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Welcome to Noman,
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the island home of the once
famous author, Harry March.
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Harry calls
his island Noman
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so that if anyone
ever asks him,
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"Noman, what's that?",
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he can simply answer,
"Noman is an island."
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To date,
no one has asked.
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Perched on
the opposite shore
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is the 36,000
square foot castle
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belonging to the heard
of but rarely seen,
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Mr. and Mrs. Lapham.
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And today, while the Laphams
plan their housewarming party
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and big reveal
of the prodigious facelift
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made to their castle,
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Harry March has plans
of his own.
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Devious plans.
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Hector!
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God damn it, Hector!
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Hey, taketh not
the Lord's name in vain.
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What happened, Harry?
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I rolled over on him
when you guys woke me up.
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I didn't know he was
in the bed and he bit me!
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You bite him back?
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Look, I'm sorry about
all the banging this early,
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all right,
he's pushing us.
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And what does
Mr. Lapham require today?
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The usual Harry,
everything.
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You know, ten months
is no time for a job this big
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and to top it all off,
he's having a party now.
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Ten months?
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Has it only
been ten months?
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Morning, Hector.
Your master's in
a pissy mood this morning.
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The Lord God
is my master.
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How goes the erection?
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00:03:11,258 --> 00:03:14,896
He wants another floor.
Four floors.
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Yeah, well that's because
no one else has more than three.
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So what do
we have so far?
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A state
of the art kitchen,
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a state
of the art movie theater,
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a state
of the art toilet?
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Twenty-six toilets, Harry.
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- Are they all
in bathrooms?
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A sun deck, a moon deck,
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a hot tub, a cold tub,
a pool to die for.
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You'll write a novel
about it one day, Harry.
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There's an idea.
Do some writing for a change.
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Be quiet.
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I am quiet.
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00:04:02,877 --> 00:04:06,814
Hombres, good news.
I just called ICE.
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00:04:06,848 --> 00:04:10,450
- Har--
- Soon, you're gonna be able
to ditch your girlfriends
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00:04:10,484 --> 00:04:13,921
and go home to your wives
and their mothers.
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Señor, señor,
moment, moment.
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The men, we're betting on,
how old you are.
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How old are you?
Come on.
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One hundred and twelve.
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One hundred and twelve?
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00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:30,004
Miguel, Miguel,
you win, 112.
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00:04:30,037 --> 00:04:33,674
Hey, just get back
to work, break's over.
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00:04:33,708 --> 00:04:36,376
Listen, Harry, I'm glad
to have the work, okay,
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but what the guy wants
with 180,000 square feet,
I don't know.
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I didn't make the world,
I barely live in it.
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Oscar Levant, Humoresque?
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Your son, Kevin,
is the only person around here
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who knows anything
about the past.
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00:04:57,965 --> 00:05:00,067
Except for you,
Mr. Dead.
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00:05:00,101 --> 00:05:03,370
So when's he cutting down
the trees and ruining my view?
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00:05:04,105 --> 00:05:05,840
Well, that's next week.
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00:05:07,474 --> 00:05:10,645
Mr. March, how did Mr. Lapham
make his money anyways?
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00:05:10,678 --> 00:05:12,479
Jack.
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Asparagus tongs.
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00:05:17,051 --> 00:05:20,888
His great grandfather
invented the asparagus tongs.
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00:05:20,922 --> 00:05:23,524
Then, he branched out.
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00:05:23,558 --> 00:05:27,028
He made nutcrackers,
he made lobster crackers,
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00:05:27,061 --> 00:05:30,898
grape scissors,
little spoons for escargot.
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His family makes
a fortune from grasping.
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Does he work?
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He blogs.
He writes aphorism.
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Lapham's aphoms, drops one
off every day for my crew.
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Listen to this one.
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"He does not promote himself
will not be promoted."
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No shit.
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I like yesterday's better.
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"More is more."
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I memorized
that one, Harry.
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Ooh, that's a good one.
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Hang in there, Harry.
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The end is near.
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As if I needed reminding.
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Harry March,
the last and the least
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of three generations
of Marches
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who have lived year round
on the once tranquil island
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in a once tranquil quogue.
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Marches of the past
reared strong
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and handsome
families in this house,
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which was strong
and handsome once
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as was
its current resident.
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00:07:02,123 --> 00:07:04,725
Why are you going
to Chautauqua again?
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I'm giving a lecture.
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00:07:06,594 --> 00:07:09,697
I don't want to,
but I already took their money.
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00:07:09,730 --> 00:07:12,600
Yippy,
upstate New York.
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00:07:12,633 --> 00:07:14,869
Why do people
give lectures anyway?
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To hear themselves talk.
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I forgot, what
is this lecture about?
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It's on the meaning
of the 20th century.
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I'm glad I didn't wait
till the last minute.
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- Can I hear it?
- Sure.
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00:07:27,248 --> 00:07:31,552
The 20th century,
100 years of progress.
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00:07:31,585 --> 00:07:33,087
In early America,
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money alone couldn't
buy a social position.
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Today, nobody cares.
That's my lecture.
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You've been a wonderful
audience. I'm here till
doomsday.
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Hey, isn't it about time
for one of your daily naps?
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Ah, you're such a cliché.
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I'm a cliché?
What do you call a talking dog?
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Bite me.
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Don't tempt me.
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Harry had
just one more item
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and his furtive masterpiece
was all but complete.
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Harry loathed
the mainland,
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the people, the exercise,
the whole experience.
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He did all
he could to avoid it.
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00:08:16,831 --> 00:08:20,001
But today,
Harry had a reason.
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It was
a necessary disruption
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to the usual isolation
and quiet that he cherished.
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Harry March
was a man on a mission.
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So tell me
about Southampton.
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Noise and gossip.
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And West Hampton?
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Noise and gossip
and dentists.
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00:08:41,055 --> 00:08:42,723
So what
about East Hampton?
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- Noise and gossip.
- That's it?
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Mr. March! Mr. March!
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Skippy Brewster
from the club.
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Ah, yes, the club.
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We'd love for you
to join, Mr. March.
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You know the door's
always open for you.
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My gerulaitis,
it's a killer.
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Oh, well, uh,
we're forming a committee
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to stop the Shinnecocks
from opening a casino
down there in Southampton.
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00:09:04,078 --> 00:09:08,115
We're calling it the citizens
opposing the casino or COC.
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COC?
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00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:15,589
We'd like to have you sign
a petition, Mr. March.
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You can count on me.
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Great, you know
they're really awful.
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They claim they own the land
around here, they always do.
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00:09:23,264 --> 00:09:25,199
Quite frankly,
Mr. March,
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I don't think
they're real Indians.
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I think they're
something worse.
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Worse than Indians?
You mean Mexicans
and Muslims?
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Nice to know
you're with us, Mr. March.
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Ahoy.
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Asshole.
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00:09:40,648 --> 00:09:42,683
What do Hamptonites
do in the daytime?
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00:09:42,716 --> 00:09:44,985
They speak
of their careers.
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00:09:45,019 --> 00:09:46,153
Why do they do that?
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Makes them happy.
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Sometimes they even
advance their careers
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by speaking
to other Hamptonites.
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That's why they live here.
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Oh, that's nice.
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It's not nice.
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None of this is nice.
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But isn't
a career important?
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00:10:02,203 --> 00:10:05,673
Not when it interferes
with a life.
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00:10:05,706 --> 00:10:08,142
What else do
Hamptonites do in the daytime?
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- They make themselves beautiful.
- - And what else?
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They prepare to attend
parties or throw parties.
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And what else?
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00:10:16,117 --> 00:10:18,285
They dream up great works.
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What becomes of them?
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Nothing.
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00:10:21,288 --> 00:10:22,990
And what else?
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00:10:23,023 --> 00:10:25,860
They hope other Hamptonites
are thinking of them.
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00:10:25,893 --> 00:10:27,795
They hope everyone
is thinking well of them.
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00:10:27,828 --> 00:10:29,430
And are they?
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No and no.
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00:10:31,198 --> 00:10:33,767
Are there any poor
people in the Hamptons?
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00:10:33,801 --> 00:10:36,170
Yes, but they're
not allowed out.
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00:10:36,203 --> 00:10:38,839
What about Kevin?
Is he rich, too?
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00:10:38,873 --> 00:10:41,709
Kevin? No Kevin works
for a living.
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00:10:41,742 --> 00:10:43,944
Like you?
Tell me.
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00:10:51,352 --> 00:10:53,287
So?
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00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:55,956
Don't worry
about the Hamptons.
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They're all the same.
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00:10:58,125 --> 00:11:01,428
The same shops,
the same roads,
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the same geraniums
in the same pots,
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00:11:04,832 --> 00:11:09,770
- same sub-zero refrigerators and wolf stoves...
- - Uh-huh.
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00:11:09,803 --> 00:11:12,039
...same shellacked faces...
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00:11:12,072 --> 00:11:13,207
Yeah.
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00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:16,076
...same opinions
on the same issues,
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00:11:16,110 --> 00:11:17,945
same hummus
on the same chips.
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00:11:17,978 --> 00:11:20,247
Oh no, no,
not another lecture.
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00:11:20,281 --> 00:11:23,184
Can't you just save it
for the Chappaquiddicks?
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00:11:23,217 --> 00:11:26,253
You brought up the subject
so you get the subject.
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00:11:26,287 --> 00:11:28,956
I was only trying
to pass the time pleasantly
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00:11:28,989 --> 00:11:30,391
on a summer's day.
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00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:34,995
The Hamptons
are all the same
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00:11:36,463 --> 00:11:39,900
and all the world wants
what the Hamptons have
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00:11:39,934 --> 00:11:44,205
so that it too can have
everything and be empty
at the core.
200
00:11:44,238 --> 00:11:47,341
And you know
who embodies and symbolizes,
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00:11:47,374 --> 00:11:52,079
generates and perpetuates
this universal vacuity?
202
00:11:52,112 --> 00:11:54,949
I do, but you're going
to tell me anyway, aren't you?
203
00:11:54,982 --> 00:11:57,851
Correct, Lapham.
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00:12:00,054 --> 00:12:02,856
No, you're kidding.
205
00:12:02,890 --> 00:12:04,959
You're very annoying,
you know?
206
00:12:04,992 --> 00:12:08,229
We're both very annoying.
That's why we're friends.
207
00:12:08,262 --> 00:12:09,997
Are we friends?
208
00:12:10,030 --> 00:12:11,865
Of course,
we're friends.
209
00:12:16,337 --> 00:12:19,373
You have a package
for Harry March?
210
00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:20,874
You order the horse hair?
211
00:12:20,908 --> 00:12:21,976
Yes, do you have it?
212
00:12:22,009 --> 00:12:24,011
I've got it, all right.
213
00:12:30,417 --> 00:12:33,387
Mind if I ask what you're
going to do with horse hair?
214
00:12:33,420 --> 00:12:35,055
I'm building a horse.
215
00:12:51,839 --> 00:12:55,042
Hey Harry,
it's Kathy time.
216
00:12:55,075 --> 00:12:56,477
Kathy time.
217
00:13:01,282 --> 00:13:02,783
Kathy time.
218
00:13:03,618 --> 00:13:06,086
It's Kathy time!
219
00:13:08,055 --> 00:13:09,957
At this moment
in the Hamptons,
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00:13:09,990 --> 00:13:12,092
not a single nail
is nailed.
221
00:13:12,126 --> 00:13:15,095
No one gives kudos
or draws raves.
222
00:13:15,129 --> 00:13:17,264
No one plans
a benefit dinner.
223
00:13:17,298 --> 00:13:20,134
Nothing makes a sound.
224
00:13:20,167 --> 00:13:23,237
The universe lies
in respectful silence
225
00:13:23,270 --> 00:13:27,374
as sex and commerce
find their apogee
226
00:13:27,408 --> 00:13:30,911
in Kathy Polite's
morning swim.
227
00:13:32,012 --> 00:13:34,081
Morning, Miss Polite.
228
00:13:34,114 --> 00:13:39,253
That's Polite, as you perfectly
well know, Wrinkles.
229
00:13:39,286 --> 00:13:40,921
I apologize.
230
00:13:40,954 --> 00:13:42,557
I was just trying
to be polite.
231
00:13:42,590 --> 00:13:45,926
Huh, you're terrible,
Harry.
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00:13:45,959 --> 00:13:49,096
I don't know why I bother
to pedal over to you.
233
00:13:49,129 --> 00:13:53,867
I'll never sell you anything,
you old skin flint.
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00:13:53,901 --> 00:13:57,304
Why do all the men
around here stop whatever
they're doing every morning
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00:13:57,338 --> 00:13:59,006
to watch Miss Polite?
236
00:13:59,039 --> 00:14:00,407
What's it called?
237
00:14:00,441 --> 00:14:04,011
Skinny dipping.
238
00:14:04,044 --> 00:14:07,314
That's how
she advertises
her real estate business?
239
00:14:07,348 --> 00:14:10,184
It's more cost effective
than sending out brochures.
240
00:14:10,217 --> 00:14:12,620
Is this what
they call an open house?
241
00:14:12,654 --> 00:14:14,488
In a way.
242
00:14:17,257 --> 00:14:22,229
It draws a lot of attention, this skinny dipping.
Why don't I get it?
243
00:14:24,031 --> 00:14:26,333
We took care
of that a long time ago.
244
00:14:27,301 --> 00:14:28,603
Hi boys.
245
00:14:28,636 --> 00:14:31,205
Hi.
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00:14:32,940 --> 00:14:35,610
Harry, you need
some new clothes.
247
00:14:35,643 --> 00:14:39,079
And... you do not.
248
00:14:41,949 --> 00:14:44,118
Why don't you
join me today, Wrinkles?
249
00:14:44,151 --> 00:14:47,488
Well, I haven't got the time.
I gotta go wash my duck.
250
00:14:47,522 --> 00:14:50,891
- You're what?
- Oh, I'm shocked.
251
00:14:52,159 --> 00:14:53,961
What's wrong
with your ear, Harry?
252
00:14:53,994 --> 00:14:56,296
Did you pull a Van Gogh?
253
00:14:56,330 --> 00:15:01,034
Yeah, buttercup,
I cut it off as a passionate
gesture of love for you.
254
00:15:01,068 --> 00:15:03,270
Actually, I was trying
to cut my throat.
255
00:15:03,303 --> 00:15:06,106
Not if I get there first.
256
00:15:06,140 --> 00:15:07,374
Mmmm.
257
00:15:13,013 --> 00:15:14,948
You ought to unload
this place, Harry.
258
00:15:14,982 --> 00:15:16,950
Why don't you
get back to work?
259
00:15:16,984 --> 00:15:19,420
You really oughta sell,
you know?
260
00:15:19,453 --> 00:15:24,358
You may be worthless but this
island, what do you call it?
261
00:15:24,391 --> 00:15:26,293
- Noman.
- That's right.
262
00:15:26,326 --> 00:15:30,297
So if anyone ever asks,
has anyone ever asked yet?
263
00:15:31,666 --> 00:15:34,334
Don't forget
the bottoms, honey.
264
00:15:34,368 --> 00:15:39,139
Oh really, Harry,
your family's been here, what,
265
00:15:39,173 --> 00:15:41,475
since the Puritans?
266
00:15:41,509 --> 00:15:44,445
Don't you think it's time
for a change?
267
00:15:44,478 --> 00:15:46,681
Spread your wings, Wrinkles.
268
00:15:46,714 --> 00:15:49,551
You should be more ambitious
like Mr. Lapham.
269
00:15:49,584 --> 00:15:51,151
Have you met him?
270
00:15:52,554 --> 00:15:55,757
As yet, I've not had
the honor of his acquaintance,
271
00:15:55,790 --> 00:15:58,593
but I'm very pleased to say
that that situation
272
00:15:58,626 --> 00:16:02,162
will be remedied
this evening at his party.
273
00:16:02,196 --> 00:16:03,464
Are you invited?
274
00:16:03,497 --> 00:16:05,567
No.
275
00:16:05,600 --> 00:16:08,168
Well I shall shake
his hand warmly and say,
276
00:16:08,202 --> 00:16:10,337
"It is people like you, sir,
277
00:16:10,370 --> 00:16:13,307
who make the Hamptons
the Hamptons."
278
00:16:13,340 --> 00:16:16,210
You said it.
279
00:16:16,243 --> 00:16:18,045
I love the Hamptons.
280
00:16:18,078 --> 00:16:21,616
Me too, sometimes,
281
00:16:21,649 --> 00:16:24,719
and this is about
to be one of those times
282
00:16:26,688 --> 00:16:29,557
Mmm mmm,
there you go, honey.
283
00:16:46,708 --> 00:16:48,543
9.9!
284
00:16:52,179 --> 00:16:53,815
All right, fellas,
go back to work, come on.
285
00:17:31,686 --> 00:17:33,320
Let's give it a go.
286
00:17:34,589 --> 00:17:36,323
Okay, let's try.
287
00:17:42,630 --> 00:17:44,131
Ready?
288
00:17:44,666 --> 00:17:46,734
Uno,
289
00:17:46,768 --> 00:17:48,268
dos,
290
00:17:48,302 --> 00:17:50,137
tres!
291
00:18:09,557 --> 00:18:10,558
Jose!
292
00:18:18,298 --> 00:18:20,602
Stop! Stop!
293
00:18:22,269 --> 00:18:25,506
Praise the Lord,
it's the rapture!
294
00:18:27,341 --> 00:18:29,376
Stop!
295
00:18:30,845 --> 00:18:33,213
Harry, sorry,
I meant to warn ya.
296
00:18:33,246 --> 00:18:35,482
Sorry Harry,
but we have
to give it a test.
297
00:18:35,516 --> 00:18:36,718
What is that thing?
298
00:18:36,751 --> 00:18:38,553
It's a Tillis Blowhard.
299
00:18:38,586 --> 00:18:41,221
It's the most powerful
air conditioner ever built.
300
00:18:41,254 --> 00:18:42,924
A Telis what?
301
00:18:42,957 --> 00:18:46,661
Tillis, Harry, Tillis,
rhymes with Phyllis.
302
00:18:46,694 --> 00:18:51,799
Well, why the fuck
does it have to be so loud?
303
00:18:51,833 --> 00:18:54,669
The power,
it not only cools
the house,
304
00:18:54,702 --> 00:18:56,470
it cools
the whole property too.
305
00:18:56,504 --> 00:19:00,642
It's brand new, Mr. Lapham has
the first one in the whole
world.
306
00:19:00,675 --> 00:19:02,844
What do you mean
it cools the whole property?
307
00:19:02,877 --> 00:19:05,613
You mean it cools
the air outside the house?
308
00:19:05,647 --> 00:19:07,849
Exactly,
the thermostat is so sensitive
309
00:19:07,882 --> 00:19:10,718
that whenever the temperature
around Lapham's house
310
00:19:10,752 --> 00:19:13,286
rises by even
a degree over 65,
311
00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:15,890
it pumps cold air
through the blower
312
00:19:15,923 --> 00:19:17,725
with the force
of a hurricane.
313
00:19:17,759 --> 00:19:19,727
I've never seen anything
like it, Harry.
314
00:19:19,761 --> 00:19:21,763
The whole enchilada.
315
00:19:21,796 --> 00:19:25,432
Did you really
just say that?
316
00:19:25,465 --> 00:19:28,636
He's amazing.
You know, the more he has,
the more he wants,
317
00:19:28,670 --> 00:19:32,674
a bowling alley,
a chapel, a bomb shelter,
318
00:19:32,707 --> 00:19:34,509
more is more, Harry.
319
00:19:48,288 --> 00:19:51,258
The biggest house
with the biggest everything
320
00:19:51,291 --> 00:19:52,894
now also has a contraption
321
00:19:52,927 --> 00:19:55,697
that alters
the very air we breathe,
322
00:19:55,730 --> 00:19:57,532
or Lapham breathes.
323
00:19:57,565 --> 00:19:59,667
Now do you get it?
324
00:19:59,701 --> 00:20:03,604
An outdoor
air conditioner,
hm, sounds cool to me.
325
00:20:04,972 --> 00:20:08,341
What I am telling you,
my holy rolling friend,
326
00:20:08,375 --> 00:20:10,678
is the force
that nearly deafened you
327
00:20:10,712 --> 00:20:14,247
is the force that's destroying
the 21st century.
328
00:20:14,281 --> 00:20:15,983
You're just
anti-conservative.
329
00:20:16,017 --> 00:20:18,452
People in the Hamptons
hate conservatives,
330
00:20:18,485 --> 00:20:20,855
but everybody will be
conservative eventually.
331
00:20:20,888 --> 00:20:22,790
That's what I think.
332
00:20:22,824 --> 00:20:24,692
Well, don't waste
that wisdom on me.
333
00:20:24,726 --> 00:20:28,328
Be a true evangelical,
go door to door.
334
00:20:28,361 --> 00:20:30,832
In the same house?
335
00:20:30,865 --> 00:20:34,267
- But why can't we have both?
- Both what?
336
00:20:34,301 --> 00:20:37,437
Why can't we have
riches on Earth and riches
in paradise?
337
00:20:37,471 --> 00:20:39,841
I say aim for the skies.
338
00:20:42,409 --> 00:20:46,681
That's the plan, my friend.
339
00:20:46,714 --> 00:20:49,650
And that is my cue.
340
00:21:13,674 --> 00:21:18,780
Oh, Chautauquans, if only
I could preach to you now,
341
00:21:18,813 --> 00:21:21,481
I would tell you to repent.
342
00:21:21,516 --> 00:21:23,684
I would urge you
to acknowledge
343
00:21:23,718 --> 00:21:28,790
that your most valuable
property is not real estate,
344
00:21:28,823 --> 00:21:31,025
it is imagined estate,
345
00:21:31,058 --> 00:21:35,295
which is not now
and never was for sale.
346
00:21:53,848 --> 00:21:58,418
Dear progeny,
thank you for your messages.
347
00:21:58,451 --> 00:22:01,656
I can assure you
there is no cause for alarm.
348
00:22:01,689 --> 00:22:05,392
Please calm your mother
as well if that is possible.
349
00:22:05,425 --> 00:22:07,128
It will please
your all to learn
350
00:22:07,161 --> 00:22:10,031
that I'm coming to the end
of a new undertaking
351
00:22:10,064 --> 00:22:13,067
that will not only
gratify me personally,
352
00:22:13,100 --> 00:22:15,503
but when viewed
in the proper light
353
00:22:15,536 --> 00:22:18,873
will also save
much of civilization
354
00:22:18,906 --> 00:22:21,676
now and for years to come.
355
00:22:21,709 --> 00:22:23,911
Love, Dad.
356
00:22:23,945 --> 00:22:26,080
That should delay
everyone's fears.
357
00:22:29,550 --> 00:22:31,384
I miss Chloe.
358
00:22:31,418 --> 00:22:32,920
You hated her
and she hated you.
359
00:22:32,954 --> 00:22:34,522
She adored me.
360
00:22:34,555 --> 00:22:36,824
With Chloe, we had
a little life around here.
361
00:22:36,858 --> 00:22:38,926
A little too much
from my tastes.
362
00:22:38,960 --> 00:22:40,862
So why did
you marry her?
363
00:22:40,895 --> 00:22:44,899
Because she had
a lovely soul, still does.
364
00:22:44,932 --> 00:22:47,467
Then why
did she marry you?
365
00:22:53,708 --> 00:22:55,877
- I don't feel so good.
- - You're fine, you're fine.
366
00:22:55,910 --> 00:22:57,879
You've just got the vapors
'cause you don't want to go.
367
00:22:57,912 --> 00:22:59,914
- I don't want to go.
- That's right.
Well, guess what?
368
00:22:59,947 --> 00:23:01,616
Get over it 'cause
you're going and that's that.
369
00:23:01,649 --> 00:23:03,117
Oh.
370
00:23:03,150 --> 00:23:05,887
Once we get there, please,
don't just act like a zombie.
371
00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:08,022
I mean most of these people
are perfectly nice.
372
00:23:08,055 --> 00:23:10,758
If you spent more time
with real human beings
373
00:23:10,791 --> 00:23:13,426
than with that dog, this stuff
wouldn't get under your skin.
374
00:23:13,460 --> 00:23:16,463
- I hate the Bitterman's,
I hate the club.
- You hate everybody.
375
00:23:16,496 --> 00:23:19,499
Every year, it's the same
party, the same people,
376
00:23:19,533 --> 00:23:23,838
the same food,
paella and beef tornadoes.
377
00:23:23,871 --> 00:23:26,473
- Tournedos.
- Well, they taste
like tornadoes.
378
00:23:26,507 --> 00:23:30,477
Hey, surf and turf,
everybody, surf and turf.
379
00:23:30,511 --> 00:23:31,478
Just mingle.
380
00:23:31,512 --> 00:23:32,880
Just mingle?
381
00:23:52,099 --> 00:23:53,801
I told you
I can't afford it.
382
00:23:53,834 --> 00:23:56,037
Okay, you've got ten SUNY
schools and you got LIU.
383
00:23:56,070 --> 00:23:58,639
Yeah, but they're not
NYU though.
384
00:23:58,673 --> 00:24:01,575
Jack, I can't
afford it. I...
385
00:24:53,661 --> 00:24:56,964
Good morning, Dr. J,
wish me luck.
386
00:24:56,998 --> 00:24:58,733
How can you live this way?
387
00:24:58,766 --> 00:25:01,168
A library consisting
of just one book?
388
00:25:01,202 --> 00:25:03,637
If I had one book
in my library,
389
00:25:03,671 --> 00:25:05,873
it wouldn't be Samuel Johnson,
I'll tell you that.
390
00:25:05,906 --> 00:25:09,043
It would be
the Good Book.
391
00:25:09,076 --> 00:25:11,579
The Vanity of Human Wishes
is all I need.
392
00:25:11,612 --> 00:25:13,547
Dr. Johnson
was always right.
393
00:25:13,581 --> 00:25:16,250
Yes, yes, I wouldn't know
about that, I've never
read him.
394
00:25:16,283 --> 00:25:18,719
You've never
read anything.
395
00:25:18,753 --> 00:25:20,821
What kind
of doctor was he anyways?
396
00:25:20,855 --> 00:25:23,791
He was a veterinarian
and he gave dogs shots,
397
00:25:23,824 --> 00:25:25,292
very painful shots.
398
00:25:25,326 --> 00:25:27,261
Ay, and tell me again,
399
00:25:27,294 --> 00:25:29,697
what exactly
is so great about him?
400
00:25:31,232 --> 00:25:32,600
Reason.
401
00:25:33,901 --> 00:25:37,004
Not romanticism, reason.
402
00:25:37,038 --> 00:25:39,840
Romantics ruin the world.
403
00:25:39,874 --> 00:25:42,877
Reason, honor, principle.
404
00:25:42,910 --> 00:25:45,079
And where
do honor and principle
405
00:25:45,112 --> 00:25:47,014
and reason get you?
406
00:25:47,048 --> 00:25:50,117
Look at this place. You're rich
enough to live like a king.
407
00:25:50,151 --> 00:25:54,121
That novel about the college,
a huge bestseller.
408
00:25:54,155 --> 00:25:56,357
- I'm not rich.
- Sure you are.
409
00:25:56,390 --> 00:25:58,659
There's tons of cash
laying around the house.
410
00:25:58,692 --> 00:26:00,027
You should
put it in a bank.
411
00:26:00,061 --> 00:26:03,130
You're gonna lose it all,
mark my words.
412
00:26:03,164 --> 00:26:06,100
a fire, a flood,
one day, poof.
413
00:26:06,133 --> 00:26:08,302
You should spend
some of that money.
414
00:26:08,335 --> 00:26:10,838
And on whom
would I spend it?
415
00:26:12,373 --> 00:26:14,108
I'm not gonna
spend it on you.
416
00:26:14,141 --> 00:26:16,043
Ay, what's the big deal?
417
00:26:16,077 --> 00:26:19,246
Isn't Mr. Lapham doing what
everyone is supposed to do,
418
00:26:19,280 --> 00:26:21,148
making something
of himself?
419
00:26:22,650 --> 00:26:24,819
You can make
too much of yourself.
420
00:26:25,753 --> 00:26:27,188
Mr. March!
421
00:26:31,992 --> 00:26:33,627
Oh, it's Mr. Krento.
422
00:26:36,297 --> 00:26:38,065
Mr. March!
423
00:26:38,099 --> 00:26:40,334
Though Harry has
never had direct communication
424
00:26:40,367 --> 00:26:42,970
with Mr. Lapham,
425
00:26:43,003 --> 00:26:47,374
Harry exchanges daily notes
to Mr. Lapham's executive
secretary,
426
00:26:47,408 --> 00:26:49,110
Damienal Krento.
427
00:26:54,115 --> 00:26:57,084
Hello, Mr. March,
I have a letter for you, sir.
428
00:26:57,118 --> 00:27:00,054
They trade notes
ferried back and forth
429
00:27:00,087 --> 00:27:03,290
on Harry's toy motorboat
named Sharon,
430
00:27:03,324 --> 00:27:05,726
a female version of Charon
431
00:27:05,759 --> 00:27:09,096
named after the grizzly
old sailor in Greek mythology
432
00:27:09,130 --> 00:27:12,833
who ferried the dead
across the River Styx
in the underworld.
433
00:27:18,739 --> 00:27:20,841
"Mr. Lapham
has instructed me to inquire
434
00:27:20,875 --> 00:27:22,443
if you'll be joining us
this evening for dinner
435
00:27:22,476 --> 00:27:24,745
at his new residence
across the creek from your own.
436
00:27:24,778 --> 00:27:27,181
With highest regards,
yours sincerely,
437
00:27:27,214 --> 00:27:30,818
Damienal Krento, personal
assistant to Mr. Lapham."
438
00:27:33,020 --> 00:27:36,023
I'd be delighted
to come to dinner
439
00:27:36,056 --> 00:27:37,925
at Mr. Lapham's,
Mr. Krento.
440
00:27:37,958 --> 00:27:39,693
Should I bring
my own wine?
441
00:27:39,727 --> 00:27:41,328
Oh, uh, no.
442
00:27:41,362 --> 00:27:45,299
Mr. Lapham has the largest wine
cellar in all of the Hamptons.
443
00:27:45,332 --> 00:27:51,372
Mr. Krento, is there a dress
code at Mr. Lapham's dinner?
444
00:27:51,405 --> 00:27:52,773
I don't have
a thing to wear.
445
00:27:52,806 --> 00:27:56,010
Oh, I have
a nice fuchsia sweater.
446
00:27:56,043 --> 00:27:57,912
Should I wear it
tied around my shoulders?
447
00:27:57,945 --> 00:28:00,147
I've seen men
in the Hamptons do that.
448
00:28:00,181 --> 00:28:02,149
Afraid I'm not sure.
449
00:28:02,183 --> 00:28:04,919
How 'bout my loafers,
with or without socks?
450
00:28:04,952 --> 00:28:08,956
- Really, it doesn't matter.
- Now, what about
dinner table conversation?
451
00:28:08,989 --> 00:28:10,824
- What should
we talk about?
- Excuse me, sorry.
452
00:28:10,858 --> 00:28:14,161
That absolutely
riveting piece in Harper's
453
00:28:14,195 --> 00:28:16,997
about soccer moms
in Mozambique
454
00:28:17,031 --> 00:28:19,900
or that hilarious piece
in the Times
455
00:28:19,934 --> 00:28:22,870
about people
who look like their pets?
456
00:28:24,205 --> 00:28:27,274
I'm sure you can talk
about anything you like.
457
00:28:27,308 --> 00:28:30,444
I like New York in June,
Mr. Krento, how about you?
458
00:28:32,780 --> 00:28:35,983
And then another thing,
how to greet the other guests?
459
00:28:36,016 --> 00:28:38,185
Should I say,
"There he is!"?
460
00:28:38,219 --> 00:28:40,087
Um, well--
461
00:28:40,120 --> 00:28:42,256
Or maybe I should say,
"There she is."
462
00:28:42,289 --> 00:28:45,759
Mr. March, sir,
I shall tell Mr. and Mrs. Lapham
463
00:28:45,793 --> 00:28:46,760
that you'll be there.
464
00:28:46,794 --> 00:28:48,262
They'll be so pleased.
465
00:28:48,295 --> 00:28:51,265
Oh, I'll be
so pleased too, Mr. Krento.
466
00:28:51,298 --> 00:28:52,967
Yes, goodbye, sir.
467
00:28:54,235 --> 00:28:55,336
Bye.
468
00:28:57,905 --> 00:29:01,342
You're not really going to Mr.
Lapham's dinner party, are you?
469
00:29:01,375 --> 00:29:05,846
Remember what happened
the last time you went
to a dinner party?
470
00:29:07,414 --> 00:29:09,149
There isn't gonna
be a dinner party.
471
00:29:14,088 --> 00:29:18,058
P... please for my sake,
just behave yourself tonight,
would you?
472
00:29:18,092 --> 00:29:20,394
The sacrifices
I make for love.
473
00:29:20,427 --> 00:29:22,096
Exactly.
474
00:29:23,230 --> 00:29:24,898
- Hey Jack.
- Hey.
475
00:29:31,171 --> 00:29:32,540
The Rocky Horror Show?
476
00:29:32,574 --> 00:29:34,475
Eh, Night
of the Living Dead.
477
00:29:34,509 --> 00:29:35,976
You want
to switch places?
478
00:29:36,010 --> 00:29:37,778
I would
but I'm working.
479
00:29:39,146 --> 00:29:41,081
Is there anything
I can do for you, Mr. March?
480
00:29:41,115 --> 00:29:43,217
You can tell me
how you're doing
at school.
481
00:29:43,250 --> 00:29:44,818
I'm okay.
482
00:29:44,852 --> 00:29:47,321
I don't really know
where it's getting me though.
483
00:29:47,354 --> 00:29:49,323
Nowhere, of course.
484
00:29:49,356 --> 00:29:51,358
Your father's very
proud of you, Jack.
485
00:29:51,392 --> 00:29:53,427
Surf and turf, everybody!
486
00:30:00,868 --> 00:30:03,370
Who are all
these people, Mr. March?
487
00:30:03,404 --> 00:30:06,340
You mean to tell me
you've never been
to a Hamptons dinner party?
488
00:30:06,373 --> 00:30:10,144
This is your first
Hamptons dinner party?
489
00:30:10,177 --> 00:30:16,183
Well, catch,
let me be your host.
490
00:30:16,216 --> 00:30:17,552
Go ahead.
491
00:30:20,254 --> 00:30:22,056
Mr. March, Jeff Jefferson,
492
00:30:22,089 --> 00:30:24,592
- I provided the Margaux
for the party.
- Congratulations.
493
00:30:24,626 --> 00:30:28,630
If it's not a big imposition,
my wife has started writing.
494
00:30:28,663 --> 00:30:30,864
We were hoping
you could read her novel.
495
00:30:30,898 --> 00:30:33,967
I could, but I wouldn't,
bad case of parsimony,
496
00:30:34,001 --> 00:30:35,035
just tell her
to keep at it.
497
00:30:35,069 --> 00:30:37,539
Mm-hm.
498
00:30:37,572 --> 00:30:40,074
Well, well,
what have we here?
499
00:30:40,107 --> 00:30:43,177
Harry Marsh,
the man who wasn't there.
500
00:30:43,210 --> 00:30:46,380
And Mr. Vandersnook,
the man who's always here.
501
00:30:46,413 --> 00:30:49,883
Don't drink the Margaux,
it's shit.
502
00:30:55,189 --> 00:30:56,924
Oh, God.
503
00:31:06,100 --> 00:31:08,902
As it's your first
Hamptons dinner party,
504
00:31:08,936 --> 00:31:11,972
I should show you
how things are arranged.
505
00:31:12,005 --> 00:31:13,440
There's
the politicians table.
506
00:31:15,577 --> 00:31:19,480
Senator Gargen over there,
just been indicted for fraud.
507
00:31:21,115 --> 00:31:22,684
There's the
journalists table.
508
00:31:22,717 --> 00:31:26,621
Chip McDonald writes about
something, I don't know what.
509
00:31:28,188 --> 00:31:31,458
The dandy is Arthur Arthur,
the gossip publisher.
510
00:31:32,727 --> 00:31:34,161
Isn't that...?
511
00:31:34,194 --> 00:31:37,030
Yes, that's
Bobo de Pleasure,
512
00:31:37,064 --> 00:31:41,435
the conservative columnist
with the liberal flare.
513
00:31:41,468 --> 00:31:45,239
Oh. That table
over there?
514
00:31:46,473 --> 00:31:48,442
That's the table
for people
515
00:31:48,475 --> 00:31:51,378
who have the look of someone
sitting in a whistle
516
00:31:51,412 --> 00:31:53,681
of a steamship
when it went off.
517
00:31:53,715 --> 00:31:56,250
I better
go take my seat.
518
00:31:57,552 --> 00:32:00,053
Do you remember
the movie I told you to see
519
00:32:00,087 --> 00:32:01,989
about the sideshow
in the circus?
520
00:32:02,022 --> 00:32:03,323
Freaks?
521
00:32:03,357 --> 00:32:06,260
Yeah, think about it.
522
00:32:09,163 --> 00:32:12,366
So Harry
took his favorite seat
523
00:32:12,399 --> 00:32:14,435
in his least favorite venue.
524
00:32:14,468 --> 00:32:17,639
He motioned for the barkeep
to keep the Margaux coming.
525
00:32:17,672 --> 00:32:19,306
Though it was shit,
526
00:32:19,339 --> 00:32:21,576
it would suffice
to help Harry drown out
527
00:32:21,609 --> 00:32:23,678
the rampant self-promotion
528
00:32:23,711 --> 00:32:27,715
and egomaniacal conversation
going on around him.
529
00:32:27,749 --> 00:32:30,585
I do hope you're doing something
for the wheels, Mr. March.
530
00:32:30,618 --> 00:32:34,321
"What trouble are the wheels in?
," Harry would ask.
531
00:32:34,354 --> 00:32:36,290
They are
in very bad shape,
532
00:32:36,323 --> 00:32:38,292
and in 50 years,
perhaps less,
533
00:32:38,325 --> 00:32:40,662
there will be
no wheels left.
534
00:32:40,695 --> 00:32:42,463
What do you think
of that?
535
00:32:44,498 --> 00:32:47,602
Well, what do
you have to say?
536
00:32:49,269 --> 00:32:52,306
We must take care
of the problem or not at all.
537
00:32:57,044 --> 00:33:01,081
It's so nice to have all our
crowd together under one roof.
538
00:33:01,114 --> 00:33:04,485
As Yeats,
the well known poet wrote,
539
00:33:04,519 --> 00:33:07,387
that "I had such friends."
540
00:33:07,421 --> 00:33:09,557
And now, I should like
to raise a toast
541
00:33:09,591 --> 00:33:12,627
to my fabulously
talented husband, Grady,
542
00:33:12,660 --> 00:33:15,062
who has just finished
his book
543
00:33:15,095 --> 00:33:17,364
on the life
of Luella Parsons.
544
00:33:18,365 --> 00:33:20,400
Oh, it's called Poop.
545
00:33:22,336 --> 00:33:25,773
And I will tell you
it is absolutely fabulous.
546
00:33:25,807 --> 00:33:30,210
Labor of love.
It's a labor of love.
547
00:33:30,244 --> 00:33:34,782
Oh, I...
I have a great idea.
548
00:33:34,816 --> 00:33:38,620
Why doesn't everyone stand
and tell us what new great thing
549
00:33:38,653 --> 00:33:41,154
he or she is doing?
550
00:33:42,757 --> 00:33:45,693
Who's first?
Who wants to go first?
551
00:33:48,696 --> 00:33:50,798
I'm a bit embarrassed
to report
552
00:33:50,832 --> 00:33:52,667
that the Barbadian government
553
00:33:52,700 --> 00:33:56,203
has decided to offer a two cent
stamp with my picture on it.
554
00:33:57,805 --> 00:34:00,575
In the beginning, they wanted
to put me on the one cent stamp,
555
00:34:00,608 --> 00:34:02,710
but I held out
for the two.
556
00:34:08,415 --> 00:34:11,753
This hardly matters,
557
00:34:11,786 --> 00:34:15,122
but I'm probably
within a year
558
00:34:15,155 --> 00:34:18,292
of completing
my three volume study
559
00:34:18,325 --> 00:34:20,227
of the life
of William McKinley.
560
00:34:23,430 --> 00:34:25,399
Isn't it splendid
we live in a place
561
00:34:25,432 --> 00:34:27,535
where everyone
writes a book?
562
00:34:29,336 --> 00:34:31,138
And you're next.
563
00:34:32,239 --> 00:34:33,808
I've written
a book as well.
564
00:34:33,841 --> 00:34:37,277
It's called, Will I Ever
Get a Seat at the Table?:
565
00:34:37,311 --> 00:34:39,647
A Gossip Publisher's Lament.
566
00:34:41,616 --> 00:34:44,251
You'll always have a seat
at our table, Arthur.
567
00:34:46,420 --> 00:34:50,490
Well, everyone, according
to a recent public opinion poll,
568
00:34:50,525 --> 00:34:54,896
I was voted as the friendliest
senator in the Northeast.
569
00:35:03,738 --> 00:35:07,875
I would just like to say,
I agree with all sides.
570
00:35:13,280 --> 00:35:16,818
In this austere company,
my project may seem small,
571
00:35:16,851 --> 00:35:20,187
I know, but I should
tell you to date,
572
00:35:20,220 --> 00:35:23,658
we have raised
four million dollars for the
wheels.
573
00:35:28,730 --> 00:35:32,299
And what important projects
have you done, Mr. March?
574
00:35:34,301 --> 00:35:37,772
With the last drop
of his shit Margaux consumed,
575
00:35:37,805 --> 00:35:40,808
Harry had long since
lost any ability
576
00:35:40,842 --> 00:35:43,477
to moderate
his docile instruction
577
00:35:43,511 --> 00:35:46,614
given to him
by his beloved Chloe,
578
00:35:46,648 --> 00:35:50,450
and with a last sip,
an idea popped in his head.
579
00:36:24,451 --> 00:36:25,687
That's it.
580
00:36:26,788 --> 00:36:28,355
We're going home.
581
00:36:34,361 --> 00:36:39,433
The wheels, she wanted
to save the wheels.
582
00:37:00,287 --> 00:37:01,723
Mr. March!
583
00:37:01,756 --> 00:37:05,626
Hey, Larry,
how are you guys doing?
584
00:37:05,660 --> 00:37:08,663
Pardon the intrusion,
Harry, but we need your support.
585
00:37:08,696 --> 00:37:11,331
Oh, is this
about the casino?
586
00:37:11,364 --> 00:37:13,568
Yes, are you with us?
587
00:37:13,601 --> 00:37:16,838
Yeah, sure,
you can count on me.
588
00:37:16,871 --> 00:37:19,907
That COC committee
says we'll ruin the area.
589
00:37:19,941 --> 00:37:24,311
Well, how can you?
Don't you guys own most
of the land around here?
590
00:37:24,344 --> 00:37:26,781
Look, deer!
591
00:37:28,516 --> 00:37:30,651
It's a good sign,
Harry, good sign.
592
00:37:31,819 --> 00:37:34,856
Yeah,
that's a real good sign.
593
00:37:34,889 --> 00:37:37,692
Well, I guess
the gods have spoken.
594
00:37:39,894 --> 00:37:41,796
Thanks for paddling by.
595
00:37:47,535 --> 00:37:49,771
- Hector!
- Uh... Huh?
596
00:37:51,038 --> 00:37:52,740
All right,
what did you-- get down.
597
00:37:52,774 --> 00:37:54,575
- What?
- Get down.
598
00:37:54,609 --> 00:37:55,877
Huh?
599
00:37:55,910 --> 00:37:57,845
What did you do with it?
600
00:37:58,946 --> 00:37:59,981
With what?
601
00:38:00,014 --> 00:38:02,315
The horse hair.
602
00:38:04,118 --> 00:38:05,318
Oh.
603
00:38:10,390 --> 00:38:12,527
- Cough it up.
- I'm not a cat.
604
00:38:12,560 --> 00:38:14,595
You ate it, why?
605
00:38:14,629 --> 00:38:17,765
Well, for one thing,
I'll eat anything.
606
00:38:17,799 --> 00:38:20,935
But if you must know,
I'm trying to save you
from yourself.
607
00:38:20,968 --> 00:38:25,706
This crazy scheme of yours
will mess up everything
for both of us.
608
00:38:25,740 --> 00:38:27,809
I happen to like
the way my life is.
609
00:38:30,812 --> 00:38:32,046
Answer it for once.
610
00:38:39,153 --> 00:38:41,522
I'm not finished with you.
611
00:38:54,135 --> 00:38:56,604
- Hello?
- Hey, it's me.
612
00:38:56,637 --> 00:38:59,507
The children called
about your emails.
613
00:38:59,540 --> 00:39:01,075
They're really worried
and so am I.
614
00:39:01,108 --> 00:39:05,813
Oh, uh, no, no, no, Chlo,
everything's great.
615
00:39:05,847 --> 00:39:07,682
Joel's worried, too.
Why is that?
616
00:39:07,715 --> 00:39:09,917
He's worried
because I'm worried.
617
00:39:09,951 --> 00:39:14,522
Look, Harry, I don't know
what crazy scheme is rattling
around in that brain of yours
618
00:39:14,555 --> 00:39:18,491
and I know you're not gonna
tell me, but just promise me
you won't do anything stupid
619
00:39:19,459 --> 00:39:20,661
or dangerous.
620
00:39:25,833 --> 00:39:30,470
- Harry?
- Thanks so much
for calling, Chlo,
621
00:39:30,504 --> 00:39:32,874
but I'm just about
to go off island.
622
00:39:32,907 --> 00:39:35,076
Why don't I give you a call
tomorrow and we could have
a nice long chat?
623
00:39:35,109 --> 00:39:37,645
Now, say a hello
to Joel for me, okay?
624
00:39:37,678 --> 00:39:41,682
Wow, Harry, that was both
gracious and coherent.
625
00:39:41,716 --> 00:39:43,784
Now I'm really worried.
626
00:39:43,818 --> 00:39:47,555
Look, I love you,
the children love you.
627
00:39:47,588 --> 00:39:51,491
I just want you to know
there are people out there
who want you to stay alive.
628
00:39:54,095 --> 00:39:56,631
And I love you all.
Gotta go, Chlo.
629
00:40:05,806 --> 00:40:08,809
Mr. Marsh,
I'm a junior at Columbia.
630
00:40:08,843 --> 00:40:12,046
- I'm writing my honor's
thesis on your work.
- Great.
631
00:40:12,079 --> 00:40:14,515
- A few questions?
- No.
632
00:40:14,548 --> 00:40:17,051
I'm interested in the use
of hats in your work.
633
00:40:17,084 --> 00:40:19,587
- Do they symbolize death?
- Yes.
634
00:40:19,620 --> 00:40:22,757
- What about the color
yellow, also death?
- Yes.
635
00:40:22,790 --> 00:40:25,826
- And flowers?
- Death.
636
00:40:25,860 --> 00:40:28,629
You seem to
deliberately avoid the gerund.
637
00:40:28,663 --> 00:40:30,164
What does the gerund
mean to you?
638
00:40:30,197 --> 00:40:32,533
Death.
639
00:40:32,566 --> 00:40:35,136
Do you think you're more
influenced by Washington
Irving or John Irving?
640
00:40:35,169 --> 00:40:36,203
Clifford.
641
00:40:37,705 --> 00:40:39,240
May I send you
my thesis when it's done?
642
00:40:39,273 --> 00:40:41,208
By all means.
643
00:40:46,681 --> 00:40:49,216
- Tell me about the Hamptons again.
- Not now.
644
00:40:49,250 --> 00:40:51,752
Oh, that's right,
we're on a mission.
645
00:40:51,786 --> 00:40:54,622
Horse hair, the search
for the holy horse hair.
646
00:40:54,655 --> 00:40:56,557
You oughta be locked up.
647
00:40:56,590 --> 00:41:00,528
The plan calls for horse hair
or a suitable equivalent,
648
00:41:00,561 --> 00:41:02,129
you're lucky
your hair's too short.
649
00:41:02,163 --> 00:41:04,966
I hate
to be seen with you in public.
650
00:41:04,999 --> 00:41:07,501
People stare at you.
651
00:41:07,535 --> 00:41:10,504
- Are you famous?
- I'm known.
652
00:41:10,538 --> 00:41:13,607
- I believe in the humble life.
- I had one.
653
00:41:25,886 --> 00:41:27,755
Move.
654
00:41:36,697 --> 00:41:38,199
Hello.
655
00:41:38,232 --> 00:41:41,736
Um, I'd like
to ask you something.
656
00:41:41,769 --> 00:41:43,671
Do you have
any horse hair?
657
00:41:43,704 --> 00:41:45,673
No, no horse hair.
658
00:41:45,706 --> 00:41:48,242
We do have a very handsome
hobby horse, but it's hairless.
659
00:41:51,178 --> 00:41:52,179
Sit down.
660
00:41:54,715 --> 00:41:56,984
What a charming dog.
What's her name?
661
00:41:57,018 --> 00:41:59,053
Hermione.
662
00:41:59,086 --> 00:42:02,223
Hermione, really?
663
00:42:03,257 --> 00:42:04,592
What's this?
664
00:42:04,625 --> 00:42:07,061
She comes with a wand.
665
00:42:07,094 --> 00:42:09,530
Go ahead,
touch the wand to the ruby.
666
00:42:22,043 --> 00:42:25,646
Isn't she adorable?
She speaks English and Spanish.
667
00:42:25,679 --> 00:42:27,681
Does she do
construction work?
668
00:42:30,751 --> 00:42:34,922
Oh, you beautiful doll,
669
00:42:34,955 --> 00:42:39,860
you great big,
beautiful doll.
670
00:42:45,666 --> 00:42:46,934
Mmm. Mm.
671
00:42:49,003 --> 00:42:50,671
Tastes good, right?
672
00:42:50,704 --> 00:42:53,340
You seem
to like the doll?
673
00:42:53,374 --> 00:42:55,609
Mm-hm.
674
00:42:55,643 --> 00:42:57,812
This would be something
for your granddaughter?
675
00:42:59,080 --> 00:43:01,082
- No.
- A niece?
676
00:43:01,115 --> 00:43:02,783
The child of a friend?
677
00:43:02,817 --> 00:43:06,787
No, I'd like it for myself.
I'll take four.
678
00:43:06,821 --> 00:43:08,122
How much?
679
00:43:09,690 --> 00:43:11,992
You know, I just remembered,
we're out of stock
680
00:43:12,026 --> 00:43:13,928
and we're forbidden
to sell the floor sample.
681
00:43:13,961 --> 00:43:17,031
I, uh, could order
four dolls for you.
682
00:43:17,064 --> 00:43:18,399
But I need it today.
683
00:43:18,432 --> 00:43:20,901
Ah, let's get
out of here.
684
00:43:20,935 --> 00:43:24,205
Well, I could check
the inventory downstairs.
685
00:43:27,108 --> 00:43:28,175
Never mind.
686
00:43:29,844 --> 00:43:32,046
Come on, Hermione,
we're leaving.
687
00:43:38,385 --> 00:43:40,754
- Ooh, can I?
- No.
688
00:43:42,456 --> 00:43:46,060
You are not
gonna believe this.
689
00:43:46,093 --> 00:43:50,431
We received a hat box full of
horse hair just this very week.
690
00:43:50,464 --> 00:43:52,366
A hat box full
of horse hair?
691
00:43:52,399 --> 00:43:56,137
A hat box full
of horse hair.
692
00:43:57,872 --> 00:43:59,874
Please don't say it again.
693
00:43:59,907 --> 00:44:02,309
A hat box full
of horse hair.
694
00:44:04,311 --> 00:44:07,781
Well, my dear,
you have a sale.
695
00:44:07,815 --> 00:44:10,351
But this is the part
you're not gonna believe,
696
00:44:10,384 --> 00:44:12,987
I sold the hat box
this very morning.
697
00:44:14,355 --> 00:44:15,789
- No.
- Yes.
698
00:44:15,823 --> 00:44:17,324
Do you know the Laphams?
699
00:44:17,358 --> 00:44:21,262
Well, it seems Mrs. Lapham
makes her own throw pillows, ah,
700
00:44:21,295 --> 00:44:24,198
and when I told her
about the horse hair,
she just grabbed it up.
701
00:44:24,231 --> 00:44:27,835
- It makes an ideal stuffing.
- Does it now?
702
00:44:27,868 --> 00:44:30,704
Well, yes,
it's very sweet, really?
703
00:44:30,738 --> 00:44:32,473
See she's making
the pillow
704
00:44:32,507 --> 00:44:34,408
as a surprise
for Mr. Lapham
705
00:44:34,441 --> 00:44:36,177
to present him with a gift
706
00:44:36,210 --> 00:44:39,446
upon the occasion of the
completion of their new house.
707
00:44:39,480 --> 00:44:42,750
I understand
it's magnificent.
708
00:44:42,783 --> 00:44:44,451
You know, it's not too far
from your own island.
709
00:44:44,485 --> 00:44:47,988
What do you call
your place, Noman?
710
00:44:48,022 --> 00:44:50,291
Well, anyway, the whole thing
was just dumb luck.
711
00:44:50,324 --> 00:44:53,460
She came in looking for some
Victorian asparagus tongs,
712
00:44:53,494 --> 00:44:55,996
but then when I told her
about the horse hair,
713
00:44:56,030 --> 00:44:58,699
well, it was just ideal.
714
00:45:00,834 --> 00:45:03,237
It's kind of
a nice story really.
715
00:45:03,270 --> 00:45:05,372
See, the Laphams
had a little dog
716
00:45:05,406 --> 00:45:08,275
who passed away last year.
717
00:45:08,309 --> 00:45:12,746
Why, he was just like
your little Hector there,
a little Westie.
718
00:45:12,780 --> 00:45:14,782
Goo goo baby.
719
00:45:14,815 --> 00:45:17,151
You know Harry, if it's horse
hair you're looking for,
720
00:45:17,184 --> 00:45:19,253
it's probably
in the walls of your house?
721
00:45:19,286 --> 00:45:21,789
Hey,
don't give him any ideas.
722
00:45:21,822 --> 00:45:24,091
You see the old houses
used horse hair
723
00:45:24,124 --> 00:45:26,227
to keep the plaster intact.
724
00:45:26,260 --> 00:45:28,963
You knock down a wall,
you'll probably have
all the horse hair you need.
725
00:45:28,996 --> 00:45:32,266
Oh, I'll keep that in mind,
thanks for the tip.
726
00:45:32,299 --> 00:45:36,070
Terrific. By all means,
let's knock down our walls
727
00:45:36,103 --> 00:45:38,939
so you'll have everything
you need to commit a crime.
728
00:45:42,343 --> 00:45:46,313
Harry was not keen
on the idea of destroying
his house,
729
00:45:46,347 --> 00:45:49,216
but was left
with no choice.
730
00:45:50,884 --> 00:45:53,387
But then,
a vision came to him,
731
00:45:53,420 --> 00:45:55,923
a vision in the form
732
00:45:55,956 --> 00:46:00,961
of a long, thick
tail-like braid of hair.
733
00:46:00,995 --> 00:46:06,200
Well, wrinkles, I do believe
this is the very first time
734
00:46:06,233 --> 00:46:09,837
I have received a visit
from your distinguished self.
735
00:46:09,870 --> 00:46:12,906
It's your lucky day,
chitlins.
736
00:46:12,940 --> 00:46:14,842
You have something
I want.
737
00:46:14,875 --> 00:46:17,311
Oh, don't you think
it's a bit late for that?
738
00:46:17,344 --> 00:46:19,313
Late for you, I mean.
739
00:46:22,850 --> 00:46:24,051
I want your hair.
740
00:46:27,421 --> 00:46:29,923
I want you to cut off
your braid and give it to me.
741
00:46:34,629 --> 00:46:38,966
And why on Earth
should I do that?
742
00:46:38,999 --> 00:46:42,169
I cannot think for what's
sick and perverse purpose
743
00:46:42,202 --> 00:46:46,073
you desire my extra long,
extra thick world class hair.
744
00:46:46,106 --> 00:46:48,409
I need it,
just leave it at that.
745
00:46:48,442 --> 00:46:51,178
Are you gonna
hang yourself?
746
00:46:51,211 --> 00:46:52,547
Give me an incentive.
747
00:46:52,580 --> 00:46:54,315
Never mind why I want it.
748
00:46:54,348 --> 00:46:59,086
I'll pay you for it,
plenty and it'll grow back soon.
749
00:46:59,119 --> 00:47:02,256
You stand to only profit
from this transaction, Kathy.
750
00:47:02,289 --> 00:47:05,192
Oh, I worry when you address me
by my Christian name
751
00:47:05,225 --> 00:47:09,430
instead of the usual insult,
Harry, I worry.
752
00:47:09,463 --> 00:47:11,965
And yet,
my interest is peaked.
753
00:47:11,999 --> 00:47:14,835
What do you call plenty?
754
00:47:15,603 --> 00:47:17,104
One thousand dollars.
755
00:47:17,137 --> 00:47:20,407
Oh honey, I don't clear
my throat for $1,000.
756
00:47:20,441 --> 00:47:24,612
All right then, I'll agree to
read your manuscript of poems.
757
00:47:24,646 --> 00:47:27,515
Well, Harry,
how'd you know I write poetry?
758
00:47:27,549 --> 00:47:30,150
Just a wild guess.
759
00:47:33,287 --> 00:47:36,023
- Five thousand dollars then.
- Mmm.
760
00:47:36,056 --> 00:47:39,893
Let me bring you
into the modern world,
my hermit crab.
761
00:47:39,927 --> 00:47:42,396
For your edification,
Harry March,
762
00:47:42,429 --> 00:47:46,433
these days, $5,000
does not suffice as a deposit
763
00:47:46,467 --> 00:47:49,203
to take a house off
the market for half an hour.
764
00:47:50,337 --> 00:47:51,673
On an average sale,
765
00:47:51,706 --> 00:47:54,174
an average sale, mind you,
one that takes as long
766
00:47:54,208 --> 00:47:56,544
as ten minutes
for me to consummate,
767
00:47:56,578 --> 00:47:59,913
my commission
comes to $400,000.
768
00:47:59,947 --> 00:48:02,149
All right,
how much do you want?
769
00:48:03,417 --> 00:48:06,019
Oh, I want you, honey.
770
00:48:06,053 --> 00:48:09,557
I want your house,
your island,
771
00:48:09,591 --> 00:48:11,959
the works,
772
00:48:11,992 --> 00:48:13,595
and I'll pay top dollar.
773
00:48:13,628 --> 00:48:15,362
Because you
can turn it around
774
00:48:15,396 --> 00:48:17,498
and get twice
what you gave me for it?
775
00:48:17,532 --> 00:48:20,668
Three times, maybe four.
776
00:48:20,702 --> 00:48:23,370
You sell me your little
Island of Dr. Moreau
777
00:48:23,404 --> 00:48:28,208
and I'll pay you enough
to enable you to live out your
shriveled mean spirited days
778
00:48:28,242 --> 00:48:31,044
in the comfort of the finest
assisted living facility
779
00:48:31,078 --> 00:48:33,313
on the East End, hmm?
780
00:48:33,347 --> 00:48:37,017
With plenty of dollars to spare
in case you want to take a day
trip to the Bronx Zoo
781
00:48:37,050 --> 00:48:40,154
or catch a bus
to see a revival of Cats.
782
00:48:43,591 --> 00:48:45,225
And for all that,
783
00:48:45,259 --> 00:48:48,228
I shall gladly cut off
my luxurious braid of hair
784
00:48:48,262 --> 00:48:50,732
and I'll hand it over
to you myself.
785
00:48:50,765 --> 00:48:53,267
- Never.
- Harry March.
786
00:48:53,300 --> 00:48:56,970
You're hurting me.
787
00:48:57,004 --> 00:48:58,706
Never say never.
788
00:49:00,274 --> 00:49:02,342
I must say, Harry,
789
00:49:02,376 --> 00:49:04,579
I get
all hot just thinking
790
00:49:04,612 --> 00:49:07,281
what you're gonna
be doing with my hair.
791
00:49:08,583 --> 00:49:10,017
What about $50,000?
792
00:49:10,050 --> 00:49:13,253
Uh, this conversation
is concluded.
793
00:49:13,287 --> 00:49:16,558
You sell me your island
and my hair is yours.
794
00:49:16,591 --> 00:49:18,992
Your island, your house.
795
00:49:20,461 --> 00:49:22,229
My life then.
796
00:49:22,262 --> 00:49:27,000
That's my price, sweet pea,
take it or leave it.
797
00:49:27,034 --> 00:49:30,103
Learn to live
in the real world, Harry.
798
00:49:33,741 --> 00:49:36,376
As Mr. Lapham says,
799
00:49:36,410 --> 00:49:37,645
"The sun also rises,
800
00:49:38,713 --> 00:49:40,447
but it also sets."
801
00:49:46,220 --> 00:49:47,655
I like that one.
802
00:49:50,424 --> 00:49:52,560
Unwilling to sell his soul,
803
00:49:52,594 --> 00:49:55,395
Harry went
on his cantankerous way.
804
00:50:01,101 --> 00:50:03,505
- Why do you do that?
- Do what?
805
00:50:03,538 --> 00:50:06,306
Bark at the sight
of another dog.
806
00:50:06,340 --> 00:50:08,710
- Because other dogs bark at me.
- - Yes, but why?
807
00:50:08,743 --> 00:50:11,278
You know, I'm not
really sure.
808
00:50:11,311 --> 00:50:14,749
You don't see me flying off
the handle when I spot
a another human being.
809
00:50:14,782 --> 00:50:16,584
Actually, I do.
810
00:50:32,165 --> 00:50:33,300
Hector!
811
00:50:33,333 --> 00:50:34,702
Hector!
812
00:50:52,854 --> 00:50:54,589
Get in the car.
813
00:50:54,622 --> 00:50:57,391
Don't worry, officer,
I'm fine.
814
00:50:57,424 --> 00:51:00,127
You're lucky I'm taking you
to the hospital and not
the station house
815
00:51:00,160 --> 00:51:01,629
for being a creep
at a toy store.
816
00:51:01,663 --> 00:51:05,165
That's me,
all right, lucky.
817
00:51:31,325 --> 00:51:34,428
Oh, it must be
wonderful, the literary life,
818
00:51:34,461 --> 00:51:37,665
to be a literary lion
as you are.
819
00:51:37,699 --> 00:51:39,466
I'm a literary dog,
you know?
820
00:51:39,499 --> 00:51:41,268
I'm sure you are.
821
00:51:41,301 --> 00:51:43,170
Is Mr. Lapham
a literary lion?
822
00:51:43,203 --> 00:51:45,138
He has
an awfully nice car.
823
00:51:45,172 --> 00:51:48,308
Hey, do you suppose he might
give me a ride someday?
824
00:51:48,342 --> 00:51:50,444
He must miss
his dear departed Westie?
825
00:51:52,714 --> 00:51:54,481
Will you ever shut up?
826
00:51:56,383 --> 00:51:58,352
When the time comes.
827
00:52:08,395 --> 00:52:10,364
Hey, come here, come here.
828
00:52:10,397 --> 00:52:13,300
I don't think
you should see this.
829
00:52:13,333 --> 00:52:15,670
Go in there.
830
00:52:59,881 --> 00:53:02,517
Do you even think about how
you appear to other people?
831
00:53:02,550 --> 00:53:06,754
- The death of the party?
- It's all a big joke
to you, right?
832
00:53:06,788 --> 00:53:10,792
People expect civility from
other people and that's the
foundation of civilization.
833
00:53:10,825 --> 00:53:14,729
- You call the Bittermans
civilization?
- Yes, I do.
834
00:53:14,762 --> 00:53:16,731
They're just
regular human beings
835
00:53:16,764 --> 00:53:19,499
trying to live
in this world the way it is.
836
00:53:19,534 --> 00:53:21,536
I don't like the world
the way it is,
837
00:53:22,870 --> 00:53:24,605
but I love you, Chlo.
838
00:53:30,578 --> 00:53:32,379
I love you too, Harry.
839
00:53:39,654 --> 00:53:43,323
But I can't be a part of this
life that you insist I live.
840
00:53:43,356 --> 00:53:46,894
It's too much,
you ask too much.
841
00:53:46,928 --> 00:53:49,897
You've made me a prisoner
of your principles.
842
00:53:53,534 --> 00:53:54,702
Principle is everything.
843
00:53:54,736 --> 00:53:55,937
No, it's not.
844
00:53:57,805 --> 00:54:00,273
The world moves forward because
people have mutual respect.
845
00:54:00,307 --> 00:54:04,746
They talk to each other,
they negotiate, they compromise.
846
00:54:04,779 --> 00:54:07,749
You just can't stop yourself,
can you? You just had
to spout off?
847
00:54:09,984 --> 00:54:11,652
Spout off?
848
00:54:12,887 --> 00:54:14,488
Well, you know, that's it,
849
00:54:14,522 --> 00:54:17,058
that's it, that's what lady
was talking about.
850
00:54:17,091 --> 00:54:19,594
She wasn't talking
about saving the wheels,
851
00:54:19,627 --> 00:54:21,796
she was talking
about saving the whales.
852
00:54:41,381 --> 00:54:42,817
Mr. March!
853
00:54:44,919 --> 00:54:46,654
Mr. March!
854
00:54:51,491 --> 00:54:53,293
Mr. March!
855
00:54:57,497 --> 00:55:01,334
Harry March, I need
to sell you a swimming pool.
856
00:55:01,368 --> 00:55:03,871
What are you talking about?
Who are you?
857
00:55:03,905 --> 00:55:05,640
A swimming pool.
858
00:55:07,108 --> 00:55:11,378
Well, I'll give you
two minutes.
859
00:55:11,411 --> 00:55:13,080
Cosiapara.
860
00:55:14,882 --> 00:55:16,651
- Hey.
- Come on.
861
00:55:16,684 --> 00:55:19,020
Who's this?
862
00:55:19,053 --> 00:55:20,988
He loves me.
863
00:55:21,022 --> 00:55:23,925
He loves everybody but me.
864
00:55:23,958 --> 00:55:25,425
Ah, it's true.
865
00:55:25,458 --> 00:55:27,061
He's precious.
866
00:55:45,913 --> 00:55:48,049
Mr. March,
867
00:55:48,082 --> 00:55:52,720
everyone around here says
I could never sell you one
of my dad's pools.
868
00:55:52,753 --> 00:55:53,988
My dad says so too.
869
00:55:55,156 --> 00:55:57,558
Everyone says
you're mean and crazy.
870
00:55:57,592 --> 00:55:59,627
- They're right.
- But I said, "No."
871
00:55:59,660 --> 00:56:03,430
"That old man is just waiting
for a little brightness
in his life."
872
00:56:03,463 --> 00:56:06,100
Oh, in the form
of a swimming pool?
873
00:56:06,133 --> 00:56:07,768
You said it.
874
00:56:07,802 --> 00:56:10,738
What you need to cheer up
your cranky and miserable self
875
00:56:10,771 --> 00:56:15,408
is a new gunite pool installed
with expert craftsmanship
876
00:56:15,442 --> 00:56:18,579
and tender loving care
by the Leonardo Da Vinci
877
00:56:18,613 --> 00:56:22,415
of Hamptons pool makers
and servicers, Tony Amberson.
878
00:56:22,449 --> 00:56:24,585
- Is that your father?
- My father.
879
00:56:24,619 --> 00:56:26,453
Ah, A pool would be nice.
880
00:56:26,486 --> 00:56:28,756
Miss, I'm very busy,
881
00:56:28,789 --> 00:56:31,058
I have a lot
of important things to do.
882
00:56:31,092 --> 00:56:34,427
I don't really have any desire
for a swimming pool.
883
00:56:34,461 --> 00:56:35,863
I have
nobody to impress.
884
00:56:35,897 --> 00:56:39,901
If I want to take a swim,
I do it right off my dock
885
00:56:39,934 --> 00:56:42,003
and if I want warm water,
I take a bath.
886
00:56:42,036 --> 00:56:46,473
Good for you,
but I must tell you,
887
00:56:46,507 --> 00:56:48,676
I don't think you're
seeing this issue clearly.
888
00:56:49,977 --> 00:56:52,847
You are thinking
of a swimming pool narrowly
889
00:56:52,880 --> 00:56:55,883
as a place
to exercise or lull about.
890
00:56:55,917 --> 00:56:58,719
And speaking of exercise,
891
00:56:58,753 --> 00:57:02,523
if you don't mind my saying
so, you could use some.
892
00:57:02,556 --> 00:57:04,225
I like this girl.
893
00:57:04,258 --> 00:57:06,727
I do mind,
your two minutes are almost up.
894
00:57:06,761 --> 00:57:09,096
Think of
a swimming pool instead
895
00:57:09,130 --> 00:57:12,199
as a notable room
of your house.
896
00:57:12,233 --> 00:57:16,003
Think of it
as your indoor body of water,
897
00:57:16,037 --> 00:57:20,775
your pond,
your lake, your estuary.
898
00:57:20,808 --> 00:57:25,780
What, may I ask, is more
beautiful than a body of water?
899
00:57:25,813 --> 00:57:29,750
The light dance of the ripples,
the shadows on the waves,
900
00:57:29,784 --> 00:57:33,054
the brooding darkness
underneath.
901
00:57:33,087 --> 00:57:36,057
You know, you have a mind
far more estimable
902
00:57:36,090 --> 00:57:37,658
than I thought.
903
00:57:38,993 --> 00:57:42,763
Why are you wasting it
selling swimming pools?
904
00:57:44,065 --> 00:57:46,968
I mean a daughter's duty
to her father aside.
905
00:57:47,001 --> 00:57:49,270
It never is aside.
906
00:57:49,303 --> 00:57:53,240
My dad's having a hard time
of it, I mean moneywise.
907
00:57:53,274 --> 00:57:57,178
Moneywise, is this
your full-time occupation?
908
00:57:57,211 --> 00:57:59,580
This semester.
909
00:57:59,613 --> 00:58:01,816
Then, it's back
to St. John's in Annapolis.
910
00:58:01,849 --> 00:58:05,586
Oh, the great books
curriculum, I thought so.
911
00:58:05,619 --> 00:58:08,923
You, my dear girl,
are an anachronism.
912
00:58:08,956 --> 00:58:11,859
Just like you.
913
00:58:11,892 --> 00:58:14,295
Yes but I think
I've earned that status.
914
00:58:14,328 --> 00:58:16,697
- You're much too young.
- Maybe.
915
00:58:16,731 --> 00:58:19,000
But it looks
better on me.
916
00:58:19,033 --> 00:58:20,601
Can't argue
with that.
917
00:58:20,634 --> 00:58:24,138
You know, Harry,
when I was in high school,
918
00:58:24,171 --> 00:58:27,808
I had a clear choice
of extracurricular activities,
919
00:58:27,842 --> 00:58:30,911
be an anachronism,
spend time in old movies,
920
00:58:30,945 --> 00:58:33,848
listen to jazz,
live at the library
921
00:58:33,881 --> 00:58:38,919
or give blow jobs to the doped
up future actuaries of America.
922
00:58:38,953 --> 00:58:40,788
Oh.
923
00:58:40,821 --> 00:58:42,757
What's an actuary?
924
00:58:42,790 --> 00:58:44,692
So I went to classes
most of the day
925
00:58:44,725 --> 00:58:47,261
and lived at the town
library most of the night.
926
00:58:48,863 --> 00:58:50,898
Are you sure you don't want
to buy a swimming pool?
927
00:58:50,931 --> 00:58:52,767
It's a great investment.
928
00:58:54,935 --> 00:58:57,905
Well, I got fixated
on Samuel Johnson.
929
00:58:58,906 --> 00:59:00,274
First, I read Boswell.
930
00:59:00,307 --> 00:59:02,777
Then, I read Johnson.
931
00:59:02,810 --> 00:59:04,678
The lives of the poets,
932
00:59:04,712 --> 00:59:07,615
the prose, the poems,
the best of which is
933
00:59:07,648 --> 00:59:10,017
- The Vanity of Human Wishes.
- The Vanity of Human Wishes.
934
00:59:10,051 --> 00:59:11,318
"When a man
is tired of London--"
935
00:59:11,352 --> 00:59:14,088
"He is tired of life."
936
00:59:14,121 --> 00:59:17,792
"He's not a patron,
my Lord,
937
00:59:17,825 --> 00:59:20,928
one who looks
with unconcern
938
00:59:20,961 --> 00:59:24,999
on a man struggling
for life in the water."
939
00:59:25,032 --> 00:59:28,903
"And when he's reached the
ground encumbers him with hope."
940
00:59:30,137 --> 00:59:31,772
Brilliant.
941
00:59:34,108 --> 00:59:36,243
What brought you
to Dr. Johnson?
942
00:59:36,277 --> 00:59:39,647
His devotion
to the power of reason.
943
00:59:39,680 --> 00:59:41,215
He wasn't a romantic.
944
00:59:41,248 --> 00:59:43,751
Romantics ruin the world.
945
00:59:43,784 --> 00:59:46,153
And of course,
he was always right.
946
00:59:46,187 --> 00:59:49,290
You're more
than an anachronism.
947
00:59:50,357 --> 00:59:52,226
You show real value.
948
00:59:54,862 --> 00:59:57,865
Not like that monster
over there.
949
00:59:57,898 --> 00:59:59,800
- Lapham?
- You know him?
950
00:59:59,834 --> 01:00:04,839
No, I don't know anyone
who's even seen him.
951
01:00:04,872 --> 01:00:08,209
He's a ghost like you.
952
01:00:12,980 --> 01:00:14,782
What do you
know about me?
953
01:00:16,117 --> 01:00:18,786
What I see,
what others say,
954
01:00:18,819 --> 01:00:21,989
but mainly what I see,
955
01:00:22,022 --> 01:00:25,159
a man who has whittled
his life to too fine a point,
956
01:00:25,192 --> 01:00:26,894
too brittle.
957
01:00:28,295 --> 01:00:31,132
He doesn't write anymore.
958
01:00:31,165 --> 01:00:34,835
Now he's reduced
to the stupidity of a sage.
959
01:00:43,978 --> 01:00:46,714
Towering in
the confidence of 21.
960
01:00:46,747 --> 01:00:49,817
Do you have
an answer for everything?
961
01:00:50,818 --> 01:00:51,819
Yes.
962
01:00:57,358 --> 01:00:59,093
Look, I don't want
to fight with you.
963
01:01:00,327 --> 01:01:02,997
There's something wrong
with quarreling
964
01:01:03,030 --> 01:01:05,032
when we're speaking
of the person we both admire.
965
01:01:08,435 --> 01:01:11,372
- Well, how about it?
- Nope.
966
01:01:11,405 --> 01:01:13,174
- Three easy installments.
- Nope.
967
01:01:13,207 --> 01:01:15,409
- Come on, be a sport.
- Nope.
968
01:01:15,442 --> 01:01:17,745
- Miss Polite said
that you would--
- What did you say?
969
01:01:19,280 --> 01:01:20,281
Miss Polite said?
970
01:01:22,183 --> 01:01:24,185
Miss Polite said?
971
01:01:29,423 --> 01:01:31,892
Well, young Dr. Johnson,
972
01:01:33,794 --> 01:01:36,330
what did Ms. Polite say?
973
01:01:36,363 --> 01:01:39,366
When you sell your papa's
swimming pools, darling,
974
01:01:39,400 --> 01:01:41,101
do you know
what you're selling?
975
01:01:41,135 --> 01:01:43,037
You're selling real estate.
976
01:01:43,070 --> 01:01:46,106
Now I already have a pool
so you'll make no sale with me,
977
01:01:46,140 --> 01:01:49,777
but tell you what,
you sell a pool to Harry March,
978
01:01:49,810 --> 01:01:52,514
that nutcase writer
on that island over there,
979
01:01:52,547 --> 01:01:56,917
you sell Mr. March a pool and
I'll pay you for an extra one,
980
01:01:56,951 --> 01:01:59,820
one for the price of two.
981
01:01:59,853 --> 01:02:04,225
And just why did Miss Polite
say she wanted me to buy
a swimming pool?
982
01:02:04,258 --> 01:02:06,927
Because a swimming pool
will do two things
983
01:02:06,961 --> 01:02:08,829
for the estimable
Mr. March.
984
01:02:08,862 --> 01:02:12,833
It'll make his property more
valuable, thus more sellable.
985
01:02:12,866 --> 01:02:15,803
And as soon as he buys it
from you, he'll hate it,
986
01:02:15,836 --> 01:02:19,206
which is when he'll sell
his island to me.
987
01:02:19,240 --> 01:02:23,110
Just when I thought
I'd met one incorruptible soul.
988
01:02:23,143 --> 01:02:26,413
- Dr. Johnson--
- Would've done
the same thing.
989
01:02:26,447 --> 01:02:28,916
He was poor like me.
990
01:02:31,452 --> 01:02:35,022
He wouldn't have sold his
principles for a swimming pool.
991
01:02:40,294 --> 01:02:43,097
You never know
what poor people will do.
992
01:03:04,051 --> 01:03:05,853
Are you coming back?
993
01:03:07,388 --> 01:03:09,089
Are you buying a pool?
994
01:03:10,525 --> 01:03:13,927
By the way, you're not
an 18th century man.
995
01:03:15,262 --> 01:03:17,831
I thought
you'd like to know.
996
01:03:18,866 --> 01:03:20,434
What do you mean?
997
01:03:23,370 --> 01:03:24,938
You're a romantic.
998
01:03:26,273 --> 01:03:28,342
You live on an island.
999
01:03:28,375 --> 01:03:31,211
You create
your own ideal world.
1000
01:03:31,245 --> 01:03:33,180
You despise
or ignore the real world.
1001
01:03:33,213 --> 01:03:37,217
You belittle life as it is
1002
01:03:37,251 --> 01:03:39,019
and you feel
superior to others.
1003
01:03:40,555 --> 01:03:42,389
What do you suppose
that makes you?
1004
01:03:53,535 --> 01:03:54,968
Lonely.
1005
01:04:20,961 --> 01:04:22,329
Harry!
1006
01:04:34,375 --> 01:04:37,211
- I don't see any horse hair.
- No horse hair.
1007
01:04:39,380 --> 01:04:42,049
Well, at least you
knocked down half the house.
1008
01:04:42,082 --> 01:04:44,218
I mean it wasn't
a total loss.
1009
01:04:47,121 --> 01:04:48,355
I'm outta here.
1010
01:04:49,390 --> 01:04:50,924
Harry!
1011
01:05:08,242 --> 01:05:10,944
Harry!
1012
01:05:20,387 --> 01:05:22,524
Lot of banging going on
in there. You all right?
1013
01:05:24,024 --> 01:05:25,492
You okay?
1014
01:05:25,527 --> 01:05:28,328
How's Jack doing?
1015
01:05:28,362 --> 01:05:31,365
You know Jack's 17,
he's sensitive.
1016
01:05:31,398 --> 01:05:33,167
Don't change
the subject, Harry.
1017
01:05:33,200 --> 01:05:35,035
What's going on?
You look like shit.
1018
01:05:36,370 --> 01:05:38,338
You're acting crazy.
You're talking to Hector.
1019
01:05:40,073 --> 01:05:42,009
You're lucky
he's not talking back to you.
1020
01:05:42,042 --> 01:05:43,477
If he only knew.
1021
01:05:44,646 --> 01:05:46,180
You need to get
some help, Harry.
1022
01:05:46,213 --> 01:05:48,215
Like what?
1023
01:05:48,248 --> 01:05:50,518
Like therapy,
talk to someone,
1024
01:05:50,552 --> 01:05:53,187
you don't know
how to deal with people.
1025
01:05:53,220 --> 01:05:56,390
I would, I'd see a shrink
but I don't know how
to deal with people.
1026
01:05:56,423 --> 01:05:58,593
Hold on,
I'll be right back.
1027
01:06:13,575 --> 01:06:15,108
Hey!
1028
01:06:19,446 --> 01:06:21,649
- What is this?
- It's a bribe.
1029
01:06:21,683 --> 01:06:25,252
I want you to stop working
on Lapham's house.
1030
01:06:25,285 --> 01:06:28,523
- That's good.
- I don't take bribes.
1031
01:06:28,556 --> 01:06:31,659
Well, it's for Jack,
it's for film school.
1032
01:06:31,693 --> 01:06:35,262
You think I don't hear the both
of you arguing every day?
1033
01:06:37,164 --> 01:06:39,233
Well, we'll figure it out,
I can't accept this.
1034
01:06:39,266 --> 01:06:42,336
I told you, it's not for you.
Tell Jack it's a loan.
1035
01:06:42,369 --> 01:06:45,472
He can pay me back with the
profits from his first movie,
1036
01:06:45,507 --> 01:06:48,710
which should be no higher
than the value of the loan,
1037
01:06:48,743 --> 01:06:52,212
that way we'll guarantee
it'll be an art house film.
1038
01:06:56,116 --> 01:07:00,120
- Harry--
- I gotta go, I'm busy,
very, very busy.
1039
01:07:11,265 --> 01:07:14,602
With his plan
thwarted and all hope lost,
1040
01:07:14,636 --> 01:07:19,072
Harry March sat down
to finally write his speech.
1041
01:08:39,921 --> 01:08:41,656
Chloe?
1042
01:08:43,558 --> 01:08:46,393
Joel's doing the planning
for Lapham's party.
1043
01:08:46,426 --> 01:08:48,495
Of course he did.
1044
01:08:53,433 --> 01:08:54,736
We're not staying.
1045
01:08:59,674 --> 01:09:01,475
Nice to see you.
1046
01:09:01,509 --> 01:09:03,176
Nice to see you.
1047
01:09:26,233 --> 01:09:28,970
What are you standing here waiting for?
It's Charlie, is it?
1048
01:09:29,003 --> 01:09:31,606
John?
Are you a mute?
1049
01:09:31,639 --> 01:09:34,709
Who the hell did your tie?
It's just not acceptable.
1050
01:09:36,511 --> 01:09:38,946
But then he saw her.
1051
01:09:38,980 --> 01:09:42,817
"What would Dr. Johnson do,"
he thought to himself?
1052
01:09:42,850 --> 01:09:45,953
Would he sell out
his principles
for the greater good?
1053
01:09:48,856 --> 01:09:50,792
Hi, Wrinkles.
1054
01:09:50,825 --> 01:09:54,261
The Amberson girl
seemed to think so.
1055
01:10:19,587 --> 01:10:23,725
Uh, good evening,
sir. Uh... Here just...
1056
01:10:53,755 --> 01:10:56,456
Last chance, Wrinkles.
1057
01:10:57,859 --> 01:10:59,426
Going once,
1058
01:11:00,393 --> 01:11:02,262
going twice,
1059
01:11:03,531 --> 01:11:04,966
- Going--
- All right.
1060
01:11:06,634 --> 01:11:08,603
You can have the house.
1061
01:11:10,071 --> 01:11:11,806
And the island?
1062
01:11:11,839 --> 01:11:13,508
And the island.
1063
01:11:39,667 --> 01:11:41,803
You won't sell it
to Lapham, will you?
1064
01:11:43,436 --> 01:11:44,672
I might.
1065
01:11:45,873 --> 01:11:47,809
He'll probably flatten it,
1066
01:11:47,842 --> 01:11:50,077
give himself
a lovely view.
1067
01:11:51,612 --> 01:11:54,447
He's quite
the conservationist, you know?
1068
01:11:56,918 --> 01:11:59,053
What if I deny
we made a deal?
1069
01:12:05,392 --> 01:12:08,395
State of the art, high tech.
1070
01:12:09,429 --> 01:12:10,665
Bitch!
1071
01:12:12,967 --> 01:12:16,838
Harry pulled out
the only tuxedo he owned.
1072
01:12:16,871 --> 01:12:19,439
On the night
when he lived the words
1073
01:12:19,472 --> 01:12:21,876
he so desperately
wanted to write,
1074
01:12:21,909 --> 01:12:25,847
he felt as he should
look his very best.
1075
01:12:25,880 --> 01:12:30,852
Also, just in case Chloe
was still mingling
at the Lapham's party
1076
01:12:30,885 --> 01:12:32,854
or if he should make
the front page
1077
01:12:32,887 --> 01:12:35,388
of the local
Southampton press
1078
01:12:35,422 --> 01:12:38,726
his old blue shirt
wouldn't suffice.
1079
01:12:44,098 --> 01:12:45,666
Ladies and gentlemen,
1080
01:12:47,034 --> 01:12:49,103
Mr. Fred Astaire.
1081
01:13:28,542 --> 01:13:30,845
Much obliged, Miss Polite.
1082
01:13:42,957 --> 01:13:44,725
Here we go.
1083
01:14:54,996 --> 01:14:58,032
How do you know
you won't hit the party tent?
1084
01:14:59,600 --> 01:15:02,636
'Cause... I know.
1085
01:15:02,670 --> 01:15:05,072
Oh, that's a relief.
1086
01:15:32,733 --> 01:15:34,535
Uh oh.
1087
01:15:36,670 --> 01:15:39,673
Harry looked on in disbelief.
1088
01:15:39,707 --> 01:15:41,275
His plan was perfect.
1089
01:15:41,308 --> 01:15:43,978
How could
this have happened?
1090
01:15:44,011 --> 01:15:45,980
What could
have gone wrong?
1091
01:15:48,883 --> 01:15:51,919
"Horse hair,"
he muttered to himself.
1092
01:16:02,963 --> 01:16:04,965
Put me down!
Put me down!
1093
01:16:04,999 --> 01:16:07,068
I'm trying
to save your life.
1094
01:16:07,101 --> 01:16:08,903
The Lord
will look after me.
1095
01:16:08,936 --> 01:16:10,571
He's busy.
1096
01:16:12,706 --> 01:16:14,842
Well,
I hope you're satisfied.
1097
01:16:19,647 --> 01:16:21,615
Harry,
aren't you coming with?
1098
01:16:28,889 --> 01:16:33,260
I take this post mortem
opportunity nevertheless
1099
01:16:33,294 --> 01:16:36,664
to tell you about the lecture
I could not deliver in person.
1100
01:16:39,033 --> 01:16:42,036
My lecture was
to be about Lapham,
1101
01:16:42,069 --> 01:16:46,941
my sordidly ambitious,
absurdly self-important,
1102
01:16:46,974 --> 01:16:51,779
ears splittingly, noise making,
unwanted neighbor, Lapham.
1103
01:16:52,847 --> 01:16:54,248
For anything
you want to know
1104
01:16:54,281 --> 01:16:57,885
about the destructive
witless 20th century,
1105
01:16:57,918 --> 01:16:59,753
you may look to Lapham.
1106
01:17:01,155 --> 01:17:03,157
But here comes
the sad part of my lecture,
1107
01:17:03,190 --> 01:17:05,092
dear Chautauquins,
1108
01:17:05,126 --> 01:17:08,295
for I hoped to inform you
that against all odds,
1109
01:17:08,329 --> 01:17:10,164
I had defeated Lapham,
1110
01:17:10,197 --> 01:17:13,100
reversed his upward progress
1111
01:17:13,134 --> 01:17:16,437
or at the very least
slowed him down,
1112
01:17:16,470 --> 01:17:18,873
yet to my sorrow
and embarrassment
1113
01:17:18,906 --> 01:17:21,709
I must report
not my victory,
1114
01:17:21,742 --> 01:17:24,178
but rather his.
1115
01:17:24,211 --> 01:17:27,047
Mine was the vanity
of human wishes.
1116
01:17:34,722 --> 01:17:38,192
What lesson may I bring you,
my worthy Chautauquins?
1117
01:17:40,161 --> 01:17:42,463
The lesson is this,
1118
01:17:42,496 --> 01:17:45,166
the reason that Lapham
has won this time
1119
01:17:45,199 --> 01:17:48,435
and will win again
and will always win
1120
01:17:48,469 --> 01:17:50,404
is that you allow it.
1121
01:17:52,339 --> 01:17:57,111
You sit together,
but you do not stand together.
1122
01:17:57,144 --> 01:18:00,314
Rise up, Chautauquins.
1123
01:18:00,347 --> 01:18:05,719
Rise as Lapham
is rising and smite him.
1124
01:18:05,753 --> 01:18:08,923
Not with weapons,
they will fail, take it from me,
1125
01:18:08,956 --> 01:18:12,126
but rather with your books
1126
01:18:12,159 --> 01:18:14,828
and your songs
and your laughter.
1127
01:18:14,862 --> 01:18:18,132
Beat him back
with your modesty,
1128
01:18:18,165 --> 01:18:20,134
the knowledge of frailty,
1129
01:18:20,167 --> 01:18:23,237
that is to say
with your humanity,
1130
01:18:24,338 --> 01:18:27,074
or if you prefer
1131
01:18:27,107 --> 01:18:31,278
you all can go out and live
on your separate islands
1132
01:18:31,312 --> 01:18:35,482
and seethe
and fume and rant
1133
01:18:35,517 --> 01:18:38,118
and go nuts
in the company
1134
01:18:38,152 --> 01:18:41,922
of your sarcastic,
Bible-thumping dog.
1135
01:18:45,560 --> 01:18:47,161
It worked for me.
1136
01:19:13,120 --> 01:19:17,024
Harry, Harry,
what are you doing?
1137
01:19:17,057 --> 01:19:19,360
What are you
doing, Harry?
1138
01:19:19,393 --> 01:19:21,929
Señor March, por favor.
1139
01:19:21,962 --> 01:19:23,531
For Christ's sake, Harry!
1140
01:19:28,135 --> 01:19:31,338
My...! My house!
1141
01:19:33,474 --> 01:19:35,510
My house!
1142
01:19:35,543 --> 01:19:38,812
Harry! Harry March!
1143
01:19:38,846 --> 01:19:41,115
You crook!
1144
01:19:41,148 --> 01:19:42,816
We had a deal!
1145
01:19:44,318 --> 01:19:45,352
Harry!
1146
01:19:47,921 --> 01:19:51,325
Oh my! Oh my, my, my!
1147
01:19:51,358 --> 01:19:53,595
What have I done?
1148
01:19:53,628 --> 01:19:55,162
I've lowered the value
1149
01:19:55,195 --> 01:19:57,599
of Hamptons real estate.
1150
01:19:57,632 --> 01:19:59,967
If only I had
a swimming pool,
1151
01:20:00,000 --> 01:20:03,203
I could use the water
to put out the fire.
1152
01:20:11,211 --> 01:20:12,946
Oh, oh.
1153
01:20:12,980 --> 01:20:15,883
Harry,
Mr. Lapham's here.
1154
01:20:15,916 --> 01:20:18,252
He's coming for you.
1155
01:20:18,285 --> 01:20:23,257
Oh, he's so excited his Tillis
Blowhard finally worked. Ha!
1156
01:20:23,290 --> 01:20:25,259
Isn't that wonderful?
1157
01:20:25,292 --> 01:20:28,262
Mr. March, fear not.
1158
01:20:28,295 --> 01:20:32,567
Mr. Lapham is coming
to save you in his boat.
1159
01:20:33,568 --> 01:20:35,002
No!
1160
01:20:35,035 --> 01:20:36,504
No, what do you mean no?
1161
01:20:36,538 --> 01:20:38,573
There's no need
to worry, sir.
1162
01:20:38,606 --> 01:20:42,109
Mr. Lapham has the best
powerboat in the world.
1163
01:20:42,142 --> 01:20:44,546
It has both gas
and jet engines and draws
only six inches of water
1164
01:20:44,579 --> 01:20:47,114
so don't
bloody tell me no.
1165
01:20:47,147 --> 01:20:49,283
and it costs $650,000.
1166
01:20:49,316 --> 01:20:53,020
You tell Mr. Lapham
to stay put!
1167
01:20:53,053 --> 01:20:56,423
I will not be rescued
by my destroyer!
1168
01:20:56,457 --> 01:21:00,194
Oh, come on Mr. March,
damn it, Harry.
You're being very provincial.
1169
01:21:00,227 --> 01:21:02,930
Get your head out of your--
Please get in the boat!
1170
01:21:03,631 --> 01:21:05,065
Mr. March.
1171
01:21:23,350 --> 01:21:26,153
Hey, Harry, I got help.
1172
01:21:26,186 --> 01:21:27,421
Isn't that great?
1173
01:21:28,322 --> 01:21:29,456
Hector,
1174
01:21:32,527 --> 01:21:34,395
you traitor.
1175
01:22:06,293 --> 01:22:10,364
Wow, look at this place.
1176
01:22:12,366 --> 01:22:14,268
What a venue.
1177
01:22:14,301 --> 01:22:17,271
Name your price, sir.
1178
01:22:21,576 --> 01:22:24,378
What do you
call this place?
1179
01:22:28,516 --> 01:22:30,317
Noman.
1180
01:22:30,350 --> 01:22:31,586
Noman?
1181
01:22:33,153 --> 01:22:35,088
What's that?