1
00:00:11,428 --> 00:00:15,590
Remember that time I tried to wash you,
and you were just like wet for three days?

2
00:00:15,690 --> 00:00:18,343
So wet.
- Sopping wet.

3
00:00:18,443 --> 00:00:20,012
Yeah, and like, so moldy?

4
00:00:20,112 --> 00:00:21,596
Um, jealous much, bitch?
- What?

5
00:00:21,696 --> 00:00:25,767
God, I'm crushing on you so hard, Jay.
[sighs] I never should've left.

6
00:00:25,867 --> 00:00:27,227
Huge mistake.
- [tires screeching]

7
00:00:27,327 --> 00:00:29,855
All right, y'all.
This is far north as I'm headin'.

8
00:00:29,955 --> 00:00:31,189
Jay, let's go.

9
00:00:31,289 --> 00:00:33,400
Jay, wait. The truck driver...

10
00:00:33,500 --> 00:00:35,527
He uses me...
- Oh God! For sex?

11
00:00:35,627 --> 00:00:36,987
For lumbar support.
- Huh?

12
00:00:37,087 --> 00:00:40,657
And he has truck driver farts.
And all he eats is Arby's and Ritalin.

13
00:00:40,757 --> 00:00:42,826
Please, Jay, don't leave me.

14
00:00:42,926 --> 00:00:45,037
Oh, shit. Everybody wants me.

15
00:00:45,137 --> 00:00:46,955
God, this is a real Sofa's Choice.

16
00:00:47,055 --> 00:00:48,874
Sophie's Choice.
- What? No, it's a sofa's--

17
00:00:48,974 --> 00:00:52,127
Okay, this is insane. I am a real person.

18
00:00:52,227 --> 00:00:53,420
That is a pillow.

19
00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:55,088
Uh, you're right.
- Yeah.

20
00:00:55,188 --> 00:00:57,257
Pam, I'm so sorry,

21
00:00:57,357 --> 00:00:59,968
but I really like Jessi...
- I see.

22
00:01:00,068 --> 00:01:02,179
And I need to see where this goes.

23
00:01:02,279 --> 00:01:04,097
Well... good luck, Jay.

24
00:01:04,197 --> 00:01:06,892
I guess we'll always have that time
in your mud room...

25
00:01:06,992 --> 00:01:10,062
...when your pit bull featuring Ludacris
licked your toes...

26
00:01:10,162 --> 00:01:12,439
...right as we climaxed together.
- That was intense.

27
00:01:12,539 --> 00:01:14,107
What the fuck am I doing?

28
00:01:14,207 --> 00:01:15,525
Goodbye, Pam.
- Bye, Jay.

29
00:01:15,625 --> 00:01:17,944
Scorpion,
you take care of your mom out there.

30
00:01:18,044 --> 00:01:21,022
[engine revs]

31
00:01:21,122 --> 00:01:22,449
Hey, just to be clear,

32
00:01:22,549 --> 00:01:24,534
that time in the mud room,
that was before we kissed.

33
00:01:24,634 --> 00:01:26,703
Don't worry about it.
- Since then, I've only been with you.

34
00:01:26,803 --> 00:01:28,080
And my bath mat.
- Oh, God!

35
00:01:28,180 --> 00:01:29,748
You don't need to tell me this.
- You know?

36
00:01:29,848 --> 00:01:31,666
I should just read to you
from my jerk off journal.

37
00:01:31,766 --> 00:01:33,293
No... Jay!
- January 8th,

38
00:01:33,393 --> 00:01:36,296
I woke up with a boner that could cut glass.

39
00:01:36,396 --> 00:01:41,581
[Jessi] Argh!

40
00:02:10,839 --> 00:02:12,874
Neither one of them is answering texts,

41
00:02:12,974 --> 00:02:16,044
and my mom says Jessi's parents
are full-on freaking out.

42
00:02:16,144 --> 00:02:17,754
It is weird that they're both missing.

43
00:02:17,854 --> 00:02:21,049
You don't think they're together, do you?
- Jessi hates Jay.

44
00:02:21,149 --> 00:02:23,135
You never heard of a little thing
called hate fucking?

45
00:02:23,235 --> 00:02:24,511
What?
- Like that show Moonlighting.

46
00:02:24,611 --> 00:02:27,139
Cybill Shepherd,
my college roommate, Bruce Willis.

47
00:02:27,239 --> 00:02:29,474
Bruce Willis went to college?

48
00:02:29,574 --> 00:02:30,892
It's a three-week program.

49
00:02:30,992 --> 00:02:32,352
So it's not college.
- No, it's called college.

50
00:02:32,452 --> 00:02:34,479
Looks like your uniform's getting
a little tight there, bud.

51
00:02:34,579 --> 00:02:36,690
Ha! It must've shrunk in the dryer little.

52
00:02:36,790 --> 00:02:39,317
Oh, you've blossomed,
and your meat has become girthy.

53
00:02:39,417 --> 00:02:42,779
And my uniform seems
to have gotten bigger somehow?

54
00:02:42,879 --> 00:02:44,865
Is that even possible?
- You could wear it as a nightshirt.

55
00:02:44,965 --> 00:02:48,076
[whistling] All right. Here we go, team.
Big game today.

56
00:02:48,176 --> 00:02:51,538
You guys are gonna hear
a lot of trash-talk out there.

57
00:02:51,638 --> 00:02:53,248
Moron, shitbag.

58
00:02:53,348 --> 00:02:56,293
You, Coach Steve, we're talking to you.
Not the kids.

59
00:02:56,393 --> 00:02:58,295
You moron shitbag.
- What?

60
00:02:58,395 --> 00:03:01,798
Okay, that's the pep talk.
Let's go do basketball.

61
00:03:01,898 --> 00:03:04,968
Andrew, I need you to gobble up
those sports, big man,

62
00:03:05,068 --> 00:03:08,680
because boy, oh boy,
you are a big man, you boy.

63
00:03:08,780 --> 00:03:10,223
Am I really that big?

64
00:03:10,323 --> 00:03:13,468
Perhaps this will tell of your girth.

65
00:03:15,612 --> 00:03:16,688
Ooh, tough one.

66
00:03:16,788 --> 00:03:19,608
Well, it's a deeply humiliating
start to the season...

67
00:03:19,708 --> 00:03:23,278
...as Bridgeton Middle is getting trounced
by a team with two black kids.

68
00:03:23,378 --> 00:03:27,190
Ooh! No offense, Missy.
- Some taken, yeah.

69
00:03:27,290 --> 00:03:28,700
[grunts]
- Damn it!

70
00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:30,202
When did everyone get so tall?

71
00:03:30,302 --> 00:03:32,495
When their glands released
androgens and hormones,

72
00:03:32,595 --> 00:03:34,873
triggering puberty related growth spurts.

73
00:03:34,973 --> 00:03:36,833
Or maybe they drank a ton of milk.

74
00:03:36,933 --> 00:03:40,378
That's what I did, even though
I'm violently lactose intolerant.

75
00:03:40,478 --> 00:03:43,181
If I just smell milk, I puke diarrhea.

76
00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:46,718
Argh!
- You're the man, Nick.

77
00:03:46,818 --> 00:03:48,386
You're doing awesome.

78
00:03:48,486 --> 00:03:51,306
Are you blind?
- I mostly just see shapes.

79
00:03:51,406 --> 00:03:52,933
Andrew! Get in the paint!

80
00:03:53,033 --> 00:03:54,893
They're all sweaty and slimy to the touch.

81
00:03:54,993 --> 00:03:58,271
Use your freakishly large body
for some good!

82
00:03:58,371 --> 00:04:00,398
He's like Andre the Giant
with none of the charisma.

83
00:04:00,498 --> 00:04:03,735
Yeah, throw some elbows, big man.
- Stop calling me big man!

84
00:04:03,835 --> 00:04:07,030
If you have a pair of binoculars,
you may notice Nick Birch,

85
00:04:07,130 --> 00:04:10,200
a squirrel of a boy dribbling the ball
across half court.

86
00:04:10,300 --> 00:04:11,910
[grunts]
- [buzzing]

87
00:04:12,010 --> 00:04:13,119
Son-of-a-bitch!

88
00:04:13,219 --> 00:04:15,080
Hey, Nick, don't be so hard on yourself.

89
00:04:15,180 --> 00:04:16,957
You know, we may have lost by 26,

90
00:04:17,057 --> 00:04:18,708
but nobody called me a name.

91
00:04:18,808 --> 00:04:21,086
Hey! Coach Steve! You're a shitbag!

92
00:04:21,186 --> 00:04:24,089
[chuckles]
Okay, I jinxed it. That one's on me.

93
00:04:24,189 --> 00:04:25,423
[retching]

94
00:04:25,523 --> 00:04:27,467
Did somebody bring a Go-Gurt in here?

95
00:04:27,567 --> 00:04:28,677
[giggling]...

96
00:04:28,777 --> 00:04:31,629
...[man] And the Go-Gurt burglar
strikes again.

97
00:04:31,729 --> 00:04:33,139
So, she emptied her piggy-bank...

98
00:04:33,239 --> 00:04:35,225
...took some clothes
and didn't come home last night?

99
00:04:35,325 --> 00:04:37,644
Sounds like a classic run away there, ma.

100
00:04:37,744 --> 00:04:40,188
Any problems in the home life
there here now, ma'am?

101
00:04:40,288 --> 00:04:41,564
Well, we are separating.

102
00:04:41,664 --> 00:04:43,483
Because she cheated on me with a woman.

103
00:04:43,583 --> 00:04:45,318
A woman who listens to me,

104
00:04:45,418 --> 00:04:47,821
and doesn't have to put on
PornHub to have sex.

105
00:04:47,921 --> 00:04:50,073
Father uses PornHub...

106
00:04:50,173 --> 00:04:52,742
...not Brazzers.
- Brazzers got two Z's.

107
00:04:52,842 --> 00:04:55,161
Don't write that down.
- What's that have to do with our daughter?

108
00:04:55,261 --> 00:04:56,913
A lot of daughters end up on Brazzers.

109
00:04:57,013 --> 00:04:58,331
Jesus Christ.
- Oh, Jesus! [sobs]

110
00:04:58,431 --> 00:05:00,617
No tears. It's a paid site.

111
00:05:00,717 --> 00:05:03,837
Jesus Christ, Dumont,
you gotta work on your bedside manner.

112
00:05:03,937 --> 00:05:05,839
Folks, we're gonna find
your dead daughter.

113
00:05:05,939 --> 00:05:07,424
[sobbing]
- Question.

114
00:05:07,524 --> 00:05:10,385
You got a pair of her panties
for the cadaver dogs?

115
00:05:10,485 --> 00:05:12,053
Where is our girl?

116
00:05:12,153 --> 00:05:13,847
These pooches take a wiff of genitals,

117
00:05:13,947 --> 00:05:17,342
they'll find her faster
than when it's Milk-Bone day.

118
00:05:17,442 --> 00:05:19,769
I sucked today.
- You did great, man.

119
00:05:19,869 --> 00:05:21,896
I couldn't get a shot off. I'm too small.

120
00:05:21,996 --> 00:05:23,273
You smell great.

121
00:05:23,373 --> 00:05:26,943
I said, I'm small, not growing.
Is there something wrong with me?

122
00:05:27,043 --> 00:05:29,321
No, man, you need to relax.

123
00:05:29,421 --> 00:05:31,448
Maybe you should, you know...

124
00:05:31,548 --> 00:05:32,866
What?
- You know...

125
00:05:32,966 --> 00:05:35,568
What is that? Grind fresh peppers?

126
00:05:35,668 --> 00:05:37,495
No! Masturbate!

127
00:05:37,595 --> 00:05:39,539
But, I like your instinct.
- Oh!

128
00:05:39,639 --> 00:05:41,708
I've never really done that before.

129
00:05:41,808 --> 00:05:43,952
Go for it, Nick. It'll be a hoot!

130
00:05:44,052 --> 00:05:45,795
You're so positive, man.
I respect that about you.

131
00:05:45,895 --> 00:05:47,630
Okay, let's see.

132
00:05:47,730 --> 00:05:49,716
[pubic hair 1]
Ouch! Nick, that doesn't feel right.

133
00:05:49,816 --> 00:05:51,259
[pubic hair 2] You trying to give
your dick an Indian burn?

134
00:05:51,359 --> 00:05:52,344
It's not working.

135
00:05:52,444 --> 00:05:54,929
This doesn't feel good.
- Oh, you're doing great!

136
00:05:55,029 --> 00:05:58,391
Twist harder and faster,
and flick your balls.

137
00:05:58,491 --> 00:06:00,727
Don't listen to him!
- You're gonna break your dick, Nick!

138
00:06:00,827 --> 00:06:04,898
Now, pull your hands apart real fast,
like you're opening a telescope.

139
00:06:04,998 --> 00:06:07,025
[pubic hair 1] Don't you dare!
- Everybody shut up!

140
00:06:07,125 --> 00:06:08,651
[hair 1] Nick!
- [hair 2] You're gonna cum blood!

141
00:06:08,751 --> 00:06:11,696
Shut up! Whatever is supposed
to be happening isn't happening.

142
00:06:11,796 --> 00:06:13,448
That was legendary, Nick.

143
00:06:13,548 --> 00:06:16,034
And always remember,
if it's numb,

144
00:06:16,134 --> 00:06:17,494
use your thumb.

145
00:06:17,594 --> 00:06:19,412
Put my thumb in my urethra?

146
00:06:19,512 --> 00:06:21,572
[chuckles] What are you gonna do?

147
00:06:21,672 --> 00:06:24,125
Andrew, you've hardly touched
your salami and eggs.

148
00:06:24,225 --> 00:06:26,920
What's wrong?
Are you worried about Jay and Jessi?

149
00:06:27,020 --> 00:06:29,047
Oh, please. It's been 48 hours!

150
00:06:29,147 --> 00:06:31,049
We need to move on as a community.

151
00:06:31,149 --> 00:06:35,211
What this one should be worried about
is his ineffectiveness as a big man.

152
00:06:35,311 --> 00:06:38,181
What a waste of length.
- Enough of the big man stuff, okay?

153
00:06:38,281 --> 00:06:41,434
Well, you are big! I mean, look at you.
You're the size of an uncle.

154
00:06:41,534 --> 00:06:43,853
I'm just trying to blend in and be normal.

155
00:06:43,953 --> 00:06:46,439
Normal?
You're a 12-year-old with a mustache.

156
00:06:46,539 --> 00:06:47,941
Marty!
- Argh! Look at that thing!

157
00:06:48,041 --> 00:06:49,192
I can't eat.

158
00:06:49,292 --> 00:06:51,277
Is nobody gonna eat their salami and eggs?

159
00:06:51,377 --> 00:06:54,614
Barbara, we gotta fix him.
- Fix me?

160
00:06:54,714 --> 00:06:57,951
I don't know about this, Marty.
- He's too young to have a mustache.

161
00:06:58,051 --> 00:06:59,577
[Barbara] It just seems cruel.

162
00:06:59,677 --> 00:07:02,539
Whoa! What the hell are they doing?
- They're waxing my lip.

163
00:07:02,639 --> 00:07:03,498
Jesus!
- Help, Maury.

164
00:07:03,598 --> 00:07:05,417
I'm gonna call a friend of mine
to take care of this.

165
00:07:05,517 --> 00:07:07,627
I'll hold his head, you rip the thing off.

166
00:07:07,727 --> 00:07:10,171
Bruce Willis, please.
- Mom, you don't have to do this.

167
00:07:10,271 --> 00:07:11,881
He's in asshole jail?

168
00:07:11,981 --> 00:07:13,550
I'm sorry, Andrew...

169
00:07:13,650 --> 00:07:16,094
Then how was he in
the last Expendables movie?

170
00:07:16,194 --> 00:07:18,430
Oh, they shot the whole movie in the jail?

171
00:07:18,530 --> 00:07:21,057
Right, 'cause they're all assholes.
Yeah, that makes sense.

172
00:07:21,157 --> 00:07:22,308
Do it!
- [screams]

173
00:07:22,408 --> 00:07:25,094
No!

174
00:07:25,194 --> 00:07:28,189
My boy. Look how they massacred my boy.

175
00:07:28,289 --> 00:07:29,899
Mom, why would you do that?

176
00:07:29,999 --> 00:07:32,727
[sobbing] Oh, my poor baby.

177
00:07:32,827 --> 00:07:36,652
For some reason, now I'm starving.

178
00:07:36,831 --> 00:07:38,908
[man 1] I'll kill you.
- [man 2] Not if I kill you first.

179
00:07:39,008 --> 00:07:41,035
[man 1] Oh, you'll kill me?
I'll kill you so hard.

180
00:07:41,135 --> 00:07:42,579
Jay, this place is scary.

181
00:07:42,679 --> 00:07:45,540
I can't believe
I've been dealing Oxycotin with a liar.

182
00:07:45,640 --> 00:07:47,041
Hey! Knock it off!

183
00:07:47,141 --> 00:07:49,586
You're freaking out
my very serious girlfriend!

184
00:07:49,686 --> 00:07:51,421
[man 1] Sorry about that, sir.
- [man 2] Sorry, sir.

185
00:07:51,521 --> 00:07:53,798
Sorry I called you my girlfriend.
I don't know what it is.

186
00:07:53,898 --> 00:07:56,092
I just, I want to protect the shit out of you.

187
00:07:56,192 --> 00:07:57,760
No, it was okay.

188
00:07:57,860 --> 00:08:01,139
I weirdly kind of don't mind
the idea of being your girlfriend.

189
00:08:01,239 --> 00:08:02,974
If that's still what you want.

190
00:08:03,074 --> 00:08:05,143
Yeah. A real life girlfriend?
- Yeah, I'm alive.

191
00:08:05,243 --> 00:08:06,936
Who's not a pillow?
- I'm not a pillow.

192
00:08:07,036 --> 00:08:08,480
Or a bath mat?
- Neither of those things.

193
00:08:08,580 --> 00:08:12,183
That's a good thing, right?
- It should be.

194
00:08:12,283 --> 00:08:13,526
[kisses]

195
00:08:13,626 --> 00:08:15,278
Oh, yeah, I'm 40.

196
00:08:15,378 --> 00:08:16,863
Wait, what? You're 13.

197
00:08:16,963 --> 00:08:20,900
No, you know, in my brain,
for this, I'm 40.

198
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:23,161
Okay, see, the thing is, like...
- I'm a grown man.

199
00:08:23,261 --> 00:08:27,081
I'm 13, so, your fantasy about being 40
kind of makes this...

200
00:08:27,181 --> 00:08:28,950
No!
- Like, super illegal and gross--...

201
00:08:29,050 --> 00:08:30,543
No!
- and I'm not interested in that.

202
00:08:30,643 --> 00:08:32,245
I understand what you're saying,
but you're consenting.

203
00:08:32,345 --> 00:08:35,006
No, I could never give my consent
to a 40-year-old man.

204
00:08:35,106 --> 00:08:37,091
That's the whole point.
- You're making a bigger deal out of this.

205
00:08:37,191 --> 00:08:39,135
This is just like a Roman Polanski situation.

206
00:08:39,235 --> 00:08:42,138
Yeah, he's a rapist. He raped a child.
- No, but I didn't give you a lewd.

207
00:08:42,238 --> 00:08:44,015
If you're 40, that makes you a pedophile.

208
00:08:44,115 --> 00:08:46,184
What? No! I'm not a-- Goddamnit, Jessi!

209
00:08:46,284 --> 00:08:48,436
Why won't you let me
be a 40-year-old magician...

210
00:08:48,536 --> 00:08:49,812
...with a white gold Rolex?

211
00:08:49,912 --> 00:08:51,439
Because you're not, you psycho!

212
00:08:51,539 --> 00:08:52,732
I am not a psycho!
- [door opens]...

213
00:08:52,832 --> 00:08:55,109
...[man 2] You sound like a psycho.
- I took that test,

214
00:08:55,209 --> 00:08:57,228
and it was negative!

215
00:08:57,328 --> 00:09:00,323
It's so smooth, like a dried dolphin.

216
00:09:00,423 --> 00:09:02,158
Don't touch it, okay? I'm hideous.

217
00:09:02,258 --> 00:09:03,576
I'm a big hairy beast.

218
00:09:03,676 --> 00:09:06,704
Well, at least you can grow hair.
I'm like a Tic Tac with shoes.

219
00:09:06,804 --> 00:09:08,957
[sighs deeply]
Are we just a couple of freaks?

220
00:09:09,057 --> 00:09:11,284
No! You're the man!

221
00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:12,418
Nick?
- Yeah?

222
00:09:12,518 --> 00:09:14,629
Do you remember when that fish stick
fell behind the fridge,

223
00:09:14,729 --> 00:09:16,548
and it was covered in hair and fungus,

224
00:09:16,648 --> 00:09:18,550
and then we put a googly eye on it?
- I do.

225
00:09:18,650 --> 00:09:20,593
I'm quite certain
that fish stick is behind you.

226
00:09:20,693 --> 00:09:22,178
You're the man.
- What the hell is that?

227
00:09:22,278 --> 00:09:24,764
And you're also the man too, as well.

228
00:09:24,864 --> 00:09:27,308
That's my hormone monster.
- That's your guy?

229
00:09:27,408 --> 00:09:29,477
Oh, no, Nick.
Maybe there is something wrong with you.

230
00:09:29,577 --> 00:09:31,688
That's what I've been saying! I need help.

231
00:09:31,788 --> 00:09:35,149
What about your guy? Maury?
Maybe I can switch or something.

232
00:09:35,249 --> 00:09:36,442
No, you don't want Maury.

233
00:09:36,542 --> 00:09:38,653
He's the worst.
- What was that now?

234
00:09:38,753 --> 00:09:40,697
I thought we had fun together.
- Fun?

235
00:09:40,797 --> 00:09:44,200
My father waxed my lip
because you made me so grotesque.

236
00:09:44,300 --> 00:09:45,702
I hate you.
- [Rick ]Ouch.

237
00:09:45,802 --> 00:09:47,829
Thanks, Rick.
I thought it was pretty harsh, too.

238
00:09:47,929 --> 00:09:49,914
No, my horn unraveled.

239
00:09:50,014 --> 00:09:52,394
[mumbling]...

240
00:09:52,717 --> 00:09:53,659
...[bang]

241
00:09:53,759 --> 00:09:54,919
What are you gonna do?

242
00:09:55,019 --> 00:09:57,422
Ha-ha! Guy makes me laugh.
He's like Tracy Morgan.

243
00:09:57,522 --> 00:10:00,258
I don't know if he knows he's being funny,
but he's fucking funny.

244
00:10:00,358 --> 00:10:01,843
[sobbing]...

245
00:10:01,943 --> 00:10:02,844
...[crying]

246
00:10:02,944 --> 00:10:04,012
What happened?

247
00:10:04,112 --> 00:10:05,972
We started kissing and he freaked out.

248
00:10:06,072 --> 00:10:08,424
The kid's a little weirdo.
- Yeah, he's nuts.

249
00:10:08,524 --> 00:10:10,810
And you like him!
Why you like a little weirdo?

250
00:10:10,910 --> 00:10:12,595
I don't know!

251
00:10:12,695 --> 00:10:14,347
What is wrong with me?

252
00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:17,567
You're gonna be one of those weak women
who goes for bad guys...

253
00:10:17,667 --> 00:10:20,445
...with stupid brains and garbage dicks!

254
00:10:20,545 --> 00:10:21,988
Oh my God!

255
00:10:22,088 --> 00:10:24,532
I'm going to end up living
in Tampa, Florida.

256
00:10:24,632 --> 00:10:29,037
And you're gonna have dirty ass kids
with juice stains around their mouths.

257
00:10:29,137 --> 00:10:31,039
I think maybe we should go home.
- What?

258
00:10:31,139 --> 00:10:33,124
And let your mom win? Never.

259
00:10:33,224 --> 00:10:37,253
Let's just relax and take ourselves
a nice hot bubble bath.

260
00:10:37,353 --> 00:10:39,756
I can't.
There's a doll hand stuck in the drain.

261
00:10:39,856 --> 00:10:41,374
No!
- Oh, God.

262
00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:45,586
Let's get Chick-fil-A,
and not tell anybody.

263
00:10:45,686 --> 00:10:47,421
Jessi! I'm sorry I freaked out!

264
00:10:47,521 --> 00:10:49,515
I don't know what's wrong with me.
I'm a mess!

265
00:10:49,615 --> 00:10:51,351
[woman] There's nothing
wrong with you, sweetheart.

266
00:10:51,451 --> 00:10:52,593
Huh? Who said that?

267
00:10:52,693 --> 00:10:55,438
I did, daddy.
- Why are you calling me daddy?

268
00:10:55,538 --> 00:10:57,273
'Cause I'm dying to fuck you, silly.

269
00:10:57,373 --> 00:10:58,900
We're all dying to fuck you.

270
00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:02,028
We're motel pillows, sugar.
We're down for anything.

271
00:11:02,128 --> 00:11:03,112
But I'm with Jessi.

272
00:11:03,212 --> 00:11:05,365
But why? She's so difficult.

273
00:11:05,465 --> 00:11:08,951
And she doesn't understand that you're 40
and a celebrated magician...

274
00:11:09,051 --> 00:11:10,787
Who lives on the other end.

275
00:11:10,887 --> 00:11:12,080
Where is he?

276
00:11:12,180 --> 00:11:14,707
And we're also way into group sex.

277
00:11:14,807 --> 00:11:17,543
Oh, I'm really not--
- I can just watch.

278
00:11:17,643 --> 00:11:20,588
Still, I don't think--
- Come on, fuck my wife.

279
00:11:20,688 --> 00:11:22,215
Oh, boy.
- Yeah, fuck me.

280
00:11:22,315 --> 00:11:25,093
I'll just sit in the corner like a sad cuck...

281
00:11:25,193 --> 00:11:26,636
...and play with my little tag.

282
00:11:26,736 --> 00:11:28,546
Look, man...

283
00:11:28,646 --> 00:11:30,214
Maybe.

284
00:11:30,314 --> 00:11:31,265
[Diane] Oh, sweetheart.

285
00:11:31,365 --> 00:11:33,601
You don't need a doctor.
You're just a late bloomer.

286
00:11:33,701 --> 00:11:35,645
Mom, I'm telling you, there's this...

287
00:11:35,745 --> 00:11:38,189
...like, disgusting thing inside of me.

288
00:11:38,289 --> 00:11:40,817
Like an old poop
that won't come out of your tushy?

289
00:11:40,917 --> 00:11:44,612
And I can't tell you about it
because you'll think I'm crazy,

290
00:11:44,712 --> 00:11:46,489
but, Mom, something is not right.

291
00:11:46,589 --> 00:11:48,908
Whatever you do,
don't use the grapefruit spoon...

292
00:11:49,008 --> 00:11:50,535
...to scoop that poop out,

293
00:11:50,635 --> 00:11:53,162
'cause you're cruising
for a tushy bruising, baby.

294
00:11:53,262 --> 00:11:55,448
[bell ringing]...

295
00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:57,458
Hey Andrew.
- Oh, hi, Missy.

296
00:11:57,558 --> 00:12:00,461
Holy smokes! What happened to your
sweet little mustache you used to have?

297
00:12:00,561 --> 00:12:03,423
My parents waxed it off.
- What? That's awful!

298
00:12:03,523 --> 00:12:05,717
I know I'm probably the last person
you wanna hear this from,

299
00:12:05,817 --> 00:12:07,552
but, we need to love ourselves
for who we are.

300
00:12:07,652 --> 00:12:09,679
Uh-huh.
- I'm in an online community,

301
00:12:09,779 --> 00:12:12,682
called 'Girls are Perfect and There's
Not a Thing Wrong with Any One of Them,

302
00:12:12,782 --> 00:12:15,518
and Anyone Who Would Tell You Otherwise
is Actually Just Afraid of Your Power!'

303
00:12:15,618 --> 00:12:17,395
All one name?
- It's great. We're all great.

304
00:12:17,495 --> 00:12:20,189
Hey, is there something like that,
but for pubescent boys?

305
00:12:20,289 --> 00:12:22,734
[chuckles] Yeah, it's called society,

306
00:12:22,834 --> 00:12:25,445
you privileged white cis hetero male.

307
00:12:25,545 --> 00:12:27,822
All right, bye.
- But, I'm not white.

308
00:12:27,922 --> 00:12:30,658
I'm Jewish, which is worse to some people.

309
00:12:30,758 --> 00:12:34,036
It's cold in here. Is anyone else cold?
- Jesus. What happened to you?

310
00:12:34,136 --> 00:12:36,038
I shaved in solidarity, brother.

311
00:12:36,138 --> 00:12:37,707
Like cancer day or Mo-vember.

312
00:12:37,807 --> 00:12:39,876
You grow a mustache for Mo-vember.

313
00:12:39,976 --> 00:12:41,711
I got mine waxed off.

314
00:12:41,811 --> 00:12:43,546
Is there anything called Shave-uary?
- No.

315
00:12:43,646 --> 00:12:45,631
What about Daylight Shavings Time?
- What?

316
00:12:45,731 --> 00:12:47,091
You gotta shave an hour earlier,

317
00:12:47,191 --> 00:12:49,177
but, you get an extra hour
of shaving at night.

318
00:12:49,277 --> 00:12:50,094
[groans]

319
00:12:50,194 --> 00:12:53,389
All right, let's see.  You're in the
fourth percentile for height.

320
00:12:53,489 --> 00:12:56,842
Oh, but, look at this,
the 80th percentile for head size.

321
00:12:56,942 --> 00:12:59,103
Head's too big in the body's too small.

322
00:12:59,203 --> 00:13:01,564
Doctor Engle.
- All right, let's take a look downstairs.

323
00:13:01,664 --> 00:13:02,857
Downstairs?
- Your testicles.

324
00:13:02,957 --> 00:13:04,484
And penis. Pretty please, drop your pants.

325
00:13:04,584 --> 00:13:05,526
Oh! Um...

326
00:13:05,626 --> 00:13:06,944
Oh, fine, I'll turn around.

327
00:13:07,044 --> 00:13:09,864
It's not like I haven't been washing
your penis for years.

328
00:13:09,964 --> 00:13:12,867
Okay. I see a few pubic hairs. Mazel tov.

329
00:13:12,967 --> 00:13:15,328
Nick, tell him about
when you tried to masturbate.

330
00:13:15,428 --> 00:13:17,997
It felt like you were molesting yourself
you tiny little pervert.

331
00:13:18,097 --> 00:13:21,834
Dr. Engle, I read something online
about hormone therapy.

332
00:13:21,934 --> 00:13:23,419
Oh, you read about it online.

333
00:13:23,519 --> 00:13:25,379
Oh, wow. That's great.

334
00:13:25,479 --> 00:13:27,131
Hey, you know what?
Maybe you should be the doctor.

335
00:13:27,231 --> 00:13:28,541
Would you like that?
Here, take my stethoscope.

336
00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:30,802
Why would-- No, I don't want--
- No, please. I insist.

337
00:13:30,902 --> 00:13:32,261
You are the doctor.
- I'm not--

338
00:13:32,361 --> 00:13:34,722
You can Google things
on WebMD or whatever.

339
00:13:34,822 --> 00:13:37,975
No, I'm just trying to understand
what's going on with my body.

340
00:13:38,075 --> 00:13:40,019
How about my diploma?
Did you wanna move in with my wife?

341
00:13:40,119 --> 00:13:41,437
Easy there, Doctor Engle.

342
00:13:41,537 --> 00:13:44,607
Look, maybe if you were 16,
I'd consider medical intervention,

343
00:13:44,707 --> 00:13:46,317
but you'll likely catch up in a few years.

344
00:13:46,417 --> 00:13:47,360
A few years?

345
00:13:47,460 --> 00:13:49,278
What, are you in a big hurry
to sleep with my wife now?

346
00:13:49,378 --> 00:13:50,446
What?
- Is that what you're telling me?

347
00:13:50,546 --> 00:13:52,281
No.
- Go ahead! Enjoy my wife!

348
00:13:52,381 --> 00:13:55,576
I hope you like somebody who spends
literally thousands of dollars on flowers.

349
00:13:55,676 --> 00:13:57,036
I don't know where she gets these flowers.

350
00:13:57,136 --> 00:13:59,664
Can I pull my pants up, please?
- I don't know, Wendy. Can you?

351
00:13:59,764 --> 00:14:02,625
I think his wife's name is Wendy.
- No, that's my first name.

352
00:14:02,725 --> 00:14:04,126
Dr. Wendy Engle.
- What?

353
00:14:04,226 --> 00:14:07,246
You, you're Wendy.
Dr. Wendy Engle?

354
00:14:07,346 --> 00:14:08,414
What am I gonna do?

355
00:14:08,514 --> 00:14:10,166
Hey, Nick!
- Coach Steve?

356
00:14:10,266 --> 00:14:12,510
How about an awkward
reaching fist bump, my dude?

357
00:14:12,610 --> 00:14:15,429
What are you doing here?
- I still go to the pediatrician.

358
00:14:15,529 --> 00:14:19,225
I'm what's known in the medical community
as a man baby.

359
00:14:19,325 --> 00:14:21,769
You're the man baby, Steve.
- Wait.

360
00:14:21,869 --> 00:14:24,814
You're coach Steve hormone monster, too?
But, he's a grown up.

361
00:14:24,914 --> 00:14:27,358
No, bragsies, but you know, I'm special.

362
00:14:27,458 --> 00:14:28,985
You're special, too, Nick.

363
00:14:29,085 --> 00:14:30,820
Very special.
- Oh, God.

364
00:14:30,920 --> 00:14:33,155
You need to relax,
if you know what I mean.

365
00:14:33,255 --> 00:14:35,116
Put a little pepper on that salt, baby.

366
00:14:35,216 --> 00:14:36,659
Oh my God. This is a nightmare.

367
00:14:36,759 --> 00:14:38,911
Yeah, but be careful.
Don't twist too hard,

368
00:14:39,011 --> 00:14:40,705
or salsa will come out.

369
00:14:40,805 --> 00:14:44,258
Spoiler alert: It's extra spicy, so...

370
00:14:49,096 --> 00:14:50,798
Stop it!
- What the hell?

371
00:14:50,898 --> 00:14:52,682
We don't have enough
money for the check.

372
00:14:52,782 --> 00:14:54,343
Why'd you order Hungarian meatballs?

373
00:14:54,443 --> 00:14:55,845
It sounded funny.
- Argh!

374
00:14:55,945 --> 00:14:58,339
Hold on.
I might've some change in my bag.

375
00:14:58,439 --> 00:14:59,765
Hey, daddy.
- What is that?

376
00:14:59,865 --> 00:15:02,143
Nothing.
- Is that a pillow from the motel?

377
00:15:02,243 --> 00:15:04,793
She's just a friend, Jessi. Okay?

378
00:15:04,870 --> 00:15:07,189
Really?
- Suzette was in a really bad situation.

379
00:15:07,289 --> 00:15:09,734
This sleazy couple
was using her good looks...

380
00:15:09,834 --> 00:15:12,904
...to lure in top magicians
to have orgies with them.

381
00:15:13,004 --> 00:15:15,489
You are out of your fucking mind.

382
00:15:15,589 --> 00:15:17,325
I can't believe I ran away with you.

383
00:15:17,425 --> 00:15:19,076
I can't believe I ran away with you.

384
00:15:19,176 --> 00:15:21,120
You're always judging me.
- Excuse me?

385
00:15:21,220 --> 00:15:22,830
Making me feel bad about myself.

386
00:15:22,930 --> 00:15:25,207
You are such a bitch!
- What?

387
00:15:25,307 --> 00:15:26,292
[truck honking, crashes]

388
00:15:26,392 --> 00:15:28,753
Come on, baby.
Let's get the hell out here.

389
00:15:28,853 --> 00:15:31,714
[exhales] Jay, it's time to go home.

390
00:15:31,814 --> 00:15:35,509
Yeah... okay.
My folks are probably freaking out anyway.

391
00:15:35,609 --> 00:15:37,511
Jay! Dinner!

392
00:15:37,611 --> 00:15:39,096
[barking]

393
00:15:39,196 --> 00:15:41,406
Fat.

394
00:15:41,982 --> 00:15:43,926
Fat.

395
00:15:44,026 --> 00:15:44,936
[Nick] I'm doomed.

396
00:15:45,036 --> 00:15:46,979
I'm gonna end up a baby man,
like Coach Steve.

397
00:15:47,079 --> 00:15:48,189
Dude's a half wit.

398
00:15:48,289 --> 00:15:51,359
He said the scale at the pediatrician's
was the best video game he ever played.

399
00:15:51,459 --> 00:15:56,049
That was a good game.
- [grunts] I gotta take a leak.

400
00:15:57,748 --> 00:15:59,958
No!

401
00:16:00,292 --> 00:16:03,003
No!
- My pube!

402
00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:06,874
Ah, he fell out.
- Nick...

403
00:16:06,974 --> 00:16:09,085
Are you okay?
- Don't leave me here.

404
00:16:09,185 --> 00:16:10,086
Not like this. Please?

405
00:16:10,186 --> 00:16:11,712
Oh my God.
- Is he dying?

406
00:16:11,812 --> 00:16:14,256
Blow me into the toilet.
- Craig, don't talk like that.

407
00:16:14,356 --> 00:16:18,719
I don't want someone to come in here
and be like, 'Ew, loose pube.'

408
00:16:18,819 --> 00:16:20,379
[crying]...

409
00:16:20,479 --> 00:16:24,216
I don't want too lose you.
- Do it for me.

410
00:16:24,316 --> 00:16:26,227
[blowing]

411
00:16:26,327 --> 00:16:29,138
Goodbye.
I'm never gonna forget--...

412
00:16:29,238 --> 00:16:31,190
...[toilet flushes]

413
00:16:31,290 --> 00:16:34,360
Nick, you're supposed to be growing
more pubic hair.

414
00:16:34,460 --> 00:16:36,020
Not losing the ones you have!

415
00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:38,447
What the hell is wrong with me?
- You're going backwards.

416
00:16:38,547 --> 00:16:41,409
Your hormone monster is
in complete denial.

417
00:16:41,509 --> 00:16:44,495
I don't know what to do.
- We gotta get rid of him,

418
00:16:44,595 --> 00:16:47,164
and we gotta do it now
before it's too damn late.

419
00:16:47,264 --> 00:16:49,125
[door creaks open]...

420
00:16:49,225 --> 00:16:52,703
...[snoring]

421
00:16:52,803 --> 00:16:54,630
Look at him. He's ratchet.

422
00:16:54,730 --> 00:16:55,623
I know.

423
00:16:55,723 --> 00:16:57,967
Hey, you know what you should do?

424
00:16:58,067 --> 00:17:01,303
Take your pillow
and smother him until he's dead!

425
00:17:01,403 --> 00:17:03,365
What? I can't kill my
own hormone monster.

426
00:17:03,465 --> 00:17:04,181
He's all I have.

427
00:17:04,281 --> 00:17:05,307
[laughing]

428
00:17:05,407 --> 00:17:08,185
We'll get you a new one, buddy.
A better one!

429
00:17:08,285 --> 00:17:10,855
And you'll have a great big bushels
of pubic hair...

430
00:17:10,955 --> 00:17:12,440
...and you'll be coming all day long.

431
00:17:12,540 --> 00:17:15,026
That does sound nice, in theory, but...

432
00:17:15,126 --> 00:17:16,694
No, I can't.
- So, what?

433
00:17:16,794 --> 00:17:18,738
You're just gonna have
a little toddler crotch?

434
00:17:18,838 --> 00:17:20,573
Is that what you want,
you little crotch toddler?

435
00:17:20,673 --> 00:17:22,241
No!
- So then do it.

436
00:17:22,341 --> 00:17:24,869
[grunts]
- [muffled shouting]

437
00:17:24,969 --> 00:17:26,287
What are you doing, Nick?

438
00:17:26,387 --> 00:17:28,289
I'm sorry. I have to.

439
00:17:28,389 --> 00:17:30,950
Please, stop!

440
00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:32,126
He's leaking.

441
00:17:32,226 --> 00:17:34,420
[pubic hair] Shut the fuck up, Nick! Kill him.

442
00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:35,621
Please!

443
00:17:35,721 --> 00:17:37,048
[pubic hair]
Think of everything he's done to you.

444
00:17:37,148 --> 00:17:38,466
I know, but...
- Please don't do this!

445
00:17:38,566 --> 00:17:40,509
Silence him forever!

446
00:17:40,609 --> 00:17:42,053
I can't. I can't do it.

447
00:17:42,153 --> 00:17:43,304
[gasping]

448
00:17:43,404 --> 00:17:45,264
Oh God. What am I gonna do?

449
00:17:45,364 --> 00:17:47,975
Fuck you, man.
Fuck with me, I fuck with you.

450
00:17:48,075 --> 00:17:49,643
Nah, man, I love you, brother.

451
00:17:49,743 --> 00:17:51,437
You're crazy, but I love you.

452
00:17:51,537 --> 00:17:53,064
You know?
I'm not going anywhere.

453
00:17:53,164 --> 00:17:55,599
You know, ride and die, baby.

454
00:17:55,699 --> 00:17:59,019
Marty, I'm feeling guilty
about waxing Andrew's lip.

455
00:17:59,119 --> 00:18:01,614
What? It's crazy. That already happened.

456
00:18:01,714 --> 00:18:03,282
We should've just let him be.

457
00:18:03,382 --> 00:18:06,535
He's too developed for his age.
The kid's a freak!

458
00:18:06,635 --> 00:18:09,663
What kind of a man would say that
about his own son?

459
00:18:09,763 --> 00:18:12,541
Maybe he's just not ready
for his little boy to grow up.

460
00:18:12,641 --> 00:18:14,835
Either that or he's a complete bunghole.

461
00:18:14,935 --> 00:18:15,795
Can we go inside?

462
00:18:15,895 --> 00:18:18,664
I know the people can't see me,
but I feel kind of exposed.

463
00:18:18,764 --> 00:18:20,499
[doorbell ringing]...

464
00:18:20,599 --> 00:18:22,426
Jessi!
- Hey guys.

465
00:18:22,526 --> 00:18:25,387
Thank God. Where were you?
- We were so scared.

466
00:18:25,487 --> 00:18:27,431
I know. I'm really sorry.

467
00:18:27,531 --> 00:18:29,558
We're sorry.
- We need to do better.

468
00:18:29,658 --> 00:18:31,352
We love you so much.
[kisses]...

469
00:18:31,452 --> 00:18:33,771
We promise we're going to work this out.
- Yes.

470
00:18:33,871 --> 00:18:34,980
You guys are gonna get back together?

471
00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:36,732
Well...
- Oh, honey. No.

472
00:18:36,832 --> 00:18:39,110
No, no, no, no.
- One no is fine, Shannon.

473
00:18:39,210 --> 00:18:42,154
I meant, we'll find our way through this.
All of us.

474
00:18:42,254 --> 00:18:45,533
You and me, and your dad--
- Cantor Dina. Don't forget about her.

475
00:18:45,633 --> 00:18:48,828
And your father's pot dealer, Edgar.
- I never took a bath with Edgar.

476
00:18:48,928 --> 00:18:50,663
No, you just buy dime bags from him.

477
00:18:50,763 --> 00:18:53,374
Grams, Shannon.
You sound so old right now.

478
00:18:53,474 --> 00:18:55,626
And Edgar's main business
is window tinting, by the way.

479
00:18:55,726 --> 00:18:57,286
Our point, Jessi...

480
00:18:57,386 --> 00:18:58,704
Jessi?
- Where'd she go?

481
00:18:58,804 --> 00:19:02,299
Oh! Look at her.
I'm so glad she's home.

482
00:19:02,399 --> 00:19:04,885
I know. I thought for sure
we were going to get a finger...

483
00:19:04,985 --> 00:19:06,762
...or a little shoe in the mail or something.

484
00:19:06,862 --> 00:19:08,264
Jesus, Greg!
- What?

485
00:19:08,364 --> 00:19:10,099
I'm saying, like, I'm psyched.

486
00:19:10,199 --> 00:19:12,768
Not psyched, but like, you know, relieved.

487
00:19:12,868 --> 00:19:14,687
No, you know, what?
I'm fucking psyched.

488
00:19:14,787 --> 00:19:16,230
[door slams open] Hey-o!

489
00:19:16,330 --> 00:19:18,190
You can stop your crying. Jay's back.

490
00:19:18,290 --> 00:19:21,110
Well then who's been using the elliptical?

491
00:19:21,210 --> 00:19:23,654
Thin!

492
00:19:23,754 --> 00:19:26,115
I'll never be thin.

493
00:19:26,215 --> 00:19:28,159
[sighs deeply] It's hopeless, Duke.

494
00:19:28,259 --> 00:19:30,569
I'm gonna be a tiny loser forever.
- Enough of that!

495
00:19:30,669 --> 00:19:33,644
You're Nick...

496
00:19:34,381 --> 00:19:36,450
...♪ Birch ♪

497
00:19:36,550 --> 00:19:38,335
I know, but I'm so much shorter than--

498
00:19:38,435 --> 00:19:40,963
Nick, small men do great things.

499
00:19:41,063 --> 00:19:42,923
Napoleon. David Miscavige.

500
00:19:43,023 --> 00:19:45,801
Every one of the California Raisins.

501
00:19:45,901 --> 00:19:47,428
They couldn't rely on their height.

502
00:19:47,528 --> 00:19:50,005
They had to rely on their cunning.
- Huh.

503
00:19:50,105 --> 00:19:52,725
Kevin Hart is the shortest man in America,

504
00:19:52,825 --> 00:19:54,852
and he sells out football stadiums,

505
00:19:54,952 --> 00:19:58,606
where huge men play for two seasons
and get brain damage.

506
00:19:58,706 --> 00:20:00,316
[laughing hysterically]...

507
00:20:00,416 --> 00:20:03,268
Justice.
- Yeah, huge guys get brain damage.

508
00:20:03,368 --> 00:20:04,853
That's what I'm saying, Nick.

509
00:20:04,953 --> 00:20:07,156
You should carry a gun.
- What'd you say?

510
00:20:07,256 --> 00:20:09,033
♪ You never feel bigger ♪...

511
00:20:09,133 --> 00:20:10,743
...♪ Than when you pull the trigger ♪...

512
00:20:10,843 --> 00:20:12,077
...♪ The first man you kill ♪♪...

513
00:20:12,177 --> 00:20:13,787
...♪ -It is quite a thrill... ♪
- What?

514
00:20:13,887 --> 00:20:16,540
♪ But from then on out
it's all downhill ♪...

515
00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:19,760
...♪ Oh, murder, murder everybody ♪...

516
00:20:19,927 --> 00:20:20,836
...[laughs]

517
00:20:20,936 --> 00:20:22,296
Have you ever murdered anyone, dude?

518
00:20:22,396 --> 00:20:24,798
Only Natalie Wood.
- I thought that was Christopher Walken.

519
00:20:24,898 --> 00:20:28,335
[laughs] He helped.

520
00:20:28,435 --> 00:20:29,720
I don't want to play today.

521
00:20:29,820 --> 00:20:32,223
We're just gonna get our asses kicked.
- I know.

522
00:20:32,323 --> 00:20:34,516
Maybe we should just use our cunning?

523
00:20:34,616 --> 00:20:37,978
Cunning? We talking about eating pussy?
Too bad you lost your womb broom.

524
00:20:38,078 --> 00:20:40,731
My womb broom?
- Womb broom! Your mustache.

525
00:20:40,831 --> 00:20:42,441
It's a little term I picked up in the marines.

526
00:20:42,541 --> 00:20:44,485
Semper Fi.
- Is that Captain Crunch?

527
00:20:44,585 --> 00:20:46,070
I'd follow that guy
to the bottom of the ocean.

528
00:20:46,170 --> 00:20:47,696
What?
- The point is, let's get out there...

529
00:20:47,796 --> 00:20:49,406
...and eat the other team's pussy.

530
00:20:49,506 --> 00:20:50,574
Yeah.
- Oorah!

531
00:20:50,674 --> 00:20:52,159
Well, Nick,
I think we should just go out there,

532
00:20:52,259 --> 00:20:53,577
and if worse comes to worse,

533
00:20:53,677 --> 00:20:55,871
we'll perform oral sex
on the other team's vaginas.

534
00:20:55,971 --> 00:20:56,997
What?
- I don't know.

535
00:20:57,097 --> 00:20:57,998
[whistling]

536
00:20:58,098 --> 00:21:01,877
Holy Stromboli, I can't believe
we're only losing by one point.

537
00:21:01,977 --> 00:21:03,003
So here's the plan:

538
00:21:03,103 --> 00:21:07,049
We stay huddled like this as best friends,
and we share our innermost secrets...

539
00:21:07,149 --> 00:21:09,093
...and also sandwiches.
- [buzzing]

540
00:21:09,193 --> 00:21:11,753
My first secret is that I love sandwiches!

541
00:21:11,853 --> 00:21:12,972
[man 1] Fifteen seconds left.

542
00:21:13,072 --> 00:21:16,558
Bridgeton down by one.
Nick Birch, mayor of Who-ville,

543
00:21:16,658 --> 00:21:19,353
dribbles the ball up the court.
- Andrew! Get in the paint!

544
00:21:19,453 --> 00:21:22,189
You got a huge body!
Use it for God's sake.

545
00:21:22,289 --> 00:21:24,275
Dad, be quiet! You're not the coach.

546
00:21:24,375 --> 00:21:27,361
Well, your coach is dry-heaving
on the sideline.

547
00:21:27,461 --> 00:21:29,989
[chuckles]
I didn't know cottage cheese was dairy.

548
00:21:30,089 --> 00:21:31,615
Be a big man, Andrew!

549
00:21:31,715 --> 00:21:34,159
Marty, stop shouting!
You're embarrassing him.

550
00:21:34,259 --> 00:21:36,445
Be an animal!

551
00:21:36,545 --> 00:21:38,289
I'm not an animal.

552
00:21:38,389 --> 00:21:41,667
I am a flesh and blood child 
with feelings, sir.

553
00:21:41,767 --> 00:21:42,751
With feelings!

554
00:21:42,851 --> 00:21:44,545
Andrew, get your head back in the game.

555
00:21:44,645 --> 00:21:47,339
There's ten seconds left in the game.
I couldn't care less about--...

556
00:21:47,439 --> 00:21:51,343
I'm so sorry I waxed your lip, Andrew!
- And suddenly I'm interested.

557
00:21:51,443 --> 00:21:53,262
Why is she saying this
in front of everyone?

558
00:21:53,362 --> 00:21:56,432
Your father made me do it.
- He had a mustache.

559
00:21:56,532 --> 00:21:58,225
It was repulsive. I couldn't eat.

560
00:21:58,325 --> 00:21:59,268
The clock is running!

561
00:21:59,368 --> 00:22:02,638
Rage! Fucking rage!

562
00:22:02,738 --> 00:22:04,773
Climb into the stands and beat his ass.

563
00:22:04,873 --> 00:22:07,860
I'm gonna kill-- Let me through, please.
Sorry. Let me fucking through!

564
00:22:07,960 --> 00:22:10,446
Phallus in the palace.
Ron Artest for life!

565
00:22:10,546 --> 00:22:11,864
[Duke] Use your cunning!

566
00:22:11,964 --> 00:22:13,866
Huge guys get brain damage.

567
00:22:13,966 --> 00:22:15,993
Kevin Hart is the shortest man in America!

568
00:22:16,093 --> 00:22:17,619
I murdered Natalie Wood!

569
00:22:17,719 --> 00:22:19,163
Go, Nick!

570
00:22:19,263 --> 00:22:21,790
I'm gonna kill you, Dad!

571
00:22:21,890 --> 00:22:23,417
Make him eat his tits.

572
00:22:23,517 --> 00:22:26,152
Are milkshakes dairy?

573
00:22:28,764 --> 00:22:31,484
[buzzing]...

574
00:22:36,855 --> 00:22:39,132
...[cheering]

575
00:22:39,232 --> 00:22:40,851
Nick! Hey, Nick.

576
00:22:40,951 --> 00:22:42,686
Are you okay?
- That was amazing!

577
00:22:42,786 --> 00:22:45,272
Argh! Jessi! You're back.
- Hey.

578
00:22:45,372 --> 00:22:47,566
I'm sorry I told you
to make your dad eat his tits.

579
00:22:47,666 --> 00:22:50,069
Don't apologize.
None of this is your fault.

580
00:22:50,169 --> 00:22:52,905
My dad's the one
that made me feel like a freak.

581
00:22:53,005 --> 00:22:54,782
Andrew, can I talk to you for a sec?

582
00:22:54,882 --> 00:22:58,452
Yeah, Dad?
- Listen... son, I've been thinking.

583
00:22:58,552 --> 00:23:02,206
Maybe you should stop playing basketball.
You're bad at it!

584
00:23:02,306 --> 00:23:05,751
You're uncoordinated!
You're embarrassing the family.

585
00:23:05,851 --> 00:23:07,711
[groans]
- Hey, decent shot, Nick-y.

586
00:23:07,811 --> 00:23:10,923
Yeah, you really pulled a rabbit
out of a hat on that one.

587
00:23:11,023 --> 00:23:12,466
Oh, it's Jay.
- Jay's back.

588
00:23:12,566 --> 00:23:14,635
Jay didn't die.
- You noticed I was gone? Yes!

589
00:23:14,735 --> 00:23:16,595
Hey, the Fab Five!
- Fab Five?

590
00:23:16,695 --> 00:23:19,515
Back together again for the first time only.

591
00:23:19,615 --> 00:23:22,684
Let's get a picture.
- Okay. Everybody say...

592
00:23:22,784 --> 00:23:24,269
Please don't say it, Matthew.
- Cheese.

593
00:23:24,369 --> 00:23:26,355
[shutter clicks]
- [retching]

594
00:23:26,455 --> 00:23:30,875
['It's So Hard To Say Goodbye
To Yesterday' playing]