1 00:00:07,750 --> 00:00:11,250 [deep breaths] 2 00:00:12,291 --> 00:00:13,208 Andrew, I, uh... 3 00:00:13,291 --> 00:00:15,666 - I don't know if that's a good idea. - [coughing] 4 00:00:15,750 --> 00:00:17,750 You're gonna give yourself Cool Ranch Lung. 5 00:00:17,833 --> 00:00:20,083 Who cares? I'm gonna die anyway. 6 00:00:20,166 --> 00:00:22,375 That psycho, Pumbaa, threatened to murder me 7 00:00:22,458 --> 00:00:23,958 on the first day of high school. 8 00:00:24,041 --> 00:00:26,208 He didn't threaten, he promised. 9 00:00:26,291 --> 00:00:28,875 [groans] I can't sleep, I can't eat, 10 00:00:28,958 --> 00:00:31,750 except for this bag of Doritos and a two-liter bottle of Coke 11 00:00:31,833 --> 00:00:32,666 and some ROLOs. 12 00:00:32,750 --> 00:00:35,375 Andrew, bubbeleh, you need to relax. 13 00:00:35,458 --> 00:00:36,750 Oh God, I really do. 14 00:00:36,833 --> 00:00:39,000 And you know what always calms you down. 15 00:00:39,083 --> 00:00:42,708 Okay, I mean, maybe I'll be able to yank my worries away. 16 00:00:42,791 --> 00:00:46,375 Ooh! You should go to the strip club in your mind. 17 00:00:46,458 --> 00:00:50,083 Oh, well, I prefer to call it "the gentleman's club in my mind," 18 00:00:50,166 --> 00:00:52,125 but yes, let's definitely jack off. 19 00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:55,833 All right, first hottie of the night, 20 00:00:55,916 --> 00:00:58,875 from the mural in Doctor Harmandarian's office, 21 00:00:58,958 --> 00:01:02,916 let's give it up for The Sexy Tooth! 22 00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:07,333 Hi. Did you lie to the dentist about flossing again, big boy? 23 00:01:07,416 --> 00:01:10,916 Oh, yeah. My dad says floss is a scam. 24 00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:13,875 Next up, she's eight-and-a-half-months pregnant, 25 00:01:13,958 --> 00:01:15,791 but she can still do yoga. 26 00:01:15,875 --> 00:01:21,083 It's Daisy Duck wearing Lululemon maternity clothes. 27 00:01:21,166 --> 00:01:22,666 It's Goofy's baby. 28 00:01:22,750 --> 00:01:25,291 Oh-ho-ho, that's complicated. 29 00:01:25,375 --> 00:01:26,583 Hey! Andrew! 30 00:01:26,666 --> 00:01:30,000 - [Andrew] Ah! Pumbaa! - [Pumbaa] You're a dead perv walking! 31 00:01:30,083 --> 00:01:32,000 - Security! Please help! - [Pumbaa yelling] 32 00:01:32,083 --> 00:01:34,541 - This is supposed to be a private fantasy. - [grunting] 33 00:01:34,625 --> 00:01:36,000 [grunts] Aah! 34 00:01:36,083 --> 00:01:39,666 Oh no! You've set off a Rube Goldberg-esque chain of events. 35 00:01:39,750 --> 00:01:43,083 - The magic eight-ball! Trophies are heavy. - And your penis is in peril. 36 00:01:43,166 --> 00:01:44,458 Cover the goodies! 37 00:01:44,541 --> 00:01:47,208 Oh shit. This is just like that OK Go video 38 00:01:47,291 --> 00:01:49,541 where they're all jerking off on treadmills. 39 00:01:49,625 --> 00:01:52,708 Ah! My dad's gonna be so mad at my corpse! 40 00:01:52,791 --> 00:01:54,833 - Oh, okay. - [relieved sigh] 41 00:01:54,916 --> 00:01:56,041 Thank God. 42 00:01:56,125 --> 00:01:57,875 - [groans] - [Maury] Oh no! 43 00:01:57,958 --> 00:01:58,958 Hospital. 44 00:01:59,041 --> 00:02:01,333 Well, hold on. I'm sure it's not that bad. 45 00:02:01,416 --> 00:02:02,684 - Let me just take a look... - Ah! 46 00:02:02,708 --> 00:02:04,541 Ah! Hospital! 47 00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:06,750 {\an8}["Changes" by Charles Bradley plays] 48 00:02:06,833 --> 00:02:12,375 {\an8}♪ I'm goin' through changes ♪ 49 00:02:16,333 --> 00:02:22,000 {\an8}♪ I'm goin' through changes ♪ 50 00:02:22,541 --> 00:02:23,375 {\an8}♪ Oh ♪ 51 00:02:23,458 --> 00:02:24,750 {\an8}♪ In my life ♪ 52 00:02:26,166 --> 00:02:29,250 {\an8}♪ Oh! Ooh! Ooh! ♪ 53 00:02:34,083 --> 00:02:35,083 [songs fades] 54 00:02:38,166 --> 00:02:40,791 Those high school girls don't know what they're talking about. 55 00:02:40,875 --> 00:02:43,541 I'm a short king with tight little guns. 56 00:02:43,625 --> 00:02:46,083 {\an8}Aw, he thinks he has muscles. 57 00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:47,708 {\an8}Little baby acting buff. 58 00:02:47,791 --> 00:02:49,791 {\an8}Who's a little mister muscle man? 59 00:02:49,875 --> 00:02:51,666 {\an8}Stop it! Leave me alone! 60 00:02:51,750 --> 00:02:54,166 Oh, they're right. I have toddler bod. 61 00:02:54,250 --> 00:02:56,500 No, man, we're both kangaroo jacked. 62 00:02:56,583 --> 00:02:57,750 Baby, check it out! 63 00:02:57,833 --> 00:02:59,291 [grunts] 64 00:02:59,375 --> 00:03:02,791 Oh man, not the slide whistle. 65 00:03:02,875 --> 00:03:05,416 Maybe I just gotta flex harder. 66 00:03:05,500 --> 00:03:06,666 [grunts] 67 00:03:06,750 --> 00:03:07,666 Oh. 68 00:03:07,750 --> 00:03:09,250 Oh, what a nightmare life is. 69 00:03:09,333 --> 00:03:12,791 Hospital. Animal hospital. 70 00:03:12,875 --> 00:03:13,708 [sighs] 71 00:03:13,791 --> 00:03:16,750 {\an8}Well, you see, your eminence, it could've happened to anyone. 72 00:03:16,833 --> 00:03:20,583 I was passing by a tree when I heard a baby bird in distress. 73 00:03:20,666 --> 00:03:21,541 Sure. 74 00:03:21,625 --> 00:03:23,375 I started to climb its branches, 75 00:03:23,458 --> 00:03:27,416 but I lost my footing when I was distracted by catcalls. 76 00:03:27,500 --> 00:03:30,083 Catcalls? Who the hell is catcalling you? 77 00:03:30,166 --> 00:03:31,958 Young women. A secretary pool 78 00:03:32,041 --> 00:03:33,958 aroused by my heroism on their lunch break. 79 00:03:34,041 --> 00:03:36,583 Oh God, I told you never to do anything brave. 80 00:03:36,666 --> 00:03:38,125 Well, you were right, Mama, 81 00:03:38,208 --> 00:03:41,250 because as those women wolf-whistled me, I fell, 82 00:03:41,333 --> 00:03:44,250 and my innocent testes smashed into a tree branch. 83 00:03:44,333 --> 00:03:45,791 - Okay, okay, enough! - Okay. 84 00:03:45,875 --> 00:03:48,000 - Your gross son is clearly lying. - Yeah. 85 00:03:48,083 --> 00:03:51,083 He was definitely masturbating in a strange manner. 86 00:03:51,166 --> 00:03:53,125 - I knew it! - Why, Andrew? 87 00:03:53,208 --> 00:03:55,708 Because he's obsessed with molesting his own genitals. 88 00:03:55,791 --> 00:03:58,041 - [sobbing] Oh my God. - I say we remove his hands. 89 00:03:58,125 --> 00:04:01,291 I could do that, but knowing your son, he'd probably use his feet. 90 00:04:01,375 --> 00:04:04,833 The truth is, no matter what you cut off, the boy's gonna find a way. 91 00:04:04,916 --> 00:04:06,625 Oh, I'm in such pain! 92 00:04:06,708 --> 00:04:08,458 Doctor, give it to me straight. 93 00:04:08,541 --> 00:04:10,750 My winky, is she gonna make it? 94 00:04:10,833 --> 00:04:13,166 Well, strange boy, you've injured your epididymis... 95 00:04:13,250 --> 00:04:15,500 - What? - ...which is a duct behind the testes 96 00:04:15,583 --> 00:04:17,083 that your semen passes through. 97 00:04:17,166 --> 00:04:18,833 Yours shows significant swelling. 98 00:04:18,916 --> 00:04:22,541 Oh, so what do I do? There's gotta be a pill, right? 99 00:04:22,625 --> 00:04:25,375 Something good. Give me that West Virginia stuff. 100 00:04:25,458 --> 00:04:27,708 Don't just stand there. My boy is suffering. 101 00:04:27,791 --> 00:04:30,541 Oh, there's no pill you can take for this kind of injury. 102 00:04:30,625 --> 00:04:32,833 The only cure is testicular rest. 103 00:04:32,916 --> 00:04:35,625 And what does that entail? A little pillow for my peepee? 104 00:04:35,708 --> 00:04:39,875 My recommendation is no masturbating for... three weeks. 105 00:04:39,958 --> 00:04:43,583 - [dramatic sting] - [in slow motion] Three weeks? 106 00:04:43,666 --> 00:04:48,208 [in slow motion] This is a fate worse than death. 107 00:04:48,291 --> 00:04:50,458 - Fuck you! Fuck you, motherfucker! - Andrew! 108 00:04:50,541 --> 00:04:52,708 - Fuck you too, you little prick. - Dr. Engel! 109 00:04:52,791 --> 00:04:54,000 What? He started it. 110 00:04:54,083 --> 00:04:57,625 Quick question. Do I have to pay the bill if I don't care what happens to the kid? 111 00:04:57,708 --> 00:04:59,291 - Uh, yes. - Feh! 112 00:04:59,375 --> 00:05:00,583 [birds chirping] 113 00:05:00,666 --> 00:05:02,083 [whistle blowing] 114 00:05:02,166 --> 00:05:03,541 That's it, everybody. 115 00:05:03,625 --> 00:05:05,875 Keep pulling on the school's ponytail 116 00:05:05,958 --> 00:05:08,416 until you can touch the sky floor. 117 00:05:08,500 --> 00:05:10,333 I'm sorry I'm late, Coach Steve. 118 00:05:10,416 --> 00:05:14,250 - I have a doctor's note. - Whoa. This note is very, uh... 119 00:05:14,333 --> 00:05:16,750 Who we kidding? I can't read. Everybody knows that, right? 120 00:05:16,833 --> 00:05:18,333 "To whom it may concern, 121 00:05:18,416 --> 00:05:21,916 this gross weirdo absolutely destroyed his genitals 122 00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:23,041 and should be excused 123 00:05:23,125 --> 00:05:25,833 from all physical activity for three weeks." 124 00:05:25,916 --> 00:05:28,416 All physical activity? Does that include... 125 00:05:28,500 --> 00:05:29,833 Yes! Yes, it does! 126 00:05:29,916 --> 00:05:32,208 My only hobby. My only joy. 127 00:05:32,291 --> 00:05:34,750 Well, at least you don't have to climb any stupid ropes. 128 00:05:34,833 --> 00:05:38,708 Oh, I would kill to climb my short little fat rope. 129 00:05:38,791 --> 00:05:41,875 Do you get that, Jessi? I wanna masturbate so bad. 130 00:05:41,958 --> 00:05:44,791 Okay. It was my fault for engaging, so... 131 00:05:44,875 --> 00:05:48,041 [groans] How can I be so small but still so heavy? 132 00:05:48,125 --> 00:05:51,125 It's because you got those boiled ba-scetti arms, man. 133 00:05:51,208 --> 00:05:53,291 [grunting] Oh yeah! 134 00:05:53,375 --> 00:05:56,375 Suck my poorly-wiped ass, gravity. 135 00:05:56,458 --> 00:06:00,958 Now Jay? Ooh! He got those big meatballs in his sleeves. 136 00:06:01,041 --> 00:06:05,625 - He really does. - Woo! And now, to finish wiping. 137 00:06:05,708 --> 00:06:08,458 Oh, ho-ho-ho-ho! 138 00:06:08,541 --> 00:06:10,041 Thank you, Mrs. Rope. 139 00:06:10,125 --> 00:06:11,000 [grunts] 140 00:06:11,083 --> 00:06:13,541 Damn, Jay, how did you get so strong? 141 00:06:13,625 --> 00:06:15,375 Uh, I put in the work, bro. 142 00:06:15,458 --> 00:06:18,208 - Every day, I'm in the basement grinding. - Grinding? 143 00:06:18,291 --> 00:06:19,500 Working out! 144 00:06:19,583 --> 00:06:21,083 Hours upon hours 145 00:06:21,166 --> 00:06:22,958 of chiseling raw Bilzerian marble 146 00:06:23,041 --> 00:06:26,708 - into the best body in our grade. - Ooh. 147 00:06:26,791 --> 00:06:29,458 - You need that tough tummy. - Yeah. 148 00:06:29,541 --> 00:06:33,458 Hey, Jay, could you chisel me? You know, like help your boy get yoked? 149 00:06:33,541 --> 00:06:35,041 Uh... fuck yeah! 150 00:06:35,125 --> 00:06:37,833 Let's take your scrawny ass to Yoke-lahoma. 151 00:06:37,916 --> 00:06:40,750 - All right, Yoke-lahoma! - Oh, ho-ho! 152 00:06:40,833 --> 00:06:43,291 Wait until you smell my home gym. 153 00:06:43,375 --> 00:06:46,500 Imagine if chicken soup had B.O. 154 00:06:46,583 --> 00:06:48,000 [birds chirping] 155 00:06:48,791 --> 00:06:50,708 Hey, I'm home. 156 00:06:50,791 --> 00:06:53,208 - Whoa. - Oh, hey, Jess. Cop a squat. 157 00:06:53,291 --> 00:06:54,333 Oh, that's cool. 158 00:06:54,416 --> 00:06:56,125 I'll just give you some, like... 159 00:06:56,208 --> 00:06:59,458 [British accent] privacy for your meal time extravaganza. 160 00:06:59,541 --> 00:07:01,583 What? No! Sit down, girl. 161 00:07:01,666 --> 00:07:03,958 It's just breastfeeding. It's totally natural. 162 00:07:04,041 --> 00:07:06,250 [laughing awkwardly] I know that. I'm sorry. 163 00:07:06,333 --> 00:07:07,666 Lo siento. [awkward laugh] 164 00:07:07,750 --> 00:07:09,750 - So, tell me about your day. - Uh, right. 165 00:07:09,833 --> 00:07:11,000 Uh, my day. Yeah. 166 00:07:11,083 --> 00:07:14,291 Oh, in gym, Andrew, uh, told everyone about injuring his penis. 167 00:07:14,375 --> 00:07:16,625 Wow, that is just so Andrew, you know what I mean? 168 00:07:16,708 --> 00:07:17,833 [nervous chuckle] Yeah. 169 00:07:17,916 --> 00:07:21,750 Jessi, look at those bodacious breastfeeding boobies. 170 00:07:21,833 --> 00:07:24,750 - No, I'm not gonna look. - They're so big and juicy, 171 00:07:24,833 --> 00:07:27,666 but also like hard at the same time. 172 00:07:27,750 --> 00:07:31,500 I mean, at some point, the school's just gonna have to expel Andrew, right? 173 00:07:31,583 --> 00:07:33,250 [laughing nervously] I know, right? 174 00:07:33,333 --> 00:07:37,208 Ah, or, like, chemically castrate him. It's like he's not a safe person. 175 00:07:37,291 --> 00:07:38,333 [laughs] 176 00:07:38,416 --> 00:07:40,333 Okay, yes, they're mind-blowing. 177 00:07:40,416 --> 00:07:43,791 Thank you! Those potato skins are loaded. 178 00:07:43,875 --> 00:07:48,541 - But it's not like a sexual thing, right? - No. Maybe. A little bit? 179 00:07:48,625 --> 00:07:52,333 I mean, they are naked and beautiful, and two feet away. 180 00:07:52,416 --> 00:07:54,708 No, it's like a science thing. 181 00:07:54,791 --> 00:07:56,625 They're just working breasts. 182 00:07:56,708 --> 00:07:58,916 Yeah, they're working for me. 183 00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:00,625 Eyebrows, eyebrows. 184 00:08:00,708 --> 00:08:03,875 Oh my God. Can you believe these things? [laughs] 185 00:08:03,958 --> 00:08:05,625 Oh, I believe! 186 00:08:05,708 --> 00:08:07,916 Oh, what? What things? 187 00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:10,416 I've never had boobs this big. It's crazy, right? 188 00:08:10,500 --> 00:08:12,458 Fucking insane! [laughs] 189 00:08:12,541 --> 00:08:15,375 Are your boobs big? I hadn't... I hadn't even noticed. 190 00:08:15,458 --> 00:08:16,791 Mmm, okay. 191 00:08:16,875 --> 00:08:18,083 You know what? Um... 192 00:08:18,166 --> 00:08:23,291 I'm gonna go get started on my homework, and I will boob right back. Buh-bye. Fuck! 193 00:08:23,375 --> 00:08:24,541 I'll catch up, Jessi. 194 00:08:24,625 --> 00:08:29,458 I'm just gonna stare at Caitlin's big, awesome titties. 195 00:08:29,541 --> 00:08:31,958 For science, uh, you know, whatever. 196 00:08:32,541 --> 00:08:34,250 [groaning] 197 00:08:34,333 --> 00:08:36,291 Come on, Nick. Dig deep. 198 00:08:36,375 --> 00:08:38,541 Deep enough to find my dad's enemies' bones. 199 00:08:38,625 --> 00:08:39,791 [groaning] 200 00:08:39,875 --> 00:08:42,541 My arms are on fire, and I wanna cry! 201 00:08:42,625 --> 00:08:46,041 Uh, bro, please do not get my bench wet with your bitch tears. 202 00:08:46,125 --> 00:08:50,000 You got this, baby. Don't stop until it hurts to live. 203 00:08:50,083 --> 00:08:52,375 [grunting] 204 00:08:52,458 --> 00:08:53,333 Woo-woo! 205 00:08:53,416 --> 00:08:56,958 My patootie is looking juicy from down here. 206 00:08:57,041 --> 00:08:58,791 - [grunting] - Okay, buddy. 207 00:08:58,875 --> 00:09:02,250 [groans] Oh my God. This has been the worst five minutes of my life. 208 00:09:02,333 --> 00:09:03,541 I know it sucks right now, 209 00:09:03,625 --> 00:09:07,416 but if you do this every day, you are gonna look great. 210 00:09:07,500 --> 00:09:08,916 - Yeah? - In a couple of years. 211 00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:10,416 What? A couple years? 212 00:09:10,500 --> 00:09:12,750 Sorry, bro, but you can't get to Yoke-lahoma 213 00:09:12,833 --> 00:09:14,958 without going through Work-ansas. 214 00:09:15,041 --> 00:09:19,166 Fuck that. I'm not trying to work hard. There's gotta be some kind of shortcut. 215 00:09:19,250 --> 00:09:20,791 Oh, you want a shortcut? 216 00:09:20,875 --> 00:09:22,333 Okay, say no more. 217 00:09:22,416 --> 00:09:24,875 - I have just the thing for you. - Thank God. 218 00:09:24,958 --> 00:09:27,041 Uh, hey, Nick. And you can say no, 219 00:09:27,125 --> 00:09:29,750 but would you mind please rubbing my head with butter 220 00:09:29,833 --> 00:09:32,833 - and then shoving it back up my own butt? - [groans] 221 00:09:32,916 --> 00:09:34,333 [crickets chirping] 222 00:09:34,416 --> 00:09:35,583 [sighs] 223 00:09:35,666 --> 00:09:39,083 The, uh, Country Music Awards are coming up. Pretty cool, right? 224 00:09:39,166 --> 00:09:42,000 Quick question. How many weeks has it been since we masturbated? 225 00:09:42,083 --> 00:09:43,291 Not even one day. 226 00:09:43,375 --> 00:09:45,000 Fuck me! God is dead! 227 00:09:45,083 --> 00:09:47,500 I know! I don't think I can do this! 228 00:09:47,583 --> 00:09:50,250 Of course you can't. And do you know why? 229 00:09:50,333 --> 00:09:53,291 Because when you did your last one, you didn't get to finish. 230 00:09:53,375 --> 00:09:55,583 Right. I never got a proper send-off. 231 00:09:55,666 --> 00:09:57,083 You need closure, man. 232 00:09:57,166 --> 00:09:59,958 Okay, okay. So what you're saying is, 233 00:10:00,041 --> 00:10:03,958 despite the doctor's advice and a lot of the "imaging" we had done, 234 00:10:04,041 --> 00:10:06,833 I should do one last one and that'll get me right. 235 00:10:06,916 --> 00:10:10,708 Exactly. One last tug of the slug. 236 00:10:10,791 --> 00:10:13,500 I mean, when you say it in rhyme, how can I say no? 237 00:10:13,583 --> 00:10:16,208 One last chode load for the road. 238 00:10:16,291 --> 00:10:18,666 - I'm on board. You don't have to rhyme. - All right. 239 00:10:18,750 --> 00:10:22,208 Here we go. I'm feeling a little tingling. 240 00:10:22,291 --> 00:10:25,291 Just a heads-up, it's not pleasant. 241 00:10:25,375 --> 00:10:26,875 Ooh! In fact, it aches. 242 00:10:26,958 --> 00:10:29,666 Push through the pain, Andy. I believe in you. 243 00:10:29,750 --> 00:10:32,500 [groans] Shit, it hurts even more when I'm hard. 244 00:10:32,583 --> 00:10:33,666 Think horny thoughts. 245 00:10:33,750 --> 00:10:38,041 Like, what if Daisy Duck and that sexy tooth had a pillow fight? 246 00:10:38,125 --> 00:10:41,250 Oh God. The pain tastes like a penny. 247 00:10:41,333 --> 00:10:43,583 Ow! God, fuck! This is bad! 248 00:10:43,666 --> 00:10:45,583 Yes, yes, you did it, Andrew! 249 00:10:45,666 --> 00:10:48,083 You're tough as nails, and I am so proud. 250 00:10:48,166 --> 00:10:49,000 [groans] 251 00:10:49,083 --> 00:10:50,416 I made a bloody one. 252 00:10:50,500 --> 00:10:52,833 Yikes. Strawberries and cream. 253 00:10:52,916 --> 00:10:54,583 And now it hurts even worse. 254 00:10:54,666 --> 00:10:56,416 Oh, sorry, my man. 255 00:10:56,500 --> 00:10:58,708 This one might be my fault. 256 00:10:58,791 --> 00:11:01,958 [groans] My balls have a heartbeat. 257 00:11:02,041 --> 00:11:03,583 [grunting] 258 00:11:03,666 --> 00:11:05,333 Ah, where are they? 259 00:11:05,416 --> 00:11:08,791 Heated fuck swing, whiskey for dogs. 260 00:11:08,875 --> 00:11:10,666 Oh, my little tattoo gun! 261 00:11:10,750 --> 00:11:14,625 Wow, your dad's been involved with a lot of dangerous products. 262 00:11:14,708 --> 00:11:15,833 Oh shit. Here we go. 263 00:11:15,916 --> 00:11:17,000 {\an8}"Muscle Munchiez." 264 00:11:17,083 --> 00:11:20,125 {\an8}"Chewable steroids for the weak little boy in your life." 265 00:11:20,208 --> 00:11:22,583 They're from the same guys who made Cotton Candy Brandy. 266 00:11:22,666 --> 00:11:23,875 I met them once in jail. 267 00:11:23,958 --> 00:11:28,458 "An explosive combination of synthetic hormones, amphetamines, 268 00:11:28,541 --> 00:11:31,041 and high fructose corn syrup"? 269 00:11:31,125 --> 00:11:34,000 They're anabolic steroids for kids by kids. 270 00:11:34,083 --> 00:11:35,333 FKBK, Nick. 271 00:11:35,416 --> 00:11:37,125 I don't know, Jay. Are these things safe? 272 00:11:37,208 --> 00:11:41,958 Yeah, okay, they were recalled, but it was some total red-tape bullshit, 273 00:11:42,041 --> 00:11:43,875 "a couple of kids died" sort of thing. 274 00:11:43,958 --> 00:11:45,333 - Don't love that. - But Nick, 275 00:11:45,416 --> 00:11:48,041 these kids were so jacked when they went. 276 00:11:48,125 --> 00:11:49,958 - Really? - Busting out of their coffins. 277 00:11:50,041 --> 00:11:51,208 I do wanna get ripped. 278 00:11:51,291 --> 00:11:52,375 Do it, Nick. 279 00:11:52,458 --> 00:11:55,000 Steroids are just medicine that fucks. 280 00:11:55,083 --> 00:11:57,000 - Okay, here we go. - [suspenseful music] 281 00:11:57,083 --> 00:11:58,166 [chews, gags] 282 00:11:58,250 --> 00:11:59,958 They taste like... like gasoline? 283 00:12:00,041 --> 00:12:01,666 Oh yeah, that tracks. 284 00:12:01,750 --> 00:12:04,250 The box does say, "May cause flammable poopies." 285 00:12:04,333 --> 00:12:05,333 [crickets chirping] 286 00:12:06,375 --> 00:12:07,916 - Jessi? - Connie, please. 287 00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:10,375 - Look at those milk jugs. - Fuck. 288 00:12:10,458 --> 00:12:15,916 Bursting and ripe, hard and veiny, heavy and soft. 289 00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:18,625 And honey, let's not forget big. 290 00:12:18,708 --> 00:12:20,333 So big. 291 00:12:20,416 --> 00:12:22,583 - So soft. - [majestic music playing] 292 00:12:22,666 --> 00:12:24,375 So warm. 293 00:12:24,458 --> 00:12:27,083 Oh God, is that the nipple? 294 00:12:28,625 --> 00:12:31,458 - Oh! - You know what you wanna do, baby. 295 00:12:31,541 --> 00:12:33,000 No, I-I can't. 296 00:12:33,083 --> 00:12:35,416 Come on, honey, make it rain. 297 00:12:35,500 --> 00:12:37,333 Ohh. Fine. 298 00:12:37,416 --> 00:12:40,958 - Yes! [laughs] - Oh, it's glorious! 299 00:12:41,041 --> 00:12:42,416 Boobs are a miracle. 300 00:12:42,500 --> 00:12:45,583 This is totally normal. 301 00:12:45,666 --> 00:12:47,500 Uh, Jessi? 302 00:12:47,583 --> 00:12:49,416 Oh, hi. I was not looking. 303 00:12:49,500 --> 00:12:51,500 Um, okay? 304 00:12:51,583 --> 00:12:55,000 I'm sorry if this is a weird question, but when the milk comes out, 305 00:12:55,083 --> 00:12:56,958 does it feel like a heavenly explosion or... 306 00:12:57,041 --> 00:13:00,500 Uh, no. I mean, not really. It's... It's more of like a... 307 00:13:00,583 --> 00:13:03,875 Actually, I think Delilah's done, so I'm gonna go put her down. 308 00:13:03,958 --> 00:13:04,958 Oh God. 309 00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:06,291 Yeah, I know. 310 00:13:06,375 --> 00:13:10,041 That was one damn good mammiferous daydream. 311 00:13:10,125 --> 00:13:11,833 No, that was a very bad, 312 00:13:11,916 --> 00:13:14,500 very weird daydream, and I wish I could wash my brain. 313 00:13:14,583 --> 00:13:17,416 Well, I wish Caitlin's boobies were a TV channel 314 00:13:17,500 --> 00:13:19,250 so I could watch them all the time. 315 00:13:19,333 --> 00:13:22,708 We could call it TBS, Titty Boobs Sucky-Sucky. 316 00:13:22,791 --> 00:13:25,125 Oh my God, please stop talking. 317 00:13:25,708 --> 00:13:27,250 - [grunting] - Ah! 318 00:13:27,333 --> 00:13:29,083 Oh, Rick, what are you doing? 319 00:13:29,166 --> 00:13:30,666 I'm too pissed off to sleep. 320 00:13:30,750 --> 00:13:31,583 Yeah, me too. 321 00:13:31,666 --> 00:13:34,791 I think, like, the Muscle Munchiez are, like, kicking in. 322 00:13:34,875 --> 00:13:35,750 Hell yeah! 323 00:13:35,833 --> 00:13:38,458 Time to fuck up the world, baby! 324 00:13:38,541 --> 00:13:39,583 I feel amazing. 325 00:13:39,666 --> 00:13:42,875 Like I could choke a tiger to death with my bare hands. 326 00:13:42,958 --> 00:13:46,333 Nick and Rick, killing some big cats. That's how we do! 327 00:13:46,416 --> 00:13:48,625 Yeah. I'm gonna fucking sprint to school. 328 00:13:48,708 --> 00:13:51,958 Let's go, baby! Time to show everybody who's in charge. 329 00:13:52,041 --> 00:13:53,625 Kool-Aid man! 330 00:13:53,708 --> 00:13:55,041 Oh yeah! 331 00:13:55,125 --> 00:13:59,375 Hey! Whatever you guys are on, make me a double. 332 00:13:59,458 --> 00:14:02,958 ♪ All my best songs Were written on speed ♪ 333 00:14:03,041 --> 00:14:04,375 [laughs] 334 00:14:04,458 --> 00:14:07,875 See, Maury? We, uh, found something to do with our hands 335 00:14:07,958 --> 00:14:09,916 instead of my beloved masturbation. 336 00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:14,541 Yeah, doing a puzzle is just as satisfying as a whole-body orgasm. 337 00:14:14,625 --> 00:14:16,416 How are there no more white pieces? 338 00:14:16,500 --> 00:14:19,500 There's a hole in the clouds. There have to be more white pieces. 339 00:14:19,583 --> 00:14:21,833 - You know what else is white? - Maury, please. 340 00:14:21,916 --> 00:14:24,583 - With a little bit of red sometimes. - I'm injured! 341 00:14:24,666 --> 00:14:25,750 Right, right. My bad. 342 00:14:25,833 --> 00:14:29,041 It's just, you know, these rolling hills kinda look like... 343 00:14:29,125 --> 00:14:31,125 A delicious ass? Big tits? 344 00:14:31,208 --> 00:14:34,250 A pregnant woman lying on her back with her knees up? 345 00:14:34,333 --> 00:14:35,583 Yes! All those things. 346 00:14:35,666 --> 00:14:38,833 You think I don't know that, you furry fuck? I have eyes. 347 00:14:38,916 --> 00:14:41,833 [knocks] Andrew, honey, I'm going to the grocery store. 348 00:14:41,916 --> 00:14:43,541 Yeah, right, good. I'm coming with you. 349 00:14:43,625 --> 00:14:44,541 - What? - You are? 350 00:14:44,625 --> 00:14:46,541 I've been meaning to spend more time with you. 351 00:14:46,625 --> 00:14:49,083 - Okay. - Fantastic. I'll be right down. 352 00:14:49,166 --> 00:14:50,291 What the fuck was that? 353 00:14:50,375 --> 00:14:53,541 I gotta get away from you and this slutty puzzle. 354 00:14:53,625 --> 00:14:56,041 - Oh, come on. - I'm going shopping with my mommy, 355 00:14:56,125 --> 00:14:59,708 and as God is my witness, I shall remain flaccid. 356 00:15:00,208 --> 00:15:01,125 [birds chirping] 357 00:15:01,208 --> 00:15:02,208 [grunts] 358 00:15:03,083 --> 00:15:05,666 - Oh, my moneymaker! - You're out, Lump. 359 00:15:05,750 --> 00:15:08,958 Now who else wants some of this, huh? I am locked the fuck in. 360 00:15:09,041 --> 00:15:10,291 It's second period. 361 00:15:10,375 --> 00:15:12,375 Can we stop with the screaming, Alex Jones? 362 00:15:12,458 --> 00:15:13,958 - Sit down, bitch! - [grunts] 363 00:15:14,041 --> 00:15:17,000 - [students gasp] - Hey, asshole, this face is on camera. 364 00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:20,583 [blows whistle] You're out, Nick. No hitting above booby town. 365 00:15:20,666 --> 00:15:22,541 Fuck up this nosy kid with the mustache. 366 00:15:22,625 --> 00:15:26,625 I can't be out, Coach Steve. I am dodgeball, you fucking idiot. 367 00:15:26,708 --> 00:15:28,291 I'm sorry, Dodgeball. 368 00:15:28,375 --> 00:15:31,291 - What is your problem today? - Maybe you are, Matthew. 369 00:15:31,375 --> 00:15:33,208 You wanna take this out to the parking lot? 370 00:15:33,291 --> 00:15:36,000 [scoffs] The parking lot? What is this, Grease Live? 371 00:15:36,083 --> 00:15:38,375 A wop ba-ba lu-bop, a wop fuck you! 372 00:15:38,458 --> 00:15:40,250 Uh, whatever. It's just dodgeball. 373 00:15:40,333 --> 00:15:44,250 See that? He's got nothing else to say 'cause he knows I'm loco. 374 00:15:44,333 --> 00:15:46,083 Insane in the membrane, baby. 375 00:15:46,166 --> 00:15:48,833 Nick, uh, maybe you should take a chill pill? 376 00:15:48,916 --> 00:15:50,791 All due respect, Missy, fuck you. 377 00:15:50,875 --> 00:15:53,250 We don't take chill pills. We take muscle pills! 378 00:15:53,333 --> 00:15:56,250 Hey, Jay. I need you to hook me up with more of those kid steroids. 379 00:15:56,333 --> 00:15:57,500 I don't know, man. 380 00:15:57,583 --> 00:15:59,583 Maybe you need to, like, calm down for a sec. 381 00:15:59,666 --> 00:16:02,000 [mocking] "Maybe you need to calm down for a sec"? 382 00:16:02,083 --> 00:16:05,041 Whoa, Nick. That was fucking cool. 383 00:16:05,125 --> 00:16:07,958 Oh dear. There's hardly any shallots. 384 00:16:08,041 --> 00:16:11,750 - Is that because of COVID? - Ooh, great topic. Very unsexy. 385 00:16:11,833 --> 00:16:14,625 But my God, look at all these ripe tomatoes. 386 00:16:14,708 --> 00:16:18,708 - Oh, sweet mercy. No, not ripe tomatoes. - [Barbara] They're ridiculously plump. 387 00:16:18,791 --> 00:16:22,083 Oh, and they're not fakes either. Those are naturals. 388 00:16:22,166 --> 00:16:25,000 Oh, and so fucking wet inside. 389 00:16:25,083 --> 00:16:27,375 Maury! Of course you're in the produce aisle. 390 00:16:27,458 --> 00:16:29,916 This place is dripping with raw sensuality. 391 00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:31,958 That's right, baby. 392 00:16:32,041 --> 00:16:33,666 The peaches are butts, 393 00:16:33,750 --> 00:16:35,333 the melons are titties, 394 00:16:35,416 --> 00:16:38,083 and uh-oh, here comes the mist. 395 00:16:38,166 --> 00:16:39,083 - Hey! - Hi! 396 00:16:39,166 --> 00:16:40,875 Fuck me into sauce. 397 00:16:41,458 --> 00:16:43,666 No, no, no. Think unsexy thoughts. 398 00:16:43,750 --> 00:16:46,625 Nuclear war, stepping in dog shit, 399 00:16:46,708 --> 00:16:48,375 the cast of This Is Us. 400 00:16:48,458 --> 00:16:49,625 [laughs maniacally] 401 00:16:49,708 --> 00:16:53,250 Oh yeah. Put your piña in my colada. 402 00:16:53,333 --> 00:16:55,208 Maury, why are you doing this to me? 403 00:16:55,291 --> 00:16:59,416 Because you need to jack off. You're addicted to it. 404 00:16:59,500 --> 00:17:00,958 I know, but why? 405 00:17:01,041 --> 00:17:05,333 - Because your daddy never loved you. - I don't even think he likes me. 406 00:17:05,416 --> 00:17:10,541 Now, run to the employee restroom and have a sausage party of your own. 407 00:17:10,625 --> 00:17:12,166 Mom, I gotta run to the restroom! 408 00:17:12,833 --> 00:17:15,375 Oh God, where the hell is it? Oh, look at all the crates. 409 00:17:15,958 --> 00:17:19,041 Now do it right here on the cold concrete floor 410 00:17:19,125 --> 00:17:21,041 next to the filthy mop bucket. 411 00:17:21,125 --> 00:17:23,583 Oh God! Is this what rock bottom looks like? 412 00:17:23,666 --> 00:17:25,708 Oh-ho, I can still see further down. 413 00:17:25,791 --> 00:17:27,375 No, no, I can't! 414 00:17:27,458 --> 00:17:29,250 Think of my wounded epididymis. 415 00:17:29,333 --> 00:17:33,166 Oh, but you must, Andrew, for it is time to restock the Yoplait. 416 00:17:33,250 --> 00:17:35,041 This is so medically wrong. 417 00:17:35,125 --> 00:17:37,666 - Strawberries and cream, baby. - [whimpers] 418 00:17:37,750 --> 00:17:41,833 I'm afraid this is gonna be all strawberries. 419 00:17:41,916 --> 00:17:45,666 Oh, have you ever noticed how every time the baby sucks on one booby, 420 00:17:45,750 --> 00:17:47,833 the other booby gets bigger? 421 00:17:47,916 --> 00:17:50,583 Um, of course I've noticed. It's freaking mesmerizing. 422 00:17:50,666 --> 00:17:52,250 Hey, Jelly Bean. 423 00:17:52,333 --> 00:17:54,416 Oh, hey, Dad. Um, where's Caitlin? 424 00:17:54,500 --> 00:17:55,708 Uh, she... she went out. 425 00:17:55,791 --> 00:17:58,875 Aw. Did she take her fascinating breasts? 426 00:17:58,958 --> 00:18:03,125 And, uh... I actually wanted to, um, talk to you about something? 427 00:18:03,208 --> 00:18:05,791 - Okay. - Uh-oh. I think he's gonna ask for money. 428 00:18:05,875 --> 00:18:09,625 This is honestly the last conversation in the world I wanna have... 429 00:18:09,708 --> 00:18:12,625 Say you don't have any cash on you right now. Just keep walking. 430 00:18:12,708 --> 00:18:16,583 ...but Caitlin feels like you've been, um, 431 00:18:16,666 --> 00:18:19,916 extremely focused on her, uh, chest area. 432 00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:21,208 - Oh God. - She knows! 433 00:18:21,291 --> 00:18:22,666 How is that possible? 434 00:18:22,750 --> 00:18:24,500 We've been so discreet. 435 00:18:24,583 --> 00:18:26,541 You know, while she's been feeding Delilah. 436 00:18:26,625 --> 00:18:28,208 Really? That's weird. 437 00:18:28,291 --> 00:18:31,208 And hey, I get it, because I wanna stare at them too. 438 00:18:31,291 --> 00:18:32,916 Connie, this is torture. Kill me. 439 00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:35,625 But I'm allowed to because I'm... I'm... she and I... 440 00:18:35,708 --> 00:18:37,125 I'm... I'm her sexual partner. 441 00:18:37,208 --> 00:18:38,125 Oh! 442 00:18:38,208 --> 00:18:42,916 I don't like hearing your dad say "sexual partner." 443 00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:46,958 Anyway, it'd be really rad if you could, like, um, stop. 444 00:18:47,041 --> 00:18:49,125 Sure thing, Dad. Okay. 445 00:18:49,208 --> 00:18:52,791 Floor, open up and take me away! 446 00:18:52,875 --> 00:18:53,958 Thank you! 447 00:18:54,041 --> 00:18:56,333 So, yeah, please don't stare at my girlfriend's boobs. 448 00:18:56,416 --> 00:18:57,708 I will not. 449 00:18:57,791 --> 00:18:59,041 Okay. Terrible talk. 450 00:18:59,125 --> 00:19:00,583 Yeah, one of the worst. 451 00:19:00,666 --> 00:19:04,083 A toast to my father, Seamus. 452 00:19:04,166 --> 00:19:08,083 I wish him nothing but happiness at his new retirement community. 453 00:19:08,166 --> 00:19:09,000 And may he always... 454 00:19:09,083 --> 00:19:10,875 These old people in these retirement homes, 455 00:19:10,958 --> 00:19:12,000 they're all fucking, man. 456 00:19:12,083 --> 00:19:14,291 Everybody over 80 has syphilis. You hear about this? 457 00:19:14,375 --> 00:19:16,958 - Nick! - Fuck you. You guys don't stay informed. 458 00:19:17,041 --> 00:19:18,916 Your father was mid-toast. 459 00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:22,708 And I was actually just about to update you on Grandpa's syphilis. 460 00:19:22,791 --> 00:19:24,958 Oh my God. You guys, you won't stop talking. 461 00:19:25,041 --> 00:19:29,458 - Just shut the fuck up, Elliot. - That is it, young man. Go to your room! 462 00:19:29,541 --> 00:19:33,666 Fine, Diane, but I'm taking the protein. Gotta gain mass, get swole. 463 00:19:33,750 --> 00:19:38,250 Ew! Don't touch our food with your dirty middle school hands! 464 00:19:38,333 --> 00:19:40,458 Put down the bird, fuck-face. 465 00:19:40,541 --> 00:19:43,250 Hey, man. Nobody talks to Mr. Dodgeball like that. 466 00:19:43,333 --> 00:19:44,541 Kick Judd Apatow's ass. 467 00:19:44,625 --> 00:19:46,166 What the fuck did you just say to me? 468 00:19:46,250 --> 00:19:49,916 - Put down the bird, fuck-face. - [menacing music playing] 469 00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:52,583 I'm not the fuck-face, Judd, you're the fuck-face. 470 00:19:52,666 --> 00:19:55,750 That's right, I'm done taking shit from you, you... 471 00:19:55,833 --> 00:19:58,583 - Oh shit! - Brother against brother. 472 00:19:58,666 --> 00:20:00,541 Judd! Thank you. 473 00:20:00,625 --> 00:20:04,291 [groans] If you need me, Mama, I'll be in my chambers. 474 00:20:04,375 --> 00:20:05,583 [wings buzzing] 475 00:20:05,666 --> 00:20:07,875 Oh, come on. What the fuck is this? 476 00:20:07,958 --> 00:20:09,708 Have a seat, Andrew. 477 00:20:09,791 --> 00:20:11,208 Okay, I get it. 478 00:20:11,291 --> 00:20:13,666 You're here to tell me how disgusting I am. 479 00:20:13,750 --> 00:20:15,125 In a way, yes... 480 00:20:15,208 --> 00:20:18,750 And how that bathroom I just ruined is for underpaid workers. 481 00:20:18,833 --> 00:20:20,750 Andrew, we're worried about you! 482 00:20:20,833 --> 00:20:24,458 Look, guys, I appreciate whatever this is. 483 00:20:24,541 --> 00:20:28,291 It's an ejaculation intervention, of course. A cock block of caring. 484 00:20:28,375 --> 00:20:31,583 Please, don't waste your time on me, all right? 485 00:20:31,666 --> 00:20:32,833 Maury's right. 486 00:20:32,916 --> 00:20:37,125 I'm a disgusting little cum cow pumping out strawberry milk. 487 00:20:37,208 --> 00:20:39,041 Oh, Andrew, no, no, no. 488 00:20:39,125 --> 00:20:43,291 You're more than just onanism. You contain multitudes! 489 00:20:43,375 --> 00:20:44,708 And before you leave, 490 00:20:44,791 --> 00:20:47,958 there's someone here who has something they'd like to say to you. 491 00:20:48,041 --> 00:20:50,208 A piece of penne that got run over? 492 00:20:50,291 --> 00:20:52,250 No, Andrew, I'm your epididymis. 493 00:20:52,333 --> 00:20:55,083 Oh my God, I'm sorry. I-I didn't recognize you. 494 00:20:55,166 --> 00:20:57,708 It's okay. I'm normally inside your scrotum. 495 00:20:57,791 --> 00:20:59,041 - Oh. - [coughs] 496 00:20:59,125 --> 00:21:01,375 [gasps] Are you okay, my epididymis? 497 00:21:01,458 --> 00:21:04,458 No, I'm not. That's why I wrote you this letter. 498 00:21:04,541 --> 00:21:07,083 Oh man, don't you cry. You're gonna make me cry. 499 00:21:07,166 --> 00:21:10,166 "Dear Andrew, we've had so many great times together 500 00:21:10,250 --> 00:21:12,434 - covering your house in semen." - [tender music playing] 501 00:21:12,458 --> 00:21:13,375 We really have. 502 00:21:13,458 --> 00:21:15,625 "But since the accident, I've been in pain... 503 00:21:15,708 --> 00:21:18,250 - Aw, man. - ...and I feel like you don't care." 504 00:21:18,333 --> 00:21:20,250 No, no, that's not true. 505 00:21:20,333 --> 00:21:22,125 I'm just stressed and scared, 506 00:21:22,208 --> 00:21:25,166 and I don't have another way to deal with those feelings. 507 00:21:25,250 --> 00:21:28,500 - It's because his father doesn't love him. - Oh, I'm well aware. 508 00:21:28,583 --> 00:21:30,541 "I'm not saying it's gonna be easy, Andrew, 509 00:21:30,625 --> 00:21:33,375 but if you don't listen to the doctor, then I'm sorry, 510 00:21:33,458 --> 00:21:36,000 but I won't help you produce semen anymore." 511 00:21:36,083 --> 00:21:38,083 - You wouldn't do that. - I have no choice! 512 00:21:38,166 --> 00:21:39,375 Oh, I'm sorry. 513 00:21:39,458 --> 00:21:43,000 We all love you, Andrew, and we only want what's best for you. 514 00:21:43,083 --> 00:21:45,958 Okay, I'm gonna listen to the doctor, 515 00:21:46,750 --> 00:21:49,500 and I'm gonna do it to please all these people in front of me. 516 00:21:49,583 --> 00:21:52,333 No, Andrew, do it for yourself. 517 00:21:52,416 --> 00:21:54,875 I'm gonna try. I'm gonna try. 518 00:21:54,958 --> 00:21:56,750 Okay, come on. 519 00:21:56,833 --> 00:21:58,791 Come in, come in, come on, here we go. 520 00:21:58,875 --> 00:22:00,666 Hey, sorry I'm late. 521 00:22:00,750 --> 00:22:03,291 I'm Andrew's left nut. I got caught in a zipper. 522 00:22:03,375 --> 00:22:06,416 You can roll right out 'cause he's already had his breakthrough. 523 00:22:06,500 --> 00:22:09,291 Oh, so I wrote a whole letter for nothing. Great. 524 00:22:10,500 --> 00:22:11,916 [crickets chirping] 525 00:22:13,125 --> 00:22:15,291 - [yawns] - Ah, you were hungry. 526 00:22:15,375 --> 00:22:16,500 - Hey. - Oh, you know what? 527 00:22:16,583 --> 00:22:19,541 - I'm just gonna grab a little, um... - That's totally fair. 528 00:22:19,625 --> 00:22:21,625 No. You know what? It's just that, um... 529 00:22:21,708 --> 00:22:26,458 - You really don't have to say anything. - The staring was just... I-I'm sorry. 530 00:22:26,541 --> 00:22:28,791 No, no, no, I am the one who is sorry. 531 00:22:28,875 --> 00:22:30,458 Well, I am not sorry. 532 00:22:30,541 --> 00:22:33,666 I revere them titties, and I am proud of it. 533 00:22:33,750 --> 00:22:38,875 Um, I'm just gonna go do homework in my room until Delilah grows up, so... 534 00:22:38,958 --> 00:22:42,541 [sighs] Well, I'm gonna miss Caitlin's big fat titties. 535 00:22:42,625 --> 00:22:44,250 [sighs] Me too. 536 00:22:44,333 --> 00:22:46,083 But she deserves to be able to breastfeed 537 00:22:46,166 --> 00:22:48,333 without someone staring at her like a little creep. 538 00:22:48,416 --> 00:22:49,333 I guess. 539 00:22:49,416 --> 00:22:51,583 [groans] I feel like Andrew. 540 00:22:51,666 --> 00:22:54,375 - Ow! - Don't you dare fucking talk like that. 541 00:22:54,458 --> 00:22:55,500 I'm sorry, Dad. 542 00:22:55,583 --> 00:22:58,958 I should've known it was stupid to eat anything from Jay's garage. 543 00:22:59,041 --> 00:23:00,625 I want you to learn from this, Nicky, 544 00:23:00,708 --> 00:23:03,583 because steroids can cause blood clots and liver failure, 545 00:23:03,666 --> 00:23:05,541 not to mention they shrink your testicles. 546 00:23:05,625 --> 00:23:08,583 Oh yeah, look at my little peppercorns. 547 00:23:08,666 --> 00:23:10,375 Aw, they're so cute. 548 00:23:10,458 --> 00:23:13,375 I mean, I know steroids are famously bad. 549 00:23:13,458 --> 00:23:15,291 It just sucks being so small. 550 00:23:15,375 --> 00:23:17,166 Well, I was a late bloomer too, 551 00:23:17,250 --> 00:23:21,166 but I was patient, and now every part of me is normal-sized. 552 00:23:21,250 --> 00:23:23,083 - Well, except my... - Your penis, I know. 553 00:23:23,166 --> 00:23:27,375 But you make up for it by quote, "giving dynamite cunnilingus." 554 00:23:27,458 --> 00:23:31,625 Mm-hmm. And you don't need steroids to have an eager and curious tongue. 555 00:23:31,708 --> 00:23:33,166 Ugh. Thanks, Dad? 556 00:23:33,250 --> 00:23:35,708 Aw, this is so beautiful, 557 00:23:35,791 --> 00:23:38,458 like when your dad sticks his tongue in your mom. 558 00:23:38,541 --> 00:23:39,958 [sobs] 559 00:23:41,500 --> 00:23:43,625 {\an8}Hey, I got your text, but before you say your thing, 560 00:23:43,708 --> 00:23:45,958 I was just thinking, pregnant Daisy Duck. 561 00:23:46,041 --> 00:23:49,000 What if you got stuck in a bank lobby with her? 562 00:23:49,083 --> 00:23:50,708 Think that's an episode of Friends. 563 00:23:50,791 --> 00:23:54,625 Are you serious? Oh my God. Wait until I tell Schwimmer about this. 564 00:23:54,708 --> 00:23:58,625 Look, I, uh... I don't wanna think about pregnant Daisy Duck for a while. 565 00:23:58,708 --> 00:24:00,958 So, what, just pregnant humans? 566 00:24:01,041 --> 00:24:03,791 No. Nothing sexual, okay? 567 00:24:03,875 --> 00:24:07,333 For the next three weeks, my sweet epididymis must heal, 568 00:24:07,416 --> 00:24:09,000 so I'm setting some boundaries. 569 00:24:09,083 --> 00:24:10,333 [nervous laughter] What? 570 00:24:10,416 --> 00:24:12,208 Why are you being so dramatic? 571 00:24:12,291 --> 00:24:16,041 Because I am more than just a disgusting little cum cow. 572 00:24:16,125 --> 00:24:17,583 I contain multitudes. 573 00:24:17,666 --> 00:24:21,166 You sound crazy right now, you know that? We are a team. 574 00:24:21,250 --> 00:24:23,375 You jack off and I say, "Way to jack off!" 575 00:24:23,458 --> 00:24:26,000 Not anymore, Maury. Be gone. 576 00:24:26,083 --> 00:24:29,166 Wow, you're... you're really serious, aren't you? 577 00:24:29,250 --> 00:24:32,125 Oh, I'm as serious as XM radio, brother. 578 00:24:32,208 --> 00:24:36,458 Okay, I'll leave, but for the, you know, "record," 579 00:24:36,541 --> 00:24:38,875 this is your loss, Andrew, 580 00:24:38,958 --> 00:24:40,875 - because I'm, like... - [emotional music] 581 00:24:40,958 --> 00:24:42,791 ...I'm a really cool guy. [sobbing] 582 00:24:42,875 --> 00:24:44,041 Goodbye, Maury. 583 00:24:44,125 --> 00:24:46,041 Yeah, well then, I guess I'll, uh, 584 00:24:46,125 --> 00:24:48,458 you know, see you when you stop cumming blood. 585 00:24:48,541 --> 00:24:50,000 [sobs] Okay. 586 00:24:50,083 --> 00:24:52,708 ♪ But no one ♪ 587 00:24:54,208 --> 00:24:58,125 ♪ Is ever gonna love you more than I do... ♪ 588 00:24:58,208 --> 00:25:01,125 ["No One's Gonna Love You" by Band Of Horses playing] 589 00:25:01,208 --> 00:25:05,125 ♪ No one's gonna love you more than I do ♪ 590 00:25:07,708 --> 00:25:10,916 ♪ And anything to make you smile ♪ 591 00:25:12,583 --> 00:25:15,041 ♪ It is a better side ♪ 592 00:25:16,458 --> 00:25:18,458 ♪ Of you to admire ♪ 593 00:25:20,958 --> 00:25:24,708 ♪ But they should never take so long ♪ 594 00:25:25,750 --> 00:25:28,541 ♪ Just to be over ♪ 595 00:25:29,125 --> 00:25:31,416 ♪ Then back to another one ♪ 596 00:25:41,375 --> 00:25:42,375 Chirp.