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00:00:04,972 --> 00:00:07,506
Good morning, sunshine!
2
00:00:07,508 --> 00:00:09,975
Come and get your Java, sleepyhead!
3
00:00:13,381 --> 00:00:16,579
Happy anniversary, squeezy bear.
4
00:00:16,604 --> 00:00:18,082
Oh, is this for me?
5
00:00:18,107 --> 00:00:19,485
"Whitlock teacher of the year".
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00:00:19,487 --> 00:00:21,720
Oh, I love it so gol-darn much.
7
00:00:21,722 --> 00:00:23,688
And I can put my Java in it!
8
00:00:23,690 --> 00:00:24,944
Look inside.
9
00:00:25,926 --> 00:00:27,993
There's already Java in it!
10
00:00:28,018 --> 00:00:30,421
Now, wait, snugglebuggle.
11
00:00:30,664 --> 00:00:32,201
I got you something too.
12
00:00:34,701 --> 00:00:37,318
- Mommy got a vacuum!
- Kids!
13
00:00:37,343 --> 00:00:39,076
- Mommy got a vacuum!
- Hey, Jack?
14
00:00:39,101 --> 00:00:41,551
Aren't you glad you gave up
that silly philosophy book
15
00:00:41,576 --> 00:00:43,418
so we could just settle down in Toledo?
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00:00:43,443 --> 00:00:45,343
Best decision of my life.
17
00:00:45,345 --> 00:00:46,446
Yeah.
18
00:00:47,948 --> 00:00:50,415
Another kid!
19
00:00:51,852 --> 00:00:53,284
- Oh!
- Your best friend is here
20
00:00:53,286 --> 00:00:54,488
to take you to work.
21
00:00:55,288 --> 00:00:56,888
Hey, hey, there he is!
22
00:00:56,890 --> 00:00:58,289
Oh, no!
23
00:00:58,291 --> 00:01:00,792
We both wore the ties
we bought together.
24
00:01:01,294 --> 00:01:03,861
Again.
25
00:01:16,543 --> 00:01:18,443
Ah! Ah! Ah!
26
00:01:18,445 --> 00:01:20,155
Oh! Oh, God!
27
00:01:23,916 --> 00:01:25,883
Oof.
28
00:01:31,148 --> 00:01:33,148
♪ A.P. Bio 2x13 ♪
Kinda Sorta
29
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- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -
30
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Oh, God, it was... it was awful.
31
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I had... I had so many
fat Toledo babies,
32
00:01:42,324 --> 00:01:43,424
and I was teacher of the year.
33
00:01:43,448 --> 00:01:45,508
Yuck, that nightmare
was a horrifying reminder
34
00:01:45,533 --> 00:01:47,492
that I need to stay
laser-focused on my plan
35
00:01:47,517 --> 00:01:48,697
to get out of Toledo.
36
00:01:48,722 --> 00:01:50,390
It's like I've been on
an escalator, you know?
37
00:01:50,414 --> 00:01:51,780
And if I'm not careful I'm gonna get
38
00:01:51,804 --> 00:01:53,275
my shoelaces caught in that escalator.
39
00:01:53,299 --> 00:01:54,445
It's gonna pull me in
40
00:01:54,470 --> 00:01:56,170
and it's gonna grind me into a pulp.
41
00:01:57,916 --> 00:01:59,483
Sarika, why the hell are you so happy?
42
00:01:59,485 --> 00:02:01,684
The Whitlock college fair is this week
43
00:02:01,686 --> 00:02:04,287
and the Harvard admissions
officer will be there.
44
00:02:04,289 --> 00:02:06,689
Do colleges have communal showers?
45
00:02:06,691 --> 00:02:09,325
I'm scared guys will
make fun of my flat butt.
46
00:02:09,327 --> 00:02:10,694
I did my research,
47
00:02:10,719 --> 00:02:13,272
and if the Harvard recruiter
flags my application
48
00:02:13,297 --> 00:02:15,598
I have a 17% better
chance of being accepted.
49
00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:18,367
Which should be no
problem with your help.
50
00:02:18,369 --> 00:02:19,836
Hard pass, Sarika.
51
00:02:19,838 --> 00:02:21,641
- Come on, you know that.
- Heather?
52
00:02:23,441 --> 00:02:26,375
If you can get Sarika into Harvard,
53
00:02:26,377 --> 00:02:28,878
she'll give your shiny
new manuscript to her aunt,
54
00:02:28,880 --> 00:02:31,848
who just so happens to be one
of Dean Koontz's publishers.
55
00:02:31,850 --> 00:02:33,449
Yes, you heard me right.
56
00:02:33,451 --> 00:02:35,953
Dean Mother Koontz.
57
00:02:37,097 --> 00:02:38,554
I punched it up a little bit.
58
00:02:40,725 --> 00:02:43,325
I'm sorry, Sarika, why
am I just now hearing
59
00:02:43,327 --> 00:02:44,493
about this powerful aunt?
60
00:02:44,518 --> 00:02:46,061
Because you've never
had anything I've wanted
61
00:02:46,063 --> 00:02:47,229
this much before.
62
00:02:47,658 --> 00:02:49,865
- And why have Heather read it?
- She's your favorite.
63
00:02:49,867 --> 00:02:51,967
It wouldn't have worked
if it was Marcus or Caleb.
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00:02:52,293 --> 00:02:54,241
I'm the second worst after Marcus?
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00:02:54,266 --> 00:02:55,399
Uh-huh.
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00:02:56,292 --> 00:02:57,392
Good.
67
00:02:57,417 --> 00:02:58,516
This is good. This is good.
68
00:02:58,541 --> 00:03:00,381
Getting my book published
is exactly what I need
69
00:03:00,405 --> 00:03:01,731
to get the hell out of Toledo.
70
00:03:01,756 --> 00:03:05,814
Guys, we're gonna help
Sarika get into Harvard.
71
00:03:08,852 --> 00:03:11,019
A fruit smoothie for lunch, Stef?
72
00:03:11,021 --> 00:03:12,492
So cool.
73
00:03:12,517 --> 00:03:15,391
Feel like I'm eating next to
a fancy Hollywood celebrity
74
00:03:15,393 --> 00:03:17,559
with body dysmorphia.
75
00:03:17,561 --> 00:03:19,060
Uh, this is straight-up cough syrup.
76
00:03:19,062 --> 00:03:21,062
I woke up with a tickle
in my throat this morning
77
00:03:21,064 --> 00:03:23,531
and I cannot be sick
for the college fair.
78
00:03:23,533 --> 00:03:26,167
Ooh, someone's Navy recruiter boy toy
79
00:03:26,169 --> 00:03:27,783
is coming in again this year.
80
00:03:27,808 --> 00:03:30,438
Yes, every year we
have a whirlwind romance
81
00:03:30,440 --> 00:03:32,910
and he cleans my house.
82
00:03:33,510 --> 00:03:35,610
Ooh, I see.
83
00:03:35,612 --> 00:03:37,778
"Cleans my house" is like a sex term.
84
00:03:37,780 --> 00:03:40,014
Well, then I should
tell you that last night
85
00:03:40,016 --> 00:03:43,884
my husband, Keith, Swiffered
the dust under the couch
86
00:03:43,886 --> 00:03:46,187
for the first time in ten years.
87
00:03:46,189 --> 00:03:48,856
No, Michelle, I mean literally.
88
00:03:48,858 --> 00:03:50,889
He literally cleans my house, okay?
89
00:03:50,914 --> 00:03:53,060
He's such a disciplined military man
90
00:03:53,062 --> 00:03:55,562
that he wakes up so early
he just can't help himself
91
00:03:55,564 --> 00:03:58,032
but get up and start cleaning,
and if he knows I'm sick,
92
00:03:58,034 --> 00:04:00,101
he will not come over
and start cleaning.
93
00:04:00,903 --> 00:04:03,037
That's what I meant.
Our house is dirty too.
94
00:04:03,039 --> 00:04:05,439
He's like a strong, sexy Mary Poppins.
95
00:04:05,441 --> 00:04:07,241
Ooh, yes, Admiral Poppins.
96
00:04:07,266 --> 00:04:09,800
I'll salute you.
97
00:04:09,979 --> 00:04:11,779
Ooh, careful, Michelle, you just durbed.
98
00:04:13,216 --> 00:04:17,084
I'm... I'm sorry, did you
just say, uh, "durbed"?
99
00:04:17,086 --> 00:04:19,120
Yeah, as in "durbing".
100
00:04:19,122 --> 00:04:21,319
You know, when the stuff
glops out of a sandwich.
101
00:04:21,514 --> 00:04:23,557
But that's my... my name.
102
00:04:23,559 --> 00:04:24,591
- I'm Durbin.
- Mm-hmm.
103
00:04:24,616 --> 00:04:26,783
Yeah, exactly. We named it
after you three years ago
104
00:04:26,808 --> 00:04:29,429
when one of your meatball subs
blasted out onto your shirt.
105
00:04:29,647 --> 00:04:32,232
You've been saying this for three years?
106
00:04:32,234 --> 00:04:33,734
Whoop, careful,
Michelle. You're durbing.
107
00:04:33,736 --> 00:04:34,801
Oh.
108
00:04:34,803 --> 00:04:37,003
But... J-Jack knows this too?
109
00:04:37,005 --> 00:04:38,505
Well, don't be offended.
110
00:04:38,907 --> 00:04:40,807
Excuse me, I'll go eat
this out in the hall.
111
00:04:40,809 --> 00:04:41,924
- Wh...
- Oh.
112
00:04:42,844 --> 00:04:44,645
Hey, ladies, um, I just wanted
113
00:04:44,647 --> 00:04:47,013
to give you a chance
to drink this up, okay?
114
00:04:47,015 --> 00:04:48,915
'Cause it might be your last chance.
115
00:04:48,917 --> 00:04:50,651
- Pass.
- Uh, nope.
116
00:04:50,653 --> 00:04:53,086
- Return it.
- Okay, yeah, chuckle it up.
117
00:04:53,088 --> 00:04:55,489
But it looks like my book
might be getting published,
118
00:04:55,491 --> 00:04:58,591
which puts me on the next train
out of this miserable dump.
119
00:04:58,593 --> 00:05:01,160
Aww, come on, Jack. You
know you don't mean that.
120
00:05:01,162 --> 00:05:03,195
Trust me, ladies, there
is nothing in this town
121
00:05:03,197 --> 00:05:05,631
- I'll miss, okay?
- Okay.
122
00:05:08,836 --> 00:05:10,935
Well, he clearly hasn't
been to the Toledo Zoo.
123
00:05:10,960 --> 00:05:13,639
Aww. Girl, he would definitely miss you.
124
00:05:13,641 --> 00:05:15,775
Oh, it's fine. It's totally fine.
125
00:05:15,777 --> 00:05:17,943
It's just... it's...
126
00:05:21,085 --> 00:05:23,516
I was at the zoo when
a panda gave birth.
127
00:05:23,518 --> 00:05:26,619
Yep, I saw a little baby panda
durb right out of the mama.
128
00:05:26,621 --> 00:05:27,986
Aww.
129
00:05:31,269 --> 00:05:32,372
I can't believe this is working.
130
00:05:32,396 --> 00:05:35,106
My, oh my, oh my, aren't we
boisterous this morning?
131
00:05:35,108 --> 00:05:36,941
Gonna need some extra shutting-up today.
132
00:05:37,612 --> 00:05:40,244
All right, guys, let's focus
on getting Sarika into Harvard
133
00:05:40,246 --> 00:05:43,179
and getting me the hell out
of Toledo holding two sacks
134
00:05:43,181 --> 00:05:45,215
of that sweet, sweet Koontz cash, right?
135
00:05:45,217 --> 00:05:46,583
Now, these days,
136
00:05:46,585 --> 00:05:48,277
good grades aren't enough
to get into Harvard,
137
00:05:48,301 --> 00:05:50,047
so we're gonna have
to trick this recruiter
138
00:05:50,072 --> 00:05:52,973
into thinking Sarika
has what she lacks most:
139
00:05:53,125 --> 00:05:54,758
charm and personality.
140
00:05:54,760 --> 00:05:56,760
Sarika, pop up. Go to the back.
141
00:05:56,762 --> 00:05:58,282
Face me, I want to show you something.
142
00:05:59,195 --> 00:06:00,873
Now, you need to make a
really good first impression,
143
00:06:00,897 --> 00:06:03,439
and that starts the moment
that the recruiter sees you.
144
00:06:03,464 --> 00:06:04,998
So I'm the recruiter.
145
00:06:05,738 --> 00:06:07,471
Show me your approach, come on.
146
00:06:12,570 --> 00:06:13,904
This is what I'm talking about.
147
00:06:13,929 --> 00:06:15,711
So rigid, so closed off, you know?
148
00:06:15,713 --> 00:06:16,828
No. No, no, no, no.
149
00:06:16,853 --> 00:06:19,126
Can somebody in this
room please show Sarika
150
00:06:19,151 --> 00:06:20,583
how to walk with confidence?
151
00:06:20,585 --> 00:06:21,653
Marissa?
152
00:06:23,355 --> 00:06:24,722
That was confident.
153
00:06:26,177 --> 00:06:27,276
Here we go.
154
00:06:34,732 --> 00:06:37,133
Okay, Victor, don't overthink it.
155
00:06:37,135 --> 00:06:38,834
It's just like breathing.
156
00:06:38,836 --> 00:06:41,171
Oh, okay, I'm thinking
about my breathing.
157
00:06:41,173 --> 00:06:42,272
Oh, God.
158
00:06:42,274 --> 00:06:44,773
Why did you volunteer for this?
It's not your thing.
159
00:06:44,775 --> 00:06:46,441
Yes, this guy gets it.
160
00:06:46,443 --> 00:06:47,543
All right, keep going, keep going.
161
00:06:47,545 --> 00:06:49,744
You guys seeing this? All
right, now make a left.
162
00:06:49,746 --> 00:06:51,613
Just go all the way down the hall.
163
00:06:51,615 --> 00:06:52,683
All the way down?
164
00:06:56,453 --> 00:06:57,919
'Sup, mama?
165
00:06:57,921 --> 00:06:59,688
What up, big dog? How you doing?
166
00:07:06,863 --> 00:07:08,840
Dan Decker. Honored to meet you, sir.
167
00:07:11,007 --> 00:07:12,834
Yes, well, good... yes.
168
00:07:12,836 --> 00:07:14,003
Welcome to Harvard.
169
00:07:14,305 --> 00:07:15,371
Wow.
170
00:07:16,631 --> 00:07:18,606
Wow. Sarika, did you see that?
171
00:07:18,608 --> 00:07:20,774
Now, these recruiters,
they also love humility,
172
00:07:20,776 --> 00:07:23,777
so why don't you start with
a self-deprecating joke.
173
00:07:23,779 --> 00:07:26,814
Guys, what can Sarika
say to criticize herself?
174
00:07:26,816 --> 00:07:28,683
- She's a kiss-ass.
- Bad clothes.
175
00:07:28,685 --> 00:07:30,719
- She's rude.
- Yes, good. Yes.
176
00:07:30,744 --> 00:07:32,742
Okay, we have... we have
a lot of good options here.
177
00:07:32,766 --> 00:07:36,223
All right, yeah, now, did...
did somebody say she's rude?
178
00:07:36,225 --> 00:07:38,493
- That was me.
- She is rude, you're right.
179
00:07:39,195 --> 00:07:40,961
This is going good, Sarika, trust me.
180
00:07:40,963 --> 00:07:42,495
What else, guys?
181
00:07:42,497 --> 00:07:44,564
_
182
00:07:51,673 --> 00:07:54,208
Well, hello, Admiral.
183
00:07:54,210 --> 00:07:55,275
Stef.
184
00:07:55,300 --> 00:07:57,468
Oh, I can't wait to see you later.
185
00:07:57,847 --> 00:07:59,512
Can't wait either.
186
00:07:59,514 --> 00:08:01,749
You okay? Your voice is a little raspy.
187
00:08:01,751 --> 00:08:02,883
Oh, I been smoking.
188
00:08:02,885 --> 00:08:03,984
Huh.
189
00:08:03,986 --> 00:08:06,319
I read a study that says
that that can be dangerous.
190
00:08:06,321 --> 00:08:07,768
You been on that boat too long.
191
00:08:13,828 --> 00:08:16,565
I'll see you later.
192
00:08:18,933 --> 00:08:21,500
- "Oberland".
- It's Oberlin.
193
00:08:21,502 --> 00:08:23,238
I always wished I'd gone to college.
194
00:08:23,263 --> 00:08:25,704
I know I'm not the
traditional college applicant,
195
00:08:25,706 --> 00:08:27,274
but I am the perfect one.
196
00:08:28,376 --> 00:08:29,476
Why not?
197
00:08:29,778 --> 00:08:31,277
Here's a pamphlet.
198
00:08:31,279 --> 00:08:32,686
A pamphlet?
199
00:08:33,514 --> 00:08:35,414
It looks like Helen Henry DeMarcus
200
00:08:35,416 --> 00:08:37,084
is going to college!
201
00:08:43,357 --> 00:08:44,989
Okay, so remember what we
talked about, all right?
202
00:08:45,013 --> 00:08:46,707
I'm gonna say, "This is Sarika Sarkar.
203
00:08:46,732 --> 00:08:49,027
"She is our best
student, a unique talent,
204
00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:50,357
and an even better human."
205
00:08:50,382 --> 00:08:51,397
Then you hit them with...
206
00:08:51,422 --> 00:08:52,482
Oh, he's just saying that
207
00:08:52,507 --> 00:08:54,065
'cause teacher
evaluations are this week.
208
00:08:54,067 --> 00:08:55,967
Yes, then we laugh for
exactly two seconds...
209
00:08:57,905 --> 00:08:59,371
Then you crush some small talk,
210
00:08:59,373 --> 00:09:00,941
your app goes in the priority folder,
211
00:09:00,966 --> 00:09:03,873
and my manuscript gasses
it straight to Koontzville.
212
00:09:04,833 --> 00:09:05,911
- Ready?
- Yeah.
213
00:09:05,913 --> 00:09:07,014
All right.
214
00:09:08,616 --> 00:09:12,384
Well, if it isn't Nasty Jack Griffin.
215
00:09:12,386 --> 00:09:13,985
Kate.
216
00:09:13,987 --> 00:09:16,388
- Bring it in, Nasty Jack.
- Okay.
217
00:09:16,390 --> 00:09:18,290
Oh, you smell good.
218
00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:22,934
Oh, well, um, I gotta go,
but it was great to see you.
219
00:09:22,959 --> 00:09:25,125
And, uh, great seeing you, Sarika.
220
00:09:25,498 --> 00:09:26,768
Yeah, I... yep.
221
00:09:28,393 --> 00:09:30,401
He's just saying that
222
00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:32,003
'cause teacher
evaluations are this week.
223
00:09:38,794 --> 00:09:41,562
- What the hell?
- Uh, yeah, sorry about that.
224
00:09:41,564 --> 00:09:44,398
Turns out I have a little
bit of a sexual history
225
00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:45,766
with that particular recruiter.
226
00:09:45,768 --> 00:09:48,302
Yeah, she and I used to hook
up all the time at Harvard.
227
00:09:48,327 --> 00:09:50,571
It's a little awkward now,
though, 'cause I'm kinda-sorta
228
00:09:50,573 --> 00:09:52,306
into somebody else a little, you know?
229
00:09:52,308 --> 00:09:53,808
That's not something you
guys need to know about.
230
00:09:53,810 --> 00:09:55,776
- Lynette.
- We know.
231
00:09:55,778 --> 00:09:57,847
The beautiful, beautiful payroll lady.
232
00:09:58,648 --> 00:10:01,114
- Knock, knock.
- Hey.
233
00:10:01,116 --> 00:10:02,982
I, uh, just wanted to let you know
234
00:10:02,984 --> 00:10:04,651
we're headed to our hotel bar.
235
00:10:04,653 --> 00:10:06,353
- Oh.
- You should pop by.
236
00:10:06,355 --> 00:10:09,255
It'll be like old times.
237
00:10:09,257 --> 00:10:10,534
I might even...
238
00:10:16,798 --> 00:10:18,598
Uh, that'd be... that'd be interesting.
239
00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:20,367
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
240
00:10:20,369 --> 00:10:21,501
Bye.
241
00:10:21,803 --> 00:10:24,003
So they really do whisper dirty things.
242
00:10:24,005 --> 00:10:26,173
Looks like you have a second chance.
243
00:10:27,175 --> 00:10:29,676
If you can get this
in her priority folder.
244
00:10:29,678 --> 00:10:30,810
the deal is back on.
245
00:10:31,068 --> 00:10:33,346
Uh, I don't think so, Sarika.
246
00:10:33,348 --> 00:10:35,181
Are you really gonna ruin your chances
247
00:10:35,183 --> 00:10:37,216
at publishing your
book because of Lynette?
248
00:10:37,218 --> 00:10:39,322
A woman you kinda-sorta like?
249
00:10:40,194 --> 00:10:41,794
You're gonna be stuck in Toledo.
250
00:10:42,454 --> 00:10:43,501
Forever.
251
00:10:45,172 --> 00:10:47,219
Fine, give me the
application, all right?
252
00:10:47,244 --> 00:10:49,344
I'll go do a little harmless flirting.
253
00:10:49,830 --> 00:10:52,398
But there will be no
tequila and no banging.
254
00:10:52,400 --> 00:10:54,901
Do you hear me, Sarika? I will not
bang that woman for you.
255
00:10:54,903 --> 00:10:55,968
Okay.
256
00:10:58,172 --> 00:11:00,137
Trick is, I take my right hand,
257
00:11:00,162 --> 00:11:02,355
and then I firmly shove
it under the starboard edge
258
00:11:02,380 --> 00:11:03,472
of the mattress.
259
00:11:03,497 --> 00:11:05,744
Ooh, mama, I need those tight corners.
260
00:11:05,746 --> 00:11:08,714
Oh, hello, everyone.
261
00:11:08,716 --> 00:11:09,748
Okay.
262
00:11:09,750 --> 00:11:12,918
A durb, a durb.
263
00:11:12,920 --> 00:11:16,922
Ladies and gentleman,
you have all been durbed.
264
00:11:16,924 --> 00:11:19,925
No, you cannot force a new durb, Ralph.
265
00:11:19,927 --> 00:11:21,659
Durbing is slop glopping.
266
00:11:21,661 --> 00:11:23,661
God, can't durbing mean anything else?
267
00:11:23,663 --> 00:11:25,196
- It's so gross.
- Oh, my God.
268
00:11:25,198 --> 00:11:27,365
Okay, if it bothers you so much,
269
00:11:27,367 --> 00:11:29,624
we'll just let the universe decide.
270
00:11:29,649 --> 00:11:32,870
Okay, so the next random,
unnamed thing that happens
271
00:11:32,872 --> 00:11:33,972
will be durbing.
272
00:11:34,674 --> 00:11:35,773
Yes.
273
00:11:35,775 --> 00:11:37,042
All right.
274
00:11:37,044 --> 00:11:38,210
Thank you.
275
00:11:39,112 --> 00:11:40,412
I'm like, "If you have to ask,
276
00:11:40,414 --> 00:11:41,701
you can't afford college"
277
00:11:41,726 --> 00:11:42,730
Hey, hey.
278
00:11:42,755 --> 00:11:45,083
- Hey.
- How we doing, Kate?
279
00:11:45,085 --> 00:11:46,951
You enjoying Toledo's finest hotel?
280
00:11:46,953 --> 00:11:48,785
Did you get the parking lot view
281
00:11:48,787 --> 00:11:50,120
or the mall's air conditioning view?
282
00:11:50,122 --> 00:11:51,788
Mall's air conditioning view.
283
00:11:51,790 --> 00:11:54,891
- It is stunning.
- Ooh. Aren't we fancy?
284
00:11:54,893 --> 00:11:56,126
Look at you.
285
00:11:56,128 --> 00:11:58,095
Hey, so, um, I wanted to talk to you
286
00:11:58,097 --> 00:11:59,263
about a student of mine.
287
00:11:59,265 --> 00:12:01,932
After we have some tequila.
288
00:12:01,934 --> 00:12:03,069
Uh, yeah, I was afraid of that.
289
00:12:03,093 --> 00:12:05,302
Um, I'm actually sticking
to club soda tonight.
290
00:12:08,074 --> 00:12:09,106
Oh.
291
00:12:09,808 --> 00:12:10,808
Okay.
292
00:12:11,482 --> 00:12:12,614
Suit yourself.
293
00:12:12,744 --> 00:12:15,812
Wow, your skin's so hot to the touch.
294
00:12:15,814 --> 00:12:17,314
- Are you okay?
- Yes.
295
00:12:17,316 --> 00:12:19,916
Yes.
296
00:12:22,153 --> 00:12:25,822
No, I am very sick, and
I was hiding it from you
297
00:12:25,824 --> 00:12:28,492
'cause I didn't want to ruin
our precious two days together.
298
00:12:29,001 --> 00:12:31,094
Stef, we're both human beings.
299
00:12:31,096 --> 00:12:33,797
We have to accept each
other's flaws and weaknesses.
300
00:12:34,322 --> 00:12:37,433
To be honest, I feel like I
might be coming down with...
301
00:12:41,006 --> 00:12:42,305
False alarm.
302
00:12:42,857 --> 00:12:45,475
He just sneezed and farted
303
00:12:45,477 --> 00:12:46,910
at the same time.
304
00:12:46,912 --> 00:12:48,845
Oh!
305
00:12:48,847 --> 00:12:51,114
Oh, that's the new durbing! Yes!
306
00:12:51,116 --> 00:12:54,609
No... lis... no, no, durbing
cannot be a sneeze-fart.
307
00:12:54,634 --> 00:12:56,019
That's snarting.
308
00:12:56,021 --> 00:12:57,453
I apologize for durbing.
309
00:12:57,855 --> 00:12:58,966
Please excuse me.
310
00:13:01,025 --> 00:13:03,425
Ladies, we gone.
311
00:13:03,427 --> 00:13:06,429
What about what he said about
accepting each other's flaws?
312
00:13:06,541 --> 00:13:09,308
The image of that man
washing his underwear
313
00:13:09,333 --> 00:13:11,433
in the bathroom of a two-star hotel
314
00:13:11,435 --> 00:13:14,003
is enough to make me
clean my own damn house.
315
00:13:15,039 --> 00:13:16,505
- Good night, Durbie!
- Oh. Good night, Durbs.
316
00:13:16,507 --> 00:13:17,673
Snart.
317
00:13:19,944 --> 00:13:21,209
What up, Durbs?
318
00:13:21,211 --> 00:13:23,211
- So Lynette's here, huh?
- Yeah.
319
00:13:23,213 --> 00:13:25,781
Who's the... who's the guy she's with?
320
00:13:25,783 --> 00:13:28,017
That... that's Nico Marshak.
321
00:13:28,019 --> 00:13:29,384
He plays hockey for the Walleyes
322
00:13:29,386 --> 00:13:32,054
and he's the face of Muscle Milk.
323
00:13:32,056 --> 00:13:33,454
Are they, uh...
324
00:13:33,456 --> 00:13:35,698
Oh, they are a great-looking couple.
325
00:13:35,723 --> 00:13:37,892
I'm gonna get a picture of
them for my vision board.
326
00:13:40,797 --> 00:13:42,363
Cheers.
327
00:13:42,365 --> 00:13:44,165
Oh, yeah. You know what?
328
00:13:44,167 --> 00:13:46,233
Um, I think I changed my mind.
329
00:13:46,235 --> 00:13:47,835
I'm gonna do a tequila shot after all.
330
00:13:47,837 --> 00:13:49,303
Yes! Take mine.
331
00:13:49,305 --> 00:13:50,483
Oh, okay.
332
00:13:50,508 --> 00:13:53,107
By the way, did I mention
that this place has a hot tub?
333
00:14:04,581 --> 00:14:06,592
How can you stand Toledo?
334
00:14:06,617 --> 00:14:07,631
Ugh.
335
00:14:07,656 --> 00:14:09,822
By my count, there are
12 KFCs in this town.
336
00:14:09,920 --> 00:14:11,286
Well, actually 14 if you count
337
00:14:11,288 --> 00:14:12,955
the combination KFC and Taco Bells,
338
00:14:12,957 --> 00:14:14,084
which I definitely do.
339
00:14:14,109 --> 00:14:15,776
Yeah, it's crazy, man.
340
00:14:15,801 --> 00:14:17,576
It's a lot of... lot of fried...
341
00:14:19,196 --> 00:14:21,530
Hey, I uh... I can't
even get a taco these days
342
00:14:21,532 --> 00:14:23,065
without ordering a side
of mashed potatoes...
343
00:14:23,067 --> 00:14:24,425
- Oh...
- And gravy.
344
00:14:24,450 --> 00:14:25,483
- Gravy.
- Yeah.
345
00:14:25,508 --> 00:14:27,069
Which is not bad, I mean, you know,
346
00:14:27,071 --> 00:14:29,138
that way, you're bringing
the two cultures together.
347
00:14:29,140 --> 00:14:30,605
You know, Mexican food and...
348
00:14:31,207 --> 00:14:33,041
No, no.
349
00:14:33,043 --> 00:14:34,709
Wait...
350
00:14:34,711 --> 00:14:36,344
Okay, wait. Kate, Kate, Kate.
351
00:14:36,946 --> 00:14:38,013
I can't.
352
00:14:39,115 --> 00:14:40,948
I got... I'm sorry, but it's a no.
353
00:14:40,950 --> 00:14:43,051
It's a... it's a no-go.
354
00:14:43,053 --> 00:14:44,302
"It's a no-go"?
355
00:14:45,155 --> 00:14:47,621
Seriously?
356
00:14:47,623 --> 00:14:48,724
Okay.
357
00:14:50,126 --> 00:14:52,126
You're not as fun as I remember.
358
00:14:54,297 --> 00:14:56,297
I'm sorry...
359
00:14:56,299 --> 00:14:58,166
- I, uh...
- Whatever.
360
00:14:58,168 --> 00:14:59,635
I'm gonna go kill a Toblerone.
361
00:15:05,175 --> 00:15:06,535
Hey, what are you guys doing here?
362
00:15:06,678 --> 00:15:09,443
We came here to make sure
you have her my application,
363
00:15:09,717 --> 00:15:11,184
which you didn't.
364
00:15:11,209 --> 00:15:13,080
You ever need any tips
on how to seal the deal,
365
00:15:13,082 --> 00:15:14,122
just let me know.
366
00:15:14,147 --> 00:15:16,617
You were close, my man. Proud of you.
367
00:15:16,619 --> 00:15:19,687
- Yeah, what happened?
- Can't you see he's heartsick?
368
00:15:20,044 --> 00:15:21,692
His soul mate is on a date
369
00:15:21,717 --> 00:15:24,258
with a strong, handsome milk celebrity.
370
00:15:24,260 --> 00:15:25,593
Look, Sarika, I'm out, okay?
371
00:15:25,595 --> 00:15:27,361
I'm sorry, I just... I couldn't do it.
372
00:15:27,363 --> 00:15:29,162
But you can still get your
application into her folder.
373
00:15:29,164 --> 00:15:30,306
I mean, at this point,
you guys should know how
374
00:15:30,330 --> 00:15:32,099
to accomplish a mission
like this on your own.
375
00:15:32,101 --> 00:15:34,602
I mean, we're... we're in a hotel, okay?
376
00:15:34,604 --> 00:15:36,604
There's a million uniforms
you could use as disguises.
377
00:15:36,606 --> 00:15:39,106
There's a... there's a computer
that literally prints keys.
378
00:15:39,398 --> 00:15:41,475
I found pool chemicals and a net.
379
00:15:41,477 --> 00:15:43,110
Grace, what are you gonna do with that?
380
00:15:43,112 --> 00:15:44,644
We're not dissolving anybody.
381
00:15:44,646 --> 00:15:46,813
This wouldn't fully dissolve a body.
382
00:15:47,501 --> 00:15:49,701
All right, look, you guys,
383
00:15:49,726 --> 00:15:51,395
you can do this on your own, okay?
384
00:15:52,230 --> 00:15:53,970
There's someone I need to go talk to.
385
00:16:11,049 --> 00:16:12,148
Hey.
386
00:16:12,173 --> 00:16:15,207
- Lynette.
- Jack, what are you doing?
387
00:16:15,209 --> 00:16:17,209
Uh, did... did your hockey guy take off?
388
00:16:17,211 --> 00:16:19,144
- Did he leave?
- Yeah, he just left.
389
00:16:19,146 --> 00:16:20,212
Oh.
390
00:16:21,014 --> 00:16:24,349
Uh, so it's been a
crazy couple days, huh?
391
00:16:24,351 --> 00:16:26,818
I had this, uh, weird dream
392
00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:29,588
where, uh, you and I had these
four fat Toledo babies together
393
00:16:29,590 --> 00:16:31,189
and, uh, you were super excited
394
00:16:31,191 --> 00:16:33,224
because I'd gotten you a vacuum cleaner.
395
00:16:33,226 --> 00:16:35,227
And I thought maybe I didn't want that,
396
00:16:35,529 --> 00:16:39,039
uh, but maybe now I think
that it's not so bad.
397
00:16:40,834 --> 00:16:42,668
Ew. I-I don't... I don't... mm-mm.
398
00:16:42,670 --> 00:16:44,369
I don't want any of that.
399
00:16:44,519 --> 00:16:46,820
I don't even know your middle name.
400
00:16:47,174 --> 00:16:49,508
No, I know, I...
401
00:16:49,510 --> 00:16:50,515
It's Carson.
402
00:16:52,045 --> 00:16:53,144
That's kind of cool.
403
00:16:53,546 --> 00:16:55,212
You should go by Carson.
404
00:16:55,214 --> 00:16:57,047
Lynette, I'm trying...
I'm trying to be serious.
405
00:16:57,049 --> 00:16:59,383
Jack, I heard you say
there's nothing you'd miss
406
00:16:59,385 --> 00:17:00,518
if you left Toledo.
407
00:17:03,189 --> 00:17:04,318
I would miss you.
408
00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:07,458
Think I'm just... I'm
afraid that if I admit
409
00:17:07,460 --> 00:17:10,361
to liking anything in
Toledo I'll get pulled
410
00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:13,397
into the escalator gears
and ground to a fleshy pulp.
411
00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:18,402
I... I like you and I'm...
412
00:17:18,404 --> 00:17:20,237
Glad I met you, and I don't know.
413
00:17:20,239 --> 00:17:22,595
I don't know, you just... you
make me happy to be in Toledo.
414
00:17:22,619 --> 00:17:24,851
I'm just saying I don't
want to date anybody else.
415
00:17:29,214 --> 00:17:30,877
I actually feel the same way.
416
00:17:32,551 --> 00:17:34,317
- You do?
- Yeah.
417
00:17:34,642 --> 00:17:38,621
That's why I-I just ended
things with Nico, so...
418
00:17:38,623 --> 00:17:39,760
You did?
419
00:17:41,426 --> 00:17:43,092
Have you guys been
dating this entire time?
420
00:17:43,094 --> 00:17:44,461
Not the whole time.
421
00:17:44,463 --> 00:17:46,262
Oh!
422
00:17:46,264 --> 00:17:47,731
We were not exclusive.
423
00:17:47,733 --> 00:17:49,332
Wow. No, I know.
424
00:17:49,334 --> 00:17:51,025
Were you not dating other people?
425
00:17:51,837 --> 00:17:52,903
No.
426
00:17:53,405 --> 00:17:55,235
- Lame.
- Okay.
427
00:17:56,140 --> 00:17:57,341
God.
428
00:17:58,243 --> 00:17:59,609
- Oh, my hero.
- Yeah.
429
00:17:59,611 --> 00:18:01,577
- That's sweet.
- You're turning blue.
430
00:18:13,291 --> 00:18:14,580
Love wins.
431
00:18:24,168 --> 00:18:25,701
Oh, look at this.
432
00:18:25,703 --> 00:18:29,638
This sub just durbed
all over my work shirt.
433
00:18:29,640 --> 00:18:32,474
What, now you want glopping
to be known as durbing?
434
00:18:32,476 --> 00:18:33,651
I don't have any kids.
435
00:18:33,676 --> 00:18:35,443
I... I can't have my only contribution
436
00:18:35,445 --> 00:18:37,445
to the Durbin legacy be a snart.
437
00:18:37,447 --> 00:18:39,547
Oh, are you kidding me?
438
00:18:39,549 --> 00:18:42,617
They are gonna name this "GD"
high school after you someday.
439
00:18:42,619 --> 00:18:44,452
There are two people in this world
440
00:18:44,454 --> 00:18:47,222
that I would take a bullet
for: you and Gus Wakiama.
441
00:18:47,224 --> 00:18:49,411
He's my neighbor, and
he took a bullet for me.
442
00:18:50,227 --> 00:18:52,627
Well, took a bullet from me
'cause I was cleaning my gun.
443
00:18:52,629 --> 00:18:54,562
Feels like I owe him.
444
00:18:54,564 --> 00:18:57,165
- Jeez.
- Ah, dang it.
445
00:18:57,167 --> 00:18:59,834
- Oberland rejected me.
- Aww.
446
00:18:59,836 --> 00:19:01,836
They said I don't have
a high school diploma.
447
00:19:01,838 --> 00:19:03,471
Well, yeah, because I didn't graduate
448
00:19:03,473 --> 00:19:05,083
from high school, you dummies.
449
00:19:05,465 --> 00:19:09,510
Well, it looks like Helen
Henry DeMarcus is going
450
00:19:09,512 --> 00:19:15,382
back to high school!
451
00:19:17,945 --> 00:19:19,044
Good luck.
452
00:19:22,309 --> 00:19:23,309
Okay.
453
00:19:23,993 --> 00:19:26,360
I got so into character as a bellhop,
454
00:19:26,362 --> 00:19:28,395
I ended up working a 12-hour shift.
455
00:19:29,466 --> 00:19:31,699
All I care about is that
the mission was a success
456
00:19:31,701 --> 00:19:34,234
and my application ended
up in her priority folder.
457
00:19:34,236 --> 00:19:36,270
And since it was technically your idea
458
00:19:36,272 --> 00:19:38,238
to have us disguise
ourselves as hotel staff,
459
00:19:38,605 --> 00:19:40,874
I still passed your
manuscript along to my aunt.
460
00:19:41,362 --> 00:19:42,876
- Y-you did?
- Yeah.
461
00:19:42,878 --> 00:19:44,611
She liked it, and actually wants
462
00:19:44,613 --> 00:19:45,847
to meet with you on Tuesday.
463
00:19:46,349 --> 00:19:47,396
In New York.
464
00:19:48,517 --> 00:19:49,617
Here's her card.
465
00:19:50,063 --> 00:19:51,395
Oh, my God.
466
00:19:51,553 --> 00:19:52,886
Way to go, Boss!
467
00:19:53,589 --> 00:19:55,555
Maybe you'll get a big
book deal and leave,
468
00:19:55,557 --> 00:19:57,724
and we'll get a real teacher
in time for the AP exam.
469
00:19:57,726 --> 00:20:00,527
Getting out, JG!
470
00:20:02,865 --> 00:20:05,564
This is very cool.
Very, um... yeah, very...
471
00:20:05,566 --> 00:20:07,467
Very fast. F-faster than I had planned.
472
00:20:07,469 --> 00:20:09,402
But, uh... which is good, it's good.
473
00:20:10,496 --> 00:20:12,986
So are you in?
474
00:20:13,608 --> 00:20:15,208
Am I in? Yeah... well, yeah.
475
00:20:15,581 --> 00:20:17,300
Yeah, absolutely. I mean,
pretty much definitely.
476
00:20:17,324 --> 00:20:19,045
I just gotta make sure
that I'm free on Tuesday.
477
00:20:19,047 --> 00:20:20,146
I'm pretty sure I am.
478
00:20:20,171 --> 00:20:21,780
I just gotta check my...
I have a calendar at home.
479
00:20:21,782 --> 00:20:24,884
That's my... sort of my master...
I keep everything on there.
480
00:20:24,886 --> 00:20:26,752
So let me just, you
know, give it a look-see.
481
00:20:26,754 --> 00:20:29,254
But, uh, yeah, no, looks
like I could be, um...
482
00:20:30,558 --> 00:20:31,824
looks like I could...
I could be out of here
483
00:20:31,826 --> 00:20:32,925
very, very quickly.
484
00:20:32,927 --> 00:20:33,960
Yeah.
485
00:20:34,962 --> 00:20:37,596
- Mr. Griffin.
- Huh?
486
00:20:37,598 --> 00:20:39,297
We have a new student for you.
487
00:20:39,299 --> 00:20:40,344
Uh, yeah, no, I know.
488
00:20:40,369 --> 00:20:41,833
She's been fitting in really well.
489
00:20:41,835 --> 00:20:42,853
Yeah, great job, new kid.
490
00:20:42,878 --> 00:20:44,579
I've been here the whole time.
491
00:20:44,604 --> 00:20:46,405
Ah, you keep saying that.
492
00:20:46,407 --> 00:20:49,263
No, but Jack, this is
somebody completely new.
493
00:20:51,311 --> 00:20:53,778
- Hiya, teach!
- Have fun.
494
00:20:53,780 --> 00:20:55,514
Hi, guys.
495
00:20:55,516 --> 00:20:57,282
Oh, uh... wait, Ralph, I'm...
496
00:20:58,585 --> 00:21:01,819
Advanced Placement Biology.
497
00:21:01,821 --> 00:21:04,523
Oh, I gotta go to the bathroom,
and it's an emergency.
498
00:21:04,525 --> 00:21:07,426
Excuse me, oh boy. It's called nerves.
499
00:21:07,428 --> 00:21:09,428
Plus the spinach quiche.