1 00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:14,223 We all want to please our fathers, and they, in turn, 2 00:00:14,306 --> 00:00:17,518 want to love us with all their hearts. 3 00:00:17,976 --> 00:00:20,896 Today was the day of Miss Magic Jesus, 4 00:00:20,979 --> 00:00:24,274 and I couldn't help but wonder if there was something to this spiritual stuff. 5 00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:25,984 I had made progress with Brick, 6 00:00:26,068 --> 00:00:27,819 Patty had stayed the course, 7 00:00:27,903 --> 00:00:30,697 and I was starting to think if I had enough faith, 8 00:00:30,781 --> 00:00:33,367 maybe Patty could actually win the crown. 9 00:00:34,826 --> 00:00:38,455 Noah's humble, but fierce protection of his family 10 00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:41,542 under such difficult circumstances... 11 00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:45,420 And to top it all off, Coralee was finally reaching out. 12 00:00:49,466 --> 00:00:51,093 Maybe Pastor Mike was right. 13 00:00:51,176 --> 00:00:53,720 With God, all things were possible. 14 00:00:53,804 --> 00:00:55,430 Nothing could go wrong. 15 00:00:56,807 --> 00:01:00,811 Lessons on fatherhood are everywhere in Scripture, 16 00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:03,939 and we just need to open the good book to find them. 17 00:01:04,940 --> 00:01:09,361 And tonight, we will choose the girl who best answers that question 18 00:01:09,444 --> 00:01:12,739 to become Miss Magic Jesus. 19 00:01:13,156 --> 00:01:16,577 But first, let us praise him with song. 20 00:01:16,660 --> 00:01:19,663 "O God, Forsake Me Not." 21 00:01:33,552 --> 00:01:34,428 Oh, God! 22 00:01:34,970 --> 00:01:35,846 Oh, God! 23 00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:38,640 I don't need to see anymore. God! 24 00:01:39,975 --> 00:01:43,770 - Did you take that video yourself? - God, no. I'm no pervert. 25 00:01:44,187 --> 00:01:46,523 But if you don't want me to show it to Pastor Mike, 26 00:01:46,607 --> 00:01:50,152 I am gonna need Patty to drop out of Miss Magic Jesus. 27 00:01:50,235 --> 00:01:52,988 So, not a pervert, just a blackmailer. 28 00:01:53,363 --> 00:01:56,742 If I hadn't intercepted it, this video could have gone viral. 29 00:01:56,825 --> 00:02:00,078 Patty's life would be ruined, and your coaching career would be over. 30 00:02:00,162 --> 00:02:02,664 So... think of me as your hero. 31 00:02:02,748 --> 00:02:05,334 Save it, Bob. You are not doing this for me. 32 00:02:05,417 --> 00:02:07,085 No, I'm doing it for Magnolia. 33 00:02:07,502 --> 00:02:11,465 Patty stole two boyfriends from her, made her feel like a loser. 34 00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:14,134 Nobody messes with my daughter. 35 00:02:25,646 --> 00:02:28,482 I've never lost anything in my life... 36 00:02:28,565 --> 00:02:31,902 and I lost two boyfriends to Patty Bladell. 37 00:02:32,444 --> 00:02:34,112 What does she have that I don't? 38 00:02:34,571 --> 00:02:35,864 32DDs. 39 00:02:37,199 --> 00:02:40,160 But I bet she has stretch marks all over 'em. 40 00:02:40,786 --> 00:02:44,247 Don't worry, our daddy's making sure she'll never do another pageant again. 41 00:02:44,331 --> 00:02:46,375 He's not "our daddy." 42 00:02:46,458 --> 00:02:51,546 I told you to keep her away from liquor. Cough syrup has alcohol. 43 00:02:51,630 --> 00:02:54,424 It does? But it tastes like candy! 44 00:02:55,967 --> 00:02:58,387 Did my plan to blackmail Bob Armstrong work? 45 00:02:58,470 --> 00:03:00,472 I talked to him. He has an hour to tell me. 46 00:03:00,555 --> 00:03:04,643 But it doesn't matter if Magnolia can't even stand up to compete. 47 00:03:04,726 --> 00:03:07,062 Oh, she's fine. Look. 48 00:03:07,896 --> 00:03:09,189 Just slip these on here, 49 00:03:09,272 --> 00:03:12,067 prop her up like this, and... Oh, okay. See. 50 00:03:12,317 --> 00:03:13,276 Hi! 51 00:03:13,568 --> 00:03:14,736 Oh, thank you. 52 00:03:14,820 --> 00:03:18,699 Oh, I want world peace and, um, kitties for everybody. 53 00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:23,912 You never should have shot that sex tape. It completely sent Magnolia over the edge. 54 00:03:24,287 --> 00:03:28,208 Daddy, I was thinking, if Magnolia's not keeping up with the Barnard image, 55 00:03:28,291 --> 00:03:29,292 I can. 56 00:03:29,710 --> 00:03:32,587 With you behind me, I could go all the way to Miss American Lady. 57 00:03:32,671 --> 00:03:33,922 Think of the headline. 58 00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:37,718 Poor abandoned orphan gets adopted and coached to a beauty queen crown 59 00:03:37,801 --> 00:03:40,095 by the DA who threw her mama in prison. 60 00:03:40,178 --> 00:03:41,847 Best pageant story ever! 61 00:03:41,930 --> 00:03:43,181 I'm not your daddy, 62 00:03:44,015 --> 00:03:45,350 you're not an orphan, 63 00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:48,854 I didn't adopt you, and this isn't about image. 64 00:03:49,271 --> 00:03:50,814 Magnolia's in trouble. 65 00:03:51,690 --> 00:03:55,026 She's having a crisis of confidence, and she needs a win. 66 00:03:59,030 --> 00:04:00,741 But first, she needs a shower. 67 00:04:01,658 --> 00:04:02,659 A sex tape? 68 00:04:03,118 --> 00:04:05,912 On the day of the pageant? Are you kidding me? 69 00:04:05,996 --> 00:04:09,166 Is it possible for you to have a single day 70 00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:12,002 without insane "let's blow up everybody's life" drama? 71 00:04:12,085 --> 00:04:15,130 Now that I had Christian, I didn't want Bob to love me in that way, 72 00:04:15,213 --> 00:04:17,841 but I didn't want to lose his love as a father figure. 73 00:04:17,924 --> 00:04:20,427 He was the first man who said he would stand by me. 74 00:04:20,510 --> 00:04:21,970 I'm sorry. I didn't... 75 00:04:22,053 --> 00:04:24,890 Yeah, I am very, very disappointed in ya. 76 00:04:25,891 --> 00:04:26,767 How did we look? 77 00:04:27,225 --> 00:04:28,310 Get off my car. 78 00:04:28,393 --> 00:04:30,020 Sorry, just asking. 79 00:04:31,146 --> 00:04:34,858 Oh, my God, Bob. You saw me... 80 00:04:34,941 --> 00:04:36,151 Oh, I don't want to discuss it. 81 00:04:36,234 --> 00:04:38,278 I just have to figure out what I'm gonna do. 82 00:04:38,361 --> 00:04:41,156 I mean, I can't let Barnard show your father that tape. 83 00:04:41,239 --> 00:04:44,075 Wait, if he shows him, I'm screwed. I'm already on thin ice. 84 00:04:44,159 --> 00:04:46,077 I mean, if my mom's willing to send me to jail... 85 00:04:46,161 --> 00:04:47,078 I can't believe this. 86 00:04:47,162 --> 00:04:52,167 I'm the only virgin in history whose life is about to get ruined by a sex tape. 87 00:04:52,834 --> 00:04:53,919 Really? 88 00:04:54,878 --> 00:04:57,339 Wait, how can you be a virgin if you two...? 89 00:04:57,422 --> 00:04:58,256 Oh... 90 00:05:00,091 --> 00:05:01,092 Uh... 91 00:05:01,927 --> 00:05:06,139 So there was no P in the V. He just kind of made out with my... 92 00:05:06,223 --> 00:05:09,226 Stop. I saw enough to know what was going on. 93 00:05:09,935 --> 00:05:14,981 Wait, if you didn't actually have sex, maybe it isn't a sex tape. 94 00:05:15,065 --> 00:05:16,149 Wait, what do you mean? 95 00:05:16,233 --> 00:05:17,984 We'll hit Pastor Mike with a legal precedent. 96 00:05:18,068 --> 00:05:20,612 Or should I say "president"? 97 00:05:21,238 --> 00:05:22,864 Clinton, that is. 98 00:05:23,532 --> 00:05:28,078 He did not have sex with this woman. 99 00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:30,664 It's all sex in the eyes of the Lord. 100 00:05:30,747 --> 00:05:34,709 - But technically... - Sex is sex, Bob. That's my ruling. 101 00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:36,920 Please don't kick me out. 102 00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:39,548 I didn't say you were kicked out. 103 00:05:39,714 --> 00:05:43,385 All premarital sex is a sin, no matter how you slice it. 104 00:05:43,468 --> 00:05:49,474 But kids your age, they're like geysers full of hormones. 105 00:05:49,641 --> 00:05:52,435 The important thing is, Patty, you've confessed your sins 106 00:05:52,519 --> 00:05:54,813 and you've taken responsibility for your actions, 107 00:05:54,896 --> 00:05:59,025 and that shows me that your baptism has had a real impact on you. 108 00:05:59,985 --> 00:06:01,695 And it's never gonna happen again, right? 109 00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:07,784 - Patty? - No. 110 00:06:08,326 --> 00:06:12,956 Then I would say you embody exactly what Miss Magic Jesus is all about. 111 00:06:15,917 --> 00:06:17,335 You can stay in the pageant. 112 00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:20,130 It was a miracle. 113 00:06:20,547 --> 00:06:23,008 Maybe the heavenly father was on our side. 114 00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:26,428 But the devil wasn't through with us yet. 115 00:06:26,511 --> 00:06:28,638 Stella Rose, what are you...? 116 00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:31,182 We had a judge drop out at the last minute, 117 00:06:31,266 --> 00:06:34,269 and Stella Rose graciously agreed to fill in. 118 00:06:34,561 --> 00:06:35,896 Hello, Bob. 119 00:06:35,979 --> 00:06:37,689 Is Roxy gonna be in the pageant? 120 00:06:37,772 --> 00:06:38,899 Oh, no. 121 00:06:38,982 --> 00:06:42,986 I already qualified for regionals when I won Miss Bareback Buckaroo. 122 00:06:43,069 --> 00:06:45,196 She's just here to check out the competition. 123 00:06:45,280 --> 00:06:47,949 I've never seen Magnolia Barnard in action. 124 00:06:48,033 --> 00:06:51,494 Stella Rose suggested adding a new segment to the competition, 125 00:06:51,578 --> 00:06:52,913 Bible Trivia Quiz. 126 00:06:52,996 --> 00:06:57,167 Now, I think this is a great way to set us apart from the secular pageants. 127 00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:59,169 But we don't have time to study for... 128 00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:02,172 Besides, any girl who's deserving of the crown of thorns 129 00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:03,381 already knows her Bible. 130 00:07:04,049 --> 00:07:07,218 Pastor Mike, Stella Rose has a conflict of interest. 131 00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:11,097 Years ago, she was my pageant mentor. 132 00:07:11,181 --> 00:07:12,349 It did not end well. 133 00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:16,645 She may give Patty a low score to try and settle an old one with me. 134 00:07:16,728 --> 00:07:19,272 Oh, come on, Bob, that's ancient history. 135 00:07:19,356 --> 00:07:21,608 Maybe you and I should go to lunch 136 00:07:21,691 --> 00:07:24,819 and see if we can put our differences behind us. 137 00:07:25,070 --> 00:07:26,071 What are you doing? 138 00:07:26,154 --> 00:07:28,239 Stella Rose obviously just came here to screw us. 139 00:07:28,323 --> 00:07:29,908 She wants to screw me. 140 00:07:30,575 --> 00:07:33,870 No. This is between me and Stella Rose. 141 00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:37,457 I am gonna try and convince her to back off and leave you out of it. 142 00:07:37,540 --> 00:07:38,667 Hold on. 143 00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:42,003 Look, what about the Bible quiz? 144 00:07:42,087 --> 00:07:44,422 She obviously came up with that to stack the deck against me. 145 00:07:44,506 --> 00:07:46,758 I don't know dick about the Bible. 146 00:07:46,841 --> 00:07:51,429 Maybe start by not saying "dick" and "Bible" in the same sentence. 147 00:07:51,513 --> 00:07:53,556 Look, you are a straight-A student, Patty. 148 00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:55,725 You know how to do this. 149 00:07:55,809 --> 00:08:00,230 Go home, lock yourself in a room, and start cramming for Christ. 150 00:08:06,069 --> 00:08:08,488 The only way to get Stella Rose to back off 151 00:08:08,571 --> 00:08:10,740 was to make her believe she'd already won. 152 00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:13,076 Sure, there was still hope for me and Coralee, 153 00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:15,120 but Stella Rose didn't need to know that. 154 00:08:15,203 --> 00:08:19,666 All I am saying is leave Patty out of it. You already got what you wanted. 155 00:08:19,749 --> 00:08:22,460 You broke my heart, Coralee left me. 156 00:08:22,544 --> 00:08:26,631 The only way to really break your heart is to get you out of the pageants. 157 00:08:27,090 --> 00:08:29,926 Which is why I'm going to obliterate Patty. 158 00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:33,722 Eating your feelings, Bob? Aw... Just like fresh manure. 159 00:08:37,851 --> 00:08:39,185 Ahem. Bob Barnard. 160 00:08:39,269 --> 00:08:40,687 The Bob Barnard? 161 00:08:40,770 --> 00:08:44,983 This is Stella Rose Buckley, my... pageant mentor. 162 00:08:45,066 --> 00:08:46,443 Oh, you've mentioned her before. 163 00:08:48,319 --> 00:08:51,031 I'm a last-minute judge for the MMJ. 164 00:08:51,114 --> 00:08:53,908 Oh, lucky us. You know, my daughter's in the pageant. 165 00:08:53,992 --> 00:08:56,494 Magnolia Barnard. She's the one to beat. 166 00:08:56,578 --> 00:08:57,704 Not the only one. 167 00:08:57,787 --> 00:09:01,791 Stella Rose brought her star coaching client, Roxy. 168 00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:04,419 They are here to scope out the competition. 169 00:09:04,502 --> 00:09:06,755 I need to get some ketchup for my tots. 170 00:09:10,675 --> 00:09:13,178 What do you mean, "not the only one"? 171 00:09:13,261 --> 00:09:14,846 Are you talking about Dixie? 172 00:09:14,929 --> 00:09:16,389 Patty's still in. 173 00:09:16,848 --> 00:09:20,268 We went straight to Pastor Mike and confessed about the sex tape. 174 00:09:20,351 --> 00:09:23,146 He let her off with a slap on the wrist. 175 00:09:23,229 --> 00:09:25,398 Barnard! Six hard wieners 176 00:09:25,482 --> 00:09:28,985 - and an order of Ween Rings! - Oh, that's you, Bob "Blackmail" Barnard. 177 00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:29,944 Barnard! 178 00:09:30,028 --> 00:09:32,697 I'm coming. I heard you the first time. 179 00:09:41,998 --> 00:09:44,084 Roxy was Stella Rose's daughter? 180 00:09:44,167 --> 00:09:47,378 I practically soiled my low-rise Calvin Klein boxer briefs. 181 00:09:49,214 --> 00:09:52,675 If Stella Rose was Roxy's mom, could I be her...? 182 00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:54,094 Who's Roxy's father? 183 00:09:54,719 --> 00:09:55,887 I'm sorry? 184 00:09:56,346 --> 00:09:58,431 She's going to the gym, Mom. 185 00:09:59,724 --> 00:10:01,935 - Why didn't you tell me? - It never came up. 186 00:10:02,018 --> 00:10:04,562 Is she mine? I did the math. Twenty years ago, 187 00:10:04,646 --> 00:10:06,064 - you and I... - Drop it, Bob. 188 00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:11,194 This lunch is over, just like your pageant career. 189 00:10:14,656 --> 00:10:18,535 Could it be possible that all these years I had another daughter 190 00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:20,161 and I never even knew? 191 00:10:26,417 --> 00:10:30,880 If Roxy was mine, any hope of saving my marriage would be a distant memory. 192 00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:33,591 I couldn't speak to Coralee until I knew the truth. 193 00:10:41,933 --> 00:10:43,768 Wakey-wakey. 194 00:10:43,852 --> 00:10:45,019 Drinky-drinky. 195 00:10:45,103 --> 00:10:47,105 - No, it's too hot. - Snap out of it. 196 00:10:47,564 --> 00:10:48,690 Oh! 197 00:10:48,773 --> 00:10:51,109 You could have popped out my veneers! 198 00:10:51,192 --> 00:10:54,028 - Your what? - The covers on my two front teeth. 199 00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:56,656 They were all messed up when my mama found me. 200 00:10:56,739 --> 00:10:58,616 They're shaved like shark teeth under there. 201 00:10:58,700 --> 00:11:01,077 - Gross. - You're gross. Drink your coffee. 202 00:11:04,789 --> 00:11:07,125 I'm not stupid! I'm smart! 203 00:11:07,208 --> 00:11:10,170 I know how to slice tomatoes, and I know how to wear a backpack. 204 00:11:10,253 --> 00:11:11,588 Stop yelling. 205 00:11:14,924 --> 00:11:16,509 Let me cool that off for you. 206 00:11:17,719 --> 00:11:18,761 I'll be right back. 207 00:11:20,555 --> 00:11:23,558 You know, at my house, we got these special little ice trays, 208 00:11:23,641 --> 00:11:26,978 and you can make ice cubes of all cute little shapes and sizes. 209 00:11:27,353 --> 00:11:29,063 Oh, we got hearts, 210 00:11:29,147 --> 00:11:32,358 and we've got some stars and unicorns, 211 00:11:32,442 --> 00:11:34,736 and, um... oh, we got balls. 212 00:11:35,111 --> 00:11:37,030 Little balls, big balls, medium balls. 213 00:11:37,780 --> 00:11:39,449 Here you go, sister. 214 00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:41,326 We're not sisters. 215 00:11:41,743 --> 00:11:42,744 You're right. 216 00:11:43,620 --> 00:11:45,788 From now on, it's every Barnard for herself. 217 00:11:59,344 --> 00:12:01,262 - I'm really glad you called. - Mm. 218 00:12:01,679 --> 00:12:04,641 Yeah, I wasn't sure it was going to happen. 219 00:12:05,767 --> 00:12:10,063 I dialed up your number and hung up about 72 times. 220 00:12:10,521 --> 00:12:12,732 Yeah, I know. Caller ID. 221 00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:18,738 Relax, it's only a date. 222 00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:20,865 I'm not asking you to shave your head, 223 00:12:20,949 --> 00:12:23,076 order the NFL package, and get a cat together. 224 00:12:23,159 --> 00:12:25,036 Yeah, can we not call it a date? 225 00:12:33,336 --> 00:12:34,212 Hey, you okay? 226 00:12:34,295 --> 00:12:36,130 Do you know the Bible is 1200 pages long? 227 00:12:36,214 --> 00:12:38,132 Uh, cool. 228 00:12:38,216 --> 00:12:40,635 Look, I know we haven't spoken since the confession, 229 00:12:40,718 --> 00:12:42,387 but I need your help. 230 00:12:42,470 --> 00:12:46,015 They added a last-minute Bible Trivia Quiz to Miss Magic Jesus, and I'm screwed. 231 00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:47,016 Hang on. 232 00:12:48,017 --> 00:12:50,979 Did you know they added a Bible Trivia Quiz to Miss Magic Jesus? 233 00:12:51,062 --> 00:12:52,855 Yeah. But I know that shit cold. 234 00:12:52,939 --> 00:12:55,149 Nonnie, I'm freaking out. 235 00:12:55,233 --> 00:12:57,860 Bob's already pissed at me about the whole sex tape thing, and I... 236 00:12:57,944 --> 00:12:59,445 Wait. What sex tape? 237 00:12:59,529 --> 00:13:01,698 Long story. I'll tell you when you get here. 238 00:13:01,781 --> 00:13:03,616 Come over and help me study? Please. 239 00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:07,287 I'll be right there. 240 00:13:10,206 --> 00:13:12,834 Sorry, I'm gonna have to take a rain check. 241 00:13:13,751 --> 00:13:14,961 Patty needs me. 242 00:13:16,546 --> 00:13:18,464 So, just to be clear. 243 00:13:18,548 --> 00:13:21,843 Is this not a date because you wanna ease into the girl thing, 244 00:13:21,926 --> 00:13:24,429 or is it because you're still hung up on Patty? 245 00:13:30,393 --> 00:13:31,519 You know what? 246 00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:34,147 She can figure it out on her own. 247 00:13:34,439 --> 00:13:35,440 That's my girl. 248 00:13:36,858 --> 00:13:39,736 Uh... Not "my girl," I mean... 249 00:13:40,570 --> 00:13:42,322 - Well... - Babe, relax. 250 00:13:42,613 --> 00:13:43,656 It's just a date. 251 00:13:43,990 --> 00:13:46,117 Sex tape? This is my worst nightmare. 252 00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:48,995 I know, which is why I called this emergency meeting. 253 00:13:49,078 --> 00:13:51,372 - Will you help me out? - Who's the guy? 254 00:13:51,456 --> 00:13:52,373 I don't know. 255 00:13:52,457 --> 00:13:55,585 But I do know that when teens act out, 256 00:13:55,668 --> 00:13:58,004 it is time to start looking at their home life. 257 00:13:58,880 --> 00:14:00,673 So you're saying this is my fault. 258 00:14:00,757 --> 00:14:05,887 Of course not. You are a shining example of chastity and self-control. 259 00:14:05,970 --> 00:14:08,139 Look, it's not all on you. 260 00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:10,683 What's Patty's relationship like with her dad? 261 00:14:10,767 --> 00:14:13,227 I... I don't know who he is. 262 00:14:13,603 --> 00:14:15,855 And what was your relationship like with your own dad? 263 00:14:15,938 --> 00:14:17,857 He ran off when I was in kindergarten. 264 00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:19,734 And did your mom ever date? 265 00:14:19,817 --> 00:14:21,235 Were there other men in the house? 266 00:14:21,778 --> 00:14:23,029 She had a boyfriend. 267 00:14:23,571 --> 00:14:24,405 Gordy. 268 00:14:25,031 --> 00:14:27,408 Uh, he lived with us until I was 13. 269 00:14:27,492 --> 00:14:29,911 What age did you start acting out sexually? 270 00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:31,788 Fourteen. 271 00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:34,707 Promiscuity, fairly common among young women 272 00:14:34,791 --> 00:14:37,627 who suffer from a lack of father-daughter connection. 273 00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:41,130 Now, if it were me, I would encourage Patty 274 00:14:41,214 --> 00:14:44,092 to lean into her positive male role models. 275 00:14:44,592 --> 00:14:46,177 - If she had any. - She does. 276 00:14:46,803 --> 00:14:48,221 Bob is her godfather. 277 00:14:48,304 --> 00:14:51,057 Encourage him to be as involved as possible. 278 00:14:51,140 --> 00:14:53,267 And limit negative male influences. 279 00:14:53,351 --> 00:14:55,937 Which means, whoever is on that sex tape, 280 00:14:56,020 --> 00:14:58,356 keep Patty as far away from him as possible. 281 00:14:58,439 --> 00:15:00,108 Saul became the Apostle Paul. 282 00:15:00,191 --> 00:15:02,610 When Nonnie blew me off, I reached out to Christian. 283 00:15:02,693 --> 00:15:05,071 Who better to help me learn the Bible than a pastor's son? 284 00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:06,406 Are you listening? 285 00:15:07,490 --> 00:15:09,742 Mm-hm. Sorry. Sorry. 286 00:15:10,284 --> 00:15:12,078 I just can't believe Nonnie blew me off. 287 00:15:12,161 --> 00:15:13,371 She's in love with you. 288 00:15:13,704 --> 00:15:16,249 You don't feel the same way. Things are bound to change. 289 00:15:16,457 --> 00:15:18,751 Yeah, but we've been best friends since we were three. 290 00:15:18,835 --> 00:15:20,670 She knows me the best out of anyone. 291 00:15:21,587 --> 00:15:23,589 Maybe we should get to know each other better. 292 00:15:30,054 --> 00:15:33,015 Stop. This is how we got in trouble in the first place. 293 00:15:33,099 --> 00:15:36,310 Bob's already so mad at me, and if I blow the pageant, 294 00:15:36,394 --> 00:15:37,770 it'll make it even worse. 295 00:15:37,854 --> 00:15:38,771 We need to study. 296 00:15:38,855 --> 00:15:41,983 I could just steal the quiz questions from my dad's computer. 297 00:15:44,318 --> 00:15:47,155 Cheating in a Jesus pageant seems especially sinful. 298 00:15:47,238 --> 00:15:50,074 If God can forgive murder... 299 00:15:51,117 --> 00:15:55,538 then stealing quiz answers is no big deal. 300 00:15:56,164 --> 00:15:57,832 Hey! 301 00:15:57,915 --> 00:16:00,042 I rang the doorbell, but nobody... 302 00:16:00,126 --> 00:16:01,794 What...? What is he doing here? 303 00:16:01,878 --> 00:16:03,713 He's helping. Give him a chance. 304 00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:08,092 Christian has the inside track on what Pastor Mike might be asking on the quiz. 305 00:16:09,135 --> 00:16:10,303 Inside track? 306 00:16:10,678 --> 00:16:12,430 I hope you two are not cheating. 307 00:16:12,889 --> 00:16:14,348 No, definitely not. 308 00:16:15,141 --> 00:16:17,143 - How'd it go with Stella Rose? - Complicated. 309 00:16:17,727 --> 00:16:19,479 Christian, give us a minute? 310 00:16:19,562 --> 00:16:21,272 Sure. I'll go grab a soda. 311 00:16:27,236 --> 00:16:29,530 I came to drop off your dress and the steamer. 312 00:16:29,614 --> 00:16:32,325 You will need to de-wrinkle your Sunday best dress yourself. 313 00:16:32,408 --> 00:16:35,620 - I have something I need to take care of. - Wait. Are you blowing me off 314 00:16:35,703 --> 00:16:38,539 'cause you're still mad at me about the sex tape? 'Cause I can do better. 315 00:16:38,956 --> 00:16:40,416 Roxy is Stella Rose's daughter. 316 00:16:41,125 --> 00:16:42,001 No way. 317 00:16:42,084 --> 00:16:43,294 I think I'm her father. 318 00:16:44,170 --> 00:16:45,546 - What? - Roxy's 19. 319 00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:47,173 The math adds up... 320 00:16:47,965 --> 00:16:49,217 and it makes sense. 321 00:16:49,300 --> 00:16:51,469 Stella Rose and I would make the perfect pageant girl. 322 00:16:52,136 --> 00:16:54,305 You think Roxy's perfect? But what about me? 323 00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:56,265 This isn't about you. 324 00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:59,310 Of course it is. Today is the biggest day of my pageant career. 325 00:16:59,393 --> 00:17:02,313 Yeah, and if Roxy's mine, this could be the biggest day of my life. 326 00:17:03,314 --> 00:17:06,734 I have to get Roxy alone and find out what she knows before she gets out of town. 327 00:17:07,068 --> 00:17:10,112 Can't you just, like, wait? The pageant is just hours away. 328 00:17:10,196 --> 00:17:12,907 If Roxy is mine, I cannot wait another minute. 329 00:17:12,990 --> 00:17:15,868 Look, I know this timing is terrible. 330 00:17:15,952 --> 00:17:17,119 I am sorry. 331 00:17:17,203 --> 00:17:20,748 But I promise I will be back to do your hair and makeup. 332 00:17:21,415 --> 00:17:24,627 If perfect Roxy was really Bob's flesh and blood, 333 00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:26,587 he would ditch me for sure. 334 00:17:27,755 --> 00:17:31,259 Unless I could show him I was a real contender. 335 00:17:33,594 --> 00:17:34,428 What was that about? 336 00:17:37,306 --> 00:17:38,558 Steal the quiz answers. 337 00:17:39,225 --> 00:17:41,102 What Bob doesn't know won't hurt him. 338 00:17:41,185 --> 00:17:44,230 Now, we just need to make sure Magnolia wins. 339 00:17:44,313 --> 00:17:46,691 - I'm not sure I can go through with it. - You... 340 00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:52,071 Now, you and I both know you wanna take down Bob Armstrong. 341 00:17:52,154 --> 00:17:56,450 And the best way to do that is to make sure Patty loses. 342 00:17:56,534 --> 00:17:58,995 - Now, I need the answers to that quiz. - Why? 343 00:17:59,787 --> 00:18:01,414 If Magnolia's unbeatable... 344 00:18:01,497 --> 00:18:04,584 I still wanna give her every advantage. She's my daughter. 345 00:18:04,667 --> 00:18:07,420 Yeah. You're father of the year. 346 00:18:10,339 --> 00:18:13,342 So, what do you think of Masonville's signature food item? 347 00:18:14,176 --> 00:18:15,928 More delicious than it should be. 348 00:18:16,012 --> 00:18:17,805 Told you. It's the cumin mayo. 349 00:18:18,556 --> 00:18:19,640 Hey, hun. 350 00:18:20,182 --> 00:18:22,560 Dad. What are you doing here? 351 00:18:22,643 --> 00:18:24,520 Getting some food for the boys at the station. 352 00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:25,688 What are you up to? 353 00:18:26,689 --> 00:18:28,107 I'm having lunch with... 354 00:18:30,151 --> 00:18:31,068 With... 355 00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:34,822 Dee. My name is Dee. 356 00:18:34,905 --> 00:18:37,491 It's nice to meet you, Dee. I'm Hank. 357 00:18:37,575 --> 00:18:38,451 Hi. 358 00:18:38,534 --> 00:18:40,828 Dee's a friend, a new friend. 359 00:18:41,370 --> 00:18:43,247 Oh, you girls go to school together? 360 00:18:43,331 --> 00:18:45,625 I go to Emory. I'm just in town for the pageant. 361 00:18:46,042 --> 00:18:47,376 We met at a coffee shop... 362 00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:49,503 where I was drinking coffee... 363 00:18:50,004 --> 00:18:50,921 with Choi... 364 00:18:51,505 --> 00:18:52,465 who's a guy. 365 00:18:54,634 --> 00:18:57,637 Well, I don't really care who you have coffee with, guys or girls. 366 00:18:58,721 --> 00:19:01,098 Why don't I stay for a minute, get to know your new friend? 367 00:19:01,182 --> 00:19:02,350 No, thanks, we're good. 368 00:19:03,100 --> 00:19:06,145 - Or you could have Dee over for dinner. - Dee has Miss Magic Jesus. 369 00:19:06,812 --> 00:19:09,690 Nonnie, why don't you and I go together to support her? 370 00:19:09,774 --> 00:19:11,651 Been a while since we had a daddy-daughter date, 371 00:19:11,734 --> 00:19:13,569 and I would love to see your new friend compete. 372 00:19:14,236 --> 00:19:15,863 - Nice to meet you, Dee. - You, too. 373 00:19:15,946 --> 00:19:17,031 See you tonight, hun? 374 00:19:20,159 --> 00:19:21,827 You know he knows this is a date. 375 00:19:21,911 --> 00:19:23,996 He was doing everything he could to let you know. 376 00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:26,540 What? That's not true. 377 00:19:26,624 --> 00:19:29,502 - You could have just told him. - No. If I tell him, that means I'm... 378 00:19:29,585 --> 00:19:31,962 What? Gay? 379 00:19:32,046 --> 00:19:33,381 Perish the thought. 380 00:19:33,714 --> 00:19:35,800 I don't know that I am, okay? 381 00:19:36,300 --> 00:19:39,345 But I do know that I'm not ready to open up that whole can of worms 382 00:19:39,428 --> 00:19:41,597 unless I know that this is, like... 383 00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:43,432 - a thing. - Uh-huh. 384 00:19:44,350 --> 00:19:46,394 And when will you know if this is a thing? 385 00:19:47,311 --> 00:19:48,604 Ask me after the date? 386 00:19:51,065 --> 00:19:52,733 You're lucky you're cute. 387 00:19:57,321 --> 00:19:59,573 Roxy's text said she'd be at the gym. 388 00:19:59,657 --> 00:20:01,992 I had to find out what she knew about her dad. 389 00:20:02,076 --> 00:20:04,578 But, because of my history with Stella Rose, 390 00:20:04,662 --> 00:20:06,288 it would be tricky to get her to talk. 391 00:20:06,956 --> 00:20:09,375 Luckily, I was seasoned at questioning witnesses, 392 00:20:09,458 --> 00:20:12,253 so if anyone could get a confession, it was me. 393 00:20:12,336 --> 00:20:14,130 I just had to find a way in. 394 00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:16,966 Roxy, what a nice surprise! 395 00:20:17,049 --> 00:20:20,594 That I'm working out in the only gym in town? Suck it, Bob. 396 00:20:20,678 --> 00:20:22,012 Oh, shit! 397 00:20:22,096 --> 00:20:25,182 You distracted me, I went 15 seconds over my 30-minute workout. Now I have to... 398 00:20:25,266 --> 00:20:28,644 Go to 40, 'cause you gotta end your workout on a zero minute. 399 00:20:29,562 --> 00:20:30,396 Yeah. How did you...? 400 00:20:30,479 --> 00:20:33,232 I have the same odd OCD thing. 401 00:20:34,734 --> 00:20:36,569 Drives my wife and kids crazy. 402 00:20:36,652 --> 00:20:39,530 That's nuts. I've never met anyone else who has that. 403 00:20:40,072 --> 00:20:41,782 Was it a happy accident, 404 00:20:41,866 --> 00:20:44,618 or evidence that she was the fruit of my loins? 405 00:20:44,702 --> 00:20:47,580 I just found out that you're Stella Rose's daughter, 406 00:20:47,663 --> 00:20:51,625 and I wanna know who your dad is. 407 00:20:52,585 --> 00:20:54,879 I have no idea who my biological father is. 408 00:20:56,255 --> 00:20:59,925 I only found out Stella Rose is my biological mom a year ago. 409 00:21:00,593 --> 00:21:02,011 She put me up for adoption, 410 00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:04,597 and I went searching for her when I turned 18. 411 00:21:04,889 --> 00:21:09,685 She said my bio dad died in an accident, but it was too painful to talk about. 412 00:21:13,939 --> 00:21:18,819 Stella Rose might be a liar, but DNA always tells the truth. 413 00:21:20,404 --> 00:21:23,991 Oh, shit! I just got called into the office. 414 00:21:24,074 --> 00:21:26,035 Figures. Didn't even break a sweat. 415 00:21:26,118 --> 00:21:28,162 Let me get you a fresh towel. 416 00:21:38,214 --> 00:21:40,090 - You made a sex tape? - What? 417 00:21:40,925 --> 00:21:42,760 - How did you...? - Pastor Mike told me. 418 00:21:43,010 --> 00:21:46,430 - Does he know who the guy is? - No. It doesn't matter. 419 00:21:46,722 --> 00:21:48,015 He's concerned. 420 00:21:48,516 --> 00:21:50,142 And honestly, so am I. 421 00:21:52,770 --> 00:21:54,730 Look, I'm not judging you. 422 00:22:00,277 --> 00:22:01,237 I've been there. 423 00:22:02,738 --> 00:22:05,783 When I was your age, I thought it was a badge of honor 424 00:22:05,866 --> 00:22:07,868 to have sex with a bunch of guys. 425 00:22:07,952 --> 00:22:11,080 - It was just one guy, and we never... - And it ended up getting me pregnant, 426 00:22:11,497 --> 00:22:15,459 and not having an answer for you when you asked me who your daddy was. 427 00:22:16,043 --> 00:22:19,588 And I think that's why you're acting like this, like me. 428 00:22:20,214 --> 00:22:23,884 And so, I'm so sorry... just for all of it. 429 00:22:25,719 --> 00:22:28,806 I probably acted out 'cause my dad abandoned me. 430 00:22:28,889 --> 00:22:33,686 So I thought, well, that's what men do, they leave. 431 00:22:33,769 --> 00:22:36,605 Yeah, well, you were right, they do. Bob abandoned me. 432 00:22:37,147 --> 00:22:39,692 Today. On the biggest day of my pageant career. 433 00:22:39,775 --> 00:22:41,861 He thinks he might have a daughter he never knew about, 434 00:22:41,944 --> 00:22:45,447 - so he's off trying to figure it out. - Well, you can still win without Bob. 435 00:22:45,531 --> 00:22:46,657 No, I can't! 436 00:22:46,740 --> 00:22:47,992 If I don't win Miss Magic Jesus, 437 00:22:48,075 --> 00:22:50,160 then Bob won't think that I'm the perfect pageant girl. 438 00:22:50,244 --> 00:22:53,080 And then he'll blow me off and I'll never get to go to Miss American Lady. 439 00:22:53,163 --> 00:22:54,665 - Patty, calm down. - I can't. 440 00:22:56,250 --> 00:22:59,295 I did something bad, just to make sure that I would win. 441 00:23:05,509 --> 00:23:10,431 So there's nothing you can tell me that I haven't already done. 442 00:23:11,390 --> 00:23:12,349 Have you ever...? 443 00:23:15,227 --> 00:23:16,604 Have you ever cheated? 444 00:23:16,687 --> 00:23:18,898 On guys? All the time. 445 00:23:18,981 --> 00:23:20,691 No, on a quiz. 446 00:23:21,692 --> 00:23:25,738 I just sent Christian to go steal the answers for the pageant Bible quiz. 447 00:23:27,239 --> 00:23:28,991 Do you think I'm a horrible person? 448 00:23:31,744 --> 00:23:33,329 I think you're an amazing person. 449 00:23:34,914 --> 00:23:37,041 Which is why I don't think you should cheat. 450 00:23:38,042 --> 00:23:43,088 If you cheat and win, you'll never know if you could have done it for real. 451 00:23:43,172 --> 00:23:46,008 Don't sell yourself short just because Bob let you down. 452 00:23:46,216 --> 00:23:50,304 Look, I was a straight-D student, and I don't know dick about Jesus, 453 00:23:50,679 --> 00:23:53,390 but if you won't cheat... 454 00:23:55,225 --> 00:23:56,602 I'll be your study buddy. 455 00:23:58,354 --> 00:23:59,438 What do you say? 456 00:24:02,274 --> 00:24:08,030 I say... maybe don't say "dick" and "Jesus" in the same sentence? 457 00:24:24,546 --> 00:24:25,714 What are you doing? 458 00:24:26,131 --> 00:24:29,843 - Why is my computer open to the quiz? - I, uh... I was curious. 459 00:24:29,927 --> 00:24:30,886 Get out of there! 460 00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:35,933 Tell me the truth. 461 00:24:36,016 --> 00:24:38,936 - You know I can tell when you're lying. - I'm not. I just... 462 00:24:39,103 --> 00:24:40,145 No, wait. 463 00:24:40,229 --> 00:24:41,146 Wait, don't. 464 00:24:42,856 --> 00:24:44,483 Damn it. Who is she? 465 00:24:44,900 --> 00:24:47,027 - Who? - Stop lying! 466 00:24:47,111 --> 00:24:49,488 You are stealing the answers for a girl. 467 00:24:49,738 --> 00:24:52,825 Now we are not gonna have another situation. Are we? 468 00:24:52,908 --> 00:24:53,993 Dad, come on. 469 00:24:54,076 --> 00:24:54,910 No, you come on! 470 00:24:54,994 --> 00:24:58,247 I have spent months defending you to your mother, 471 00:24:58,330 --> 00:25:02,251 insisting that you're a good kid, even after what went down in Brazil. 472 00:25:02,334 --> 00:25:03,335 But she was right... 473 00:25:05,004 --> 00:25:06,547 maybe you can't be saved. 474 00:25:07,423 --> 00:25:09,383 Don't say that. I just need another chance. 475 00:25:09,466 --> 00:25:10,968 I am done defending you. 476 00:25:11,719 --> 00:25:13,095 It's up to your mother now. 477 00:25:16,140 --> 00:25:17,975 Magnolia! Where are you? 478 00:25:19,435 --> 00:25:20,811 Drinking coffee. 479 00:25:20,894 --> 00:25:21,770 Want a sip? 480 00:25:22,021 --> 00:25:23,439 - Oh... - Hey. 481 00:25:24,273 --> 00:25:25,107 Hey. 482 00:25:25,190 --> 00:25:26,233 Dixie! 483 00:25:26,817 --> 00:25:28,902 - Come here, sit down. Sit down. - Ugh... 484 00:25:29,611 --> 00:25:31,947 - Yes, Daddy? - I told you to get her hydrated. 485 00:25:32,031 --> 00:25:33,157 This is full of booze. 486 00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:36,577 She must have gotten into the liquor cabinet when I wasn't watching! 487 00:25:37,036 --> 00:25:40,914 You know what they say, alcoholics always find a way. 488 00:25:40,998 --> 00:25:44,043 Go get me the Alka-Seltzer Plus from the upstairs bedroom. 489 00:25:47,504 --> 00:25:50,466 Come on, Magnolia, this is your future we're talking about. 490 00:25:50,549 --> 00:25:53,218 If you blow this, you could lose your sponsor, 491 00:25:53,302 --> 00:25:56,221 and then there goes any chance of a college scholarship. 492 00:25:56,305 --> 00:25:57,389 Scholarship? 493 00:25:57,473 --> 00:25:59,808 Since when are you worried about a scholarship? 494 00:26:02,227 --> 00:26:04,772 I'm worried about my winner. 495 00:26:05,314 --> 00:26:06,732 This isn't like you. 496 00:26:07,649 --> 00:26:12,362 Hey, are you gonna let Fatty Patty steal this pageant from you too? 497 00:26:12,988 --> 00:26:14,031 No. 498 00:26:15,157 --> 00:26:17,493 - I hate that bitch. - Good. 499 00:26:17,826 --> 00:26:19,369 Then get your head in the game. 500 00:26:19,953 --> 00:26:20,829 Here. 501 00:26:22,372 --> 00:26:23,207 What's this? 502 00:26:23,290 --> 00:26:24,374 The answers. 503 00:26:25,209 --> 00:26:26,335 To the Jesus quiz. 504 00:26:28,087 --> 00:26:31,882 I know what it feels like when the chips are down. But we Barnards, 505 00:26:31,965 --> 00:26:34,176 we can always turn things around. 506 00:26:34,259 --> 00:26:36,929 Sometimes all it takes is a win. 507 00:26:53,570 --> 00:26:56,365 Hey, it's Bob Armstrong. Leave a message. 508 00:26:56,448 --> 00:26:59,493 Bob, it's Angie, Patty's mom. 509 00:26:59,576 --> 00:27:02,579 Patty tells me you're out finding out if you have another daughter. 510 00:27:02,663 --> 00:27:04,123 Well, let me tell you something. 511 00:27:04,206 --> 00:27:06,583 You're the closest thing Patty has to a dad, 512 00:27:06,667 --> 00:27:09,211 and I will not stand for her to be abandoned again. 513 00:27:09,294 --> 00:27:13,340 So, if you don't get yourself to that pageant in 30 minutes, 514 00:27:13,423 --> 00:27:15,926 I'm gonna go full Mama Bear on your ass. 515 00:27:16,844 --> 00:27:17,719 Bye. 516 00:27:22,349 --> 00:27:26,645 The pageant was starting soon. I couldn't believe Bob was still MIA. 517 00:27:27,688 --> 00:27:30,941 Watch out, Miss Magic J. We're here today and we're here to play. 518 00:27:31,024 --> 00:27:33,777 Thanks, Dad, for your help. 519 00:27:34,319 --> 00:27:35,779 I'm gonna go set up my station. 520 00:27:37,281 --> 00:27:40,492 - How'd you get her to pull it together? - Well, we had a come to Jesus. 521 00:27:42,619 --> 00:27:44,246 What did he say? 522 00:27:44,329 --> 00:27:45,205 He... 523 00:27:46,290 --> 00:27:47,124 That... 524 00:27:47,416 --> 00:27:48,709 That's not what that... 525 00:27:52,713 --> 00:27:54,464 - Ow. - Ugh... I'm sorry. 526 00:27:54,548 --> 00:27:56,466 I'm just not used to doing this on someone else. 527 00:27:56,550 --> 00:27:59,178 It's not your job. Bob should be here. 528 00:27:59,553 --> 00:28:00,637 He will be. 529 00:28:01,180 --> 00:28:04,057 Hey. I'm sorry I couldn't help you earlier. 530 00:28:04,600 --> 00:28:07,853 Well, I'm glad you're here now. I need my bestie to cheer me on. 531 00:28:07,936 --> 00:28:08,979 She's cheering for me. 532 00:28:09,813 --> 00:28:13,901 Dee is the girl I told you about, the one who asked me out. 533 00:28:13,984 --> 00:28:16,570 Oh. Uh... So is this a thing? 534 00:28:16,653 --> 00:28:18,572 - Yeah. - It is? 535 00:28:19,865 --> 00:28:21,200 Oh. Um... 536 00:28:21,825 --> 00:28:23,368 I thought our date went well. 537 00:28:23,452 --> 00:28:25,078 But if you disagree... 538 00:28:31,168 --> 00:28:34,087 Come on, let's set up my station somewhere else. 539 00:28:34,171 --> 00:28:35,881 I don't like the energy over here. 540 00:28:38,425 --> 00:28:42,304 It is about time Nonnie came out. 541 00:28:42,387 --> 00:28:45,265 But I gotta be honest, I always thought she was in love with you. 542 00:28:45,349 --> 00:28:46,767 Guess who? 543 00:28:46,850 --> 00:28:50,771 I am so sorry, I should have been here earlier. 544 00:28:50,854 --> 00:28:53,106 I didn't mean to make you feel abandoned on your big day. 545 00:28:53,190 --> 00:28:54,107 Where were you? 546 00:28:54,816 --> 00:28:56,652 Getting a DNA test for Roxy. 547 00:28:56,735 --> 00:28:58,487 - And? - Still waiting on the results. 548 00:28:58,570 --> 00:29:00,155 I just wanna talk to you for a second. 549 00:29:03,492 --> 00:29:07,871 I got your message, and I want you to know I would never abandon Patty. 550 00:29:08,038 --> 00:29:11,708 I need you to promise me that if you're in Patty's life, 551 00:29:12,167 --> 00:29:13,001 she's safe. 552 00:29:13,085 --> 00:29:14,211 Yeah, of course she's safe. 553 00:29:14,294 --> 00:29:18,006 I want you to show up for Patty like you would your own daughter. 554 00:29:23,512 --> 00:29:26,556 Come on, let's hot roll that hair and win this thing. 555 00:29:26,640 --> 00:29:28,350 It was all about me, for now. 556 00:29:28,433 --> 00:29:30,644 But what about when he got the DNA results? 557 00:29:30,727 --> 00:29:33,647 I needed to show him I was just as good as Roxy, 558 00:29:33,730 --> 00:29:36,024 which meant I needed to win. 559 00:30:18,400 --> 00:30:20,485 Stone cold chillin', JC 560 00:30:20,569 --> 00:30:21,820 JC, just you and me 561 00:30:21,903 --> 00:30:23,447 Chill, chill, chillin', you see 562 00:30:24,114 --> 00:30:25,574 By the Sea of Galilee 563 00:30:25,657 --> 00:30:27,951 I got a notion That this motion by the ocean 564 00:30:28,035 --> 00:30:28,952 Is the potion I need 565 00:30:29,036 --> 00:30:31,621 I think you get the gist You the top of my list 566 00:30:31,705 --> 00:30:32,581 State of bliss 567 00:30:32,664 --> 00:30:33,707 Eucharist 568 00:30:33,790 --> 00:30:35,083 Swear to God I need a fix 569 00:30:35,167 --> 00:30:36,585 State of bliss, crucifix 570 00:30:36,668 --> 00:30:38,086 Thank you, Jesus, that's my mix 571 00:30:40,047 --> 00:30:41,214 That's my girlfriend. 572 00:30:43,592 --> 00:30:45,302 And now for the second coming. 573 00:31:13,663 --> 00:31:15,374 The pageant seemed unwinnable. 574 00:31:15,457 --> 00:31:18,752 Between Stella Rose being a judge, the Bible pop quiz, 575 00:31:18,835 --> 00:31:23,715 invincible Magnolia Barnard, and now Dee with her mad rapping skills... 576 00:31:23,799 --> 00:31:25,801 Jesus better be deep inside me. 577 00:31:25,884 --> 00:31:28,178 I needed all the help I could get. 578 00:31:28,261 --> 00:31:29,596 That hat needs work. 579 00:31:30,013 --> 00:31:31,014 It's too plain Jane. 580 00:31:31,098 --> 00:31:33,975 You'll disappear on stage like a sinner on Judgment Day. 581 00:31:34,059 --> 00:31:36,520 You liked it at the store. Maybe if you were here sooner... 582 00:31:36,603 --> 00:31:37,437 Hat, please. 583 00:31:40,357 --> 00:31:42,484 Oh, hey, Patty. Bob. 584 00:31:42,567 --> 00:31:43,485 Oh, damn it! 585 00:31:43,568 --> 00:31:46,947 Roxy, what are you doing backstage? 586 00:31:47,030 --> 00:31:48,281 All-access pass. 587 00:31:48,824 --> 00:31:51,076 Oh, that looks great, Bob. 588 00:31:51,660 --> 00:31:53,870 Almost jealous you're not my coach. 589 00:31:54,621 --> 00:31:55,705 Not even done yet. 590 00:31:56,498 --> 00:31:58,083 He's really trying to focus, so... 591 00:31:58,166 --> 00:32:01,545 You know, I thought Magnolia was the one to beat, 592 00:32:01,962 --> 00:32:05,215 - but now I'm rooting for you. - Really? 593 00:32:05,298 --> 00:32:10,220 Crushing you on the big stage at regionals would be super satisfying. 594 00:32:11,096 --> 00:32:12,139 Good luck out there. 595 00:32:14,057 --> 00:32:15,892 Did you hear what she just... Oh! 596 00:32:15,976 --> 00:32:18,437 Now that is Sunday at its best. 597 00:32:20,397 --> 00:32:23,483 Mm-hm. Now get out there and win! 598 00:32:26,027 --> 00:32:28,280 Okay. Thank you. Thank you. 599 00:32:28,363 --> 00:32:32,659 It's now time for the Bible quiz in which our five finalists 600 00:32:32,742 --> 00:32:34,536 will put their knowledge to the test. 601 00:32:34,619 --> 00:32:35,745 Ready, ladies? 602 00:32:36,079 --> 00:32:39,124 Which prophet declared himself to be 603 00:32:39,207 --> 00:32:41,918 "a man of unclean lips"? 604 00:32:42,919 --> 00:32:43,879 - Patty. - Isaiah. 605 00:32:43,962 --> 00:32:44,796 Correct! 606 00:32:49,217 --> 00:32:53,930 Second question. What lost item did the prophet Elijah 607 00:32:54,014 --> 00:32:57,601 cause to float to the surface of the Jordan? 608 00:32:58,143 --> 00:32:59,561 - Magnolia! - An ax head! 609 00:32:59,644 --> 00:33:01,104 - Correct! - Micah! 610 00:33:01,188 --> 00:33:02,022 Samuel! 611 00:33:02,522 --> 00:33:03,523 Wild gourds! 612 00:33:04,024 --> 00:33:04,858 Joel! 613 00:33:05,859 --> 00:33:06,860 Correct. 614 00:33:10,030 --> 00:33:12,574 Did you see that? Magnolia kicked my ass. 615 00:33:12,657 --> 00:33:14,868 - Something's up with her. - It's only a third of the score. 616 00:33:14,951 --> 00:33:17,037 You'll be fine. You just gotta nail the interview. 617 00:33:17,120 --> 00:33:20,248 Remember what we talked about, find a way to bring up the Resurrection. 618 00:33:20,332 --> 00:33:22,959 If anyone understands a second shot at life, it's you. 619 00:33:23,043 --> 00:33:24,461 What is going on with your phone? 620 00:33:24,920 --> 00:33:27,672 Oh, sorry. I'm just waiting on the DNA results. 621 00:33:28,757 --> 00:33:29,883 Bob, what if I win? 622 00:33:29,966 --> 00:33:31,426 That would be amazing. 623 00:33:31,510 --> 00:33:33,803 What if I win, and Roxy's really your daughter, 624 00:33:33,887 --> 00:33:35,222 and we both go to regionals? 625 00:33:36,306 --> 00:33:37,307 Who will you root for? 626 00:33:37,390 --> 00:33:39,309 I guess I'll root for both of you. 627 00:33:39,392 --> 00:33:40,310 You can't. 628 00:33:40,393 --> 00:33:42,187 Only one of us can have the crown. 629 00:33:42,270 --> 00:33:46,191 Please welcome back our finalists for their last interview questions. 630 00:33:50,862 --> 00:33:53,073 Bob didn't even know if Roxy was his daughter, 631 00:33:53,156 --> 00:33:55,659 and he was already giving her all of his attention. 632 00:33:55,742 --> 00:33:58,453 I thought he would always be on my side. 633 00:33:58,662 --> 00:34:00,163 But maybe I was wrong. 634 00:34:00,247 --> 00:34:02,207 ...final round of competition. 635 00:34:02,290 --> 00:34:05,627 There can only be one winner of the Crown of Thorns tonight. 636 00:34:05,710 --> 00:34:10,715 Only one of you can represent the tenets of Miss Magic Jesus. 637 00:34:11,007 --> 00:34:16,930 So, let's dive a little bit deeper into your relationship with the Big J. 638 00:34:17,013 --> 00:34:19,015 Each of our five finalists 639 00:34:19,099 --> 00:34:22,185 will step forward and answer the question: 640 00:34:22,269 --> 00:34:25,355 How is Jesus inside of you? 641 00:34:26,106 --> 00:34:28,900 Jesus is the greens in my salad. 642 00:34:28,984 --> 00:34:31,236 I eat him with every meal. 643 00:34:31,528 --> 00:34:33,154 He's my superfood. 644 00:34:33,238 --> 00:34:34,739 Oh, kale-no. 645 00:34:35,323 --> 00:34:38,285 When people body-shame me, Jesus is the cheerleader 646 00:34:38,368 --> 00:34:42,247 on the inside of me, chanting, Dee, Dee, listen to me 647 00:34:42,330 --> 00:34:43,498 Don't listen to that rot 648 00:34:43,582 --> 00:34:45,458 Your body is rockin' Your body is hot 649 00:34:46,042 --> 00:34:48,461 Jesus is my drug of choice. He gets me high. 650 00:34:48,545 --> 00:34:50,547 With him, I can fly. 651 00:34:50,630 --> 00:34:53,967 I breathe the Lord in and I am focused, free and totally me. 652 00:34:55,176 --> 00:34:58,305 Jesus is like my inner personal trainer. 653 00:34:58,388 --> 00:35:02,017 He inspires me with his perfect abs and his rockin' hair. 654 00:35:04,102 --> 00:35:05,729 God help us all. 655 00:35:06,563 --> 00:35:10,400 Patty, how is Jesus inside of you? 656 00:35:16,364 --> 00:35:17,657 I never knew my dad. 657 00:35:18,908 --> 00:35:20,785 He abandoned me before I was born. 658 00:35:22,412 --> 00:35:28,293 And I've, um... been looking for someone to take his place ever since. 659 00:35:29,169 --> 00:35:31,713 I thought I'd found the perfect father figure, 660 00:35:32,631 --> 00:35:35,967 someone who would stick by my side, always. 661 00:35:38,011 --> 00:35:39,471 Now I'm not so sure. 662 00:35:41,014 --> 00:35:43,433 I don't know if Jesus is inside me... 663 00:35:45,226 --> 00:35:48,146 but I do know his father never abandoned him. 664 00:35:49,105 --> 00:35:51,274 Well, maybe for, like, a second on the cross. 665 00:35:51,358 --> 00:35:54,694 But then he was resurrected three days later by the Father. 666 00:35:54,778 --> 00:35:57,572 I mean, that's pretty much the greatest dad moment, like, ever. 667 00:35:59,199 --> 00:36:04,079 So if Jesus, or God, or the Holy Spirit 668 00:36:04,871 --> 00:36:08,500 can be a father that never abandons me... 669 00:36:12,003 --> 00:36:13,046 I'm all in. 670 00:36:28,478 --> 00:36:31,648 I was in the top three, which meant I could actually win. 671 00:36:33,817 --> 00:36:35,819 And the winner is... 672 00:36:41,074 --> 00:36:44,536 - Magnolia Barnard! - Yes! Yes! 673 00:36:58,216 --> 00:37:00,301 Sure, I was first runner-up, 674 00:37:00,552 --> 00:37:03,054 but second place was first loser. 675 00:37:03,304 --> 00:37:06,766 Everything I had worked for was over, everything. 676 00:37:10,353 --> 00:37:11,855 Of course Magnolia won. 677 00:37:12,063 --> 00:37:15,442 She had a father, one that was always there for her. 678 00:37:15,650 --> 00:37:18,319 I never even thought about doing pageants before Bob. 679 00:37:18,570 --> 00:37:21,614 And if I couldn't count on him, then what was the point? 680 00:37:27,996 --> 00:37:29,539 Patty, I am so sorry... 681 00:37:29,622 --> 00:37:30,540 Save it, Bob. 682 00:37:31,166 --> 00:37:33,626 I would have won if you had actually shown up for me. 683 00:37:36,671 --> 00:37:37,839 Bob Armstrong. 684 00:37:38,548 --> 00:37:40,175 You got the DNA results? 685 00:37:40,383 --> 00:37:41,968 - I quit. - Patty, wait. 686 00:37:44,304 --> 00:37:45,388 What'd you find out? 687 00:37:51,352 --> 00:37:53,688 Bob was supposed to be my godfather, 688 00:37:53,772 --> 00:37:56,065 responsible for me for the rest of my life, 689 00:37:56,149 --> 00:37:58,777 but he couldn't even make it through Miss Magic Jesus. 690 00:37:58,860 --> 00:38:01,780 My mom was right, I couldn't count on any man. 691 00:38:11,539 --> 00:38:12,540 Christian? 692 00:38:13,041 --> 00:38:14,751 Hey, what are you...? 693 00:38:17,295 --> 00:38:18,630 My parents are done with me. 694 00:38:19,339 --> 00:38:21,174 They wanna send me to military school. 695 00:38:21,508 --> 00:38:23,968 So I'm skipping town, tonight. 696 00:38:25,637 --> 00:38:27,889 Of course you are. Everyone leaves. 697 00:38:28,389 --> 00:38:29,516 I want you to come with me. 698 00:38:31,226 --> 00:38:32,227 Seriously? 699 00:38:33,812 --> 00:38:35,438 - Where? - Hollywood. 700 00:38:36,272 --> 00:38:38,650 I wanna go to the Whisky, the Rainbow Room, 701 00:38:38,733 --> 00:38:41,110 see where Van Halen played, Guns N' Roses. 702 00:38:41,194 --> 00:38:42,320 Oh, my God. 703 00:38:42,987 --> 00:38:44,322 Maybe I could meet Drew Barrymore. 704 00:38:44,948 --> 00:38:47,534 Patty... I promise, 705 00:38:47,617 --> 00:38:51,663 if you come with me, I will never, ever leave you. 706 00:38:54,666 --> 00:38:56,835 It's late, Bob. What do you want? 707 00:38:56,918 --> 00:38:58,127 Answers. 708 00:39:01,089 --> 00:39:02,382 Roxy is your daughter. 709 00:39:06,177 --> 00:39:07,345 Did you know? 710 00:39:08,012 --> 00:39:08,930 Yes. 711 00:39:10,390 --> 00:39:11,808 Now so do you. 712 00:39:12,851 --> 00:39:16,396 I don't... understand. 713 00:39:16,479 --> 00:39:19,649 When did you and Stella Rose...? 714 00:39:19,732 --> 00:39:21,860 When you ended things with her 20 years ago, 715 00:39:21,943 --> 00:39:23,570 she tracked me down and seduced me. 716 00:39:23,653 --> 00:39:25,363 But why would she...? 717 00:39:25,446 --> 00:39:27,615 She wanted to get back at you for breaking her heart. 718 00:39:27,699 --> 00:39:31,244 What better way than to sleep with a guy you hated since high school? 719 00:39:31,703 --> 00:39:34,455 Hate is a strong word. 720 00:39:34,539 --> 00:39:37,041 Oh, come on, Bob, everybody knows you hate me. 721 00:39:37,125 --> 00:39:39,294 It's as much a part of you as your dad belly. 722 00:39:40,211 --> 00:39:43,464 She was gonna throw our affair in your face, 723 00:39:43,965 --> 00:39:47,260 till she got pregnant and her plan bit us both in the ass. 724 00:39:47,760 --> 00:39:51,180 I wasn't about to let it ruin my marriage or the Barnard name, 725 00:39:51,264 --> 00:39:52,891 so I paid her to keep quiet. 726 00:39:52,974 --> 00:39:55,435 And to put Roxy up for adoption? 727 00:39:55,518 --> 00:39:57,186 Well, that was her choice. 728 00:39:57,353 --> 00:39:58,354 How'd you find out? 729 00:39:58,438 --> 00:40:02,650 I thought she might be mine, so I ran a DNA test. 730 00:40:02,734 --> 00:40:06,446 Luckily for me, you're the DA and your DNA's already in the system. 731 00:40:07,322 --> 00:40:09,032 How much is your silence worth? 732 00:40:09,115 --> 00:40:10,325 Oh, God. 733 00:40:13,286 --> 00:40:15,288 Not everyone has a price. 734 00:40:26,466 --> 00:40:27,800 Maybe you just need a win. 735 00:40:31,888 --> 00:40:35,558 I found this... Magnolia's things. 736 00:40:39,604 --> 00:40:41,564 It's the answers to the Jesus quiz. 737 00:40:43,191 --> 00:40:44,400 Magnolia cheated. 738 00:40:44,776 --> 00:40:47,612 If the pageant board found out, she'd be disqualified. 739 00:40:47,695 --> 00:40:50,323 Patty was the first runner-up, she'd get the crown. 740 00:40:50,531 --> 00:40:51,407 I can't. 741 00:40:52,659 --> 00:40:54,953 Magnolia will be devastated. 742 00:40:55,036 --> 00:40:56,663 It's just a pageant. 743 00:40:56,746 --> 00:41:01,125 If anyone finds out about Roxy, it'll blow up my entire family. 744 00:41:01,501 --> 00:41:05,463 Was he doing it to be a good dad, or to protect his political career? 745 00:41:05,546 --> 00:41:08,174 I didn't care. All I could see was the crown. 746 00:41:11,260 --> 00:41:12,387 Come on, Bob. 747 00:41:13,471 --> 00:41:17,350 You know Magnolia's already struggling with drugs and alcohol. 748 00:41:18,810 --> 00:41:20,311 I'm trying to protect her. 749 00:41:21,479 --> 00:41:23,064 If she finds this out... 750 00:41:25,525 --> 00:41:27,151 it could send her over the edge. 751 00:41:30,113 --> 00:41:33,449 Now, you... You wouldn't wanna be responsible for that. 752 00:41:43,209 --> 00:41:45,420 She won! 753 00:41:45,586 --> 00:41:52,176 Magnolia got disqualified, and Patty is Miss Magic Jesus! 754 00:41:52,635 --> 00:41:54,679 - Come on, let's go tell her. - She's gone, Bob. 755 00:41:54,762 --> 00:41:57,015 What? Where...? Where is she? 756 00:41:57,098 --> 00:41:58,307 Well, I wish I knew. 757 00:41:58,391 --> 00:42:00,518 I just went to her room to check on her... 758 00:42:01,477 --> 00:42:02,520 and I found these. 759 00:42:09,861 --> 00:42:10,695 Daddy! 760 00:42:10,778 --> 00:42:12,488 Daddy, come quick! 761 00:42:12,572 --> 00:42:13,656 What is it? 762 00:42:14,532 --> 00:42:16,034 Hey, Mags. 763 00:42:16,451 --> 00:42:17,452 Baby, wake up. 764 00:42:17,910 --> 00:42:20,621 Wake up, baby girl. Call 911 now. 765 00:42:20,705 --> 00:42:23,207 Don't worry, Daddy, we'll get through this as a family. 766 00:42:23,291 --> 00:42:25,543 Dixie, call 911 now! 767 00:42:26,085 --> 00:42:26,919 Now! 768 00:42:27,670 --> 00:42:30,089 Hey, sweetheart, you gotta wake up and look at me. 769 00:42:30,173 --> 00:42:32,300 Come on, baby girl, look at me. 770 00:42:37,388 --> 00:42:39,265 I feel like Drew Barrymore in Guncrazy. 771 00:42:40,183 --> 00:42:41,601 Guess that makes me James Le Gros. 772 00:42:42,268 --> 00:42:43,686 Wait, you know that movie? 773 00:42:43,895 --> 00:42:47,106 No one knows that movie. You are blowing my entire mind. 774 00:42:47,190 --> 00:42:48,608 Then I guess this is fate. 775 00:42:51,444 --> 00:42:52,695 We were meant to be. 776 00:43:10,505 --> 00:43:11,547 What was that? 777 00:43:12,256 --> 00:43:13,382 Anything important? 778 00:43:14,926 --> 00:43:15,802 No. 779 00:43:17,887 --> 00:43:18,846 Nothing at all.