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♪ Baby ♪
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♪ I know you're asking me to stay ♪
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♪ Say please, please,
please don't go away ♪
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♪ You say I'm giving you the blues ♪
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♪ Maybe ♪
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♪ Huh! ♪
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My father took pride in saying
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that he ran our house like a tight ship.
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The ship got a lot looser when
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my meemaw came over to babysit.
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I bet a nickel.
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Hang on there a minute, moon pie.
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I want to teach you somethin'.
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Look at your cards,
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and then look in the mirror.
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Hey, I'm smiling.
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Uh-huh.
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And what does that
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tell me about your cards?
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That I like them?
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Attaboy. Now...
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look at my face.
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Tell me
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what you see.
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That you're old.
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It's a good thing I love you.
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I'm gonna look at my cards again.
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You're unhappy.
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Which means...?
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You don't have good cards.
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Mm-hmm.
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So...
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I'm gonna see your nickel...
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- and raise you a quarter.
- Quarter?
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You can fold.
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No. I have good cards,
you have bad cards.
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I'm in.
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- Nines and fives.
- Mm.
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That's too bad.
40
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Three queens. You lose!
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What?
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But you weren't happy.
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- I made you think I was unhappy.
- But that's lying.
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You lied to your moon pie.
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I bluffed my moon pie.
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- Do people know about this?
- Sheldon,
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what's on a person's face
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is not always what's in their heart.
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Well, this changes everything.
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How do you know who to trust?
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You don't.
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That's what makes life interesting.
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Meemaw liked to teach me things
that kept me awake at night.
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Mom, we're home!
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In here!
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What's he doing up?
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Losin'.
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Hell is that?
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I sent Georgie on a beer run,
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and tipped him with firecrackers.
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Oh, Mom.
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Was I supposed to stiff him?
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I ate so much candy!
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Okay.
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They're all yours.
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- Synced and corrected by VitoSilans -
-- www.Addic7ed.com --
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Sometimes people say
to me, "Pastor Jeff,
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how do you know there's a God?"
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And I say, "It's simple math.
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God either exists or he doesn't."
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So let's be cynical.
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Worst-case scenario,
there's a 50-50 chance.
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And I like those odds.
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That's wrong.
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Shelly, put your hand down.
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Sorry. Please continue.
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It's okay, Mary.
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I-It's Sheldon, right?
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- Yes, sir.
- Well, Sheldon,
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why don't you come on up here
and tell me how I'm wrong.
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- No.
- Okay.
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Let's give him a hand, everybody.
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- Mm.
- What's happening?
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Shelly's gonna eat him alive.
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So...
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you were saying?
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You've confused possibilities
with probabilities.
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According to your
analogy, when I go home
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I might find a million dollars
on my bed or I might not.
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In what universe is that 50-50?
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So what do you think
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the odds are that God exists?
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I think they're zero.
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I believe in science.
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So you don't think
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science and religion
can go hand in hand?
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Science is facts, religion is faith.
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- I prefer facts.
- Mm.
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I understand that.
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Here's a cool fact for ya.
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A lot of famous scientists
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believed in God.
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Isaac Newton.
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Albert Einstein.
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Even Charles Darwin.
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So Darwin's right about God
and wrong about evolution?
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Now you're gettin' it.
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Let's give it up for Sheldon, everybody.
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What a good sport. Oh.
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But I wasn't a good sport.
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At that moment, I vowed to come back
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the following Sunday
and destroy Pastor Jeff.
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Uh, hello, Mr. Cooper.
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Is Missy home?
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Hello, Billy. No, she's at church.
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I brought her eggs from my chickens.
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I see that.
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You can boil them or scramble them.
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Okay.
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I like fried.
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Okay.
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I don't like poached.
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Okay.
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Thank you for your time.
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Okay.
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You want me to cook
those eggs for you, baby?
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No. They're a gift.
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Sorry.
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He even wrote me a note.
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"Eggs from your secret admirer. Billy."
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Mary, can you come in here?
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I'm cookin'.
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I really need you to come in here.
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What on earth?
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Uh-oh.
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What?
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Listen to this.
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"French philosopher,
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mathematician and
physicist, Blaise Pascal,
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argued a rational person
should believe God exists
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because you have everything
to gain if you're right,
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and nothing to lose if you're wrong."
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Sounds right.
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Meemaw is coming over
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to watch you... I gotta go.
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- Where?
- Daddy's not feeling good.
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We're gonna go see a doctor.
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- Is he okay?
- He's gonna be fine.
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You just sit right there.
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Meemaw's on her way
over to cook you dinner.
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Can we come with you?
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No. Just stay right there, don't move.
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George, let's go.
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How long are we supposed to sit here?
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I don't know.
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She said don't move.
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She was very clear.
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Hope I don't have to go to the bathroom.
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Don't worry!
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Meemaw's here!
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Everything's under control!
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Oh.
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We haven't had dinner yet.
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Really?
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I don't feel like cookin'.
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I think my husband's
having a heart attack!
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I need an RRT and a crash cart.
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Over here.
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Sir, are you having
chest pains right now?
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Yeah, a little bit.
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Any numbness or pain in your arms?
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Maybe this one.
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Shortness of breath?
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Enough questions.
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He's a fat, middle-aged
man with chest pains.
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Do something!
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- All right.
- Sorry about the fat, honey.
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You said you liked me this way.
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Is Daddy gonna be okay?
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Oh, yeah. Your Pop-Pop used to have
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little chest pains all the time.
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Didn't he die of a heart attack?
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Well, for insurance purposes, yes.
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Hey. What's goin' on?
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Dad's in the hospital.
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What? Why's Dad in the hospital?
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- He's gonna be fine.
- He had chest pains.
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He's gonna be fine.
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What are we doin'? Why aren't
we going to the hospital?
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Nobody's goin' nowhere.
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We're just gonna stay calm,
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have a nice dinner, and
wait for your mama to call
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and tell us what's what.
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I'm not hungry.
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What did you mean by
"insurance purposes"?
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Just eat.
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What kind of Texan drinks pink wine?
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Hello.
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Hi, Mom. Kids okay?
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Yeah, they're fine. How's George?
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I don't know. They're running tests.
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Well, don't you worry about us.
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Everything's under control here.
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Okay.
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I'll call you when I know more.
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How you holdin' up?
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00:09:00,408 --> 00:09:02,508
I guess I'm okay.
208
00:09:02,510 --> 00:09:04,997
Well, George is gonna
pull through this, honey.
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I guarantee it.
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Thanks, Mom.
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Thanks for bein' there.
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You bet.
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I'll call you later.
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Okay.
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00:09:15,390 --> 00:09:16,856
Bye.
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What'd she say?
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00:09:20,195 --> 00:09:23,512
The doctors are doin' some
tests, but, dollars to donuts,
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00:09:23,515 --> 00:09:26,265
your daddy's just got a bad case of gas.
219
00:09:26,267 --> 00:09:28,634
Y'all two go get ready for bed.
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00:09:28,636 --> 00:09:30,348
I don't want to stay around here.
221
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I want to go to the
hospital and see Dad.
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00:09:32,495 --> 00:09:34,740
Well, I want to go to Las
Vegas and see Willie Nelson,
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but that ain't gonna happen either.
224
00:09:36,744 --> 00:09:38,711
This is stupid.
225
00:09:38,713 --> 00:09:40,246
You know what's stupid?
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00:09:40,248 --> 00:09:42,135
I got to drink pink wine!
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00:09:43,140 --> 00:09:44,417
Meemaw?
228
00:09:44,419 --> 00:09:45,618
What?
229
00:09:45,620 --> 00:09:47,486
Is Dad really okay?
230
00:09:48,323 --> 00:09:49,922
Yes.
231
00:09:49,924 --> 00:09:52,093
I hope you're not bluffing.
232
00:10:01,102 --> 00:10:03,436
You asleep?
233
00:10:03,438 --> 00:10:05,638
No.
234
00:10:05,640 --> 00:10:07,573
Me neither.
235
00:10:07,575 --> 00:10:10,617
Every time the phone
rings, I get scared.
236
00:10:12,945 --> 00:10:14,513
Me, too.
237
00:10:16,751 --> 00:10:19,118
I'm goin' to see Dad.
You guys want to come?
238
00:10:19,120 --> 00:10:22,121
How? Meemaw said we have to stay here.
239
00:10:22,123 --> 00:10:24,290
You want to go or not?
240
00:10:31,666 --> 00:10:33,139
Shh.
241
00:10:34,302 --> 00:10:36,269
Shh.
242
00:10:36,271 --> 00:10:38,183
Who do I shush?
243
00:10:38,186 --> 00:10:40,107
- Shh!
- Shh!
244
00:11:01,462 --> 00:11:03,129
What are you doing?
245
00:11:03,131 --> 00:11:04,897
I'm driving to the hospital.
246
00:11:04,899 --> 00:11:07,466
You can come with me or
stay here... up to you.
247
00:11:07,468 --> 00:11:09,535
I'm comin'.
248
00:11:09,537 --> 00:11:10,756
Sheldon?
249
00:11:10,759 --> 00:11:12,003
You're 14.
250
00:11:12,006 --> 00:11:13,706
You don't know how to drive.
251
00:11:13,708 --> 00:11:15,441
I drove a tractor at 4-H camp.
252
00:11:15,443 --> 00:11:16,876
It's the same thing.
253
00:11:16,878 --> 00:11:19,245
But you sat on the farmer's lap.
254
00:11:19,247 --> 00:11:20,479
Then stay here.
255
00:11:20,481 --> 00:11:22,045
Come on, Missy.
256
00:11:33,261 --> 00:11:35,027
What are you doin'?
257
00:11:35,029 --> 00:11:36,696
Travelin' music.
258
00:11:36,698 --> 00:11:38,097
Ugh.
259
00:11:38,099 --> 00:11:39,765
I'm coming with you.
260
00:11:39,767 --> 00:11:41,389
Why are you wearin' my helmet?
261
00:11:41,392 --> 00:11:44,162
I don't expect this to end well.
262
00:11:44,165 --> 00:11:45,498
And the pillows?
263
00:11:45,501 --> 00:11:47,373
Same answer.
264
00:11:48,209 --> 00:11:50,109
Turn it off. I've got to concentrate.
265
00:11:50,111 --> 00:11:51,711
Aw.
266
00:11:51,713 --> 00:11:53,397
Okay,
267
00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:55,033
seat belts, everybody.
268
00:11:55,036 --> 00:11:57,311
Please drive slowly.
269
00:11:57,314 --> 00:11:59,247
Relax. I know what I'm doin'.
270
00:11:59,250 --> 00:12:01,252
- Whoa!
- Whoa!
271
00:12:01,255 --> 00:12:03,065
I've often been asked
272
00:12:03,068 --> 00:12:05,091
why I never learned to drive a car.
273
00:12:05,093 --> 00:12:07,727
This night...
274
00:12:07,729 --> 00:12:10,096
is your answer.
275
00:12:10,098 --> 00:12:11,430
Please slow down.
276
00:12:11,432 --> 00:12:13,335
I'm goin' eight miles an hour.
277
00:12:13,338 --> 00:12:14,737
A cow just passed us.
278
00:12:14,740 --> 00:12:17,536
- Do you know how to get to the hospital?
- Yeah.
279
00:12:17,538 --> 00:12:19,538
It's right across the
street from the Dairy Queen.
280
00:12:19,540 --> 00:12:21,140
Which Dairy Queen?
281
00:12:21,142 --> 00:12:22,575
What are you talkin' about?
282
00:12:22,577 --> 00:12:23,676
There's two.
283
00:12:23,678 --> 00:12:24,811
Really?
284
00:12:24,814 --> 00:12:25,746
You're gonna hit it!
285
00:12:25,749 --> 00:12:27,067
Which is the one Mom takes us to?
286
00:12:27,069 --> 00:12:28,334
You're gonna hit it!
287
00:12:30,985 --> 00:12:33,452
Ooh, you're in trouble now!
288
00:12:56,878 --> 00:12:58,511
Yeah?
289
00:12:58,513 --> 00:13:00,813
What took you so long to answer?
290
00:13:00,815 --> 00:13:02,948
Powdering my nose. What's it to ya?
291
00:13:02,950 --> 00:13:06,318
Sorry I asked. Just wanted
to give you an update.
292
00:13:06,320 --> 00:13:08,621
Y... What's goin' on?
293
00:13:08,623 --> 00:13:10,526
They want to run some more tests.
294
00:13:10,529 --> 00:13:12,326
They're gonna hold him overnight.
295
00:13:12,329 --> 00:13:15,573
Oh. Oh, well, that's, that's
nothin' to worry about.
296
00:13:15,576 --> 00:13:17,237
That's just precautionary.
297
00:13:17,240 --> 00:13:18,764
How are the kids?
298
00:13:18,766 --> 00:13:21,151
Oh. They were a little worried,
299
00:13:21,154 --> 00:13:23,235
but I handled it.
300
00:13:23,237 --> 00:13:24,370
They sleepin'?
301
00:13:24,372 --> 00:13:26,806
Um...
302
00:13:26,808 --> 00:13:28,487
Yeah, yeah.
303
00:13:28,490 --> 00:13:30,042
You bet.
304
00:13:30,044 --> 00:13:31,911
Thanks again for helpin'.
305
00:13:31,913 --> 00:13:33,279
Oh, hey,
306
00:13:33,281 --> 00:13:34,714
these are my grandchildren.
307
00:13:34,717 --> 00:13:36,615
They are my blood.
308
00:13:36,617 --> 00:13:38,519
Okay. I better go.
309
00:13:38,522 --> 00:13:40,686
Okay. We'll talk later.
310
00:13:53,568 --> 00:13:55,634
Son of a bitch.
311
00:13:57,805 --> 00:13:59,939
I hate those kids.
312
00:14:03,344 --> 00:14:05,578
Just admit it, we're lost.
313
00:14:05,580 --> 00:14:07,146
We're not lost.
314
00:14:07,148 --> 00:14:09,215
Well, I sure don't see
a hospital anywhere.
315
00:14:09,217 --> 00:14:11,784
Why don't we ask
somebody for directions?
316
00:14:11,786 --> 00:14:14,253
Because we're children in a car, genius.
317
00:14:15,289 --> 00:14:16,689
Dang it!
318
00:14:16,691 --> 00:14:18,524
Are you aiming for them?
319
00:14:18,526 --> 00:14:20,559
Everybody just shut up. I got this.
320
00:14:23,431 --> 00:14:26,631
Oh, no. We're going to jail.
321
00:14:26,634 --> 00:14:28,234
Georgie's going to jail.
322
00:14:28,236 --> 00:14:29,802
I'm saying I was kidnapped.
323
00:14:29,804 --> 00:14:31,237
That's a good plan.
324
00:14:31,239 --> 00:14:33,014
You and I were kidnapped.
325
00:14:33,017 --> 00:14:35,474
If I'm going to jail,
we're all going to jail.
326
00:14:35,476 --> 00:14:37,877
Oh, you better pull over.
327
00:14:41,983 --> 00:14:44,650
Oh, thank God.
328
00:14:44,652 --> 00:14:47,319
- Well, don't just sit there... follow it.
- Why?
329
00:14:47,321 --> 00:14:49,722
It's an ambulance... It's
going to the hospital.
330
00:14:49,724 --> 00:14:51,936
Hang on.
331
00:14:54,962 --> 00:14:57,690
How about I put the radio on real low?
332
00:14:57,693 --> 00:14:59,198
Shut up.
333
00:15:00,168 --> 00:15:01,400
Mary.
334
00:15:01,402 --> 00:15:02,501
Mom!
335
00:15:02,503 --> 00:15:04,436
- Where are they?
- Where's who?
336
00:15:04,438 --> 00:15:06,748
More importantly...
337
00:15:09,675 --> 00:15:11,675
- how is George?
- Mom!
338
00:15:11,678 --> 00:15:13,946
- Ah. There they are!
- Hey. Oh.
339
00:15:13,948 --> 00:15:15,548
Ha! I lost the little rascals
340
00:15:15,550 --> 00:15:17,349
in the... hall.
341
00:15:17,351 --> 00:15:19,051
I want to see Dad.
342
00:15:19,053 --> 00:15:20,152
- Me, too.
- Me, too.
343
00:15:20,154 --> 00:15:21,620
The doctors are with him now.
344
00:15:21,622 --> 00:15:22,888
I'll take you in a bit.
345
00:15:22,890 --> 00:15:24,156
Why are they here?
346
00:15:24,158 --> 00:15:26,125
I think it's obvious.
347
00:15:26,127 --> 00:15:27,893
They love their daddy.
348
00:15:27,895 --> 00:15:31,063
No, I get that. Why
aren't they home in bed?
349
00:15:35,701 --> 00:15:37,803
Well, nobody could sleep.
350
00:15:37,805 --> 00:15:40,076
I thought it was the right thing.
351
00:15:42,076 --> 00:15:43,309
Good bluff.
352
00:15:43,311 --> 00:15:45,277
Shh.
353
00:15:45,279 --> 00:15:46,512
Okay, thank you.
354
00:15:46,514 --> 00:15:48,433
You all need anything? You hungry?
355
00:15:48,436 --> 00:15:49,648
- No.
- No, thank you.
356
00:15:49,650 --> 00:15:51,650
Okay, everybody sit tight.
357
00:15:51,652 --> 00:15:53,428
I'm gonna go check on your dad.
358
00:15:55,480 --> 00:15:56,947
Georgie.
359
00:15:57,858 --> 00:15:59,725
Give me my damn keys.
360
00:15:59,727 --> 00:16:02,161
Oh, yeah. Here.
361
00:16:02,163 --> 00:16:04,363
Thank you.
362
00:16:05,516 --> 00:16:07,516
How did I beat you here?
363
00:16:07,519 --> 00:16:09,619
We kept hitting garbage cans.
364
00:16:09,622 --> 00:16:10,839
Oh, God.
365
00:16:10,842 --> 00:16:12,771
I need to wash my hands.
366
00:16:12,773 --> 00:16:15,708
- There are germs here that can kill you.
- Hold up.
367
00:16:15,710 --> 00:16:18,477
Now, y'all like it when
your meemaw babysits.
368
00:16:18,479 --> 00:16:21,464
Poker, candy, firecrackers.
369
00:16:21,467 --> 00:16:22,881
- Yes.
- Yeah.
370
00:16:22,883 --> 00:16:25,144
Well, if your mother ever finds out
371
00:16:25,147 --> 00:16:26,785
what you did tonight,
372
00:16:26,787 --> 00:16:29,573
that is never gonna happen again.
373
00:16:29,576 --> 00:16:31,105
I can't lie to my mother.
374
00:16:31,108 --> 00:16:33,514
Sure you can. Believe in yourself!
375
00:17:42,459 --> 00:17:44,659
Despite what it looks like,
376
00:17:44,662 --> 00:17:46,699
I didn't pray to God that night.
377
00:17:46,701 --> 00:17:49,151
I prayed to Blaise Pascal.
378
00:17:49,154 --> 00:17:50,620
My thinking was,
379
00:17:50,623 --> 00:17:53,620
if he was right about
the existence of God,
380
00:17:53,623 --> 00:17:55,737
then he could pass along my request
381
00:17:55,740 --> 00:17:57,843
for my dad to get better.
382
00:17:57,845 --> 00:17:59,812
If he was wrong...
383
00:17:59,814 --> 00:18:01,013
well...
384
00:18:01,015 --> 00:18:04,381
in this moment, I
needed him to be right.
385
00:18:09,957 --> 00:18:11,890
What's taking so long?
386
00:18:11,892 --> 00:18:12,912
Shh.
387
00:18:12,915 --> 00:18:15,294
Keep your voice down, car thief.
388
00:18:15,296 --> 00:18:17,696
I didn't steal your
car, I just borrowed it.
389
00:18:17,698 --> 00:18:20,799
You're gonna need to make bail someday.
390
00:18:20,801 --> 00:18:24,203
Do not come to me.
391
00:18:24,205 --> 00:18:25,437
Good news!
392
00:18:25,439 --> 00:18:26,839
Your daddy's gonna be fine.
393
00:18:26,841 --> 00:18:29,174
- Should be home in a day or two.
- Oh!
394
00:18:29,176 --> 00:18:30,592
And was it a heart attack?
395
00:18:30,595 --> 00:18:32,177
Minor. No permanent damage.
396
00:18:32,179 --> 00:18:34,546
Oh! That's wonderful!
397
00:18:34,548 --> 00:18:36,334
Our prayers have been answered.
398
00:18:37,318 --> 00:18:38,450
Come on, everybody,
399
00:18:38,452 --> 00:18:40,386
let's say hello to your old dad.
400
00:18:42,723 --> 00:18:43,856
Come on.
401
00:18:43,858 --> 00:18:45,542
For a brief moment,
402
00:18:45,545 --> 00:18:49,194
I was filled with the
healing power of faith.
403
00:18:49,196 --> 00:18:52,247
Then the next day, we
all got violently ill
404
00:18:52,250 --> 00:18:55,602
from Billy Sparks'
eggs, and I was over it.
405
00:18:57,679 --> 00:19:00,732
I thought I'd talk this
morning about how it all began.
406
00:19:00,735 --> 00:19:04,185
Now, everybody knows how,
on the first day of creation,
407
00:19:04,188 --> 00:19:06,480
God said, "Let there be light."
408
00:19:06,482 --> 00:19:08,416
And there was light.
409
00:19:08,418 --> 00:19:11,719
And when God saw that
light, he knew it was good.
410
00:19:12,822 --> 00:19:14,589
Oh, here we go.
411
00:19:14,591 --> 00:19:16,223
Yes, Sheldon.
412
00:19:16,225 --> 00:19:19,333
You said he didn't create
the sun until day four.
413
00:19:19,336 --> 00:19:20,535
Yeah.
414
00:19:20,538 --> 00:19:22,872
So how could there be
light the first three days?
415
00:19:22,875 --> 00:19:24,599
God is light.
416
00:19:24,601 --> 00:19:26,667
So God's a photon?
417
00:19:28,896 --> 00:19:30,857
God's what made photons possible.
418
00:19:30,860 --> 00:19:32,760
And what day did he do that?
419
00:19:32,763 --> 00:19:34,229
I would think day one.
420
00:19:34,232 --> 00:19:37,333
If I grab my chest and keel over,
maybe we can get out of here.
421
00:19:37,336 --> 00:19:39,075
That's a terrible thing to say.
422
00:19:39,078 --> 00:19:41,145
Because the first day had just begun.
423
00:19:41,148 --> 00:19:42,748
So, before the Big Bang?
424
00:19:42,751 --> 00:19:44,217
There was no Big Bang.
425
00:19:44,220 --> 00:19:45,719
There was only the Word.
426
00:19:45,722 --> 00:19:47,622
Was the word "kaboom"?
427
00:19:47,625 --> 00:19:48,824
Okay, do it.
428
00:19:49,963 --> 00:19:51,162
We gotta go.
429
00:19:52,501 --> 00:19:53,793
What's happening?
430
00:19:53,796 --> 00:19:55,444
- Is it over?
- Y-Yes.
431
00:19:56,000 --> 00:20:00,658
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