1
00:00:00,063 --> 00:00:02,828
All right, quickly finish
shutting up, everybody.
2
00:00:03,508 --> 00:00:05,350
I have an awesome new Miles mission.
3
00:00:05,810 --> 00:00:07,821
We're gonna make him a deadbeat dad.
4
00:00:08,412 --> 00:00:10,349
Hold up, wouldn't he
have to be a dad first?
5
00:00:10,350 --> 00:00:12,134
Dan, you're great at this class.
6
00:00:12,159 --> 00:00:13,126
I am?
7
00:00:13,128 --> 00:00:14,625
So I was looking for dirt on Miles,
8
00:00:14,626 --> 00:00:16,126
and I found an old
photograph of us together
9
00:00:16,128 --> 00:00:18,564
with this girl, Theresa,
that he had a fling with.
10
00:00:18,589 --> 00:00:22,057
Now, if he had gotten her
pregnant without realizing it,
11
00:00:22,059 --> 00:00:24,193
then their child would now be,
12
00:00:24,195 --> 00:00:26,862
oh, about your age.
13
00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:31,259
What're you do... Anthony?
14
00:00:32,321 --> 00:00:33,683
Pass the photo around.
15
00:00:34,472 --> 00:00:35,771
Well, look at it first.
16
00:00:35,773 --> 00:00:37,172
Never mind... Anyway...
17
00:00:37,174 --> 00:00:39,484
One of you is gonna
bring this photo to Miles
18
00:00:39,484 --> 00:00:40,883
and say that that's your mom,
19
00:00:40,885 --> 00:00:42,736
and that you're his kid that he abandoned.
20
00:00:43,137 --> 00:00:45,070
Voila. Deadbeat dad.
21
00:00:45,072 --> 00:00:47,472
And the best part is,
you're gonna tell him this
22
00:00:47,474 --> 00:00:51,209
right before he walks on stage
in Detroit for a TED Talk.
23
00:00:51,211 --> 00:00:53,078
It's gonna totally mess with his head.
24
00:00:53,080 --> 00:00:55,256
It's gonna ruin his presentation.
25
00:00:55,816 --> 00:00:57,382
The only question that remains is,
26
00:00:57,382 --> 00:01:00,116
Which one of you can most convincingly
27
00:01:00,118 --> 00:01:02,516
play the role of Miles' kid?
28
00:01:03,121 --> 00:01:04,500
Let me see what you guys got.
29
00:01:06,005 --> 00:01:08,305
I've missed you ever since I was a...
30
00:01:08,307 --> 00:01:09,774
Too slow. Too slow.
31
00:01:09,776 --> 00:01:12,386
Okay, Heather. You're
face to face with Miles.
32
00:01:12,819 --> 00:01:14,145
What're you gonna do?
33
00:01:14,921 --> 00:01:16,854
Well, hey there, big daddy.
34
00:01:16,856 --> 00:01:18,876
Nope. Mm-mm, wrong tone.
35
00:01:19,259 --> 00:01:22,093
Am I the only one who feels
like making Miles think
36
00:01:22,095 --> 00:01:24,562
he has a kid might be
going a little too far?
37
00:01:24,564 --> 00:01:25,897
Miles is lame.
38
00:01:25,899 --> 00:01:27,832
He deserves everything
that's coming to him.
39
00:01:27,834 --> 00:01:30,268
He's peddling these fake philosophies
40
00:01:30,270 --> 00:01:33,489
to the ignorant masses and he knows better.
41
00:01:33,740 --> 00:01:35,339
Yes. Devin gets it.
42
00:01:35,341 --> 00:01:37,308
This is exactly what
I've been talking about.
43
00:01:37,310 --> 00:01:38,523
Okay, Devin. So...
44
00:01:39,211 --> 00:01:40,897
Tell me how you break the news to him.
45
00:01:41,414 --> 00:01:44,454
Miles, you're my dad, and you suck.
46
00:01:45,940 --> 00:01:48,908
There's our guy, right there.
The Prince of Darkness is back.
47
00:01:48,910 --> 00:01:50,776
I love it. I'm gonna need to confiscate
48
00:01:50,778 --> 00:01:52,123
that knife from you, though, bud.
49
00:01:52,123 --> 00:01:53,389
Uh, I think I've let
things get a little bit
50
00:01:53,390 --> 00:01:54,656
too loose around here.
51
00:01:54,658 --> 00:01:55,890
Go ahead and finish crossing the A
52
00:01:55,892 --> 00:01:57,458
on your anarchy thing, though.
53
00:01:58,695 --> 00:02:00,228
One, two, three, four!
54
00:02:17,747 --> 00:02:19,310
Hey, Ralphie.
55
00:02:19,783 --> 00:02:21,449
Hello, ladies.
56
00:02:21,451 --> 00:02:24,986
We need you to sign off on
the Sadie Hawkins Dance theme.
57
00:02:24,988 --> 00:02:27,021
We're doing '80s again, okay?
58
00:02:27,023 --> 00:02:29,257
Leg-warmers and side ponies, y'all.
59
00:02:29,726 --> 00:02:31,426
Well, I don't know if
you guys have noticed,
60
00:02:31,428 --> 00:02:34,262
but since Brenda and I separated,
61
00:02:34,264 --> 00:02:37,098
I have been doing my own thang.
62
00:02:37,100 --> 00:02:38,466
Oh!
63
00:02:38,468 --> 00:02:40,535
That's why we came to you, Durb Daddy.
64
00:02:40,537 --> 00:02:44,338
Thank you, but... but I was
thinking that a good theme
65
00:02:44,340 --> 00:02:47,059
for the dance would be...
66
00:02:48,378 --> 00:02:50,500
The movie "Congo."
67
00:02:50,747 --> 00:02:52,447
Based on the Michael Crichton novel.
68
00:02:52,449 --> 00:02:53,948
It's got everything teens love.
69
00:02:53,950 --> 00:02:55,883
It's got gorillas, it's got lasers,
70
00:02:55,885 --> 00:02:58,773
it's got a character
named Herkermer Homolka.
71
00:03:00,905 --> 00:03:03,270
Oh. I've seen that look.
72
00:03:03,727 --> 00:03:05,523
Got that look from Brenda for ten years.
73
00:03:05,572 --> 00:03:06,631
She...
74
00:03:06,773 --> 00:03:08,139
She hated all my ideas too.
75
00:03:08,141 --> 00:03:10,699
I'm, it's just...
76
00:03:11,883 --> 00:03:13,161
Mary?
77
00:03:13,410 --> 00:03:15,043
Um, it's just, uh,
78
00:03:15,045 --> 00:03:16,878
obscure movies that no one's seen
79
00:03:16,880 --> 00:03:18,513
- don't make great dance themes.
- Mm-mm.
80
00:03:18,515 --> 00:03:20,882
I'm sorry... You guys have never seen this?
81
00:03:20,884 --> 00:03:23,318
Okay, guys, you gotta
watch this, all right?
82
00:03:23,320 --> 00:03:25,287
And... and if you still
don't think it's a good idea
83
00:03:25,289 --> 00:03:27,322
for a dance, then we won't do it.
84
00:03:27,324 --> 00:03:29,373
- Okay, that's... that's fair.
- Okay.
85
00:03:39,036 --> 00:03:40,437
Okay, all right, all right, listen.
86
00:03:40,671 --> 00:03:42,550
Get in there and rattle him.
87
00:03:43,226 --> 00:03:44,742
Rattle him good.
88
00:03:47,912 --> 00:03:48,962
Mr. Leonard?
89
00:03:48,964 --> 00:03:51,097
Uh, if you want a selfie,
we're gonna have to be quick,
90
00:03:51,099 --> 00:03:53,200
'cause I've got an awful lot
of people out there who...
91
00:03:53,202 --> 00:03:56,376
17 years ago you had sex with
my mom, which makes you my dad.
92
00:03:59,808 --> 00:04:01,242
Huh? Her? Oh.
93
00:04:02,841 --> 00:04:04,794
Theresa Cantrell is your mum?
94
00:04:05,144 --> 00:04:06,743
Theresa the teaser, we used to...
95
00:04:06,745 --> 00:04:08,412
I have a lot of complicated feelings,
96
00:04:08,414 --> 00:04:09,864
and I'm sure you do as well.
97
00:04:09,948 --> 00:04:12,436
I gotta say, I feel, uh, pretty neglected.
98
00:04:12,951 --> 00:04:14,430
A little angry.
99
00:04:14,920 --> 00:04:16,219
Sorry about the timing.
100
00:04:16,221 --> 00:04:17,959
I hope it doesn't mess up your speech.
101
00:04:22,133 --> 00:04:23,204
A son.
102
00:04:24,601 --> 00:04:26,478
Oh, my goodness.
103
00:04:26,796 --> 00:04:29,246
My life just keeps
getting better and better.
104
00:04:29,799 --> 00:04:31,431
All right, let's have a look at you then.
105
00:04:31,433 --> 00:04:32,967
Oh, you're a big lad.
106
00:04:33,469 --> 00:04:34,868
Look at those eyes.
107
00:04:34,870 --> 00:04:36,497
Beautiful... They're mine.
108
00:04:36,497 --> 00:04:38,363
And you've got the forehead.
You've... we've... got...
109
00:04:38,365 --> 00:04:41,633
You've got the same
highly expressive forehead.
110
00:04:41,635 --> 00:04:43,629
- Oh, my goodness me.
- You're on.
111
00:04:43,654 --> 00:04:46,229
Yeah, got it, right. I've
gotta go and do the...
112
00:04:47,141 --> 00:04:48,941
And you wait here, and I'll be back.
113
00:04:48,943 --> 00:04:50,449
Uh...
114
00:04:55,716 --> 00:04:58,880
Hello, Detroit! I have a son!
115
00:04:59,053 --> 00:05:01,146
Yeah!
116
00:05:04,792 --> 00:05:06,282
Well,
117
00:05:07,227 --> 00:05:09,428
Miles was unfazed.
118
00:05:09,430 --> 00:05:12,043
It's like the meaner you
are to him, the nicer he is.
119
00:05:12,068 --> 00:05:14,800
What kind of a dork is thrilled to find out
120
00:05:14,802 --> 00:05:17,202
that he's been saddled
with an unwanted child?
121
00:05:20,490 --> 00:05:22,356
Ah, and that's him calling me right now.
122
00:05:22,381 --> 00:05:23,599
- Yeah?
- Jack.
123
00:05:23,624 --> 00:05:24,807
Hello, old mate.
124
00:05:24,807 --> 00:05:26,173
Do you remember Theresa the teaser?
125
00:05:26,174 --> 00:05:28,074
- Mm-hmm.
- Well, long story short,
126
00:05:28,076 --> 00:05:31,010
she had a baby, and
now I have a son.
127
00:05:31,012 --> 00:05:33,313
And you'll never guess,
he lives in Toledo,
128
00:05:33,315 --> 00:05:34,300
your hometown,
129
00:05:34,300 --> 00:05:36,841
which is where I am right this minute.
130
00:05:37,232 --> 00:05:39,399
Wait, you're in Toledo? Right now?
131
00:05:40,357 --> 00:05:43,552
So we watched the movie "Congo."
132
00:05:43,780 --> 00:05:45,146
And it was good.
133
00:05:45,148 --> 00:05:47,348
- It was very good.
- Very good.
134
00:05:47,350 --> 00:05:49,981
What was your favorite part?
Don't think, just answer.
135
00:05:50,520 --> 00:05:52,953
Easy, when the gorilla
drinks a martini and burps.
136
00:05:52,994 --> 00:05:54,447
Me too!
137
00:05:54,492 --> 00:05:57,610
And while that is all very... funny?
138
00:05:57,635 --> 00:06:00,936
Um, I'm actually starting
to think, just a little bit,
139
00:06:01,145 --> 00:06:03,579
how would you turn that into a dance theme?
140
00:06:03,581 --> 00:06:04,991
As much as I would love to.
141
00:06:04,991 --> 00:06:08,425
Yeah, Durbin, it's like,
What were you even picturing?
142
00:06:08,428 --> 00:06:10,762
How were you even gonna decorate, Ralph?
143
00:06:10,764 --> 00:06:12,497
Take the jungle foliage sets
144
00:06:12,499 --> 00:06:14,543
from last year's production
of "South Pacific"?
145
00:06:15,698 --> 00:06:17,396
Oh, my... Guys, I'm... I'm seeing this.
146
00:06:17,397 --> 00:06:18,950
- This could work.
- Me too.
147
00:06:18,975 --> 00:06:20,156
I can't believe it.
148
00:06:20,181 --> 00:06:22,332
I think we're all actually
coming around to "Congo."
149
00:06:22,333 --> 00:06:24,099
No!
150
00:06:24,101 --> 00:06:25,596
Uh, stop it, Michelle.
151
00:06:26,043 --> 00:06:27,676
Sorry to hurt your feelings, Durbin,
152
00:06:27,677 --> 00:06:28,976
but "Congo" as the dance theme
153
00:06:28,978 --> 00:06:30,594
is the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
154
00:06:31,614 --> 00:06:33,125
It's worse than Fish Week.
155
00:06:33,942 --> 00:06:35,308
Brenda hated Fish Week.
156
00:06:35,310 --> 00:06:38,444
She said it was "unsanitary nonsense."
157
00:06:38,446 --> 00:06:42,270
But, I guess, all my ideas are bad,
158
00:06:42,295 --> 00:06:43,478
aren't they?
159
00:06:44,219 --> 00:06:47,448
You know, you guys, just
do the '80s dance and...
160
00:06:47,956 --> 00:06:49,789
Just do whatever you want.
161
00:06:55,530 --> 00:06:58,164
Guys, this is bad. He
can't know that I live here.
162
00:06:58,166 --> 00:07:00,099
And he can't know that I teach high school.
163
00:07:00,101 --> 00:07:01,367
You can always point out the fact
164
00:07:01,369 --> 00:07:03,069
that you don't teach anything.
165
00:07:03,071 --> 00:07:05,638
What kind of a twisted sicko just shows up
166
00:07:05,640 --> 00:07:07,607
to see his abandoned son?
167
00:07:07,609 --> 00:07:09,083
So pathetic.
168
00:07:09,335 --> 00:07:10,902
Drives all the way here uninvited.
169
00:07:10,904 --> 00:07:13,527
It's like he's so desperate for love.
170
00:07:14,289 --> 00:07:15,708
Yeah, yeah.
171
00:07:17,544 --> 00:07:18,544
You're right.
172
00:07:19,212 --> 00:07:21,145
He's desperate. We can use that.
173
00:07:21,466 --> 00:07:25,340
Okay, so, you need to embrace
your relationship to Miles.
174
00:07:25,379 --> 00:07:27,918
Make him really love you, and then...
175
00:07:28,114 --> 00:07:30,314
Reject him. Hard.
176
00:07:30,316 --> 00:07:32,770
And then we can see if old Miles can float.
177
00:07:33,186 --> 00:07:34,952
Uh, too far, Prince of D.
178
00:07:34,954 --> 00:07:36,621
Why don't we just stick
to the emotional crushing?
179
00:07:36,623 --> 00:07:38,356
I don't know, I feel like the moral compass
180
00:07:38,358 --> 00:07:39,991
is thumbs down on this one.
181
00:07:40,140 --> 00:07:42,136
Yeah, and I feel like I'm pretty
thumbs down on you, Marcus.
182
00:07:42,161 --> 00:07:43,183
Great.
183
00:07:43,208 --> 00:07:46,176
Okay, guys, I need some
ideas for Miles bonding time.
184
00:07:46,178 --> 00:07:48,011
What do you guys like to do
with your parents around here?
185
00:07:48,013 --> 00:07:51,133
You know, the Toledo
Walleye hockey games are fun.
186
00:07:51,372 --> 00:07:53,005
My family has season tickets.
187
00:07:53,008 --> 00:07:54,273
And I'm taking my little brother, Jeffy,
188
00:07:54,275 --> 00:07:55,313
tomorrow night.
189
00:07:56,144 --> 00:07:58,378
My man. Dan, that's perfect.
190
00:07:58,380 --> 00:07:59,941
Okay, so, Devin.
191
00:07:59,993 --> 00:08:02,414
Tomorrow you'll go sightseeing
with Miles after school.
192
00:08:02,439 --> 00:08:05,474
And then, end the evening
at a Walleye hockey game.
193
00:08:05,476 --> 00:08:07,978
Ah, you know how to really
set him up for rejection?
194
00:08:09,180 --> 00:08:10,541
Call him "Dad."
195
00:08:11,126 --> 00:08:13,327
Then it's time for the
pièce de résistance.
196
00:08:13,328 --> 00:08:15,494
Tell him you want nothing to do with him.
197
00:08:19,834 --> 00:08:22,268
Here's to our first Toledo hotdog.
198
00:08:22,270 --> 00:08:23,269
Cheers!
199
00:08:25,807 --> 00:08:27,686
I'm gonna need more of these.
200
00:08:28,910 --> 00:08:32,378
The archduke of Slovenia said,
"Miles, if you'll not take
201
00:08:32,380 --> 00:08:36,198
my daughter, please have
these antique dueling pistols."
202
00:08:42,657 --> 00:08:44,616
Those poachers weren't coming back...
203
00:08:44,617 --> 00:08:45,617
Ow.
204
00:08:54,594 --> 00:08:55,997
Oh, thank you.
205
00:08:56,830 --> 00:08:58,627
Look at us!
206
00:08:59,894 --> 00:09:01,199
Wow.
207
00:09:01,482 --> 00:09:03,181
- That was so good, wasn't it?
- Yeah.
208
00:09:03,269 --> 00:09:05,659
Right, next, onto the game.
209
00:09:08,408 --> 00:09:09,461
Come on.
210
00:09:10,176 --> 00:09:13,967
Let's go, Walleyes.
Let's go, Walleyes.
211
00:09:21,585 --> 00:09:22,952
This is perfect.
212
00:09:23,189 --> 00:09:25,089
Matching father-son hats.
213
00:09:25,091 --> 00:09:27,225
Did you know Miles has a set
of antique dueling pistols?
214
00:09:27,227 --> 00:09:29,060
Don't get sucked into Miles' world, okay?
215
00:09:29,062 --> 00:09:30,428
Stay focused.
216
00:09:30,430 --> 00:09:32,987
Go give him the hats, play the dad card,
217
00:09:33,299 --> 00:09:34,866
break his heart. Go.
218
00:09:38,104 --> 00:09:39,617
Ooh.
219
00:09:42,208 --> 00:09:44,342
Oh, mate, amazing.
220
00:09:44,344 --> 00:09:46,644
A couple of matching fish bubble hats.
221
00:09:46,646 --> 00:09:47,798
Thank you.
222
00:09:49,883 --> 00:09:51,082
Yep.
223
00:09:51,084 --> 00:09:52,983
Oh, one question.
224
00:09:54,854 --> 00:09:56,892
What do I do with these bad boys?
225
00:09:57,390 --> 00:09:58,536
Hey.
226
00:09:59,877 --> 00:10:02,526
Oh, what a couple of willies
in a biscuit, then, eh?
227
00:10:04,664 --> 00:10:06,809
Look, Danny, it's me!
228
00:10:09,035 --> 00:10:11,819
Look at that kid, he's amazing.
229
00:10:15,942 --> 00:10:18,643
Dan, tell Jeffy to stop dancing.
230
00:10:18,645 --> 00:10:20,111
Hey, you tell Jeffy to stop dancing.
231
00:10:20,113 --> 00:10:21,746
Because half these people come to the games
232
00:10:21,748 --> 00:10:23,381
just to see Jeffy dance.
233
00:10:25,285 --> 00:10:27,389
Let's go, Walleyes!
234
00:10:31,791 --> 00:10:34,592
Let's go, Walleyes!
235
00:10:34,594 --> 00:10:36,394
It was truly breathtaking,
236
00:10:36,396 --> 00:10:38,062
but I had no one to share it with.
237
00:10:38,064 --> 00:10:39,505
You climbed Everest?
238
00:10:39,766 --> 00:10:41,564
I've always wanted to do that.
239
00:10:41,734 --> 00:10:43,868
I heard it's covered in frozen corpses.
240
00:10:43,870 --> 00:10:45,125
Well, you can.
241
00:10:45,150 --> 00:10:46,871
Devin, you're... You're a great lad,
242
00:10:46,873 --> 00:10:49,407
and you deserve to see
all the beautiful views
243
00:10:49,409 --> 00:10:52,212
and corpses your... Your
little heart desires.
244
00:10:56,749 --> 00:11:00,101
- Oh, nearly. Nearly.
- _
245
00:11:02,755 --> 00:11:04,355
It kills me to have to do this,
246
00:11:04,357 --> 00:11:06,257
but I've got an early flight
to catch back to Stanford.
247
00:11:06,259 --> 00:11:08,039
Thank you for today. I've had...
248
00:11:08,895 --> 00:11:10,622
an amazing time, and...
249
00:11:11,462 --> 00:11:13,240
I'm never gonna forget today.
250
00:11:14,998 --> 00:11:17,935
Thanks... Dad.
251
00:11:20,540 --> 00:11:21,586
Huh.
252
00:11:23,831 --> 00:11:25,551
Come here, son.
253
00:11:31,333 --> 00:11:32,366
Cheers.
254
00:11:32,544 --> 00:11:35,646
Uh, sorry, guys, can I get
out? Thank you, thank you.
255
00:11:35,912 --> 00:11:37,417
Buh-bye. Cheerio.
256
00:11:42,228 --> 00:11:43,412
Hey, hey!
257
00:11:44,130 --> 00:11:45,597
Why didn't you tell him you hate him?
258
00:11:45,599 --> 00:11:46,731
I'm sorry, Mr. Griffin.
259
00:11:46,733 --> 00:11:48,166
I hesitated and ran out of time.
260
00:11:48,168 --> 00:11:49,601
Can we just get Miles some other way?
261
00:11:49,603 --> 00:11:51,902
No, there is no other way. This is the way.
262
00:11:53,603 --> 00:11:54,672
All right, come on, let's go.
263
00:11:54,674 --> 00:11:56,975
Not yet. I don't wanna wake Jeffy.
264
00:11:56,977 --> 00:11:58,676
I literally have to do everything.
265
00:11:58,678 --> 00:11:59,911
All right, fine, give me Jeffy.
266
00:11:59,913 --> 00:12:01,446
Come on. All right, Jeffy, let's go.
267
00:12:01,448 --> 00:12:03,014
Come on, Jeffy.
268
00:12:03,016 --> 00:12:03,982
Okay.
269
00:12:03,984 --> 00:12:05,326
All right.
270
00:12:05,552 --> 00:12:07,752
I'll figure out how to keep
Miles in Toledo another day.
271
00:12:07,754 --> 00:12:09,354
You figure out how to
grow some balls, all right?
272
00:12:09,356 --> 00:12:10,443
Finish him!
273
00:12:10,590 --> 00:12:12,257
Ah, okay, shh.
274
00:12:12,259 --> 00:12:13,781
It's all right. Come here, Jeffy.
275
00:12:21,043 --> 00:12:23,432
- Hello, Jack-o!
- Miles-o.
276
00:12:23,739 --> 00:12:25,306
Uh, how'd it go with your son?
277
00:12:25,308 --> 00:12:27,441
It must've felt nice to
say sorry for having missed
278
00:12:27,443 --> 00:12:30,110
every significant event in his entire life,
279
00:12:30,112 --> 00:12:33,080
you know, baseball
games, recitals...
280
00:12:33,082 --> 00:12:34,961
Aw, his wobbly first step.
281
00:12:36,185 --> 00:12:38,702
Well, I... I didn't exactly get a chance to
282
00:12:39,525 --> 00:12:40,854
tell him all those things.
283
00:12:40,856 --> 00:12:42,423
Ah, that's a shame.
284
00:12:42,425 --> 00:12:44,592
I would've killed to
hear my absentee father
285
00:12:44,594 --> 00:12:46,393
say sorry to me for
missing all that stuff
286
00:12:46,395 --> 00:12:48,128
in my life, you know, in person.
287
00:12:48,128 --> 00:12:49,380
My two cents?
288
00:12:49,731 --> 00:12:52,003
I think it's worth, uh,
sticking around one more day
289
00:12:52,028 --> 00:12:53,076
to tell him all that.
290
00:12:53,101 --> 00:12:56,736
You know Jack, that is
smarter than a seaman's cleats.
291
00:12:56,738 --> 00:12:58,471
That can't be an actual British expression.
292
00:12:58,759 --> 00:13:00,744
All right, cheerio, me old China.
293
00:13:01,376 --> 00:13:04,544
- Uh-oh.
- D-D-Durbie Fully Loaded.
294
00:13:04,944 --> 00:13:07,111
Let me guess, you guys are here to tell me
295
00:13:07,113 --> 00:13:08,912
that eating salty soup out of a cup
296
00:13:08,914 --> 00:13:10,948
is another one of my bad ideas?
297
00:13:10,950 --> 00:13:12,616
No, Durbs, we're actually here to tell you
298
00:13:12,618 --> 00:13:14,513
that we are totally on board for "Congo."
299
00:13:15,020 --> 00:13:17,801
Like you said before, it's a bad idea.
300
00:13:17,826 --> 00:13:20,126
We were talking about it and
realized we're the only ones
301
00:13:20,166 --> 00:13:21,626
who care about the dance theme.
302
00:13:21,651 --> 00:13:22,627
Yeah.
303
00:13:22,627 --> 00:13:24,260
The kids don't pay
attention to the decorations.
304
00:13:24,262 --> 00:13:25,753
They just see them as
something to hide behind
305
00:13:25,778 --> 00:13:27,110
so they can grab up on a butt.
306
00:13:27,135 --> 00:13:28,935
Mm-hmm, yeah, it makes no difference
307
00:13:28,937 --> 00:13:30,904
whether they're honking on
each other's little [BLEEP]
308
00:13:30,906 --> 00:13:34,474
behind a jungle in the Congo,
or a big '80s Rubik's Cube.
309
00:13:34,476 --> 00:13:35,876
I mean, it's true.
310
00:13:35,878 --> 00:13:38,018
The... these dances
are a full-on dog park.
311
00:13:38,018 --> 00:13:39,184
In every way.
312
00:13:39,185 --> 00:13:40,930
I found two poops last year.
313
00:13:41,087 --> 00:13:42,363
Human.
314
00:13:42,455 --> 00:13:44,685
Ralph, we just wanna support you.
315
00:13:44,924 --> 00:13:47,635
I mean, that means so much
more to us than some theme.
316
00:13:47,894 --> 00:13:50,157
You guys are the best.
317
00:13:51,015 --> 00:13:52,015
Listen.
318
00:13:52,645 --> 00:13:55,179
Keep this under your hats, okay?
319
00:13:55,181 --> 00:13:57,481
We don't want some other
school stealing our theme.
320
00:13:57,483 --> 00:13:59,685
We are literally, um, never
321
00:13:59,710 --> 00:14:01,835
telling anyone about this.
322
00:14:02,262 --> 00:14:04,082
Ever. Okay?
323
00:14:17,694 --> 00:14:19,467
Uh, sorry to interrupt.
324
00:14:21,962 --> 00:14:24,844
Is this... is this Biology class?
325
00:14:25,566 --> 00:14:27,832
Ah, hah, there he is.
326
00:14:28,142 --> 00:14:29,642
Miles, what're you doing here?
327
00:14:29,644 --> 00:14:33,279
Well, I... I realized that
I never apologized to you,
328
00:14:33,281 --> 00:14:35,294
for missing out on... Well, I've missed...
329
00:14:35,448 --> 00:14:36,782
Missing out on everything
330
00:14:36,784 --> 00:14:38,017
until yesterday.
331
00:14:38,029 --> 00:14:40,353
And I wanted to swear to you
that I'm gonna make that right.
332
00:14:40,408 --> 00:14:42,407
Money's no object. You
know, whatever it costs.
333
00:14:42,432 --> 00:14:43,799
I'll fly backwards and forwards.
334
00:14:43,801 --> 00:14:47,277
Whatever it takes to... To be your dad.
335
00:14:47,504 --> 00:14:48,782
I can't do this.
336
00:14:49,640 --> 00:14:51,242
- You're not my dad.
- No, I...
337
00:14:51,475 --> 00:14:52,808
Completely understand that.
338
00:14:52,810 --> 00:14:54,442
And I will work to earn that title.
339
00:14:54,444 --> 00:14:56,121
No, I mean it, I'm not your son.
340
00:15:00,880 --> 00:15:02,690
But we... we've got the same...
341
00:15:03,404 --> 00:15:04,686
Expressive forehead.
342
00:15:04,688 --> 00:15:06,288
Well, actually, the forehead's not really
343
00:15:06,290 --> 00:15:07,522
an identifying characteristic.
344
00:15:07,524 --> 00:15:09,054
Okay, shh, bud. Who are you?
345
00:15:11,728 --> 00:15:13,126
I didn't mean any of it.
346
00:15:15,645 --> 00:15:17,165
- I'm sorry.
- Why?
347
00:15:17,167 --> 00:15:18,318
Wha... I don't...
348
00:15:18,502 --> 00:15:21,053
Oh, I was excited about us. I... I felt...
349
00:15:21,338 --> 00:15:23,747
I was gonna have a
fuller life 'cause of you.
350
00:15:24,185 --> 00:15:25,227
And then...
351
00:15:45,589 --> 00:15:46,833
You're a monster.
352
00:15:53,302 --> 00:15:56,269
Whoa!
Whoa-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!
353
00:15:56,458 --> 00:15:59,060
Whoo! Holy crap, uh!
354
00:15:59,735 --> 00:16:01,568
Now, if I'm not mistaken,
355
00:16:01,570 --> 00:16:03,470
that is a garbage can
filled with Miles' puke.
356
00:16:03,783 --> 00:16:04,864
Yeah?
357
00:16:04,879 --> 00:16:06,879
And from what I was seeing,
it's 'cause he's a broken man.
358
00:16:06,904 --> 00:16:08,370
Am I right? Okay.
359
00:16:08,558 --> 00:16:11,004
Well, then this calls for a celebration.
360
00:16:11,202 --> 00:16:13,035
Uh-uh! Whoo!
361
00:16:13,037 --> 00:16:16,873
We did it, baby. Oh, it was glorious, mmm.
362
00:16:19,650 --> 00:16:21,142
What's... what is this?
363
00:16:30,641 --> 00:16:31,641
What?
364
00:16:33,313 --> 00:16:34,578
I'm sorry, what is going on here?
365
00:16:34,646 --> 00:16:36,281
What... What's the deal?
366
00:16:36,306 --> 00:16:39,140
Guys, we... we succeeded. Let's celebrate!
367
00:16:39,209 --> 00:16:40,842
He's a good guy and we broke him.
368
00:16:40,910 --> 00:16:41,937
For what?
369
00:16:44,681 --> 00:16:47,324
For America!
370
00:16:47,324 --> 00:16:48,533
I don't know.
371
00:16:49,128 --> 00:16:50,887
What, are you trying to
guilt me with your silence?
372
00:16:50,931 --> 00:16:52,130
That's not gonna work.
373
00:16:52,155 --> 00:16:53,487
Look, it's not like I don't know
374
00:16:53,556 --> 00:16:54,956
what you guys are
thinking anyway, you know.
375
00:16:55,024 --> 00:16:56,257
Anthony's over there like,
376
00:16:56,326 --> 00:16:57,878
I'm judgy Anthony.
377
00:16:57,974 --> 00:16:59,607
You know? Victor's sitting there like,
378
00:16:59,676 --> 00:17:00,909
I think this may have
379
00:17:00,977 --> 00:17:02,343
gotten out of hand, Mr. Griffin.
380
00:17:02,412 --> 00:17:03,734
I think it has.
381
00:17:03,840 --> 00:17:04,972
And Marcus is like,
382
00:17:05,057 --> 00:17:06,723
At the risk of being
383
00:17:06,792 --> 00:17:08,391
a permanent virgin,
don't you think you should
384
00:17:08,460 --> 00:17:10,666
come clean and tell Miles
it wasn't Devin's fault?
385
00:17:11,646 --> 00:17:12,662
And Sarika's like,
386
00:17:12,731 --> 00:17:13,997
I think I speak on behalf
387
00:17:14,066 --> 00:17:15,666
of all the nerds in the whole wide world
388
00:17:15,701 --> 00:17:17,495
when I say you're a bad guy, Mr. Griffin.
389
00:17:17,495 --> 00:17:18,994
Sarika's right, as usual.
390
00:17:19,063 --> 00:17:21,597
Come on, you guys. All
of you are gonna be fine.
391
00:17:21,665 --> 00:17:24,199
Okay? Look at me, I'm fine. You know?
392
00:17:24,268 --> 00:17:25,934
I feel f... I feel great, actually.
393
00:17:26,003 --> 00:17:27,071
I... I think, um...
394
00:17:27,848 --> 00:17:28,835
I think we did a...
395
00:17:28,835 --> 00:17:31,455
I think we did the world
a... A service today.
396
00:17:32,507 --> 00:17:33,606
Hmm?
397
00:17:34,164 --> 00:17:36,224
So you guys can sit there
and stare at me all you want.
398
00:17:36,249 --> 00:17:38,350
That's not gonna... Not
gonna make me feel guilty,
399
00:17:38,375 --> 00:17:39,827
if that's what you're going
for, that's what I'm saying.
400
00:17:39,852 --> 00:17:40,912
I... I feel good.
401
00:17:46,135 --> 00:17:47,167
I'm gonna go piss.
402
00:17:54,959 --> 00:17:57,544
Hey, Miles, hey.
403
00:17:57,613 --> 00:17:59,909
Whoa-ho, hey. Uh, Jack.
404
00:18:00,916 --> 00:18:02,115
Is that you?
405
00:18:02,184 --> 00:18:04,351
Yes, it's me. Here in Toledo.
406
00:18:04,420 --> 00:18:06,687
I don't understand.
What are you doing here?
407
00:18:06,869 --> 00:18:09,255
'Cause I, I was here with
my son... he's not my...
408
00:18:09,288 --> 00:18:10,821
- He's just some...
- I know.
409
00:18:10,846 --> 00:18:12,670
- Guy that pretended...
- I'm gonna explain all that. Look, um...
410
00:18:13,290 --> 00:18:15,524
I never got picked up by another university
411
00:18:15,592 --> 00:18:17,526
after the whole Harvard thing, okay?
412
00:18:17,594 --> 00:18:20,062
I've been living here,
in my dead mom's apartment
413
00:18:20,130 --> 00:18:22,197
and I've been teaching
at this high school, okay?
414
00:18:22,653 --> 00:18:25,663
- I didn't tell you...
- Because... oh,
415
00:18:25,663 --> 00:18:27,125
because you're ashamed.
416
00:18:29,258 --> 00:18:30,941
Yeah, something like that.
417
00:18:32,389 --> 00:18:35,457
Um, look, Devin is one of my students,
418
00:18:35,526 --> 00:18:37,385
and he's a good kid, okay? He didn't...
419
00:18:37,816 --> 00:18:39,239
He didn't set out to hurt you.
420
00:18:39,418 --> 00:18:41,384
I mentioned you a few
times in my class, and I...
421
00:18:41,453 --> 00:18:43,253
Oh, oh, I get it.
422
00:18:43,321 --> 00:18:45,455
You talked about my cushy job at Stanford,
423
00:18:45,524 --> 00:18:48,458
my many awards, my
numerous celebrity lovers,
424
00:18:48,527 --> 00:18:49,926
and Devin became obsessed with me.
425
00:18:49,995 --> 00:18:51,194
Yeah, well, he's not really obsessed...
426
00:18:51,263 --> 00:18:53,430
Devin wanted me to be his dad.
427
00:18:53,498 --> 00:18:54,698
Kind of sweet when you think about it.
428
00:18:54,766 --> 00:18:56,326
Yeah, I wouldn't say he's obsessed...
429
00:18:56,368 --> 00:19:00,239
Jack, you, you, Jack. You have nothing.
430
00:19:01,323 --> 00:19:04,090
But you live here, in the real world,
431
00:19:04,159 --> 00:19:05,525
with all... with real people.
432
00:19:05,594 --> 00:19:07,894
And maybe I need a bit
more of that in my life.
433
00:19:07,963 --> 00:19:10,497
Maybe that's why I believe
his cock-and-balls story
434
00:19:10,566 --> 00:19:12,535
too quickly. Oh, God.
435
00:19:12,917 --> 00:19:14,434
The trials and tribulations
436
00:19:14,503 --> 00:19:17,504
- of fame and fortune, eh?
- Oh, you...
437
00:19:17,573 --> 00:19:20,040
Hey, uh, hello... I've gotta go, mate.
438
00:19:20,108 --> 00:19:21,541
My ride's here. I can't...
439
00:19:21,610 --> 00:19:24,010
I can't leave Oprah's private jet waiting.
440
00:19:24,079 --> 00:19:25,079
Again.
441
00:19:25,113 --> 00:19:26,880
She was bloody livid last...
442
00:19:26,910 --> 00:19:28,212
Come on, come here.
443
00:19:28,251 --> 00:19:30,184
Beautiful sod.
444
00:19:30,446 --> 00:19:33,087
Jack, you know,
445
00:19:34,091 --> 00:19:36,518
maybe the question
446
00:19:37,422 --> 00:19:39,126
really is the answer.
447
00:19:41,126 --> 00:19:43,214
- I'm sorry, how so?
- Cheerio.
448
00:19:44,663 --> 00:19:46,279
Hello, mate.
449
00:19:47,532 --> 00:19:48,838
Airport, please.
450
00:20:04,249 --> 00:20:05,715
So you're, uh,
451
00:20:05,784 --> 00:20:08,209
back in the good graces
of that phony loser.
452
00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:10,069
Happy now?
453
00:20:10,435 --> 00:20:11,467
Don't care.
454
00:20:12,270 --> 00:20:13,270
Me neither.
455
00:20:15,006 --> 00:20:15,938
Peace.
456
00:20:27,171 --> 00:20:29,886
- Miles.
- Jacky boy, it's me.
457
00:20:29,954 --> 00:20:31,087
Fancy this.
458
00:20:31,155 --> 00:20:33,723
You have inspired me yet again.
459
00:20:33,791 --> 00:20:36,392
That's great, Miles. Have fun now.
460
00:20:36,461 --> 00:20:38,060
W-well, hang on, hang on. Hang on.
461
00:20:38,129 --> 00:20:39,332
I'm leaving Stanford.
462
00:20:39,831 --> 00:20:42,815
And I'd like you to take over for me.
463
00:20:43,801 --> 00:20:46,636
I mean, with my recommendation
you would be a shoo-in.
464
00:20:46,704 --> 00:20:48,919
So, what do you reckon, mate?
465
00:20:49,507 --> 00:20:51,974
Fancy being the head of
Philosophy at Stanford?
466
00:20:56,067 --> 00:20:58,664
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www.addic7ed.com