1 00:00:03,786 --> 00:00:04,178 . 2 00:00:04,221 --> 00:00:07,355 [clock ticking] 3 00:00:07,398 --> 00:00:10,358 [Buck Owens' "I Don't Believe I'll Fall in Love Today"] 4 00:00:10,401 --> 00:00:13,709 ♪ 5 00:00:13,752 --> 00:00:19,062 - ♪ I don't believe I'll fall in love today ♪ 6 00:00:19,106 --> 00:00:22,109 - Hiya. - [screams] 7 00:00:22,152 --> 00:00:24,154 Helen! Please! 8 00:00:24,198 --> 00:00:26,069 Please feel free to turn the lights on 9 00:00:26,113 --> 00:00:27,679 when you arrive in the morning. 10 00:00:27,723 --> 00:00:30,247 - The day I become a member of the custodial union, 11 00:00:30,291 --> 00:00:31,422 I certainly will, Dale. 12 00:00:31,466 --> 00:00:33,555 - That is not one of the rules. 13 00:00:33,598 --> 00:00:36,079 - Now I can see what I'm doing here. 14 00:00:36,123 --> 00:00:39,082 [percussive music] 15 00:00:39,126 --> 00:00:43,695 ♪ 16 00:00:43,739 --> 00:00:45,219 Hi, Ralph. - Good morning, Helen. 17 00:00:45,262 --> 00:00:47,090 - Oh, the morning announcements are just-- 18 00:00:47,134 --> 00:00:48,396 we're just chock full of 'em. 19 00:00:48,439 --> 00:00:50,398 And we can't be late like yesterday. 20 00:00:50,441 --> 00:00:51,442 Check this one out. 21 00:00:52,617 --> 00:00:54,358 - "Don't eat the broccoli in the cafeteria 22 00:00:54,402 --> 00:00:56,708 or you'll get birth defects." Helen, what is this? 23 00:00:56,752 --> 00:00:58,580 - Food services couldn't get in the door, 24 00:00:58,623 --> 00:01:00,712 so they left everything for the whole week 25 00:01:00,756 --> 00:01:02,845 on the front lawn, and then the landscapers came 26 00:01:02,888 --> 00:01:04,847 and blasted the whole thing with Roundup. 27 00:01:04,890 --> 00:01:06,501 So the broccoli got the brunt of it 28 00:01:06,544 --> 00:01:08,285 because it's in bags with holes. 29 00:01:08,329 --> 00:01:10,809 - Well, Helen, just tell them to throw the broccoli out. 30 00:01:10,853 --> 00:01:13,160 - What if the announcement is, "Don't eat broccoli 31 00:01:13,203 --> 00:01:15,162 out of the trash, now more than ever?" 32 00:01:15,205 --> 00:01:16,859 Make it sound positive. - Okay. 33 00:01:16,902 --> 00:01:19,818 - Speaking of announcements, you got 28 minutes, kid. 34 00:01:19,862 --> 00:01:21,211 - Oh, gosh. 35 00:01:21,255 --> 00:01:23,213 - Hi. - Happy hump day, Jack. 36 00:01:23,257 --> 00:01:24,562 - All right. 37 00:01:24,606 --> 00:01:26,608 - Or, for my dogs, that's every day. 38 00:01:26,651 --> 00:01:28,740 It can mean just about anything to them, you know? 39 00:01:28,784 --> 00:01:30,655 Hello, good-bye, I like your style. 40 00:01:30,699 --> 00:01:32,179 - Oh. - Hey, you're in my yard. 41 00:01:32,222 --> 00:01:33,397 Get out of here. - Yeah. 42 00:01:33,441 --> 00:01:34,703 You know, I'm gonna kill you someday. 43 00:01:34,746 --> 00:01:35,834 - Oh, I'm gonna kill you first. 44 00:01:35,878 --> 00:01:37,227 - No, really, you drive me nuts. 45 00:01:37,271 --> 00:01:38,402 - Let's do it. You wanna go? 46 00:01:38,446 --> 00:01:40,665 - Guy--guys, let's-- - Yeah. 47 00:01:40,709 --> 00:01:41,884 - Sorry. - Yeah. 48 00:01:41,927 --> 00:01:43,538 - We got in trouble. - Okay. 49 00:01:43,581 --> 00:01:45,714 - Listen, Jack, I would love to stay and chat, 50 00:01:45,757 --> 00:01:48,760 but these next 28 minutes decide whether we grab 51 00:01:48,804 --> 00:01:53,243 the ram by the horns or whether the rams kinda grab us. 52 00:01:53,287 --> 00:01:55,245 Well, the hooves... [laughs] 53 00:01:55,289 --> 00:01:56,246 I guess it'd be a hug. 54 00:01:56,290 --> 00:01:57,595 [both laughing] 55 00:01:57,639 --> 00:01:59,249 - Ram hug. Don't wanna get hugged. 56 00:01:59,293 --> 00:02:00,685 - That fell apart. - Hey, early bird. 57 00:02:00,729 --> 00:02:02,339 What you need? 58 00:02:02,383 --> 00:02:03,732 - Well, I'm just here early doing a little research 59 00:02:03,775 --> 00:02:05,473 for my new book about Toledo's working class. 60 00:02:05,516 --> 00:02:06,865 - Mm-hmm. 61 00:02:06,909 --> 00:02:08,563 - I was down in the cafeteria observing Ronda 62 00:02:08,606 --> 00:02:10,260 and the lunch ladies as they cheerfully made 63 00:02:10,304 --> 00:02:12,654 about 200 breakfast burritos. - Mmm. 64 00:02:12,697 --> 00:02:14,482 - And then she was mixing up about three vats of what she 65 00:02:14,525 --> 00:02:16,266 was calling fiesta tots. - Mmm. 66 00:02:16,310 --> 00:02:17,789 - So, anyway, I just need to type up my notes 67 00:02:17,833 --> 00:02:19,791 and I was hoping to do that in my massage chair. 68 00:02:19,835 --> 00:02:22,664 And you have that, so, uh, give me it. 69 00:02:22,707 --> 00:02:23,969 - Cricket nipples. 70 00:02:24,013 --> 00:02:25,188 I gave it to Lynette in accounts payable. 71 00:02:25,232 --> 00:02:26,668 - Oh. 72 00:02:26,711 --> 00:02:27,930 - Because I read that if you sit on a yoga ball... 73 00:02:27,973 --> 00:02:29,453 - Uh-huh. 74 00:02:29,497 --> 00:02:30,585 - It really strengthens your groin. 75 00:02:30,628 --> 00:02:31,890 - Does it? 76 00:02:31,934 --> 00:02:34,284 - So you don't have a dumpy groin. 77 00:02:34,328 --> 00:02:36,460 - Ah. - And who wants a dumpy groin? 78 00:02:36,504 --> 00:02:37,679 - So, sorry, where is-- where is accounts payable? 79 00:02:37,722 --> 00:02:39,202 I'd like to go see this Lynette. 80 00:02:39,246 --> 00:02:40,421 - Oh, it's that way. Left, two rights. 81 00:02:40,464 --> 00:02:41,422 - Left and two rights. - Yeah. 82 00:02:41,465 --> 00:02:42,423 - Okay. - Hi. 83 00:02:42,466 --> 00:02:43,989 - Hi, Sarika. 84 00:02:44,033 --> 00:02:45,817 - Here are all the violations I witnessed so far today. 85 00:02:45,861 --> 00:02:47,254 - Well, you'd better tell them to me. 86 00:02:47,297 --> 00:02:48,298 - Dale was ten minutes late this morning. 87 00:02:48,342 --> 00:02:49,734 - Oh, my God. 88 00:02:49,778 --> 00:02:51,475 - Travis Hexter put the school up for sale on eBay. 89 00:02:51,519 --> 00:02:53,521 It's at $300. - That's pretty good. 90 00:02:53,564 --> 00:02:56,219 - Anyway, back to this roofing debacle. 91 00:02:56,263 --> 00:02:58,526 The guy shows up, he's a half hour late. 92 00:02:58,569 --> 00:03:02,007 He comes in Mr. Fancy carrying a coffee like he has 93 00:03:02,051 --> 00:03:04,227 not a care in the world. I-- 94 00:03:04,271 --> 00:03:05,837 - Hi, is this accounts payable? 95 00:03:05,881 --> 00:03:07,535 I was wondering if I could ask you to part ways 96 00:03:07,578 --> 00:03:08,840 with that chair because-- - No, no. 97 00:03:08,884 --> 00:03:10,625 I run the school's social media. 98 00:03:10,668 --> 00:03:11,974 Lynette's payroll. 99 00:03:12,017 --> 00:03:14,411 Anyway, my husband says to the guy, 100 00:03:14,455 --> 00:03:16,761 "How much to get the whole roof reshingled?" 101 00:03:16,805 --> 00:03:18,676 - The guy says, "Eight thou." 102 00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:21,244 He says, "Eight thou? Fat chance." 103 00:03:21,288 --> 00:03:22,680 - Hello. [knocking] 104 00:03:22,724 --> 00:03:24,465 Hi, I'm Jack. 105 00:03:24,508 --> 00:03:26,031 I hate to tell you this, but you're sitting on a chair 106 00:03:26,075 --> 00:03:27,946 that I technically bought so, you know, 107 00:03:27,990 --> 00:03:30,340 bottom line is, that's my chair. 108 00:03:30,384 --> 00:03:33,561 - It's weird to say it's yours just because you bought it. 109 00:03:33,604 --> 00:03:35,258 Do you know what I mean? 110 00:03:35,302 --> 00:03:37,652 I bought that chipmunk, but he doesn't belong to me. 111 00:03:37,695 --> 00:03:39,044 He belongs to the world. 112 00:03:39,088 --> 00:03:40,742 - Actually, yes, you're making a very valid 113 00:03:40,785 --> 00:03:43,527 philosophical point. No one really owns anything. 114 00:03:44,485 --> 00:03:46,356 Nice, nice. 115 00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:48,358 - It was Jack, right? - Yeah. 116 00:03:48,402 --> 00:03:50,578 Yeah, I was named after my grandfather. 117 00:03:50,621 --> 00:03:52,884 - "My grandfather," very formal. 118 00:03:52,928 --> 00:03:55,060 I think I see what's going on here. 119 00:03:55,104 --> 00:03:58,325 You grew up around horses, didn't you, Jack? 120 00:03:58,368 --> 00:04:00,544 Which was nice because Mommy and Daddy 121 00:04:00,588 --> 00:04:02,416 wouldn't give you a little brother. 122 00:04:02,459 --> 00:04:05,288 After high school, you ran off to Egypt. 123 00:04:05,332 --> 00:04:07,725 That is, until Daddy said it's time to come home. 124 00:04:07,769 --> 00:04:09,727 He pulled strings to get you into Kent State, 125 00:04:09,771 --> 00:04:14,036 a nice little place where you pledged Beta and played soccer. 126 00:04:14,079 --> 00:04:17,344 But that was too big a pond for this fish, wasn't it? 127 00:04:17,387 --> 00:04:20,956 So you came crawling back home to breed your pit bulls 128 00:04:20,999 --> 00:04:24,481 and blow your family's fortune on online poker. 129 00:04:27,441 --> 00:04:29,007 - None of that is right. 130 00:04:29,051 --> 00:04:30,748 - Yeah. 131 00:04:30,792 --> 00:04:32,533 But can you imagine if it was? 132 00:04:33,577 --> 00:04:34,578 [Ramones' "Listen to My Heart"] 133 00:04:34,622 --> 00:04:36,406 - One, two, three, four! 134 00:04:36,450 --> 00:04:39,453 - ♪ Next time, I'll listen to my heart ♪ 135 00:04:39,496 --> 00:04:42,325 ♪ Next time, well, I'll be smart ♪ 136 00:04:42,369 --> 00:04:48,984 ♪ 137 00:04:49,027 --> 00:04:51,334 [clock ticking] 138 00:04:51,378 --> 00:04:52,727 - He was peeing in the pool, 139 00:04:52,770 --> 00:04:53,902 and he wasn't even swimming in it. 140 00:04:53,945 --> 00:04:55,599 - Oy. 141 00:04:55,643 --> 00:04:59,516 Thank you, Sarika. Dave, have you lost weight? 142 00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:01,866 - I keep telling you, I have a parasite. 143 00:05:01,910 --> 00:05:03,781 - Oh. 144 00:05:03,825 --> 00:05:05,566 - Don't write that down. 145 00:05:05,609 --> 00:05:08,133 - Helen, my office is freezing. 146 00:05:08,177 --> 00:05:10,092 The radiator isn't hissing like it usually does. 147 00:05:10,135 --> 00:05:11,789 - I'm on it, Ralph. - Okay. 148 00:05:11,833 --> 00:05:14,662 - Oh, Coach, thank you for jumping in last minute 149 00:05:14,705 --> 00:05:16,577 for that crossing guard. - No problem. 150 00:05:16,620 --> 00:05:18,622 It's a real shame about Eugene. 151 00:05:18,666 --> 00:05:20,798 - If I had my way, no one would ever die. 152 00:05:20,842 --> 00:05:22,104 - I hear you, 153 00:05:22,147 --> 00:05:23,758 although I do worry that the overpopulation 154 00:05:23,801 --> 00:05:25,020 would lead to people eatin' each other. 155 00:05:25,063 --> 00:05:26,630 - True. - Right. 156 00:05:26,674 --> 00:05:29,590 Oh, I didn't realize there were readin' glasses 157 00:05:29,633 --> 00:05:32,375 in the pocket here. These must have been Eugene's. 158 00:05:32,419 --> 00:05:33,811 - Oh. - Yeah, should we, uh... 159 00:05:33,855 --> 00:05:35,813 - Well, I'm sure his family would want me 160 00:05:35,857 --> 00:05:37,815 to just pitch those. 161 00:05:37,859 --> 00:05:40,165 [sneaky music] 162 00:05:40,209 --> 00:05:42,037 Anything else in the pockets? - Nothin'. 163 00:05:42,080 --> 00:05:43,908 Nothin', really, nope. 164 00:05:43,952 --> 00:05:45,823 Oh, pardon me. Comin' out. 165 00:05:45,867 --> 00:05:47,477 Faculty comin' out. Move way. 166 00:05:47,521 --> 00:05:50,045 - Oh, here come the hornies. 167 00:05:57,531 --> 00:05:58,793 [clattering] 168 00:05:58,836 --> 00:06:01,012 - Mm, that's... 169 00:06:01,056 --> 00:06:03,493 - What's going on? Why are you early? 170 00:06:03,537 --> 00:06:05,887 - Well, I--I, uh, I spent the morning studying 171 00:06:05,930 --> 00:06:08,629 Ronda and the lunch gals, and then I went to get 172 00:06:08,672 --> 00:06:11,501 my massage chair from this payroll lady, 173 00:06:11,545 --> 00:06:13,982 but she refused and did this sort of 174 00:06:14,025 --> 00:06:16,201 verbal jiu-jitsu thing on me. 175 00:06:16,245 --> 00:06:18,203 I couldn't tell what was a joke and what wasn't. 176 00:06:18,247 --> 00:06:21,555 There was just something about her. 177 00:06:23,557 --> 00:06:26,603 - Um, are you about to sing? 178 00:06:26,647 --> 00:06:31,434 - No, no, uh, I'm never about to sing, Anthony. 179 00:06:31,478 --> 00:06:35,046 Murph--Murphy and Nagel. Yeah, that's it. 180 00:06:35,090 --> 00:06:36,831 "The Myth of Ownership." 181 00:06:36,874 --> 00:06:38,136 Yeah, I--I just figured out what she was quoting. 182 00:06:38,180 --> 00:06:39,442 [laughs] 183 00:06:39,486 --> 00:06:41,052 I shall have my chair. 184 00:06:41,096 --> 00:06:43,446 I shall have it by the time school starts. 185 00:06:43,490 --> 00:06:47,450 [percussive music] 186 00:06:47,494 --> 00:06:49,539 [clock ticking] 187 00:06:53,500 --> 00:06:54,936 - Perfect. 188 00:06:58,200 --> 00:06:59,941 [Buck Owens' "I Don't Believe I'll Fall in Love Today"] 189 00:06:59,984 --> 00:07:05,773 - ♪ For if I did, I know I wouldn't stay ♪ 190 00:07:05,816 --> 00:07:11,474 ♪ I just can't make my heart find someone new... ♪ 191 00:07:11,518 --> 00:07:12,519 - No. 192 00:07:12,562 --> 00:07:15,522 [percussive music] 193 00:07:15,565 --> 00:07:22,572 ♪ 194 00:07:29,623 --> 00:07:31,059 - Welcome to the meat locker. 195 00:07:31,102 --> 00:07:38,109 ♪ 196 00:07:38,806 --> 00:07:40,111 - Hey, Victor, look up. 197 00:07:40,155 --> 00:07:41,635 ♪ 198 00:07:41,678 --> 00:07:43,593 [laughs] - [sighs] 199 00:07:43,637 --> 00:07:45,116 ♪ 200 00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:46,857 - Okay, Ralph, 201 00:07:46,901 --> 00:07:48,946 this guy's gonna get the heating working ASAP. 202 00:07:48,990 --> 00:07:50,774 - All right. 203 00:07:50,818 --> 00:07:53,951 - A-- - [banging] 204 00:07:53,995 --> 00:07:55,649 Okay, here's something sad. 205 00:07:55,692 --> 00:07:57,955 Somebody put a hamster in the vending machine, 206 00:07:57,999 --> 00:07:59,522 and it's stuck in G9. 207 00:07:59,566 --> 00:08:00,610 [banging] 208 00:08:00,654 --> 00:08:01,872 He's $2, Ralph. 209 00:08:01,916 --> 00:08:03,700 [banging] 210 00:08:03,744 --> 00:08:06,660 He's $2, Ralph. - All right, here. 211 00:08:06,703 --> 00:08:08,052 - Oh. - There you go. 212 00:08:08,096 --> 00:08:09,793 - Oh, they tallied the students' votes 213 00:08:09,837 --> 00:08:11,534 for the new football stadium name. 214 00:08:11,578 --> 00:08:12,579 - Oh, what name won? 215 00:08:12,622 --> 00:08:14,319 - It's a write-in. 216 00:08:14,363 --> 00:08:15,712 [whispers] It's Boner Palace. 217 00:08:15,756 --> 00:08:18,062 [banging] 218 00:08:18,106 --> 00:08:19,716 - Hi, Ralph. - Hey. 219 00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:21,849 - So I have to admit, it was very hard 220 00:08:21,892 --> 00:08:24,155 to sum up 94 years of a man's life, 221 00:08:24,199 --> 00:08:26,593 but I think I have a pretty solid eulogy 222 00:08:26,636 --> 00:08:28,595 for our crossing guard. - Ooh. 223 00:08:28,638 --> 00:08:30,161 - You still want this on the morning announcements, right? 224 00:08:30,205 --> 00:08:32,555 - Absolutely. I loved Eu--Eugene. 225 00:08:32,599 --> 00:08:35,123 Wow, uh, this is-- - [giggles] 226 00:08:35,166 --> 00:08:36,646 - This is really long. 227 00:08:36,690 --> 00:08:38,909 Um, anything you can cut out of this, maybe? 228 00:08:38,953 --> 00:08:40,694 And quickly, if possible. 229 00:08:40,737 --> 00:08:43,087 - Well, I guess we could skip the part 230 00:08:43,131 --> 00:08:45,568 about his marital affairs. - Mmm. 231 00:08:45,612 --> 00:08:46,874 - Although that's my favorite section. 232 00:08:46,917 --> 00:08:49,790 - Mm, you know what-- [banging] 233 00:08:49,833 --> 00:08:51,835 - [speaking Korean] 234 00:08:51,879 --> 00:08:53,010 - Oh, hey, Mary? 235 00:08:53,054 --> 00:08:54,925 I see you're on the phone there. 236 00:08:54,969 --> 00:08:58,102 I just wanted to say that I got $10 of my own money here. 237 00:08:58,146 --> 00:08:59,843 I really didn't even need to interrupt ya. 238 00:08:59,887 --> 00:09:01,758 There's no headline here. This is my money. 239 00:09:01,802 --> 00:09:04,587 - Hey, uh, Mary, do you know a Lynette that works in payro-- 240 00:09:04,631 --> 00:09:05,632 Oh, I'm sorry, you're on the phone. 241 00:09:05,675 --> 00:09:06,633 [chuckles] 242 00:09:06,676 --> 00:09:08,156 - [speaking Korean] 243 00:09:08,199 --> 00:09:10,027 - That begs the question, why were you talking to her? 244 00:09:10,071 --> 00:09:11,855 - Hey , I got ten of my own dollars here. 245 00:09:11,899 --> 00:09:13,248 What's with the third degree? 246 00:09:13,770 --> 00:09:15,293 - Okay. 247 00:09:15,337 --> 00:09:18,035 - I says, "When do you think the roof will be done?" 248 00:09:18,079 --> 00:09:21,038 He says, "In the summer." I says, "Like hell." 249 00:09:21,082 --> 00:09:22,344 I got a lot of things to do. 250 00:09:22,387 --> 00:09:24,694 - Murphy and Nagel. [laughs] 251 00:09:24,738 --> 00:09:27,044 Touché, touché. Yeah, yeah. 252 00:09:27,088 --> 00:09:28,698 I forgot about Murphy and Nagel's 253 00:09:28,742 --> 00:09:30,744 "The Myth of Ownership." [laughs] 254 00:09:30,787 --> 00:09:32,615 My chair, please. - What's happening? 255 00:09:32,659 --> 00:09:35,009 - Well, uh, what we were talking about before. 256 00:09:35,052 --> 00:09:36,271 You know how you were saying, like, 257 00:09:36,314 --> 00:09:38,055 that nobody really owns anything. 258 00:09:38,099 --> 00:09:40,231 I realized you were quoting Murphy and Nagel. 259 00:09:40,275 --> 00:09:42,277 Yeah, were you a philosophy major? 260 00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:45,019 - I did not give my money to one of those places. 261 00:09:45,062 --> 00:09:46,977 Did you really go to school for four years 262 00:09:47,021 --> 00:09:49,284 to learn something that is kind of common sense? 263 00:09:49,327 --> 00:09:51,808 - I--I did, yeah. 264 00:09:51,852 --> 00:09:53,070 Nine years, actually. 265 00:09:53,114 --> 00:09:55,638 - Love that. 266 00:09:55,682 --> 00:09:59,729 So you got the other type of doctor title. 267 00:09:59,773 --> 00:10:01,731 - I did, yeah. Thank you. 268 00:10:01,775 --> 00:10:03,820 Uh, yeah, which is why I also know about 269 00:10:03,864 --> 00:10:06,257 Robert Nozick's rebuttal to Murphy and Nagel. 270 00:10:06,301 --> 00:10:07,911 Not sure if you're familiar with a little book called 271 00:10:07,955 --> 00:10:09,652 "What's Mine is Mine." 272 00:10:09,696 --> 00:10:11,785 [door closes] Are we not... 273 00:10:17,791 --> 00:10:18,182 . 274 00:10:18,226 --> 00:10:19,749 [clock ticking] 275 00:10:19,793 --> 00:10:21,490 - Okay, okay, okay, okay. 276 00:10:21,533 --> 00:10:23,492 I think in order to get my, uh, massage chair 277 00:10:23,535 --> 00:10:25,146 back from this Lynette, 278 00:10:25,189 --> 00:10:27,148 I'm gonna need to know everything about her. 279 00:10:27,191 --> 00:10:29,193 I just can't figure out how someone like her 280 00:10:29,237 --> 00:10:31,587 could be a payroll employee in Toledo, you know. 281 00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:34,242 You know what, Sarika, I bet you've got some intel 282 00:10:34,285 --> 00:10:36,853 on Lynette in that good old snitch notebook of yours, hmm? 283 00:10:41,466 --> 00:10:42,903 - Lynette Marie Hofstadter. 284 00:10:42,946 --> 00:10:45,862 Drives a very large Buick that takes up two spaces. 285 00:10:45,906 --> 00:10:47,647 Takes frequent smoke breaks which, 286 00:10:47,690 --> 00:10:49,605 although not against a rule, are immoral because 287 00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:51,738 she's not smoking. It's an empty vape pen. 288 00:10:51,781 --> 00:10:52,739 - [laughs] 289 00:10:52,782 --> 00:10:54,610 - [whistles] 290 00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:56,133 Yo, she's actually out there right now. 291 00:10:56,177 --> 00:10:57,569 - For real? - For real. 292 00:10:57,613 --> 00:10:58,745 - Where, where, where, where, where? 293 00:10:58,788 --> 00:11:00,703 Ooh, she is. Yep, checkmate. 294 00:11:00,747 --> 00:11:03,358 Okay, um, I'm gonna go get my chair right now. 295 00:11:03,401 --> 00:11:06,448 Uh, Marcus, Anthony, um, you guys distract her 296 00:11:06,491 --> 00:11:07,449 if she tries to come back in, okay? 297 00:11:07,492 --> 00:11:08,493 Let's go. Come on. 298 00:11:08,537 --> 00:11:10,365 Let's go. Come on, come on. 299 00:11:10,408 --> 00:11:11,845 [laughs] What's up, man? 300 00:11:11,888 --> 00:11:13,498 Come on. Can we--can we do this? 301 00:11:13,542 --> 00:11:16,284 - You're gonna have to adjust to my pace. 302 00:11:16,327 --> 00:11:17,415 - [sighs] So slow. 303 00:11:17,459 --> 00:11:18,416 Okay. 304 00:11:18,460 --> 00:11:21,419 [percussive music] 305 00:11:21,463 --> 00:11:25,772 ♪ 306 00:11:25,815 --> 00:11:27,425 - [groans] 307 00:11:31,386 --> 00:11:32,517 [clunks] [water rushing] 308 00:11:32,561 --> 00:11:33,605 Oh! 309 00:11:36,304 --> 00:11:37,261 [squeaking] 310 00:11:37,305 --> 00:11:39,176 Ah! 311 00:11:39,220 --> 00:11:41,831 [screams] 312 00:11:41,875 --> 00:11:43,790 [groans] [screams] 313 00:11:43,833 --> 00:11:45,748 Oh! [groans] 314 00:11:45,792 --> 00:11:47,619 [banging] 315 00:11:47,663 --> 00:11:48,620 - If you're looking for any feedback, 316 00:11:48,664 --> 00:11:50,405 it is plenty warm. 317 00:11:50,448 --> 00:11:52,973 - Ralph, I thought you should know that the algebra teachers 318 00:11:53,016 --> 00:11:54,801 are having a huge argument on the lawn. 319 00:11:54,844 --> 00:11:57,281 Ken was like, "You still owe me $200." 320 00:11:57,325 --> 00:12:00,328 And Vivek was like, "Well, how about you take this instead?" 321 00:12:00,371 --> 00:12:01,677 And he grabbed her right by the groin 322 00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:03,940 and he's twisting, and there's F-bombs 323 00:12:03,984 --> 00:12:06,726 just raining down. - Hit them with the sprinklers. 324 00:12:06,769 --> 00:12:08,902 Call Vivek's wife. Tell her to bring $200. 325 00:12:08,945 --> 00:12:12,775 Tell her to come immediately. 326 00:12:12,819 --> 00:12:15,386 - Come on, baby. Come on! 327 00:12:15,822 --> 00:12:18,781 - [speaking Korean] 328 00:12:24,787 --> 00:12:26,702 - Your cousin again? - Yeah. 329 00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:28,791 We fight a lot, but, at the end of the day, 330 00:12:28,835 --> 00:12:30,488 it's okay 'cause we really do hate each other. 331 00:12:30,532 --> 00:12:32,360 - Mm-hmm, yeah. 332 00:12:32,403 --> 00:12:33,840 You know, speaking of hate, did you see those two dudes 333 00:12:33,883 --> 00:12:36,233 fighting out front? I love a morning skirmish. 334 00:12:36,277 --> 00:12:38,409 - Punching somebody with a belly full of scrambled eggs? 335 00:12:38,453 --> 00:12:39,759 [both laughing] - Mary, Mary? 336 00:12:39,802 --> 00:12:41,021 May I please have a moment, please? 337 00:12:41,064 --> 00:12:42,762 - Oh, sure, Coach. 338 00:12:46,983 --> 00:12:48,985 - Let's see. [slurping] 339 00:12:49,029 --> 00:12:50,334 [gags] 340 00:12:50,378 --> 00:12:51,988 [coughs] Gross. 341 00:12:52,032 --> 00:12:53,860 Hazelnut? Just... 342 00:12:53,903 --> 00:12:56,732 [dramatic music] 343 00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:59,561 Oh, no. Oh, it's so wet. 344 00:12:59,604 --> 00:13:01,389 Okay. 345 00:13:01,432 --> 00:13:04,392 You got this. Okay. 346 00:13:04,435 --> 00:13:06,350 Face. She got a neck, 347 00:13:06,394 --> 00:13:09,005 old neck, saggy neck, okay. 348 00:13:09,049 --> 00:13:10,833 - What's up, Coach? 349 00:13:10,877 --> 00:13:12,835 - Mary, I told you that this $10 bill was my own, 350 00:13:12,879 --> 00:13:15,707 but that was a gol dang it lie. - [scoffs] 351 00:13:15,751 --> 00:13:18,623 If I told you every gol dang it lie that I tell in a day, 352 00:13:18,667 --> 00:13:19,842 girl, you would call the police. 353 00:13:19,886 --> 00:13:23,585 - Mary, I stole this from Eugene. 354 00:13:23,628 --> 00:13:25,456 - Eugene who... [imitates cutting] 355 00:13:25,500 --> 00:13:26,849 - Passed away of old age, yeah. - Yeah. 356 00:13:26,893 --> 00:13:29,852 - Him. This is a dead man's ten. 357 00:13:29,896 --> 00:13:32,072 - [chuckles] - I am a liar and a thief 358 00:13:32,115 --> 00:13:34,857 and it's killing me. - Coach, it's fine. 359 00:13:34,901 --> 00:13:36,424 Dead people don't shop. 360 00:13:36,467 --> 00:13:38,382 Just, uh, go get yourself a breakfast sandwich 361 00:13:38,426 --> 00:13:40,863 or some waffles. - How about a burrito? 362 00:13:40,907 --> 00:13:43,474 - Sure. - 'Cause I'd prefer a burrito. 363 00:13:43,518 --> 00:13:45,389 - Yeah, okay, very cool. Very cool, man. 364 00:13:45,433 --> 00:13:46,782 - Okay. - All right, there you go. 365 00:13:46,826 --> 00:13:48,610 - Right, not supposed to have tortillas, 366 00:13:48,653 --> 00:13:50,655 but I think I can make an exception. 367 00:13:50,699 --> 00:13:54,398 - So the roofing guy's looking at me, and I'm looking at him. 368 00:13:54,442 --> 00:13:55,791 My husband looks at me, 369 00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:57,749 but I'm still looking at the other guy. 370 00:13:57,793 --> 00:13:59,926 You got all three of us in some kind of messed up... 371 00:13:59,969 --> 00:14:01,841 [clattering] - Oh! 372 00:14:01,884 --> 00:14:04,844 [percussive music] 373 00:14:04,887 --> 00:14:10,937 ♪ 374 00:14:10,980 --> 00:14:13,853 - [laughs] And I can tell you... 375 00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:16,986 . 376 00:14:17,030 --> 00:14:19,684 [clock ticking] 377 00:14:19,728 --> 00:14:22,774 - We are locked in a battle of wits with a worthy opponent. 378 00:14:22,818 --> 00:14:24,211 - That girl you have a crush on? 379 00:14:24,254 --> 00:14:26,691 - I'm an adult, Marcus. I don't get crushes. 380 00:14:26,735 --> 00:14:28,868 No, I--but I have come up with a fairly genius plan 381 00:14:28,911 --> 00:14:30,434 to get my chair back. Now, follow me here. 382 00:14:30,478 --> 00:14:32,915 It involves capturing a deer, pref--preferably one 383 00:14:32,959 --> 00:14:34,177 with a broken leg, otherwise we're gonna have 384 00:14:34,221 --> 00:14:36,832 to break it. - I'll do it! 385 00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:38,399 - You'll break the deer's leg? - Yeah. 386 00:14:38,442 --> 00:14:40,314 - Okay, great. 387 00:14:40,357 --> 00:14:41,968 So we know that Lynette locks the chair when she goes out 388 00:14:42,011 --> 00:14:43,926 for a fake smoke, but, uh, I think if she hears 389 00:14:43,970 --> 00:14:45,710 an injured, braying deer in the hall, she might-- 390 00:14:45,754 --> 00:14:48,322 - If I can bray convincingly, can we not have Grace 391 00:14:48,365 --> 00:14:50,802 break the deer's leg? - [sighs] 392 00:14:50,846 --> 00:14:52,152 Yeah, fine. Let's hear it. 393 00:14:54,371 --> 00:15:00,203 - [mimics braying] 394 00:15:05,034 --> 00:15:06,340 - We have our deer. 395 00:15:06,383 --> 00:15:09,386 - [shouting] 396 00:15:12,781 --> 00:15:14,174 Get the hell out of here! 397 00:15:14,217 --> 00:15:16,306 [shouting] 398 00:15:16,350 --> 00:15:19,005 [percussive music] 399 00:15:19,048 --> 00:15:21,050 [shouting] 400 00:15:21,094 --> 00:15:22,443 [groans] 401 00:15:22,486 --> 00:15:25,968 [shouting] 402 00:15:26,012 --> 00:15:30,320 [screaming] 403 00:15:30,364 --> 00:15:32,148 [thuds] 404 00:15:39,025 --> 00:15:41,941 - Girl, I think I might be Coach's only friend. 405 00:15:41,984 --> 00:15:43,464 I'm like, "I didn't sign up for that." 406 00:15:43,507 --> 00:15:45,074 - No. [chuckles] 407 00:15:46,380 --> 00:15:47,424 - [groans] 408 00:15:51,211 --> 00:15:54,388 [laughs] This is rough. 409 00:15:54,431 --> 00:15:56,042 Stef, look at this. [laughs] 410 00:15:56,085 --> 00:15:57,478 The assignment was to create 411 00:15:57,521 --> 00:16:00,002 a photorealistic portrait of your grandmother, 412 00:16:00,046 --> 00:16:03,092 not draw a circle with a dang Panera French loaf on top. 413 00:16:03,136 --> 00:16:05,007 [laughs] 414 00:16:05,051 --> 00:16:06,443 - You know what? That--that is just mean. 415 00:16:06,487 --> 00:16:08,271 Okay? 416 00:16:08,315 --> 00:16:11,013 Because I think this--this is very good, if you ask me, 417 00:16:11,057 --> 00:16:13,233 okay, very, very good. 418 00:16:13,276 --> 00:16:16,584 I mean, to--to me, if you were to say to m--to ask me 419 00:16:16,627 --> 00:16:19,848 if this was very, very good, this is--you know, so-- 420 00:16:19,891 --> 00:16:21,197 I drew this, okay, 421 00:16:21,241 --> 00:16:23,199 because I spit your nasty-ass coffee 422 00:16:23,243 --> 00:16:24,940 all over Jason's grandma. 423 00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:27,203 And you know I'm not a good droor. 424 00:16:27,247 --> 00:16:28,857 - Do you mean drawer? 425 00:16:28,900 --> 00:16:31,207 - Well, it's spelled like a dr--a drawer. 426 00:16:31,251 --> 00:16:33,079 I--I say droor. 427 00:16:33,122 --> 00:16:34,950 D--droor? Draw-were? 428 00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:38,519 Anyways, I mean, what are we gonna tell poor little Jason? 429 00:16:38,562 --> 00:16:40,521 [both groan] 430 00:16:40,564 --> 00:16:43,437 [percussive music] 431 00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:44,873 ♪ 432 00:16:44,916 --> 00:16:46,092 - This is a very good plan, and I-- 433 00:16:46,135 --> 00:16:47,571 and I think it could work. 434 00:16:47,615 --> 00:16:49,921 A lot of it does ride on whether Ronda the lunch lady 435 00:16:49,965 --> 00:16:51,880 can do an Australian accent, but I--I bet she can do it. 436 00:16:51,923 --> 00:16:53,099 - Uh-- - Yep. 437 00:16:53,142 --> 00:16:55,840 - Crikey, mate, I'll take a crack at it. 438 00:16:57,320 --> 00:16:59,018 - Solid. That's very, very good. 439 00:16:59,061 --> 00:17:00,323 But, if you're doing that, who's gonna pop out 440 00:17:00,367 --> 00:17:01,890 of the Amazon box, you know what I mean? 441 00:17:01,933 --> 00:17:03,979 I think we got something here. I do. 442 00:17:04,023 --> 00:17:06,286 You guys ready? All right. 443 00:17:06,329 --> 00:17:07,896 Here we go. 444 00:17:07,939 --> 00:17:11,987 - Ralph, the hamster, we got him out from G9, 445 00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:16,426 but he tumbled down to H16, so he's $4 now. 446 00:17:16,470 --> 00:17:17,471 - Damn it. - I'll--I'll get it. 447 00:17:17,514 --> 00:17:19,038 I'll--I'll get it. 448 00:17:19,081 --> 00:17:20,039 - Michelle, do you have something nice 449 00:17:20,082 --> 00:17:21,649 and short for me? 450 00:17:21,692 --> 00:17:23,433 - "Hey, that crossing guard is dead. 451 00:17:23,477 --> 00:17:25,609 "He was a proud vet who killed a lot of Japanese people 452 00:17:25,653 --> 00:17:27,394 "and cheated on his wife. 453 00:17:27,437 --> 00:17:30,310 "But today let us think of Eugene in his orange vest 454 00:17:30,353 --> 00:17:32,007 "watching over all of us, 455 00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:35,010 watching everything we do." 456 00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:37,230 - Oh, what have I become? 457 00:17:37,273 --> 00:17:40,015 [dramatic music] 458 00:17:40,059 --> 00:17:41,625 [percussive music] 459 00:17:41,669 --> 00:17:44,541 - [mimics braying] 460 00:17:44,585 --> 00:17:46,326 - I believe there's an injured deer in the hall. 461 00:17:46,369 --> 00:17:48,893 - Well, according to state, the fire... 462 00:17:48,937 --> 00:17:50,591 - That sounded great, dude. 463 00:17:50,634 --> 00:17:52,941 - Now he's here on Tuesday. 464 00:17:52,984 --> 00:17:55,335 Well, Tuesday's the day they do street sweeping. 465 00:17:55,378 --> 00:17:56,945 - Leverage. 466 00:17:56,988 --> 00:17:58,555 - So I says to the roofing guy, Bruce, 467 00:17:58,599 --> 00:18:00,949 "You gotta move your truck, or it's gonna get towed." 468 00:18:00,992 --> 00:18:03,082 He says, "My name's not Bruce." 469 00:18:03,125 --> 00:18:07,521 I says, "Who the hell are you, been on my roof all day?" 470 00:18:07,564 --> 00:18:09,610 - Hey, there. 471 00:18:09,653 --> 00:18:12,526 This is your teacher's chair so... 472 00:18:12,569 --> 00:18:14,049 Oh, wow. 473 00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:19,185 ♪ 474 00:18:19,228 --> 00:18:20,577 - [groans] 475 00:18:20,621 --> 00:18:23,145 [chuckles] Hey. 476 00:18:26,670 --> 00:18:26,844 . 477 00:18:26,888 --> 00:18:28,542 [clock ticking] 478 00:18:28,585 --> 00:18:29,978 - Oh, my God, I did it. 479 00:18:30,021 --> 00:18:31,632 I found the Toledo Strangler. 480 00:18:31,675 --> 00:18:32,763 - [laughs] 481 00:18:32,807 --> 00:18:34,069 Yeah, no, this--that's funny. 482 00:18:34,113 --> 00:18:37,420 Um, this is actually all 100% biology, 483 00:18:37,464 --> 00:18:40,119 and it's not a crazy plan to get my chair back. 484 00:18:40,162 --> 00:18:41,859 - Although it does say right there, 485 00:18:41,903 --> 00:18:43,818 "Get my chair back from Lynette." 486 00:18:43,861 --> 00:18:46,081 - Do you think you're the only Lynette in this whole school 487 00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:48,344 that has a chair that I want? 488 00:18:48,388 --> 00:18:49,476 - My mistake. 489 00:18:49,519 --> 00:18:51,652 - [chuckles] 490 00:18:51,695 --> 00:18:53,044 - Just gonna grab this. 491 00:18:53,088 --> 00:18:54,655 That's mine. 492 00:18:54,698 --> 00:18:56,135 - Thanks, yep. 493 00:18:56,178 --> 00:18:58,528 - You got it. 494 00:18:59,399 --> 00:19:00,617 - Wipeout. 495 00:19:02,837 --> 00:19:09,365 ♪ 496 00:19:09,409 --> 00:19:12,803 - Nonathlete, do you want this burrito? 497 00:19:12,847 --> 00:19:14,457 - Sure. 498 00:19:14,501 --> 00:19:17,765 - Fair warning: it belongs to a dead man. 499 00:19:17,808 --> 00:19:20,768 [dramatic music] 500 00:19:20,811 --> 00:19:22,813 ♪ 501 00:19:22,857 --> 00:19:23,988 The curse is yours now. 502 00:19:24,032 --> 00:19:26,643 ♪ 503 00:19:26,687 --> 00:19:29,820 - I am so sick and tired of you guys spitting coffee 504 00:19:29,864 --> 00:19:31,474 on each other's artwork. 505 00:19:31,518 --> 00:19:34,651 - 'Cause this sweet nugget of a boy does not deserve 506 00:19:34,695 --> 00:19:37,001 to have coffee spat on his art. 507 00:19:37,045 --> 00:19:39,482 The madness has got to stop. 508 00:19:39,526 --> 00:19:41,963 - Look at this sweet little egg. 509 00:19:42,006 --> 00:19:45,053 - I mean, who would wanna hurt these sweet baby egg cheeks? 510 00:19:45,096 --> 00:19:47,447 - Who would do that? - Who would do that? 511 00:19:47,490 --> 00:19:48,709 - Oh, time to ring the bell. Toot, toot. 512 00:19:48,752 --> 00:19:49,710 - Oh, time to ring the biz-ell. 513 00:19:49,753 --> 00:19:52,756 [water splashing] 514 00:19:53,931 --> 00:19:56,891 [Buck Owens' "I Don't Believe I'll Fall in Love Today"] 515 00:19:56,934 --> 00:20:02,113 ♪ 516 00:20:02,157 --> 00:20:07,728 - ♪ I don't believe I'll fall in love today ♪ 517 00:20:09,425 --> 00:20:10,470 [percussive music] 518 00:20:10,513 --> 00:20:11,906 - Hey, hey, Lynette. 519 00:20:11,949 --> 00:20:14,169 Uh, I-- [chuckles] 520 00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:15,692 I have a really embarrassing confession. 521 00:20:15,736 --> 00:20:17,738 I stole your chipmunk. - Oh, my God. 522 00:20:17,781 --> 00:20:19,870 - And I'm sorry. And here you go. 523 00:20:22,743 --> 00:20:25,006 - Yeah, I have a confession to make too. 524 00:20:25,049 --> 00:20:26,790 I stole your wallet off your desk. 525 00:20:26,834 --> 00:20:29,489 - Oh. - You know what? 526 00:20:29,532 --> 00:20:30,968 You keep the chipmunk. - Really? 527 00:20:31,012 --> 00:20:32,448 - Yeah. 528 00:20:32,492 --> 00:20:34,145 I'll figure out a way to get him back. 529 00:20:35,973 --> 00:20:37,671 - You know what? Keep my wallet. 530 00:20:37,714 --> 00:20:39,847 Yeah, I'll figure out a way-- actually, no. 531 00:20:39,890 --> 00:20:41,022 Uh, no, I--I need that back. 532 00:20:41,065 --> 00:20:42,415 That's--that's got my money in it. 533 00:20:42,458 --> 00:20:43,416 - That's fair. 534 00:20:43,459 --> 00:20:46,419 [dramatic music] 535 00:20:46,462 --> 00:20:48,725 ♪ 536 00:20:48,769 --> 00:20:50,553 - Ten seconds. 537 00:20:50,597 --> 00:20:52,033 - All right, give me a tight, short eulogy, Michelle. 538 00:20:52,076 --> 00:20:55,428 - Uh, Eugene cheated on his wife and died. 539 00:20:55,471 --> 00:20:56,429 - Nailed. It. 540 00:20:56,472 --> 00:20:58,779 - Five, four-- 541 00:20:58,822 --> 00:21:01,434 Oh, jeez, the east bathroom's flooding big time. 542 00:21:01,477 --> 00:21:03,000 - The east--are you-- flooding? 543 00:21:03,044 --> 00:21:07,091 - Three, two, one. - Hello, faculty and students. 544 00:21:07,135 --> 00:21:08,832 I'm Principal Durbin, 545 00:21:08,876 --> 00:21:10,834 and these are your morning announcements. 546 00:21:10,878 --> 00:21:12,662 Let's grab today by the horns 547 00:21:12,706 --> 00:21:15,752 and make this a wonderful Whitlock Wednesday. 548 00:21:15,796 --> 00:21:20,496 We got lots, we got lots, we got lots of tater tots.