1 00:00:04,047 --> 00:00:05,657 - Pfft. 2 00:00:05,701 --> 00:00:08,573 [tense music] 3 00:00:08,617 --> 00:00:11,054 ♪ 4 00:00:11,098 --> 00:00:13,404 Isn't there another way, Superintendant? 5 00:00:13,448 --> 00:00:16,494 - Budget cuts are an ugly reality, Principal Durbin. 6 00:00:16,538 --> 00:00:18,279 Kind of like that vest you're wearing. 7 00:00:18,322 --> 00:00:21,064 - Thi--well, Helen said I looked adorable. 8 00:00:21,108 --> 00:00:23,501 - Oh, he does. He looks like a little penguin 9 00:00:23,545 --> 00:00:25,242 that ran away from the zoo, 10 00:00:25,286 --> 00:00:28,419 and then he became a little principal named Ralph. 11 00:00:28,463 --> 00:00:30,465 - Eh. Too late. 12 00:00:30,508 --> 00:00:32,162 I've got another school to disembowel 13 00:00:32,206 --> 00:00:35,165 before first bell. Time to trim the fat, Durbin. 14 00:00:35,209 --> 00:00:39,126 [ominous music] 15 00:00:39,169 --> 00:00:43,391 - Helen, we're gonna need fresh fruit. 16 00:00:43,434 --> 00:00:45,828 - And fresh fruit there shall be. 17 00:00:45,871 --> 00:00:48,831 [tense music] 18 00:00:48,874 --> 00:00:51,442 ♪ 19 00:00:51,486 --> 00:00:54,619 - Oh, hey, Jack. Help yourself, you deserve it. 20 00:00:54,663 --> 00:00:56,099 You're a good teacher and a great citizen 21 00:00:56,143 --> 00:00:57,492 with an even better posture. 22 00:00:57,535 --> 00:00:59,494 You know, I'm gonna go ahead and say it: 23 00:00:59,537 --> 00:01:02,279 you're a hot man. - Mm-hmm. 24 00:01:03,193 --> 00:01:05,674 Okay, why am I sensing a Trojan Horse situation 25 00:01:05,717 --> 00:01:09,765 where you slip in some bad news under a mound of honeydew? 26 00:01:09,808 --> 00:01:11,201 - Well, there better not be honeydew. 27 00:01:11,245 --> 00:01:13,116 I paid for premium fruit. 28 00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:14,378 Although, now that you mention it, 29 00:01:14,422 --> 00:01:16,902 I do have a small announcement. 30 00:01:16,946 --> 00:01:17,903 - There it is. See? 31 00:01:17,947 --> 00:01:19,731 Knew it. Called it. 32 00:01:19,775 --> 00:01:22,647 - The superintendent is trying to raise funds 33 00:01:22,691 --> 00:01:24,519 to renovate her new executive building, 34 00:01:24,562 --> 00:01:27,304 so she is proposing some budget cuts. 35 00:01:27,348 --> 00:01:29,393 - These are blood bagels. - Mm-hmm. 36 00:01:29,437 --> 00:01:31,134 - She said, and I quote, 37 00:01:31,178 --> 00:01:34,746 "The decadence of public school must be curbed." 38 00:01:34,790 --> 00:01:36,661 - Hey, there's no TP on the second floor, 39 00:01:36,705 --> 00:01:38,881 so that's gonna be a "hold it" zone. 40 00:01:38,924 --> 00:01:43,277 - [sighs] She is proposing cuts in school supplies, 41 00:01:43,320 --> 00:01:46,758 arts events, and unfortunately, 42 00:01:46,802 --> 00:01:48,630 part-time teachers. 43 00:01:48,673 --> 00:01:51,720 That means you, Jack, 'cause you only teach one class. 44 00:01:51,763 --> 00:01:53,417 - You guys teach more than one class? 45 00:01:53,461 --> 00:01:54,766 - [scoffs] 46 00:01:54,810 --> 00:01:56,812 - That sounds exhausting. - It is. 47 00:01:56,855 --> 00:01:59,554 I fall asleep the minute my head hits the steering wheel. 48 00:01:59,597 --> 00:02:01,164 - Yeah... 49 00:02:01,208 --> 00:02:02,818 - Well, Jack, I am going to do everything 50 00:02:02,861 --> 00:02:05,864 within my limited power to help you keep your job. 51 00:02:05,908 --> 00:02:08,171 It'll be like a little ant 52 00:02:08,215 --> 00:02:09,781 trying to push a pumpkin back home. 53 00:02:09,825 --> 00:02:11,914 - Durbin, please don't work your children's book 54 00:02:11,957 --> 00:02:13,481 into Jack's firing. 55 00:02:13,524 --> 00:02:16,266 - Yeah, don't-- Wait, am I being fired? 56 00:02:16,310 --> 00:02:17,876 [Ramones' "Listen to My Heart"] 57 00:02:17,920 --> 00:02:19,704 - One, two, three, four! 58 00:02:19,748 --> 00:02:22,229 - ♪ Next time, I'll listen to my heart ♪ 59 00:02:22,272 --> 00:02:24,883 ♪ Next time, well, I'll be smart ♪ 60 00:02:24,927 --> 00:02:31,760 ♪ 61 00:02:32,761 --> 00:02:34,937 - I can't believe the superintendent's canceling 62 00:02:34,980 --> 00:02:36,808 the jazz band's Pops concert. 63 00:02:36,852 --> 00:02:39,594 - We were finally gonna do a jazzy salute to 64 00:02:39,637 --> 00:02:42,510 "The Ladies of the '80s And Also to The Men of Then." 65 00:02:42,553 --> 00:02:44,425 - We can't just let them cancel our concert. 66 00:02:44,468 --> 00:02:45,991 It's all I have. 67 00:02:46,035 --> 00:02:47,689 [to herself] It's all I have. 68 00:02:47,732 --> 00:02:50,692 - Maybe we can make a "Save our Concert," video 69 00:02:50,735 --> 00:02:52,215 to show at the school board meeting. 70 00:02:52,259 --> 00:02:55,740 - Yeah, we've gotta fight for our right 71 00:02:55,784 --> 00:02:57,351 to play smooth jazz. 72 00:02:57,394 --> 00:02:59,004 [door opens] - All right, everybody. 73 00:02:59,048 --> 00:03:02,486 Let's shut up, and shut up to completion. 74 00:03:02,530 --> 00:03:03,835 My job's on the line here, guys, 75 00:03:03,879 --> 00:03:05,489 and I need to figure out how to save it. 76 00:03:05,533 --> 00:03:07,448 - Why do you care? You hate this place. 77 00:03:07,491 --> 00:03:09,319 - It's that hot payroll lady, Lynette. 78 00:03:09,363 --> 00:03:11,800 He doesn't wanna leave until he gets some of that. 79 00:03:11,843 --> 00:03:14,281 [all oohing] 80 00:03:14,324 --> 00:03:15,847 - He did get some of that. 81 00:03:15,891 --> 00:03:18,720 We saw them kissing, full mouth-to-mouth. 82 00:03:18,763 --> 00:03:20,243 [oohing] 83 00:03:20,287 --> 00:03:21,853 - Okay, uh, Victor, you've taken 84 00:03:21,897 --> 00:03:23,377 what was a wonderful moment 85 00:03:23,420 --> 00:03:24,900 and made it sound like a pool accident. 86 00:03:24,943 --> 00:03:26,815 [all oohing] 87 00:03:26,858 --> 00:03:28,773 - All right, if you guys don't know how and when to "Ooh" 88 00:03:28,817 --> 00:03:30,775 then just don't "ooh" at all. Okay? Now, I need to find a way 89 00:03:30,819 --> 00:03:33,038 to hang onto this cushy position for another few months 90 00:03:33,082 --> 00:03:35,345 while I finish this book. - Maybe you should have 91 00:03:35,389 --> 00:03:36,825 made yourself more indispensible. 92 00:03:36,868 --> 00:03:39,567 - Mm. Anthony, slap Marcus. 93 00:03:39,610 --> 00:03:42,309 - I don't want to get up. - Let me guess. 94 00:03:42,352 --> 00:03:43,962 You're gonna do some sneaky, unethical mission 95 00:03:44,006 --> 00:03:45,660 to bring down Superintendent Bullard. 96 00:03:45,703 --> 00:03:49,794 - Sarika, you make me feel seen. 97 00:03:49,838 --> 00:03:51,448 [clicks tongue] 98 00:03:53,407 --> 00:03:56,061 - Yes, the order is under DeMarcus. 99 00:03:56,105 --> 00:03:59,935 That's D as in "Dexamethasone," E as in "eight," 100 00:03:59,978 --> 00:04:04,069 M as in "Mnemonic," A as in "Au Pair," 101 00:04:04,113 --> 00:04:05,941 R as in "Are we having tacos tonight?" 102 00:04:05,984 --> 00:04:07,943 - Hey, hey, you guys, I've got it. 103 00:04:07,986 --> 00:04:10,598 I've got the perfect plan to take down the superintendent. 104 00:04:10,641 --> 00:04:12,382 All right? It starts with you jumping out 105 00:04:12,426 --> 00:04:14,036 in front of her moving car. You get bashed, right? 106 00:04:14,079 --> 00:04:16,299 And as you're going to the ground you pull out a razor 107 00:04:16,343 --> 00:04:18,301 from under your tongue, you slash yourself in the face-- 108 00:04:18,345 --> 00:04:19,563 - Wait, wait, I'm sorry-- wait. 109 00:04:19,607 --> 00:04:20,564 I have a razor blade in my mouth 110 00:04:20,608 --> 00:04:21,826 when I get hit by a car? 111 00:04:21,870 --> 00:04:23,567 - Yeah, that's right. So anyway, 112 00:04:23,611 --> 00:04:25,613 as you're bleeding to death on the ground, you stand up 113 00:04:25,656 --> 00:04:27,528 and you go, "You're drunk again, Bullard!" 114 00:04:27,571 --> 00:04:29,486 - No, I'm not-- I'm not doing this. 115 00:04:29,530 --> 00:04:32,315 It sounds like I could get seriously hurt, and... 116 00:04:32,359 --> 00:04:34,056 between you and me... 117 00:04:34,099 --> 00:04:35,753 I cry when I get hurt. 118 00:04:35,797 --> 00:04:37,407 - Oh, pfft. That's perfect. 119 00:04:37,451 --> 00:04:38,582 I mean, you're crying, you're bleeding. 120 00:04:38,626 --> 00:04:39,844 Could you also pee-pee your pants? 121 00:04:39,888 --> 00:04:42,325 - No, I'm not peeing my pants 122 00:04:42,369 --> 00:04:44,327 for anyone ever again. 123 00:04:44,371 --> 00:04:46,329 We are gonna keep our dignity on this. 124 00:04:46,373 --> 00:04:48,810 At Whitlock High, we take the high road. 125 00:04:48,853 --> 00:04:50,768 - Mm, but I feel like the low road is just-- 126 00:04:50,812 --> 00:04:52,117 it's always so much faster. 127 00:04:52,161 --> 00:04:54,076 - Well, we're gonna knock her silly 128 00:04:54,119 --> 00:04:56,600 with some Whitlock pride! 129 00:04:56,644 --> 00:04:58,776 - Yup. But what's most important is we have found 130 00:04:58,820 --> 00:05:00,735 a way for you to keep your job. 131 00:05:00,778 --> 00:05:03,607 Effective immediately, you are full-time 132 00:05:03,651 --> 00:05:08,612 by becoming the assistant to the principal's secretary. 133 00:05:08,656 --> 00:05:11,615 - [whispers] That's me. 134 00:05:11,659 --> 00:05:13,095 [wheezing laugh] 135 00:05:13,138 --> 00:05:15,619 [drums] 136 00:05:15,663 --> 00:05:18,579 - Oh, God... 137 00:05:21,451 --> 00:05:21,843 . 138 00:05:21,886 --> 00:05:24,976 [tense music] 139 00:05:25,020 --> 00:05:26,326 - Mm. 140 00:05:26,369 --> 00:05:28,110 - [squealing] - Good morning. 141 00:05:28,153 --> 00:05:31,722 After a night of sustained pillow screaming, 142 00:05:31,766 --> 00:05:34,334 I am physically here. 143 00:05:34,377 --> 00:05:37,424 - Aloha! Here is your lanyard, 144 00:05:37,467 --> 00:05:39,426 Helen's assistant. [laughs] 145 00:05:39,469 --> 00:05:41,776 - Here we go. Oh, we're missing a T here. 146 00:05:41,819 --> 00:05:44,735 - I think I know how to spell my own name, you ding-dong. 147 00:05:44,779 --> 00:05:48,348 All right, we're gonna start off with my filing system. 148 00:05:48,391 --> 00:05:51,307 I file each kid under their best trait. 149 00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:53,396 Like Tommy Orbach, that jokester 150 00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:55,355 is under H for "hilarious." 151 00:05:55,398 --> 00:05:59,924 And David Epstein, he's under M for married. 152 00:05:59,968 --> 00:06:01,709 - Wait, we have a student who's married? 153 00:06:01,752 --> 00:06:03,406 - No, his parents were married when they had him. 154 00:06:03,450 --> 00:06:05,016 Not me, I'm a bastard. 155 00:06:05,060 --> 00:06:06,453 Don't tell anybody. 156 00:06:06,496 --> 00:06:08,150 I tell everybody. 157 00:06:08,193 --> 00:06:11,283 Joe Abel is under O 'cause I'm always like, 158 00:06:11,327 --> 00:06:13,851 "Oh, Joe. Get out of here." 159 00:06:13,895 --> 00:06:17,812 [rock music] 160 00:06:17,855 --> 00:06:21,206 - Honk, honk, honk! 161 00:06:21,250 --> 00:06:22,904 Honk, honk! 162 00:06:22,947 --> 00:06:25,210 - I'm sorry, Helen. What is this? 163 00:06:25,254 --> 00:06:26,908 What--what are we doing? - Oops! 164 00:06:26,951 --> 00:06:28,866 I skipped the headline. - Yeah. 165 00:06:28,910 --> 00:06:30,433 - These are examples of inappropriate touching 166 00:06:30,477 --> 00:06:33,349 in the workplace. Honk! Honk! 167 00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:37,527 Now this one--honk! It's appropriate. 168 00:06:37,571 --> 00:06:39,877 It's your honker. But don't try to do this. 169 00:06:39,921 --> 00:06:43,054 Honk, honk, honk, honk, and work your way down. 170 00:06:43,098 --> 00:06:44,447 You know what I'm talking about. 171 00:06:44,491 --> 00:06:46,406 - I don't want to interrupt the workflow. 172 00:06:46,449 --> 00:06:48,059 - Oh, no. Please do interrupt, Lynette. 173 00:06:48,103 --> 00:06:49,496 And please never stop interrupting. 174 00:06:49,539 --> 00:06:51,933 - Nah, I'll just leave this start paperwork 175 00:06:51,976 --> 00:06:54,152 and let you get back to honking, Helen. [clicks tongue] 176 00:06:54,196 --> 00:06:55,763 - Don't go. Please don't go. 177 00:06:55,806 --> 00:06:57,547 - Hey, you're visually honking her. 178 00:06:57,591 --> 00:06:59,070 Stop it. - I wasn't-- 179 00:06:59,114 --> 00:07:01,072 - Now, I want you to show me 180 00:07:01,116 --> 00:07:03,074 all the honkables on you. 181 00:07:03,118 --> 00:07:05,425 - Oh, God. 182 00:07:06,469 --> 00:07:09,951 Well, I--I suppose this would be a... 183 00:07:09,994 --> 00:07:10,952 honk. 184 00:07:10,995 --> 00:07:13,171 - Correct. Next. 185 00:07:14,564 --> 00:07:16,784 - [groaning] - Come on. 186 00:07:16,827 --> 00:07:18,916 You know. 187 00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:21,919 [harmonica music] 188 00:07:21,963 --> 00:07:23,094 - [sighs] It's lunch. 189 00:07:23,138 --> 00:07:24,792 [sighs] 190 00:07:24,835 --> 00:07:26,184 [dramatic chords] - Lunchtime! 191 00:07:26,228 --> 00:07:28,012 - Helen, I'm-- - We gals in the office 192 00:07:28,056 --> 00:07:29,579 like to eat together. - Mm-hmm. 193 00:07:29,623 --> 00:07:32,539 - And I'm gonna tell you all about how I was wide awake 194 00:07:32,582 --> 00:07:35,193 when I got my hip replacement. - [sighs] 195 00:07:35,237 --> 00:07:36,978 - You know, the anesthesiologist missed a vein, 196 00:07:37,021 --> 00:07:38,545 and I just didn't want to get him in trouble, 197 00:07:38,588 --> 00:07:41,504 so I laid there and hushed up, but I heard it all. 198 00:07:41,548 --> 00:07:44,289 I heard the scooping, I heard the hammering 199 00:07:44,333 --> 00:07:47,162 and the sawing and the Jay Z songs. 200 00:07:47,205 --> 00:07:49,120 - Okay, I quit. I can't do it. I quit. 201 00:07:49,164 --> 00:07:51,253 - Oh, thank God, because you've been around 202 00:07:51,296 --> 00:07:52,863 my honk zone a lot. 203 00:07:52,907 --> 00:07:54,343 - Here's your ass lanyard. 204 00:07:56,171 --> 00:07:58,956 - So I was thinking for our save the concert video, 205 00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:02,307 we could be British orphans begging for jazz. 206 00:08:02,351 --> 00:08:04,962 - Oh, that'd be awesome. 207 00:08:05,006 --> 00:08:07,922 "Please, sir, can I have some jazz? 208 00:08:07,965 --> 00:08:11,839 My ears is ever so empty." 209 00:08:11,882 --> 00:08:13,101 - [clears throat] 210 00:08:13,144 --> 00:08:16,931 - Yeah, or maybe something rad like 211 00:08:16,974 --> 00:08:20,151 Dan pretending to be an orphan begging for jazz. 212 00:08:20,195 --> 00:08:22,980 - Okay, Dan's not in jazz band. 213 00:08:23,024 --> 00:08:24,547 - Yeah, and I don't really see myself 214 00:08:24,591 --> 00:08:25,635 as the face of smooth jazz. 215 00:08:25,679 --> 00:08:28,072 - Are you saying it's dorky? 216 00:08:28,116 --> 00:08:30,335 - No, no, j-- Well, yeah, but-- 217 00:08:30,379 --> 00:08:33,861 but you guys can probably make it cool. 218 00:08:33,904 --> 00:08:35,993 So... - So that's a no? 219 00:08:36,037 --> 00:08:37,473 [door opening] 220 00:08:41,695 --> 00:08:45,612 - In medieval Europe, there was a torture technique 221 00:08:45,655 --> 00:08:48,136 called the Judas Cradle which involved lowering a man 222 00:08:48,179 --> 00:08:51,226 by ropes onto a pyramid-shaped seat 223 00:08:51,269 --> 00:08:54,229 with a sharp point that was... 224 00:08:54,272 --> 00:08:57,188 inserted into his anus. 225 00:08:57,232 --> 00:08:59,539 After one morning with Helen, I found myself yearning 226 00:08:59,582 --> 00:09:03,194 for that sweet, sweet cradle. 227 00:09:03,238 --> 00:09:05,632 Anyway, suffice it to say, I quit. 228 00:09:05,675 --> 00:09:08,025 Couldn't take that anymore. So it looks like the only way 229 00:09:08,069 --> 00:09:10,375 to save my job now is to take down the superintendant. 230 00:09:10,419 --> 00:09:12,334 - We've actually got an amazing plan cooking 231 00:09:12,377 --> 00:09:14,597 that's gonna save both jazz and your job. 232 00:09:14,641 --> 00:09:17,382 - Mm-hmm. Right. My only worry is that your plan is dumb. 233 00:09:17,426 --> 00:09:19,994 You know, so let me drive. All right, Grace, 234 00:09:20,037 --> 00:09:22,431 Check her Instagram. Caleb, check her Carfax. 235 00:09:22,474 --> 00:09:24,215 Anthony, pull up her financials. 236 00:09:24,259 --> 00:09:26,087 Eduardo, give me some of that weird peanut brittle 237 00:09:26,130 --> 00:09:28,350 your mom makes. I like it. 238 00:09:28,393 --> 00:09:29,569 All right. 239 00:09:29,612 --> 00:09:31,396 Ha ha ha hah. Great. 240 00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:33,181 Give me something good, guys. What do you go? 241 00:09:33,224 --> 00:09:35,009 - Sorry, her financials look good. 242 00:09:35,052 --> 00:09:38,360 - Hmm. - Yeah, she's clean, Griff. 243 00:09:38,403 --> 00:09:40,275 - Well... 244 00:09:40,318 --> 00:09:42,451 no one is squeaky clean. 245 00:09:42,494 --> 00:09:44,496 No one. [tense music] 246 00:09:44,540 --> 00:09:46,586 I just need to dig deeper. 247 00:09:46,629 --> 00:09:48,413 ♪ 248 00:09:48,457 --> 00:09:50,633 [crunching] 249 00:09:52,113 --> 00:09:54,245 - Doesn't he have a dead tooth? 250 00:09:54,289 --> 00:09:55,682 - Yeah, but he's using the molars. 251 00:09:55,725 --> 00:09:58,685 - Well, well, well. Fancy meeting you here. 252 00:09:58,728 --> 00:10:01,035 - Uh, yeah. I'm just picking up some food to go. 253 00:10:01,078 --> 00:10:02,732 - Well, everyone's got to eat, 254 00:10:02,776 --> 00:10:04,342 even naked Mickey Mouse over here. 255 00:10:04,386 --> 00:10:05,648 [all laughing] 256 00:10:05,692 --> 00:10:07,563 - Oh, the gloves aren't part of it. 257 00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:09,521 It's just cold outside so-- - Oh, and now he looks like 258 00:10:09,565 --> 00:10:12,481 notorious bad dad Steve Jobs. 259 00:10:12,524 --> 00:10:14,570 Come on turtle neck! [laughter] 260 00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:16,093 - Oh, Michelle, you wanna rip on his outfit? 261 00:10:16,137 --> 00:10:17,486 - Yeah, did you have something? 262 00:10:17,529 --> 00:10:18,966 - Uh, come back to me. - Okay. 263 00:10:19,009 --> 00:10:20,271 - Yeah, giggle it up, hens. 264 00:10:20,315 --> 00:10:21,446 I'm actually going on a stakeout. 265 00:10:21,490 --> 00:10:23,274 - Oooh, who you staking out? 266 00:10:23,318 --> 00:10:25,102 - The superintendent. Yeah, I'm gonna find something 267 00:10:25,146 --> 00:10:27,627 to blackmail her with so I can save my job. 268 00:10:27,670 --> 00:10:29,629 - Shouldn't you be bringing a table onstage 269 00:10:29,672 --> 00:10:31,631 in "Hello Dolly,"? - Ah, there it is. 270 00:10:31,674 --> 00:10:33,633 - Like a stagehand! [laughter] 271 00:10:33,676 --> 00:10:35,460 - Jack, don't you think that blackmail 272 00:10:35,504 --> 00:10:37,724 is a little bit extreme? - You know, actually, 273 00:10:37,767 --> 00:10:39,595 you should be thanking me, Mary, because first to go 274 00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:42,380 is part-time teachers but, uh, you know what comes next? 275 00:10:42,424 --> 00:10:43,991 Art. And then, Michelle, 276 00:10:44,034 --> 00:10:46,080 Health isn't far behind. 277 00:10:46,123 --> 00:10:47,559 Mm-hmm. 278 00:10:50,171 --> 00:10:51,302 - Hey. - No. 279 00:10:51,346 --> 00:10:52,695 - Yeah. - No. 280 00:10:52,739 --> 00:10:54,088 No, no, no. Absolutely not. 281 00:10:54,131 --> 00:10:56,438 - This is so fun! 282 00:10:56,481 --> 00:10:58,092 - It's like a sleepover in a car. 283 00:10:58,135 --> 00:10:59,397 Oh, my God. Hope I don't freeze 284 00:10:59,441 --> 00:11:02,357 your bra, Jack. [laughter] 285 00:11:06,100 --> 00:11:06,491 . 286 00:11:06,535 --> 00:11:09,407 - Last time I was on a stakeout, I was waiting 287 00:11:09,451 --> 00:11:10,713 for a Taco Bell to open. Did you know that 288 00:11:10,757 --> 00:11:13,324 they close sometimes? I guess to mop? 289 00:11:13,368 --> 00:11:14,978 - Ladies, will you just focus? 290 00:11:15,022 --> 00:11:16,414 All right, somebody's coming to the door. 291 00:11:16,458 --> 00:11:18,416 Look, look, look. Who is that? 292 00:11:18,460 --> 00:11:19,635 Okay... 293 00:11:21,942 --> 00:11:24,553 Ah, that's the basket of Whitlock stuff 294 00:11:24,596 --> 00:11:25,815 from Helen and Durbin. 295 00:11:25,859 --> 00:11:28,731 [tense music] 296 00:11:28,775 --> 00:11:30,428 - Damn! - Ooh. 297 00:11:30,472 --> 00:11:32,474 - Wow, she didn't even keep the basket. 298 00:11:32,517 --> 00:11:33,823 Who doesn't need a basket, you know? 299 00:11:33,867 --> 00:11:35,607 - I don't know. - Like, you know, you can 300 00:11:35,651 --> 00:11:37,653 put socks in there or I don't-- all kinds of stuff 301 00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:40,090 can go in a basket. I mean, friggin'...socks or-- 302 00:11:40,134 --> 00:11:41,918 Look, I shouldn't have to explain to you guys 303 00:11:41,962 --> 00:11:43,441 what goes in baskets. 304 00:11:43,485 --> 00:11:45,008 Why are you laughing? - We don't 305 00:11:45,052 --> 00:11:46,880 keep our socks in baskets, Jack. 306 00:11:46,923 --> 00:11:48,620 Come on, now. - Everyone just be quiet. 307 00:11:48,664 --> 00:11:50,884 - Put our socks in there? - Who's this guy? 308 00:11:50,927 --> 00:11:54,322 [whispering] Quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet. 309 00:11:54,365 --> 00:11:55,715 - Hey! Fresh-step. - What are you doing? 310 00:11:55,758 --> 00:11:57,412 - Over here! Order for Mary? 311 00:11:57,455 --> 00:11:58,630 Yeah, yeah, come on. - You're gonna blow 312 00:11:58,674 --> 00:12:00,502 our cover! - What is this? 313 00:12:00,545 --> 00:12:02,852 - Thank you. Ahh. 314 00:12:02,896 --> 00:12:04,767 - Uh, tip? 315 00:12:04,811 --> 00:12:07,552 - I'll do it in the app. 316 00:12:07,596 --> 00:12:09,337 - Boo! 317 00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:12,732 - Are you really that hungry that you couldn't wait? 318 00:12:12,775 --> 00:12:16,039 - [laughs] Oh, Jack, this pizza is not for eating. 319 00:12:16,083 --> 00:12:17,824 - [laughs] 320 00:12:17,867 --> 00:12:20,740 [tense music] 321 00:12:20,783 --> 00:12:23,960 - Three, two, one. all: Pizza slap! 322 00:12:24,004 --> 00:12:26,354 [laughter] 323 00:12:26,397 --> 00:12:29,009 - Dang, Michelle, that was an aggressive slap. 324 00:12:29,052 --> 00:12:30,967 - Don't hate the player, hate the game! 325 00:12:31,011 --> 00:12:32,795 - I do hate the game. It's a stupid game. 326 00:12:32,839 --> 00:12:34,971 - Wh--you can't say that. You haven't even played yet. 327 00:12:35,015 --> 00:12:36,799 Three, two, one. Pizza slap! 328 00:12:36,843 --> 00:12:39,367 I'm not play-- [laughter] 329 00:12:40,498 --> 00:12:42,413 - Really? Really? 330 00:12:42,457 --> 00:12:44,024 So I'm over here trying to save my job, 331 00:12:44,067 --> 00:12:46,026 and you just got pizza all over my dead mom's turtleneck. 332 00:12:46,069 --> 00:12:47,941 This is too far, too far. We're done. 333 00:12:47,984 --> 00:12:50,030 Give me these pizzas. 334 00:12:50,073 --> 00:12:51,945 [slapping] all: Whoa! 335 00:12:51,988 --> 00:12:54,599 - Double slap! - He took it to a new level! 336 00:12:54,643 --> 00:12:56,123 [laughter] - Took it to a new level. 337 00:12:56,166 --> 00:12:58,647 - It's cathartic. It really is cathartic. 338 00:12:58,690 --> 00:13:00,605 - Oh, my God, you guys, We got the best 339 00:13:00,649 --> 00:13:02,694 pizza slap pictures. Look at this one of Michelle. 340 00:13:02,738 --> 00:13:04,696 - Oh, my God. Wait... 341 00:13:06,437 --> 00:13:07,830 ♪ 342 00:13:07,874 --> 00:13:10,441 What's that in the background? 343 00:13:10,485 --> 00:13:11,834 - Looks like Superintendent Bullard 344 00:13:11,878 --> 00:13:13,183 kissing her husband. 345 00:13:13,227 --> 00:13:15,185 - Excuse me, that's not her husband. 346 00:13:15,229 --> 00:13:17,187 Her husband is super short. 347 00:13:17,231 --> 00:13:20,538 - Oh, my God, really? A cheating photo? 348 00:13:20,582 --> 00:13:22,410 We got her. 349 00:13:22,453 --> 00:13:24,542 We got her! Oh, sweet low road, 350 00:13:24,586 --> 00:13:26,153 take us home. - Yeah! 351 00:13:26,196 --> 00:13:27,632 [laughter] 352 00:13:27,676 --> 00:13:31,027 [kids miming playing instruments] 353 00:13:31,071 --> 00:13:35,423 [silence] 354 00:13:51,221 --> 00:13:52,788 Victor's recorded voice: Happy birthday! 355 00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:55,095 So what do you think? 356 00:13:55,138 --> 00:13:57,880 Be totally honest. Dorky? 357 00:13:57,924 --> 00:13:59,795 - Why does it say happy birthday at the end? 358 00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:01,623 - Yeah, and who's the creepy guy with the cake? 359 00:14:01,666 --> 00:14:04,234 - Yeah. - Oh, that's my dad. He's cool. 360 00:14:04,278 --> 00:14:06,846 It's, like, a bug in the editing software. 361 00:14:06,889 --> 00:14:09,152 It's from a birthday message I made for him. 362 00:14:09,196 --> 00:14:10,980 Couldn't figure out how to delete it. 363 00:14:11,024 --> 00:14:13,026 - I told you that was gonna be a problem. 364 00:14:13,069 --> 00:14:15,593 - I really don't think anyone watching it is gonna be like, 365 00:14:15,637 --> 00:14:19,771 "Why is there a shot of this old man's birthday at the end?" 366 00:14:19,815 --> 00:14:21,686 - Vic, everyone's gonna wonder that. 367 00:14:21,730 --> 00:14:23,210 - Yeah. 368 00:14:23,253 --> 00:14:27,779 - What if I had an idea for a better video? 369 00:14:27,823 --> 00:14:29,042 Hey, Double Decker. - Hm? 370 00:14:29,085 --> 00:14:30,608 What if I told you that I had 371 00:14:30,652 --> 00:14:34,525 a surefire way to make Pops cool? 372 00:14:34,569 --> 00:14:37,180 - Wait, is that a vintage Orange Slice? 373 00:14:37,224 --> 00:14:40,967 - Uh, yeah. Cost me 30 beans just to open it. 374 00:14:41,010 --> 00:14:42,620 There's two more where this came from. 375 00:14:42,664 --> 00:14:44,231 - It's beautiful. - Uh-uh-uh. 376 00:14:44,274 --> 00:14:48,191 You wanna get twisted, you've gotta save jazz. 377 00:14:48,235 --> 00:14:50,237 [slurping] 378 00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:51,629 Ahh. 379 00:14:51,673 --> 00:14:53,718 ♪ 380 00:14:53,762 --> 00:14:55,938 - That is Superintendant Bullard kissing a man 381 00:14:55,982 --> 00:14:57,505 who is not her husband. - [gasps] 382 00:14:57,548 --> 00:14:59,028 - Looks like we saved the school, Ralph. 383 00:14:59,072 --> 00:15:00,116 - Mm-hmm. - Mm-hmm. 384 00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:01,509 - Much more effective 385 00:15:01,552 --> 00:15:02,814 than you sending her a sock basket 386 00:15:02,858 --> 00:15:04,207 filled with a bunch of other crud. 387 00:15:04,251 --> 00:15:06,296 - Okay, well, I am still very optimistic 388 00:15:06,340 --> 00:15:08,081 that that plan is going to work. 389 00:15:08,124 --> 00:15:10,170 - Oh, you mean this gift basket 390 00:15:10,213 --> 00:15:12,650 that we saw her throw in the trash? 391 00:15:12,694 --> 00:15:14,087 - [gasps] - Now, listen. 392 00:15:14,130 --> 00:15:16,219 I am giving a verymoving speech 393 00:15:16,263 --> 00:15:18,656 in front of the school board that I think is gonna 394 00:15:18,700 --> 00:15:20,702 do the trick, and I'm sorry, gang, 395 00:15:20,745 --> 00:15:22,008 but I gotta delete these photos. 396 00:15:22,051 --> 00:15:23,966 women: No! No! - No, no, no! 397 00:15:24,010 --> 00:15:25,968 Ralph! - Oh! 398 00:15:26,012 --> 00:15:27,970 - All right, well, at least we still have the hard copies. 399 00:15:28,014 --> 00:15:29,667 - Nope. - What are you doing? 400 00:15:29,711 --> 00:15:31,974 - Trust me, Jack. - No, no, no--no! 401 00:15:32,018 --> 00:15:33,802 - Hey! - Ralph! 402 00:15:33,845 --> 00:15:36,065 - Durby is gonna save the day--the right way. 403 00:15:36,109 --> 00:15:37,240 - [groans] Ahh. 404 00:15:39,460 --> 00:15:39,851 . 405 00:15:39,895 --> 00:15:42,811 - And that is yet another of the many reasons 406 00:15:42,854 --> 00:15:46,119 why we cannot afford to lose any of our educators, 407 00:15:46,162 --> 00:15:48,512 teachers like... Jack Griffin. 408 00:15:48,556 --> 00:15:51,298 Now, Jack Griffin is a part-time teacher, 409 00:15:51,341 --> 00:15:54,388 but he's a full-time genius. 410 00:15:54,431 --> 00:15:58,958 Every one of his students is currently testing at 100%. 411 00:15:59,001 --> 00:16:02,222 Now, moving on-- and this one's a biggie-- 412 00:16:02,265 --> 00:16:03,484 paper towels. 413 00:16:03,527 --> 00:16:05,834 Please, please 414 00:16:05,877 --> 00:16:07,836 do not make us go back 415 00:16:07,879 --> 00:16:10,186 to that rotating linen thing. And by the way, 416 00:16:10,230 --> 00:16:11,927 here's something you don't think about. 417 00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:14,147 A kid with a runny nose uses that linen thing. 418 00:16:14,190 --> 00:16:16,279 What does he do? He loops it back up 419 00:16:16,323 --> 00:16:18,238 inside the container, and if you have 420 00:16:18,281 --> 00:16:20,588 three separate teenagers using one of those things 421 00:16:20,631 --> 00:16:25,158 within 20 minutes, that is teenaged hormone-soaked mucus 422 00:16:25,201 --> 00:16:27,987 being rolled back up into the darkness 423 00:16:28,030 --> 00:16:31,120 to mutate and strengthen, and that, my friends, 424 00:16:31,164 --> 00:16:33,035 that is the beginning of "World War Z." 425 00:16:33,079 --> 00:16:35,081 - Hey, when Durbin wraps up, 426 00:16:35,124 --> 00:16:36,996 I need you guys to go up there and fill 427 00:16:37,039 --> 00:16:38,171 as long as you can. 428 00:16:38,214 --> 00:16:40,347 - Okay. - All right. 429 00:16:40,390 --> 00:16:42,044 - Now, we're in Toledo, and this is a great city, 430 00:16:42,088 --> 00:16:43,393 but we're not gonna last. 431 00:16:43,437 --> 00:16:46,396 [rock music] 432 00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:50,313 ♪ 433 00:16:50,357 --> 00:16:52,924 - Oh, hey, Mr. Griffin. - Oh, hey, kids. 434 00:16:52,968 --> 00:16:54,317 Lynette. 435 00:16:54,361 --> 00:16:56,406 - Jack. Finally put a stop to Helen? 436 00:16:56,450 --> 00:16:58,669 - Ha! Like this would be enough. 437 00:16:58,713 --> 00:17:01,281 [both chuckle] 438 00:17:01,324 --> 00:17:03,065 ♪ 439 00:17:03,109 --> 00:17:04,980 Here we go. 440 00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:06,416 [whispers] Yes, baby. 441 00:17:06,460 --> 00:17:08,897 - Back away from the confidential trash. 442 00:17:08,940 --> 00:17:10,681 - Dale, I've got an axe. 443 00:17:10,725 --> 00:17:12,335 - Yeah. Let me unlock that for ya. 444 00:17:12,379 --> 00:17:13,467 - Yeah. 445 00:17:13,510 --> 00:17:16,165 - All right. 446 00:17:16,209 --> 00:17:18,080 - Yep. Got it? 447 00:17:18,124 --> 00:17:19,386 There it is. - Here you go. 448 00:17:19,429 --> 00:17:22,258 Working on something fun? - Yeah, uh, well, 449 00:17:22,302 --> 00:17:24,086 just gotta piece this together. 450 00:17:24,130 --> 00:17:27,089 Wanna grab me some Glue Stic there, bud? 451 00:17:27,133 --> 00:17:28,525 Dale. - What? 452 00:17:28,569 --> 00:17:31,398 - Now! - Ohh... 453 00:17:31,441 --> 00:17:33,443 - You know, without money in the budget 454 00:17:33,487 --> 00:17:36,577 for extra clay, there would be no... 455 00:17:36,620 --> 00:17:40,363 gift ashtrays for, uh... 456 00:17:40,407 --> 00:17:42,365 that awkward Uncle who would yell when you were 12, 457 00:17:42,409 --> 00:17:45,412 "Uh-oh, looks like someone's ready for a training-brar." 458 00:17:45,455 --> 00:17:47,327 - Yeah. I mean, extra clay 459 00:17:47,370 --> 00:17:49,546 is the glue, if you will, 460 00:17:49,590 --> 00:17:51,461 that holds together Christmas, you know, 461 00:17:51,505 --> 00:17:54,073 and Hanukah and Kwanza. 462 00:17:54,116 --> 00:17:56,423 - Which brings us to glue, you know, 463 00:17:56,466 --> 00:17:58,425 which is literally the glue, you know, 464 00:17:58,468 --> 00:18:00,470 that holds itself together-- 465 00:18:00,514 --> 00:18:03,256 - We demand you watch our video! 466 00:18:03,299 --> 00:18:04,561 - Okay. - Oh. 467 00:18:04,605 --> 00:18:06,041 - Yeah. 468 00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:09,000 [suspenseful music] 469 00:18:09,044 --> 00:18:12,091 ♪ 470 00:18:12,134 --> 00:18:14,397 - Hey, pretty lady. So I wanna talk to you 471 00:18:14,441 --> 00:18:16,312 about something very close to my heart-- 472 00:18:16,356 --> 00:18:18,097 this year's Pop's concert: 473 00:18:18,140 --> 00:18:20,403 "A Jazzy Salute to the Ladies of the '80s 474 00:18:20,447 --> 00:18:23,145 and also to the Men of Then." 475 00:18:23,189 --> 00:18:27,062 Oh! Okay. An Orange Slice. 476 00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:29,412 That's that sweet, tangy pop right there. 477 00:18:29,456 --> 00:18:31,458 Thanks, doll. - You got it, stud. 478 00:18:31,501 --> 00:18:33,373 - Let me lay this on you. 479 00:18:33,416 --> 00:18:36,332 Just like this sweet, tasty, delicious pop, 480 00:18:36,376 --> 00:18:38,508 Pops concerts are essential 481 00:18:38,552 --> 00:18:41,424 because they keep you refreshed and smilin'. 482 00:18:41,468 --> 00:18:43,426 They're cool and not dorky at all. 483 00:18:43,470 --> 00:18:46,473 Ain't that right, Mama? - You know it, Daddy. 484 00:18:47,517 --> 00:18:48,736 [shimmering tone] 485 00:18:48,779 --> 00:18:50,085 - Hit it, suckers. 486 00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:51,347 [tap tap tap tap] 487 00:18:51,391 --> 00:18:54,698 [playing "Tainted Love"] 488 00:18:54,742 --> 00:19:01,749 ♪ 489 00:19:06,623 --> 00:19:10,061 [jazzy rendition of "Tainted Love" continues] 490 00:19:10,105 --> 00:19:15,458 ♪ 491 00:19:15,502 --> 00:19:17,286 Victor: Happy birthday! 492 00:19:17,330 --> 00:19:18,809 - Victor! - What the hell, dude! 493 00:19:18,853 --> 00:19:21,029 - Can't figure out how to get that outta there. 494 00:19:22,248 --> 00:19:24,685 - I'd like to call for a ten-minute recess 495 00:19:24,728 --> 00:19:26,165 before we vote. 496 00:19:26,208 --> 00:19:29,211 [suspenseful music] 497 00:19:29,255 --> 00:19:31,779 ♪ 498 00:19:31,822 --> 00:19:34,825 - Superintendant Bullard. Hey, 'scuse me. Hi. 499 00:19:34,869 --> 00:19:37,654 I'd like you to shelve your budget proposal. 500 00:19:37,698 --> 00:19:39,439 Look at this. 501 00:19:39,482 --> 00:19:43,138 - So white people finally found out about Pizza Slap? 502 00:19:43,182 --> 00:19:46,663 - Uh, no, look in the window there. 503 00:19:48,317 --> 00:19:49,797 Uh-huh. 504 00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:51,581 Find another way to fund your building, 505 00:19:51,625 --> 00:19:53,235 and your husband will never see this photo 506 00:19:53,279 --> 00:19:56,107 of you kissing another man. 507 00:19:56,151 --> 00:19:59,763 [suspenseful chords] 508 00:19:59,807 --> 00:20:04,855 - I heard you, Principal Durbin and your thoughtful words, 509 00:20:04,899 --> 00:20:07,293 teachers of Whitlock and your... 510 00:20:07,336 --> 00:20:09,730 strange presentation about clay, 511 00:20:09,773 --> 00:20:12,863 students of Whitlock and your interesting... 512 00:20:12,907 --> 00:20:15,214 soda commercial. 513 00:20:15,257 --> 00:20:18,565 I have decided to rescind my budget initiative. 514 00:20:18,608 --> 00:20:22,395 [uplifting music] 515 00:20:22,438 --> 00:20:24,223 - Oh, yes! 516 00:20:24,266 --> 00:20:31,230 ♪ 517 00:20:33,362 --> 00:20:35,756 - Boss, we did it! - We saved the concert 518 00:20:35,799 --> 00:20:38,846 and your job. You're welcome, girl. 519 00:20:38,889 --> 00:20:40,804 - Yep. Good job, guys. 520 00:20:40,848 --> 00:20:42,415 - You were amazing. - You're amazing. 521 00:20:42,458 --> 00:20:44,678 - You're amazing. - You were amazing! 522 00:20:44,721 --> 00:20:47,855 - And Jack, while you were in the bathroom with an axe, 523 00:20:47,898 --> 00:20:49,770 we saved your job. 524 00:20:49,813 --> 00:20:51,728 - Mm-hmm. 525 00:20:51,772 --> 00:20:53,426 - Ooh! - You're welcome. 526 00:20:53,469 --> 00:20:56,167 - You're welcome. [laughter] 527 00:20:56,211 --> 00:20:57,734 - We got everything we wanted. 528 00:20:57,778 --> 00:20:59,693 You see what happens when you take the high road? 529 00:20:59,736 --> 00:21:01,608 - Ah! Yeah! 530 00:21:01,651 --> 00:21:03,218 You did it, Durby, you did it. 531 00:21:03,262 --> 00:21:04,654 - Okay, yeah. - Thank you, buddy. 532 00:21:04,698 --> 00:21:06,656 Durby saved the day, huh? - He did! I gotta get 533 00:21:06,700 --> 00:21:09,442 a little sugar. Honk! - Okay. 534 00:21:09,485 --> 00:21:11,313 - Honk! - Oh. All right. 535 00:21:11,357 --> 00:21:12,749 All set, all set. 536 00:21:12,793 --> 00:21:15,622 [chuckles] Ah... 537 00:21:15,665 --> 00:21:17,537 What strange-- 538 00:21:17,580 --> 00:21:20,148 Victor: Happy birthday!