1
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That logo music just gets you pumped.
2
00:00:37,870 --> 00:00:39,580
Right?
3
00:00:39,660 --> 00:00:42,456
I'm sorry. I just, I'm excited
to be here. It's been a while.
4
00:00:42,540 --> 00:00:43,666
You know, for a long time,
5
00:00:43,750 --> 00:00:45,460
I wasn't sure I'd ever be back.
6
00:00:45,540 --> 00:00:46,580
Disney bought Fox,
7
00:00:46,670 --> 00:00:48,296
there was a whole boring rights issue,
8
00:00:48,380 --> 00:00:49,416
blabbity-blabbity-blah.
9
00:00:49,500 --> 00:00:52,470
But then, it turned out, they wanted me.
10
00:00:52,550 --> 00:00:55,050
The one guy who shouldn't
even have his own movie,
11
00:00:55,140 --> 00:00:56,720
much less a franchise.
12
00:00:56,800 --> 00:00:59,390
Marvel's so stupid.
13
00:01:00,140 --> 00:01:02,040
Look, we know the title of this thing.
14
00:01:02,060 --> 00:01:03,730
So, I know what you're wondering.
15
00:01:03,810 --> 00:01:05,010
How are we gonna do this
16
00:01:05,020 --> 00:01:07,650
without dishonoring Logan's memory?
17
00:01:08,270 --> 00:01:09,440
And I'll tell you how.
18
00:01:10,440 --> 00:01:11,440
We're not.
19
00:01:13,450 --> 00:01:15,530
I'm gonna let you in on a little secret.
20
00:01:15,610 --> 00:01:17,950
Wolverine is not dead.
21
00:01:18,030 --> 00:01:21,040
Sure, it made for a perfect ending
to a very sad story.
22
00:01:21,120 --> 00:01:24,410
But that's not how
regenerative healing factors work.
23
00:01:24,500 --> 00:01:27,960
You think I wanna be out here
in beautiful downtown North Dakota,
24
00:01:28,040 --> 00:01:30,880
digging up the one and only Wolverine?
No, thank you.
25
00:01:31,380 --> 00:01:33,760
But the fate of
my entire world is at stake.
26
00:01:33,840 --> 00:01:37,010
He may not be living his best life,
but he sure as hell ain't
27
00:01:37,760 --> 00:01:39,140
dead.
28
00:01:44,060 --> 00:01:45,060
Bingo.
29
00:01:45,850 --> 00:01:46,850
Yahtzee.
30
00:01:50,150 --> 00:01:52,980
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
31
00:01:56,610 --> 00:01:57,610
Damn it!
32
00:01:58,700 --> 00:02:01,330
Son of a bitch!
33
00:02:03,120 --> 00:02:04,200
You...
34
00:02:06,660 --> 00:02:10,000
Christ. Motherfucker!
35
00:02:10,080 --> 00:02:11,590
My world is fuck...
36
00:02:11,670 --> 00:02:14,090
That was weird.
37
00:02:14,590 --> 00:02:15,670
I'm much calmer now.
38
00:02:17,510 --> 00:02:20,140
Look, I'm not a man of science.
39
00:02:20,220 --> 00:02:23,180
But you seem incredibly passed away.
40
00:02:27,020 --> 00:02:28,270
But it's good to see ya.
41
00:02:28,350 --> 00:02:31,690
I gotta be honest, I've always
wanted to ride with you, Log.
42
00:02:31,770 --> 00:02:32,776
You and me getting into it.
43
00:02:32,860 --> 00:02:36,490
Deadpool and Wolverine
just fuckin' shit up.
44
00:02:36,570 --> 00:02:39,280
Can you imagine the fun, the chaos...
45
00:02:39,910 --> 00:02:40,910
the residuals?
46
00:02:42,080 --> 00:02:43,200
"G'day, mate.
47
00:02:43,280 --> 00:02:45,076
"There's nothing that'll
bring me back to life faster
48
00:02:45,160 --> 00:02:47,580
"than a big bag of Marvel cash."
49
00:02:48,210 --> 00:02:50,420
Me too, Hugh.
50
00:02:51,170 --> 00:02:53,380
But, no. No, no, no.
51
00:02:54,380 --> 00:02:57,920
You had to get all noble and die for real.
52
00:02:58,010 --> 00:02:59,720
Goddamn it!
53
00:03:01,430 --> 00:03:03,510
I could really use your help right now.
54
00:03:14,400 --> 00:03:15,400
Wait!
55
00:03:16,230 --> 00:03:18,320
I'm warning you, I'm not alone.
56
00:03:18,400 --> 00:03:19,990
Wade Winston Wilson,
57
00:03:20,780 --> 00:03:22,906
you are under arrest by
the Time Variance Authority...
58
00:03:22,990 --> 00:03:24,160
Oof.
59
00:03:24,240 --> 00:03:26,206
- for too many crimes to list.
- Come out...
60
00:03:26,290 --> 00:03:28,500
and we'll extend you the courtesy
61
00:03:28,580 --> 00:03:30,166
- of taking you in one piece.
- Death by day-player.
62
00:03:30,250 --> 00:03:31,670
Last chance.
63
00:03:31,750 --> 00:03:33,000
Throw out your weapons
64
00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:34,920
and come out peacefully.
65
00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:36,800
I'm not gonna give you my weapons,
66
00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:39,010
but I promise not to use them.
67
00:03:40,170 --> 00:03:42,890
There are two hundred and six bones
in the human body.
68
00:03:42,970 --> 00:03:45,420
Two hundred and seven
if I'm watching Gossip Girl.
69
00:03:55,060 --> 00:03:56,400
Okay, peanut.
70
00:03:56,480 --> 00:03:58,580
Guess we're getting
that team-up after all.
71
00:05:08,220 --> 00:05:09,930
Maradona from outside the box!
72
00:05:10,010 --> 00:05:13,730
{\an8}Goal!
73
00:06:00,190 --> 00:06:01,400
Come on, big fella.
74
00:06:40,650 --> 00:06:42,940
I am soaking wet right now.
75
00:06:46,030 --> 00:06:48,400
To be clear, I'm not proud of any of this.
76
00:06:48,490 --> 00:06:51,320
The wanton violence,
the whiff of necrophilia.
77
00:06:51,410 --> 00:06:52,490
It isn't who I am.
78
00:06:52,580 --> 00:06:53,990
It isn't who I wanna be.
79
00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:55,330
Who I wanna be?
80
00:06:55,410 --> 00:06:57,160
Well, to help you understand that,
81
00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:58,500
I've gotta take you back.
82
00:06:58,500 --> 00:07:01,130
A little joyride I took
through space and time,
83
00:07:01,210 --> 00:07:03,630
to the day that changed everything.
84
00:07:15,850 --> 00:07:17,600
{\an8}I can't believe I'm finally here.
85
00:07:17,680 --> 00:07:20,310
{\an8}I've waited for this moment for so long.
86
00:07:21,560 --> 00:07:23,770
Thank you, sir, for seeing me.
87
00:07:24,570 --> 00:07:26,730
I... I firmly believe
88
00:07:26,820 --> 00:07:29,950
that my services could be of
great use to your organization.
89
00:07:30,030 --> 00:07:31,110
Now, I know
90
00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:33,486
I was caught smashturbating
in the lobby of Stark Tower,
91
00:07:33,570 --> 00:07:34,946
- but I can assure you that--
- Smashturbating?
92
00:07:35,030 --> 00:07:36,286
I'm sorry, what... what was that?
93
00:07:36,370 --> 00:07:40,750
No, I'm sorry. That... That's when
you get those toy Hulk hands, right?
94
00:07:40,830 --> 00:07:43,230
And then you just,
you look down, and you just...
95
00:07:43,750 --> 00:07:46,086
you brace yourself,
and you ravage the midsection.
96
00:07:46,170 --> 00:07:48,086
- Pinch the... Yeah. Okay.
- I get it. Okay, thank you.
97
00:07:48,170 --> 00:07:50,006
- The picture's painted.
- You get the gist.
98
00:07:50,090 --> 00:07:52,340
Uh, what exactly brings you here today?
99
00:07:52,430 --> 00:07:55,220
Why am I... Wow. Okay. Uh...
100
00:07:55,300 --> 00:07:57,270
I... I care.
101
00:07:57,350 --> 00:08:00,100
I know I turn everything
into a joke, but I...
102
00:08:02,190 --> 00:08:04,810
I care, and I wanna use that feeling...
103
00:08:06,190 --> 00:08:07,610
for something important.
104
00:08:07,690 --> 00:08:09,490
I... I wanna matter.
105
00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:14,120
I need to show my girl that I matter.
106
00:08:15,490 --> 00:08:16,490
And...
107
00:08:17,160 --> 00:08:19,286
You know, I feel like I'm wasting
the good stuff here.
108
00:08:19,370 --> 00:08:20,666
Is the man not gonna be joining us?
109
00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:21,830
- The man?
- Yeah.
110
00:08:21,910 --> 00:08:23,960
I should save this if he's gonna...
111
00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:26,006
Uh, as far as you're concerned
right now, I'm the man.
112
00:08:26,090 --> 00:08:27,750
- No.
- The man is me.
113
00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:30,670
I am the man in this circumstance.
114
00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:31,970
- Mm.
- He doesn't do
115
00:08:32,050 --> 00:08:33,470
this kind of thing anymore.
116
00:08:33,550 --> 00:08:34,550
- Cameos?
- Meetings.
117
00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:36,056
- Meetings.
- Entry-level meetings.
118
00:08:36,140 --> 00:08:37,140
Entry-level?
119
00:08:37,220 --> 00:08:39,220
Aren't you the chauffeur...
120
00:08:39,310 --> 00:08:41,310
- maybe?
- I... Common misconception.
121
00:08:41,390 --> 00:08:42,890
- Okay.
- I did begin my career
122
00:08:42,940 --> 00:08:44,520
as Mr. Stark's driver.
123
00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:45,606
- Okay.
- Quickly pivoted to...
124
00:08:45,690 --> 00:08:47,440
- Chauffeur.
- the Head of Security.
125
00:08:47,440 --> 00:08:49,276
The Head of... Of course, yes, yes, yes.
126
00:08:49,360 --> 00:08:52,320
And why I am vetting your résumé.
127
00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:54,576
You seem to have left out
whether or not you had
128
00:08:54,660 --> 00:08:56,780
any experience as a member of a team.
129
00:08:56,870 --> 00:08:58,696
Could you maybe add
a little bit of perspective there?
130
00:08:58,780 --> 00:09:00,956
Oh. No, yes, of course.
I was Special Forces...
131
00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:02,120
- Okay.
- but I was...
132
00:09:02,210 --> 00:09:03,620
Mainly, I was team leader...
133
00:09:03,710 --> 00:09:04,996
founder, really, of X-Force.
134
00:09:05,080 --> 00:09:06,956
Sadly, they... they all
perished in action though.
135
00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:08,750
Oh. How exactly did that happen?
136
00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:10,546
Well, the police say gravity, but if...
137
00:09:10,630 --> 00:09:12,136
Just between us, they didn't test well
138
00:09:12,220 --> 00:09:13,546
- in the focus group.
- I see.
139
00:09:13,630 --> 00:09:15,180
- Particularly Cable.
- X-Force.
140
00:09:15,220 --> 00:09:17,386
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Look, I can see this isn't going well.
141
00:09:17,470 --> 00:09:18,716
Please stop writing. Look, I... I...
142
00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:20,600
I'm just... I wanna be an Avenger.
143
00:09:22,480 --> 00:09:24,100
I wanna be an Avenger.
144
00:09:26,150 --> 00:09:27,700
Why do you wanna be an Avenger?
145
00:09:28,060 --> 00:09:30,896
Look around you. I mean, they're the...
they're the best of the best.
146
00:09:30,980 --> 00:09:32,990
And... And what they do matters.
147
00:09:33,070 --> 00:09:34,360
I need to be an Avenger.
148
00:09:35,360 --> 00:09:37,950
Sir, my girl has kinda had it
with my shtick,
149
00:09:38,030 --> 00:09:39,740
and I... if I don't, you know,
150
00:09:39,830 --> 00:09:42,166
turn things around and
do something with my "gifts,"
151
00:09:42,250 --> 00:09:43,876
I don't think it's gonna
really work out for me,
152
00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:45,210
and I wouldn't blame her.
153
00:09:46,250 --> 00:09:50,710
Avengers are a very unique group
of superheroes
154
00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:51,876
that stand for something
155
00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:54,840
more than just fighting
and wearing costumes.
156
00:09:54,920 --> 00:09:57,840
I mean, people look up to us.
Kids look up to us.
157
00:09:57,930 --> 00:09:59,230
- They--
- I'm sorry. "Us"?
158
00:09:59,300 --> 00:10:01,300
I wasn't aware that you were an Avenger.
159
00:10:01,720 --> 00:10:02,846
Avengers-adjacent, technically.
160
00:10:02,930 --> 00:10:04,436
Oh, wow. What's your superpower?
161
00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:07,060
Is it parallel parking? I am so sorry.
162
00:10:07,140 --> 00:10:08,350
That was cruel.
163
00:10:08,440 --> 00:10:10,790
I lash out when I'm nervous.
Won't happen again.
164
00:10:10,820 --> 00:10:12,196
- Let's cut to the chase.
- Please.
165
00:10:12,280 --> 00:10:13,690
You just said moments ago
166
00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:15,950
that you wanted to be an Avenger because
167
00:10:16,570 --> 00:10:17,570
you need it.
168
00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:19,320
Yes, sir, I do.
169
00:10:19,410 --> 00:10:20,946
But the Avengers don't do the job
170
00:10:21,030 --> 00:10:22,540
because they need it.
171
00:10:22,620 --> 00:10:24,670
They do the job because people need them.
172
00:10:25,750 --> 00:10:27,160
Do you see the distinction?
173
00:10:28,960 --> 00:10:30,290
Yes, sir.
174
00:10:31,250 --> 00:10:32,800
Please, Mr. Hogan.
175
00:10:32,880 --> 00:10:36,670
I don't wanna spend the rest of my life
like an annoying one-trick pony.
176
00:10:39,090 --> 00:10:40,090
All right.
177
00:10:41,050 --> 00:10:43,060
Oh, my God, you're standing.
178
00:10:43,140 --> 00:10:45,306
- Yeah, now's the time that we stand.
- Damn it.
179
00:10:45,390 --> 00:10:46,726
Now, the problem might be that
180
00:10:46,810 --> 00:10:49,350
you're reaching a little...
little too high.
181
00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:51,860
Aim for the middle, and you'll never miss.
182
00:10:51,940 --> 00:10:55,026
Right? I think you got a good heart.
I believe what you're saying.
183
00:10:55,110 --> 00:10:56,566
But not everybody's the world-saving type.
184
00:10:56,650 --> 00:10:58,240
I'm not, and I'm happy.
185
00:10:58,950 --> 00:11:00,660
Right? I found my place.
186
00:11:01,490 --> 00:11:02,620
Find your place.
187
00:11:03,870 --> 00:11:05,370
All right? Get back out there.
188
00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:07,456
- We'll keep an eye on you.
- Okay.
189
00:11:07,540 --> 00:11:08,790
Good luck.
190
00:11:09,710 --> 00:11:12,290
- Mm. Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.
191
00:11:12,380 --> 00:11:14,920
Fetch the car. I wanna hit Shake Shack.
192
00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:16,420
Rejection makes me hungy.
193
00:11:17,630 --> 00:11:18,970
- No, no. Please.
- No?
194
00:11:19,050 --> 00:11:20,590
- Yeah, no, no, no.
- Okay.
195
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:21,760
Okay, thank you.
196
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:24,930
You know what they say.
197
00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:26,890
When one door closes,
198
00:11:28,350 --> 00:11:29,940
your locker at work opens.
199
00:11:39,740 --> 00:11:42,890
Now let's go sell some certified
pre-owned vehicles, motherfu...
200
00:11:45,240 --> 00:11:48,200
Technically, the...
the Carnival's not a minivan.
201
00:11:49,330 --> 00:11:50,330
It's an MPV.
202
00:11:50,410 --> 00:11:53,040
So how does the Kia compare
to the Honda Odyssey?
203
00:11:53,130 --> 00:11:54,796
The Odyssey? That's a great question.
204
00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:56,880
Um, it doesn't fucking suck.
205
00:11:56,960 --> 00:11:59,336
You know, you can answer
the question without swearing.
206
00:11:59,420 --> 00:12:01,720
I'm sorry, Tammy, I don't...
I don't have kids.
207
00:12:02,050 --> 00:12:03,750
Not that I haven't dreamt of that,
208
00:12:03,800 --> 00:12:05,850
but I don't have a lot of vaginal sex.
209
00:12:08,890 --> 00:12:10,726
{\an8}- You'll get 'em next time, pal.
- Yeah.
210
00:12:10,810 --> 00:12:13,260
And look,
you can always go back to superhero-ing.
211
00:12:13,310 --> 00:12:15,860
I mean, I know I'd like
to see you back in the suit.
212
00:12:16,110 --> 00:12:18,396
I don't keep it in my locker
so that I can wear it.
213
00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:21,450
I keep it in my locker in case
we need to saddle up again.
214
00:12:21,530 --> 00:12:24,370
Hey, hey, hey.
What is that doing in there?
215
00:12:24,450 --> 00:12:25,530
I'm done.
216
00:12:27,370 --> 00:12:28,370
I'm done.
217
00:12:29,370 --> 00:12:31,250
And I'm fine with being done.
218
00:12:31,330 --> 00:12:33,040
Look, is sales the best match?
219
00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:34,210
Probably not.
220
00:12:34,290 --> 00:12:37,460
Is this the life that I always
imagined for myself? Fuck no.
221
00:12:38,750 --> 00:12:41,300
But this is the right fit
for me, Sugar Bear, it is.
222
00:12:41,380 --> 00:12:42,760
Okay, Mr. Wilson.
223
00:12:42,840 --> 00:12:44,840
I'm just saying, once a month,
224
00:12:44,930 --> 00:12:46,970
we could go on a little mission.
225
00:12:47,050 --> 00:12:49,770
We're human beings. We crave purpose.
226
00:12:49,850 --> 00:12:51,600
After all, we're Deadpool.
227
00:12:51,680 --> 00:12:54,150
Please stop saying that.
We're not Deadpool.
228
00:12:54,230 --> 00:12:55,730
I'm not even Deadpool anymore.
229
00:12:56,610 --> 00:12:59,320
Well, if you're gonna have
a midlife crisis, go big.
230
00:12:59,400 --> 00:13:01,360
A few years ago, a friend of mine
231
00:13:01,440 --> 00:13:03,650
got his nipples pierced
with a titanium chain
232
00:13:03,740 --> 00:13:06,780
that goes down and attaches
to his Van Johnson.
233
00:13:10,950 --> 00:13:13,250
Are... Are you feeling grumplestiltskin
234
00:13:13,330 --> 00:13:14,630
'cause it's your birthday?
235
00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:17,000
What?
236
00:13:17,840 --> 00:13:18,840
No.
237
00:13:19,880 --> 00:13:20,880
No.
238
00:13:24,300 --> 00:13:26,340
Surprise!
239
00:13:26,430 --> 00:13:28,680
Hey, you guys are lucky I'm not armed.
240
00:13:29,680 --> 00:13:30,640
Get in here.
241
00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:32,970
If this were six years ago,
you'd all be dead.
242
00:13:33,020 --> 00:13:34,770
So then, he gets out of the cab,
243
00:13:34,850 --> 00:13:35,976
and you will not believe it.
244
00:13:36,060 --> 00:13:37,900
I turn around, and what do I find?
245
00:13:37,980 --> 00:13:39,860
- AirPods. His AirPods.
- His AirPods!
246
00:13:39,940 --> 00:13:41,140
- Come on.
- Crazy story.
247
00:13:41,150 --> 00:13:43,490
- Every time. Come on.
- Every single time.
248
00:13:45,700 --> 00:13:47,200
Make any sales today?
249
00:13:47,280 --> 00:13:48,740
You know I didn't.
250
00:13:48,820 --> 00:13:51,956
Did you sell any dreamcatchers on Etsy
or whatever it is that you do?
251
00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:53,666
Our rent's due in three days, Wade.
252
00:13:53,750 --> 00:13:55,050
I can't keep carrying you.
253
00:13:55,080 --> 00:13:56,870
Relax. I have the money.
254
00:13:56,960 --> 00:13:59,170
I sold some old blood pressure medication
255
00:13:59,250 --> 00:14:00,300
I found lying around.
256
00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:02,170
You tryin' to kill me, motherfucker?
257
00:14:02,250 --> 00:14:04,426
I'm not the one dousing
everything in salt, motherfucker.
258
00:14:04,510 --> 00:14:08,510
I pray every day that fire finds your body
259
00:14:08,590 --> 00:14:10,890
and finishes the job God didn't have
260
00:14:10,970 --> 00:14:12,670
- the nuts to do.
- That's hurtful.
261
00:14:12,720 --> 00:14:15,516
If you could hear the look on my face,
you'd smell how sad I am.
262
00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:17,020
You watched anything good?
263
00:14:17,100 --> 00:14:18,770
Great British Bake Off.
264
00:14:18,850 --> 00:14:20,230
Oh, goddamn.
265
00:14:20,310 --> 00:14:22,566
That show stood between me
and suicide for 10 years.
266
00:14:22,650 --> 00:14:25,280
Those are my feelings on
abortion, religious freedom,
267
00:14:25,360 --> 00:14:27,530
animal rights, privacy rights, vaccines,
268
00:14:27,610 --> 00:14:29,860
free-market capitalism,
global climate change.
269
00:14:29,910 --> 00:14:32,210
Yeah, duh-duh-duh.
No, no speaking lines, Buck.
270
00:14:32,740 --> 00:14:34,200
- Hi, Yukio.
- Hi, Wade.
271
00:14:34,910 --> 00:14:36,500
Nice fake o'clock shadow.
272
00:14:37,580 --> 00:14:40,750
It's a summer balayage. From the French.
273
00:14:40,830 --> 00:14:44,210
It's meant to mimic
the natural highlights of the sun.
274
00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:46,170
- It's a toupée.
- It's a hair system.
275
00:14:46,260 --> 00:14:47,930
I love your hair system, Wade.
276
00:14:48,010 --> 00:14:49,390
Thank you. Heh.
277
00:14:49,470 --> 00:14:50,970
Wanna do some cocaine?
278
00:14:51,050 --> 00:14:54,520
Hey, cocaine is the one thing
that Feige said is off limits.
279
00:14:54,600 --> 00:14:56,226
What about Bolivian marching powder?
280
00:14:56,310 --> 00:14:58,476
They know all the slang terms.
They have a list.
281
00:14:58,560 --> 00:15:00,316
- Even snowboarding?
- Even disco dust.
282
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:01,396
White girl interrupted?
283
00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:02,896
- Even Forrest Bump.
- Booger sugar?
284
00:15:02,980 --> 00:15:04,236
I wouldn't even try powdered gonuts.
285
00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:07,700
- Do you wanna build a snowman?
- Yes. But I can't.
286
00:15:09,360 --> 00:15:10,360
Pull here.
287
00:15:10,860 --> 00:15:11,870
- Here?
- Yeah.
288
00:15:13,030 --> 00:15:14,930
- What happened?
- That's the fun part.
289
00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:18,000
- Thanks for coming.
- Yeah.
290
00:15:18,080 --> 00:15:19,460
How's work?
291
00:15:19,540 --> 00:15:21,080
Oh, I got a promotion.
292
00:15:22,040 --> 00:15:23,040
No way.
293
00:15:23,130 --> 00:15:26,340
Yeah. It's mind-numbing middle
management, but I'm happy.
294
00:15:26,420 --> 00:15:27,420
That's great.
295
00:15:29,430 --> 00:15:31,480
- You, uh, seeing anyone?
- How about you?
296
00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:33,350
Um... Yeah.
297
00:15:33,850 --> 00:15:36,270
A guy from work. Dermot.
298
00:15:36,350 --> 00:15:37,640
Dermot.
299
00:15:37,730 --> 00:15:39,180
- He's kind.
- Good.
300
00:15:39,270 --> 00:15:40,270
Likes to go hiking.
301
00:15:40,890 --> 00:15:42,400
Hasn't gotten me shot yet.
302
00:15:42,480 --> 00:15:44,610
Well, it's the early days.
303
00:15:48,570 --> 00:15:50,490
What about you? You seeing anyone?
304
00:15:50,570 --> 00:15:51,570
Mm...
305
00:15:51,660 --> 00:15:53,366
No, no, I live in a one-bedroom apartment.
306
00:15:53,450 --> 00:15:54,850
I share a bed with Blind Al.
307
00:15:56,290 --> 00:15:58,410
Okay.
308
00:15:58,500 --> 00:15:59,790
- All right.
- All right.
309
00:16:04,880 --> 00:16:06,420
- Speech! Speech!
- Yes!
310
00:16:06,500 --> 00:16:08,380
All right. Okay, okay, okay. Uh...
311
00:16:09,340 --> 00:16:10,420
Birthdays.
312
00:16:10,510 --> 00:16:13,176
Boy, every spin around the moon
is a new adventure indeed.
313
00:16:13,260 --> 00:16:15,390
- Sun, dumbass.
- Okay, round-earther.
314
00:16:17,060 --> 00:16:18,846
- Where was I?
- The adventure of life.
315
00:16:18,930 --> 00:16:20,020
Right. Um...
316
00:16:20,100 --> 00:16:21,800
It's been a challenging few years.
317
00:16:22,520 --> 00:16:23,816
Haven't seen you guys in a while.
318
00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:26,070
Been through a lot, uh, change of life.
319
00:16:26,150 --> 00:16:28,150
- Menopause?
- Bitch, are you improv-ing?
320
00:16:28,230 --> 00:16:29,780
- Mm-mm.
- Sorry.
321
00:16:30,740 --> 00:16:32,696
I'm sorry that you had to see that, Yukio.
322
00:16:32,780 --> 00:16:34,370
- It's okay.
- Yeah.
323
00:16:35,490 --> 00:16:36,700
But I'm happy.
324
00:16:36,780 --> 00:16:41,330
You know, and that's... that's
because of each and every one of you.
325
00:16:41,410 --> 00:16:43,290
I guess, what I'm trying to say is
326
00:16:43,370 --> 00:16:44,836
how proud I am, how grateful I am
327
00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:46,250
to be standing in a room
328
00:16:46,340 --> 00:16:49,090
with every single person I love.
329
00:16:55,090 --> 00:16:57,600
I'm the luckiest man alive.
330
00:16:58,760 --> 00:16:59,770
Make a wish, buddy.
331
00:16:59,850 --> 00:17:02,520
Ten-four, good buddy.
332
00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:03,730
Going down.
333
00:17:09,730 --> 00:17:10,980
Wade Wilson?
334
00:17:11,070 --> 00:17:12,610
Oh, yeah. Dancers.
335
00:17:12,700 --> 00:17:14,250
Dopinder must have ordered you.
336
00:17:14,530 --> 00:17:16,430
Are those supposed to be cop costumes?
337
00:17:16,570 --> 00:17:17,830
Never mind.
338
00:17:17,910 --> 00:17:20,060
Take your clothes off
but leave the helmets.
339
00:17:20,120 --> 00:17:21,520
And this isn't Pretty Woman.
340
00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:23,460
We're kissing. All right?
341
00:17:23,540 --> 00:17:25,540
What song do you guys normally dance to?
342
00:17:26,580 --> 00:17:29,380
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
343
00:17:29,460 --> 00:17:30,910
Is that supposed to be scary?
344
00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:32,970
Pegging isn't new for me, friendo.
345
00:17:33,050 --> 00:17:34,100
But it is for Disney.
346
00:17:35,260 --> 00:17:36,256
Ah, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta!
347
00:17:36,340 --> 00:17:38,290
Okay, I've never been a natural bottom,
348
00:17:38,300 --> 00:17:40,220
so we're gonna take things real slow.
349
00:17:40,310 --> 00:17:42,100
And I want some crazy eye contact.
350
00:17:42,180 --> 00:17:43,310
Not you. You.
351
00:17:43,890 --> 00:17:45,766
Can't see your eyes through
the mask, but I can feel them.
352
00:17:45,850 --> 00:17:47,316
We're gonna move on down the hallway
353
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,396
so we can spare a cleanup
on aisle asshole.
354
00:17:49,480 --> 00:17:50,646
How's everyone feel about this plan?
355
00:17:50,730 --> 00:17:53,990
- I don't like you.
- Yes. Let's hold on to that attitude.
356
00:17:54,070 --> 00:17:55,650
And we're gonna do it angry.
357
00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:14,970
Mr. Wilson...
358
00:18:17,010 --> 00:18:19,890
you appear to have soiled yourself
while unconscious.
359
00:18:19,970 --> 00:18:22,180
I wasn't unconscious. Who are you?
360
00:18:22,260 --> 00:18:24,520
I go by the name of Paradox.
361
00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:28,020
Mr. Paradox.
And you're sitting here at the TVA.
362
00:18:28,100 --> 00:18:30,730
The Time Variance Authority.
363
00:18:30,810 --> 00:18:32,660
We're really a watchdog organization,
364
00:18:32,730 --> 00:18:35,280
except we're more lighthearted
than that sounds,
365
00:18:35,360 --> 00:18:38,740
with a sort of throwback, ironic twist.
366
00:18:38,820 --> 00:18:40,420
And we're in charge of defending
367
00:18:40,450 --> 00:18:43,120
what's known as the Sacred Timeline.
368
00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:46,460
Holy fuck. That is a shit-ton
of exposition for a threequel.
369
00:18:46,540 --> 00:18:48,376
Is this because
I used Cable's time machine?
370
00:18:48,460 --> 00:18:50,166
Brought a couple of people back to life,
371
00:18:50,250 --> 00:18:51,290
then I destroyed it.
372
00:18:51,380 --> 00:18:52,836
- That was a long time ago.
- Yes,
373
00:18:52,920 --> 00:18:55,550
we're aware of your abuse
of your timeline.
374
00:18:55,630 --> 00:18:57,970
And you were so abusive of it.
375
00:18:58,470 --> 00:19:00,680
Uh, no, it has nothing to do with that.
376
00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:01,760
Walk with me.
377
00:19:07,850 --> 00:19:10,480
I brought you here,
Mr. Wilson, to tell you
378
00:19:10,560 --> 00:19:11,980
that you're special.
379
00:19:12,650 --> 00:19:15,610
In fact, you've been chosen
for a higher purpose,
380
00:19:15,690 --> 00:19:17,360
a purpose unclear even to me.
381
00:19:17,440 --> 00:19:23,030
But one that could
save the entire Sacred Timeline
382
00:19:23,120 --> 00:19:25,790
from a possibly grisly fate
sometime in the future,
383
00:19:25,870 --> 00:19:27,580
which may very well need to be...
384
00:19:28,460 --> 00:19:30,120
avenged.
385
00:19:30,210 --> 00:19:31,920
This Sacred Timeline,
386
00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:34,800
I assume I'm going to marvel
387
00:19:35,380 --> 00:19:36,340
at how
388
00:19:37,130 --> 00:19:38,880
cinematic it feels?
389
00:19:38,970 --> 00:19:40,930
Gratuitous cameos,
390
00:19:41,010 --> 00:19:42,926
indiscriminate use of Variants,
the whole package?
391
00:19:43,010 --> 00:19:44,930
Well, you tell me.
392
00:19:52,060 --> 00:19:53,110
Cap!
393
00:20:00,150 --> 00:20:02,740
You are no longer lost, Wade.
394
00:20:02,820 --> 00:20:05,240
You can be a hero among heroes.
395
00:20:05,910 --> 00:20:08,110
We've been surveilling you
for quite a while.
396
00:20:08,160 --> 00:20:11,000
- Subway station.
- A TVA outpost, yes.
397
00:20:12,210 --> 00:20:13,460
- And what is that?
- Hmm?
398
00:20:16,300 --> 00:20:17,630
Is that me? Is that Thor?
399
00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:21,050
- Is he crying?
- Uh, let's not
400
00:20:21,130 --> 00:20:22,430
get ahead of ourselves.
401
00:20:22,510 --> 00:20:23,806
That happens in the distant future.
402
00:20:23,890 --> 00:20:25,516
Why is Thor crying? Quick! Tell me.
403
00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:27,386
Do not speak to her.
Stop that. Eyes on me.
404
00:20:27,470 --> 00:20:29,770
I brought you here
to offer you an opportunity.
405
00:20:29,770 --> 00:20:31,690
The opportunity you sought years ago,
406
00:20:31,770 --> 00:20:33,186
but for which you were not ready.
407
00:20:33,270 --> 00:20:34,900
We believe you're ready now.
408
00:20:34,980 --> 00:20:36,936
Ready for a chance to leave your timeline
409
00:20:37,020 --> 00:20:39,230
and join the greatest universe of all.
410
00:20:39,320 --> 00:20:41,366
I am about to give you the thing
you've always wanted.
411
00:20:41,450 --> 00:20:42,866
Oh, I smell what you're steppin' in.
412
00:20:42,950 --> 00:20:45,900
The power in the Marvel Universe
is about to change forever.
413
00:20:47,830 --> 00:20:49,370
I am the Messiah...
414
00:20:51,290 --> 00:20:53,460
I am...
415
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:56,170
Marvel Jesus.
416
00:20:57,630 --> 00:20:59,166
Can you excuse me for just a moment?
417
00:20:59,250 --> 00:21:00,650
I'm just gonna go over here.
418
00:21:03,840 --> 00:21:05,300
Suck it, Fox!
419
00:21:05,390 --> 00:21:06,720
I'm going to Disneyland.
420
00:21:06,800 --> 00:21:08,350
Get fucked!
421
00:21:11,730 --> 00:21:13,896
- Where do I sign?
- Oh, there's no need for paperwork.
422
00:21:13,980 --> 00:21:16,060
Good. Not to brag, but I do not read.
423
00:21:16,150 --> 00:21:17,650
Oh.
424
00:21:17,730 --> 00:21:19,680
There is one thing I will need, though.
425
00:21:23,490 --> 00:21:25,950
Oh, fuck off!
426
00:21:26,030 --> 00:21:27,870
Adorn me, Beardo.
427
00:21:48,470 --> 00:21:49,470
Fuckin' A!
428
00:21:50,100 --> 00:21:51,640
Uhh! It's perfect!
429
00:21:51,720 --> 00:21:55,480
FYI, your tailor is a predator,
but I love it. Snug.
430
00:21:55,560 --> 00:21:57,230
No camel toe.
431
00:21:57,310 --> 00:21:59,900
New car smell and adamantium katanas?
432
00:21:59,980 --> 00:22:01,730
You shouldn't have.
433
00:22:01,820 --> 00:22:04,190
Go ahead. Take it in.
434
00:22:04,280 --> 00:22:06,990
And yes, your underwear
is getting tighter.
435
00:22:07,070 --> 00:22:08,656
That guy knows what I'm talking about.
436
00:22:08,740 --> 00:22:10,326
His clothes says middle management,
437
00:22:10,410 --> 00:22:12,950
but his eyes say fuck-y fuck-y.
438
00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:14,910
Yes. You look very nice.
439
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:16,080
"Nice"?
440
00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:18,126
Your buddy here is ready
to throw it all away for me.
441
00:22:18,210 --> 00:22:19,496
- You callin' your wife?
- HR.
442
00:22:19,580 --> 00:22:20,880
Does your wife work in HR?
443
00:22:20,920 --> 00:22:23,020
I'm really glad
you're taking this so well.
444
00:22:23,050 --> 00:22:25,220
Oh, I'm taking it well.
445
00:22:25,300 --> 00:22:27,760
I have never had a problem
traveling for work.
446
00:22:27,840 --> 00:22:29,556
That said, we should talk vacation days.
447
00:22:29,640 --> 00:22:32,510
I'm more of a one-week-on-
one-week-off kind of guy.
448
00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:34,056
I think it's what they do in Denmark.
449
00:22:34,140 --> 00:22:35,846
You know, you'll never see
a Danish flag on the moon,
450
00:22:35,930 --> 00:22:37,730
but goddamn it, they're happy.
451
00:22:37,810 --> 00:22:40,396
Now, let's power up
your little Amazon Fire phone there
452
00:22:40,480 --> 00:22:41,940
and zip me back home
453
00:22:42,020 --> 00:22:45,106
so I can let my friends know
that they've been upgraded to disciples.
454
00:22:45,190 --> 00:22:48,280
Yeah. I don't think you...
quite understand.
455
00:22:48,360 --> 00:22:50,950
Um, you will not be returning to your home
456
00:22:51,030 --> 00:22:53,240
because there will be
no home to return to.
457
00:22:53,330 --> 00:22:54,330
Come again?
458
00:22:54,410 --> 00:22:55,460
This time in my ears.
459
00:22:59,920 --> 00:23:02,920
This is your universe, Mr. Wilson.
460
00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:05,630
That is what happens
461
00:23:05,710 --> 00:23:08,970
when a universe loses their Anchor Being.
462
00:23:09,050 --> 00:23:11,300
See how it decays from the inside?
463
00:23:11,390 --> 00:23:14,090
- This is how a reality dies.
- What's an Anchor Being?
464
00:23:14,140 --> 00:23:16,346
An Anchor Being is an entity
of such vital importance
465
00:23:16,430 --> 00:23:17,430
that when they die,
466
00:23:17,520 --> 00:23:21,100
their whole world slowly
withers out of existence.
467
00:23:21,190 --> 00:23:24,020
You've just won the lottery
because I didn't die.
468
00:23:24,110 --> 00:23:25,776
It was just a little midlife crisis.
I'm better now.
469
00:23:25,860 --> 00:23:28,150
Oh, no, no, no.
470
00:23:32,570 --> 00:23:34,910
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, I love to laugh.
471
00:23:34,990 --> 00:23:37,580
Can you imagine
if you were the Anchor Being?
472
00:23:37,660 --> 00:23:39,960
- Yeah.
- Oh!
473
00:23:40,040 --> 00:23:42,250
- Yeah.
- No, it isn't you, Mr. Wilson.
474
00:23:43,090 --> 00:23:44,380
Your Anchor Being died
475
00:23:44,460 --> 00:23:47,260
in an act of self-sacrifice so epic
476
00:23:47,340 --> 00:23:50,130
that it sent shivers down the Timeline.
477
00:23:50,220 --> 00:23:53,350
I am referring, of course, to...
478
00:23:54,470 --> 00:23:58,270
Logan. The Wolverine.
479
00:24:01,730 --> 00:24:04,020
Don't be what they made you.
480
00:24:14,450 --> 00:24:16,700
Ah, so this is what it feels like...
481
00:24:18,540 --> 00:24:19,540
Logan.
482
00:24:20,370 --> 00:24:22,920
Of course. Logan.
483
00:24:25,960 --> 00:24:27,250
Logan?
484
00:24:27,340 --> 00:24:29,260
The guy with forks for hands?
485
00:24:29,340 --> 00:24:31,300
That Wolverine?
486
00:24:32,180 --> 00:24:33,340
Yeah, I got it.
487
00:24:33,430 --> 00:24:36,216
You can turn your retro graphics
of death off now. Make it stop.
488
00:24:36,300 --> 00:24:39,200
We're not doing it, Mr. Wilson.
We certainly can't stop it.
489
00:24:40,850 --> 00:24:42,100
How long have we got?
490
00:24:42,190 --> 00:24:45,610
- In most cases, couple thousand years.
- Well, sweet.
491
00:24:45,690 --> 00:24:48,040
Well, most cases aren't fast enough.
Not for me.
492
00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:49,610
What does that mean?
493
00:24:49,690 --> 00:24:51,950
It means that I have been tasked
494
00:24:52,030 --> 00:24:54,280
with overseeing the end of your universe.
495
00:24:54,360 --> 00:24:55,366
And regardless of what
496
00:24:55,450 --> 00:24:57,156
the pencil pushers upstairs would prefer,
497
00:24:57,240 --> 00:24:59,950
I will not waste my life
498
00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:02,210
watching it die slowly of natural causes.
499
00:25:02,290 --> 00:25:04,330
We used to just prune these things.
500
00:25:04,420 --> 00:25:05,546
Simple. Elegant. Efficient.
501
00:25:05,630 --> 00:25:08,830
But I'm told the TVA doesn't like to
do that anymore. Well, I do.
502
00:25:08,840 --> 00:25:10,626
And no matter what
my so-called superiors say,
503
00:25:10,710 --> 00:25:13,180
the multiverse does not need a babysitter.
504
00:25:13,260 --> 00:25:15,050
We need a mercy killer.
505
00:25:15,140 --> 00:25:16,720
And in this instance,
506
00:25:16,800 --> 00:25:19,760
I am the mercy killer. Ha!
507
00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:26,230
What in the MacGuffin is that?
508
00:25:26,310 --> 00:25:28,440
That's a Time Ripper, Mr. Wilson.
509
00:25:28,520 --> 00:25:30,360
An accelerant.
510
00:25:30,440 --> 00:25:33,030
Once completed,
it will allow me to destroy
511
00:25:33,110 --> 00:25:35,030
the spacetime matrix of your universe.
512
00:25:35,110 --> 00:25:37,280
You see, I don't want to work for the TVA.
513
00:25:37,370 --> 00:25:39,330
I want to be the TVA.
514
00:25:39,410 --> 00:25:42,040
And the first step involves
showing this organization
515
00:25:42,120 --> 00:25:44,020
how much more efficient it can become.
516
00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:45,836
To wit, I will be giving your universe
517
00:25:45,920 --> 00:25:48,460
a swift and compassionate end.
518
00:25:48,540 --> 00:25:49,916
And don't worry,
your friends won't feel a thing.
519
00:25:50,000 --> 00:25:52,880
It'll be over just like this.
"Oh, what's that?"
520
00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:54,340
Trust me.
521
00:26:07,190 --> 00:26:09,360
You're gonna Old Yeller
my fucking universe?
522
00:26:09,440 --> 00:26:11,730
Mm... In your parlance, yes.
523
00:26:11,820 --> 00:26:13,196
Two in the heart, one in the head.
524
00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:15,320
Look, Mr. Wilson, you have two choices.
525
00:26:15,400 --> 00:26:19,120
You can either rejoin your loved ones
and collectively cease to exist in,
526
00:26:19,200 --> 00:26:21,030
I'd say, 72 hours. Or...
527
00:26:21,790 --> 00:26:24,410
you join the Sacred Timeline.
528
00:26:24,500 --> 00:26:28,790
And you end your days
of insignificance and mediocrity.
529
00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:30,090
Wade.
530
00:26:30,710 --> 00:26:35,010
Wade, you can finally, finally matter.
531
00:26:44,770 --> 00:26:46,890
That's all I've ever really wanted.
532
00:26:46,980 --> 00:26:48,100
I know.
533
00:26:48,850 --> 00:26:49,850
I know.
534
00:26:50,730 --> 00:26:54,190
And you know I'm... I'm nothing
if not morally flexible.
535
00:26:56,650 --> 00:26:57,650
Yep, yep.
536
00:26:59,990 --> 00:27:00,990
I'll do it.
537
00:27:01,070 --> 00:27:02,160
Wise choice.
538
00:27:02,240 --> 00:27:03,996
The Sacred Timeline's happy to have you.
539
00:27:04,080 --> 00:27:05,746
I was actually
talking about finding the Wolverine
540
00:27:05,830 --> 00:27:07,380
and breaking your fucking nose.
541
00:27:20,800 --> 00:27:23,140
Find him. Find him!
542
00:27:23,220 --> 00:27:24,930
And boy, did he ever.
543
00:27:26,850 --> 00:27:28,300
Which brings us back to this.
544
00:27:30,770 --> 00:27:32,770
The desecration of the sacred corpse.
545
00:27:36,820 --> 00:27:38,320
Oh, my God!
546
00:27:39,110 --> 00:27:41,780
Oh! My own fucking arm!
547
00:27:45,700 --> 00:27:47,540
Now we're talkin'!
548
00:27:47,620 --> 00:27:48,580
Not like this!
549
00:27:48,660 --> 00:27:51,170
No, dear God! No!
550
00:27:51,250 --> 00:27:53,040
I'm sorry!
Wolverine-ing is hard!
551
00:27:53,130 --> 00:27:54,420
Make it stop!
552
00:27:54,500 --> 00:27:56,130
Mangold tried.
553
00:27:58,420 --> 00:28:00,550
You sick fuck!
554
00:28:00,630 --> 00:28:01,680
Logan was a hero.
555
00:28:01,760 --> 00:28:03,550
And the only thing worth a shit
556
00:28:03,640 --> 00:28:04,990
to ever come out of Canada.
557
00:28:12,850 --> 00:28:15,070
Get my country's name
558
00:28:15,150 --> 00:28:17,150
out of your fuckin' mouth.
559
00:28:18,280 --> 00:28:19,860
And my sword. Give me that.
560
00:28:23,240 --> 00:28:25,620
Oh, I gotta find me another Logan.
561
00:28:26,160 --> 00:28:27,540
An alive one.
562
00:28:27,620 --> 00:28:29,790
Don't get up, guys. I'll see myself out.
563
00:28:37,090 --> 00:28:38,090
Logan!
564
00:28:41,970 --> 00:28:43,930
I'm gonna need you to come with me.
565
00:28:44,760 --> 00:28:45,760
Who's asking?
566
00:28:47,970 --> 00:28:50,180
Oh, look at this little Hairy Lou Retton.
567
00:28:50,270 --> 00:28:52,350
Did you stick the landing, little guy?
568
00:28:52,440 --> 00:28:55,310
Yes, you did! Comic-accurate short king.
569
00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:57,270
Such a cute wittle Wolvie.
570
00:28:57,360 --> 00:28:59,440
Cue the fuckin' montage, baby.
571
00:28:59,530 --> 00:29:01,190
Ahoy!
572
00:29:01,280 --> 00:29:03,200
Everything seems to be on fire.
573
00:29:03,280 --> 00:29:04,490
You have a dragon?
574
00:29:05,160 --> 00:29:07,660
Ooh, you have Anchor Being
written all over--
575
00:29:17,500 --> 00:29:18,670
Patch!
576
00:29:18,750 --> 00:29:21,800
Oh, now we're talkin'.
577
00:29:22,420 --> 00:29:23,720
Oh, yeah.
578
00:29:24,630 --> 00:29:26,830
That's the whole goddamn package
right there.
579
00:29:27,220 --> 00:29:28,220
Howdy!
580
00:29:28,300 --> 00:29:31,100
I'm just... I'm auditioning Anchor Beings.
581
00:29:31,180 --> 00:29:33,600
Oh. Yeah, that's gonna need
some coconut oil.
582
00:29:38,110 --> 00:29:39,820
What in the fuck?
583
00:29:39,900 --> 00:29:41,730
Are you okay?
584
00:29:42,360 --> 00:29:43,490
Oh, yes, yes.
585
00:29:43,570 --> 00:29:45,950
Classic John Byrne brown and tan.
586
00:29:46,030 --> 00:29:48,180
Now, you fought the Hulk
in this outfit. No?
587
00:29:50,410 --> 00:29:51,996
I'm Marvel Jesus, you dull creature,
588
00:29:52,080 --> 00:29:53,080
and I will not--
589
00:30:02,920 --> 00:30:05,760
It's not you. We're just going
in a different direction.
590
00:30:08,760 --> 00:30:10,976
You know, from behind,
you look a little bit like Henry--
591
00:30:11,060 --> 00:30:12,220
Oh, my fuck!
592
00:30:12,310 --> 00:30:15,270
The Cavillrine. The legends are true.
593
00:30:16,060 --> 00:30:18,690
And may I say, sir,
on behalf of all humanity,
594
00:30:18,770 --> 00:30:20,690
this just feels right.
595
00:30:20,770 --> 00:30:23,816
We will treat you so much better
than those shit fucks down the street.
596
00:30:23,900 --> 00:30:25,950
- You were just leavin'.
- No, sir.
597
00:30:26,030 --> 00:30:28,080
Not while the fate of my universe is at--
598
00:30:32,290 --> 00:30:33,660
This one looks promising.
599
00:30:33,750 --> 00:30:34,750
Down you go.
600
00:30:36,500 --> 00:30:37,500
Again.
601
00:30:38,540 --> 00:30:40,590
I told you. You're not welcome here.
602
00:30:40,670 --> 00:30:42,170
You're not welcome anywhere.
603
00:30:42,250 --> 00:30:43,546
Now get the fuck out of my bar.
604
00:30:43,630 --> 00:30:46,170
Just give me one more drink
and then I'll leave.
605
00:30:46,260 --> 00:30:47,970
That's not how it works.
606
00:30:48,050 --> 00:30:50,180
It does now.
Leave the bottle.
607
00:30:50,260 --> 00:30:51,600
I know you, bub?
608
00:30:51,680 --> 00:30:53,430
Nope. But I know you.
609
00:30:54,020 --> 00:30:55,350
Everybody knows me.
610
00:30:56,940 --> 00:30:57,980
I'm the Wolverine.
611
00:30:58,060 --> 00:31:00,560
Yes, you are.
612
00:31:00,650 --> 00:31:03,050
And I'm gonna need you
to come with me right now.
613
00:31:03,940 --> 00:31:05,316
Look, lady, I'm not interested.
614
00:31:05,400 --> 00:31:08,550
- Really gettin' into your cups here.
- Why would I go with you?
615
00:31:09,410 --> 00:31:11,120
Because, unfortunately,
616
00:31:11,200 --> 00:31:12,490
I need you,
617
00:31:12,580 --> 00:31:16,580
and even more unfortunately,
my entire world needs you.
618
00:31:17,330 --> 00:31:18,750
You two gonna fuck or fight?
619
00:31:22,710 --> 00:31:24,160
You gonna take that from him?
620
00:31:24,590 --> 00:31:26,050
Yep.
621
00:31:26,130 --> 00:31:28,006
I can tell you have
a sort of don't-get-too-close-
622
00:31:28,090 --> 00:31:29,796
I'll-only-break-your-heart vibe
going here,
623
00:31:29,880 --> 00:31:32,306
but every other Wolverine
would've really hurt me by now.
624
00:31:32,390 --> 00:31:33,596
And I'm sort of on the tick-tick.
625
00:31:33,680 --> 00:31:35,266
- So, upsy-daisy. Here we go.
- Whoa, whoa.
626
00:31:35,350 --> 00:31:37,500
- Up you go. I got you, big guy.
- Hey, hey!
627
00:31:38,520 --> 00:31:39,520
Oh.
628
00:31:41,060 --> 00:31:42,186
Whiskey dick of the claws.
629
00:31:42,270 --> 00:31:43,646
It's quite common in Wolverines over 40.
630
00:31:43,730 --> 00:31:45,320
You don't want this.
631
00:31:45,400 --> 00:31:47,606
You're right. I don't.
And you don't want this.
632
00:31:47,690 --> 00:31:50,406
Unless you wanna take a deep breath
through your fuckin' forehead,
633
00:31:50,490 --> 00:31:52,570
I suggest you reconsider.
634
00:31:52,660 --> 00:31:53,700
Let's go, peanut.
635
00:31:58,160 --> 00:31:59,870
Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.
636
00:32:00,670 --> 00:32:01,670
Watch this.
637
00:32:02,670 --> 00:32:04,710
All right. That-- Whoa.
638
00:32:05,210 --> 00:32:06,090
Easy.
639
00:32:09,880 --> 00:32:10,880
Good God.
640
00:32:11,510 --> 00:32:13,460
Thirsty little honey badger, aren't ya?
641
00:32:14,510 --> 00:32:16,060
It's okay. Keep goin'.
642
00:32:16,140 --> 00:32:18,240
Audiences are accustomed
to long run times.
643
00:32:23,770 --> 00:32:25,440
Guess you'll have to do.
644
00:32:25,520 --> 00:32:27,030
Okay, here we--
645
00:32:28,230 --> 00:32:30,450
Oh! Look at those jammies.
646
00:32:31,200 --> 00:32:34,030
That only took 20 fucking years.
647
00:32:34,370 --> 00:32:36,620
One Anchor Being coming right up!
648
00:32:36,700 --> 00:32:38,580
On your left, baby girl.
649
00:32:39,160 --> 00:32:42,580
This Logan has the same
he-can-do-anything-even-musicals look.
650
00:32:42,670 --> 00:32:44,496
And bonus, he's actually wearing a costume
651
00:32:44,580 --> 00:32:46,876
like he's not embarrassed to be
in a superhero movie for once.
652
00:32:46,960 --> 00:32:48,800
I don't understand.
653
00:32:48,880 --> 00:32:50,176
You said my universe is dying
654
00:32:50,260 --> 00:32:53,130
because this sack of nuts
got himself killed.
655
00:32:53,220 --> 00:32:55,260
- Well, problem solved.
- My God.
656
00:32:55,350 --> 00:32:59,640
You actually think you can
replace an Anchor Being
657
00:32:59,720 --> 00:33:01,020
with this?
658
00:33:01,980 --> 00:33:04,396
I wouldn't have accepted
any other Wolverine, BT dubs.
659
00:33:04,480 --> 00:33:06,440
But you have outdone yourself
660
00:33:06,520 --> 00:33:08,610
and brought me the worst Wolverine!
661
00:33:08,690 --> 00:33:11,040
- What do you mean, the worst one?
- Mr. Wilson.
662
00:33:11,530 --> 00:33:14,530
This Wolverine let down his entire world.
663
00:33:15,450 --> 00:33:17,286
He's the stuff of legend,
but not in a good way.
664
00:33:17,370 --> 00:33:18,950
And what he did,
665
00:33:19,040 --> 00:33:20,540
well,
666
00:33:20,620 --> 00:33:22,750
some things are just beyond forgiveness.
667
00:33:25,040 --> 00:33:26,040
Okay.
668
00:33:26,130 --> 00:33:28,880
How do I... How do I make
this right? I'll do anything.
669
00:33:29,500 --> 00:33:32,340
I gave you a chance at greatness.
670
00:33:32,420 --> 00:33:34,970
Because my superiors deemed you "special."
671
00:33:35,050 --> 00:33:36,596
Clearly not special in a good way.
672
00:33:36,680 --> 00:33:39,600
Apparently you have some
important future purpose to serve.
673
00:33:39,680 --> 00:33:40,830
With Thor. He holds me.
674
00:33:40,850 --> 00:33:42,890
But I did my duty.
675
00:33:42,980 --> 00:33:44,896
I gave you the opportunity to be somebody.
676
00:33:44,980 --> 00:33:48,270
And instead of accepting my offering
with humility and gratitude,
677
00:33:48,360 --> 00:33:49,270
you broke my nose.
678
00:33:49,360 --> 00:33:50,440
It looks great.
679
00:33:50,530 --> 00:33:52,400
And you decimated dozens of my men
680
00:33:52,490 --> 00:33:54,190
with the exhumed corpse of a hero.
681
00:33:54,200 --> 00:33:56,326
Dishonoring not only
his remains but his memory.
682
00:33:56,410 --> 00:33:57,536
What are you, the Internet?
683
00:33:57,620 --> 00:33:59,950
Your world is dying!
684
00:34:00,030 --> 00:34:01,410
Thank you very much.
685
00:34:01,490 --> 00:34:02,840
And there's no stopping it.
686
00:34:04,660 --> 00:34:07,500
The humane thing to do
is to make it quick.
687
00:34:07,580 --> 00:34:10,256
Is the thought of vaporizing my universe
making you peckish?
688
00:34:10,340 --> 00:34:11,840
I'm eating my feelings.
689
00:34:11,920 --> 00:34:13,716
I'm about to lose everything
that I've ever cared about
690
00:34:13,800 --> 00:34:17,840
because that hairy thundercunt
from down undercunt finally dies,
691
00:34:17,930 --> 00:34:20,390
and he's standing
right behind me, isn't he?
692
00:34:20,470 --> 00:34:22,020
Welcome to the MCU, by the way.
693
00:34:22,470 --> 00:34:24,420
You're joining at a bit of a low point.
694
00:34:24,730 --> 00:34:26,730
As for you, I wanna talk to your boss.
695
00:34:26,810 --> 00:34:28,016
I want you to get him on the phone
696
00:34:28,100 --> 00:34:30,060
and you tell him, her, or them,
697
00:34:30,150 --> 00:34:32,230
that Marvel H. Christ isn't playing.
698
00:34:37,410 --> 00:34:38,740
Holy shit.
699
00:34:39,490 --> 00:34:41,450
I just heard a symphony
700
00:34:41,530 --> 00:34:43,410
of buttholes clenching all at once.
701
00:34:43,490 --> 00:34:44,870
You're off grid.
702
00:34:44,950 --> 00:34:47,496
Your bosses don't know what
you sick fucks are doing down here.
703
00:34:47,580 --> 00:34:50,206
Well, I'll tell you what.
I have a black belt in Karen...
704
00:34:50,290 --> 00:34:51,630
And I'm gonna go upstairs
705
00:34:51,710 --> 00:34:54,010
and I'm gonna tell 'em
all about you and your--
706
00:34:54,760 --> 00:34:56,470
Oh, silence is nice, isn't it?
707
00:34:56,550 --> 00:34:57,636
Where the fuck did he go?
708
00:34:57,720 --> 00:34:59,670
To the trash heap. You'll fit right in.
709
00:35:01,260 --> 00:35:03,560
Whew. That was close.
710
00:35:25,120 --> 00:35:27,080
Don't just stand there, you ape.
711
00:35:27,540 --> 00:35:28,540
Give me a hand up.
712
00:35:29,710 --> 00:35:31,790
Nope. I'm actually okay.
713
00:35:31,880 --> 00:35:33,460
Thank you very much.
714
00:35:34,670 --> 00:35:36,010
Where the hell are we?
715
00:35:36,090 --> 00:35:38,300
I don't know.
Looks kind of Mad Max-y.
716
00:35:38,380 --> 00:35:40,380
But that would be
IP infringement, right?
717
00:35:40,430 --> 00:35:41,680
Fucking jokes.
718
00:35:45,180 --> 00:35:46,640
Fuck! Fuck.
719
00:35:46,720 --> 00:35:48,266
Were you even listening back there?
720
00:35:48,350 --> 00:35:51,020
If we don't make it back
to that Mr. Paradox asshole,
721
00:35:51,100 --> 00:35:52,550
everyone I know is gonna die.
722
00:35:52,560 --> 00:35:54,230
Not my fuckin' problem.
723
00:35:54,320 --> 00:35:55,610
Oh, is that all you got?
724
00:35:56,570 --> 00:35:59,070
Is that what you said
when your world went to shit?
725
00:35:59,700 --> 00:36:01,820
Come again?
726
00:36:01,910 --> 00:36:03,370
Yeah, I heard all about you.
727
00:36:04,030 --> 00:36:06,080
How you screwed up everything.
728
00:36:06,160 --> 00:36:09,166
You should be thankin' me for
pulling you out of that bed you shit in.
729
00:36:09,250 --> 00:36:11,210
You back-stabbing son of a bitch!
730
00:36:17,300 --> 00:36:18,750
Are you ready to be calm now?
731
00:36:25,970 --> 00:36:28,310
Rest in pieces, Fox.
732
00:36:43,200 --> 00:36:44,900
I don't want to fight you, peanut.
733
00:36:46,240 --> 00:36:47,640
Doesn't matter what you did.
734
00:36:47,660 --> 00:36:49,250
I just need your help.
735
00:36:50,580 --> 00:36:52,040
I don't fuckin' care.
736
00:36:53,370 --> 00:36:55,290
Uh... Uh-oh.
737
00:37:00,840 --> 00:37:03,180
Fuck. This is gonna hurt.
738
00:37:07,470 --> 00:37:08,680
All right.
739
00:37:08,760 --> 00:37:10,140
Fuck it.
740
00:37:10,890 --> 00:37:12,646
Let's give the people what they came for.
741
00:37:12,730 --> 00:37:15,190
Let's fuckin' go.
742
00:37:16,480 --> 00:37:18,570
Get your special sock out, nerds.
743
00:37:18,650 --> 00:37:20,360
It's gonna get good.
744
00:38:10,870 --> 00:38:12,370
Ew.
745
00:38:13,450 --> 00:38:14,540
Gotcha!
746
00:38:20,630 --> 00:38:22,590
Baby Knife!
747
00:38:26,300 --> 00:38:27,680
Let's see you grow
748
00:38:27,760 --> 00:38:28,756
your fuckin' head back.
749
00:38:28,840 --> 00:38:30,766
Wait, wait, wait!
I can fix it! I can fix it.
750
00:38:30,850 --> 00:38:32,900
- Fix what?
- Whatever it is that you did.
751
00:38:33,770 --> 00:38:35,020
Whatever made you so bad.
752
00:38:35,640 --> 00:38:39,440
Those... Those pricks in the TVA.
You heard him.
753
00:38:40,690 --> 00:38:41,816
They have the power to end my universe,
754
00:38:41,900 --> 00:38:45,070
but they also have
the power to change yours.
755
00:38:46,900 --> 00:38:49,910
We get back there,
and we can fix your world.
756
00:38:49,990 --> 00:38:51,080
Together.
757
00:38:52,540 --> 00:38:53,620
I promise.
758
00:38:55,120 --> 00:38:56,370
They can fix it.
759
00:38:57,500 --> 00:38:58,750
Hey!
760
00:38:58,830 --> 00:39:00,920
We fight each other, we lose.
761
00:39:01,000 --> 00:39:02,210
Dear God, it's him.
762
00:39:02,290 --> 00:39:04,380
- Who?
- The one.
763
00:39:04,460 --> 00:39:07,220
The superhero equivalent
to comfort food, or Molly.
764
00:39:07,800 --> 00:39:10,300
White guys' answer
to all the disappointments.
765
00:39:10,390 --> 00:39:11,720
And another A-lister.
766
00:39:11,800 --> 00:39:13,260
Fair warning, gorgeous.
767
00:39:13,350 --> 00:39:15,386
You're going to encounter
some indelicate language,
768
00:39:15,470 --> 00:39:18,310
a smidge of ass play,
but we've been prohibited
769
00:39:18,390 --> 00:39:20,230
from using cocaine. On camera.
770
00:39:20,310 --> 00:39:21,980
- They're coming.
- Who's "they"?
771
00:39:28,610 --> 00:39:29,990
Oh, they're driving angry.
772
00:39:36,080 --> 00:39:37,870
Now that's a superhero landing.
773
00:39:44,960 --> 00:39:46,090
I got this.
774
00:40:09,820 --> 00:40:11,160
Stay close.
775
00:40:11,240 --> 00:40:12,410
Aye, aye, Cap'n.
776
00:40:13,780 --> 00:40:14,780
You got this.
777
00:40:17,120 --> 00:40:20,540
Cassandra is gonna be giddy
when she sees what we caught.
778
00:40:21,580 --> 00:40:22,580
You can't run.
779
00:40:22,670 --> 00:40:23,960
Everybody knows that.
780
00:40:24,040 --> 00:40:26,250
You see anyone runnin', dick for brains?
781
00:40:27,380 --> 00:40:29,420
You're not gonna love what happens next.
782
00:40:29,510 --> 00:40:31,180
Oh. Oh, my God.
783
00:40:31,260 --> 00:40:33,216
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, he's gonna say it.
784
00:40:33,300 --> 00:40:34,350
- Ah! Fuck.
- Ha!
785
00:40:34,430 --> 00:40:36,640
- Oh, my God! He's gonna say it!
- Say what?
786
00:40:36,720 --> 00:40:37,810
Avengers, assemble...
787
00:40:37,890 --> 00:40:39,540
- Flame on!
- I'm sorry, what now?
788
00:41:01,540 --> 00:41:03,790
Ohh! Fuck!
789
00:41:03,870 --> 00:41:04,750
Ahhh!
790
00:41:08,050 --> 00:41:10,046
- We don't know that guy.
- We thought we did.
791
00:41:10,130 --> 00:41:11,720
I know you.
792
00:41:12,590 --> 00:41:14,760
Holy sh--
793
00:41:15,890 --> 00:41:18,430
Sabretooth. Your brother.
794
00:41:19,470 --> 00:41:21,310
Ready to die?
795
00:41:21,390 --> 00:41:23,850
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Time!
796
00:41:24,560 --> 00:41:26,270
You look ridiculous.
797
00:41:26,360 --> 00:41:28,900
People have waited decades for this fight.
798
00:41:28,980 --> 00:41:30,780
It's not gonna be easy. Baby Knife.
799
00:41:30,860 --> 00:41:32,950
Shoot the double, you take him down.
800
00:41:33,030 --> 00:41:34,780
Side control, then full mount,
801
00:41:34,860 --> 00:41:36,370
and you ground and pound
802
00:41:36,450 --> 00:41:37,996
till he makes no sound because he's dead.
803
00:41:38,080 --> 00:41:39,910
- Shut the fuck up!
- Oh, my God!
804
00:41:39,990 --> 00:41:41,830
Okay. Good luck. I'm a huge fan.
805
00:41:54,430 --> 00:41:55,970
What is it, girl?
806
00:41:56,050 --> 00:41:58,010
Is there trouble at the well?
807
00:42:02,730 --> 00:42:04,270
Big trouble.
808
00:42:04,350 --> 00:42:06,230
Behold!
809
00:42:06,310 --> 00:42:09,150
The head of your precious queen,
810
00:42:09,230 --> 00:42:10,230
Furiosa!
811
00:42:11,440 --> 00:42:13,190
I have the Wolverine!
812
00:42:13,280 --> 00:42:16,530
I alone control her!
813
00:42:16,610 --> 00:42:18,410
You come for me,
814
00:42:19,030 --> 00:42:21,290
you come for her.
815
00:42:23,160 --> 00:42:24,996
So sorry. I know it's pronounced "him."
816
00:42:25,080 --> 00:42:26,876
I'm gender blind. It's my cross to bear.
817
00:42:26,960 --> 00:42:28,130
Who's next?
818
00:42:28,210 --> 00:42:29,340
Toad!
819
00:42:29,420 --> 00:42:30,250
You're up.
820
00:42:37,800 --> 00:42:38,890
Uh-oh.
821
00:42:38,970 --> 00:42:40,070
- Oh, holy sh--
- Fuck.
822
00:42:51,610 --> 00:42:52,980
God of Thunder.
823
00:42:56,990 --> 00:42:58,280
How long was I asleep?
824
00:42:58,360 --> 00:43:00,120
Not all of you was asleep.
825
00:43:00,200 --> 00:43:01,660
Don't bother.
826
00:43:01,740 --> 00:43:03,620
They're very thorough.
827
00:43:03,700 --> 00:43:06,120
If you know where we are, start talking.
828
00:43:07,000 --> 00:43:08,000
You're in The Void.
829
00:43:08,620 --> 00:43:09,920
Think of it as purgatory.
830
00:43:10,630 --> 00:43:13,090
Reed called it a metaphysical junkyard.
831
00:43:13,170 --> 00:43:14,590
Where anything useless goes
832
00:43:14,670 --> 00:43:16,510
before it gets annihilated forever.
833
00:43:17,510 --> 00:43:19,596
And where the TVA sends
people that don't play nice
834
00:43:19,680 --> 00:43:20,926
with the rest of the multiverse.
835
00:43:21,010 --> 00:43:22,930
- Like you?
- And you.
836
00:43:23,010 --> 00:43:24,810
What does the annihilating?
837
00:43:24,890 --> 00:43:26,100
Alioth.
838
00:43:26,180 --> 00:43:29,810
Alioth is in this thing?
From Loki, Season 1, Episode 5?
839
00:43:29,900 --> 00:43:31,900
Everyone here is on the run from Alioth.
840
00:43:32,190 --> 00:43:33,730
Most don't make it.
841
00:43:33,820 --> 00:43:35,270
There's a resistance, though.
842
00:43:35,900 --> 00:43:38,530
Other people like us
that managed to survive.
843
00:43:38,610 --> 00:43:40,406
They're hidin' out in the borderlands,
844
00:43:40,490 --> 00:43:42,700
trying to find a way the fuck outta here.
845
00:43:42,780 --> 00:43:44,200
Then that's where we go.
846
00:43:44,290 --> 00:43:46,200
"We"? Us? A team?
847
00:43:46,290 --> 00:43:48,040
The answer is yes. Shake on it.
848
00:43:48,830 --> 00:43:50,290
Fuck! You nicked it.
849
00:43:50,370 --> 00:43:52,166
Just got the tip with
your little steak knife.
850
00:43:52,250 --> 00:43:54,126
These "others" can help us
get back to the TVA.
851
00:43:54,210 --> 00:43:55,250
Make 'em fix things.
852
00:43:57,340 --> 00:43:59,130
Something funny, bub?
853
00:43:59,220 --> 00:44:00,886
She might have somethin'
to say about that.
854
00:44:00,970 --> 00:44:02,010
Who's "she"?
855
00:44:03,470 --> 00:44:04,680
In The Void,
856
00:44:04,760 --> 00:44:06,430
you're either food for Alioth
857
00:44:07,220 --> 00:44:09,140
or you work for her.
858
00:45:21,380 --> 00:45:23,510
Huh. Paul Rudd finally aged.
859
00:45:24,680 --> 00:45:26,630
Oh, you must be this year's Juggernaut.
860
00:45:26,680 --> 00:45:28,226
- Thank you.
- I'd keep your voices down.
861
00:45:28,310 --> 00:45:29,436
She don't like the chatter.
862
00:45:29,520 --> 00:45:30,640
She's gonna love you.
863
00:45:46,570 --> 00:45:48,200
Is it... Is that Charles?
864
00:45:48,280 --> 00:45:50,790
Hey... Hey, Chuck! It's us!
865
00:45:50,870 --> 00:45:52,000
That's not Chuck.
866
00:45:52,080 --> 00:45:53,290
Ah, shit.
867
00:45:55,210 --> 00:45:56,420
Oh, ableism. Great.
868
00:45:56,500 --> 00:45:58,850
That's not gonna go over well
with the woke mob.
869
00:45:58,880 --> 00:46:00,420
A Wolverine.
870
00:46:01,050 --> 00:46:03,380
I wondered when I'd get one of you.
871
00:46:04,090 --> 00:46:05,260
You're one of Xavier's.
872
00:46:05,340 --> 00:46:06,940
You-You know him?
You know Chuck?
873
00:46:06,970 --> 00:46:08,010
Oh, I knew him.
874
00:46:08,100 --> 00:46:09,810
We shared a womb.
875
00:46:09,890 --> 00:46:12,140
Tried to strangle the sly little fellow
876
00:46:12,220 --> 00:46:13,730
with my umbilical cord.
877
00:46:13,810 --> 00:46:16,810
Amen. I've never
loved roommates. Mine's blind.
878
00:46:16,900 --> 00:46:18,690
Except she can see cocaine.
879
00:46:18,770 --> 00:46:20,270
For some... reason.
880
00:46:20,360 --> 00:46:23,440
You want to chime in,
Your Majesty? I'm dying here.
881
00:46:23,530 --> 00:46:24,530
Who are you?
882
00:46:24,610 --> 00:46:27,490
Charles Xavier's twin, Cassandra Nova.
883
00:46:27,570 --> 00:46:29,076
- Bullshit!
- I was an anal birth.
884
00:46:29,160 --> 00:46:31,120
Hmm. You two are cute.
885
00:46:31,950 --> 00:46:33,600
I have a good feeling about this.
886
00:46:36,420 --> 00:46:39,370
And I've been trying to catch
this little firefly for years.
887
00:46:40,210 --> 00:46:41,670
Haven't I, Johnny?
888
00:46:41,750 --> 00:46:45,760
Aw... You picked the wrong time
to make new friends.
889
00:46:45,840 --> 00:46:47,760
Oh, Johnny told us all about you.
890
00:46:47,840 --> 00:46:49,136
- Maybe shut up now.
- Yeah, maybe don't--
891
00:46:49,220 --> 00:46:51,420
We're just talkin' here.
Yeah, Johnny told us
892
00:46:51,430 --> 00:46:53,720
you're a psychotic megalomaniacal asshole.
893
00:46:53,810 --> 00:46:57,060
His words, not mine.
Hellbent on domination and pain.
894
00:46:58,400 --> 00:47:00,230
You said all that about me?
895
00:47:00,310 --> 00:47:01,730
No! No! I don't...
896
00:47:01,820 --> 00:47:04,570
- I didn't say any of that!
- Sticks and stones, Johnny!
897
00:47:05,490 --> 00:47:07,360
Don't let her intimidate you.
898
00:47:07,450 --> 00:47:09,240
It's like you said in the convoy.
899
00:47:09,320 --> 00:47:11,580
This finger-lickin' dead-inside
900
00:47:11,660 --> 00:47:14,620
pixie slab of third rate
dime-store nut-milk
901
00:47:14,700 --> 00:47:15,956
can eat your delicious cinnamon ring
902
00:47:16,040 --> 00:47:18,210
and kick rocks all the way to bald hell.
903
00:47:18,290 --> 00:47:20,390
Okay. I have never said any of those words
904
00:47:20,420 --> 00:47:22,540
- in my entire life!
- Ha! The modesty.
905
00:47:22,630 --> 00:47:24,340
People think I'm a shit talker.
906
00:47:24,420 --> 00:47:25,510
But this guy...
907
00:47:25,590 --> 00:47:26,590
Next level.
908
00:47:26,670 --> 00:47:28,880
What? This... I... We...
909
00:47:28,970 --> 00:47:30,256
I don't even know what half of that means!
910
00:47:30,340 --> 00:47:32,056
- This... I...
- My hat's off to you, sir.
911
00:47:32,140 --> 00:47:33,676
- Truly.
- What? This... I didn't... He's...
912
00:47:33,760 --> 00:47:35,390
That's... I...
913
00:47:35,470 --> 00:47:36,640
I... I don't--
914
00:47:41,440 --> 00:47:42,940
Not my favorite Chris.
915
00:47:43,020 --> 00:47:45,566
You stupid piece of shit.
You just got him fucking killed!
916
00:47:45,650 --> 00:47:47,820
Hey! We're all grieving!
917
00:47:47,900 --> 00:47:50,250
PS, do you know what
he was doing to the budget?
918
00:47:52,200 --> 00:47:53,990
Alioth is hungry.
919
00:47:54,790 --> 00:47:56,500
There's been some kind of mistake.
920
00:47:56,580 --> 00:47:58,580
Big yellow is a back-up Anchor Being,
921
00:47:58,660 --> 00:48:01,080
and I'm Marvel Jesus.
MJ, if you're nasty.
922
00:48:01,170 --> 00:48:02,246
This may be hard to hear,
923
00:48:02,330 --> 00:48:05,006
but there's another British villain
who's gonna destroy my universe,
924
00:48:05,090 --> 00:48:06,300
and I'm gonna stop him.
925
00:48:06,380 --> 00:48:09,480
Oh, honey, you don't really strike me
as the world-saving type.
926
00:48:11,720 --> 00:48:12,720
Did I hit a nerve?
927
00:48:13,930 --> 00:48:16,010
I didn't want it to come to this.
928
00:48:16,100 --> 00:48:17,100
Either you help us
929
00:48:17,180 --> 00:48:20,266
or my friend here is gonna sing
the entire second act of Music Man
930
00:48:20,350 --> 00:48:21,350
with zero warm-up.
931
00:48:22,350 --> 00:48:23,650
Where'd you get the chair?
932
00:48:23,650 --> 00:48:26,440
Well, once in a while,
I do get a Charles through here.
933
00:48:26,530 --> 00:48:28,030
Never mine, though.
934
00:48:28,110 --> 00:48:31,360
No. He didn't care to find me.
935
00:48:31,450 --> 00:48:35,120
Gen Z and their trauma-bragging!
936
00:48:35,200 --> 00:48:37,826
Can't you just stuff it down,
turn it into accomplishment
937
00:48:37,910 --> 00:48:39,540
or cancer like the rest of us?
938
00:48:39,620 --> 00:48:41,460
But I'm not like the rest of you.
939
00:48:41,540 --> 00:48:43,380
Except maybe the Wolverine.
940
00:48:43,460 --> 00:48:45,920
Now, we could be
truly terrifying together.
941
00:48:46,000 --> 00:48:47,340
You're that scary, huh?
942
00:48:47,420 --> 00:48:49,340
The TVA certainly thought so.
943
00:48:49,920 --> 00:48:51,930
They sent me here before I could walk.
944
00:48:52,510 --> 00:48:55,410
And you know, it's the best thing
that ever happened to me.
945
00:48:55,550 --> 00:48:56,560
I love it here.
946
00:48:56,640 --> 00:48:58,060
You live in a garbage dump.
947
00:48:58,140 --> 00:49:01,310
I think we both know who lives
in the garbage dump.
948
00:49:01,390 --> 00:49:03,230
The Void is a paradise.
949
00:49:03,310 --> 00:49:06,980
I can wield my power here without shame.
950
00:49:07,070 --> 00:49:09,400
Unfortunately I had no Charles Xavier
951
00:49:09,480 --> 00:49:10,860
to teach me temperance.
952
00:49:11,490 --> 00:49:13,320
What about your Charles?
953
00:49:13,410 --> 00:49:14,620
Did he protect you?
954
00:49:15,410 --> 00:49:17,780
Did he make you feel safe?
955
00:49:17,870 --> 00:49:19,470
We're mutants. We're never safe.
956
00:49:27,710 --> 00:49:30,466
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
I don't... I don't want the smoke.
957
00:49:30,550 --> 00:49:31,636
I don't have any beef with you.
958
00:49:31,720 --> 00:49:33,270
I just want to save my friends.
959
00:49:33,340 --> 00:49:34,556
I just... I want to go home.
960
00:49:34,640 --> 00:49:36,386
Well, the thing is,
I could get you home.
961
00:49:36,470 --> 00:49:38,140
- Good.
- But I don't want to.
962
00:49:38,220 --> 00:49:40,390
Not good.
963
00:49:42,890 --> 00:49:45,520
What do you want, Wade Wilson?
964
00:49:45,600 --> 00:49:47,940
Your... fingers are inside me,
965
00:49:48,020 --> 00:49:49,150
but not in a good way.
966
00:49:49,230 --> 00:49:52,280
My brother could enter
one's mind with a thought.
967
00:49:52,360 --> 00:49:54,700
I have to get my hands dirty.
968
00:49:57,570 --> 00:49:58,910
I've got you.
969
00:50:01,240 --> 00:50:02,910
I've got you...
970
00:50:05,000 --> 00:50:06,460
What do you mean?
971
00:50:08,170 --> 00:50:10,670
I can't... I can't reach you.
You're not here.
972
00:50:10,750 --> 00:50:12,050
I'm right here.
973
00:50:12,670 --> 00:50:15,550
- No, you're not. I can't...
- I'm right here.
974
00:50:15,630 --> 00:50:17,640
Then show me. You got to do something.
975
00:50:18,930 --> 00:50:20,430
Show you what?
976
00:50:20,510 --> 00:50:23,270
Show me you care about
something bigger than you.
977
00:50:24,390 --> 00:50:28,190
Ever since they turned you down,
you took a knee.
978
00:50:28,940 --> 00:50:30,860
Baby, you never got back up.
979
00:50:33,110 --> 00:50:34,906
I know you're going through something.
980
00:50:34,990 --> 00:50:36,780
Let me go through it with you.
981
00:50:38,410 --> 00:50:41,410
- Your crazy matches my crazy.
- Your crazy matches my crazy.
982
00:50:43,580 --> 00:50:44,710
Where'd you go?
983
00:50:45,460 --> 00:50:46,790
Oh, my God.
984
00:50:49,790 --> 00:50:51,290
You just say it. Okay?
985
00:50:52,300 --> 00:50:54,900
Say, "I don't want you.
I don't want to be with you."
986
00:50:55,590 --> 00:50:57,176
Go ahead. Say it. Say... Say, "I don't..."
987
00:50:57,260 --> 00:50:58,426
Say it. You don't wanna be with me.
988
00:50:58,510 --> 00:51:01,310
Tell me that and I'll walk away.
Say, "I don't want you."
989
00:51:07,560 --> 00:51:09,100
Fuck...
990
00:51:09,190 --> 00:51:11,730
You'll never fucking matter.
991
00:51:15,610 --> 00:51:16,650
What?
992
00:51:17,280 --> 00:51:20,320
- You'll never fucking matter.
- Fucking matter.
993
00:51:26,290 --> 00:51:28,790
- You'll...
- You'll...
994
00:51:28,870 --> 00:51:30,750
- never...
- never...
995
00:51:30,830 --> 00:51:32,170
- fucking...
- fucking...
996
00:51:32,250 --> 00:51:34,920
- matter.
- matter...
997
00:51:37,010 --> 00:51:38,380
She never said that.
998
00:51:38,470 --> 00:51:39,470
No.
999
00:51:39,550 --> 00:51:41,510
But I bet she thought it.
1000
00:51:42,760 --> 00:51:45,390
You are so mean!
1001
00:51:45,470 --> 00:51:48,470
My brain could taste your fingers,
and they tasted like hate!
1002
00:51:48,810 --> 00:51:51,400
And where in God's name
is the intimacy coordinator?
1003
00:51:51,480 --> 00:51:53,320
You're so lost, Mr. Wilson.
1004
00:51:54,360 --> 00:51:56,490
And long before you came here.
1005
00:51:58,030 --> 00:52:00,406
This is Baby Knife.
She's gonna fuck you in the face now.
1006
00:52:00,490 --> 00:52:01,870
If you want to kill me,
1007
00:52:01,950 --> 00:52:03,616
it's going to take
more than a little blade.
1008
00:52:03,700 --> 00:52:04,790
How about six?
1009
00:52:05,950 --> 00:52:08,620
My boy's wicked strong.
1010
00:52:09,250 --> 00:52:10,670
That's my big boy.
1011
00:52:10,750 --> 00:52:12,290
Yes, you are.
1012
00:52:18,090 --> 00:52:19,720
Well, this has been fun.
1013
00:52:19,800 --> 00:52:22,300
But the big guy needs to eat,
and the rent is due.
1014
00:52:25,510 --> 00:52:26,560
By the way,
1015
00:52:26,640 --> 00:52:28,140
you're the rent.
1016
00:52:47,410 --> 00:52:50,160
Come on! Fuck!
1017
00:52:50,250 --> 00:52:51,410
You comin' or what?
1018
00:52:51,500 --> 00:52:52,710
Coming!
1019
00:53:12,730 --> 00:53:13,686
What you thinkin' 'bout?
1020
00:53:13,770 --> 00:53:15,476
- Get the fuck off of me!
- Shh, shh, shh.
1021
00:53:15,560 --> 00:53:17,570
- Almost done.
- Almost done what?
1022
00:53:17,650 --> 00:53:19,550
Getting my knife out of your buttocks,
1023
00:53:19,570 --> 00:53:21,190
- pervert!
- Aah! Fuck!
1024
00:53:21,280 --> 00:53:23,070
Get your mind out of my pants!
1025
00:53:23,150 --> 00:53:25,410
- I'm telling Blake.
- New rules.
1026
00:53:25,870 --> 00:53:27,030
I talk now.
1027
00:53:27,120 --> 00:53:28,366
That's gonna be very hard on the audience.
1028
00:53:28,450 --> 00:53:30,250
Shut the fuck up!
1029
00:53:30,870 --> 00:53:31,920
Let me fuckin' think.
1030
00:53:31,960 --> 00:53:34,120
Now we gotta get back to Paradox, right?
1031
00:53:35,880 --> 00:53:36,920
Right?
1032
00:53:37,840 --> 00:53:39,716
Je m'excuse. Am I allowed
to speak now or--
1033
00:53:39,800 --> 00:53:42,090
Just nod, asshole.
1034
00:53:43,760 --> 00:53:45,410
- Right.
- Then we find the others
1035
00:53:45,430 --> 00:53:47,766
that poor kid, Johnny, was talking about
before you got him killed!
1036
00:53:47,850 --> 00:53:49,560
"Poor kid." He's, like, 50!
1037
00:53:49,640 --> 00:53:52,226
Yeah, if there's a chance they know
how to get out of here, we find 'em.
1038
00:53:52,310 --> 00:53:54,310
And make those TVA fuckers fix my shit
1039
00:53:54,390 --> 00:53:55,690
like you fucking promised!
1040
00:53:55,730 --> 00:53:57,020
I smell quest.
1041
00:53:59,900 --> 00:54:01,150
I smell food.
1042
00:54:04,820 --> 00:54:07,530
So what made you finally wear
an honest-to-God costume?
1043
00:54:09,700 --> 00:54:11,456
Mine's red so they can't see me bleed.
1044
00:54:11,540 --> 00:54:14,290
But I could see how
yellow would be useful too.
1045
00:54:14,370 --> 00:54:15,920
Have you been checked for ADHD?
1046
00:54:15,960 --> 00:54:17,080
Mm-mm.
1047
00:54:17,170 --> 00:54:19,460
But I've had several STDs,
1048
00:54:19,540 --> 00:54:21,460
which were probably caused by ADHD.
1049
00:54:21,550 --> 00:54:22,920
Fuck!
1050
00:54:23,720 --> 00:54:24,970
What are you looking for?
1051
00:54:25,340 --> 00:54:26,720
Oh. Thank fuck.
1052
00:54:28,180 --> 00:54:29,976
No, no, no, no, no.
That's rubbing alcohol.
1053
00:54:30,060 --> 00:54:31,306
You don't want to drink-- Oh, yeah.
1054
00:54:31,390 --> 00:54:33,060
There you go. Fuck that liver.
1055
00:54:34,230 --> 00:54:36,480
Good. Okay.
1056
00:54:37,190 --> 00:54:39,440
- What the fuck are those?
- Oh.
1057
00:54:39,520 --> 00:54:41,860
Back in civilian life, I wear a toupée,
1058
00:54:41,940 --> 00:54:43,440
but nobody knows.
1059
00:54:45,780 --> 00:54:47,240
Everybody knows.
1060
00:54:50,160 --> 00:54:51,576
Wanna talk about what's haunting you,
1061
00:54:51,660 --> 00:54:53,830
or should we wait
for a third act flashback?
1062
00:54:53,910 --> 00:54:55,750
Ah... Go fuck yourself.
1063
00:54:59,210 --> 00:55:00,210
You know...
1064
00:55:01,920 --> 00:55:04,260
in my world, you're...
1065
00:55:05,380 --> 00:55:06,510
You're well regarded.
1066
00:55:06,590 --> 00:55:08,220
Yeah, well, not in mine.
1067
00:55:09,430 --> 00:55:11,056
They don't like me much in mine either.
1068
00:55:11,140 --> 00:55:12,510
You don't say.
1069
00:55:12,600 --> 00:55:14,600
I wanted to be something, you know. I...
1070
00:55:15,600 --> 00:55:17,200
Shit, I wanted to be an Avenger.
1071
00:55:17,230 --> 00:55:19,230
- Fuck the Avengers.
- Yeah.
1072
00:55:19,850 --> 00:55:22,450
I didn't make the cut, though.
Same with the X-Men...
1073
00:55:23,940 --> 00:55:25,066
When my girlfriend left me,
1074
00:55:25,150 --> 00:55:26,736
- and I just--
- You had a girlfriend?
1075
00:55:26,820 --> 00:55:27,820
Yeah.
1076
00:55:28,450 --> 00:55:29,450
Vanessa.
1077
00:55:29,950 --> 00:55:31,450
When we met, she was a dancer.
1078
00:55:32,580 --> 00:55:33,580
We had a whole life.
1079
00:55:34,870 --> 00:55:35,870
It was good.
1080
00:55:36,580 --> 00:55:38,670
But, oh, boy, I just... Mwah.
1081
00:55:40,000 --> 00:55:41,500
Fucked that right up.
1082
00:55:42,380 --> 00:55:44,590
But you, you were an X-Man.
1083
00:55:44,670 --> 00:55:46,880
Fuck that. You were the X-Man. You...
1084
00:55:48,800 --> 00:55:49,970
The Wolverine.
1085
00:55:52,260 --> 00:55:53,890
He was a hero in my world.
1086
00:55:55,850 --> 00:55:56,850
Yeah, well...
1087
00:55:58,060 --> 00:55:59,160
he ain't shit in mine.
1088
00:56:04,270 --> 00:56:07,150
You said, "Logan was a hero."
What happened?
1089
00:56:08,150 --> 00:56:09,360
He died.
1090
00:56:09,450 --> 00:56:10,740
How?
1091
00:56:11,450 --> 00:56:13,826
Well, technically, you were
chest-fucked by a tree, but,
1092
00:56:13,910 --> 00:56:15,656
really, you just ran out of batteries
1093
00:56:15,740 --> 00:56:17,910
- trying to save someone.
- Who?
1094
00:56:18,000 --> 00:56:19,870
The shitheels that grew her in a lab
1095
00:56:19,960 --> 00:56:21,370
called her "X-23." But...
1096
00:56:22,130 --> 00:56:23,250
she was just a kid.
1097
00:56:23,960 --> 00:56:27,550
A younger, daintier,
somehow meaner version of you.
1098
00:56:27,630 --> 00:56:29,300
You died trying to save her.
1099
00:56:29,380 --> 00:56:30,380
It was beautiful.
1100
00:56:31,340 --> 00:56:33,260
Look, mijo, I know you're hurtin'.
1101
00:56:34,010 --> 00:56:36,470
My blind, elderly,
African-American roommate,
1102
00:56:36,560 --> 00:56:39,560
Blind Al, always says that
pain teaches us who we are.
1103
00:56:39,640 --> 00:56:42,266
Sometimes we need to listen to that pain
instead of running from it.
1104
00:56:42,350 --> 00:56:44,110
- Holy shit.
- Yeah, she's wise.
1105
00:56:44,190 --> 00:56:46,646
No, no, no. That's her name?
You call her "Blind Al"?
1106
00:56:46,730 --> 00:56:47,730
Well, she's blind.
1107
00:57:25,310 --> 00:57:26,650
Look at you!
1108
00:57:26,730 --> 00:57:27,820
She's coming with us.
1109
00:57:27,900 --> 00:57:29,736
- No, she's not. Fuck no!
- Oh, yes, she is.
1110
00:57:29,820 --> 00:57:31,820
- Oh, yes--
- Sorry!
1111
00:57:31,900 --> 00:57:33,570
Sorry about that!
1112
00:57:33,660 --> 00:57:36,120
Come here, girl!
1113
00:57:36,200 --> 00:57:37,490
Who are you?
1114
00:57:37,580 --> 00:57:40,200
Oh, I'm Deadpool.
And I guess you're Deadpool too.
1115
00:57:40,290 --> 00:57:42,390
But in here, everybody
calls me "Nicepool."
1116
00:57:42,460 --> 00:57:44,456
Oh, my goodness.
Wait till you see Ladypool.
1117
00:57:44,540 --> 00:57:45,960
She is gorgeous.
1118
00:57:46,040 --> 00:57:47,840
She just had a baby too.
And...
1119
00:57:47,920 --> 00:57:48,920
Can't even tell.
1120
00:57:49,000 --> 00:57:50,426
I don't think you're supposed to say that.
1121
00:57:50,510 --> 00:57:51,670
That's okay.
1122
00:57:52,170 --> 00:57:53,550
I identify as a feminist.
1123
00:57:53,630 --> 00:57:54,590
Right.
1124
00:57:56,510 --> 00:57:59,810
Are those gold-plated,
.50 caliber Desert Eagle pistoleros?
1125
00:57:59,890 --> 00:58:01,020
'Course.
1126
00:58:01,100 --> 00:58:02,250
To match my ear huggie.
1127
00:58:02,310 --> 00:58:03,270
Can I have 'em?
1128
00:58:03,350 --> 00:58:05,560
Over my dead body.
1129
00:58:05,650 --> 00:58:07,150
You're fun.
1130
00:58:07,230 --> 00:58:09,380
And I guess
you've already met Mary Puppins.
1131
00:58:09,440 --> 00:58:11,230
AKA Dogpool.
1132
00:58:11,320 --> 00:58:13,110
Careful where you put your hands.
1133
00:58:13,190 --> 00:58:15,446
She's ninety percent g-spot,
and she'll let you know it.
1134
00:58:15,530 --> 00:58:19,080
You let this little flirt out
of your sight for one second
1135
00:58:19,160 --> 00:58:21,290
and she starts shopping for a new papa.
1136
00:58:21,370 --> 00:58:23,580
If you can't be a responsible pet owner,
1137
00:58:23,660 --> 00:58:25,916
then maybe you don't deserve
this little unicorn.
1138
00:58:26,000 --> 00:58:28,000
Guilty on all charges, Your Honor.
1139
00:58:28,500 --> 00:58:29,500
Shan't happen again.
1140
00:58:29,500 --> 00:58:31,130
Why are you so nice?
1141
00:58:31,210 --> 00:58:32,586
Oh, it costs nothing to be kind.
1142
00:58:32,670 --> 00:58:34,380
Shutting the fuck up is also free.
1143
00:58:34,470 --> 00:58:36,050
- Caliente.
- This is Logan.
1144
00:58:36,130 --> 00:58:37,136
He's usually shirtless,
1145
00:58:37,220 --> 00:58:39,320
but he's let himself go since the divorce.
1146
00:58:40,220 --> 00:58:41,720
Where's your mask?
1147
00:58:44,180 --> 00:58:45,560
Come on, guys.
1148
00:58:46,980 --> 00:58:48,230
Ugh, this guy.
1149
00:58:48,310 --> 00:58:50,686
- We're looking for a group of survivors.
- Oh, they're out there.
1150
00:58:50,770 --> 00:58:52,606
Yeah, but merc to merc, you better hope
1151
00:58:52,690 --> 00:58:54,356
that you don't run
into the Deadpool corps.
1152
00:58:54,440 --> 00:58:55,440
Yeah, they're crazy.
1153
00:58:55,450 --> 00:58:57,236
They will chop you up
into a thousand pieces
1154
00:58:57,320 --> 00:58:58,486
and hide you all over The Void.
1155
00:58:58,570 --> 00:59:00,616
If they could only process
their childhood trauma,
1156
00:59:00,700 --> 00:59:02,366
they'd go on one heck
of a healing journey.
1157
00:59:02,450 --> 00:59:04,536
Look, we're headed for the borderlands.
You know where it is?
1158
00:59:04,620 --> 00:59:07,710
Yeah, that... that's 12 klicks due west.
1159
00:59:07,790 --> 00:59:09,046
I can lend you my ride, if you like.
1160
00:59:09,130 --> 00:59:10,840
It would be my honor.
1161
00:59:14,710 --> 00:59:16,630
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Absolutely not.
1162
00:59:16,720 --> 00:59:18,800
Uh-uh. What the... No! No!
1163
00:59:18,890 --> 00:59:19,970
Just get in the car.
1164
00:59:20,050 --> 00:59:21,220
This isn't a car.
1165
00:59:21,300 --> 00:59:23,510
This is a Honda fuckin' Odyssey.
1166
00:59:23,600 --> 00:59:25,640
Throttle response sucks a cock.
1167
00:59:25,730 --> 00:59:26,936
Dated infotainment system.
1168
00:59:27,020 --> 00:59:29,726
When Honda saw that untreated chlamydia
was makin' a comeback,
1169
00:59:29,810 --> 00:59:32,480
they invented
the Honda Odyssey to compete.
1170
00:59:32,570 --> 00:59:35,360
Get in the fucking car.
1171
00:59:35,440 --> 00:59:37,700
She'll get you there safe and sound.
1172
00:59:37,780 --> 00:59:39,240
Old Betsy always does.
1173
00:59:40,030 --> 00:59:41,906
You're gonna have to
give me my dog back, though.
1174
00:59:41,990 --> 00:59:43,790
I know. Listen.
1175
00:59:43,870 --> 00:59:45,450
Yes, child.
1176
00:59:45,540 --> 00:59:47,626
If you ever wanna give her up,
or if she needs a new home,
1177
00:59:47,710 --> 00:59:49,670
or if something should happen to you,
1178
00:59:49,750 --> 00:59:50,836
I'd love to be her papa.
1179
00:59:50,920 --> 00:59:53,170
What would ever happen to me?
1180
00:59:53,250 --> 00:59:54,380
Lots of stuff.
1181
00:59:58,010 --> 00:59:59,380
- Jesus.
- No!
1182
00:59:59,470 --> 01:00:01,090
We're running away.
1183
01:00:01,180 --> 01:00:03,096
- Give me that.
- The corn was too dense, girl!
1184
01:00:03,180 --> 01:00:04,180
- There.
- Come here!
1185
01:00:04,180 --> 01:00:05,520
- Fuck!
- Hello!
1186
01:00:07,390 --> 01:00:08,810
Bye.
1187
01:00:34,670 --> 01:00:37,170
Okay, I'm just gonna ask...
What's with the suit?
1188
01:00:37,260 --> 01:00:38,886
First thing I did when I flamed out,
1189
01:00:38,970 --> 01:00:39,966
- I took mine off.
- Drop it.
1190
01:00:40,050 --> 01:00:41,090
It's not that ugly.
1191
01:00:41,180 --> 01:00:43,506
- Stop talking about my suit.
- Did you make it yourself?
1192
01:00:43,590 --> 01:00:44,556
- Been there.
- Quit. Now.
1193
01:00:44,640 --> 01:00:47,680
The X-Men make you wear it?
Those sons of fuckin' bitches.
1194
01:00:47,770 --> 01:00:49,346
They are not your friends,
I'll tell you that.
1195
01:00:49,430 --> 01:00:51,856
Friends don't let friends
leave the house lookin' like
1196
01:00:51,940 --> 01:00:53,686
they fight crime for the Los Angeles Rams.
1197
01:00:53,770 --> 01:00:54,936
Shut the fuck up about this, or--
1198
01:00:55,020 --> 01:00:57,316
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Watch your frown lines, angel baby.
1199
01:00:57,400 --> 01:00:58,526
I'm just trying to bond a little bit.
1200
01:00:58,610 --> 01:01:00,106
Yeah, well, then talk
about somethin' else.
1201
01:01:00,190 --> 01:01:01,240
Fine.
1202
01:01:04,240 --> 01:01:06,120
Pshew. Pshew, pshew.
1203
01:01:06,740 --> 01:01:07,830
Pshew!
1204
01:01:07,910 --> 01:01:09,910
- Stop it.
- Pshew.
1205
01:01:10,580 --> 01:01:12,166
If they can fix your world,
what's the first thing
1206
01:01:12,250 --> 01:01:13,536
you're gonna do when you get out of here?
1207
01:01:13,620 --> 01:01:16,590
Get some rubbing alcohol shots,
maybe a wiper fluid chaser?
1208
01:01:16,670 --> 01:01:18,336
- What did you say?
- I said when you get back,
1209
01:01:18,420 --> 01:01:21,770
- what's the first thing you're gonna do?
- No, no, no. Before that.
1210
01:01:22,220 --> 01:01:23,760
If... they can fix your world?
1211
01:01:28,010 --> 01:01:29,350
What do you mean, "if"?
1212
01:01:30,180 --> 01:01:31,226
- I mean--
- You lied to me.
1213
01:01:31,310 --> 01:01:33,726
You don't have a fucking clue
if they can help me fix things, do you?
1214
01:01:33,810 --> 01:01:35,610
No. I mean-- Ow!
1215
01:01:35,690 --> 01:01:38,440
Fuck! Fuck! I didn't lie!
1216
01:01:38,520 --> 01:01:41,530
- You lied!
- No! I made an educated wish!
1217
01:01:43,200 --> 01:01:44,150
Because I need you.
1218
01:01:45,490 --> 01:01:48,450
This. This is why. Right here.
1219
01:01:49,620 --> 01:01:50,996
'Cause if we don't do something, they die.
1220
01:01:51,080 --> 01:01:53,540
I don't know anything about saving worlds.
1221
01:01:53,620 --> 01:01:55,250
And why would I even care?
1222
01:01:55,330 --> 01:01:58,130
Because my entire world
is right here in this picture.
1223
01:01:58,210 --> 01:02:01,010
It's only nine people,
1224
01:02:01,090 --> 01:02:03,090
and I have no idea how to save it alone.
1225
01:02:04,050 --> 01:02:07,890
I know how to fuck people up for money.
But you, you know how to save 'em!
1226
01:02:08,970 --> 01:02:10,620
At least the other Wolverine did.
1227
01:02:11,680 --> 01:02:13,890
Fuck! I guess I'm stuck
with the worst one.
1228
01:02:13,980 --> 01:02:16,520
Did you say you made
1229
01:02:16,600 --> 01:02:20,190
an educated fucking wish?
1230
01:02:20,270 --> 01:02:22,280
They call me "The Merc with the Mouth."
1231
01:02:22,360 --> 01:02:26,740
They don't call me "Truthful Timmy,
the Blowjob Queen of Saskatoon."
1232
01:02:30,120 --> 01:02:31,120
One more word.
1233
01:02:32,330 --> 01:02:34,830
Please give me one.
1234
01:02:37,420 --> 01:02:38,460
Gubernatorial.
1235
01:02:38,540 --> 01:02:40,340
Oh, fuck!
1236
01:02:41,960 --> 01:02:43,810
You know what? You're a fucking joke.
1237
01:02:45,170 --> 01:02:46,676
No wonder the Avengers didn't take you.
1238
01:02:46,760 --> 01:02:49,010
Or the X-Men.
And they'll take fucking anyone.
1239
01:02:49,390 --> 01:02:54,350
I mean, you are
a ridiculous, immature, half-wit moron.
1240
01:02:55,100 --> 01:02:56,980
I have never met
1241
01:02:57,060 --> 01:03:00,820
a sadder, more attention-starved,
jabbering little prick
1242
01:03:00,900 --> 01:03:02,280
in my entire life.
1243
01:03:02,360 --> 01:03:04,460
And that says a lot,
'cause I've been alive
1244
01:03:04,490 --> 01:03:07,030
for more than 200 fuckin' years,
1245
01:03:07,110 --> 01:03:08,410
and I'll tell ya,
1246
01:03:08,490 --> 01:03:10,156
that bald chick was right about one thing.
1247
01:03:10,240 --> 01:03:12,700
You will never save the world!
1248
01:03:12,790 --> 01:03:15,460
You couldn't even save a relationship
1249
01:03:15,540 --> 01:03:17,500
with a goddamn stripper!
1250
01:03:17,580 --> 01:03:20,180
And motherfucker, I wish
I could say you'd die alone,
1251
01:03:20,210 --> 01:03:23,210
but it's one of God's
best jokes that you can't die,
1252
01:03:23,300 --> 01:03:24,800
except that's on all of us!
1253
01:03:28,890 --> 01:03:31,350
Oh, you got nothing to say, Mouth?
1254
01:03:40,020 --> 01:03:41,560
I'm gonna fight you now.
1255
01:03:43,610 --> 01:03:45,150
Oh, are you?
1256
01:03:55,410 --> 01:03:57,750
Mm. Not talkin' now, are ya?
1257
01:04:04,500 --> 01:04:05,630
Oh, you dirty bitch.
1258
01:04:20,730 --> 01:04:22,100
Whoo!
1259
01:04:38,750 --> 01:04:40,210
No, no, no!
1260
01:04:58,810 --> 01:05:00,270
Baby Knife!
1261
01:05:03,310 --> 01:05:06,820
I take it all back.
The Honda Odyssey fucks hard.
1262
01:05:06,900 --> 01:05:08,236
Too bad you don't, needle dick.
1263
01:05:08,320 --> 01:05:10,120
Oh, we're just gettin' started, bub.
1264
01:05:14,280 --> 01:05:15,660
{\an8}Oh, you... Fuck!
1265
01:06:07,960 --> 01:06:09,340
Thor!
1266
01:06:12,260 --> 01:06:13,260
Where are we?
1267
01:06:13,340 --> 01:06:16,180
No clue, but... I like it here.
1268
01:06:24,020 --> 01:06:26,060
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
1269
01:07:14,900 --> 01:07:16,070
Okay.
1270
01:07:17,150 --> 01:07:19,530
Look at you... all.
You must be the others.
1271
01:07:20,370 --> 01:07:21,370
Terrific.
1272
01:07:21,450 --> 01:07:24,660
So just to refresh, you are
1273
01:07:24,750 --> 01:07:26,000
- Wonder--
- Elektra.
1274
01:07:26,080 --> 01:07:27,790
Elektra?
Yes. Who could forget?
1275
01:07:28,540 --> 01:07:31,590
And you. I was not expecting
to see you here.
1276
01:07:31,670 --> 01:07:33,340
I thought you were, you know,
1277
01:07:33,420 --> 01:07:35,010
retired.
1278
01:07:35,090 --> 01:07:36,340
Retarded?
1279
01:07:37,880 --> 01:07:38,880
"Retired."
1280
01:07:38,970 --> 01:07:41,176
I'm already in The Void.
I'm not trying to get canceled again.
1281
01:07:41,260 --> 01:07:43,470
- I don't like you.
- You never did.
1282
01:07:44,850 --> 01:07:48,640
And who's this succulent reminder
of my own inadequacies?
1283
01:07:48,730 --> 01:07:49,900
Look at you.
1284
01:07:50,560 --> 01:07:52,860
You look like
the superhero version of Hawkeye.
1285
01:07:53,270 --> 01:07:56,070
The name's Remy LeBeau, Le Diable Blanc.
1286
01:07:56,780 --> 01:07:58,116
But you can call me the Gambit.
1287
01:07:58,200 --> 01:08:01,150
It's been a while since
I've seen Sling Blade. Hit me again.
1288
01:08:01,620 --> 01:08:03,196
- They call me the Gambit.
- Do they?
1289
01:08:03,280 --> 01:08:05,456
Are you sure you didn't
just really, really want them to,
1290
01:08:05,540 --> 01:08:07,040
but it never quite worked out?
1291
01:08:09,500 --> 01:08:11,750
You know, we never had
a Wolverine up in here.
1292
01:08:12,590 --> 01:08:13,790
But I can tell you now,
1293
01:08:13,880 --> 01:08:15,630
it's just a common courtesy to ask
1294
01:08:15,710 --> 01:08:17,256
before you drink up all of my liquor.
1295
01:08:17,340 --> 01:08:19,590
Well, it's a good thing
I don't give a fuck.
1296
01:08:22,680 --> 01:08:23,890
Fuck.
1297
01:08:26,140 --> 01:08:27,890
So embarrassing.
1298
01:08:28,680 --> 01:08:30,060
Boo, boo, boo.
1299
01:08:30,140 --> 01:08:32,776
Well, now that that's settled, look,
we came a long way to find you three.
1300
01:08:32,860 --> 01:08:34,606
- There's four of us.
- There's four...
1301
01:08:34,690 --> 01:08:36,570
Hey, wait. Is it Magneto?
1302
01:08:36,650 --> 01:08:38,566
Dear sweet God in heaven,
let it be Magneto,
1303
01:08:38,650 --> 01:08:39,776
- because with him--
- He's dead.
1304
01:08:39,860 --> 01:08:41,950
Fuck! Now Disney gets cheap?
1305
01:08:42,030 --> 01:08:44,036
It's like Pinocchio jammed
his face in my ass
1306
01:08:44,120 --> 01:08:46,076
- and started lying like crazy.
- Ooh, you nasty!
1307
01:08:46,160 --> 01:08:48,710
Mon petit rouge.
Laissez les bons temps rouler, huh?
1308
01:08:48,790 --> 01:08:51,580
Not a single word.
What do you do exactly?
1309
01:08:51,670 --> 01:08:54,340
Charge the playing cards
and make 'em go boom!
1310
01:08:54,420 --> 01:08:56,420
Your power's close-up magic.
That's good.
1311
01:08:56,420 --> 01:08:58,260
We're not totally fucked at all.
1312
01:08:58,340 --> 01:09:00,050
So who brought us here?
1313
01:09:00,130 --> 01:09:01,260
That would be me.
1314
01:09:11,140 --> 01:09:12,340
Don't make me regret it.
1315
01:09:14,230 --> 01:09:17,480
Holy shit. Logan.
That's her. That's X-23.
1316
01:09:17,570 --> 01:09:19,150
She's the one I told you about.
1317
01:09:23,700 --> 01:09:25,696
Hey, how did you all get stuck
in The Void?
1318
01:09:25,780 --> 01:09:27,410
There was a knock at the door.
1319
01:09:27,490 --> 01:09:29,410
- TVA sent me here.
- Me, too.
1320
01:09:29,500 --> 01:09:31,916
Well, maybe I was born here.
It's... It's hard to know for sure.
1321
01:09:32,000 --> 01:09:34,460
TVA decided our universe was dying.
1322
01:09:35,500 --> 01:09:37,750
And I never even got a chance
to fight for it.
1323
01:09:40,550 --> 01:09:42,380
People like us don't go quietly.
1324
01:09:42,470 --> 01:09:44,270
TVA knows that, so they took us out.
1325
01:09:44,840 --> 01:09:46,970
The answer is yes. I'm in.
1326
01:09:47,050 --> 01:09:48,680
- In what?
- A team.
1327
01:09:49,270 --> 01:09:51,270
Me, you, you, and me.
All of us together.
1328
01:09:51,310 --> 01:09:52,726
Let's get the fuck out of this place.
1329
01:09:52,810 --> 01:09:54,476
Don't listen to him.
He's a fucking liar!
1330
01:09:54,560 --> 01:09:55,940
It was an educated wish!
1331
01:09:56,020 --> 01:09:57,940
- Ha!
- Look.
1332
01:09:59,480 --> 01:10:01,026
We've been inside Cassandra's lair.
1333
01:10:01,110 --> 01:10:03,900
The only way out of The Void
is through her.
1334
01:10:03,990 --> 01:10:05,820
She can get us home. She told us.
1335
01:10:05,910 --> 01:10:07,660
Wait a minute, you've been inside?
1336
01:10:08,450 --> 01:10:10,400
- And you made it out alive?
- Bullshit.
1337
01:10:10,410 --> 01:10:12,330
- Nobody's ever done that.
- We did.
1338
01:10:12,410 --> 01:10:14,286
Every time one of us
has gone up against her,
1339
01:10:14,370 --> 01:10:16,040
they die.
1340
01:10:16,130 --> 01:10:18,710
The Punisher, the Quicksilver,
the Daredevil.
1341
01:10:18,790 --> 01:10:20,380
Daredevil? I'm so sorry.
1342
01:10:20,460 --> 01:10:21,960
- It's fine.
- Okay.
1343
01:10:23,920 --> 01:10:26,300
Even that sweet, baby angel,
Johnny Storm.
1344
01:10:26,890 --> 01:10:28,600
He up and gone missing like,
1345
01:10:28,680 --> 01:10:30,010
what, two days ago?
1346
01:10:30,680 --> 01:10:32,430
Ugh. That's so sad.
1347
01:10:33,140 --> 01:10:35,790
Wherever this Johnny fella is,
I'm sure he's thriving.
1348
01:10:36,980 --> 01:10:39,066
Look, there's...
there's strength in numbers.
1349
01:10:39,150 --> 01:10:40,980
All right? Us... plus, you guys.
1350
01:10:41,070 --> 01:10:44,066
We can put Cassandra over our knee
and force her to let us out of The Void.
1351
01:10:44,150 --> 01:10:45,616
I know what it means to feel self-doubt.
1352
01:10:45,700 --> 01:10:47,366
- I don't feel that at all.
- I'm good.
1353
01:10:47,450 --> 01:10:49,406
Gnawing at your gut
like a coked-up tapeworm.
1354
01:10:49,490 --> 01:10:51,116
It's like you're holding up
a mirror to my soul.
1355
01:10:51,200 --> 01:10:54,120
You guys may not have
been able to save your universes.
1356
01:10:54,200 --> 01:10:55,660
But you can avenge them.
1357
01:10:56,330 --> 01:10:57,706
It's what Johnny would have wanted.
1358
01:10:57,790 --> 01:11:00,540
Wait. You knew Johnny?
1359
01:11:01,590 --> 01:11:02,840
Oh, yeah.
1360
01:11:02,920 --> 01:11:04,920
Dickhead here talked him into a team-up,
1361
01:11:05,010 --> 01:11:07,386
and Johnny came down with
a little case of the deads.
1362
01:11:07,470 --> 01:11:09,180
No, no, no.
We don't know that.
1363
01:11:09,260 --> 01:11:11,096
It was just a flesh wound.
He may have survived.
1364
01:11:11,180 --> 01:11:13,680
If he survived that,
he is prayin' for death.
1365
01:11:13,770 --> 01:11:15,430
Thank you, Doctor Wolverine!
1366
01:11:15,520 --> 01:11:17,620
- Spill it!
- What'd you do to Johnny, huh?
1367
01:11:17,690 --> 01:11:18,936
Talk or I'm gonna start dealin'.
1368
01:11:19,020 --> 01:11:20,940
Okay. Okay. Hey, hey, hey.
1369
01:11:21,020 --> 01:11:22,020
Look.
1370
01:11:22,110 --> 01:11:24,280
He ran his fat-ass mouth about Cassandra.
1371
01:11:24,360 --> 01:11:25,900
Then she zip-zapped his skin,
1372
01:11:25,990 --> 01:11:28,570
leaving his organs to splash
crudely onto the ground
1373
01:11:28,660 --> 01:11:31,196
while the soil greedily drank
his blood. It was horrible.
1374
01:11:31,280 --> 01:11:32,680
He was like a brother to me.
1375
01:11:33,120 --> 01:11:36,250
Look, he died before he could
make a difference. But...
1376
01:11:37,330 --> 01:11:39,296
Look, maybe you couldn't
save your worlds, but...
1377
01:11:39,380 --> 01:11:41,540
but Jesus Christ, you can save mine!
1378
01:11:41,630 --> 01:11:44,130
I don't give a shit about your world, but
1379
01:11:44,210 --> 01:11:47,130
if these two made it out of
there alive, maybe together,
1380
01:11:47,220 --> 01:11:49,070
we can get back in and take her down.
1381
01:11:49,130 --> 01:11:51,640
Where I come from,
we call that suicide, Chère.
1382
01:11:51,720 --> 01:11:54,140
If we can block her psychic powers,
1383
01:11:54,220 --> 01:11:56,020
we can get a leg up. I know it.
1384
01:11:56,100 --> 01:11:57,520
Now, I know Magneto's dead.
1385
01:11:58,190 --> 01:12:00,650
But I'd venture to guess
that his helmet is lying
1386
01:12:00,730 --> 01:12:02,646
- around here somewhere--
- Cassandra melted the helmet.
1387
01:12:02,730 --> 01:12:03,896
- Fuck!
- After she killed him.
1388
01:12:03,980 --> 01:12:05,860
- Fuck!
- She don't play.
1389
01:12:05,940 --> 01:12:07,486
She knows that helmet was the only way
1390
01:12:07,570 --> 01:12:09,066
to protect anyone from her powers.
1391
01:12:09,150 --> 01:12:10,946
The only other helmet that strong
is Juggernaut's,
1392
01:12:11,030 --> 01:12:12,076
but he works for Cassandra.
1393
01:12:12,160 --> 01:12:13,700
Juggernaut's helmet.
That's it.
1394
01:12:13,780 --> 01:12:15,406
Yeah, and we done be knowing
that lid ain't comin' off
1395
01:12:15,490 --> 01:12:16,866
without that dome gonna come off wit'it.
1396
01:12:16,950 --> 01:12:19,076
I'm so sorry, beautiful.
I want this to be gentle.
1397
01:12:19,160 --> 01:12:21,580
Who is your dialect coach? The Minions?
1398
01:12:21,670 --> 01:12:24,380
I feel like we are missing
critical exposition here.
1399
01:12:26,010 --> 01:12:28,220
I'm sick of this shit.
I'm sick of hiding.
1400
01:12:30,010 --> 01:12:31,926
Let's face it, our worlds forgot about us.
1401
01:12:32,010 --> 01:12:33,720
Or never learned about us.
1402
01:12:33,800 --> 01:12:35,060
The heroes we were.
1403
01:12:35,140 --> 01:12:36,470
Lives we saved.
1404
01:12:36,560 --> 01:12:37,980
Or wanted to save.
1405
01:12:38,060 --> 01:12:39,810
Maybe these two are our chance.
1406
01:12:41,310 --> 01:12:42,940
To be remembered.
1407
01:12:43,020 --> 01:12:44,060
The way we deserve.
1408
01:12:45,150 --> 01:12:47,610
- Yes.
- An ending.
1409
01:12:48,280 --> 01:12:49,280
- Legacy.
- Yes!
1410
01:12:49,360 --> 01:12:51,030
Yes! Let this man cook.
1411
01:12:51,110 --> 01:12:52,446
This is what I'm talking about.
1412
01:12:52,530 --> 01:12:54,450
Big slow-motion fights, sad music.
1413
01:12:54,530 --> 01:12:55,746
Everybody working together.
1414
01:12:55,830 --> 01:12:57,576
Who knows if you live or die?
That sorta thing.
1415
01:12:57,660 --> 01:13:00,040
- Who's ready?
- I was born ready.
1416
01:13:00,120 --> 01:13:02,120
- Yes! Gambit?
- I ain't know my daddy,
1417
01:13:02,210 --> 01:13:04,126
but I'm sure I shot out of his dick ready.
1418
01:13:04,210 --> 01:13:06,050
Jesus Christ, that is graphic.
1419
01:13:06,130 --> 01:13:08,086
Yeah. He was layin' them
buttery nuts all up in my mama
1420
01:13:08,170 --> 01:13:10,046
and I shot out there
and I said, "What's up, Doc?"
1421
01:13:10,130 --> 01:13:12,470
Johnny must have loved you.
1422
01:13:12,550 --> 01:13:14,760
X-23, what's it gonna be?
1423
01:13:14,850 --> 01:13:15,850
The name's Laura.
1424
01:13:15,930 --> 01:13:18,890
- Let's fucking go.
- Let's fucking go!
1425
01:13:18,970 --> 01:13:20,226
It's on like chicken and corn.
1426
01:13:20,310 --> 01:13:21,640
- Yeah!
- We're doing this.
1427
01:13:21,730 --> 01:13:22,766
You're all fuckin' dead.
1428
01:13:22,850 --> 01:13:24,980
My God! Read the room.
1429
01:13:36,160 --> 01:13:39,200
Hey, hey. I'm not lookin' for company.
Get out of here.
1430
01:13:41,290 --> 01:13:42,340
You remind me of him.
1431
01:13:42,960 --> 01:13:44,710
Angry. Drunk. Mean...
1432
01:13:44,790 --> 01:13:47,040
- Sounds like a great guy--
- Wasn't finished.
1433
01:13:48,750 --> 01:13:50,550
Showed up when it mattered the most.
1434
01:13:52,550 --> 01:13:54,090
Couldn't help it.
1435
01:13:57,470 --> 01:13:58,920
You might not know it, but...
1436
01:13:59,600 --> 01:14:01,100
you're a good man, Logan.
1437
01:14:03,440 --> 01:14:06,340
You might not know it, but apparently,
I'm the worst Logan.
1438
01:14:08,360 --> 01:14:10,160
I got to have a life because of you.
1439
01:14:13,110 --> 01:14:14,710
I got to grow up because of you.
1440
01:14:16,780 --> 01:14:18,160
A lot of kids did.
1441
01:14:18,240 --> 01:14:20,450
A lot of kids didn't grow up
because of me.
1442
01:14:22,700 --> 01:14:24,160
Trust me, kid, I'm no hero.
1443
01:14:25,620 --> 01:14:26,920
That suit says different.
1444
01:14:27,750 --> 01:14:29,670
- Yeah. Do you like it?
- Mm.
1445
01:14:31,760 --> 01:14:33,380
Scott used to beg me to wear it.
1446
01:14:35,720 --> 01:14:38,220
So did Jean, Storm, Beast.
1447
01:14:40,310 --> 01:14:41,310
All of them.
1448
01:14:42,640 --> 01:14:45,810
They wanted me to be part
of the team, but I wouldn't.
1449
01:14:46,440 --> 01:14:49,480
Told 'em they all look
fucking ridiculous. I mean...
1450
01:14:51,530 --> 01:14:53,990
I couldn't have 'em thinkin'
I wanted to be there.
1451
01:14:59,830 --> 01:15:01,826
And then one day,
while I was off on my own,
1452
01:15:01,910 --> 01:15:03,000
the humans came...
1453
01:15:03,700 --> 01:15:05,000
and went mutant hunting.
1454
01:15:06,420 --> 01:15:07,500
I can guess the rest.
1455
01:15:07,580 --> 01:15:08,580
No, no, let me...
1456
01:15:10,130 --> 01:15:11,130
Let me say it. I...
1457
01:15:13,880 --> 01:15:14,880
I need to say it.
1458
01:15:17,720 --> 01:15:20,016
By the time I stumbled home
shitfaced from the bar,
1459
01:15:20,100 --> 01:15:21,430
it was too late.
1460
01:15:25,480 --> 01:15:27,190
They were dead. Every...
1461
01:15:33,190 --> 01:15:36,150
This suit's all I got to
remind me of who they were.
1462
01:15:38,160 --> 01:15:39,200
And what I did.
1463
01:15:52,420 --> 01:15:54,270
We're headed to Cassandra's at sunup.
1464
01:15:54,840 --> 01:15:56,840
Have fun. Not my fight.
1465
01:16:00,220 --> 01:16:01,970
We won't pull this off without you.
1466
01:16:08,890 --> 01:16:11,900
Hey. Whoever you think I am,
you got the wrong guy.
1467
01:16:14,980 --> 01:16:16,480
You were always the wrong guy.
1468
01:16:42,260 --> 01:16:43,180
What?
1469
01:16:43,260 --> 01:16:45,680
Alioth didn't get them.
1470
01:16:45,760 --> 01:16:47,976
Cassandra wanted to
play with them herself first.
1471
01:16:48,060 --> 01:16:49,140
They got away.
1472
01:16:49,230 --> 01:16:50,646
- Did they find the others?
- No.
1473
01:16:50,730 --> 01:16:52,230
Good. All right. Phew.
1474
01:16:52,310 --> 01:16:54,360
- The others found them.
- Oh, very cute.
1475
01:16:54,440 --> 01:16:56,440
Well done, Pyro.
Classic bait and switch.
1476
01:16:56,440 --> 01:16:58,140
- You really got me there.
- Relax.
1477
01:16:58,740 --> 01:17:01,110
If they come after Nova, she'll handle it.
1478
01:17:01,200 --> 01:17:03,320
Cassandra is a lunatic wild card.
1479
01:17:03,410 --> 01:17:05,496
Why do you think we put her there
in the first place?
1480
01:17:05,580 --> 01:17:07,656
Thank God she's never chosen
to leave The Void.
1481
01:17:07,740 --> 01:17:10,370
The Time Ripper is hours away
from completion.
1482
01:17:10,460 --> 01:17:11,456
I cannot take any chances.
1483
01:17:11,540 --> 01:17:12,670
Well, maybe not.
1484
01:17:12,750 --> 01:17:13,750
But I can.
1485
01:17:13,830 --> 01:17:15,250
For a price.
1486
01:17:15,340 --> 01:17:16,666
Why do you have to
say it in that silly voice?
1487
01:17:16,750 --> 01:17:18,050
It's so icky.
1488
01:17:18,130 --> 01:17:19,926
- You want it done or not?
- All right. Your price.
1489
01:17:20,010 --> 01:17:21,340
Take her out.
1490
01:17:22,130 --> 01:17:23,680
Ugh. Mutants.
1491
01:17:45,870 --> 01:17:47,070
Ooh! Look at that there!
1492
01:17:47,080 --> 01:17:48,406
You see them biggum hands come closed.
1493
01:17:48,490 --> 01:17:49,916
Ain't not a wonna gettin' up inside there.
1494
01:17:50,000 --> 01:17:51,746
I think what
Gambit's trying to say is
1495
01:17:51,830 --> 01:17:54,670
getting Juggernaut's helmet
ain't gonna be easy.
1496
01:17:54,750 --> 01:17:56,046
I'm just making stuff up at this...
1497
01:17:56,130 --> 01:17:57,710
- Yeah. Tilt up to Blade.
- Gun!
1498
01:18:02,510 --> 01:18:04,210
Where'd he get that little beauty?
1499
01:18:04,260 --> 01:18:06,220
That's Punisher's AT4.
1500
01:18:06,300 --> 01:18:08,516
Which Punisher?
There's been, like, five of them.
1501
01:18:08,600 --> 01:18:10,000
There's only been one Blade,
1502
01:18:10,560 --> 01:18:12,610
and there's only ever gonna be one Blade.
1503
01:18:16,060 --> 01:18:17,560
Incoming!
1504
01:18:17,650 --> 01:18:18,820
Ahhh!
1505
01:19:24,380 --> 01:19:26,630
Ooh, this is gonna be good.
1506
01:19:26,720 --> 01:19:29,140
You know how long
I've been waiting for this?
1507
01:19:29,220 --> 01:19:31,520
Whoo! I'm about to make
a name for myself here.
1508
01:19:31,560 --> 01:19:33,476
I don't think you guys
walk away from this.
1509
01:19:33,560 --> 01:19:35,436
You just make sure people know
what happened here today.
1510
01:19:35,520 --> 01:19:37,686
And when you get out of here,
you have a drink for me, yeah?
1511
01:19:37,770 --> 01:19:40,060
You just stay on our six and get inside.
1512
01:19:40,150 --> 01:19:42,110
We'll make sure you get the package.
1513
01:19:42,770 --> 01:19:44,020
And we'll get our ending.
1514
01:20:54,260 --> 01:20:55,180
And boom!
1515
01:21:26,840 --> 01:21:29,640
Heh. Some motherfuckers still
trying to ice skate uphill.
1516
01:21:36,220 --> 01:21:38,020
You two escaping, I could live with.
1517
01:21:38,100 --> 01:21:41,060
But coming back? Willingly?
1518
01:21:42,810 --> 01:21:44,560
Boys are so silly.
1519
01:21:44,650 --> 01:21:45,726
I just need to get home.
1520
01:21:45,810 --> 01:21:48,320
Well, that's not on the menu,
I'm afraid.
1521
01:21:48,400 --> 01:21:51,740
It's death or enslavement.
À la carte, of course.
1522
01:21:51,820 --> 01:21:53,200
Upsy-daisy.
1523
01:21:58,490 --> 01:21:59,490
Finally,
1524
01:21:59,580 --> 01:22:02,250
it's nice to give someone else
a chance to talk.
1525
01:22:02,330 --> 01:22:03,500
Not my strong suit.
1526
01:22:20,470 --> 01:22:22,640
You shouldn't have done that.
1527
01:22:42,450 --> 01:22:43,830
Adiós, pendejo.
1528
01:22:45,960 --> 01:22:48,670
You are an interesting one, aren't you?
1529
01:22:49,380 --> 01:22:52,460
I do feel like you get lost
behind all of his...
1530
01:22:55,680 --> 01:22:58,180
Deadpools are a dime a dozen
here in The Void.
1531
01:22:59,140 --> 01:23:00,390
But you...
1532
01:23:01,010 --> 01:23:03,890
What's going on in here?
1533
01:23:13,690 --> 01:23:14,940
Logan!
1534
01:23:17,490 --> 01:23:18,700
Interesting...
1535
01:23:19,870 --> 01:23:21,740
Not what I expected back here.
1536
01:23:22,870 --> 01:23:24,080
Behind the anger.
1537
01:23:28,000 --> 01:23:29,000
You're hiding.
1538
01:23:29,080 --> 01:23:31,420
From them.
1539
01:23:31,500 --> 01:23:33,170
From all the ones you let down.
1540
01:23:35,840 --> 01:23:37,380
So much pain.
1541
01:23:39,640 --> 01:23:41,180
I walked away.
1542
01:23:41,930 --> 01:23:43,560
They called after me and I...
1543
01:23:43,640 --> 01:23:44,680
I walked away.
1544
01:23:45,930 --> 01:23:46,980
I always do.
1545
01:23:47,060 --> 01:23:48,060
- Logan!
- I know.
1546
01:23:50,520 --> 01:23:51,900
That's not all you did.
1547
01:23:52,520 --> 01:23:53,530
Is it?
1548
01:23:56,860 --> 01:23:58,320
You found them.
1549
01:23:59,320 --> 01:24:00,740
The X-Men.
1550
01:24:05,750 --> 01:24:06,750
Dead.
1551
01:24:09,500 --> 01:24:10,710
Piled like wood.
1552
01:24:12,420 --> 01:24:13,670
What did you do?
1553
01:24:16,300 --> 01:24:17,510
I started killing.
1554
01:24:18,300 --> 01:24:20,800
And I couldn't stop.
I didn't wanna stop.
1555
01:24:22,010 --> 01:24:24,720
All those bad men.
1556
01:24:28,690 --> 01:24:30,270
It's not just the bad ones.
1557
01:24:31,940 --> 01:24:33,110
My little animal.
1558
01:24:35,980 --> 01:24:38,990
And I turned the whole world
against the X-Men.
1559
01:24:39,070 --> 01:24:40,030
Blade!
1560
01:24:45,740 --> 01:24:46,950
Just once...
1561
01:24:48,910 --> 01:24:51,460
I wanna be the man
that Charles thought I was.
1562
01:24:52,580 --> 01:24:53,790
Logan...
1563
01:24:55,380 --> 01:24:59,050
in The Void, you can be what you are.
1564
01:25:01,470 --> 01:25:02,930
I just wanna be free.
1565
01:25:03,640 --> 01:25:05,510
I can set you free.
1566
01:25:16,480 --> 01:25:21,820
I can silence all those voices.
1567
01:25:28,790 --> 01:25:29,790
I've got you.
1568
01:25:32,420 --> 01:25:33,630
I've got you.
1569
01:25:33,710 --> 01:25:35,130
No.
1570
01:25:36,460 --> 01:25:37,380
I got you.
1571
01:25:45,390 --> 01:25:47,810
Get it off!
1572
01:25:47,890 --> 01:25:49,270
You're gonna send us home,
1573
01:25:49,350 --> 01:25:50,976
or I'm gonna twist your fucking head off.
1574
01:25:51,060 --> 01:25:52,350
Why are you laughing?
1575
01:25:53,020 --> 01:25:54,310
I can't send you home
1576
01:25:54,400 --> 01:25:57,230
unless you get this thing off my head.
1577
01:25:57,320 --> 01:25:58,980
And as soon as you do that,
1578
01:25:59,070 --> 01:26:01,316
I'm going to boil your brains
on an atomic level
1579
01:26:01,400 --> 01:26:04,360
whilst flicking my bean
to the Enya box set.
1580
01:26:04,450 --> 01:26:05,820
There's an Enya box set?
1581
01:26:05,910 --> 01:26:07,330
Either you kill me
1582
01:26:07,410 --> 01:26:08,410
or I kill you.
1583
01:26:09,330 --> 01:26:10,750
Both wonderful options.
1584
01:26:10,830 --> 01:26:12,960
You want me to do it?
1585
01:26:13,040 --> 01:26:14,996
- No, I'll do it.
- I have her neck right here.
1586
01:26:15,080 --> 01:26:16,666
- It's really no problem.
- You'll screw it up.
1587
01:26:16,750 --> 01:26:19,250
Oh, come on, Mr. PG-13,
except the last one!
1588
01:26:19,340 --> 01:26:21,590
What the fuck?
1589
01:26:22,760 --> 01:26:24,840
You have no idea
1590
01:26:24,930 --> 01:26:25,930
what it's like!
1591
01:26:26,010 --> 01:26:28,890
Day after day. Shovel the shit.
1592
01:26:28,970 --> 01:26:30,390
Fetch the meats.
1593
01:26:30,470 --> 01:26:33,520
I have spent my entire exis--
1594
01:26:35,140 --> 01:26:37,020
Not everyone gets a speech.
1595
01:26:37,110 --> 01:26:40,110
She's gonna die.
1596
01:26:40,190 --> 01:26:42,240
Okay. Hey, hey.
If I take this helmet off,
1597
01:26:42,280 --> 01:26:43,446
do you promise you won't kill us?
1598
01:26:43,530 --> 01:26:44,580
- Fuck!
- I promise...
1599
01:26:44,650 --> 01:26:46,280
I will kill you first thing.
1600
01:26:46,360 --> 01:26:48,160
Oh! Why are you like this?
1601
01:26:48,240 --> 01:26:49,490
I wish I knew.
1602
01:26:49,580 --> 01:26:50,870
- Take it off.
- What?
1603
01:26:50,950 --> 01:26:52,200
- Take it off.
- Why?
1604
01:26:52,290 --> 01:26:53,576
- Just take it off.
- This is our only chance
1605
01:26:53,660 --> 01:26:55,370
- to fix our shit!
- Take it off!
1606
01:26:57,210 --> 01:26:58,670
I am wearing this suit.
1607
01:26:59,880 --> 01:27:02,330
And that means a lot of things,
but most of all...
1608
01:27:03,510 --> 01:27:04,840
it means I'm an X-Man.
1609
01:27:05,760 --> 01:27:07,260
And I know your brother.
1610
01:27:09,390 --> 01:27:10,886
As much as I want to fucking kill you,
1611
01:27:10,970 --> 01:27:13,770
every bone in my body
wants to fucking kill you,
1612
01:27:13,850 --> 01:27:16,730
he would not let me stand here
and watch you die!
1613
01:27:19,310 --> 01:27:20,400
Take your hands off.
1614
01:27:22,190 --> 01:27:23,320
This is for him.
1615
01:27:25,360 --> 01:27:26,490
This is for Charles.
1616
01:27:36,870 --> 01:27:38,630
Hey, no, no, no!
1617
01:27:38,710 --> 01:27:40,360
Don't you dare do me like Johnny!
1618
01:27:45,840 --> 01:27:47,300
My brother loved you.
1619
01:27:49,180 --> 01:27:50,720
He loved all of us.
1620
01:27:50,800 --> 01:27:51,890
Hmm.
1621
01:27:53,350 --> 01:27:54,850
Must be nice.
1622
01:27:55,560 --> 01:27:56,910
He would've loved you, too.
1623
01:27:59,730 --> 01:28:00,900
If he knew about you...
1624
01:28:02,690 --> 01:28:04,150
if he knew where you were,
1625
01:28:04,230 --> 01:28:06,276
he would've torn a hole
in the fucking universe
1626
01:28:06,360 --> 01:28:07,650
to bring you home.
1627
01:28:11,240 --> 01:28:12,330
This is my home.
1628
01:28:13,330 --> 01:28:15,540
Well, then at least let us save his.
1629
01:28:19,830 --> 01:28:21,480
You want to hear something crazy?
1630
01:28:23,290 --> 01:28:26,170
An amateur magician rolled
through here a while back.
1631
01:28:27,010 --> 01:28:28,550
I killed him, of course.
1632
01:28:29,260 --> 01:28:31,510
Wore his skin around for four days.
1633
01:28:32,550 --> 01:28:36,390
But I found this little trinket
1634
01:28:37,140 --> 01:28:39,270
on his lovely fingers.
1635
01:28:39,350 --> 01:28:40,480
Strange!
1636
01:28:43,690 --> 01:28:45,690
- Marvel sparkle circle.
- What is that?
1637
01:28:46,730 --> 01:28:48,860
This is your way home.
1638
01:28:48,950 --> 01:28:50,820
I do owe you for saving my life.
1639
01:28:50,910 --> 01:28:52,366
But let's keep things interesting.
1640
01:28:52,450 --> 01:28:54,280
I'd say you have about four seconds
1641
01:28:54,370 --> 01:28:55,770
before you're Alioth's food.
1642
01:28:59,960 --> 01:29:01,040
Race ya.
1643
01:30:24,670 --> 01:30:26,920
{\an8}And as I said,
we've got a standard three-year
1644
01:30:26,920 --> 01:30:28,220
{\an8}bumper to bumper warranty.
1645
01:30:28,250 --> 01:30:30,170
Glad you gave us a second chance.
1646
01:30:30,250 --> 01:30:31,876
And don't worry. Wade and I are a team,
1647
01:30:31,960 --> 01:30:34,010
so I'll see he gets half the commission--
1648
01:30:35,130 --> 01:30:36,590
Whoa.
1649
01:30:36,680 --> 01:30:38,600
That feels like a Kia.
1650
01:30:38,680 --> 01:30:41,060
It's a fucking Kia Carnival, isn't it?
1651
01:30:42,270 --> 01:30:45,190
Holy shit. That's Deadpool.
1652
01:30:45,270 --> 01:30:46,400
And that's Wolverine.
1653
01:30:46,480 --> 01:30:48,610
You're damn straight it is.
Fox killed him.
1654
01:30:48,690 --> 01:30:49,776
Disney brought him back.
1655
01:30:49,860 --> 01:30:51,816
They're going to make him
do this till he's 90.
1656
01:30:51,900 --> 01:30:52,990
Let's go.
1657
01:30:53,610 --> 01:30:54,700
I'll clock you out!
1658
01:30:54,780 --> 01:30:56,280
Forever!
1659
01:30:57,120 --> 01:30:58,240
Forever.
1660
01:31:05,080 --> 01:31:06,170
Wakey-wakey.
1661
01:31:06,250 --> 01:31:08,330
God?
1662
01:31:09,670 --> 01:31:12,380
Now, you put all these bullets
in my belly,
1663
01:31:13,090 --> 01:31:14,630
and I'm gonna find out why.
1664
01:31:15,300 --> 01:31:16,380
Whoa, whoa!
1665
01:31:17,050 --> 01:31:18,430
I'll just say it.
1666
01:31:19,140 --> 01:31:20,766
You don't have to stick
your fingers in me.
1667
01:31:20,850 --> 01:31:23,520
Jesus, just ask sometimes.
1668
01:31:23,600 --> 01:31:24,770
Fine.
1669
01:31:25,980 --> 01:31:26,980
Really?
1670
01:31:27,650 --> 01:31:28,730
Hands in pockets.
1671
01:31:30,440 --> 01:31:31,610
Guy named Paradox.
1672
01:31:32,360 --> 01:31:33,606
He said he'd get me out of The Void.
1673
01:31:33,690 --> 01:31:35,820
All I know is he works for the TVA.
1674
01:31:35,900 --> 01:31:37,950
The TVA. We had an agreement.
1675
01:31:38,030 --> 01:31:39,780
I don't think this guy cares.
1676
01:31:39,870 --> 01:31:42,580
Huh. He will.
1677
01:31:42,660 --> 01:31:44,080
Hey, people!
1678
01:31:44,160 --> 01:31:46,326
How much longer before
the Time Ripper is active?
1679
01:31:46,410 --> 01:31:48,310
We're running the final safety checks.
1680
01:31:48,370 --> 01:31:50,416
Oh, okay. All right.
Thanks for all your hard work, Ralph.
1681
01:31:50,500 --> 01:31:52,040
- Take your time.
- Really?
1682
01:31:52,130 --> 01:31:53,710
No, you drooling boob!
1683
01:31:53,800 --> 01:31:55,130
No! We have company.
1684
01:31:55,210 --> 01:31:58,220
Cancel the safety checks.
We need to be live now!
1685
01:31:58,300 --> 01:31:59,840
Oh, I hate you so much.
1686
01:32:01,930 --> 01:32:02,930
No! Stop!
1687
01:32:03,010 --> 01:32:04,810
Piss off! You're too late.
1688
01:32:04,890 --> 01:32:06,806
- You're fuckin' done.
- Why was Thor crying?
1689
01:32:06,890 --> 01:32:10,230
How dare you!
No one comes back from The Void.
1690
01:32:10,310 --> 01:32:11,900
Tell that to Cassandra Nova.
1691
01:32:20,740 --> 01:32:22,490
Paradox. We have a problem.
1692
01:32:25,490 --> 01:32:26,660
Paradox.
1693
01:32:29,290 --> 01:32:31,586
Well, you are doughier than
you looked in Pyro's head.
1694
01:32:31,670 --> 01:32:33,040
You tried to kill me.
1695
01:32:33,130 --> 01:32:34,500
I literally have no i--
1696
01:32:35,090 --> 01:32:36,840
You come for the king,
1697
01:32:36,920 --> 01:32:38,590
you better kill the king.
1698
01:32:38,670 --> 01:32:39,800
Oh-ho-ho!
1699
01:32:39,880 --> 01:32:42,010
Welcome to the skull fuck club, Paradox.
1700
01:32:42,090 --> 01:32:44,180
You know she doesn't wash that hand.
1701
01:32:44,260 --> 01:32:46,020
Oh.
1702
01:32:46,100 --> 01:32:47,230
What's this?
1703
01:32:48,560 --> 01:32:49,770
A Time Ripper?
1704
01:32:49,850 --> 01:32:51,436
- Naughty boy.
- Oh, no. We're on it.
1705
01:32:51,520 --> 01:32:53,646
We're gonna head down
and dismantle that thing now.
1706
01:32:53,730 --> 01:32:56,130
We got ya, boo.
You just keep playing those keys.
1707
01:32:56,190 --> 01:32:57,690
I don't want to destroy it.
1708
01:32:58,360 --> 01:33:00,030
I want to use it.
1709
01:33:00,110 --> 01:33:02,820
Now, shoo. Mummy and Daddy
are having a conversation.
1710
01:33:09,460 --> 01:33:11,330
You know, the funny thing is,
1711
01:33:11,420 --> 01:33:12,880
I was happy in The Void.
1712
01:33:13,920 --> 01:33:16,920
You sent your trash to me.
Alioth and I cleaned it up.
1713
01:33:17,000 --> 01:33:18,970
Everyone was happy.
1714
01:33:19,840 --> 01:33:23,010
And then you had to go
and piss on my side of the fence.
1715
01:33:23,090 --> 01:33:25,260
And so now the fence must come down.
1716
01:33:25,970 --> 01:33:27,886
I'm going to use your little Time Ripper.
1717
01:33:27,970 --> 01:33:30,640
And I'm going to destroy this universe
1718
01:33:30,730 --> 01:33:33,520
and the next and the next and the next
1719
01:33:33,600 --> 01:33:37,020
until all that's left is The Void.
1720
01:33:37,110 --> 01:33:39,070
And I get to play God.
1721
01:33:39,740 --> 01:33:41,030
Come on.
1722
01:33:41,110 --> 01:33:43,906
Now you're going to show me
how to use this fancy gadget of yours.
1723
01:33:43,990 --> 01:33:45,990
And don't worry,
I've called some friends
1724
01:33:46,080 --> 01:33:47,730
to make sure we're not disturbed.
1725
01:33:50,250 --> 01:33:52,080
Sorry to bother, madam,
1726
01:33:52,160 --> 01:33:54,060
but there's something you need to see.
1727
01:33:54,250 --> 01:33:56,506
We're getting indications
of an unsanctioned Time Ripper
1728
01:33:56,590 --> 01:33:58,750
activating on Earth-10005.
1729
01:34:00,550 --> 01:34:01,700
Whose district is that?
1730
01:34:02,510 --> 01:34:03,550
Paradox.
1731
01:34:15,020 --> 01:34:17,400
Well, thank you so much
for your help, darling.
1732
01:34:17,480 --> 01:34:19,900
God. Good to get out of that head.
1733
01:34:19,980 --> 01:34:21,820
Whew! What a mess!
1734
01:34:29,160 --> 01:34:30,160
Stop!
1735
01:34:30,240 --> 01:34:32,326
Let's give it a beat
for the extras to clear.
1736
01:34:32,410 --> 01:34:34,330
Go, go, go, go, go! Oh, my God!
1737
01:34:39,250 --> 01:34:41,800
- Oh. My. God.
- Fuck.
1738
01:34:49,600 --> 01:34:51,100
It's her!
1739
01:34:52,310 --> 01:34:54,140
Come on, girl!
1740
01:35:00,480 --> 01:35:01,940
Come on, girl!
1741
01:35:16,750 --> 01:35:17,750
That's my girl!
1742
01:35:17,830 --> 01:35:21,300
We don't have to be apart
ever, ever again. Never, ever...
1743
01:35:21,380 --> 01:35:22,550
- Sorry!
- Fuck!
1744
01:35:23,710 --> 01:35:25,590
What's Café Gratitude doing here?
1745
01:35:25,670 --> 01:35:27,010
Sorry about that.
1746
01:35:27,090 --> 01:35:29,260
Tremble not, sweet Mary Puppins.
1747
01:35:29,350 --> 01:35:30,390
I'll handle him.
1748
01:35:31,140 --> 01:35:32,266
Come here, girl. Papa's here.
1749
01:35:32,350 --> 01:35:35,390
Hey, do not insult this animal's autonomy.
1750
01:35:35,480 --> 01:35:37,600
She can decide who her papa is.
1751
01:35:37,690 --> 01:35:38,816
What's it gonna be, girl, huh?
1752
01:35:38,900 --> 01:35:41,270
Original recipe or Van Milder here?
1753
01:35:41,360 --> 01:35:44,780
Ah, that's funny.
I can gently tap the fourth wall too.
1754
01:35:45,400 --> 01:35:46,570
The Proposal.
1755
01:35:48,070 --> 01:35:49,200
The fuck was that?
1756
01:35:49,280 --> 01:35:50,866
Bitch, you think that's what I do?
1757
01:35:50,950 --> 01:35:52,160
Both of you shut up.
1758
01:35:52,240 --> 01:35:53,950
You smell somethin'?
1759
01:35:54,040 --> 01:35:55,040
Yeah, you.
1760
01:35:55,120 --> 01:35:57,500
A lot of you.
1761
01:36:12,720 --> 01:36:15,170
Told you there were
a lot of Deadpools over there.
1762
01:36:26,240 --> 01:36:27,650
That's bad.
1763
01:36:50,220 --> 01:36:51,506
I take it they're not friendly.
1764
01:36:51,590 --> 01:36:52,970
Goodness, no.
1765
01:36:53,050 --> 01:36:54,766
Sorry about this, boys. Mission over.
1766
01:36:54,850 --> 01:36:57,560
Cause of death,
one hundred kill-thirsty Deadpools.
1767
01:36:57,640 --> 01:36:58,730
They're dumb.
1768
01:36:58,810 --> 01:37:00,560
But they can fight. Not me, though.
1769
01:37:00,560 --> 01:37:01,726
Would love to get in the mix,
1770
01:37:01,810 --> 01:37:04,646
but I have low bone density
and I have to keep my face safe.
1771
01:37:04,730 --> 01:37:06,070
Hold, please.
1772
01:37:06,150 --> 01:37:08,110
- Oh, God.
- All right. Look.
1773
01:37:08,780 --> 01:37:09,780
Guys!
1774
01:37:10,990 --> 01:37:12,820
Deadpool Prime here.
1775
01:37:12,910 --> 01:37:14,246
- Our fight isn't with you--
- Hey!
1776
01:37:14,330 --> 01:37:15,910
When I want your opinion,
1777
01:37:15,990 --> 01:37:18,036
I'll take Wolverine's dick
out of your mouth.
1778
01:37:18,120 --> 01:37:19,870
That's Kidpool. She's the dirtiest.
1779
01:37:19,870 --> 01:37:21,370
Can we just be done?
1780
01:37:21,460 --> 01:37:22,916
Ooh, we're just getting started.
1781
01:37:23,000 --> 01:37:26,500
No, no, no, no, no.
With the whole multiverse thing.
1782
01:37:27,300 --> 01:37:28,300
It's not great.
1783
01:37:28,380 --> 01:37:29,920
It's just been miss
1784
01:37:30,630 --> 01:37:32,090
after miss
1785
01:37:32,180 --> 01:37:33,760
after miss.
1786
01:37:33,840 --> 01:37:36,600
Look, The Wizard of Oz
did the multiverse first,
1787
01:37:36,680 --> 01:37:38,720
and they did it best. The gays knew it.
1788
01:37:39,520 --> 01:37:40,640
But we didn't listen.
1789
01:37:40,730 --> 01:37:43,690
Let's just take the L and move on.
1790
01:37:43,770 --> 01:37:46,190
I think it's been
steadily great since Endgame.
1791
01:37:46,270 --> 01:37:47,690
What are you talking about?
1792
01:37:47,780 --> 01:37:49,440
The multiverse is over.
1793
01:37:49,530 --> 01:37:52,490
Cassandy gonna destroy
the fuck outta every timeline.
1794
01:37:52,570 --> 01:37:55,036
- Heh. Y'all can't do shit about it.
- Do you not get it?
1795
01:37:55,120 --> 01:37:57,196
If we don't go down to the subway
and stop her, we all die.
1796
01:37:57,280 --> 01:37:59,620
Say, the boss lady
don't want no disturbances.
1797
01:37:59,700 --> 01:38:02,550
You wanna get down to the subway,
you gotta go through us.
1798
01:38:02,580 --> 01:38:03,620
Uzi time, baby.
1799
01:38:03,710 --> 01:38:04,920
Uzi time, baby.
1800
01:38:05,000 --> 01:38:06,460
Look alive!
1801
01:38:15,680 --> 01:38:17,350
- I think I'm hit.
- No shit.
1802
01:38:17,430 --> 01:38:18,426
You did that on purpose.
1803
01:38:18,510 --> 01:38:20,140
I did no such thing!
1804
01:38:20,220 --> 01:38:21,370
Listen to me, gorgeous.
1805
01:38:21,390 --> 01:38:22,726
How long does it take
for you to regenerate?
1806
01:38:22,810 --> 01:38:24,400
Regenerate?
1807
01:38:30,400 --> 01:38:32,156
You really are
God's perfect idiot, aren't you?
1808
01:38:32,240 --> 01:38:33,780
- I'm okay.
- How dare you!
1809
01:38:33,860 --> 01:38:35,860
You insensitive son of a bitch!
1810
01:38:35,950 --> 01:38:37,866
How was I supposed to know
he doesn't regenerate?
1811
01:38:37,950 --> 01:38:39,036
I'm not a medicine woman.
1812
01:38:39,120 --> 01:38:40,740
Look. A donut cart.
1813
01:38:40,830 --> 01:38:42,116
- They're practically hospitals.
- What?
1814
01:38:42,200 --> 01:38:43,456
They sell portable triage units.
1815
01:38:43,540 --> 01:38:45,376
- They don't.
- I'm gonna get you to safety.
1816
01:38:45,460 --> 01:38:47,040
- He's not.
- Deep breath.
1817
01:38:55,470 --> 01:38:59,010
- Hey, why are we stopping?
- I'm just catching my breath.
1818
01:38:59,100 --> 01:39:01,680
What, are your legs on vacation?
You're dead weight!
1819
01:39:01,770 --> 01:39:03,520
That's because I'm paralyzed.
1820
01:39:03,600 --> 01:39:05,600
We all have problems.
Listen to me.
1821
01:39:05,690 --> 01:39:06,650
You're gonna live.
1822
01:39:07,560 --> 01:39:09,020
Look at me, Nicepool.
1823
01:39:13,030 --> 01:39:14,150
You're gonna live.
1824
01:39:14,990 --> 01:39:16,240
Say it!
1825
01:39:16,780 --> 01:39:17,990
I'm gonna live.
1826
01:39:18,070 --> 01:39:20,450
Say it with me. You're gonna live.
1827
01:39:20,530 --> 01:39:22,660
I'm gonna live!
1828
01:39:22,750 --> 01:39:26,170
Ha-hah! Say it louder!
1829
01:39:26,250 --> 01:39:27,500
I'm gonna live--
1830
01:39:36,340 --> 01:39:38,050
Hold your fire!
1831
01:39:39,680 --> 01:39:40,930
Sweet little puppy.
1832
01:39:51,230 --> 01:39:52,820
God damn it!
1833
01:39:52,900 --> 01:39:54,550
I don't think he's gonna make it.
1834
01:39:54,900 --> 01:39:56,700
God, he loved his face.
1835
01:39:56,780 --> 01:39:59,240
I can taste his final thought.
1836
01:39:59,320 --> 01:40:00,740
He was so afraid.
1837
01:40:00,820 --> 01:40:02,080
But he died a hero.
1838
01:40:02,160 --> 01:40:04,080
He died from murder, you dumb fuck.
1839
01:40:04,160 --> 01:40:06,040
And all I have to remember him by
1840
01:40:06,960 --> 01:40:10,500
are these two gold-plated,
.50 caliber Desert Eagle pistoleros.
1841
01:40:10,580 --> 01:40:11,920
This is for him.
1842
01:40:12,670 --> 01:40:13,840
Are you ready?
1843
01:40:14,420 --> 01:40:16,260
I get to kill a hundred yous?
1844
01:40:16,340 --> 01:40:17,420
Fuck yeah, I'm ready.
1845
01:40:18,510 --> 01:40:21,510
- Hey, you don't want to see this, bub.
- That's a good girl.
1846
01:40:58,050 --> 01:40:59,380
Holy shit.
1847
01:40:59,880 --> 01:41:02,130
You save the good stuff
for special occasions?
1848
01:41:02,140 --> 01:41:03,390
Killing, mostly.
1849
01:41:03,470 --> 01:41:05,766
What's the wind resistance
on those blowjob handles?
1850
01:41:05,850 --> 01:41:07,930
I'm sorry.
1851
01:41:08,020 --> 01:41:10,520
I'm just a catty bitch when I'm jealous.
1852
01:41:10,600 --> 01:41:12,150
All right, let's do this.
1853
01:41:12,230 --> 01:41:13,310
Maximum effort.
1854
01:41:53,150 --> 01:41:54,400
You're dead.
1855
01:42:20,050 --> 01:42:21,380
Motherfucker.
1856
01:42:22,300 --> 01:42:23,800
I wish I were deaf.
1857
01:42:43,650 --> 01:42:45,780
{\an8}I don't wanna die.
I don't wanna die.
1858
01:42:45,860 --> 01:42:47,030
{\an8}I don't wanna...
1859
01:43:00,500 --> 01:43:01,710
Come on.
1860
01:43:01,800 --> 01:43:02,920
Oh, I blew it.
1861
01:43:03,010 --> 01:43:05,046
After all that, the only thing
they're gonna remember
1862
01:43:05,130 --> 01:43:06,930
is that God-awful dismount!
1863
01:43:11,680 --> 01:43:13,346
What you laughing at, you little fucker?
1864
01:43:13,430 --> 01:43:15,100
Uh-oh.
1865
01:43:15,190 --> 01:43:17,400
Uh-oh.
1866
01:43:20,150 --> 01:43:21,650
I guess these ones regenerate.
1867
01:43:23,780 --> 01:43:26,240
Come on. We don't have time for this.
1868
01:43:26,320 --> 01:43:27,320
Deadpools!
1869
01:43:27,410 --> 01:43:28,570
Stand down.
1870
01:43:39,130 --> 01:43:40,590
This Deadpool's with me.
1871
01:43:40,670 --> 01:43:41,960
Oh, no.
1872
01:43:42,050 --> 01:43:43,460
Holy shit.
1873
01:43:43,550 --> 01:43:44,970
That's fuckin' Peter!
1874
01:43:47,720 --> 01:43:49,470
Wait, you...
You guys know Peter?
1875
01:43:49,550 --> 01:43:52,060
You kidding me?
Every Deadpool has a Peter.
1876
01:43:52,140 --> 01:43:54,430
Shit.
Peter's a goddamn legend
1877
01:43:54,520 --> 01:43:55,820
in every Deadpool's world.
1878
01:43:55,890 --> 01:43:58,350
Peter-san. Hai.
1879
01:44:05,490 --> 01:44:07,530
Peter. Peter. Peter.
1880
01:44:07,610 --> 01:44:10,910
Peter. Peter. Peter.
Peter. Peter. Peter.
1881
01:44:10,990 --> 01:44:13,080
Peter. Peter. Peter.
1882
01:44:13,700 --> 01:44:15,250
Enjoy my Peter.
1883
01:44:42,770 --> 01:44:44,736
Oh, now you're here.
Oh, well, you're too late.
1884
01:44:44,820 --> 01:44:46,526
- It's all over.
- Not yet, it's not.
1885
01:44:46,610 --> 01:44:48,156
Whoa. No, no, no.
We're very close.
1886
01:44:48,240 --> 01:44:49,446
Homestretch, folks. Promise.
1887
01:44:49,530 --> 01:44:51,280
Quick, let's up the stakes.
1888
01:44:51,370 --> 01:44:52,826
If she steals the Time Ripper's energy,
1889
01:44:52,910 --> 01:44:55,246
she has the power to shred
the fabric of all realities
1890
01:44:55,330 --> 01:44:56,956
until there is nothing left but The Void.
1891
01:44:57,040 --> 01:44:58,210
How do we shut it down?
1892
01:44:58,290 --> 01:44:59,540
I don't know.
1893
01:45:01,380 --> 01:45:02,500
How about now?
1894
01:45:02,580 --> 01:45:04,460
The mask is really intimidating, huh?
1895
01:45:04,540 --> 01:45:06,046
It's like Batman,
except he can move his neck.
1896
01:45:06,130 --> 01:45:07,630
Okay, look, look, look.
1897
01:45:09,170 --> 01:45:11,596
The Ripper is fed from
a secure chamber below ground.
1898
01:45:11,680 --> 01:45:14,680
It is powered by twin matter
and anti-matter feeds
1899
01:45:14,760 --> 01:45:15,976
converging inside the device.
1900
01:45:16,060 --> 01:45:18,436
Now, Cassandra Nova
is redirecting the Ripper's power
1901
01:45:18,520 --> 01:45:20,726
to eliminate all timelines,
starting with this one.
1902
01:45:20,810 --> 01:45:22,226
Theoretically, you could stop her
1903
01:45:22,310 --> 01:45:24,186
by short-circuiting the feeds
in the chamber below.
1904
01:45:24,270 --> 01:45:26,776
One of you were to create
a circuit between the two feeds,
1905
01:45:26,860 --> 01:45:30,150
then the released power
would destroy the machine.
1906
01:45:30,240 --> 01:45:31,990
- But, well... But--
- Come on, man.
1907
01:45:32,030 --> 01:45:34,120
If you're not gonna swallow, spit it out.
1908
01:45:34,200 --> 01:45:37,330
Whoever formed the bridge
would be annihilated.
1909
01:45:37,410 --> 01:45:38,326
I could live with that.
1910
01:45:38,410 --> 01:45:39,536
Yeah, I could live
with that, too, actually.
1911
01:45:39,620 --> 01:45:41,076
You know, we survive anything.
We're like cockroaches.
1912
01:45:41,160 --> 01:45:42,790
Not this time.
1913
01:45:42,870 --> 01:45:45,090
This is matter and anti-matter.
1914
01:45:45,170 --> 01:45:47,170
They do not play nicely with each other.
1915
01:45:47,250 --> 01:45:50,010
When they mix in your body,
you will be atomized.
1916
01:45:50,630 --> 01:45:52,676
Trust the laws of physics
if you don't trust me.
1917
01:45:52,760 --> 01:45:54,846
Even if you lived long enough
to make the circuit,
1918
01:45:54,930 --> 01:45:57,430
you will die down there.
1919
01:46:22,910 --> 01:46:24,250
Hold off. Hold.
1920
01:46:24,330 --> 01:46:25,930
You heard that asshole upstairs.
1921
01:46:26,000 --> 01:46:30,170
Even if we pull this off,
we're dead. Permanently.
1922
01:46:30,760 --> 01:46:32,800
- That's why it's got to be me.
- What?
1923
01:46:36,720 --> 01:46:38,010
Look, man...
1924
01:46:38,810 --> 01:46:40,430
you didn't ask for any of this.
1925
01:46:41,020 --> 01:46:42,020
You were right.
1926
01:46:42,100 --> 01:46:43,480
I lied.
1927
01:46:44,350 --> 01:46:46,150
I lied right to your face
1928
01:46:46,230 --> 01:46:48,230
just to get you to help me. And you did.
1929
01:46:48,770 --> 01:46:50,360
You didn't lie.
1930
01:46:52,490 --> 01:46:53,860
You made an educated wish.
1931
01:46:56,870 --> 01:46:57,950
Come on.
1932
01:46:59,120 --> 01:47:00,950
You got a whole world to go back to.
1933
01:47:02,580 --> 01:47:03,580
I got nothin'.
1934
01:47:05,750 --> 01:47:06,750
I got nothin'.
1935
01:47:11,760 --> 01:47:12,840
Give me this.
1936
01:47:19,890 --> 01:47:20,970
Hey.
1937
01:47:25,600 --> 01:47:27,500
I waited a long time for this team-up.
1938
01:47:29,730 --> 01:47:31,190
You know something?
1939
01:47:32,730 --> 01:47:34,240
You were the best Wolverine.
1940
01:47:43,120 --> 01:47:44,790
Say hi to your friends for me.
1941
01:47:56,760 --> 01:47:57,970
No!
1942
01:47:58,050 --> 01:47:59,090
Open the door!
1943
01:47:59,180 --> 01:48:02,010
I can't hear you
over all the noble sacrifice.
1944
01:48:02,100 --> 01:48:03,186
Why are you fucking doing this?
1945
01:48:03,270 --> 01:48:06,480
Because I'm Marvel Jesus.
1946
01:48:08,190 --> 01:48:09,190
Or Spock.
1947
01:48:10,560 --> 01:48:11,770
Hard to say.
1948
01:48:16,110 --> 01:48:17,320
Wade!
1949
01:48:17,780 --> 01:48:19,610
You fucking idiot!
1950
01:48:23,740 --> 01:48:25,870
Sorry, I'm just stalling.
1951
01:48:26,620 --> 01:48:28,870
I think I'm nervous about dying.
1952
01:48:28,960 --> 01:48:30,630
This should be me.
1953
01:48:30,710 --> 01:48:32,840
Say hi to my friends for me, peanut.
1954
01:48:32,920 --> 01:48:33,880
Wade!
1955
01:48:33,960 --> 01:48:36,296
You want to be an annoying prick,
do it this side!
1956
01:48:36,380 --> 01:48:38,430
You're gonna die in there, you dumb fuck!
1957
01:48:45,390 --> 01:48:47,100
Hey! You don't need to do this.
1958
01:48:47,430 --> 01:48:49,140
I'm not doing it 'cause I need it.
1959
01:48:50,100 --> 01:48:52,190
I'm doing it because they do.
1960
01:49:03,070 --> 01:49:04,700
No!
1961
01:49:33,770 --> 01:49:35,150
He's not gonna make it.
1962
01:49:43,990 --> 01:49:44,950
It's over.
1963
01:50:52,600 --> 01:50:54,310
The Wolverine.
1964
01:50:55,020 --> 01:50:57,310
He's a hero in my world.
1965
01:50:59,110 --> 01:51:01,610
Whoever you think I am,
you got the wrong guy.
1966
01:51:03,150 --> 01:51:04,900
You were always the wrong guy...
1967
01:51:06,450 --> 01:51:07,450
till you weren't.
1968
01:51:10,120 --> 01:51:11,490
Wade.
1969
01:51:13,710 --> 01:51:18,000
Wade. You can finally, finally matter.
1970
01:51:33,770 --> 01:51:35,060
Vanessa.
1971
01:51:37,560 --> 01:51:39,060
I wanna see Vanessa.
1972
01:51:45,700 --> 01:51:49,990
For the first time in my life,
I am proud to wear this suit.
1973
01:51:50,740 --> 01:51:52,870
It means I'm an X-Man.
1974
01:51:55,370 --> 01:51:56,830
I am the X-Man.
1975
01:52:41,040 --> 01:52:42,460
Paradox.
1976
01:52:44,420 --> 01:52:45,920
You've been busy.
1977
01:52:46,010 --> 01:52:47,046
Well, somebody had to be.
1978
01:52:47,130 --> 01:52:49,046
We had some strange readings
from this location.
1979
01:52:49,130 --> 01:52:52,680
You wouldn't know anything about
an unsanctioned Time Ripper, would you?
1980
01:52:52,930 --> 01:52:56,186
Uh, no. No. I wouldn't know anything
about an unsanctioned Time Ripper.
1981
01:52:56,270 --> 01:52:57,846
Maybe you should ask Cassandra Nova.
1982
01:52:57,930 --> 01:52:59,140
Because I was assured
1983
01:52:59,230 --> 01:53:01,100
that she was safely held in The Void.
1984
01:53:01,190 --> 01:53:03,940
But no, she was here.
And she fondled my brain.
1985
01:53:04,020 --> 01:53:06,066
- How did you let this happen?
- You weren't involved at all?
1986
01:53:06,150 --> 01:53:08,820
In stopping her, yes! Yes, I was.
1987
01:53:08,900 --> 01:53:10,530
But not nearly enough.
1988
01:53:10,610 --> 01:53:13,210
Not as much as the men
who went down there after her.
1989
01:53:13,490 --> 01:53:14,580
My men.
1990
01:53:15,330 --> 01:53:16,330
My friends.
1991
01:53:17,410 --> 01:53:18,250
I warned them.
1992
01:53:18,330 --> 01:53:20,456
That they would be completely
obliterated if they went.
1993
01:53:20,540 --> 01:53:22,040
But they went anyway. Like...
1994
01:53:23,840 --> 01:53:25,210
Like heroes.
1995
01:53:27,050 --> 01:53:29,220
Because that's who they were.
1996
01:53:31,590 --> 01:53:33,290
They just did what they had to do.
1997
01:53:34,350 --> 01:53:36,200
With no concern for their own safety.
1998
01:53:39,680 --> 01:53:43,020
The fact that we are
all still standing here
1999
01:53:43,100 --> 01:53:45,730
is a testament to their heroism.
2000
01:53:49,570 --> 01:53:52,670
Anyway, there's nothing you or I can do
to bring them back now.
2001
01:53:53,780 --> 01:53:55,530
He has risen, baby girl.
2002
01:53:55,620 --> 01:53:56,620
Fuck!
2003
01:54:16,260 --> 01:54:17,810
Found your new Anchor Being.
2004
01:54:17,890 --> 01:54:20,180
And we're doing just fine,
you piece of shit.
2005
01:54:20,270 --> 01:54:21,890
- Mm.
- Mm-hmm.
2006
01:54:21,980 --> 01:54:23,270
Fine indeed.
2007
01:54:23,350 --> 01:54:26,190
All right.
Put your greasy tits away,
2008
01:54:26,270 --> 01:54:27,320
you preening slut.
2009
01:54:27,400 --> 01:54:29,780
I don't understand.
2010
01:54:29,860 --> 01:54:31,026
How are you two still alive?
2011
01:54:31,110 --> 01:54:33,156
You were right.
One of us would have been killed.
2012
01:54:33,240 --> 01:54:34,950
But you put a Deadpool
2013
01:54:35,030 --> 01:54:36,490
and a Wolverine together,
2014
01:54:36,570 --> 01:54:38,746
make 'em hold hands
while listening to Madonna...
2015
01:54:38,830 --> 01:54:40,790
indestructible, motherfucker.
2016
01:54:41,410 --> 01:54:43,626
Let's get this Deadpool Variant
back to The Void.
2017
01:54:43,710 --> 01:54:45,626
- Wait, hold on. What?
- Nope. Actually...
2018
01:54:45,710 --> 01:54:47,380
This one's homegrown, like me.
2019
01:54:47,460 --> 01:54:48,460
He belongs here.
2020
01:54:48,550 --> 01:54:49,840
And you are?
2021
01:54:49,920 --> 01:54:52,550
Peterpool. But you can call me Peter.
2022
01:54:54,340 --> 01:54:55,490
And I hope that you do.
2023
01:55:01,850 --> 01:55:03,346
What the fuck is happening here?
2024
01:55:03,430 --> 01:55:05,190
You are under judgment
2025
01:55:05,270 --> 01:55:07,066
for operating an unsanctioned Time Ripper.
2026
01:55:07,150 --> 01:55:08,396
- Take him.
- I was just doing what
2027
01:55:08,480 --> 01:55:09,980
you don't have the guts to do.
2028
01:55:11,190 --> 01:55:13,820
Get your insolent hands off me! Get off!
2029
01:55:15,200 --> 01:55:16,740
I'm grateful, gentlemen.
2030
01:55:17,700 --> 01:55:19,330
Let's hold the bows.
2031
01:55:19,410 --> 01:55:21,366
You led an Omega-level mutant
to this timeline.
2032
01:55:21,450 --> 01:55:23,000
- You're welcome.
- And you
2033
01:55:23,080 --> 01:55:25,626
- shouldn't even be near this timeline.
- He's welcome.
2034
01:55:25,710 --> 01:55:28,590
And you look damn good in that suit.
2035
01:55:28,670 --> 01:55:30,040
I'm so sorry.
2036
01:55:34,300 --> 01:55:35,930
I wanna show you something.
2037
01:55:37,010 --> 01:55:38,010
Something huge.
2038
01:55:38,090 --> 01:55:40,140
That's what
Scoutmaster Kevin used to say.
2039
01:55:41,260 --> 01:55:42,220
Do you see that?
2040
01:55:43,470 --> 01:55:45,350
Your universe is regenerating.
2041
01:55:46,140 --> 01:55:47,810
Whatever you did here,
2042
01:55:47,900 --> 01:55:49,770
you not only saved your world.
2043
01:55:50,320 --> 01:55:52,690
You spared your timeline from extinction.
2044
01:55:54,530 --> 01:55:55,900
I'd rest up.
2045
01:55:55,990 --> 01:55:58,196
I have a feeling your work
is only just getting started.
2046
01:55:58,280 --> 01:56:00,410
Till you're 90.
2047
01:56:00,490 --> 01:56:01,870
Wait! Um...
2048
01:56:02,540 --> 01:56:05,390
We couldn't have made it out
of The Void without some help
2049
01:56:06,080 --> 01:56:08,500
from some people that the world kind of...
2050
01:56:09,080 --> 01:56:10,290
kind of forgot.
2051
01:56:10,380 --> 01:56:12,880
Is there any way that
you could maybe find a way
2052
01:56:12,960 --> 01:56:14,170
to bring them home?
2053
01:56:15,920 --> 01:56:17,300
I'll see what I can do.
2054
01:56:17,380 --> 01:56:19,970
And, um,
I promised my friend here
2055
01:56:20,050 --> 01:56:23,430
that the TVA could undo
some pretty awful shit in his timeline.
2056
01:56:23,510 --> 01:56:24,596
What would you say to that?
2057
01:56:24,680 --> 01:56:26,100
Change the past?
2058
01:56:26,640 --> 01:56:28,940
Well, he did help me save the world.
2059
01:56:29,020 --> 01:56:31,360
And his past made him the man who did it.
2060
01:56:32,440 --> 01:56:34,690
There's nothing to fix, Mr. Wilson.
2061
01:56:36,070 --> 01:56:37,400
Logan.
2062
01:56:40,570 --> 01:56:42,370
- Shawarma? Yeah.
- I could eat.
2063
01:56:52,340 --> 01:56:54,500
You know, the Avengers
discovered shawarma.
2064
01:56:55,630 --> 01:56:57,130
They'd be lucky to have you.
2065
01:57:04,140 --> 01:57:06,720
- Oh.
- Oh, come on.
2066
01:57:06,810 --> 01:57:07,850
Fuck off!
2067
01:57:08,940 --> 01:57:10,480
Come here, my little cunchkin.
2068
01:57:10,560 --> 01:57:11,850
Yes, it's you.
2069
01:57:11,940 --> 01:57:13,900
You're a survivor.
2070
01:57:13,980 --> 01:57:15,070
Mwah.
2071
01:57:15,150 --> 01:57:16,940
Oh, all is right in the world.
2072
01:57:18,240 --> 01:57:19,240
Yes, it is.
2073
01:57:21,030 --> 01:57:22,530
So what are you gonna do next?
2074
01:57:23,830 --> 01:57:25,830
I'll figure it out. I always do.
2075
01:57:26,490 --> 01:57:27,700
All right.
2076
01:57:28,870 --> 01:57:30,500
So I'll probably see you around?
2077
01:57:35,130 --> 01:57:36,130
Probably not.
2078
01:57:39,470 --> 01:57:40,470
See you, bub.
2079
01:57:50,100 --> 01:57:51,190
Logan.
2080
01:57:57,690 --> 01:57:59,360
Al. I'm back.
2081
01:57:59,940 --> 01:58:01,400
About damn time.
2082
01:58:01,490 --> 01:58:04,200
You holdin'?
I'm all outta devil's dandruff,
2083
01:58:04,280 --> 01:58:06,530
and I'm shaking like an angry vibrator.
2084
01:58:06,620 --> 01:58:08,490
Thank you, Al. We have company.
2085
01:58:09,120 --> 01:58:10,620
Althea, this is...
2086
01:58:11,370 --> 01:58:12,420
This is Logan.
2087
01:58:12,500 --> 01:58:14,706
- Nice to meet you, Logan.
- Nice to meet you, too.
2088
01:58:14,790 --> 01:58:18,210
And this little ancient anal shit-knot
is Mary Puppins.
2089
01:58:18,300 --> 01:58:20,880
Or as I like to call her, Dogpool.
2090
01:58:20,970 --> 01:58:23,220
You want to treat yourself
to a little stroke?
2091
01:58:24,300 --> 01:58:27,760
- Get the tongue. There it is.
- Oh, my God! Motherfucker!
2092
01:58:27,850 --> 01:58:31,230
Right? It's like an armadillo
fucked a gremlin, angrily,
2093
01:58:31,310 --> 01:58:32,910
- in a bed of gonorrhea...
- Wow.
2094
01:58:32,980 --> 01:58:35,100
and didn't stop till the sun came up.
2095
01:58:36,520 --> 01:58:38,110
Everyone wants to matter.
2096
01:58:39,030 --> 01:58:41,880
Turns out that you don't need
to be Marvel Jesus to do it.
2097
01:58:42,490 --> 01:58:44,840
You just need to open
your eyes and look around.
2098
01:58:45,450 --> 01:58:46,450
And if you're lucky,
2099
01:58:47,450 --> 01:58:48,750
you'll find a few friends.
2100
01:58:49,330 --> 01:58:50,330
Old friends,
2101
01:58:51,370 --> 01:58:53,500
and some new ones too.
2102
01:58:57,790 --> 01:58:59,840
Give me the fucking dog.
Talk to the girl.
2103
01:59:10,310 --> 01:59:11,520
Oh, hi.
2104
01:59:11,600 --> 01:59:13,230
Hi.
2105
01:59:14,850 --> 01:59:16,270
You've been busy.
2106
01:59:19,360 --> 01:59:20,730
I did it for you.
2107
01:59:22,900 --> 01:59:25,500
And even if you don't want me,
I... I did it for you.
2108
01:59:34,500 --> 01:59:35,500
Turns out,
2109
01:59:36,330 --> 01:59:37,750
I am the world-saving type.
2110
01:59:38,580 --> 01:59:40,830
Just look around this table
if you want proof.
2111
01:59:41,670 --> 01:59:42,670
And the best part?
2112
01:59:43,590 --> 01:59:45,340
Sometimes the people we save,
2113
01:59:46,380 --> 01:59:47,680
they save us right back.
2114
02:00:28,050 --> 02:00:30,260
You're not the only one with gifts.
2115
02:00:30,340 --> 02:00:31,510
What is this place?
2116
02:01:00,540 --> 02:01:02,380
- Nice suit.
- Zip it, Stan Lee.
2117
02:01:11,340 --> 02:01:13,846
{\an8}I really like the, uh...
the art in the Deadpool comics.
2118
02:01:13,930 --> 02:01:16,266
You know, I just always felt
a kind of a kinship to him.
2119
02:01:16,350 --> 02:01:19,060
And I just thought, I'd like
to play that guy someday.
2120
02:01:47,800 --> 02:01:50,840
I was there for three weeks
before I shot a single thing.
2121
02:01:50,930 --> 02:01:52,470
{\an8}At our first day of shooting,
2122
02:01:53,010 --> 02:01:54,510
I was so nervous, man.
2123
02:01:55,100 --> 02:01:57,300
Everyone was sort of going,
"Who's this guy?"
2124
02:01:57,350 --> 02:02:00,766
You know, there was a lot of that and,
you know, "Is he gonna deliver or not?"
2125
02:02:00,850 --> 02:02:02,810
You can feel all that kind of pressure.
2126
02:02:04,150 --> 02:02:07,320
It's always the suit's fault.
Never the actor.
2127
02:02:15,910 --> 02:02:17,540
- This is...
- The only way.
2128
02:02:26,790 --> 02:02:28,800
Ah, so this is what it feels like.
2129
02:02:31,470 --> 02:02:33,090
And there's the lights.
2130
02:02:33,180 --> 02:02:34,510
For medical research.
2131
02:02:35,140 --> 02:02:36,970
- Bye-bye, video.
- Bye.
2132
02:06:51,100 --> 02:06:53,770
I'm tired of these absolutely vile rumors
2133
02:06:53,850 --> 02:06:55,100
that I got Johnny killed.
2134
02:06:56,060 --> 02:06:57,210
Let's look at the tape.
2135
02:06:58,360 --> 02:06:59,610
In The Void,
2136
02:06:59,690 --> 02:07:02,360
you're either food for Alioth
or you work for her.
2137
02:07:05,950 --> 02:07:06,950
Go on, Johnny.
2138
02:07:07,410 --> 02:07:08,826
And I'll tell you who "her" is.
2139
02:07:08,910 --> 02:07:09,910
Cassandra Nova.
2140
02:07:09,990 --> 02:07:12,330
A megalomaniacal, psychotic asshole.
2141
02:07:12,410 --> 02:07:14,360
A finger licking dead-inside pixie slab
2142
02:07:14,370 --> 02:07:17,046
of third rate dime-store nut-milk.
And I'll tell you what she can do.
2143
02:07:17,130 --> 02:07:18,710
- I'm listening.
- She can lick
2144
02:07:18,790 --> 02:07:21,626
my goddamn cinnamon ring clean
and kick rocks all the way to bald hell.
2145
02:07:21,710 --> 02:07:24,006
In fact, I don't give a shit
if she removes all my skin
2146
02:07:24,090 --> 02:07:26,056
and pops me like
some nightmarish blood balloon.
2147
02:07:26,140 --> 02:07:27,240
If the last thing I do
2148
02:07:27,260 --> 02:07:29,260
in this godforsaken cum-gutter existence
2149
02:07:29,260 --> 02:07:31,556
is light that fuck-box on fire,
I still won't die happy.
2150
02:07:31,640 --> 02:07:33,810
Holy shit, girl. You crazy.
2151
02:07:33,890 --> 02:07:36,436
That's right, Wade.
I won't be happy until I've urinated
2152
02:07:36,520 --> 02:07:37,936
on her freshly barbecued corpse
2153
02:07:38,020 --> 02:07:39,770
and husk-fucked the charred remains
2154
02:07:39,820 --> 02:07:42,170
- while gargling Juggernaut's juggernuts.
- Wow!
2155
02:07:42,230 --> 02:07:43,730
- And you can quote me.
- 'Kay.
2156
02:07:44,860 --> 02:07:46,030
Got you, fuckface.