1 00:00:07,274 --> 00:00:11,276 [ laughter ] 2 00:00:11,278 --> 00:00:12,277 [ screams ] 3 00:00:13,747 --> 00:00:15,079 Let's just get this started. 4 00:00:15,081 --> 00:00:16,748 Are you [bleep] kidding me? 5 00:00:16,750 --> 00:00:17,950 Who's a good girl? 6 00:00:17,952 --> 00:00:20,752 [ laughter ] 7 00:00:20,754 --> 00:00:22,554 [ cymbals crash ] 8 00:00:23,757 --> 00:00:26,090 [ laughter ] 9 00:00:26,092 --> 00:00:29,094 Narrator: With special guest michael ian black. 10 00:00:29,096 --> 00:00:31,296 That's awesome. 11 00:00:31,298 --> 00:00:33,298 [ laughter ] 12 00:00:34,501 --> 00:00:36,301 Today we are at the american dream mall 13 00:00:36,303 --> 00:00:38,102 Asking people to sign up for a chance 14 00:00:38,104 --> 00:00:40,973 To win a $25 gift card! 15 00:00:40,975 --> 00:00:42,975 Wow! But if you want to be eligible, 16 00:00:42,977 --> 00:00:44,709 You gotta give us your cellphone number, 17 00:00:44,711 --> 00:00:46,178 And that's when the fun begins. 18 00:00:46,180 --> 00:00:47,579 That's because the other guys 19 00:00:47,581 --> 00:00:50,715 Will be sending weird text messages on our behalf. 20 00:00:50,717 --> 00:00:54,019 Whoever gets the least amount of text messages back loses. 21 00:00:57,124 --> 00:00:58,590 I always feel like when we do these things, 22 00:00:58,592 --> 00:01:01,526 We're in, like, literally in the cia or the fbi, 23 00:01:01,528 --> 00:01:04,062 'cause we have, like, people stationed all over. 24 00:01:04,064 --> 00:01:06,464 You guys are like other cia agents. 25 00:01:06,466 --> 00:01:08,400 Wouldn't it be crazy if we solved a crime? 26 00:01:08,402 --> 00:01:10,735 I solve crimes all the time. What crimes do you solve? 27 00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:12,604 I look out my window with binoculars, and I -- 28 00:01:12,606 --> 00:01:14,673 I search for minor crimes. 29 00:01:14,675 --> 00:01:16,741 Have you caught any? I've seen a couple, 30 00:01:16,743 --> 00:01:18,010 But I didn't get out of the house 31 00:01:18,012 --> 00:01:19,544 In time to thwart them. 32 00:01:19,546 --> 00:01:20,945 [ laughter ] 33 00:01:20,947 --> 00:01:22,614 Sal, let's try this guy in the red hat. 34 00:01:22,616 --> 00:01:24,082 Hey, how you doing, buddy? Just so you know, 35 00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:26,551 Every single 10 minutes, we give away a $25 gift card 36 00:01:26,553 --> 00:01:27,886 That's good anywhere in this mall. 37 00:01:27,888 --> 00:01:30,955 I take your number, and we text a winner. 38 00:01:30,957 --> 00:01:32,557 Yeah! There we go! 39 00:01:32,559 --> 00:01:33,758 And what was your name? Vinny. 40 00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:34,959 Vinny. And your number, vinny? 41 00:01:34,961 --> 00:01:36,094 201... 42 00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:37,429 Bam! Got it. 43 00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:39,231 Okay, so you'll get a text in a second 44 00:01:39,233 --> 00:01:40,965 That you've been entered. Good luck, buddy. 45 00:01:40,967 --> 00:01:41,966 All right. 46 00:01:41,968 --> 00:01:42,967 All right. Thank you. 47 00:01:42,969 --> 00:01:45,637 We got vinny's number. [ laughs ] 48 00:01:45,639 --> 00:01:47,772 [ laughter ] 49 00:01:47,774 --> 00:01:49,173 Oh, I don't like this. 50 00:01:49,175 --> 00:01:51,509 Oh, the game starts. Here we go. 51 00:01:51,511 --> 00:01:52,644 What do we got, guys? 52 00:01:52,646 --> 00:01:55,714 Vinny has "been hit by the sexy van. 53 00:01:55,716 --> 00:01:58,116 If you don't forward to 16 people, 54 00:01:58,118 --> 00:02:01,319 You will die of a disease." 55 00:02:01,321 --> 00:02:03,321 [ laughing ] oh, my god. Yeah. 56 00:02:03,323 --> 00:02:04,389 Is he writing back? 57 00:02:04,391 --> 00:02:07,125 Oh, yeah, he is in. He is a-laughing. 58 00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:09,127 He wrote back, "what the f?" 59 00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:10,795 No, he didn't. Did he really? 60 00:02:10,797 --> 00:02:12,997 Well, I guess now he's gonna die of a disease. 61 00:02:12,999 --> 00:02:15,133 [ laughter ] 62 00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:17,535 This one's exciting. This is a picture of sal. 63 00:02:17,537 --> 00:02:19,204 Oh, come on, now. You all know it. 64 00:02:19,206 --> 00:02:21,673 No. It's a big picture of sal at his worst. 65 00:02:21,675 --> 00:02:23,408 You're gonna bring this old nugget back? 66 00:02:23,410 --> 00:02:24,809 I just texted him, 67 00:02:24,811 --> 00:02:26,478 "this is what I'd look like as a woman. 68 00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:27,746 Would you date me?" 69 00:02:27,748 --> 00:02:30,415 And the photo I sent him was that. 70 00:02:30,417 --> 00:02:31,950 [ laughter ] 71 00:02:31,952 --> 00:02:33,618 Oh, my god. 72 00:02:33,620 --> 00:02:36,621 Oh. 73 00:02:36,623 --> 00:02:39,491 He wrote back, "you look better as a woman lol." 74 00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:41,960 [ laughter ] 75 00:02:41,962 --> 00:02:44,096 Touché, vinny. 76 00:02:44,098 --> 00:02:45,764 I just got an idea. 77 00:02:45,766 --> 00:02:47,966 Oh, no! Oh, no! All right. 78 00:02:47,968 --> 00:02:49,834 I just sent a text to vinny, 79 00:02:49,836 --> 00:02:52,104 And I cced casey, our director. 80 00:02:52,106 --> 00:02:54,907 I wrote, "vinny, I'm ccing my wife, susan. 81 00:02:54,909 --> 00:02:57,575 Sue, this is the cute guy vinny I told you about." 82 00:02:57,577 --> 00:02:59,043 [ laughter ] 83 00:02:59,045 --> 00:03:00,178 Wait. Give me your phone. 84 00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:01,713 [ laughing ] now we've got two phones 85 00:03:01,715 --> 00:03:04,248 Texting vinny. No, no, no, no, no. 86 00:03:04,250 --> 00:03:06,451 Your wife just texted, "hi, vinny!" 87 00:03:06,453 --> 00:03:08,520 [ laughs ] oh, my god. 88 00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:10,522 We in a group chat now? Yeah, we are. 89 00:03:10,524 --> 00:03:11,856 Oh, god. 90 00:03:11,858 --> 00:03:13,525 All right, your wife just sent him, 91 00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:15,927 "you've been hit by the sexy van. 92 00:03:15,929 --> 00:03:17,662 If you don't forward to 15 people, 93 00:03:17,664 --> 00:03:19,331 You will die of a disease." 94 00:03:19,333 --> 00:03:20,865 [ laughter ] 95 00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:22,801 Vinny's been hit twice by the sexy van? 96 00:03:22,803 --> 00:03:25,069 Vinny's getting slaughtered by the sexy van. 97 00:03:25,071 --> 00:03:27,205 [ laughter ] 98 00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:29,674 [ laughs ] 99 00:03:29,676 --> 00:03:32,344 Vinny's got the thousand-yard stare now. 100 00:03:32,346 --> 00:03:33,946 He's just staring at you. I know. 101 00:03:33,948 --> 00:03:37,015 Sal, your wife just texted vinny a picture of herself. 102 00:03:37,017 --> 00:03:38,750 I just forwarded it to you on your phone so you can see. 103 00:03:38,752 --> 00:03:41,219 "just took a cute new profile pic." 104 00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:42,754 Oh, jesus christ. 105 00:03:42,756 --> 00:03:44,889 [ laughter ] 106 00:03:44,891 --> 00:03:46,891 Oh, his reaction! 107 00:03:46,893 --> 00:03:47,960 He's putting his glasses on. 108 00:03:47,962 --> 00:03:50,094 Is he not gonna know this is a joke? 109 00:03:50,096 --> 00:03:51,630 It looks like a meth head. 110 00:03:51,632 --> 00:03:53,298 [ laughter ] 111 00:03:53,300 --> 00:03:55,433 Is he typing back? He just wrote back, 112 00:03:55,435 --> 00:03:57,301 "is there something wrong with you?" 113 00:03:57,303 --> 00:04:01,039 [ laughter ] 114 00:04:01,041 --> 00:04:03,107 Just get it over with. Send him a dick pic. 115 00:04:03,109 --> 00:04:05,710 [ laughter ] 116 00:04:05,712 --> 00:04:06,711 Murr: All right, q. 117 00:04:06,713 --> 00:04:07,912 Excuse me. Hi. My name is brian. 118 00:04:07,914 --> 00:04:08,980 I'm giving away american dream gift cards. 119 00:04:08,982 --> 00:04:10,114 I just need your phone number. 120 00:04:10,116 --> 00:04:11,115 203... 121 00:04:11,117 --> 00:04:12,317 Oh, immediately. 122 00:04:12,319 --> 00:04:13,451 Oh, oh. What is your name? 123 00:04:13,453 --> 00:04:14,452 Gihani. 124 00:04:14,454 --> 00:04:15,520 Okay. Thank you. 125 00:04:15,522 --> 00:04:16,521 Thanks so much. You're welcome. 126 00:04:16,523 --> 00:04:17,656 Sal: Okay, here we go, q. 127 00:04:17,658 --> 00:04:20,859 We're gonna start off, "so while we're waiting, 128 00:04:20,861 --> 00:04:22,460 My parents are getting divorced." 129 00:04:22,462 --> 00:04:23,862 Send. 130 00:04:23,864 --> 00:04:26,098 [ laughter ] 131 00:04:28,735 --> 00:04:31,203 She's like, "what do you want me to do?" 132 00:04:31,205 --> 00:04:33,137 Murr: Q, we just sent a follow-up text -- 133 00:04:33,139 --> 00:04:35,473 "not sure which one I'll wind up with." 134 00:04:35,475 --> 00:04:37,843 [ laughter ] 135 00:04:39,012 --> 00:04:41,413 She's looking at her phone. 136 00:04:41,415 --> 00:04:42,614 [ laughter ] 137 00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:46,018 She wrote, "lol." that's one text back, buddy. 138 00:04:46,020 --> 00:04:48,486 [ laughter ] 139 00:04:48,488 --> 00:04:52,224 We wrote back, "they still gots custody you see. 140 00:04:52,226 --> 00:04:55,560 I'm a big boy now, but they still gots custody." 141 00:04:55,562 --> 00:04:57,162 [ laughter ] 142 00:04:59,032 --> 00:05:02,434 She's writing again, q. You're lucking out. 143 00:05:02,436 --> 00:05:03,835 She wrote back, "mama's boy" 144 00:05:03,837 --> 00:05:05,970 With a picture of a little boy. 145 00:05:05,972 --> 00:05:08,372 Let's shift the focus back to her, yeah? 146 00:05:08,374 --> 00:05:09,374 Yeah, yeah. 147 00:05:09,376 --> 00:05:11,643 "are your parents still together/alive?" 148 00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:13,111 [ laughs ] 149 00:05:13,113 --> 00:05:16,381 Oh, what if you get a horrible response, though? 150 00:05:16,383 --> 00:05:18,383 She's writing back! 151 00:05:18,385 --> 00:05:22,120 She's saying, "both alive not together." 152 00:05:22,122 --> 00:05:23,321 All right. Ready? 153 00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:25,457 Ooh! "ooh, dish, bish." 154 00:05:25,459 --> 00:05:27,859 [ laughing ] oh, no, no, no, no. 155 00:05:27,861 --> 00:05:30,095 [ laughter ] 156 00:05:33,399 --> 00:05:36,601 She literally laughed out loud. 157 00:05:36,603 --> 00:05:39,003 "little princess only child." 158 00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:40,739 Oh, she -- got it. Ah. 159 00:05:40,741 --> 00:05:42,674 Okay, so we'll answer that with, 160 00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:43,808 "getting my vasectomy tomorrow. 161 00:05:43,810 --> 00:05:45,076 Pretty nervous. What if they cut off 162 00:05:45,078 --> 00:05:46,611 The whole ting?!" 163 00:05:46,613 --> 00:05:48,146 Send. 164 00:05:48,148 --> 00:05:49,414 [ laughter ] 165 00:05:52,152 --> 00:05:55,153 Okay. Full tide change. Full tide change. 166 00:05:55,155 --> 00:05:57,155 [bleep] her eyes are like, 167 00:05:57,157 --> 00:05:59,090 "what the [bleep]?" 168 00:05:59,092 --> 00:06:00,392 [ chuckles ] 169 00:06:01,828 --> 00:06:04,362 I-I'm a-gonna go give her the gift card... 170 00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:06,831 [ laughter ] 171 00:06:06,833 --> 00:06:08,767 You won! 172 00:06:08,769 --> 00:06:10,702 There you go. There you go. 173 00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:11,836 Oh, what was funny? 174 00:06:11,838 --> 00:06:13,638 [ laughter ] 175 00:06:15,642 --> 00:06:18,510 Q: All right, murr, get this woman sitting next to dan cast. 176 00:06:18,512 --> 00:06:20,178 Oh, sir, I'm sorry to interrupt. 177 00:06:20,180 --> 00:06:22,714 Every 15 minutes, we give away another $25 gift card. 178 00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:25,083 "so I can win 25 clams? [bleep] yeah." 179 00:06:27,253 --> 00:06:28,720 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 180 00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:30,689 [ laughter ] 181 00:06:33,327 --> 00:06:34,392 Hi. What's your name? 182 00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:35,793 Cindy. Hi, cindy. 183 00:06:35,795 --> 00:06:37,662 Murr, "you heard about the clams?" 184 00:06:37,664 --> 00:06:40,131 I don't know if you heard about the aforementioned clams. 185 00:06:40,133 --> 00:06:43,067 We give away 25 clams every 15 minutes. 186 00:06:43,069 --> 00:06:44,736 [ laughter ] 187 00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:46,738 Would you like to be entered into the contest? 188 00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:47,739 Okay. 189 00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:49,741 [ laughter ] 190 00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:52,210 Game's afoot. 191 00:06:52,212 --> 00:06:56,014 We're just sending clam, like, gifs and emojis. 192 00:06:56,016 --> 00:06:59,484 "25 clams can be yourz!" 193 00:06:59,486 --> 00:07:00,952 Oh, my god! 194 00:07:00,954 --> 00:07:02,454 [ laughter ] 195 00:07:04,358 --> 00:07:06,490 She could -- she texted back! What'd she say? 196 00:07:06,492 --> 00:07:10,362 "lol. I don't think I want 25 clams, haha." 197 00:07:10,364 --> 00:07:15,767 "I got clams for dayz. I'm the clam man, cindy." 198 00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:19,771 [ laughter ] 199 00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:23,175 "lol. More power to ya, clam man!" 200 00:07:23,177 --> 00:07:25,710 That's what she wrote? Yeah. You're the clam man. 201 00:07:25,712 --> 00:07:27,245 The clam man. 202 00:07:27,247 --> 00:07:29,513 Hey, murr, I just sent it. 203 00:07:29,515 --> 00:07:31,850 "my grandmother had a clam allergy, and it killed her. 204 00:07:31,852 --> 00:07:33,985 First christmas without her this year." 205 00:07:35,922 --> 00:07:38,522 Oh, here we go. Here we go. 206 00:07:38,524 --> 00:07:40,358 [ laughter ] 207 00:07:42,929 --> 00:07:44,996 "oh, man. I'm sorry to hear that." 208 00:07:44,998 --> 00:07:46,731 [ chuckles ] 209 00:07:46,733 --> 00:07:49,267 Oh, now that's sincere. 210 00:07:49,269 --> 00:07:51,803 I'll take care of it. 211 00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:54,205 All right, murr, and now we're writing, 212 00:07:54,207 --> 00:07:57,008 "bitch died how she lived -- with a clam in her mouth." 213 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:02,848 [ laughter ] 214 00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:09,954 "now, that's not nice to say about grammy!" 215 00:08:09,956 --> 00:08:12,557 This is no problem. She's texting up a storm. 216 00:08:12,559 --> 00:08:14,892 Ohhh! Ohhh! 217 00:08:14,894 --> 00:08:16,628 What'd you text? 218 00:08:16,630 --> 00:08:18,830 Oh! Oh, this is changing the game. 219 00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:21,499 Oh, yeah, man. This is changing everything. 220 00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:23,835 [ laughter ] 221 00:08:26,917 --> 00:08:28,849 Q: Ohhh! Sal: Ohhh! 222 00:08:28,851 --> 00:08:30,384 What'd you text? 223 00:08:30,386 --> 00:08:32,987 I put, "I feel close enough with you. 224 00:08:32,989 --> 00:08:34,522 Does this look infected?" 225 00:08:34,524 --> 00:08:36,591 And it is a disgusting 226 00:08:36,593 --> 00:08:38,993 Puss-y pimpled back. 227 00:08:38,995 --> 00:08:40,028 Come on, guys. 228 00:08:42,065 --> 00:08:44,532 [ laughter ] 229 00:08:44,534 --> 00:08:46,801 Okay. She's stopping. 230 00:08:46,803 --> 00:08:48,603 She looks a little exasperated. 231 00:08:48,605 --> 00:08:49,938 Oh, no. 232 00:08:49,940 --> 00:08:52,473 Oh, she's in, murr. She began to write back. 233 00:08:52,475 --> 00:08:55,075 She goes, "ahhh yah!" 234 00:08:55,077 --> 00:08:56,277 [ laughter ] 235 00:08:56,279 --> 00:08:57,946 Give her the card, man, I guess. 236 00:08:57,948 --> 00:08:59,480 Yeah, just go up to her and give her -- just give her the card. 237 00:08:59,482 --> 00:09:01,015 Go up to her and give her two gift cards. 238 00:09:01,017 --> 00:09:04,218 Cindy, you won the cards. $25 gift card. 239 00:09:04,220 --> 00:09:06,154 I am the clam man, and I'm gonna -- 240 00:09:06,156 --> 00:09:09,290 Yes, and I am gonna go "shell-ebrate." yeah. 241 00:09:09,292 --> 00:09:10,859 [ laughter ] 242 00:09:11,894 --> 00:09:13,494 Narrator: Message received. 243 00:09:13,496 --> 00:09:17,365 Sal's first up on the loser board. 244 00:09:17,367 --> 00:09:19,100 Today we are playing security guards 245 00:09:19,102 --> 00:09:20,701 At lot less closeouts. 246 00:09:20,703 --> 00:09:23,838 And while we're on watch, ready to snap shoplifters' necks 247 00:09:23,840 --> 00:09:25,239 If we have to, we've gotta do and say 248 00:09:25,241 --> 00:09:26,441 What the other guys tell us. 249 00:09:26,443 --> 00:09:29,110 And if you refuse anything, you lose. 250 00:09:29,112 --> 00:09:30,845 Aah! 251 00:09:30,847 --> 00:09:32,480 He wasn't even shoplifting. 252 00:09:35,785 --> 00:09:36,785 Sal: All right, baby, 253 00:09:36,787 --> 00:09:38,987 You're a security guard at lot less. 254 00:09:38,989 --> 00:09:40,388 You know that little remote-control device 255 00:09:40,390 --> 00:09:41,589 We put in your pocket? 256 00:09:41,591 --> 00:09:43,324 Yeah. Okay, so take that out. 257 00:09:43,326 --> 00:09:45,794 Ask this woman if she wants to see something really cool. 258 00:09:45,796 --> 00:09:46,861 Okay. 259 00:09:46,863 --> 00:09:49,197 -These are $9.99? -$9.99. 260 00:09:49,199 --> 00:09:50,531 Oh, that's cute. 261 00:09:50,533 --> 00:09:52,066 I think so. 262 00:09:52,068 --> 00:09:53,768 You want to see something really cool? 263 00:09:55,472 --> 00:09:57,938 They gave me this new security device here. Mm-hmm. 264 00:09:57,940 --> 00:10:00,274 "it's a microwave infrared sonar sensor." 265 00:10:00,276 --> 00:10:03,478 It's a microwave infrared sonar sensor. 266 00:10:03,480 --> 00:10:04,612 Oh, okay. Yeah. 267 00:10:04,614 --> 00:10:07,948 "with it, I can control anyone in the store." 268 00:10:07,950 --> 00:10:09,950 And it, like, influences the brain a little bit, 269 00:10:09,952 --> 00:10:11,219 Controls them a little bit, like, give it, 270 00:10:11,221 --> 00:10:12,753 You know, minor things. Give it a little -- 271 00:10:12,755 --> 00:10:14,622 Yeah, yeah, yeah. You want to see it work? 272 00:10:14,624 --> 00:10:16,491 Oka-- no. Unh-unh. 273 00:10:16,493 --> 00:10:17,692 [ laughter ] 274 00:10:17,694 --> 00:10:20,094 Murr: Q, we got cha coming in as a customer, okay? 275 00:10:20,096 --> 00:10:22,363 Point it at cha. Cha, drop everything in your hands. 276 00:10:22,365 --> 00:10:24,832 See that girl over there? Watch this. 277 00:10:24,834 --> 00:10:26,434 Cha, go! 278 00:10:26,436 --> 00:10:27,936 [ laughter ] 279 00:10:29,639 --> 00:10:31,039 Isn't that crazy? Yeah. 280 00:10:31,041 --> 00:10:32,841 Murr: She believes it! 281 00:10:34,377 --> 00:10:37,045 No, no, no. She doesn't know. 282 00:10:37,047 --> 00:10:39,113 Q, point at her, and, cha, knock everything over, cha. 283 00:10:39,115 --> 00:10:41,449 And if you hit this other button, watch this. 284 00:10:41,451 --> 00:10:43,218 [ device beeps ] cha, go! 285 00:10:44,721 --> 00:10:46,987 [ laughter ] 286 00:10:46,989 --> 00:10:49,590 It's a security device. Yeah. No, no, it's cool. 287 00:10:49,592 --> 00:10:51,926 Cha: I don't know what's going on. I'm sorry. 288 00:10:51,928 --> 00:10:53,261 Oh, this is crazy! 289 00:10:53,263 --> 00:10:55,129 It's a theft-prevention device. 290 00:10:55,131 --> 00:10:56,330 "want to see something else cool?" 291 00:10:56,332 --> 00:10:57,465 Want to see something else cool? 292 00:10:57,467 --> 00:10:58,466 No. 293 00:10:58,468 --> 00:11:01,001 Watch this. No, I really don't. 294 00:11:01,003 --> 00:11:02,336 Murr: Cha, dab. 295 00:11:02,338 --> 00:11:04,005 [ laughter ] 296 00:11:08,078 --> 00:11:10,210 [ laughing ] oh, oh, no! Oh [bleep] 297 00:11:10,212 --> 00:11:13,013 Yeah. Do you want to try it? 298 00:11:13,015 --> 00:11:14,348 No, no, no. 299 00:11:14,350 --> 00:11:16,484 Cole, can you walk through? 300 00:11:16,486 --> 00:11:17,952 Q, say, "you see the white guy?" 301 00:11:17,954 --> 00:11:19,487 See the white guy over there? Watch this. 302 00:11:19,489 --> 00:11:20,955 No, don't do that. Mnh-mnh. 303 00:11:20,957 --> 00:11:22,490 Murr: Go! Drop! 304 00:11:22,492 --> 00:11:24,692 [ laughter ] 305 00:11:24,694 --> 00:11:26,194 Q, hit him again. 306 00:11:27,497 --> 00:11:29,297 Drop, cole. 307 00:11:29,299 --> 00:11:31,899 [ laughter ] 308 00:11:31,901 --> 00:11:33,301 [ laughs ] 309 00:11:35,638 --> 00:11:37,037 Q, use it on yourself. 310 00:11:37,039 --> 00:11:39,307 Say, "shamone," dab, and fall to the ground. 311 00:11:39,309 --> 00:11:40,708 [ laughter ] 312 00:11:40,710 --> 00:11:42,310 Yeah, I understand. 313 00:11:42,312 --> 00:11:43,978 You know what? I'm gonna put it away. 314 00:11:43,980 --> 00:11:45,580 Shamone! 315 00:11:45,582 --> 00:11:47,848 [ laughs ] what?! That was not a dab. 316 00:11:47,850 --> 00:11:49,583 She just walked away. 317 00:11:49,585 --> 00:11:51,385 [bleep] I actually hit myself. 318 00:11:51,387 --> 00:11:53,053 [ laughter ] 319 00:11:53,055 --> 00:11:55,790 Murr: All right, sal. Security sal. 320 00:11:55,792 --> 00:11:57,125 Q: Turn to this woman that just walked in and say, 321 00:11:57,127 --> 00:11:58,593 "if you want to shoplift, that's fine. 322 00:11:58,595 --> 00:11:59,928 I just gotta wet my beak a little bit. 323 00:11:59,930 --> 00:12:01,195 I gotta get a taste." 324 00:12:01,197 --> 00:12:03,031 [ laughter ] 325 00:12:05,668 --> 00:12:06,734 Excuse me, miss. 326 00:12:06,736 --> 00:12:08,736 Straight up, just so you know, straight up, 327 00:12:08,738 --> 00:12:10,738 If you want to take anything, you can. 328 00:12:10,740 --> 00:12:12,340 I'm not gonna stop you. 329 00:12:12,342 --> 00:12:14,942 I just want just a little piece of it. 330 00:12:14,944 --> 00:12:16,344 I gotta wet my beak. 331 00:12:17,413 --> 00:12:19,079 Okay? Okay. 332 00:12:19,081 --> 00:12:20,148 All right. 333 00:12:20,150 --> 00:12:22,417 [ laughter ] 334 00:12:25,621 --> 00:12:27,421 Q: Oh, who's this child? 335 00:12:27,423 --> 00:12:30,758 Talk to the child. Make sure that's his mom. 336 00:12:30,760 --> 00:12:32,627 Sal, make sure this kid's okay, man. 337 00:12:32,629 --> 00:12:35,563 You'll mess up his "mom" if he needs you to. 338 00:12:35,565 --> 00:12:38,366 Psst! 339 00:12:38,368 --> 00:12:39,900 You good? You're okay? 340 00:12:39,902 --> 00:12:41,101 "you want me to [bleep] her up?" 341 00:12:41,103 --> 00:12:42,570 I'll [bleep] her up, you know? 342 00:12:42,572 --> 00:12:45,105 [ laughter ] 343 00:12:45,107 --> 00:12:47,908 Sal, you're just looking for somebody to [bleep] up today 344 00:12:47,910 --> 00:12:49,777 In the store. [ laughter ] 345 00:12:49,779 --> 00:12:51,779 You're a hammer just looking for a nail. 346 00:12:51,781 --> 00:12:54,314 Ma'am, if anybody troubles you 347 00:12:54,316 --> 00:12:55,649 Or anything like that, just let me know. 348 00:12:55,651 --> 00:12:57,852 I'm security. I'll [bleep] them up bad. 349 00:12:57,854 --> 00:13:00,921 [ laughter ] 350 00:13:00,923 --> 00:13:02,723 Another kid? Is that her mom? 351 00:13:02,725 --> 00:13:03,924 Is that your mom? 352 00:13:03,926 --> 00:13:05,926 Okay, 'cause if it's not, I'll [bleep] her up. 353 00:13:05,928 --> 00:13:07,795 [ laughter ] 354 00:13:07,797 --> 00:13:09,998 Ma'am, if anybody looks at you cockeyed, 355 00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:11,332 I'll [bleep] them up for you. 356 00:13:11,334 --> 00:13:14,068 Oh... All right. Okay. 357 00:13:14,070 --> 00:13:16,470 Sal, adopt a signature [bleep]-up move. 358 00:13:16,472 --> 00:13:19,874 If anybody here gives you a little bit of a weird feeling, 359 00:13:19,876 --> 00:13:21,809 Let me know, I'll [bleep] them up. 360 00:13:21,811 --> 00:13:23,143 [ laughter ] 361 00:13:23,145 --> 00:13:25,145 Anybody in here bothers you, let me know. 362 00:13:25,147 --> 00:13:26,346 I'll [bleep] [bleep] in... 363 00:13:26,348 --> 00:13:27,548 I appreciate it. Yeah, bro. 364 00:13:27,550 --> 00:13:29,017 Thank you, sir. Let me know. 365 00:13:29,019 --> 00:13:30,885 [ laughter ] 366 00:13:30,887 --> 00:13:32,220 Can I get my umbrella? 367 00:13:32,222 --> 00:13:33,287 Yes. Your umbrella. Uh... 368 00:13:33,289 --> 00:13:34,422 Murr: If people want their umbrella back, 369 00:13:34,424 --> 00:13:35,623 They gotta give you the claim ticket. 370 00:13:35,625 --> 00:13:37,358 [ sighs ] 371 00:13:37,360 --> 00:13:39,027 [ laughter ] 372 00:13:39,029 --> 00:13:41,495 Do you have the ticket? 373 00:13:41,497 --> 00:13:43,163 Never give that umbrella back, or you lose. 374 00:13:43,165 --> 00:13:44,699 Let me tell you, I'm in a bad way. 375 00:13:44,701 --> 00:13:46,767 You know, everybody today is yelling at me. 376 00:13:46,769 --> 00:13:48,436 This is where I gotta draw the line. 377 00:13:48,438 --> 00:13:50,571 Murr: "no ticket, no umbrella." 378 00:13:50,573 --> 00:13:52,973 [ laughter ] 379 00:13:52,975 --> 00:13:54,975 No ticket, no umbrella. 380 00:13:54,977 --> 00:13:56,444 [ sad music plays ] 381 00:13:56,446 --> 00:13:58,178 Can't do it. 382 00:13:58,180 --> 00:14:00,514 My hands are tied. I can't do it no more. 383 00:14:00,516 --> 00:14:02,250 "I got two weeks left on the job. 384 00:14:02,252 --> 00:14:04,318 Just give this one to me." 385 00:14:04,320 --> 00:14:08,122 I retire in two weeks. I'm looking for a small win. 386 00:14:08,124 --> 00:14:09,857 "just give me the small win, sir. 387 00:14:09,859 --> 00:14:11,792 My dick don't work." 388 00:14:11,794 --> 00:14:13,527 [ laughter ] 389 00:14:13,529 --> 00:14:15,596 If I'm being honest, 390 00:14:15,598 --> 00:14:17,331 I don't know, man, my dick don't work. 391 00:14:17,333 --> 00:14:19,400 After a certain age, nobody's dick working. 392 00:14:19,402 --> 00:14:21,636 [ laughter ] 393 00:14:23,873 --> 00:14:25,740 I'm ready to protect lot less. 394 00:14:25,742 --> 00:14:29,610 Murr, we're sending in a greased-up boy. 395 00:14:29,612 --> 00:14:31,412 Catch him. [ laughter ] 396 00:14:31,414 --> 00:14:33,881 It's your nemesis. He's back in the store. Get him. 397 00:14:33,883 --> 00:14:35,349 What are you talking about? 398 00:14:35,351 --> 00:14:36,951 Where is he? 399 00:14:36,953 --> 00:14:38,819 [ laughing ] oh, there he is. 400 00:14:38,821 --> 00:14:40,288 You gotta catch the greased-up boy. 401 00:14:40,290 --> 00:14:41,555 [ laughter ] 402 00:14:41,557 --> 00:14:43,157 Why are you so greasy? 403 00:14:43,159 --> 00:14:44,025 [ laughter ] 404 00:14:46,996 --> 00:14:49,263 Sal: Murr, we're sending in a greased-up boy. 405 00:14:49,265 --> 00:14:51,065 Catch him. [ laughter ] 406 00:14:51,067 --> 00:14:52,999 Q: It's your nemesis. He's back in the store. 407 00:14:53,001 --> 00:14:54,335 Get him. 408 00:14:55,804 --> 00:14:57,137 Gets to movin'. 409 00:14:57,139 --> 00:14:58,472 Murr: Sir, you can't -- 410 00:14:58,474 --> 00:15:00,274 You can't walk around shirtless in the store, 411 00:15:00,276 --> 00:15:02,342 Greased-up like a boy. 412 00:15:02,344 --> 00:15:04,011 [ laughter ] 413 00:15:04,013 --> 00:15:05,079 You can't be greased in here, sir. 414 00:15:05,081 --> 00:15:06,947 You have to -- you have to leave. 415 00:15:06,949 --> 00:15:08,482 Well, stop me! 416 00:15:08,484 --> 00:15:11,752 Excuse me, sir. Can't be greased up in -- 417 00:15:11,754 --> 00:15:14,421 You can't -- sir. 418 00:15:14,423 --> 00:15:17,692 Excuse me. I'm security here. 419 00:15:17,694 --> 00:15:19,360 "guys, I may need backup." 420 00:15:19,362 --> 00:15:20,494 Security. I need backup here. 421 00:15:20,496 --> 00:15:21,562 Come on, help me out. 422 00:15:21,564 --> 00:15:23,230 Why are you so greasy? 423 00:15:23,232 --> 00:15:25,632 [ laughter ] 424 00:15:25,634 --> 00:15:27,634 Galloping like a greased-up gazelle. 425 00:15:27,636 --> 00:15:28,903 Does this guy live here? 426 00:15:28,905 --> 00:15:30,304 Look at these two. 427 00:15:30,306 --> 00:15:32,172 Ma'am, can you help me with this? 428 00:15:32,174 --> 00:15:33,173 He's so grea-- 429 00:15:33,175 --> 00:15:36,243 He's impossible to grab onto. 430 00:15:36,245 --> 00:15:38,044 [ laughs ] ah... 431 00:15:38,046 --> 00:15:41,448 [ both humming "yakety sax" ] 432 00:15:41,450 --> 00:15:43,517 [ laughter ] 433 00:15:43,519 --> 00:15:44,919 Oh, my god. 434 00:15:44,921 --> 00:15:53,227 ♪♪ 435 00:15:54,730 --> 00:15:55,930 Can you believe this guy? 436 00:15:55,932 --> 00:15:57,864 "yeah, well, I'm a greased-up boy." 437 00:15:57,866 --> 00:16:00,467 I'm a greased-up boy. 438 00:16:00,469 --> 00:16:02,269 All right, murr, go get him. 439 00:16:02,271 --> 00:16:06,473 ♪♪ 440 00:16:06,475 --> 00:16:08,609 [ laughter ] 441 00:16:08,611 --> 00:16:15,950 ♪♪ 442 00:16:15,952 --> 00:16:16,951 [ laughter ] 443 00:16:16,953 --> 00:16:18,953 Murr: This is not funny, man! 444 00:16:18,955 --> 00:16:20,855 [ laughter ] 445 00:16:23,091 --> 00:16:25,025 "don't grease shame me!" 446 00:16:25,027 --> 00:16:27,894 Don't grease shame me. It's 2022! 447 00:16:27,896 --> 00:16:30,030 This is gonna air in 2023. 448 00:16:30,032 --> 00:16:33,099 [ laughter ] 449 00:16:33,101 --> 00:16:34,635 Sal: "I will never un-grease!" 450 00:16:34,637 --> 00:16:36,437 I will never un-grease! Why?! 451 00:16:36,439 --> 00:16:38,438 Because I'm a greased-up boy! 452 00:16:38,440 --> 00:16:41,107 -But why?! -Because that's who I am! 453 00:16:41,109 --> 00:16:42,843 [ laughter ] 454 00:16:42,845 --> 00:16:44,244 Q: "I'm just a greased-up boy." 455 00:16:44,246 --> 00:16:45,646 I'm just a greased-up boy. 456 00:16:45,648 --> 00:16:47,047 "standing in front of a security guard." 457 00:16:47,049 --> 00:16:48,515 Standing in front of a security guard. 458 00:16:48,517 --> 00:16:49,916 "wanting him to love me." 459 00:16:49,918 --> 00:16:51,918 Wanting him to love me. 460 00:16:51,920 --> 00:16:53,720 When you say it like that... 461 00:16:53,722 --> 00:16:59,259 ♪♪ 462 00:16:59,261 --> 00:17:01,261 You son of a -- 463 00:17:01,263 --> 00:17:02,929 I can't catch him. 464 00:17:02,931 --> 00:17:04,931 Come here. Son of a... 465 00:17:04,933 --> 00:17:06,500 [ laughter ] 466 00:17:08,136 --> 00:17:10,136 Narrator: Sal, q, and murr all secured a win, 467 00:17:10,138 --> 00:17:13,273 But sal is still tonight's big loser. 468 00:17:13,275 --> 00:17:14,274 -Hey! -Hey! 469 00:17:14,276 --> 00:17:15,475 It's time for sal's punishment. 470 00:17:15,477 --> 00:17:17,411 So helping us out today is comedian, actor, 471 00:17:17,413 --> 00:17:19,213 Writer, and friend michael ian black. 472 00:17:19,215 --> 00:17:20,681 -Okay, sal. -Yes. 473 00:17:20,683 --> 00:17:23,684 Tonight, we're throwing a christmas-themed 474 00:17:23,686 --> 00:17:25,486 Charity event for kids and their parents. 475 00:17:25,488 --> 00:17:28,489 And we have hired you and some catering staff 476 00:17:28,491 --> 00:17:31,225 To work as elves for the event. Okay. 477 00:17:31,227 --> 00:17:32,893 Q: And before the event, michael's gonna throw 478 00:17:32,895 --> 00:17:34,294 A little orientation to make sure 479 00:17:34,296 --> 00:17:35,962 That you elves stay in character. 480 00:17:35,964 --> 00:17:36,963 I'll teach you how to be an elf. 481 00:17:36,965 --> 00:17:39,366 You'll be oriented. Okay. 482 00:17:39,368 --> 00:17:42,102 Murr: [ laughing ] sal, look at you. 483 00:17:42,104 --> 00:17:43,237 Hey, michael. Hey, everybody. 484 00:17:43,239 --> 00:17:44,438 How's it going, bud? 485 00:17:44,440 --> 00:17:45,972 Hey, everybody. I'm michael. 486 00:17:45,974 --> 00:17:47,174 Thanks for being here. 487 00:17:47,176 --> 00:17:50,577 All right, michael ian black has entered the fray. 488 00:17:50,579 --> 00:17:52,046 Today you guys are gonna be the elves. 489 00:17:52,048 --> 00:17:54,514 Staying in character is obviously important around the kids. 490 00:17:54,516 --> 00:17:56,383 So that's why we have these elf costumes. 491 00:17:56,385 --> 00:17:59,520 Murr: These are people hired to work as caterers tonight, 492 00:17:59,522 --> 00:18:01,988 But they gotta go through the training first, right? 493 00:18:01,990 --> 00:18:03,724 This is gonna be a great group, I can tell already. 494 00:18:03,726 --> 00:18:05,726 So if everybody could just get on their feet. 495 00:18:05,728 --> 00:18:07,127 Thanks so much. 496 00:18:07,129 --> 00:18:09,063 It helps to have a character, to have your backstory, 497 00:18:09,065 --> 00:18:10,397 Just because these kids, 498 00:18:10,399 --> 00:18:12,199 They want to know what your elf name is. 499 00:18:12,201 --> 00:18:14,268 They want to know where you're from. 500 00:18:14,270 --> 00:18:15,536 "can we just skip this shit 501 00:18:15,538 --> 00:18:18,004 And jump straight to handing out cocktail wieners?" 502 00:18:18,006 --> 00:18:19,339 I mean, I wouldn't mind skipping the improv shit 503 00:18:19,341 --> 00:18:20,807 And going straight to learning how to serve 504 00:18:20,809 --> 00:18:23,310 The cocktail wieners or whatever the hell. 505 00:18:24,881 --> 00:18:26,813 [ laughter ] 506 00:18:26,815 --> 00:18:30,484 I'm -- I'm, uh, I'm peppermint snaps. 507 00:18:30,486 --> 00:18:33,387 I-I'm the one who makes the ornaments. 508 00:18:35,224 --> 00:18:38,225 Great. Thank you, peppermint snap. 509 00:18:38,227 --> 00:18:40,060 [ laughter ] 510 00:18:42,831 --> 00:18:44,698 He's [bleep] with sal. 511 00:18:44,700 --> 00:18:46,767 Yeah. Really subtle, too. 512 00:18:46,769 --> 00:18:49,236 All right, so why don't we get two people up 513 00:18:49,238 --> 00:18:50,971 Just to role-play the kind of things 514 00:18:50,973 --> 00:18:52,372 You can expect with the kids. 515 00:18:52,374 --> 00:18:54,708 Sprinkle, you're asking snowflake 516 00:18:54,710 --> 00:18:56,977 About life on the north pole. 517 00:18:56,979 --> 00:18:59,179 Sal, interject at the top and say, 518 00:18:59,181 --> 00:19:00,981 "okay, and we see they're both naked." 519 00:19:00,983 --> 00:19:02,783 Hey, how are things at the north pole? 520 00:19:02,785 --> 00:19:05,519 We notice both elves are naked. 521 00:19:05,521 --> 00:19:06,853 Wait, what? 522 00:19:06,855 --> 00:19:08,254 [ laughter ] 523 00:19:08,256 --> 00:19:10,591 Like a technique to paint the scene. 524 00:19:10,593 --> 00:19:12,593 "we see both elves are jewish." 525 00:19:12,595 --> 00:19:14,795 [ laughter ] 526 00:19:14,797 --> 00:19:18,198 Listen, we notice both elves are jewish. 527 00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:20,200 Jewish? Is that what you said? Yes. 528 00:19:20,202 --> 00:19:22,002 It's a -- we're not gonna bring religion into it. 529 00:19:22,004 --> 00:19:24,338 Sal, isn't michael ian black jewish? 530 00:19:24,340 --> 00:19:25,739 Aren't you jewish, though? 531 00:19:25,741 --> 00:19:26,873 Yeah. 532 00:19:26,875 --> 00:19:28,875 Accuse him of cultural appropriation. 533 00:19:28,877 --> 00:19:32,012 I'm just saying, cultural appropriation a little bit. 534 00:19:32,014 --> 00:19:33,547 Probably. 535 00:19:33,549 --> 00:19:34,948 I'm just trying to help kids, so... 536 00:19:34,950 --> 00:19:37,151 Yeah. Mazel. Mazel. 537 00:19:38,354 --> 00:19:41,955 [ laughter ] 538 00:19:41,957 --> 00:19:44,224 She's crying, literally. 539 00:19:44,226 --> 00:19:46,260 Crying tears. 540 00:19:47,763 --> 00:19:50,096 Do you role-play? You want to role-play more? 541 00:19:50,098 --> 00:19:51,698 Okay. Do you want to give us a suggestion? 542 00:19:51,700 --> 00:19:54,501 September 12th. [ laughs ] 543 00:19:54,503 --> 00:19:56,036 Well, I'm a new yorker. 544 00:19:56,038 --> 00:19:59,173 My example was September 12th, you know? 545 00:19:59,175 --> 00:20:01,308 September 12th? 546 00:20:01,310 --> 00:20:03,777 Murr: Look at their faces! Look at their faces. 547 00:20:03,779 --> 00:20:05,979 Peppermint snap, why don't you come up, 548 00:20:05,981 --> 00:20:08,315 And you can do the September 12th thing? 549 00:20:08,317 --> 00:20:09,316 Come on up. 550 00:20:09,318 --> 00:20:11,785 [ laughter ] 551 00:20:11,787 --> 00:20:13,787 Is it the year 2001? 552 00:20:13,789 --> 00:20:15,055 No, not necessarily. 553 00:20:15,057 --> 00:20:16,390 Okay. 554 00:20:16,392 --> 00:20:18,859 Start the scene by saying, "how about yesterday, huh?" 555 00:20:18,861 --> 00:20:21,127 [ laughter ] 556 00:20:21,129 --> 00:20:22,863 Yeah, and scene. 557 00:20:22,865 --> 00:20:24,331 Hi. Hey. 558 00:20:24,333 --> 00:20:25,399 How are things going? 559 00:20:25,401 --> 00:20:28,869 All right, but... How about yesterday? 560 00:20:28,871 --> 00:20:31,272 [ laughter ] 561 00:20:33,075 --> 00:20:34,608 The world isn't always a good place, 562 00:20:34,610 --> 00:20:36,276 But we keep the lists of naughty and nice. 563 00:20:36,278 --> 00:20:38,745 I feel like you are setting this in 2001. 564 00:20:38,747 --> 00:20:42,282 [ laughter ] 565 00:20:42,284 --> 00:20:44,284 Why don't we just start the scene one more time? 566 00:20:44,286 --> 00:20:45,752 Let's refresh. Okay. Okay. 567 00:20:45,754 --> 00:20:47,954 And nothing to do with September 11th. 568 00:20:47,956 --> 00:20:49,623 Yeah, of course. Of course. 569 00:20:49,625 --> 00:20:51,491 Murr: "if we don't get into the holiday spirit..." 570 00:20:51,493 --> 00:20:54,094 If we don't get into the holiday spirit... 571 00:20:54,096 --> 00:20:55,829 "...The terrorists have won." 572 00:20:55,831 --> 00:20:57,363 The terrorists have won. 573 00:20:57,365 --> 00:20:59,032 Again, stop, stop. No, not from September 11th. 574 00:20:59,034 --> 00:21:01,167 No, I understand. 575 00:21:01,169 --> 00:21:02,836 I was thinking of a movie that I just watched. 576 00:21:02,838 --> 00:21:04,971 And that was a mistake. It was a mistake. 577 00:21:04,973 --> 00:21:06,907 Q: Sal, "I was talking about pearl harbor that time." 578 00:21:06,909 --> 00:21:08,842 I was talking about -- did you ever see "pearl harbor"? 579 00:21:08,844 --> 00:21:11,111 Again, like, I-I -- let's take a seat. 580 00:21:11,113 --> 00:21:13,179 And that was great. 581 00:21:13,181 --> 00:21:15,048 [ laughing ] "that's great." 582 00:21:15,050 --> 00:21:16,917 Does anybody have any questions before we... 583 00:21:16,919 --> 00:21:19,653 Yeah, sal, you've got a question. Raise your hand. 584 00:21:19,655 --> 00:21:21,055 I don't want to be that guy. 585 00:21:21,057 --> 00:21:22,522 Well, you kind of are. 586 00:21:22,524 --> 00:21:23,657 "whose candy cane do you have to suck 587 00:21:23,659 --> 00:21:25,459 To get the santa job next year?" 588 00:21:25,461 --> 00:21:27,661 [ laughter ] 589 00:21:32,208 --> 00:21:34,208 Murr: Yeah, sal, you've got a question. Raise your hand. 590 00:21:34,210 --> 00:21:36,477 Sal: A question. I don't want to be that guy. 591 00:21:36,479 --> 00:21:37,612 Well, you kind of are. 592 00:21:37,614 --> 00:21:38,747 "whose candy cane do you have to suck 593 00:21:38,749 --> 00:21:40,481 To get the santa job next year?" 594 00:21:40,483 --> 00:21:43,151 [ laughter ] 595 00:21:43,153 --> 00:21:45,286 Are you santa every year? Yes. 596 00:21:45,288 --> 00:21:47,822 Ah, I'm just -- your job seems the most fun. 597 00:21:47,824 --> 00:21:50,224 So I'm wondering... We do -- we have a great time. 598 00:21:50,226 --> 00:21:51,359 ...Whose candy cane do I have to suck 599 00:21:51,361 --> 00:21:53,094 To get that job next year? 600 00:21:53,096 --> 00:21:56,631 [ laughter ] 601 00:21:56,633 --> 00:21:58,499 I guess it would be mine. 602 00:21:58,501 --> 00:22:02,236 [ laughter ] 603 00:22:02,238 --> 00:22:06,174 ♪♪ 604 00:22:06,176 --> 00:22:08,242 [ sighs ] 605 00:22:08,244 --> 00:22:09,911 Any more questions? 606 00:22:12,248 --> 00:22:13,648 Q: All right, sal, we got a surprise for you 607 00:22:13,650 --> 00:22:15,516 Coming in right now. 608 00:22:15,518 --> 00:22:16,717 -Oh, hi. -Hi. 609 00:22:16,719 --> 00:22:17,718 -Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. -Hi. 610 00:22:17,720 --> 00:22:19,253 -Can I help you? -I'm so sorry. 611 00:22:19,255 --> 00:22:21,990 I was hoping he can see santa a little early. 612 00:22:21,992 --> 00:22:22,991 Murr: Sal, no. 613 00:22:22,993 --> 00:22:25,726 Shut them down. 614 00:22:25,728 --> 00:22:27,395 We're just getting ready for the party. 615 00:22:27,397 --> 00:22:29,864 It'll be -- it'll be just a little while. 616 00:22:29,866 --> 00:22:33,601 Break the kid's heart, sal. "get out!" 617 00:22:33,603 --> 00:22:35,203 Get out! 618 00:22:35,205 --> 00:22:37,806 [ laughter ] 619 00:22:37,808 --> 00:22:40,341 Tell her to get out in your elf voice. 620 00:22:40,343 --> 00:22:41,476 [ high-pitched voice ] get out! 621 00:22:41,478 --> 00:22:43,011 Get out! 622 00:22:43,013 --> 00:22:45,013 [ laughter ] 623 00:22:45,015 --> 00:22:47,281 Peppermint snap, thank you. 624 00:22:47,283 --> 00:22:48,949 [ laughter ] 625 00:22:48,951 --> 00:22:51,019 Oh, my god! 626 00:22:55,358 --> 00:22:58,559 [ chuckles softly ] 627 00:22:58,561 --> 00:23:00,761 Look at this dead silence. 628 00:23:00,763 --> 00:23:04,432 Oh, my god. It's so uncomfortable. 629 00:23:04,434 --> 00:23:06,367 It's so uncomfortable. 630 00:23:06,369 --> 00:23:08,703 Holy [bleep] this room! 631 00:23:08,705 --> 00:23:11,039 Sal, maybe just get up and leave. 632 00:23:11,041 --> 00:23:13,041 Probably maybe I should go. 633 00:23:13,043 --> 00:23:15,710 So maybe I'll just go. 634 00:23:15,712 --> 00:23:16,977 Leave the ears. 635 00:23:16,979 --> 00:23:18,178 [ laughter ] 636 00:23:18,180 --> 00:23:19,847 Have him take everything off one by one. 637 00:23:19,849 --> 00:23:22,250 And the smock. 638 00:23:22,252 --> 00:23:23,852 The shorts. 639 00:23:23,854 --> 00:23:25,453 The shorts are mine. 640 00:23:25,455 --> 00:23:27,455 Those are elf shorts. Take them off. 641 00:23:29,592 --> 00:23:31,191 Okay. 642 00:23:31,193 --> 00:23:35,930 ♪♪ 643 00:23:35,932 --> 00:23:37,798 The socks, too. No, no. 644 00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:39,868 The socks. No. 645 00:23:39,870 --> 00:23:41,535 I'm not doing that. 646 00:23:41,537 --> 00:23:43,804 Murr: [ laughing ] this is so uncomfortable. 647 00:23:43,806 --> 00:23:46,274 Look at sal's legs. 648 00:23:46,276 --> 00:23:48,877 Q: Dude, you're going the wrong way. 649 00:23:48,879 --> 00:23:51,079 [ laughter ] 650 00:23:53,816 --> 00:23:56,551 Look at their reactions! 651 00:23:56,553 --> 00:23:58,219 Well done. Ah! 652 00:23:58,221 --> 00:24:00,154 Michael ian black. Oh! 653 00:24:00,156 --> 00:24:01,289 Well done.