1 00:00:01,318 --> 00:00:03,695 (train chugging) 2 00:00:07,265 --> 00:00:09,485 (train whistle blows) 3 00:00:09,513 --> 00:00:12,914 ADULT SHELDON: I've always loved trains. 4 00:00:12,916 --> 00:00:16,017 In fact, if my career 5 00:00:16,019 --> 00:00:19,454 in theoretical physics hadn't worked out, my backup plan 6 00:00:19,456 --> 00:00:21,890 was to become a professional ticket taker. 7 00:00:21,892 --> 00:00:23,258 Or hobo. 8 00:00:23,260 --> 00:00:25,460 (train whistle blows) 9 00:00:26,430 --> 00:00:29,264 (♪♪♪) 10 00:00:29,266 --> 00:00:33,602 And when I figured out that trains allowed me 11 00:00:33,604 --> 00:00:35,604 to prove Newton's first law... 12 00:00:35,606 --> 00:00:38,070 An object in motion stays in motion 13 00:00:38,073 --> 00:00:40,441 with the same speed and in the same direction 14 00:00:40,444 --> 00:00:43,297 unless acted upon by an unbalanced force... 15 00:00:43,300 --> 00:00:46,381 I felt like Neil Armstrong on the moon, 16 00:00:46,383 --> 00:00:48,416 alone and happy. 17 00:00:48,418 --> 00:00:50,024 MARY: Shelly, dinner's ready! 18 00:00:50,027 --> 00:00:52,230 ♪ Be-bop-a-lula, baby, what I say ♪ 19 00:00:52,233 --> 00:00:55,332 (giggles) I don't care how dimwitted you are. 20 00:00:55,335 --> 00:00:58,360 Scientific principles have to make you smile. 21 00:00:58,362 --> 00:01:01,157 Of course, nobody I knew in East Texas 22 00:01:01,160 --> 00:01:05,133 in 1989 cared about Newtonian physics. 23 00:01:05,135 --> 00:01:07,057 The only Newtons they cared about 24 00:01:07,060 --> 00:01:08,593 were Wayne and Fig. 25 00:01:08,596 --> 00:01:10,405 MISSY: Sheldon, if you don't get in here, 26 00:01:10,407 --> 00:01:12,841 - I'm gonna lick your toothbrush! - Coming! 27 00:01:12,843 --> 00:01:14,342 That's my sister. 28 00:01:14,344 --> 00:01:16,523 And she's done it before. 29 00:01:16,526 --> 00:01:18,680 ♪ Do the walk of life ♪ 30 00:01:18,682 --> 00:01:20,291 ♪ Yeah, he do the walk of life. ♪ 31 00:01:20,294 --> 00:01:21,520 The hell were you doing 32 00:01:21,522 --> 00:01:22,802 - out there? - George, 33 00:01:22,805 --> 00:01:23,756 language. 34 00:01:23,758 --> 00:01:25,194 What language? So? 35 00:01:25,197 --> 00:01:27,663 I was exploring dimensional kinematics. 36 00:01:27,666 --> 00:01:29,128 Admit it... He's adopted. 37 00:01:29,130 --> 00:01:30,552 SHELDON: How can I be adopted 38 00:01:30,555 --> 00:01:31,955 when I have a twin sister? 39 00:01:31,958 --> 00:01:33,799 Think, monkey, think. 40 00:01:33,801 --> 00:01:34,802 MARY: That's enough. 41 00:01:34,805 --> 00:01:35,804 No one's adopted. 42 00:01:35,807 --> 00:01:36,706 I wish I was. 43 00:01:36,709 --> 00:01:38,203 That can still be arranged. 44 00:01:38,205 --> 00:01:39,591 Now, let's pray. 45 00:01:39,594 --> 00:01:41,177 A moment, please. 46 00:01:42,943 --> 00:01:43,876 (sighs) 47 00:01:43,878 --> 00:01:45,567 - Leave him be. - He can hold hands 48 00:01:45,570 --> 00:01:47,136 with his family. It won't kill him. 49 00:01:47,139 --> 00:01:48,639 We don't know that. 50 00:01:48,642 --> 00:01:50,783 Georgie, did you wash your hands before dinner? 51 00:01:50,785 --> 00:01:52,254 Or even this week? 52 00:01:52,257 --> 00:01:53,483 None of your business. 53 00:01:53,486 --> 00:01:54,944 Hence the mittens. 54 00:01:56,277 --> 00:01:58,444 MARY: Thank you, God, for this food 55 00:01:58,447 --> 00:02:00,944 we're about to receive and for the nourishment of our bodies, 56 00:02:00,947 --> 00:02:02,671 and bless the hands that prepared it. 57 00:02:02,674 --> 00:02:03,929 ALL: Amen. 58 00:02:05,368 --> 00:02:07,812 How come we ain't got no tater tots? 59 00:02:07,815 --> 00:02:09,371 I made tater tots last night. 60 00:02:09,374 --> 00:02:10,707 GEORGE: I'd take tater tots 61 00:02:10,710 --> 00:02:12,327 over mashed potaters any day. 62 00:02:12,330 --> 00:02:14,238 - Just eat what I made you. - Can we at least 63 00:02:14,241 --> 00:02:15,541 have tater tots tomorrow? 64 00:02:15,543 --> 00:02:17,465 ADULT SHELDON: It was family dinners like this 65 00:02:17,468 --> 00:02:20,531 that led me to adopt a mid-Atlantic accent. 66 00:02:20,534 --> 00:02:22,256 Nobel Prize winners... 67 00:02:22,259 --> 00:02:24,359 (Southern accent) ought not be orderin' tater tots. 68 00:02:24,362 --> 00:02:26,328 Everybody excited to start school Monday? 69 00:02:26,331 --> 00:02:27,186 I am. 70 00:02:27,188 --> 00:02:28,854 I guess so. 71 00:02:28,856 --> 00:02:30,189 MARY: Georgie? 72 00:02:30,191 --> 00:02:31,919 Freshman year, that's a big deal. 73 00:02:31,922 --> 00:02:33,559 How can I be excited when he's gonna be 74 00:02:33,562 --> 00:02:34,856 in the same grade as me? 75 00:02:34,859 --> 00:02:36,510 SHELDON: Don't worry, Georgie, I'm not planning 76 00:02:36,512 --> 00:02:38,892 on being in the ninth grade for very long. 77 00:02:38,894 --> 00:02:41,395 All I know is he's not in the same grade as me anymore, 78 00:02:41,397 --> 00:02:42,663 and I'm thrilled. 79 00:02:42,665 --> 00:02:44,622 Good luck with your finger painting. 80 00:02:44,625 --> 00:02:46,572 You're gonna get your ass kicked in high school. 81 00:02:46,575 --> 00:02:48,099 MARY: Hey, language. 82 00:02:48,102 --> 00:02:49,536 I'm not going to be assaulted. 83 00:02:49,539 --> 00:02:51,602 High school is a haven for higher learning. 84 00:02:51,605 --> 00:02:52,938 Oh, dear God. 85 00:02:52,941 --> 00:02:54,941 Speaking of God, who's going to church 86 00:02:54,943 --> 00:02:56,639 - with me tomorrow? - GEORGE SR.: I can't. 87 00:02:56,642 --> 00:02:58,259 I'm meeting with the other coaches. 88 00:02:58,262 --> 00:02:59,528 You can't meet after church? 89 00:02:59,531 --> 00:03:01,416 No, Mary, I can't meet after church. 90 00:03:02,818 --> 00:03:04,150 Georgie? 91 00:03:04,153 --> 00:03:06,953 I got to study my playbook. 92 00:03:09,091 --> 00:03:11,058 I'll go with you, Mom. 93 00:03:11,060 --> 00:03:12,426 MISSY: Why are you going? 94 00:03:12,428 --> 00:03:14,177 - You don't believe in God. - No, 95 00:03:14,180 --> 00:03:15,692 but I believe in Mom. 96 00:03:15,695 --> 00:03:17,297 I'll take it. Missy? 97 00:03:17,299 --> 00:03:18,699 Can't, Heather asked me to... 98 00:03:18,701 --> 00:03:21,335 - You're goin'. - Son of a bitch. 99 00:03:21,337 --> 00:03:22,536 - Hey. - Ow! 100 00:03:22,538 --> 00:03:23,537 (laughs) 101 00:03:24,404 --> 00:03:26,104 MARY: Missy... (gasps) Don't you 102 00:03:26,107 --> 00:03:28,842 throw something at the dinner table. George Jr. 103 00:03:28,844 --> 00:03:32,072 ADULT SHELDON: Jane Goodall had to go to Africa to study apes. 104 00:03:32,075 --> 00:03:33,207 MISSY: Hey! 105 00:03:33,210 --> 00:03:35,182 I just had to go to dinner. 106 00:03:35,184 --> 00:03:37,468 Never at the dinner table! 107 00:03:37,471 --> 00:03:39,070 You knock that off, George! 108 00:03:39,073 --> 00:03:41,187 D-Do not retaliate! 109 00:03:41,190 --> 00:03:45,258 ALL: ♪ Onward, Christian soldiers ♪ 110 00:03:45,260 --> 00:03:49,663 ♪ Marching as to war ♪ 111 00:03:49,665 --> 00:03:54,501 ♪ With the cross of Jesus ♪ 112 00:03:54,503 --> 00:04:00,607 ♪ Going on before. ♪ 113 00:04:00,609 --> 00:04:04,144 In Matthew nine, verse four, Jesus said, 114 00:04:04,146 --> 00:04:08,415 "Why would you entertain evil thoughts in your hearts?" 115 00:04:08,417 --> 00:04:10,684 - (quietly) Do you have evil thoughts? - Shh. 116 00:04:10,686 --> 00:04:12,799 I just don't think this part applies to me. 117 00:04:12,802 --> 00:04:15,287 That's fine. Be quiet and listen. 118 00:04:15,290 --> 00:04:17,221 I'm only nine years old. 119 00:04:17,224 --> 00:04:19,257 Most evil doesn't start till puberty. 120 00:04:19,260 --> 00:04:20,394 (clears throat) 121 00:04:20,396 --> 00:04:21,705 Hello. 122 00:04:21,708 --> 00:04:23,872 Philippians 4:8, 123 00:04:23,875 --> 00:04:26,032 "Finally, brothers, whatever is..." 124 00:04:26,034 --> 00:04:27,734 Do you have evil thoughts? 125 00:04:27,736 --> 00:04:29,169 I'm having one right now. 126 00:04:29,171 --> 00:04:30,382 Really? What is it? 127 00:04:30,385 --> 00:04:33,106 When we get home, I'm gonna kick your little balls. 128 00:04:33,108 --> 00:04:36,610 You can't. They haven't descended yet. 129 00:04:36,612 --> 00:04:38,945 - Mom? - What? 130 00:04:38,947 --> 00:04:41,348 When should I be expecting my testicles? 131 00:04:41,350 --> 00:04:42,582 "...whatever is admirable..." 132 00:04:42,584 --> 00:04:44,722 What is wrong with him? 133 00:04:44,725 --> 00:04:46,440 Nothin' is wrong with him. 134 00:04:46,443 --> 00:04:48,867 Now, turn around before I knock your lights out. 135 00:04:48,870 --> 00:04:51,820 PASTOR: think continually on these things. 136 00:04:51,823 --> 00:04:53,231 A good thought leads 137 00:04:53,234 --> 00:04:54,727 to a good thing. 138 00:04:54,730 --> 00:04:56,825 You feel it in your body. You feel it in your... 139 00:04:56,828 --> 00:04:59,141 ADULT SHELDON: My mom was my Christian soldier. 140 00:04:59,144 --> 00:05:01,501 Leads to evil things and sits there and... 141 00:05:01,503 --> 00:05:04,588 And for the record, they descended when I was 15. 142 00:05:11,031 --> 00:05:14,657 (whirring) 143 00:05:14,659 --> 00:05:17,426 (♪♪♪) 144 00:05:17,428 --> 00:05:20,930 Shelly, it's your last day of summer. Go out and enjoy it. 145 00:05:20,932 --> 00:05:23,098 But I have to learn the student handbook. 146 00:05:23,100 --> 00:05:25,367 Ooh, did you know extreme hairstyles, 147 00:05:25,369 --> 00:05:27,711 goatees and mustaches are not allowed? 148 00:05:27,714 --> 00:05:30,586 I didn't. I personally find that very reassuring. 149 00:05:30,589 --> 00:05:32,805 Look what a beautiful day it is. 150 00:05:34,779 --> 00:05:36,378 (loud whirring) 151 00:05:36,380 --> 00:05:39,281 (tires screeching) 152 00:05:40,751 --> 00:05:43,552 (deep barking) 153 00:05:45,523 --> 00:05:47,310 Go play. 154 00:05:47,313 --> 00:05:50,893 "Go play"... if only life were that simple. 155 00:05:56,601 --> 00:05:58,596 There, I played. 156 00:05:58,599 --> 00:06:00,035 Hey, Sheldon! 157 00:06:00,037 --> 00:06:01,760 Hello, Billy Sparks. 158 00:06:01,763 --> 00:06:04,306 - Hello, Matilda Sparks. - I heard 159 00:06:04,308 --> 00:06:06,609 - you're going to high school tomorrow. - I am. 160 00:06:06,611 --> 00:06:08,510 You're going to have to find someone else 161 00:06:08,512 --> 00:06:10,179 to torment on the playground. 162 00:06:10,181 --> 00:06:12,281 "Torment"? 163 00:06:12,283 --> 00:06:14,383 (sighs) It means to maliciously harass. 164 00:06:14,385 --> 00:06:16,085 "Her ass"? (chuckles) 165 00:06:16,087 --> 00:06:17,553 That's funny. 166 00:06:17,555 --> 00:06:19,060 Well, this was nice. 167 00:06:19,063 --> 00:06:20,623 Hey, doofus! 168 00:06:21,259 --> 00:06:22,338 (squawks) 169 00:06:22,341 --> 00:06:23,659 Mom! 170 00:06:23,661 --> 00:06:27,129 - Good girl. - Mom! 171 00:06:27,131 --> 00:06:29,711 MARY: What am I supposed to do? His feet are growing. 172 00:06:29,714 --> 00:06:31,567 GEORGE SR.: Why can't he wear Georgie's old shoes? 173 00:06:31,569 --> 00:06:32,768 MARY: He won't hold your hand. 174 00:06:32,770 --> 00:06:34,129 You think he's gonna put his feet 175 00:06:34,132 --> 00:06:35,365 in his brother's smelly shoes? 176 00:06:35,368 --> 00:06:37,142 GEORGE SR.: Well, we damn well better cut back somewhere. 177 00:06:37,144 --> 00:06:39,001 MARY: Will you please keep your voice down? 178 00:06:39,004 --> 00:06:40,042 (door shuts) 179 00:06:40,044 --> 00:06:42,057 They're fighting about you again. 180 00:06:42,060 --> 00:06:44,175 They're fighting about money. 181 00:06:44,178 --> 00:06:46,949 It's a common argument in marriages. 182 00:06:46,951 --> 00:06:48,584 (door opens) 183 00:06:48,586 --> 00:06:50,252 Lights out. 184 00:06:50,254 --> 00:06:51,798 Big day tomorrow. 185 00:06:52,957 --> 00:06:54,156 Mom? 186 00:06:54,158 --> 00:06:55,424 Hmm? 187 00:06:55,426 --> 00:06:57,726 Do we have financial problems? 188 00:06:57,728 --> 00:07:00,396 Don't you worry about that. 189 00:07:00,398 --> 00:07:01,897 We are fine. 190 00:07:01,899 --> 00:07:04,366 Now, go to sleep. 191 00:07:04,368 --> 00:07:05,709 (sighs) 192 00:07:05,712 --> 00:07:08,637 She's lying. She just said that to make you feel better. 193 00:07:08,639 --> 00:07:11,006 Mom doesn't lie. 194 00:07:11,008 --> 00:07:12,608 Sure, she thinks 195 00:07:12,610 --> 00:07:14,343 the Earth was made in six days, 196 00:07:14,345 --> 00:07:16,855 but that's 'cause she's gullible, not a liar. 197 00:07:20,351 --> 00:07:22,351 MISSY: Mom, 198 00:07:22,353 --> 00:07:24,553 Sheldon can't find his bowtie. 199 00:07:24,555 --> 00:07:27,066 Really? I laid it out for him. 200 00:07:27,069 --> 00:07:29,321 Leave it alone, Mary. He doesn't need a bowtie. 201 00:07:29,324 --> 00:07:31,924 It's his first day of school. Let him wear what he wants. 202 00:07:31,927 --> 00:07:34,584 SHELDON: Mom, I can't find my bowtie! 203 00:07:34,587 --> 00:07:36,999 Dear Lord, why's he got to wear a bowtie? 204 00:07:38,069 --> 00:07:39,468 Can I drive in with you? 205 00:07:39,470 --> 00:07:40,856 Sure. 206 00:07:40,859 --> 00:07:43,037 Everybody's gonna know he's your brother. 207 00:07:43,040 --> 00:07:44,540 It's gonna be awful for you. 208 00:07:44,542 --> 00:07:45,841 Tell her to shut up. 209 00:07:45,843 --> 00:07:47,543 She's not wrong. 210 00:07:47,545 --> 00:07:49,244 (TV plays quietly) 211 00:07:49,246 --> 00:07:51,113 - It's got to be here. - SHELDON: It's not. 212 00:07:51,115 --> 00:07:53,982 - It's not! Shelly, stay calm. We'll find it. 213 00:07:53,984 --> 00:07:56,284 - My tie is gone! My tie is gone! - Shelly, 214 00:07:56,287 --> 00:07:57,620 you don't really need a tie. 215 00:07:57,623 --> 00:08:00,828 I have to find my tie. I have to find my tie. 216 00:08:00,831 --> 00:08:02,303 Be right back. 217 00:08:02,306 --> 00:08:05,526 Professor Proton wears a bowtie! 218 00:08:05,529 --> 00:08:07,514 George Junior, 219 00:08:07,517 --> 00:08:10,393 - give me back that bowtie right now! - I didn't take it! 220 00:08:10,396 --> 00:08:13,271 - Don't you lie to me! - I'm not lying! 221 00:08:13,274 --> 00:08:16,672 - We'll see about that. - Stay out of my room! 222 00:08:16,674 --> 00:08:18,440 She's gonna find your dirty magazines. 223 00:08:18,442 --> 00:08:19,808 Shut up! 224 00:08:19,810 --> 00:08:21,814 You are not having a good day. 225 00:08:21,817 --> 00:08:23,142 (sighs) 226 00:08:26,450 --> 00:08:28,951 (sighs) 227 00:08:30,254 --> 00:08:31,587 Ugh! 228 00:08:31,589 --> 00:08:33,522 (sighs) 229 00:08:33,524 --> 00:08:35,824 Hey. Hey, he didn't take it. 230 00:08:35,826 --> 00:08:38,193 - Then what happened to it?! - SHELDON: Help me find my bowtie! 231 00:08:38,195 --> 00:08:40,229 I'll check in the bathroom! 232 00:08:40,231 --> 00:08:41,663 I took it. 233 00:08:41,665 --> 00:08:43,966 - Why would you do that? - Mary, 234 00:08:43,968 --> 00:08:46,410 the boy is nine years old and going into high school. 235 00:08:46,413 --> 00:08:47,813 Isn't that weird enough? 236 00:08:47,816 --> 00:08:49,570 Give it to me. Come on. 237 00:08:49,573 --> 00:08:51,039 It's not just Sheldon. 238 00:08:51,041 --> 00:08:52,908 Georgie's gonna be in class with him. 239 00:08:52,910 --> 00:08:54,710 Not in the bathroom! 240 00:08:54,712 --> 00:08:56,071 Give it. 241 00:08:58,079 --> 00:08:59,529 ♪ Think about it ♪ 242 00:08:59,532 --> 00:09:02,818 ♪ There must be higher love ♪ 243 00:09:02,820 --> 00:09:07,756 ♪ Down in the heart or hidden in the stars above ♪ 244 00:09:07,758 --> 00:09:10,559 Would you like to play a driving game? 245 00:09:10,561 --> 00:09:12,492 Not really. I always lose. 246 00:09:12,495 --> 00:09:14,125 - I know. That's why it's fun. - (laughs) 247 00:09:14,128 --> 00:09:17,231 How about license plates with prime numbers 248 00:09:17,234 --> 00:09:19,535 - followed by a cons...? - Why don't we just talk? 249 00:09:19,537 --> 00:09:20,602 Very well. 250 00:09:22,077 --> 00:09:23,283 You understand 251 00:09:23,286 --> 00:09:25,486 that some people are gonna be intimidated by you 252 00:09:25,489 --> 00:09:27,222 'cause of how smart you are? 253 00:09:27,225 --> 00:09:29,303 Or maybe they'll recognize my intellect 254 00:09:29,306 --> 00:09:31,280 and make me their leader. 255 00:09:31,282 --> 00:09:33,682 Lord, look after my son. 256 00:09:33,684 --> 00:09:36,718 Don't let him get stuffed in a gym bag. 257 00:09:36,720 --> 00:09:41,523 ♪ Bring me a higher love, oh, oh ♪ 258 00:09:41,525 --> 00:09:44,159 ♪ Bring me a higher love... ♪ 259 00:09:44,161 --> 00:09:46,795 (distorted sounds and voices) 260 00:09:46,797 --> 00:09:49,431 (distorted speech) 261 00:09:49,433 --> 00:09:50,799 Oh, dear. 262 00:09:50,801 --> 00:09:52,267 Yeah. 263 00:09:52,269 --> 00:09:54,912 That boy has an exposed tattoo. 264 00:09:54,915 --> 00:09:55,971 He does. 265 00:09:55,973 --> 00:09:56,908 I wonder if he knows 266 00:09:56,911 --> 00:09:59,074 that's in violation of the dress code. 267 00:09:59,076 --> 00:10:03,779 Speaking of which, how about we lose the bowtie? 268 00:10:03,781 --> 00:10:05,547 Why? 269 00:10:05,549 --> 00:10:08,116 Look around, honey. None of the other kids are wearing one. 270 00:10:08,118 --> 00:10:09,827 Well, perhaps I'll start a fad. 271 00:10:09,830 --> 00:10:12,354 No, you won't. Please trust Mommy. 272 00:10:13,290 --> 00:10:14,756 All right, tell you what. 273 00:10:14,758 --> 00:10:17,459 You take it off, and this weekend, 274 00:10:17,461 --> 00:10:19,728 I'll take you to RadioShack. 275 00:10:19,730 --> 00:10:21,163 Hmm? 276 00:10:21,165 --> 00:10:23,332 (bell ringing) 277 00:10:23,334 --> 00:10:25,701 (indistinct chatter) 278 00:10:27,438 --> 00:10:29,304 (growling) 279 00:10:29,306 --> 00:10:30,839 You doing okay? 280 00:10:30,841 --> 00:10:32,455 I guess. 281 00:10:32,458 --> 00:10:34,009 (roars) 282 00:10:34,011 --> 00:10:35,644 I smell ammonia. 283 00:10:35,646 --> 00:10:38,046 They must've done a thorough cleaning recently. 284 00:10:38,048 --> 00:10:39,815 I like that. 285 00:10:39,817 --> 00:10:43,485 MARY: And remember, if anybody bothers you, what do you say? 286 00:10:43,487 --> 00:10:45,454 My dad's a football coach. 287 00:10:45,457 --> 00:10:47,692 And? My brother's a football player. 288 00:10:47,695 --> 00:10:48,757 Good. 289 00:10:48,759 --> 00:10:50,364 Hey, Mom, look. 290 00:10:50,367 --> 00:10:52,634 That girl's pregnant. 291 00:10:52,637 --> 00:10:54,237 Congratulations. 292 00:11:00,603 --> 00:11:02,796 (toilet flushing) 293 00:11:02,799 --> 00:11:05,299 Well, that was revolting. 294 00:11:05,302 --> 00:11:08,062 All right. This is your homeroom. 295 00:11:08,065 --> 00:11:09,764 Do you want me to go in with you? 296 00:11:09,766 --> 00:11:12,418 No. Although I could've used you in the restroom. 297 00:11:12,421 --> 00:11:14,802 Okay, well... 298 00:11:14,805 --> 00:11:16,137 You have a good day. 299 00:11:16,139 --> 00:11:17,606 And I'll pick you up after school, 300 00:11:17,608 --> 00:11:19,274 same door we came in. 301 00:11:19,276 --> 00:11:21,910 Are you crying or having an allergy attack? 302 00:11:21,912 --> 00:11:24,246 Allergies. 303 00:11:24,248 --> 00:11:25,814 It's probably the ammonia. 304 00:11:25,816 --> 00:11:27,716 Probably. (sniffles) 305 00:11:27,718 --> 00:11:30,714 Okay. Let the learning begin. 306 00:11:37,060 --> 00:11:40,061 (exhales) 307 00:11:40,063 --> 00:11:44,266 All right, everybody, my name is Ms. MacElroy. 308 00:11:44,268 --> 00:11:46,786 In addition to being your homeroom teacher, 309 00:11:46,789 --> 00:11:49,237 I'll be seeing some of you in my English class, 310 00:11:49,239 --> 00:11:51,239 and some of you on the volleyball court. 311 00:11:51,241 --> 00:11:53,074 Just to give you a little history, 312 00:11:53,076 --> 00:11:55,977 I've been here at Medford for 29 years... 313 00:11:55,980 --> 00:11:58,156 I taught some of your older brothers and sisters, 314 00:11:58,159 --> 00:12:00,782 and sadly, some of your parents. 315 00:12:02,319 --> 00:12:03,718 Not much I haven't seen. 316 00:12:03,720 --> 00:12:05,630 Until today. 317 00:12:05,633 --> 00:12:08,734 I'm sure you're well aware we have a student with us, 318 00:12:08,737 --> 00:12:11,026 who, despite his young age, 319 00:12:11,028 --> 00:12:13,138 is remarkably gifted. 320 00:12:13,141 --> 00:12:16,565 And I expect y'all to make him feel welcome. 321 00:12:17,634 --> 00:12:18,937 Yes, Sheldon? 322 00:12:18,940 --> 00:12:21,369 Per the student dress and grooming code, 323 00:12:21,371 --> 00:12:23,305 this boy's hair is too long, 324 00:12:23,307 --> 00:12:25,097 this boy is wearing sports attire 325 00:12:25,100 --> 00:12:27,147 outside of a designated area 326 00:12:27,150 --> 00:12:29,514 and this girl's blouse is diaphanous, 327 00:12:29,517 --> 00:12:31,775 which means I can see her brassiere. 328 00:12:31,778 --> 00:12:34,182 - (laughter) - Thank you. 329 00:12:34,184 --> 00:12:36,084 I will take that into account. 330 00:12:36,086 --> 00:12:37,419 All right. 331 00:12:37,421 --> 00:12:39,688 We have a few minutes before first period. 332 00:12:39,690 --> 00:12:41,829 I need y'all to fill out these forms. 333 00:12:41,832 --> 00:12:42,891 What? 334 00:12:42,893 --> 00:12:44,181 Also in violation 335 00:12:44,184 --> 00:12:46,061 of the grooming code on page 48, 336 00:12:46,063 --> 00:12:48,129 article five, subsection B, 337 00:12:48,131 --> 00:12:50,231 you have a bit of a mustache. 338 00:12:50,233 --> 00:12:51,600 (laughter) 339 00:12:52,611 --> 00:12:54,803 This is a stupid idea. This boy does not 340 00:12:54,805 --> 00:12:56,204 belong in our school. 341 00:12:56,206 --> 00:12:58,073 PETERSEN: Come on Vicky, it's just the first day. 342 00:12:58,075 --> 00:12:59,908 Why don't we all just take a deep breath here? 343 00:12:59,911 --> 00:13:02,802 The hell with that. Five minutes into my math class, 344 00:13:02,805 --> 00:13:04,016 he questioned my credentials. 345 00:13:04,019 --> 00:13:05,981 How am I supposed to control a classroom when a kid accuses me 346 00:13:05,983 --> 00:13:07,849 of being in breach of the hygiene code? 347 00:13:07,851 --> 00:13:09,651 Well, Hubert, it wouldn't kill you to shower 348 00:13:09,653 --> 00:13:12,008 a little more often. George, you want to weigh in here? 349 00:13:12,011 --> 00:13:14,208 - Well... - INGRAM: Oral Roberts University 350 00:13:14,211 --> 00:13:15,323 is a wonderful school. 351 00:13:15,325 --> 00:13:17,092 He said I was intimidated by his intelligence, 352 00:13:17,094 --> 00:13:18,268 and then, 353 00:13:18,271 --> 00:13:20,929 he offered to be my "leader." 354 00:13:20,931 --> 00:13:22,864 (clears throat) 355 00:13:22,866 --> 00:13:25,233 (playing Mozart's Sonata in D) 356 00:13:51,461 --> 00:13:53,628 (piano playing) 357 00:14:04,941 --> 00:14:06,141 (stops playing) 358 00:14:06,143 --> 00:14:07,776 Do you know this sonata? 359 00:14:07,778 --> 00:14:09,110 No. 360 00:14:09,112 --> 00:14:11,212 How long have you played the piano? 361 00:14:11,214 --> 00:14:13,882 I don't play piano. 362 00:14:13,884 --> 00:14:16,251 PETERSEN: George, 363 00:14:16,253 --> 00:14:17,719 you got any thoughts here? 364 00:14:17,721 --> 00:14:19,120 I certainly do. 365 00:14:20,590 --> 00:14:22,290 Mary, tell him. 366 00:14:22,292 --> 00:14:25,160 It's simple. We don't have a choice. 367 00:14:25,162 --> 00:14:26,728 Well, you gave it a shot. 368 00:14:26,730 --> 00:14:28,630 We wish you luck with Sheldon elsewhere... 369 00:14:28,632 --> 00:14:30,477 MARY: No, no, no. 370 00:14:30,480 --> 00:14:31,766 We don't have a choice. 371 00:14:31,768 --> 00:14:33,001 He's got to stay here. 372 00:14:33,003 --> 00:14:34,290 We can't afford 373 00:14:34,293 --> 00:14:35,179 private school. 374 00:14:35,182 --> 00:14:36,525 I sure can't homeschool him. 375 00:14:36,528 --> 00:14:38,880 He's doing calculus and Euclidean something or other. 376 00:14:38,883 --> 00:14:40,183 Euclidean geometry. 377 00:14:40,186 --> 00:14:41,910 Guess where I learned that. 378 00:14:41,912 --> 00:14:43,645 Yeah, yeah, we know. 379 00:14:44,247 --> 00:14:46,081 All I care about is that 380 00:14:46,083 --> 00:14:48,750 my son gets the education he deserves, so you all 381 00:14:48,753 --> 00:14:50,318 are gonna have to figure this out. 382 00:14:50,320 --> 00:14:51,953 Coach, can you help me out here, please? 383 00:14:51,955 --> 00:14:53,488 'Cause I'm dyin'. 384 00:14:56,993 --> 00:14:58,481 I'd rather not. 385 00:15:02,866 --> 00:15:04,497 G minor. 386 00:15:05,388 --> 00:15:07,622 F. 387 00:15:07,625 --> 00:15:10,472 E flat. 388 00:15:11,308 --> 00:15:12,769 C minor. 389 00:15:15,612 --> 00:15:17,312 You have perfect pitch. 390 00:15:17,314 --> 00:15:18,813 Okay. 391 00:15:18,815 --> 00:15:22,450 Sweetheart, you should really pursue music. 392 00:15:22,452 --> 00:15:25,353 No, thank you. Musicians take drugs. 393 00:15:26,138 --> 00:15:28,664 Is there a faculty restroom I could use? 394 00:15:30,922 --> 00:15:32,627 (whistle blows) 395 00:15:32,629 --> 00:15:34,329 ♪ Ooh... ♪ 396 00:15:34,331 --> 00:15:35,430 (grunting) 397 00:15:35,432 --> 00:15:38,600 ♪ Ooh... ♪ 398 00:15:43,306 --> 00:15:44,806 Cooper, Stinson, you're up. 399 00:15:44,808 --> 00:15:48,276 (laughs) Hey, look, it's the dumb brother. 400 00:15:50,615 --> 00:15:52,747 - Okay. - (blows whistle) 401 00:15:54,985 --> 00:15:56,990 (grunting, yelling) 402 00:15:56,993 --> 00:15:58,259 (whistle blowing) 403 00:15:58,262 --> 00:15:59,951 BERGDOFF: That's enough. Hey. 404 00:15:59,954 --> 00:16:01,189 (yelling) (whistle blowing) 405 00:16:01,191 --> 00:16:03,160 BERGDOFF: Hey, that's enough! 406 00:16:03,163 --> 00:16:04,531 - Hey, hey! - GEORGE SR.: That's enough! 407 00:16:04,533 --> 00:16:05,832 Georgie. 408 00:16:05,835 --> 00:16:07,550 Georgie! Georgie! 409 00:16:07,553 --> 00:16:09,185 Stop! Stop! 410 00:16:11,935 --> 00:16:15,136 What the hell is wrong with you? 411 00:16:17,387 --> 00:16:18,907 You okay? 412 00:16:18,909 --> 00:16:20,958 No, I'm not okay. 413 00:16:29,920 --> 00:16:31,386 Where you think you're going? 414 00:16:31,388 --> 00:16:33,354 I quit. I don't want to play anymore! 415 00:16:33,356 --> 00:16:36,580 - Since when? - Since right now! 416 00:16:36,583 --> 00:16:38,096 All right, what is going on? 417 00:16:38,099 --> 00:16:40,195 What do you think's going on?! 418 00:16:40,197 --> 00:16:42,351 You mean Sheldon? 419 00:16:45,007 --> 00:16:46,835 You can't let that bother you. 420 00:16:46,838 --> 00:16:48,132 It doesn't bother you? 421 00:16:48,135 --> 00:16:50,249 You got called to the principal's office. 422 00:16:50,252 --> 00:16:52,440 Yeah, that wasn't so great. 423 00:16:52,442 --> 00:16:54,153 I can't be in the same school as him! 424 00:16:54,156 --> 00:16:55,794 Well, I don't see what choice you have. 425 00:16:55,797 --> 00:16:59,004 Right. Ever since he could talk, I quit having any choices. 426 00:17:04,120 --> 00:17:05,854 (groans) 427 00:17:05,856 --> 00:17:08,289 I know it's hard. 428 00:17:08,291 --> 00:17:12,227 I'm telling you, as your coach, quit your whining, 429 00:17:12,229 --> 00:17:14,596 get your uniform on and you get your ass back out there. 430 00:17:14,598 --> 00:17:17,599 But what about as my dad? 431 00:17:17,601 --> 00:17:20,168 Your dad is having a bad day. 432 00:17:20,170 --> 00:17:21,719 Listen to your coach. 433 00:17:27,804 --> 00:17:32,112 Can a clock be powered by an ordinary potato? 434 00:17:32,115 --> 00:17:34,148 I hope so, boys and girls, 435 00:17:34,150 --> 00:17:37,516 or this is going to be a really boring episode. 436 00:17:37,519 --> 00:17:39,386 The supplies you'll need... 437 00:17:39,389 --> 00:17:41,322 Why can't we watch DuckTales? 438 00:17:41,324 --> 00:17:44,492 'Cause we don't learn anything watching DuckTales. 439 00:17:44,494 --> 00:17:47,918 It's TV, we aren't supposed to learn. 440 00:17:47,921 --> 00:17:50,831 Two alligator grips and, let's see... 441 00:17:50,834 --> 00:17:53,097 Of course, a clock. 442 00:17:53,100 --> 00:17:55,469 Missy, go somewhere else. I need to talk to your brother. 443 00:17:55,472 --> 00:17:58,039 Why don't you go somewhere else and I can watch Duck... 444 00:17:58,041 --> 00:17:59,307 Go! 445 00:17:59,309 --> 00:18:01,697 I hate everybody. 446 00:18:01,700 --> 00:18:04,568 It's time for science. 447 00:18:06,883 --> 00:18:10,207 Hey, he was about to power a clock with a potato. 448 00:18:10,210 --> 00:18:11,418 Not possible. 449 00:18:11,421 --> 00:18:13,354 - Now, listen... - Am I in trouble? 450 00:18:13,356 --> 00:18:15,234 No. 451 00:18:15,237 --> 00:18:17,234 Maybe. Just listen. 452 00:18:18,695 --> 00:18:21,329 You're not gonna make it in this school 453 00:18:21,331 --> 00:18:23,012 if you keep ratting people out. 454 00:18:23,015 --> 00:18:24,745 But they were breaking the grooming codes 455 00:18:24,748 --> 00:18:26,153 and the dress codes. 456 00:18:26,156 --> 00:18:29,591 I saw one boy with a T-shirt that said... 457 00:18:29,594 --> 00:18:30,989 (whispering) "Bite me." 458 00:18:30,992 --> 00:18:33,341 Yeah. That-that's terrible. 459 00:18:33,343 --> 00:18:35,783 Sheldon, let me tell you a little story. 460 00:18:35,786 --> 00:18:38,179 Did you ever wonder why we moved from Galveston to Medford? 461 00:18:38,181 --> 00:18:41,783 No. I tend to wonder about the bigger questions. 462 00:18:41,785 --> 00:18:44,118 Okay, well, here's why. 463 00:18:44,120 --> 00:18:46,921 Your dad had a real good coaching job 464 00:18:46,923 --> 00:18:49,457 and I saw some grown-ups breaking rules. 465 00:18:49,460 --> 00:18:50,468 What'd they do? 466 00:18:50,471 --> 00:18:52,705 I-It's kind of complicated, but... 467 00:18:52,708 --> 00:18:54,859 football coaches aren't allowed to recruit kids 468 00:18:54,862 --> 00:18:57,304 from other high schools to play on their teams. 469 00:18:57,307 --> 00:18:58,567 And you told on them? 470 00:18:58,570 --> 00:19:00,551 Yeah. You know what happened? 471 00:19:00,554 --> 00:19:03,571 Justice descended upon the rule breakers? 472 00:19:03,573 --> 00:19:07,141 I got fired, Sheldon. 473 00:19:07,143 --> 00:19:09,177 And I got a bad reputation. 474 00:19:09,179 --> 00:19:12,080 Oh. That's why you drink so much beer. 475 00:19:15,950 --> 00:19:17,482 Just do yourself a favor. 476 00:19:17,485 --> 00:19:19,477 Okay? Go to school tomorrow, 477 00:19:19,480 --> 00:19:22,223 and mind your own business. 478 00:19:22,226 --> 00:19:23,329 All right? 479 00:19:25,079 --> 00:19:26,470 Dad. 480 00:19:27,931 --> 00:19:30,064 Are you sad that you got fired? 481 00:19:32,635 --> 00:19:35,903 Mostly angry. 482 00:19:35,905 --> 00:19:38,627 But yeah. 483 00:19:38,630 --> 00:19:40,797 Maybe a little sad. 484 00:19:48,418 --> 00:19:50,687 All right, let's say grace. 485 00:19:54,924 --> 00:19:56,750 Thank you, God, 486 00:19:56,753 --> 00:19:59,761 for this food we are about to receive. 487 00:19:59,763 --> 00:20:02,163 (muffled praying continues) 488 00:20:07,634 --> 00:20:09,267 ADULT SHELDON: That was the first time 489 00:20:09,270 --> 00:20:11,272 I held my father's hand. 490 00:20:11,274 --> 00:20:14,442 MARY: our bodies and bless the hands that prepared it. 491 00:20:14,444 --> 00:20:15,682 Amen. 492 00:20:15,685 --> 00:20:17,218 - GEORGIE: Amen. - Amen. 493 00:20:18,782 --> 00:20:23,418 MARY: Hey, George Jr., wait your turn. 494 00:20:23,420 --> 00:20:25,421 ADULT SHELDON: I wouldn't touch my brother's hand 495 00:20:25,424 --> 00:20:27,155 until 17 years later, 496 00:20:27,157 --> 00:20:29,711 thanks to the invention of Purell. 497 00:20:40,566 --> 00:20:42,992 (♪♪♪) 498 00:20:47,437 --> 00:20:48,937 You know what I find comforting? 499 00:20:48,940 --> 00:20:50,206 What's that, baby? 500 00:20:50,209 --> 00:20:52,408 In a world filled with uncertainty, 501 00:20:52,411 --> 00:20:54,244 this place will be here forever. 502 00:20:56,376 --> 00:20:58,415 CLERK: Hey, Sheldon, how you doing?