1 00:00:08,508 --> 00:00:09,960 BRIDGETON MIDDLE SCHOOL... 2 00:00:10,060 --> 00:00:12,379 ...[Shame] Whether they know it or not, 3 00:00:12,479 --> 00:00:15,123 people need shame. 4 00:00:15,223 --> 00:00:19,878 It protects them from the sickening filth infesters within... 5 00:00:19,978 --> 00:00:23,140 ...their humiliating inadequacies, 6 00:00:23,240 --> 00:00:25,892 self-destructive proclivities, 7 00:00:25,992 --> 00:00:28,470 stupid magic tricks, 8 00:00:28,570 --> 00:00:31,398 their fundamental otherness. 9 00:00:31,498 --> 00:00:35,152 And of course, the uncontrollable urge to squirm, 10 00:00:35,252 --> 00:00:38,142 on a glowed worm. 11 00:00:38,413 --> 00:00:39,823 For you say, 12 00:00:39,923 --> 00:00:44,870 shame is the cone you place around the head of your dim-witted dog... 13 00:00:44,970 --> 00:00:48,165 ...to protect him from naughting at his own genitals, 14 00:00:48,265 --> 00:00:51,334 because they will become infected. 15 00:00:51,434 --> 00:00:53,545 But I wanna naught so bad! 16 00:00:53,645 --> 00:00:55,172 Uh, uh, uh! 17 00:00:55,272 --> 00:00:56,214 Oh. - There we are. 18 00:00:56,314 --> 00:00:58,091 Oh, thank you. 19 00:00:58,191 --> 00:01:00,343 You're such a good master. 20 00:01:00,443 --> 00:01:01,762 Bad boy! - Hit me. 21 00:01:01,862 --> 00:01:03,180 What about my toochie? 22 00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:05,599 Stop enjoying this! - But I love it. 23 00:01:05,699 --> 00:01:10,799 [Tyler laughing] 24 00:01:38,848 --> 00:01:41,676 Oh, Wiggles, won't you please wake up? 25 00:01:41,776 --> 00:01:43,512 It's no use, Missy. 26 00:01:43,612 --> 00:01:46,807 You suffocated it with your greedy moans. 27 00:01:46,907 --> 00:01:51,311 Hey, it's the floating grandpa! - For the last time, you imbecile. 28 00:01:51,411 --> 00:01:53,313 I'm the Shame Wizard. Uh! - [Steve grunts]... 29 00:01:53,413 --> 00:01:55,649 What are you doing? - Oh, there's the problem. 30 00:01:55,749 --> 00:01:57,692 Oh, good Lord! - [chuckles] 31 00:01:57,792 --> 00:01:59,069 LeBron James! 32 00:01:59,169 --> 00:02:00,195 [gasping]... 33 00:02:00,295 --> 00:02:01,154 ...[Steve] Oh, man. 34 00:02:01,254 --> 00:02:03,907 I was going to ask you why your hands were down your pants... 35 00:02:04,007 --> 00:02:07,577 ...in front of all the children, but now that seems besides the point. 36 00:02:07,677 --> 00:02:10,038 Pardon my French, but my pubbies... 37 00:02:10,138 --> 00:02:13,283 ...were pulling my balls into my butthole, so... 38 00:02:13,383 --> 00:02:14,668 Oh, you got one on your cheek. 39 00:02:14,768 --> 00:02:16,169 Don't... touch me. - Make a wish. 40 00:02:16,269 --> 00:02:18,588 Oh, then my wish didn't come true. 41 00:02:18,688 --> 00:02:22,134 Your wish was to touch me? - Yeah, you're my best friend! 42 00:02:22,234 --> 00:02:24,177 But we've never met. - Okay. 43 00:02:24,277 --> 00:02:28,140 Hi, I'm Steve. I'm your best friend. - Wait, I'm sorry... 44 00:02:28,240 --> 00:02:30,684 Isn't Jay your best friend? - Oh, yeah. 45 00:02:30,784 --> 00:02:34,020 Jay's my best friend and Miss B's my best friend... 46 00:02:34,120 --> 00:02:37,182 ...and the Shame Lizard's my best friend. - Wait. 47 00:02:37,282 --> 00:02:39,693 Do you think my name is Shane Lizard? 48 00:02:39,793 --> 00:02:41,194 Yeah, cool name. 49 00:02:41,294 --> 00:02:44,397 I drew a picture of all of us in the bedroom. 50 00:02:44,497 --> 00:02:47,117 You want to go see it, The Shane Lizard? - [sighs] 51 00:02:47,217 --> 00:02:49,035 I do want to see this picture. 52 00:02:49,135 --> 00:02:51,488 All right! Best friends. 53 00:02:51,588 --> 00:02:53,456 Hey, Gina. - What do you want? 54 00:02:53,556 --> 00:02:56,084 I wanted to apologize. I shouldn't have told anyone... 55 00:02:56,184 --> 00:02:57,711 ...about what we did. - Okay. 56 00:02:57,811 --> 00:03:00,213 Even though, you know, Jessi is the one who spread around... 57 00:03:00,313 --> 00:03:02,007 ...and it's ultimately her fault - Nailed it! 58 00:03:02,107 --> 00:03:04,342 So, are we good now? - No, we are not good. 59 00:03:04,442 --> 00:03:06,261 But I apologized, isn't that what you wanted? 60 00:03:06,361 --> 00:03:08,555 No, I wanted you to not tell your friends... 61 00:03:08,655 --> 00:03:10,640 ...that you've squeezed my boob in the first place. 62 00:03:10,740 --> 00:03:13,226 Unfortunately, Gina. I think that ship has already sailed. 63 00:03:13,326 --> 00:03:14,769 Good point! - Look, we had a fight, 64 00:03:14,869 --> 00:03:16,605 and I screwed up. - Keep explaining. 65 00:03:16,705 --> 00:03:19,399 And then I said I was sorry, so now we're making up... 66 00:03:19,499 --> 00:03:21,651 ...and maybe it's time for a little make up make out. 67 00:03:21,751 --> 00:03:23,069 Yeah! [kissing] 68 00:03:23,169 --> 00:03:24,237 And then. 69 00:03:24,337 --> 00:03:25,447 And then. [groans]... 70 00:03:25,547 --> 00:03:26,907 You know what you are? - What? 71 00:03:27,007 --> 00:03:28,700 You're a little fucking prick. 72 00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:30,160 You're a little big boob bitch. 73 00:03:30,260 --> 00:03:32,287 Get the fuck away from me. - Wait, I'm sorry. 74 00:03:32,387 --> 00:03:34,164 I thought we were just flirting. - No! Argh! 75 00:03:34,264 --> 00:03:36,625 Can't believe I made out with you in the first place, 76 00:03:36,725 --> 00:03:38,210 but it won't happen again, so... - But like--... 77 00:03:38,310 --> 00:03:39,544 Please leave my sleeping area. - Never say never? 78 00:03:39,644 --> 00:03:40,670 Now! 79 00:03:40,770 --> 00:03:43,006 Furious. - Yeah, I see, Caleb. 80 00:03:43,106 --> 00:03:44,299 [Nick grunts]... 81 00:03:44,399 --> 00:03:46,218 What are you looking at? - Nothing. 82 00:03:46,318 --> 00:03:47,969 Ah, I feel bad about Gina. 83 00:03:48,069 --> 00:03:50,889 Why? She sucks.  Everybody sucks. 84 00:03:50,989 --> 00:03:53,558 Yeah, I gotta get out of here. - Ooh! 85 00:03:53,658 --> 00:03:57,020 We going on a walkabout? Let's hope there's no crocs out there! 86 00:03:57,120 --> 00:03:59,481 I really don't think there are any crocodiles in the hallway. 87 00:03:59,581 --> 00:04:01,024 No, I mean crocs! 88 00:04:01,124 --> 00:04:03,902 Them dumb plastic shoes with all those holes up in 'em. 89 00:04:04,002 --> 00:04:06,104 I don't wanna smell your stinky ass kid feet. 90 00:04:06,204 --> 00:04:07,822 Well, it's been a good ride, Wiggles. 91 00:04:07,922 --> 00:04:11,326 From my baby crib to that socialist Sleepaway Camp. 92 00:04:11,426 --> 00:04:14,329 I'm really gonna miss you, comrade. Really going to miss you. 93 00:04:14,429 --> 00:04:15,247 Missy? - [screams] 94 00:04:15,347 --> 00:04:17,499 Oh, Andrew! What are you doing here? 95 00:04:17,599 --> 00:04:20,460 I just-- I saw you coming out here and you looked so sad. 96 00:04:20,560 --> 00:04:22,420 Are you okay? - I can't even face you. 97 00:04:22,520 --> 00:04:23,338 It's just too much. 98 00:04:23,438 --> 00:04:26,466 I'm the biggest perv in the world. - What? That's impossible. 99 00:04:26,566 --> 00:04:28,718 You can't be the biggest perv in the world. 100 00:04:28,818 --> 00:04:29,970 Why not? - Because, 101 00:04:30,070 --> 00:04:31,471 you're looking at him. Me! - What? 102 00:04:31,571 --> 00:04:33,265 I am him. I am me. 103 00:04:33,365 --> 00:04:35,934 Me is the biggest perv ever. This guy, this two thumbs. 104 00:04:36,034 --> 00:04:38,937 I think I understand what you're trying to do here, Andrew, 105 00:04:39,037 --> 00:04:41,189 and it's very generous, but I'm a horny spaz... 106 00:04:41,289 --> 00:04:43,733 ...and everyone knows it. What could be worse than that? 107 00:04:43,833 --> 00:04:46,194 She's a horny spaz. You should jazz on her. 108 00:04:46,294 --> 00:04:48,113 Jazz? - Jizz on her spaz. Jazz. 109 00:04:48,213 --> 00:04:50,481 The one true American art form. - Jesus Christ. 110 00:04:50,581 --> 00:04:52,826 Missy, I can't believe I'm gonna tell you this but, 111 00:04:52,926 --> 00:04:54,786 when we danced together at the fall dance... 112 00:04:54,886 --> 00:04:56,621 A Night in Ancient Mesopotamia? - Well, 113 00:04:56,721 --> 00:04:59,249 when we were dancing, I kind of came in my pants. 114 00:04:59,349 --> 00:05:00,500 Yikes! 115 00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:02,961 Oh God, I shouldn't have told you. - No, Andrew. 116 00:05:03,061 --> 00:05:05,088 It was so brave of you to share with me... 117 00:05:05,188 --> 00:05:07,841 ...and you know what, it actually does make me feel better. 118 00:05:07,941 --> 00:05:09,676 She's into it! Thrust her. 119 00:05:09,776 --> 00:05:13,430 I feel better too, telling you that and you not being grossed out... 120 00:05:13,530 --> 00:05:16,599 ...or kicking me in the shins or something, makes me feel less alone. 121 00:05:16,699 --> 00:05:20,011 I just can't believe I drove you to climax,  that's so adult! 122 00:05:20,111 --> 00:05:21,896 I love it when she talks dork dirty. 123 00:05:21,996 --> 00:05:24,774 If I were to speak from the heart, it was the most I ever made. 124 00:05:24,874 --> 00:05:27,694 All right. Well, thank you. 125 00:05:27,794 --> 00:05:31,114 And I'm just gonna head back to the scene of the crime. 126 00:05:31,214 --> 00:05:34,400 [chuckles softly] Oh, well, Inspector Clouseau. 127 00:05:34,500 --> 00:05:36,661 The most you ever made? Please. 128 00:05:36,761 --> 00:05:40,582 Just for the runoff you blam-o on my condo floors are warped. 129 00:05:40,682 --> 00:05:43,335 And now my credit score is warped too, 130 00:05:43,435 --> 00:05:46,996 'cause the condo's in my name! [groans]... 131 00:05:47,096 --> 00:05:48,214 ...[door opens] - Jay. 132 00:05:48,314 --> 00:05:50,175 Matthew. Nice pajamas. 133 00:05:50,275 --> 00:05:51,417 Nice jean shorts. 134 00:05:51,517 --> 00:05:54,596 Ha! Joke's on you, idiot. These are my underwear. 135 00:05:54,696 --> 00:05:56,673 Oh. Jean shorts as underwear, 136 00:05:56,773 --> 00:05:58,508 and he didn't wash his hands. 137 00:05:58,608 --> 00:06:02,062 Oh, and he didn't flush, and he's reading a magazine called... 138 00:06:02,162 --> 00:06:05,482 Jean Shorts Weekly? Oh, an interview with Andre Agassi. 139 00:06:05,582 --> 00:06:06,641 Yes, please. 140 00:06:06,741 --> 00:06:07,817 [object clattering]... 141 00:06:07,917 --> 00:06:10,111 Like, hi. - I have nothing to say to you. 142 00:06:10,211 --> 00:06:12,614 But, we're like a seam. - No, we're not. 143 00:06:12,714 --> 00:06:15,617 Oh my God, are you joking me right now? 144 00:06:15,717 --> 00:06:18,953 We both have the best boobs in the grade, it's so obvious, right? 145 00:06:19,053 --> 00:06:22,123 And we were both like, wronged by Nick and Andrew. 146 00:06:22,223 --> 00:06:24,292 [sighs] I guess we did both kind of get used. 147 00:06:24,392 --> 00:06:27,879 We're like total victim sisters in actuality. 148 00:06:27,979 --> 00:06:30,256 Oh, I don't like to see myself as a victim. 149 00:06:30,356 --> 00:06:32,675 Okay, so we'll just be sisters. 150 00:06:32,775 --> 00:06:36,471 If mom dies, I get her Bon Jovi earrings. 151 00:06:36,571 --> 00:06:37,722 All right, I see. 152 00:06:37,822 --> 00:06:40,016 So that one must be Jay. - [Steve] Ah-ha. 153 00:06:40,116 --> 00:06:42,477 [Shame Wizard] And why does Miss B have X's for eyes? 154 00:06:42,577 --> 00:06:46,439 She's asleep, 'cause I walloped her in the head with a telescope. 155 00:06:46,539 --> 00:06:48,474 That was a wiffle ball bat. - All right. 156 00:06:48,574 --> 00:06:51,069 And I understand why I'm a lizard. 157 00:06:51,169 --> 00:06:53,947 But why are you drawn so big? 158 00:06:54,047 --> 00:06:56,825 'Cause that's how I feel when I'm with all my best friends. 159 00:06:56,925 --> 00:06:58,952 None of these people are your friends. 160 00:06:59,052 --> 00:07:01,371 How come they're in the photo? - Because you drew them! 161 00:07:01,471 --> 00:07:03,164 Because they're my best friends. - You know, 162 00:07:03,264 --> 00:07:07,794 I'm positive there's a treasure trove of shame somewhere deep inside you, 163 00:07:07,894 --> 00:07:11,464 if I could just drill down through all the layers of stupidity. 164 00:07:11,564 --> 00:07:16,553 No drills! When I go to the dentist, I have to be completely knocked out. 165 00:07:16,653 --> 00:07:18,430 'Cause I've been known to bite fingies. 166 00:07:18,530 --> 00:07:21,182 I'm shocked that you've been to the dentist. 167 00:07:21,282 --> 00:07:24,269 Uh, technically it's a groomer in the back of a Petco. 168 00:07:24,369 --> 00:07:26,855 You truly are an enigma. 169 00:07:26,955 --> 00:07:29,307 [whispering] You shouldn't say that word anymore. 170 00:07:29,407 --> 00:07:32,026 [grunts] This things totally blows. Gina broke up with me. 171 00:07:32,126 --> 00:07:33,903 I'm not sure you two were really dating per se--... 172 00:07:34,003 --> 00:07:35,864 Thanks for clarifying that. - Go ahead. 173 00:07:35,964 --> 00:07:38,992 The point is, we're in a gym with girls, and they're wearing pajamas, 174 00:07:39,092 --> 00:07:41,286 and underneath their pajamas is their bodies, 175 00:07:41,386 --> 00:07:43,204 and we're wasting this opportunity. 176 00:07:43,304 --> 00:07:46,583 I don't know, maybe we should just sit here and not chew on our genitals. 177 00:07:46,683 --> 00:07:48,835 Who's suggesting that we chew on our genitals? 178 00:07:48,935 --> 00:07:50,545 Nobody. - What are you wearing, man? 179 00:07:50,645 --> 00:07:52,714 You look like a lamp. - It's a special necklace... 180 00:07:52,814 --> 00:07:55,083 ...to help me be a good boy. - Argh! 181 00:07:55,183 --> 00:07:56,759 I just wanna hook up with a girl. 182 00:07:56,859 --> 00:07:59,721 Whoa! You can't just hook up with a girl. 183 00:07:59,821 --> 00:08:02,348 First, you gotta be nervous for like a year and then-- 184 00:08:02,448 --> 00:08:04,601 We should be playing one of those games, you know, 185 00:08:04,701 --> 00:08:07,437 where kids trick each other into hooking up... [sighs] 186 00:08:07,537 --> 00:08:08,771 Like Spin the Bottle. 187 00:08:08,871 --> 00:08:10,398 Or Shoots and Splatters. 188 00:08:10,498 --> 00:08:12,025 What about Truth or Dare? 189 00:08:12,125 --> 00:08:15,153 I just shared something really embarrassing with Missy and it felt great. 190 00:08:15,253 --> 00:08:16,404 I don't wanna play this game. 191 00:08:16,504 --> 00:08:19,449 What if someone dares me to like get naked or streak or something? 192 00:08:19,549 --> 00:08:23,995 'Cause you have a sexy little dicky and it's just for you. 193 00:08:24,095 --> 00:08:27,999 How about Smooch or Share? - What the hell is Smooch or Share? 194 00:08:28,099 --> 00:08:31,536 A fantastic game I just made up. 195 00:08:31,636 --> 00:08:33,621 The rules of Smooch or Share are very simple. 196 00:08:33,721 --> 00:08:36,049 When it's your turn, you choose Smooch or Share... 197 00:08:36,149 --> 00:08:37,509 ...and then you spin the bottle. 198 00:08:37,609 --> 00:08:40,845 Nick, did you just invent this game to kiss girls? 199 00:08:40,945 --> 00:08:44,891 Yeah, I have to assume that's why you invited the Jansen twins. 200 00:08:44,991 --> 00:08:47,018 Would anybody like a piece of salty licorice? 201 00:08:47,118 --> 00:08:50,563 Look, guys, I invited the Jansen twins because they're new to the school, 202 00:08:50,663 --> 00:08:53,191 and yeah, they come from a more sexually progressive culture. 203 00:08:53,291 --> 00:08:56,110 In the Netherlands, we play this game, but with Gouda. 204 00:08:56,210 --> 00:08:58,988 So you spin a wheel of cheese? - How do you know who it lands on? 205 00:08:59,088 --> 00:09:01,199 Well, we don't, so everybody gets a kiss... 206 00:09:01,299 --> 00:09:03,785 ...and a slice of cheese, and this is what we call Kindergarten. 207 00:09:03,885 --> 00:09:06,204 Okay. Now I'm interested. 208 00:09:06,304 --> 00:09:09,123 Look, guys. This game is about getting crazy, y'all. 209 00:09:09,223 --> 00:09:11,876 Crazy, y'all. Yes, yes, y'all. I should have jumped on that. 210 00:09:11,976 --> 00:09:14,087 I'll play if Andrew's playing. - Oh, enchanté. 211 00:09:14,187 --> 00:09:15,129 I'm in. - I'm open to it. 212 00:09:15,229 --> 00:09:16,464 Yeah, let's do this. 213 00:09:16,564 --> 00:09:19,717 Okay, folks. It's time to Smooch or Share, 214 00:09:19,817 --> 00:09:21,594 or Shake Your Booty. 215 00:09:21,694 --> 00:09:23,304 What's this third option? - Nothing. 216 00:09:23,404 --> 00:09:25,390 I choose smooch. Gouda, gouda! 217 00:09:25,490 --> 00:09:26,558 Gouda, gouda! - Yes, no! 218 00:09:26,658 --> 00:09:29,385 No. no! Me, me! Yes, yes. 219 00:09:29,485 --> 00:09:33,481 No! [crying] Not Missy! 220 00:09:33,581 --> 00:09:36,943 We wanted one of those Chinese girls. - You think those girls are Chinese? 221 00:09:37,043 --> 00:09:39,237 Oh God, I'm sorry, are they Korean? 222 00:09:39,337 --> 00:09:41,155 Oh, Missy. 223 00:09:41,255 --> 00:09:42,282 Is that okay? - Well, I-- 224 00:09:42,382 --> 00:09:44,075 Don't look at him, it's the rules! 225 00:09:44,175 --> 00:09:47,078 And if you don't do it, we get to burn you with teacher coffee. 226 00:09:47,178 --> 00:09:49,122 Uh... Well, it is the rules. 227 00:09:49,222 --> 00:09:51,222 Okay. - I consent. 228 00:09:51,507 --> 00:09:52,333 Muah! 229 00:09:52,433 --> 00:09:55,420 Wonderful, that was very appropriate. - You are a gentleman, sir. 230 00:09:55,520 --> 00:09:57,079 I choose share. 231 00:09:57,179 --> 00:09:59,424 Hey, guys, I just want to say I'm having a blast... 232 00:09:59,524 --> 00:10:01,009 ...and I also wanna make a mental note... 233 00:10:01,109 --> 00:10:03,711 ...to recycle this bottle once we're finished. 234 00:10:03,811 --> 00:10:05,638 When this sharpie dries out, 235 00:10:05,738 --> 00:10:08,558 we should flush a bunch of golf balls down the toilet. 236 00:10:08,658 --> 00:10:11,010 [sighs] No. 237 00:10:11,110 --> 00:10:13,813 What's that picture? - I was the captain of the debate team. 238 00:10:13,913 --> 00:10:15,473 [Hormone] What you doing with your face? 239 00:10:15,573 --> 00:10:17,775 I'm smiling. - Oh, yeah. 240 00:10:17,875 --> 00:10:20,862 I miss that. - I smiled a lot more before you showed up. 241 00:10:20,962 --> 00:10:23,448 Oh! Well, I'm so sorry. 242 00:10:23,548 --> 00:10:26,242 I guess you don't want the present I got for you now. 243 00:10:26,342 --> 00:10:28,953 What is it? - It's a bucket of used golf balls, duh. 244 00:10:29,053 --> 00:10:29,871 Argh! 245 00:10:29,971 --> 00:10:32,707 Honestly, when Nick and I hooked up, it was fun. 246 00:10:32,807 --> 00:10:35,835 But then it just made me feel like, so shitty. 247 00:10:35,935 --> 00:10:39,172 Touching boobs and rubbing fronts doesn't make you feel all shitty. 248 00:10:39,272 --> 00:10:41,132 Mean jerks make you feel shitty, 249 00:10:41,232 --> 00:10:43,301 if there weren't any mean jerks, it'd be fine. 250 00:10:43,401 --> 00:10:45,678 You know what? That's kind of a good point. 251 00:10:45,778 --> 00:10:49,474 We should just like feed all the mean jerks into a wood chipper... 252 00:10:49,574 --> 00:10:52,560 ...and then spread their body chunks all over the playground... 253 00:10:52,660 --> 00:10:54,562 ...so kids don't get hurt because like, 254 00:10:54,662 --> 00:10:57,607 ultimately we're like very good samaritans. 255 00:10:57,707 --> 00:11:00,109 Let's just cut off right before that last part. 256 00:11:00,209 --> 00:11:03,029 Yeah, we'll just put them in a wood chipper, guys suck. 257 00:11:03,129 --> 00:11:04,322 But what about girls, though? 258 00:11:04,422 --> 00:11:06,949 Devin looked me dead in the eye and called me a slut. 259 00:11:07,049 --> 00:11:11,904 She let you look her in the eyes? Oh, my God! Lucky Lola. 260 00:11:12,004 --> 00:11:13,831 Oh, Lola. Devin is so mean to you. 261 00:11:13,931 --> 00:11:14,791 No! 262 00:11:14,891 --> 00:11:17,460 Why are you even friends with her? - 'Cause like, she said, 263 00:11:17,560 --> 00:11:19,504 like, she's like a beautiful speedboat... 264 00:11:19,604 --> 00:11:22,840 ...and I'm like a lumpy barnacle that's stuck on her hull. 265 00:11:22,940 --> 00:11:25,259 Oh, Lola. You don't have to be Devin's Barnacle. 266 00:11:25,359 --> 00:11:29,263 Oh, my God. Are you proposing that I become like, your barnacle? 267 00:11:29,363 --> 00:11:32,975 Oh, not exactly-- - 'Cause I'll like ruin your paint job, 268 00:11:33,075 --> 00:11:34,936 but like, ultimately... - Oh, we're hugging. 269 00:11:35,036 --> 00:11:38,806 ...become very good company to you. 270 00:11:38,906 --> 00:11:43,069 Well, Jay,  I suppose if I had to let any magician butt fudge me, 271 00:11:43,169 --> 00:11:46,656 I guess it would be Teller, because he's small and he seems gentle. 272 00:11:46,756 --> 00:11:51,285 Wrong answer! It's Chris Angel because his name sounds like anal. 273 00:11:51,385 --> 00:11:53,935 Now, here's how it's done. Smooch. 274 00:11:54,630 --> 00:11:55,873 Come on. 275 00:11:55,973 --> 00:11:57,542 Yes, yes, yes. 276 00:11:57,642 --> 00:11:59,118 No, no, no, no! 277 00:11:59,218 --> 00:12:00,962 And there it is. - Shit. 278 00:12:01,062 --> 00:12:02,880 [laughs] You gotta kiss him. - Argh! 279 00:12:02,980 --> 00:12:05,925 [Andrew] But it's the rules. - Singe his skin with the teacher coffee. 280 00:12:06,025 --> 00:12:07,885 I know how to play Smooch or Share, okay? 281 00:12:07,985 --> 00:12:09,554 But Matthew isn't even playing! 282 00:12:09,654 --> 00:12:11,639 No, I'll play, but there's no way 283 00:12:11,739 --> 00:12:14,058 Jay wants to seem gay by kissing a boy. 284 00:12:14,158 --> 00:12:17,094 No, if I didn't want to kiss you it'd be because you'd hurt my feelings. 285 00:12:17,194 --> 00:12:18,354 Umm. That's even gayer. 286 00:12:18,454 --> 00:12:20,440 Fuck! Fine,  I'll do it. 287 00:12:20,540 --> 00:12:21,524 And when I win this game, 288 00:12:21,624 --> 00:12:24,694 you guys are going to smooch and share my asshole. 289 00:12:24,794 --> 00:12:29,857 This kid is a goddamn prodigy. I think he's his own Hormone Monster. 290 00:12:29,957 --> 00:12:31,951 [kissing]... 291 00:12:32,051 --> 00:12:34,287 Well, then. - In your face, Matthew. 292 00:12:34,387 --> 00:12:35,913 Whoa! Ah-ha! 293 00:12:36,013 --> 00:12:40,159 Jay, Jay. Jay!  Am I right? Here we go. Jay, Jay... 294 00:12:40,259 --> 00:12:41,085 ...[sighs] 295 00:12:41,185 --> 00:12:43,588 I really should be getting back to those children, 296 00:12:43,688 --> 00:12:45,757 but I can't leave until I'm finished with you. 297 00:12:45,857 --> 00:12:48,426 Why? - Well, once I begin a task 298 00:12:48,526 --> 00:12:51,387 I feel I must complete it before I can move on. 299 00:12:51,487 --> 00:12:54,432 Why? - It's just this need inside of me. 300 00:12:54,532 --> 00:12:56,559 I crave order, you see. 301 00:12:56,659 --> 00:13:00,021 I suppose that's why mommy called me Mr. Bookshelf. 302 00:13:00,121 --> 00:13:02,106 Why? - I don't know why! 303 00:13:02,206 --> 00:13:04,226 She was the one who told me to organize... 304 00:13:04,326 --> 00:13:05,735 ...the books and I organized them. 305 00:13:05,835 --> 00:13:09,322 And then she made me feel strange about how I organized. 306 00:13:09,422 --> 00:13:10,823 Who? - Mommy! 307 00:13:10,923 --> 00:13:13,910 Oh, you mean Mrs. Bookshelf. - No, I mean... 308 00:13:14,010 --> 00:13:16,704 Well, yeah, I suppose so. Though truth be told, 309 00:13:16,804 --> 00:13:18,331 she never married my father. 310 00:13:18,431 --> 00:13:20,032 What was he like? - Father... 311 00:13:20,132 --> 00:13:24,295 He was a tune whistled by a Cape Town whore. 312 00:13:24,395 --> 00:13:26,714 Oh, yeah. Cape Town, over by the airport. 313 00:13:26,814 --> 00:13:30,543 No, South Africa! - Oh, South Africa... 314 00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:32,053 ...over by the airport. 315 00:13:32,153 --> 00:13:32,970 [smooching] 316 00:13:33,070 --> 00:13:34,880 All right! 317 00:13:34,980 --> 00:13:36,891 Danke. - Kissing with you is like... 318 00:13:36,991 --> 00:13:38,059 ...for me to kiss my uncle. 319 00:13:38,159 --> 00:13:41,270 These girls are hot,  but they smell like herring and dark bread. 320 00:13:41,370 --> 00:13:44,557 Okay, I guess it's my turn and I pick share. 321 00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:46,317 What? You got to kiss somebody else... 322 00:13:46,417 --> 00:13:48,361 ...to get the dark bread taste out of your mouth. 323 00:13:48,461 --> 00:13:51,614 No, let's keep sharing, it feels good. - A good call in the share. 324 00:13:51,714 --> 00:13:55,159 Ooh! Ask him what's the naughtiest ickiest thing he's ever done. 325 00:13:55,259 --> 00:13:57,829 All right, buddy. What's the grossest thing you've ever done? 326 00:13:57,929 --> 00:13:59,330 [chuckles] Oh, wow. 327 00:13:59,430 --> 00:14:02,708 Uh... That's like asking a Beatle his favorite Beatles song. 328 00:14:02,808 --> 00:14:03,918 Uh, there's so many. 329 00:14:04,018 --> 00:14:05,545 Okay, this one's good. - Okay. 330 00:14:05,645 --> 00:14:06,587 You'll like this. - Waiting. 331 00:14:06,687 --> 00:14:08,840 It's gross, but it's good. - Great, that's the question. 332 00:14:08,940 --> 00:14:10,383 At your pool house... - Sure. 333 00:14:10,483 --> 00:14:13,052 Your parents are making lunch, I go to the bathroom, 334 00:14:13,152 --> 00:14:16,973 I see Leah's bathing suit there, right, so I get hard... 335 00:14:17,073 --> 00:14:18,558 ...and I start masturbating to it. - What? 336 00:14:18,658 --> 00:14:21,060 And then Leah.... Leah walks in on me. 337 00:14:21,160 --> 00:14:22,979 Bah, bah, bah! 338 00:14:23,079 --> 00:14:25,106 So you jerked off to my sister? 339 00:14:25,206 --> 00:14:28,526 Well, to her bathing suit, but yes, I guess it was... she had been in it. 340 00:14:28,626 --> 00:14:29,610 So I was imagining her. 341 00:14:29,710 --> 00:14:33,322 Ew! We don't want to think of Leah that way, Andrew's bad. 342 00:14:33,422 --> 00:14:35,950 The hell, Andrew? - She's hot. What are we supposed to do? 343 00:14:36,050 --> 00:14:37,451 But you can take it as a compliment. 344 00:14:37,551 --> 00:14:39,662 What's the compliment? - You do have the same bone structure. 345 00:14:39,762 --> 00:14:41,330 So it's like you're jerking off to me? 346 00:14:41,430 --> 00:14:43,791 This dirty turtle jerked off in your house! 347 00:14:43,891 --> 00:14:46,335 I bet he does it all the time! - What the fuck are you doing? 348 00:14:46,435 --> 00:14:48,087 Have you masturbated in my house before? 349 00:14:48,187 --> 00:14:51,841 No, never! When you're in the room... unless you're sleeping. 350 00:14:51,941 --> 00:14:54,760 Whoa! You jerk off next to him while he's asleep? 351 00:14:54,860 --> 00:14:56,304 He really is like Uncle Bram. 352 00:14:56,404 --> 00:14:58,931 I wasn't thinking about you, okay?  Jerk. 353 00:14:59,031 --> 00:15:01,100 I was looking at your cat clock. - My cat clock? 354 00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:03,394 My grandmother gave me that clock. - I know. 355 00:15:03,494 --> 00:15:06,314 Oh, that also turned you on? - Looking at this in realistic way, 356 00:15:06,414 --> 00:15:07,815 all my thinking was pretty abstract. 357 00:15:07,915 --> 00:15:12,320 You're like a compulsive masturbator. - I hate Andrew, I hate his spermy dick. 358 00:15:12,420 --> 00:15:14,739 He's jealous 'cause he can't jack it. - Oh, yeah? 359 00:15:14,839 --> 00:15:18,576 Well, Nick, you're just jealous 'cause you couldn't jerk off if I paid you to. 360 00:15:18,676 --> 00:15:20,870 He wants to pay the boy to masturbate. 361 00:15:20,970 --> 00:15:21,787 [both] Uncle Bram. 362 00:15:21,887 --> 00:15:24,657 [growls] 363 00:15:24,757 --> 00:15:26,626 You're a gigantic jizz creep. 364 00:15:26,726 --> 00:15:28,502 Well, you're a dickless little dwarf. 365 00:15:28,602 --> 00:15:29,629 Guys, stop it. 366 00:15:29,729 --> 00:15:33,541 I hate you! - That's convenient, 'cause I hate you too! 367 00:15:33,641 --> 00:15:34,667 I'm outta here. 368 00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:37,053 What kind of hormone monster are you, man? 369 00:15:37,153 --> 00:15:41,140 Making your kid feel bad for jacking off? That's against the Jizzocratic Oath. 370 00:15:41,240 --> 00:15:43,643 Which you signed in blood and semen. 371 00:15:43,743 --> 00:15:46,479 I remember, it looked like a cream cheese and jelly sandwich, 372 00:15:46,579 --> 00:15:49,690 and I ate the whole thing. Yum, yum,  yummy. 373 00:15:49,790 --> 00:15:51,892 Great, thanks a lot, now I'm starving. 374 00:15:51,992 --> 00:15:54,520 [Jessi] Where is it? I know it's here. 375 00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:55,738 There! See? 376 00:15:55,838 --> 00:15:59,075 That's who I used to be. A person interested in social justice, 377 00:15:59,175 --> 00:16:02,119 the kind of female warrior who empowered other women. 378 00:16:02,219 --> 00:16:03,496 Wait, where are you going? 379 00:16:03,596 --> 00:16:05,081 To be that person again. 380 00:16:05,181 --> 00:16:07,875 That's too vague. Hold up. You know what? 381 00:16:07,975 --> 00:16:10,244 What I'm gonna do is just follow you. 382 00:16:10,344 --> 00:16:12,809 Oh, shit. My golf balls! 383 00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:13,956 Dammit! 384 00:16:14,056 --> 00:16:15,633 Oh, yeah, I jerked off to your sister. 385 00:16:15,733 --> 00:16:18,210 God, I thought people were gonna laugh and applaud. 386 00:16:18,310 --> 00:16:20,930 What's wrong with me? Nick and I are never going to be friends again. 387 00:16:21,030 --> 00:16:22,098 You know what I think? 388 00:16:22,198 --> 00:16:23,307 Jay. - What? 389 00:16:23,407 --> 00:16:25,518 I like Jay, he has pubes. 390 00:16:25,618 --> 00:16:27,478 He seems to have sex with everything... 391 00:16:27,578 --> 00:16:29,814 ...and he's got a subscription to Jean Shorts Weekly. 392 00:16:29,914 --> 00:16:32,066 Wait, what? - Jay is your new best friend. 393 00:16:32,166 --> 00:16:34,860 The fuck? No, no. Nick's my best friend. 394 00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:38,439 He called you a gigantic jizz creep. - Well, maybe he's right, maybe I am. 395 00:16:38,539 --> 00:16:40,366 I mean, look at me. - Hey, man, you look great. 396 00:16:40,466 --> 00:16:42,276 Women are into soggy guys. 397 00:16:42,376 --> 00:16:44,870 Says so right here in Soggy Guy Monthly. 398 00:16:44,970 --> 00:16:50,117 God, that magazine is really-- - Soggy. Yeah, comes in a wet bag. 399 00:16:50,217 --> 00:16:52,086 Andrew's right, I'm a dickless dwarf. 400 00:16:52,186 --> 00:16:55,297 And I only said those terrible things to him because I feel bad about myself. 401 00:16:55,397 --> 00:16:56,924 But that's good! - Excuse me? 402 00:16:57,024 --> 00:16:58,426 You're supposed to feel that way. 403 00:16:58,526 --> 00:17:00,386 That's what the ghost says. - The ghost? 404 00:17:00,486 --> 00:17:02,263 The floating guy with the Harry Potter accent. 405 00:17:02,363 --> 00:17:04,682 Hold on, are you talking about the Shame Wizard? 406 00:17:04,782 --> 00:17:09,270 Oopsie doopsie. I wasn't supposed to say anything. [giggling] 407 00:17:09,370 --> 00:17:12,273 No, no, no. This isn't cute or funny. What did he say to you? 408 00:17:12,373 --> 00:17:13,566 Ga, ga, gu, gu... 409 00:17:13,666 --> 00:17:16,318 Stop it! Have you been working for the Shame Wizard? 410 00:17:16,418 --> 00:17:19,196 Ah! I'm in cahoots. Didn't you want me to be in cahoots? 411 00:17:19,296 --> 00:17:21,387 No! No cahoots.  The Shame Wizard sucks, 412 00:17:21,487 --> 00:17:22,742 he makes you feel shitty. 413 00:17:22,842 --> 00:17:26,203 You need to feel shitty, or else you'll do things you'll regret. 414 00:17:26,303 --> 00:17:28,998 The only thing I regret is being mean to my best friend! 415 00:17:29,098 --> 00:17:32,334 What about messing things up with Gina? - Yeah, and that's your fault too. 416 00:17:32,434 --> 00:17:35,046 And what about when I made you call your dad a pussy? 417 00:17:35,146 --> 00:17:38,340 Yeah, all those things, you're a shitty Hormone Monster. 418 00:17:38,440 --> 00:17:39,633 Wait, Nick! 419 00:17:39,733 --> 00:17:42,419 I'm not done listing all my failures. 420 00:17:42,519 --> 00:17:45,172 Hey Gina, I just wanted to say I am-- 421 00:17:45,272 --> 00:17:46,932 Gina, like, doesn't wanna talk to you. 422 00:17:47,032 --> 00:17:50,936 Yeah, look, I totally understand why you're upset with me. 423 00:17:51,036 --> 00:17:53,272 It was never my intention to slut shame you, 424 00:17:53,372 --> 00:17:56,609 but that's not who I am and I'm really sorry. 425 00:17:56,709 --> 00:17:59,153 Wow, you and Nick are a real pair. 426 00:17:59,253 --> 00:18:00,071 What do you mean? 427 00:18:00,171 --> 00:18:03,449 Your whole friend group. You can't just do something awful and then say you're sorry, 428 00:18:03,549 --> 00:18:06,494 and then just expect like, make up make outs. 429 00:18:06,594 --> 00:18:09,371 What? - If Gina's gonna make out with anybody... 430 00:18:09,471 --> 00:18:10,581 ...it's going to be me. 431 00:18:10,681 --> 00:18:13,667 So say goodbye to these, and while you're at it, 432 00:18:13,767 --> 00:18:15,119 say goodbye to these. 433 00:18:15,219 --> 00:18:18,839 They're real and they're basically two different colors. 434 00:18:18,939 --> 00:18:22,626 Wait, why? - I sleep on my side in the tanning bed. 435 00:18:22,726 --> 00:18:25,304 Jessi, I put some golf balls in this pillowcase. 436 00:18:25,404 --> 00:18:29,308 We're going to turn Lola's organs into cottage cheese. 437 00:18:29,408 --> 00:18:31,310 Okay, let's all calm down. 438 00:18:31,410 --> 00:18:33,729 I'm just trying to keep sisterhood alive, you guys. 439 00:18:33,829 --> 00:18:37,766 Sisterhood? Are you kidding? - Yeah, you're basically Bill Cosby. 440 00:18:37,866 --> 00:18:41,195 You tell all of us young black men to pull up our pants... 441 00:18:41,295 --> 00:18:43,489 ...and then you like, rape everybody. 442 00:18:43,589 --> 00:18:45,950 No, wait-- - You like, snooze everyone down, 443 00:18:46,050 --> 00:18:47,451 and then you like, go to town. 444 00:18:47,551 --> 00:18:49,870 I think Lola is saying that you're a total hypocrite. 445 00:18:49,970 --> 00:18:51,497 Let's fuck them both up! 446 00:18:51,597 --> 00:18:55,668 No, stop it, they're right. Even Lola's right. 447 00:18:55,768 --> 00:18:57,378 I am Bill Cosby. 448 00:18:57,478 --> 00:19:00,028 Oh! - [sighs] 449 00:19:00,639 --> 00:19:02,458 Goddamn golf balls. 450 00:19:02,558 --> 00:19:05,302 Then everybody at work said they weren't doing anything. 451 00:19:05,402 --> 00:19:07,054 Okay. - But it was clear they were all... 452 00:19:07,154 --> 00:19:09,223 ...going bowling together. - Wow. 453 00:19:09,323 --> 00:19:11,767 And how did that make you feel? - Abandoned. 454 00:19:11,867 --> 00:19:12,852 Abandan? - Sorry? 455 00:19:12,952 --> 00:19:14,136 Abandan? 456 00:19:14,236 --> 00:19:15,980 Are you trying to say 'abandoned'? 457 00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:17,273 Abandan. - Yes. 458 00:19:17,373 --> 00:19:18,732 Abandan. - Yes! 459 00:19:18,832 --> 00:19:21,467 Just like how my father 'abandan' me. 460 00:19:21,543 --> 00:19:22,862 Adandan. - [crying] 461 00:19:22,962 --> 00:19:25,257 There, I got it, now I got it. 462 00:19:25,914 --> 00:19:26,991 Hey. - Hey. 463 00:19:27,091 --> 00:19:29,660 Um... I just wanted to let you know that... 464 00:19:29,760 --> 00:19:31,954 ...you're my best friend. - You're my best friend too. 465 00:19:32,054 --> 00:19:33,998 Now I don't have to be best friends with Jay. 466 00:19:34,098 --> 00:19:35,791 Wait, what? - But Nick, why did we say... 467 00:19:35,891 --> 00:19:39,128 ...all these terrible things to each other? - I don't know.  I'm sorry. 468 00:19:39,228 --> 00:19:40,880 Tyler is driving me crazy. 469 00:19:40,980 --> 00:19:44,258 No Maury was the driving force behind the holy a-jerk-off debacle, 470 00:19:44,358 --> 00:19:46,218 I don't even know if I like doing it standing up. 471 00:19:46,318 --> 00:19:47,845 Please, no details. - My butt cramps. 472 00:19:47,945 --> 00:19:50,222 That sounds hard. - There's a hard ball in the arch of my-- 473 00:19:50,322 --> 00:19:51,640 Just, please, okay? 474 00:19:51,740 --> 00:19:55,227 Tyler is in cahoots with this floating demon with a scar. 475 00:19:55,327 --> 00:19:56,687 Wait a second. The Shame Wizard? 476 00:19:56,787 --> 00:19:58,314 You know about the Shame Wizard too? 477 00:19:58,414 --> 00:20:00,149 I thought only I could see him! 478 00:20:00,249 --> 00:20:01,984 I thought only I could see him! 479 00:20:02,084 --> 00:20:04,612 We thought we were the only ones who saw him, 480 00:20:04,712 --> 00:20:07,448 but in the Netherlands we call him Father Shame. 481 00:20:07,548 --> 00:20:09,909 Oh, he's the worst. - Shame Wizard? I've seen him. 482 00:20:10,009 --> 00:20:11,110 I saw him too! 483 00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:12,036 What was that? 484 00:20:12,136 --> 00:20:16,081 Oh, when you were talking, I spiked a can of soda on the floor. 485 00:20:16,181 --> 00:20:19,910 No, you imbecile! The children! 486 00:20:20,010 --> 00:20:22,560 I'm right behind you, best friend. 487 00:20:22,971 --> 00:20:24,131 [laughs] 488 00:20:24,231 --> 00:20:25,966 There's tiny Epcot Center's on the ground. 489 00:20:26,066 --> 00:20:28,710 What are they doing here? [laughs] Bye, Roo! 490 00:20:28,810 --> 00:20:31,430 He comes out of the shadows. - Yeah, he has like a British accent. 491 00:20:31,530 --> 00:20:34,642 And his face is burned and he has fingernail knives. 492 00:20:34,742 --> 00:20:38,312 I think that might be Freddy Krueger, Caleb, but, the rest of us... 493 00:20:38,412 --> 00:20:40,522 ...we're all definitely seeing the same guy. 494 00:20:40,622 --> 00:20:42,775 He told me I was a horny spaz. 495 00:20:42,875 --> 00:20:45,429 He told me I should feel bad about my mom... 496 00:20:45,529 --> 00:20:47,446 ...still wiping me, like yeah, right. 497 00:20:47,546 --> 00:20:52,076 He told me I was a slut, in fact, all of you told me that I was a slut. 498 00:20:52,176 --> 00:20:53,911 So he was right about at least one thing. 499 00:20:54,011 --> 00:20:55,746 Oh, hi, you want me to kick your ass again? 500 00:20:55,846 --> 00:20:58,040 [door slams open] - [kids screaming]... 501 00:20:58,140 --> 00:21:01,085 ...[Shame Wizard] I hate you. Dick in the wall. 502 00:21:01,185 --> 00:21:02,378 You're a slut. 503 00:21:02,478 --> 00:21:03,879 Nickie dickboy. 504 00:21:03,979 --> 00:21:04,797 Filthy perv. 505 00:21:04,897 --> 00:21:07,800 He's back, oh, God! - [Shame Wizard] You're geriatric. 506 00:21:07,900 --> 00:21:09,051 Horny spaz. 507 00:21:09,151 --> 00:21:10,511 Your mother wipes you. 508 00:21:10,611 --> 00:21:11,428 Oh, no! 509 00:21:11,528 --> 00:21:13,347 [Jay] Oh, fuck! No! 510 00:21:13,447 --> 00:21:14,965 Brighton! 511 00:21:15,065 --> 00:21:18,269 Don't listen to him,  he's just trying to make us feel alone and terrible. 512 00:21:18,369 --> 00:21:22,449 That's because you are alone and terrible. 513 00:21:22,823 --> 00:21:24,316 I'm telling you the truth. 514 00:21:24,416 --> 00:21:27,736 Unlike this perverted masturbator. 515 00:21:27,836 --> 00:21:28,779 Oh, big wow. 516 00:21:28,879 --> 00:21:32,408 I already told them about the masturbating and it was liberating, sir. 517 00:21:32,508 --> 00:21:34,618 So, why don't you just leave us alone? 518 00:21:34,718 --> 00:21:37,538 You truly believe you'd be better off without me? 519 00:21:37,638 --> 00:21:40,791 We know we'd be better off without you. - [gasps] 520 00:21:40,891 --> 00:21:44,503 And now, as my mom says when I'm not getting in the car fast enough, 521 00:21:44,603 --> 00:21:46,714 'Vamos your caboose, mister.' 522 00:21:46,814 --> 00:21:47,881 Yeah! - You suck! 523 00:21:47,981 --> 00:21:49,883 Freeze your piss like a popsicle and eat it! 524 00:21:49,983 --> 00:21:52,303 Yeah! If someone wants to chew on their genitals... 525 00:21:52,403 --> 00:21:55,097 ...they should be allowed to make their own mistakes! 526 00:21:55,197 --> 00:21:57,266 See that? Nobody wants you around. 527 00:21:57,366 --> 00:22:02,521 You... You're just a room full of daddies trying to 'adandan' me. 528 00:22:02,621 --> 00:22:05,357 Well, you can't, because I 'abandan' you. 529 00:22:05,457 --> 00:22:08,827 What? - I 'abandan' you! 530 00:22:10,120 --> 00:22:11,188 Um... 531 00:22:11,288 --> 00:22:13,282 Did he just actually leave? - I think he did. 532 00:22:13,382 --> 00:22:16,410 That means we're free, we can do whatever we want. 533 00:22:16,510 --> 00:22:20,706 Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to a world without shame, baby. 534 00:22:20,806 --> 00:22:23,042 [Wiggles screams] 535 00:22:23,142 --> 00:22:25,252 Wiggles, you're back! 536 00:22:25,352 --> 00:22:27,338 I missed you so much. 537 00:22:27,438 --> 00:22:29,423 Let's dance, Missy. 538 00:22:29,523 --> 00:22:30,966 No. - Oh. 539 00:22:31,066 --> 00:22:32,718 Let's masturbate! 540 00:22:32,818 --> 00:22:35,128 [cheering] 541 00:22:35,228 --> 00:22:37,863 Make it faint, girl. 542 00:22:38,231 --> 00:22:39,558 [moaning] 543 00:22:39,658 --> 00:22:42,888 I'd let you wipe me. 544 00:22:43,028 --> 00:22:44,563 Now people know. 545 00:22:44,663 --> 00:22:46,190 [Tyler imitating bike noises] 546 00:22:46,290 --> 00:22:48,734 Okay, so under here is coach Steve's office. 547 00:22:48,834 --> 00:22:50,569 Now, this is a great place to jerk off... 548 00:22:50,669 --> 00:22:53,030 ...when coach Steve gets himself stuck in the volleyball net. 549 00:22:53,130 --> 00:22:55,199 Well, well, well, what are we up to here, bud? 550 00:22:55,299 --> 00:22:57,576 Hey, just giving a tour of all the places in the school... 551 00:22:57,676 --> 00:22:59,119 ...where I've totally whacked it. 552 00:22:59,219 --> 00:23:01,747 You? - I'm showing up my sweet, little Dicky. 553 00:23:01,847 --> 00:23:05,125 Hi, everybody! I'm Nick's pubic hair. Y'all have a lovely school. 554 00:23:05,225 --> 00:23:08,629 Nick, you have a small penis, but your confidence is so appealing. 555 00:23:08,729 --> 00:23:11,632 Thank you, one of the Jansen Twins, and don't worry, ladies, 556 00:23:11,732 --> 00:23:14,426 someday it'll be totally average. 557 00:23:14,526 --> 00:23:15,969 No shame! 558 00:23:16,069 --> 00:23:18,347 You know, back in the Teachers Lounge, 559 00:23:18,447 --> 00:23:20,057 that was actually my first kiss. 560 00:23:20,157 --> 00:23:22,434 It was my first guy-kiss. 561 00:23:22,534 --> 00:23:24,895 What did you think? - Hey, man, a mouth's a mouth. 562 00:23:24,995 --> 00:23:28,440 Stop quoting your dad's law commercials. - Why don't you make me? 563 00:23:28,540 --> 00:23:30,809 [both moaning] 564 00:23:30,909 --> 00:23:31,902 Oh, it tickles. 565 00:23:32,002 --> 00:23:34,980 [giggling] 566 00:23:35,080 --> 00:23:37,950 You know what, Devin? I liked getting my boobs felt, 567 00:23:38,050 --> 00:23:41,286 and if that makes me a slut, well, then that's your problem. 568 00:23:41,386 --> 00:23:44,998 Lola, quit humping your new boyfriend and kick her ass for me. 569 00:23:45,098 --> 00:23:49,253 Devin! You like, full on broke my heart. 570 00:23:49,353 --> 00:23:52,673 Bacio della morte, you fucking bitch. 571 00:23:52,773 --> 00:23:53,924 [kisses]... 572 00:23:54,024 --> 00:23:55,050 Lola. - Unfriend. 573 00:23:55,150 --> 00:23:55,968 What... - Unfollow. 574 00:23:56,068 --> 00:23:57,052 Do you think-- - Blocked. 575 00:23:57,152 --> 00:23:58,595 You're doing? - Unsubscribe. 576 00:23:58,695 --> 00:23:59,847 From my makeup tutorials? 577 00:23:59,947 --> 00:24:01,932 I hate how you say 'Hey, guys!' 578 00:24:02,032 --> 00:24:04,893 when you know I'm the only one watching your stupid makeup tutorials. 579 00:24:04,993 --> 00:24:07,646 Oh my God! - You should just say, 'Hey, Lola'. 580 00:24:07,746 --> 00:24:09,815 And cat eyes are so over. 581 00:24:09,915 --> 00:24:12,401 You don't know what you're saying right now. 582 00:24:12,501 --> 00:24:15,362 Do you even read Teen Vogue? It's political now. 583 00:24:15,462 --> 00:24:16,655 [crying] Oh, God! 584 00:24:16,755 --> 00:24:19,825 [groans] His dimpled eggs are really tricky. 585 00:24:19,925 --> 00:24:22,475 [tires screeching]... 586 00:24:23,003 --> 00:24:24,913 ...[crash] - [muffled screaming] 587 00:24:25,013 --> 00:24:26,573 Pretty ponytail! 588 00:24:26,673 --> 00:24:30,583 [Steve laughing] 589 00:24:31,052 --> 00:24:32,463 Shake your booty, Missy! 590 00:24:32,563 --> 00:24:36,425 It's more of a scoop then a shake, but thanks! 591 00:24:36,525 --> 00:24:40,512 Come on, baby. Don't you wanna join in? The Shame Wizard's gone. 592 00:24:40,612 --> 00:24:43,223 No. I just wanna be left alone. 593 00:24:43,323 --> 00:24:46,894 Oh, come on. You want to take a tinkle on the principal's desk? 594 00:24:46,994 --> 00:24:48,770 Or take a tinkle on the vending machine? 595 00:24:48,870 --> 00:24:50,147 No! - What? You don't have to go? 596 00:24:50,247 --> 00:24:52,858 Stop! You keep making me do shitty things. 597 00:24:52,958 --> 00:24:54,776 I don't like who I am when I'm with you. 598 00:24:54,876 --> 00:24:56,195 I see. Well. 599 00:24:56,295 --> 00:24:58,780 [sighs] Maybe we should just take a break. 600 00:24:58,880 --> 00:25:01,441 Good. Yes, go. - All right, good. 601 00:25:01,541 --> 00:25:04,536 We still going to watch Riverdale or... - Stop! 602 00:25:04,636 --> 00:25:06,997 Should I save it? 'Cause I'm like, three ahead. 603 00:25:07,097 --> 00:25:08,207 Get out of my life! 604 00:25:08,307 --> 00:25:11,537 Well... I guess I'll see you later, baby. 605 00:25:13,762 --> 00:25:16,822 [alarm blaring] - [cheering]... 606 00:25:19,976 --> 00:25:21,978 ...[growling] 607 00:26:07,357 --> 00:26:10,247 SDH created by: Arvind Vishwakarma