1 00:00:07,125 --> 00:00:09,458 -[owl hooting] -[insects chirping] 2 00:00:09,541 --> 00:00:11,458 [Marty] Barbara, let's go! 3 00:00:11,541 --> 00:00:14,458 Costco stops selling hot dogs at 8:00 p.m.! 4 00:00:14,541 --> 00:00:16,625 I'm coming, Marty. Jesus! 5 00:00:16,708 --> 00:00:18,750 -[Marty] Snap to it! -We'll be back soon, honey. 6 00:00:18,833 --> 00:00:20,250 Guys, it's your anniversary. 7 00:00:20,333 --> 00:00:22,500 Don't you wanna go somewhere nicer than Costco? 8 00:00:22,583 --> 00:00:24,083 Your mother loves Costco. 9 00:00:24,166 --> 00:00:26,208 She likes to stand while she eats 10 00:00:26,291 --> 00:00:28,833 and then get frisky in a bin of sweatpants. 11 00:00:28,916 --> 00:00:31,875 Mom, blink twice if you wanna go to a restaurant. 12 00:00:31,958 --> 00:00:34,166 Don't tell your mother to blink, you little pervert. 13 00:00:34,250 --> 00:00:36,583 It's fine, sweetie. We'll see you in a half hour. 14 00:00:36,666 --> 00:00:38,125 -[Marty] Barbara, in the car! -Okay! 15 00:00:38,208 --> 00:00:40,958 And… they're… gone. Finally! 16 00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:43,875 What shall I jack my stack to tonight, Maury? 17 00:00:43,958 --> 00:00:45,666 -Uh, whatever you want, man. -Ah, come on. 18 00:00:45,750 --> 00:00:47,750 -You gotta have some disgusting ideas. -[keypad clacking] 19 00:00:47,833 --> 00:00:50,541 -Nope. -Are you okay? You… you're acting weird. 20 00:00:50,625 --> 00:00:53,333 Everything's fine, and… and, uh, in fact, I don't wanna talk about it. 21 00:00:53,416 --> 00:00:57,416 So, what, do you not want me to make room-temp goo-goo in a sock tonight? 22 00:00:57,500 --> 00:01:00,083 'Cause what you're giving off is, like, pretty anti-goo-goo vibe. 23 00:01:00,166 --> 00:01:02,666 Sure, goo-goo, don't goo-goo. It's your dick, man. 24 00:01:02,750 --> 00:01:04,291 -Wow. Okay. -Yeah. 25 00:01:04,375 --> 00:01:06,208 -Yeah. -Well, man, I'm not horny anymore. 26 00:01:06,291 --> 00:01:08,125 -Well, you're gonna stay floppy? -Don't have a choice. 27 00:01:08,208 --> 00:01:10,291 I guess I should just, uh… you know, fucking take off, then. 28 00:01:10,375 --> 00:01:11,875 -Take off, then. I guess you should. -Yeah. 29 00:01:11,958 --> 00:01:13,583 -Okay, later. -Later to you. 30 00:01:14,708 --> 00:01:17,166 Jesus Christ. He actually left! 31 00:01:17,250 --> 00:01:21,250 So, wait, am I not gonna jerk off in the final episode? 32 00:01:21,333 --> 00:01:22,500 What the fuck? 33 00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:24,750 ["Changes" by Charles Bradley playing] 34 00:01:24,833 --> 00:01:30,750 ♪ I'm going through changes ♪ 35 00:01:34,291 --> 00:01:40,458 ♪ I'm going through changes ♪ 36 00:01:40,541 --> 00:01:42,833 ♪ Oh, in my life ♪ 37 00:01:44,041 --> 00:01:45,250 ♪ Oh! ♪ 38 00:01:45,333 --> 00:01:47,291 ♪ Ooh, ooh ♪ 39 00:01:53,250 --> 00:01:54,375 [music fades out] 40 00:01:56,833 --> 00:01:58,708 [Missy grunting] 41 00:01:58,791 --> 00:02:02,666 [Monica] Missy, do you need help folding your laundry? 42 00:02:02,750 --> 00:02:04,666 Uh, no. No. No, thank you. 43 00:02:04,750 --> 00:02:06,166 Nate, are you okay? 44 00:02:06,250 --> 00:02:07,083 Terrifico. 45 00:02:07,166 --> 00:02:10,416 Although I am a tad nervous sneaking around like this 46 00:02:10,500 --> 00:02:14,125 to get absolutely foul in your twin bed. 47 00:02:14,208 --> 00:02:16,416 Oh, I think it's exhilarating. 48 00:02:16,500 --> 00:02:19,125 I feel like a grown criminal woman. 49 00:02:19,208 --> 00:02:20,416 [grunts, moans] 50 00:02:20,500 --> 00:02:22,208 -Strip the boy, Missy. -[Missy moaning] 51 00:02:22,291 --> 00:02:24,666 Let's find out if he's smooth or hairy. 52 00:02:24,750 --> 00:02:29,041 Hey, Nate, maybe you should, I don't know, take your shirt off or something? 53 00:02:29,125 --> 00:02:30,333 Eyebrows, eyebrows. 54 00:02:30,416 --> 00:02:32,500 And reveal my bare chest? You bet. 55 00:02:32,583 --> 00:02:34,916 Oh, it's smooth! 56 00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:36,708 Lick his little thumbtacks, Missy. 57 00:02:36,791 --> 00:02:40,291 Mm, Nate, maybe I should take mine off too? 58 00:02:40,375 --> 00:02:43,000 Yes, let those papoo mashoonas breathe. 59 00:02:43,083 --> 00:02:44,125 -Uh, Missy? -Oh my gosh. 60 00:02:44,208 --> 00:02:45,333 -Bill Bellamy! -[Missy] Oh, Dad! 61 00:02:45,416 --> 00:02:47,500 My daughter's getting hunka munka in here! 62 00:02:47,583 --> 00:02:49,166 -What are you doing in here? -[Nate grunts] 63 00:02:49,250 --> 00:02:50,583 -Oh my goodness! -Get out! 64 00:02:50,666 --> 00:02:53,125 Missy, they can't just barge in on you like this. 65 00:02:53,208 --> 00:02:54,708 -Do something! -Okay. 66 00:02:54,791 --> 00:02:58,000 Mom, Dad, I am 15 now. 67 00:02:58,083 --> 00:02:59,916 I get to make my own decisions. 68 00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:02,750 And, yeah, that might include hunka munka. 69 00:03:02,833 --> 00:03:06,208 Now, Missy, I… I, uh… 70 00:03:06,291 --> 00:03:08,000 -I… -Cyrus? 71 00:03:08,083 --> 00:03:11,375 I think I actually agree with you. 72 00:03:11,458 --> 00:03:13,083 -You do? -What the actual fuck? 73 00:03:13,166 --> 00:03:16,833 Well, you're a big girl now, and we gotta start treating you like one. 74 00:03:16,916 --> 00:03:18,291 -[gasps] -This is insane. 75 00:03:18,375 --> 00:03:19,583 What is happening? 76 00:03:19,666 --> 00:03:21,583 As hard as it is, 77 00:03:21,666 --> 00:03:25,208 I think it might be time for us to… 78 00:03:25,291 --> 00:03:26,958 [voice breaks] …take a step back. 79 00:03:27,041 --> 00:03:29,458 Because before you know it, you'll be moving out. 80 00:03:29,541 --> 00:03:30,375 Oh God. 81 00:03:30,458 --> 00:03:33,000 And we'll be dead from Parkinson's or whatever, 82 00:03:33,083 --> 00:03:36,250 and you, well… you gotta be able to get on without us. 83 00:03:36,333 --> 00:03:37,208 Without you? 84 00:03:37,291 --> 00:03:41,083 What is going on right now? It was titty time, like, two seconds ago. 85 00:03:41,166 --> 00:03:44,333 I guess we should give you two your privacy. 86 00:03:44,416 --> 00:03:49,291 And just remember, eye contact alone can be one of the sexiest things of all. 87 00:03:49,791 --> 00:03:50,625 Um… 88 00:03:50,708 --> 00:03:53,833 Suddenly, all I wanna do is go tell my mommy that I love her. 89 00:03:53,916 --> 00:03:55,291 -Goodbye, Missy. -Bye. 90 00:03:55,375 --> 00:03:57,875 -[door opens, closes] -Well, call me a swimming pool in winter 91 00:03:57,958 --> 00:04:01,250 -because I am dry and closed. -Oh. 92 00:04:01,333 --> 00:04:05,625 So I'm randomly walking by this yard sale, and then I see it. 93 00:04:05,708 --> 00:04:09,208 A framed painting of Courteney Cox from Cougar Town. 94 00:04:09,291 --> 00:04:11,458 [chuckles] Wha… what? No, you did not. 95 00:04:11,541 --> 00:04:13,791 -[chuckles] Yes, I had to have it. -[Dewayne] Oh my God. 96 00:04:13,875 --> 00:04:14,833 And I don't know why. 97 00:04:14,916 --> 00:04:17,916 -Ugh. I miss you. -I wish I was there with you right now. 98 00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:21,041 Oh yeah? What would you do to me if you were here? 99 00:04:21,125 --> 00:04:22,833 Oh shit. 100 00:04:22,916 --> 00:04:25,416 -Come on, Daddy. Tell me. -Ooh, he's talking dirty. 101 00:04:25,500 --> 00:04:27,708 -Quick, say something butt-naked nasty. -Oh God. 102 00:04:27,791 --> 00:04:29,250 Maury, I can't. 103 00:04:29,333 --> 00:04:31,416 Matthew, uh… [chuckles] …you still there? 104 00:04:31,500 --> 00:04:32,666 Oh. Oh yeah, um… 105 00:04:32,750 --> 00:04:33,708 Come on! 106 00:04:33,791 --> 00:04:35,708 Don't you wanna spit all over his hard dick 107 00:04:35,791 --> 00:04:39,000 until you see your own reflection in his big, fat dome? 108 00:04:39,083 --> 00:04:40,041 Well, of course I do. 109 00:04:40,125 --> 00:04:43,416 Well, why don't you tell him? He craves the information. 110 00:04:43,500 --> 00:04:45,583 -I'm too embarrassed, okay? -Ugh. 111 00:04:45,666 --> 00:04:46,916 I'm sorry, Dewayne, 112 00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:51,000 but I'm not really a… a dirty talk kinda guy. 113 00:04:51,083 --> 00:04:52,708 Oh! Uh, okay. 114 00:04:52,791 --> 00:04:55,250 -Uh, sorry. I… -Oh, no, no. 115 00:04:55,333 --> 00:04:56,791 Uh, it… it's not your fault. 116 00:04:56,875 --> 00:04:59,791 -You know, I should probably go. -Okay, well… 117 00:04:59,875 --> 00:05:00,916 -[phone beeps] -Bye. [sighs] 118 00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:03,083 -What is wrong with you, Matthew? -I don't know. 119 00:05:03,166 --> 00:05:05,541 Why can't you just let your freak flag fly? 120 00:05:05,625 --> 00:05:09,958 -Because I don't even have a freak flag. -Of course you do. Everyone does. 121 00:05:10,041 --> 00:05:11,333 Look, here he is now. 122 00:05:11,416 --> 00:05:14,041 -Ah! You wanna suck his dick! -Oh, no! 123 00:05:14,125 --> 00:05:16,625 You wanna wear his ass like an N95! 124 00:05:16,708 --> 00:05:18,875 -Ugh! -You wanna cum in his backpack! 125 00:05:18,958 --> 00:05:19,875 -Jesus! -[babbles] 126 00:05:19,958 --> 00:05:22,041 -Put him away. He's disgusting. -[babbling] 127 00:05:22,125 --> 00:05:24,708 Well, I, for one, think he's charming. 128 00:05:24,791 --> 00:05:28,083 Okay, Nicky, we're off to bail Marty out of Costco jail. 129 00:05:28,166 --> 00:05:29,000 Costco jail? 130 00:05:29,083 --> 00:05:31,208 They raised the price of hot dogs by a quarter, 131 00:05:31,291 --> 00:05:33,750 and Marty went insane and almost killed an employee. 132 00:05:33,833 --> 00:05:35,333 Uh… Have fun, I guess? 133 00:05:35,416 --> 00:05:37,458 I wouldn't go to jail for hot dogs, Diane, 134 00:05:37,541 --> 00:05:40,500 but if I were on death row, you know what my last meal would be? 135 00:05:40,583 --> 00:05:41,833 -My vagina. -Your vagina. 136 00:05:41,916 --> 00:05:42,791 Ugh. Stop it. 137 00:05:42,875 --> 00:05:45,916 Nicky, your mother's vagina gave me three beautiful children. 138 00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:48,125 The least I could do is eat it. 139 00:05:48,208 --> 00:05:49,208 -Well, Rick… -[door closes] 140 00:05:49,291 --> 00:05:51,166 …I know I shouldn't be horny after that, 141 00:05:51,250 --> 00:05:54,541 but I think it might be time for a little Natalie? 142 00:05:54,625 --> 00:05:56,500 Actually, man, we need to talk. 143 00:05:56,583 --> 00:05:58,416 Oh God. Do you have cancer? 144 00:05:58,500 --> 00:06:01,208 Well, yeah, I do… I do have pan-fried cancer. 145 00:06:01,291 --> 00:06:03,166 -Oh. -The tastiest of cancers. 146 00:06:03,250 --> 00:06:04,125 -Huh. -But no. 147 00:06:04,208 --> 00:06:06,500 Actually, what I was trying to say was 148 00:06:07,083 --> 00:06:08,208 I'm retiring. 149 00:06:08,291 --> 00:06:10,458 What? Why are you retiring? 150 00:06:10,541 --> 00:06:14,333 Well, because… I'm bad at my job, man. 151 00:06:14,416 --> 00:06:16,833 Yeah. Yeah, no, I can't argue with that. 152 00:06:16,916 --> 00:06:18,250 But don't worry, baby. 153 00:06:18,333 --> 00:06:21,583 I got you a very special new hormone monster. 154 00:06:21,666 --> 00:06:22,500 What? 155 00:06:22,583 --> 00:06:26,041 That's right, cheese dick. Shit's about to get real. 156 00:06:26,125 --> 00:06:27,875 Oh, fuck! 157 00:06:27,958 --> 00:06:30,083 Believe me, I'm not thrilled about this either. 158 00:06:30,166 --> 00:06:33,083 You gotta be kidding me, Rick. Not this guy. 159 00:06:33,166 --> 00:06:35,541 Well, I can tell this is going great. 160 00:06:35,625 --> 00:06:38,625 Now, gentlemen, if you will excuse me… 161 00:06:38,708 --> 00:06:39,583 [farts squeakily] 162 00:06:39,666 --> 00:06:40,666 [fart sputters] 163 00:06:40,750 --> 00:06:43,750 -Ugh! -You can literally smell the cancer. 164 00:06:43,833 --> 00:06:45,791 -I'm really gonna miss you, Nick. -[farting] 165 00:06:45,875 --> 00:06:48,458 -Oh, yeah. Uh, me… me too, Rick. -[fart squeaks, ends] 166 00:06:48,541 --> 00:06:49,708 Oh, good. It's over. 167 00:06:49,791 --> 00:06:52,083 -[Rick farts] -Oh God. No, spoke too soon. 168 00:06:52,166 --> 00:06:56,375 Thanks for making an old hormone monster feel like he mattered. 169 00:06:56,458 --> 00:06:57,375 -Well… -[Rick farts] 170 00:06:57,458 --> 00:06:58,750 -…there he goes. -Yep. 171 00:06:58,833 --> 00:07:01,500 So, uh, how is this, like, supposed to work… 172 00:07:01,583 --> 00:07:02,750 -I don't know. -…between you and me? 173 00:07:02,833 --> 00:07:04,208 Can you even get a boner? 174 00:07:04,291 --> 00:07:05,833 -Yeah, I can get a boner. -[blows raspberry] 175 00:07:05,916 --> 00:07:07,875 What, like a teeny-tiny one? 176 00:07:07,958 --> 00:07:09,625 No, like big time. 177 00:07:09,708 --> 00:07:13,083 -Bullshit. You can't get hard. -Fuck you. I'm hard right now. 178 00:07:13,166 --> 00:07:16,500 Oh wow. Congrats. Too bad you don't know what to fucking do with it. 179 00:07:16,583 --> 00:07:18,375 Oh yeah? Well, then what do you call this? 180 00:07:18,458 --> 00:07:19,333 -[fly unzips] -[grunts] 181 00:07:19,416 --> 00:07:21,166 -Please, your stroke sucks. -[Nick grunting] 182 00:07:21,250 --> 00:07:22,875 Call me when you can do it with both hands. 183 00:07:22,958 --> 00:07:25,500 Oh, you like it with two hands, huh? [moans] 184 00:07:25,583 --> 00:07:27,208 [panting] 185 00:07:27,291 --> 00:07:30,916 -Well, that was fucking dope. -Yeah, that was, uh… pretty intense. 186 00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:32,083 Listen, no big deal, 187 00:07:32,166 --> 00:07:34,333 but we probably shouldn't tell Andrew about us. 188 00:07:34,416 --> 00:07:35,875 Huh? Wh… why not? 189 00:07:35,958 --> 00:07:39,291 -Because I said so! Don't make this weird. -Okay! Jesus. 190 00:07:39,375 --> 00:07:41,541 -Yeah, now let's go again. -Again? 191 00:07:41,625 --> 00:07:44,166 That's right. You're working with Maury now. 192 00:07:44,250 --> 00:07:46,500 -Your dick is mine, sweetheart. -[sighs] 193 00:07:46,583 --> 00:07:47,791 [bird chirping] 194 00:07:47,875 --> 00:07:50,541 [sighs] Ay-ay-ay, this sucks. 195 00:07:50,625 --> 00:07:53,125 Aren't summer internships for, like, college kids? 196 00:07:53,208 --> 00:07:56,458 It's never too early to start thinking about your future, Jess. 197 00:07:56,541 --> 00:07:59,958 "Where do you see yourself in 20 years?" 198 00:08:00,041 --> 00:08:02,375 How the hell am I supposed to know that now? 199 00:08:02,458 --> 00:08:06,291 Oh, come on! You'll be freezing your eggs while you climb the corporate ladder. 200 00:08:06,375 --> 00:08:10,791 Fuck that. That's what Shannon wants, fucking Murphy Brown-ass bitch. 201 00:08:10,875 --> 00:08:13,125 But you gotta think about your future! 202 00:08:13,208 --> 00:08:15,791 You don't wanna end up like your loser dad. 203 00:08:15,875 --> 00:08:17,625 I don't know, Shan. I'm with Jellybean. 204 00:08:17,708 --> 00:08:18,958 -Ugh. -Forget the internship. 205 00:08:19,041 --> 00:08:19,958 Thank you, Dad. 206 00:08:20,041 --> 00:08:23,583 Just chill at home. I remember one summer, I found a nest. 207 00:08:23,666 --> 00:08:27,500 -Ugh! -I like Saddy Daddy's idea. 208 00:08:27,583 --> 00:08:30,291 -Why do anything? The future's a drag. -[fridge door opens] 209 00:08:30,375 --> 00:08:32,583 Greg, what are you even doing here? 210 00:08:32,666 --> 00:08:34,250 What am I doing here? 211 00:08:34,333 --> 00:08:36,750 -Oh yeah, charging my phone. -And you can't do that at home? 212 00:08:36,833 --> 00:08:40,416 No, 'cause I only have the long parts. I don't have any squares. 213 00:08:40,500 --> 00:08:42,916 So just go buy a new square, Greg. 214 00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:44,666 I told you already, Shannon. 215 00:08:44,750 --> 00:08:47,291 I lost my wallet at Guitar Center last week. 216 00:08:47,375 --> 00:08:48,333 -Woof. -[squabbling] 217 00:08:48,416 --> 00:08:50,208 I'm just not gonna deal with this right now. 218 00:08:50,291 --> 00:08:52,583 Yeah, fuck the future, right? 219 00:08:52,666 --> 00:08:53,916 [squabbling continues] 220 00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:56,000 [foreboding, ethereal whirring] 221 00:08:58,958 --> 00:09:01,541 My parents were so weird. 222 00:09:01,625 --> 00:09:04,333 They were, like, respecting my autonomy. 223 00:09:04,416 --> 00:09:07,000 I guess we're kind of becoming… adults? 224 00:09:07,083 --> 00:09:09,125 -Yeah. -Ugh. Like, when did that happen? 225 00:09:09,208 --> 00:09:10,208 -[sobbing] -Oy. 226 00:09:10,291 --> 00:09:11,291 Coach Steve? 227 00:09:11,375 --> 00:09:13,000 Jesus. What? What is it? 228 00:09:13,083 --> 00:09:16,500 Hey, Steve, can you try one more time to tell us why you're so upset? 229 00:09:16,583 --> 00:09:21,166 They're sending a big stone meatball into the skin in my old house 230 00:09:21,250 --> 00:09:22,875 on opposite yesterday! 231 00:09:22,958 --> 00:09:26,041 Guys, I'm at my limit with this shit. He keeps saying the same thing. 232 00:09:26,125 --> 00:09:27,541 -I'm gonna hit him. -Oh, no, no, no! 233 00:09:27,625 --> 00:09:29,750 You just gotta know how to speak Steve. 234 00:09:29,833 --> 00:09:32,958 The stone meatball is obviously a wrecking ball. 235 00:09:33,041 --> 00:09:35,500 -Okay. -And his old house is, uh… 236 00:09:35,583 --> 00:09:38,666 -The middle school? -And… and opposite yesterday is… 237 00:09:38,750 --> 00:09:40,125 Oh shit! 238 00:09:40,208 --> 00:09:42,583 They're demolishing Bridgeton Middle tomorrow? 239 00:09:42,666 --> 00:09:44,291 They are?! [cries] 240 00:09:44,375 --> 00:09:45,708 God. Yeah, here it is. 241 00:09:45,791 --> 00:09:48,875 "Subpar middle school to become huge open pit." 242 00:09:48,958 --> 00:09:51,708 Oh my God! Let's go there for old time's sake. 243 00:09:51,791 --> 00:09:53,166 Ho-ho! Yes, babe! 244 00:09:53,250 --> 00:09:56,250 We should totally go party there before it's torn down. 245 00:09:56,333 --> 00:09:58,500 -Party Wolf! [howling] -I'm in. 246 00:09:58,583 --> 00:09:59,500 Fuck it. Me too. 247 00:09:59,583 --> 00:10:03,041 I would like to see the school one last time to say goodbye. 248 00:10:03,125 --> 00:10:05,083 Yeah, and I could finally grab my hemorrhoid donut 249 00:10:05,166 --> 00:10:08,125 that I left in the band room. We could all get our hemorrhoid donuts. 250 00:10:08,208 --> 00:10:13,125 Jessi, do you ever feel like the future is, um… a big, terrifying nothing? 251 00:10:13,208 --> 00:10:16,583 And it's closing in on us faster and faster till it swallows us whole? 252 00:10:16,666 --> 00:10:18,041 -Yep. -[Jessi] Yeah, sometimes. 253 00:10:18,125 --> 00:10:20,750 [foreboding, ethereal whirring continues] 254 00:10:20,833 --> 00:10:23,625 -[Andrew grunts] Here we go. -[Nick strains] A little higher. 255 00:10:23,708 --> 00:10:24,958 [both grunt] 256 00:10:25,041 --> 00:10:27,833 I can't believe they're tearing this place down. 257 00:10:27,916 --> 00:10:29,625 -Ow! -You okay? 258 00:10:29,708 --> 00:10:31,583 Yeah, my arm's just a little sore. 259 00:10:31,666 --> 00:10:34,750 -Oh, what, from jacking it too much? -Actually, uh, yeah. 260 00:10:34,833 --> 00:10:38,125 Oh, man, I remember when I couldn't keep my hands off my dick. 261 00:10:38,208 --> 00:10:40,791 But last night, we just sat together and watched TV. 262 00:10:40,875 --> 00:10:43,125 -[grunts] Okay, there we go. -[Andrew grunts] Oof! 263 00:10:43,208 --> 00:10:46,208 Huh. I just kinda felt like you were kinda always horny. 264 00:10:46,291 --> 00:10:48,000 I don't know what's wrong with me. 265 00:10:48,083 --> 00:10:49,583 -Here, say the word "tits." -Tits. 266 00:10:49,666 --> 00:10:51,208 -Yeah, nothing. -Really? 267 00:10:51,291 --> 00:10:52,916 -Squish City. -Huh. 268 00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:56,000 [Coach Steve sobbing] All right, DJ Pendejo here, 269 00:10:56,083 --> 00:11:00,958 sadder than I've ever been 'cause they're about to kill my old house. 270 00:11:01,041 --> 00:11:03,250 -[thumping dance music plays] -Pew, pew, pew. [whines] 271 00:11:03,333 --> 00:11:06,833 Okay, who wants some really old cotton-candy brandy? 272 00:11:06,916 --> 00:11:09,625 Pour it straight down my gullet, babe. 273 00:11:09,708 --> 00:11:10,666 Ho-ho, yeah! 274 00:11:10,750 --> 00:11:13,833 -[gasps] Hold my butt while I do it. -Glug, glug. 275 00:11:13,916 --> 00:11:16,333 -Glug, glug. -Isn't it so weird being back here? 276 00:11:16,416 --> 00:11:17,750 Everything looks so small. 277 00:11:17,833 --> 00:11:21,000 It is the same size. You have just grown larger. 278 00:11:21,083 --> 00:11:22,666 -[Maury] Andrew, come on. -[Andrew] Maury? 279 00:11:22,750 --> 00:11:24,416 -It's me. Trust me. -What's he doing out there? 280 00:11:24,500 --> 00:11:26,458 Hey, about last night… 281 00:11:26,541 --> 00:11:29,500 I… I can't jerk off at school, Maury. 282 00:11:29,583 --> 00:11:31,666 Whoa. Is this, like, a memory? 283 00:11:31,750 --> 00:11:35,083 Oh, come on. Just go to the bathroom and think about Julie Bowen 284 00:11:35,166 --> 00:11:37,125 choking you out with her thighs. 285 00:11:37,208 --> 00:11:38,666 Well, when you put it like that… 286 00:11:38,750 --> 00:11:40,250 -Race you, Andy! -[chuckles] 287 00:11:40,333 --> 00:11:41,666 I remember that. 288 00:11:41,750 --> 00:11:46,166 [chuckles] I ended up busting a nut. But where the hell is Maury? 289 00:11:46,250 --> 00:11:47,666 -Psst. Hey, fuckface. -[gasps] 290 00:11:47,750 --> 00:11:50,166 Ready to drain your purple prick again? 291 00:11:50,250 --> 00:11:52,083 -You mean here? -Oh, I'm sorry. 292 00:11:52,166 --> 00:11:54,625 Do you want me to rent you a hotel room, princess? 293 00:11:54,708 --> 00:11:56,958 Oh God. Is this gonna be our game? 294 00:11:57,041 --> 00:11:59,625 Maybe it is. You scared, baby bitch? 295 00:11:59,708 --> 00:12:02,541 No. In fact, I jerk off wherever I please. 296 00:12:02,625 --> 00:12:04,916 Oh yeah? Well, then let's fucking see it. 297 00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:08,083 Oh, you wanna see it? Well, then let me fucking show it to you. 298 00:12:08,166 --> 00:12:11,583 Whoa, whoa, whoa! Stupid, not here. Let's go to the bathroom. 299 00:12:11,666 --> 00:12:13,041 -Oh. -Jesus! 300 00:12:13,125 --> 00:12:15,250 -[tinkling, nostalgic music plays] -[laughter] 301 00:12:15,333 --> 00:12:18,791 Oh my gosh! There's so many memories. 302 00:12:21,125 --> 00:12:22,833 -[Jessi farts] -[past Ali grunts, chuckles] 303 00:12:22,916 --> 00:12:23,875 -Whoa. -[chuckles] 304 00:12:23,958 --> 00:12:25,541 And there's DeVon. 305 00:12:25,625 --> 00:12:27,708 Oh, I miss him so much. 306 00:12:27,791 --> 00:12:29,666 Aw, Matthew, look at that. 307 00:12:29,750 --> 00:12:31,291 It's the first time we kissed. 308 00:12:31,375 --> 00:12:32,541 -[smooch] -[Matthew murmurs] 309 00:12:32,625 --> 00:12:34,208 -Well, then. -[laughs] Ho! 310 00:12:34,291 --> 00:12:36,458 I am so bisexual. 311 00:12:36,541 --> 00:12:38,500 Wow. It was pretty hot. 312 00:12:38,583 --> 00:12:41,541 Yeah, I don't know. I don't see it. It's giving zero sparks. 313 00:12:41,625 --> 00:12:44,708 Aw, I'm sorry, babe. I didn't mean to make you feel insecure. 314 00:12:44,791 --> 00:12:46,000 I'm not insecure! 315 00:12:46,083 --> 00:12:47,458 I just think you're a piece of shit 316 00:12:47,541 --> 00:12:50,083 because you kissed someone else and remembered it fondly. 317 00:12:50,166 --> 00:12:53,583 -Okay, here we go. -Oh, we're airing grievances? Great! 318 00:12:53,666 --> 00:12:54,708 -I got one. -Oh yeah? 319 00:12:54,791 --> 00:12:57,250 You never said "I love you" back. 320 00:12:57,333 --> 00:12:59,791 Well, that's a good point! Total touché. 321 00:12:59,875 --> 00:13:01,000 Wait, really? 322 00:13:01,083 --> 00:13:04,166 But how about I make up for it and give you something 323 00:13:04,250 --> 00:13:07,166 that stupid Matthew never could? 324 00:13:07,250 --> 00:13:09,791 -Why am I a part of this? -Oh yeah? What's that? 325 00:13:09,875 --> 00:13:11,625 Your first blowie, of course. 326 00:13:11,708 --> 00:13:14,625 Actually… [trills lips] …someone already did that. 327 00:13:14,708 --> 00:13:15,958 Uh… hello. 328 00:13:16,041 --> 00:13:18,708 What?! He took your blow-ginity? 329 00:13:18,791 --> 00:13:23,041 And you tell me this on the day of my middle school's demolition? 330 00:13:23,125 --> 00:13:24,458 I hate you, Jay! 331 00:13:24,541 --> 00:13:25,791 -I'm sorry, babe. -[cries] 332 00:13:25,875 --> 00:13:28,166 -But he practically begged me! -I didn't beg. 333 00:13:28,250 --> 00:13:31,625 I just… rang your doorbell and asked nicely. 334 00:13:31,708 --> 00:13:34,916 Oh, Mona, look. It's my first day of middle school. 335 00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:38,833 My God. Those vile overalls, the headband. 336 00:13:38,916 --> 00:13:41,125 -[past Missy exhales] -You were really cute. 337 00:13:41,208 --> 00:13:44,208 [sighs] What I wouldn't give to go back. 338 00:13:44,291 --> 00:13:47,833 Um, pardon me. Uh, do you know how to get to the library? 339 00:13:47,916 --> 00:13:49,833 Holy Shrekballs! You can see me? 340 00:13:49,916 --> 00:13:50,750 Of course. 341 00:13:50,833 --> 00:13:52,875 Hi, I'm Missy Foreman-Greenwald. 342 00:13:52,958 --> 00:13:54,583 It's very nice to meet you. 343 00:13:54,666 --> 00:13:59,250 Don't you bleeping recognize me, you marshmallow? I'm you in the future. 344 00:13:59,333 --> 00:14:01,375 Suck my dick! No fucking way! 345 00:14:01,458 --> 00:14:03,166 Missy, language! 346 00:14:03,250 --> 00:14:04,458 [ethereal whirring] 347 00:14:04,541 --> 00:14:06,583 Whoa. Connie, what is that? 348 00:14:06,666 --> 00:14:11,083 You mean that big fucking scary white void that's eating everything up? 349 00:14:11,166 --> 00:14:15,125 Yeah, it's, like, coming right at us. Let's go check it out. 350 00:14:15,208 --> 00:14:16,583 What, are you crazy? 351 00:14:16,666 --> 00:14:18,708 Jessi, wait, bitch! No! 352 00:14:18,791 --> 00:14:19,708 Come on! 353 00:14:19,791 --> 00:14:21,875 Fuck. What is that thing? 354 00:14:21,958 --> 00:14:22,875 No big deal. 355 00:14:22,958 --> 00:14:27,541 Just the big, terrifying nothingness of the future! 356 00:14:27,625 --> 00:14:29,625 So my future's in there? 357 00:14:29,708 --> 00:14:31,916 Yeah, and it could be completely fucked! 358 00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:33,166 -Holy shit. -[Tito gasps] 359 00:14:33,250 --> 00:14:35,375 -What if Camden dumps you? -Oh no. 360 00:14:35,458 --> 00:14:38,000 [Tito] What if you don't get into any Ivy League colleges? 361 00:14:38,083 --> 00:14:39,375 -Oh. -[body thuds] 362 00:14:39,458 --> 00:14:41,166 What if you have to go to Tufts? 363 00:14:41,250 --> 00:14:43,666 Oh God! Not Tufts! 364 00:14:43,750 --> 00:14:45,958 -[echoing] What the hell is Tufts? -[Jessi groans] 365 00:14:46,041 --> 00:14:47,583 Well, hold on now. 366 00:14:47,666 --> 00:14:51,750 We don't know any of that stuff is actually gonna happen. 367 00:14:51,833 --> 00:14:53,250 Oh, thank you, Kitty. 368 00:14:53,333 --> 00:14:55,250 -Here's what we do know. -[foreboding music plays] 369 00:14:55,333 --> 00:14:57,166 [Depression Kitty] Your parents are gonna die. 370 00:14:57,250 --> 00:14:59,291 -[gasps] -You are gonna die. 371 00:14:59,375 --> 00:15:00,666 -Oh fuck! -[bell tolls] 372 00:15:00,750 --> 00:15:01,916 [Connie] Look, Jessi. 373 00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:04,833 She knows your death date! This shit is real! 374 00:15:04,916 --> 00:15:05,750 What the hell? 375 00:15:05,833 --> 00:15:07,166 [Depression Kitty] And finally… 376 00:15:07,250 --> 00:15:11,833 [voice distorts menacingly, echoes] …all of humanity is gonna die! 377 00:15:11,916 --> 00:15:14,291 -[Jessi hyperventilating] -Goddamn, Jessi! 378 00:15:14,375 --> 00:15:15,875 I'm gonna… [retches] 379 00:15:15,958 --> 00:15:19,125 -Oh God. It's getting closer. -Oh. Oh fuck! Run, Jessi! 380 00:15:19,208 --> 00:15:23,166 Run before the future swallows you up and shits you out at Tufts! 381 00:15:23,250 --> 00:15:24,083 [Jessi panting] 382 00:15:24,166 --> 00:15:26,375 -[past Maury and Andrew chuckle] -Man, look at us. 383 00:15:26,458 --> 00:15:28,250 We were so young and perverted. 384 00:15:28,333 --> 00:15:31,166 -[tinkling, nostalgic music plays] -Aw, and we're in our special stall. 385 00:15:31,250 --> 00:15:33,083 [Maury] Yeah, that's it. Twist the tip. 386 00:15:33,166 --> 00:15:37,166 Oh, oh, oh. This must be the time that I came all over my new Asics. 387 00:15:37,250 --> 00:15:39,250 -Ah! What the fuck? -Ah! Andrew! 388 00:15:39,333 --> 00:15:42,041 -It's not what you think! -You're helping Nick jerk off! 389 00:15:42,125 --> 00:15:43,875 Oh yeah. So you actually got it. 390 00:15:43,958 --> 00:15:46,000 You're cheating on me with my best friend! 391 00:15:46,083 --> 00:15:49,541 Dude, we're not, like, dating. I'm just his new hormone monster. 392 00:15:49,625 --> 00:15:51,791 I'm sorry, Andrew. He… he told me not to tell you. 393 00:15:51,875 --> 00:15:53,666 -You shut the fuck up! Fuck you! -You shut the fuck up, Nick! 394 00:15:53,750 --> 00:15:57,708 Hold on. Is this slut why you've been so distant with me? 395 00:15:57,791 --> 00:16:00,500 -No. He means nothing to me. -Hey! 396 00:16:00,583 --> 00:16:03,875 Then what is it, Maury? Tell me. You owe me at least that much. 397 00:16:03,958 --> 00:16:06,666 Fine. I'm leaving you, okay? 398 00:16:06,750 --> 00:16:07,666 -What? -Oh God. 399 00:16:07,750 --> 00:16:10,541 -I feel like I'm gonna faint. -Oh, calm down. 400 00:16:10,625 --> 00:16:13,041 But I don't get this. [sobs] Why are you leaving me? 401 00:16:13,125 --> 00:16:15,666 -Did I do something? -No! Don't you get it? 402 00:16:15,750 --> 00:16:17,791 -Your puberty's over. It's done. -What? 403 00:16:17,875 --> 00:16:18,875 No more growing. 404 00:16:18,958 --> 00:16:22,875 Your body's just gonna get a little worse every day until you die. 405 00:16:22,958 --> 00:16:25,125 So that's it? I'm never gonna see you again? 406 00:16:25,208 --> 00:16:27,333 -You could probably see him at my house. -You stay out of this! 407 00:16:27,416 --> 00:16:29,333 -Yeah, shut up, you fucking tramp! -Whoa! 408 00:16:29,416 --> 00:16:31,625 You stole my goddamn fucking hormone monster! 409 00:16:31,708 --> 00:16:33,416 Hey, you don't own me! 410 00:16:33,500 --> 00:16:36,083 We just, like, collabed for a few years. 411 00:16:36,166 --> 00:16:38,458 -No, no, no. Don't you dare do that. -[poignant music plays] 412 00:16:38,541 --> 00:16:41,000 We're actual friends. How can you be this cold? 413 00:16:41,083 --> 00:16:46,708 'Cause it's just business, okay? I am a hormone monster. This is my job. 414 00:16:46,791 --> 00:16:47,666 Do me this. 415 00:16:47,750 --> 00:16:52,625 Look me in the eyes and tell me that what we had wasn't special. 416 00:16:52,708 --> 00:16:55,333 It… wasn't… special. 417 00:16:55,416 --> 00:16:58,375 [gasps, sobbing] You really are a monster. 418 00:16:58,458 --> 00:17:00,041 -[crying] -[door opens, closes] 419 00:17:00,125 --> 00:17:03,125 -Oh man. Should we, like, go after him? -[music fades out] 420 00:17:03,208 --> 00:17:04,833 -Shut up, shit stain! -What? 421 00:17:04,916 --> 00:17:07,375 Just finish jacking off and shoot on the wall! 422 00:17:07,458 --> 00:17:08,833 -Now! -Oh. Oh. Oh, okay. 423 00:17:08,916 --> 00:17:12,000 I said paint the fucking wall, bitch! 424 00:17:12,083 --> 00:17:13,416 [Nick murmuring anxiously] 425 00:17:13,500 --> 00:17:14,541 -Matthew. -Oh. 426 00:17:14,625 --> 00:17:15,583 We need to talk. 427 00:17:15,666 --> 00:17:18,291 I know how to cancel out the blow job you gave Jay. 428 00:17:18,375 --> 00:17:19,416 Uh-huh? 429 00:17:19,500 --> 00:17:21,833 I need to blow you. 430 00:17:21,916 --> 00:17:23,083 [laughs] 431 00:17:23,166 --> 00:17:25,833 -What? -You gave Jay his first blowie. 432 00:17:25,916 --> 00:17:29,541 -Oh God. -And now I'll give you your first blowie. 433 00:17:29,625 --> 00:17:33,458 Lola, listen. You don't wanna give me a blow job. 434 00:17:33,541 --> 00:17:35,916 I think you wanna tell Jay that you love him. 435 00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:39,375 Um, first of all, pish. Second of all, posh. 436 00:17:39,458 --> 00:17:43,000 My point is you love Jay. You can't stay broken up. 437 00:17:43,083 --> 00:17:44,666 You can't keep your hands off him. 438 00:17:44,750 --> 00:17:47,208 It's toxic, but you're perfect for each other. 439 00:17:47,291 --> 00:17:50,541 But history has proven that when I tell someone I love them, 440 00:17:50,625 --> 00:17:55,125 they ultimately leave me to follow Hoobastank around the world. 441 00:17:55,208 --> 00:17:56,333 Oh God. 442 00:17:56,416 --> 00:17:59,416 Well, I'm sorry your mom left, honey. 443 00:17:59,500 --> 00:18:02,291 But you don't know that Jay's gonna do that to you. 444 00:18:02,375 --> 00:18:06,875 Jay is the best part of my life and the father of my dog. 445 00:18:06,958 --> 00:18:09,083 I just can't risk losing him. 446 00:18:09,166 --> 00:18:11,750 Lola, you have to be vulnerable. 447 00:18:11,833 --> 00:18:15,000 Even if you might get hurt or embarrassed, it's worth it. 448 00:18:15,083 --> 00:18:17,958 Hum… Considering gay advice. 449 00:18:18,041 --> 00:18:21,166 Come on, Matt. What about you being vulnerable? 450 00:18:21,250 --> 00:18:23,916 Don't you wanna let loose and be a horny little freak? 451 00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:24,875 -[Matthew] Hmm. -Yeah! 452 00:18:24,958 --> 00:18:28,333 You know you wanna be a nasty, perverted fuck slut. 453 00:18:28,416 --> 00:18:29,458 [babbles] 454 00:18:29,541 --> 00:18:30,375 Oh God. 455 00:18:30,458 --> 00:18:33,541 -[tinkling, nostalgic music plays] -Dang! Look at me in the future. 456 00:18:33,625 --> 00:18:36,541 The hair, the clothes, the chic 'tude. 457 00:18:36,625 --> 00:18:37,500 Oh, thanks. 458 00:18:37,583 --> 00:18:40,625 So… tell me what our life is like. 459 00:18:40,708 --> 00:18:43,375 -Well, let's see. I'm in high school. -Whoa! 460 00:18:43,458 --> 00:18:45,166 And I'm in the Robotics Club. 461 00:18:45,250 --> 00:18:46,833 Okay, cool alert. 462 00:18:46,916 --> 00:18:50,750 And I have a boyfriend who's, well… he's basically Nathan Fillion! 463 00:18:50,833 --> 00:18:52,708 Holy fuck! 464 00:18:53,333 --> 00:18:55,541 -You okay? -I'm flippin' fantastic. 465 00:18:55,625 --> 00:18:58,041 Sounds like our life is bangaranging. 466 00:18:58,125 --> 00:18:59,208 You know, it's funny, 467 00:18:59,291 --> 00:19:02,625 I was kind of wishing I could go back to… to being you. 468 00:19:02,708 --> 00:19:03,708 Huh? 469 00:19:03,791 --> 00:19:08,125 When things were simpler and safer and our parents were our best friends. 470 00:19:08,208 --> 00:19:10,625 Our parents aren't our best friends anymore? 471 00:19:10,708 --> 00:19:11,958 Everything's different now. 472 00:19:12,041 --> 00:19:14,250 Things are changing really fast, 473 00:19:14,333 --> 00:19:16,875 and I'm kinda freaked out about the future. 474 00:19:16,958 --> 00:19:18,833 But you're my future, 475 00:19:18,916 --> 00:19:21,250 and you're pretty dang cool. 476 00:19:21,333 --> 00:19:25,958 So what if your future is even cooler? 477 00:19:26,041 --> 00:19:29,250 Huh. That actually makes a lot of sense. 478 00:19:29,333 --> 00:19:31,333 Thanks… me. 479 00:19:31,416 --> 00:19:33,291 -[chuckles] -You're welcome, me. 480 00:19:33,375 --> 00:19:35,958 -[Missys] Oh. -Oh, how very lovely. 481 00:19:36,041 --> 00:19:39,416 All the wet from my pussy is going straight to my eyes. 482 00:19:39,500 --> 00:19:40,666 [sobs] Oh. 483 00:19:42,708 --> 00:19:45,666 Ah, Andrew, there you are. I've been looking all over for you. 484 00:19:45,750 --> 00:19:47,000 Well, here I am, 485 00:19:47,083 --> 00:19:49,250 pondering my bald, lonely future. 486 00:19:49,333 --> 00:19:52,458 Hey, man, I'm really sorry that I ended up getting Maury. 487 00:19:52,541 --> 00:19:55,166 Ah, it's okay. It's not that… It's not that he helps you. 488 00:19:55,250 --> 00:19:56,250 It's just… 489 00:19:56,333 --> 00:19:59,666 I'm upset 'cause it feels like he doesn't even care that he's leaving me. 490 00:19:59,750 --> 00:20:01,916 Yeah, he's kind of a psychopath. 491 00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:04,958 He said I'm gonna jack it so hard, my dick will need a skin graft. 492 00:20:05,041 --> 00:20:07,708 A skin graft, yeah. That's just how he talks, though. 493 00:20:07,791 --> 00:20:09,291 -Yeah. -But you know what? 494 00:20:09,375 --> 00:20:11,541 -Beneath all his horny bluster… -Uh-huh? 495 00:20:11,625 --> 00:20:13,166 …Maury's just a teddy bear. 496 00:20:13,250 --> 00:20:14,083 -Really? -Yeah. 497 00:20:14,166 --> 00:20:18,166 He's a sick, twisted, horned teddy bear that makes kids jack off, 498 00:20:18,250 --> 00:20:19,833 and I'm gonna miss him so much. 499 00:20:19,916 --> 00:20:22,791 -[clicks tongue] Aw, Andrew. -The fat little belly and his furry cock. 500 00:20:22,875 --> 00:20:26,375 I… I'm sure he wouldn't leave if he didn't think you could handle it. 501 00:20:26,458 --> 00:20:27,708 [sniffles] You think so? 502 00:20:27,791 --> 00:20:30,291 Yeah. I mean, you've matured so much. 503 00:20:30,375 --> 00:20:33,791 I can't even remember the last time I saw your genitals in public. 504 00:20:33,875 --> 00:20:36,000 -Last week, at the skating rink. -Oh, right, yeah. 505 00:20:36,083 --> 00:20:37,750 [both] Over by the vending machines. 506 00:20:37,833 --> 00:20:38,666 You know what it is? 507 00:20:38,750 --> 00:20:40,333 I'm just really afraid to be without him, Nick. 508 00:20:40,416 --> 00:20:41,791 I just… I don't wanna be alone. 509 00:20:41,875 --> 00:20:43,375 You're not alone. 510 00:20:43,458 --> 00:20:45,125 You'll always have me, 511 00:20:45,208 --> 00:20:47,250 a real human best friend. 512 00:20:47,333 --> 00:20:48,333 You promise? 513 00:20:48,416 --> 00:20:51,291 -Of course. Come here. -You'll always have me too. 514 00:20:51,375 --> 00:20:52,541 -Come here. [grunts] -Oh. 515 00:20:52,625 --> 00:20:54,916 -[ethereal whirring] -Uh, Andrew, wh… what's that? 516 00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:57,500 It's called male vulnerability, Nick. 517 00:20:57,583 --> 00:20:58,833 No, that. 518 00:20:58,916 --> 00:20:59,833 [Andrew] Oh shit! 519 00:20:59,916 --> 00:21:01,166 [whirring] 520 00:21:02,250 --> 00:21:05,666 Okay, boys, I figured out how to quell my fears 521 00:21:05,750 --> 00:21:08,208 and light my labial fire. 522 00:21:08,291 --> 00:21:09,250 Listening. 523 00:21:09,333 --> 00:21:11,875 Jay, you're gonna blow Matthew, and I'm gonna watch. 524 00:21:11,958 --> 00:21:13,333 -What? -It's the perfect plan. 525 00:21:13,416 --> 00:21:16,708 Lola, how in the world does that solve your problem? 526 00:21:16,791 --> 00:21:18,250 Yeah, it's stupid. 527 00:21:18,333 --> 00:21:21,333 But, like, if it was to work, how would it work? 528 00:21:21,416 --> 00:21:24,083 -Oh my God. It's so simple. -Go into dirty detail. 529 00:21:24,166 --> 00:21:27,833 I get to conquer my insecurities by watching the man I love… 530 00:21:27,916 --> 00:21:29,166 -What? -…deep-throat his ex. 531 00:21:29,250 --> 00:21:30,083 What the fuck? 532 00:21:30,166 --> 00:21:32,083 Wait, you love me? 533 00:21:32,166 --> 00:21:34,125 -I do, Jay Bilzerian. -[tender music plays] 534 00:21:34,208 --> 00:21:36,041 -I've always loved you. -Oh my God! 535 00:21:36,125 --> 00:21:38,333 I was just too 'fraidy cat to say it. 536 00:21:38,416 --> 00:21:40,750 I love you too, Lola Skumpy. 537 00:21:40,833 --> 00:21:44,250 Also, I canonically love watching men have sex. 538 00:21:44,333 --> 00:21:45,166 She really does. 539 00:21:45,250 --> 00:21:47,750 And so, by the power of this vest on me, 540 00:21:47,833 --> 00:21:50,833 I need to watch you give Matthew a pompino. 541 00:21:50,916 --> 00:21:52,291 -Well, tracks for me. -Uh… 542 00:21:52,375 --> 00:21:56,250 Come on! You know you want Jay's feral mouth around your dick. 543 00:21:56,333 --> 00:21:59,250 I mean, it would be kinda hot, 544 00:21:59,333 --> 00:22:00,708 but with Lola watching? 545 00:22:00,791 --> 00:22:03,875 You love an audience, you little stage whore. 546 00:22:03,958 --> 00:22:04,791 -[chuckles] -[babbles] 547 00:22:04,875 --> 00:22:07,208 Listen, Matthew, I just don't want fear 548 00:22:07,291 --> 00:22:09,625 to keep you from living your horniest life. 549 00:22:09,708 --> 00:22:11,500 I can't believe it, 550 00:22:11,583 --> 00:22:14,916 but I'm gonna listen to you and that disgusting flag. 551 00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:17,041 -Yes! -Pledge allegiance, baby! 552 00:22:17,125 --> 00:22:20,041 Okay, guys, I guess I'm down. 553 00:22:20,125 --> 00:22:22,750 Ménage à Wolf! [howls] 554 00:22:22,833 --> 00:22:25,916 -Let's fucking go! -[buckle clinks, fly unzips] 555 00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:28,833 -[Jay grunts] -[Lola] Oh my God. It's fully happening. 556 00:22:28,916 --> 00:22:30,583 -Matthew's pants are coming down. -[rustling] 557 00:22:30,666 --> 00:22:33,875 Oh! And there goes Jay's pants for some reason. 558 00:22:33,958 --> 00:22:36,416 -[boys grunting] -Wow, audience, I wish you could see this. 559 00:22:36,500 --> 00:22:37,833 -[Jay] Lola, look. -Because… Oh my God. 560 00:22:37,916 --> 00:22:40,000 -This is, like, the rawest shit… -[Matthew moaning] 561 00:22:40,083 --> 00:22:41,708 -…I've ever seen. -[Matthew moans] 562 00:22:41,791 --> 00:22:43,000 -[Lola chuckles] -[Jay gobbling] 563 00:22:43,083 --> 00:22:45,375 Ah! I can't go back out there, Connie! 564 00:22:45,458 --> 00:22:48,375 I told you the future is fucked! 565 00:22:48,458 --> 00:22:49,583 Let's just hide in here. 566 00:22:49,666 --> 00:22:54,500 Ah, yes, stuck in middle school with your glorious past. 567 00:22:54,583 --> 00:22:56,166 -[Jessi] Ugh, the red bra. -[strap snaps] 568 00:22:56,250 --> 00:22:58,166 -[laughter] -So humiliating, right? 569 00:22:58,250 --> 00:23:01,625 -My whole family knows about the shirt. -Oof! Judd's shirt. 570 00:23:01,708 --> 00:23:04,083 Oh, and remember my bat mitzvah? 571 00:23:04,166 --> 00:23:07,708 Your father and I have been struggling for a long time. 572 00:23:07,791 --> 00:23:10,333 [Connie] Oh, and then you started shoplifting. 573 00:23:10,416 --> 00:23:13,541 [Jessi] Wait, but that was actually kind of funny? 574 00:23:13,625 --> 00:23:15,958 [chuckles] I mean, we look so stupid. 575 00:23:16,041 --> 00:23:17,125 -[laughs] Yeah. -[laughs] 576 00:23:17,208 --> 00:23:20,250 -Oh, for fuck's sake, what? -[Connie laughing] 577 00:23:20,333 --> 00:23:24,166 -Oh my God. -Remember that fucking pad? 578 00:23:24,250 --> 00:23:25,208 It was huge. 579 00:23:25,291 --> 00:23:28,125 -[both laughing] -Hold on. Are you laughing? 580 00:23:28,208 --> 00:23:33,541 Can you even believe the sheer volume of full crap I have been through? 581 00:23:33,625 --> 00:23:35,958 -Out of the car! Right now, young lady! -[Connie laughing] 582 00:23:36,041 --> 00:23:40,083 Oh, look at Shannon, all angry with her short-ass neck. 583 00:23:40,166 --> 00:23:43,416 -[laughs] Yeah, her neck is short. -But your life's been terrible. 584 00:23:43,500 --> 00:23:44,500 Look at it! 585 00:23:44,583 --> 00:23:48,833 [chuckles] It is. It is really terrible, but it's also fucking funny. 586 00:23:48,916 --> 00:23:50,625 And it's all in the past. 587 00:23:50,708 --> 00:23:51,625 Exactly. 588 00:23:51,708 --> 00:23:54,541 I made it through, and somehow I am still here. 589 00:23:54,625 --> 00:23:58,041 You are a fucking cockroach, Jessi Glaser. 590 00:23:58,125 --> 00:24:00,375 -You're indestructible. -True. 591 00:24:00,458 --> 00:24:02,666 But if all that already happened… 592 00:24:02,750 --> 00:24:04,750 Imagine what else is gonna happen. 593 00:24:04,833 --> 00:24:06,291 In the future! 594 00:24:06,375 --> 00:24:11,291 -You know what? I think I can handle it. -I highly doubt that you can. 595 00:24:11,375 --> 00:24:14,125 Yeah, but I don't care what you think. 596 00:24:14,208 --> 00:24:15,250 -Oh. -You tell 'em, baby! 597 00:24:15,333 --> 00:24:16,541 -Hey, guys? -My baby. 598 00:24:16,625 --> 00:24:20,333 I give you both permission to just, like, take a break. 599 00:24:20,416 --> 00:24:21,291 Wait, what?! 600 00:24:21,375 --> 00:24:25,000 -Are we even allowed to do that? -I mean, at least for a little while. 601 00:24:25,083 --> 00:24:26,250 -[Tito sighs] -I've got this. 602 00:24:26,333 --> 00:24:27,958 She has got this! 603 00:24:28,041 --> 00:24:30,458 Oh, thank you so much. I'm so tired. 604 00:24:30,541 --> 00:24:33,958 But how do I even take a break from being sad? 605 00:24:34,041 --> 00:24:35,125 I got you, Kitty. 606 00:24:35,208 --> 00:24:39,000 I'ma run you a nice, hot bubble bath. 607 00:24:39,083 --> 00:24:40,791 -[Matthew and Jay moan] -[Lola] Oh my God! 608 00:24:40,875 --> 00:24:44,291 Jay is still totally snarfing that D. 609 00:24:44,375 --> 00:24:47,500 I'm clitorally throbbing right now. 610 00:24:47,583 --> 00:24:50,333 -This is it, Elsa. Let it go! -[Matthew moaning] 611 00:24:50,416 --> 00:24:52,666 Come on! Say something fucking nasty! 612 00:24:52,750 --> 00:24:54,083 -Yes! -Make me blush! 613 00:24:54,166 --> 00:24:55,041 Yeah, Jay. 614 00:24:55,125 --> 00:24:56,333 [babbles] 615 00:24:56,416 --> 00:24:59,833 -Oh, suck my fucking dick, Daddy! -[Jay moaning] 616 00:24:59,916 --> 00:25:01,291 -Finish him! -[dramatic sting] 617 00:25:01,375 --> 00:25:03,000 [sings ascending scale] 618 00:25:03,083 --> 00:25:04,250 Whoa! 619 00:25:04,333 --> 00:25:06,083 [Matthew holding high note] 620 00:25:06,166 --> 00:25:07,416 -[raccoons chitter] -[clatter] 621 00:25:07,500 --> 00:25:08,750 [high note continues] 622 00:25:08,833 --> 00:25:12,708 Kimberly, I think our son just C-U-M-ed. 623 00:25:12,791 --> 00:25:14,958 Take it from the king of jazz. 624 00:25:15,041 --> 00:25:18,291 That kid is the king of jizz. 625 00:25:18,375 --> 00:25:20,750 This show has honored my legacy! 626 00:25:20,833 --> 00:25:23,125 -[laughs] -[high note continues, ends] 627 00:25:23,208 --> 00:25:24,416 -[grunts] -Oh. 628 00:25:24,500 --> 00:25:25,958 -It's so beautiful. -[babbles] 629 00:25:26,041 --> 00:25:29,291 My darling Matthew finally creamed on Netflix 630 00:25:29,375 --> 00:25:31,041 -for all the world to see. -[flag clatters] 631 00:25:31,125 --> 00:25:33,541 -[tender music plays] -Oh, congrats, Maury. 632 00:25:33,625 --> 00:25:35,833 You're one hell of a hormone monster. 633 00:25:35,916 --> 00:25:38,166 Oh, no, Connie. I'm… 634 00:25:38,250 --> 00:25:40,791 [sobs] I'm a terrible hormone monster. 635 00:25:40,875 --> 00:25:44,291 -What's wrong, baby? -I've just been so mean to sweet Andy. 636 00:25:44,375 --> 00:25:45,500 Oh, honey. 637 00:25:45,583 --> 00:25:47,791 Pushing him away just so I don't have to feel 638 00:25:47,875 --> 00:25:49,666 how much it hurts to let him go. 639 00:25:49,750 --> 00:25:51,875 Don't tell me. Tell him. 640 00:25:51,958 --> 00:25:54,708 Yeah. Tell that little fucking perv! 641 00:25:54,791 --> 00:25:56,125 [babbles, rasps] 642 00:25:56,208 --> 00:25:57,458 Come on, man. Let's go. 643 00:25:57,541 --> 00:25:59,750 That white thing's, like, swallowing everything. 644 00:25:59,833 --> 00:26:02,458 Oh! Hey, little fella. What have you got there? 645 00:26:02,541 --> 00:26:05,291 -This is for you, mister. [giggles] -[Andrew] Oh, thank you. 646 00:26:06,375 --> 00:26:08,708 "Meet me at our special spot." 647 00:26:08,791 --> 00:26:11,000 "You know the place. M." 648 00:26:11,083 --> 00:26:12,416 -Oh. -Go to him, Andrew. 649 00:26:12,916 --> 00:26:14,458 ["End of the Road" by Boyz II Men plays] 650 00:26:14,541 --> 00:26:15,458 Oh. 651 00:26:16,708 --> 00:26:18,750 -Maury? -Forgive me, Andrew. I… 652 00:26:19,416 --> 00:26:21,416 I was just so upset that our time-- 653 00:26:21,500 --> 00:26:23,750 -Look, you don't need to say-- -No, I… I do. 654 00:26:23,833 --> 00:26:25,708 Being your hormone monster has been, 655 00:26:25,791 --> 00:26:29,291 well, frankly, the best experience of my long, filthy life. 656 00:26:29,375 --> 00:26:30,250 Oh, Maury. 657 00:26:30,333 --> 00:26:32,041 And I meant what I said. 658 00:26:32,125 --> 00:26:34,333 -What we had wasn't special. -What? 659 00:26:34,416 --> 00:26:36,750 -It was the most special. -Oh man. 660 00:26:36,833 --> 00:26:38,750 -And I really love you. -[sniffles] 661 00:26:38,833 --> 00:26:40,625 -Oh, I love you. -[Maury clicks tongue] Aw. 662 00:26:40,708 --> 00:26:43,125 And I'm gonna miss you so much. 663 00:26:43,208 --> 00:26:46,083 I'll miss you too, but I'll always be a part of you. 664 00:26:46,166 --> 00:26:47,625 -[Andrew sighs] -The grossest part. 665 00:26:47,708 --> 00:26:49,166 [sniffles] You know, Maury, 666 00:26:49,250 --> 00:26:53,250 it would be a shame to let this lovely setting go to waste. 667 00:26:53,333 --> 00:26:55,333 One last jerk for old time's sake? 668 00:26:55,416 --> 00:26:57,875 What are we thinking? Diane Lane? 669 00:26:57,958 --> 00:26:59,375 Leah's bathing suit? 670 00:26:59,875 --> 00:27:02,083 My father's associate, Susan? 671 00:27:02,166 --> 00:27:05,458 I don't know. I feel like the moment calls for something… 672 00:27:05,541 --> 00:27:07,958 [clicks tongue, inhales] …a little juicier. 673 00:27:08,041 --> 00:27:10,750 Now that is a fat ass. 674 00:27:10,833 --> 00:27:11,916 It is indeed. 675 00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:14,625 -♪ Although we've come… ♪ -[lock clacks to beat] 676 00:27:14,708 --> 00:27:19,416 -♪ To the end of the road ♪ -♪ Although we've come to the end ♪ 677 00:27:19,500 --> 00:27:22,791 -♪ Still, I can't let go ♪ -♪ Of the road, I don't want you to… ♪ 678 00:27:22,875 --> 00:27:24,291 -[Andrew moans] -♪ Let go, no ♪ 679 00:27:24,375 --> 00:27:26,625 -♪ No, no, no, no, no ♪ -♪ It's unnatural ♪ 680 00:27:26,708 --> 00:27:28,958 -♪ You belong to me ♪ -[Andrew moaning, Maury crying] 681 00:27:29,041 --> 00:27:33,708 -♪ I belong to you… ♪ -Coming up next, a big white thing. 682 00:27:33,791 --> 00:27:35,875 -Oh shit. It's here. -[ethereal whirring] 683 00:27:35,958 --> 00:27:40,208 -And it is coming right for us. -What the fuck is that? 684 00:27:40,291 --> 00:27:43,000 Um, I think it's the future. 685 00:27:43,083 --> 00:27:45,333 Oh Jesus. What the hell's in there? 686 00:27:45,416 --> 00:27:49,041 I don't think we can know unless we, like, go in. 687 00:27:49,125 --> 00:27:51,416 You want us to go in that thing? 688 00:27:51,500 --> 00:27:53,125 Fuck that! Let's just run away. 689 00:27:53,208 --> 00:27:56,541 Ah. Who's running where now? I'm a little out of breath from, uh… 690 00:27:56,625 --> 00:27:58,875 -Yes, we know. -From masturbating. 691 00:27:58,958 --> 00:28:00,541 [sniffles] It was a special one. 692 00:28:00,625 --> 00:28:03,375 Guys, if that thing is the future or whatever, 693 00:28:03,458 --> 00:28:06,041 I don't think we can just, like, run away from it. 694 00:28:06,125 --> 00:28:07,875 Okay, I know it sounds crazy, 695 00:28:07,958 --> 00:28:11,000 but I'm really thinking we should just walk out there 696 00:28:11,083 --> 00:28:11,916 and embrace it. 697 00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:13,750 But the future's gonna suck. 698 00:28:13,833 --> 00:28:16,458 My mom says when I turn 18, 699 00:28:16,541 --> 00:28:18,791 she's not gonna wipe my butt anymore. 700 00:28:18,875 --> 00:28:20,750 I think you can handle it, Lump. 701 00:28:20,833 --> 00:28:22,916 But what if I peak in high school? 702 00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:27,500 Or what if your life keeps getting better and better like mine? 703 00:28:27,583 --> 00:28:30,916 But I am uncomfortable with new experiences. 704 00:28:31,000 --> 00:28:34,041 I know, Caleb, but new experiences can be… 705 00:28:34,125 --> 00:28:36,166 -[Lola and Jay kissing] -…extremely satisfying. 706 00:28:36,250 --> 00:28:38,666 You are talking about your blow job. 707 00:28:38,750 --> 00:28:41,500 Caleb, I do not like that you know that. 708 00:28:41,583 --> 00:28:43,291 But what if we go in there 709 00:28:43,375 --> 00:28:45,958 and… and… and there's no one to hang out with? 710 00:28:46,041 --> 00:28:48,041 -We'll have each other. -Yeah, we will. 711 00:28:48,125 --> 00:28:49,041 Okay! 712 00:28:49,125 --> 00:28:50,041 [panting] 713 00:28:50,125 --> 00:28:52,125 [ethereal whirring] 714 00:28:52,208 --> 00:28:53,833 [Andrew] Holy shit. 715 00:28:53,916 --> 00:28:57,000 -Are we really gonna do this? -It's so bright. 716 00:28:57,083 --> 00:28:58,166 Yeah. 717 00:28:58,250 --> 00:28:59,333 So? 718 00:28:59,416 --> 00:29:01,083 -[serene, tinkling music plays] -[whoosh] 719 00:29:01,166 --> 00:29:02,166 [Missy] Wow. 720 00:29:02,250 --> 00:29:03,333 Here goes nothing. 721 00:29:03,416 --> 00:29:05,041 [soft, poignant piano music plays] 722 00:29:05,125 --> 00:29:06,708 [Go-Gurt Burglar giggles] 723 00:29:06,791 --> 00:29:09,541 You know, I'm excited to talk dirty to Dewayne. 724 00:29:09,625 --> 00:29:12,750 You should say, "Get down on your knees and taste me." 725 00:29:12,833 --> 00:29:14,208 Jesus, Caleb! 726 00:29:14,291 --> 00:29:15,916 But I'm totally using that. 727 00:29:16,000 --> 00:29:17,458 [tinkling whoosh] 728 00:29:17,541 --> 00:29:20,208 -Oh, my sweet Jay. -Yes, my love? 729 00:29:20,291 --> 00:29:21,833 -I think we should break up. -What?! 730 00:29:21,916 --> 00:29:24,333 I wanna be single in the void! 731 00:29:24,416 --> 00:29:25,791 Fuck! 732 00:29:25,875 --> 00:29:26,791 [tinkling whoosh] 733 00:29:26,875 --> 00:29:30,000 You know, I'm actually pretty excited to see what's out there. 734 00:29:30,083 --> 00:29:31,875 Yeah, me too. 735 00:29:31,958 --> 00:29:33,000 Oh man. 736 00:29:33,083 --> 00:29:34,458 -What? -I… [chuckles] 737 00:29:34,541 --> 00:29:36,416 I think I just got my period. 738 00:29:36,500 --> 00:29:38,375 [chuckles] Perfect timing, right? 739 00:29:38,458 --> 00:29:40,041 [chuckles] Yeah. 740 00:29:40,125 --> 00:29:41,166 Oh, Connie. 741 00:29:41,250 --> 00:29:44,083 We did a pretty good job with our little perverts, didn't we? 742 00:29:44,166 --> 00:29:46,166 Yeah, we sure did, Maury. 743 00:29:46,250 --> 00:29:48,958 There's only one thing that could make this moment better. 744 00:29:49,041 --> 00:29:51,083 A little kiss on my titties? 745 00:29:51,166 --> 00:29:52,583 You read my mind. 746 00:29:52,666 --> 00:29:54,416 Mwah. Mwah. 747 00:29:54,500 --> 00:29:57,000 I love you both very much. 748 00:29:57,083 --> 00:29:58,958 [soft piano music continues] 749 00:29:59,541 --> 00:30:01,333 -Friends forever? -And ever. 750 00:30:01,416 --> 00:30:03,583 Wait, I didn't wash my hands after I jerked off. 751 00:30:03,666 --> 00:30:05,833 Neither did I, buddy. Neither did I. 752 00:30:05,916 --> 00:30:09,625 [both chuckle] 753 00:30:10,666 --> 00:30:11,500 [tinkle] 754 00:30:12,541 --> 00:30:14,208 [music fades out] 755 00:30:16,166 --> 00:30:18,166 ["O-o-h Child" by Nina Simone plays] 756 00:30:19,291 --> 00:30:23,583 ♪ Ooh, child Things are gonna get easier ♪ 757 00:30:24,125 --> 00:30:27,541 ♪ Ooh, child, things'll get brighter ♪ 758 00:30:29,000 --> 00:30:33,333 ♪ Ooh, child Things are gonna get easier ♪ 759 00:30:33,916 --> 00:30:37,500 ♪ Ooh, child, things'll get brighter ♪ 760 00:30:38,541 --> 00:30:43,291 ♪ Someday, we'll get together And we'll get it undone ♪ 761 00:30:43,375 --> 00:30:47,791 ♪ Someday when the world Is much brighter ♪ 762 00:30:48,291 --> 00:30:52,833 ♪ Someday, we'll walk In the rays of a beautiful sun ♪ 763 00:30:52,916 --> 00:30:57,375 ♪ Someday when the world is much lighter ♪ 764 00:30:57,458 --> 00:30:59,791 -♪ Ooh, child ♪ -♪ Ooh, child ♪ 765 00:30:59,875 --> 00:31:02,750 ♪ Things are gonna get easier ♪ 766 00:31:02,833 --> 00:31:06,208 ♪ Ooh, child, things'll get brighter ♪ 767 00:31:06,291 --> 00:31:09,166 -♪ Right now ♪ -[music fades out] 768 00:31:09,250 --> 00:31:12,333 ♪ Brutus Pink ♪ 769 00:31:12,416 --> 00:31:13,250 Chirp.