- [crickets chirping] - Boo.
- [suspenseful music plays] - No, you don't. Get back here.
[grunting]
- [gasps] - We have some unfinished business.
- [choking] - You left me like roadkill.
You tried to kill me first.
- Don't you dare put that on me. - [struggling]
- [Patty grunts, coughs] - [groans]
- [crashing] - [Patty breathing heavily]
- [Patty grunting] - [thudding]
- [Patty exhales] - [ominous instrumentals]
[Patty sighs]
- [suspenseful instrumentals] - [Patty cries out]
- [crunching] - [yelling]
- [whack] - [slap]
- [yelling, grunting] - [thud]
[glass shatters]
[panting, grunting]
[Patty chokes]
[yelling, grunting]
- [thud] - [gasps]
[grunting continues, yelling]
- [crash] - [exhaling]
[choking]
- [whack] - [beep]
- [thudding] - [yelling]
[heavy breathing]
- [Stella Rose struggling for air] - [grunts]
[groans] Die already, you crazy bitch!
[strained] I'm... not... crazy!
- [Patty panting, grunting] - [choking]
[shallow breathing]
[Patty panting lightly]
[Patty exhales]
[phone ringing]
- [notification whoosh] - [continued ringing]
[Patty pants]
[beep]
[breathless] Hey.
How's it going? What's going on?
I found Christian's phone in your purse.
- What? Uh... - [curious instrumentals]
What do you mean?
Did you know you had it?
No! No, he must have put it in there.
He's still stalking me.
Well, we should go to the police.
No.
No, I mean, just no police.
Not until after the pageant. I can't handle any more stress right now.
What are you doing?
[strained] Working out. Just promise me, please. No cops, okay?
Okay, fine, I promise. But...
[breathless] Okay. Good. I gotta go. Bye.
- [beep] - [exhales]
Oh, my God.
[dance music playing]
- [swishing] - ♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Yeah, baby let me be your waitress ♪
♪ I'm about to serve it up (I'm about to serve it up) ♪
♪ Baby hit 'em with the blank checks ♪
♪ I be gettin' what I want (I be getting what I want) ♪
♪ Like you more if you say less ♪
♪ You can't tell me nothing (You can't tell me nothing) ♪
♪ Ooh, I wanna see you shake it ♪
- ♪ Got it right there ♪ - Fuck you! Fuck you!
- ♪ Serve it up ♪ - Bitch!
♪ I'm about to serve it up ♪
♪ You serve it up I'm about to serve it up ♪
Ooh!
♪ You serve it up I'm about to serve it up ♪
- ♪ You serve it up... ♪ - I should've gotten rid of that body
right away, but I couldn't. Not without a snack.
[Bob Armstrong] For the first time in my life,
- I was on top of the world. - [heavy breathing]
I was a hometown hero,
I won mayor by a landslide,
- and I had a budding new romance. - [moaning]
Shit.
I've got to get back to Patty.
We've got to get ready for Miss American Lady.
[Bob] It should have been enough. I should have left well enough alone.
I'll come with you.
[Angie sighs]
To the pageant?
Sure, why not?
I don't take office for another month.
Maybe I should coach Patty one last time.
- [ominous instrumentals] - [crunching]
I thought a snack would help me think, but it turned into the binge of my life.
I'd been locked in my room eating for a day and a half straight.
I completely tuned out the world.
- [knocking] - [Angie] Patty, you decent?
Yes. No, I'm not.
[stammers] Just give me one second.
- Don't come in! - Patty? Are you looking at porn?
- Yes, I am looking at porn! - [swishing]
Okay, well, don't pay for it. There's a lot of free sites.
- [Patty] I'll be right there. I... - [rattling]
- What's going on? We're coming in. - [door squeaks]
Hey, you guys are together,
like, together together.
Yeah. [sighs] We wanted to talk to you about that. [chuckles]
I am... I'm fine with it. As long as you guys are happy.
[mellow instrumentals]
No, no. No, don't.
- Don't. No, don't, ple... - [Bob sighs]
Patty, what is going on?
[stammers] I'm just... I'm scared about Miss American Lady.
I've never competed without you before.
Well, you don't have to.
If you're still up for it, I want to coach you again.
You do?
It'd sure make me feel better.
An extra set of eyes on you with the pageant killer still out there.
But, Bob, I thought you said you were bad for me.
I'm gonna let you two talk.
Patty.
- [groaning] - Look,
- now that I've found my own success... - [curious instrumentals]
...I'm a new me.
Which means we can be a new version of us.
It will be different this time.
Besides, we've come this far.
I think we owe it to ourselves to give it one more shot,
but I need you to promise me something.
Yeah. No, yeah. Anything.
Okay, I'm Mayor now,
so no more shenanigans, no more drama,
and you have to be honest.
Yes. Absolutely.
I promise.
[Bob] Mm... [chuckles]
[Bob inhales deeply, groans]
Something smells ripe.
Oh, yeah. [sniffs]
I'm gonna take a shower and get ready.
Call you in a few hours?
No. I'm gonna wait downstairs.
There's no time to spare.
We leave for Miss American Lady tomorrow morning,
and we've got shopping to do.
- [Patty] Ooh... - Ooh...
[mouthing] Fuck!
- [twinkling] - Shh...
[thud]
With Bob downstairs, getting rid of Stella Rose's body would have to wait.
[dinging]
I just needed to do something about the smell.
[dinging]
- [knocking] - [Bob] Patty, let's go. Now.
[Patty] Hang on. I gotta change.
At least one of us smelled better.
[knocking]
- [Coralee] Bob, honey? The door was open. - [door closes]
- Are you here? - [playful instrumentals]
Hey.
Oh, sweetheart.
I know this is a hard time for you right now. [exhales]
But I have some news [inhales] that I have to share with you.
Okay.
After the drama of the debate, I got some national attention.
And, well, an investor called me and he wants to fund Tampoozle
and make it like a TOMS Shoes.
So each box of Tampoozles that they sell,
they'll donate one to a woman in need of feminine hygiene products
with no pink tax, which is... [sharp inhale] great.
I'm gonna meet with him this afternoon,
and, well, if that meeting goes well, I'll be moving to Atlanta.
[mellow music playing]
Move?
[stammers] I thought you decided to have the baby.
So?
So do you really want to start a new business on top of all that?
I mean, isn't that too much to handle on your own?
Wow! [sighs]
Way to be supportive. [scoffs]
Well, I want to be supportive. I...
Especially if I'm the father.
Let's say you are.
You want to move to Atlanta with me and help me raise the kid?
No, that'd feel too much like me and Etta Mae all over again,
but I need a fresh start,
[stammers] and if I'm gonna have any chance of having that,
I can't be wondering if there's another kid out there that's mine
and I'm not taking responsibility for him or her.
I did that once. I don't want to make the same mistake twice.
[stammers] I need to know who the father is.
Okay.
All I need from you is a sample. [exhales]
What, right now?
No, no, no! [chuckles]
A cheek swab.
[stammers] I knew that.
[perky instrumentals]
[Dixie] Is this really the mall where I got taken?
[Hannah] Yeah.
It's so nice...
finally being back here with you.
[sighs] I should have never left you alone.
[shaky breathing]
Be right back.
[plastic crinkling]
"A happy life is just in front of you."
[Regina] Dixie, baby?
- [whimsical instrumentals] - Momma!
Oh, I was hoping you'd say that.
[hushed] Okay, come on.
- We're gonna have some fun. I got a plan. - ["Afterglow" by Chelsea Jade playing]
- ♪ I see through it all ♪ - [sighs] Okay.
♪ The optical illusions 'cause they can never prove it... ♪
What makes Miss American Lady different from all the other pageants
is that this one will be televised.
You will be in HD, and the camera doesn't lie.
♪ We know what it's like to strain our eyes... ♪
[Bob] The audience will be able to see every pore.
- We have to hide every flaw... - ♪ To keep our open eyes ♪
- ...every blemish. - ♪ Push into the light ♪
- ♪ 'Cause it's always better later ♪ - We'll contour your cheeks,
strengthen your jaw.
What's wrong with my jaw?
Nothing, when I'm done with you.
Now that we have your make-up done, it is time for a camera test.
- [camera chimes] - Find your light and make sure
to keep your chin up.
[door opens]
- Patty, you have company. - [door closes]
[Patty] Pastor Mike!
We need to talk about Christian's phone.
[mellow instrumentals]
- You told him? - [Pastor Mike] Why wouldn't she?
Unless you have something to hide.
[Nonnie] You said not to go to the cops,
so I used the Find My Phone app, and the phone never even left Georgia.
He told Magnolia he was going to California, so I went to Pastor Mike
- to see if he had any information. - I was just as confused as Nonnie.
How did you get his phone?
I don't know.
He must have put it in my purse to track me.
He's a stalker. He's done stuff like that before.
Or you're lying.
- [Pastor Mike inhales] - You get your hand off my daughter. Now.
You did something to him. I can feel it.
Yeah, and last time I saw you, you said she was possessed.
- [Pastor Mikes inhales] - [plucky instrumentals]
You're having impure thoughts...
about him!
- And what is a Mississippi Milkshake? - Eww.
You know what? Just get the hell out of my house.
You're not getting away with this. I am calling the police.
- [Angie] Get out. - [Bob] Can I speak to you?
- For a moment? Alone? - [door slams]
- [beep] - What's a Mississippi Milkshake?
[gasps, cries out]
You knew Nonnie found the phone, and you didn't tell me?
- You said no more drama. - I also said no more secrets.
He is going to the police.
Okay, so let's think. The body is gone. You took care of the car, right?
Yes. I took the car to the junkyard and paid Junkyard Bob to crush it.
And you watched it go through the crusher, right?
What?
Seriously?
- [whooshing effect] - Oh, my God!
Christian's car. It's just been sitting here the whole time?
He said he was gonna take care of it.
[Patty] Did you at least get rid of the...
Bob, this is a murder weapon. I could have been arrested.
Need I remind you which one of us killed somebody?
- [crowbar clanks] - [mellow instrumentals]
Okay. We don't have to play the blame game.
We need to crush this car right now.
How? Junkyard Bob isn't here.
- [whooshing effect] - [machine whirring]
Really? You had to put on the overalls?
What? It was a $4,000 suit.
- [glass shattering] - Bye-bye, evidence. Bye-bye, drama.
- [sparks buzzing] - Hey, did you empty the gas tank?
What?
[Bob] I should've taken that car as a sign that even with the new me,
Patty's and my relationship was nothing but combustible.
[Patty] I should have taken that car as a sign
to get rid of this evidence right away.
[tense instrumentals]
But now I was more concerned about my own body than Stella Rose's.
I had just had the binge of my life, and Miss American Lady was just days away.
And everyone knows the camera adds ten pounds.
[whooshing effect]
Clearly, my priorities were out of whack.
[machine whirring]
[beeping]
- [beep] - [panting]
[droning instrumentals]
[thud]
[heavy breathing]
[birds chirping]
Shit, shit, shit!
I needed to get rid of this body
before Bob picked me up for Miss American Lady.
[groans]
[suitcase rattles]
[exhales]
[suitcase rattling]
[Bob] Patty!
[stammers] Bob. Wh... You're early.
Oh, you look terrible.
Are those the same clothes you wore yesterday?
I'm not ready.
What's all this?
I rented a van
so we can transport the entire entourage to Chicago in one car!
Entourage?
Woot, woot! [chuckles]
[sing-songy] Miss American Lady, here we come!
And I decorated the van.
[stammers] Wow. You guys really went all out.
Plus, I got you security.
- Oh, my God! Officer Greg. - [curious instrumentals]
- What are you doing here? - Nonnie asked me to come along.
If Christian's still stalking you, you need protection.
No! I mean, that's sweet, but no.
I would hate to take you off your beat. The people of Masonville need you.
No way! Everyone's saying another girl could die,
and I'm kind of hoping if I'm the one to catch the pageant killer,
- I'll finally make detective. You know? - [Angie] Ready to hit the road?
Let me get that for ya.
No, no, no, no, no!
Go upstairs and change.
[Patty] So much for leaving my baggage behind.
- ["Holiday Road" by Ahmari Lia playing] - ♪ Holiday road ♪
[Angie] Look, kids. The Hancock Building. The Sears Tower!
♪ Holiday road ♪
- We need a name for us. - [chuckles]
- Bangie. Mm. [laughs] - [laughs]
Bobange. Mm...
Oh...
Angob.
[laughing]
Sounds serious. [chuckles]
Yeah, it could be.
[mellow instrumentals]
I mean, I care about you. I don't want this to just be about sex.
- [sheets rustling] - [Angie clicks tongue]
[stammers] I don't either. [chuckles]
But I... I'm fine taking it slow. [stammers] I...
You just got out of a 20-year marriage and broke up with your first boyfriend.
If you still want to date guys, I get it.
Angie, just 'cause I'm bi doesn't mean I can't commit.
Well, you couldn't with Bob or Coralee, so...
Yeah, but that's totally different.
With them I always felt like something was missing, but...
I don't feel like that with you.
Now.
What if that changes?
Do you still want to see other people?
It's okay.
You can say anything to me.
Don't get me wrong.
This is the happiest I've been since...
well, since the Dukes of Hazzard came out on DVD,
and if there was anyone I would want to commit to, it'd be you.
You're...
smart and weird...
- [laughs] - [chuckles] And you're sexy as hell,
but I know myself,
and I just... I don't want to pretend to be something I'm not.
Especially not with you.
Like I said, let's be open.
Exactly. Let's be open, and honest, and...
No, but... [laughs]
Let's be in an open relationship.
You...
You'd do that for me?
Yeah, if that's what you feel like you really need.
I've never had anyone willing to try that for me before.
Well, there's a first time for everything.
- [rustling] - [Angie laughs]
[Angie] Mm...
Wow.
[bed creaks]
The fact that you're willing... [inhales]
to do that for me makes me... [exhales]
not want to do it at all.
[heavy breathing]
[Patty] Tomorrow was the biggest day of my life,
but I wasn't going to sleep. Not with Stella Rose in the room.
Maybe I could sneak away while Nonnie was sleeping.
If I could just get rid of Officer Greg.
Hey, did you want to go away for a minute? Take a break, maybe have a snack?
No need. I have supplies.
Plus, I'm wearing a man diaper,
so I can go straight through to the morning.
That's great.
Okay.
- [door closes] - Did you really have to bring him along?
Well, I feel safer knowing he's around,
and I've been doing some more digging about Christian.
It keeps getting weirder.
Really?
I downloaded all of his texts,
- and look... - [clicks]
The way he texted totally changed after he disappeared.
He started using full sentences, proper punctuation.
He even used emojis.
[scoffs] It's super freaky.
I'm starting to think maybe someone else had his phone.
Like who?
[sighs] I don't know.
[exhales] Can we please talk about something else?
I just need to relax before the pageant, and I don't want to start eating.
Okay.
What do you want to talk about?
Uh... I don't care.
TV? Movies?
What about your mom and Bob?
I mean, that's got to be weird, huh?
[indistinct grunting]
[Patty] No weirder than me sharing a room with my best friend who wants to be a cop
and a body I couldn't get rid of.
- [dance music playing] - I was just going to have to keep it
by my side until after the pageant.
[Officer Greg] My goodness, this suitcase is heavy.
[scoffs] Do you really have to bring that with you everywhere?
Yes.
What if someone spills something on me,
or I'm wearing the same thing as someone else? I have to have options.
Okay, whatever you need.
Listen, we have a very busy schedule today.
We start with today's meet and greet,
- and then we have a press junket. - [Magnolia] Patty!
[indistinct chatter]
Magnolia, what are you doing here?
- Competing. - What? How?
A lot of state winners have backed out.
With the pageant killer still out there, they're all too scared of getting killed.
And since my mom lives in Connecticut now, I'm technically a resident,
so we wrote the board a check,
and now you're looking at the new Miss Connecticut American Lady.
Wait, you're letting her compete?
After Roxy?
[Magnolia scoffs]
What? We're all thinking it.
Well, I tried to talk her out of it,
but last time I said no, she blacked out for two days,
so figured the least I could do is be here to keep her safe.
Brick's here, too.
- He's back in the room sleeping in. - He is?
I wonder why he didn't tell me.
It was a last minute decision, but I was very persuasive.
Holy shit!
- [whooshing effect] - [mellow instrumentals]
Excuse me.
Was this another ghost? I thought Heather Christina Pamela Kendell
- [camera shuttering] - Jackson-Johnson was dead.
What the hell?
I thought Heather Christina Pamela Kendell Jackson-Johnson was dead.
Wait, you see her, too?
- Of course, she's standing right there. - [camera shutters]
Heather Christina Pamela Kendell?
Pamela Kendell Heather Christina.
I'm Heather's evil twin.
Wait, Heather wasn't the evil one?
I'm competing to honor her memory.
We grew up in separate households. I'm Miss California.
- And I'm coaching her. - [Patty] Gloria?
I spent the last year touring the country looking for the best of the best.
And Pamela is it.
Formerly blind, currently blonde,
she's unstoppable.
I would have coached you, Patty,
back when I thought you blew up those girls,
but then you got exonerated.
Too bad.
You could have been a real winner.
Yeah, okay. [clears throat] Let's get you in this press line.
- [whooshing effect] - [Patty] Seeing Gloria was a sign,
- a reminder of what she had told me - [camera shuttering]
at state, that winning would erase my past.
- [dance-pop music playing] - Once I got the crown, I could get rid of
- Stella Rose and be reborn. - ♪ I can feel it ♪
But I'd only ever won by default, and Magnolia never lost.
My platform is animal mascot awareness.
I want to raise money to build a sanctuary for retired animal mascots
like dogs and bulls and bulldogs.
Instead of being forced to entertain people,
people can come and entertain them because they deserve it.
[breathing heavily]
Thank you.
[Patty] And Pamela had the best coach in the world.
My platform is organ donation.
I've donated a kidney, a piece of my intestine,
my appendix, and a glass eye.
Thank you.
But really, you're welcome.
- [dance music continuing] - ♪ I will lose control ♪
[Patty] But by the skin of my teeth, I made it through preliminaries...
- [applause] - ...to the top 25.
- [whooshing effect] - To the top 15,
and then to the biggest night of all.
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
I am your host, Brazen Moorehead,
and welcome to the 47th Annual Miss American Lady.
- [cheering] - [inspirational music playing]
And now, please welcome back to the stage our top ten finalists
in this year's competition.
- Miss Arkansas, Suzanne Juliette. - [cheering]
Miss California, Pamela Kendell Heather Christina Jackson-Johnson.
- [cheering] - Miss Georgia, Patty Bladell.
I can't believe you're out here instead of backstage.
I know, but Patty insisted she needed her space. [sighs]
- Miss Florida, Rene Hill. - [applause continues]
Miss Connecticut, Magnolia Barnard.
- Shouldn't you be guarding Patty? - [host continues indistinctly]
No way. I've never been to a Miss American Lady before.
I want to see the show.
And now, please welcome all of our contestants
as they celebrate the strength and beauty of the modern Miss American Lady.
[uproarious cheering]
- [pop-dance music playing] - ♪ I got hips ♪
- ♪ I know how to move them ♪ - [cheering continues]
♪ I also have a brain ♪
♪ My heart is beating loud, loud, loud 'cause I need you to know ♪
♪ That I'm a modern girl ♪
♪ And I'm ready for a modern world ♪
♪ Don't treat me, treat me like that ♪
♪ Modern girl ♪
[Patty] I was nine girls away from making all of my dreams come true,
and I wasn't gonna let anyone get in my way.
Are you sure about that, Patty?
What if Bob finds me?
He won't. He's in the audience, and I locked my dressing room door.
You can't hide the truth forever.
[Patty] I could until after I won.
[cheering]
[Magnolia] Dad, you should be out in the audience
where you can enjoy the show.
Oh, no. I will be in the wings the entire time keeping watch.
I'm not taking any chances
with that pageant killer still on the loose.
Whatever. [sighs] Brick, did you fix the latch?
I can't. It's still catching. You sure this is the trick you want to do?
You've never done it without me or in a straitjacket before.
- I just want to make sure you nail it. - It'll be fine.
I'm just sorry you can't be on stage with me.
I only got into this whole magic thing because of you.
No, that's okay.
I actually think I may have found my own thing.
- [whoosh] - I tried to do another
Good Guys video last night,
- but it didn't work out. - It's lame.
Lame!
Lame, lame, [sighs] lame.
- [beep] - I thought I turned the camera off,
but I guess I turned it on.
- [Magnolia] What were you doing? - [whoosh]
Eating a cookie with my shirt off.
[electronic music playing]
And it got, like, almost a million views,
and I've got cookie companies already reaching out to sponsor me,
and other people asking me to eat other stuff,
so it looks like I might be an influencer after all.
- [cheering in the distance] - That totally makes sense.
- [Magnolia laughs] - [P.A.] Magnolia, two minutes.
- [techno dance music playing] - ♪ Dance for the moment ♪
- ♪ Dance through the music ♪ - [audience oohs]
- ♪ This is our day to shine ♪ - [cheering]
[Brazen] Thank you, Patty Bladell, for that impressive capoeira routine.
Up next, Miss Connecticut American Lady, Magnolia Barnard.
- [whooing] - [phone buzzing]
[chime notification]
- [applause continuing] - [music hall instrumentals]
Let's go, Mag!
- Thank you. - [door creaks]
I will now attempt a trick inspired by Houdini.
The famous straitjacket trunk escape.
[cheering, applause]
[lock clicks]
[shallow breathing]
- [metal rattling] - [sighs] Oh, come on.
[thudding]
- [gasping] - [banging]
[panting]
[Magnolia cries out]
Help! Help me!
Help!
- Patty, what's happening? - Do it now. She's seen us. You have to.
- Do what? No! - [Christian grunts]
- [Magnolia screams] - Run!
- [Christian groans] - [ominous instrumentals]
- [Christian] Patty... - [Patty] I'm a good person.
- I'm a good person! - [whacking]
I'm good person!
I'm a good person!
- I'm a good person. I'm a good person. - [whacking continues]
I'm a good person.
- [whoosh] - [struggling]
- [Magnolia gasps] - [door creaks]
- [rushing effect] - [muffled cheering becomes clearer]
- [whistling] - [music hall instrumentals]
Way to go, Mag!
[cheering continues]
- Maggie, where are you going? - Bathroom. Be right back.
And now, please welcome Miss California American Lady,
Pamela Kendell Heather Christina Jackson-Johnson.
[audience cheers]
[suspenseful music playing]
[audience cheers]
[Angie] Patty, there you are.
Hi. What are you guys doing back here?
We came back here to tell you we're so proud of you.
And to be honest, it is driving me crazy being out there in that audience
instead of back here with you.
[tense instrumentals]
What the hell?
[door squeaks]
[frantically] No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
- [Bob] Wait, what is going on? - [Patty] No! This can't be happening!
- No, not again! - Patty, what are you looking for?
- Maybe we can help? - [Patty] Fuck! No, she was right here.
- Who? - I...
Um...
Mom, can I please have a second alone with Bob?
Why? There's nothing you can't say in front of me.
Mom, please.
Patty, who was right here?
[Patty stammers]
I can't.
Patty! Tell me what is going on right now!
[shaky exhale, inhale]
[hushed] Stella Rose.
- Stella Rose? - Yeah.
Who the hell is Stella Rose?
She found me. She attacked me.
I had to do it.
Had to do what?
Angie, you need to leave right now.
No!
Not until somebody tells me what is going on.
Bob, please, I need your help!
I put her in that suitcase, and then you packed it in the car,
[stammers] and now she's gone again.
You had me drag a body across state lines?
I'm the Mayor!
Do you have any idea what this means?
[stammering] A body? Like a dead body?
You promised me! No more secrets. No more lies!
I know, but if I could just get the crown.
If you get the crown? [yelling] Where is she?
[stammers] Patty, you killed someone else?
[Bob] Someone else? What...
- Who is she talking about? - Nobody.
- Mom... - [Angie] No.
This is my fault.
It's not.
Patty! Who is she talking about?
It was me, okay?
I am the one who killed all those drug dealers.
The ones that we sunk in Gator Bog.
Oh, my God.
I didn't want to tell you
'cause I didn't want you thinking that I was a murderer.
[stammering] Oh, but God, you are.
I mean, how many bodies is it?
[stuttering] What, four? Five?
Five?
Six.
[mellow instrumentals]
I killed Gordy.
[shaky] What?
[strained] Who the hell is Gordy?
The guy Patty thought was her dad.
How long have you been standing there?
Do you want to tell me why you sent me the same emojis Christian sent his dad?
[stammering] I... I must've seen them on your laptop and...
Bullshit!
- Patty, we need to talk. - Magnolia, please.
Right now is not a good time.
I remembered what happened with Christian.
I saw everything.
Oh, my God.
[stammers] What happened with Christian?
[Nonnie] Did you...
kill him?
Wait, how did you know?
Oh, God, there's another one.
[breathless] No, you don't...
You don't understand. I had to.
I thought you were my best friend.
I am.
I trusted you.
[chuckles] Join the club.
How could you just lie to my face like that?
[shaky] How could I not?
Look at you.
Look at all of you.
The way that you're looking at me now that you know the truth.
[weeping softly]
Tell me it's okay.
Tell me you understand and you get it.
You forgive me.
[gasps] Tell me I'm still the same person.
I'm still your best friend. I'm still your daughter.
Please... tell me.
Tell me you still love me, no matter what.
That's what I thought.
[knocking]
Patty, two minutes until the interview.
And up next, Miss Georgia American Lady, Patty Bladell.
[applause]
Patty Bladell, in your own words, tell us:
what does it mean to be a lady in today's America?
[tense instrumentals]
I don't think I can be here.
Bob, please. I can't handle this alone.
Angie, there is a body out there.
I need you here. Please stay.
Being a lady...
means you have to lie.
[hushed murmuring]
They say the truth will set you free,
but there's no freedom.
Not when you're a lady.
You have to smile pretty
and hide every flaw and pretend to be someone you're not.
Because nobody really wants the truth.
People don't want to know who you really are,
how you feel,
what you've done.
They say they do,
but they just want the version of you
that they think you are.
Because the real you is...
too much...
and never enough.
[chuckles softly]
Be the most you you can be. It's such bullshit.
What if you're broken?
What if you're...
so tired of faking it that you feel sick?
[breathless] What if you're so angry you're homicidal?
What if you're me?
This is who I am, America,
and I'm not a fucking lady.
- [thud] - [distorted mic feedback]
[indistinct chatter]
[scattered applause]
[whooing, cheering]
[yelling] Speak it, sister! You showed the real you!
Fuck being a motherfuckin' lady!
I'm homicidal, too!
[cheering continues]
[suspenseful instrumentals]
[whistling]
[audience chanting] Patty! Patty! Patty!
They love her.
So do I.
No matter what. [takes a deep breath, exhales]
I wish I would have told her. I need to tell her.
I need some air.
So do I.
[Brazen] Thank you.
And up next, Miss Connecticut American Lady, Magnolia Barnard.
[applause]
[Patty] This was her chance to take me out.
To kill her competition.
Magnolia, in your own words,
what does it mean to be a lady in today's America?
[Magnolia scoffs]
All I can say is that...
Patty Bladell...
is one of the bravest women I've ever met.
[mellow instrumentals]
She protected me when no one else would. [sighs]
So if you ask me,
she's what it means to be a lady.
Thank you.
[applause]
- [Brazen] Thank you, Magnolia. - [cheering]
Now we'll take a quick commercial break.
[Magnolia sighs]
I don't know what to say.
The same thing I'm gonna say...
nothing.
You saved my life,
so your secret...
is safe with me.
[Magnolia sharply exhales]
[zipping]
[chime notification]
[click]
- [click] - [whoosh]
[Bob] She was a killer, and I had helped her.
What if I had let her turn herself in? Would all those people have died?
But maybe it wasn't too late to do the right thing.
[tense instrumentals]
[beeping]
[Brazen over mic] Ladies and gentlemen, please take your seats.
We are ready to announce the winner.
[pop music playing]
This is an historic moment.
- [phone ringing] - The judges came to their decision
in record time.
[voicemail] This is Bob Barnard. You've got this. [chuckles]
- [beep] - Bob, call me back.
I found out who the father is. [inhales]
- [doorbell rings] - [pop music playing]
♪ (Time's up) For the love that's like hating ♪
♪ (Time's up) For the pressure persuading ♪
♪ (Time's up) Get your mind up on the grind up 'cause it's time... ♪
All of these women on stage are strong, empowered.
Each of them will change our world.
- [applause] - Where's Pamela Kendell Heather Christina?
Who cares? They're about to announce the winner.
Know that in the eyes of all America,
every single one of you are winners for being here today.
But as we know,
there can only be one to wear the crown.
So, here we go.
[Bob] I hated Patty, but I hated myself more
because after everything that had happened,
I still needed to see if she won.
Maybe I was even crazier than her.
- [thudding] - [Regina moans]
Regina! What the hell?
I thought you were my mortal enemy, but now I think you're my soulmate.
Regina, will you get off me?
Stop it! [grunting]
- [zipping] - [stammers] What are you doing?
[Regina giggling]
- Help! Hey, somebody let me out! - Shh. Oh, no, no.
No, honey. Don't bother. No. There's a pageant going on.
No one can hear you.
- Second Runner-Up: - [pop music continues]
Miss New York American Lady, Debra Dinkess.
[cheering]
I found Stella Rose's body.
Salted, preserved.
- Oh, I was impressed by your work. - I didn't do that.
Aw, honey, of course you did.
She's your ex.
And I have never been more turned on.
Our First Runner-Up:
Miss Connecticut American Lady,
- Magnolia Barnard. - [Magnolia screams]
[cheering]
- Thank you. - [whistling]
Bob, it's tragic, really.
If I'd known we were so much alike,
things could have been different.
But I was already so far down the road with my plan...
[scoffs] What plan?
Well...
I put Stella Rose's body in your hotel room.
The cops will find her there when they search it,
but that was just a bonus.
- Wait, you called the cops? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [camera shutters] - Right now, the FBI is finding
a sick-ass serial killer stash between your walls,
thanks to a tip courtesy of moi.
Oh, and get this, Bob.
They were so grateful, they agreed not to press charges
against me for kidnapping Dixie. [laughs]
What are you talking about? What stash?
Roxy's sash,
Heather's yo-yos, explosives from the parade.
I saved it all and put them there to frame you...
'cause you ruined my life.
Oh, my God. It's you.
You're the pageant killer?
No, honey. Try and keep up.
- You are. - [drumroll]
[Brazen] And the moment
you've all been waiting for.
The winner of this year's Miss American Lady,
by unanimous decision:
Miss Georgia American Lady, Patty Bladell!
[uproarious cheering]
[applause, whooing]
- [light clicks on] - [exhales] Surprise, Bob! Look!
[Bob] Oh, my God. - [panting]
I did this! I did it! I did it for you! [laughs]
- [slicing effect] - [Regina gasps] Okay. Here, here, here.
[yelling] Oh, help! Help! Oh!
- He's tryin' to kill me! - Regina! Get back here.
[Patty whimpers]
[Brazen] Ladies and gentlemen, our new Miss American Lady, Patty Bladell!
- [audience cheers] - [contestants clamoring]
[Regina, screaming] Help! Help me!
The pageant killer's trying to kill me!
[crowd gasps]
- [crying] Help me! - No!
- [audience screaming] - [Bob] No!
No, it's her!
- [Regina crying] - She's the pageant killer!
She's the pageant killer!
[screaming]
- She's... [cries out] - [screaming continues]
- I did it! I caught the pageant killer! - [handcuffs rattling]
[mouthing] No, wait!
♪ So I can breathe and it will echo Oh, no ♪
♪ Yeah, I'm a bad guy Ain't no holding back guy ♪
♪ Come off like a mad guy ♪
- ♪ Always got your back guy ♪ - [door buzzes, clicks open]
- ♪ Yeah, I'm a real... ♪ - [approaching footsteps]
[Patty] Bob.
Hey.
[steadily exhales] How are you? Are you okay?
This is pretty cool, right?
Private room.
No one listening in. [chuckles]
It's usually just reserved for an attorney and a client.
Which used to be us.
But now... [takes a deep breath]
I guess being Miss American Lady has its privileges. [chuckles]
Look.
We're famous, like Drew Barrymore famous.
I already have TV producers calling. They want to make a show about us.
You should be in here.
Not me.
I know.
It's... I'm gonna make this right.
How? Are you gonna turn yourself in?
I'm gonna prove that Regina was the pageant killer
and that she set you up.
I'm gonna find her,
get a confession out of her,
pin Stella Rose on her,
- and then take her out. - [ominous instrumentals]
Take her out?
She deserves it.
Like Christian,
Gordy,
Stella Rose.
Oh, my God. You like it.
What?
Killing.
You like it.
- [mellow instrumentals] - [Patty] Was he right?
- [clanking] - Did I like it?
Had I been lying to myself all along?
Maybe I wasn't a victim.
I was empowered.
That was the kind of lady I wanted to be.
And now that I had the crown,
nothing could get in my way.
Bob, maybe you're right.
Maybe I do like it.
Maybe that's why I couldn't stop eating.
I was pushing down the truth.
What truth?
Nothing tastes as good as killing feels. [inhales deeply]
["Welcome to the Jungle" playing]
[breathless] Oh, my God!
Bob, thank you.
This is amazing. [stammers] I finally feel free.
[Bob] I helped her to be the most her she could be,
and who she was, was a monster.
I've got to go find Regina.
I'll let you know when it's done.
- [door buzzes] - Patty.
[Patty] It was fate.
Bob saved me, and now it was my turn to save him.
Stop that woman! Guards!
I had to stop her.
I was the only one who could.
- She was my destiny. - [distant screaming]
[echoing] Patty!
♪ Welcome to the jungle We got fun and games ♪
♪ We got everything you want Honey, we know the names ♪
♪ We are the people that can find whatever you may need ♪
♪ If you got the money Honey, we got your disease ♪
♪ In the jungle, welcome to the jungle Watch it bring you to your knees, knees ♪
♪ Oh, I wanna watch you bleed ♪
♪ Welcome to the jungle We take it day by day ♪
♪ If you want it, you're gonna bleed But it's the price to pay ♪
♪ And you're a very sexy girl Very hard to please ♪
♪ You can taste the bright lights But you won't get there for free ♪
♪ In the jungle, welcome to the jungle ♪
♪ Feel my, my, my serpentine ♪
♪ Uh, I, I want to hear you scream ♪
♪ Welcome to the jungle It gets worse here every day ♪
♪ You learn to live like an animal in the jungle where we play ♪
♪ If you got hunger for what you see You'll take it eventually ♪
♪ You can have anything you want But you better not take it from me ♪
♪ In the jungle, welcome to the jungle ♪
♪ Watch it bring you to your knees, knees ♪
♪ I'm gonna watch you bleed ♪
♪ And when you're high You never ever wanna come down ♪
♪ So down, so down, so down, yeah ♪