1 00:00:04,308 --> 00:00:04,526 . 2 00:00:04,569 --> 00:00:06,484 - And of course the swastikas 3 00:00:06,528 --> 00:00:08,486 that were on the latest newsletter 4 00:00:08,530 --> 00:00:10,314 were supposed to have been octopuses. 5 00:00:10,358 --> 00:00:13,578 I am a very bad artist, and I apologize to any student 6 00:00:13,622 --> 00:00:15,058 I may have offended. 7 00:00:15,102 --> 00:00:18,148 And--and finally, our sinks are not urinals, 8 00:00:18,192 --> 00:00:20,150 and our urinals are not sinks. 9 00:00:20,194 --> 00:00:22,065 And that's the last time I'm gonna say that. 10 00:00:22,109 --> 00:00:27,201 So, uh, our speaker today taught at Harvard 11 00:00:27,244 --> 00:00:31,161 and very soon hopefully will be doing a TED Talk. 12 00:00:31,205 --> 00:00:34,164 So we are all very lucky to be the audience 13 00:00:34,208 --> 00:00:35,774 for his audition tape. 14 00:00:35,818 --> 00:00:37,907 Please welcome Jack Griffin. 15 00:00:37,950 --> 00:00:38,995 [applause] 16 00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:41,519 - Shake. 17 00:00:41,563 --> 00:00:42,912 Thank you, Ralph. 18 00:00:42,955 --> 00:00:44,870 Uh, yes, you are all very lucky to be here, okay? 19 00:00:44,914 --> 00:00:46,611 If I get this TED Talk gig, 20 00:00:46,655 --> 00:00:49,136 it could catapult my upcoming book to the best-seller list. 21 00:00:49,179 --> 00:00:52,182 Okay, so, congratulations. You knew me when. 22 00:00:52,226 --> 00:00:53,357 [chuckles] 23 00:00:53,401 --> 00:00:55,881 All right, roll cameras. 24 00:00:55,925 --> 00:00:58,667 [orchestral music] 25 00:00:58,710 --> 00:01:02,062 Hi, everybody. Hi. Oh, stop. Please. Thank you. 26 00:01:02,105 --> 00:01:05,369 Um, so my name is Dr. Jack Griffin 27 00:01:05,413 --> 00:01:08,329 and this is my presentation entitled, 28 00:01:08,372 --> 00:01:12,072 "The Pursuit of Happiness Through Societal Regression." 29 00:01:12,115 --> 00:01:15,075 Now people often ask me, Doctor-- 30 00:01:15,118 --> 00:01:16,206 [thud] Whoops. 31 00:01:16,250 --> 00:01:18,774 [crowd laughs] 32 00:01:19,644 --> 00:01:22,038 So, uh, uh, people will often ask me, 33 00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:23,083 you know, Doctor-- 34 00:01:23,126 --> 00:01:24,562 whoopsie. [thud] 35 00:01:24,606 --> 00:01:25,650 [crowd groans] 36 00:01:25,694 --> 00:01:26,738 - [groaning] 37 00:01:26,782 --> 00:01:28,262 - Oh, my God, Jack! Jack! 38 00:01:28,305 --> 00:01:29,785 - Oh, my God--[groans] - You okay? 39 00:01:29,828 --> 00:01:31,569 - Ralph, Ralph, you gotta get me out of here, man. 40 00:01:31,613 --> 00:01:33,310 I'm really hurt. - Okay, okay, okay. 41 00:01:33,354 --> 00:01:35,747 Madison. Madison, come here. 42 00:01:35,791 --> 00:01:37,227 - Oh, God! Oh, Ralph! 43 00:01:37,271 --> 00:01:38,228 [groaning] - Okay, we got him. 44 00:01:38,272 --> 00:01:39,664 We got you, it's okay. 45 00:01:39,708 --> 00:01:40,665 Here we go. 46 00:01:40,709 --> 00:01:42,493 - Oh, God, Ralph, I'm really hurt. 47 00:01:42,537 --> 00:01:44,234 - Ooh, gosh. - God, I'm really hurt. 48 00:01:44,278 --> 00:01:46,410 [panting] Oh, I'm really hurt. 49 00:01:46,454 --> 00:01:49,674 Ow, oh, oh, oh! [groaning] 50 00:01:49,718 --> 00:01:51,633 - It's okay. - Oh, God. Ralph. 51 00:01:51,676 --> 00:01:53,591 Oh, God. Hold my thigh. It's my thigh. 52 00:01:53,635 --> 00:01:55,550 Oh, God. Oh! I really cranked it, Ralph. 53 00:01:55,593 --> 00:01:57,334 No, no, no, don't touch it! I cranked my thigh, Ralph! 54 00:01:57,378 --> 00:01:59,119 - I'm just trying to help. 55 00:01:59,162 --> 00:02:01,077 - Oh, but everything you're doing is making it worse. 56 00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:03,035 Oh, I think there's, like, a loose bone or something 57 00:02:03,079 --> 00:02:05,168 and my butt is--is--oh, God, I think I smashed my butt. 58 00:02:05,212 --> 00:02:08,040 Oh, my smashed butt. Oh, my smashed butt. 59 00:02:08,084 --> 00:02:10,042 Ohh, it's so smashed! 60 00:02:10,086 --> 00:02:12,915 - ♪ Next time, I'll listen to my heart ♪ 61 00:02:12,958 --> 00:02:15,961 ♪ Next time, well, I'll be smart ♪ 62 00:02:16,005 --> 00:02:22,968 ♪ 63 00:02:23,012 --> 00:02:24,622 [indistinct chatter] 64 00:02:24,666 --> 00:02:26,885 - Oh, my God, dude was like, "Whoa!" 65 00:02:26,929 --> 00:02:29,453 [laughter] 66 00:02:29,497 --> 00:02:32,848 [indistinct talking, giggling] 67 00:02:32,891 --> 00:02:34,241 - "I'm wearing a suit." 68 00:02:34,284 --> 00:02:37,026 - Whoopsie, whoopsie, whoopsie. 69 00:02:37,069 --> 00:02:38,332 Happy Monday, ladies. 70 00:02:38,375 --> 00:02:40,899 - Jack, you're on WorldStar. 71 00:02:40,943 --> 00:02:42,597 - What is WorldStar? 72 00:02:42,640 --> 00:02:44,294 Are you guys watching a video of me falling? 73 00:02:44,338 --> 00:02:45,991 - Mm-hmm. - That's not funny. 74 00:02:46,035 --> 00:02:49,212 - It's pretty funny, especially 'cause you go, "Doctor whoops." 75 00:02:49,256 --> 00:02:50,866 both: Doctor Whoopsie! 76 00:02:50,909 --> 00:02:52,302 [laughing] 77 00:02:52,346 --> 00:02:54,565 - Like, who actually says whoopsie when they fall? 78 00:02:54,609 --> 00:02:55,740 - Right? 79 00:02:55,784 --> 00:02:58,178 - Good morning, Mary, Stef, Michelle, 80 00:02:58,221 --> 00:02:59,918 Dr. Whoopsie. 81 00:02:59,962 --> 00:03:02,182 [laughing] - Hey! 82 00:03:02,225 --> 00:03:03,661 - Yeah. 83 00:03:03,705 --> 00:03:05,794 - Are you okay? - Well, finally somebody asks. 84 00:03:05,837 --> 00:03:07,317 - Actually, I'm--I'm doing okay. 85 00:03:07,361 --> 00:03:09,232 Yeah, a little sore but nothing's broken. 86 00:03:09,276 --> 00:03:11,016 - That's good. - Yeah. 87 00:03:11,060 --> 00:03:13,367 - I thought you were going to have that smashed butt surgery. 88 00:03:13,410 --> 00:03:14,716 - [laughs] Yeah. 89 00:03:14,759 --> 00:03:16,370 - Did you guys hear the Smashed Butt remix? 90 00:03:16,413 --> 00:03:18,067 [imitating remix] 91 00:03:18,110 --> 00:03:21,026 - ♪ Ow it's so smashed, ow my smashed butt ♪ 92 00:03:21,070 --> 00:03:23,681 - Everyone, terrible news. 93 00:03:23,725 --> 00:03:25,509 The Daddy's back. 94 00:03:25,553 --> 00:03:27,337 - I'm sorry, what? The Daddy? - The Sugar Daddy. 95 00:03:27,381 --> 00:03:30,166 Jack, this is Whitlock's greatest mystery. 96 00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:32,603 - Every few months, hundreds of Sugar Daddy wrappers 97 00:03:32,647 --> 00:03:34,866 mysteriously appear around the school. 98 00:03:34,910 --> 00:03:36,781 This is the work of a real sick puppy. 99 00:03:36,825 --> 00:03:39,219 - Perhaps he's not some elusive boogeyman 100 00:03:39,262 --> 00:03:41,656 as much as the 700 Garbage Pail Kids 101 00:03:41,699 --> 00:03:43,353 who roam these halls every day. 102 00:03:43,397 --> 00:03:45,573 You know, just a thought. 103 00:03:45,616 --> 00:03:47,357 - You guys, he's not wrong. 104 00:03:47,401 --> 00:03:49,881 - But the Sugar Daddy, uh, he's a serial litterer. 105 00:03:49,925 --> 00:03:52,362 He's malicious, he's psychotic. 106 00:03:52,406 --> 00:03:54,059 - I bet he doesn't even eat the Sugar Daddies. 107 00:03:54,103 --> 00:03:56,497 My theory is based on the fact that no one ever has. 108 00:03:56,540 --> 00:03:58,194 - That can't be true. I mean-- 109 00:03:58,238 --> 00:04:00,457 - I'm with Lynette. I mean, those things are gross. 110 00:04:00,501 --> 00:04:02,590 I'm a--I'm a big lollipop guy myself 111 00:04:02,633 --> 00:04:05,375 but I--[clears throat] have to eat them at home 112 00:04:05,419 --> 00:04:07,247 because people think I'm a little boy 113 00:04:07,290 --> 00:04:08,683 and I can't get into restaurants. 114 00:04:08,726 --> 00:04:10,075 - Ohh. 115 00:04:10,119 --> 00:04:12,382 - Well, all I know 116 00:04:12,426 --> 00:04:15,080 is that I'm determined to catch this son of a bitch. 117 00:04:15,124 --> 00:04:16,299 - Well, we'll help you. 118 00:04:16,343 --> 00:04:17,779 I always know the killer 119 00:04:17,822 --> 00:04:19,389 the first four minutes of "Law and Order." 120 00:04:19,433 --> 00:04:21,522 - Yup, it's never the second guy they talk to. 121 00:04:21,565 --> 00:04:23,263 It's sometimes the first. 122 00:04:23,306 --> 00:04:24,394 - Mm-hmm. - Huh! 123 00:04:24,438 --> 00:04:25,830 - Ooh and if there's a stepfather, 124 00:04:25,874 --> 00:04:27,136 you know his ass did it. 125 00:04:27,179 --> 00:04:29,269 all: Mm-hmm. 126 00:04:30,313 --> 00:04:34,012 [harmonizing] ♪ Mm-hmm 127 00:04:38,974 --> 00:04:40,323 - Whoopsie. 128 00:04:40,367 --> 00:04:42,760 [scattered laughter] 129 00:04:42,804 --> 00:04:44,240 - Marcus, I know where you live. 130 00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:45,981 - I retract my whoopsie. 131 00:04:46,024 --> 00:04:48,505 - Yeah. 132 00:04:48,549 --> 00:04:50,768 So I imagine you guys have all seen this, uh, 133 00:04:50,812 --> 00:04:52,727 video of me that's been going around. 134 00:04:52,770 --> 00:04:53,989 - Which version? 135 00:04:54,032 --> 00:04:55,730 My favorite is when you fall off the stage 136 00:04:55,773 --> 00:04:57,993 into a shark's mouth. [laughter] 137 00:04:58,036 --> 00:05:00,387 - Oh, and then they cut to a guy on Maury Povich 138 00:05:00,430 --> 00:05:02,214 doing an "I'm not the father" dance. 139 00:05:02,258 --> 00:05:05,261 [scattered laughter] - Yeah, fun. 140 00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:06,828 So this is our mission for today. 141 00:05:06,871 --> 00:05:09,265 We need to delete that video. Now how do we do that? 142 00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:10,832 - Brother, you don't. 143 00:05:10,875 --> 00:05:12,442 - It's like when you're standing on a rooftop 144 00:05:12,486 --> 00:05:14,139 and you shake all the feathers out of a pillow 145 00:05:14,183 --> 00:05:15,532 and then the next day you say, 146 00:05:15,576 --> 00:05:17,534 "I want to get all those feathers back." 147 00:05:17,578 --> 00:05:19,319 - Did you just quote the movie "Doubt"? 148 00:05:19,362 --> 00:05:21,408 - I just realized something wonderful. 149 00:05:21,451 --> 00:05:23,192 Whenever anyone looks up "Jack Griffin," 150 00:05:23,235 --> 00:05:26,064 the first thing that's going to come up is Doctor Whoopsie. 151 00:05:26,108 --> 00:05:27,588 - Well, that's not good. 152 00:05:27,631 --> 00:05:29,372 I'm trying to become the most famous philosopher 153 00:05:29,416 --> 00:05:31,026 of--of my generation, okay? 154 00:05:31,069 --> 00:05:32,723 - [clears throat] 155 00:05:35,378 --> 00:05:37,424 - Whoa, Vic. 156 00:05:37,467 --> 00:05:39,643 Where's your signature grandpa sweater? 157 00:05:39,687 --> 00:05:41,906 - Where's your fancy Harvard job? 158 00:05:41,950 --> 00:05:44,387 all: Ooh! 159 00:05:44,431 --> 00:05:47,172 - Ooh, okay! Nice comeback. 160 00:05:47,216 --> 00:05:49,697 I like this attitude. I don't know what's going on. 161 00:05:49,740 --> 00:05:51,176 Cool. 162 00:05:51,220 --> 00:05:53,353 All right, so how do we change the narrative, guys? 163 00:05:53,396 --> 00:05:55,180 You know-- I know, I know. 164 00:05:55,224 --> 00:05:58,009 We need to make a more popular video where I look cool. 165 00:05:58,053 --> 00:05:59,489 So how do we do that? 166 00:05:59,533 --> 00:06:01,622 - Uh, Griff, my uncle agreed to give his kidney 167 00:06:01,665 --> 00:06:03,014 to a total stranger. 168 00:06:03,058 --> 00:06:04,364 It was all over the news. 169 00:06:04,407 --> 00:06:06,366 Everyone in town was talking about it. 170 00:06:06,409 --> 00:06:08,193 - Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 171 00:06:08,237 --> 00:06:09,804 I like this, a heroic act. 172 00:06:09,847 --> 00:06:11,675 I mean, people love a feel-good story. 173 00:06:11,719 --> 00:06:14,199 - Well, it turned out the kidney went to a guy 174 00:06:14,243 --> 00:06:16,854 who murdered a bunch of immigrants in rural Texas. 175 00:06:16,898 --> 00:06:18,943 So that was a bummer. - Hmm. 176 00:06:18,987 --> 00:06:21,729 - One time I went to Texas and I hated it. 177 00:06:21,772 --> 00:06:24,079 Just like I hate everything else. 178 00:06:24,122 --> 00:06:25,559 Whatever. 179 00:06:25,602 --> 00:06:27,125 - What's going on with you, bud? 180 00:06:27,169 --> 00:06:29,519 Somebody steal your Magic: The Gathering cards? 181 00:06:29,563 --> 00:06:31,956 - You wanna go? - [chuckling] Oh, my God. 182 00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:34,437 This is great. I like this very much. 183 00:06:34,481 --> 00:06:36,091 I really do. It's a nice new wrinkle. 184 00:06:36,134 --> 00:06:38,920 I mean, just when I thought I'd get bored with you guys. 185 00:06:38,963 --> 00:06:41,096 All right, so what's a powerful moving act 186 00:06:41,139 --> 00:06:42,880 that I could get caught on camera doing? 187 00:06:42,924 --> 00:06:44,621 - Being a solider coming home to your kid. 188 00:06:44,665 --> 00:06:46,057 - Get a cochlear implant 189 00:06:46,101 --> 00:06:47,842 and hear your mom's voice for the first time. 190 00:06:47,885 --> 00:06:50,497 - Okay, well that's for babies and my mom is dead. 191 00:06:50,540 --> 00:06:52,063 - Oh. 192 00:06:52,107 --> 00:06:54,065 - I mean, we're building a Habitat for Humanity house 193 00:06:54,109 --> 00:06:55,980 this Saturday and the news is gonna be there. 194 00:06:56,024 --> 00:06:57,678 - No, no! Guys, no! 195 00:06:57,721 --> 00:06:59,636 This has to be something that really takes over the airwaves. 196 00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:01,551 You know, think O.J. Bronco. 197 00:07:01,595 --> 00:07:03,988 Think Thai soccer team rescue. 198 00:07:04,032 --> 00:07:05,076 - Baby Jessica. 199 00:07:05,120 --> 00:07:07,252 - Yeah, Baby Jess-- Babe--yeah. 200 00:07:07,296 --> 00:07:09,559 Yes, that's good. 201 00:07:09,603 --> 00:07:10,821 Okay, guys, we got it. All right? 202 00:07:10,865 --> 00:07:12,475 Anybody who wants extra credit, 203 00:07:12,519 --> 00:07:14,825 meet me in the parking lot during lunch. 204 00:07:14,869 --> 00:07:17,349 So Baby Jessica got me thinking about 205 00:07:17,393 --> 00:07:18,916 the brave heroes that saved her. 206 00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:20,744 I mean, that's such a striking image. 207 00:07:20,788 --> 00:07:22,572 A strong noble person 208 00:07:22,616 --> 00:07:24,531 pulling someone up from the depths. 209 00:07:24,574 --> 00:07:26,794 So that's what I'm going to be. 210 00:07:26,837 --> 00:07:29,449 All right, now who's going to get down in the sewers for me? 211 00:07:33,191 --> 00:07:34,715 - Whatever, I'll do it. 212 00:07:34,758 --> 00:07:36,717 - Yeah, I don't know, Vic. 213 00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:38,632 I mean, you've been acting a little off today, bud. 214 00:07:38,675 --> 00:07:39,981 - I said I'll do it. 215 00:07:40,024 --> 00:07:42,113 So just get out of my way right now, please. 216 00:07:42,157 --> 00:07:45,769 ♪ 217 00:07:49,294 --> 00:07:49,469 . 218 00:07:49,512 --> 00:07:52,080 - This could work. I mean, Victor makes a good victim. 219 00:07:52,123 --> 00:07:53,385 I mean, that sweet cherubic face. 220 00:07:53,429 --> 00:07:55,083 When the world sees this face 221 00:07:55,126 --> 00:07:58,086 being rescued by these muscular arms, you know? 222 00:07:58,129 --> 00:08:00,218 All right, let's make this happen. 223 00:08:03,526 --> 00:08:05,093 Oh! Okay, yeah. 224 00:08:05,136 --> 00:08:06,834 You know what? I just remembered. 225 00:08:06,877 --> 00:08:09,227 The city, they started making these things so that you need 226 00:08:09,271 --> 00:08:11,099 a special device to pull these manhole covers up, 227 00:08:11,142 --> 00:08:13,884 'cause I think kids were just-- 228 00:08:13,928 --> 00:08:15,277 - Yeah, I got it, Mr. G. 229 00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:16,757 - Yeah, well, I-- you know, I-- 230 00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:19,368 I loosened the pickle jar for you there, so... 231 00:08:21,979 --> 00:08:23,981 - Sugar Daddy? Never heard of him. 232 00:08:24,025 --> 00:08:25,505 - Come on, Dale. 233 00:08:25,548 --> 00:08:27,463 You know every piece of trash in this school. 234 00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:29,944 - Sorry, can't help you. Janitor's code. 235 00:08:29,987 --> 00:08:32,076 - We just want to know where you find 236 00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:33,687 the most Sugar Daddy wrappers. 237 00:08:33,730 --> 00:08:34,731 - No can do. 238 00:08:34,775 --> 00:08:35,993 - Wait, time out! 239 00:08:36,037 --> 00:08:37,691 What's going on with all these boxes? 240 00:08:37,734 --> 00:08:39,780 - Yeah, like, what are you loading up to leave the school? 241 00:08:39,823 --> 00:08:41,782 - And why can't you stop working for two seconds 242 00:08:41,825 --> 00:08:43,348 and talk to us? 243 00:08:43,392 --> 00:08:45,568 - These are empty boxes going to be recycled. 244 00:08:45,612 --> 00:08:46,656 - Hmm. 245 00:08:46,700 --> 00:08:48,310 - You know, a janitor really makes 246 00:08:48,353 --> 00:08:49,703 the best kind of litterer, right? 247 00:08:49,746 --> 00:08:51,313 both: Mm-hmm. 248 00:08:51,356 --> 00:08:53,402 - It's like when the doctor is making the patients sick. 249 00:08:53,445 --> 00:08:56,100 - Or when the fireman is the arsonist. 250 00:08:56,144 --> 00:08:58,799 - Oh, or when the waiter is rude to you. 251 00:08:58,842 --> 00:09:01,279 - I am not the Sugar Daddy! 252 00:09:01,323 --> 00:09:03,717 My advice? Walk away. 253 00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:05,806 These wrappers have been around for eight years, 254 00:09:05,849 --> 00:09:07,808 and I don't mind it. 255 00:09:07,851 --> 00:09:09,331 - Eight years? 256 00:09:09,374 --> 00:09:10,985 - Well, that means that it's not a student. 257 00:09:11,028 --> 00:09:13,161 - It certainly rules out any seven-year-olds. 258 00:09:13,204 --> 00:09:14,510 [clattering] 259 00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:17,165 - All right, Bernie, we're all set! 260 00:09:17,208 --> 00:09:18,775 Drive it around to the side of the school 261 00:09:18,819 --> 00:09:20,821 and leave it next to the blue recycling bin, 262 00:09:20,864 --> 00:09:22,910 and then next week we'll break down the boxes 263 00:09:22,953 --> 00:09:24,302 and put 'em in the bins! 264 00:09:24,346 --> 00:09:26,957 Yeah! Get a move on, huh? Make haste! 265 00:09:27,001 --> 00:09:29,656 Whoo! [chuckles] 266 00:09:29,699 --> 00:09:31,571 Ugh, I love this job. 267 00:09:33,485 --> 00:09:37,054 [suspenseful music] 268 00:09:37,098 --> 00:09:39,666 [rattling] 269 00:09:39,709 --> 00:09:46,716 ♪ 270 00:09:59,990 --> 00:10:01,035 - All right, well, our little victim 271 00:10:01,078 --> 00:10:02,340 seems to be in place here. 272 00:10:02,384 --> 00:10:03,951 So who's going to call Channel 24 273 00:10:03,994 --> 00:10:05,692 and convince them to get their camera crew down here? 274 00:10:05,735 --> 00:10:07,519 - I'll do it. - Uh, you know what? 275 00:10:07,563 --> 00:10:08,869 Let me get somebody else to do it. 276 00:10:08,912 --> 00:10:10,392 - Hello? Yes, I'm at Whitlock High 277 00:10:10,435 --> 00:10:11,741 and my friend just fell down a manhole, 278 00:10:11,785 --> 00:10:13,395 and oh, my God, I'm so scared he's going to die! 279 00:10:13,438 --> 00:10:14,918 The ambulances are on their way. 280 00:10:14,962 --> 00:10:16,441 You're not going to want to miss this. 281 00:10:16,485 --> 00:10:18,182 You need to tell the world 'cause he's going to need 282 00:10:18,226 --> 00:10:19,575 a lot of prayers otherwise he might die. 283 00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:21,403 Hurry, hurry, hurry! They bought it. 284 00:10:21,446 --> 00:10:22,839 - Did they? - Yes. 285 00:10:22,883 --> 00:10:25,059 - Okay, well, as much as it devastates me 286 00:10:25,102 --> 00:10:26,800 to say this, Marcus, good job. 287 00:10:26,843 --> 00:10:28,279 - Namaste. 288 00:10:28,323 --> 00:10:30,978 - Oh! Oh, don't do that. That is just the worst. 289 00:10:31,021 --> 00:10:33,067 All right, Victor, when I pull you-- 290 00:10:33,110 --> 00:10:35,025 ♪ 291 00:10:35,069 --> 00:10:37,027 Victor? 292 00:10:37,071 --> 00:10:38,072 Victor? 293 00:10:38,115 --> 00:10:39,639 Oh, boy. 294 00:10:39,682 --> 00:10:40,901 [blows raspberry] 295 00:10:40,944 --> 00:10:42,467 Let me try something here. 296 00:10:42,511 --> 00:10:44,644 Victor! 297 00:10:44,687 --> 00:10:46,080 Victor? 298 00:10:46,123 --> 00:10:48,996 - Yo, Mr. G, you lost Victor! - Yeah. 299 00:10:49,039 --> 00:10:51,433 - Mr. Griffin, is it fair to say that losing a kid 300 00:10:51,476 --> 00:10:53,348 wasn't the heroic act you were looking for? 301 00:10:53,391 --> 00:10:55,350 - Yeah, Sarika but, you know, it's not over, okay? 302 00:10:55,393 --> 00:10:56,656 We're not giving up on Victor. 303 00:10:56,699 --> 00:10:58,614 Okay, I'm not giving up on Victor. 304 00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:00,529 - Yeah. 305 00:11:00,572 --> 00:11:03,140 - Unless we all agree not to say anything. 306 00:11:03,184 --> 00:11:04,751 [angry clamoring] - Mr. Griffin! 307 00:11:04,794 --> 00:11:05,969 - Mr. Griffin! 308 00:11:06,013 --> 00:11:07,275 - I know, that's what I'm saying. 309 00:11:07,318 --> 00:11:08,972 I--I so I should-- we'll save him. 310 00:11:09,016 --> 00:11:11,453 Plus, you know, he might still be alive down there. 311 00:11:11,496 --> 00:11:13,411 Yeah, Marcus, cancel the news crew, man. 312 00:11:13,455 --> 00:11:15,718 - Oh, that's not possible. Can't unring a bell. 313 00:11:15,762 --> 00:11:17,589 - It's like when you stand on a rooftop 314 00:11:17,633 --> 00:11:19,156 and you try to shake out all the feathers from a pillow-- 315 00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:20,636 - Yeah, from "Doubt"! From "Doubt." 316 00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:22,159 You love that movie. - It's a great movie. 317 00:11:22,203 --> 00:11:23,508 - It's great. - Okay, guys, guys, guys. 318 00:11:23,552 --> 00:11:25,293 Can we just please find our friend? 319 00:11:25,336 --> 00:11:28,078 - All right, everybody-- Everybody down in the hole. 320 00:11:28,122 --> 00:11:29,645 Yep, everybody. - Ugh. 321 00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:31,386 - Lower yourselves into the hole in the ground. 322 00:11:31,429 --> 00:11:32,779 He'll be somewhere in there. 323 00:11:36,217 --> 00:11:36,434 . 324 00:11:36,478 --> 00:11:38,915 - All right, um, why don't you guys 325 00:11:38,959 --> 00:11:40,525 check down this tunnel here and I'm gonna look down here. 326 00:11:40,569 --> 00:11:42,440 All right? Here we go. 327 00:11:42,484 --> 00:11:43,441 Victor! 328 00:11:43,485 --> 00:11:44,747 - Victor! - Victor? 329 00:11:44,791 --> 00:11:46,270 - Vic? - Yo, Vic! 330 00:11:46,314 --> 00:11:48,490 - Victor? - Hmm. 331 00:11:48,533 --> 00:11:50,405 Tony don't tango with tunnels. 332 00:11:50,448 --> 00:11:53,669 Uh, I'm gonna stay here and sing every once in a while. 333 00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:56,541 It'll be like vocal bread crumbs. 334 00:11:56,585 --> 00:11:57,934 [clears throat] 335 00:11:57,978 --> 00:11:59,414 [exhales] 336 00:11:59,457 --> 00:12:01,329 - Victor! 337 00:12:01,372 --> 00:12:04,375 - ♪ Lay a whisper 338 00:12:04,419 --> 00:12:07,117 ♪ On my pillow 339 00:12:07,161 --> 00:12:09,772 - Victor? - ♪ Leave the winter 340 00:12:09,816 --> 00:12:11,295 - Victor? - This is disgusting. 341 00:12:11,339 --> 00:12:14,081 - Victor? - ♪ On the ground 342 00:12:14,124 --> 00:12:15,778 - Victor? - ♪ I wake up lonely 343 00:12:15,822 --> 00:12:17,475 - Victor? - Victor? 344 00:12:17,519 --> 00:12:20,478 - ♪ The air of silence 345 00:12:20,522 --> 00:12:23,481 ♪ In the bedroom all: Victor? Victor? 346 00:12:23,525 --> 00:12:26,484 - ♪ And all around 347 00:12:26,528 --> 00:12:28,443 - This can't be. 348 00:12:28,486 --> 00:12:29,749 This is crazy. 349 00:12:29,792 --> 00:12:30,837 [panting] 350 00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:33,013 [tense music] 351 00:12:33,056 --> 00:12:34,492 [dramatic musical sting] 352 00:12:34,536 --> 00:12:37,104 There's the doll heads. 353 00:12:37,147 --> 00:12:39,280 [gasps] No, no, no, no, no, no. 354 00:12:39,323 --> 00:12:42,544 Oh, no, Ralph. Not this, not these. 355 00:12:42,587 --> 00:12:44,546 - Helen! Helen! 356 00:12:44,589 --> 00:12:47,984 - Hey, gals! What's up, what's up? 357 00:12:48,028 --> 00:12:49,899 [laughter] Let me hear you now. 358 00:12:49,943 --> 00:12:51,988 Just the ladies. And scream! 359 00:12:52,032 --> 00:12:53,860 - Okay, hey! - Hey! 360 00:12:53,903 --> 00:12:56,645 - [screams] [all laughing] 361 00:12:56,688 --> 00:12:58,821 - Helen, we've made a major breakthrough in the case. 362 00:12:58,865 --> 00:13:01,084 - Mm-hmm. Dale told us that the Sugar Daddy 363 00:13:01,128 --> 00:13:02,956 has been doing this for eight years. 364 00:13:02,999 --> 00:13:04,174 It can't be a student. 365 00:13:04,218 --> 00:13:05,872 - It's someone we work with! 366 00:13:05,915 --> 00:13:07,264 - No, I don't think so. 367 00:13:07,308 --> 00:13:08,788 - Oh, come on. Open your eyes. 368 00:13:08,831 --> 00:13:10,398 I mean, it makes perfect sense. 369 00:13:10,441 --> 00:13:12,966 The criminal's always some sad, middle-aged man in khakis 370 00:13:13,009 --> 00:13:14,794 you would never expect. 371 00:13:14,837 --> 00:13:16,883 - No. I think it's a student. 372 00:13:16,926 --> 00:13:20,843 Uh, what is that 22 year old Sophomore's name, Lucas? 373 00:13:20,887 --> 00:13:22,323 - Helen, it's not Lucas. 374 00:13:22,366 --> 00:13:24,325 But we're going to find out who it is soon. 375 00:13:24,368 --> 00:13:26,501 - Mm-hmm. - Mm-hmm. 376 00:13:31,027 --> 00:13:34,639 - Oh, Ralph, you just got these candies in here 377 00:13:34,683 --> 00:13:36,903 because you confiscated them, right? 378 00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:41,472 This can't be. This can't be. 379 00:13:41,516 --> 00:13:42,822 [dramatic organ music] 380 00:13:42,865 --> 00:13:46,173 I have such doubts! 381 00:13:46,216 --> 00:13:48,131 - Victor! 382 00:13:51,918 --> 00:13:53,789 Vic--hey. Vic. 383 00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:55,835 Hey, man, what the hell? 384 00:13:55,878 --> 00:13:57,227 Are you okay? 385 00:13:57,271 --> 00:13:58,663 - Like you care. 386 00:13:58,707 --> 00:14:01,884 All you care about it making love to pretty women. 387 00:14:01,928 --> 00:14:05,409 [soft music] 388 00:14:05,453 --> 00:14:06,758 ♪ 389 00:14:06,802 --> 00:14:08,543 - All right. 390 00:14:08,586 --> 00:14:10,762 - This is lining up with a lot of my nightmares. 391 00:14:10,806 --> 00:14:12,286 Are my teeth still in my mouth? 392 00:14:12,329 --> 00:14:14,375 - I don't know, man. Feel around with your tongue. 393 00:14:14,418 --> 00:14:16,290 - Grace, are you sure you know what you're doing? 394 00:14:16,333 --> 00:14:19,510 - Guys, it's just a tunnel. There's no reason to be afraid. 395 00:14:19,554 --> 00:14:21,599 [gasps] Maybe we'll see the rat king! 396 00:14:21,643 --> 00:14:23,253 - Excuse me? A rat what? 397 00:14:23,297 --> 00:14:24,298 - The rat king. 398 00:14:24,341 --> 00:14:25,908 It's when a mob of 50 or more rats 399 00:14:25,952 --> 00:14:27,170 get their tails intertwined 400 00:14:27,214 --> 00:14:28,693 and it becomes an angry vicious creature 401 00:14:28,737 --> 00:14:30,913 that starts to understand the idea of right and wrong. 402 00:14:30,957 --> 00:14:32,262 - [gasps] - Oh, God. 403 00:14:32,306 --> 00:14:33,350 - My glasses! 404 00:14:33,394 --> 00:14:34,830 - I'm so--I'm sorry. - My glasses. 405 00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:35,918 - Here, I got them. I got them. 406 00:14:35,962 --> 00:14:37,615 I got 'em. 407 00:14:37,659 --> 00:14:40,009 [light acoustic music] 408 00:14:40,053 --> 00:14:41,619 ♪ 409 00:14:41,663 --> 00:14:44,622 Here you go. 410 00:14:44,666 --> 00:14:45,885 Here you go. 411 00:14:45,928 --> 00:14:49,279 ♪ 412 00:14:49,323 --> 00:14:50,890 There you go. 413 00:14:50,933 --> 00:14:52,239 [clattering] - Oh, my God! What was that? 414 00:14:52,282 --> 00:14:53,849 No, no, no! That--that's the rat king! 415 00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:55,807 The rat king! - Rat king? 416 00:14:55,851 --> 00:14:58,114 [all clamoring] 417 00:14:58,158 --> 00:14:59,942 - Rat king! - Rat king! 418 00:14:59,986 --> 00:15:02,727 - Rat king! Let me see! Let me see! 419 00:15:02,771 --> 00:15:05,165 - ♪ It must've been love 420 00:15:05,208 --> 00:15:08,646 ♪ But it's over now 421 00:15:08,690 --> 00:15:11,649 ♪ It must have been good [all clamoring] 422 00:15:11,693 --> 00:15:13,913 ♪ But I lost it somehow 423 00:15:13,956 --> 00:15:15,131 - Hell no! 424 00:15:15,175 --> 00:15:17,438 - What? We--we can't leave. 425 00:15:17,481 --> 00:15:18,700 - Rat king! Rat king! 426 00:15:18,743 --> 00:15:20,484 - But--but Victor. - Oh, my God, rat king. 427 00:15:20,528 --> 00:15:22,617 - I'm gonna stay here and keep singing for my friend. 428 00:15:22,660 --> 00:15:24,662 - Something touched my leg! 429 00:15:24,706 --> 00:15:25,968 Oh, I think I got bit! 430 00:15:26,012 --> 00:15:27,578 - That's probably not great. 431 00:15:27,622 --> 00:15:30,799 So what's with the game of hide and seek, bud? 432 00:15:30,842 --> 00:15:33,541 - This charade has gone on long enough. 433 00:15:33,584 --> 00:15:35,978 - I'm not the rebel everyone thinks I am. 434 00:15:36,022 --> 00:15:38,938 [sighs] I'm not heavy metal. 435 00:15:38,981 --> 00:15:42,942 - Santana is really more sort of smooth Latin American jazz. 436 00:15:44,073 --> 00:15:45,553 - My parents are getting a divorce. 437 00:15:45,596 --> 00:15:49,122 - Oh. I'm sorry to hear that, bud. 438 00:15:49,165 --> 00:15:51,341 So you were, what? Running away. 439 00:15:51,385 --> 00:15:54,692 - I just thought that if I went missing in the sewers, 440 00:15:54,736 --> 00:16:00,002 then my parents would both come and they'd hug and cry and kiss 441 00:16:00,046 --> 00:16:03,484 and then pray I'm not dead and then kiss again 442 00:16:03,527 --> 00:16:06,791 and it would be just like Epcot in 2015. 443 00:16:06,835 --> 00:16:08,663 - [chuckles] 444 00:16:08,706 --> 00:16:11,927 Look, uh, I'm gonna tell you something 445 00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:13,973 as someone who comes from divorced parents. 446 00:16:14,016 --> 00:16:16,018 Divorce is great, okay? 447 00:16:16,062 --> 00:16:18,368 I mean they probably hate each other. 448 00:16:18,412 --> 00:16:21,110 - They did say that a lot. - Yeah. 449 00:16:21,154 --> 00:16:22,720 Yeah, and you probably think that it's your fault 450 00:16:22,764 --> 00:16:26,246 that they're splitting up but it's not. 451 00:16:27,116 --> 00:16:29,031 It is your fault that they probably stayed together 452 00:16:29,075 --> 00:16:30,641 as long as they did, though. 453 00:16:30,685 --> 00:16:32,730 You know, despite the fact that you were all miserable. 454 00:16:32,774 --> 00:16:35,516 So hey, good news, you're all about to be much happier. 455 00:16:37,170 --> 00:16:39,999 Yeah, but look, if--if-- 456 00:16:40,042 --> 00:16:41,217 if you need to chat about it some more, 457 00:16:41,261 --> 00:16:43,350 come see me after class, all right? 458 00:16:44,438 --> 00:16:45,656 Yeah. 459 00:16:45,700 --> 00:16:47,745 Want to get out of this disgusting place? 460 00:16:47,789 --> 00:16:49,573 - Yeah, I really have to pee. 461 00:16:49,617 --> 00:16:51,097 - Well, hey, we are in the sewer. 462 00:16:51,140 --> 00:16:53,055 You could just cut out the middleman. 463 00:16:53,099 --> 00:16:55,971 - He's here! - Did you see the rat king? 464 00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:57,277 - Sorry, guys. 465 00:16:57,320 --> 00:16:59,627 I've been dealing with a lot lately. 466 00:16:59,670 --> 00:17:01,237 But Mr. Griffin and I 467 00:17:01,281 --> 00:17:03,283 are going to have an ongoing conversation about it 468 00:17:03,326 --> 00:17:05,850 because it's a very painful thing for me. 469 00:17:05,894 --> 00:17:09,071 - [groans] Okay, hey. All right. 470 00:17:09,115 --> 00:17:11,117 [sirens blaring] Oh, perfect timing. 471 00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:12,901 Now Vic, don't wander off. [clang] 472 00:17:12,944 --> 00:17:15,034 all: Oh! [thud] 473 00:17:15,077 --> 00:17:17,558 [groaning] - Whoopsie. 474 00:17:17,601 --> 00:17:18,907 - [coughing] 475 00:17:18,950 --> 00:17:21,301 [all groaning] 476 00:17:21,344 --> 00:17:22,693 - Okay. [camera shutter clicks] 477 00:17:28,830 --> 00:17:29,004 . 478 00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:31,093 [dramatic music] 479 00:17:31,137 --> 00:17:33,095 - Hello, Ralph. 480 00:17:33,139 --> 00:17:35,358 - Helen, what are-- 481 00:17:35,402 --> 00:17:36,577 What are you doing in here? 482 00:17:36,620 --> 00:17:40,102 - Ralph Darius Durbin. 483 00:17:40,146 --> 00:17:42,626 I'm gonna ask you something. 484 00:17:42,670 --> 00:17:47,109 Just once over and over again until you tell me. 485 00:17:47,153 --> 00:17:50,112 ♪ 486 00:17:50,156 --> 00:17:53,637 [thud echoing] 487 00:17:53,681 --> 00:17:55,422 Are you the Sugar Daddy? 488 00:17:55,465 --> 00:17:58,033 ♪ 489 00:17:58,077 --> 00:17:59,469 I saw you do it. 490 00:17:59,513 --> 00:18:01,167 ♪ 491 00:18:01,210 --> 00:18:04,213 You messy son of a gun! 492 00:18:04,257 --> 00:18:05,954 Why, Ralph? 493 00:18:05,997 --> 00:18:08,565 Littering. [bleep] littering? 494 00:18:08,609 --> 00:18:10,611 - I'll tell you why because I'm sick of having 495 00:18:10,654 --> 00:18:12,700 to be this perfect person all the time. 496 00:18:12,743 --> 00:18:15,529 Mother Teresa wasn't perfect. Mr. Rogers had flaws. 497 00:18:15,572 --> 00:18:18,967 Even President Trump has a bit of a sweet tooth. 498 00:18:19,010 --> 00:18:20,447 - You lied to me. 499 00:18:20,490 --> 00:18:22,623 - I didn't want you thinking any less of me! 500 00:18:22,666 --> 00:18:24,973 But every now and then, I had to break a rule too 501 00:18:25,016 --> 00:18:27,584 and I give Dale $20 every time I do it. 502 00:18:27,628 --> 00:18:31,849 - Ralph, I would never think less of you. 503 00:18:32,676 --> 00:18:34,678 - [sighs] So what happens now? 504 00:18:34,722 --> 00:18:37,290 [siren wails in distance] 505 00:18:37,333 --> 00:18:40,684 [sighs, chuckles] 506 00:18:42,512 --> 00:18:44,645 Say goodnight to the Sugar Daddy. 507 00:18:44,688 --> 00:18:47,517 [suspenseful music] 508 00:18:47,561 --> 00:18:48,518 ♪ 509 00:18:48,562 --> 00:18:50,129 - Wait a minute. 510 00:18:50,172 --> 00:18:51,739 Oh no! Ralph! 511 00:18:51,782 --> 00:18:56,222 ♪ 512 00:18:56,265 --> 00:18:57,571 [slow-motion] No! 513 00:18:57,614 --> 00:19:00,574 Don't shoot him! 514 00:19:00,617 --> 00:19:02,576 Don't kill him, please! 515 00:19:02,619 --> 00:19:06,536 Oh, dear God, take me! 516 00:19:06,580 --> 00:19:08,016 [siren wails] 517 00:19:08,059 --> 00:19:10,671 The hell? - I--I've got to say. 518 00:19:10,714 --> 00:19:13,152 I'm very curious as to why the ambulances and cops 519 00:19:13,195 --> 00:19:14,849 are actually here. 520 00:19:14,892 --> 00:19:17,199 - Guys, guys, I'm fine. 521 00:19:17,243 --> 00:19:19,332 I'm just a little sore. 522 00:19:19,375 --> 00:19:21,986 [indistinct chatter] 523 00:19:22,030 --> 00:19:25,120 [groaning] - Okay. 524 00:19:25,164 --> 00:19:27,862 - Guys, is all this really necessary? 525 00:19:29,385 --> 00:19:30,691 - Hey, I know you. 526 00:19:30,734 --> 00:19:32,083 Aren't you that guy Mr. Whoopsie? 527 00:19:32,127 --> 00:19:33,476 - Doctor. Yes. 528 00:19:33,520 --> 00:19:35,217 - Jesus, are you okay? 529 00:19:35,261 --> 00:19:36,697 - Oh, oh yeah. Why? 530 00:19:36,740 --> 00:19:38,786 - The stretcher and stuff. The news is here. 531 00:19:38,829 --> 00:19:40,309 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 532 00:19:40,353 --> 00:19:41,789 I fell deep down into the sewer. 533 00:19:41,832 --> 00:19:43,312 I'm so glad you're here to see me like this. 534 00:19:43,356 --> 00:19:44,835 - You're very cute when you're injured. 535 00:19:44,879 --> 00:19:46,881 It's a good thing it happens so often. 536 00:19:46,924 --> 00:19:48,926 - Oh, actually, if I'm gonna die, 537 00:19:48,970 --> 00:19:50,928 we should probably French kiss goodbye, don't you think? 538 00:19:50,972 --> 00:19:53,322 - No, thanks. Your lips were just in a sewer. 539 00:19:56,456 --> 00:19:58,240 [siren chirps] 540 00:19:58,284 --> 00:19:59,894 - In what would be the saddest edition 541 00:19:59,937 --> 00:20:01,330 of "Where Are They Now?", 542 00:20:01,374 --> 00:20:04,115 recent internet sensation, Doctor Whoopsie 543 00:20:04,159 --> 00:20:06,205 is back to his bumbling antics. 544 00:20:06,248 --> 00:20:08,555 This time, he's fallen into a sewer. 545 00:20:08,598 --> 00:20:12,036 The maladroit doofus, who some claim was a Harvard professor, 546 00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:14,822 was just dragged from the depths behind me. 547 00:20:14,865 --> 00:20:16,911 Now authorities were initially called to the scene 548 00:20:16,954 --> 00:20:18,521 for a missing child alert. 549 00:20:18,565 --> 00:20:20,523 - That was me! 550 00:20:20,567 --> 00:20:22,133 I was missing. 551 00:20:22,177 --> 00:20:24,571 - We have a Channel 24 exclusive here. 552 00:20:24,614 --> 00:20:26,529 This is the missing sewer boy. 553 00:20:26,573 --> 00:20:28,531 What's your name? Are you okay? 554 00:20:28,575 --> 00:20:29,967 - I'm Victor, 555 00:20:30,011 --> 00:20:31,839 and to be completely honest with you, Sandra, 556 00:20:31,882 --> 00:20:33,319 I'm not doing great. 557 00:20:33,362 --> 00:20:35,408 - Uh, hey, lipstick, I got your sound bite right here. 558 00:20:35,451 --> 00:20:38,237 - It appears another sewer child is ready to speak. 559 00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:40,108 - We never would've gotten out of that sewer 560 00:20:40,151 --> 00:20:42,763 if it wasn't for our teacher, Jack Griffin. 561 00:20:42,806 --> 00:20:45,069 - He also helped me through an emotional crisis 562 00:20:45,113 --> 00:20:47,071 and he has generously offered me further counsel. 563 00:20:47,115 --> 00:20:49,160 - Yeah, Mr. Griffin saved us. 564 00:20:49,204 --> 00:20:51,685 There's a legit rat king down there. We saw it, Sandy. 565 00:20:51,728 --> 00:20:54,427 Oh, he dove into the massive rats without any regard 566 00:20:54,470 --> 00:20:56,994 for himself effortlessly detangling their tails 567 00:20:57,038 --> 00:20:58,996 and dethroning the rat king! 568 00:20:59,040 --> 00:21:00,781 - We all could have gotten rabies, 569 00:21:00,824 --> 00:21:03,436 but instead we got a hero. 570 00:21:03,479 --> 00:21:05,742 [click] 571 00:21:05,786 --> 00:21:07,440 - Victor? 572 00:21:07,483 --> 00:21:08,789 Play it again. 573 00:21:08,832 --> 00:21:10,312 - You got it. 574 00:21:10,356 --> 00:21:12,619 - In what would be the saddest edition 575 00:21:12,662 --> 00:21:14,142 of "Where Are They Now?", 576 00:21:14,185 --> 00:21:16,187 recent internet sensation, Doctor Whoopsie, 577 00:21:16,231 --> 00:21:18,320 is back to his bumbling antics. 578 00:21:18,364 --> 00:21:21,105 The maladroit doofus, who some claim was a Harvard professor, 579 00:21:21,149 --> 00:21:24,021 was just dragged from the depths behind me.