[ laughter ]
[ screams ]
Let's just get this started.
Are you [bleep] kidding me?
Who's a good girl?
[ laughter ]
[ cymbals crash ]
[ laughter ]
Narrator: With special guest paula abdul.
This was really screwed up.
[ laughter ]
And action!
You can probably tell by our hats that today
We're playing directors directing our new film.
Now, our producers are going to go recruit a random passerby
Off the street to be the extra in the film.
The catch is the scene we're directing
Is going to get progressively more bizarre for this actor.
The goal is to get the person to play out the scene,
No matter how bizarre it gets.
And if they refuse,
Go back to directing student films, you hack!
Tail slate!
All right, guys.
Sal: Okay, q, this young man -- his name is avel.
You may notice avel's eyebrows are high.
We didn't know they were gonna be that way.
Our script supervisor, tina, did his makeup
And thought that he should look angry.
Guys, we have avel here. Come on in.
Let me seat you down over here.
Murr: This is a classic mob movie
Italian dinner scene.
Alex and joe are our mobsters.
Okay, this is joey eyebrows. He's being rude at dinner.
His line goes, "I'm the law!"
Okay. And then you say,
"excuse me, sir, but could you keep it down?
I'm trying to enjoy my italian meal."
-Okay. -Okay?
Q, ask avel where he got cast from.
Avel, where did you get cast from?
Where'd they find you?
I was walking home.
[ laughter ]
Unbelievable. Let's go for a take.
This is great, guys.
Q, also, tell him to say "I-talian meal."
And just one thing. Could you say "I-talian"?
-Okay. -Okay, great.
-I-talian. -Thank you. Perfect.
And action!
I run this town, you palook. Me.
Joey eyebrow.
I decide who lives and who dies.
Capiche? I'm the [bleep] law!
Excuse me, sir, but could you keep it down?
I'm trying to enjoy my I-talian meal.
[ laughter ]
Cut. Great. Wow. Great.
I mean, how you guys feeling about that?
How do you feel about that? Good.
All right, q, check playback.
-Rolling playback. -All right.
We're gonna send in some more script pages, okay?
And, q, by the way, uh...
[ rattling ] ...There's the cup of fake teeth.
It's for avel. Great.
Let's see if this guy will put fake teeth in his mouth.
Avel, I'd like to give you a little bit more to do.
-Sure. -You're killing it.
Alex zucchini, you get up and you go over there
And then he slaps you. Okay.
And these are new. These are new teeth.
If you could throw them in your mouth.
And when he slaps you, just spit the teeth out.
-Okay. -Okay.
Q, and another thing is, "alex, you have diarrhea."
[ laughter ]
Okay, here's the thing, though.
Alex zucchini is a little uncomfortable.
You gotta play a little bit like you have a little bit of,
Like, diarrhea going on.
-Okay. -Okay? -Yeah.
[ laughter ]
Action.
Me, joey eyebrows, decides
Who lives and who dies, capiche?
Excuse me, sir, but could you keep it down?
I'm trying to enjoy my I-talian pizza.
[ laughter ]
This guy kidding me?
Go slap this braciole.
Diarrhea, diarrhea.
[ laughter ]
[ teeth rattling ]
Murr: [ laughing ] the teeth in his mouth!
He just put the teeth in his mouth.
He's got the teeth in his mouth.
Shut up-a your mouth, you cannoli!
[ laughter ]
Cut! Great job, guys.
Oh, there's one more thing we want to see him do.
We want to see him strangle the boss.
So we got an idea.
You sneak up behind joey eyebrow and say,
"suck my gabagool!
I'm the I-talian mobster boss now."
And then you strangle him.
[ laughter ]
We feel good? Everybody feel good?
Q, remind joe that he also has diarrhea.
Okay.
And joey eyebrows,
You know, your mother's food kind of gave you
A little diarrhea.
Okay.
And action!
Uh-oh! Uh-oh!
Here comes avel the assassin.
Suck my gabagool!
Aah!
I'm the I-talian mobster boss now.
Aah! My diarrhea. My diarrhea.
[ laughter ]
Aaaah!
-Have him dab, -yeah, and the dab.
Okay, great. Now, do you know how to dab?
Dab? Yeah.
Let it go and just start walking off screen like this.
-Okay. -Action.
Ha, ha! Salud!
Keep dabbing. Keep dabbing.
Multiple dabs. Yeah, multiple dabs.
[ laughter ]
And cut! Yes!
-Yeah! -Yes!
We got some good stuff in there.
[ laughter ]
-All right, murr. -Send him in.
Q: All right, here's your actor for the day, murr.
Joseph? I'm dan. How you doing?
This is our director, james.
Hey, joe. How are you, man?
So, joe, they have just completed surgery on you.
You're, like, a burn victim, okay?
So you're gonna be under the sheet.
Come on in, buddy.
Q: In the scene today is dan green, johnna, and joe imburgio.
You're pretty calm, man. I would think a movie director
Would be a little bit more...
Like murray? Yeah.
One second. All right, murr,
Wrap his entire head in bandages,
And you're gonna tell him to peel off the bandages
And go, "my face! My face!" and then spit at the mirror.
Okay, I'm trying.
Okay. It's not reading like he's a burn victim,
So we're gonna wrap your face with gauze, okay?
-All right, no problem. -And then I want you to sit up.
I want you to slowly unwrap the bandages, call for a mirror,
And then four or five times, "my face! My face! My face!"
Spit on the mirror, and then I want to see
A flurry of activity, okay? Okay.
Look, he's looking around like,
"what did I get myself into?"
Murr...
I won't cover your nose.
Dan cast, go up to murr and go, "sir, sir."
And then, murr, just snap at him.
-Uh, sir? -Not now, dan!
Okay.
[ laughter ]
Okay, that's pretty believable. Okay. Okay.
You can lay back down.
Okay. Roll camera!
Say, "I don't say action. I say boom."
You don't know this, joe, but I don't say action.
I say boom. Ready, set, boom!
[ laughter ]
15 hours in surgery. We did all we could.
You did your best.
It's in god's hands now.
And his will be done.
[ laughter ]
What?
Can you hand me a mirror?
Also, by the way, he's not burned.
His face is flawless.
My face.
My face!
[ spits ]
[ laughter ]
Oh, [bleep] what did you do?!
-I tried. I tried. -His face is beef!
[ laughter ]
And boom. Very good.
Roll playback.
Q: Murr, it was a great scene, buddy.
I think it just needs a little bit more intensity, pal.
Tell him to really be, like, horrified about his face.
I want to do it one more time.
That was excellent. I need 10 times more intensity.
Dan, go up to interrupt him.
So I want you to, like, really get -- like, yell?
Yeah, yell it out like -- not now, dan!
Okay, I want you to really yell it out.
Like, "what have you done?! What have you -- "
Dan cast, approach murray again one more time.
-I think it might -- -dan, just step away.
[ laughter ]
Ready and boom!
We did the best we could.
♪♪
[ laughter ]
It's so much bandage.
Oh! Ick!
[ gags ]
Can I get a mirror?
My face.
What have you done to my face?
Where's my wife?
What did you do?!
Doctor: I'm sorry. I-I did my best.
And blame the doctor for what he's done.
Blame the doctor. -No!
This is all your fault!
No, it's not my fault!
Keep going, keep going, keep going.
I didn't call boom yet.
[ laughter ]
-Good job. -Boom, murray, boom.
Okay, great. Excellent.
Murr: Okay, sal, welcome to your scene, buddy.
This is a classic interrogation scene,
And we're grilling a suspect, a perp, if you will. Yeah.
That's our producer, alyssa carlee, is there,
And simmy kustanowitz.
Here comes your actor.
-What's your name? -[ accent] valerie.
-Valerie? -Yeah.
There's your mexican gang member.
This poor woman.
A visitor to our fair city, just walking down the street.
And now suddenly she's playing a gang member in sal's scene.
It's an experience for me. I'm not an actress.
You sons of bitches.
Oh, you just picked up on the accent?
Yeah.
[ laughter ]
All right, guys, let's settle in.
So, valerie, in this scene,
They're basically interrogating you.
And one more thing, sal.
The do-rag that's on the table?
Yeah, we would like it on her for this scene.
Yeah. So, please...
Valerie.
You look so nice.
I need you to look more tough.
Can I put this on your head? Is that okay?
Okay. I'll put it on you right now.
-Oh! -Oh, my god.
She's gonna do it. She's gonna do everything.
Okay. Just like that. Does that feel okay?
-Okay. -Okay, okay. Okay.
-Great. -Look at simmy.
Okay, so the first line here, valerie, is...
[ laughter ]
I just want to
Go over the lines with you, okay?
Q: This is the part where she gets up and walks out.
Okay, so the first line here, valerie, is...
"hey, ese, you think you loco?
You no loco. I'm loco."
[ laughter ]
You've been tailing her for six months
And you've had enough.
There's also sexual tension between you two cops.
And there's also...
[ laughter ]
I think, let's do a thing --
Let's do a thing where there's unspoken
Sexual tension between you guys.
[ laughter ]
All right.
Roll the sexual tension.
Don't forget, guys. Sexual tension.
You could cut it with a knife.
Okay? Action!
This vato doesn't want to speak up.
Hey, hey, see.
You think you're loco. You're not loco.
I'm loco!
[ laughter ]
Smells like bullshit to me.
Cut. Okay. The next line is...
[ laughter ]
The next line is...
[ laughter ]
Simmy can't stand his own bit.
Because she says, "it smells like bullshit."
Yeah, okay. You say, "the only thing I smell
Is bacon, mother[bleep]."
And then you say, "oink, oink, oink, oink, oink."
[ laughs ] okay. I'll try it.
-All right. -Oh, she said, "I'll try it."
-She's gonna do it. -Let's take it from the top.
Q: Where's that sexual tension?
All right, you guys, take a look at each other
In the eyes real quick for me.
Just hold it. Look in the eyes and hold it.
I just want to build that tension.
Okay.
[ laughter ]
Action!
This vato doesn't want to speak up.
Hey, hey, see. Do you think you're loco?
You're not loco. I'm loco.
Smells like bullshit to me.
The only thing I'll smell is bacon, mother[bleep]
[ oinks ]
[ laughter ]
Cut! Excellent. Excellent.
So one thing I just -- one thing.
[ laughter ]
Let me check the footage.
I'm dying. I'm gonna throw up.
Murr: We sent another script
That's just a little bit more lines for her, okay?
All right.
[ laughter ]
Oh, my god. Guys, that was perfect.
If we could do that again, I'll be happy.
-All right, here we go. -Okay.
The next line after she says, "that's enough"
And slams his hand down,
Would you be willing to say,
"your mother is enough, you [bleep]"?
[ laughter ]
-Your mother is enough. -All right, here we go.
You [bleep]
Oh, my god. She's practicing her line.
She's the most professional one there.
Here we go. Action!
[ oinking ]
That's enough, santiago!
Your mother is enough, you [bleep]
You [bleep] -- no.
Perfect. Perfect, perfect. Guys, come on.
-Wow! -Well done.
That was so good.
-She did it. -Wow.
Narrator: Sal, murr, and q directed a win,
Keeping them safe from the loser board.
Today we're getting thrown out of this door
Because of something embarrassing we did inside.
But, shucks, we left our wallet in there.
The catch is, we have to get a passerby
To come back in here and retrieve that wallet,
Despite the ridiculous thing that we got tossed out for.
If you can't get a stranger to go back inside for you,
You lose.
-Let's go, guys. -Oh! Oh!
Murray, you worm!
I don't like how serious dan looks right now.
I'm getting nervous.
Q: Oh, this is gonna be great.
Get ready, dan cast.
How about this person?
-Oh, geez. -Ready?
-Let's do it! -Come on!
What the hell? Come on.
-Get out of here! -Are you kidding?
I'm not telling you again.
-She's dead in her tracks. -You saw that, right?
Could you help me out for one second?
[ laughter ]
Let's reset. Let's go again.
Q: That couple. I'll tell you when.
Go!
Get out of here! Get out of here!
Ow! Ow! What are you doing?!
Come on!
Dan manhandling him will never get old.
[ laughter ] are you okay?
I'm fine. I la-- what? What? What happened?
This guy threw me out, man.
He threw me out for a bs reason, too.
What was it?
"it's not my fault that [bleep] has a hot wife."
It's not my fault the guy has a hot wife.
[ laughter ]
The guy's thinking, "well, I get it now."
I hit on his wife,
And he threw me out of the place.
The worst part is my wallet's still inside.
Can you do me a solid, man?
Can you go grab my wallet for me, please?
If I go in there, he's gonna throw me out again.
That's okay? It's in there on the left. You'll see it.
Just don't -- don't hit on his wife is the important thing.
She's, like, slamming hot.
[ cheering ]
Yes!
Well, this is great 'cause me and dan kind of do something
Very similar to this on weekends anyway.
So this is -- this is pretty good.
Ready, guys? On your mark.
Get set. Go!
Hey, come on, man! Come on, dude!
That's not -- get out of here!
-They turned around! -Come on, man.
Murr: That was all for nothing, q.
-Go. -Hey, hey!
Hey! Hey!
Stay out!
Red hoodie!
Murr: Q, someone else wants to take a turn
Throwing you out the door. Hey. Hey. Hey!
Don't you ever touch a black woman's hair!
[ laughter ]
[ horn honks ]
[bleep] you.
I touched a black woman's hair.
My wallet's inside. Would you grab my wallet for me?
Just don't touch that black woman's hair.
It'll be fine. Yeah, it's right in there.
There's a wallet right in there.
-Oh, oh! -It's right on the table there.
You'll be fine. Just don't touch that black woman's hair.
[ cheering ]
What a good samaritan helping him out.
[ laughter ]
-All right. -I can't get my clothes...
-Sure. -Okay.
That's a concern of mine.
What about this strapping man? Go ahead.
-Right now? Right now? -Yeah, right now.
I don't know if I'm ready. Okay.
Come on, man, seriously, it's not --
Get the hell outta here!
What about this strapping man? Go ahead.
-Right now? Right now? -Yeah, right now.
I don't know if I'm ready. Okay.
Come on, man, seriously, it's not --
Get the hell outta here!
[ laughter ]
Stay out!
You're awfully close to that gutter water.
-No. Is it, though? -[ laughs ] yeah.
You're basically in the gutter, sal.
My wallet's in there.
They kicked me out. Here's what happened.
"a man can't make love to his own wife
In the handicapped stall anymore?"
A man can't make love to his own wife
In the handicapped stall anymore?
[ laughter ]
You got to go in there and get my wallet.
Right -- it's right in the table in there.
You can grab it for me. They won't let me in.
Here's your wallet.
[ laughter ]
I got it.
So sal can't win. Can't win.
Point is, is that I've been doing it all day.
I appreciate it.
Stay out!
[ laughter ]
You lost!
Narrator: Sal was tossed to the curb,
Making him tonight's big loser.
Yes! It is time for sal's punishment.
And to help us out tonight is our dear friend,
Legendary pop star and sal's childhood crush,
Paula abdul.
All right, listen, sal,
I'm hosting an exclusive meet-and-greet
With some of my amazing fans. Okay.
And I thought it'd be fun if you joined us.
Okay, that sounds like fun. So what's the bad part?
You know the drill. You just gotta shut up
And do what you're told.
[ laughter ]
Hi, guys. -Hi.
-Oh, my god. -Hi.
What a treat tonight is, huh?
Four lucky fans have been invited along with sal
To join paula abdul tonight,
And sal's about to ruin their dinner.
-Hi, everybody. -Hi.
Paula: Pleasure to meet you guys.
I haven't been out in so long, and I'm so excited.
Murr: Sal, you know, paula is very funny.
Just overly laugh at everything she says.
Woman: Did so many tours -- george michael.
-Yeah. -How was that?
I'd be freaking out beforehand,
And I'd be slapping my face going,
"oh, my god. I don't know what I'm doing."
[ laughs ]
Paula: I felt that. Yeah.
[ laughs ]
Sal, I think it would be really funny
If you shoved your mouth with food
And then had a laughing fit with food falling out of your mouth.
Are you planning to ever, like, record again?
I miss your music.
That's what I need to say.
She retired. Take it easy.
No! No!
[ laughs ]
[ laughter ]
Oh, god. You almost choked me.
Paula: That was so disgusting.
Just trying to get that visual out of my head.
Murr: All right, sal,
Time to take this to the next level.
This girl to your right --
The next thing she says, shush her.
[ laughter ]
You know what I suggest, if any of you guys
Can see the "michael" broadway show --
Michael jackson...
-Oh! -I had tickets to it...
...It's incredible, incredible.
...Pre-pandemic. Shh. Shh.
Incredible.
[ laughter ]
Oh, my god.
Definitely see the musical.
"paula, how much did you get paid on 'american idol'?"
Q: Oh, that's a rough one.
Sal: How about, can we talk a little bit
About "american idol"?
What would you like to hear?
-How much did you make on it? -Oh, my god.
Oh, my god! You can't ask that kind of question.
That's personal.
I think you should ask another question maybe.
Let's keep the questions light.
Q: "paula, when I was a kid,
I learned the words to 'straight up' backwards.
You want to hear it?"
I've been obsessed with your lyrics.
When I was little, I would memorize the lyrics backwards
And sing them even. Oh, come on.
-Yeah, yeah. -Really?
♪ me love you do, do me love you do, do ♪
♪ now on come ♪
[ laughter ]
Oh, sal, they are not impressed at all, bud.
-Cheers. -Cheers.
-Slam that martini, buddy.
[ laughter ]
Paula: Any other questions?
Murr: Sal, in the bag under your chair there,
We planted a camera.
Take a couple photos. Oh! Oh!
[bleep]
Um, talk -- I wanted to talk to you
That I'm gonna be performing at
The macy's thanksgiving day parade.
-Yes! -I heard about that.
What the?
[ laughter ]
You just kind of, like, without asking, you just...
Oh, I said -- I said, "can I take a group photo?"
-What people do that's not -- -I'm sorry. I didn't mean...
We can get someone to take it.
Oh, that'd be awesome.
We'll do it in a few minutes when we're leaving.
"oh, I got a question.
I got a question. I got a question."
I have a question.
I'm sure you do.
"when you came up with the idea of mc skat kat..."
One of my favorite songs is "opposites attract."
When you came up with mc skat kat...
"...Did you know that scat means poop?"
...Did you know that scat means poop?
[ laughter ]
Scat means poop. Yeah. Google it.
[ laughter ]
-Oh! -I didn't know that.
I thought scat means go away, scat.
No, I swear to god. When I was little,
I was like, "mc poop kat."
-[ laughs ] I can't. -This guy is losing it.
Q: All right, sal, prove it to them on your phone.
I can show you. I can show you guys.
Oh, no, no, no. Don't look that up.
-Look, that what I'm saying -- -"scat as [bleep]"
I'll just scat...
-Oh! -You don't have to prove it.
Paula: Honestly, please don't pull it up.
I don't want to see it. Okay, but I was right.
See?
You didn't have to confirm that. I was right.
Like, really? Come on, dude, you just killed the vibe.
And amanda was making her point.
-Who's amanda, sal? -Who's amanda?
-Oh! -Oh, my god.
-Right here. -Oh, my god.
-Really? You said you -- -I'm amanda.
And you're comparing -- -oh!
You're -- you're -- you're --
Here we go!
-Oh, keep pushing her, sal. -What are you trying to say?
You're gonna get me heated.
[ laughter ]
You just gotta -- you just gotta --
This is just for laughs, basically.
Guys, you know what? It's not even worth it.
You want to break sal?
Q: Break him. Break him, baby!
Break him.
Can we send cole in as the producer there?
-Therapeutic, yeah. -Excuse me. I'm so sorry.
Cole: Is one of you sal?
-That's me. -That's you?
Yeah. I just got a call.
Your covid test came back positive.
Q: Oh, my god!
[ laughter ]
Is one of you sal?Oh, my god!
-That's me. -That's you?
Yeah. I just got a call.
Your covid test came back positive.
Q: Oh, my god!
[ laughter ]
No, that's impossible. I tested twice today myself.
They just let me know, and it's urgent.
Like, you're positive. Definitely impossible.
I swear to god, I would never do that.
Okay, now, sal, don't leave the table.
-It's not okay. -I'll go get another.
Are you for real?
I'll just be quiet until the test comes.
I'll do it. Can you leave? Like...
But then I'm not gonna be part of it anymore.
-Oh! -Right.
[ laughter ]
-It's for the safety of others. -But the thing is,
You're affecting all of our well-being.
Cole, just go in right now and be like,
"what the hell are you doing? We told you you have covid!"
-Hey. Yeah, sorry. -Yeah.
So we just triple checked. You're for sure positive.
-Oh, god. -Oh, [bleep]
[ laughs ] sal, bag up all the food
And get out of there.
This is not good. This is...
Sorry. Can you just pass the empanadas and I'll go?
-No! -Oh, my god!
You're taking the food?
[ laughter ]
-You should just go. -Come on.
This was really screwed up. I know I don't have it.
Want me to get patterson on you? Just go.
[ laughter ]
Murr: Do the -- sing backwards. Sing it backwards.
♪ love, love me, do, do love, love me, do new ♪
♪ now on come ♪
[ laughter ]
Sal, take a picture through the glass.
Paula: I feel bad because you sat next to him.
You sat next to him.
-No, no, it's whatever. -It's fine.
Stop taking pictures of me!
[ laughter ]
-Fantastic job. So fun. -Awesome, paula.