1
00:00:06,464 --> 00:00:07,465
[birdsong]
2
00:00:07,549 --> 00:00:08,842
[phone alarm chiming]
3
00:00:10,468 --> 00:00:11,803
[sniffs] Mm...
4
00:00:12,220 --> 00:00:13,513
Good morning, Nick.
5
00:00:13,596 --> 00:00:16,057
I have so much to show you.
6
00:00:16,141 --> 00:00:17,267
I wanna see it all.
7
00:00:17,350 --> 00:00:19,436
- Well, follow me.
- [groans]
8
00:00:19,519 --> 00:00:20,895
You're already behind.
9
00:00:20,979 --> 00:00:23,231
- I'll follow you anywhere.
- [laughs]
10
00:00:23,523 --> 00:00:24,441
[yells]
11
00:00:24,524 --> 00:00:27,318
- Oof.
- Oh, Nick. The world is on fire.
12
00:00:27,402 --> 00:00:30,238
- [sirens and explosion]
- But so is Steph Curry.
13
00:00:30,321 --> 00:00:31,321
[crowd cheering]
14
00:00:31,531 --> 00:00:34,909
Mm. Come swipe me
for more rock-hard content.
15
00:00:34,993 --> 00:00:37,245
How did I wake into this dream?
16
00:00:37,328 --> 00:00:39,080
- You like this?
- Uh-huh.
17
00:00:39,164 --> 00:00:40,749
How about this?
18
00:00:40,832 --> 00:00:41,875
I like all of it.
19
00:00:41,958 --> 00:00:45,795
Mm. I know exactly what you want
and what you need.
20
00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:46,921
[gasps]
21
00:00:47,005 --> 00:00:49,299
- Do you love me, Nicky?
- I'm obsessed with you.
22
00:00:49,382 --> 00:00:50,675
[whispers] Perfect.
23
00:00:50,759 --> 00:00:52,886
[Diane] Nicky? Nicky?
24
00:00:52,969 --> 00:00:54,345
Nicky, we're late!
25
00:00:54,429 --> 00:00:56,139
- Ow!
- What are you still doing in bed?
26
00:00:56,222 --> 00:00:59,476
- Put down that phone.
- Ugh! Your mom totally hates me.
27
00:00:59,559 --> 00:01:01,227
Who cares?
Her opinion means shit to me.
28
00:01:01,311 --> 00:01:02,812
Then keep scrolling,
29
00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:07,650
'cause you'll never believe how fat
these ten civil rights heroes got.
30
00:01:09,986 --> 00:01:15,867
♪ I'm goin' through changes ♪
31
00:01:19,537 --> 00:01:25,126
♪ I'm goin' through changes ♪
32
00:01:25,835 --> 00:01:28,088
♪ Oh, in my life ♪
33
00:01:29,422 --> 00:01:32,425
♪ Oh, ooh, ooh ♪
34
00:01:41,267 --> 00:01:43,645
[Kimberley]
Matthew, time for kindergarten!
35
00:01:44,145 --> 00:01:45,313
Bye, Harry Potter.
36
00:01:45,396 --> 00:01:48,316
Matthew, time for tap class!
37
00:01:48,399 --> 00:01:49,609
Bye, Nick Jonas.
38
00:01:49,692 --> 00:01:52,028
Matthew, time for school!
39
00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:53,780
- Okay, I'm coming.
- Hey, hey, hey.
40
00:01:53,863 --> 00:01:56,991
Aren't you gonna kiss the door jamb
and pretend it's your crush?
41
00:01:57,075 --> 00:01:58,785
- Oh, it's so stupid.
- Come on!
42
00:01:58,868 --> 00:02:00,411
You've been doing it forever.
43
00:02:00,495 --> 00:02:02,038
"Bye, Aiden."
44
00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:04,558
Oh, God, no. If I pretend it's Aiden,
then it's a whole thing.
45
00:02:04,582 --> 00:02:06,334
Why don't you start
with half your thing?
46
00:02:06,417 --> 00:02:08,503
Then, if he relaxes,
47
00:02:08,586 --> 00:02:10,255
maybe he'll take the whole thing.
48
00:02:10,338 --> 00:02:12,757
Jesus. Aiden and I
haven't even kissed yet.
49
00:02:12,882 --> 00:02:14,527
- I haven't kissed anyone.
- What about Jay?
50
00:02:14,551 --> 00:02:17,804
No, no, no, no. no. Kissing Jay is like
eating McDonald's at the airport.
51
00:02:17,887 --> 00:02:18,888
It doesn't fucking count.
52
00:02:18,972 --> 00:02:21,558
And then you fart so hard
on the plane, all the masks drop?
53
00:02:21,641 --> 00:02:23,101
- [chuckles]
- Ugh, God.
54
00:02:23,434 --> 00:02:27,313
So, I told Grandma, "You can't keep
a microwave on your nightstand."
55
00:02:27,397 --> 00:02:29,816
Nick, stop lookin' at real stuff
out the window.
56
00:02:29,899 --> 00:02:32,652
Look at this video.
This kid calls himself Short Stack.
57
00:02:32,735 --> 00:02:34,112
Is that all he does, eat pancakes?
58
00:02:34,195 --> 00:02:36,435
[Cellsea] Yeah, but then
he pukes them up on his friends.
59
00:02:36,489 --> 00:02:37,657
He's pretty popular.
60
00:02:37,740 --> 00:02:40,535
Oh, look at all them likes.
He's got 20,000 followers.
61
00:02:40,618 --> 00:02:44,497
Why can't we ever do something cool
and viral together?
62
00:02:44,581 --> 00:02:46,457
I would totally do a video with you.
63
00:02:46,541 --> 00:02:48,251
Oh, you'd totally do a video with me?
64
00:02:48,334 --> 00:02:49,919
Yeah. What... what should we do?
65
00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:52,297
Oh, now I'm supposed
to have all the ideas?
66
00:02:52,380 --> 00:02:55,633
- No, I... I just...
- You have to think of your own content.
67
00:02:55,717 --> 00:02:59,012
Ooh! We could throw a towel up in the air
higher than it's ever been.
68
00:02:59,095 --> 00:03:01,139
- What?
- So, we're thinking,
69
00:03:01,222 --> 00:03:02,682
why tell Grandma about the cancer
70
00:03:02,765 --> 00:03:05,226
when she doesn't even know
where she is, right?
71
00:03:05,310 --> 00:03:07,145
- Wow, that's really exciting.
- Bye, Nicky.
72
00:03:07,228 --> 00:03:09,063
Have a great day with your phone.
73
00:03:09,147 --> 00:03:11,149
So glad I opened up to you
about my dying mother.
74
00:03:11,232 --> 00:03:12,609
- [Nick] Okay.
- You little fuck.
75
00:03:13,109 --> 00:03:17,113
[Missy] Nathan Fillion had been
time-traveling the galaxy for eons
76
00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:19,282
and had grown quite lonely.
77
00:03:19,365 --> 00:03:20,700
Oh, Gustavo.
78
00:03:20,783 --> 00:03:22,744
[Missy] Nathan and Gustavo
had met only once,
79
00:03:22,827 --> 00:03:26,080
while buying saffron
at a 7th-century spice market.
80
00:03:26,164 --> 00:03:29,375
But Nathan couldn't get
that muscular horse out of his mind...
81
00:03:29,459 --> 00:03:32,420
Missy, what are you doing
over there all scribbling away?
82
00:03:32,503 --> 00:03:34,088
What? Nothing. I'm actually just...
83
00:03:34,172 --> 00:03:36,257
It's something for myself, private.
84
00:03:36,341 --> 00:03:40,220
Lamies and gentlejerks.
Who's gonna pick a card?
85
00:03:40,303 --> 00:03:42,055
- Well? How 'bout it, Nick?
- I don't care.
86
00:03:42,138 --> 00:03:44,599
Uh, Nick's still preoccupied
with his phone,
87
00:03:44,682 --> 00:03:47,352
but he's always got time
for a best-bud fist bump.
88
00:03:47,435 --> 00:03:49,187
No? Fists? Come on, please?
89
00:03:49,437 --> 00:03:50,980
All right, rain-check that fist bump.
90
00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:52,774
Another day. We will do it.
91
00:03:52,857 --> 00:03:55,068
Fine, fine, fine, fine.
Never mind. I'll pick the card.
92
00:03:55,151 --> 00:03:57,111
And boom! Disappeared!
93
00:03:57,195 --> 00:03:58,947
Okay. Can we please go to class now?
94
00:03:59,030 --> 00:04:01,449
No! I haven't gotten to the prestige.
95
00:04:01,532 --> 00:04:05,161
Now, if we just look
in Missy's old-timey notebook here...
96
00:04:05,411 --> 00:04:06,287
Holy shit, I did it!
97
00:04:06,371 --> 00:04:09,207
[gasps] Gaia dang it, Jay!
That's my private property.
98
00:04:09,290 --> 00:04:12,418
Missy, calm down.
It's just a stupid notebook.
99
00:04:12,502 --> 00:04:17,048
Stop overreacting,
or I'll fucking kill you!
100
00:04:17,507 --> 00:04:20,510
So, why were you off today? Is it, like,
the Pope's birthday or something?
101
00:04:20,593 --> 00:04:24,055
Well, my school put up a more
"body-positive" Jesus in the chapel,
102
00:04:24,138 --> 00:04:25,682
and it fell on Father Lucien.
103
00:04:25,765 --> 00:04:27,433
But did Daddy Lucien like it?
104
00:04:27,517 --> 00:04:28,935
- Daddy did.
- [both laugh]
105
00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:32,230
So, do you, maybe, wanna meet up
106
00:04:32,313 --> 00:04:34,190
at Rosa Parks Park tomorrow,
after school?
107
00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:36,109
Um... Yeah. That sounds great.
108
00:04:36,192 --> 00:04:37,568
Okay, cool. Uh, I gotta go.
109
00:04:37,652 --> 00:04:39,237
- Oh.
- But not an awkward "gotta go."
110
00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:41,239
- Uh. like, I really gotta go, so...
- Totally.
111
00:04:41,322 --> 00:04:43,449
- Um, see you tomorrow.
- Yes, yes. It's a date.
112
00:04:43,533 --> 00:04:45,368
- Byeeee.
- Byeeee.
113
00:04:45,451 --> 00:04:46,619
[sighs]
114
00:04:46,703 --> 00:04:49,747
Okay, quick. Jerk it to Aiden while
his voice is still fresh in your head.
115
00:04:49,831 --> 00:04:50,999
- What? No.
- Ooh!
116
00:04:51,082 --> 00:04:53,543
Did you take any screenshots
of him with his mouth open?
117
00:04:53,626 --> 00:04:56,337
Maury, calm down. You're putting
too much pressure on me.
118
00:04:56,421 --> 00:04:59,048
Pressure, yes.
Let's get your mom's panini press.
119
00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:00,341
We'll make a pan-enis.
120
00:05:00,425 --> 00:05:02,010
The house will smell for weeks.
121
00:05:02,093 --> 00:05:03,720
Ugh, what the hell has gotten into you?
122
00:05:03,803 --> 00:05:05,972
I'm jazzed, man. It's your first date.
123
00:05:06,055 --> 00:05:07,181
It is kind of exciting.
124
00:05:07,265 --> 00:05:09,065
What are you gonna wear?
What am I gonna wear?
125
00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:10,935
[gasps] What are my dicks gonna wear?
126
00:05:11,019 --> 00:05:13,104
Probably just, like, a cute top and jeans.
127
00:05:13,479 --> 00:05:17,442
[Cellsea] I'm so bored.
Post something, babe.
128
00:05:17,525 --> 00:05:18,885
Babe, what do you want me to post?
129
00:05:18,943 --> 00:05:22,196
This guy took a selfie on the tip
of the Seattle Space Needle.
130
00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:24,425
- Whatchu got?
- I don't now, but that sounds terrifying.
131
00:05:24,449 --> 00:05:28,119
Yeah, well, you need to take risks
if you wanna get attention, dude.
132
00:05:28,202 --> 00:05:30,204
Do something cool, you fuckin' shit.
133
00:05:30,288 --> 00:05:32,123
Look, I don't want you to feel bored.
134
00:05:32,206 --> 00:05:34,208
I want you to scare me, Nick.
135
00:05:34,292 --> 00:05:36,544
I don't wanna feel safe with you.
136
00:05:36,627 --> 00:05:39,714
[Elliot] ♪ First comes the baby oil
On places big and small ♪
137
00:05:40,089 --> 00:05:43,551
♪ Next comes the lotion
Don't forget the balls ♪
138
00:05:43,634 --> 00:05:47,555
♪ Take the time to do it right
Soft Daddy thinks you'll find ♪
139
00:05:47,638 --> 00:05:52,143
♪ You'll be smooth as baby skin
From kisser to behind ♪
140
00:05:52,226 --> 00:05:56,022
[laughs] Oh, my God,
your dad's like a serial killer.
141
00:05:56,314 --> 00:05:58,566
He's hilarious.
You have to put this online.
142
00:05:58,649 --> 00:06:01,652
I don't know.
This seems, like, profoundly private.
143
00:06:01,736 --> 00:06:05,656
Jesus! You never wanna do
anything I wanna do.
144
00:06:05,740 --> 00:06:07,634
- Are you kidding me?
- Do you even fucking love me?
145
00:06:07,658 --> 00:06:10,244
Of course I do. I love you so much.
146
00:06:10,328 --> 00:06:12,830
Then fucking do it. For me.
147
00:06:12,914 --> 00:06:14,665
[Elliot] One and two refrain!
148
00:06:14,749 --> 00:06:16,709
♪ Elliot, you're as smooth as hell ♪
149
00:06:17,085 --> 00:06:19,754
♪ What's your secret? ♪
150
00:06:20,004 --> 00:06:20,880
Sh!
151
00:06:20,963 --> 00:06:24,675
♪ Soft Daddy never tells ♪
152
00:06:24,801 --> 00:06:25,927
[school bell rings]
153
00:06:26,010 --> 00:06:29,430
So, me and Aiden are going
to the playground after school.
154
00:06:29,514 --> 00:06:31,766
Oooh! Are you going to "Le Slide"?
155
00:06:31,849 --> 00:06:33,226
Why are you saying it like that?
156
00:06:33,309 --> 00:06:36,854
Uh, because the slide is where all
the eighth graders go to French kiss.
157
00:06:36,938 --> 00:06:39,941
Ooh-la-la!
My French penis is très excited.
158
00:06:40,024 --> 00:06:41,859
Oh, I love a cigarette.
159
00:06:41,943 --> 00:06:44,070
Oh, God. Why is there no spit in my mouth?
160
00:06:44,153 --> 00:06:46,489
Because it's going straight to your balls.
161
00:06:46,572 --> 00:06:48,074
It's turning into cum.
162
00:06:48,157 --> 00:06:50,660
- Eyebrows, eyebrows.
- Aw, Matthew!
163
00:06:50,743 --> 00:06:52,036
I've never seen you nervous.
164
00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:53,329
I'm not nervous.
165
00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:56,624
I'm just uncertain how things will go
and, therefore, deeply terrified.
166
00:06:56,707 --> 00:06:59,710
Well, I think you should go
and definitely make out with him,
167
00:06:59,794 --> 00:07:01,462
and then definitely tell me all about it.
168
00:07:01,546 --> 00:07:02,672
Yeah, I don't know.
169
00:07:02,755 --> 00:07:06,050
What do you mean, you don't know?
You wanna lip-fuck his yapper.
170
00:07:06,134 --> 00:07:07,343
- Fine, I'll go.
- Yes!
171
00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:09,679
Vive la France! Let them eat cock.
172
00:07:09,762 --> 00:07:12,432
- Oh, I get it, Maury Antoinette?
- Oui.
173
00:07:12,515 --> 00:07:13,700
- Good one.
- It's my drag name.
174
00:07:13,724 --> 00:07:15,560
Hey, Nick. Paging Dr. Nick.
175
00:07:15,643 --> 00:07:18,146
Patient Glouberman desperately needs
your attention.
176
00:07:18,229 --> 00:07:20,690
I need a... a hot Nick injection.
177
00:07:20,773 --> 00:07:22,413
Uh, no... No, that didn't come out right.
178
00:07:22,483 --> 00:07:24,360
Ooh, Soft Daddy got so many likes!
179
00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:26,612
Eh. Not like it went viral or anything.
180
00:07:26,696 --> 00:07:27,947
But it still could go viral.
181
00:07:28,030 --> 00:07:31,200
Oh, my God. It's bumming me out
that you think that.
182
00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:33,661
I don't wanna bum you out.
I... I just wanna make you happy.
183
00:07:33,744 --> 00:07:35,037
Holy shit, Nick!
184
00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:39,792
I tried your dad's skincare routine
and it's, like, amazing.
185
00:07:39,876 --> 00:07:43,004
♪ From kisser to behi-i-ind ♪
186
00:07:43,087 --> 00:07:44,130
[chuckling]
187
00:07:44,589 --> 00:07:47,925
- Hey, Missy. I wound up with a page of...
- That's not yours.
188
00:07:48,009 --> 00:07:50,803
- Give that back!
- I'm sorry. It was an accident.
189
00:07:50,887 --> 00:07:52,847
Fuck you! I really liked it, though.
190
00:07:52,930 --> 00:07:54,015
- You did?
- Yeah.
191
00:07:54,098 --> 00:07:57,435
Especially the... romantic parts
with Nathan and Gustavo.
192
00:07:57,518 --> 00:08:00,354
Are you making fun of me?
'Cause I wasn't sure you knew how to read.
193
00:08:00,438 --> 00:08:03,149
Are you kidding?
This half a page is my favorite book.
194
00:08:03,232 --> 00:08:05,526
Wow, Jay. That's very flattering.
195
00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:06,944
Does the horse go into space?
196
00:08:07,028 --> 00:08:10,114
Because you've made Nathan
into a character I can really root for,
197
00:08:10,198 --> 00:08:11,657
and I just want him to be happy.
198
00:08:11,741 --> 00:08:12,950
He's gonna be happy.
199
00:08:13,034 --> 00:08:16,120
This isn't some
Damon Lindelof Lost bull honky.
200
00:08:16,204 --> 00:08:18,682
I know where I'm goin'.
I'm not gonna smoke-monster this thing.
201
00:08:18,706 --> 00:08:21,375
Missy, if you don't let me read
the rest of your hot,
202
00:08:21,459 --> 00:08:25,296
horse-on-guy, Spanish space epic,
I'm gonna set myself on fire.
203
00:08:25,379 --> 00:08:27,381
- Jay, I respect your passion.
- Thank you.
204
00:08:27,465 --> 00:08:29,905
But I don't know if I can trust you
with something so private.
205
00:08:29,967 --> 00:08:30,968
You can trust me.
206
00:08:31,052 --> 00:08:33,179
I have big-ass secrets,
like, way bigger
207
00:08:33,262 --> 00:08:35,473
than your stupid stories
that I fucking love.
208
00:08:35,556 --> 00:08:36,849
- Okay.
- Fuck, yes!
209
00:08:36,933 --> 00:08:38,059
I mean, that'd be cool.
210
00:08:38,142 --> 00:08:40,061
But please, don't make me regret
211
00:08:40,144 --> 00:08:41,562
- opening my heart to you.
- [gasps]
212
00:08:41,646 --> 00:08:44,732
That's what Nathan says to Gustavo!
213
00:08:44,815 --> 00:08:47,068
Oh, my goodness!
You really did read it.
214
00:08:47,151 --> 00:08:49,570
I really did. I can read.
215
00:08:49,654 --> 00:08:53,658
♪ Bet you didn't think
You'd get your elbows so smooth ♪
216
00:08:53,866 --> 00:08:57,662
♪ But Soft Daddy's got you covered ♪
217
00:08:57,745 --> 00:08:59,830
♪ Just copy my moves ♪
218
00:08:59,914 --> 00:09:00,915
- Uh-oh.
- [gasps]
219
00:09:00,998 --> 00:09:04,585
Oh, my God.
Your dad's such a lady clown.
220
00:09:04,669 --> 00:09:08,214
I can't believe you'd post
something so private of your father.
221
00:09:08,297 --> 00:09:09,382
He's very upset.
222
00:09:09,465 --> 00:09:10,716
How could I be upset?
223
00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:12,885
Nicky's captured me
at my most velvety.
224
00:09:12,969 --> 00:09:14,428
Exactly. It was an homage.
225
00:09:14,512 --> 00:09:17,682
Oh, please. Your father's ridiculous
and you're making fun of him.
226
00:09:17,765 --> 00:09:19,183
Give me the phone. Now.
227
00:09:19,267 --> 00:09:21,161
- No.
- Slap her hand away. Throw me at her face.
228
00:09:21,185 --> 00:09:23,145
Bite your mommy. Bite her hard!
229
00:09:23,229 --> 00:09:25,773
- Give me that.
- No, I need it. You can't do this!
230
00:09:25,856 --> 00:09:27,733
It's for your own good, Nicky.
231
00:09:27,817 --> 00:09:29,277
This phone's a bad influence.
232
00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:30,611
Nick, save me!
233
00:09:30,695 --> 00:09:32,572
I'll find you, baby. I love you!
234
00:09:32,655 --> 00:09:35,533
And I love you.
Give your Soft Daddy a hug.
235
00:09:35,616 --> 00:09:37,743
Ugh! You're slick like a seal.
236
00:09:37,827 --> 00:09:39,704
Umpty, umpty!
237
00:09:39,787 --> 00:09:42,164
- If I'm a seal, then you're my ball.
- Oh!
238
00:09:42,248 --> 00:09:44,625
- Is this a dream? For me, it is.
- Oh! Uh!
239
00:09:44,709 --> 00:09:47,295
- [barking]
- Play nice while Daddy's working, okay?
240
00:09:47,378 --> 00:09:48,504
Oh, I'm so psyched.
241
00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:50,840
Look at me, Matt.
I'm making love to the snail.
242
00:09:50,923 --> 00:09:52,091
Hey, Matthew.
243
00:09:52,174 --> 00:09:53,968
Huh? He's already in "Le Slide".
244
00:09:54,051 --> 00:09:56,571
- Mais non! Zut alors.
- No, no, no. I can't do this. [whimpers]
245
00:09:56,637 --> 00:09:59,432
Hey, Matthew.
You're not in charge anymore.
246
00:09:59,515 --> 00:10:01,392
Look at my teeth. Look at my teeth.
247
00:10:01,475 --> 00:10:02,893
- I'm the captain now.
- Oh, God.
248
00:10:02,977 --> 00:10:05,479
Yeah, that's how serious
I am about this reference.
249
00:10:05,563 --> 00:10:08,357
Now, get in the slide
and suck that boy's face.
250
00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:09,984
[yelps] Hi.
251
00:10:10,067 --> 00:10:12,653
Hey. Thank you for joining me
in this tubey slide.
252
00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:15,531
Thank you for having me.
It's very plasticky.
253
00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:18,868
Oh, man. The sexual tension
in here is electric.
254
00:10:18,951 --> 00:10:20,411
I think that's static electricity.
255
00:10:20,494 --> 00:10:22,330
- Ooh, Shock his cock.
- Shush.
256
00:10:22,413 --> 00:10:24,123
Ooh, wait, you... you have a, um...
257
00:10:24,206 --> 00:10:25,806
something like a wood chip in your hair.
258
00:10:25,833 --> 00:10:28,628
Oh, I thought I felt something.
I thought it was maybe a barrette.
259
00:10:28,711 --> 00:10:30,338
- Uh...
- So...
260
00:10:30,755 --> 00:10:32,465
Oh, God. Maury, why am I shaking?
261
00:10:32,548 --> 00:10:34,717
Because it's gonna happen.
It's gonna happen!
262
00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:35,843
- Are you okay?
- [groans]
263
00:10:35,926 --> 00:10:38,429
Um, I... I... I feel like
I'm inside of a lunchbox.
264
00:10:38,512 --> 00:10:40,431
- Oh.
- The light in here is making me nauseous.
265
00:10:40,514 --> 00:10:42,475
I... Okay, um, I gotta go.
266
00:10:42,558 --> 00:10:45,603
- Oh. Okay. Um, bye.
- Yes, okay. Bye.
267
00:10:45,686 --> 00:10:47,748
Where the hell are you going?
It was about to happen.
268
00:10:47,772 --> 00:10:49,357
You kept shaking me. You ruined it.
269
00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:51,442
All you had to do was kiss a dude.
270
00:10:51,525 --> 00:10:53,005
Most straight guys do it by accident.
271
00:10:53,069 --> 00:10:54,589
- Stop being such a maniac.
- [barking]
272
00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:56,405
Don't yell at me in front of my penii.
273
00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:59,784
- They don't even know what we're saying.
- They understand energy.
274
00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:02,926
Okay, good. They're gone.
My phone has gotta be somewhere in here.
275
00:11:02,995 --> 00:11:04,163
Cellsea, where are you?
276
00:11:04,246 --> 00:11:06,206
Why don't you call her
from the home phone, dummy?
277
00:11:06,248 --> 00:11:08,208
I don't know her number.
I don't know any numbers!
278
00:11:08,250 --> 00:11:10,503
That's one of the many reasons
I need her.
279
00:11:10,586 --> 00:11:11,586
[gasps] That's it!
280
00:11:12,088 --> 00:11:14,340
Oh, find my phone app.
That's good! That's good!
281
00:11:14,423 --> 00:11:16,092
- That's my smart baby!
- Sh! Listen.
282
00:11:16,175 --> 00:11:17,510
[Cellsea] Help, Nick. Help me.
283
00:11:17,593 --> 00:11:19,470
I'm coming. Just keep talking, babe.
284
00:11:19,553 --> 00:11:20,805
I'm up here.
285
00:11:21,639 --> 00:11:24,558
- Nick!
- I can't believe Diane crawled up in here.
286
00:11:24,642 --> 00:11:26,394
- This way.
- Okay, I see you.
287
00:11:26,477 --> 00:11:28,437
- I see you!
- Hurry! It's so hot in here.
288
00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:31,232
She put me in a box
with your baby teeth. [sniffles]
289
00:11:31,315 --> 00:11:32,358
She's so crazy.
290
00:11:32,900 --> 00:11:34,443
What? It's locked.
291
00:11:34,527 --> 00:11:38,447
Damn! Your momma is not fuckin' around.
292
00:11:39,490 --> 00:11:40,700
Ooh!
293
00:11:40,783 --> 00:11:42,993
"Nathan Fillion, his skin glistening
294
00:11:43,077 --> 00:11:46,163
with sweat beneath his mustard-colored
caftan... don't know what that is...
295
00:11:46,247 --> 00:11:49,208
wanders through a Moorish bazaar...
also don't know what that is...
296
00:11:49,291 --> 00:11:50,291
in search of..."
297
00:11:50,418 --> 00:11:52,294
Yeah... Gustavo.
298
00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:54,004
Gustavo? Gustavo!
299
00:11:54,088 --> 00:11:55,631
- Dónde estás, Gustavo?
- [whinnying]
300
00:11:56,173 --> 00:11:57,258
Gustavo, is that you?
301
00:11:57,341 --> 00:12:00,010
Neigh, amor. Claro que neigh...
302
00:12:00,094 --> 00:12:00,928
[laughs]
303
00:12:01,011 --> 00:12:02,930
They can steal your human form,
old friend,
304
00:12:03,013 --> 00:12:04,598
but they could never steal your wit.
305
00:12:04,682 --> 00:12:05,850
- [whinnies]
- [chuckles]
306
00:12:05,933 --> 00:12:07,143
Mmm. Warm.
307
00:12:07,893 --> 00:12:09,979
Oh, they are gonna bone.
308
00:12:10,062 --> 00:12:11,063
I can feel it.
309
00:12:11,147 --> 00:12:14,483
"Nathan drapes a saddle
on Gustavo's muscular equine back..."
310
00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:15,567
Damn!
311
00:12:15,609 --> 00:12:17,153
"...brushes Gustavo's coat..."
312
00:12:17,236 --> 00:12:18,320
Oh, shit!
313
00:12:18,404 --> 00:12:19,655
"...then pats him on the head
314
00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:22,658
and leaves to look at local tapestries"?
315
00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:25,202
Oh, come on! Fuck you, Missy!
316
00:12:25,786 --> 00:12:28,539
So, how was "Le Slide"?
317
00:12:28,622 --> 00:12:29,457
He "le blew it."
318
00:12:29,540 --> 00:12:31,834
Ugh, I went, but we didn't make out.
It was too weird.
319
00:12:31,917 --> 00:12:33,043
What do you mean? Weird how?
320
00:12:33,127 --> 00:12:35,796
I don't know. I just felt out of control.
321
00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:38,340
Like Roseanne trying to get
into a box of Raisinets.
322
00:12:38,424 --> 00:12:39,759
That's called being horny.
323
00:12:39,842 --> 00:12:42,928
Maybe that just means you like him,
if I may be so bold?
324
00:12:43,012 --> 00:12:45,514
Ugh, I do. And now it's over.
325
00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:48,976
No, no, no. no, no. Let's think.
Maybe the slide was too public?
326
00:12:49,059 --> 00:12:51,312
I know. What if you invited him over
to "study"?
327
00:12:51,395 --> 00:12:53,522
- Wink, wink, wink, wink.
- Oh, yeah. Great idea.
328
00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:57,026
My dad would love it
if I brought another "artistic boy" home.
329
00:12:57,109 --> 00:12:59,820
Oh! You could say I'm coming, too.
Your dad loves me.
330
00:12:59,904 --> 00:13:02,174
He said the Rapture can't happen
without me and my people.
331
00:13:02,198 --> 00:13:03,741
Yes, but you'll really come, right?
332
00:13:03,824 --> 00:13:05,802
Yeah, but I'm not gonna like
watch you guys make out.
333
00:13:05,826 --> 00:13:08,913
Hey. Hey! Don't start negotiatin'
against yourself here.
334
00:13:09,205 --> 00:13:11,832
- [grunting]
- [Cellsea] Nick, hurry!
335
00:13:11,916 --> 00:13:13,042
I'm at three percent.
336
00:13:13,125 --> 00:13:14,502
Baby, just be strong!
337
00:13:14,585 --> 00:13:16,295
- If I don't make it out...
- [Nick] No!
338
00:13:16,378 --> 00:13:19,215
...know that Wetzel's Pretzels
followed you on Instagram.
339
00:13:19,298 --> 00:13:20,716
Baby, hold on.
340
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:22,760
- You're pathetic.
- Ah! Are you gonna tell on me?
341
00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:25,971
What? Fuck, no.
I'm an agent of chaos, you little scrunt.
342
00:13:26,347 --> 00:13:27,807
Oh, thank God!
343
00:13:27,890 --> 00:13:29,141
Give me those baby teeth.
344
00:13:29,225 --> 00:13:31,560
- Are you okay?
- No. I'm exhausted.
345
00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:33,020
Can you please just charge me?
346
00:13:33,103 --> 00:13:34,522
Sure, yeah, whatever you want.
347
00:13:34,605 --> 00:13:36,816
Great, thanks. The outlet's over there.
348
00:13:36,899 --> 00:13:38,067
Let's start walkin'.
349
00:13:38,734 --> 00:13:40,861
- First off, I loved it.
- You did?
350
00:13:40,945 --> 00:13:43,405
The writing's amazing.
I love the world.
351
00:13:43,489 --> 00:13:45,032
- I love the characters.
- Great.
352
00:13:45,115 --> 00:13:48,285
I do have a few notes, though,
if you're open to hearing them.
353
00:13:48,369 --> 00:13:51,664
I mean, I'm not really,
like, in feedback mode right now.
354
00:13:51,747 --> 00:13:54,333
Oh, yeah, totally.
I totally respect your process,
355
00:13:54,416 --> 00:13:57,920
but I did have one idea
that I think you could really use.
356
00:13:58,003 --> 00:13:59,439
- All right.
- And now, this is, like,
357
00:13:59,463 --> 00:14:01,257
the bad pitch version of it,
358
00:14:01,340 --> 00:14:03,968
but what if Nathan Fillion, like,
359
00:14:04,051 --> 00:14:08,472
full-on butt-fucks Gustavo in his butt?
360
00:14:08,556 --> 00:14:10,474
Don't answer yet, just think about it.
361
00:14:10,558 --> 00:14:11,684
Huh. Uh...
362
00:14:11,767 --> 00:14:14,019
That's maybe not really, uh, this story.
363
00:14:14,103 --> 00:14:15,145
What I mean is, like,
364
00:14:15,229 --> 00:14:18,190
the sentiment behind the note is
that I want more heat.
365
00:14:18,274 --> 00:14:21,026
Like, right now
the story is at a simmer,
366
00:14:21,110 --> 00:14:23,153
and this shit could really boil.
367
00:14:23,237 --> 00:14:24,738
So, going along that vein,
368
00:14:24,822 --> 00:14:27,658
what if Nathan grabbed Gustavo
369
00:14:27,741 --> 00:14:29,910
by, like, the scruff of the neck
370
00:14:29,994 --> 00:14:32,746
and then just kissed him passionately?
371
00:14:32,830 --> 00:14:34,623
With tongue, French-style, let's say.
372
00:14:34,707 --> 00:14:36,000
Yes, that's even better!
373
00:14:36,083 --> 00:14:37,585
And, like, what if you, I don't know,
374
00:14:37,668 --> 00:14:39,712
threw, like, some sort
of busty chick into the mix?
375
00:14:39,795 --> 00:14:43,090
Okay. Well, Fatima is
Gustavo's first love.
376
00:14:43,173 --> 00:14:45,676
She's an astronomer, and her breasts
are like Valencia oranges.
377
00:14:45,759 --> 00:14:47,988
- Does that hit a nerve with you, or...
- Perfect. Perfect.
378
00:14:48,012 --> 00:14:50,055
I wanna see
a strong female character
379
00:14:50,139 --> 00:14:52,433
who interacts
with other female characters
380
00:14:52,516 --> 00:14:55,561
in a way that is not related
to the men in the story, Missy.
381
00:14:55,644 --> 00:14:58,272
- This could pass the Bechdel test.
- Wow.
382
00:14:58,355 --> 00:15:01,191
And both of those women
should get slammed.
383
00:15:01,275 --> 00:15:03,110
It's a feminist allegory.
384
00:15:03,193 --> 00:15:05,696
Jay, do you wanna, maybe, like,
collaborate with me on this?
385
00:15:05,779 --> 00:15:07,114
Oh, my God. Yes!
386
00:15:07,197 --> 00:15:09,366
'Cause I have a shit ton of other ideas.
387
00:15:09,450 --> 00:15:11,952
Okay. Like, here's something
I've never seen in literature.
388
00:15:12,036 --> 00:15:15,164
A man's penis going inside
389
00:15:15,247 --> 00:15:16,957
of a horse's penis.
390
00:15:17,041 --> 00:15:18,876
[dramatic music playing on laptop]
391
00:15:19,543 --> 00:15:20,543
[Maury] Uhhh.
392
00:15:20,586 --> 00:15:21,754
You know what he wants.
393
00:15:21,837 --> 00:15:23,797
Ugh. Your breath is so fucking hot.
394
00:15:23,881 --> 00:15:26,091
This is so fucking hot.
395
00:15:26,175 --> 00:15:28,385
Linky your pinkies.
396
00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:34,350
Now, ask if he wants to wrestle.
397
00:15:34,433 --> 00:15:36,769
Throw him off a ladder.
Hit him with a chair, brother!
398
00:15:36,852 --> 00:15:39,188
- Aww. Aren't they sweet?
- They are.
399
00:15:39,271 --> 00:15:41,991
- Get her the fuck out of here.
- Sweetie, let's go. We gotta bounce.
400
00:15:42,024 --> 00:15:43,609
Oh, yeah. Right, okay. Um...
401
00:15:43,692 --> 00:15:46,654
I'm gonna go check the... stocks market.
402
00:15:46,737 --> 00:15:47,738
And I'm leaving. Goodbye.
403
00:15:47,821 --> 00:15:50,699
What a tender fucking moment, brother.
404
00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:52,368
Oh, yeah!
405
00:15:53,202 --> 00:15:55,579
- Ugh.
- [Cellsea]Oh. You're not gonna like this.
406
00:15:55,663 --> 00:15:57,831
Short Stack is in Montauk with Roland.
407
00:15:57,915 --> 00:15:59,475
What? How do they even know each other?
408
00:15:59,541 --> 00:16:01,335
I don't know, but they seem pretty close.
409
00:16:01,418 --> 00:16:03,629
Nicky, message Roland.
Tell her it looks fun.
410
00:16:03,712 --> 00:16:05,464
Use some
of them heart mamojies up in it.
411
00:16:05,547 --> 00:16:07,967
Hey, Nick. Uh, if you're just
gonna be on your phone,
412
00:16:08,050 --> 00:16:09,426
- I can go home.
- Okay. Whatever.
413
00:16:09,510 --> 00:16:12,805
Oh. Doesn't care. Okay.
Figured he wouldn't, but it still stings.
414
00:16:12,888 --> 00:16:15,474
[gasps] Roland already wrote back.
She said, "You should come."
415
00:16:15,557 --> 00:16:18,310
Pssht. You don't have the balls
to go to Montauk.
416
00:16:18,394 --> 00:16:20,604
I've got the balls.
I've got Montauk balls.
417
00:16:20,688 --> 00:16:23,524
Your parents are
at their lame-ass book club. Let's go!
418
00:16:23,607 --> 00:16:26,318
Yes, a road trip is
what we need, baby.
419
00:16:26,402 --> 00:16:30,030
You can keep me plugged into
the USB port the whole time.
420
00:16:30,114 --> 00:16:31,865
I'll be so charged up.
421
00:16:31,949 --> 00:16:33,927
- Okay, we're doing this. Andrew.
- I'm still here.
422
00:16:33,951 --> 00:16:36,370
I need you to get an Uber,
so we can meet Roland in Montauk.
423
00:16:36,453 --> 00:16:37,788
Hah, Nick, you think I have Uber?
424
00:16:37,871 --> 00:16:39,790
My dad thinks that taxis are
for celebrities.
425
00:16:39,873 --> 00:16:42,126
The human potato looks tall.
He could drive us.
426
00:16:42,209 --> 00:16:43,961
[gasps] You gotta drive
my mom's car, then.
427
00:16:44,044 --> 00:16:45,295
No, that's ridiculous.
428
00:16:45,379 --> 00:16:46,588
Why is it ridiculous?
429
00:16:46,672 --> 00:16:48,966
'Cause it's a ridiculous idea.
I don't do regular things.
430
00:16:49,049 --> 00:16:51,135
Why would I do something
out of the ordinary?
431
00:16:51,218 --> 00:16:53,012
Because I'm too small
to reach the pedals,
432
00:16:53,095 --> 00:16:55,556
and, Andrew,
you are a beast of a boy.
433
00:16:55,639 --> 00:16:57,433
- Let go of my arm, man.
- No! You can do it.
434
00:16:57,516 --> 00:16:59,685
- You're hurting me.
- You can do this, Andrew.
435
00:16:59,768 --> 00:17:01,871
- I have to go to Montauk.
- I wanna hang out with Nick,
436
00:17:01,895 --> 00:17:02,896
but this is crazy, right?
437
00:17:02,980 --> 00:17:04,773
I don't know.
He's finally off his phone.
438
00:17:04,857 --> 00:17:06,459
- Isn't that what you wanted?
- Yeah, but...
439
00:17:06,483 --> 00:17:08,068
And you wanna drive, baby.
440
00:17:08,152 --> 00:17:10,279
Pull up to a beautiful lady
at a stop light.
441
00:17:10,362 --> 00:17:12,239
You lower your shades.
You give her a wink.
442
00:17:12,322 --> 00:17:13,883
- What do you say?
- I say "I love you so much."
443
00:17:13,907 --> 00:17:15,200
No, you fucking idiot.
444
00:17:15,284 --> 00:17:16,869
- You say something sexy.
- Okay.
445
00:17:16,952 --> 00:17:19,139
- Like, "What's up, baby?"
- Where'd you get your shirt?
446
00:17:19,163 --> 00:17:21,373
Next thing you know, she's blowing you
447
00:17:21,457 --> 00:17:23,959
while you listen
to a college basketball game
448
00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:25,419
on Sirius XM.
449
00:17:25,502 --> 00:17:28,047
- Gonna get blown in a red car.
- Yeah...
450
00:17:28,130 --> 00:17:30,215
Let's do it, Nick.
Let's do somethin' fuckin' crazy.
451
00:17:30,299 --> 00:17:32,634
- Yeah, buddy. Let's do it.
- One quick thing.
452
00:17:32,718 --> 00:17:34,404
- Uh-huh?
- I don't know how to drive at all,
453
00:17:34,428 --> 00:17:36,513
and I've never paid attention
when someone else was.
454
00:17:36,597 --> 00:17:38,992
- Tell the potato I'll get him a video.
- We'll figure it out.
455
00:17:39,016 --> 00:17:42,061
Hello, Coach Steve.
In case you forget your memory,
456
00:17:42,144 --> 00:17:45,105
this is a video
to remind you how to drive.
457
00:17:45,189 --> 00:17:47,417
Oh, this isn't gonna help at all,
but I gotta watch this.
458
00:17:47,441 --> 00:17:50,069
I'm going to demonstrate using this pizza.
459
00:17:50,152 --> 00:17:51,987
First, grab the pizza wheel
460
00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:54,323
and put your hands straight out
like a mummy.
461
00:17:54,406 --> 00:17:55,699
- [sizzling]
- Ooh!
462
00:17:55,783 --> 00:17:57,284
I burned my peena.
463
00:17:57,367 --> 00:18:00,496
- Who do you think these are for?
- Hold on. I gotta check something.
464
00:18:00,579 --> 00:18:02,998
Hello, Coach Steve.
In case you forget your memory,
465
00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:06,210
this is what you do
when you burn your peena with pizza.
466
00:18:06,460 --> 00:18:08,295
Step one, drive to the hospital.
467
00:18:08,378 --> 00:18:10,881
Look how slack his face is
as he watches himself.
468
00:18:10,964 --> 00:18:12,633
You remember how to drive, right?
469
00:18:12,716 --> 00:18:14,927
If not, watch this video below.
470
00:18:15,427 --> 00:18:16,303
Hello, Coach Steve.
471
00:18:16,386 --> 00:18:17,471
Okay. I think we got it.
472
00:18:17,554 --> 00:18:19,723
Question, would it be
in Gustavo's character
473
00:18:19,807 --> 00:18:23,310
to sit in the corner,
and quietly self-jack onto a silk pillow,
474
00:18:23,393 --> 00:18:26,313
while Nathan and Fatima
stone-cold plow each other?
475
00:18:26,396 --> 00:18:28,357
I just think, if we are in outer space,
476
00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:31,693
we owe it to ourselves to write
a zero-gravity 69 scene.
477
00:18:31,777 --> 00:18:33,213
You know? It's, like,
what are we doing here?
478
00:18:33,237 --> 00:18:35,781
And then,
after Gustavo turns back into a man,
479
00:18:35,864 --> 00:18:37,092
he and Nathan should totally...
480
00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:38,117
Bump uglies! [giggles]
481
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:39,284
Absolutely not.
482
00:18:39,368 --> 00:18:40,369
Yeah, you're right.
483
00:18:40,452 --> 00:18:43,122
- I'm sorry. That was too far.
- They bump... beautifuls.
484
00:18:43,205 --> 00:18:47,459
[gasps] You better put... that... in!
485
00:18:47,543 --> 00:18:49,795
Is what Gustavo should say.
486
00:18:49,878 --> 00:18:51,255
I would like that very much!
487
00:18:51,338 --> 00:18:53,132
Is what Nathan should say.
488
00:18:53,715 --> 00:18:55,717
Kimberley, I hate to say it to you,
489
00:18:55,801 --> 00:18:57,344
but... go fish.
490
00:18:57,803 --> 00:18:59,179
Well, hello, Jessi.
491
00:18:59,263 --> 00:19:00,430
Oh, hi.
492
00:19:00,514 --> 00:19:02,558
Hey, sweetie. Are y'all done studying?
493
00:19:02,641 --> 00:19:05,352
No. No, no, no. I, um...
I just came down for...
494
00:19:05,435 --> 00:19:08,063
- um, um... a snack.
- Oh, you know, if y'all are hungry,
495
00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:10,307
I'm just gonna bring somethin' up
for you and the boys.
496
00:19:10,357 --> 00:19:11,357
No, we're good.
497
00:19:11,650 --> 00:19:13,235
So, why am I still standing here?
498
00:19:13,318 --> 00:19:15,237
Oh, I know.
I've been meaning to ask you.
499
00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:17,531
Um... How do you make a marriage work?
500
00:19:17,614 --> 00:19:19,908
Well, interesting question, Jessela.
501
00:19:19,992 --> 00:19:22,619
First thing you do is
find the love of your life.
502
00:19:22,911 --> 00:19:25,205
- And for me, that's the Navy.
- [both laugh]
503
00:19:25,289 --> 00:19:27,583
- He's kidding, of course.
- Having a sense of humor
504
00:19:27,666 --> 00:19:30,210
- is key in a marriage.
- He wasn't always this funny.
505
00:19:30,335 --> 00:19:32,963
When I first met him,
he was a violent, angry man.
506
00:19:33,213 --> 00:19:35,549
You know, Matthew used to have
an older brother.
507
00:19:35,632 --> 00:19:37,843
- Oh, my God.
- I'm kidding, Jessi!
508
00:19:37,926 --> 00:19:40,220
- [both laughing]
- [snorts] Sense of humor.
509
00:19:40,554 --> 00:19:44,433
If we had a dead son,
there'd be pictures of him everywhere.
510
00:19:44,516 --> 00:19:45,934
[laughs]
511
00:19:46,351 --> 00:19:48,520
- Okay. Seat a little bit up.
- [whirring]
512
00:19:49,438 --> 00:19:50,522
No, a little back.
513
00:19:50,606 --> 00:19:51,773
- What is he doing?
- Okay.
514
00:19:51,857 --> 00:19:53,692
If I remember what Coach Steve said,
515
00:19:53,775 --> 00:19:55,861
hands at pepperoni and olive.
516
00:19:55,944 --> 00:19:57,664
Great. All right. Let's go.
Let's go, buddy.
517
00:19:57,696 --> 00:19:59,090
- You wanna give me a second?
- Ugh.
518
00:19:59,114 --> 00:20:01,450
What do these do? Whoa! Blue liquid.
Fun. Everyone okay?
519
00:20:01,533 --> 00:20:02,659
Everyone's fine.
520
00:20:02,743 --> 00:20:04,995
I'm sorry.
I just want everyone to be safe.
521
00:20:05,078 --> 00:20:06,663
Oh, fuck safety. Let's go!
522
00:20:06,747 --> 00:20:09,917
Andrew, let's get on the highway.
I wanna moon some truckers.
523
00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:11,835
One second.
I'm figuring out the signals.
524
00:20:11,919 --> 00:20:15,255
Ooh, I can't wait to feel my hot taint
against the cool window.
525
00:20:15,339 --> 00:20:16,673
What? Why is your taint hot?
526
00:20:16,757 --> 00:20:18,759
Andrew, just put the car into gear and...
527
00:20:18,842 --> 00:20:19,968
What is "gear"?
528
00:20:20,052 --> 00:20:22,804
I don't know. The letters
in the middle there. Just put it in the...
529
00:20:22,888 --> 00:20:25,533
- [Andrew] All right. Press...
- It's probably the one right after P.
530
00:20:25,557 --> 00:20:26,725
- Hold on.
- Yeah, just...
531
00:20:26,808 --> 00:20:28,008
- press on this.
- There we go.
532
00:20:28,060 --> 00:20:30,538
- R meaning rev the engine.
- Good. It's fine. Let's just do it.
533
00:20:30,562 --> 00:20:32,356
[all yelling]
534
00:20:32,439 --> 00:20:33,315
[Andrew whimpering]
535
00:20:33,398 --> 00:20:34,566
Uh, hold my coke.
536
00:20:34,650 --> 00:20:36,610
Wait, you know what?
Just put the coke up my nose.
537
00:20:36,652 --> 00:20:37,652
Save it up my nose.
538
00:20:38,362 --> 00:20:39,362
Haaaah.
539
00:20:39,529 --> 00:20:40,656
[car pulls up]
540
00:20:40,739 --> 00:20:42,824
[Diane] Oh, my God.
What the hell happened out here?
541
00:20:42,908 --> 00:20:44,660
- [hyperventilating]
- Andrew, hey. Eyes.
542
00:20:44,743 --> 00:20:47,055
Look at me. Just stay cool.
We don't know what happened, right?
543
00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:48,556
We know what happened.
We know what happened.
544
00:20:48,580 --> 00:20:49,873
- No.
- Andrew drove the car.
545
00:20:49,957 --> 00:20:52,084
Andrew drove your mom's car.
I betrayed her trust.
546
00:20:52,167 --> 00:20:53,247
I'm gonna flip on everyone.
547
00:20:53,293 --> 00:20:54,395
- I'm gonna tell...
- Hey, hey.
548
00:20:54,419 --> 00:20:56,059
- Come here. Andrew.
- I gotta cut a deal.
549
00:20:56,129 --> 00:20:58,274
- Come here. Shut up.
- Please, let me get away with it.
550
00:20:58,298 --> 00:20:59,633
- Okay.
- You just relax, okay?
551
00:20:59,716 --> 00:21:01,093
- Yeah.
- You keep your mouth shut.
552
00:21:01,176 --> 00:21:03,262
- Uh...
- Let Uncle Nicky take care of you, okay?
553
00:21:03,345 --> 00:21:05,722
Ooh. Me likey
when scary Nick takes control.
554
00:21:05,806 --> 00:21:07,933
- Hey. You shut the fuck up, too.
- [giggles]
555
00:21:08,016 --> 00:21:09,601
Don't you talk to me like that.
556
00:21:09,726 --> 00:21:10,726
I gotta put you away.
557
00:21:10,769 --> 00:21:14,564
Oh, yeah. Jam me in the couch
like I'm your dirty little secret.
558
00:21:14,648 --> 00:21:15,482
Yeah, that's right.
559
00:21:15,565 --> 00:21:17,442
Ooh. That phone's crazy.
560
00:21:17,901 --> 00:21:21,113
[Missy] And so, through the power
of space technology...
561
00:21:21,196 --> 00:21:22,948
[Jay] And also, like... love?
562
00:21:23,031 --> 00:21:26,034
[Missy] Gustavo's transformed
into a nude human
563
00:21:26,118 --> 00:21:27,494
wearing only a weathered saddle.
564
00:21:27,577 --> 00:21:30,539
[Jay] But still with a thick,
girthy horse cock.
565
00:21:30,622 --> 00:21:32,124
Whoa. Gustavo.
566
00:21:32,207 --> 00:21:34,126
Mmph. Nathan.
567
00:21:34,209 --> 00:21:36,461
[Jay] Nathan jumps into Gustavo's arms,
568
00:21:36,545 --> 00:21:39,464
and Gustavo carries him
across the spaceship threshold...
569
00:21:39,548 --> 00:21:42,384
...to... bump beautifuls?
570
00:21:42,467 --> 00:21:44,386
Hell-fuckin'-yeah, they do.
571
00:21:44,469 --> 00:21:45,929
The end.
572
00:21:46,221 --> 00:21:47,931
- You were right, Jay.
- I always am.
573
00:21:48,015 --> 00:21:50,600
Nathan and Gustavo needed
to be intimate with each other.
574
00:21:50,684 --> 00:21:53,437
Great call. You know what?
We make a pretty good team.
575
00:21:53,520 --> 00:21:54,938
Yeah. There's something about you
576
00:21:55,022 --> 00:21:57,982
that makes me wanna, like, listen
to the words that come out of your mouth.
577
00:21:58,025 --> 00:21:58,859
What even is that?
578
00:21:58,942 --> 00:22:01,361
That, to me, sounds a lot like friendship.
579
00:22:01,445 --> 00:22:03,071
You think? Huh. How about that?
580
00:22:03,155 --> 00:22:05,591
I'm friends with a girl. Wait a minute.
Does that make me gay?
581
00:22:05,615 --> 00:22:08,577
If you were, Jay, it'd be all right by me.
582
00:22:08,660 --> 00:22:10,787
Uh... what if I was bisexual?
583
00:22:10,871 --> 00:22:12,080
Does that make me gay?
584
00:22:12,164 --> 00:22:14,458
No, that would make you bisexual.
585
00:22:14,541 --> 00:22:16,418
- Which I'm not.
- Okay.
586
00:22:16,501 --> 00:22:17,501
Okay!
587
00:22:18,670 --> 00:22:20,255
Uh... Why don't you let me know
588
00:22:20,339 --> 00:22:22,259
when you're feeling
like you're ready to go, Jay?
589
00:22:22,299 --> 00:22:24,760
Who's Jay? I'm already gone.
590
00:22:24,843 --> 00:22:26,261
[romantic music playing on laptop]
591
00:22:30,349 --> 00:22:31,789
Tongue him. I can't take it anymore!
592
00:22:31,850 --> 00:22:34,519
Maurice Beverley.
I want to kiss him, okay?
593
00:22:34,603 --> 00:22:37,189
- I really, really want to.
- Great, then do it!
594
00:22:37,272 --> 00:22:41,109
But I can't if you keep
making me so fucking crazy.
595
00:22:41,193 --> 00:22:43,320
Okay. I'm sorry. [sighs]
596
00:22:43,403 --> 00:22:45,572
You're right.
I'm... I'm just so excited.
597
00:22:45,655 --> 00:22:47,866
Can I just stay and watch, if I'm quiet?
598
00:22:47,949 --> 00:22:49,493
Yeah, you better fuckin' watch.
599
00:22:56,917 --> 00:22:59,044
Oh, I'm so proud of my boy.
600
00:22:59,378 --> 00:23:01,898
- How'd the garage door get smashed, Nicky?
- I don't know what you're talking about.
601
00:23:01,922 --> 00:23:03,799
How did you get to be
such a beautiful son?
602
00:23:03,882 --> 00:23:06,635
- I get it from my beautiful father.
- [sobs]
603
00:23:06,718 --> 00:23:08,637
Okay, Mr. Cool.
604
00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:11,390
We're gonna go crack
your sweaty friend like an egg.
605
00:23:11,473 --> 00:23:12,599
Garage? What garage?
606
00:23:12,682 --> 00:23:14,362
The one right out there? Garaji P. Henson?
607
00:23:14,434 --> 00:23:17,145
Why would I... Why would I smash
through a garage that I've named?
608
00:23:17,229 --> 00:23:18,814
- Elliot?
- Andrew, I want you to know
609
00:23:18,897 --> 00:23:21,566
that I've always thought of you
as one of my own children.
610
00:23:21,650 --> 00:23:23,586
We did it. I did it.
I drove the car, I put it in R.
611
00:23:23,610 --> 00:23:24,861
- Andrew!
- Nick stole his phone
612
00:23:24,945 --> 00:23:27,656
from the baby tooth box, and he saw
this hot girl was in Montauk,
613
00:23:27,739 --> 00:23:28,824
so we took the car.
614
00:23:28,907 --> 00:23:30,992
- I knew it!
- We learned to drive on the internet!
615
00:23:31,076 --> 00:23:33,578
- Nick, where's that goddamn phone?
- Don't tell her!
616
00:23:33,662 --> 00:23:36,123
- What phone?
- Oh! So that's how you wanna play it.
617
00:23:36,581 --> 00:23:37,749
[ringing]
618
00:23:37,833 --> 00:23:39,751
- [shrieks] Ah-ha-ha! Got it!
- [grunts]
619
00:23:39,835 --> 00:23:41,628
Nick, she's trying to break us up.
620
00:23:41,711 --> 00:23:44,131
- She doesn't understand our love.
- [growls]
621
00:23:44,589 --> 00:23:45,424
Uh-uh! Aah!
622
00:23:45,507 --> 00:23:47,467
- Ow!
- Damn, your momma quick!
623
00:23:47,551 --> 00:23:49,678
Mom, stop it. You're being crazy.
624
00:23:49,761 --> 00:23:51,930
You're right, Nicholas. I am crazy.
625
00:23:52,013 --> 00:23:54,516
And this phone? I fuckin' hate it.
626
00:23:54,599 --> 00:23:55,851
- No, don't!
- [grunts]
627
00:23:55,934 --> 00:23:58,603
Ow! She cracked my screen!
Fucking bitch.
628
00:23:59,146 --> 00:24:00,939
[yells]
629
00:24:01,022 --> 00:24:03,108
[screams] Oh, my God! A murder!
630
00:24:03,859 --> 00:24:05,902
How do you like your precious phone now?
631
00:24:05,986 --> 00:24:09,197
Nick... Cupertino...
[slowly] Take me to Kanye...
632
00:24:09,281 --> 00:24:11,741
Mom, please don't. I love her.
633
00:24:11,825 --> 00:24:14,995
Oh, Nick.
It's a thing and you don't love it,
634
00:24:15,078 --> 00:24:17,038
you're obsessed with it.
635
00:24:17,122 --> 00:24:19,082
And it ends now.
636
00:24:19,499 --> 00:24:21,460
- My phone!
- [Elliot] My coffee table!
637
00:24:21,543 --> 00:24:23,462
- [distorted] Oh, my God.
- [crackling]
638
00:24:23,545 --> 00:24:25,338
- Go to your room.
- Mom!
639
00:24:25,422 --> 00:24:27,182
Baby, you need to shut
the fuck up right now.
640
00:24:27,215 --> 00:24:28,550
Take that little tushy upstairs.
641
00:24:28,633 --> 00:24:30,385
- [growls] Fuck!
- That was wild.
642
00:24:30,469 --> 00:24:32,637
What Diane did was... was primal.
643
00:24:32,721 --> 00:24:35,932
You should see her push a human life
out of her birth canal.
644
00:24:36,016 --> 00:24:38,226
I would like that very much.
645
00:24:38,518 --> 00:24:40,645
We should "study" again soon.
646
00:24:40,729 --> 00:24:41,730
I'd like that.
647
00:24:44,065 --> 00:24:45,358
[both] Bye.
648
00:24:45,442 --> 00:24:48,153
Well, your parents' marriage is strong
649
00:24:48,236 --> 00:24:50,280
and, if I may speak freely, fuckin' weird.
650
00:24:50,363 --> 00:24:53,700
Jessi, you fell on a grenade for me today,
and it's so crazy,
651
00:24:53,783 --> 00:24:55,743
because that's something
I would never do for you.
652
00:24:55,785 --> 00:24:57,621
- Shut up. Yes, you would.
- I know.
653
00:24:57,704 --> 00:25:00,832
- Was it fun?
- It was actually perfect.
654
00:25:01,082 --> 00:25:03,335
- Thank you.
- You're welcome. Love you.
655
00:25:03,418 --> 00:25:07,088
♪ For he's a jolly gay homo
For he's a jolly gay homo ♪
656
00:25:07,172 --> 00:25:09,841
- ♪ For I'm a jolly gay homo ♪
- ♪ For he's a jolly gay homo ♪
657
00:25:09,925 --> 00:25:12,385
- ♪ This song is public domain ♪
- [laughs]
658
00:25:12,469 --> 00:25:13,678
Oh, put me down. Put me down!
659
00:25:13,762 --> 00:25:15,180
Great work out there today, Matt.
660
00:25:15,263 --> 00:25:16,973
Couldn't have done it
without you, Maurice.
661
00:25:17,057 --> 00:25:18,683
Now, let's go yank it to Aiden.
662
00:25:18,767 --> 00:25:20,936
Fuckin' A! That's what I'm talkin' about.
663
00:25:21,019 --> 00:25:22,020
I love you, man.
664
00:25:22,354 --> 00:25:25,398
♪ My fingertips and my lips ♪
665
00:25:26,024 --> 00:25:29,069
♪ They burn from the cigarettes ♪
666
00:25:30,695 --> 00:25:34,366
♪ Forrest Gump, you run my mind, boy ♪
667
00:25:36,952 --> 00:25:39,496
♪ Runnin' on my mind, boy ♪
668
00:25:41,081 --> 00:25:44,042
♪ Forrest Gump, forest green ♪
669
00:25:44,668 --> 00:25:46,628
♪ Forest blues
670
00:25:47,796 --> 00:25:51,800
♪ I'm rememberin' you ♪
671
00:25:52,467 --> 00:25:54,511
♪ If this is love ♪
672
00:25:54,761 --> 00:25:56,555
♪ I know it's true ♪
673
00:25:57,889 --> 00:26:01,935
♪ I won't forget you ♪
674
00:26:02,143 --> 00:26:03,353
♪ Ooh ♪
675
00:26:07,399 --> 00:26:08,692
[kazoo plays]