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- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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[CLOCK TICKING]
[I'LL FALL IN LOVE TODAY]
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♪ ♪
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♪ I don't believe I'll
fall in love today ♪
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- Hiya.
- [SCREAMS]
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Helen! Please!
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Please feel free to turn the lights on
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when you arrive in the morning.
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The day I become a member
of the custodial union,
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I certainly will, Dale.
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That is not one of the rules.
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Now I can see what I'm doing here.
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[PERCUSSIVE MUSIC]
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♪ ♪
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- Hi, Ralph.
- Good morning, Helen.
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Oh, the morning
announcements are just...
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we're just chock full of 'em.
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And we can't be late like yesterday.
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Check this one out.
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"Don't eat the broccoli in the cafeteria
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or you'll get birth
defects." Helen, what is this?
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Food services couldn't get in the door,
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so they left everything
for the whole week
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on the front lawn, and
then the landscapers came
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and blasted the whole
thing with Roundup.
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So the broccoli got the brunt of it
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because it's in bags with holes.
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Well, Helen, just tell them
to throw the broccoli out.
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What if the announcement
is, "Don't eat broccoli
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out of the trash, now more than ever?"
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- Make it sound positive.
- Okay.
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Speaking of announcements,
you got 28 minutes, kid.
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Oh, gosh.
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- Hi.
- Happy hump day, Jack.
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- All right.
- Or, for my dogs, that's every day.
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It can mean just about
anything to them, you know?
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Hello, good-bye, I like your style.
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- Oh.
- Hey, you're in my yard.
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- Get out of here.
- Yeah.
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You know, I'm gonna kill you someday.
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Oh, I'm gonna kill you first.
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- No, really, you drive me nuts.
- Let's do it. You wanna go?
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- Guy... guys, let's...
- Yeah.
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- Sorry.
- Yeah.
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- We got in trouble.
- Okay.
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Listen, Jack, I would
love to stay and chat,
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but these next 28 minutes
decide whether we grab
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the ram by the horns or
whether the rams kinda grab us.
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Well, the hooves... [LAUGHS]
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- I guess it'd be a hug.
- [BOTH LAUGHING]
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Ram hug. Don't wanna get hugged.
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- That fell apart.
- Hey, early bird. What you need?
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Well, I'm just here early
doing a little research for
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- my new book about Toledo's working class.
- Mm-hmm.
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I was down in the
cafeteria observing Ronda
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and the lunch ladies
as they cheerfully made
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- about 200 breakfast burritos.
- Mmm.
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And then she was mixing up
about three vats of what she
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- was calling fiesta tots.
- Mmm.
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So, anyway, I just
need to type up my notes
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and I was hoping to do
that in my massage chair.
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And you have that, so, uh, give me it.
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Cricket nipples.
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- I gave it to Lynette in accounts payable.
- Oh.
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Because I read that if
you sit on a yoga ball...
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- Uh-huh.
- It really strengthens your groin.
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- Does it?
- So you don't have a dumpy groin.
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- Ah.
- And who wants a dumpy groin?
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So, sorry, where is...
where is accounts payable?
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I'd like to go see this Lynette.
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Oh, it's that way. Left, two rights.
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- Left and two rights.
- Yeah. Okay.
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- Hi.
- Hi, Sarika.
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Here are all the violations
I witnessed so far today.
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Well, you'd better tell them to me.
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- Dale was ten minutes late this morning.
- Oh, my God.
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Travis Hexter put the
school up for sale on eBay.
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- It's at $300.
- That's pretty good.
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Anyway, back to this roofing debacle.
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The guy shows up, he's a half hour late.
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He comes in Mr. Fancy
carrying a coffee like he has
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not a care in the world. I...
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Hi, is this accounts payable?
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I was wondering if I
could ask you to part ways
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- with that chair because...
- No, no.
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I run the school's social media.
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Lynette's payroll.
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Anyway, my husband says to the guy,
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"How much to get the
whole roof reshingled?"
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The guy says, "Eight thou."
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He says, "Eight thou? Fat chance."
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Hello. [KNOCKING]
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Hi, I'm Jack.
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I hate to tell you this,
but you're sitting on a chair
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that I technically bought so, you know,
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bottom line is, that's my chair.
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It's weird to say it's yours
just because you bought it.
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Do you know what I mean?
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I bought that chipmunk,
but he doesn't belong to me.
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He belongs to the world.
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Actually, yes, you're
making a very valid
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philosophical point. No
one really owns anything.
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Nice, nice.
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- It was Jack, right?
- Yeah.
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Yeah, I was named after my grandfather.
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"My grandfather," very formal.
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I think I see what's going on here.
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You grew up around
horses, didn't you, Jack?
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Which was nice because Mommy and Daddy
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wouldn't give you a little brother.
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After high school, you ran off to Egypt.
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That is, until Daddy said
it's time to come home.
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He pulled strings to
get you into Kent State,
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a nice little place where you
pledged Beta and played soccer.
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But that was too big a pond
for this fish, wasn't it?
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So you came crawling back
home to breed your pit bulls
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and blow your family's
fortune on online poker.
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None of that is right.
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Yeah.
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But can you imagine if it was?
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[RAMONES' "LISTEN TO MY HEART"]
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One, two, three, four!
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♪ Next time, I'll
listen to my heart ♪
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♪ Next time, well, I'll be smart ♪
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♪ ♪
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[CLOCK TICKING]
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He was peeing in the pool,
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- and he wasn't even swimming in it.
- Oy.
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Thank you, Sarika. Dave,
have you lost weight?
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I keep telling you, I have a parasite.
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Oh.
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Don't write that down.
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Helen, my office is freezing.
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The radiator isn't hissing
like it usually does.
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- I'm on it, Ralph.
- Okay.
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Oh, Coach, thank you for
jumping in last minute
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- for that crossing guard.
- No problem.
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It's a real shame about Eugene.
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- If I had my way, no one would ever die.
- I hear you,
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although I do worry
that the overpopulation
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would lead to people eatin' each other.
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- True.
- Right.
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Oh, I didn't realize
there were readin' glasses
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in the pocket here. These
must have been Eugene's.
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- Oh.
- Yeah, should we, uh...
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Well, I'm sure his family would want me
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to just pitch those.
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[SNEAKY MUSIC]
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Anything else in the pockets? Nothin'.
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Nothin', really, nope.
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Oh, pardon me. Comin' out.
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Faculty comin' out. Move way.
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Oh, here come the hornies.
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[CLATTERING]
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Mm, that's...
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What's going on? Why are you early?
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Well, I... I, uh, I
spent the morning studying
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Ronda and the lunch gals,
and then I went to get
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my massage chair from this payroll lady,
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but she refused and did this sort of
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verbal jiu-jitsu thing on me.
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I couldn't tell what was
a joke and what wasn't.
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There was just something about her.
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Um, are you about to sing?
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No, no, uh, I'm never
about to sing, Anthony.
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Murph... Murphy and
Nagel. Yeah, that's it.
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"The Myth of Ownership."
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Yeah, I... I just figured
out what she was quoting.
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[LAUGHS]
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I shall have my chair. I shall have
it by the time school starts.
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[PERCUSSIVE MUSIC]
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[CLOCK TICKING]
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Perfect.
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[BUCK OWENS' "I DON'T BELIEVE
I'LL FALL IN LOVE TODAY"]
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♪ For if I did, I know I wouldn't stay ♪
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♪ I just can't make my
heart find someone new... ♪
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No.
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[PERCUSSIVE MUSIC]
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♪ ♪
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Welcome to the meat locker.
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♪ ♪
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Hey, Victor, look up.
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♪ ♪
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- [LAUGHS]
- [SIGHS]
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♪ ♪
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Okay, Ralph,
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this guy's gonna get
the heating working ASAP.
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All right.
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00:07:49,561 --> 00:07:52,728
- A...
- [BANGING]
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Okay, here's something sad.
191
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Somebody put a hamster
in the vending machine,
192
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and it's stuck in G9.
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[BANGING]
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00:07:59,745 --> 00:08:00,977
He's $2, Ralph.
195
00:08:00,979 --> 00:08:02,813
[BANGING]
196
00:08:02,815 --> 00:08:05,782
- He's $2, Ralph.
- All right, here.
197
00:08:05,784 --> 00:08:07,150
- Oh.
- There you go.
198
00:08:07,152 --> 00:08:08,919
Oh, they tallied the students' votes
199
00:08:08,921 --> 00:08:10,620
for the new football stadium name.
200
00:08:10,622 --> 00:08:11,688
Oh, what name won?
201
00:08:11,690 --> 00:08:13,423
It's a write-in.
202
00:08:13,425 --> 00:08:14,825
[WHISPERS] It's Boner Palace.
203
00:08:14,827 --> 00:08:17,160
[BANGING]
204
00:08:17,162 --> 00:08:18,829
- Hi, Ralph.
- Hey.
205
00:08:18,831 --> 00:08:20,964
So I have to admit, it was very hard
206
00:08:20,966 --> 00:08:23,541
to sum up 94 years of a man's life,
207
00:08:23,566 --> 00:08:25,702
but I think I have a pretty solid eulogy
208
00:08:25,704 --> 00:08:27,704
- for our crossing guard.
- Ooh.
209
00:08:27,706 --> 00:08:29,272
You still want this on the
morning announcements, right?
210
00:08:29,274 --> 00:08:31,675
Absolutely. I loved Eu... Eugene.
211
00:08:31,677 --> 00:08:34,211
- Wow, uh, this is...
- [GIGGLES]
212
00:08:34,213 --> 00:08:35,779
This is really long.
213
00:08:35,781 --> 00:08:38,014
Um, anything you can
cut out of this, maybe?
214
00:08:38,016 --> 00:08:39,816
And quickly, if possible.
215
00:08:39,818 --> 00:08:42,185
Well, I guess we could skip the part
216
00:08:42,187 --> 00:08:44,688
- about his marital affairs.
- Mmm.
217
00:08:44,690 --> 00:08:45,989
Although that's my favorite section.
218
00:08:45,991 --> 00:08:48,892
Mm, you know what... [BANGING]
219
00:08:48,894 --> 00:08:50,961
[SPEAKING KOREAN]
220
00:08:50,963 --> 00:08:52,219
Oh, hey, Mary?
221
00:08:52,244 --> 00:08:53,752
I see you're on the phone there.
222
00:08:53,777 --> 00:08:56,911
I just wanted to say that I
got $10 of my own money here.
223
00:08:56,936 --> 00:08:58,946
I really didn't even
need to interrupt ya.
224
00:08:58,971 --> 00:09:00,871
There's no headline
here. This is my money.
225
00:09:00,873 --> 00:09:03,673
Hey, uh, Mary, do you know a
Lynette that works in payro...
226
00:09:03,675 --> 00:09:04,741
Oh, I'm sorry, you're on the phone.
227
00:09:04,743 --> 00:09:05,742
[CHUCKLES]
228
00:09:05,744 --> 00:09:07,244
[SPEAKING KOREAN]
229
00:09:07,246 --> 00:09:09,145
That begs the question,
why were you talking to her?
230
00:09:09,147 --> 00:09:10,981
Hey, I got ten of my own dollars here.
231
00:09:10,983 --> 00:09:12,349
What's with the third degree?
232
00:09:12,851 --> 00:09:14,384
Okay.
233
00:09:14,386 --> 00:09:17,153
I says, "When do you think
the roof will be done?"
234
00:09:17,155 --> 00:09:20,156
He says, "In the summer."
I says, "Like hell."
235
00:09:20,158 --> 00:09:21,648
I got a lot of things to do.
236
00:09:21,673 --> 00:09:23,827
Murphy and Nagel. [LAUGHS]
237
00:09:23,829 --> 00:09:26,162
Touché, touché. Yeah, yeah.
238
00:09:26,164 --> 00:09:27,831
I forgot about Murphy and Nagel's
239
00:09:27,833 --> 00:09:29,866
"The Myth of Ownership." [LAUGHS]
240
00:09:29,868 --> 00:09:31,701
- My chair, please.
- What's happening?
241
00:09:31,703 --> 00:09:34,104
Well, uh, what we were
talking about before.
242
00:09:34,106 --> 00:09:35,372
You know how you were saying, like,
243
00:09:35,374 --> 00:09:37,310
that nobody really owns anything.
244
00:09:37,335 --> 00:09:39,342
I realized you were
quoting Murphy and Nagel.
245
00:09:39,344 --> 00:09:41,513
Yeah, were you a philosophy major?
246
00:09:41,538 --> 00:09:44,114
I did not give my money
to one of those places.
247
00:09:44,116 --> 00:09:46,227
Did you really go to
school for four years
248
00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:48,385
to learn something that
is kind of common sense?
249
00:09:48,387 --> 00:09:50,921
I... I did, yeah.
250
00:09:50,923 --> 00:09:52,188
Nine years, actually.
251
00:09:52,190 --> 00:09:54,758
Love that.
252
00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:58,862
So you got the other
type of doctor title.
253
00:09:58,864 --> 00:10:00,864
- I did, yeah.
- Thank you.
254
00:10:00,866 --> 00:10:02,933
Uh, yeah, which is why I also know about
255
00:10:02,935 --> 00:10:05,368
Robert Nozick's rebuttal
to Murphy and Nagel.
256
00:10:05,370 --> 00:10:07,037
Not sure if you're familiar
with a little book called
257
00:10:07,039 --> 00:10:08,772
"What's Mine is Mine."
258
00:10:08,774 --> 00:10:10,907
- [DOOR CLOSES]
- Are we not...
259
00:10:17,291 --> 00:10:18,625
[CLOCK TICKING]
260
00:10:18,627 --> 00:10:20,114
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
261
00:10:20,139 --> 00:10:22,139
I think in order to get
my, uh, massage chair
262
00:10:22,164 --> 00:10:23,692
back from this Lynette,
263
00:10:23,717 --> 00:10:25,976
I'm gonna need to know
everything about her.
264
00:10:26,001 --> 00:10:28,068
I just can't figure
out how someone like her
265
00:10:28,070 --> 00:10:30,437
could be a payroll employee
in Toledo, you know.
266
00:10:30,439 --> 00:10:33,106
You know what, Sarika, I
bet you've got some intel
267
00:10:33,108 --> 00:10:35,742
on Lynette in that good old
snitch notebook of yours, hmm?
268
00:10:40,414 --> 00:10:41,891
Lynette Marie Hofstadter.
269
00:10:41,916 --> 00:10:44,751
Drives a very large Buick
that takes up two spaces.
270
00:10:44,753 --> 00:10:46,207
Takes frequent smoke breaks which,
271
00:10:46,232 --> 00:10:48,432
although not against a
rule, are immoral because
272
00:10:48,457 --> 00:10:50,745
she's not smoking.
It's an empty vape pen.
273
00:10:50,770 --> 00:10:52,715
- [LAUGHS]
- [WHISTLES]
274
00:10:52,740 --> 00:10:54,824
Yo, she's actually out there right now.
275
00:10:54,849 --> 00:10:56,282
- For real?
- For real.
276
00:10:56,432 --> 00:10:57,631
Where, where, where, where, where?
277
00:10:57,633 --> 00:10:59,599
Ooh, she is. Yep, checkmate.
278
00:10:59,601 --> 00:11:02,202
Okay, um, I'm gonna go
get my chair right now.
279
00:11:02,204 --> 00:11:05,305
Uh, Marcus, Anthony,
um, you guys distract her
280
00:11:05,307 --> 00:11:07,214
if she tries to come back in, okay?
Let's go. Come on.
281
00:11:07,238 --> 00:11:09,138
Let's go. Come on, come on.
282
00:11:09,268 --> 00:11:10,962
[LAUGHS] What's up, man?
283
00:11:10,987 --> 00:11:12,345
Come on. Can we... can we do this?
284
00:11:12,347 --> 00:11:15,148
You're gonna have to adjust to my pace.
285
00:11:15,150 --> 00:11:16,310
- [SIGHS]
- So slow.
286
00:11:16,335 --> 00:11:17,349
Okay.
287
00:11:17,374 --> 00:11:20,287
[PERCUSSIVE MUSIC]
288
00:11:20,289 --> 00:11:24,658
♪ ♪
289
00:11:24,660 --> 00:11:26,293
[GROANS]
290
00:11:30,051 --> 00:11:31,216
[CLUNKS] [WATER RUSHING]
291
00:11:31,241 --> 00:11:32,341
Oh!
292
00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:36,136
[SQUEAKING]
293
00:11:36,138 --> 00:11:38,038
Ah!
294
00:11:38,040 --> 00:11:40,707
[SCREAMS]
295
00:11:40,709 --> 00:11:42,676
[GROANS] [SCREAMS]
296
00:11:42,678 --> 00:11:44,644
Oh! [GROANS]
297
00:11:44,646 --> 00:11:46,480
[BANGING]
298
00:11:46,482 --> 00:11:47,575
If you're looking for any feedback,
299
00:11:47,599 --> 00:11:49,060
it is plenty warm.
300
00:11:49,085 --> 00:11:51,829
Ralph, I thought you should
know that the algebra teachers
301
00:11:51,854 --> 00:11:53,687
are having a huge argument on the lawn.
302
00:11:53,689 --> 00:11:56,030
Ken was like, "You still owe me $200."
303
00:11:56,055 --> 00:11:58,843
And Vivek was like, "Well, how
about you take this instead?"
304
00:11:58,868 --> 00:12:00,504
And he grabbed her right by the groin
305
00:12:00,529 --> 00:12:02,829
and he's twisting, and there's F-bombs
306
00:12:02,831 --> 00:12:05,565
- just raining down.
- Hit them with the sprinklers.
307
00:12:05,567 --> 00:12:07,767
Call Vivek's wife.
Tell her to bring $200.
308
00:12:07,769 --> 00:12:11,605
Tell her to come immediately.
309
00:12:11,607 --> 00:12:14,241
Come on, baby. Come on!
310
00:12:14,610 --> 00:12:17,677
[SPEAKING KOREAN]
311
00:12:23,585 --> 00:12:25,552
- Your cousin again?
- Yeah.
312
00:12:25,554 --> 00:12:27,687
We fight a lot, but,
at the end of the day,
313
00:12:27,689 --> 00:12:29,356
it's okay 'cause we
really do hate each other.
314
00:12:29,358 --> 00:12:30,523
Mm-hmm, yeah.
315
00:12:30,548 --> 00:12:32,423
You know, speaking of hate,
did you see those two dudes
316
00:12:32,447 --> 00:12:35,014
fighting out front? I
love a morning skirmish.
317
00:12:35,039 --> 00:12:37,022
Punching somebody with a
belly full of scrambled eggs?
318
00:12:37,046 --> 00:12:38,609
- [BOTH LAUGHING]
- Mary, Mary?
319
00:12:38,634 --> 00:12:39,900
May I please have a moment, please?
320
00:12:39,902 --> 00:12:41,668
Oh, sure, Coach.
321
00:12:45,229 --> 00:12:47,296
Let's see. [SLURPING]
322
00:12:47,876 --> 00:12:49,209
[GAGS]
323
00:12:49,211 --> 00:12:50,877
[COUGHS] Gross.
324
00:12:50,879 --> 00:12:52,746
Hazelnut? Just...
325
00:12:52,748 --> 00:12:55,582
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
326
00:12:55,584 --> 00:12:58,418
Oh, no. Oh, it's so wet.
327
00:12:58,420 --> 00:13:00,253
Okay.
328
00:13:00,255 --> 00:13:03,256
You got this. Okay.
329
00:13:03,258 --> 00:13:05,225
Face. She got a neck,
330
00:13:05,733 --> 00:13:08,732
- old neck, saggy neck, okay.
- What's up, Coach?
331
00:13:08,733 --> 00:13:11,708
Mary, I told you that
this $10 bill was my own,
332
00:13:11,733 --> 00:13:14,568
- but that was a gol dang it lie.
- [SCOFFS]
333
00:13:14,570 --> 00:13:17,470
If I told you every gol dang
it lie that I tell in a day,
334
00:13:17,472 --> 00:13:18,672
girl, you would call the police.
335
00:13:18,674 --> 00:13:22,442
Mary, I stole this from Eugene.
336
00:13:22,444 --> 00:13:24,311
Eugene who... [IMITATES CUTTING]
337
00:13:24,313 --> 00:13:25,745
- Passed away of old age, yeah.
- Yeah.
338
00:13:25,747 --> 00:13:28,748
Him. This is a dead man's ten.
339
00:13:28,750 --> 00:13:30,951
- [CHUCKLES]
- I am a liar and a thief
340
00:13:30,953 --> 00:13:33,687
- and it's killing me.
- Coach, it's fine.
341
00:13:33,689 --> 00:13:35,288
Dead people don't shop.
342
00:13:35,290 --> 00:13:37,257
Just, uh, go get yourself
a breakfast sandwich
343
00:13:37,259 --> 00:13:39,759
- or some waffles.
- How about a burrito?
344
00:13:39,761 --> 00:13:42,329
- Sure.
- 'Cause I'd prefer a burrito.
345
00:13:42,331 --> 00:13:44,264
Yeah, okay, very cool. Very cool, man.
346
00:13:44,266 --> 00:13:45,632
- Okay.
- All right, there you go.
347
00:13:45,634 --> 00:13:47,467
Right, not supposed to have tortillas,
348
00:13:47,469 --> 00:13:49,502
but I think I can make an exception.
349
00:13:49,504 --> 00:13:53,019
So the roofing guy's looking
at me, and I'm looking at him.
350
00:13:53,044 --> 00:13:54,167
My husband looks at me,
351
00:13:54,192 --> 00:13:56,159
but I'm still looking at the other guy.
352
00:13:56,184 --> 00:13:58,531
You got all three of us in
some kind of messed up...
353
00:13:58,556 --> 00:14:00,422
- [CLATTERING]
- Oh!
354
00:14:00,447 --> 00:14:03,448
[PERCUSSIVE MUSIC]
355
00:14:03,473 --> 00:14:09,611
♪ ♪
356
00:14:09,636 --> 00:14:12,503
[LAUGHS] And I can tell you...
357
00:14:14,441 --> 00:14:16,942
[CLOCK TICKING]
358
00:14:16,966 --> 00:14:20,995
We are locked in a battle of wits
with a worthy opponent.
359
00:14:21,020 --> 00:14:22,391
That girl you have a crush on?
360
00:14:22,416 --> 00:14:24,883
I'm an adult, Marcus.
I don't get crushes.
361
00:14:24,908 --> 00:14:27,220
No, I... but I have come
up with a fairly genius plan
362
00:14:27,245 --> 00:14:28,813
to get my chair back.
Now, follow me here.
363
00:14:28,837 --> 00:14:31,337
It involves capturing a
deer, pref... preferably one
364
00:14:31,362 --> 00:14:32,629
with a broken leg,
otherwise we're gonna have
365
00:14:32,653 --> 00:14:34,980
- to break it.
- I'll do it!
366
00:14:35,005 --> 00:14:36,604
- You'll break the deer's leg?
- Yeah.
367
00:14:36,629 --> 00:14:37,676
Okay, great.
368
00:14:37,701 --> 00:14:40,028
So we know that Lynette locks
the chair when she goes out
369
00:14:40,053 --> 00:14:42,058
for a fake smoke, but,
uh, I think if she hears
370
00:14:42,083 --> 00:14:43,883
an injured, braying deer
in the hall, she might...
371
00:14:43,907 --> 00:14:46,508
If I can bray convincingly,
can we not have Grace
372
00:14:46,533 --> 00:14:49,000
- break the deer's leg?
- [SIGHS]
373
00:14:49,331 --> 00:14:51,171
Yeah, fine. Let's hear it.
374
00:14:52,868 --> 00:14:58,772
[MIMICS BRAYING]
375
00:15:03,185 --> 00:15:04,518
We have our deer.
376
00:15:04,543 --> 00:15:07,611
[SHOUTING]
377
00:15:10,957 --> 00:15:12,390
Get the hell out of here!
378
00:15:12,415 --> 00:15:14,549
[SHOUTING]
379
00:15:14,574 --> 00:15:17,274
[PERCUSSIVE MUSIC]
380
00:15:17,299 --> 00:15:19,366
[SHOUTING]
381
00:15:19,391 --> 00:15:20,757
[GROANS]
382
00:15:20,782 --> 00:15:24,284
[SHOUTING]
383
00:15:24,309 --> 00:15:28,678
[SCREAMING]
384
00:15:28,703 --> 00:15:30,536
[THUDS]
385
00:15:37,286 --> 00:15:40,253
Girl, I think I might
be Coach's only friend.
386
00:15:40,278 --> 00:15:41,992
I'm like, "I didn't sign up for that."
387
00:15:42,017 --> 00:15:44,577
No. [CHUCKLES]
388
00:15:44,602 --> 00:15:45,602
[GROANS]
389
00:15:49,397 --> 00:15:52,598
[LAUGHS] This is rough.
390
00:15:52,623 --> 00:15:54,289
Stef, look at this. [LAUGHS]
391
00:15:54,314 --> 00:15:55,747
The assignment was to create
392
00:15:55,772 --> 00:15:58,306
a photorealistic portrait
of your grandmother,
393
00:15:58,331 --> 00:16:01,432
not draw a circle with a dang
Panera French loaf on top.
394
00:16:01,457 --> 00:16:03,002
[LAUGHS]
395
00:16:03,027 --> 00:16:04,982
You know what? That...
that is just mean.
396
00:16:05,007 --> 00:16:06,112
Okay?
397
00:16:06,137 --> 00:16:09,230
Because I think this... this
is very good, if you ask me,
398
00:16:09,255 --> 00:16:11,455
okay, very, very good.
399
00:16:11,480 --> 00:16:14,815
I mean, to... to me, if you
were to say to m... to ask me
400
00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:18,021
if this was very, very good,
this is... you know, so...
401
00:16:18,046 --> 00:16:19,412
I drew this, okay,
402
00:16:19,437 --> 00:16:21,437
because I spit your nasty-ass coffee
403
00:16:21,462 --> 00:16:23,162
all over Jason's grandma.
404
00:16:23,187 --> 00:16:25,487
And you know I'm not a good droor.
405
00:16:25,512 --> 00:16:27,145
Do you mean drawer?
406
00:16:27,170 --> 00:16:29,537
Well, it's spelled
like a dr... a drawer.
407
00:16:29,562 --> 00:16:31,428
I... I say droor.
408
00:16:31,453 --> 00:16:33,187
D... droor? Draw-were?
409
00:16:33,212 --> 00:16:36,813
Anyways, I mean, what are we
gonna tell poor little Jason?
410
00:16:36,838 --> 00:16:38,838
[BOTH GROAN]
411
00:16:38,863 --> 00:16:41,764
[PERCUSSIVE MUSIC]
412
00:16:41,789 --> 00:16:43,222
♪ ♪
413
00:16:43,247 --> 00:16:44,536
This is a very good plan, and I...
414
00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:46,027
and I think it could work.
415
00:16:46,052 --> 00:16:48,270
A lot of it does ride on
whether Ronda the lunch lady
416
00:16:48,295 --> 00:16:50,232
can do an Australian accent,
but I... I bet she can do it.
417
00:16:50,256 --> 00:16:51,301
- Uh...
- Yep.
418
00:16:51,326 --> 00:16:54,060
Crikey, mate, I'll take a crack at it.
419
00:16:55,323 --> 00:16:57,056
Solid. That's very, very good.
420
00:16:57,081 --> 00:16:58,612
But, if you're doing that,
who's gonna pop out
421
00:16:58,636 --> 00:17:00,170
of the Amazon box, you know what I mean?
422
00:17:00,194 --> 00:17:02,261
I think we got something here. I do.
423
00:17:02,318 --> 00:17:04,651
You guys ready? All right.
424
00:17:04,833 --> 00:17:06,433
Here we go.
425
00:17:06,435 --> 00:17:10,200
Ralph, the hamster,
we got him out from G9,
426
00:17:10,225 --> 00:17:14,881
but he tumbled down
to H16, so he's $4 now.
427
00:17:14,906 --> 00:17:16,804
- Damn it.
- I'll... I'll get it.
428
00:17:16,829 --> 00:17:18,219
Michelle, do you have something nice
429
00:17:18,243 --> 00:17:19,843
and short for me?
430
00:17:19,868 --> 00:17:21,668
"Hey, that crossing guard is dead.
431
00:17:21,693 --> 00:17:24,128
"He was a proud vet who
killed a lot of Japanese people
432
00:17:24,153 --> 00:17:25,769
"and cheated on his wife.
433
00:17:25,794 --> 00:17:28,695
"But today let us think of
Eugene in his orange vest
434
00:17:28,720 --> 00:17:30,387
"watching over all of us,
435
00:17:30,412 --> 00:17:33,217
watching everything we do."
436
00:17:33,242 --> 00:17:35,508
Oh, what have I become?
437
00:17:35,533 --> 00:17:38,084
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
438
00:17:38,109 --> 00:17:39,742
[PERCUSSIVE MUSIC]
439
00:17:39,767 --> 00:17:42,701
[MIMICS BRAYING]
440
00:17:42,726 --> 00:17:44,526
I believe there's an
injured deer in the hall.
441
00:17:44,873 --> 00:17:47,440
Well, according to state, the fire...
442
00:17:47,442 --> 00:17:49,142
That sounded great, dude.
443
00:17:49,144 --> 00:17:51,478
Now he's here on Tuesday.
444
00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:53,880
Well, Tuesday's the day
they do street sweeping.
445
00:17:53,882 --> 00:17:56,606
- Leverage.
- So I says to the roofing guy, Bruce,
446
00:17:56,631 --> 00:17:59,440
"You gotta move your truck or
it's gonna get towed"
447
00:17:59,465 --> 00:18:01,568
He says, "My name's not Bruce."
448
00:18:01,593 --> 00:18:06,029
I says, "Who the hell are
you, been on my roof all day?"
449
00:18:06,061 --> 00:18:07,905
Hey, there.
450
00:18:07,930 --> 00:18:10,808
This is your teacher's chair so...
451
00:18:10,833 --> 00:18:12,333
Oh, wow.
452
00:18:12,568 --> 00:18:17,348
♪ ♪
453
00:18:17,373 --> 00:18:18,773
[GROANS]
454
00:18:19,031 --> 00:18:21,598
[CHUCKLES] Hey.
455
00:18:25,834 --> 00:18:27,300
Oh my God, I did it.
456
00:18:27,302 --> 00:18:29,341
I found the Toledo Strangler.
457
00:18:29,366 --> 00:18:30,499
[LAUGHS]
458
00:18:30,785 --> 00:18:32,084
Yeah, no, this... that's funny.
459
00:18:32,109 --> 00:18:35,317
Um, this is actually all 100% biology,
460
00:18:35,342 --> 00:18:38,009
and it's not a crazy
plan to get my chair back.
461
00:18:38,034 --> 00:18:39,801
Although it does say right there,
462
00:18:39,826 --> 00:18:41,759
"Get my chair back from Lynette."
463
00:18:41,784 --> 00:18:43,933
Do you think you're the only
Lynette in this whole school
464
00:18:43,957 --> 00:18:46,257
that has a chair that I want?
465
00:18:46,282 --> 00:18:47,382
My mistake.
466
00:18:47,407 --> 00:18:49,573
[CHUCKLES]
467
00:18:49,598 --> 00:18:50,998
Just gonna grab this.
468
00:18:51,023 --> 00:18:52,622
That's mine.
469
00:18:52,647 --> 00:18:54,113
Thanks, yep.
470
00:18:54,138 --> 00:18:56,606
You got it.
471
00:18:57,153 --> 00:18:58,419
Wipe out.
472
00:19:00,299 --> 00:19:06,903
♪ ♪
473
00:19:07,249 --> 00:19:10,651
Non-athlete, do you want this burrito?
474
00:19:10,676 --> 00:19:12,342
Sure.
475
00:19:12,367 --> 00:19:15,668
Fair warning: it belongs to a dead man.
476
00:19:15,693 --> 00:19:18,694
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
477
00:19:18,719 --> 00:19:20,753
♪ ♪
478
00:19:20,778 --> 00:19:22,006
The curse is yours now.
479
00:19:22,031 --> 00:19:24,757
♪ ♪
480
00:19:24,782 --> 00:19:28,005
I am so sick and tired of
you guys spitting coffee
481
00:19:28,030 --> 00:19:29,184
on each other's artwork.
482
00:19:29,209 --> 00:19:32,514
'Cause this sweet nugget
of a boy does not deserve
483
00:19:32,539 --> 00:19:35,108
to have coffee spat on his art.
484
00:19:35,133 --> 00:19:37,389
The madness has got to stop.
485
00:19:37,414 --> 00:19:39,881
Look at this sweet little egg.
486
00:19:39,906 --> 00:19:42,974
I mean, who would wanna hurt
these sweet baby egg cheeks?
487
00:19:42,999 --> 00:19:45,433
- Who would do that?
- Who would do that?
488
00:19:45,458 --> 00:19:46,883
Oh, time to ring the bell. Toot, toot.
489
00:19:46,907 --> 00:19:48,025
Oh, time to ring the biz-ell.
490
00:19:48,049 --> 00:19:51,150
[WATER SPLASHING]
491
00:19:51,175 --> 00:19:54,176
[BUCK OWENS' "I DON'T BELIEVE
I'LL FALL IN LOVE TODAY"]
492
00:19:54,201 --> 00:20:00,108
♪ ♪
493
00:20:00,133 --> 00:20:05,803
♪ I don't believe I'll
fall in love today ♪
494
00:20:05,828 --> 00:20:07,803
[PERCUSSIVE MUSIC]
495
00:20:07,828 --> 00:20:09,539
Hey, hey, Lynette.
496
00:20:09,564 --> 00:20:11,831
Uh, I... [CHUCKLES]
497
00:20:11,856 --> 00:20:13,592
I have a really embarrassing confession.
498
00:20:13,617 --> 00:20:15,650
- I stole your chipmunk.
- Oh, my God.
499
00:20:15,675 --> 00:20:17,842
And I'm sorry. And here you go.
500
00:20:20,658 --> 00:20:22,958
Yeah, I have a confession to make too.
501
00:20:22,983 --> 00:20:24,783
I stole your wallet off your desk.
502
00:20:24,808 --> 00:20:27,509
- Oh.
- You know what?
503
00:20:27,534 --> 00:20:29,299
- You keep the chipmunk.
- Really?
504
00:20:29,324 --> 00:20:30,409
Yeah.
505
00:20:30,434 --> 00:20:32,994
I'll figure out a way to get him back.
506
00:20:33,863 --> 00:20:35,630
You know what? Keep my wallet.
507
00:20:35,655 --> 00:20:37,821
Yeah, I'll figure out
a way... actually, no.
508
00:20:37,846 --> 00:20:38,981
Uh, no, I... I need that back.
509
00:20:39,005 --> 00:20:41,090
- That's... that's got my money in it.
- That's fair.
510
00:20:41,115 --> 00:20:44,116
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
511
00:20:44,141 --> 00:20:46,441
♪ ♪
512
00:20:46,466 --> 00:20:47,971
Ten seconds.
513
00:20:47,996 --> 00:20:50,010
All right, give me a tight,
short eulogy, Michelle.
514
00:20:50,035 --> 00:20:53,120
Uh, Eugene cheated on his wife and died.
515
00:20:53,145 --> 00:20:54,221
Nailed. It.
516
00:20:54,246 --> 00:20:56,579
Five, four...
517
00:20:56,604 --> 00:20:59,348
Oh, jeez, the east
bathroom's flooding big time.
518
00:20:59,373 --> 00:21:00,939
The east... are you... flooding?
519
00:21:00,964 --> 00:21:05,033
- Three, two, one.
- Hello, faculty and students.
520
00:21:05,058 --> 00:21:06,237
I'm Principal Durbin,
521
00:21:06,262 --> 00:21:08,262
and these are your
morning announcements.
522
00:21:08,548 --> 00:21:10,381
Let's grab today by the horns
523
00:21:10,406 --> 00:21:13,474
and make this a wonderful
Whitlock Wednesday.
524
00:21:14,102 --> 00:21:18,905
We got lots, we got lots,
we got lots of tater tots.
525
00:21:18,929 --> 00:21:21,129
- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -