[ laughter ]
[ screams ]
Let's just get this started.
Are you [bleep] kidding me?
Who's a good guy?
[ cymbals crash ]
Narrator: With special guest john mayer.
What is going on?
All: Hey!
We're thrilled to have our friend john mayer
As a guest tonight.
Murr: That's right. Here's the challenge.
Today, we're playing ceos, and we're in a real bind.
Because john mayer and his overseas business partners
Have arrived a day early for the big investment meeting.
And our senior vice president is nowhere to be found.
We're gonna have to ask some random office worker
To sit in the meeting and pretend to be our svp.
And if, by the end of the meeting, they don't agree
To join the team for dinner,
Ya lose.
Hello. Hi. How are you? Hello.
All right, q's out there ingratiating himself
To his future senior vice president.
She just doesn't know it yet.
I'm brian, by the way.
Remica. Very nice to meet you, remica.
Sal: In one moment... Mayer.
[ laughs ] and our japanese overseas
Investors are gonna show up
For a meeting that was supposed to be tomorrow.
What do they got you doing?
Murr: You want to tell her about your company?
Donkey dan's margarita blender.
Sal: You drink donkey dan's?
Well, you know donkey dan's margarita?
The mixing blenders?
You don't do the donkey?
Oh, that'll do it. Yeah.
All right, send in cole.
Sal: Coming in hot. Bad news.
Brian. Hey, sorry.
What's up, bud?
You know the meeting with john mayer
And the japanese investors?
Yeah. Tomorrow at, what, 3:00?
Yeah, that's what I thought, too. But they're outside.
This is a donkey disaster.
[ all laugh ]
They're here to meet the head of operations.
Dude, we're gonna look like idiots.
Well, this is happening. Well, this is happening.
[ laughter ]
Okay, okay, okay. Okay, okay. I tried to call them.
All right, all right. Bring them up.
Murr: Here we go. You're a john mayer fan?
Yes.
How would you like to meet john mayer?
Okay.
All you got to do is pretend that you're...
You're sage johnson, svp of development.
...Sage johnson, my svp.
Uh-oh. [ gasps ]
They've never actually met sage before.
I bet you we can get through this.
Sal: Oh, she's in!
Now, this is important.
John mayer might play a song. Don't like whatever he plays.
All right. Okay. This is the important thing.
He wants to suggest a new donkey dan jingle for it.
We can't afford it. So we have to tell him no.
No matter what. Okay?
Let's see sage reject john mayer's song.
Sal: Oh, my god. Q, they're coming.
The investors are actors, and they're in on the bit.
Hey, guys. Here we are, people.
People, people, people, people, people, people.
And here we go!
Thank you for coming. I'm sorry.
We thought that you guys were coming in tomorrow,
And we just happened to get...
We're here.
Sal: He busted it out immediately.
Yeah. Murr: Oh!
Yeah. So...
John: When we did that party,
I had that idea for that song from the very beginning,
And I told you I wouldn't even let you hear a bar of it
Until I got in the room with you.
Sure. Okay.
Murr: She just remembered she has to hate whatever he plays.
Sal: He's riffing this.
♪ fist fights and fender benders ♪
♪ donkey dan's margarita blenders ♪
[ brays ]
Sal: Oh, my god.
Okay. No.
Murr: Oh! Oh, my god.
What didn't you like about it?
Well, I'm -- we're sticking to the program.
Take it again, john.
Together: ♪ fist fights and fender benders ♪
♪ donkey dan's margarita blenders ♪
I promise you, if I never played it again,
You'd be singing it when you took your shoes off tonight.
I love this jingle.
Well, we're not trying to do fist fights
And driving drunk and stuff.
She is holding firm. She's holding firm.
Okay.
So maybe we could workshop the lyrics a little bit,
Make it a little more fun.
Sal: Oh, boy.
♪ long nights and mortgage lenders ♪
[ laughs ] ♪ donkey dan's margarita blenders ♪
What about females? What about women?
♪ females and fender benders ♪
♪ donkey dan's margarita blenders ♪
[ brays ] what now, sage?
[ both laughing ]
How about, like, date night, friend mingle?
Okay, so how many [bleep] songs do you want?
Well, how many [bleep] songs do you want?
Is sage the one who decides?
Q: Well, yes. Yes.
-She said yes! -Yes. Yes.
Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, fair enough.
Say, "sage, can we have the envelope, please?"
Yeah. Sage, can we have the envelope?
Q: Envelope?
Excuse me one second, guys.
Oh, you are in trouble, bro.
I don't know what's in the envelope.
I wasn't on that e-mail.
Just stuff an envelope and hand it over.
Here.
Maybe if we workshop...
John: [ singing "kumbaya" ]
Is he singing "kumbaya"?
Yeah! Whoo!
[ both laugh ]
Murr: Q, send sage in.
Let's just go in there and have a good time.
All right. All right.
[ murr and sal laughing ]
What is going on?
[ all singing "kumbaya" ]
Whoo!
♪ kumbaya ♪
Sal: Everybody start circling the table.
♪ kumbaya, my lord ♪
♪ kumbaya ♪
Murr: Everybody say "[bleep] yeah" on three.
One, two, three. All: [bleep] yeah!
[ sal laughing hysterically ]
Wow.
Thank you, guys.
"one last thing.
Sage, would you be willing to come to dinner with us tonight?"
So, uh, sage, uh, would you be willing
To come with us to dinner tonight?
Oh, wow. Um...
Murr and sal: Ohhhh...
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah?
Oh! Oh, [bleep]!
Wow. This is just the greatest day.
Murr: You really look like a ceo, sal.
How you doing? Good, man. How are you?
Good. Good. Sal.
Josh.
Josh. Pleasure. Nice to meet you.
What do they got you doing today?
A lot of organizing.
A lot of that to go around.
I work with, um...
You're a press-on nails company, but you only do thumbs.
[ all laugh ]
We do the -- you know press-on nails?
Yes.
We -- we specialize in thumbs, actually.
All right. Send in cole.
-Sorry. Sal? -Yeah.
That meeting with john mayer and the japanese investors.
Yeah. Yeah, they're -- they're here.
They're supposed to be here tomorrow. It's tomorrow at noon.
I thought so, too, honestly.
But, like, this is happening.
Josh? Yeah.
Could you do me a huge favor?
They're expecting to meet my svp, charlemagne batiste.
They're expecting to meet my svp of all operations,
Charlemagne batiste.
Look at his eyes.
Come with me in that room.
You are charlemagne batiste.
All I need you to do is just sit here
Because I don't want to look unprepared.
Yes! He's in! He's in!
If you see them on the way, just give me a heads-up.
Come right on in. Okay.
Okay, okay.
Q: Oh, oh, oh. Murr: Oh!
Here comes josh.
We are the number-two manufacturer of press-on nails.
It's a business for 35 years, and you're charlemagne batiste.
Got it.
Guys. We're here, like you said.
We were expecting you tomorrow. Oh, no.
This is charlemagne batiste, the svp that you came to meet.
Thank you so much for coming. [ speaks in japanese ]
Oh, thank you. Thank you so, so much.
You know it's my favorite.
Please have a seat, please.
I thought you guys were supposed to be tomorrow at noon.
"well, we heard that hiroto yamamoto passed away."
We had sudden news that yamamoto hiroto passed away.
"and we know you were close with him, charlemagne."
You were close to yamamoto?
Yes.
I just want to know how you met hiroto yamamoto.
How did you -- how did you meet him?
I can't do this.
I am josh. I'm not sure what's going on.
[ q laughing ] murr: Oh, my god!
You're not char?
[ q and murr laughing ]
I just want to know how you met hiroto yamamoto.
How did you -- how did you meet him?
I can't do this.
I am josh. I'm not sure what's going on right now.
[ q laughing ] murr: Oh, my god!
You're not char?
[ q and murr laughing ]
This has gone so wrong.
He just got thrown off. I'm a temp here.
I just came in today.
Now, guys, you're only interested in josh's ideas
For the press-on nail company.
So, do you have any ideas for thumb and thumber?
Thumb and thumber.
Q: Confer. Confer, guys. Confer.
[ conversation in japanese ]
You know what? You have brought shame on press-on nails, bro.
[ q and murr laughing ]
♪♪
You refused to drink my coffee, and you lied to us.
I can pour the coffee.
"drink it. Drink it or we leave."
Look, guys, guys -- drink it. Drink it.
Thank you. Josh. Yes.
Q: Oh, god. Murr: Oh, my god.
Investor: Is josh leaving?
Josh is going to get cups.
I want him to walk in on kenji and sal arm wrestling.
[ all laughing ]
Yeah, he's coming back, he's coming back.
♪♪
[ q and murr laughing ]
♪♪
All: Hey!
[ investors applauding ]
Sal could still win, you know.
It's just about whether josh will join for dinner.
Q: Oh, that is true, sal. You're still in this.
Would you like to join us for dinner tonight?
Q and murr: Uh-oh.
Yes.
Oh! Oh, my god!
He's still got it! He pulls it out!
Sal: Here we go!
Hey, bill. How's it going?
No problem. It's going good.
My name's james. Nice to meet you.
How are you, sir? All right.
Thanks for the help today.
Let's send cole in.
Sal: Murray's about to get the news.
Hey, excuse me. You know that meeting?
Yeah, yeah.
They're here right now.
No, cole. The -- the investors come tomorrow.
We have this all planned for tomorrow.
They're supposed to be here tomorrow, cole.
This is happening.
[ both laughing ]
Why don't you tell him what you do, murr?
You're the country's number-two manufacturer of oat pulp.
Our company is the number-two manufacturer of oat pulp.
Oat pulp. The problem is this.
Jocko bouchet isn't here.
Jocko bouchet is not here.
He's my number two at the company.
Hold on a second.
They don't know what jocko bouchet looks like.
You have to play jocko bouchet, okay?
Q: Oh, my god. Oh!
Okay.
He's in. He's in.
Does this fit? Uh, you look great!
"let's get this shmoney."
Let's get this shmoney, okay? Let's get this shmoney.
Oh, here they come.
Hi, hi, hi, hi! You are here early.
"luckily, jocko is fully prepared."
We -- jocko in particular is fully prepared for the meeting.
Sal: I love that this guy went from sorting papers
To leading this meeting.
Murr: Thank you so very much for being here.
So, basically, we wanted to just give you a quick overview... Sal: He's doing it himself.
...Of what it is that we've accomplished.
Nobody told him to say this.
Our product is oat pulp.
We can work together to create win-win solutions.
Good luck, guys. You've met your match in jocko bouchet.
Mr. Bouchet, when we talk about re-pulp-osing...
[ q and sal laugh ]
...How can we get re-pulp-osing somewhere
In the 40% range in the first year?
Excellent question. Jocko?
We were looking at how to start with the basics
So that we can have all the resources
That we need at its best quality.
Murray, you lucky son of a bitch.
You flew 14 hours to get here.
That is how passionate we are about this industry.
"is there a reason that you flew us coach class?"
Is there a reason why we flew in coach class?
Jocko?
You know, we would like to have been able to do first class.
Was there enough room there?
"it was coach class, bro."
It was coach class, bro.
[ q and sal laughing ]
[ stomps ]
Q: Kaito, say, "I hope you've provided some
Adult entertainment."
You flew us all the way here.
I hope you have some adult entertainment.
You want to tell them about what we have planned, jocko?
Well, you know, that's an industry that, uh...
Was the oldest industry in the world, right?
Prostitutes. [ laughing ]
Look at john! John!
John, what are you looking at? John?
"we meant live music."
I meant live music.
Oh, live music. Oh, okay.
[ q and sal laughing ]
Let's sell some mother[bleep] oats.
There it is.
Q: Now ask him out to dinner. It's not over yet.
Would you like to have dinner with us tonight?
Here we go, murr.
I was thinking that we might want to save those things
For later on, for the next phase.
All that and he's not doing it?
You lost, bro.
Oh, murray! Jocko shit the bed.
Narrator: Murr couldn't close the deal,
So he's tonight's big loser.
All right, so, murray lost,
So we have our friend john mayer here to help us.
Yes, I'm gonna be playing
A very intimate acoustic performance
At the sultan room here in brooklyn for some fans.
Q: All right, murr, for your punishment,
You're gonna be john's stage manager today.
And you, my friend, are gonna be drunk on power.
Drunk on power. All right, concert in five.
Wrap it up. Let's go, let's go. Come on.
We created a monster, boys.
All right, here we go.
Sal: So, murray, our stage manager,
Is filling up the room right now.
All right. Come on, you guys.
In anticipation of your performance.
They look psyched.
But we're not waiting for john's performance.
The punishment starts now.
The guy with the headband.
"there's a no-headband rule, bro.
Come on, dude. This is not an la fitness."
Look. You're not in an la fitness.
Take the [bleep] headband off, okay?
Okay. Great.
[ all laughing ]
That is the first one.
Murr: [bleep]. [bleep].
Q: Murr, you see the guy at the bottom of the stairs?
You, uh -- you need something? You okay?
Yeah, I'm great.
Tell him to get up and put him in the back.
Get your bag for me for one second.
And now lead him to the back.
The furthest-back chair. The furthest-back chair.
Q: Sit him down and say,
"act like you've been here before" and walk away.
There you go. You sit in the back now, okay?
Act like you've been here before, bro.
Oh!
Oh, my god.
Murr, go up to the front. Take these two girls.
Don't even say anything, just pull them both by the hands
And pull them away from the table.
Put them in the vip pen. All, the vip pen.
-Join, join. -What?
Don't let go. Don't let go.
This way.
I can't, I can't. Oh, god.
Putting you guys in the vip pen for right now.
So have a stand here real quick for me.
We got to stock that pen, murr.
We got to get as many people as we can in it.
Come on.
We're putting you in the vip paddock.
Join me for one second.
I'm gonna put you in the vip paddock.
I need you back here in the vip paddock, okay?
Just go on in. "beep, beep.
Oh, look at the vips adding up."
Beep, beep. Vip's filling up.
John: This is... I know.
This is...
Really brutal.
Q: Wait, murr, remember the guy in yellow?
Forget that you told him not to wear his headband.
Ask him if he has a headband of any kind.
Do you have, like, a hat or headband you could put on?
Just to... Like a headband?
Yes. Perfect. That's perfect.
Let me see your -- so much better. So much better.
So much better. That's great.
Murr, "what are the odds you had one? Wow."
What are the odds that you had one? That's incredible.
[ all laughing ]
Sal: We're gonna get ready to send john out.
Murr: Guys, remember to keep your energy up.
Big applause when he walks in.
Ladies and gentlemen, mr. John mayer.
Give it up for mr. John mayer.
Q: The fun is about to begin, murr.
[ cheers and applause ]
Murr: Ladies and gentlemen, mr. John mayer.
Give it up for mr. John mayer.
Sal: Yeah!
Q: The fun is about to begin, murr.
Songs are like stories, and stories are like songs.
I thought that I would begin with
"your body is a wonderland."
Okay? [ cheers and applause ]
Here we go.
♪♪
♪ we got the afternoon ♪
♪ you got this room for two ♪
And that's it -- instantly,
The room has forgiven everything murray's done so far.
Everybody's happy to see john.
♪ one pair of candy lips and ♪
Sal: Yell "cut," murr, yell "cut."
Cut, cut, cut.
I'm sorry. Cut, cut.
I'm talking to the booth, john. My apologies.
Cut. Johnny, one sec, okay?
John: Yes?
I was looking at that empty space.
I don't...
Oh, let's get to it. Let's get into it. Oh!
Who were in these seats?
Lady's right there.
They're further back than the front.
"they're in the paddock."
They're in the -- the paddock.
The vip.
A vip paddock?
Can you sit them here, please?
[ cheers and applause ] bring them up.
There's no one over here. There's no one over here.
Here we go, murr.
The crowd is not wasting time turning on you, buddy.
Murr, make him go back to one
And start all the "bull[bleep]" over again.
From the top.
Johnny, start at one and tell the whole bull[bleep] again.
Oh! Oh! Oh, my god!
Songs are like stories.
[ cheers and applause ]
♪♪
Alright, murr, you ready to keep going, buddy?
♪ we got the afternoon ♪
♪ you got this room for two ♪
I think I'm falling in love right now, bud.
[ laughs ]
♪ 'cause if you want love ♪
♪ we'll make it ♪
"oh, cut, cut, cut."
[bleep]. [bleep].
Cut, cut, cut, johnny.
Cut. I'm sorry. Cut.
Cut, cut, cut. Film production.
Sorry to break up the groove, johnny.
"they just want a little more from you, john,
But we're good to go."
They want a little bit more from you, johnny.
"johnny"?
All right, let's do it, "wonderland."
Okay, let's roll again on "wonderland."
Let's roll again. Three, two, one.
Action, johnny, go.
Songs are like stories.
[ cheers and applause ]
All right, murr, start moving people out of the front row.
♪ we got the afternoon ♪
♪ you got this room for two ♪
♪ one thing I've left to do ♪
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah.
♪ discover me discovering you ♪
Do one more. Do another one.
♪ one pair of candy lips ♪
[ clatter ]
[ cheers and applause ]
Why are you moving people in the middle of the song?
Oh, god. Oh, god.
For the best camera angles.
She was blocking the camera from reactions.
How about we don't interrupt ever again?
[ cheers and applause ]
You want me to go?
John: Unequivocally, yes.
[ crowd cheering, q and sal laughing ]
We're right where we want him!
In the palm of our hand! The palm of our hand!
Okay, murr, here's the thing.
It is not over, buddy. Here's what you don't know.
Your mic is live. There's a bedroom in that hallway.
We want you to go in there right now...
Do a number two, buddy. ...And try to take a shit.
[ both laughing ]
F-you. You lost.
It's a punishment. You got to do it, buddy.
Sal: Okay, murr, here's the thing. It is not over, buddy.
Here's what you don't know. Your mic is live.
There's a bathroom in that hallway.
We want you to go in there right now...
Do a number two, buddy. ...And try to take a shit.
[ both laughing ]
F-you. You lost.
This next song is a song that a lot of people seem to get wrong.
So, murr, you have one job right now, buddy.
They can hear anything you're gonna say right now.
We want you to start insulting john.
Even though I am singing to fathers...
Murr: What's a white guy have any right
Playing the blues for anyway?
Ooh! Ooh!
Take his mic.
Yeah. I'll be out in 5 minutes.
Yeah, I'm going to the bathroom first, tom.
Q: Uh-oh, john. He's such a frickin' diva.
It really is about a girl that I was very deeply...
Murr: Okay, here we go. ...In love with.
Murr: Here we go.
Oh, my god, is he trying to [bleep] right now?
Is it happening?
Murr: [ straining ] okay.
[ groans ]
Whew!
Uh, what is going on?
Oh, my god. Oh, my god. Oh. Oh.
Okay.
[ strains ]
[ coughs ]
Oh, my god.
[ toilet flushes ]
[ q laughing ]
The song is "daughters."
[ both laughing ]
[ cheers and applause ]
♪♪
All right, murr, get out now.
♪♪
♪ I know... ♪
[ music stops ]
Do you feel better? Do you feel better?
What do you mean?
We all heard you...
[ q and sal laughing ]
Can we pull some tape up?
Tape? I'm sorry, tape?
Yeah, can we pull some tape up? Q: Look, murr.
Look at the tv screen! Oh, my god!
Surprise, murr, surprise.
Surprise, murr.
You guys want to see him get his comeuppance, right?
Everyone right now is watching you
Take a crap on camera.
Oh, my god. Oh, my god.
All right. "your body is a wonderland."
[ both laughing hysterically ]
♪♪
♪ your body is a wonderland ♪
John mayer came to play!
♪ your body is a wonderland ♪