1 00:00:08,299 --> 00:00:10,293 [birds chirping] - [crow caws]... 2 00:00:10,393 --> 00:00:12,045 ...[Nick] Gena did the funniest thing last night. 3 00:00:12,145 --> 00:00:13,839 I asked her what she was doing this summer... 4 00:00:13,939 --> 00:00:15,799 ...and she sent me an ISIS recruitment video. 5 00:00:15,899 --> 00:00:17,217 Ha-ha. That's funny. - Right? 6 00:00:17,317 --> 00:00:19,428 Man, they're gonna be the end of civilization. 7 00:00:19,528 --> 00:00:21,346 Nick! Over here! Alley-oop! - [Nick grunts]... 8 00:00:21,446 --> 00:00:22,639 ...[Jay groans] 9 00:00:22,739 --> 00:00:25,434 I should've filmed that. Gena loves basketball fails. 10 00:00:25,534 --> 00:00:28,854 Hey, um, isn't she kind of with DeVon now? 11 00:00:28,954 --> 00:00:33,608 Oh, yeah. I heard they cheesed each other in the library until it was hot fondue. 12 00:00:33,708 --> 00:00:35,736 I don't think that's true. - But they are dating. 13 00:00:35,836 --> 00:00:38,071 That's fine. We're friends for now. 14 00:00:38,171 --> 00:00:40,198 Nick is right. Even if a guy likes me, 15 00:00:40,298 --> 00:00:41,616 we can still be friends. - Totally. 16 00:00:41,716 --> 00:00:43,618 I'm friends with a lot of guys that like me. 17 00:00:43,718 --> 00:00:46,071 Oh, yeah. 18 00:00:46,171 --> 00:00:48,490 [Maury grunts] 19 00:00:48,590 --> 00:00:51,460 Did you notice that some of the butt is on the outside of the bathing suit? 20 00:00:51,560 --> 00:00:53,754 I did. You have a keen eye for detail. 21 00:00:53,854 --> 00:00:56,298 How the light glints off of her mound. - Okay. God. 22 00:00:56,398 --> 00:01:00,761 Nick, you're such a sucker. Gena is using you for your friendship. 23 00:01:00,861 --> 00:01:03,847 She's putting you in the friend zone. - The friend zone is not a real thing, Jay. 24 00:01:03,947 --> 00:01:05,348 You mean like the J-spot? 25 00:01:05,448 --> 00:01:07,976 I think you mean the G-spot, and maybe that's real? 26 00:01:08,076 --> 00:01:09,895 I don't know. - No, I mean the J-spot. 27 00:01:09,995 --> 00:01:12,272 All I know is, I actually like getting to know Gena. 28 00:01:12,372 --> 00:01:13,190 What? - For real. 29 00:01:13,290 --> 00:01:14,441 I'm so proud of you, Nicholas! 30 00:01:14,541 --> 00:01:17,152 And the G-spot is very real. Ask your mother. 31 00:01:17,252 --> 00:01:18,653 She's hit mine several times. - [chuckling]... 32 00:01:18,753 --> 00:01:20,489 Gross. - Who wants a quinoa burger? 33 00:01:20,589 --> 00:01:22,365 Well, if lunch is almost ready, 34 00:01:22,465 --> 00:01:24,910 I am going to pop over to the little boy's room. 35 00:01:25,010 --> 00:01:27,287 I'm sorry I said that. - Just pee in the pool, dude. 36 00:01:27,387 --> 00:01:28,413 No, Jay. That's gross. 37 00:01:28,513 --> 00:01:30,874 I've literally been peeing through this entire conversation. 38 00:01:30,974 --> 00:01:33,460 Jay! - I think I'm sick. It just won't stop. 39 00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:35,420 Jesus. - I have been drinking a lot of pool water. 40 00:01:35,520 --> 00:01:36,630 [urinating] 41 00:01:36,730 --> 00:01:39,132 They never keep the good drugs in the pool house. 42 00:01:39,232 --> 00:01:43,595 [gasps] Hark! I am the beast, and Leah's bathing suit, 'tis the sun. 43 00:01:43,695 --> 00:01:45,347 [gasps] - Half of her ass was in there. 44 00:01:45,447 --> 00:01:46,473 You should take a whiff. 45 00:01:46,573 --> 00:01:49,142 No! I'm not gonna do that. Nick's whole family is out there. 46 00:01:49,242 --> 00:01:51,186 Come on. Did you see the wedgie she had? 47 00:01:51,286 --> 00:01:53,939 That chip was dragged through the salsa. - Oh! 48 00:01:54,039 --> 00:01:56,066 Wow, it sure was though, wasn't it? 49 00:01:56,166 --> 00:01:58,485 Come on, it's just us. Nobody's gonna know. 50 00:01:58,585 --> 00:02:00,403 Eat up, fat boy. - Yeah, I could have a snack. 51 00:02:00,503 --> 00:02:02,155 Here we go. Take a whiff. - [sniffs] 52 00:02:02,255 --> 00:02:03,490 Well? What say you? 53 00:02:03,590 --> 00:02:05,158 It mostly just smells like chlorine, 54 00:02:05,258 --> 00:02:07,994 but I know that her wet naked body was against it. 55 00:02:08,094 --> 00:02:09,454 Good boy. Make it personal. 56 00:02:09,554 --> 00:02:12,124 Leah thinks it's responsible that you wear a UV shirt. 57 00:02:12,224 --> 00:02:14,126 Yes, she does, 'cause taking care of your skin... 58 00:02:14,226 --> 00:02:15,585 ...means you take care of yourself. 59 00:02:15,685 --> 00:02:18,380 And Leah notices that. - And her skin is so beautiful. 60 00:02:18,480 --> 00:02:20,632 Yeah, the mom's skin is not bad either. 61 00:02:20,732 --> 00:02:22,050 No, not the mom. Leah! - [door opens]... 62 00:02:22,150 --> 00:02:24,219 I want Leah! Hi! - [Leah gasps]... 63 00:02:24,319 --> 00:02:27,464 ...[all screams]... 64 00:03:00,805 --> 00:03:04,460 ...[all screaming]... 65 00:03:04,475 --> 00:03:06,052 ...[giggles] Oh, my God. 66 00:03:06,152 --> 00:03:07,470 I'm sorry! - Oh, my God! 67 00:03:07,570 --> 00:03:09,431 [both shout] - Shut the door already! 68 00:03:09,531 --> 00:03:11,308 [chuckles] Okay. Oh, my God! 69 00:03:11,408 --> 00:03:13,727 Holy fucking shit! What do I do? - Finish. 70 00:03:13,827 --> 00:03:16,930 Absolutely not. This is a nightmare. - A nightmare is not finishing. 71 00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:18,607 It's unhealthy. - We've gotta get out of here. 72 00:03:18,707 --> 00:03:21,484 I don't see a sign anywhere that says, 'Don't jerk off to our daughter.' 73 00:03:21,584 --> 00:03:22,569 It's implied! 74 00:03:22,669 --> 00:03:24,613 Well, they gotta make this stuff clear, friend. 75 00:03:24,713 --> 00:03:26,448 Oh, my God. 76 00:03:26,548 --> 00:03:29,993 Dr. Birch, can I eat my quinoa burger in the pool? I'm still peeing. 77 00:03:30,093 --> 00:03:31,953 Jay, honey, I'm honestly a little concerned. 78 00:03:32,053 --> 00:03:35,081 It's nothing to worry about. I pee once a week for half an hour. 79 00:03:35,181 --> 00:03:37,125 You have no upper body strength. - [Andrew grunts]... 80 00:03:37,225 --> 00:03:39,002 Oh, my dick! - [thud]... 81 00:03:39,102 --> 00:03:41,329 ...[laughs] I fucking love this kid. 82 00:03:41,429 --> 00:03:42,797 [Andrew] Okay, calm down, Andrew. 83 00:03:42,897 --> 00:03:44,966 Maybe she thought I was just peeing against the wall. 84 00:03:45,066 --> 00:03:47,093 Or scratching my penis with a very sturdy grip. 85 00:03:47,193 --> 00:03:50,138 It's going to be fine. - [male voice] No, it's not. 86 00:03:50,238 --> 00:03:52,807 What? - She saw everything. 87 00:03:52,907 --> 00:03:55,936 Who said that? - She's going to tell everyone. 88 00:03:56,036 --> 00:03:56,978 Oh, God. 89 00:03:57,078 --> 00:04:00,723 Nice tits, fat boy. - [screaming] 90 00:04:00,823 --> 00:04:02,108 Can you pass the parmigiano please? 91 00:04:02,208 --> 00:04:04,402 Parmigiano? Really, Shannon? 92 00:04:04,502 --> 00:04:07,030 Mom, just say Parmesan. - You're not Carmela Soprano. 93 00:04:07,130 --> 00:04:08,323 What? - [door opens] 94 00:04:08,423 --> 00:04:11,284 Hey, girls. How's it... going? 95 00:04:11,384 --> 00:04:14,537 How's it going? Let me see. This bitch had an affair, 96 00:04:14,637 --> 00:04:16,706 and then put you in the basement. - [keypad beeps]... 97 00:04:16,806 --> 00:04:18,416 It's going bad! - [microwave beeping]... 98 00:04:18,516 --> 00:04:19,960 ...[loud explosion] - It's going fine. 99 00:04:20,060 --> 00:04:21,536 Cool. 100 00:04:21,636 --> 00:04:24,464 Well, I'm gonna go back down to my Blues Traveler special... 101 00:04:24,564 --> 00:04:27,092 ...on the TV guide channel. - Let's go with saddy Daddy! 102 00:04:27,192 --> 00:04:29,302 I'll come watch with you. - Right on. 103 00:04:29,402 --> 00:04:31,137 So here's what you need to know about John Popper. 104 00:04:31,237 --> 00:04:33,890 He wears a fishing vest, but he doesn't fish. 105 00:04:33,990 --> 00:04:36,115 [sighs] - [door opens]... 106 00:04:36,234 --> 00:04:38,395 Hey! - [Greg] He invented the harmonica vest. 107 00:04:38,495 --> 00:04:39,437 [door shuts] - Oh. 108 00:04:39,537 --> 00:04:40,855 Okay, this is a tough one. - [Gena] Okay. 109 00:04:40,955 --> 00:04:41,940 Candy corn or peach? 110 00:04:42,040 --> 00:04:42,941 Candy corn. - Really? 111 00:04:43,041 --> 00:04:44,734 Yeah, they look like rotten Dracula teeth. 112 00:04:44,834 --> 00:04:46,278 Okay. - Okay. Florida... 113 00:04:46,378 --> 00:04:48,154 Okay. - ...or a steaming pile of shit. 114 00:04:48,254 --> 00:04:49,531 Who took the shit? - Someone from Florida. 115 00:04:49,631 --> 00:04:53,368 Oh no! It's gonna be full of those big onion rings and bath salts. 116 00:04:53,468 --> 00:04:54,286 Yummy. 117 00:04:54,386 --> 00:04:55,704 Yummy. - [laughing] 118 00:04:55,804 --> 00:04:58,206 Oh! This game is so fun. I have to play it with DeVon. 119 00:04:58,306 --> 00:05:01,876 Yeah. Well, it's just a game. - Shit, we've been talking for two hours. 120 00:05:01,976 --> 00:05:03,670 And I left my grandmother in that freezing cold bath. 121 00:05:03,770 --> 00:05:05,547 What? [chuckles] - I'm joking. Come on! 122 00:05:05,647 --> 00:05:07,465 I don't know what your culture does. - [Gena laughing]... 123 00:05:07,565 --> 00:05:09,009 ...[gasps] - [chuckling]... 124 00:05:09,109 --> 00:05:11,386 Racism! - It's not racism. 125 00:05:11,486 --> 00:05:14,681 No, I just wrap her up in tortillas and put her to bed. 126 00:05:14,781 --> 00:05:16,224 Okay, good. - I do have to go though, 127 00:05:16,324 --> 00:05:17,976 and we didn't do any of our workbook. 128 00:05:18,076 --> 00:05:20,645 Do you want to come over tomorrow and finish it? 129 00:05:20,745 --> 00:05:22,230 To your place? - Yeah. 130 00:05:22,330 --> 00:05:24,065 Uh, sure, that sounds great. - Cool. 131 00:05:24,165 --> 00:05:24,983 Great. - Yeah. 132 00:05:25,083 --> 00:05:25,236 Cool. 133 00:05:25,336 --> 00:05:27,068 Honestly, I do have to get my grandmother... 134 00:05:27,168 --> 00:05:28,653 ...out of the bath. - I can't tell if you're joking... 135 00:05:28,753 --> 00:05:30,405 ...or you're actually abusing your grandma. 136 00:05:30,505 --> 00:05:32,574 I could be. You'll find out tomorrow. Deuces! 137 00:05:32,674 --> 00:05:34,826 I'm calling Elderly Protective Services. - Bye! 138 00:05:34,926 --> 00:05:35,994 Bye! - [line disconnects] 139 00:05:36,094 --> 00:05:37,746 I love you. 140 00:05:37,846 --> 00:05:39,998 I just feel like she keeps giving me mixed signals. 141 00:05:40,098 --> 00:05:43,460 I know! Is that grandma in the bathtub or not? 142 00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:46,421 ♪ Me gusta abuela fria ♪ 143 00:05:46,521 --> 00:05:48,256 I just wanna know if I have a chance. 144 00:05:48,356 --> 00:05:49,924 Well, then I'll show you... 145 00:05:50,024 --> 00:05:54,054 ...with the help of my lovely assistant! - [grunts] 146 00:05:54,154 --> 00:05:59,509 Oh, Nick! I can't believe this is your hormone monster. 147 00:05:59,609 --> 00:06:02,437 'Chance-o-meter?' - It's the best way to tell... 148 00:06:02,537 --> 00:06:08,351 ...♪ If you have a chance To get in her pants ♪ 149 00:06:08,451 --> 00:06:12,280 Okay, well, we were on the phone for two hours. So... 150 00:06:12,380 --> 00:06:13,198 BOYFRIEND... 151 00:06:13,298 --> 00:06:16,701 ...[dings] - All right. Make your move then! 152 00:06:16,801 --> 00:06:18,620 But then she mentioned her boyfriend. 153 00:06:18,720 --> 00:06:19,579 FRIEND... 154 00:06:19,679 --> 00:06:20,705 ...[exclaiming] 155 00:06:20,805 --> 00:06:21,873 Can't win. Go again. 156 00:06:21,973 --> 00:06:24,793 But then she invited me over to her place to study. 157 00:06:24,893 --> 00:06:25,960 BOYFRIEND 158 00:06:26,060 --> 00:06:30,340 Hey! Either she's into you or your house is haunted! 159 00:06:30,440 --> 00:06:32,217 We ain't afraid of no ghost. - Okay, Rick. 160 00:06:32,317 --> 00:06:36,337 The movie Ghost. - [crowd cheering] 161 00:06:36,437 --> 00:06:39,140 Oh my God, what if Leah tells her parents? 162 00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:42,977 What if she tells Nick? He's going to think I'm so gross. 163 00:06:43,077 --> 00:06:44,178 Huh... 164 00:06:44,278 --> 00:06:45,814 Yes, Leah! - [door opens]... 165 00:06:45,914 --> 00:06:48,608 ...[giggles] Oh, my God! - [clicks]... 166 00:06:48,708 --> 00:06:51,444 ...[clicks] - [high-pitched voice] Oh, my God! 167 00:06:51,544 --> 00:06:53,938 [evil laughter]... 168 00:06:54,038 --> 00:06:56,950 ...[screaming] What the hell was that guy? 169 00:06:57,050 --> 00:06:58,952 [Maury] He's here. - Who's here? Someone's here? 170 00:06:59,052 --> 00:07:01,079 I'm so sorry. I thought you were immune. 171 00:07:01,179 --> 00:07:03,123 You had survived so many humiliations... 172 00:07:03,223 --> 00:07:04,541 ...without him showing up. - Who? 173 00:07:04,641 --> 00:07:06,960 Andrew, whatever you do, don't--... 174 00:07:07,060 --> 00:07:08,044 ...[mumbling] 175 00:07:08,144 --> 00:07:10,713 Maury? Maury! 176 00:07:10,813 --> 00:07:13,049 [Marty] Who's Maury? Maury Povich? 177 00:07:13,149 --> 00:07:16,428 What kind of a bozo thinks about daytime TV at night? 178 00:07:16,528 --> 00:07:17,512 [groans] 179 00:07:17,612 --> 00:07:21,716 PSAT THIS PSATURDAY 180 00:07:21,816 --> 00:07:23,685 Hey, what happened yesterday? You just vanished. 181 00:07:23,785 --> 00:07:27,021 [Maury] He knows. Leah told him. 182 00:07:27,121 --> 00:07:31,693 Nothing! I agreed to reupholster my cousin's chair. 183 00:07:31,793 --> 00:07:33,945 Fuck. For his wife's birthday... - What? 184 00:07:34,045 --> 00:07:34,946 ...present. - Are you okay? 185 00:07:35,046 --> 00:07:37,949 [chuckling] I'm fine. It's this bitch wife of my cousin's... 186 00:07:38,049 --> 00:07:41,286 ...who wants me to go buy her now a dehumidifier. 187 00:07:41,386 --> 00:07:43,455 Jeez, she likes a dry room, I guess. 188 00:07:43,555 --> 00:07:45,331 I'm outta here. - Huh. 189 00:07:45,431 --> 00:07:46,833 So what are we doing now? 190 00:07:46,933 --> 00:07:48,501 I really don't want to go home. 191 00:07:48,601 --> 00:07:52,255 I don't know about you, but my mom is definitely picking me up today. 192 00:07:52,355 --> 00:07:54,248 I left her a note. 193 00:07:54,348 --> 00:07:56,125 'Pick up Jay. 194 00:07:56,225 --> 00:07:58,836 Jay is your son. 195 00:07:58,936 --> 00:08:00,555 This one's Jay.' 196 00:08:00,655 --> 00:08:02,557 Oh! 197 00:08:02,657 --> 00:08:05,760 Good thing this is a driving wine. 198 00:08:05,860 --> 00:08:07,353 Yeah, don't worry about it. 199 00:08:07,453 --> 00:08:08,605 Oh, okay. - Fuck you. 200 00:08:08,705 --> 00:08:10,857 Nick, what about you? - What am I doing... [gasps] 201 00:08:10,957 --> 00:08:13,568 Oh, right. Yeah, I've got a study date with Gena. 202 00:08:13,668 --> 00:08:15,695 Oh, right. So you can study her big boobs? 203 00:08:15,795 --> 00:08:17,572 Okay, she's a three-dimensional person, Jesse. 204 00:08:17,672 --> 00:08:19,157 She certainly is. - Ha, ha, ha! 205 00:08:19,257 --> 00:08:20,992 Look, we're friends. - Mm-hmm. 206 00:08:21,092 --> 00:08:23,453 Well, then why are you dressed like the interior of a Maserati? 207 00:08:23,553 --> 00:08:25,538 I'll have you know, this jacket is very expensive. 208 00:08:25,638 --> 00:08:27,540 I bought it in the lobby of Caesar's Palace. 209 00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:29,626 Oh, yeah. It's baller! - Oh, no. 210 00:08:29,726 --> 00:08:31,836 That's like some Steven Seagal shit. - Oh no! 211 00:08:31,936 --> 00:08:34,088 Hey, Nick. - The buttons are too strong. 212 00:08:34,188 --> 00:08:36,174 I think you're stuck. Bye! 213 00:08:36,274 --> 00:08:39,177 Wow! Nick! Look at that jacket. - You like it? 214 00:08:39,277 --> 00:08:40,136 One question. - Yeah? 215 00:08:40,236 --> 00:08:42,555 Do you consider yourself more fast or more furious? 216 00:08:42,655 --> 00:08:45,466 Ha! That's funny. A zinger from Gina. - [laughing]... 217 00:08:45,566 --> 00:08:46,851 ...[buzzing] - Come on, man. 218 00:08:46,951 --> 00:08:49,229 I think we look great, baby. [grunts] 219 00:08:49,329 --> 00:08:51,431 Heavy jacket. 220 00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:55,443 Hey, Jay, let me guess. You've glued your elbows to your knees? 221 00:08:55,543 --> 00:08:57,028 No, I'm waiting for my mom. 222 00:08:57,128 --> 00:09:00,448 While you're waiting, you wanna help me put away the band-minton equint-ment? 223 00:09:00,548 --> 00:09:02,951 Oh, I think it's badminton. 224 00:09:03,051 --> 00:09:05,078 No, this is a bad mitten. 225 00:09:05,178 --> 00:09:07,997 Let's go put our hands all over a newborn baby... 226 00:09:08,097 --> 00:09:10,416 ...when we got a horrible cold. - Whoa. 227 00:09:10,516 --> 00:09:13,920 I know! This guy, he's such a bad mitten, right? 228 00:09:14,020 --> 00:09:17,623 Why don't you shut your fucking mustache, you piece of shit. 229 00:09:17,723 --> 00:09:21,219 Hey, Mom? Have you ever done something that you, you know, regretted? 230 00:09:21,319 --> 00:09:23,763 What'd you do, you little pervert? - Don't tell me, Andrew. 231 00:09:23,863 --> 00:09:25,473 Whatever you did, don't ever tell me. 232 00:09:25,573 --> 00:09:28,268 No, I'm just asking if you've ever felt ashamed? 233 00:09:28,368 --> 00:09:31,271 I'm ashamed of everything, it's my great shame. 234 00:09:31,371 --> 00:09:33,356 Don't ask your mother about shame. 235 00:09:33,456 --> 00:09:35,108 That's why I pay synagogue dues. 236 00:09:35,208 --> 00:09:38,361 So you can talk to Rabbi Poblart if you have a problem. 237 00:09:38,461 --> 00:09:41,030 But you don't pay synagogue dues. - You're damn right! I don't! 238 00:09:41,130 --> 00:09:42,365 And I'm not gonna pay a dime. 239 00:09:42,465 --> 00:09:45,243 Not until Poblart gives up one of his three parking spots. 240 00:09:45,343 --> 00:09:49,914 We wandered the desert for 40 years, so that this man can park at a diagonal? 241 00:09:50,014 --> 00:09:50,999 [whirring] - [beeping]... 242 00:09:51,099 --> 00:09:53,084 ...[man 1] That hooker's dead, bro. - Estoy aqui. 243 00:09:53,184 --> 00:09:54,252 Grab the coins, man. 244 00:09:54,352 --> 00:09:56,421 [speaking Spanish] 245 00:09:56,521 --> 00:09:58,256 Mike, Carlos, Abuela, 246 00:09:58,356 --> 00:09:59,841 this is Nick. - Hey. 247 00:09:59,941 --> 00:10:01,759 Nick, these are my brothers and my grandma. 248 00:10:01,859 --> 00:10:04,178 Now which one is which? I'm kidding, of course. 249 00:10:04,278 --> 00:10:05,972 You must be Mike. - Que? 250 00:10:06,072 --> 00:10:07,307 I've heard so much about you. 251 00:10:07,407 --> 00:10:09,851 Vamos a estudiar in el cuarto, Abuela. 252 00:10:09,951 --> 00:10:12,186 Okay, tenio seguro. 253 00:10:12,286 --> 00:10:13,313 What'd she say? 254 00:10:13,413 --> 00:10:16,232 I'm not supposed to have boys in my room, but she says it's okay... 255 00:10:16,332 --> 00:10:18,109 ...because you are a safe boy. 256 00:10:18,209 --> 00:10:21,446 Aah! - Ay, Dios mio! The Taco Bell dog. 257 00:10:21,546 --> 00:10:23,364 [door opens] - Sorry, my room's a mess. 258 00:10:23,464 --> 00:10:24,824 Sleepover. - What? 259 00:10:24,924 --> 00:10:26,743 That's just my little sister Tanya. - Sleepover. 260 00:10:26,843 --> 00:10:27,785 [grunts]... 261 00:10:27,885 --> 00:10:29,412 Sleepover! - Tanya, what did we talk--... 262 00:10:29,512 --> 00:10:30,788 She's very strong. - I'm sorry. 263 00:10:30,888 --> 00:10:32,540 Tanya's watching a ton of cholita wrestling... 264 00:10:32,640 --> 00:10:34,917 ...where these Bolivian women fight in their church clothes. 265 00:10:35,017 --> 00:10:36,878 Tanya, let him go! - She's adorable. 266 00:10:36,978 --> 00:10:38,621 Sleepover. 267 00:10:38,721 --> 00:10:41,507 Your friends suck. Your family sucks. 268 00:10:41,607 --> 00:10:43,384 This pharmacy sucks! 269 00:10:43,484 --> 00:10:46,638 I know. My life sucks. - You know what doesn't suck? 270 00:10:46,738 --> 00:10:48,723 That lip gloss. - I don't have enough money. 271 00:10:48,823 --> 00:10:50,933 Who said anything about money, honey? 272 00:10:51,033 --> 00:10:52,727 You got five fingers, don't you? 273 00:10:52,827 --> 00:10:56,055 Actually, I have four, but that's standard animation stuff. 274 00:10:56,155 --> 00:10:59,942 Steal that lip gloss. Flavor: Bubblegum. 275 00:11:00,042 --> 00:11:01,611 You mean like shoplifting? 276 00:11:01,711 --> 00:11:04,072 No! I mean like pharmacy stealing. 277 00:11:04,172 --> 00:11:05,323 Fuck it! - I don't know. 278 00:11:05,423 --> 00:11:08,242 Fuck all these fucking fucks! - What if I get caught? 279 00:11:08,342 --> 00:11:10,495 That's what makes it so exciting. 280 00:11:10,595 --> 00:11:14,874 Like screwing a stranger at a minor league baseball game. 281 00:11:14,974 --> 00:11:16,459 What? Ew. - Baby steps. 282 00:11:16,559 --> 00:11:18,953 First, steal that lip gloss! 283 00:11:19,053 --> 00:11:22,248 [sighs] Okay. Here we go. 284 00:11:22,348 --> 00:11:25,426 Smooth. Now walk to the door, be cool. 285 00:11:25,526 --> 00:11:27,595 [Jesse humming] - [Hormone] Yeah, smile. Not that big. 286 00:11:27,695 --> 00:11:29,681 Head down. Don't look her in the eye. 287 00:11:29,781 --> 00:11:31,516 Don't look away. All right, now get out! 288 00:11:31,616 --> 00:11:33,801 Get the fuck out! Go! Move! 289 00:11:33,901 --> 00:11:36,137 [panting] 290 00:11:36,237 --> 00:11:37,397 I'm out! 291 00:11:37,497 --> 00:11:38,981 Well, how do you feel? 292 00:11:39,081 --> 00:11:41,317 I feel... I feel amazing. 293 00:11:41,417 --> 00:11:44,237 Is this how men feel? - All the time! 294 00:11:44,337 --> 00:11:46,864 Even the ugly ones. - Mm. [clicks tongue] 295 00:11:46,964 --> 00:11:47,949 Bubblegum. 296 00:11:48,049 --> 00:11:50,660 Bubblegum! 297 00:11:50,760 --> 00:11:53,579 So what's the difference between a mutation and an adaptation? 298 00:11:53,679 --> 00:11:54,622 It's funny you ask, 299 00:11:54,722 --> 00:11:57,500 because I don't know and I don't care. - Okay, we literally just sat down. 300 00:11:57,600 --> 00:12:00,211 I know, but all this stuff is on Planet Earth on Netflix. 301 00:12:00,311 --> 00:12:02,422 It's gonna be so much more fun to watch it. 302 00:12:02,522 --> 00:12:05,258 It's like science class without all that pesky reading. 303 00:12:05,358 --> 00:12:08,136 Because technically, I am, you know, illiterate. 304 00:12:08,236 --> 00:12:09,262 [giggles] Coach Steve. 305 00:12:09,362 --> 00:12:11,264 Yeah, we don't have Netflix. 306 00:12:11,364 --> 00:12:13,266 You don't have Netflix? That's impossible. 307 00:12:13,366 --> 00:12:15,685 I mean, from Roku to Apple TV to your home computer, 308 00:12:15,785 --> 00:12:18,271 Gena, streaming on Netflix has never been easier. 309 00:12:18,371 --> 00:12:20,314 This Netflix. It sounds expensive. - Ha-ha. 310 00:12:20,414 --> 00:12:22,191 You'd think so, but it's not, Gena. 311 00:12:22,291 --> 00:12:24,861 And best of all, you get five unique user profiles, 312 00:12:24,961 --> 00:12:27,029 or I could just give you my password for-- 313 00:12:27,129 --> 00:12:28,948 SCENE REDACTED... 314 00:12:29,048 --> 00:12:31,284 ...[narrator on TV] The female bird fails to see... 315 00:12:31,384 --> 00:12:33,745 ...this beta male as a potential mate. 316 00:12:33,845 --> 00:12:34,954 Ah! 317 00:12:35,054 --> 00:12:38,949 But the beta has an evolutionary trick up its sleeve. 318 00:12:39,049 --> 00:12:40,209 [beta male screeching] 319 00:12:40,309 --> 00:12:42,336 Nick, you're like that bird, bro. 320 00:12:42,436 --> 00:12:45,506 Yeah, trying to get with our sister. That fucking jacket. 321 00:12:45,606 --> 00:12:47,383 Callete la boca! - If I'm that bird, 322 00:12:47,483 --> 00:12:48,843 you guys are those two possums... 323 00:12:48,943 --> 00:12:50,878 ...eating bugs out of each other's butts. - [all chuckling]... 324 00:12:50,978 --> 00:12:54,632 Gena, I like this little dude. - Yeah, me too. 325 00:12:54,732 --> 00:12:56,258 Your jacket's working. 326 00:12:56,358 --> 00:12:59,687 [narrator on TV] And so the two birds begin to fuck. 327 00:12:59,787 --> 00:13:01,806 [female bird screeching] 328 00:13:01,906 --> 00:13:04,183 Sleepover. 329 00:13:04,283 --> 00:13:07,153 [Andrew] Rabbi Poblart, what does Torah say about sin? 330 00:13:07,253 --> 00:13:08,529 My dear Andrew, 331 00:13:08,629 --> 00:13:12,074 what's a sin is the parking situation at the synagogue. 332 00:13:12,174 --> 00:13:14,535 I'm sorry. I don't-- - My adult son, Leo, 333 00:13:14,635 --> 00:13:17,121 should park on the street like a common criminal? 334 00:13:17,221 --> 00:13:19,040 I was talking about masturbation. 335 00:13:19,140 --> 00:13:21,542 People are masturbating in the parking spaces now? 336 00:13:21,642 --> 00:13:23,642 No. - Is it Leo? 337 00:13:23,686 --> 00:13:24,879 What? - He's very nervous... 338 00:13:24,979 --> 00:13:26,547 ...about going on Fish Tank, 339 00:13:26,647 --> 00:13:29,091 which is the Jewish version of Shark Tank. 340 00:13:29,191 --> 00:13:32,887 I just want to talk to you, Rabbi, about how I feel ashamed of who I am. 341 00:13:32,987 --> 00:13:34,347 Shame? Nay, nay. 342 00:13:34,447 --> 00:13:35,973 Jews, we do not feel shame. 343 00:13:36,073 --> 00:13:39,101 We feel guilt. Like how you should feel guilt... 344 00:13:39,201 --> 00:13:41,813 ...for not investing in Leo's business venture: 345 00:13:41,913 --> 00:13:44,065 Wigs for religious dogs. 346 00:13:44,165 --> 00:13:47,235 But I don't have any money. - Neither, my friend, does Leo. 347 00:13:47,335 --> 00:13:49,987 If you want to talk shame, go to the Catholics. 348 00:13:50,087 --> 00:13:51,656 If you want to talk dog wigs, 349 00:13:51,756 --> 00:13:52,907 go to Leo. - What? 350 00:13:53,007 --> 00:13:57,570 But do not go alone, for one should have fear of Leo. 351 00:13:57,670 --> 00:13:59,280 [both grunt]... 352 00:13:59,380 --> 00:14:02,908 Hey, we broke our record. - Yeah! [chuckles] 353 00:14:03,008 --> 00:14:05,336 Hey, I'm sorry my mom is so late picking me up. 354 00:14:05,436 --> 00:14:09,382 She's probably, you know, at the kids store buying my feed. 355 00:14:09,482 --> 00:14:10,925 [chuckles] That's something moms do, right? 356 00:14:11,025 --> 00:14:14,345 Yeah, real mom stuff. Totally understand. 357 00:14:14,445 --> 00:14:18,716 'Cause my mom, she would feed me too, you know? So... 358 00:14:18,816 --> 00:14:21,644 But hey, we're having fun, right? 359 00:14:21,744 --> 00:14:23,604 Yeah! - You wanna see a magic trick? 360 00:14:23,704 --> 00:14:24,605 I don't know. 361 00:14:24,705 --> 00:14:26,440 Okay, check it out. 362 00:14:26,540 --> 00:14:27,483 [exclaims]... 363 00:14:27,583 --> 00:14:29,986 Why did you do that? - Wait! What do you mean? 364 00:14:30,086 --> 00:14:32,363 I don't know. I didn't like that. 365 00:14:32,463 --> 00:14:33,990 It's okay. It's not real. 366 00:14:34,090 --> 00:14:36,984 [stuttering]... 367 00:14:37,084 --> 00:14:38,244 ...[stammering] It's not? 368 00:14:38,344 --> 00:14:40,955 No! It's a trick, see? - A trick? 369 00:14:41,055 --> 00:14:43,040 I mean I'm not supposed to reveal my secret, 370 00:14:43,140 --> 00:14:46,460 but look, the shuttlecocks's now right up my sleeve. 371 00:14:46,560 --> 00:14:47,587 [gasping]... 372 00:14:47,687 --> 00:14:49,088 Wow! - Yeah. 373 00:14:49,188 --> 00:14:52,842 I can't believe you would break The Magician's Code for me. 374 00:14:52,942 --> 00:14:55,711 I mean that's like something you would do... 375 00:14:55,811 --> 00:14:56,888 ...for a friend? 376 00:14:56,988 --> 00:14:58,723 Yeah! Yeah! 377 00:14:58,823 --> 00:15:00,933 Yeah, we're friends! - Best friends. 378 00:15:01,033 --> 00:15:03,519 Sure! Fuck everybody else! - Eh! 379 00:15:03,619 --> 00:15:06,022 My best friend is an adult man! 380 00:15:06,122 --> 00:15:08,983 And my best friend is an unclaimed child! 381 00:15:09,083 --> 00:15:11,977 I hope your mom never picks you up, Jay. 382 00:15:12,077 --> 00:15:13,487 How was your day, sweetie? - Hi. 383 00:15:13,587 --> 00:15:15,573 What's on your lips? - Bubblegum lip gloss. 384 00:15:15,673 --> 00:15:16,741 Where'd you get that? 385 00:15:16,841 --> 00:15:19,577 Missy gave it to me. - I didn't know Missy wore lip gloss. 386 00:15:19,677 --> 00:15:21,787 She doesn't. That's why she gave it to me. 387 00:15:21,887 --> 00:15:25,750 Nice. Now lie to her for no fucking reason whatsoever. 388 00:15:25,850 --> 00:15:29,253 By the way, that new mac and cheese restaurant is finally open. 389 00:15:29,353 --> 00:15:30,671 Ooh! Mac and cheese. 390 00:15:30,771 --> 00:15:31,964 Do you wanna go? - Nope. 391 00:15:32,064 --> 00:15:33,457 Hah! 392 00:15:33,557 --> 00:15:35,551 Uh... Forgive me, Father, 393 00:15:35,651 --> 00:15:38,638 for I was looking at my best friend's sister's bathing suit... 394 00:15:38,738 --> 00:15:41,641 ...and I fell prey to masturbation. 395 00:15:41,741 --> 00:15:43,476 Got it. Do five Our Fathers. 396 00:15:43,576 --> 00:15:45,019 Uh, that's it? - That's it. 397 00:15:45,119 --> 00:15:47,605 I'm sorry... That's Catholicism? 398 00:15:47,705 --> 00:15:50,149 [Father] Wait, are you not Catholic? - If you must know, I'm Jewish. 399 00:15:50,249 --> 00:15:53,819 [Father] Oh... Jewish! - What does that mean? 400 00:15:53,919 --> 00:15:56,739 [Father] I'm not surprised you're in here trying to get advice for free. 401 00:15:56,839 --> 00:15:57,990 Oh, okay. 402 00:15:58,090 --> 00:16:00,201 You want to trade in stereotypes, old man? 403 00:16:00,301 --> 00:16:02,828 Well, I bet you, I bet you have sex with little boys. 404 00:16:02,928 --> 00:16:05,081 Old man? I'm 32! - Big wow! 405 00:16:05,181 --> 00:16:07,792 I've boned down with grown ass women. - Oh, who cares? 406 00:16:07,892 --> 00:16:09,627 Divorcees. - You're disgusting. 407 00:16:09,727 --> 00:16:12,254 You doubt me, man? I got a picture of panties right here. 408 00:16:12,354 --> 00:16:14,048 I'm out of here. - Don't you go anywhere. 409 00:16:14,148 --> 00:16:15,758 It's from a couple of weeks ago. Hold on. 410 00:16:15,858 --> 00:16:17,843 I'm not waiting for the picture. - Yep, see that? Look at that. 411 00:16:17,943 --> 00:16:19,679 You tell me I fuck little boys. 412 00:16:19,779 --> 00:16:21,180 Those are shorts. - These are shorts. 413 00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:22,932 I'm looking at it now. I see that they're shorts. 414 00:16:23,032 --> 00:16:24,642 I can't believe I waited around for a fucking priest... 415 00:16:24,742 --> 00:16:26,435 ...to show me a pantie picture. I'm out of here. 416 00:16:26,535 --> 00:16:29,438 You know what? If I did fuck little boys, you wouldn't be one of them. 417 00:16:29,538 --> 00:16:33,025 A lot of adult men would be attracted to me and this big can of mine. 418 00:16:33,125 --> 00:16:34,860 What a jerk. [sighs deeply]... 419 00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:36,779 I just want to feel better. - [thunder rumbles]... 420 00:16:36,879 --> 00:16:39,031 ...[male voice] You'll never feel better. 421 00:16:39,131 --> 00:16:41,033 [gasps] Stop it! - You're ratchet! 422 00:16:41,133 --> 00:16:42,034 Leave me alone. 423 00:16:42,134 --> 00:16:45,955 You should be ashamed of yourself, you sinful little creature! 424 00:16:46,055 --> 00:16:49,408 [exclaiming] 425 00:16:49,508 --> 00:16:53,170 I just wanted to touch myself in public. Is that so wrong? 426 00:16:53,270 --> 00:16:57,875 [man] Stop quoting your friend's dad's law commercials. 427 00:16:57,975 --> 00:17:03,505 [panting] Cramps. How can a child be in such bad shape? 428 00:17:03,605 --> 00:17:05,266 Thank goodness. I made it. 429 00:17:05,366 --> 00:17:07,309 Congratulations. - [exclaims]... 430 00:17:07,409 --> 00:17:09,395 Who are you? - Who, I? 431 00:17:09,495 --> 00:17:13,816 Andrew, I'm the Shame Wizard, of course. 432 00:17:13,916 --> 00:17:15,735 The Shame Wizard? - [evil laughter]... 433 00:17:15,835 --> 00:17:18,195 ...[high-pitched voice] The Shame Wizard! 434 00:17:18,295 --> 00:17:19,321 Oh! 435 00:17:19,421 --> 00:17:23,159 Yes, Andrew, and I've been waiting for you. 436 00:17:23,259 --> 00:17:24,910 You have? - Oh, yes. 437 00:17:25,010 --> 00:17:27,329 Oh, God. - Surely you knew I was coming. 438 00:17:27,429 --> 00:17:28,664 I didn't. I wouldn't-- 439 00:17:28,764 --> 00:17:31,208 Now come with me, young man. 440 00:17:31,308 --> 00:17:34,962 I'm taking you to that new mac and cheese restaurant. 441 00:17:35,062 --> 00:17:36,413 Really? - Nope. 442 00:17:36,513 --> 00:17:37,923 [gavel thudding]... 443 00:17:38,023 --> 00:17:38,841 ...[exclaiming]... 444 00:17:38,941 --> 00:17:41,260 Where am I? - All rise. 445 00:17:41,360 --> 00:17:44,805 Shame Court is now in session. - What? 446 00:17:44,905 --> 00:17:48,059 The honorable Shame Wizard presiding. 447 00:17:48,159 --> 00:17:50,227 Shame Court? - Silence! 448 00:17:50,327 --> 00:17:54,148 Thus begins the trial of Andrew Glouberman... 449 00:17:54,248 --> 00:17:59,433 ...who stands accused of being a loathsome little pervert. 450 00:17:59,503 --> 00:18:00,404 [gasps] 451 00:18:00,504 --> 00:18:01,572 That was really fun. 452 00:18:01,672 --> 00:18:03,491 My family really likes you. - I don't know if you noticed, 453 00:18:03,591 --> 00:18:06,077 but I think Tanya might wanna have a sleepover. 454 00:18:06,177 --> 00:18:07,611 That might be fun. 455 00:18:07,711 --> 00:18:12,199 I'll only do it if I can take an ice bath with your grandma. 456 00:18:12,299 --> 00:18:14,159 This is your big chance, Nick. 457 00:18:14,259 --> 00:18:16,929 Eat her chin! Pinch her in the butt. 458 00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:21,458 Hey G. - Hey D! 459 00:18:21,558 --> 00:18:23,552 D's here. - Cool jacket. 460 00:18:23,652 --> 00:18:26,722 I think my uncle had the same one when he was Sinbad for Halloween. 461 00:18:26,822 --> 00:18:28,808 I think it's kind of weird that you're that close to your uncle. 462 00:18:28,908 --> 00:18:31,844 My dad wasn't around, but I'm just wanna be that guy. 463 00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:33,437 There's nothing I can say back to that. 464 00:18:33,537 --> 00:18:35,431 Okay, ha-ha. - All right. 465 00:18:35,531 --> 00:18:37,149 Nick, looks like your bus is here. 466 00:18:37,249 --> 00:18:38,684 Thanks again. I had fun. 467 00:18:38,784 --> 00:18:40,394 Yeah. Me, too. - Bye. 468 00:18:40,494 --> 00:18:43,230 Bye. 469 00:18:43,330 --> 00:18:45,965 [air hisses]... 470 00:18:46,834 --> 00:18:48,452 ...[buzzing] 471 00:18:48,552 --> 00:18:51,530 Oh no! This bus can't slow down... 472 00:18:51,630 --> 00:18:53,082 ...the matriots, baby. 473 00:18:53,182 --> 00:18:56,502 [gavel pounding] - Ladies and gentlemen... 474 00:18:56,602 --> 00:18:58,662 ...over the millennia, 475 00:18:58,762 --> 00:19:04,126 I have seen many good people do terrible things, 476 00:19:04,226 --> 00:19:06,137 but the State shall prove... 477 00:19:06,237 --> 00:19:09,974 ...that Andrew Glouberman didn't do a bad thing... 478 00:19:10,074 --> 00:19:14,428 Yeah. - [high-pitched voice] He is a bad thing! 479 00:19:14,528 --> 00:19:15,396 Objection. 480 00:19:15,496 --> 00:19:17,857 [gasps] Oh, thank God, Maury. You're here. 481 00:19:17,957 --> 00:19:18,932 Are you my lawyer? 482 00:19:19,032 --> 00:19:20,476 Am I your lawyer? - Oh, please-- 483 00:19:20,576 --> 00:19:21,986 Seriously, am I your lawyer? 484 00:19:22,086 --> 00:19:24,613 I was told we were going to a new mac and cheese restaurant. 485 00:19:24,713 --> 00:19:27,116 How does the defendant plead? 486 00:19:27,216 --> 00:19:30,319 Not creepy, your honor. 487 00:19:30,419 --> 00:19:32,446 I'm sorry. I couldn't find a sitter. 488 00:19:32,546 --> 00:19:34,573 One, two, three... I'm missing a dick. 489 00:19:34,673 --> 00:19:36,375 Everyone, check their butts. 490 00:19:36,475 --> 00:19:38,577 I am so screwed. 491 00:19:38,677 --> 00:19:40,746 [man] Hey kid, this is your stop. 492 00:19:40,846 --> 00:19:42,498 The Friend Zone? 493 00:19:42,598 --> 00:19:43,924 No, I don't want to get off here. 494 00:19:44,024 --> 00:19:45,542 Well, I could take you to the Alone Zone, 495 00:19:45,642 --> 00:19:48,512 but that's just a tent where you jerk off to vacation photos... 496 00:19:48,612 --> 00:19:49,922 ...of your ex on Facebook. - What? 497 00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:52,641 They serve microwave nachos and it's freezing in there. 498 00:19:52,741 --> 00:19:53,851 Okay, I'll get off here. 499 00:19:53,951 --> 00:19:56,220 FRIEND ZONE 500 00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:57,813 Welcome to the Friend Zone. 501 00:19:57,913 --> 00:20:01,233 This will vibrate when Gena's ready to be more than friends. 502 00:20:01,333 --> 00:20:02,610 It never vibrates. 503 00:20:02,710 --> 00:20:04,445 Over here is the grey area, 504 00:20:04,545 --> 00:20:06,655 where people parse the meaning of ambiguous texts. 505 00:20:06,755 --> 00:20:10,075 So there are two exclamation points, but then the Emoji with no mouth. 506 00:20:10,175 --> 00:20:12,328 So does he want to hang out tomorrow? Why doesn't he just say that? 507 00:20:12,428 --> 00:20:14,205 Or does he wanna hang out when he's back from his trip? 508 00:20:14,305 --> 00:20:15,247 And is there even a trip? 509 00:20:15,347 --> 00:20:16,665 Oh God, this is sad. 510 00:20:16,765 --> 00:20:19,543 You know what, actually, scroll up to that text where he calls you 'dude.' 511 00:20:19,643 --> 00:20:20,961 That's what we should focus on. 512 00:20:21,061 --> 00:20:23,380 I got to get out of here. - Yeah, good call. 513 00:20:23,480 --> 00:20:25,257 Look, there's the Fuck Zone. 514 00:20:25,357 --> 00:20:26,926 Let's roll over there, baby. 515 00:20:27,026 --> 00:20:29,746 FUCK ZONE 516 00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:33,757 Oh my God! 517 00:20:33,857 --> 00:20:35,342 We can still make it. 518 00:20:35,442 --> 00:20:36,852 Rick, just stop. 519 00:20:36,952 --> 00:20:38,303 What are you gonna do? 520 00:20:38,403 --> 00:20:40,731 Oh, God. - [Rick] At least my crotch is okay. 521 00:20:40,831 --> 00:20:42,599 [hawk screeching]... 522 00:20:42,699 --> 00:20:43,525 ...[clears throat] 523 00:20:43,625 --> 00:20:47,571 I'm Andrews father's associate, Susan. He masturbates to me every night. 524 00:20:47,671 --> 00:20:52,442 Objection! He masturbates to her during the day as well. 525 00:20:52,542 --> 00:20:54,870 Oh God. I need outside counsel. 526 00:20:54,970 --> 00:20:56,622 I am VIP Cam Girl. 527 00:20:56,722 --> 00:20:58,707 All day I deal with pervert, 528 00:20:58,807 --> 00:21:02,086 but Andrew, he is most pervert. 529 00:21:02,186 --> 00:21:04,672 Can I smoke from my vagina? - No! 530 00:21:04,772 --> 00:21:06,548 Andrew let me do it. [chuckles]... 531 00:21:06,648 --> 00:21:10,219 Jesus Christ. - I was curious about the mechanics of it. 532 00:21:10,319 --> 00:21:11,512 [sock 1] He singled me out. 533 00:21:11,612 --> 00:21:13,973 He separated me from my partner. 534 00:21:14,073 --> 00:21:15,933 That's what they do, you know? 535 00:21:16,033 --> 00:21:19,395 And then he used me like an object. 536 00:21:19,495 --> 00:21:23,691 I mean, obviously I am an object, but for feet, not for... [crying] 537 00:21:23,791 --> 00:21:25,442 There, there. It's all right. 538 00:21:25,542 --> 00:21:27,644 I'm sorry, can I... 539 00:21:27,744 --> 00:21:29,196 Can I smoke from my vagina? 540 00:21:29,296 --> 00:21:30,823 Of course. Please. 541 00:21:30,923 --> 00:21:32,992 He was my brother's best friend. 542 00:21:33,092 --> 00:21:34,827 We treated him like family. 543 00:21:34,927 --> 00:21:37,246 And in kind, he honored that? 544 00:21:37,346 --> 00:21:39,331 No! He jerked off all over the house! 545 00:21:39,431 --> 00:21:40,666 [crowd exclaims] - [man 1] Jerked off? 546 00:21:40,766 --> 00:21:42,042 And to think, 547 00:21:42,142 --> 00:21:45,004 you were going to take him to Hamilton. - She was? 548 00:21:45,104 --> 00:21:46,922 And then I was maybe going to take him to Starbucks. 549 00:21:47,022 --> 00:21:48,173 No! The ideal date! 550 00:21:48,273 --> 00:21:49,341 Thank you, Leah. 551 00:21:49,441 --> 00:21:53,262 The prosecution would now like to call its final witness. 552 00:21:53,362 --> 00:21:54,430 Oh, thank God. 553 00:21:54,530 --> 00:21:56,432 Andrew Glouberman! 554 00:21:56,532 --> 00:21:58,258 [gasps] - Oh dear God! 555 00:21:58,358 --> 00:22:00,644 [grunts] It was in my own butt. 556 00:22:00,744 --> 00:22:02,104 You scared me! - [penis whimpering] 557 00:22:02,204 --> 00:22:04,823 Buddy, I'm not mad. I was just worried. 558 00:22:05,449 --> 00:22:06,317 Hey Mom. 559 00:22:06,417 --> 00:22:07,985 Sorry, I'm late. 560 00:22:08,085 --> 00:22:10,279 That's okay. I had a great time with my new friend. 561 00:22:10,379 --> 00:22:12,781 You got a super-duper kid, Mrs. Jay's mom. 562 00:22:12,881 --> 00:22:14,325 Thank you, Mister... 563 00:22:14,425 --> 00:22:17,077 It's Steve. Mr. Coach Steve-Steve. 564 00:22:17,177 --> 00:22:19,330 [chuckles] - You can call me Coach Steve. 565 00:22:19,430 --> 00:22:23,959 Well, any friend of Jay's is a friend of mine, Steve. 566 00:22:24,059 --> 00:22:26,920 [laughs] Another friend? When it rains, it pours. 567 00:22:27,020 --> 00:22:30,174 Bye-bye, Coach Steve. - Bye-bye, Mrs. Jay's Mom-Mom. 568 00:22:30,274 --> 00:22:32,718 Hey, let's buy a dog from a puppy mill... 569 00:22:32,818 --> 00:22:34,711 ...and say we got it from a shelter. 570 00:22:34,811 --> 00:22:36,838 No! I just made two new friends. 571 00:22:36,938 --> 00:22:40,259 I don't need you anymore, Bad Mitten. [grunts] 572 00:22:40,359 --> 00:22:42,227 Oh you're dead, Steve. 573 00:22:42,327 --> 00:22:46,357 I'm going to kill you before you lose your virginity next episode. 574 00:22:46,457 --> 00:22:48,901 Whoa! You don't like spoilers? 575 00:22:49,001 --> 00:22:50,819 Well, let me explain this to you. 576 00:22:50,919 --> 00:22:52,529 I'm not a good mitten. 577 00:22:52,629 --> 00:22:54,156 I'm a bad mitten. 578 00:22:54,256 --> 00:22:55,908 [evil laughter]... 579 00:22:56,008 --> 00:22:57,609 ...[hawk screeching]... 580 00:22:57,709 --> 00:22:59,611 ...[bone snapping] 581 00:22:59,711 --> 00:23:02,289 Still don't think I'm a bad mitten? 582 00:23:02,389 --> 00:23:07,327 Then stick around and watch me fuck this dead bird. 583 00:23:07,427 --> 00:23:09,296 Mr. Glouberman! 584 00:23:09,396 --> 00:23:12,299 Don't tell a little kid about mac and cheese restaurant. 585 00:23:12,399 --> 00:23:15,419 Why would you promise that? - [laughing] 586 00:23:15,519 --> 00:23:17,346 Andrew, my boy, 587 00:23:17,446 --> 00:23:21,141 we've heard but a fraction of the many wretched things you've done... 588 00:23:21,241 --> 00:23:24,144 ...in your pathetic life. - Oh, God. 589 00:23:24,244 --> 00:23:26,722 And now I only have one question... 590 00:23:26,822 --> 00:23:30,317 Do you believe you're a good person? 591 00:23:30,417 --> 00:23:33,404 I think-- - I will remind you that you're under oath! 592 00:23:33,504 --> 00:23:35,697 I wanna be a good person. - Do you? 593 00:23:35,797 --> 00:23:41,245 Because I believe you wish to drench this entire planet in your rotten jizz. 594 00:23:41,345 --> 00:23:43,414 Isn't that true, Mr. Glouberman? 595 00:23:43,514 --> 00:23:45,040 No, that's a half truth! 596 00:23:45,140 --> 00:23:45,999 [all gasps] 597 00:23:46,099 --> 00:23:50,129 May the records show that the defendant has a poorly timed erection. 598 00:23:50,229 --> 00:23:51,839 [typewriter clacking] - Do not write that down! 599 00:23:51,939 --> 00:23:54,758 You got a boner from this? - There is no denying it. 600 00:23:54,858 --> 00:23:57,344 You are irredeemable. 601 00:23:57,444 --> 00:24:00,472 I know that. Don't you think I know that? 602 00:24:00,572 --> 00:24:02,015 I have no self-control. 603 00:24:02,115 --> 00:24:04,977 I could jerk off to anything in here. I could jerk off to all of you. 604 00:24:05,077 --> 00:24:07,688 I'll probably jerk off to this whole experience. 605 00:24:07,788 --> 00:24:08,847 [all gasps] 606 00:24:08,947 --> 00:24:09,857 Why is that? 607 00:24:09,957 --> 00:24:12,192 Because I'm a creep, okay? - Oh, yes. 608 00:24:12,292 --> 00:24:14,278 I'm a pervert! - Yes, Andrew. 609 00:24:14,378 --> 00:24:17,656 And maybe at the end of the day, I'm just a bad person. 610 00:24:17,756 --> 00:24:19,867 Yes! You're a bad person! 611 00:24:19,967 --> 00:24:21,869 And not a great guy at all. 612 00:24:21,969 --> 00:24:23,787 You're just reshuffling the words. 613 00:24:23,887 --> 00:24:25,706 Oh God, what have I done? 614 00:24:25,806 --> 00:24:30,226 [all] Guilty! 615 00:24:30,719 --> 00:24:32,713 Andrew! Stop judging yourself. 616 00:24:32,813 --> 00:24:34,831 No! 617 00:24:34,931 --> 00:24:39,351 I'm a not great guy. 618 00:24:41,229 --> 00:24:44,099 She deserves it, and so do we. 619 00:24:44,199 --> 00:24:46,409 We totally do. 620 00:24:48,487 --> 00:24:50,138 GENA Heyyy... I think I like like you. 621 00:24:50,238 --> 00:24:56,698 And if you don't like me like that I don't know if we can be friends. 622 00:25:05,337 --> 00:25:08,822 [crying]... 623 00:25:09,216 --> 00:25:11,835 I'm sorry, Andrew. - It's okay. 624 00:25:11,935 --> 00:25:13,462 No, I made in the crate. 625 00:25:13,562 --> 00:25:15,130 Shut up, Maurice. 626 00:25:15,230 --> 00:25:18,383 Don't you see he's mine now? You both are. 627 00:25:18,483 --> 00:25:20,502 [evil laughter] 628 00:25:20,602 --> 00:25:23,430 Okay, it's just that it's caked to my fur. 629 00:25:23,530 --> 00:25:24,723 [crying] 630 00:25:24,823 --> 00:25:26,823 Grr! 631 00:26:14,823 --> 00:26:17,713 SDH Created by: Arvind Vishwakarma