1 00:00:00,057 --> 00:00:02,956 - Synced and corrected by Firefly - - www.addic7ed.com - 2 00:00:02,981 --> 00:00:05,982 [CLOCK TICKING] [I'LL FALL IN LOVE TODAY] 3 00:00:06,007 --> 00:00:12,787 ♪ ♪ 4 00:00:12,812 --> 00:00:18,477 ♪ I don't believe I'll fall in love today ♪ 5 00:00:18,502 --> 00:00:21,570 - Hiya. - [SCREAMS] 6 00:00:21,572 --> 00:00:23,639 Helen! Please! 7 00:00:23,641 --> 00:00:25,507 Please feel free to turn the lights on 8 00:00:25,509 --> 00:00:27,142 when you arrive in the morning. 9 00:00:27,144 --> 00:00:29,493 The day I become a member of the custodial union, 10 00:00:29,518 --> 00:00:30,683 I certainly will, Dale. 11 00:00:30,708 --> 00:00:32,842 That is not one of the rules. 12 00:00:33,017 --> 00:00:35,551 Now I can see what I'm doing here. 13 00:00:35,553 --> 00:00:38,554 [PERCUSSIVE MUSIC] 14 00:00:38,556 --> 00:00:43,019 ♪ ♪ 15 00:00:43,044 --> 00:00:44,448 - Hi, Ralph. - Good morning, Helen. 16 00:00:44,473 --> 00:00:46,306 Oh, the morning announcements are just... 17 00:00:46,331 --> 00:00:47,664 we're just chock full of 'em. 18 00:00:47,689 --> 00:00:49,636 And we can't be late like yesterday. 19 00:00:49,661 --> 00:00:50,941 Check this one out. 20 00:00:51,689 --> 00:00:53,756 "Don't eat the broccoli in the cafeteria 21 00:00:53,781 --> 00:00:56,114 or you'll get birth defects." Helen, what is this? 22 00:00:56,139 --> 00:00:57,735 Food services couldn't get in the door, 23 00:00:57,760 --> 00:00:59,893 so they left everything for the whole week 24 00:00:59,918 --> 00:01:02,120 on the front lawn, and then the landscapers came 25 00:01:02,145 --> 00:01:04,145 and blasted the whole thing with Roundup. 26 00:01:04,194 --> 00:01:05,861 So the broccoli got the brunt of it 27 00:01:05,886 --> 00:01:07,476 because it's in bags with holes. 28 00:01:07,501 --> 00:01:10,001 Well, Helen, just tell them to throw the broccoli out. 29 00:01:10,026 --> 00:01:12,304 What if the announcement is, "Don't eat broccoli 30 00:01:12,329 --> 00:01:14,329 out of the trash, now more than ever?" 31 00:01:14,452 --> 00:01:16,118 - Make it sound positive. - Okay. 32 00:01:16,143 --> 00:01:19,111 Speaking of announcements, you got 28 minutes, kid. 33 00:01:19,136 --> 00:01:20,569 Oh, gosh. 34 00:01:20,594 --> 00:01:22,831 - Hi. - Happy hump day, Jack. 35 00:01:22,856 --> 00:01:26,011 - All right. - Or, for my dogs, that's every day. 36 00:01:26,035 --> 00:01:28,168 It can mean just about anything to them, you know? 37 00:01:28,170 --> 00:01:30,338 Hello, good-bye, I like your style. 38 00:01:30,363 --> 00:01:31,605 - Oh. - Hey, you're in my yard. 39 00:01:31,607 --> 00:01:32,989 - Get out of here. - Yeah. 40 00:01:33,014 --> 00:01:34,281 You know, I'm gonna kill you someday. 41 00:01:34,305 --> 00:01:35,593 Oh, I'm gonna kill you first. 42 00:01:35,618 --> 00:01:37,820 - No, really, you drive me nuts. - Let's do it. You wanna go? 43 00:01:37,844 --> 00:01:40,077 - Guy... guys, let's... - Yeah. 44 00:01:40,079 --> 00:01:41,278 - Sorry. - Yeah. 45 00:01:41,280 --> 00:01:42,673 - We got in trouble. - Okay. 46 00:01:42,713 --> 00:01:44,880 Listen, Jack, I would love to stay and chat, 47 00:01:44,882 --> 00:01:47,949 but these next 28 minutes decide whether we grab 48 00:01:47,951 --> 00:01:52,454 the ram by the horns or whether the rams kinda grab us. 49 00:01:52,456 --> 00:01:54,456 Well, the hooves... [LAUGHS] 50 00:01:54,458 --> 00:01:56,531 - I guess it'd be a hug. - [BOTH LAUGHING] 51 00:01:56,556 --> 00:01:58,223 Ram hug. Don't wanna get hugged. 52 00:01:58,398 --> 00:02:01,016 - That fell apart. - Hey, early bird. What you need? 53 00:02:01,041 --> 00:02:02,821 Well, I'm just here early doing a little research for 54 00:02:02,845 --> 00:02:05,775 - my new book about Toledo's working class. - Mm-hmm. 55 00:02:05,800 --> 00:02:07,574 I was down in the cafeteria observing Ronda 56 00:02:07,599 --> 00:02:09,530 and the lunch ladies as they cheerfully made 57 00:02:09,555 --> 00:02:11,701 - about 200 breakfast burritos. - Mmm. 58 00:02:11,703 --> 00:02:13,536 And then she was mixing up about three vats of what she 59 00:02:13,538 --> 00:02:15,338 - was calling fiesta tots. - Mmm. 60 00:02:15,340 --> 00:02:17,031 So, anyway, I just need to type up my notes 61 00:02:17,056 --> 00:02:19,056 and I was hoping to do that in my massage chair. 62 00:02:19,058 --> 00:02:21,926 And you have that, so, uh, give me it. 63 00:02:21,928 --> 00:02:23,091 Cricket nipples. 64 00:02:23,116 --> 00:02:25,052 - I gave it to Lynette in accounts payable. - Oh. 65 00:02:25,077 --> 00:02:27,175 Because I read that if you sit on a yoga ball... 66 00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:30,256 - Uh-huh. - It really strengthens your groin. 67 00:02:30,281 --> 00:02:33,593 - Does it? - So you don't have a dumpy groin. 68 00:02:33,618 --> 00:02:35,616 - Ah. - And who wants a dumpy groin? 69 00:02:35,641 --> 00:02:37,289 So, sorry, where is... where is accounts payable? 70 00:02:37,313 --> 00:02:38,579 I'd like to go see this Lynette. 71 00:02:38,603 --> 00:02:40,203 Oh, it's that way. Left, two rights. 72 00:02:40,228 --> 00:02:41,656 - Left and two rights. - Yeah. Okay. 73 00:02:41,681 --> 00:02:42,892 - Hi. - Hi, Sarika. 74 00:02:42,917 --> 00:02:45,071 Here are all the violations I witnessed so far today. 75 00:02:45,096 --> 00:02:46,496 Well, you'd better tell them to me. 76 00:02:46,520 --> 00:02:48,558 - Dale was ten minutes late this morning. - Oh, my God. 77 00:02:48,582 --> 00:02:50,596 Travis Hexter put the school up for sale on eBay. 78 00:02:50,647 --> 00:02:52,680 - It's at $300. - That's pretty good. 79 00:02:52,705 --> 00:02:55,406 Anyway, back to this roofing debacle. 80 00:02:55,431 --> 00:02:57,788 The guy shows up, he's a half hour late. 81 00:02:57,813 --> 00:03:01,368 He comes in Mr. Fancy carrying a coffee like he has 82 00:03:01,393 --> 00:03:03,507 not a care in the world. I... 83 00:03:03,532 --> 00:03:05,336 Hi, is this accounts payable? 84 00:03:05,361 --> 00:03:06,790 I was wondering if I could ask you to part ways 85 00:03:06,814 --> 00:03:08,114 - with that chair because... - No, no. 86 00:03:08,138 --> 00:03:09,905 I run the school's social media. 87 00:03:09,930 --> 00:03:11,528 Lynette's payroll. 88 00:03:11,553 --> 00:03:13,780 Anyway, my husband says to the guy, 89 00:03:13,805 --> 00:03:16,138 "How much to get the whole roof reshingled?" 90 00:03:16,163 --> 00:03:18,096 The guy says, "Eight thou." 91 00:03:18,121 --> 00:03:20,305 He says, "Eight thou? Fat chance." 92 00:03:20,330 --> 00:03:21,868 Hello. [KNOCKING] 93 00:03:21,893 --> 00:03:23,383 Hi, I'm Jack. 94 00:03:23,408 --> 00:03:25,282 I hate to tell you this, but you're sitting on a chair 95 00:03:25,306 --> 00:03:27,206 that I technically bought so, you know, 96 00:03:27,208 --> 00:03:29,642 bottom line is, that's my chair. 97 00:03:29,644 --> 00:03:32,845 It's weird to say it's yours just because you bought it. 98 00:03:32,847 --> 00:03:34,026 Do you know what I mean? 99 00:03:34,051 --> 00:03:36,822 I bought that chipmunk, but he doesn't belong to me. 100 00:03:36,847 --> 00:03:38,246 He belongs to the world. 101 00:03:38,271 --> 00:03:40,004 Actually, yes, you're making a very valid 102 00:03:40,029 --> 00:03:42,797 philosophical point. No one really owns anything. 103 00:03:43,297 --> 00:03:45,230 Nice, nice. 104 00:03:45,660 --> 00:03:47,660 - It was Jack, right? - Yeah. 105 00:03:47,662 --> 00:03:49,862 Yeah, I was named after my grandfather. 106 00:03:49,864 --> 00:03:52,164 "My grandfather," very formal. 107 00:03:52,166 --> 00:03:54,333 I think I see what's going on here. 108 00:03:54,335 --> 00:03:57,603 You grew up around horses, didn't you, Jack? 109 00:03:57,605 --> 00:03:59,722 Which was nice because Mommy and Daddy 110 00:03:59,747 --> 00:04:01,526 wouldn't give you a little brother. 111 00:04:01,551 --> 00:04:04,385 After high school, you ran off to Egypt. 112 00:04:04,410 --> 00:04:06,877 That is, until Daddy said it's time to come home. 113 00:04:06,902 --> 00:04:08,902 He pulled strings to get you into Kent State, 114 00:04:08,927 --> 00:04:13,196 a nice little place where you pledged Beta and played soccer. 115 00:04:13,221 --> 00:04:16,556 But that was too big a pond for this fish, wasn't it? 116 00:04:16,624 --> 00:04:20,226 So you came crawling back home to breed your pit bulls 117 00:04:20,228 --> 00:04:23,763 and blow your family's fortune on online poker. 118 00:04:26,701 --> 00:04:28,267 None of that is right. 119 00:04:28,269 --> 00:04:30,035 Yeah. 120 00:04:30,037 --> 00:04:31,837 But can you imagine if it was? 121 00:04:32,619 --> 00:04:33,686 [RAMONES' "LISTEN TO MY HEART"] 122 00:04:33,710 --> 00:04:35,543 One, two, three, four! 123 00:04:35,568 --> 00:04:38,602 ♪ Next time, I'll listen to my heart ♪ 124 00:04:38,627 --> 00:04:41,461 ♪ Next time, well, I'll be smart ♪ 125 00:04:41,486 --> 00:04:48,158 ♪ ♪ 126 00:04:48,183 --> 00:04:50,550 [CLOCK TICKING] 127 00:04:50,625 --> 00:04:51,991 He was peeing in the pool, 128 00:04:52,016 --> 00:04:54,370 - and he wasn't even swimming in it. - Oy. 129 00:04:54,395 --> 00:04:58,297 Thank you, Sarika. Dave, have you lost weight? 130 00:04:58,651 --> 00:05:00,984 I keep telling you, I have a parasite. 131 00:05:01,009 --> 00:05:02,942 Oh. 132 00:05:02,967 --> 00:05:04,734 Don't write that down. 133 00:05:04,839 --> 00:05:07,406 Helen, my office is freezing. 134 00:05:07,408 --> 00:05:09,341 The radiator isn't hissing like it usually does. 135 00:05:09,343 --> 00:05:10,902 - I'm on it, Ralph. - Okay. 136 00:05:10,927 --> 00:05:13,795 Oh, Coach, thank you for jumping in last minute 137 00:05:13,820 --> 00:05:15,720 - for that crossing guard. - No problem. 138 00:05:15,850 --> 00:05:17,917 It's a real shame about Eugene. 139 00:05:17,919 --> 00:05:20,917 - If I had my way, no one would ever die. - I hear you, 140 00:05:20,942 --> 00:05:22,999 although I do worry that the overpopulation 141 00:05:23,024 --> 00:05:24,290 would lead to people eatin' each other. 142 00:05:24,292 --> 00:05:25,958 - True. - Right. 143 00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:28,861 Oh, I didn't realize there were readin' glasses 144 00:05:28,863 --> 00:05:31,630 in the pocket here. These must have been Eugene's. 145 00:05:31,632 --> 00:05:33,098 - Oh. - Yeah, should we, uh... 146 00:05:33,100 --> 00:05:35,100 Well, I'm sure his family would want me 147 00:05:35,102 --> 00:05:37,102 to just pitch those. 148 00:05:37,104 --> 00:05:39,438 [SNEAKY MUSIC] 149 00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:41,307 Anything else in the pockets? Nothin'. 150 00:05:41,309 --> 00:05:43,175 Nothin', really, nope. 151 00:05:43,177 --> 00:05:45,110 Oh, pardon me. Comin' out. 152 00:05:45,112 --> 00:05:46,825 Faculty comin' out. Move way. 153 00:05:46,850 --> 00:05:49,384 Oh, here come the hornies. 154 00:05:56,791 --> 00:05:58,057 [CLATTERING] 155 00:05:58,059 --> 00:06:00,292 Mm, that's... 156 00:06:00,294 --> 00:06:02,646 What's going on? Why are you early? 157 00:06:02,671 --> 00:06:05,141 Well, I... I, uh, I spent the morning studying 158 00:06:05,166 --> 00:06:07,900 Ronda and the lunch gals, and then I went to get 159 00:06:07,902 --> 00:06:10,650 my massage chair from this payroll lady, 160 00:06:10,675 --> 00:06:13,216 but she refused and did this sort of 161 00:06:13,241 --> 00:06:15,474 verbal jiu-jitsu thing on me. 162 00:06:15,476 --> 00:06:17,476 I couldn't tell what was a joke and what wasn't. 163 00:06:17,478 --> 00:06:20,846 There was just something about her. 164 00:06:22,817 --> 00:06:25,885 Um, are you about to sing? 165 00:06:25,887 --> 00:06:30,609 No, no, uh, I'm never about to sing, Anthony. 166 00:06:30,634 --> 00:06:34,615 Murph... Murphy and Nagel. Yeah, that's it. 167 00:06:34,640 --> 00:06:35,710 "The Myth of Ownership." 168 00:06:35,735 --> 00:06:37,344 Yeah, I... I just figured out what she was quoting. 169 00:06:37,368 --> 00:06:38,562 [LAUGHS] 170 00:06:38,587 --> 00:06:42,589 I shall have my chair. I shall have it by the time school starts. 171 00:06:43,049 --> 00:06:47,017 [PERCUSSIVE MUSIC] 172 00:06:47,019 --> 00:06:49,153 [CLOCK TICKING] 173 00:06:52,309 --> 00:06:53,775 Perfect. 174 00:06:56,871 --> 00:06:58,686 [BUCK OWENS' "I DON'T BELIEVE I'LL FALL IN LOVE TODAY"] 175 00:06:58,710 --> 00:07:04,547 ♪ For if I did, I know I wouldn't stay ♪ 176 00:07:04,549 --> 00:07:10,253 ♪ I just can't make my heart find someone new... ♪ 177 00:07:10,255 --> 00:07:11,287 No. 178 00:07:11,289 --> 00:07:14,290 [PERCUSSIVE MUSIC] 179 00:07:14,292 --> 00:07:21,364 ♪ ♪ 180 00:07:28,373 --> 00:07:29,806 Welcome to the meat locker. 181 00:07:29,808 --> 00:07:36,879 ♪ ♪ 182 00:07:37,549 --> 00:07:39,211 Hey, Victor, look up. 183 00:07:39,236 --> 00:07:40,416 ♪ ♪ 184 00:07:40,418 --> 00:07:42,385 - [LAUGHS] - [SIGHS] 185 00:07:42,387 --> 00:07:43,886 ♪ ♪ 186 00:07:43,888 --> 00:07:45,621 Okay, Ralph, 187 00:07:45,623 --> 00:07:48,110 this guy's gonna get the heating working ASAP. 188 00:07:48,135 --> 00:07:49,559 All right. 189 00:07:49,561 --> 00:07:52,728 - A... - [BANGING] 190 00:07:52,730 --> 00:07:54,548 Okay, here's something sad. 191 00:07:54,573 --> 00:07:57,095 Somebody put a hamster in the vending machine, 192 00:07:57,120 --> 00:07:58,626 and it's stuck in G9. 193 00:07:58,651 --> 00:07:59,720 [BANGING] 194 00:07:59,745 --> 00:08:00,977 He's $2, Ralph. 195 00:08:00,979 --> 00:08:02,813 [BANGING] 196 00:08:02,815 --> 00:08:05,782 - He's $2, Ralph. - All right, here. 197 00:08:05,784 --> 00:08:07,150 - Oh. - There you go. 198 00:08:07,152 --> 00:08:08,919 Oh, they tallied the students' votes 199 00:08:08,921 --> 00:08:10,620 for the new football stadium name. 200 00:08:10,622 --> 00:08:11,688 Oh, what name won? 201 00:08:11,690 --> 00:08:13,423 It's a write-in. 202 00:08:13,425 --> 00:08:14,825 [WHISPERS] It's Boner Palace. 203 00:08:14,827 --> 00:08:17,160 [BANGING] 204 00:08:17,162 --> 00:08:18,829 - Hi, Ralph. - Hey. 205 00:08:18,831 --> 00:08:20,964 So I have to admit, it was very hard 206 00:08:20,966 --> 00:08:23,541 to sum up 94 years of a man's life, 207 00:08:23,566 --> 00:08:25,702 but I think I have a pretty solid eulogy 208 00:08:25,704 --> 00:08:27,704 - for our crossing guard. - Ooh. 209 00:08:27,706 --> 00:08:29,272 You still want this on the morning announcements, right? 210 00:08:29,274 --> 00:08:31,675 Absolutely. I loved Eu... Eugene. 211 00:08:31,677 --> 00:08:34,211 - Wow, uh, this is... - [GIGGLES] 212 00:08:34,213 --> 00:08:35,779 This is really long. 213 00:08:35,781 --> 00:08:38,014 Um, anything you can cut out of this, maybe? 214 00:08:38,016 --> 00:08:39,816 And quickly, if possible. 215 00:08:39,818 --> 00:08:42,185 Well, I guess we could skip the part 216 00:08:42,187 --> 00:08:44,688 - about his marital affairs. - Mmm. 217 00:08:44,690 --> 00:08:45,989 Although that's my favorite section. 218 00:08:45,991 --> 00:08:48,892 Mm, you know what... [BANGING] 219 00:08:48,894 --> 00:08:50,961 [SPEAKING KOREAN] 220 00:08:50,963 --> 00:08:52,219 Oh, hey, Mary? 221 00:08:52,244 --> 00:08:53,752 I see you're on the phone there. 222 00:08:53,777 --> 00:08:56,911 I just wanted to say that I got $10 of my own money here. 223 00:08:56,936 --> 00:08:58,946 I really didn't even need to interrupt ya. 224 00:08:58,971 --> 00:09:00,871 There's no headline here. This is my money. 225 00:09:00,873 --> 00:09:03,673 Hey, uh, Mary, do you know a Lynette that works in payro... 226 00:09:03,675 --> 00:09:04,741 Oh, I'm sorry, you're on the phone. 227 00:09:04,743 --> 00:09:05,742 [CHUCKLES] 228 00:09:05,744 --> 00:09:07,244 [SPEAKING KOREAN] 229 00:09:07,246 --> 00:09:09,145 That begs the question, why were you talking to her? 230 00:09:09,147 --> 00:09:10,981 Hey, I got ten of my own dollars here. 231 00:09:10,983 --> 00:09:12,349 What's with the third degree? 232 00:09:12,851 --> 00:09:14,384 Okay. 233 00:09:14,386 --> 00:09:17,153 I says, "When do you think the roof will be done?" 234 00:09:17,155 --> 00:09:20,156 He says, "In the summer." I says, "Like hell." 235 00:09:20,158 --> 00:09:21,648 I got a lot of things to do. 236 00:09:21,673 --> 00:09:23,827 Murphy and Nagel. [LAUGHS] 237 00:09:23,829 --> 00:09:26,162 Touché, touché. Yeah, yeah. 238 00:09:26,164 --> 00:09:27,831 I forgot about Murphy and Nagel's 239 00:09:27,833 --> 00:09:29,866 "The Myth of Ownership." [LAUGHS] 240 00:09:29,868 --> 00:09:31,701 - My chair, please. - What's happening? 241 00:09:31,703 --> 00:09:34,104 Well, uh, what we were talking about before. 242 00:09:34,106 --> 00:09:35,372 You know how you were saying, like, 243 00:09:35,374 --> 00:09:37,310 that nobody really owns anything. 244 00:09:37,335 --> 00:09:39,342 I realized you were quoting Murphy and Nagel. 245 00:09:39,344 --> 00:09:41,513 Yeah, were you a philosophy major? 246 00:09:41,538 --> 00:09:44,114 I did not give my money to one of those places. 247 00:09:44,116 --> 00:09:46,227 Did you really go to school for four years 248 00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:48,385 to learn something that is kind of common sense? 249 00:09:48,387 --> 00:09:50,921 I... I did, yeah. 250 00:09:50,923 --> 00:09:52,188 Nine years, actually. 251 00:09:52,190 --> 00:09:54,758 Love that. 252 00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:58,862 So you got the other type of doctor title. 253 00:09:58,864 --> 00:10:00,864 - I did, yeah. - Thank you. 254 00:10:00,866 --> 00:10:02,933 Uh, yeah, which is why I also know about 255 00:10:02,935 --> 00:10:05,368 Robert Nozick's rebuttal to Murphy and Nagel. 256 00:10:05,370 --> 00:10:07,037 Not sure if you're familiar with a little book called 257 00:10:07,039 --> 00:10:08,772 "What's Mine is Mine." 258 00:10:08,774 --> 00:10:10,907 - [DOOR CLOSES] - Are we not... 259 00:10:17,291 --> 00:10:18,625 [CLOCK TICKING] 260 00:10:18,627 --> 00:10:20,114 Okay, okay, okay, okay. 261 00:10:20,139 --> 00:10:22,139 I think in order to get my, uh, massage chair 262 00:10:22,164 --> 00:10:23,692 back from this Lynette, 263 00:10:23,717 --> 00:10:25,976 I'm gonna need to know everything about her. 264 00:10:26,001 --> 00:10:28,068 I just can't figure out how someone like her 265 00:10:28,070 --> 00:10:30,437 could be a payroll employee in Toledo, you know. 266 00:10:30,439 --> 00:10:33,106 You know what, Sarika, I bet you've got some intel 267 00:10:33,108 --> 00:10:35,742 on Lynette in that good old snitch notebook of yours, hmm? 268 00:10:40,414 --> 00:10:41,891 Lynette Marie Hofstadter. 269 00:10:41,916 --> 00:10:44,751 Drives a very large Buick that takes up two spaces. 270 00:10:44,753 --> 00:10:46,207 Takes frequent smoke breaks which, 271 00:10:46,232 --> 00:10:48,432 although not against a rule, are immoral because 272 00:10:48,457 --> 00:10:50,745 she's not smoking. It's an empty vape pen. 273 00:10:50,770 --> 00:10:52,715 - [LAUGHS] - [WHISTLES] 274 00:10:52,740 --> 00:10:54,824 Yo, she's actually out there right now. 275 00:10:54,849 --> 00:10:56,282 - For real? - For real. 276 00:10:56,432 --> 00:10:57,631 Where, where, where, where, where? 277 00:10:57,633 --> 00:10:59,599 Ooh, she is. Yep, checkmate. 278 00:10:59,601 --> 00:11:02,202 Okay, um, I'm gonna go get my chair right now. 279 00:11:02,204 --> 00:11:05,305 Uh, Marcus, Anthony, um, you guys distract her 280 00:11:05,307 --> 00:11:07,214 if she tries to come back in, okay? Let's go. Come on. 281 00:11:07,238 --> 00:11:09,138 Let's go. Come on, come on. 282 00:11:09,268 --> 00:11:10,962 [LAUGHS] What's up, man? 283 00:11:10,987 --> 00:11:12,345 Come on. Can we... can we do this? 284 00:11:12,347 --> 00:11:15,148 You're gonna have to adjust to my pace. 285 00:11:15,150 --> 00:11:16,310 - [SIGHS] - So slow. 286 00:11:16,335 --> 00:11:17,349 Okay. 287 00:11:17,374 --> 00:11:20,287 [PERCUSSIVE MUSIC] 288 00:11:20,289 --> 00:11:24,658 ♪ ♪ 289 00:11:24,660 --> 00:11:26,293 [GROANS] 290 00:11:30,051 --> 00:11:31,216 [CLUNKS] [WATER RUSHING] 291 00:11:31,241 --> 00:11:32,341 Oh! 292 00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:36,136 [SQUEAKING] 293 00:11:36,138 --> 00:11:38,038 Ah! 294 00:11:38,040 --> 00:11:40,707 [SCREAMS] 295 00:11:40,709 --> 00:11:42,676 [GROANS] [SCREAMS] 296 00:11:42,678 --> 00:11:44,644 Oh! [GROANS] 297 00:11:44,646 --> 00:11:46,480 [BANGING] 298 00:11:46,482 --> 00:11:47,575 If you're looking for any feedback, 299 00:11:47,599 --> 00:11:49,060 it is plenty warm. 300 00:11:49,085 --> 00:11:51,829 Ralph, I thought you should know that the algebra teachers 301 00:11:51,854 --> 00:11:53,687 are having a huge argument on the lawn. 302 00:11:53,689 --> 00:11:56,030 Ken was like, "You still owe me $200." 303 00:11:56,055 --> 00:11:58,843 And Vivek was like, "Well, how about you take this instead?" 304 00:11:58,868 --> 00:12:00,504 And he grabbed her right by the groin 305 00:12:00,529 --> 00:12:02,829 and he's twisting, and there's F-bombs 306 00:12:02,831 --> 00:12:05,565 - just raining down. - Hit them with the sprinklers. 307 00:12:05,567 --> 00:12:07,767 Call Vivek's wife. Tell her to bring $200. 308 00:12:07,769 --> 00:12:11,605 Tell her to come immediately. 309 00:12:11,607 --> 00:12:14,241 Come on, baby. Come on! 310 00:12:14,610 --> 00:12:17,677 [SPEAKING KOREAN] 311 00:12:23,585 --> 00:12:25,552 - Your cousin again? - Yeah. 312 00:12:25,554 --> 00:12:27,687 We fight a lot, but, at the end of the day, 313 00:12:27,689 --> 00:12:29,356 it's okay 'cause we really do hate each other. 314 00:12:29,358 --> 00:12:30,523 Mm-hmm, yeah. 315 00:12:30,548 --> 00:12:32,423 You know, speaking of hate, did you see those two dudes 316 00:12:32,447 --> 00:12:35,014 fighting out front? I love a morning skirmish. 317 00:12:35,039 --> 00:12:37,022 Punching somebody with a belly full of scrambled eggs? 318 00:12:37,046 --> 00:12:38,609 - [BOTH LAUGHING] - Mary, Mary? 319 00:12:38,634 --> 00:12:39,900 May I please have a moment, please? 320 00:12:39,902 --> 00:12:41,668 Oh, sure, Coach. 321 00:12:45,229 --> 00:12:47,296 Let's see. [SLURPING] 322 00:12:47,876 --> 00:12:49,209 [GAGS] 323 00:12:49,211 --> 00:12:50,877 [COUGHS] Gross. 324 00:12:50,879 --> 00:12:52,746 Hazelnut? Just... 325 00:12:52,748 --> 00:12:55,582 [DRAMATIC MUSIC] 326 00:12:55,584 --> 00:12:58,418 Oh, no. Oh, it's so wet. 327 00:12:58,420 --> 00:13:00,253 Okay. 328 00:13:00,255 --> 00:13:03,256 You got this. Okay. 329 00:13:03,258 --> 00:13:05,225 Face. She got a neck, 330 00:13:05,733 --> 00:13:08,732 - old neck, saggy neck, okay. - What's up, Coach? 331 00:13:08,733 --> 00:13:11,708 Mary, I told you that this $10 bill was my own, 332 00:13:11,733 --> 00:13:14,568 - but that was a gol dang it lie. - [SCOFFS] 333 00:13:14,570 --> 00:13:17,470 If I told you every gol dang it lie that I tell in a day, 334 00:13:17,472 --> 00:13:18,672 girl, you would call the police. 335 00:13:18,674 --> 00:13:22,442 Mary, I stole this from Eugene. 336 00:13:22,444 --> 00:13:24,311 Eugene who... [IMITATES CUTTING] 337 00:13:24,313 --> 00:13:25,745 - Passed away of old age, yeah. - Yeah. 338 00:13:25,747 --> 00:13:28,748 Him. This is a dead man's ten. 339 00:13:28,750 --> 00:13:30,951 - [CHUCKLES] - I am a liar and a thief 340 00:13:30,953 --> 00:13:33,687 - and it's killing me. - Coach, it's fine. 341 00:13:33,689 --> 00:13:35,288 Dead people don't shop. 342 00:13:35,290 --> 00:13:37,257 Just, uh, go get yourself a breakfast sandwich 343 00:13:37,259 --> 00:13:39,759 - or some waffles. - How about a burrito? 344 00:13:39,761 --> 00:13:42,329 - Sure. - 'Cause I'd prefer a burrito. 345 00:13:42,331 --> 00:13:44,264 Yeah, okay, very cool. Very cool, man. 346 00:13:44,266 --> 00:13:45,632 - Okay. - All right, there you go. 347 00:13:45,634 --> 00:13:47,467 Right, not supposed to have tortillas, 348 00:13:47,469 --> 00:13:49,502 but I think I can make an exception. 349 00:13:49,504 --> 00:13:53,019 So the roofing guy's looking at me, and I'm looking at him. 350 00:13:53,044 --> 00:13:54,167 My husband looks at me, 351 00:13:54,192 --> 00:13:56,159 but I'm still looking at the other guy. 352 00:13:56,184 --> 00:13:58,531 You got all three of us in some kind of messed up... 353 00:13:58,556 --> 00:14:00,422 - [CLATTERING] - Oh! 354 00:14:00,447 --> 00:14:03,448 [PERCUSSIVE MUSIC] 355 00:14:03,473 --> 00:14:09,611 ♪ ♪ 356 00:14:09,636 --> 00:14:12,503 [LAUGHS] And I can tell you... 357 00:14:14,441 --> 00:14:16,942 [CLOCK TICKING] 358 00:14:16,966 --> 00:14:20,995 We are locked in a battle of wits with a worthy opponent. 359 00:14:21,020 --> 00:14:22,391 That girl you have a crush on? 360 00:14:22,416 --> 00:14:24,883 I'm an adult, Marcus. I don't get crushes. 361 00:14:24,908 --> 00:14:27,220 No, I... but I have come up with a fairly genius plan 362 00:14:27,245 --> 00:14:28,813 to get my chair back. Now, follow me here. 363 00:14:28,837 --> 00:14:31,337 It involves capturing a deer, pref... preferably one 364 00:14:31,362 --> 00:14:32,629 with a broken leg, otherwise we're gonna have 365 00:14:32,653 --> 00:14:34,980 - to break it. - I'll do it! 366 00:14:35,005 --> 00:14:36,604 - You'll break the deer's leg? - Yeah. 367 00:14:36,629 --> 00:14:37,676 Okay, great. 368 00:14:37,701 --> 00:14:40,028 So we know that Lynette locks the chair when she goes out 369 00:14:40,053 --> 00:14:42,058 for a fake smoke, but, uh, I think if she hears 370 00:14:42,083 --> 00:14:43,883 an injured, braying deer in the hall, she might... 371 00:14:43,907 --> 00:14:46,508 If I can bray convincingly, can we not have Grace 372 00:14:46,533 --> 00:14:49,000 - break the deer's leg? - [SIGHS] 373 00:14:49,331 --> 00:14:51,171 Yeah, fine. Let's hear it. 374 00:14:52,868 --> 00:14:58,772 [MIMICS BRAYING] 375 00:15:03,185 --> 00:15:04,518 We have our deer. 376 00:15:04,543 --> 00:15:07,611 [SHOUTING] 377 00:15:10,957 --> 00:15:12,390 Get the hell out of here! 378 00:15:12,415 --> 00:15:14,549 [SHOUTING] 379 00:15:14,574 --> 00:15:17,274 [PERCUSSIVE MUSIC] 380 00:15:17,299 --> 00:15:19,366 [SHOUTING] 381 00:15:19,391 --> 00:15:20,757 [GROANS] 382 00:15:20,782 --> 00:15:24,284 [SHOUTING] 383 00:15:24,309 --> 00:15:28,678 [SCREAMING] 384 00:15:28,703 --> 00:15:30,536 [THUDS] 385 00:15:37,286 --> 00:15:40,253 Girl, I think I might be Coach's only friend. 386 00:15:40,278 --> 00:15:41,992 I'm like, "I didn't sign up for that." 387 00:15:42,017 --> 00:15:44,577 No. [CHUCKLES] 388 00:15:44,602 --> 00:15:45,602 [GROANS] 389 00:15:49,397 --> 00:15:52,598 [LAUGHS] This is rough. 390 00:15:52,623 --> 00:15:54,289 Stef, look at this. [LAUGHS] 391 00:15:54,314 --> 00:15:55,747 The assignment was to create 392 00:15:55,772 --> 00:15:58,306 a photorealistic portrait of your grandmother, 393 00:15:58,331 --> 00:16:01,432 not draw a circle with a dang Panera French loaf on top. 394 00:16:01,457 --> 00:16:03,002 [LAUGHS] 395 00:16:03,027 --> 00:16:04,982 You know what? That... that is just mean. 396 00:16:05,007 --> 00:16:06,112 Okay? 397 00:16:06,137 --> 00:16:09,230 Because I think this... this is very good, if you ask me, 398 00:16:09,255 --> 00:16:11,455 okay, very, very good. 399 00:16:11,480 --> 00:16:14,815 I mean, to... to me, if you were to say to m... to ask me 400 00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:18,021 if this was very, very good, this is... you know, so... 401 00:16:18,046 --> 00:16:19,412 I drew this, okay, 402 00:16:19,437 --> 00:16:21,437 because I spit your nasty-ass coffee 403 00:16:21,462 --> 00:16:23,162 all over Jason's grandma. 404 00:16:23,187 --> 00:16:25,487 And you know I'm not a good droor. 405 00:16:25,512 --> 00:16:27,145 Do you mean drawer? 406 00:16:27,170 --> 00:16:29,537 Well, it's spelled like a dr... a drawer. 407 00:16:29,562 --> 00:16:31,428 I... I say droor. 408 00:16:31,453 --> 00:16:33,187 D... droor? Draw-were? 409 00:16:33,212 --> 00:16:36,813 Anyways, I mean, what are we gonna tell poor little Jason? 410 00:16:36,838 --> 00:16:38,838 [BOTH GROAN] 411 00:16:38,863 --> 00:16:41,764 [PERCUSSIVE MUSIC] 412 00:16:41,789 --> 00:16:43,222 ♪ ♪ 413 00:16:43,247 --> 00:16:44,536 This is a very good plan, and I... 414 00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:46,027 and I think it could work. 415 00:16:46,052 --> 00:16:48,270 A lot of it does ride on whether Ronda the lunch lady 416 00:16:48,295 --> 00:16:50,232 can do an Australian accent, but I... I bet she can do it. 417 00:16:50,256 --> 00:16:51,301 - Uh... - Yep. 418 00:16:51,326 --> 00:16:54,060 Crikey, mate, I'll take a crack at it. 419 00:16:55,323 --> 00:16:57,056 Solid. That's very, very good. 420 00:16:57,081 --> 00:16:58,612 But, if you're doing that, who's gonna pop out 421 00:16:58,636 --> 00:17:00,170 of the Amazon box, you know what I mean? 422 00:17:00,194 --> 00:17:02,261 I think we got something here. I do. 423 00:17:02,318 --> 00:17:04,651 You guys ready? All right. 424 00:17:04,833 --> 00:17:06,433 Here we go. 425 00:17:06,435 --> 00:17:10,200 Ralph, the hamster, we got him out from G9, 426 00:17:10,225 --> 00:17:14,881 but he tumbled down to H16, so he's $4 now. 427 00:17:14,906 --> 00:17:16,804 - Damn it. - I'll... I'll get it. 428 00:17:16,829 --> 00:17:18,219 Michelle, do you have something nice 429 00:17:18,243 --> 00:17:19,843 and short for me? 430 00:17:19,868 --> 00:17:21,668 "Hey, that crossing guard is dead. 431 00:17:21,693 --> 00:17:24,128 "He was a proud vet who killed a lot of Japanese people 432 00:17:24,153 --> 00:17:25,769 "and cheated on his wife. 433 00:17:25,794 --> 00:17:28,695 "But today let us think of Eugene in his orange vest 434 00:17:28,720 --> 00:17:30,387 "watching over all of us, 435 00:17:30,412 --> 00:17:33,217 watching everything we do." 436 00:17:33,242 --> 00:17:35,508 Oh, what have I become? 437 00:17:35,533 --> 00:17:38,084 [DRAMATIC MUSIC] 438 00:17:38,109 --> 00:17:39,742 [PERCUSSIVE MUSIC] 439 00:17:39,767 --> 00:17:42,701 [MIMICS BRAYING] 440 00:17:42,726 --> 00:17:44,526 I believe there's an injured deer in the hall. 441 00:17:44,873 --> 00:17:47,440 Well, according to state, the fire... 442 00:17:47,442 --> 00:17:49,142 That sounded great, dude. 443 00:17:49,144 --> 00:17:51,478 Now he's here on Tuesday. 444 00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:53,880 Well, Tuesday's the day they do street sweeping. 445 00:17:53,882 --> 00:17:56,606 - Leverage. - So I says to the roofing guy, Bruce, 446 00:17:56,631 --> 00:17:59,440 "You gotta move your truck or it's gonna get towed" 447 00:17:59,465 --> 00:18:01,568 He says, "My name's not Bruce." 448 00:18:01,593 --> 00:18:06,029 I says, "Who the hell are you, been on my roof all day?" 449 00:18:06,061 --> 00:18:07,905 Hey, there. 450 00:18:07,930 --> 00:18:10,808 This is your teacher's chair so... 451 00:18:10,833 --> 00:18:12,333 Oh, wow. 452 00:18:12,568 --> 00:18:17,348 ♪ ♪ 453 00:18:17,373 --> 00:18:18,773 [GROANS] 454 00:18:19,031 --> 00:18:21,598 [CHUCKLES] Hey. 455 00:18:25,834 --> 00:18:27,300 Oh my God, I did it. 456 00:18:27,302 --> 00:18:29,341 I found the Toledo Strangler. 457 00:18:29,366 --> 00:18:30,499 [LAUGHS] 458 00:18:30,785 --> 00:18:32,084 Yeah, no, this... that's funny. 459 00:18:32,109 --> 00:18:35,317 Um, this is actually all 100% biology, 460 00:18:35,342 --> 00:18:38,009 and it's not a crazy plan to get my chair back. 461 00:18:38,034 --> 00:18:39,801 Although it does say right there, 462 00:18:39,826 --> 00:18:41,759 "Get my chair back from Lynette." 463 00:18:41,784 --> 00:18:43,933 Do you think you're the only Lynette in this whole school 464 00:18:43,957 --> 00:18:46,257 that has a chair that I want? 465 00:18:46,282 --> 00:18:47,382 My mistake. 466 00:18:47,407 --> 00:18:49,573 [CHUCKLES] 467 00:18:49,598 --> 00:18:50,998 Just gonna grab this. 468 00:18:51,023 --> 00:18:52,622 That's mine. 469 00:18:52,647 --> 00:18:54,113 Thanks, yep. 470 00:18:54,138 --> 00:18:56,606 You got it. 471 00:18:57,153 --> 00:18:58,419 Wipe out. 472 00:19:00,299 --> 00:19:06,903 ♪ ♪ 473 00:19:07,249 --> 00:19:10,651 Non-athlete, do you want this burrito? 474 00:19:10,676 --> 00:19:12,342 Sure. 475 00:19:12,367 --> 00:19:15,668 Fair warning: it belongs to a dead man. 476 00:19:15,693 --> 00:19:18,694 [DRAMATIC MUSIC] 477 00:19:18,719 --> 00:19:20,753 ♪ ♪ 478 00:19:20,778 --> 00:19:22,006 The curse is yours now. 479 00:19:22,031 --> 00:19:24,757 ♪ ♪ 480 00:19:24,782 --> 00:19:28,005 I am so sick and tired of you guys spitting coffee 481 00:19:28,030 --> 00:19:29,184 on each other's artwork. 482 00:19:29,209 --> 00:19:32,514 'Cause this sweet nugget of a boy does not deserve 483 00:19:32,539 --> 00:19:35,108 to have coffee spat on his art. 484 00:19:35,133 --> 00:19:37,389 The madness has got to stop. 485 00:19:37,414 --> 00:19:39,881 Look at this sweet little egg. 486 00:19:39,906 --> 00:19:42,974 I mean, who would wanna hurt these sweet baby egg cheeks? 487 00:19:42,999 --> 00:19:45,433 - Who would do that? - Who would do that? 488 00:19:45,458 --> 00:19:46,883 Oh, time to ring the bell. Toot, toot. 489 00:19:46,907 --> 00:19:48,025 Oh, time to ring the biz-ell. 490 00:19:48,049 --> 00:19:51,150 [WATER SPLASHING] 491 00:19:51,175 --> 00:19:54,176 [BUCK OWENS' "I DON'T BELIEVE I'LL FALL IN LOVE TODAY"] 492 00:19:54,201 --> 00:20:00,108 ♪ ♪ 493 00:20:00,133 --> 00:20:05,803 ♪ I don't believe I'll fall in love today ♪ 494 00:20:05,828 --> 00:20:07,803 [PERCUSSIVE MUSIC] 495 00:20:07,828 --> 00:20:09,539 Hey, hey, Lynette. 496 00:20:09,564 --> 00:20:11,831 Uh, I... [CHUCKLES] 497 00:20:11,856 --> 00:20:13,592 I have a really embarrassing confession. 498 00:20:13,617 --> 00:20:15,650 - I stole your chipmunk. - Oh, my God. 499 00:20:15,675 --> 00:20:17,842 And I'm sorry. And here you go. 500 00:20:20,658 --> 00:20:22,958 Yeah, I have a confession to make too. 501 00:20:22,983 --> 00:20:24,783 I stole your wallet off your desk. 502 00:20:24,808 --> 00:20:27,509 - Oh. - You know what? 503 00:20:27,534 --> 00:20:29,299 - You keep the chipmunk. - Really? 504 00:20:29,324 --> 00:20:30,409 Yeah. 505 00:20:30,434 --> 00:20:32,994 I'll figure out a way to get him back. 506 00:20:33,863 --> 00:20:35,630 You know what? Keep my wallet. 507 00:20:35,655 --> 00:20:37,821 Yeah, I'll figure out a way... actually, no. 508 00:20:37,846 --> 00:20:38,981 Uh, no, I... I need that back. 509 00:20:39,005 --> 00:20:41,090 - That's... that's got my money in it. - That's fair. 510 00:20:41,115 --> 00:20:44,116 [DRAMATIC MUSIC] 511 00:20:44,141 --> 00:20:46,441 ♪ ♪ 512 00:20:46,466 --> 00:20:47,971 Ten seconds. 513 00:20:47,996 --> 00:20:50,010 All right, give me a tight, short eulogy, Michelle. 514 00:20:50,035 --> 00:20:53,120 Uh, Eugene cheated on his wife and died. 515 00:20:53,145 --> 00:20:54,221 Nailed. It. 516 00:20:54,246 --> 00:20:56,579 Five, four... 517 00:20:56,604 --> 00:20:59,348 Oh, jeez, the east bathroom's flooding big time. 518 00:20:59,373 --> 00:21:00,939 The east... are you... flooding? 519 00:21:00,964 --> 00:21:05,033 - Three, two, one. - Hello, faculty and students. 520 00:21:05,058 --> 00:21:06,237 I'm Principal Durbin, 521 00:21:06,262 --> 00:21:08,262 and these are your morning announcements. 522 00:21:08,548 --> 00:21:10,381 Let's grab today by the horns 523 00:21:10,406 --> 00:21:13,474 and make this a wonderful Whitlock Wednesday. 524 00:21:14,102 --> 00:21:18,905 We got lots, we got lots, we got lots of tater tots. 525 00:21:18,929 --> 00:21:21,129 - Synced and corrected by Firefly - - www.addic7ed.com -