1
00:00:01,703 --> 00:00:03,123
It was a beautiful morning
2
00:00:03,213 --> 00:00:05,147
in East Texas.
3
00:00:08,403 --> 00:00:11,233
The kind of morning that
made you want to get up,
4
00:00:11,310 --> 00:00:14,133
get dressed
and test that acceleration
5
00:00:14,210 --> 00:00:18,040
due to gravity does not
depend on an object's motion.
6
00:00:19,146 --> 00:00:20,530
I love Saturdays.
7
00:00:20,607 --> 00:00:23,880
The Earth causes the same
gravitational acceleration
8
00:00:23,957 --> 00:00:25,627
of everything,
even a doll
9
00:00:25,704 --> 00:00:27,589
and a flying Ping-Pong ball.
10
00:00:27,876 --> 00:00:29,660
It's not often a man of science
11
00:00:29,737 --> 00:00:33,174
gets to say "Yippee
ki-yay," and mean it, but...
12
00:00:33,884 --> 00:00:35,706
Yippee ki-yay.
13
00:00:39,513 --> 00:00:40,551
Morning, Herschel.
14
00:00:40,628 --> 00:00:43,030
Hey, George. Uh,
you didn't see a dog
15
00:00:43,107 --> 00:00:44,705
wandering around here,
did you?
16
00:00:44,782 --> 00:00:46,397
No. Y'all get a dog?
17
00:00:46,474 --> 00:00:48,653
Uh, sort of. We took him
in after my brother-in-law
18
00:00:48,730 --> 00:00:51,037
had to go live
in a gated community.
19
00:00:51,114 --> 00:00:54,022
Oh, that sounds nice, uh,
they got a no pets policy?
20
00:00:54,099 --> 00:00:55,140
He's in jail, George.
21
00:00:55,217 --> 00:00:56,310
Right, sure.
22
00:00:56,378 --> 00:00:57,515
In physics,
23
00:00:57,583 --> 00:00:58,818
nothing feels better
24
00:00:58,886 --> 00:01:00,423
than predicting an outcome.
25
00:01:00,573 --> 00:01:02,382
I love predictability.
26
00:01:02,459 --> 00:01:04,536
The force of gravity: predictable.
27
00:01:04,613 --> 00:01:07,117
Nuclear fusion: predictable.
28
00:01:07,326 --> 00:01:09,156
My brother peeing
in the shower:
29
00:01:09,233 --> 00:01:11,203
repulsive, but predictable.
30
00:01:11,670 --> 00:01:13,507
What isn't predictable:
31
00:01:13,592 --> 00:01:14,992
dogs.
32
00:01:15,281 --> 00:01:17,757
I've always been
terrified of dogs.
33
00:01:17,834 --> 00:01:21,451
To me, they're nothing but
big, furry question marks.
34
00:01:21,528 --> 00:01:23,765
Question marks with teeth.
35
00:01:29,388 --> 00:01:33,687
In panic situations,
I'd often lose consciousness.
36
00:01:34,825 --> 00:01:37,726
This time, I only lost my voice.
37
00:01:37,803 --> 00:01:38,874
Help.
38
00:01:38,951 --> 00:01:40,804
Please help.
39
00:01:41,354 --> 00:01:44,269
♪ Nobody else is stronger
than I am ♪
40
00:01:44,346 --> 00:01:46,933
♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪
41
00:01:47,037 --> 00:01:49,837
♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪
42
00:01:49,914 --> 00:01:52,582
♪ I am a mighty little man ♪
43
00:01:52,705 --> 00:01:56,370
♪ I am a mighty little man ♪
*YOUNG SHELDON*
Season 01 Episode 20
44
00:01:56,453 --> 00:01:58,525
Episode Title : "A Dog, a Squirrel,
and a Fish Named Fish"
45
00:01:58,787 --> 00:02:00,851
Uh, I was just admiring
46
00:02:00,921 --> 00:02:03,545
Grandpa Smurf's unique walking stick.
47
00:02:03,622 --> 00:02:05,140
Smurf-a-loo-loo.
48
00:02:05,217 --> 00:02:07,503
- That's not my walking stick.
- Lunch is ready.
49
00:02:07,580 --> 00:02:09,011
Can you go get your brother?
50
00:02:09,088 --> 00:02:10,495
I'm watching TV.
51
00:02:10,572 --> 00:02:12,019
Just go.
52
00:02:12,581 --> 00:02:15,685
I have to do smurfing
everything around here.
53
00:02:15,785 --> 00:02:16,973
I heard that.
54
00:02:17,050 --> 00:02:18,449
I said "smurfing."
55
00:02:18,526 --> 00:02:20,624
And I heard
how you said it.
56
00:02:22,113 --> 00:02:24,427
She can cut her own crusts off.
57
00:02:24,761 --> 00:02:26,032
Sheldon?
58
00:02:26,458 --> 00:02:28,396
Who are you?
59
00:02:28,511 --> 00:02:30,622
You're so cute.
60
00:02:30,886 --> 00:02:32,615
Be careful.
61
00:02:33,074 --> 00:02:34,813
What are you doing up there?
62
00:02:34,890 --> 00:02:36,482
Staying alive.
63
00:02:36,566 --> 00:02:37,909
Whose dog is this?
64
00:02:37,986 --> 00:02:39,646
I don't know.
Get help.
65
00:02:39,723 --> 00:02:41,385
Well, how did he
get into the garage?
66
00:02:41,462 --> 00:02:43,349
Please get help.
67
00:02:43,426 --> 00:02:44,674
Maybe we can keep it.
68
00:02:44,751 --> 00:02:47,200
I'm begging you,
get help now.
69
00:02:47,753 --> 00:02:49,669
First, I have to tell you
something.
70
00:02:49,779 --> 00:02:51,033
What?
71
00:02:51,402 --> 00:02:52,947
Lunch is ready.
72
00:02:56,897 --> 00:02:58,565
Will you look at that?
73
00:02:58,642 --> 00:03:00,489
What kind of dog chews
through wood?
74
00:03:00,566 --> 00:03:02,044
Y'all are feeding him,
right?
75
00:03:02,121 --> 00:03:03,497
Maybe he's teething.
76
00:03:03,574 --> 00:03:04,755
You know,
when Billy was little,
77
00:03:04,822 --> 00:03:06,215
he chewed right through
his playpen.
78
00:03:06,282 --> 00:03:08,575
- No kidding?
- Only had three teeth.
79
00:03:08,824 --> 00:03:10,669
Mostly gummed it.
80
00:03:11,097 --> 00:03:12,645
So how y'all want to fix it?
81
00:03:12,722 --> 00:03:14,088
Well, I figure I'll patch it,
82
00:03:14,165 --> 00:03:15,951
run some chicken wire
along the bottom...
83
00:03:16,028 --> 00:03:18,401
That way, he don't
chew through it again.
84
00:03:19,149 --> 00:03:20,520
Hello.
85
00:03:20,806 --> 00:03:22,495
- Hey.
- Hey, Billy.
86
00:03:22,618 --> 00:03:25,222
Was this fence window
always here?
87
00:03:26,034 --> 00:03:29,565
No, son, that's
a new fence window.
88
00:03:30,907 --> 00:03:33,089
Anybody else getting dizzy?
89
00:03:45,618 --> 00:03:47,526
Why didn't you call for help?
90
00:03:47,860 --> 00:03:50,123
I tried, but no sound came out.
91
00:03:50,200 --> 00:03:51,784
You poor thing.
92
00:03:51,899 --> 00:03:53,305
It was very dirty up there.
93
00:03:53,382 --> 00:03:55,823
Is cleaning the garage
your job or Dad's?
94
00:03:55,900 --> 00:03:57,224
Don't you worry about that.
95
00:03:57,301 --> 00:03:58,547
Here, have some tea.
96
00:03:58,624 --> 00:04:00,032
- Chamomile?
- Yes.
97
00:04:00,109 --> 00:04:02,119
- One teaspoon of honey?
- Yes.
98
00:04:02,196 --> 00:04:03,618
An ice cube to cool it off?
99
00:04:03,695 --> 00:04:05,287
I went with two today.
100
00:04:05,368 --> 00:04:07,058
You've been through enough.
101
00:04:11,860 --> 00:04:13,113
I prefer one ice cube.
102
00:04:13,190 --> 00:04:14,493
Drink it.
103
00:04:17,556 --> 00:04:19,172
It's nice when the kids are in bed,
104
00:04:19,249 --> 00:04:21,409
and we can just hang out
and relax.
105
00:04:22,602 --> 00:04:24,894
I'm not even gonna respond
to that.
106
00:04:25,453 --> 00:04:27,947
I finally got him asleep.
107
00:04:28,024 --> 00:04:29,808
He's still pretty shook up.
108
00:04:30,071 --> 00:04:32,846
Maybe having this mutt
next door won't be so bad.
109
00:04:32,923 --> 00:04:34,637
Shelly could end up getting used to it.
110
00:04:34,714 --> 00:04:35,717
That's true.
111
00:04:35,794 --> 00:04:37,281
Remember when he got all
freaked out
112
00:04:37,358 --> 00:04:39,073
by the fruit
at the bottom of yogurt?
113
00:04:39,150 --> 00:04:40,737
Now he eats it no problem.
114
00:04:40,814 --> 00:04:42,431
He still makes me
stir it.
115
00:04:42,508 --> 00:04:43,568
Maybe you could start out
116
00:04:43,645 --> 00:04:45,239
with a small pet,
and work your way up.
117
00:04:45,307 --> 00:04:46,354
Like a turtle.
118
00:04:46,431 --> 00:04:48,117
He says
they carry salmonella.
119
00:04:48,185 --> 00:04:49,274
A gerbil?
120
00:04:49,342 --> 00:04:51,320
Apparently, they caused
the plague.
121
00:04:51,397 --> 00:04:52,502
What about a bird?
122
00:04:52,579 --> 00:04:53,700
Oh, I know that one.
123
00:04:53,777 --> 00:04:55,886
They'll steal his hair
to make a nest.
124
00:05:10,751 --> 00:05:12,777
Mom!
125
00:05:14,320 --> 00:05:16,791
At least
this time, sound came out.
126
00:05:17,274 --> 00:05:19,307
I call that progress.
127
00:05:31,617 --> 00:05:32,842
What's going on?
128
00:05:32,910 --> 00:05:34,536
Your dog got into our house.
129
00:05:34,633 --> 00:05:35,858
How the hell did he do that?
130
00:05:35,935 --> 00:05:37,472
He pushed in a screen window.
131
00:05:37,549 --> 00:05:39,421
You think he chewed through
the fence again?
132
00:05:39,498 --> 00:05:41,872
All I know is Sheldon's
yelling at the dog,
133
00:05:41,949 --> 00:05:43,407
and Mary's yelling at me.
134
00:05:43,484 --> 00:05:45,163
Now I'm looking at
you in your underwear.
135
00:05:45,240 --> 00:05:47,444
Damn it,
Herschel, what is going on?
136
00:05:47,521 --> 00:05:49,907
- Oh, hey, George.
- Hey, Brenda.
137
00:05:49,984 --> 00:05:51,567
Bucky got in their house.
138
00:05:51,644 --> 00:05:52,603
That's funny.
139
00:05:52,680 --> 00:05:55,408
It might be funny one
day, not right now.
140
00:05:55,711 --> 00:05:56,931
Look, I'm real sorry,
George.
141
00:05:57,008 --> 00:05:58,885
I'll keep him tied up,
it won't happen again.
142
00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:00,288
Y'all have a good night.
143
00:06:00,365 --> 00:06:01,523
George!
144
00:06:01,609 --> 00:06:03,554
You are not gonna believe this.
Look.
145
00:06:03,631 --> 00:06:06,822
Their dog left a dead
squirrel in our living room.
146
00:06:07,016 --> 00:06:08,931
Well, h-he is part hunting dog.
147
00:06:09,008 --> 00:06:10,327
I think that means he likes you.
148
00:06:10,404 --> 00:06:12,194
I'm not interested
in winning his affection.
149
00:06:12,271 --> 00:06:15,389
I'm interested in keeping dogs
and rodents outside of my home.
150
00:06:15,466 --> 00:06:16,551
Well, now, hold on.
151
00:06:16,628 --> 00:06:18,235
How do we know
it was Bucky that left
152
00:06:18,312 --> 00:06:19,432
that squirrel in your house?
153
00:06:19,506 --> 00:06:21,517
Maybe that squirrel
was already there.
154
00:06:21,617 --> 00:06:24,882
Why else would a dead
squirrel be in my living room?
155
00:06:24,959 --> 00:06:27,564
I don't know what
kind of house you keep.
156
00:06:27,789 --> 00:06:29,268
My house is immaculate.
157
00:06:29,345 --> 00:06:30,851
- George, tell them.
- Uh...
158
00:06:30,928 --> 00:06:32,430
She does keep a nice house.
159
00:06:32,507 --> 00:06:35,040
Honey, it's a pretty
good chance it was Bucky.
160
00:06:35,117 --> 00:06:37,384
- Whose side are you on?
- Yours, always yours.
161
00:06:37,461 --> 00:06:39,282
All right.
Everyone's upset, it's late.
162
00:06:39,359 --> 00:06:40,991
Maybe we should drop this for
tonight?
163
00:06:41,068 --> 00:06:42,548
That's a good idea.
Okay.
164
00:06:42,625 --> 00:06:44,357
You just keep your dog away
from my son.
165
00:06:44,434 --> 00:06:46,410
- There you go picking it up again.
- I am sorry,
166
00:06:46,487 --> 00:06:47,827
but their dog
broke into our home.
167
00:06:47,904 --> 00:06:49,991
Something he probably
learned from your brother.
168
00:06:50,068 --> 00:06:51,181
How dare you.
169
00:06:51,258 --> 00:06:53,608
Okay, I think that's
a good stopping point.
170
00:06:53,685 --> 00:06:55,507
How do we know that
your son didn't
171
00:06:55,584 --> 00:06:58,647
lure Bucky in to perform weird
science experiments on him?
172
00:06:58,724 --> 00:07:01,825
My son was asleep in his bed,
and you have some nerve...
173
00:07:01,902 --> 00:07:03,506
Oh, oh, oh! Oh!
174
00:07:05,318 --> 00:07:06,587
Night, George!
175
00:07:06,664 --> 00:07:07,689
Night!
176
00:07:12,513 --> 00:07:14,044
I don't understand
why that dog
177
00:07:14,121 --> 00:07:15,677
is so interested in Sheldon.
178
00:07:15,754 --> 00:07:18,039
Maybe Bucky likes the
way Sheldon smells?
179
00:07:18,135 --> 00:07:20,208
Your brother washes
himself three times a day.
180
00:07:20,285 --> 00:07:21,444
He has no smell.
181
00:07:21,521 --> 00:07:23,388
Here we go: animal control.
182
00:07:23,465 --> 00:07:24,577
Oh, no, no.
183
00:07:24,654 --> 00:07:27,107
No, you don't want to go
calling animal control.
184
00:07:27,184 --> 00:07:29,022
- Why not?
- Because,
185
00:07:29,099 --> 00:07:31,883
you have to live next
door to these people.
186
00:07:31,960 --> 00:07:36,187
They called the cops on Georgie
when he played music too loud.
187
00:07:36,474 --> 00:07:38,794
Maybe it was them,
maybe it was me.
188
00:07:38,871 --> 00:07:40,265
Anyway, the point is,
189
00:07:40,342 --> 00:07:42,644
you don't can't go throwing
gasoline on the fire.
190
00:07:42,721 --> 00:07:44,122
Well, they started this fire,
191
00:07:44,199 --> 00:07:45,794
and now,
they're gonna get burned.
192
00:07:45,871 --> 00:07:48,375
I believe you've had
enough coffee.
193
00:07:48,749 --> 00:07:51,312
Listen, why don't you
let me talk to Brenda,
194
00:07:51,389 --> 00:07:52,710
and just smooth things out?
195
00:07:52,787 --> 00:07:54,111
Why do you think
she'll listen to you?
196
00:07:54,178 --> 00:07:56,890
Because people
like me more than you.
197
00:07:57,171 --> 00:07:58,655
People like me.
198
00:07:58,732 --> 00:08:00,874
I didn't say they don't,
they just like me more.
199
00:08:00,951 --> 00:08:02,030
Anyway,
200
00:08:02,107 --> 00:08:03,567
I see her all the time
at bowling.
201
00:08:03,644 --> 00:08:05,288
I know how to handle her.
202
00:08:05,365 --> 00:08:06,460
Fine.
203
00:08:06,560 --> 00:08:07,998
Thank you.
204
00:08:12,980 --> 00:08:15,127
Plenty of people like me.
205
00:08:20,664 --> 00:08:22,922
Hey, Brenda, how's it going?
206
00:08:23,029 --> 00:08:26,765
Your daughter's a pain in my ass,
that's how it's going.
207
00:08:28,576 --> 00:08:29,903
You don't beat around the bush.
208
00:08:29,980 --> 00:08:31,504
I've always liked that
about you.
209
00:08:31,581 --> 00:08:33,476
Connie,
I've had a long night.
210
00:08:33,553 --> 00:08:36,028
Unless you're looking to bowl,
I don't want to hear it.
211
00:08:36,105 --> 00:08:37,470
Aw, now, come on.
212
00:08:37,547 --> 00:08:40,523
Let me buy you a drink,
and we'll talk about this.
213
00:08:40,795 --> 00:08:42,716
I'm more on your side
than you think.
214
00:08:42,793 --> 00:08:43,858
Somehow,
215
00:08:43,935 --> 00:08:46,461
- I doubt that.
- It's true.
216
00:08:46,873 --> 00:08:49,920
Don't you think I realize
that Mary can be a bit...
217
00:08:49,997 --> 00:08:51,551
Of a self-righteous bitch?
218
00:08:51,628 --> 00:08:54,961
I was gonna say "challenging,"
but sure, let's go with yours.
219
00:08:55,038 --> 00:08:56,922
It's got a nice rhythm.
220
00:08:57,801 --> 00:08:59,318
Mmm.
221
00:08:59,803 --> 00:09:01,273
Brenda, this is, by far,
222
00:09:01,361 --> 00:09:03,967
the best bowling alley
margarita in town.
223
00:09:04,152 --> 00:09:05,258
How long
224
00:09:05,342 --> 00:09:07,590
you and Herschel been married?
18, 19 years?
225
00:09:07,667 --> 00:09:10,187
19, but it feels like 30.
226
00:09:10,459 --> 00:09:12,546
Well, y'all are
a great couple.
227
00:09:12,623 --> 00:09:13,685
Eh.
228
00:09:13,770 --> 00:09:15,373
I just wanted to thank you
229
00:09:15,450 --> 00:09:18,121
for being so patient and kind
to my daughter and her family
230
00:09:18,198 --> 00:09:19,621
since they moved in.
231
00:09:19,698 --> 00:09:21,264
- It's nothing.
- No,
232
00:09:21,341 --> 00:09:22,787
it needs to be said.
233
00:09:22,864 --> 00:09:25,793
You know, Mary has a tough
job raising those three kids,
234
00:09:25,870 --> 00:09:29,163
with one of them being,
you know, somewhat special.
235
00:09:29,240 --> 00:09:31,123
- I can see that.
- Yeah.
236
00:09:31,200 --> 00:09:34,408
And having a kind neighbor makes
all the difference in the world.
237
00:09:34,485 --> 00:09:35,660
Well, we try.
238
00:09:35,737 --> 00:09:39,154
And I know, you know
how stressful it is,
239
00:09:39,231 --> 00:09:41,012
seeing as how
you have your own child
240
00:09:41,089 --> 00:09:44,037
who is special
in his own way.
241
00:09:44,114 --> 00:09:45,913
What's that supposed to mean?
242
00:09:45,998 --> 00:09:50,006
Well, I mean, hey, I know
Billy is a terrific little boy,
243
00:09:50,075 --> 00:09:53,246
but I am sure he has
presented you and Herschel
244
00:09:53,323 --> 00:09:54,761
with some challenges.
245
00:09:54,888 --> 00:09:57,169
If there's a weird kid
in the neighborhood,
246
00:09:57,246 --> 00:09:58,749
it's your grandson.
247
00:09:58,871 --> 00:10:02,001
Now, hang on, I said
"special," not "weird."
248
00:10:02,078 --> 00:10:03,335
I heard you.
249
00:10:03,419 --> 00:10:04,795
I said "weird."
250
00:10:04,872 --> 00:10:06,250
Okay, see now, Brenda,
251
00:10:06,327 --> 00:10:08,512
you don't want to go
calling my grandson weird
252
00:10:08,589 --> 00:10:11,034
when I've just treated you
to a margarita grande.
253
00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:13,519
Well, I'm sorry, but you
shouldn't be inferring
254
00:10:13,596 --> 00:10:15,519
there's something wrong
with my Billy.
255
00:10:15,596 --> 00:10:17,303
Darlin', there's no inferring.
256
00:10:17,470 --> 00:10:19,442
I've seen the boy sitting in the dirt
257
00:10:19,519 --> 00:10:21,811
eating his own belly button lint.
258
00:10:24,847 --> 00:10:27,869
♪ That's the way
the girls are in Texas ♪
259
00:10:29,713 --> 00:10:32,511
Really, Mom?
This is how you put out the fire?
260
00:10:32,799 --> 00:10:34,574
Well, at least she got
the worst of it.
261
00:10:34,651 --> 00:10:36,034
How you figure that?
262
00:10:36,111 --> 00:10:39,121
I ripped a big patch
of hair out of her head.
263
00:10:39,904 --> 00:10:41,668
This will be healed in a week.
264
00:10:41,745 --> 00:10:44,918
She will be wearing
a hat till Labor Day.
265
00:10:45,921 --> 00:10:47,875
I want to be just like
you when I grow up.
266
00:10:47,952 --> 00:10:49,854
- No, you don't.
- Pick again.
267
00:11:00,190 --> 00:11:02,040
Excuse me, Ms. Hutchins?
268
00:11:02,117 --> 00:11:03,229
Hey, Sheldon.
269
00:11:03,306 --> 00:11:06,191
Can you recommend any
books on overcoming phobias?
270
00:11:06,268 --> 00:11:08,402
That's in the self-help section.
271
00:11:08,551 --> 00:11:11,082
Follow me,
I have read them all.
272
00:11:11,351 --> 00:11:14,206
- Any phobia in particular?
- Dogs.
273
00:11:14,283 --> 00:11:16,746
Ah, cynophobia.
That's a good one.
274
00:11:16,830 --> 00:11:18,995
Did you know there's
over 50 million dogs
275
00:11:19,072 --> 00:11:20,809
just in the United States alone?
276
00:11:20,886 --> 00:11:22,734
That's 50 million too many.
277
00:11:22,811 --> 00:11:25,980
Here. I read this one to
help with my haphephobia.
278
00:11:26,166 --> 00:11:30,324
Ah, fear of being touched.
I have that, too. Was it useful?
279
00:11:30,650 --> 00:11:33,587
Well, when someone's
interested in touching me,
280
00:11:33,664 --> 00:11:35,152
we'll find out.
281
00:11:37,946 --> 00:11:39,180
The basic premise
282
00:11:39,257 --> 00:11:41,128
of the book was that phobias
283
00:11:41,205 --> 00:11:43,477
were overcome by taking
incremental steps
284
00:11:43,554 --> 00:11:45,902
toward confronting the
phobia in question.
285
00:11:45,979 --> 00:11:49,112
In my case, that started
with watching a TV show
286
00:11:49,189 --> 00:11:51,592
that was adored by
children around the world,
287
00:11:51,669 --> 00:11:54,970
but for me,
was the stuff of nightmares.
288
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:57,217
Scooby-Doo!
289
00:11:58,012 --> 00:12:00,949
The next step
was to go face-to-face
290
00:12:01,026 --> 00:12:02,803
with real dogs.
291
00:12:03,412 --> 00:12:06,194
Albeit through
a plate-glass window.
292
00:12:06,293 --> 00:12:07,548
Okay, that's enough.
293
00:12:07,625 --> 00:12:08,826
And finally,
294
00:12:08,903 --> 00:12:11,532
a close encounter of
the third kind,
295
00:12:11,609 --> 00:12:15,430
physical contact with a
member of the canine species.
296
00:12:15,536 --> 00:12:18,662
Hello, I'd like to speak
with the veterinarian.
297
00:12:19,262 --> 00:12:21,238
Well, I was hoping you
might have one or two dogs
298
00:12:21,315 --> 00:12:23,959
under anesthesia that
I might come by and pet.
299
00:12:24,223 --> 00:12:25,811
Sure, I'll hold.
300
00:12:26,911 --> 00:12:28,230
Who are you talking to?
301
00:12:28,307 --> 00:12:30,243
The Medford Veterinary Clinic.
302
00:12:30,320 --> 00:12:31,351
Why?
303
00:12:31,428 --> 00:12:33,230
I'm trying to overcome
my fear of dogs
304
00:12:33,307 --> 00:12:35,246
before it affects our
family any further.
305
00:12:35,323 --> 00:12:38,716
Oh, honey, you don't have to
worry about how it affects us.
306
00:12:38,793 --> 00:12:41,355
Meemaw got punched in
the face because of me.
307
00:12:41,432 --> 00:12:45,466
No, that wasn't because of you,
and for the record,
308
00:12:45,543 --> 00:12:47,643
your meemaw gets punched
in the face all the time.
309
00:12:47,720 --> 00:12:49,206
Well, I still think I need to take
310
00:12:49,283 --> 00:12:50,800
some sort of positive action.
311
00:12:50,877 --> 00:12:52,894
- Hello?
- Yes, hello?
312
00:12:53,136 --> 00:12:54,834
Oh, that's too bad.
313
00:12:54,980 --> 00:12:58,232
How about a small fluffy one
that's recently died of old age?
314
00:12:58,309 --> 00:12:59,496
Enough.
315
00:12:59,818 --> 00:13:01,113
Sorry.
316
00:13:10,189 --> 00:13:12,971
Now, it says here
in Mark 12:31
317
00:13:13,056 --> 00:13:15,040
that you should
"Love your neighbor
318
00:13:15,117 --> 00:13:16,346
as yourself."
319
00:13:16,423 --> 00:13:19,534
Anybody like to take a
guess what that means? Missy?
320
00:13:19,611 --> 00:13:22,426
It means to be nice to the
people who live next door.
321
00:13:22,503 --> 00:13:23,667
That's right.
322
00:13:23,744 --> 00:13:25,348
But everybody else can go to hell.
323
00:13:25,425 --> 00:13:28,582
Okay, Missy, we don't use
that kind of language here.
324
00:13:28,697 --> 00:13:31,401
And if you think about
it, in this world,
325
00:13:31,478 --> 00:13:35,050
with all the ways we can travel,
everybody's your neighbor.
326
00:13:35,252 --> 00:13:36,425
Yes, Sheldon.
327
00:13:36,502 --> 00:13:37,775
How do we love our neighbors
328
00:13:37,862 --> 00:13:39,620
when our moms hate
each other?
329
00:13:39,688 --> 00:13:41,889
- Who does your mom hate?
- Your mom.
330
00:13:41,966 --> 00:13:44,612
Hey, my mom hates your mom.
Small world.
331
00:13:44,689 --> 00:13:46,410
Okay, let's hang on a second.
332
00:13:46,487 --> 00:13:48,175
My mom also hates their grandma.
333
00:13:48,252 --> 00:13:49,902
'Cause she lost a fight to her.
334
00:13:50,088 --> 00:13:52,262
Nuh-uh, she won.
She said so.
335
00:13:52,339 --> 00:13:54,831
All right, stop.
Let's stop.
336
00:13:54,908 --> 00:13:56,499
Now this might be hard
to understand,
337
00:13:56,576 --> 00:13:58,683
but living a loving, Christian life
338
00:13:58,760 --> 00:14:01,283
isn't always
the easiest thing to do.
339
00:14:02,785 --> 00:14:03,932
Yes, Billy.
340
00:14:04,009 --> 00:14:06,580
My mom's not crazy
about you either.
341
00:14:08,609 --> 00:14:11,168
Just love your neighbor, 'kay?
342
00:14:12,189 --> 00:14:14,557
Now, I am more than
willing to look the other way
343
00:14:14,634 --> 00:14:17,050
when my parishioners don't
get along with each other.
344
00:14:17,127 --> 00:14:19,712
That sort of thing happens,
but when it becomes a problem
345
00:14:19,789 --> 00:14:22,433
for the children,
then I have to intervene.
346
00:14:23,095 --> 00:14:24,542
There's no problem here,
347
00:14:24,619 --> 00:14:26,800
other than these two thinking
that they're better than me.
348
00:14:26,867 --> 00:14:28,214
I don't think it, I know it.
349
00:14:28,291 --> 00:14:29,694
I gave your mother a good smacking.
350
00:14:29,771 --> 00:14:30,895
I can give you one, too.
351
00:14:30,972 --> 00:14:33,365
That's big talk from
somebody with a comb-over.
352
00:14:33,442 --> 00:14:34,550
Ladies.
353
00:14:34,627 --> 00:14:36,871
Do I need to remind you
that we are Christians?
354
00:14:36,948 --> 00:14:39,737
In all our behavior,
in all our actions,
355
00:14:39,814 --> 00:14:42,306
we must constantly ask
ourselves the question,
356
00:14:42,383 --> 00:14:44,260
"What would Jesus do?"
357
00:14:44,337 --> 00:14:45,673
Can I say something?
358
00:14:45,750 --> 00:14:47,097
Would Jesus say it?
359
00:14:47,509 --> 00:14:49,160
Never mind.
360
00:14:50,718 --> 00:14:52,075
In my life,
361
00:14:52,152 --> 00:14:55,793
I've often been accused of
being a physical coward,
362
00:14:56,150 --> 00:14:59,482
and for the most part, those
accusations are correct.
363
00:15:00,961 --> 00:15:05,407
But there have been times
when I've shown great courage.
364
00:15:06,179 --> 00:15:07,837
This was one of them.
365
00:15:08,249 --> 00:15:10,302
Hello, Bucky.
366
00:15:11,710 --> 00:15:14,946
Are you a good dog?
367
00:15:17,640 --> 00:15:19,845
Please be a good dog.
368
00:15:21,529 --> 00:15:22,641
Please.
369
00:15:22,709 --> 00:15:25,648
Now oftentimes,
when we don't like someone,
370
00:15:25,725 --> 00:15:27,714
what's happening is
we see something in them
371
00:15:27,791 --> 00:15:29,751
that we don't like in ourselves.
372
00:15:29,843 --> 00:15:31,156
What are you saying?
373
00:15:31,233 --> 00:15:33,313
Really?
That was over your head?
374
00:15:33,390 --> 00:15:35,180
I'm saying,
375
00:15:35,686 --> 00:15:37,762
y'all might have more
in common than you think.
376
00:15:37,839 --> 00:15:40,123
Well, don't say both their
kids are "special."
377
00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:42,962
She does not like that.
378
00:15:45,342 --> 00:15:46,751
Okay.
379
00:15:47,686 --> 00:15:49,215
Here we go.
380
00:15:50,013 --> 00:15:53,306
Petting... the dog.
381
00:16:09,496 --> 00:16:11,029
I'm doing it.
382
00:16:11,809 --> 00:16:13,701
I'm petting a dog.
383
00:16:14,456 --> 00:16:16,583
I've conquered my phobia.
384
00:16:17,629 --> 00:16:20,764
You're a good boy. Yes, you are.
385
00:16:23,152 --> 00:16:26,428
I'm sorry for the unkind
things I said to you.
386
00:16:27,777 --> 00:16:29,360
Me, too.
387
00:16:30,822 --> 00:16:31,887
Connie?
388
00:16:32,535 --> 00:16:33,636
What?
389
00:16:33,738 --> 00:16:35,646
Anything you'd like to say?
390
00:16:37,120 --> 00:16:38,322
Not particularly.
391
00:16:38,399 --> 00:16:39,785
Mom.
392
00:16:40,183 --> 00:16:41,682
Okay.
393
00:16:42,995 --> 00:16:45,138
I'm sorry for the things I said,
394
00:16:45,248 --> 00:16:49,310
and, you know, what happened
at the bowling alley.
395
00:16:50,605 --> 00:16:52,512
As am I.
396
00:16:54,725 --> 00:16:55,974
Here.
397
00:16:56,051 --> 00:16:58,002
I think this came out of your head.
398
00:17:01,828 --> 00:17:04,007
He licked me! He licked me!
399
00:17:04,084 --> 00:17:05,783
The dog licked my tongue!
400
00:17:05,860 --> 00:17:07,440
I can still taste it!
401
00:17:07,517 --> 00:17:09,961
Call 911!
402
00:17:12,078 --> 00:17:14,345
I think Jesus might go check
that out.
403
00:17:18,783 --> 00:17:20,906
How's it going in there, baby?
404
00:17:21,209 --> 00:17:24,533
Okay, but
we're gonna need more Listerine.
405
00:17:27,464 --> 00:17:30,594
I'm proud of him for trying to
overcome that damn dog phobia.
406
00:17:30,671 --> 00:17:32,375
You should tell him that.
407
00:17:32,514 --> 00:17:34,796
Well, if he ever leaves
that bathroom, I will.
408
00:17:34,873 --> 00:17:38,362
What I can't figure out is why
that dog is so drawn to Sheldon.
409
00:17:38,439 --> 00:17:39,776
Beats me.
410
00:17:39,853 --> 00:17:42,500
- You say his owner's in the slammer?
- Yeah.
411
00:17:42,639 --> 00:17:44,777
Wonder what kind of fella he is.
412
00:18:08,896 --> 00:18:10,546
It's a mystery.
413
00:18:10,717 --> 00:18:12,853
I guess we'll never know.
414
00:18:20,691 --> 00:18:22,396
Hey, Moonpie.
415
00:18:22,878 --> 00:18:24,987
I got you a little something
to help you
416
00:18:25,064 --> 00:18:27,029
get over your fear of animals.
417
00:18:27,269 --> 00:18:29,247
A tranquilizer gun?
418
00:18:29,527 --> 00:18:31,138
A pet fish.
419
00:18:35,668 --> 00:18:36,993
Why?
420
00:18:37,105 --> 00:18:40,802
Well, I thought you could start
small and then work your way up.
421
00:18:41,042 --> 00:18:43,177
Look, he's kind of cute.
422
00:18:43,425 --> 00:18:48,044
He doesn't even care
that I'm here. I like him.
423
00:18:49,018 --> 00:18:50,575
What are you gonna name him?
424
00:18:50,667 --> 00:18:51,941
Fish.
425
00:18:52,103 --> 00:18:53,200
Fish?
426
00:18:53,324 --> 00:18:55,544
I'm not ready to get attached.
427
00:18:56,952 --> 00:18:58,596
Fish are kind of boring.
428
00:18:58,673 --> 00:19:00,582
I know, isn't it great?
429
00:19:00,659 --> 00:19:02,544
But you can't even pet 'em.
430
00:19:03,089 --> 00:19:05,193
Maybe we can.
431
00:19:06,644 --> 00:19:07,927
Baby, what's wrong?
432
00:19:08,004 --> 00:19:11,848
I tried to pet Fish!
Ah, he was so slimy!
433
00:19:11,925 --> 00:19:13,926
Well, yeah, he's a fish.
434
00:19:14,003 --> 00:19:17,573
I put my finger in the top of
the tank, then I touched him,
435
00:19:17,650 --> 00:19:18,676
and he bit me!
436
00:19:18,753 --> 00:19:20,376
Oh, I'm sure he didn't bite you.
437
00:19:20,453 --> 00:19:21,511
I can't breathe.
438
00:19:21,588 --> 00:19:24,966
His fish blood is mixing
with my human blood.
439
00:19:25,620 --> 00:19:27,807
Maybe he was just trying
to give you a kiss.
440
00:19:27,884 --> 00:19:30,411
No. He hates me.
I never want to see him again.
441
00:19:30,488 --> 00:19:32,406
Oh, Sheldon,
you're being silly.
442
00:19:32,483 --> 00:19:34,224
Fish like this don't bite.
443
00:19:35,097 --> 00:19:37,614
Look. See? He's harmless.
444
00:19:37,691 --> 00:19:39,664
Son of a bitch!
445
00:19:39,741 --> 00:19:41,014
Dad killed my fish!
446
00:19:41,091 --> 00:19:42,093
George!
447
00:19:42,171 --> 00:19:43,906
He'll be fine.
448
00:19:44,522 --> 00:19:46,782
Just got to put him back in the bowl.
449
00:19:48,788 --> 00:19:50,836
Oh, George.
450
00:20:06,486 --> 00:20:09,792
♪♪