1
00:00:10,750 --> 00:00:12,541
[Rita] Ah, the vagina.
2
00:00:12,625 --> 00:00:14,416
Look at it.
3
00:00:14,500 --> 00:00:17,916
We're quite unaccustomed
to facing it so directly, aren't we?
4
00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:20,750
So mysterious is the vagina,
5
00:00:20,833 --> 00:00:23,583
tucked away, perfectly out of sight.
6
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So very within.
7
00:00:26,333 --> 00:00:28,625
I'm Rita St. Swithens,
8
00:00:28,708 --> 00:00:31,083
and I'm here to take you on a journey
9
00:00:31,166 --> 00:00:33,791
to the underbelly of the human carriage.
10
00:00:33,875 --> 00:00:39,291
The perfect breeding ground
for that most potent of all emotions,
11
00:00:39,375 --> 00:00:40,708
shame.
12
00:00:40,791 --> 00:00:43,666
Of course, not all women have vaginas
13
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and not all people with vaginas are women,
14
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but as Jeff Foxworthy famously never said,
15
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"If you've got the blues,
you might have a cooze."
16
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So, strap in your labia and join me,
the grand dame of humiliation,
17
00:00:59,500 --> 00:01:05,208
for a very special episode of Big Mouth,
"Vagina Shame."
18
00:01:07,250 --> 00:01:12,875
[woman]{\an8} ♪ I'm going through changes ♪
19
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{\an8}♪ I'm going through changes ♪
20
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{\an8}♪ Oh, in my life ♪
21
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[Rita] Meet Jessica Cobain Glazer.
22
00:01:40,791 --> 00:01:41,791
Jessi.
23
00:01:41,875 --> 00:01:46,416
A pubescent girl
already very much steeped in shame.
24
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By her 13th year, she had it all.
25
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Divorced parents,
26
00:01:50,875 --> 00:01:52,875
a series of romantic failures,
27
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and a vibrant relationship
28
00:01:54,875 --> 00:01:57,958
with both anxiety and depression.
29
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But all that seemed very far away
at the moment,
30
00:02:00,875 --> 00:02:05,416
because Jessi had found happiness in,
of all places,
31
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{\an8}the Eddie Bauer catalog.
32
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{\an8}These new leggings
are the fucking best, right?
33
00:02:10,625 --> 00:02:13,750
{\an8}Mm. They make your butt
look like a little crab apple.
34
00:02:13,833 --> 00:02:16,458
Thank you, Connie.
I guess that's a good thing, right?
35
00:02:16,541 --> 00:02:19,666
Crab and apple?
That's surf and turf, baby.
36
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[Rita] Jessi was living in tight quarters
37
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{\an8}with her pothead father
and his pregnant girlfriend, Caitlin,
38
00:02:26,208 --> 00:02:28,916
also known as "The Cheese Girl."
39
00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:30,583
Whoa! [chuckling]
40
00:02:30,666 --> 00:02:35,375
I can't believe molten lava cake
made the front page of the Fearless Flyer.
41
00:02:35,458 --> 00:02:36,458
The Fearless Flyer
42
00:02:36,541 --> 00:02:40,541
is a collection of coupons
and advertisements for Trader Joe's.
43
00:02:40,625 --> 00:02:42,875
Greg thinks it's the newspaper.
44
00:02:42,958 --> 00:02:46,166
-I'll be home for dinner.
-Hope you like microwave cake.
45
00:02:46,250 --> 00:02:49,333
Jess, um, if you want me
to wash your leggings,
46
00:02:49,416 --> 00:02:51,583
I can just throw them in with my laundry.
47
00:02:51,666 --> 00:02:53,833
-Are you saying my leggings look dirty?
-No, girl. No.
48
00:02:53,916 --> 00:02:57,166
It's just you've been wearing them
for a few days, so I just thought...
49
00:02:57,250 --> 00:03:01,166
I washed them while you were sleeping,
'cause you actually sleep, like, a lot.
50
00:03:01,250 --> 00:03:03,208
A flagrant but necessary lie,
51
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as Caitlin must always be wrong.
52
00:03:05,666 --> 00:03:06,916
Such is the way.
53
00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:08,583
Yeah, we don't make the rules.
54
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We're just a little girl.
55
00:03:10,708 --> 00:03:12,958
So in a delightful mélange
56
00:03:13,041 --> 00:03:16,541
of low self-esteem
and righteous indignation,
57
00:03:16,625 --> 00:03:20,541
Jessi kept wearing those leggings for days
58
00:03:20,625 --> 00:03:21,833
and days
59
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and days.
60
00:03:23,166 --> 00:03:26,541
And on the 11th day, came the itching.
61
00:03:27,500 --> 00:03:28,791
Okay, yeah, um...
62
00:03:28,875 --> 00:03:31,916
Something is not what you would call
"kosher" down there, Connie.
63
00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:33,375
Ooh, I have an idea.
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00:03:33,458 --> 00:03:37,416
Grab that skeleton and use
one of his bonies to scratch your yoni.
65
00:03:37,500 --> 00:03:39,208
[Jessi's vagina] Yoo-hoo, Jessi.
66
00:03:39,291 --> 00:03:40,458
-Down here.
-Hey.
67
00:03:40,541 --> 00:03:42,875
Do me a favor.
Scratch me like a Powerball ticket
68
00:03:42,958 --> 00:03:45,250
and I'll make you feel
like a million bucks. I promise.
69
00:03:45,333 --> 00:03:47,958
Maybe if I just try grinding
the spine of this textbook
70
00:03:48,041 --> 00:03:49,333
a little harder into my crotch.
71
00:03:49,416 --> 00:03:51,208
Uh, you sure you wanna do that?
72
00:03:51,291 --> 00:03:54,833
Anyone sees you, next thing you know,
you're the girl who fucks books.
73
00:03:54,916 --> 00:03:56,458
[Jessi's vagina] Uh, Jessi, still here.
74
00:03:56,541 --> 00:03:59,250
If you could just reach down
and gouge my eyes out,
75
00:03:59,333 --> 00:04:01,000
it would be much appreciated.
76
00:04:01,083 --> 00:04:02,666
Ms. B, I have to go to the bathroom.
77
00:04:02,750 --> 00:04:04,333
[panting]
78
00:04:04,416 --> 00:04:06,416
[Connie] Run, book fucker. Run.
79
00:04:06,500 --> 00:04:08,500
[Jessi grunts]
80
00:04:08,583 --> 00:04:10,125
Joojle "itchy vagina, why?"
81
00:04:10,208 --> 00:04:11,750
-I'm trying.
-Don't think, just Joojle.
82
00:04:11,833 --> 00:04:15,875
Okay. Itchy vagina. Possible causes:
vaginosis, vaginitis, so many cancers.
83
00:04:15,958 --> 00:04:19,125
In the meantime, could you scratch me
so hard you rip my fucking face off?
84
00:04:19,208 --> 00:04:20,375
Man, now I have to pee.
85
00:04:20,458 --> 00:04:21,875
Wash it out from the inside.
86
00:04:21,958 --> 00:04:23,958
Maybe the piss
will be cooling and soothing.
87
00:04:24,041 --> 00:04:25,166
Good idea. Maybe. Let's see.
88
00:04:25,250 --> 00:04:26,416
[screams]
89
00:04:26,500 --> 00:04:28,208
[Jessi's vagina] It burns like devil fire!
90
00:04:28,291 --> 00:04:31,583
Dearest Satan,
I will allow you to lay with me
91
00:04:31,666 --> 00:04:33,458
if you take away this unholy ailment.
92
00:04:33,541 --> 00:04:36,000
I will take in your evil seed.
93
00:04:36,083 --> 00:04:38,708
I will bear your wicked spawn.
94
00:04:38,791 --> 00:04:40,666
Okay, look, look, look.
There's a pop-up ad.
95
00:04:40,750 --> 00:04:42,208
"Vagisil." That looks promising.
96
00:04:42,291 --> 00:04:45,000
Yes. Let's get your vagie sealed.
97
00:04:45,083 --> 00:04:47,916
[grunts] Don't you die on me.
Help is coming.
98
00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:50,375
Jessi was in need of guidance,
99
00:04:50,458 --> 00:04:52,666
but Shannon was busy working,
100
00:04:52,750 --> 00:04:55,708
because, well, she's that kind of mother.
101
00:04:55,791 --> 00:04:58,041
-[beeps]
-Uh, hey, Mom. I just, um...
102
00:04:58,125 --> 00:05:00,000
If you get this, call me back.
103
00:05:00,083 --> 00:05:04,541
I've got a kind of like a little itchy,
burning question for you.
104
00:05:04,625 --> 00:05:05,458
Oh my God.
105
00:05:06,541 --> 00:05:10,958
[Jessi's vagina] Jessi, scratch harder,
or I'm gonna stop being Mrs. Nice Vagina
106
00:05:11,041 --> 00:05:12,166
and start being...
107
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[in evil voice] ...Beatrice!
108
00:05:13,666 --> 00:05:15,000
Who the fuck is Beatrice?
109
00:05:15,083 --> 00:05:17,125
No, no, no, no, no.
She's my evil twin, Jessi.
110
00:05:17,208 --> 00:05:19,375
And trust me, you do not wanna meet her.
111
00:05:19,458 --> 00:05:21,625
Come on,
let's check the busted vagina department.
112
00:05:21,708 --> 00:05:25,416
Ah, yes, the feminine hygiene aisle.
113
00:05:25,500 --> 00:05:28,833
An entire section of the store
designed to convince women
114
00:05:28,916 --> 00:05:32,250
their vaginas are repulsive
in their natural state.
115
00:05:32,333 --> 00:05:33,291
[chuckles]
116
00:05:34,750 --> 00:05:37,000
-Hey, awesome girl boss.
-Uh, hi.
117
00:05:37,083 --> 00:05:40,875
Are you feeling itchy
with vaginal dryness and unpleasant odors?
118
00:05:40,958 --> 00:05:42,916
I think I smell... regular?
119
00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:45,416
-Oh, regular, that's no good.
-Really?
120
00:05:45,500 --> 00:05:48,000
You wanna smell
like wild country lavender.
121
00:05:48,083 --> 00:05:49,250
Lavender? Okay.
122
00:05:49,333 --> 00:05:52,166
{\an8}Women should have the aroma
of a drawer full of tablecloths.
123
00:05:52,250 --> 00:05:53,750
{\an8}That's what clean smells like.
124
00:05:53,833 --> 00:05:55,791
-Hey. Sweetheart.
-Oh, hi.
125
00:05:55,875 --> 00:05:59,250
{\an8}What you really need
is to flush out your whole situation
126
00:05:59,333 --> 00:06:01,583
{\an8}with my fresh apricot wash.
127
00:06:01,666 --> 00:06:03,125
Woof. A douche?
128
00:06:03,208 --> 00:06:06,583
Trust me, guys love the taste of apricot.
129
00:06:06,666 --> 00:06:07,541
Ew. My God.
130
00:06:07,625 --> 00:06:11,000
Oh, that's actually a real advertisement.
[chuckles]
131
00:06:11,083 --> 00:06:14,166
I don't need to invent any of this.
Joojle it.
132
00:06:14,250 --> 00:06:16,583
[Jessi's vagina]
Oh, Jessi, just pick something.
133
00:06:16,666 --> 00:06:18,250
Beatrice, she's coming.
134
00:06:18,333 --> 00:06:21,333
[Beatrice] Knock, knock.
Open the door, you busted-ass bitch.
135
00:06:21,416 --> 00:06:23,875
Beatrice is knocking, Jessi.
Steal those wipes.
136
00:06:23,958 --> 00:06:26,708
There's not a jury in this land
that would convict you.
137
00:06:26,791 --> 00:06:28,250
And so, just like that,
138
00:06:28,333 --> 00:06:32,916
the book fucker
becomes a Swipes Wipes swiper.
139
00:06:34,458 --> 00:06:35,416
[exhales]
140
00:06:37,208 --> 00:06:40,333
Okay, this isn't doing anything
except make me smell like...
141
00:06:40,416 --> 00:06:42,791
Huh, kiwi banana birthday cake?
142
00:06:42,875 --> 00:06:47,083
Two words, and I just want you
to let me say them. Industrial sander.
143
00:06:47,166 --> 00:06:48,666
Oh no. What is that?
144
00:06:48,750 --> 00:06:51,166
Okay, this is gonna sound weird, Jessi,
145
00:06:51,250 --> 00:06:54,750
but did you order
a side of cottage cheese at a diner
146
00:06:54,833 --> 00:06:57,000
and somehow,
it got delivered to your underwear?
147
00:06:57,083 --> 00:06:58,000
I don't feel so good.
148
00:06:58,083 --> 00:07:01,125
Okay. I'll just clean you,
like really, really, really well.
149
00:07:01,208 --> 00:07:05,041
Yes, scour her like she's a dirty pan
filled with burnt lasagna.
150
00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:06,583
Yeah! Scrub faster. Scrub harder.
151
00:07:06,666 --> 00:07:09,958
-I can't. I'm going as hard as I can.
-[Jessi's vagina] Scrub me raw.
152
00:07:10,041 --> 00:07:11,791
[Beatrice] You dumbass ginger bitch.
153
00:07:11,875 --> 00:07:13,750
-Holy shit, it's Beatrice.
-Oh no.
154
00:07:13,833 --> 00:07:15,083
That's right, Jessi.
155
00:07:15,166 --> 00:07:17,250
I've been dying to meet you.
156
00:07:17,333 --> 00:07:20,375
And now, I'm gonna shoot myself
in the fucking face.
157
00:07:20,458 --> 00:07:22,583
-Oh my God, she's got a gun.
-Beatrice is packing.
158
00:07:22,666 --> 00:07:24,791
One of us dies tonight.
159
00:07:24,875 --> 00:07:28,250
I, for one, am ready for the darkness.
160
00:07:28,833 --> 00:07:30,958
Give me that tiny gun, Your Vaginess.
161
00:07:31,041 --> 00:07:33,458
Is this what you want? Huh?
You little fucking psycho.
162
00:07:33,541 --> 00:07:34,541
-No.
-You want this?
163
00:07:34,625 --> 00:07:37,041
You're killing your own pussy!
164
00:07:37,125 --> 00:07:39,625
-[Beatrice cackles]
-[groaning]
165
00:07:39,708 --> 00:07:41,958
So sad about Jessi,
166
00:07:42,041 --> 00:07:45,708
attacking her own deranged genitalia
with a loofah.
167
00:07:45,791 --> 00:07:46,666
[chuckles]
168
00:07:46,750 --> 00:07:48,041
Shame, really.
169
00:07:48,125 --> 00:07:49,541
But I ask you this.
170
00:07:49,625 --> 00:07:54,541
What if we traveled a few inches
north of the vulva to the mons pubis,
171
00:07:54,625 --> 00:07:58,750
where the hair grows curly
and the shame grows thick.
172
00:07:58,833 --> 00:08:02,916
Case study number two:
Lola Ugfuglio Skumpy.
173
00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:05,083
Thirteen, unsupervised,
174
00:08:05,166 --> 00:08:08,416
unparented, and unshorn.
175
00:08:08,500 --> 00:08:12,708
It was Wednesday night,
and Lola's mother was in Racine, Wisconsin
176
00:08:12,791 --> 00:08:15,708
fornicating with the band Hoobastank.
177
00:08:15,791 --> 00:08:18,666
So that could mean
only one thing for dear Lola,
178
00:08:18,750 --> 00:08:22,291
Hot Pockets and free Internet pornography.
179
00:08:22,375 --> 00:08:26,166
[man moans] We better hurry up and fuck
before Mom and Dad get home.
180
00:08:26,250 --> 00:08:30,500
[woman] My mom and your dad,
because I'm your stepsister.
181
00:08:30,583 --> 00:08:32,416
Oh, okay, good,
they're not blood relatives,
182
00:08:32,500 --> 00:08:34,541
so this is, like, totally copacetic.
183
00:08:34,625 --> 00:08:36,750
[man] Oh, it's so convenient
banging somebody
184
00:08:36,833 --> 00:08:38,875
-who lives in the same house.
-[woman] Mm-hmm.
185
00:08:38,958 --> 00:08:41,166
We're saving so much money on gas.
186
00:08:41,250 --> 00:08:44,875
Looking closely.
Picking up on a trend. Huh?
187
00:08:44,958 --> 00:08:50,125
All the women in porn are, like, smooth
as a dolphin's cooch down there.
188
00:08:50,208 --> 00:08:55,458
Your Majesty, you realize
this is not how most women naturally look.
189
00:08:55,541 --> 00:08:57,416
What do you know, you stupid pube?
190
00:08:57,500 --> 00:09:01,666
Well, you said it yourself, milady.
We are, in fact, pubic hair.
191
00:09:01,750 --> 00:09:04,875
And we have guarded crotches
since the beginning of time.
192
00:09:04,958 --> 00:09:06,458
Ah, yes, we have, indeed.
193
00:09:06,541 --> 00:09:09,583
Sworn to protect human genitals
from dirt and debris.
194
00:09:09,666 --> 00:09:11,125
Like falling leaves.
195
00:09:11,208 --> 00:09:13,125
Okay, sure, falling leaves.
196
00:09:13,208 --> 00:09:15,375
But we also secrete sebum,
197
00:09:15,458 --> 00:09:19,625
a special oil that prevents
dangerous bacteria from reproducing.
198
00:09:19,708 --> 00:09:23,125
We are natural protection
from falling leaves,
199
00:09:23,208 --> 00:09:26,458
wind-blown leaves,
leaves that a gardener might foist...
200
00:09:26,541 --> 00:09:28,791
Balthasar! Enough with the leaves, man.
201
00:09:28,875 --> 00:09:32,583
Okay. Like, I guess
you do have my best interests at heart.
202
00:09:32,666 --> 00:09:35,541
But look at this
absolute array of thumbnails.
203
00:09:35,625 --> 00:09:38,083
There's nary a bush in the bunch.
204
00:09:38,166 --> 00:09:40,416
Is that, like, what men want?
205
00:09:40,500 --> 00:09:43,250
Well, that is more difficult to say,
my queen.
206
00:09:43,333 --> 00:09:45,166
We are merely pubes, after all.
207
00:09:45,250 --> 00:09:49,000
Genital shields
from that most perilous of hazards...
208
00:09:49,083 --> 00:09:51,291
Do not say falling leaves.
209
00:09:51,375 --> 00:09:54,250
I don't have to, for you just did.
210
00:09:54,333 --> 00:09:56,083
[groans] Balthasar!
211
00:09:56,166 --> 00:09:57,583
[Rita] Although Ms. Skumpy
212
00:09:57,666 --> 00:10:01,750
was briefly mollified
by the noble knights of St. Joseph,
213
00:10:01,833 --> 00:10:04,125
fate stepped in a few days later
214
00:10:04,208 --> 00:10:06,291
in the form of a Robert Altman film
215
00:10:06,375 --> 00:10:10,125
and the idle musings
of a few teenage boys.
216
00:10:10,208 --> 00:10:12,333
So then, Julianne Moore steps out,
217
00:10:12,416 --> 00:10:15,166
naked as Winnie the Pooh
from the waist down.
218
00:10:15,250 --> 00:10:18,500
And get this, fellas.
She's sporting a full red bush.
219
00:10:18,583 --> 00:10:19,458
Ew.
220
00:10:19,541 --> 00:10:20,791
Right? Is that right?
221
00:10:20,875 --> 00:10:24,416
Yeah, ew.
Women are supposed to be like seals.
222
00:10:24,500 --> 00:10:28,666
Totally smooth, good with balls,
and always clapping for you.
223
00:10:28,750 --> 00:10:31,666
I'd tell you to stop quoting
your dad's law commercials, Jay,
224
00:10:31,750 --> 00:10:33,875
but this time, I think you might be right.
225
00:10:33,958 --> 00:10:39,291
Oh no, a jury of my boy peers
has reached a unanimous verdict.
226
00:10:39,375 --> 00:10:43,041
My pubes are, like, guilty of being there.
227
00:10:43,125 --> 00:10:46,583
There was only one thing left
for the poor child to do.
228
00:10:47,583 --> 00:10:50,625
I beg you, Your Majesty,
please spare our lives.
229
00:10:50,708 --> 00:10:54,958
We were placed on your pubic mound
by God himself.
230
00:10:55,041 --> 00:10:57,333
I'm sorry. You've served me with valor,
231
00:10:57,416 --> 00:11:00,208
but society has, like, spoken.
232
00:11:01,208 --> 00:11:03,458
-Off with their heads!
-[cheering]
233
00:11:03,541 --> 00:11:05,541
My queen, we beseech you.
234
00:11:05,625 --> 00:11:08,750
We've served you faithfully,
lo these many years.
235
00:11:08,833 --> 00:11:10,125
Who cares? Kill 'em.
236
00:11:10,208 --> 00:11:12,833
-We came for an execution.
-Laser them.
237
00:11:12,916 --> 00:11:15,166
Please, Your Highness, I beg of you.
238
00:11:15,250 --> 00:11:17,500
What if you're reading nude beneath a tree
239
00:11:17,583 --> 00:11:20,083
and a most pointy leaf falls?
240
00:11:20,166 --> 00:11:22,541
That's not helping us, Balthasar.
241
00:11:22,625 --> 00:11:23,541
Now.
242
00:11:24,208 --> 00:11:25,458
[cheering]
243
00:11:27,833 --> 00:11:30,000
Balthasar? Leandre?
244
00:11:30,083 --> 00:11:31,166
Are you there?
245
00:11:31,750 --> 00:11:34,791
Oh no, I've murdered my pubes.
246
00:11:34,875 --> 00:11:36,500
[gasps] And here comes a leaf.
247
00:11:36,583 --> 00:11:40,375
I am but a deer in headlights,
paralyzed with fear.
248
00:11:40,458 --> 00:11:41,500
Ouch.
249
00:11:41,583 --> 00:11:43,958
It's as Balthasar foretold.
250
00:11:44,041 --> 00:11:46,083
Whatever do I do now? [cries]
251
00:11:46,166 --> 00:11:50,458
Now, Lola, you wait for them
to painfully grow back in.
252
00:11:50,541 --> 00:11:54,500
And then you'll pluck and shave
and buff and shine all over again,
253
00:11:54,583 --> 00:11:58,000
not completely understanding
why you're even doing it.
254
00:11:58,083 --> 00:12:01,708
Mm, that's some delicious shame.
255
00:12:02,208 --> 00:12:03,291
Now, I ask you,
256
00:12:03,375 --> 00:12:07,625
these boys who compelled Ms. Skumpy
to shave her mound,
257
00:12:07,708 --> 00:12:10,833
do they even know
what a vagina looks like?
258
00:12:10,916 --> 00:12:12,833
[chuckles] A vagina?
259
00:12:13,375 --> 00:12:16,500
Well, no.
I mean, I've never seen one up close,
260
00:12:16,583 --> 00:12:18,375
but I bet I could draw one.
261
00:12:18,875 --> 00:12:19,875
Huh, huh.
262
00:12:19,958 --> 00:12:22,000
And... there we go.
263
00:12:22,083 --> 00:12:25,916
Wow. Okay. Well, that's not not hot.
264
00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:27,708
Will Netflix be allowed to show this?
265
00:12:27,791 --> 00:12:28,625
Vagina?
266
00:12:28,708 --> 00:12:31,208
Why would you even say that?
That's none of my business.
267
00:12:31,291 --> 00:12:33,541
That's why they invented
the bathroom door.
268
00:12:33,625 --> 00:12:35,791
-[tires squeal]
-Now, get outta my car, you sicko.
269
00:12:35,875 --> 00:12:37,541
I call them sweeties.
270
00:12:37,625 --> 00:12:39,458
Hey... Hey, does anybody know
271
00:12:39,541 --> 00:12:42,000
what happened
to that vagina that Nick drew?
272
00:12:42,083 --> 00:12:43,625
Does she have a sister?
273
00:12:44,375 --> 00:12:48,291
[Rita] Case study number three:
Missy Foreman-Greenwald.
274
00:12:48,375 --> 00:12:50,083
Roiling with hormones,
275
00:12:50,166 --> 00:12:53,333
a girl struggling, as all 13-year-olds do,
276
00:12:53,416 --> 00:12:55,666
with issues of identity,
277
00:12:55,750 --> 00:12:57,791
issues of self-esteem,
278
00:12:57,875 --> 00:13:01,250
issues with her parents,
it goes without saying.
279
00:13:01,333 --> 00:13:06,125
But on this day,
issues of feeling very much behind.
280
00:13:06,208 --> 00:13:09,333
Just got a cool bathroom surprise.
Anyone have a tampon?
281
00:13:09,416 --> 00:13:11,208
Rooting, rifling...
282
00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:13,208
Sorry, I don't really keep extras.
283
00:13:13,291 --> 00:13:16,541
I like to live on the edge,
you know, ruin my underpants.
284
00:13:16,625 --> 00:13:18,375
Sorry, babe. I used my last super
285
00:13:18,458 --> 00:13:22,750
to sop up a mango Spindrift
I absolutely toppled. [chuckles]
286
00:13:22,833 --> 00:13:23,958
[Rita] From Missy's vantage,
287
00:13:24,041 --> 00:13:28,083
the answer to who was menstruating
was simply everyone.
288
00:13:28,166 --> 00:13:30,291
Everyone but poor her.
289
00:13:30,375 --> 00:13:32,791
Look at them. They're such women.
290
00:13:32,875 --> 00:13:34,291
Probing their pocketbooks
291
00:13:34,375 --> 00:13:38,958
as they hunt for that ultimate totem
of womanhood, the blood cigar.
292
00:13:39,041 --> 00:13:42,375
And I'm such a little baby
with my bone-dry uterus.
293
00:13:42,458 --> 00:13:44,583
Quick, pretend to look for a tampon.
294
00:13:44,666 --> 00:13:46,458
-You have one in there, Missy?
-Oh, shit.
295
00:13:46,541 --> 00:13:49,916
-Tell her anything but the truth.
-Well... No.
296
00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:51,291
I could, but I don't,
297
00:13:51,375 --> 00:13:54,083
because for my monthly periods,
298
00:13:54,166 --> 00:13:56,458
-I use a DivaCup.
-Ooh.
299
00:13:56,541 --> 00:13:59,250
I'm a DivaCup wearer.
300
00:13:59,333 --> 00:14:00,708
That's a big swing, darling.
301
00:14:00,791 --> 00:14:02,875
Ew. You use a DivaCup?
302
00:14:02,958 --> 00:14:04,375
With gusto. [chuckles]
303
00:14:04,458 --> 00:14:06,750
It's as quick
and easy to use as a Keurig pod.
304
00:14:06,833 --> 00:14:09,625
But instead of coffee,
when I pop that bad boy in,
305
00:14:09,708 --> 00:14:11,083
my cup is filled to the brim
306
00:14:11,166 --> 00:14:13,708
-with bright red Missy juice.
-Whoa.
307
00:14:13,791 --> 00:14:16,583
-Oh, for fuck's sake.
-I've never met anyone who uses a cup.
308
00:14:16,666 --> 00:14:19,541
Well, now you have.
It's a big part of my identity.
309
00:14:19,625 --> 00:14:21,291
Okay, they bought it. Now stop talking.
310
00:14:21,375 --> 00:14:25,458
And since the silence is deafening...
[chuckles]
311
00:14:25,541 --> 00:14:27,750
...uh, you should know
that my mom uses one too.
312
00:14:27,833 --> 00:14:29,125
What are you doing?
313
00:14:29,208 --> 00:14:33,416
Okay, so you and your mom
collect your blood in a cup every month?
314
00:14:33,500 --> 00:14:35,916
Yes, it connects us
to the cycle of the moon.
315
00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:38,166
In fact, when I first got my period,
316
00:14:38,250 --> 00:14:41,125
probably at least several months
before you did, Devin,
317
00:14:41,208 --> 00:14:45,125
we had a First Moon ceremony
to celebrate my ascension to womanhood.
318
00:14:45,208 --> 00:14:47,208
As your hormone monstress
and your attorney,
319
00:14:47,291 --> 00:14:48,791
I am begging you to shut up.
320
00:14:48,875 --> 00:14:51,791
So, no, Ali, just circling back,
I do not have a tampon.
321
00:14:51,875 --> 00:14:55,583
I'm sorry. I'm a DivaCup diva.
Smell you later. [groans]
322
00:14:55,666 --> 00:14:58,916
Oh, we Shame Wizards love a good lie,
323
00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:02,708
a little pockmark on the soul, festering.
324
00:15:02,791 --> 00:15:07,291
And not long after,
Missy's lies would catch up with her.
325
00:15:07,375 --> 00:15:10,291
Okay, en conversación, por favor,
326
00:15:10,375 --> 00:15:14,208
tell your partner
how you would have stopped 9/11.
327
00:15:14,291 --> 00:15:15,916
Oh, I feel kinda sick.
328
00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:17,916
Maybe it was the extra bowl of bran pulp?
329
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:21,250
When will your family learn
there's such a thing as too much fiber?
330
00:15:21,333 --> 00:15:22,375
You're not pandas.
331
00:15:22,458 --> 00:15:24,083
I really gotta poop.
332
00:15:24,166 --> 00:15:27,125
Señor Arroyo,
what level of government clearance
333
00:15:27,208 --> 00:15:29,458
do I have in this hypothetical?
334
00:15:29,541 --> 00:15:30,500
Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh.
335
00:15:30,583 --> 00:15:31,750
En Español, Caleb.
336
00:15:31,833 --> 00:15:33,375
Can I please use the bathroom?
337
00:15:33,458 --> 00:15:37,166
En Español, Señiorita Foreman-Verdewald.
338
00:15:37,250 --> 00:15:40,750
El baño, por favor.
Numero dos grande, man.
339
00:15:40,833 --> 00:15:42,625
[groaning]
340
00:15:43,791 --> 00:15:46,125
Holy crap. Did I crap myself?
341
00:15:46,208 --> 00:15:47,583
Happens to the best of us, darling.
342
00:15:47,666 --> 00:15:50,041
How the heck did I poop my pants
and not even know it?
343
00:15:50,125 --> 00:15:51,708
-Smell it. Smell the poop.
-Why?
344
00:15:51,791 --> 00:15:53,166
You know you want to.
345
00:15:54,333 --> 00:15:55,916
This isn't poop.
346
00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:57,250
I think it's blood.
347
00:15:57,333 --> 00:15:59,916
Like dark, thick, gloopy blood.
348
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:01,208
Is that your period?
349
00:16:01,291 --> 00:16:03,291
Take a shit and smell that.
Compare the two.
350
00:16:03,375 --> 00:16:06,750
Aw! It feels like
there's a wicked little doll in there
351
00:16:06,833 --> 00:16:08,541
trying to stab its way out.
352
00:16:08,625 --> 00:16:11,583
Oh God, you're pale
and sweating and shaking.
353
00:16:11,666 --> 00:16:13,833
You look like Prince Andrew
getting interviewed.
354
00:16:13,916 --> 00:16:15,500
This can't be my period.
355
00:16:15,583 --> 00:16:18,375
My mom said I'd become one with the moon.
356
00:16:18,458 --> 00:16:20,958
She promised
a glorious ascension into womanhood.
357
00:16:21,041 --> 00:16:24,583
But this is
a dismal descent into diarrhea.
358
00:16:24,666 --> 00:16:26,083
[groaning]
359
00:16:26,166 --> 00:16:30,791
[Rita] But alas, Missy couldn't confess
her agony to any of her friends.
360
00:16:30,875 --> 00:16:35,333
She was trapped in a prison
of her own menstrual lies.
361
00:16:35,416 --> 00:16:37,000
Hey, there, sweetie.
362
00:16:37,083 --> 00:16:39,791
That show you like
where they breakdance to math problems
363
00:16:39,875 --> 00:16:41,875
is about to start on PBS Kids.
364
00:16:41,958 --> 00:16:43,333
Not interested.
365
00:16:43,875 --> 00:16:46,833
[Rita] Missy's mother
had gotten sufficiently used to this
366
00:16:46,916 --> 00:16:50,666
as Missy's 13th year
had become increasingly trying.
367
00:16:50,750 --> 00:16:52,916
I just hate you. No one talk to me.
368
00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:55,291
I don't wanna make my own raisins.
369
00:16:55,375 --> 00:16:57,333
[groaning]
370
00:16:57,416 --> 00:16:58,833
-Yuck.
-What are you doing?
371
00:16:58,916 --> 00:17:01,541
You're not putting
your bloody panties in there, are you?
372
00:17:01,625 --> 00:17:02,750
Where should I put them?
373
00:17:02,833 --> 00:17:04,833
Hide them. Deep in the trash bin.
374
00:17:04,916 --> 00:17:06,000
Oh yeah, good call.
375
00:17:07,583 --> 00:17:08,666
Well done, Missy.
376
00:17:08,750 --> 00:17:11,458
Your secret is safe
beneath a pile of bamboo tissues
377
00:17:11,541 --> 00:17:13,875
-and compostable dental floss.
-[sighs]
378
00:17:13,958 --> 00:17:17,416
I wish I could compost
my whole stupid body.
379
00:17:18,041 --> 00:17:19,500
[Rita] There Missy lay,
380
00:17:19,583 --> 00:17:25,750
simmering in a toxic stew
of pain, secrets, rage, and lies.
381
00:17:25,833 --> 00:17:29,708
The perfect recipe
for a bouillabaisse of shame.
382
00:17:29,791 --> 00:17:31,500
Fuck you, moon.
383
00:17:31,583 --> 00:17:32,625
[knocking on door]
384
00:17:32,708 --> 00:17:33,541
Missy?
385
00:17:33,625 --> 00:17:34,625
Oh, go away.
386
00:17:34,708 --> 00:17:37,291
Sweetheart, did you get your period?
387
00:17:37,375 --> 00:17:40,208
Ew, Mom, you pulled them out of the trash?
388
00:17:40,291 --> 00:17:43,375
Why wouldn't you share
such wonderful news?
389
00:17:43,458 --> 00:17:46,458
Because it's gross and painful and brown
390
00:17:46,541 --> 00:17:48,625
and nothing like you said it would be.
391
00:17:48,708 --> 00:17:51,083
-Oh, honey. I...
-Why didn't you prepare me for this?
392
00:17:51,166 --> 00:17:53,375
-You lied to me.
-I didn't lie.
393
00:17:53,458 --> 00:17:57,250
I'm not a moon goddess.
I'm a diarrhea fountain.
394
00:17:57,333 --> 00:17:58,875
I just wanted you to feel like
395
00:17:58,958 --> 00:18:02,250
getting your period
was a wonderful rite of passage.
396
00:18:02,333 --> 00:18:06,208
Well, lady, you got it 100% wrong.
397
00:18:06,291 --> 00:18:10,375
I'm sorry, I've never had
a 13-year-old girl before.
398
00:18:10,458 --> 00:18:12,041
But you were one.
399
00:18:12,125 --> 00:18:16,250
And I want your life
to be better than mine.
400
00:18:16,333 --> 00:18:18,375
You know what happened
when I got my period?
401
00:18:18,458 --> 00:18:21,583
Didn't you, like,
merge with the Earth, or whatever?
402
00:18:21,666 --> 00:18:24,333
My mother slapped me
and said, "Mazel tov."
403
00:18:24,416 --> 00:18:26,500
Open hand right across the face.
404
00:18:26,583 --> 00:18:27,416
Why?
405
00:18:27,500 --> 00:18:29,083
Some Jewish tradition
406
00:18:29,166 --> 00:18:31,458
-about bringing the blood back to my face.
-What?
407
00:18:31,541 --> 00:18:34,708
Also, your bubbe
was a terrible bitch and an awful woman.
408
00:18:34,791 --> 00:18:36,041
May she rest in peace.
409
00:18:36,125 --> 00:18:37,625
[groans]
410
00:18:37,708 --> 00:18:42,541
-It feels like a wicked doll is stabbing...
-Is stabbing you from the inside?
411
00:18:42,625 --> 00:18:43,583
Yes.
412
00:18:43,666 --> 00:18:44,708
I'll tell you what.
413
00:18:44,791 --> 00:18:49,708
I'm going to give you a couple Advil
from my private stash.
414
00:18:49,791 --> 00:18:51,375
You take Advil?
415
00:18:51,458 --> 00:18:54,208
Every goddamn month.
416
00:18:54,291 --> 00:18:57,875
But Dad says all the medicine we need
can be found in the earth.
417
00:18:57,958 --> 00:19:01,250
Yeah, well, he's never had cramps
that make it feel
418
00:19:01,333 --> 00:19:04,041
-like your anus is gonna explode.
-[chuckles]
419
00:19:04,125 --> 00:19:09,333
I know it doesn't feel like it,
but your period is a beautiful thing.
420
00:19:09,416 --> 00:19:10,791
I'm grateful for mine
421
00:19:10,875 --> 00:19:14,916
because it reminds me
of how my body made you.
422
00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:16,291
Oh, Mom.
423
00:19:16,375 --> 00:19:18,458
Can I please hug you?
424
00:19:18,541 --> 00:19:21,250
Can we check in after you get the Advil?
425
00:19:22,458 --> 00:19:25,708
Not every vagina shame story
ends tragically.
426
00:19:25,791 --> 00:19:27,000
Unfortunately.
427
00:19:27,083 --> 00:19:28,916
Now, I wager you're thinking
428
00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:32,583
at least vagina shame goes away
as you become an adult.
429
00:19:32,666 --> 00:19:36,875
Well, as usual,
you're wrong and you look foolish.
430
00:19:36,958 --> 00:19:40,583
Case study number four: Caitlin Grafton.
431
00:19:40,666 --> 00:19:44,083
Remember her?
"The Cheese Girl" from Jessi's house?
432
00:19:44,166 --> 00:19:46,125
Caitlin is 26 years old,
433
00:19:46,208 --> 00:19:51,083
seven months pregnant
and about to get some very troubling news.
434
00:19:51,166 --> 00:19:53,333
Caitlin, I'm looking
at your ultrasound results.
435
00:19:53,416 --> 00:19:55,375
Sweet, sweet.
Is everything chill in there?
436
00:19:55,458 --> 00:19:58,541
Well, have you ever heard of CPD?
437
00:19:58,625 --> 00:20:00,958
Oh, sure, California Pizza Ditchen.
438
00:20:01,041 --> 00:20:03,666
No. Cephalopelvic disproportion.
439
00:20:03,750 --> 00:20:07,625
It means your pelvis
is too small to safely deliver vaginally.
440
00:20:07,708 --> 00:20:11,208
Oh my. Who knew it could be too small?
441
00:20:11,291 --> 00:20:14,041
Caitlin, I would strongly consider
a C-section,
442
00:20:14,125 --> 00:20:16,416
both for your safety and the baby's.
443
00:20:16,500 --> 00:20:19,500
Oh. But I have a natural birth plan.
444
00:20:19,583 --> 00:20:21,125
Yeah, I was gonna take my shirt off
445
00:20:21,208 --> 00:20:23,625
and play harmonica,
like, right in the baby's face.
446
00:20:23,708 --> 00:20:27,833
Okay. Yeah, I think it's time
to make a different plan.
447
00:20:27,916 --> 00:20:30,250
A C-section? Oh no.
448
00:20:30,333 --> 00:20:32,708
I didn't even wanna get an epidural, man.
449
00:20:32,791 --> 00:20:37,291
Oh dear,
Caitlin has a defective birth canal. Hmm.
450
00:20:37,375 --> 00:20:41,458
But at least she has the support
of an aging, stoned doofus.
451
00:20:41,541 --> 00:20:42,458
[chuckles]
452
00:20:42,541 --> 00:20:45,791
Babe, I just don't get
why it's such a big deal.
453
00:20:45,875 --> 00:20:48,833
Oh, you don't get why it's a big deal?
454
00:20:48,916 --> 00:20:51,708
No, I mean, yeah, it's a bummer
that you need to have a C-section...
455
00:20:51,791 --> 00:20:56,041
Oh, it's a "bummer," Greg. Uh-huh.
Are you sure it's not a "major bummer"?
456
00:20:56,125 --> 00:20:57,791
I don't wanna say something,
457
00:20:57,875 --> 00:21:00,250
but I also don't wanna not say something?
458
00:21:00,333 --> 00:21:02,291
I just really didn't want a C-section.
459
00:21:02,375 --> 00:21:04,166
I wanted to give birth naturally,
460
00:21:04,250 --> 00:21:06,625
the way women have been doing
for millions of years.
461
00:21:06,708 --> 00:21:09,791
I feel like a failure,
and you obviously don't understand.
462
00:21:09,875 --> 00:21:11,875
Okay, okay, but on the bright side,
463
00:21:11,958 --> 00:21:15,083
when the baby comes out,
your vagina won't be, um... mangled?
464
00:21:15,166 --> 00:21:16,541
Oh, fuck you.
465
00:21:16,625 --> 00:21:17,750
Sorry, not mangled.
466
00:21:17,833 --> 00:21:18,875
Uh.
467
00:21:18,958 --> 00:21:20,333
Exploded?
468
00:21:20,416 --> 00:21:21,916
-[door opens and closes]
-[Caitlin] Ugh!
469
00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:24,500
I find Greg to be very special.
470
00:21:24,583 --> 00:21:27,375
-[crying]
-As Caitlin waddled to the loo,
471
00:21:27,458 --> 00:21:29,625
she was positive that no one on Earth
472
00:21:29,708 --> 00:21:33,333
felt quite as terrible as she did
about their sweetie.
473
00:21:33,416 --> 00:21:37,166
Cool. The lady Shane Lizard used my word.
474
00:21:37,250 --> 00:21:39,250
All right, okay.
475
00:21:39,333 --> 00:21:40,666
[evil laughing]
476
00:21:40,750 --> 00:21:43,000
I'm winning.
477
00:21:43,083 --> 00:21:45,375
You shut up, Beatrice. Hey.
478
00:21:45,458 --> 00:21:47,166
Oh God, I'm sorry, I just...
479
00:21:47,250 --> 00:21:49,666
-Oh. Jessi, honey, what's wrong?
-[crying]
480
00:21:49,750 --> 00:21:51,666
Her vagina's gone crazy.
481
00:21:51,750 --> 00:21:54,416
Jessi's vagina doesn't live here anymore.
482
00:21:54,500 --> 00:21:56,666
There is only Beatrice.
483
00:21:56,750 --> 00:22:00,750
I'm itching, and it burns, and there's
this horrible, gross gunk in my underwear.
484
00:22:00,833 --> 00:22:03,791
It's like a scoop of ricotta
in a cotton hammock.
485
00:22:03,875 --> 00:22:07,125
I don't know if I have vaginitis
or cancer or vagina cancer or what.
486
00:22:07,208 --> 00:22:08,500
Oh, babe, no.
487
00:22:08,583 --> 00:22:11,333
No, no, don't worry.
That's just a yeast infection.
488
00:22:11,416 --> 00:22:13,416
A yeast infection?
489
00:22:13,500 --> 00:22:15,000
Cool. Cool name.
490
00:22:15,083 --> 00:22:17,125
Ooh. And you used these wipes?
491
00:22:17,208 --> 00:22:19,041
Yeah, and they made things even worse.
492
00:22:19,125 --> 00:22:21,291
[barking]
493
00:22:21,375 --> 00:22:23,250
Yeah, the wipes totally suck.
494
00:22:23,333 --> 00:22:25,333
But I've actually got something
in here for you.
495
00:22:25,416 --> 00:22:28,166
I feel disgusting. Am I disgusting?
496
00:22:28,250 --> 00:22:30,375
No, no, you are not disgusting.
497
00:22:30,458 --> 00:22:32,708
You're just a girl
who wore her leggings too long.
498
00:22:32,791 --> 00:22:34,416
We should have listened to you.
499
00:22:34,500 --> 00:22:37,041
It's just that we think you fucking suck.
500
00:22:37,125 --> 00:22:40,000
Here you go. This is called Monistat.
501
00:22:40,083 --> 00:22:41,916
Oh no, not Monistat. No.
502
00:22:42,000 --> 00:22:44,083
The cream will really help you
with that itch.
503
00:22:44,166 --> 00:22:46,333
[whimpering] Wow.
504
00:22:46,416 --> 00:22:47,625
Oh, this shit works.
505
00:22:47,708 --> 00:22:52,291
Jessi, you buy a truckload of this stuff
because Mama likes Monistat.
506
00:22:52,375 --> 00:22:53,291
Mama likes.
507
00:22:53,375 --> 00:22:56,375
Oh, thank God. Beatrice is gone.
508
00:22:56,458 --> 00:22:57,875
-[crying]
-Oh.
509
00:22:57,958 --> 00:23:00,500
Oh, Caitlin, don't worry.
Beatrice isn't a real person.
510
00:23:00,583 --> 00:23:02,750
She's just, like, an evil spirit
that lives in my vagina.
511
00:23:02,833 --> 00:23:04,958
No, it's not that.
512
00:23:05,500 --> 00:23:06,916
I have CPD.
513
00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:08,833
You mean California Pizza Ditchen?
514
00:23:08,916 --> 00:23:11,458
It means I need to have a C-section.
515
00:23:11,541 --> 00:23:13,416
And I wanted to have a natural birth.
516
00:23:13,500 --> 00:23:16,250
And this just... It wasn't my plan.
517
00:23:16,333 --> 00:23:20,583
Oh shit, I'm sorry.
That really sucks, Caitlin.
518
00:23:20,666 --> 00:23:23,416
Yes. That's the correct response.
Thank you.
519
00:23:23,500 --> 00:23:25,958
You know, I was a C-section baby.
520
00:23:26,041 --> 00:23:27,791
-Wait, really?
-Yeah.
521
00:23:27,875 --> 00:23:28,708
Wow.
522
00:23:28,791 --> 00:23:33,708
Well, knowing you're a C-section baby
actually makes me feel a little better.
523
00:23:33,791 --> 00:23:34,958
-Really?
-Yeah.
524
00:23:35,458 --> 00:23:38,500
Like, maybe this kid
will be as awesome as you are.
525
00:23:38,583 --> 00:23:40,083
Oh, thank you.
526
00:23:40,166 --> 00:23:43,166
Okay, hold up. Do we like Caitlin now?
527
00:23:43,250 --> 00:23:44,583
I don't know, kinda.
528
00:23:44,666 --> 00:23:46,958
[Jessi's vagina]
Personally, I'm obsessed with her.
529
00:23:47,041 --> 00:23:49,125
And hey, guys,
can we be real for a second?
530
00:23:49,208 --> 00:23:51,250
Sure, talking vagina, let's be real.
531
00:23:51,333 --> 00:23:53,875
I'm just a muscular, elastic organ,
532
00:23:53,958 --> 00:23:56,041
you know,
like any other part of your body.
533
00:23:56,125 --> 00:23:57,583
I'm capable of great pleasure,
534
00:23:57,666 --> 00:24:01,166
and yeah, sometimes,
itchy, horrible red-hot pain.
535
00:24:01,250 --> 00:24:03,541
But all the baggage
that society puts on me,
536
00:24:03,625 --> 00:24:05,708
you know, that is what really stinks.
537
00:24:05,791 --> 00:24:06,750
So you know what?
538
00:24:06,833 --> 00:24:09,708
Maybe it's society that needs to douche.
539
00:24:09,791 --> 00:24:12,125
Yeah. Douche society.
540
00:24:12,208 --> 00:24:15,625
And after all that,
you still got a problem with vaginas?
541
00:24:15,708 --> 00:24:18,958
Then you can go ahead
and kiss my neighbor. [chuckles]
542
00:24:19,041 --> 00:24:22,416
-She's talking about your asshole.
-Yeah, I got that one.
543
00:24:22,500 --> 00:24:24,708
Bring it in. Come on, right here.
544
00:24:24,791 --> 00:24:26,458
[Jessi's vagina] I love you guys.
545
00:24:27,416 --> 00:24:31,750
Alas, camaraderie, compassion, and empathy
546
00:24:31,833 --> 00:24:34,000
are the cruel enemies of shame.
547
00:24:34,083 --> 00:24:38,416
But don't worry about me.
I've got a few tricks up my vagina.
548
00:24:38,500 --> 00:24:41,250
I feel so much better.
549
00:24:41,333 --> 00:24:42,625
Oh, me too.
550
00:24:42,708 --> 00:24:44,333
I'm sorry I pulled a gun on you.
551
00:24:44,416 --> 00:24:46,916
-Hey, don't beat yourself up. It happens.
-[phone rings]
552
00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:49,666
Jessi. Hi. Is everything okay?
553
00:24:49,750 --> 00:24:52,416
I have a new phone and I didn't see
the little notification thingy.
554
00:24:52,500 --> 00:24:54,166
No. No, it's... it's fine.
555
00:24:54,250 --> 00:24:58,333
I had a yeast infection,
but, um, Caitlin helped.
556
00:24:58,416 --> 00:25:00,500
Oh, Caitlin helped. That's great.
557
00:25:00,583 --> 00:25:03,916
Yeah. I mean, just because
she was here, you know. Is that okay?
558
00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:06,208
Of course. Jessi, it's great.
559
00:25:06,291 --> 00:25:09,500
It's a great, great thing
to have the help of Caitlin.
560
00:25:09,583 --> 00:25:11,000
Uh, I'm sorry.
561
00:25:11,083 --> 00:25:13,916
Don't be. I'm sorry.
I should've been there for you.
562
00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:16,125
You're obviously upset. I'm really sorry.
563
00:25:16,208 --> 00:25:19,000
I'm sorry if you think I'm upset.
I'm a terrible mother.
564
00:25:19,083 --> 00:25:21,541
No, you're an amazing mother.
I think I'm a really bad daughter.
565
00:25:21,625 --> 00:25:22,500
I'm gonna do better.
566
00:25:22,583 --> 00:25:24,583
I should've helped you
figure out your phone.
567
00:25:24,666 --> 00:25:26,375
Okay, I'm gonna figure out the phone.
568
00:25:26,458 --> 00:25:27,416
Did you see?
569
00:25:27,500 --> 00:25:29,000
Did you see what happened there?
570
00:25:29,083 --> 00:25:31,125
Shame doesn't just go away.
571
00:25:31,208 --> 00:25:34,833
It adapts,
and comes back stronger than ever.
572
00:25:34,916 --> 00:25:39,958
Such is the enduring power
of Women and Shame,
573
00:25:40,041 --> 00:25:44,583
available now, in all women's minds,
always and everywhere.
574
00:25:44,666 --> 00:25:46,333
Also, at Amazon.
575
00:25:46,416 --> 00:25:50,125
And yes, you should feel bad
about shopping there.
576
00:25:50,208 --> 00:25:51,458
[laughs]
577
00:25:51,541 --> 00:25:53,541
[whimsical music playing]