1 00:00:18,602 --> 00:00:20,812 I had spent so much of my life 2 00:00:20,896 --> 00:00:24,733 thinking I was cursed to be fat and unlucky... 3 00:00:25,317 --> 00:00:26,318 and alone. 4 00:00:27,819 --> 00:00:30,948 But I had finally found true love... 5 00:00:32,115 --> 00:00:34,409 and now, I felt blessed. 6 00:00:38,872 --> 00:00:43,085 Here was this beautiful, sexy, amazing guy, 7 00:00:43,585 --> 00:00:45,128 and he had picked me. 8 00:00:48,131 --> 00:00:49,883 I was willing to give him everything. 9 00:00:52,427 --> 00:00:54,012 I've never done this before. 10 00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:55,639 That's okay. 11 00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:58,267 You can trust me. 12 00:01:19,830 --> 00:01:20,956 I love you. 13 00:01:21,790 --> 00:01:24,126 That... was fun. 14 00:01:24,835 --> 00:01:25,752 Fun? 15 00:01:26,003 --> 00:01:29,214 Joyriding through Alabama together was fun. 16 00:01:29,298 --> 00:01:31,300 Cow tipping in Oklahoma was fun. 17 00:01:31,675 --> 00:01:34,553 Ordering pay-per-view porn and getting pizza was fun. 18 00:01:34,970 --> 00:01:36,054 But this? 19 00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:40,267 Maybe I wasn't cursed, maybe I was an idiot. 20 00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:47,566 What was I thinking? 21 00:01:47,649 --> 00:01:53,071 I'd left my mom and my home, Bob, and for what? 22 00:01:53,155 --> 00:01:54,072 Fun? 23 00:02:06,710 --> 00:02:07,711 I won? 24 00:02:16,094 --> 00:02:18,055 Where the F are you? Are you okay? 25 00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:20,307 What do you mean, I'm Miss Magic Jesus? 26 00:02:20,390 --> 00:02:22,017 Magnolia got disqualified. 27 00:02:22,726 --> 00:02:27,022 She cheated on the Bible quiz, and then she overdosed on pills. 28 00:02:27,356 --> 00:02:28,690 Oh, my God. Is she okay? 29 00:02:28,774 --> 00:02:30,817 Thankfully, yes. She's gonna be fine. 30 00:02:30,901 --> 00:02:32,569 Barnard is taking her to rehab, 31 00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:36,114 which means the first runner-up gets the crown, you. 32 00:02:36,615 --> 00:02:38,784 But if you're not here in the next 12 hours, 33 00:02:38,867 --> 00:02:41,161 it goes to the second runner-up, Dixie. 34 00:02:46,041 --> 00:02:47,167 Are you coming? 35 00:02:48,085 --> 00:02:49,044 I don't know. 36 00:02:49,336 --> 00:02:52,464 Listen, I read your note... 37 00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:57,010 ...and I... I apologize for not being there 100 percent 38 00:02:57,719 --> 00:02:59,096 on your pageant day. 39 00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:00,764 I got the DNA test back. 40 00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:03,266 Roxy's not my daughter, but even if she was, 41 00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:06,311 you and I have worked too hard for me to give up on you. 42 00:03:06,395 --> 00:03:08,897 So, please don't give up on me. 43 00:03:09,272 --> 00:03:11,274 Especially not for some boy. 44 00:03:11,566 --> 00:03:13,402 I mean, I know you probably can't see it, but... 45 00:03:14,236 --> 00:03:16,154 Christian is... is not worth it. 46 00:03:16,822 --> 00:03:19,074 Come home before it's too late. 47 00:03:31,878 --> 00:03:33,296 Where's Pastor Mike? 48 00:03:33,505 --> 00:03:35,590 Bathroom. He'll be back in a minute. 49 00:03:35,674 --> 00:03:37,300 Well, I'm ready for my new crown. 50 00:03:37,384 --> 00:03:39,636 I even bumped up my bouffant poof with more cushion 51 00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:41,179 so it'll lay nice and flat. 52 00:03:41,263 --> 00:03:44,391 No, no, may... maybe this was a mistake. 53 00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:47,477 Oh, too much cushion? I can take it down a notch. 54 00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:49,771 No, no, not your hair. It's this... 55 00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:52,399 It's this whole pageant thing. 56 00:03:52,482 --> 00:03:56,403 Look, I'm responsible for you now, which means I have to look out for you. 57 00:03:57,195 --> 00:04:00,490 But I'm worried that pageants might be toxic. 58 00:04:01,032 --> 00:04:04,411 I pushed Magnolia too hard, she ended up in rehab. 59 00:04:04,661 --> 00:04:07,164 Oh, that won't happen to me. I don't do drugs. 60 00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:08,165 Right. 61 00:04:08,498 --> 00:04:12,169 Well, but you're still delicate, erratic. 62 00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:14,629 Oh, well, thank you, Daddy. I think you're sexy, too. 63 00:04:14,713 --> 00:04:18,675 No, not erotic. Erratic. It... Unstable. 64 00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:22,262 You think I'm crazy? No, it's okay, everybody does. 65 00:04:22,637 --> 00:04:24,639 My momma took me to every doctor there is. 66 00:04:24,890 --> 00:04:28,810 I got OCD, over-focused ADD, and I'm on the spectrum. 67 00:04:28,894 --> 00:04:31,271 Sorry, my family's normal. I don't know what that means. 68 00:04:32,355 --> 00:04:36,651 It means, when I get something in my head, I'm like a dog with a bone. 69 00:04:37,402 --> 00:04:38,904 If it's revenge, it's revenge. 70 00:04:38,987 --> 00:04:40,781 If it's a guy, it's a guy. 71 00:04:41,156 --> 00:04:44,201 And if it's Miss American Lady, it's a crown. 72 00:04:45,744 --> 00:04:49,456 That's why my momma put me into pageants, to channel all of this for good. 73 00:04:49,873 --> 00:04:51,875 - Right. - Pageants keep me sane. 74 00:04:52,334 --> 00:04:55,420 So don't take my bone away, or someone might get bit. 75 00:04:57,506 --> 00:05:00,425 What the hell is she doing here? 76 00:05:00,509 --> 00:05:02,010 Sorry for the confusion. 77 00:05:02,093 --> 00:05:04,930 Turns out Patty will be claiming the crown. 78 00:05:05,013 --> 00:05:06,848 What?! No! You said it was gonna be mine! 79 00:05:06,932 --> 00:05:09,810 I'm sorry. When Bob told me Patty left town, 80 00:05:09,893 --> 00:05:11,186 - I just assumed... - Do something! 81 00:05:11,603 --> 00:05:14,022 My crazies get triggered when somebody changes the plan! 82 00:05:14,105 --> 00:05:15,023 Oh... 83 00:05:15,482 --> 00:05:16,900 This was always the plan. 84 00:05:18,443 --> 00:05:19,277 What? 85 00:05:19,611 --> 00:05:23,657 Come on, Patty, let's claim what's rightfully yours. 86 00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:28,370 Mm-hmm. 87 00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:30,497 Oh... 88 00:05:40,715 --> 00:05:42,968 I loved being Miss Magic Jesus. 89 00:05:43,051 --> 00:05:46,221 It had been the most magical two weeks of my life. 90 00:05:46,304 --> 00:05:49,599 I got the key to the city, I got to read to orphans. 91 00:05:49,933 --> 00:05:52,936 Now, this is your last Wiener Taco for a little while. 92 00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:55,397 Gotta start tightening that belt before regionals. 93 00:05:57,774 --> 00:05:59,651 Hmm? 94 00:05:59,818 --> 00:06:02,320 - Still not talking to Christian? - He's not worth it. 95 00:06:02,404 --> 00:06:04,739 Oh, good. You don't need distractions now. 96 00:06:04,823 --> 00:06:08,910 We got a lot to do before regionals, starting with getting you a sponsor. 97 00:06:09,578 --> 00:06:12,080 A sponsor? Like my mom has in AA? 98 00:06:12,163 --> 00:06:14,332 No, no, a sponsor like someone to fund your campaign. 99 00:06:14,583 --> 00:06:16,251 I mean, regionals are not cheap. 100 00:06:16,334 --> 00:06:18,503 Between the entry fee and the wardrobe and the makeup, 101 00:06:18,587 --> 00:06:20,714 you're looking at upwards of $5,000. 102 00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:23,550 But that is where the sponsor comes in. 103 00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:26,469 Most titleholders find a local business willing to foot the bill 104 00:06:26,553 --> 00:06:28,722 in exchange for the promotion of their brand. 105 00:06:29,514 --> 00:06:31,808 Okay, why can't you do it? Your law firm's a local business. 106 00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:36,104 Well, because ideally, the sponsor's related to your platform in some way. 107 00:06:37,522 --> 00:06:41,067 Join us for our grand reopening and the unveiling of our Ween-Mobile. 108 00:06:42,277 --> 00:06:43,278 Choi? 109 00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:45,363 What are you doing? 110 00:06:45,697 --> 00:06:46,573 My job. 111 00:06:49,951 --> 00:06:53,288 My dad sold the Booze 'N Stuff and bought this place, so... 112 00:06:53,788 --> 00:06:56,583 I'm supposed to be drumming up business for our grand reopening. 113 00:06:56,666 --> 00:06:58,126 He looked like a wienie, 114 00:06:58,209 --> 00:07:01,880 but his hard shell gave me an idea for a hard sell. 115 00:07:01,963 --> 00:07:04,466 You want Wiener Taco to be your pageant sponsor? 116 00:07:04,549 --> 00:07:05,675 Think about it. 117 00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:09,012 It would be a great opportunity to spread the word about the grand reopening. 118 00:07:09,095 --> 00:07:11,640 And you'd be doing good for the community, 119 00:07:11,723 --> 00:07:15,143 supporting Patty's platform of raising awareness of eating disorders. 120 00:07:15,226 --> 00:07:17,646 What does Wiener Taco have to do with eating disorders? 121 00:07:17,729 --> 00:07:19,189 So glad you asked, Mr. Choi. 122 00:07:22,901 --> 00:07:26,696 Like any new restaurateur, you wanna widen your customer base. 123 00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:27,781 What better way to do that 124 00:07:27,864 --> 00:07:30,075 than by adding healthier options to the menu? 125 00:07:30,158 --> 00:07:31,534 What's a Leaner Wiener? 126 00:07:31,618 --> 00:07:33,954 It's the healthy version of the Wiener Taco. 127 00:07:34,037 --> 00:07:35,705 So like a turkey wiener, or a veggie wiener. 128 00:07:35,789 --> 00:07:38,416 Wouldn't that be a greener wiener? 129 00:07:40,251 --> 00:07:42,963 Imagine, a healthy eating campaign, 130 00:07:43,046 --> 00:07:45,882 fronted by Masonville's very own Miss Magic Jesus, 131 00:07:46,257 --> 00:07:48,677 who advocates for positive body image. 132 00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:50,637 Also, I could host your grand reopening. 133 00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:52,472 We could call you the Wiener Queen, 134 00:07:52,764 --> 00:07:54,224 or the Wiener Taco Belle. 135 00:07:54,557 --> 00:07:56,851 - We'll make you a Wiener crown. - Hold your roll, Choi. 136 00:07:56,935 --> 00:07:59,771 I just opened a business. What makes you think I have any money 137 00:07:59,854 --> 00:08:01,064 to throw at a pageant girl? 138 00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:03,066 A valid point, Mr. Choi. 139 00:08:04,192 --> 00:08:07,195 Which... is why I took the liberty 140 00:08:07,278 --> 00:08:10,615 of outlining this multi-pronged marketing plan. 141 00:08:15,286 --> 00:08:16,121 Mom? 142 00:08:16,913 --> 00:08:20,583 Herman Choi loved the Leaner Wiener pitch, and he's gonna sponsor me for regionals. 143 00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:23,336 Oh, yay! Oh, we both have good news. 144 00:08:23,420 --> 00:08:25,922 Oh, I got my period, dodged another pregnancy bullet. 145 00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:27,090 Up top. 146 00:08:28,258 --> 00:08:29,467 Oh, shit. 147 00:08:30,468 --> 00:08:32,137 So, how late are you? 148 00:08:32,721 --> 00:08:34,264 Maybe a week? 149 00:08:34,806 --> 00:08:37,058 Gotta keep a stash of condoms in your purse. 150 00:08:37,142 --> 00:08:38,226 We used one. 151 00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:41,271 Figures I would be in the unlucky two percent. 152 00:08:41,354 --> 00:08:43,273 He probably keeps 'em in his wallet. 153 00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:45,567 The heat from your butt breaks down the latex, 154 00:08:45,650 --> 00:08:47,235 lets the swimmers get through. 155 00:08:48,820 --> 00:08:51,114 Let's just hope this is a false alarm. 156 00:08:53,283 --> 00:08:56,286 So... your first time? 157 00:08:56,828 --> 00:08:58,204 It's a big deal. 158 00:08:58,371 --> 00:08:59,622 Yeah, he didn't think so. 159 00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:03,084 I told him I loved him afterwards. 160 00:09:03,460 --> 00:09:05,503 - You know what he said? - "Make me a sandwich"? 161 00:09:05,587 --> 00:09:08,923 "What's your name again"? "Don't tell my wife"? "I have cash"? 162 00:09:09,632 --> 00:09:11,176 Just some of my greatest hits. 163 00:09:12,469 --> 00:09:13,595 Yeah, no. 164 00:09:14,512 --> 00:09:17,849 Uh, he said... "That was fun." 165 00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:19,517 Oh, Patty. 166 00:09:20,185 --> 00:09:23,563 Nobody's first time is ever what they expected it to be. 167 00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:28,485 Mine was, well, totally wrong, all of it. 168 00:09:30,236 --> 00:09:31,863 I just want to forget about it. 169 00:09:34,449 --> 00:09:36,409 Hmm? 170 00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:38,078 Well... 171 00:09:38,536 --> 00:09:40,330 it's gonna be a little hard to do now. 172 00:09:45,668 --> 00:09:48,797 Who the hell gets pregnant the first time they have sex? 173 00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:51,508 After using a condom? I had to be cursed. 174 00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:53,468 I'm freaking the fuck out. 175 00:09:53,551 --> 00:09:55,720 Yeah, that's how I felt. 176 00:09:55,970 --> 00:09:57,764 I... I don't know what to do. 177 00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:03,269 Sweetie, you have to make the biggest decision of your life. 178 00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:06,815 Are you gonna tell Christian? 179 00:10:07,023 --> 00:10:10,151 Not until I decide what I'm gonna do. 180 00:10:12,904 --> 00:10:13,738 Right. 181 00:10:14,364 --> 00:10:15,281 All right. 182 00:10:16,366 --> 00:10:17,492 Okay. 183 00:10:19,369 --> 00:10:20,870 I never told you this before, 184 00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:24,833 but... I was gonna give you up for adoption. 185 00:10:25,416 --> 00:10:26,751 Wait, what? 186 00:10:26,835 --> 00:10:30,630 I was young, single, and I didn't want to get an abortion. 187 00:10:30,922 --> 00:10:32,882 I think a woman should have the right to choose. 188 00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:35,844 I do, but I... I just personally... 189 00:10:36,719 --> 00:10:37,720 I couldn't do it. 190 00:10:39,222 --> 00:10:40,098 Okay. 191 00:10:43,268 --> 00:10:45,061 When did you decide to keep me? 192 00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:46,896 Right after you were born. 193 00:10:48,523 --> 00:10:52,694 See, I fucked up when I asked the nurse if I could hold you, 194 00:10:52,777 --> 00:10:56,114 because I figured I'd give you a proper goodbye 195 00:10:56,197 --> 00:10:58,324 and then hand you off to people 196 00:10:58,408 --> 00:11:02,287 who were a little less, well... train-wrecky. 197 00:11:04,247 --> 00:11:09,961 But then I held you, and your little head smelled like cake. 198 00:11:11,754 --> 00:11:15,341 And you just looked up at me like you were just daring me to raise you. 199 00:11:17,051 --> 00:11:20,471 And that's when I knew I could never let you go. 200 00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:26,895 And you think that was a mistake? 201 00:11:27,228 --> 00:11:30,315 Oh, baby, no. No, no, no. Not for me. 202 00:11:31,274 --> 00:11:32,442 But for you? 203 00:11:34,944 --> 00:11:38,656 Maybe you could have had a better life with someone else. 204 00:11:40,742 --> 00:11:43,912 Well, then I wouldn't be me if I didn't have you. 205 00:11:44,871 --> 00:11:47,332 Right. Oh, my baby. 206 00:11:51,753 --> 00:11:53,254 So, what do you think I should do? 207 00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:58,885 The idea of my 17-year-old daughter having a baby seems ridiculous. 208 00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:02,138 And the idea of me being a grandma, come on. 209 00:12:06,100 --> 00:12:09,229 So you think I should have an abortion? 210 00:12:09,854 --> 00:12:11,022 Theoretically, yeah. 211 00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:14,234 But in reality, no. 212 00:12:15,526 --> 00:12:17,987 So I honestly don't know what to tell you. 213 00:12:18,905 --> 00:12:22,283 It's times like these I do wish you had a dad, 214 00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:25,245 or another person to weigh in. 215 00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:28,206 I have Bob. 216 00:12:29,791 --> 00:12:31,334 You know, yeah. 217 00:12:32,460 --> 00:12:33,836 Maybe you should talk to him. 218 00:12:42,053 --> 00:12:44,097 I was finally in an upswing, 219 00:12:44,180 --> 00:12:46,307 and with Brick away at a wrestling retreat, 220 00:12:46,391 --> 00:12:49,852 I could relax and get some much-needed self-care. 221 00:12:49,936 --> 00:12:52,355 Oh, sorry. Too deep? 222 00:12:52,438 --> 00:12:53,773 Never. 223 00:12:53,856 --> 00:12:56,526 Come on, Shane, you've been working on me for years. 224 00:12:56,734 --> 00:12:59,529 You should know by now, the deeper the better. 225 00:12:59,737 --> 00:13:00,571 Right. 226 00:13:01,823 --> 00:13:03,741 So, how's, uh...? How's Coralee? 227 00:13:04,575 --> 00:13:06,869 So much for relaxing. 228 00:13:10,248 --> 00:13:12,041 Hello? 229 00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:16,004 I'll... I'll be right there. 230 00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:23,011 My father had collapsed. Chest pains, they said. 231 00:13:23,094 --> 00:13:26,222 But until I knew more, I chose to stay calm. 232 00:13:29,267 --> 00:13:31,602 Until my own heart leapt out of my chest. 233 00:13:38,943 --> 00:13:40,069 I can't believe you're here. 234 00:13:40,153 --> 00:13:42,697 Well, I'm still your father's emergency contact. 235 00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:47,827 Plus, no matter what's going on between us... I'm still your wife. 236 00:13:48,119 --> 00:13:49,454 Where are you staying? 237 00:13:49,912 --> 00:13:53,791 - You could come home, and we could... - At the Palomino in town. 238 00:13:54,876 --> 00:13:57,337 - Have you talked to the doctors? - Not yet. 239 00:14:00,298 --> 00:14:01,924 It's Patty. 240 00:14:02,008 --> 00:14:04,469 - Hello? - Bob. Can you meet me in person? 241 00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:08,097 We need to talk. It's, uh, an emergency. 242 00:14:08,181 --> 00:14:10,808 Yeah, I'm kind of having my own emergency right now. 243 00:14:10,892 --> 00:14:14,645 - My dad's in the hospital. - Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. 244 00:14:14,812 --> 00:14:17,523 Never mind, we can talk later. You've got enough to deal with. 245 00:14:17,607 --> 00:14:20,485 Okay, just tell me now 'cause otherwise I'll worry. 246 00:14:20,568 --> 00:14:21,819 Not over the phone. 247 00:14:21,903 --> 00:14:24,655 - Patty, just spit it out. I don't... - I'm pregnant. 248 00:14:26,824 --> 00:14:28,868 - Is it Brick's? - It's Christian's. 249 00:14:29,118 --> 00:14:32,497 How could you be so irresponsible? 250 00:14:32,580 --> 00:14:34,457 I wasn't, we used a condom. 251 00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:37,794 I just have horrible luck, and now everything is ruined. 252 00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:41,130 Miss Magic Jesus, my future. Just please tell me what to do. 253 00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:43,341 My mom's too close to it. 254 00:14:43,424 --> 00:14:46,302 - You're my coach and my godfather. - I'm also a man, 255 00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:48,930 which means I have no right to tell you what to do with your body. 256 00:14:49,013 --> 00:14:50,890 Bob... is Patty pregnant? 257 00:14:51,140 --> 00:14:52,892 No. I... 258 00:14:53,226 --> 00:14:54,519 Mr. Armstrong? 259 00:14:54,977 --> 00:14:56,312 I gotta go. 260 00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:57,438 N... 261 00:15:03,194 --> 00:15:06,531 I couldn't believe everyone else got to go about their business, 262 00:15:06,614 --> 00:15:10,284 and I had to make the biggest decision of my life. 263 00:15:11,077 --> 00:15:12,036 How's my dad? 264 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:14,247 He's had a heart attack, he'll need a triple bypass. 265 00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:15,164 Oh, no. 266 00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:17,875 He's awake, and he wants to speak with you now. Alone. 267 00:15:26,592 --> 00:15:29,053 I haven't been in a hospital since my vasectomy. 268 00:15:29,971 --> 00:15:33,057 Scariest part of that was having another man shave my balls. 269 00:15:33,850 --> 00:15:35,852 Now, I could die. 270 00:15:36,185 --> 00:15:37,103 But... 271 00:15:37,186 --> 00:15:40,314 ...bypass surgery is a heart surgeon's bread and butter. 272 00:15:40,398 --> 00:15:41,983 I... I'm sure you'll be fine. 273 00:15:42,066 --> 00:15:43,401 On the off chance that I'm not, 274 00:15:43,484 --> 00:15:45,528 there's a few things I want to get off my chest. 275 00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:49,740 I know you and I haven't had the easiest relationship. 276 00:15:51,117 --> 00:15:52,994 I've been hard on you your whole life. 277 00:15:53,077 --> 00:15:55,746 - Yeah, but it's okay. We don't need... - There's a reason for that. 278 00:15:55,830 --> 00:15:56,998 Yeah. 279 00:15:57,373 --> 00:16:01,127 It's because the only ball I could throw was the kind where people danced. 280 00:16:02,670 --> 00:16:03,838 No. 281 00:16:05,381 --> 00:16:08,593 Because I always resented the attention you got from your mother. 282 00:16:09,844 --> 00:16:12,972 Oh, son, the two of you were like peas in a pod. 283 00:16:13,848 --> 00:16:17,185 You loved all the same things. Purses, shoes... 284 00:16:19,020 --> 00:16:20,146 I was jealous. 285 00:16:21,105 --> 00:16:23,483 You were closer to your mother than I could ever be. 286 00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:25,276 You were jealous of me? 287 00:16:25,776 --> 00:16:28,779 Your mother was the best thing that ever happened to me. 288 00:16:28,946 --> 00:16:31,157 And if you know what's good for you, 289 00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:34,202 you'll fight for the best thing that's ever happened to you. 290 00:16:35,369 --> 00:16:36,287 Coralee. 291 00:16:40,750 --> 00:16:41,709 I'm trying. 292 00:16:43,085 --> 00:16:44,170 Try harder. 293 00:16:52,803 --> 00:16:56,015 Mom didn't know what to tell me, Bob refused to weigh in. 294 00:16:56,307 --> 00:16:58,017 I might have been with child, 295 00:16:58,100 --> 00:17:00,853 but I had never felt more alone in my life. 296 00:17:04,023 --> 00:17:05,024 Oh. 297 00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:07,235 Hi. 298 00:17:07,693 --> 00:17:08,569 Hi. 299 00:17:10,988 --> 00:17:11,864 Are you okay? 300 00:17:11,948 --> 00:17:13,699 Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. 301 00:17:13,783 --> 00:17:16,035 You're doing that thing when you have a panic attack, 302 00:17:16,118 --> 00:17:18,621 and you're breathing fast and your nostrils flare. 303 00:17:18,704 --> 00:17:19,789 Okay, I'm not fine. 304 00:17:21,874 --> 00:17:22,708 So, talk to me. 305 00:17:23,376 --> 00:17:27,713 I thought you didn't want me to, after your confession? 306 00:17:28,130 --> 00:17:29,674 Yeah, well, I have Dee now. 307 00:17:30,341 --> 00:17:34,387 But having a girlfriend isn't the same as having a bestie. 308 00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:36,514 I know. 309 00:17:37,306 --> 00:17:39,225 I mean, not about having a girlfriend. 310 00:17:39,308 --> 00:17:41,227 I'm assuming it's the same as having a boyfriend. 311 00:17:41,310 --> 00:17:43,354 Not exactly. 312 00:17:44,689 --> 00:17:47,900 I mean... at least you guys don't have to worry about... 313 00:17:49,235 --> 00:17:52,280 one of you accidentally getting pregnant. 314 00:17:55,199 --> 00:17:57,034 Patty, are you pregnant? 315 00:18:03,791 --> 00:18:05,001 It's Christian's. 316 00:18:05,334 --> 00:18:07,962 I haven't told him yet. Not until I decide what to do. 317 00:18:08,045 --> 00:18:09,922 You're not thinking of keeping it, are you? 318 00:18:10,006 --> 00:18:11,340 I mean, my mom did. 319 00:18:11,674 --> 00:18:13,968 And if she hadn't, I wouldn't exist. 320 00:18:14,343 --> 00:18:16,679 She said she never felt love like that in her life. 321 00:18:18,014 --> 00:18:19,765 Maybe that's what'll make me feel whole. 322 00:18:19,849 --> 00:18:22,018 Patty, you're 17. 323 00:18:22,977 --> 00:18:24,604 You have no job, no money. 324 00:18:24,687 --> 00:18:26,814 You haven't even graduated from high school yet. 325 00:18:28,316 --> 00:18:32,111 And I think you and I can both agree, you're not exactly a role model. 326 00:18:39,785 --> 00:18:40,911 I'm getting an abortion. 327 00:18:41,203 --> 00:18:43,456 You... already decided? 328 00:18:43,539 --> 00:18:45,333 Well, what are you doing here? 329 00:18:45,416 --> 00:18:47,335 I... I thought you wanted to talk things through? 330 00:18:47,418 --> 00:18:49,962 I wanted to make sure you thought I was making the right choice. 331 00:18:51,255 --> 00:18:53,549 Oh, it doesn't matter what I think. 332 00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:55,968 You're the one who's gonna have to live with this decision 333 00:18:56,052 --> 00:18:57,219 for the rest of your life. 334 00:18:58,179 --> 00:19:01,891 I do have to let you know the state of Georgia requires parental consent. 335 00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:03,934 What? Why? It's my body. 336 00:19:04,018 --> 00:19:05,561 Not according to the law. 337 00:19:06,228 --> 00:19:08,773 I really don't want to put my mom in that position. 338 00:19:08,856 --> 00:19:11,192 - When do you turn 18? - In, like, a month. 339 00:19:12,318 --> 00:19:14,070 Waiting seems like a bad idea. 340 00:19:14,236 --> 00:19:15,154 Yeah, and... 341 00:19:15,946 --> 00:19:19,992 if I petition the court to waive parental consent... 342 00:19:21,035 --> 00:19:22,536 it could take even longer. 343 00:19:22,787 --> 00:19:24,705 Okay, it feels like there's no good choice. 344 00:19:24,789 --> 00:19:26,582 Well, sometimes there isn't. 345 00:19:30,544 --> 00:19:34,382 Should I see if Herman Choi can postpone the Wiener Taco grand reopening? 346 00:19:34,465 --> 00:19:36,634 We both have a lot on our minds. 347 00:19:36,717 --> 00:19:38,344 I need the distraction. 348 00:19:38,427 --> 00:19:40,554 But if you can't make it, I totally get it. 349 00:19:40,638 --> 00:19:41,472 I will. 350 00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:43,599 Good luck with your dad. 351 00:19:45,851 --> 00:19:48,104 Oh, so sorry. Bob. 352 00:19:48,312 --> 00:19:51,899 Hey, you're good with color. What do you think of a green wallpaper? 353 00:19:52,817 --> 00:19:55,986 - Hey, this one matches your eyes. - What are you doing here? 354 00:19:56,404 --> 00:19:57,947 - What? You don't know? - Know what? 355 00:19:58,698 --> 00:19:59,824 I work here now. 356 00:19:59,907 --> 00:20:01,617 I resigned from the DA's office. 357 00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:03,285 You work here? Since when? 358 00:20:03,369 --> 00:20:06,831 Today. Your father made me a huge offer. 359 00:20:06,914 --> 00:20:09,041 I guess having his heart attack made him take stock. 360 00:20:09,125 --> 00:20:11,627 - Said he's making some big changes. - Is this a f... joke? 361 00:20:11,711 --> 00:20:14,630 No, not at all. I'm just getting a head start redecorating my office. 362 00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:16,966 What... What about your plans to run for mayor? 363 00:20:17,049 --> 00:20:19,927 - Isn't it better for you to stay the DA? - Hmm... 364 00:20:20,302 --> 00:20:23,013 You sure ask a lot of questions for a guy using office hours 365 00:20:23,097 --> 00:20:24,807 to work with pageant clients. 366 00:20:24,890 --> 00:20:27,309 - Does your dad know you do that? - Back off, Bob! 367 00:20:30,146 --> 00:20:30,980 Hmm. 368 00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:38,654 How the hell am I going to tell my mom that I want an abortion, 369 00:20:38,863 --> 00:20:40,239 and that I need her to sign off? 370 00:20:40,322 --> 00:20:42,783 What about Christian? Have you told him yet? 371 00:20:44,076 --> 00:20:45,494 I don't know what to say. 372 00:20:47,496 --> 00:20:49,081 What are you doing? 373 00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:51,167 Drafting a text. 374 00:20:51,667 --> 00:20:54,587 "Hey, it's Patty. I'm knocked up and..." Uh... 375 00:20:55,796 --> 00:20:58,340 - Oops. - What? Oops what? 376 00:20:58,424 --> 00:21:00,968 - Did you accidentally send it? - Psych. 377 00:21:02,470 --> 00:21:04,638 - You're an asshole. - And you missed me. 378 00:21:04,722 --> 00:21:07,016 I super, super did. 379 00:21:08,267 --> 00:21:11,687 Oh! Hey, is this, like, okay? 380 00:21:13,814 --> 00:21:16,567 - I mean, you know, because the... - It's fine. 381 00:21:16,650 --> 00:21:18,986 So, you're totally over me? 382 00:21:20,029 --> 00:21:21,322 - It isn't weird? - No. 383 00:21:22,323 --> 00:21:23,657 It's like the opposite of weird. 384 00:21:23,949 --> 00:21:25,034 Ah... 385 00:21:25,201 --> 00:21:26,243 Awesome. 386 00:21:26,327 --> 00:21:30,080 'Cause I wanted to ask you to sleep over, but I didn't want it to be weird. 387 00:21:30,289 --> 00:21:32,041 But now that I know that it's not, can you? 388 00:21:32,750 --> 00:21:34,126 I don't want to be alone today. 389 00:21:34,919 --> 00:21:35,836 Sure. 390 00:21:36,545 --> 00:21:37,546 Absolutely. 391 00:21:43,385 --> 00:21:45,221 - Okay, you know what? - Hmm? 392 00:21:45,429 --> 00:21:46,388 It is weird. 393 00:21:47,181 --> 00:21:48,349 What? Why? 394 00:21:48,432 --> 00:21:49,975 Because you're on top of me. 395 00:21:50,267 --> 00:21:54,522 And I know it doesn't mean anything, but my body doesn't, and I just... 396 00:21:56,524 --> 00:21:59,318 I'll see you tomorrow at the Wiener Taco opening, okay? 397 00:22:05,783 --> 00:22:10,329 I was furious at my father for hiring Bob "Balls for Brains" Barnard. 398 00:22:10,412 --> 00:22:13,040 But I couldn't confront him on the eve of his surgery, 399 00:22:13,123 --> 00:22:17,002 so instead, I chose to focus on opening up Coralee's heart. 400 00:22:17,086 --> 00:22:20,005 And her shoulders, and her hip flexors, and her neck. 401 00:22:20,089 --> 00:22:21,131 Smells great. 402 00:22:21,632 --> 00:22:23,509 Coq au vin, it's Coralee's favorite. 403 00:22:24,426 --> 00:22:27,388 Things lately between us have been a little tense. 404 00:22:28,430 --> 00:22:31,684 Hello, Bob? I'm here, but I'm a little early. 405 00:22:31,767 --> 00:22:33,102 Sorry about that. 406 00:22:34,645 --> 00:22:36,021 What's all this? 407 00:22:36,814 --> 00:22:37,773 Shane? 408 00:22:37,857 --> 00:22:39,441 What's he doing here? 409 00:22:39,525 --> 00:22:42,319 I booked you a massage. 410 00:22:42,528 --> 00:22:44,864 And I cooked dinner and got flowers. 411 00:22:44,947 --> 00:22:46,657 Okay, I thought we were gonna talk. 412 00:22:46,991 --> 00:22:50,411 We are. I just... I wanted to show you how much I care. 413 00:22:50,494 --> 00:22:54,582 Do you think that wining and dining me is gonna make me forget about everything? 414 00:22:54,665 --> 00:22:56,333 - Because... - It's a Band-Aid, Bob. 415 00:22:57,459 --> 00:22:59,336 - Nobody asked you, Shane. - I'm just saying. 416 00:22:59,712 --> 00:23:02,256 I'm getting certified to be a life coach, 417 00:23:02,339 --> 00:23:06,343 and the first step in resolving any problem is radical honesty. 418 00:23:06,427 --> 00:23:07,595 So if you two were to sit... 419 00:23:07,678 --> 00:23:11,181 Shane, please pack up your stuff and go. 420 00:23:13,309 --> 00:23:16,186 - You know what? Maybe I should go, too. - No, don't. Don't. 421 00:23:16,437 --> 00:23:17,354 Please don't. 422 00:23:18,606 --> 00:23:19,690 Give me a chance. 423 00:23:20,733 --> 00:23:22,610 - So are you gonna Venmo me? - Shane, get out! 424 00:23:22,985 --> 00:23:25,112 Okay, no. Thank you very much, I appreciate it. 425 00:23:29,325 --> 00:23:30,284 You know what? 426 00:23:30,910 --> 00:23:33,287 Maybe that Shane did have a point. 427 00:23:35,247 --> 00:23:39,251 Complete radical honesty. 428 00:23:49,637 --> 00:23:52,056 - Ask me anything. - Okay, Stella Rose. 429 00:23:52,598 --> 00:23:54,850 Uh, when did it end? 430 00:23:55,100 --> 00:23:56,685 - Twenty years ago. - Why? 431 00:23:56,936 --> 00:23:59,313 You were pregnant, with Cat. 432 00:23:59,396 --> 00:24:00,773 Did she ask you to leave me? 433 00:24:00,856 --> 00:24:01,690 Yes. 434 00:24:01,774 --> 00:24:02,775 Did you consider? 435 00:24:02,858 --> 00:24:04,818 - Yes. - Fuck you, Bob. 436 00:24:04,902 --> 00:24:07,112 I'm being radically honest. 437 00:24:07,196 --> 00:24:08,113 I want you to trust me. 438 00:24:08,322 --> 00:24:09,198 Mm! 439 00:24:09,740 --> 00:24:11,367 Trust you? I hate you. 440 00:24:11,700 --> 00:24:13,953 Good. That means you still care. 441 00:24:15,245 --> 00:24:16,372 How was the sex? 442 00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:18,874 Good. 443 00:24:19,458 --> 00:24:21,585 Good, or great? 444 00:24:22,670 --> 00:24:26,298 - Different. - Oh, please explain in detail. 445 00:24:26,757 --> 00:24:32,054 She was into role-playing and light BDSM. 446 00:24:32,680 --> 00:24:33,722 Like spanking? 447 00:24:33,806 --> 00:24:35,849 Yeah. And other stuff, 448 00:24:35,933 --> 00:24:38,602 like bondage, and choking, 449 00:24:38,686 --> 00:24:41,438 and breath-play. 450 00:24:41,647 --> 00:24:43,816 What the fuck is breath-play, Bob? 451 00:24:48,237 --> 00:24:49,905 Do you think about her when you're alone? 452 00:24:51,281 --> 00:24:52,116 Sometimes. 453 00:24:52,199 --> 00:24:54,618 Do you think about her when you're with me? 454 00:24:55,369 --> 00:24:57,121 - Not anymore. - Did you love her? 455 00:24:57,538 --> 00:25:00,499 I did. Once. A long time ago. 456 00:25:00,916 --> 00:25:02,751 Did you love her more than you loved me? 457 00:25:02,835 --> 00:25:04,003 Never. 458 00:25:05,129 --> 00:25:07,423 Then what did she give you that I couldn't? 459 00:25:09,800 --> 00:25:13,971 She... appreciated the parts of me 460 00:25:14,221 --> 00:25:16,640 that you just don't understand. 461 00:25:16,724 --> 00:25:18,475 She... She saw me. 462 00:25:18,559 --> 00:25:19,893 Well, I see you. 463 00:25:19,977 --> 00:25:23,313 No, I know how you roll your eyes at me. 464 00:25:23,397 --> 00:25:26,567 All the pageant stuff. You... You think I'm ridiculous. 465 00:25:26,650 --> 00:25:29,319 No, I don't. I think you're evolved. 466 00:25:30,904 --> 00:25:34,116 You know, it takes a really secure man 467 00:25:34,533 --> 00:25:38,370 to put his ego aside and let a woman shine. 468 00:25:40,080 --> 00:25:43,625 And you've been doing that for me since the moment I met you. 469 00:25:45,169 --> 00:25:50,090 It's what made me finally feel... special. 470 00:25:54,178 --> 00:25:57,181 And I guess you found someone that made you feel that way. 471 00:26:00,517 --> 00:26:02,519 Just happened to be when we were married. 472 00:26:06,190 --> 00:26:09,193 Maybe one person can't give you everything that you need. 473 00:26:11,070 --> 00:26:11,904 You do. 474 00:26:13,906 --> 00:26:15,199 You do see me. 475 00:26:17,826 --> 00:26:21,413 And honestly, I've never been more in love with you than I am right now. 476 00:26:31,256 --> 00:26:33,008 The news was all good. 477 00:26:33,383 --> 00:26:35,803 Any blockages to my father's heart had been removed, 478 00:26:35,886 --> 00:26:39,223 and so had any obstacles between me and Coralee. 479 00:26:39,306 --> 00:26:40,182 Hey. 480 00:26:40,682 --> 00:26:41,642 Get a room. 481 00:26:43,143 --> 00:26:44,853 I see you took my advice. 482 00:26:45,062 --> 00:26:45,896 Yeah. 483 00:26:47,064 --> 00:26:47,981 Thanks for that. 484 00:26:48,982 --> 00:26:51,193 I'm surprised you were able to pull it off. 485 00:26:51,276 --> 00:26:54,988 Coralee, I thought you'd actually want a guy who was, 486 00:26:55,197 --> 00:26:58,367 you know, more like... a guy. 487 00:27:00,202 --> 00:27:01,078 Wow... 488 00:27:01,328 --> 00:27:05,707 Dad, you must be the only man in history 489 00:27:05,791 --> 00:27:09,670 to have a brush with mortality and become an even bigger asshole. 490 00:27:09,753 --> 00:27:11,380 - Okay, Bob. It's okay. - No. 491 00:27:11,463 --> 00:27:14,091 I thought we finally had a breakthrough. 492 00:27:14,174 --> 00:27:16,718 Just because we had one touchy-feely moment, 493 00:27:16,802 --> 00:27:19,179 doesn't mean I went soft like you. 494 00:27:19,263 --> 00:27:23,600 I can't believe you hired Bob "Backbiter" Barnard behind my back! 495 00:27:23,684 --> 00:27:24,852 It was just business. 496 00:27:25,102 --> 00:27:28,689 I didn't tell you because I didn't wanna deal with you having a temper tantrum. 497 00:27:28,772 --> 00:27:31,275 I am not having a tantrum! 498 00:27:31,358 --> 00:27:34,194 I am feeling hurt and angry! 499 00:27:34,278 --> 00:27:38,198 Okay, okay. Okay, Bob, let's just go have a time-out. It's okay. 500 00:27:42,619 --> 00:27:45,956 How could he hire Barnard? Knowing how I feel about him? 501 00:27:46,456 --> 00:27:47,666 I don't know. 502 00:27:48,250 --> 00:27:51,587 Actually, you do know, 'cause you did the same thing. 503 00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:54,715 You ran to Barnard behind my back. 504 00:27:54,798 --> 00:27:56,925 Why him of all people? 505 00:27:57,009 --> 00:28:00,762 Okay, you know what, Bob? I don't know. We're friends, and... 506 00:28:00,846 --> 00:28:02,973 Did you sleep with him? 507 00:28:03,056 --> 00:28:05,893 With Barnard? No, I did not sleep with him. 508 00:28:05,976 --> 00:28:08,395 Of course I did not sleep with him. 509 00:28:12,107 --> 00:28:13,275 Did...? 510 00:28:13,358 --> 00:28:14,735 Did you sleep with someone else? 511 00:28:17,279 --> 00:28:19,948 Oh, my God! Who is it? 512 00:28:20,282 --> 00:28:22,201 Coralee, you answer me right now. 513 00:28:22,284 --> 00:28:23,869 Radical honesty. 514 00:28:23,952 --> 00:28:25,787 Okay, it was Shane. 515 00:28:26,288 --> 00:28:28,665 Our massage therapist? 516 00:28:29,625 --> 00:28:31,710 He... He had his hands on my ass yesterday. 517 00:28:31,793 --> 00:28:33,378 You know what? You can't be mad. 518 00:28:33,462 --> 00:28:35,797 You cheated. I cheated. We both cheated. 519 00:28:35,881 --> 00:28:38,342 I slept with Stella Rose 20 years ago. 520 00:28:38,425 --> 00:28:40,594 You slept with Shane, what, 20 minutes ago? 521 00:28:48,977 --> 00:28:51,396 Bob, wait, you can't just leave. 522 00:28:51,480 --> 00:28:52,439 Why not? 523 00:28:52,981 --> 00:28:53,815 You did. 524 00:29:04,034 --> 00:29:08,080 It has recently been brought to my attention that you're pregnant. 525 00:29:08,372 --> 00:29:10,666 - Who told you that? - It doesn't matter. 526 00:29:10,749 --> 00:29:13,961 We cannot have an unwed pregnant teenager 527 00:29:14,044 --> 00:29:15,545 representing Miss Magic Jesus. 528 00:29:15,629 --> 00:29:17,506 Which is why I'm getting an abortion, 529 00:29:17,798 --> 00:29:20,008 - so nobody will have to know. - That is not any better. 530 00:29:20,759 --> 00:29:23,011 I'm sorry. I need to strip you of your crown. 531 00:29:23,095 --> 00:29:25,472 Wait, what? How is that fair? 532 00:29:25,555 --> 00:29:27,683 I can't be pregnant and I can't get an abortion? 533 00:29:27,891 --> 00:29:30,394 You should have thought about that before you had premarital sex. 534 00:29:31,061 --> 00:29:33,897 Right, because if a guy has sex, he's a stud, 535 00:29:33,981 --> 00:29:35,440 but if a girl does it, she's a slut? 536 00:29:35,524 --> 00:29:36,650 Patty, don't. 537 00:29:36,733 --> 00:29:39,736 - Don't you want to know who the father is? - It's me. I'm the father. 538 00:29:40,279 --> 00:29:43,365 My God, thank God you're safe. Your mom and I were so worried. 539 00:29:44,283 --> 00:29:45,951 Christian, what are you doing here? 540 00:29:46,034 --> 00:29:48,203 When you wouldn't answer my calls, I called your mom. 541 00:29:48,287 --> 00:29:51,415 - She told me you were in trouble. - Wait, did you say you're the father? 542 00:29:51,498 --> 00:29:53,542 - My mom told you? - No, not that you're pregnant. 543 00:29:53,625 --> 00:29:55,294 I had no idea until just now. 544 00:29:55,377 --> 00:29:57,796 I came back because I was worried something was really wrong, 545 00:29:57,879 --> 00:29:58,922 but this is so cool. 546 00:29:59,006 --> 00:30:01,216 I mean, we can get married, raise the baby together. 547 00:30:01,300 --> 00:30:03,051 What? No. No, I'm having an abortion. 548 00:30:03,135 --> 00:30:04,594 Okay, everybody, let's calm down. 549 00:30:04,678 --> 00:30:07,681 Patty could be a shining example of family values. 550 00:30:07,764 --> 00:30:09,349 You could totally let her keep the crown. 551 00:30:09,433 --> 00:30:12,102 I mean, you'd have to let me skip military school, but... 552 00:30:15,022 --> 00:30:16,231 Are you using me? 553 00:30:16,315 --> 00:30:17,274 No. 554 00:30:17,774 --> 00:30:18,608 I love you. 555 00:30:18,692 --> 00:30:19,568 No, you don't. 556 00:30:19,651 --> 00:30:20,819 I want us to be a family. 557 00:30:20,902 --> 00:30:22,321 You, me, and our baby. 558 00:30:22,404 --> 00:30:24,906 It's not a baby. Okay? There is no baby, it's just cells. 559 00:30:25,490 --> 00:30:27,075 This is why I didn't want to tell you. 560 00:30:28,827 --> 00:30:30,704 - What's wrong? - Ah! Ow! 561 00:30:35,042 --> 00:30:37,294 They say a child is a blessing. 562 00:30:38,211 --> 00:30:41,965 So the idea of losing one shouldn't have come as a surprise to someone like me. 563 00:30:42,049 --> 00:30:43,258 You're not pregnant. 564 00:30:43,592 --> 00:30:44,634 I'm having a miscarriage? 565 00:30:44,718 --> 00:30:47,054 No, I mean that you were never pregnant. 566 00:30:49,639 --> 00:30:51,892 The ultrasound revealed that you have a teratoma. 567 00:30:52,642 --> 00:30:54,561 - A what? - A teratoma. 568 00:30:55,145 --> 00:30:56,938 Also known as a chimera. 569 00:30:57,439 --> 00:31:00,984 It's a parasitic twin that you consumed in utero. 570 00:31:02,319 --> 00:31:03,820 I've never encountered one before. 571 00:31:03,904 --> 00:31:05,781 What the fuck are you talking about, lady? 572 00:31:05,864 --> 00:31:09,493 It's very, very rare. Maybe one in 40,000. 573 00:31:09,826 --> 00:31:12,329 Even less likely than getting knocked up with a condom. 574 00:31:12,412 --> 00:31:14,998 So I wasn't cursed. I was a freak. 575 00:31:15,082 --> 00:31:17,751 I took a pregnancy test. It came back positive. 576 00:31:17,834 --> 00:31:21,296 A teratoma can cause a missed period and a false positive. 577 00:31:21,671 --> 00:31:24,091 So, we're not having a baby? 578 00:31:24,591 --> 00:31:27,969 Wait. You're saying that I could have been a twin? But I ate it? 579 00:31:28,261 --> 00:31:30,430 - I wouldn't say that you ate it. - That's kind of badass. 580 00:31:30,514 --> 00:31:31,848 What is wrong with you? 581 00:31:31,932 --> 00:31:33,141 What is wrong with me? 582 00:31:33,558 --> 00:31:35,560 What kind of person eats her own twin? 583 00:31:35,644 --> 00:31:38,438 Just to be clear, I am definitely not saying that you ate it. 584 00:31:38,522 --> 00:31:39,940 It makes sense 585 00:31:40,023 --> 00:31:41,942 that you were a compulsive eater from the start. 586 00:31:43,527 --> 00:31:44,611 I'm a monster. 587 00:31:45,278 --> 00:31:46,363 No wonder you don't love me. 588 00:31:46,863 --> 00:31:47,864 But I do. 589 00:31:49,408 --> 00:31:50,659 Baby or no baby. 590 00:31:51,618 --> 00:31:55,205 I came back before I even knew that you were pregnant. Remember? 591 00:31:55,622 --> 00:31:57,624 Is it dangerous, this twin? 592 00:31:57,833 --> 00:31:59,167 Oh, she's fine. 593 00:31:59,251 --> 00:32:01,711 Today's incident was most likely caused by stress, 594 00:32:01,795 --> 00:32:05,465 but I'd still suggest having it removed to avoid further complications. 595 00:32:05,674 --> 00:32:06,758 You mean, like surgery? 596 00:32:07,092 --> 00:32:09,052 - Mm-hmm. - Can that be done, like, outpatient? 597 00:32:09,136 --> 00:32:10,804 It's major abdominal surgery. 598 00:32:11,096 --> 00:32:14,599 It's three days in the hospital, maybe eight weeks to fully recover. 599 00:32:14,683 --> 00:32:17,477 Mm-mm. Regionals are in a month and a half. 600 00:32:17,561 --> 00:32:18,895 You wouldn't be able to compete. 601 00:32:18,979 --> 00:32:21,231 Is it...? Is it okay to wait? 602 00:32:22,357 --> 00:32:26,445 Uh, she has had it her whole life, and it's only now become symptomatic. 603 00:32:26,987 --> 00:32:29,114 I'd say another month or two won't hurt. 604 00:32:30,740 --> 00:32:33,243 I can't believe I could have had another kid. 605 00:32:33,618 --> 00:32:34,995 I can't believe I'm not pregnant. 606 00:32:35,203 --> 00:32:38,957 I can't believe you get to keep your crown. Right? 607 00:32:39,499 --> 00:32:41,293 I need to talk to Patty alone. 608 00:32:41,877 --> 00:32:43,336 This thing inside you... 609 00:32:43,420 --> 00:32:45,088 Can you talk to her later? 610 00:32:45,172 --> 00:32:49,009 Patty, the Wiener Taco grand reopening started 20 minutes ago. 611 00:32:49,551 --> 00:32:51,011 You feeling up to it? 612 00:32:53,013 --> 00:32:54,890 Of course I was feeling up to it. 613 00:32:54,973 --> 00:32:57,809 I wasn't cursed, I was lucky as shit! 614 00:32:58,393 --> 00:33:00,395 I had dodged a pregnancy bullet. 615 00:33:00,729 --> 00:33:03,106 Nothing could rain on my Wiener Taco parade. 616 00:33:03,982 --> 00:33:07,652 Sure, I had a weird absorbed twin, but that was a problem for another day. 617 00:33:08,820 --> 00:33:10,197 Patty, we need to talk. 618 00:33:11,031 --> 00:33:13,492 Um, can we talk later? I have Wiener Queen duty. 619 00:33:13,575 --> 00:33:16,411 No wiener is more important than your spiritual sanctity. 620 00:33:17,287 --> 00:33:20,165 Forget about regionals, we need to get that thing out of you. 621 00:33:20,582 --> 00:33:22,501 Whatever's inside of you is pure evil. 622 00:33:23,126 --> 00:33:24,711 - What? - I felt it 623 00:33:24,794 --> 00:33:27,589 when I laid my hands on you before your baptism. 624 00:33:27,672 --> 00:33:29,049 Now I understand why. 625 00:33:29,549 --> 00:33:31,343 I thought the baptism would take care of it, 626 00:33:31,426 --> 00:33:33,220 but it's so much worse than I thought. 627 00:33:33,303 --> 00:33:36,139 I don't know if that thing is mad that it never got born, 628 00:33:36,223 --> 00:33:38,517 or if there's some kind of demon... 629 00:33:38,600 --> 00:33:42,646 Wait. Are you saying I could have an actual demon inside me? 630 00:33:42,729 --> 00:33:43,897 - That's crazy. - Is it? 631 00:33:44,523 --> 00:33:47,400 You said it yourself, you thought you couldn't be saved. 632 00:33:47,484 --> 00:33:50,695 I've also said I had a demon, but I didn't mean it literally. 633 00:33:50,904 --> 00:33:53,114 - Thank God you're here. - What happened? 634 00:33:53,198 --> 00:33:56,034 Explain later. It's time to unveil the Ween-Mobile. 635 00:33:58,703 --> 00:34:00,205 - Patty. - Stay away from her. 636 00:34:00,288 --> 00:34:01,331 She's bad news. 637 00:34:01,414 --> 00:34:04,084 - But I love her. - Military school is still an option. 638 00:34:04,167 --> 00:34:07,796 We do not want to have another situation like we did in Brazil, do we? 639 00:34:14,636 --> 00:34:16,263 - What is she doing here? - Ah. 640 00:34:16,888 --> 00:34:19,683 I thought you told Pastor Mike she was pregnant? 641 00:34:20,684 --> 00:34:22,394 Let me do some recon. 642 00:34:32,571 --> 00:34:33,947 - Patty didn't lose her crown... - Jeez! 643 00:34:34,030 --> 00:34:35,031 ...for being pregnant? 644 00:34:35,115 --> 00:34:38,410 - How did you know she was pregnant? - The office walls are thin. 645 00:34:38,493 --> 00:34:40,161 I heard the entire conversation. 646 00:34:40,579 --> 00:34:42,038 Are you the one who told Pastor Mike? 647 00:34:42,872 --> 00:34:46,334 You can't keep secrets from me. Especially now that I'm your boss. 648 00:34:47,335 --> 00:34:48,461 Sorry, you're my what? 649 00:34:48,545 --> 00:34:51,256 Yeah, your father's retiring, making me senior partner. 650 00:34:51,339 --> 00:34:53,466 From now on, you report to me. 651 00:34:53,800 --> 00:34:56,344 Figured your name should be smaller because I'm senior partner. 652 00:34:56,428 --> 00:34:58,263 Are you... kidding me? 653 00:34:58,847 --> 00:35:01,975 You humiliate me at the mother-daughter pageant. 654 00:35:02,434 --> 00:35:04,894 You weasel your way into my marriage. 655 00:35:04,978 --> 00:35:08,440 You are constantly trying to sabotage Patty. 656 00:35:08,523 --> 00:35:11,693 And now this. I mean, what did I ever do to you? 657 00:35:11,776 --> 00:35:14,863 This isn't about you, Bob. This is about survival. 658 00:35:15,447 --> 00:35:16,323 This... 659 00:35:17,449 --> 00:35:20,910 I made a couple of bad investments, and I am damn near broke. 660 00:35:21,911 --> 00:35:23,413 When I heard about your father's health, 661 00:35:23,496 --> 00:35:25,915 I told him he needed to think about his legacy. 662 00:35:25,999 --> 00:35:27,959 - Wait a minute. - So this was your idea? 663 00:35:28,043 --> 00:35:30,962 He was more than happy to turn the company over to a better man. 664 00:35:33,006 --> 00:35:36,635 And now, introducing the Wieneriffic Ween-Mobile. 665 00:35:37,218 --> 00:35:39,262 So you can get your wieners when you're in-between-er. 666 00:35:52,317 --> 00:35:53,610 Give me that crown! 667 00:35:54,694 --> 00:35:55,570 What? 668 00:35:56,321 --> 00:35:59,741 Patty Bladell had a wiener in her taco. 669 00:36:00,408 --> 00:36:01,910 She's a knocked-up slut. 670 00:36:01,993 --> 00:36:03,745 I am not. I have a teratoma. 671 00:36:03,828 --> 00:36:05,955 That's not even a real word. 672 00:36:06,706 --> 00:36:07,540 Give it to me! 673 00:36:15,799 --> 00:36:18,134 Patty. 674 00:36:28,311 --> 00:36:32,273 Just save it, all right? Just don't even start. 675 00:36:37,529 --> 00:36:38,363 Bob... 676 00:36:39,698 --> 00:36:40,532 you're beautiful. 677 00:36:44,786 --> 00:36:45,995 Oh! 678 00:36:54,504 --> 00:36:55,547 Hey! Hey, quit. 679 00:36:56,256 --> 00:36:57,215 Quit it! 680 00:36:57,298 --> 00:36:58,800 Wh... Wh... 681 00:36:59,050 --> 00:37:00,802 Why do you keep fucking with me? 682 00:37:01,469 --> 00:37:02,971 Do you really hate me that much? 683 00:37:03,513 --> 00:37:04,639 I love you. 684 00:37:06,224 --> 00:37:08,309 What do you mean, you love me? 685 00:37:11,604 --> 00:37:13,314 Since we were 14 years old. 686 00:37:13,940 --> 00:37:15,775 That's why we couldn't be friends anymore, 687 00:37:15,859 --> 00:37:18,820 because I knew what I wanted, and I knew you didn't want it. 688 00:37:20,488 --> 00:37:21,406 I... I don't. 689 00:38:01,988 --> 00:38:04,699 - She has teeth like a shark! - Holy shit, she has fangs! 690 00:38:04,783 --> 00:38:07,285 You... bitch. 691 00:38:28,807 --> 00:38:30,183 Oh, my God! 692 00:38:37,524 --> 00:38:40,527 I had been so worried I created a life, 693 00:38:40,610 --> 00:38:43,863 but now I may have taken one. 694 00:38:45,406 --> 00:38:47,325 Maybe Pastor Mike was right, 695 00:38:47,408 --> 00:38:50,119 maybe there was evil inside me. 696 00:38:50,537 --> 00:38:52,789 I always knew there was something wrong with me. 697 00:38:52,872 --> 00:38:55,208 My eating, my rage. 698 00:38:56,918 --> 00:38:58,628 What if I wasn't cursed? 699 00:38:58,711 --> 00:39:00,630 What if I was possessed? 700 00:39:01,881 --> 00:39:04,217 How the hell do you abort a demon?