ANNOUNCER: Tonight on Hard Quiz:
Expert subject - Allan Border.
Expert subject - bridge.
Expert subject - Bluey.
Expert subject - Cleopatra.
Here's your host, Tom Gleeson!
(APPLAUSE, CHEERING) Yes. Hello! How are you?
I'm wasting your money!
Welcome to Hard Quiz. These contestants are deep divers.
Last one to get the bends will be tonight's Hard Quiz champion.
(APPLAUSE, CHEERING)
To be part of the show, head to the ABC TV socials. (APPLAUSE, CHEERING)
To be part of the show, head to the ABC TV socials.
To be part of the show, Let's say hello.
G'day, Iovita. Hi.
Now, you're into Cleopatra. I certainly am.
Well, how did the love start? How did you first get into Cleopatra?
When I was 12 I had a very eccentric Hungarian history teacher
who taught us ancient history,
and through him, I just sort of fell in love,
and then started going to the state library every weekend
and researching.
You're a student. What are you studying?
You're a student. I'm studying literature.
Not ancient history?
No, but I actually am planning to take a class in a few years
No, but I actually am planning about Cleopatra.
Oh, AFTER you've done the quiz? Yeah.
Oh, AFTER you've done the quiz? (LAUGHTER)
This is like the test.
You know, I get to see if I'm good enough to take it or not.
Oh, OK, so you're going to just risk it on national TV?
Yeah!
And then brush up on your knowledge when no-one gives a shit.
Yeah. (LAUGHTER)
You've got an arts degree. This is probably the first time
it could have ever come in any use at all.
(LAUGHTER) That's original.
Yeah. (LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE)
Got me a good 'un.
You work at Got me a good 'un.
You work at a community radio station.
I do. Yeah? Give 'em a plug. Who is it?
Joy 94.9. OK.
The show I do, JOY Eurovision and Babble POP.
How do you deal with the one or two callers?
(LAUGHTER) We...
Our show... Was that original enough for ya?!
(LAUGHTER)
We don't really get callers, unfortunately.
We don't really get callers, (LAUGHTER)
So you've got an arts degree, (LAUGHTER)
So you've got an arts degree, you work in community radio,
So you've got an arts degree, and you're on Hard Quiz.
Are there any ends you won't go to to earn no money?
(LAUGHTER)
Who knows? I might move to Kazakhstan
and take up rhythmic gymnastics - you never know.
and take up rhythmic gymnastics - I've heard that before.
(APPLAUSE)
Alright, Mary. Tom.
Now, you're into Bluey. I am.
I'm presuming you have children?
I do, but I think I'd watch it even if it wasn't for the kids.
I do, but I think I'd watch it Is it true you have a Bluey tattoo?
I do, yeah.
(LAUGHS) Really? Doesn't everyone?
Uh...no. (LAUGHTER)
Iovita, do you have a Bluey tattoo?
Planning on getting one.
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
Thanks. That's appreciated.
What's your Bluey tattoo of?
It's of one of the characters from my favourite episode, I guess.
You have a Bluey podcast, is that true?
You have a Bluey podcast, I do, yeah.
After Bluey launched last year, we...myself and another friend
After Bluey launched last year, were just talking about it so much,
we thought, "Oh, we've got to were just talking about it so much,
we thought, "Oh, we've got to take this a bit further."
So, yeah, we record ourselves talking about it regularly,
and put out an episode a week,
talking for half an hour about one episode of Bluey.
So you talk for longer than the episodes go for.
(LAUGHTER)
About three or four times longer, yeah.
So, Ian, you're a retired physicist. Is bridge one of your hobbies?
Oh, it's more than a hobby, it's a serious devotion.
You've got the cards on your shirt. Yeah, yeah, you noticed.
(LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE)
You direct bridge as well. What does that mean?
It means that you actually have to organise the game.
Decide when you see the number of tables, you have to decide
on the movement, hand the cards out and do the scoring at the end.
And adjudicate on any controversies that might arise.
Feel like I'm looking into my future with you, Ian.
Now, another hobby of yours is square dancing, is that right?
Well, that's really a rather severe case of my wife's desires.
Oh. (LAUGHTER)
Do you have multiple partners when you square dance, Ian?
Gee, I think calling it dancing's a bit rich.
More like wandering around a hall.
Is your dancing inspired by your bridge?
I'm just saying you're doing a lot of shuffling.
Chris. G'day, Tom.
Now, Australian cricket captain Allan Border is your subject.
Yes. Is it fair to say
he is the most boring captain we've had?
The grumpiest captain we've ever had, yes.
But I don't think he's boring at all.
OK.
Yeah, he made a few big calls, a few declarations at right times
that won us matches, and unfortunately it was just
at a time when there were a lot of draws in international cricket.
at a time when there were a lot So your favourite captain
is a captain who presided over So your favourite captain
is a captain who presided over a lot of draws.
Well, he was a man who decided that he'd move to Queensland.
OK.
(LAUGHTER)
I accused him of being boring,
and you haven't rectified the situation.
(LAUGHTER)
Are you going to be like Allan Border tonight?
Are you going to be boring? It's started off that way.
Are you going to be boring? And it'll finish the same, I think.
Are you going to be really boring, and hard to get out?
(LAUGHTER, GROANING) Hope so.
Have you met him?
Once at a football game, and then Have you met him?
Once at a football game, and then I thought I met him another time,
Once at a football game, and then but it wasn't him.
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE) So, yeah.
So I was, uh...
Tell me more about this false sighting.
I was running a store, a TAB, and it was coming up to six o'clock,
I was running a store, a TAB, which was closing time,
and I was going out to the front which was closing time,
and I was going out to the front door to lock it up,
and a guy walks up, and said, "You still open?"
I said, "Anything for Allan Border," and he said, "I'm not Allan Border."
And I said, "Oh," and I let him in anyway.
And I said, "Oh," (LAUGHTER)
So it was just some random guy you let in after hours?
White male with a moustache. That was it.
White male with a moustache. Let's play - hard!
ANNOUNCER: Win or lose five points.
Steal an answer, double points.
I'll ask each of you five questions Steal an answer, double points.
I'll ask each of you five questions on your expert subject.
Right, you get five points, wrong, I will take five points from you.
The rest of you can steal at any time to get double points.
Let's start with Chris and his expert subject,
Australian cricket captain Allan Border.
Border became test captain after 1984 after Kim Hughes resigned in tears
following Australia's crushing defeat to which team?
Chris. West Indies.
Chris. Correct.
(APPLAUSE)
Yeah, that was thanks to guys like Curtly Ambrose and Viv Richards.
They were giants of the game back then.
They were giants of the game In his book Shane Warne's Century,
Warney says Border thrived on confrontation,
and taught him to use WHAT to his advantage?
For the steal, it's Mary. Sledging.
Correct. Double points to you. (APPLAUSE)
I'd sledge you, but no.
Following Border's 1988 dismissal of Jeffrey Dujon for a duck,
Merv Hughes congratulated him on the field
with what unwanted gesture?
Chris. An ear lick?
Correct. (APPLAUSE)
He put his tongue in his ear.
There he is there. Bit of a lick.
Good on you, mate. Well done.
We're all just mates.
There we go.
Tongue in the ear.
Good stuff.
All harmless.
Men's sport in the '80s All harmless.
Men's sport in the '80s was 80% athletic, 20% homoerotic.
Men's sport in the '80s (LAUGHTER)
Comparing his era to the modern game,
in the first chapter of his book Cricket As I See It,
Border says his generation should have trained more and done WHAT less?
Chris? Drinking.
Correct. (APPLAUSE)
Yes, an elite athlete.
Last question in your set, Chris.
The highest honour in Australian's men's cricket,
The highest honour in the Allan Border Medal,
is presented to the year's most outstanding player,
with the inaugural award in 2000 going to whom?
Glenn McGrath. Correct!
Glenn McGrath. (APPLAUSE)
Time now for Ian and the card game bridge.
Let's make this exciting, Ian.
In contract bridge, the stage of a game where partners describe
the strength of their hands is known by what name?
Ian. Bidding.
Correct. (APPLAUSE)
That's the most modern photo we could find of people playing bridge.
Also meaning to beat, or get the better of,
is what term for the suit of cards shown to have the highest value in...
Chris for the steal. Trump.
Correct. Double points to you. (APPLAUSE)
Highest value in a hand of bridge. Trump is correct.
Hey, just out of curiosity, Ian, do bridge games get pretty heated?
Oh, they can very heated indeed, especially on the way home.
(LAUGHTER)
Yeah, especially when you're giving multiple partners a lift.
Once ranked among the top 50 players in the world
and representing Egypt in international championships
and representing Egypt was which Doctor Zhivago star?
Ian. Omar Sharif.
Correct. (APPLAUSE)
At the 1975 World Championship in Bermuda,
the Italian team was severely reprimanded
for allegedly communicating through which body part?
Ian. Foot tapping.
Correct. (APPLAUSE)
Last question in your set, Ian.
Honeymoon bridge is a popular variation
on conventional four-player bridge, with what key difference?
For the steal, it's Mary. Two players.
Correct. Double points to you. (APPLAUSE)
Not enough, really. (LAUGHS) Not enough.
Ian, on your honeymoon, did you play bridge?
No. We weren't into bridge in those days.
Oh.
What'd you do?
(LAUGHTER)
That shall remain in the mists of time.
Ian rooting is in the mists of time.
(LAUGHTER)
OK, next set of questions is for Mary (LAUGHTER)
OK, next set of questions is for Mary on the children's TV show Bluey.
Do you have Bluey earrings on?
I didn't see that before. Do you have Bluey earrings on?
I didn't see that before. I do.
Yeah. Did you make them yourself, or were they for sale?
Instagram made them, yeah. Oh, OK.
Originally aimed at parents, creator Joe Brumm
described his preliminary idea for Bluey
described his preliminary idea as an R-rated version of which...
Mary. Peppa Pig.
Correct. (APPLAUSE)
"..which animated kids' show?"
Peppa Pig is correct.
Expressing one of the key messages of the show,
in the episode Trampoline, Bluey's dad, Bandit,
tells her that making up WHAT is more important than you think?
Mary. Games.
Correct. (APPLAUSE)
In the episode Grannies, Bluey teaches her nanna
to perform which viral dance move featured...
Mary. Flossing.
"..featured in the game Fortnite?" Flossing is correct.
"..featured in the game Fortnite?" (APPLAUSE)
OK. Yeah, yeah, that's it.
OK. Just do this with your hips.
And they go like this?
Oh! I'm doing it! I'm doing it!
You're doing it, Nanna!
(LAUGHS)
Can you floss, Ian?
No, Bluey... (LAUGHTER)
Mary might teach you how to floss later.
Mary might teach you Check this out.
Dad? Yes, mate?
I don't want the budgie to have died.
I know. Me neither, but there's nothing we can do.
I know. Me neither, It's out of our hands.
Are you sure he won't get better?
Yeah, I'm sure.
In his first voice acting role,
Bluey's dad is played by Dave McCormack,
who sang Music Is Crap as frontman of which '90s cult band?
who sang Music Is Crap as frontman For the steal, it's Chris.
Custard.
Correct. Double points to you. Custard.
Correct. Double points to you. (APPLAUSE)
That's supposed to be one of the good things about Bluey, isn't it -
that the dad is someone to look up to?
As opposed to Peppa Pig's dad, who is a deadshit.
(LAUGHTER)
Last question in your set, Mary.
In June 2019, producers announced
that the global rights to the first two seasons
had been sold to which US entertainment...
Mary. Disney.
Correct. (APPLAUSE)
"..which US entertainment giant?" Disney is correct.
Iovita, not keen on stealing?
I don't know anything about Iovita, not keen on stealing?
I don't know anything about bridge, cricket or Bluey, so...
Mmm, yeah. Unfortunately.
It's one of the disadvantages of being young.
(LAUGHTER)
Missing out on all that life experience
that could have helped you out.
Last set in the expert round, that could have helped you out.
Last set in the expert round, it's Iovita and Cleopatra.
Film adaptations released in 1934 and '63
Film adaptations depict Egypt's fall to Roman forces,
with Cleopatra dying from the bite of what animal?
For the steal, it's Chris. Asp.
Correct. Double points to you. (APPLAUSE)
For the first year of her joint reign
with her younger brother Ptolemy XIII,
Cleopatra was able to act as sole monarch for what reason?
Iovita. Uh, she was older.
Iovita. Incorrect. Still open.
Wide open.
(BUZZ!) Time's up.
Ptolemy was underage. Oh.
It was cause he was underage - not under HER age, just underage.
He was 10 at the time, and he acted via a regency council.
Seeking assistance in a power struggle with her brother,
Cleopatra smuggled herself into the palace at Alexandria
to meet which legendary Roman general?
Iovita. Julius Caesar.
Correct. (APPLAUSE)
Do you know how they snuck her in?
Well, the traditional narrative is that it was in a carpet,
but it's probably more likely to have been some kind of laundry bag.
In a ceremony after Caesar's death, Mark Antony showered Cleopatra
with territory and honours, while the queen portrayed herself
with territory and honours, as which Egyptian goddess?
Iovita. Isis.
Correct. (APPLAUSE)
Yeah, he gave her so many presents, it created a war. Is that right?
Yeah, he kept giving territories to her.
Yes. The Romans didn't like that.
No. Last question in your set, Iovita.
Defeated by Roman forces at the battle of Actium,
Cleopatra led a fleet of 60 ships from her flagship,
Cleopatra led a fleet of 60 ships which had sails of what royal colour?
Iovita. Purple.
Correct. (APPLAUSE)
Alright, at the end of the expert round,
Alright, at the end of Iovita, you're at the bottom on 10,
but you can still catch up a bit here.
We've scanned through their subjects, now let's scan through mine.
This week I've been really getting into holes.
(LAUGHTER)
I love all kinds of holes. Plug, ear, glory.
I love all kinds of holes. This round is multiple choice.
Select your answers on your screens,
then press the buzzer to lock in the answer.
The supermassive black hole at the centre of the Milky Way
The supermassive black hole has what name?
Astronomers use asterisks in names of things and when they say 'star',
they're not calling the black hole a star,
they're not calling the black hole they're calling the asterisk a star.
The answer is...
..C - Sagittarius A*.
(APPLAUSE)
It has the mass of four million suns, as it turns out.
And it has a gravitational pull so big, it can alter time and space.
'90s alternative rock band Hole had which lead singer?
The answer is C, Courtney Love.
(APPLAUSE)
Ian, are you...are you a fan of grunge?
What's grunge? (LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE)
Thought you might listen to a bit of Hole
to get yourself psyched up for your bridge.
In which industry would someone go to work in a glory hole?
(LAUGHTER)
The answer is A, mining.
The glory hole is different things in different mines.
It depends on what you're mining, but, um...
It depends on what you're mining, (LAUGHTER)
Also, mining can be lonely work. Anyway...
In the 2000 presidential election recount in Florida,
In the 2000 presidential election poorly punched holes in ballot papers
were commonly said to have what type of chads?
The answer is A, hanging chads.
(APPLAUSE)
The recount was called off after the US Supreme Court said
there was no way of ensuring constitutional standards could be met
there was no way of ensuring by double checking the votes.
And the chad is the little circle of paper that falls out
when you punch a hole.
Just so you know. That's what a chad is.
Just so you know. OK, you need this, Iovita.
Last question in my round OK, you need this, Iovita.
Last question in my round is worth double points.
Inspired by the work of mathematician and author Charles Dodgson
Inspired by the work of mathematician was which of these idioms?
The answer is...
..C - down the rabbit hole.
MAN: Chris! (APPLAUSE)
The Reverend Charles Dodgson wrote under the pen name Lewis Carroll.
The Reverend Charles Dodgson wrote Ah.
At the end of my round, Iovita, you're at the bottom on -5.
You know what that means. Get over here.
You know what that means. (APPLAUSE)
Alright, Iovita. You lack knowledge outside your subject.
Alright, Iovita. You lack knowledge I think that's what happened.
Yeah. Yeah, we'll go with that.
Alright, you know what this means. Out!
Alright, you know what this means. (APPLAUSE, CHEERING)
See ya later.
Alright. Jeepers, it's the people's round!
Take off your shoes, play along at home.
Take off your shoes, Your time starts now.
Organising an unmanageable group is said to be like herding WHAT?
Cats. Yes.
A PB and J sandwich involves the key ingredients peanut butter and WHAT?
Jelly. Yes.
What country's flag features a single red maple leaf?
Canada. Yes.
What word is both a high rank in the Australian navy
and a classic Australian car model?
(BUZZ!) Time's up. Commodore.
The practise of hiding alcohol in boots led to what word
The practise of hiding alcohol for dealing in illegal goods?
Bootlegging. for dealing in illegal goods?
Bootlegging. Yes.
Time's up! (APPLAUSE)
At the end of the people's round, Ian, you're at the bottom on zero.
You know what that means. Get over here.
What happened, Ian?
Well, I have vast wells of ignorance,
and you were successful in tapping them.
and you were successful (LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
Alright, well, maybe you can square dance your arse out of here, Ian.
Alright, well, maybe you can square Out!
(APPLAUSE, CHEERING)
There he goes.
See you later, Ian.
Alright, only two left. Who's going See you later, Ian.
Alright, only two left. Who's going to be the Hard Quiz champion?
Chris and Mary, get over here because it's time to play Hard Quiz.
Allan Border versus Bluey.
Now, there can only be one Hard Quiz champion
who gets to take home the limited edition big brass mug.
Mary, what will you do with the mug if you win?
Well, when we record the podcast, I just stick a mic in my phone,
and then I've got to hold the phone up somehow,
and then I've got to hold so I put it in a coffee cup.
It's very technical.
So perhaps I'll upgrade my recording equipment, and stick it in the mug.
So perhaps I'll upgrade my recording OK. What about you, Chris?
Oh, I think it'll have pride of place for a couple of months,
Oh, I think it'll have pride and then...out.
(LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE)
Alright, it's best of five, penalty shoot-out style.
Harder questions on your expert subjects,
so it's Mary's knowledge of Bluey
versus Chris's knowledge of Allan Border.
versus Chris's knowledge Let's play - hard!
Here we go. Mary.
In the episode The Doctor, Here we go. Mary.
In the episode The Doctor, a patient needs treatment at Bingo's
imaginary clinic, after being bitten by seven scorpions.
What complaint does the next patient suffer from?
(EXHALES HEAVILY) Good question.
I think the seven...I'm not sure which character's
the seven scorpions character,
but I think the next one in after that is Indy,
who was hanging out the washing and her arms fell off.
who was hanging out the washing (LAUGHTER)
Incorrect.
The next patient suffered from burping baby hippopotamuses.
Ah, yep.
(LAUGHTER) Ah, yep.
It happens. Yeah. Ah, yep.
It happens. Yeah.
So what was the other emergency you mentioned?
Arms falling off.
There's also one who's cuddled a cactus.
There's also one Yes.
And getting bitten on the bottom by a crocodile.
And getting bitten on the bottom That's right.
Very traumatic, watching Bluey.
(LAUGHTER)
Chris.
After England beat Border's side Chris.
After England beat Border's side in the 1986 Boxing Day test,
Prime Minister Bob Hawke sledged the Australian team by wishing
Prime Minister Bob Hawke sledged they were more like which athlete?
Pat Cash. they were more like which athlete?
Pat Cash. Correct.
Pat Cash. (APPLAUSE)
Mary.
In June 2019, Penguin Books Australia announced the release
of three Bluey tie-ins, including a lift-the-flap book
of three Bluey tie-ins, with which title?
Uh, so I know there's three.
Um...there's a glow in the dark one as well.
I think the lift the flap one is The Beach.
Correct.
(APPLAUSE)
Yeah, you're right.
The other one's a glow in the dark book,
and there's also a sticker book.
Chris.
In the preface of his book Cricket As I See It,
Border says WHAT may not have been his best decision
Border says WHAT may not have been when he retired?
I didn't read the preface of that book
because there's normally nothing in there.
You skipped the preface?
Yeah.
There's nothing...
Well, he's a very boring There's nothing...
Well, he's a very boring cricket captain
and the preface is going to be, you know, probably the most boring part
and the preface is going to be, you of a boring book about...
(LAUGHTER)
Um, so, what was the question again?
It's, uh... Sorry. I just... (LAUGHTER)
Did you tune out while I was talking about your topic?
When I realised I was stuffed, I sort of went to another place.
When I realised I was stuffed, OK. (LAUGHTER)
Border said WHAT may not have been his best decision when he retired? (LAUGHTER)
Border said WHAT may not have been his best decision when he retired?
I'd say playing on for another year.
Incorrect.
It was knocking back Channel Nine. Incorrect.
It was knocking back Channel Nine. Ah.
They asked him to join the commentary team, and he turned them down.
As you know, they always have Australian cricket captains
in the Channel Nine commentary, but he turned down that offer.
in the Channel Nine commentary, But now it's one of his main gigs.
But he doesn't do it for Nine. No.
But he doesn't do it for Nine. Mary.
During The Magic Xylophone, what piece of classical music
does Bandit play on Bluey's stomach?
Um, so he's playing the piano on Bluey's stomach, and he says,
"I will now perform for you... the Rondo Alla Turca."
"I will now perform for you... Correct.
(APPLAUSE)
Ladies and gentlemen, I will now play for you the Rondo Alla Turca.
(CLEARS THROAT) (GIGGLES)
(SINGS MELODY TO RONDO ALLA TURCA) (LAUGHS)
Yeah, it's the final movement to Mozart's Sonata Number 11.
Just for our older viewers who don't give a shit
about children's television.
Chris.
Border made a record-breaking Chris.
Border made a record-breaking 11,174 runs over his test career,
scoring 3,071 of them while batting at what number in the order?
scoring 3,071 of them while I'll... Hmm.
I'll go for...
Did you go to another place again I'll go for...
Did you go to another place again then?
No, I just have to pick a number between one and seven, really.
No, I just have to pick a number So I'll say...six.
Incorrect.
Three? Four?
Incorrect as well. Three? Four?
Incorrect as well. Five?
You don't get to just keep choosing. Seven?
No. (LAUGHTER)
Was he in the team? Not how the game works.
(LAUGHTER) You only get one shot at it.
Five is the correct answer.
He scored 3,783 runs batting at number four,
but 3,071 of them batting at number five.
Mary.
In 2019, children's charity organisation The Shepherd Centre
named Bandit Heeler in its annual Father of the Year awards
named Bandit Heeler in its annual by adding a new category named WHAT?
So, I think it was controversial,
'cause I feel like he could have just taken it out,
the entire, you know... the original category out,
but I think they called the category the Canine Category.
Correct.
(APPLAUSE)
Yes, he's the Canine Father of the Year.
Alright, you need to get this right to stay in the game, Chris. Yes, he's the Canine Father of the Year.
Alright, you need to get this right to stay in the game, Chris.
If you get this wrong, Mary, you are tonight's Hard Quiz champion.
If you get this wrong, Mary, you are Chris.
A message on the scoreboard congratulated Border
on the birth of his second child while he was playing at what venue?
Sydney Cricket Ground.
Correct. (APPLAUSE)
Now, Mary, if you get this right, you are tonight's Hard Quiz champion.
Now, Mary, if you get this right, In the episode Yoga Ball,
after Bandit agrees to play a quick game of Raiders,
after Bandit agrees to play Bingo asks him to play for how long?
Um, so, I know the episode.
Um...I think they ask him to play one more game,
but I think she asks him to play for this long.
Correct! Which means you are tonight's Hard Quiz champion!
(APPLAUSE, CHEERING)
Alright, Chris, you know what this means. Out!
There he goes. (APPLAUSE, CHEERING)
There he goes. On your way. Back to the pavilion.
Congratulations, Mary. You are tonight's Hard Quiz champion!
You get the big brass mug and you get to do the sign-off.
You get the big brass mug Thanks for playing - hard.
Captions by Red Bee Media Thanks for playing - hard.
Captions by Red Bee Media
Copyright Australian Broadcasting Corporation