1
00:00:08,312 --> 00:00:11,228
Previously onYoung Sheldon...Do you know if he'll be doing

2
00:00:11,272 --> 00:00:12,969
the full color octet
calculations?

3
00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:16,016
I do not.Do you know how to differentiate
under the integral sign?

4
00:00:16,059 --> 00:00:17,234
No.

5
00:00:17,278 --> 00:00:18,583
[chuckles]:
Do you know anything?

6
00:00:18,627 --> 00:00:21,195
Anyone know
what happens to baryons?

7
00:00:21,238 --> 00:00:22,718
Yes, Paige.

8
00:00:22,761 --> 00:00:24,502
We can ignore
the particle masses

9
00:00:24,546 --> 00:00:26,243
at the individual quark level.

10
00:00:26,287 --> 00:00:28,245
STURGIS:
Correct.MARY: A unique child

11
00:00:28,289 --> 00:00:30,073
can require a lot of attention.

12
00:00:30,117 --> 00:00:31,335
Try all the attention.

13
00:00:31,379 --> 00:00:33,076
Well, I think my parents
are getting a divorce.

14
00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:35,035
Why?They fight all the time.

15
00:00:35,078 --> 00:00:37,472
About what?Mostly me.

16
00:00:37,515 --> 00:00:39,517
I guess I'm lucky.Why?

17
00:00:39,561 --> 00:00:42,346
I'm the glue that holds
our family together.

18
00:00:42,390 --> 00:00:44,696
Hi, Sheldon.What did you do to your hair?

19
00:00:44,740 --> 00:00:47,351
Is this because
your parents got divorced?[Mary sighs]

20
00:00:47,395 --> 00:00:49,745
You're so smart.
Why are you acting like this?

21
00:00:49,788 --> 00:00:52,965
My mom is going on dates,

22
00:00:53,009 --> 00:00:55,055
and my dad is acting
like a child.

23
00:00:55,098 --> 00:00:59,059
It's just hard to care.

24
00:01:00,756 --> 00:01:03,063
Can I offer you a hot beverage?

25
00:01:05,630 --> 00:01:07,589
["Surfin' U.S.A."
by the Beach Boys playing]

26
00:01:07,632 --> 00:01:08,894
♪ If everybody had an ocean...

27
00:01:08,938 --> 00:01:10,461
ADULT SHELDON:
Children everywhere

28
00:01:10,505 --> 00:01:12,550
are excited by summer vacation,

29
00:01:12,594 --> 00:01:14,857
and I was no exception.

30
00:01:14,900 --> 00:01:16,946
Because instead
of vacation Bible school

31
00:01:16,989 --> 00:01:20,080
with my sister, I was headed
to the local library

32
00:01:20,123 --> 00:01:23,387
for a fun-filled week
of postal delights

33
00:01:23,431 --> 00:01:25,650
otherwise known as stamp camp.

34
00:01:25,694 --> 00:01:27,826
In 1989,
they released dinosaur stamps.

35
00:01:27,870 --> 00:01:29,828
No one cares.MARY:
Come on, now.

36
00:01:29,872 --> 00:01:31,874
He's excited. And that gets

37
00:01:31,917 --> 00:01:33,528
my stampof approval.

38
00:01:33,571 --> 00:01:34,703
I'm using that.

39
00:01:34,746 --> 00:01:36,966
It's going to kill
at stamp camp.

40
00:01:37,009 --> 00:01:39,099
Oh, sorry. It was canceled.

41
00:01:39,142 --> 00:01:41,318
What? Why?

42
00:01:41,362 --> 00:01:42,798
Not enough interest.

43
00:01:42,841 --> 00:01:44,800
Not enough interest
in stamps?

44
00:01:44,843 --> 00:01:47,107
It's the fastest-growing hobby
in people 70 and over

45
00:01:47,150 --> 00:01:48,934
according to Reader's Digest.

46
00:01:48,978 --> 00:01:50,284
Sorry, sweetie.

47
00:01:50,327 --> 00:01:51,981
Well, what am I
supposed to do now?

48
00:01:52,024 --> 00:01:53,983
Ha! You have to
go to Bible camp.

49
00:01:55,724 --> 00:01:58,596
♪ Nobody else
is stronger than I am ♪

50
00:01:58,640 --> 00:02:01,425
♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain

51
00:02:01,469 --> 00:02:04,080
♪ I bet I could be your hero

52
00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:06,387
♪ I am a mighty little man

53
00:02:06,430 --> 00:02:10,695
♪ I am a mighty little man.♪

54
00:02:15,613 --> 00:02:18,790
♪ Fly me to the moon,
and let me... ♪

55
00:02:18,834 --> 00:02:20,618
Come on, Shelly.
It's a space theme.

56
00:02:20,662 --> 00:02:22,272
Isn't that fun?

57
00:02:22,316 --> 00:02:25,275
Jesus was a carpenter,
not an astronaut.

58
00:02:25,319 --> 00:02:26,929
Maybe he built the rocket.

59
00:02:26,972 --> 00:02:28,583
What would he use for fuel?

60
00:02:28,626 --> 00:02:30,933
Ooh, doughnut holes.

61
00:02:30,976 --> 00:02:32,804
Can I please wait
in the car?

62
00:02:32,848 --> 00:02:34,676
No. I want you to be here.

63
00:02:34,719 --> 00:02:36,678
I'll be fine.
You can crack the back window.

64
00:02:36,721 --> 00:02:38,245
PAIGE:
Hi, Sheldon.

65
00:02:38,288 --> 00:02:41,683
Paige. What are you doing here?My mom made me.

66
00:02:41,726 --> 00:02:43,250
See? She doesn't want
to be here either.

67
00:02:43,293 --> 00:02:45,165
I'm gonna go say hi to your mom.

68
00:02:45,208 --> 00:02:47,515
Why did your
mom make you?

69
00:02:47,558 --> 00:02:49,865
Punishment.
I got caught with cigarettes.

70
00:02:49,908 --> 00:02:51,040
Why would you want to smoke?

71
00:02:51,083 --> 00:02:52,172
To look older.

72
00:02:52,215 --> 00:02:54,435
My meemaw smokes.
I guess it works.

73
00:02:54,478 --> 00:02:56,306
So, why are you here?

74
00:02:56,350 --> 00:02:58,221
Do you believe
in this stuff now?

75
00:02:58,265 --> 00:02:59,918
No. Stamp camp got canceled.

76
00:02:59,962 --> 00:03:02,182
Further proof there is no God.

77
00:03:02,225 --> 00:03:04,488
[door opens, closes]

78
00:03:04,532 --> 00:03:07,143
I did it. I bought a car.

79
00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:08,710
Really? You got the Mustang?

80
00:03:08,753 --> 00:03:09,928
I was fixing to,

81
00:03:09,972 --> 00:03:11,887
but then something else
caught my eye.

82
00:03:11,930 --> 00:03:13,454
You did something dumb.

83
00:03:13,497 --> 00:03:15,412
Now, it needs a
little bit of work,

84
00:03:15,456 --> 00:03:17,284
but once I'm done,

85
00:03:17,327 --> 00:03:19,373
it's gonna be amazing.No.

86
00:03:19,416 --> 00:03:21,070
What do you mean?

87
00:03:21,113 --> 00:03:22,767
It's got low mileage,

88
00:03:22,811 --> 00:03:24,465
great stereo.

89
00:03:24,508 --> 00:03:26,118
Check this out.

90
00:03:29,296 --> 00:03:30,688
Look at all the room.

91
00:03:30,732 --> 00:03:32,255
Hell no.

92
00:03:32,299 --> 00:03:33,952
Why?

93
00:03:33,996 --> 00:03:36,694
This isn't a car.
It's a motel room on wheels.

94
00:03:36,738 --> 00:03:38,870
Is that how little
you think of me?

95
00:03:38,914 --> 00:03:41,177
[scoffs]
Yes. Maybe less.

96
00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:42,483
George, your mother works

97
00:03:42,526 --> 00:03:44,485
for the church.
This doesn't look good.

98
00:03:44,528 --> 00:03:46,661
I don't know,looks pretty good to me.

99
00:03:46,704 --> 00:03:49,403
[sighs] Please, listen to me.Come on.

100
00:03:49,446 --> 00:03:51,970
If I drive Sheldon to college,
he can sleep back there.

101
00:03:52,014 --> 00:03:54,321
So, you saw that couch,

102
00:03:54,364 --> 00:03:56,018
and the first thought
you had was,

103
00:03:56,061 --> 00:03:58,586
"My brother can sleep on that"?

104
00:03:58,629 --> 00:04:00,849
Not my firstthought.

105
00:04:00,892 --> 00:04:02,894
♪ Now I've read my Bible

106
00:04:02,938 --> 00:04:04,809
♪ And I can't understand

107
00:04:04,853 --> 00:04:06,202
♪ How folks can think

108
00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:07,638
♪ That Jesus was...

109
00:04:07,682 --> 00:04:09,858
This licorice tastes terrible.

110
00:04:09,901 --> 00:04:11,338
It's plastic.

111
00:04:11,381 --> 00:04:13,035
You use it to weave a lanyard.

112
00:04:13,078 --> 00:04:16,778
No, it's licorice.

113
00:04:17,909 --> 00:04:19,955
Your motherlets you wear lipstick?

114
00:04:19,998 --> 00:04:21,826
Of course not.Interesting.

115
00:04:21,870 --> 00:04:24,133
Does she knowyou're leading a double life?

116
00:04:24,176 --> 00:04:25,482
Grow up.

117
00:04:25,526 --> 00:04:27,745
Why do you thinkyou're rebelling

118
00:04:27,789 --> 00:04:29,356
against parental authority?

119
00:04:29,399 --> 00:04:30,748
Isn't it obvious? I'm having

120
00:04:30,792 --> 00:04:32,533
a textbook reaction
to their divorce.

121
00:04:32,576 --> 00:04:35,710
What textbook?Did you get it from the library?

122
00:04:35,753 --> 00:04:38,843
Hello, Biblenauts!

123
00:04:38,887 --> 00:04:40,454
[chuckles]
Gather round.

124
00:04:41,933 --> 00:04:43,805
Now, who's ready to find

125
00:04:43,848 --> 00:04:47,330
space for Jesus in our hearts?

126
00:04:48,810 --> 00:04:50,725
I can't hear you!

127
00:04:50,768 --> 00:04:52,248
Perhaps that's because
space is a vacuum

128
00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:53,815
where sound doesn't travel.

129
00:04:53,858 --> 00:04:55,338
Nicely done.

130
00:04:55,382 --> 00:04:57,209
You're not the only rebel
around here.

131
00:04:57,253 --> 00:04:59,255
I thought he had stamp camp.

132
00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:01,649
Just go get your money back
and buy a different car.

133
00:05:01,692 --> 00:05:02,824
No.

134
00:05:02,867 --> 00:05:04,913
Georgie, I'm not playing around.

135
00:05:04,956 --> 00:05:06,958
Neither am I.
I bought it with my own money,

136
00:05:07,002 --> 00:05:08,220
and you don't get a say.

137
00:05:08,264 --> 00:05:09,570
As long as you live
under my roof,

138
00:05:09,613 --> 00:05:10,788
I get plenty of say.

139
00:05:10,832 --> 00:05:12,268
Fine. I'll move out.

140
00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:13,748
And where you gonna go?

141
00:05:13,791 --> 00:05:15,097
I'll live in the van.

142
00:05:15,140 --> 00:05:16,968
[laughs]
You know what?

143
00:05:17,012 --> 00:05:18,230
It was only a matter of time

144
00:05:18,274 --> 00:05:20,189
before you lived in a van.
Have at it.

145
00:05:20,232 --> 00:05:22,234
Scooby-Doo lived in a van,

146
00:05:22,278 --> 00:05:24,672
and he turned out fine.

147
00:05:24,715 --> 00:05:27,109
♪ I'm a rocket man

148
00:05:27,152 --> 00:05:28,458
♪ Rocket man

149
00:05:28,502 --> 00:05:31,418
♪ Flying up to heaven
with the Lord ♪

150
00:05:33,637 --> 00:05:37,511
♪ And I think it's gonna be
a fun old time. ♪

151
00:05:39,077 --> 00:05:41,036
[laughs]:
All right. Amen.[applause]

152
00:05:41,079 --> 00:05:43,212
Sing "Ice Ice Baby."

153
00:05:43,255 --> 00:05:44,779
Don't know it.

154
00:05:44,822 --> 00:05:46,346
How about Paula Abdul?

155
00:05:46,389 --> 00:05:48,391
Nope.Ooh!
The Teenage Mutant Ninjatheme.

156
00:05:48,435 --> 00:05:50,306
Mary, what is that I'm hearing?

157
00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:52,961
Oh! Right.

158
00:05:53,004 --> 00:05:55,790
It's the prize bell!
[chuckles]

159
00:05:55,833 --> 00:05:57,313
What do you think
the prize is?

160
00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:58,662
We get to go home?

161
00:05:58,706 --> 00:06:01,622
Is the joke that leaving
would be a reward?

162
00:06:01,665 --> 00:06:02,971
Yes.

163
00:06:03,014 --> 00:06:04,451
I get that joke.

164
00:06:04,494 --> 00:06:05,974
JEFF:
Now,

165
00:06:06,017 --> 00:06:08,237
for a psalm 100 bookmark,

166
00:06:08,280 --> 00:06:09,978
who can name the 12 apostles?

167
00:06:10,021 --> 00:06:11,719
Billy.

168
00:06:11,762 --> 00:06:14,548
Sleepy, Grumpy, Doc...

169
00:06:14,591 --> 00:06:16,288
Those are dwarves. Anyone else?

170
00:06:16,332 --> 00:06:18,987
Look at these suckers trying to
compete for a stupid bookmark.

171
00:06:19,030 --> 00:06:21,424
They probably
don't even know psalm 100.

172
00:06:21,468 --> 00:06:22,730
Or what a book is.

173
00:06:22,773 --> 00:06:24,993
How about six apostles?

174
00:06:25,036 --> 00:06:26,908
Just give me six.

175
00:06:26,951 --> 00:06:29,345
I'll settle for three,
and I'll spot you Judas.

176
00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:31,565
I don't even care about church,
and I can name them all.

177
00:06:31,608 --> 00:06:32,783
So can I.

178
00:06:33,828 --> 00:06:34,872
No, you can't.

179
00:06:34,916 --> 00:06:36,613
Yes, I can.

180
00:06:36,657 --> 00:06:38,833
I can even do it
in alphabetical order.

181
00:06:38,876 --> 00:06:40,487
Well, I can name them
in the order they appear

182
00:06:40,530 --> 00:06:42,358
in the Book of Matthew.

183
00:06:45,100 --> 00:06:46,536
Paige, yes.

184
00:06:46,580 --> 00:06:48,973
Peter, Andrew, James,
son of Zebedee,

185
00:06:49,017 --> 00:06:50,845
John, Philip,
Bartholomew,

186
00:06:50,888 --> 00:06:52,499
Thomas, Matthew,

187
00:06:52,542 --> 00:06:55,545
James, son of Alpheus,
Thaddeus, Simon and Judas.

188
00:06:55,589 --> 00:06:58,026
And that's the order that they
appear in the Book of Matthew.

189
00:06:59,331 --> 00:07:00,855
JEFF:
Fantastic! [chuckles]

190
00:07:00,898 --> 00:07:03,988
You just won yourself
a psalm 100 bookmark. [chuckles]

191
00:07:04,032 --> 00:07:06,034
Thank you. I
love that psalm.

192
00:07:06,077 --> 00:07:07,949
[applause]

193
00:07:07,992 --> 00:07:09,385
ADULT SHELDON:
You would think winning

194
00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:10,995
a Nobel Prize in Physics

195
00:07:11,039 --> 00:07:13,650
would make this moment
meaningless to me,

196
00:07:13,694 --> 00:07:17,872
but all these years later,
it still burns my butt.

197
00:07:25,357 --> 00:07:27,882
Why would Paige get competitive
over Bible trivia?

198
00:07:27,925 --> 00:07:29,840
She doesn't care
about that.

199
00:07:29,884 --> 00:07:31,886
Maybe she just wanted
that bookmark.

200
00:07:31,929 --> 00:07:33,148
Yeah. I wanted

201
00:07:33,191 --> 00:07:35,150
this "what would Jesus do?"
slap bracelet.

202
00:07:35,193 --> 00:07:36,499
Ow.I liked it better

203
00:07:36,543 --> 00:07:38,632
when she and I
were making fun of everything.

204
00:07:38,675 --> 00:07:41,504
You might have more fun
if you participated, too.

205
00:07:41,548 --> 00:07:43,375
Oh, I'll participate.

206
00:07:43,419 --> 00:07:47,075
Great.If Paige wants to go
head-to-head on Bible trivia,

207
00:07:47,118 --> 00:07:49,643
she picked the wrong fact-filled
atheist to mess with.

208
00:07:49,686 --> 00:07:50,774
Great.

209
00:07:50,818 --> 00:07:52,341
[bracelet slaps]MISSY:
Ow.

210
00:07:52,384 --> 00:07:54,212
GEORGE JR.:
Well?

211
00:07:54,256 --> 00:07:57,085
It's very... colorful.

212
00:07:57,128 --> 00:07:59,522
Not just colorful.
Patriotic.

213
00:07:59,566 --> 00:08:01,829
It's also a little gross.

214
00:08:01,872 --> 00:08:04,962
It just needs a little shampoo.
But check out the best part.

215
00:08:09,097 --> 00:08:10,664
Want to try it out?

216
00:08:11,665 --> 00:08:13,580
In front of your parents' house?

217
00:08:13,623 --> 00:08:15,712
That's what's so great.
We can drive it anywhere.

218
00:08:15,756 --> 00:08:16,844
Empty field,

219
00:08:16,887 --> 00:08:18,193
abandoned parking lot.

220
00:08:18,236 --> 00:08:20,630
Wherever love takes us.

221
00:08:20,674 --> 00:08:23,764
[sniffs]
What is that smell?

222
00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:27,463
There was a mouse
in the mini fridge.

223
00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:29,117
Ew!

224
00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:30,292
Did you hear me?

225
00:08:30,335 --> 00:08:33,121
There's a mini fridge!

226
00:08:34,209 --> 00:08:36,559
You're really making him
live out there?

227
00:08:36,603 --> 00:08:39,214
He's not gonna last one night
in that nasty thing.

228
00:08:39,257 --> 00:08:41,042
Have you seen that boy's room?

229
00:08:41,085 --> 00:08:42,130
SHELDON:
Judah was the father

230
00:08:42,173 --> 00:08:44,088
of Perez and Zerah
by Tamar,

231
00:08:44,132 --> 00:08:46,090
Perez was the father of Hezron,

232
00:08:46,134 --> 00:08:47,657
and Hezron was
the father of Ram.

233
00:08:47,701 --> 00:08:49,006
Why's he reading the Bible?

234
00:08:49,050 --> 00:08:51,835
To humiliate and destroy Paige
at Bible camp.

235
00:08:51,879 --> 00:08:52,967
That.

236
00:08:55,491 --> 00:08:56,884
Missy doing anything stupid?

237
00:08:56,927 --> 00:08:58,494
[door opens, closes]No.

238
00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:00,888
One out of three. Not bad. Hey!

239
00:09:00,931 --> 00:09:03,194
Where do you think you're going?

240
00:09:03,238 --> 00:09:04,718
Bathroom.

241
00:09:04,761 --> 00:09:06,458
No, you're not.
You don't live here.

242
00:09:06,502 --> 00:09:09,766
George.You want him
making grandkids in that van?

243
00:09:09,810 --> 00:09:12,029
You heard him! Get!

244
00:09:12,073 --> 00:09:13,596
Dang it.

245
00:09:14,641 --> 00:09:16,251
[doorbell rings]

246
00:09:17,295 --> 00:09:18,775
Can I use your bathroom?

247
00:09:18,819 --> 00:09:21,473
Your dad wants to talk to you.

248
00:09:21,517 --> 00:09:22,953
Hello.

249
00:09:22,997 --> 00:09:24,607
GEORGE SR.:
You can't use her bathroom
either.

250
00:09:24,651 --> 00:09:25,782
Dang it.

251
00:09:25,826 --> 00:09:27,610
There's a bucket in the garage.

252
00:09:27,654 --> 00:09:29,917
[laughs]

253
00:09:30,918 --> 00:09:33,094
[insects trilling]

254
00:09:33,137 --> 00:09:34,965
[knocking]

255
00:09:37,185 --> 00:09:38,316
Hey.

256
00:09:38,360 --> 00:09:39,709
Brought you some food.

257
00:09:39,753 --> 00:09:41,058
Don't tell your father.

258
00:09:41,102 --> 00:09:42,582
Thanks.

259
00:09:42,625 --> 00:09:43,583
Want to come in?

260
00:09:43,626 --> 00:09:45,106
It smells less disgusting now.

261
00:09:45,149 --> 00:09:48,196
I'm... really good here.

262
00:09:48,239 --> 00:09:50,067
Georgie, um,

263
00:09:50,111 --> 00:09:52,330
this is a... nice van,

264
00:09:52,374 --> 00:09:54,419
but why don't you think
about selling it

265
00:09:54,463 --> 00:09:56,247
so you can come back inside?

266
00:09:56,291 --> 00:09:58,772
No. I'm not letting him
win this one.

267
00:09:58,815 --> 00:10:00,295
[sighs]

268
00:10:00,338 --> 00:10:02,210
You know you can't live in here.

269
00:10:02,253 --> 00:10:03,472
Why not?

270
00:10:04,647 --> 00:10:06,388
It's hot out.

271
00:10:06,431 --> 00:10:07,911
The windows roll down.

272
00:10:07,955 --> 00:10:10,131
How are you gonna take a shower?

273
00:10:10,174 --> 00:10:11,698
It's supposed to rain
this weekend.

274
00:10:11,741 --> 00:10:13,482
What about a bathroom?

275
00:10:13,525 --> 00:10:15,223
See that bucket?

276
00:10:15,266 --> 00:10:16,659
Good night.

277
00:10:21,882 --> 00:10:24,319
Ask me what
the fruits of the Spirit are.

278
00:10:24,362 --> 00:10:25,712
I'm sure you know them.

279
00:10:25,755 --> 00:10:26,800
Of course I do.

280
00:10:26,843 --> 00:10:28,715
Love, joy, peace,
patience, kindness,

281
00:10:28,758 --> 00:10:31,413
goodness, faithfulness,
gentleness and self-control.

282
00:10:31,456 --> 00:10:32,893
Then why do I have to ask?

283
00:10:32,936 --> 00:10:34,808
So I can improve
my hand-raising technique.

284
00:10:34,851 --> 00:10:36,505
Fine.

285
00:10:36,548 --> 00:10:37,637
What are
the fruits of the Spirit?

286
00:10:38,725 --> 00:10:39,682
Good. We done?

287
00:10:39,726 --> 00:10:40,944
No, you have to call on me.

288
00:10:42,337 --> 00:10:43,512
Sheldon.

289
00:10:43,555 --> 00:10:45,514
Love, joy,
peace, patience,

290
00:10:45,557 --> 00:10:46,689
kindness, goodness,
faithfulness,

291
00:10:46,733 --> 00:10:48,473
gentleness and self-control.

292
00:10:48,517 --> 00:10:51,259
Now ask me to name
three wicked women of the Bible.

293
00:10:52,303 --> 00:10:53,696
Can I ask you a question?

294
00:10:53,740 --> 00:10:55,611
If it's "Who are three
wicked women in the Bible?,"

295
00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:56,612
then go ahead.

296
00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:58,875
Why don't you believe in God?

297
00:11:00,050 --> 00:11:01,530
Sheldon.

298
00:11:01,573 --> 00:11:03,575
Because science explains
the universe

299
00:11:03,619 --> 00:11:06,317
without the need of inventing
a supernatural being.

300
00:11:06,361 --> 00:11:08,450
But how do you know for sure
he doesn't exist?

301
00:11:08,493 --> 00:11:10,060
Ooh.Stop that.

302
00:11:10,104 --> 00:11:12,584
The burden of proof isn't on me.

303
00:11:12,628 --> 00:11:15,196
If I said there was an invisible
monkey in the room with us,

304
00:11:15,239 --> 00:11:16,371
you shouldn't believe me

305
00:11:16,414 --> 00:11:18,068
just because you can't prove me
wrong.

306
00:11:18,112 --> 00:11:19,853
Why is the monkey invisible?

307
00:11:19,896 --> 00:11:20,941
I don't know.

308
00:11:20,984 --> 00:11:22,377
Is it a ghost monkey?

309
00:11:22,420 --> 00:11:23,421
Sure.

310
00:11:23,465 --> 00:11:24,858
Then why isn't he in heaven?

311
00:11:24,901 --> 00:11:26,120
Because there is no heaven.

312
00:11:26,163 --> 00:11:27,382
What about monkey heaven?

313
00:11:27,425 --> 00:11:28,557
There is no monkey heaven.

314
00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:29,950
There is no regular heaven.

315
00:11:29,993 --> 00:11:32,300
When we die, we cease to exist.
That's it.

316
00:11:32,343 --> 00:11:34,041
You better hope you're right.

317
00:11:34,084 --> 00:11:37,000
'Cause if I end up in regular
heaven and you end up in hell,

318
00:11:37,044 --> 00:11:38,393
I'm gonna laugh.

319
00:11:39,611 --> 00:11:40,874
But if you end up
in monkey hell,

320
00:11:40,917 --> 00:11:42,440
I'm gonna laugh even harder.

321
00:11:42,484 --> 00:11:43,703
Just paint your nails.

322
00:11:44,921 --> 00:11:46,967
God, when Sheldon dies,

323
00:11:47,010 --> 00:11:48,751
please send him to monkey hell.

324
00:11:48,795 --> 00:11:49,926
Amen.

325
00:11:55,105 --> 00:11:56,846
[squeaking]

326
00:12:00,458 --> 00:12:02,417
[groans softly]

327
00:12:02,460 --> 00:12:04,245
[squeaking]

328
00:12:06,203 --> 00:12:07,596
[George Jr. screams]

329
00:12:07,639 --> 00:12:09,032
[in distance]:
Get it off! Get it off!

330
00:12:09,076 --> 00:12:10,773
What was that?It's in my hair!

331
00:12:10,817 --> 00:12:11,905
Not my problem.

332
00:12:11,948 --> 00:12:12,993
It's in my hair![grunts]

333
00:12:13,036 --> 00:12:14,429
It's in my hair!

334
00:12:22,132 --> 00:12:23,351
For your information,

335
00:12:23,394 --> 00:12:25,527
not only am I going
to show you up today,

336
00:12:25,570 --> 00:12:27,921
I've also prepared
some biblical trash talk.

337
00:12:27,964 --> 00:12:29,400
What is he talking about?

338
00:12:29,444 --> 00:12:31,576
He stayed up
all night studying.

339
00:12:31,620 --> 00:12:32,882
Why?

340
00:12:32,926 --> 00:12:34,579
To beat you at Bible trivia.

341
00:12:34,623 --> 00:12:37,017
Just like the prophets of mercy
beat the priestly cult

342
00:12:37,060 --> 00:12:38,888
and its emphasis
on ritual purity.

343
00:12:38,932 --> 00:12:40,629
Was that the trash talk?

344
00:12:40,672 --> 00:12:42,631
[scoffs] Was Zacchaeus
a tax collector?

345
00:12:42,674 --> 00:12:44,328
Was Nicodemus a Pharisee?

346
00:12:44,372 --> 00:12:45,895
Just hit him.

347
00:12:45,939 --> 00:12:47,636
[chuckles]JEFF:
Okay, campers!

348
00:12:47,679 --> 00:12:49,159
Bible trivia time.

349
00:12:49,203 --> 00:12:50,508
For a Noah's Ark

350
00:12:50,552 --> 00:12:52,641
rain poncho,

351
00:12:52,684 --> 00:12:54,991
what was Peter's original name?

352
00:12:56,079 --> 00:12:58,386
Sheldon.Peter's original name was Simon.

353
00:12:58,429 --> 00:13:00,954
Correct!You didn't know
that one, did you?

354
00:13:00,997 --> 00:13:02,042
Yes, I did.

355
00:13:02,085 --> 00:13:03,521
He was also known as Cephas.

356
00:13:03,565 --> 00:13:05,219
Then why didn't you
raise your hand?

357
00:13:05,262 --> 00:13:07,003
'Cause I don't care.

358
00:13:07,047 --> 00:13:08,657
JEFF:
Next question.

359
00:13:08,700 --> 00:13:11,660
For a John the Baptist
pencil topper,

360
00:13:11,703 --> 00:13:14,750
where did Jesus perform
his first miracle?

361
00:13:19,668 --> 00:13:20,669
Sheldon.

362
00:13:20,712 --> 00:13:22,105
A wedding.

363
00:13:22,149 --> 00:13:23,106
[chuckles]:
Correct!

364
00:13:23,150 --> 00:13:25,108
Aren't you even going to try?

365
00:13:25,152 --> 00:13:26,849
Nope.

366
00:13:26,893 --> 00:13:29,112
Why won't you
compete with me?

367
00:13:29,156 --> 00:13:31,941
Because it's fun
watching you get upset.

368
00:13:31,985 --> 00:13:33,638
What's fun about it?

369
00:13:33,682 --> 00:13:35,336
Everything.

370
00:13:42,169 --> 00:13:43,953
Morning, sunshine.

371
00:13:43,997 --> 00:13:46,303
[exhales]
What do you want?

372
00:13:46,347 --> 00:13:47,827
Oh, just to see
how you're doing.

373
00:13:47,870 --> 00:13:48,871
I'm fine.

374
00:13:48,915 --> 00:13:50,003
Thanks for the juice.

375
00:13:50,046 --> 00:13:51,656
Oh, this isn't for you.

376
00:13:51,700 --> 00:13:53,354
Mmm.

377
00:13:54,398 --> 00:13:55,356
Mmm.

378
00:13:55,399 --> 00:13:57,488
[smacks lips, sighs]

379
00:13:57,532 --> 00:13:58,968
Cold and refreshing.

380
00:13:59,012 --> 00:14:00,665
So, how'd you sleep?

381
00:14:00,709 --> 00:14:02,145
You look terrible.

382
00:14:02,189 --> 00:14:03,538
Are you done?Depends.

383
00:14:03,581 --> 00:14:05,496
You ready to return the van?

384
00:14:05,540 --> 00:14:07,498
This van's not going anywhere.

385
00:14:09,196 --> 00:14:11,502
Don't you have to work
this morning?

386
00:14:11,546 --> 00:14:12,590
Crap.

387
00:14:15,898 --> 00:14:17,682
[engine failing to turn over]

388
00:14:17,726 --> 00:14:20,381
Yep, it's
not going anywhere.

389
00:14:22,731 --> 00:14:23,993
Paige,

390
00:14:24,037 --> 00:14:25,865
a sprig of my hair is askew.

391
00:14:25,908 --> 00:14:27,649
Upsetting, isn't it?

392
00:14:27,692 --> 00:14:28,911
No.

393
00:14:28,955 --> 00:14:30,695
But it's going
a different direction

394
00:14:30,739 --> 00:14:31,958
from all the other hairs.

395
00:14:32,001 --> 00:14:33,089
So?

396
00:14:33,133 --> 00:14:35,265
You think it's fun
irritating me?

397
00:14:35,309 --> 00:14:37,224
I'm giving you a taste
of your own medicine.

398
00:14:37,267 --> 00:14:38,878
Ha.

399
00:14:42,055 --> 00:14:44,057
[Dale humming]

400
00:14:47,060 --> 00:14:48,800
Hey.[yelps]

401
00:14:50,019 --> 00:14:52,282
I'm on medication, you know.

402
00:14:52,326 --> 00:14:54,763
Wh-What are you
doing in there?

403
00:14:54,806 --> 00:14:56,025
Just washed up in your sink.

404
00:14:56,069 --> 00:14:57,679
Don't want to offend
the customers.

405
00:14:57,722 --> 00:14:59,072
Why?

406
00:14:59,115 --> 00:15:00,900
My dad's mad
'cause I bought a van,

407
00:15:00,943 --> 00:15:02,553
and he's not letting me
use the house.

408
00:15:02,597 --> 00:15:05,121
Oh. So that's your old
Chevy parked out front?

409
00:15:05,165 --> 00:15:06,688
Pretty sweet, right?

410
00:15:06,731 --> 00:15:08,255
You have a clean title on it?

411
00:15:08,298 --> 00:15:09,386
Pretty much.

412
00:15:09,430 --> 00:15:11,214
I think
it's registered in Mexico.

413
00:15:11,258 --> 00:15:12,955
Well, that's something.

414
00:15:12,999 --> 00:15:16,045
But it's got a bed
and a mini fridge.

415
00:15:16,089 --> 00:15:18,004
Wow. Sweet.

416
00:15:18,047 --> 00:15:19,179
I'm gonna hang
some twinkle lights

417
00:15:19,222 --> 00:15:20,832
and maybe get a lava lamp.

418
00:15:22,182 --> 00:15:24,314
Georgie, did I ever...

419
00:15:24,358 --> 00:15:26,534
tell you why I got
married so young?

420
00:15:26,577 --> 00:15:28,057
You were in love?

421
00:15:28,101 --> 00:15:30,364
No, because,
when I was your age,

422
00:15:30,407 --> 00:15:32,453
I bought a similar vehicle.

423
00:15:33,454 --> 00:15:35,804
Cool. What was it?

424
00:15:36,805 --> 00:15:37,893
Just get dressed.

425
00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:38,807
Okay.

426
00:15:40,374 --> 00:15:41,941
[door closes]["Moovin' 'N' Groovin'"
by Duane Eddy playing]

427
00:15:42,985 --> 00:15:45,074
Paige,

428
00:15:45,118 --> 00:15:48,077
look how close this pushpin is
to this balloon.

429
00:15:48,121 --> 00:15:49,209
Mm-hmm.

430
00:15:49,252 --> 00:15:50,775
It could pop
at any moment.

431
00:15:50,819 --> 00:15:52,212
I bet
that drives you cra...

432
00:15:52,255 --> 00:15:54,692
♪

433
00:15:56,564 --> 00:15:57,782
Hello.

434
00:15:57,826 --> 00:15:59,871
What now?What now?

435
00:15:59,915 --> 00:16:02,222
What are you doing?What are you doing?

436
00:16:02,265 --> 00:16:03,745
Are you just gonna repeateverything I...Are you just gonna repeat

437
00:16:03,788 --> 00:16:05,051
everything I say?

438
00:16:05,094 --> 00:16:06,052
I, Sheldon Cooper...

439
00:16:06,095 --> 00:16:07,401
I, Sheldon Cooper...

440
00:16:07,444 --> 00:16:08,402
...accept Jesus Christ
as my Lord and Savior.

441
00:16:08,445 --> 00:16:10,926
...accept Jesus Chr...

442
00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:11,971
[grunts]

443
00:16:16,279 --> 00:16:17,933
Go get me a beer, woman.

444
00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:19,500
What?

445
00:16:19,543 --> 00:16:21,676
It infuriates my mom
when my dad says it.

446
00:16:21,719 --> 00:16:23,243
Sheldon, stop.

447
00:16:23,286 --> 00:16:25,288
You can't upset me.Why not?

448
00:16:25,332 --> 00:16:27,464
Because there are things
in my life that are way worse

449
00:16:27,508 --> 00:16:29,684
than anything
that you can come up with.

450
00:16:29,727 --> 00:16:31,991
You mean your parents
splitting up.

451
00:16:32,034 --> 00:16:33,296
Obviously.

452
00:16:34,341 --> 00:16:36,256
I think I know how
to irritate you.

453
00:16:36,299 --> 00:16:38,606
I bet you think the
divorce is all your fault

454
00:16:38,649 --> 00:16:41,304
and now your family
is torn apart forever.

455
00:16:41,348 --> 00:16:42,958
Did I do it?

456
00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:44,873
Did I get under your skin?

457
00:16:46,135 --> 00:16:47,963
I can still hear the sound
of her fist hitting your face

458
00:16:48,007 --> 00:16:50,487
and your head
bouncing off the floor.

459
00:16:50,531 --> 00:16:51,445
That is enough.

460
00:16:51,488 --> 00:16:52,446
It was like, "Thwack,"

461
00:16:52,489 --> 00:16:53,534
and then, "Kathunk."

462
00:16:53,577 --> 00:16:55,014
MARY:
I said enough!

463
00:16:55,057 --> 00:16:57,146
MISSY:
And there were doughnut holes.

464
00:16:57,190 --> 00:16:58,495
What a great day.

465
00:17:04,893 --> 00:17:07,156
♪ Heartbeat...

466
00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:10,420
ADULT SHELDON:
That night, my brother turned
a ratty old van

467
00:17:10,464 --> 00:17:13,075
into his chariot of love.

468
00:17:13,119 --> 00:17:16,209
♪ Heartbeat

469
00:17:16,252 --> 00:17:17,732
♪ I'm looking for a...

470
00:17:17,775 --> 00:17:20,517
Romance was in the air.

471
00:17:20,561 --> 00:17:21,866
♪ Beating like...

472
00:17:21,910 --> 00:17:23,868
Hey.Oh. Hey, Mr. Boggs.

473
00:17:23,912 --> 00:17:25,914
I-I'm just here to pick up Jana.

474
00:17:27,002 --> 00:17:28,830
You think you're taking
my daughter out in this?

475
00:17:28,873 --> 00:17:31,354
No worries.
I'll have her home by 11:00.

476
00:17:31,398 --> 00:17:33,052
[exhales]

477
00:17:33,095 --> 00:17:35,663
Ooh. I wouldn't open that.

478
00:17:35,706 --> 00:17:37,578
Move.

479
00:17:42,409 --> 00:17:44,541
♪

480
00:17:44,585 --> 00:17:46,152
[exhales]

481
00:17:47,196 --> 00:17:48,806
It's got a mini fridge.

482
00:17:48,850 --> 00:17:50,199
[door closes]

483
00:17:50,243 --> 00:17:51,766
I thought about what you said.

484
00:17:51,809 --> 00:17:53,289
I'm returning the van.
Good night.

485
00:17:53,333 --> 00:17:55,204
WEATHERMAN:
This is the kind of weather

486
00:17:55,248 --> 00:17:56,771
that makes you want
to stay at home.[door closes]

487
00:17:56,814 --> 00:17:58,294
If you don't have
to go out today, don't.

488
00:18:01,819 --> 00:18:04,779
Captioning sponsored by
CBS

489
00:18:04,822 --> 00:18:10,872
WARNER BROS. TELEVISION

490
00:18:10,915 --> 00:18:12,917
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org