:58,647 lure Bucky in to perform weird science experiments on him? 172 00:06:58,724 --> 00:07:01,825 My son was asleep in his bed, and you have some nerve... 173 00:07:01,902 --> 00:07:03,506 Oh, oh, oh! Oh! 174 00:07:05,318 --> 00:07:06,587 Night, George! 175 00:07:06,664 --> 00:07:07,689 Night! 176 00:07:12,513 --> 00:07:14,044 I don't understand why that dog 177 00:07:14,121 --> 00:07:15,677 is so interested in Sheldon. 178 00:07:15,754 --> 00:07:18,039 Maybe Bucky likes the way Sheldon smells? 179 00:07:18,135 --> 00:07:20,208 Your brother washes himself three times a day. 180 00:07:20,285 --> 00:07:21,444 He has no smell. 181 00:07:21,521 --> 00:07:23,388 Here we go: animal control. 182 00:07:23,465 --> 00:07:24,577 Oh, no, no. 183 00:07:24,654 --> 00:07:27,107 No, you don't want to go calling animal control. 184 00:07:27,184 --> 00:07:29,022 - Why not? - Because, 185 00:07:29,099 --> 00:07:31,883 you have to live next door to these people. 186 00:07:31,960 --> 00:07:36,187 They called the cops on Georgie when he played music too loud. 187 00:07:36,474 --> 00:07:38,794 Maybe it was them, maybe it was me. 188 00:07:38,871 --> 00:07:40,265 Anyway, the point is, 189 00:07:40,342 --> 00:07:42,644 you don't can't go throwing gasoline on the fire. 190 00:07:42,721 --> 00:07:44,122 Well, they started this fire, 191 00:07:44,199 --> 00:07:45,794 and now, they're gonna get burned. 192 00:07:45,871 --> 00:07:48,375 I believe you've had enough coffee. 193 00:07:48,749 --> 00:07:51,312 Listen, why don't you let me talk to Brenda, 194 00:07:51,389 --> 00:07:52,710 and just smooth things out? 195 00:07:52,787 --> 00:07:54,111 Why do you think she'll listen to you? 196 00:07:54,178 --> 00:07:56,890 Because people like me more than you. 197 00:07:57,171 --> 00:07:58,655 People like me. 198 00:07:58,732 --> 00:08:00,874 I didn't say they don't, they just like me more. 199 00:08:00,951 --> 00:08:02,030 Anyway, 200 00:08:02,107 --> 00:08:03,567 I see her all the time at bowling. 201 00:08:03,644 --> 00:08:05,288 I know how to handle her. 202 00:08:05,365 --> 00:08:06,460 Fine. 203 00:08:06,560 --> 00:08:07,998 Thank you. 204 00:08:12,980 --> 00:08:15,127 Plenty of people like me. 205 00:08:20,664 --> 00:08:22,922 Hey, Brenda, how's it going? 206 00:08:23,029 --> 00:08:26,765 Your daughter's a pain in my ass, that's how it's going. 207 00:08:28,576 --> 00:08:29,903 You don't beat around the bush. 208 00:08:29,980 --> 00:08:31,504 I've always liked that about you. 209 00:08:31,581 --> 00:08:33,476 Connie, I've had a long night. 210 00:08:33,553 --> 00:08:36,028 Unless you're looking to bowl, I don't want to hear it. 211 00:08:36,105 --> 00:08:37,470 Aw, now, come on. 212 00:08:37,547 --> 00:08:40,523 Let me buy you a drink, and we'll talk about this. 213 00:08:40,795 --> 00:08:42,716 I'm more on your side than you think. 214 00:08:42,793 --> 00:08:43,858 Somehow, 215 00:08:43,935 --> 00:08:46,461 - I doubt that. - It's true. 216 00:08:46,873 --> 00:08:49,920 Don't you think I realize that Mary can be a bit... 217 00:08:49,997 --> 00:08:51,551 Of a self-righteous bitch? 218 00:08:51,628 --> 00:08:54,961 I was gonna say "challenging," but sure, let's go with yours. 219 00:08:55,038 --> 00:08:56,922 It's got a nice rhythm. 220 00:08:57,801 --> 00:08:59,318 Mmm. 221 00:08:59,803 --> 00:09:01,273 Brenda, this is, by far, 222 00:09:01,361 --> 00:09:03,967 the best bowling alley margarita in town. 223 00:09:04,152 --> 00:09:05,258 How long 224 00:09:05,342 --> 00:09:07,590 you and Herschel been married? 18, 19 years? 225 00:09:07,667 --> 00:09:10,187 19, but it feels like 30. 226 00:09:10,459 --> 00:09:12,546 Well, y'all are a great couple. 227 00:09:12,623 --> 00:09:13,685 Eh. 228 00:09:13,770 --> 00:09:15,373 I just wanted to thank you 229 00:09:15,450 --> 00:09:18,121 for being so patient and kind to my daughter and her family 230 00:09:18,198 --> 00:09:19,621 since they moved in. 231 00:09:19,698 --> 00:09:21,264 - It's nothing. - No, 232 00:09:21,341 --> 00:09:22,787 it needs to be said. 233 00:09:22,864 --> 00:09:25,793 You know, Mary has a tough job raising those three kids, 234 00:09:25,870 --> 00:09:29,163 with one of them being, you know, somewhat special. 235 00:09:29,240 --> 00:09:31,123 - I can see that. - Yeah. 236 00:09:31,200 --> 00:09:34,408 And having a kind neighbor makes all the difference in the world. 237 00:09:34,485 --> 00:09:35,660 Well, we try. 238 00:09:35,737 --> 00:09:39,154 And I know, you know how stressful it is, 239 00:09:39,231 --> 00:09:41,012 seeing as how you have your own child 240 00:09:41,089 --> 00:09:44,037 who is special in his own way. 241 00:09:44,114 --> 00:09:45,913 What's that supposed to mean? 242 00:09:45,998 --> 00:09:50,006 Well, I mean, hey, I know Billy is a terrific little boy, 243 00:09:50,075 --> 00:09:53,246 but I am sure he has presented you and Herschel 244 00:09:53,323 --> 00:09:54,761 with some challenges. 245 00:09:54,888 --> 00:09:57,169 If there's a weird kid in the neighborhood, 246 00:09:57,246 --> 00:09:58,749 it's your grandson. 247 00:09:58,871 --> 00:10:02,001 Now, hang on, I said "special," not "weird." 248 00:10:02,078 --> 00:10:03,335 I heard you. 249 00:10:03,419 --> 00:10:04,795 I said "weird." 250 00:10:04,872 --> 00:10:06,250 Okay, see now, Brenda, 251 00:10:06,327 --> 00:10:08,512 you don't want to go calling my grandson weird 252 00:10:08,589 --> 00:10:11,034 when I've just treated you to a margarita grande. 253 00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:13,519 Well, I'm sorry, but you shouldn't be inferring 254 00:10:13,596 --> 00:10:15,519 there's something wrong with my Billy. 255 00:10:15,596 --> 00:10:17,303 Darlin', there's no inferring. 256 00:10:17,470 --> 00:10:19,442 I've seen the boy sitting in the dirt 257 00:10:19,519 --> 00:10:21,811 eating his own belly button lint. 258 00:10:24,847 --> 00:10:27,869 ♪ That's the way the girls are in Texas ♪ 259 00:10:29,713 --> 00:10:32,511 Really, Mom? This is how you put out the fire? 260 00:10:32,799 --> 00:10:34,574 Well, at least she got the worst of it. 261 00:10:34,651 --> 00:10:36,034 How you figure that? 262 00:10:36,111 --> 00:10:39,121 I ripped a big patch of hair out of her head. 263 00:10:39,904 --> 00:10:41,668 This will be healed in a week. 264 00:10:41,745 --> 00:10:44,918 She will be wearing a hat till Labor Day. 265 00:10:45,921 --> 00:10:47,875 I want to be just like you when I grow up. 266 00:10:47,952 --> 00:10:49,854 - No, you don't. - Pick again. 267 00:11:00,190 --> 00:11:02,040 Excuse me, Ms. Hutchins? 268 00:11:02,117 --> 00:11:03,229 Hey, Sheldon. 269 00:11:03,306 --> 00:11:06,191 Can you recommend any books on overcoming phobias? 270 00:11:06,268 --> 00:11:08,402 That's in the self-help section. 271 00:11:08,551 --> 00:11:11,082 Follow me, I have read them all. 272 00:11:11,351 --> 00:11:14,206 - Any phobia in particular? - Dogs. 273 00:11:14,283 --> 00:11:16,746 Ah, cynophobia. That's a good one. 274 00:11:16,830 --> 00:11:18,995 Did you know there's over 50 million dogs 275 00:11:19,072 --> 00:11:20,809 just in the United States alone? 276 00:11:20,886 --> 00:11:22,734 That's 50 million too many. 277 00:11:22,811 --> 00:11:25,980 Here. I read this one to help with my haphephobia. 278 00:11:26,166 --> 00:11:30,324 Ah, fear of being touched. I have that, too. Was it useful? 279 00:11:30,650 --> 00:11:33,587 Well, when someone's interested in touching me, 280 00:11:33,664 --> 00:11:35,152 we'll find out. 281 00:11:37,946 --> 00:11:39,180 The basic premise 282 00:11:39,257 --> 00:11:41,128 of the book was that phobias 283 00:11:41,205 --> 00:11:43,477 were overcome by taking incremental steps 284 00:11:43,554 --> 00:11:45,902 toward confronting the phobia in question. 285 00:11:45,979 --> 00:11:49,112 In my case, that started with watching a TV show 286 00:11:49,189 --> 00:11:51,592 that was adored by children around the world, 287 00:11:51,669 --> 00:11:54,970 but for me, was the stuff of nightmares. 288 00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:57,217 Scooby-Doo! 289 00:11:58,012 --> 00:12:00,949 The next step was to go face-to-face 290 00:12:01,026 --> 00:12:02,803 with real dogs. 291 00:12:03,412 --> 00:12:06,194 Albeit through a plate-glass window. 292 00:12:06,293 --> 00:12:07,548 Okay, that's enough. 293 00:12:07,625 --> 00:12:08,826 And finally, 294 00:12:08,903 --> 00:12:11,532 a close encounter of the third kind, 295 00:12:11,609 --> 00:12:15,430 physical contact with a member of the canine species. 296 00:12:15,536 --> 00:12:18,662 Hello, I'd like to speak with the veterinarian. 297 00:12:19,262 --> 00:12:21,238 Well, I was hoping you might have one or two dogs 298 00:12:21,315 --> 00:12:23,959 under anesthesia that I might come by and pet. 299 00:12:24,223 --> 00:12:25,811 Sure, I'll hold. 300 00:12:26,911 --> 00:12:28,230 Who are you talking to? 301 00:12:28,307 --> 00:12:30,243 The Medford Veterinary Clinic. 302 00:12:30,320 --> 00:12:31,351 Why? 303 00:12:31,428 --> 00:12:33,230 I'm trying to overcome my fear of dogs 304 00:12:33,307 --> 00:12:35,246 before it affects our family any further. 305 00:12:35,323 --> 00:12:38,716 Oh, honey, you don't have to worry about how it affects us. 306 00:12:38,793 --> 00:12:41,355 Meemaw got punched in the face because of me. 307 00:12:41,432 --> 00:12:45,466 No, that wasn't because of you, and for the record, 308 00:12:45,543 --> 00:12:47,643 your meemaw gets punched in the face all the time. 309 00:12:47,720 --> 00:12:49,206 Well, I still think I need to take 310 00:12:49,283 --> 00:12:50,800 some sort of positive action. 311 00:12:50,877 --> 00:12:52,894 - Hello? - Yes, hello? 312 00:12:53,136 --> 00:12:54,834 Oh, that's too bad. 313 00:12:54,980 --> 00:12:58,232 How about a small fluffy one that's recently died of old age? 314 00:12:58,309 --> 00:12:59,496 Enough. 315 00:12:59,818 --> 00:13:01,113 Sorry. 316 00:13:10,189 --> 00:13:12,971 Now, it says here in Mark 12:31 317 00:13:13,056 --> 00:13:15,040 that you should "Love your neighbor 318 00:13:15,117 --> 00:13:16,346 as yourself." 319 00:13:16,423 --> 00:13:19,534 Anybody like to take a guess what that means? Missy? 320 00:13:19,611 --> 00:13:22,426 It means to be nice to the people who live next door. 321 00:13:22,503 --> 00:13:23,667 That's right. 322 00:13:23,744 --> 00:13:25,348 But everybody else can go to hell. 323 00:13:25,425 --> 00:13:28,582 Okay, Missy, we don't use that kind of language here. 324 00:13:28,697 --> 00:13:31,401 And if you think about it, in this world, 325 00:13:31,478 --> 00:13:35,050 with all the ways we can travel, everybody's your neighbor. 326 00:13:35,252 --> 00:13:36,425 Yes, Sheldon. 327 00:13:36,502 --> 00:13:37,775 How do we love our neighbors 328 00:13:37,862 --> 00:13:39,620 when our moms hate each other? 329 00:13:39,688 --> 00:13:41,889 - Who does your mom hate? - Your mom. 330 00:13:41,966 --> 00:13:44,612 Hey, my mom hates your mom. Small world. 331 00:13:44,689 --> 00:13:46,410 Okay, let's hang on a second. 332 00:13:46,487 --> 00:13:48,175 My mom also hates their grandma. 333 00:13:48,252 --> 00:13:49,902 'Cause she lost a fight to her. 334 00:13:50,088 --> 00:13:52,262 Nuh-uh, she won. She said so. 335 00:13:52,339 --> 00:13:54,831 All right, stop. Let's stop. 336 00:13:54,908 --> 00:13:56,499 Now this might be hard to understand, 337 00:13:56,576 --> 00:13:58,683 but living a loving, Christian life 338 00:13:58,760 --> 00:14:01,283 isn't always the easiest thing to do. 339 00:14:02,785 --> 00:14:03,932 Yes, Billy. 340 00:14:04,009 --> 00:14:06,580 My mom's not crazy about you either. 341 00:14:08,609 --> 00:14:11,168 Just love your neighbor, 'kay? 342 00:14:12,189 --> 00:14:14,557 Now, I am more than willing to look the other way 343 00:14:14,634 --> 00:14:17,050 when my parishioners don't get along with each other. 344 00:14:17,127 --> 00:14:19,712 That sort of thing happens, but when it becomes a problem 345 00:14:19,789 --> 00:14:22,433 for the children, then I have to intervene. 346 00:14:23,095 --> 00:14:24,542 There's no problem here, 347 00:14:24,619 --> 00:14:26,800 other than these two thinking that they're better than me. 348 00:14:26,867 --> 00:14:28,214 I don't think it, I know it. 349 00:14:28,291 --> 00:14:29,694 I gave your mother a good smacking. 350 00:14:29,771 --> 00:14:30,895 I can give you one, too. 351 00:14:30,972 --> 00:14:33,365 That's big talk from somebody with a comb-over. 352 00:14:33,442 --> 00:14:34,550 Ladies. 353 00:14:34,627 --> 00:14:36,871 Do I need to remind you that we are Christians? 354 00:14:36,948 --> 00:14:39,737 In all our behavior, in all our actions, 355 00:14:39,814 --> 00:14:42,306 we must constantly ask ourselves the question, 356 00:14:42,383 --> 00:14:44,260 "What would Jesus do?" 357 00:14:44,337 --> 00:14:45,673 Can I say something? 358 00:14:45,750 --> 00:14:47,097 Would Jesus say it? 359 00:14:47,509 --> 00:14:49,160 Never mind. 360 00:14:50,718 --> 00:14:52,075 In my life, 361 00:14:52,152 --> 00:14:55,793 I've often been accused of being a physical coward, 362 00:14:56,150 --> 00:14:59,482 and for the most part, those accusations are correct. 363 00:15:00,961 --> 00:15:05,407 But there have been times when I've shown great courage. 364 00:15:06,179 --> 00:15:07,837 This was one of them. 365 00:15:08,249 --> 00:15:10,302 Hello, Bucky. 366 00:15:11,710 --> 00:15:14,946 Are you a good dog? 367 00:15:17,640 --> 00:15:19,845 Please be a good dog. 368 00:15:21,529 --> 00:15:22,641 Please. 369 00:15:22,709 --> 00:15:25,648 Now oftentimes, when we don't like someone, 370 00:15:25,725 --> 00:15:27,714 what's happening is we see something in them 371 00:15:27,791 --> 00:15:29,751 that we don't like in ourselves. 372 00:15:29,843 --> 00:15:31,156 What are you saying? 373 00:15:31,233 --> 00:15:33,313 Really? That was over your head? 374 00:15:33,390 --> 00:15:35,180 I'm saying, 375 00:15:35,686 --> 00:15:37,762 y'all might have more in common than you think. 376 00:15:37,839 --> 00:15:40,123 Well, don't say both their kids are "special." 377 00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:42,962 She does not like that. 378 00:15:45,342 --> 00:15:46,751 Okay. 379 00:15:47,686 --> 00:15:49,215 Here we go. 380 00:15:50,013 --> 00:15:53,306 Petting... the dog. 381 00:16:09,496 --> 00:16:11,029 I'm doing it. 382 00:16:11,809 --> 00:16:13,701 I'm petting a dog. 383 00:16:14,456 --> 00:16:16,583 I've conquered my phobia. 384 00:16:17,629 --> 00:16:20,764 You're a good boy. Yes, you are. 385 00:16:23,152 --> 00:16:26,428 I'm sorry for the unkind things I said to you. 386 00:16:27,777 --> 00:16:29,360 Me, too. 387 00:16:30,822 --> 00:16:31,887 Connie? 388 00:16:32,535 --> 00:16:33,636 What? 389 00:16:33,738 --> 00:16:35,646 Anything you'd like to say? 390 00:16:37,120 --> 00:16:38,322 Not particularly. 391 00:16:38,399 --> 00:16:39,785 Mom. 392 00:16:40,183 --> 00:16:41,682 Okay. 393 00:16:42,995 --> 00:16:45,138 I'm sorry for the things I said, 394 00:16:45,248 --> 00:16:49,310 and, you know, what happened at the bowling alley. 395 00:16:50,605 --> 00:16:52,512 As am I. 396 00:16:54,725 --> 00:16:55,974 Here. 397 00:16:56,051 --> 00:16:58,002 I think this came out of your head. 398 00:17:01,828 --> 00:17:04,007 He licked me! He licked me! 399 00:17:04,084 --> 00:17:05,783 The dog licked my tongue! 400 00:17:05,860 --> 00:17:07,440 I can still taste it! 401 00:17:07,517 --> 00:17:09,961 Call 911! 402 00:17:12,078 --> 00:17:14,345 I think Jesus might go check that out. 403 00:17:18,783 --> 00:17:20,906 How's it going in there, baby? 404 00:17:21,209 --> 00:17:24,533 Okay, but we're gonna need more Listerine. 405 00:17:27,464 --> 00:17:30,594 I'm proud of him for trying to overcome that damn dog phobia. 406 00:17:30,671 --> 00:17:32,375 You should tell him that. 407 00:17:32,514 --> 00:17:34,796 Well, if he ever leaves that bathroom, I will. 408 00:17:34,873 --> 00:17:38,362 What I can't figure out is why that dog is so drawn to Sheldon. 409 00:17:38,439 --> 00:17:39,776 Beats me. 410 00:17:39,853 --> 00:17:42,500 - You say his owner's in the slammer? - Yeah. 411 00:17:42,639 --> 00:17:44,777 Wonder what kind of fella he is. 412 00:18:08,896 --> 00:18:10,546 It's a mystery. 413 00:18:10,717 --> 00:18:12,853 I guess we'll never know. 414 00:18:20,691 --> 00:18:22,396 Hey, Moonpie. 415 00:18:22,878 --> 00:18:24,987 I got you a little something to help you 416 00:18:25,064 --> 00:18:27,029 get over your fear of animals. 417 00:18:27,269 --> 00:18:29,247 A tranquilizer gun? 418 00:18:29,527 --> 00:18:31,138 A pet fish. 419 00:18:35,668 --> 00:18:36,993 Why? 420 00:18:37,105 --> 00:18:40,802 Well, I thought you could start small and then work your way up. 421 00:18:41,042 --> 00:18:43,177 Look, he's kind of cute. 422 00:18:43,425 --> 00:18:48,044 He doesn't even care that I'm here. I like him. 423 00:18:49,018 --> 00:18:50,575 What are you gonna name him? 424 00:18:50,667 --> 00:18:51,941 Fish. 425 00:18:52,103 --> 00:18:53,200 Fish? 426 00:18:53,324 --> 00:18:55,544 I'm not ready to get attached. 427 00:18:56,952 --> 00:18:58,596 Fish are kind of boring. 428 00:18:58,673 --> 00:19:00,582 I know, isn't it great? 429 00:19:00,659 --> 00:19:02,544 But you can't even pet 'em. 430 00:19:03,089 --> 00:19:05,193 Maybe we can. 431 00:19:06,644 --> 00:19:07,927 Baby, what's wrong? 432 00:19:08,004 --> 00:19:11,848 I tried to pet Fish! Ah, he was so slimy! 433 00:19:11,925 --> 00:19:13,926 Well, yeah, he's a fish. 434 00:19:14,003 --> 00:19:17,573 I put my finger in the top of the tank, then I touched him, 435 00:19:17,650 --> 00:19:18,676 and he bit me! 436 00:19:18,753 --> 00:19:20,376 Oh, I'm sure he didn't bite you. 437 00:19:20,453 --> 00:19:21,511 I can't breathe. 438 00:19:21,588 --> 00:19:24,966 His fish blood is mixing with my human blood. 439 00:19:25,620 --> 00:19:27,807 Maybe he was just trying to give you a kiss. 440 00:19:27,884 --> 00:19:30,411 No. He hates me. I never want to see him again. 441 00:19:30,488 --> 00:19:32,406 Oh, Sheldon, you're being silly. 442 00:19:32,483 --> 00:19:34,224 Fish like this don't bite. 443 00:19:35,097 --> 00:19:37,614 Look. See? He's harmless. 444 00:19:37,691 --> 00:19:39,664 Son of a bitch! 445 00:19:39,741 --> 00:19:41,014 Dad killed my fish! 446 00:19:41,091 --> 00:19:42,093 George! 447 00:19:42,171 --> 00:19:43,906 He'll be fine. 448 00:19:44,522 --> 00:19:46,782 Just got to put him back in the bowl. 449 00:19:48,788 --> 00:19:50,836 Oh, George. 450 00:20:06,486 --> 00:20:09,792 ♪♪