1 00:00:01,392 --> 00:00:01,610 . 2 00:00:01,653 --> 00:00:03,786 [bright tones] 3 00:00:03,829 --> 00:00:06,789 [Matchbox Twenty's "Real World"] 4 00:00:06,832 --> 00:00:08,834 ♪ 5 00:00:08,878 --> 00:00:11,359 - Good morning, sunshine! 6 00:00:11,402 --> 00:00:13,839 Come and get your java, sleepyhead! 7 00:00:13,883 --> 00:00:17,234 - ♪ I wonder what it's like to be a rainmaker ♪ 8 00:00:17,278 --> 00:00:20,672 - Happy anniversary, squeezy bear. 9 00:00:20,716 --> 00:00:22,065 - Oh, is this for me? 10 00:00:22,109 --> 00:00:23,327 "Whitlock teacher of the year." 11 00:00:23,371 --> 00:00:25,590 Oh, I love it so gol-darn much. 12 00:00:25,634 --> 00:00:27,549 And I can put my java in it! [laughs] 13 00:00:27,592 --> 00:00:29,812 - Look inside. 14 00:00:29,855 --> 00:00:32,336 [bell dings] - There's already java in it! 15 00:00:32,380 --> 00:00:34,512 - [giggles] - Now, wait, snugglebuggle. 16 00:00:34,556 --> 00:00:37,167 I got you something too. 17 00:00:37,211 --> 00:00:38,560 - [gasps] 18 00:00:38,603 --> 00:00:41,345 both: Mommy got a vacuum! - Kids! 19 00:00:41,389 --> 00:00:43,086 both: Mommy got a vacuum! - Hey, Jack? 20 00:00:43,130 --> 00:00:45,349 Aren't you glad you gave up that silly philosophy book 21 00:00:45,393 --> 00:00:47,308 so we could just settle down in Toledo? 22 00:00:47,351 --> 00:00:49,179 - Best decision of my life. 23 00:00:49,223 --> 00:00:51,834 - Yeah. 24 00:00:51,877 --> 00:00:54,271 [baby laughs] - Another kid! [laughs] 25 00:00:54,315 --> 00:00:55,707 [knocking on door] 26 00:00:55,751 --> 00:00:57,144 - Oh! - Your best friend is here 27 00:00:57,187 --> 00:00:59,146 to take you to work. 28 00:00:59,189 --> 00:01:00,756 - Hey, hey, there he is! 29 00:01:00,799 --> 00:01:02,149 - Oh, no! 30 00:01:02,192 --> 00:01:05,152 We both wore the ties we bought together. 31 00:01:05,195 --> 00:01:07,719 Again. [both laughing] 32 00:01:07,763 --> 00:01:11,636 ♪ 33 00:01:11,680 --> 00:01:13,595 [music increasing in volume] 34 00:01:13,638 --> 00:01:16,554 [all laughing manically] 35 00:01:16,598 --> 00:01:18,208 - [screaming] 36 00:01:18,252 --> 00:01:20,384 [all screaming] 37 00:01:20,428 --> 00:01:22,299 - Ah! Ah! Ah! 38 00:01:22,343 --> 00:01:25,215 Oh! Oh, God! 39 00:01:25,259 --> 00:01:27,783 - [sighs] 40 00:01:27,826 --> 00:01:29,741 Oof. - One, two, three, four! 41 00:01:29,785 --> 00:01:32,570 - ♪ Next time, I'll listen to my heart ♪ 42 00:01:32,614 --> 00:01:36,183 ♪ Next time, well, I'll be smart ♪ 43 00:01:36,226 --> 00:01:42,493 ♪ 44 00:01:42,537 --> 00:01:44,147 - Oh, God, it was-- it was awful. 45 00:01:44,191 --> 00:01:46,236 I had--I had so many fat Toledo babies, 46 00:01:46,280 --> 00:01:47,672 and I was teacher of the year. 47 00:01:47,716 --> 00:01:49,457 Yuck, that nightmare was a horrifying reminder 48 00:01:49,500 --> 00:01:51,328 that I need to stay laser-focused on my plan 49 00:01:51,372 --> 00:01:52,764 to get out of Toledo. 50 00:01:52,808 --> 00:01:54,418 It's like I've been on an escalator, you know? 51 00:01:54,462 --> 00:01:55,811 And if I'm not careful I'm gonna get 52 00:01:55,854 --> 00:01:57,639 my shoelaces caught in that escalator. 53 00:01:57,682 --> 00:01:58,770 It's gonna pull me in 54 00:01:58,814 --> 00:02:00,207 and it's gonna grind me into a pulp. 55 00:02:00,250 --> 00:02:01,773 [sighs] 56 00:02:01,817 --> 00:02:03,340 Sarika, why the hell are you so happy? 57 00:02:03,384 --> 00:02:05,560 - The Whitlock college fair is this week 58 00:02:05,603 --> 00:02:08,171 and the Harvard admissions officer will be there. 59 00:02:08,215 --> 00:02:10,565 - Do colleges have communal showers? 60 00:02:10,608 --> 00:02:13,176 I'm scared guys will make fun of my flat butt. 61 00:02:13,220 --> 00:02:14,873 - I did my research, 62 00:02:14,917 --> 00:02:17,180 and if the Harvard recruiter flags my application 63 00:02:17,224 --> 00:02:19,443 I have a 17% better chance of being accepted. 64 00:02:19,487 --> 00:02:22,229 Which should be no problem with your help. 65 00:02:22,272 --> 00:02:23,708 - [laughs] Hard pass, Sarika. 66 00:02:23,752 --> 00:02:27,277 Come on, you know that. - Heather? 67 00:02:27,321 --> 00:02:30,237 - [clears throat] If you can get Sarika into Harvard, 68 00:02:30,280 --> 00:02:32,761 she'll give your shiny new manuscript to her aunt, 69 00:02:32,804 --> 00:02:35,720 who just so happens to be one of Dean Koontz' publishers. 70 00:02:35,764 --> 00:02:37,287 Yes, you heard me right. 71 00:02:37,331 --> 00:02:40,725 Dean Mother-[bleep] Koontz. 72 00:02:40,769 --> 00:02:44,599 I punched it up a little bit. 73 00:02:44,642 --> 00:02:47,210 - I'm sorry, Sarika, why am I just now hearing 74 00:02:47,254 --> 00:02:48,777 about this powerful aunt? 75 00:02:48,820 --> 00:02:49,952 - Because you've never had anything I've wanted 76 00:02:49,995 --> 00:02:51,475 this much before. 77 00:02:51,519 --> 00:02:53,738 - And why have Heather read it? - She's your favorite. 78 00:02:53,782 --> 00:02:55,827 It wouldn't have worked if it was Marcus or Caleb. 79 00:02:55,871 --> 00:02:58,221 - I'm the second worst after Marcus? 80 00:02:58,265 --> 00:02:59,831 - Uh-huh. 81 00:02:59,875 --> 00:03:01,311 Good. 82 00:03:01,355 --> 00:03:02,965 This is good. This is good. 83 00:03:03,008 --> 00:03:04,488 Getting my book published is exactly what I need 84 00:03:04,532 --> 00:03:06,534 to get the hell out of Toledo. 85 00:03:06,577 --> 00:03:09,667 Guys, we're gonna help Sarika get into Harvard. 86 00:03:09,711 --> 00:03:11,930 [dramatic percussion music] 87 00:03:11,974 --> 00:03:12,975 - [slurping] 88 00:03:13,018 --> 00:03:14,890 - A fruit smoothie for lunch, Stef? 89 00:03:14,933 --> 00:03:16,413 [laughs] So cool. 90 00:03:16,457 --> 00:03:19,242 Feel like I'm eating next to a fancy Hollywood celebrity 91 00:03:19,286 --> 00:03:21,418 with body dysmorphia. [imitates camera shutter] 92 00:03:21,462 --> 00:03:22,941 - Uh, this is straight-up cough syrup. 93 00:03:22,985 --> 00:03:24,943 I woke up with a tickle in my throat this morning 94 00:03:24,987 --> 00:03:27,381 and I cannot be sick for the college fair. 95 00:03:27,424 --> 00:03:30,035 - Ooh, someone's Navy recruiter boy toy 96 00:03:30,079 --> 00:03:31,385 is coming in again this year. 97 00:03:31,428 --> 00:03:34,301 - Yes, every year we have a whirlwind romance 98 00:03:34,344 --> 00:03:37,347 and he cleans my house. 99 00:03:37,391 --> 00:03:39,480 - Ooh, I see. 100 00:03:39,523 --> 00:03:41,656 "Cleans my house" is like a sex term. 101 00:03:41,699 --> 00:03:43,875 Well, then I should tell you that last night 102 00:03:43,919 --> 00:03:47,749 my husband, Keith, Swiffered the dust under the couch 103 00:03:47,792 --> 00:03:50,055 for the first time in ten years. 104 00:03:50,099 --> 00:03:52,710 - No, Michelle, I mean literally. 105 00:03:52,754 --> 00:03:54,843 He literally cleans my house, okay? 106 00:03:54,886 --> 00:03:56,932 He's such a disciplined military man 107 00:03:56,975 --> 00:03:59,413 that he wakes up so early he just can't help himself 108 00:03:59,456 --> 00:04:01,893 but get up and start cleaning, and if he knows I'm sick, 109 00:04:01,937 --> 00:04:04,766 he will not come over and start cleaning. 110 00:04:04,809 --> 00:04:06,898 - That's what I meant. Our house is dirty too. 111 00:04:06,942 --> 00:04:09,292 - He's like a strong, sexy Mary Poppins. 112 00:04:09,336 --> 00:04:11,294 [laughs] - Ooh, yes, Admiral Poppins. 113 00:04:11,338 --> 00:04:13,862 I'll salute you. [both laughing] 114 00:04:13,905 --> 00:04:15,646 - Ooh, careful, Michelle, you just durbed. 115 00:04:15,690 --> 00:04:17,082 - [sighs] 116 00:04:17,126 --> 00:04:20,956 - I'm--I'm sorry, did you just say, uh, "durbed?" 117 00:04:20,999 --> 00:04:23,001 - Yeah, as in "durbing." 118 00:04:23,045 --> 00:04:25,003 You know, when the stuff glops out of a sandwich. 119 00:04:25,047 --> 00:04:27,397 - But that's my--my name. 120 00:04:27,441 --> 00:04:28,398 I'm Durbin. - Mm-hmm. 121 00:04:28,442 --> 00:04:29,486 - Yeah, exactly. 122 00:04:29,530 --> 00:04:31,053 We named it after you three years ago 123 00:04:31,096 --> 00:04:33,316 when one of your meatball subs blasted out onto your shirt. 124 00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:36,101 - You've been saying this for three years? 125 00:04:36,145 --> 00:04:37,581 - Whoop, careful, Michelle. You're durbing. 126 00:04:37,625 --> 00:04:38,669 - Oh. 127 00:04:38,713 --> 00:04:40,889 - But--J-Jack knows this too? 128 00:04:40,932 --> 00:04:42,760 - Well, don't be offended. 129 00:04:42,804 --> 00:04:44,675 - Excuse me, I'll go eat this out in the hall. 130 00:04:44,719 --> 00:04:46,721 - Wh-- - Oh. 131 00:04:46,764 --> 00:04:48,505 - Hey, ladies, um, I just wanted 132 00:04:48,549 --> 00:04:50,899 to give you a chance to drink this up, okay? 133 00:04:50,942 --> 00:04:52,770 'Cause it might be your last chance. 134 00:04:52,814 --> 00:04:54,511 - Pass. - Uh, nope. 135 00:04:54,555 --> 00:04:56,948 Return it. - Okay, yeah, chuckle it up. 136 00:04:56,992 --> 00:04:59,342 But it looks like my book might be getting published, 137 00:04:59,386 --> 00:05:02,432 which puts me on the next train out of this miserable dump. 138 00:05:02,476 --> 00:05:05,043 - Aww, come on, Jack. You know you don't mean that. 139 00:05:05,087 --> 00:05:07,089 - Trust me, ladies, there is nothing in this town 140 00:05:07,132 --> 00:05:09,918 I'll miss, okay? - Okay. 141 00:05:09,961 --> 00:05:12,703 [tense music] 142 00:05:12,747 --> 00:05:14,966 - Well, he clearly hasn't been to the Toledo Zoo. 143 00:05:15,010 --> 00:05:16,011 - Aww. 144 00:05:16,054 --> 00:05:17,491 Girl, he would definitely miss you. 145 00:05:17,534 --> 00:05:19,623 - Oh, it's fine. It's totally fine. 146 00:05:19,667 --> 00:05:21,799 It's just--it's-- 147 00:05:21,843 --> 00:05:24,628 ♪ 148 00:05:24,672 --> 00:05:27,370 - I was at the zoo when a panda gave birth. 149 00:05:27,414 --> 00:05:30,460 Yep, I saw a little baby panda durb right out of the mama. 150 00:05:30,504 --> 00:05:31,853 both: Aww. 151 00:05:31,896 --> 00:05:33,768 - [giggles] 152 00:05:35,422 --> 00:05:35,813 . 153 00:05:35,857 --> 00:05:38,163 - I can't believe this is working. 154 00:05:38,207 --> 00:05:39,339 - My, oh my, oh my, aren't we boisterous this morning? 155 00:05:39,382 --> 00:05:41,123 Gonna need some extra shutting-up today. 156 00:05:41,166 --> 00:05:43,995 All right, guys, let's focus on getting Sarika into Harvard 157 00:05:44,039 --> 00:05:46,911 and getting me the hell out of Toledo holding two sacks 158 00:05:46,955 --> 00:05:48,957 of that sweet, sweet Koontz cash, right? 159 00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:50,350 Now, these days, 160 00:05:50,393 --> 00:05:52,961 good grades aren't enough to get into Harvard, 161 00:05:53,004 --> 00:05:54,266 so we're gonna have to trick this recruiter 162 00:05:54,310 --> 00:05:56,878 into thinking Sarika has what she lacks most: 163 00:05:56,921 --> 00:05:58,488 charm and personality. 164 00:05:58,532 --> 00:06:00,490 Sarika, pop up. Go to the back. 165 00:06:00,534 --> 00:06:01,839 Face me, I want to show you something. 166 00:06:01,883 --> 00:06:03,363 - [sighs] 167 00:06:03,406 --> 00:06:04,842 Now, you need to make a really good first impression, 168 00:06:04,886 --> 00:06:07,541 and that starts the moment that the recruiter sees you. 169 00:06:07,584 --> 00:06:09,456 So I'm the recruiter. 170 00:06:09,499 --> 00:06:12,197 Show me your approach, come on. 171 00:06:16,506 --> 00:06:17,551 This is what I'm talking about. 172 00:06:17,594 --> 00:06:19,422 So rigid, so closed off, you know? 173 00:06:19,466 --> 00:06:21,163 No. No, no, no, no. 174 00:06:21,206 --> 00:06:22,904 Can somebody in this room please show Sarika 175 00:06:22,947 --> 00:06:24,340 how to walk with confidence? 176 00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:26,995 Marissa? 177 00:06:27,038 --> 00:06:29,389 - That was confident. 178 00:06:29,432 --> 00:06:31,173 - Here we go. 179 00:06:31,216 --> 00:06:34,176 [peppy rock music] 180 00:06:34,219 --> 00:06:38,441 ♪ 181 00:06:38,485 --> 00:06:40,878 - Okay, Victor, don't overthink it. 182 00:06:40,922 --> 00:06:42,576 It's just like breathing. 183 00:06:42,619 --> 00:06:44,926 Oh, okay, I'm thinking about my breathing. 184 00:06:44,969 --> 00:06:46,014 Oh, God. 185 00:06:46,057 --> 00:06:47,015 - Why did you volunteer for this? 186 00:06:47,058 --> 00:06:48,495 It's not your thing. 187 00:06:48,538 --> 00:06:50,192 Yes, this guy gets it. 188 00:06:50,235 --> 00:06:51,628 All right, keep going, keep going. 189 00:06:51,672 --> 00:06:53,456 You guys seeing this? All right, now make a left. 190 00:06:53,500 --> 00:06:55,371 Just go all the way down the hall. 191 00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:56,372 - All the way down? 192 00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:58,156 [door closes] 193 00:06:58,200 --> 00:07:00,202 - ♪ La-la 194 00:07:00,245 --> 00:07:01,638 - 'Sup, mama? 195 00:07:01,682 --> 00:07:03,466 What up, big dog? How you doing? 196 00:07:03,510 --> 00:07:05,555 [chuckles] 197 00:07:05,599 --> 00:07:07,078 ♪ 198 00:07:07,122 --> 00:07:09,080 - [clears throat] 199 00:07:09,124 --> 00:07:10,604 - ♪ Sweet rock and roll 200 00:07:10,647 --> 00:07:13,563 - Dan Decker. Honored to meet you, sir. 201 00:07:14,564 --> 00:07:16,566 - Yes, well, good--yes. 202 00:07:16,610 --> 00:07:18,046 Welcome to Harvard. 203 00:07:18,089 --> 00:07:20,222 Wow. 204 00:07:20,265 --> 00:07:22,354 Wow. Sarika, did you see that? 205 00:07:22,398 --> 00:07:24,487 Now, these recruiters, they also love humility, 206 00:07:24,531 --> 00:07:27,490 so why don't you start with a self-deprecating joke. 207 00:07:27,534 --> 00:07:30,537 Guys, what can Sarika say to criticize herself? 208 00:07:30,580 --> 00:07:32,452 - She's a kiss-ass. - Bad clothes. 209 00:07:32,495 --> 00:07:35,063 - She's rude. - Yes, good. Yes. 210 00:07:35,106 --> 00:07:36,630 Okay, we have--we have a lot of good options here. 211 00:07:36,673 --> 00:07:39,981 All right, yeah, now, did-- did somebody say she's rude? 212 00:07:40,024 --> 00:07:42,940 - That was me. - She is rude, you're right. 213 00:07:42,984 --> 00:07:44,681 This is going good, Sarika, trust me. 214 00:07:44,725 --> 00:07:46,248 What else, guys? 215 00:07:46,291 --> 00:07:48,337 [bell ringing] 216 00:07:48,380 --> 00:07:50,078 [overlapping chatter] 217 00:07:50,121 --> 00:07:52,428 - [blowing nose] 218 00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:55,431 [chipper music] 219 00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:57,955 [clears throat] Well, hello, Admiral. 220 00:07:57,999 --> 00:07:59,435 - Stef. 221 00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:01,568 - Oh, I can't wait to see you later. 222 00:08:01,611 --> 00:08:03,265 - Can't wait either. [both chuckle] 223 00:08:03,308 --> 00:08:05,528 You okay? Your voice is a little raspy. 224 00:08:05,572 --> 00:08:06,616 - Oh, I been smoking. 225 00:08:06,660 --> 00:08:08,052 - Huh. - [coughing] 226 00:08:08,096 --> 00:08:10,054 - I read a study that says that that can be dangerous. 227 00:08:10,098 --> 00:08:12,013 - You been on that boat too long. 228 00:08:12,056 --> 00:08:14,450 [laughs, coughing] 229 00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:15,451 [strained exclamation] 230 00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:17,540 [coughs, clears throat] 231 00:08:17,584 --> 00:08:20,543 [coughing] I'll see you later. 232 00:08:20,587 --> 00:08:22,676 [muffled coughing] 233 00:08:22,719 --> 00:08:25,243 - "Oberland." - It's Oberlin. 234 00:08:25,287 --> 00:08:27,332 - I always wished I'd gone to college. 235 00:08:27,376 --> 00:08:29,465 I know I'm not the traditional college applicant, 236 00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:32,120 but I am the perfect one. 237 00:08:32,163 --> 00:08:33,556 - Why not? 238 00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:35,036 Here's a pamphlet. 239 00:08:35,079 --> 00:08:37,255 - A pamphlet? 240 00:08:37,299 --> 00:08:39,170 It looks like Helen Henry DeMarcus 241 00:08:39,214 --> 00:08:42,347 is going to college! 242 00:08:42,391 --> 00:08:47,091 ♪ 243 00:08:47,135 --> 00:08:48,571 - Okay, so remember what we talked about, all right? 244 00:08:48,615 --> 00:08:50,225 I'm gonna say, "This is Sarika Sarkar. 245 00:08:50,268 --> 00:08:52,749 "She is our best student, a unique talent, 246 00:08:52,793 --> 00:08:54,142 and an even better human." 247 00:08:54,185 --> 00:08:55,143 Then you hit them with... 248 00:08:55,186 --> 00:08:56,274 - Oh, he's just saying that 249 00:08:56,318 --> 00:08:57,798 'cause teacher evaluations are this week. 250 00:08:57,841 --> 00:08:59,713 - Yes, then we laugh for exactly two seconds... 251 00:08:59,756 --> 00:09:01,628 [both laughing] 252 00:09:01,671 --> 00:09:03,107 Then you crush some small talk, 253 00:09:03,151 --> 00:09:04,544 your app goes in the priority folder, 254 00:09:04,587 --> 00:09:08,635 and my manuscript gasses it straight to Koontzville. 255 00:09:08,678 --> 00:09:09,636 Ready? - Yeah. 256 00:09:09,679 --> 00:09:12,377 - All right. 257 00:09:12,421 --> 00:09:16,120 - Well, if it isn't Nasty Jack Griffin. 258 00:09:16,164 --> 00:09:17,731 - Kate. - [laughs] 259 00:09:17,774 --> 00:09:20,124 - Bring it in, Nasty Jack. - Okay. 260 00:09:20,168 --> 00:09:22,562 - Oh, you smell good. 261 00:09:23,650 --> 00:09:27,088 - Oh, well, um, I gotta go, but it was great to see you. 262 00:09:27,131 --> 00:09:29,264 And, uh, great seeing you, Sarika. 263 00:09:29,307 --> 00:09:31,527 Yeah, I--yep. 264 00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:34,138 - [clears throat] He's just saying that 265 00:09:34,182 --> 00:09:35,662 'cause teacher evaluations are this week. 266 00:09:35,705 --> 00:09:37,577 [laughs] 267 00:09:38,621 --> 00:09:40,492 ♪ 268 00:09:43,104 --> 00:09:43,278 . 269 00:09:43,321 --> 00:09:45,889 - What the hell? - Uh, yeah, sorry about that. 270 00:09:45,933 --> 00:09:48,588 Turns out I have a little bit of a sexual history 271 00:09:48,631 --> 00:09:50,154 with that particular recruiter. 272 00:09:50,198 --> 00:09:52,635 Yeah, she and I used to hook up all the time at Harvard. 273 00:09:52,679 --> 00:09:54,594 It's a little awkward now, though, 'cause I'm kinda-sorta 274 00:09:54,637 --> 00:09:56,334 into somebody else a little, you know? 275 00:09:56,378 --> 00:09:57,814 That's not something you guys need to know about. 276 00:09:57,858 --> 00:09:59,773 all: Lynette. - We know. 277 00:09:59,816 --> 00:10:02,645 - The beautiful, beautiful payroll lady. 278 00:10:02,689 --> 00:10:05,126 - Knock, knock. - Hey. 279 00:10:05,169 --> 00:10:06,997 - I, uh, just wanted to let you know 280 00:10:07,041 --> 00:10:08,651 we're headed to our hotel bar. 281 00:10:08,695 --> 00:10:10,392 - Oh. - You should pop by. 282 00:10:10,435 --> 00:10:13,264 It'll be like old times. - [chuckles] 283 00:10:13,308 --> 00:10:15,702 - I might even... 284 00:10:15,745 --> 00:10:19,270 [indistinct whispering] 285 00:10:19,314 --> 00:10:20,794 [both giggling] 286 00:10:20,837 --> 00:10:22,622 - Uh, that'd be-- that'd be interesting. 287 00:10:22,665 --> 00:10:24,406 - Yeah. - Yeah. 288 00:10:24,449 --> 00:10:25,799 - Bye. 289 00:10:25,842 --> 00:10:28,018 - So they really do whisper dirty things. 290 00:10:28,062 --> 00:10:29,672 - [whistles] 291 00:10:29,716 --> 00:10:31,195 - Looks like you have a second chance. 292 00:10:31,239 --> 00:10:33,676 If you can get this in her priority folder. 293 00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:34,808 the deal is back on. 294 00:10:34,851 --> 00:10:37,375 - Uh, I don't think so, Sarika. 295 00:10:37,419 --> 00:10:39,203 - Are you really gonna ruin your chances 296 00:10:39,247 --> 00:10:41,249 at publishing your book because of Lynette? 297 00:10:41,292 --> 00:10:44,078 A woman you kinda-sorta like? 298 00:10:44,121 --> 00:10:46,080 You're gonna be stuck in Toledo. 299 00:10:46,123 --> 00:10:48,952 Forever. 300 00:10:48,996 --> 00:10:51,738 - Fine, give me the application, all right? 301 00:10:51,781 --> 00:10:53,827 I'll go do a little harmless flirting. 302 00:10:53,870 --> 00:10:56,438 But there will be no tequila and no banging. 303 00:10:56,481 --> 00:10:57,569 Do you hear me, Sarika? 304 00:10:57,613 --> 00:10:58,919 I will not bang that woman for you. 305 00:10:58,962 --> 00:11:00,703 - Okay. 306 00:11:00,747 --> 00:11:02,183 [jazzy music] 307 00:11:02,226 --> 00:11:04,359 - Trick is, I take my right hand, 308 00:11:04,402 --> 00:11:06,230 and then I firmly shove it under the starboard edge 309 00:11:06,274 --> 00:11:07,449 of the mattress. 310 00:11:07,492 --> 00:11:09,756 - Ooh, mama, I need those tight corners. 311 00:11:09,799 --> 00:11:12,715 [both giggling] - Oh, hello, everyone. 312 00:11:12,759 --> 00:11:13,760 Okay. 313 00:11:13,803 --> 00:11:16,937 A durb, a durb. 314 00:11:16,980 --> 00:11:20,941 Ladies and gentleman, you have all been durbed. 315 00:11:20,984 --> 00:11:23,944 - No, you cannot force a new durb, Ralph. 316 00:11:23,987 --> 00:11:25,685 Durbing is slop glopping. 317 00:11:25,728 --> 00:11:27,687 - God, can't durbing mean anything else? 318 00:11:27,730 --> 00:11:29,210 It's so gross. - Oh, my God. 319 00:11:29,253 --> 00:11:31,386 Okay, if it bothers you so much, 320 00:11:31,429 --> 00:11:33,127 we'll just let the universe decide. 321 00:11:33,170 --> 00:11:36,870 Okay, so the next random, unnamed thing that happens 322 00:11:36,913 --> 00:11:38,698 will be durbing. 323 00:11:38,741 --> 00:11:39,786 - Yes. 324 00:11:39,829 --> 00:11:41,048 All right. - [laughing] 325 00:11:41,091 --> 00:11:43,137 - Thank you. 326 00:11:43,180 --> 00:11:44,442 - I'm like, "If you have to ask, 327 00:11:44,486 --> 00:11:45,748 you can't afford college" 328 00:11:45,792 --> 00:11:46,923 - Hey, hey. 329 00:11:46,967 --> 00:11:49,099 - Hey. [chuckles] - How we doing, Kate? 330 00:11:49,143 --> 00:11:50,971 You enjoying Toledo's finest hotel? 331 00:11:51,014 --> 00:11:52,799 Did you get the parking lot view 332 00:11:52,842 --> 00:11:54,148 or the mall's air conditioning view? 333 00:11:54,191 --> 00:11:55,802 - Mall's air conditioning view. 334 00:11:55,845 --> 00:11:58,892 - It is stunning. - Ooh. Aren't we fancy? 335 00:11:58,935 --> 00:12:00,154 - [laughs] - Look at you. 336 00:12:00,197 --> 00:12:02,112 Hey, so, um, I wanted to talk to you 337 00:12:02,156 --> 00:12:03,287 about a student of mine. 338 00:12:03,331 --> 00:12:05,942 - After we have some tequila. 339 00:12:05,986 --> 00:12:07,248 - Uh, yeah, I was afraid of that. 340 00:12:07,291 --> 00:12:09,337 Um, I'm actually sticking to club soda tonight. 341 00:12:09,380 --> 00:12:11,121 - [laughs] 342 00:12:12,122 --> 00:12:13,820 Oh. 343 00:12:13,863 --> 00:12:15,343 Okay. 344 00:12:15,386 --> 00:12:16,779 Suit yourself. 345 00:12:16,823 --> 00:12:19,826 - Wow, your skin's so hot to the touch. 346 00:12:19,869 --> 00:12:21,349 Are you okay? - Yes. 347 00:12:21,392 --> 00:12:23,917 [coughing] Yes. 348 00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:26,180 [coughing] 349 00:12:26,223 --> 00:12:29,836 No, I am very sick, and I was hiding it from you 350 00:12:29,879 --> 00:12:32,534 'cause I didn't want to ruin our precious two days together. 351 00:12:32,577 --> 00:12:35,102 - Stef, we're both human beings. 352 00:12:35,145 --> 00:12:37,800 We have to accept each other's flaws and weaknesses. 353 00:12:37,844 --> 00:12:41,456 To be honest, I feel like I might be coming down with... 354 00:12:41,499 --> 00:12:45,025 ♪ 355 00:12:45,068 --> 00:12:46,330 False alarm. [sneezes, farts] 356 00:12:46,374 --> 00:12:49,507 - [laughing] He just sneezed and farted 357 00:12:49,551 --> 00:12:50,900 at the same time. 358 00:12:50,944 --> 00:12:52,859 [laughing] Oh! 359 00:12:52,902 --> 00:12:55,122 Oh, that's the new durbing! Yes! 360 00:12:55,165 --> 00:12:58,473 - No--lis--no, no, durbing cannot be a sneeze-fart. 361 00:12:58,516 --> 00:13:00,040 That's snarting. 362 00:13:00,083 --> 00:13:01,868 - I apologize for durbing. 363 00:13:01,911 --> 00:13:05,045 Please excuse me. 364 00:13:05,088 --> 00:13:07,438 - Ladies, we gone. 365 00:13:07,482 --> 00:13:10,833 - What about what he said about accepting each other's flaws? 366 00:13:10,877 --> 00:13:13,357 - The image of that man washing his underwear 367 00:13:13,401 --> 00:13:15,446 in the bathroom of a two-star hotel 368 00:13:15,490 --> 00:13:18,014 is enough to make me clean my own damn house. 369 00:13:18,058 --> 00:13:19,363 - [laughing] - [coughing] 370 00:13:19,407 --> 00:13:20,538 - Good night, Durbie! - Oh. Good night, Durbs. 371 00:13:20,582 --> 00:13:22,192 - Snart. 372 00:13:22,236 --> 00:13:23,933 ♪ 373 00:13:23,977 --> 00:13:25,239 - What up, Durbs? 374 00:13:25,282 --> 00:13:27,241 So Lynette's here, huh? - Yeah. 375 00:13:27,284 --> 00:13:29,809 - Who's the-- who's the guy she's with? 376 00:13:29,852 --> 00:13:32,028 - That--that's Nico Marshak. 377 00:13:32,072 --> 00:13:33,421 He plays hockey for the Walleyes 378 00:13:33,464 --> 00:13:36,076 and he's the face of Muscle Milk. 379 00:13:36,119 --> 00:13:37,468 - Are they, uh-- 380 00:13:37,512 --> 00:13:39,470 - Oh, they are a great-looking couple. 381 00:13:39,514 --> 00:13:41,908 I'm gonna get a picture of them for my vision board. 382 00:13:41,951 --> 00:13:44,824 ♪ 383 00:13:44,867 --> 00:13:46,390 - Cheers. [chuckles] 384 00:13:46,434 --> 00:13:48,175 - Oh, yeah. You know what? 385 00:13:48,218 --> 00:13:50,264 Um, I think I changed my mind. 386 00:13:50,307 --> 00:13:51,874 I'm gonna do a tequila shot after all. 387 00:13:51,918 --> 00:13:53,310 - Yes! Take mine. 388 00:13:53,354 --> 00:13:54,964 - Oh, okay. 389 00:13:55,008 --> 00:13:58,576 - By the way, did I mention that this place has a hot tub? 390 00:13:58,620 --> 00:14:01,536 - [laughing] 391 00:14:01,579 --> 00:14:04,408 [dramatic percussion music] 392 00:14:06,933 --> 00:14:07,324 . 393 00:14:07,368 --> 00:14:08,978 [both laughing] 394 00:14:09,022 --> 00:14:11,372 - How can you stand Toledo? 395 00:14:11,415 --> 00:14:12,677 - Ugh. 396 00:14:12,721 --> 00:14:14,418 - By my count, there are 12 KFCs in this town. 397 00:14:14,462 --> 00:14:15,724 - Well, actually 14 if you count 398 00:14:15,767 --> 00:14:17,378 the combination KFC and Taco Bells, 399 00:14:17,421 --> 00:14:18,770 which I definitely do. 400 00:14:18,814 --> 00:14:20,424 - [laughs] - Yeah, it's crazy, man. 401 00:14:20,468 --> 00:14:23,601 It's a lot of--lot of fried... 402 00:14:23,645 --> 00:14:25,908 Hey, I uh--I can't even get a taco these days 403 00:14:25,952 --> 00:14:27,475 without ordering a side of mashed potatoes... 404 00:14:27,518 --> 00:14:28,998 - Oh... - And gravy. 405 00:14:29,042 --> 00:14:30,347 - Gravy. - Yeah. 406 00:14:30,391 --> 00:14:31,827 Which is not bad, I mean, you know, 407 00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:33,568 that way, you're bringing the two cultures together. 408 00:14:33,611 --> 00:14:35,613 You know, Mexican food and-- 409 00:14:35,657 --> 00:14:37,441 - No, no. 410 00:14:37,485 --> 00:14:39,095 - Wait... [stammers] 411 00:14:39,139 --> 00:14:41,358 Okay, wait. Kate, Kate, Kate. 412 00:14:41,402 --> 00:14:43,534 I can't. 413 00:14:43,578 --> 00:14:45,362 I got--I'm sorry, but it's a no. 414 00:14:45,406 --> 00:14:47,451 It's a--it's a no-go. 415 00:14:47,495 --> 00:14:49,584 - "It's a no-go"? 416 00:14:49,627 --> 00:14:52,021 Seriously? - [sighs] 417 00:14:52,065 --> 00:14:54,545 - Okay. 418 00:14:54,589 --> 00:14:56,547 You're not as fun as I remember. 419 00:14:56,591 --> 00:14:58,723 [mellow music] 420 00:14:58,767 --> 00:15:00,725 - I'm sorry... [stammers] 421 00:15:00,769 --> 00:15:02,597 I, uh-- - Whatever. 422 00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:05,121 I'm gonna go kill a Toblerone. 423 00:15:05,165 --> 00:15:09,604 ♪ 424 00:15:09,647 --> 00:15:11,171 - Hey, what are you guys doing here? 425 00:15:11,214 --> 00:15:13,869 - We came here to make sure you have her my application, 426 00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:15,392 which you didn't. 427 00:15:15,436 --> 00:15:17,481 - You ever need any tips on how to seal the deal, 428 00:15:17,525 --> 00:15:18,656 just let me know. 429 00:15:18,700 --> 00:15:21,007 You were close, my man. Proud of you. 430 00:15:21,050 --> 00:15:24,097 - Yeah, what happened? - Can't you see he's heartsick? 431 00:15:24,140 --> 00:15:26,621 His soul mate is on a date 432 00:15:26,664 --> 00:15:28,666 with a strong, handsome milk celebrity. 433 00:15:28,710 --> 00:15:29,972 - Look, Sarika, I'm out, okay? 434 00:15:30,016 --> 00:15:31,800 I'm sorry, I just-- I couldn't do it. 435 00:15:31,843 --> 00:15:33,584 But you can still get your application into her folder. 436 00:15:33,628 --> 00:15:34,934 I mean, at this point, you guys should know how 437 00:15:34,977 --> 00:15:36,500 to accomplish a mission like this on your own. 438 00:15:36,544 --> 00:15:38,981 I mean, we're-- we're in a hotel, okay? 439 00:15:39,025 --> 00:15:40,983 There's a million uniforms you could use as disguises. 440 00:15:41,027 --> 00:15:43,507 There's a--there's a computer that literally prints keys. 441 00:15:43,551 --> 00:15:45,901 - I found pool chemicals and a net. 442 00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:47,511 - Grace, what are you gonna do with that? 443 00:15:47,555 --> 00:15:49,035 We're not dissolving anybody. 444 00:15:49,078 --> 00:15:51,733 - This wouldn't fully dissolve a body. 445 00:15:51,776 --> 00:15:53,953 - All right, look, you guys, 446 00:15:53,996 --> 00:15:56,564 you can do this on your own, okay? 447 00:15:56,607 --> 00:15:58,827 There's someone I need to go talk to. 448 00:15:58,870 --> 00:16:01,699 [overlapping chatter] 449 00:16:01,743 --> 00:16:04,702 [dramatic music] 450 00:16:04,746 --> 00:16:11,448 ♪ 451 00:16:11,492 --> 00:16:13,407 [panting] 452 00:16:13,450 --> 00:16:14,799 ♪ 453 00:16:14,843 --> 00:16:16,584 Hey. 454 00:16:16,627 --> 00:16:19,630 Lynette. - Jack, what are you doing? 455 00:16:19,674 --> 00:16:21,632 - Uh, did--did your hockey guy take off? 456 00:16:21,676 --> 00:16:23,547 Did he leave? - Yeah, he just left. 457 00:16:23,591 --> 00:16:25,419 - Oh. 458 00:16:25,462 --> 00:16:28,770 Uh, so it's been a crazy couple days, huh? 459 00:16:28,813 --> 00:16:31,207 I had this, uh, weird dream 460 00:16:31,251 --> 00:16:34,036 where, uh, you and I had these four fat Toledo babies together 461 00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:35,603 and, uh, you were super excited 462 00:16:35,646 --> 00:16:37,648 because I'd gotten you a vacuum cleaner. 463 00:16:37,692 --> 00:16:39,955 And I thought maybe I didn't want that, 464 00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:45,221 uh, but maybe now I think that it's not so bad. 465 00:16:45,265 --> 00:16:47,049 - Ew. I-I don't-- I don't--mm-mm. 466 00:16:47,093 --> 00:16:48,790 I don't want any of that. [laughs] 467 00:16:48,833 --> 00:16:51,575 I don't even know your middle name. 468 00:16:51,619 --> 00:16:53,925 - No, I know, I... [chuckles] 469 00:16:53,969 --> 00:16:56,450 It's Carson. 470 00:16:56,493 --> 00:16:57,973 - That's kind of cool. 471 00:16:58,017 --> 00:16:59,627 You should go by Carson. 472 00:16:59,670 --> 00:17:01,455 - Lynette, I'm trying-- I'm trying to be serious. 473 00:17:01,498 --> 00:17:03,805 - Jack, I heard you say there's nothing you'd miss 474 00:17:03,848 --> 00:17:06,068 if you left Toledo. 475 00:17:07,635 --> 00:17:09,767 - I would miss you. 476 00:17:09,811 --> 00:17:11,900 Think I'm just--I'm afraid that if I admit 477 00:17:11,943 --> 00:17:14,772 to liking anything in Toledo I'll get pulled 478 00:17:14,816 --> 00:17:17,775 into the escalator gears and ground to a fleshy pulp. 479 00:17:18,820 --> 00:17:22,824 I--I like you and I'm... [stammering] 480 00:17:22,867 --> 00:17:24,652 Glad I met you, and I don't know. 481 00:17:24,695 --> 00:17:26,784 I don't know, you just--you make me happy to be in Toledo. 482 00:17:26,828 --> 00:17:30,832 I'm just saying I don't want to date anybody else. 483 00:17:33,661 --> 00:17:36,968 - I actually feel the same way. 484 00:17:37,012 --> 00:17:38,753 - You do? - Yeah. 485 00:17:38,796 --> 00:17:40,842 That's why I-I just ended things 486 00:17:40,885 --> 00:17:43,062 with Nico, so... 487 00:17:43,105 --> 00:17:45,847 - You did? 488 00:17:45,890 --> 00:17:47,501 Have you guys been dating this entire time? 489 00:17:47,544 --> 00:17:48,893 - Not the whole time. 490 00:17:48,937 --> 00:17:50,678 - Oh! [scoffs] 491 00:17:50,721 --> 00:17:52,114 - We were not exclusive. 492 00:17:52,158 --> 00:17:53,768 - Wow. No, I know. 493 00:17:53,811 --> 00:17:56,249 - Were you not dating other people? 494 00:17:56,292 --> 00:17:57,815 - No. 495 00:17:57,859 --> 00:18:00,557 - Lame. - Okay. 496 00:18:00,601 --> 00:18:02,646 - God. 497 00:18:02,690 --> 00:18:04,039 - Oh, my hero. - Yeah. 498 00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:05,997 - That's sweet. - You're turning blue. 499 00:18:06,041 --> 00:18:07,695 [Iron & Wine's "Freckled Girl"] 500 00:18:07,738 --> 00:18:10,045 - ♪ Someday soon 501 00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:13,614 ♪ I'll just live over yonder 502 00:18:13,657 --> 00:18:15,703 - [grunts] 503 00:18:15,746 --> 00:18:17,705 [chuckles] 504 00:18:17,748 --> 00:18:19,837 Love wins. 505 00:18:19,881 --> 00:18:21,535 - ♪ Crossword puzzles to ponder ♪ 506 00:18:21,578 --> 00:18:25,669 ♪ And I hope you're well 507 00:18:25,713 --> 00:18:26,888 [bell ringing] 508 00:18:26,931 --> 00:18:28,585 [laughter] 509 00:18:28,629 --> 00:18:30,152 - Oh, look at this. 510 00:18:30,196 --> 00:18:34,069 This sub just durbed all over my work shirt. 511 00:18:34,113 --> 00:18:36,898 - What, now you want glopping to be known as durbing? 512 00:18:36,941 --> 00:18:38,291 - I don't have any kids. 513 00:18:38,334 --> 00:18:39,857 I--I can't have my only contribution 514 00:18:39,901 --> 00:18:41,859 to the Durbin legacy be a snart. 515 00:18:41,903 --> 00:18:43,992 - Oh, are you kidding me? 516 00:18:44,035 --> 00:18:47,038 They are gonna name this "GD" high school after you someday. 517 00:18:47,082 --> 00:18:48,866 There are two people in this world 518 00:18:48,910 --> 00:18:51,652 that I would take a bullet for: you and Gus Wakiama. 519 00:18:51,695 --> 00:18:54,655 He's my neighbor, and he took a bullet for me. 520 00:18:54,698 --> 00:18:57,048 Well, took a bullet from me 'cause I was cleaning my gun. 521 00:18:57,092 --> 00:18:59,007 [blows raspberry] Feels like I owe him. 522 00:18:59,050 --> 00:19:01,575 - Jeez. - Ah, dang it. 523 00:19:01,618 --> 00:19:04,230 Oberland rejected me. all: Aww. 524 00:19:04,273 --> 00:19:06,232 - They said I don't have a high school diploma. 525 00:19:06,275 --> 00:19:07,885 Well, yeah, because I didn't graduate 526 00:19:07,929 --> 00:19:09,278 from high school, you dummies. 527 00:19:09,322 --> 00:19:13,935 Well, it looks like Helen Henry DeMarcus is going 528 00:19:13,978 --> 00:19:19,767 back to high school! [holding last vowel] 529 00:19:22,248 --> 00:19:24,598 - Good luck. 530 00:19:26,077 --> 00:19:28,384 - Okay. 531 00:19:28,428 --> 00:19:30,778 - I got so into character as a bellhop, 532 00:19:30,821 --> 00:19:32,823 I ended up working a 12-hour shift. 533 00:19:32,867 --> 00:19:34,216 - [laughs] 534 00:19:34,260 --> 00:19:36,131 - All I care about is that the mission was a success 535 00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:38,655 and my application ended up in her priority folder. 536 00:19:38,699 --> 00:19:40,701 And since it was technically your idea 537 00:19:40,744 --> 00:19:42,659 to have us disguise ourselves as hotel staff, 538 00:19:42,703 --> 00:19:45,271 I still passed your manuscript along to my aunt. 539 00:19:45,314 --> 00:19:47,273 - Y-you did? - Yeah. 540 00:19:47,316 --> 00:19:49,057 She liked it, and actually wants 541 00:19:49,100 --> 00:19:50,754 to meet with you on Tuesday. 542 00:19:50,798 --> 00:19:52,930 In New York. 543 00:19:52,974 --> 00:19:54,628 Here's her card. 544 00:19:54,671 --> 00:19:55,977 - Oh, my God. - [gasps] 545 00:19:56,020 --> 00:19:58,022 Way to go, Boss! 546 00:19:58,066 --> 00:19:59,981 - Maybe you'll get a big book deal and leave, 547 00:20:00,024 --> 00:20:02,157 and we'll get a real teacher in time for the AP exam. 548 00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:04,942 - Getting out, JG! 549 00:20:04,986 --> 00:20:07,249 [all clapping] 550 00:20:07,293 --> 00:20:09,991 - This is very cool. Very, um--yeah, very-- 551 00:20:10,034 --> 00:20:11,906 Very fast. F-faster than I had planned. 552 00:20:11,949 --> 00:20:13,821 But, uh--which is good, it's good. 553 00:20:13,864 --> 00:20:14,822 [laughs] 554 00:20:14,865 --> 00:20:18,042 - So are you in? 555 00:20:18,086 --> 00:20:20,306 - Am I in? Yeah--well, yeah. 556 00:20:20,349 --> 00:20:22,177 Yeah, absolutely. I mean, pretty much definitely. 557 00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:23,439 I just gotta make sure that I'm free on Tuesday. 558 00:20:23,483 --> 00:20:24,962 I'm pretty sure I am. 559 00:20:25,006 --> 00:20:26,573 I just gotta check my-- I have a calendar at home. 560 00:20:26,616 --> 00:20:29,271 That's my--sort of my master-- I keep everything on there. 561 00:20:29,315 --> 00:20:31,186 So let me just, you know, give it a look-see. 562 00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:34,972 But, uh, yeah, no, looks like I could be, um... 563 00:20:35,016 --> 00:20:36,278 looks like I could--I could be out of here 564 00:20:36,322 --> 00:20:37,323 very, very quickly. 565 00:20:37,366 --> 00:20:39,368 Yeah. 566 00:20:39,412 --> 00:20:42,023 - Mr. Griffin. - Huh? 567 00:20:42,066 --> 00:20:43,720 - We have a new student for you. 568 00:20:43,764 --> 00:20:44,808 - Uh, yeah, no, I know. 569 00:20:44,852 --> 00:20:46,288 She's been fitting in really well. 570 00:20:46,332 --> 00:20:47,942 Yeah, great job, new kid. 571 00:20:47,985 --> 00:20:49,030 - I've been here the whole time. 572 00:20:49,073 --> 00:20:50,814 - Ah, you keep saying that. 573 00:20:50,858 --> 00:20:54,340 - No, but Jack, this is somebody completely new. 574 00:20:54,383 --> 00:20:55,732 [dramatic boom] 575 00:20:55,776 --> 00:20:58,213 - Hiya, teach! - Have fun. 576 00:20:58,257 --> 00:20:59,954 - [squeals] Hi, guys. 577 00:20:59,997 --> 00:21:01,695 - Oh, uh--wait, Ralph, I'm... [stammering] 578 00:21:01,738 --> 00:21:03,000 - [laughs] 579 00:21:03,044 --> 00:21:06,265 Advanced Placement Biology. [laughs] 580 00:21:06,308 --> 00:21:08,963 Oh, I gotta go to the bathroom, and it's an emergency. 581 00:21:09,006 --> 00:21:11,835 Excuse me, oh boy. It's called nerves. 582 00:21:11,879 --> 00:21:13,794 Plus the spinach quiche. 583 00:21:15,230 --> 00:21:18,233 [curious music]