1 00:00:10,793 --> 00:00:14,918 I know, I know, ladies, my performance was perfect. 2 00:00:15,001 --> 00:00:16,043 I thank you so much. 3 00:00:16,126 --> 00:00:17,209 Andrew Glouberman. 4 00:00:17,293 --> 00:00:21,459 I'm Diane Lane, and I'm dyin' for you to sign my talented breasts. 5 00:00:21,543 --> 00:00:24,876 Diane Lane, you're as clever as you are tempting. 6 00:00:24,959 --> 00:00:26,709 But alas, I love another. 7 00:00:26,793 --> 00:00:28,668 Bernadette Sanders. 8 00:00:28,751 --> 00:00:32,543 My love, french me in front of these jealous women. 9 00:00:34,459 --> 00:00:36,876 Oh, that Bernie Sanders. 10 00:00:36,959 --> 00:00:38,293 She's magnificent. 11 00:00:38,376 --> 00:00:40,709 -Ah! -And now that she's your girlfriend, 12 00:00:40,793 --> 00:00:42,751 your whole life is a dream. 13 00:00:42,834 --> 00:00:44,876 -Who are you? -Flanny O'lympic. 14 00:00:44,959 --> 00:00:46,543 At your service, little fella. 15 00:00:46,626 --> 00:00:48,543 Oh, okay. How does this work? 16 00:00:48,626 --> 00:00:51,084 Do I have to catch you to get your pot of gold? 17 00:00:51,168 --> 00:00:53,668 Okay. No, that's a little offensive. 18 00:00:53,751 --> 00:00:57,584 But no. I am your Lovebug, you lucky boy. 19 00:00:57,668 --> 00:00:59,209 My Lovebug? 20 00:00:59,293 --> 00:01:01,668 Oh! Is it because I love Bernie? 21 00:01:01,751 --> 00:01:04,001 Well, how could you not? She's perfection. 22 00:01:04,084 --> 00:01:07,668 How does it feel to have met your wife at the age of 13? 23 00:01:07,751 --> 00:01:08,584 Flanny! 24 00:01:08,668 --> 00:01:12,084 I thought I felt a tingle in me lucky charms. 25 00:01:12,168 --> 00:01:13,793 Ha, ha. All right, you each got one. 26 00:01:13,876 --> 00:01:16,209 Now, then, let's get down to business. 27 00:01:16,293 --> 00:01:21,459 Step one. We profess our undying love to Ms. Bernadette Sanders. 28 00:01:21,543 --> 00:01:22,959 Ooh, I don't know. 29 00:01:23,043 --> 00:01:27,084 Last time he told a girl he loved her, she fucking barfed in his face. 30 00:01:27,168 --> 00:01:28,876 And then I got addicted to porn. 31 00:01:28,959 --> 00:01:30,418 -Porn? -And arrested. 32 00:01:30,501 --> 00:01:33,209 You see, he was throwing out all of his cum socks 33 00:01:33,293 --> 00:01:35,501 -at the synagogue. -Cum socks? At the synagogue? 34 00:01:35,584 --> 00:01:37,918 -Oh my! Is the room spinning? 35 00:01:38,001 --> 00:01:39,709 If the kid is rattling you already, 36 00:01:39,793 --> 00:01:42,334 you should probably read his file. 37 00:01:42,418 --> 00:01:45,293 Mother of Mary. That's Andrew's file? 38 00:01:45,376 --> 00:01:47,293 Oh, this is just the table of contents. 39 00:01:47,376 --> 00:01:48,876 -Good heavens. -Bring in the rest, boys. 40 00:02:23,959 --> 00:02:24,918 All right. 41 00:02:25,001 --> 00:02:27,501 Jay, are you sure about me meeting your family? 42 00:02:27,584 --> 00:02:29,168 It feels unsafe. 43 00:02:29,251 --> 00:02:30,584 I just thought it was so cool 44 00:02:30,668 --> 00:02:33,793 how, at your house, all you Matthews sit in the same room 45 00:02:33,876 --> 00:02:35,959 -with, like, no one crying… -Sure. 46 00:02:36,043 --> 00:02:38,418 But do you realize by introducing me to your family, 47 00:02:38,501 --> 00:02:40,126 you're basically coming out? 48 00:02:40,209 --> 00:02:41,793 I mean, that's a huge fucking deal. 49 00:02:41,876 --> 00:02:42,834 Exactly. 50 00:02:42,918 --> 00:02:47,709 If I'm the same-sex lover of the hottest guy in my school, 51 00:02:47,793 --> 00:02:49,834 there's no way they can neglect me. 52 00:02:49,918 --> 00:02:52,543 Oh, honey, your logic is heartbreaking. 53 00:02:52,626 --> 00:02:54,251 Just have the pepper spray ready, Matt. 54 00:02:54,334 --> 00:02:57,834 And remember, no eye contact, and make yourself, you know, big. 55 00:02:57,918 --> 00:02:58,751 It's my Big Mac! Hey! 56 00:02:58,834 --> 00:03:00,084 Ah! 57 00:03:00,918 --> 00:03:04,543 Okay, guys? I want you to meet my same-sex-- 58 00:03:04,626 --> 00:03:06,501 -Fuck you. -Oh God. 59 00:03:06,584 --> 00:03:09,209 -Oh, I made eye contact. -Get away. Get away. 60 00:03:11,459 --> 00:03:14,084 My brothers have been pepper sprayed so many times, 61 00:03:14,584 --> 00:03:16,084 they've built up an immunity. 62 00:03:16,168 --> 00:03:18,334 It's a condiment to us, dumbass. 63 00:03:18,418 --> 00:03:23,376 What's all the commotion? Did I sleep through Christmas again? 64 00:03:23,459 --> 00:03:26,834 Yeah, Mom, but you only missed it by a couple of weeks this time. 65 00:03:26,918 --> 00:03:28,918 How wonderful. 66 00:03:29,001 --> 00:03:30,876 Hey, do you know where Dad is? 67 00:03:30,959 --> 00:03:32,959 Oh, of course not, sweetie. 68 00:03:33,043 --> 00:03:35,626 -But thank you for asking. -Okay. 69 00:03:35,709 --> 00:03:37,876 Well, there is someone I want you to meet. 70 00:03:37,959 --> 00:03:40,209 Mom, this is my same-- Aw. 71 00:03:40,293 --> 00:03:41,793 I'm sorry, Jay. 72 00:03:41,876 --> 00:03:43,668 But she does seem happier this way. 73 00:03:43,751 --> 00:03:44,668 Hey, team. 74 00:03:44,751 --> 00:03:47,293 I left my thermos in my backpack for two weeks 75 00:03:47,376 --> 00:03:50,209 and now it's all, you know, fuzzy inside. 76 00:03:50,293 --> 00:03:52,501 Can somebody fucking deal with this, please? 77 00:03:52,584 --> 00:03:55,584 -Okay, Dad. -What's that supposed to mean? 78 00:03:55,668 --> 00:03:57,959 You're holding your pinky out, like Dad does. 79 00:03:58,043 --> 00:03:59,126 I see everything. 80 00:03:59,209 --> 00:04:01,126 Oh, look, Nicky. You are. 81 00:04:01,209 --> 00:04:03,043 I guess we're the pinky twins now. 82 00:04:03,126 --> 00:04:05,251 No, no, no. This isn't a dad thing. 83 00:04:05,334 --> 00:04:08,126 Hey, Nick, I've got my pinky out too. 84 00:04:08,209 --> 00:04:09,168 What? No, you don't. 85 00:04:09,251 --> 00:04:10,168 Look down, baby. 86 00:04:10,251 --> 00:04:11,293 Ew! 87 00:04:11,376 --> 00:04:16,168 It's pink and smooth, with one tiny little hard part at the end. 88 00:04:16,251 --> 00:04:19,584 Ooh, here's an idea. Let's pinky swear that we'll get matching pinky rings 89 00:04:19,668 --> 00:04:22,501 and exchange them in a beautiful ceremony at your school. 90 00:04:22,584 --> 00:04:25,626 Okay, no. I'm not your pinky twin. I'm actually a man. 91 00:04:25,709 --> 00:04:29,251 So, Mommy, please, you know, clean my thermos now, okay? 92 00:04:29,334 --> 00:04:32,126 -You guys, he's doing it again. -Goddamn it. 93 00:04:32,209 --> 00:04:33,501 Hey, Nick, circling back. 94 00:04:33,584 --> 00:04:36,084 The little hard part at the tip of my penis? 95 00:04:36,168 --> 00:04:37,876 It was a dry contact lens. 96 00:04:39,209 --> 00:04:40,251 Oh. 97 00:04:40,334 --> 00:04:42,209 -All right, class. 98 00:04:42,293 --> 00:04:45,293 As part of our unit on genetics and genealogy, 99 00:04:45,376 --> 00:04:47,501 the results of your DNA tests are in. 100 00:04:47,584 --> 00:04:49,376 "Twenty-two and you"? 101 00:04:49,459 --> 00:04:52,084 I'm sorry, aren't there 23 chromosomes? 102 00:04:52,168 --> 00:04:54,626 Ugh, can we just not today, Jessi? 103 00:04:54,709 --> 00:04:58,834 OMG. This test says that I have three possible dads? 104 00:04:58,918 --> 00:05:02,001 That sounds like a fun story for later in the season. 105 00:05:02,084 --> 00:05:05,543 Consider yourself teased, audience. 106 00:05:05,626 --> 00:05:08,376 According to this, I'm 30% Nigerian. 107 00:05:08,459 --> 00:05:11,293 No way. 47% Nigerian right here. 108 00:05:11,376 --> 00:05:14,293 This is fate, Missy. What are the chances? 109 00:05:14,376 --> 00:05:16,418 Considering the dark history of the slave trade, 110 00:05:16,501 --> 00:05:17,876 it's not all that surprising. 111 00:05:17,959 --> 00:05:20,418 Can we just not today, Missy? 112 00:05:20,501 --> 00:05:22,626 Oh, that's weird. It says I'm Scottish? 113 00:05:22,709 --> 00:05:24,876 And the carrier for high blood pressure, 114 00:05:24,959 --> 00:05:28,043 enormous lips, and the warrior gene. 115 00:05:28,126 --> 00:05:30,376 Well, it says my ancestors are Russian. 116 00:05:30,459 --> 00:05:34,668 Yes, from the village of Chode, a town much wider than it is long. 117 00:05:34,751 --> 00:05:36,709 Who cares about his short, fat penis? 118 00:05:36,793 --> 00:05:39,876 Do these results confirm that he's not related to Bernie Sanders? 119 00:05:39,959 --> 00:05:41,501 Oh, that wouldn't stop Andrew. 120 00:05:41,584 --> 00:05:42,751 No, it would not stop me. 121 00:05:42,834 --> 00:05:44,501 I frenched my first cousin, you see, 122 00:05:44,584 --> 00:05:47,168 and then I sent her a photo of my stinky little winky. 123 00:05:47,251 --> 00:05:51,793 Oh dear, I haven't gotten to the incest box yet. 124 00:05:51,876 --> 00:05:54,168 Boxes. Plural, my friend. 125 00:05:54,251 --> 00:05:58,168 Oh yes. According to my loogies that the scientists studied, 126 00:05:58,251 --> 00:06:02,668 I have a secret half-brother courtesy of my dad's studly dick. 127 00:06:02,751 --> 00:06:05,459 -Oh God, it says that? -Matthew, do you know what this means? 128 00:06:05,543 --> 00:06:08,918 -Um, that your dad cheated on your mom? -Yeah, yeah, yeah, he did that. Big time. 129 00:06:09,001 --> 00:06:10,334 But thank God, 130 00:06:10,418 --> 00:06:14,751 because I now get another chance to introduce you to my family. 131 00:06:14,834 --> 00:06:17,918 Oh, okay. So we're gonna do more of that. 132 00:06:18,001 --> 00:06:19,168 So much more. 133 00:06:19,251 --> 00:06:22,709 Hey, guys, according to my results, I'm a Samantha, 134 00:06:22,793 --> 00:06:27,001 which, you know, makes sense, because I'm such a Miranda. 135 00:06:27,084 --> 00:06:31,126 Missy, don't look now, but here comes the high priest of-- 136 00:06:32,126 --> 00:06:33,668 -Hey, Missy. -Uh… 137 00:06:33,751 --> 00:06:36,543 Hi, Elijah. How… Howdy-do to you. 138 00:06:36,626 --> 00:06:40,543 Howdy and hoo. So, uh, you know how we're supposed to research our ancestry? 139 00:06:40,626 --> 00:06:41,459 Yeah. 140 00:06:41,543 --> 00:06:44,168 I was wondering if you wanted to go to a Nigerian restaurant with me? 141 00:06:44,251 --> 00:06:46,459 Yes. Should we go now? I'll drive. 142 00:06:46,543 --> 00:06:48,876 -You drive? -Just kidding. I have too many DUIs. 143 00:06:48,959 --> 00:06:51,376 -Oh, you drink? -Just kidding. I'm a kid. 144 00:06:51,459 --> 00:06:52,709 Cool. 145 00:06:52,793 --> 00:06:55,168 Well, Bridgeton doesn't have a Nigerian restaurant, 146 00:06:55,251 --> 00:06:57,959 but there is a Jamaican spot if you wanna meet up-- 147 00:06:58,043 --> 00:07:01,334 Yes. Jamaican food sounds so horny. I mean, delicious. 148 00:07:01,418 --> 00:07:02,709 Oh God, Missy. 149 00:07:02,793 --> 00:07:05,168 All right, I'm getting a call from a poop. 150 00:07:05,251 --> 00:07:07,251 I mean, I have to go to the bathroom. 151 00:07:07,334 --> 00:07:09,668 Where I only pee. I don't… I don't poop. 152 00:07:09,751 --> 00:07:12,793 Oh, well, I can teach you how if you want. 153 00:07:12,876 --> 00:07:14,751 Uh, I mean, bye, Missy. 154 00:07:14,834 --> 00:07:17,418 Jessi. Elijah just asked me out on a honking date. 155 00:07:17,501 --> 00:07:19,209 Really? Ooh, he's hot. 156 00:07:19,293 --> 00:07:20,251 At least I think he did. 157 00:07:20,334 --> 00:07:22,918 We might just do research. How do you know if something's a date? 158 00:07:23,001 --> 00:07:25,626 I dunno. I think you just have to show up and see what happens? 159 00:07:25,709 --> 00:07:29,126 Yeah, like when I got coffee with Seann William Scott. 160 00:07:29,209 --> 00:07:33,001 Motherfucker brought his wife. Still got laid, though. 161 00:07:33,584 --> 00:07:35,626 -So, pinky twin-- -Do not call me that. 162 00:07:35,709 --> 00:07:37,418 Did you learn anything interesting at school? 163 00:07:37,501 --> 00:07:40,501 You know what? I actually did learn something kinda cool. 164 00:07:40,584 --> 00:07:41,918 Did you know that we're Scottish? 165 00:07:42,001 --> 00:07:44,001 No, no, no, I don't think we are, Nicky. 166 00:07:44,084 --> 00:07:46,043 But I did a DNA test, 167 00:07:46,126 --> 00:07:47,668 -and it came up-- -Nicky, drop it. 168 00:07:47,751 --> 00:07:52,084 Look, it says here that we're Scottish, and we carry the warrior gene. 169 00:07:52,168 --> 00:07:55,751 Okay, let me see this ridiculous piece of junk science. 170 00:07:55,834 --> 00:07:58,001 Anyone want a bite of this fraudulent paper? Mm. 171 00:07:58,084 --> 00:07:59,334 Oh, it's delicious. 172 00:07:59,418 --> 00:08:01,543 Um, what's going on, Dad? 173 00:08:01,626 --> 00:08:05,376 Nothing is going on, Leah, with me or my past. 174 00:08:05,459 --> 00:08:06,459 Now, this dinner is over. 175 00:08:06,543 --> 00:08:08,626 -What the fuck? -Everyone go to sleep. 176 00:08:08,709 --> 00:08:10,793 Kids, surely you've noticed 177 00:08:10,876 --> 00:08:13,418 that we never talk about your father's family. 178 00:08:13,501 --> 00:08:15,251 -I haven't. -I check out when you guys talk. 179 00:08:15,334 --> 00:08:17,084 I'm struggling to stay off my phone right now. 180 00:08:17,168 --> 00:08:19,376 Well, let me make it crystal clear. 181 00:08:19,459 --> 00:08:22,668 Your father's family is off-limits. 182 00:08:22,751 --> 00:08:25,126 What? How is anything off-limits here? 183 00:08:25,209 --> 00:08:27,751 Dad talks about eating you out, like, every day. 184 00:08:27,834 --> 00:08:30,501 Hey. Don't push this, you little shit. 185 00:08:30,584 --> 00:08:33,543 I'd hate to see you lose all your nice things. 186 00:08:33,626 --> 00:08:36,209 Oh my God. Why are my parents being so weird? 187 00:08:36,293 --> 00:08:38,751 Parents are stupid. Especially mine. 188 00:08:38,834 --> 00:08:42,668 For you see, my mom is a puddle and my dad is a hamburger. 189 00:08:42,751 --> 00:08:45,584 They're actually a lovely couple. They've been together for a long time. 190 00:08:47,584 --> 00:08:52,084 A turquoise Ferrari? My secret half-brother must be rich. 191 00:08:52,168 --> 00:08:54,001 Well, he's definitely a Bilzerian. 192 00:08:54,084 --> 00:08:56,293 Okay, okay, you go hide in the bushes over there 193 00:08:56,376 --> 00:09:00,834 until you hear me say the phrase "same-sex lover." 194 00:09:00,918 --> 00:09:02,376 Then, you jump out, 195 00:09:02,459 --> 00:09:04,459 and I'll release the doves from my backpack. 196 00:09:04,543 --> 00:09:07,376 Love that. But maybe you should get to know this guy first 197 00:09:07,459 --> 00:09:09,876 before you ambush him with our relationship. 198 00:09:09,959 --> 00:09:12,001 -Okay, you already rang the doorbell. 199 00:09:12,084 --> 00:09:13,084 And it's porn. 200 00:09:13,168 --> 00:09:16,334 Fuck. Now I'm gonna meet my secret brother with a boner. 201 00:09:16,418 --> 00:09:17,501 Oh, here we go. 202 00:09:18,959 --> 00:09:21,168 Whoa! 203 00:09:21,251 --> 00:09:22,876 And you're amazed. 204 00:09:22,959 --> 00:09:27,168 Holy shit! You're a jacked 40-year-old magician? 205 00:09:27,251 --> 00:09:29,626 I'm actually 26. Who the fuck are you? 206 00:09:29,709 --> 00:09:31,251 Oh, I'm Jay Bilzerian. 207 00:09:31,334 --> 00:09:32,918 -Your half-brother. -So? 208 00:09:33,001 --> 00:09:36,584 Well, you know, since we both came out of our dad's glue stick, 209 00:09:36,668 --> 00:09:39,584 I was kind of hoping you would love me unconditionally 210 00:09:39,668 --> 00:09:41,959 and meet my same-sex-- 211 00:09:42,043 --> 00:09:45,043 Look, man, your dad fucking my mom doesn't make us family. 212 00:09:45,126 --> 00:09:47,251 Sometimes moms just get fucked. 213 00:09:47,334 --> 00:09:51,084 Okay, but to be fair, you did just quote our dad's law commercial, so-- 214 00:09:51,168 --> 00:09:54,334 Guy Bilzerian dropped loads in most of the holes in this town. 215 00:09:54,418 --> 00:09:57,376 Go bother one of them, shit bird. 216 00:09:57,459 --> 00:10:00,543 Oof. I'm sorry, Jay. That did not go well. 217 00:10:00,626 --> 00:10:03,543 Uh, didn't it, though? He gave us a clue. 218 00:10:03,626 --> 00:10:06,376 -My dad dropped loads. -Right… 219 00:10:06,459 --> 00:10:08,459 Loads… Loads in holes… 220 00:10:08,543 --> 00:10:11,543 Cum in holes, cum in vagina… 221 00:10:11,626 --> 00:10:14,459 -Oh my God, Matthew. -Uh-huh. 222 00:10:14,543 --> 00:10:17,126 Babies are made from cum and vaginas. 223 00:10:17,209 --> 00:10:18,043 Sad, but true. 224 00:10:18,126 --> 00:10:21,959 Ergo, there are other Bilzerians out there. 225 00:10:22,043 --> 00:10:23,251 And we're gonna find them, 226 00:10:23,334 --> 00:10:26,543 and I'm gonna introduce you to every goddamn one of them. 227 00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:30,376 Doves, bring me my brother… Oh boy. 228 00:10:31,001 --> 00:10:35,209 Mm, Diane's closet. Can you smell her, Andy? 229 00:10:35,293 --> 00:10:36,668 Mm. 230 00:10:36,751 --> 00:10:37,584 Yes. 231 00:10:37,668 --> 00:10:40,501 Okay, Andrew, stop stroking my mother's laundry hamper 232 00:10:40,584 --> 00:10:43,043 and help me look for whatever it is that my dad's ashamed of. 233 00:10:43,126 --> 00:10:44,084 Step aside, Nick. 234 00:10:44,168 --> 00:10:46,709 I shall use all my powers of uncanny perversion 235 00:10:46,793 --> 00:10:50,376 to deduce where your father has hidden his shameful secret. 236 00:10:51,668 --> 00:10:55,168 -Maury, what's the boy doing? -Shh, shh, shh! Watch the maestro at work. 237 00:10:55,251 --> 00:10:58,334 It wouldn't be hanging in plain sight, no. 238 00:10:58,418 --> 00:11:01,168 All the juiciest morsels live in the shadows, yes? 239 00:11:01,251 --> 00:11:02,626 The underside of the rock. 240 00:11:02,709 --> 00:11:04,668 Wait. I'm rock hard. It's right here. 241 00:11:04,751 --> 00:11:06,501 I cannot believe that actually worked. 242 00:11:07,001 --> 00:11:11,334 Okay. Some weird medals and an old passport? 243 00:11:11,418 --> 00:11:13,876 William Alastair MacGregor? 244 00:11:13,959 --> 00:11:15,709 Is that your dad as a kid? 245 00:11:15,793 --> 00:11:18,918 Does he have like a… like a secret identity? 246 00:11:19,001 --> 00:11:20,501 This is getting creepy. 247 00:11:20,584 --> 00:11:22,918 Well, here's something not creepy. 248 00:11:23,001 --> 00:11:25,918 Andrew, I seem to have stumbled upon Diane's panty drawer. 249 00:11:26,001 --> 00:11:29,834 I'm begging you, please do not take a pair of this woman's underwear. 250 00:11:29,918 --> 00:11:31,793 Fine, I'll just take a scarf. 251 00:11:31,876 --> 00:11:35,501 Ah, yes, the scarf. The underwear of the neck. 252 00:11:35,584 --> 00:11:36,668 Mm. 253 00:11:36,751 --> 00:11:38,959 And the neck is the butt of the head. 254 00:11:41,043 --> 00:11:42,501 -Thank you. -And don't worry. 255 00:11:42,584 --> 00:11:45,418 We intend to tip you decently despite the fact that we are children. 256 00:11:45,501 --> 00:11:49,418 Missy, let's send your foot up Elijah's leg on a dick-finding mission. 257 00:11:49,501 --> 00:11:52,334 Uh, no, he seems to be praying. 258 00:11:52,418 --> 00:11:55,376 Maybe he's praying for you to foot-fuck his dick. 259 00:11:55,459 --> 00:11:56,918 Amen. Oh. 260 00:11:57,001 --> 00:12:00,084 Oh, my bad. I didn't even ask if you wanted to say grace with me. 261 00:12:00,168 --> 00:12:01,584 Oh, no, no, it's fine. 262 00:12:01,668 --> 00:12:04,418 You praying made me think about how a Catholic bishop was responsible 263 00:12:04,501 --> 00:12:08,459 for bringing slaves from Africa to the New World. So… 264 00:12:08,543 --> 00:12:11,043 -Uh, yeah. -That's what's up with me. 265 00:12:11,126 --> 00:12:12,668 Ugh, what the fuck, Missy? 266 00:12:12,751 --> 00:12:13,751 If you think about it, 267 00:12:13,834 --> 00:12:15,834 the connection between the Church and the slave trade 268 00:12:15,918 --> 00:12:17,293 is just really upsetting. 269 00:12:17,376 --> 00:12:19,126 Oh God, now he's doing it too. 270 00:12:19,209 --> 00:12:22,418 Quick. Jerk his chicken. Tickle his oxtail. 271 00:12:22,501 --> 00:12:24,459 Throat his dick? 272 00:12:24,543 --> 00:12:28,209 You know what? Uh, let's not talk about the slave trade anymore. 273 00:12:28,293 --> 00:12:31,876 Have you ever heard of the Walls of Benin in Nigeria? 274 00:12:31,959 --> 00:12:35,334 They were the largest man-made structure of the pre-mechanical era. 275 00:12:35,418 --> 00:12:38,626 Yeah, and they were four times longer than the Great Wall of China. 276 00:12:38,709 --> 00:12:40,293 Hold on. Is he a dork too? 277 00:12:40,376 --> 00:12:45,709 But don't sleep on the Ife people. I mean, the iron smelting, the glass work… 278 00:12:45,793 --> 00:12:47,959 Oh, the Ife are no joke. 279 00:12:48,043 --> 00:12:49,959 I went to the Brooklyn Museum last summer, 280 00:12:50,043 --> 00:12:54,001 and I saw a 900-year-old Ife terracotta sculpture. 281 00:12:54,084 --> 00:12:56,334 You terra-cotta be kidding me. 282 00:12:58,584 --> 00:12:59,459 That's good, Missy. 283 00:12:59,543 --> 00:13:01,918 Well, these two nerds seem to be having fun, 284 00:13:02,001 --> 00:13:05,459 but I'm so bored I want to set my pussy on fire. 285 00:13:05,543 --> 00:13:07,293 And now, I will. 286 00:13:07,876 --> 00:13:08,751 Okay, Mom. 287 00:13:08,834 --> 00:13:11,334 Just gonna give you a little coffee 288 00:13:11,418 --> 00:13:13,459 that I stole from the Toyota dealership, 289 00:13:13,543 --> 00:13:15,668 where I have breakfast every morning. 290 00:13:15,751 --> 00:13:18,876 What is this hot, brown wine? 291 00:13:18,959 --> 00:13:22,959 I know you hate being conscious, but this is kinda important. 292 00:13:23,043 --> 00:13:26,626 Did you know that Dad had other kids before he met you? 293 00:13:26,709 --> 00:13:30,293 Oh yes. Before and after. 294 00:13:30,376 --> 00:13:32,293 But doesn't that piss you off? 295 00:13:32,376 --> 00:13:37,126 -Don't you worry about Jay's mom. -Wait, what's that? 296 00:13:37,209 --> 00:13:41,668 This is just Jay's mom's little insurance policy. 297 00:13:41,751 --> 00:13:45,584 When I go missing, you find this book, all right? 298 00:13:45,668 --> 00:13:49,459 Bye-bye now, Jay's mom's son Jay. 299 00:13:49,543 --> 00:13:53,418 Huh, okay. Huh, shell companies… 300 00:13:53,501 --> 00:13:54,918 Unmarked graves? 301 00:13:55,001 --> 00:13:58,251 Extreme paternity? 302 00:13:58,334 --> 00:14:02,334 This is it. The loads. Follow the loads. 303 00:14:03,418 --> 00:14:06,251 William Alastair MacGregor. 304 00:14:06,334 --> 00:14:08,501 Just click on the first video. I will not read. 305 00:14:09,751 --> 00:14:11,293 Watch out, tae kwon do. 306 00:14:11,376 --> 00:14:13,834 Scottish nipple twisting has arrived in New York. 307 00:14:13,918 --> 00:14:14,918 Nipple twisting? 308 00:14:15,001 --> 00:14:19,418 And this ancient martial art has a bright new star, William MacGregor. 309 00:14:19,501 --> 00:14:20,834 Whoa, that's my dad. 310 00:14:20,918 --> 00:14:22,751 Oh, look at him oiling himself up. 311 00:14:22,834 --> 00:14:25,251 Soft daddy, come to big papa. 312 00:14:25,334 --> 00:14:26,959 Wait, I thought he was into the mom. 313 00:14:27,043 --> 00:14:29,293 He's kind of into anything with a pulse, I guess? 314 00:14:29,376 --> 00:14:32,293 I mean, I'm not that picky. I once fucked a tomato. 315 00:14:32,376 --> 00:14:34,376 William's father and coach, Seamus MacGregor, 316 00:14:34,459 --> 00:14:37,418 is pushing for the sport to be included in this summer's Olympics. 317 00:14:37,501 --> 00:14:40,876 Nipple twisting requires strength, stamina, 318 00:14:40,959 --> 00:14:43,501 and extremely specific calluses. 319 00:14:43,584 --> 00:14:44,668 Is that my grandpa? 320 00:14:44,751 --> 00:14:46,459 Soon, the world will see 321 00:14:46,543 --> 00:14:50,043 that the true measure of a man is found here, 322 00:14:50,126 --> 00:14:52,293 on the tip of his… …teat. 323 00:14:52,376 --> 00:14:56,334 Whoa, are these fingers actually the weapons of a warrior? 324 00:14:56,418 --> 00:14:57,793 There's only one way to find out. 325 00:14:57,876 --> 00:15:00,084 You want me to twist your nipples? 326 00:15:00,168 --> 00:15:02,709 Come on, just do it. Twist my bad little piggy titties. 327 00:15:02,793 --> 00:15:06,293 Oh, the filth, it just rolls right off his tongue. 328 00:15:06,376 --> 00:15:08,959 I'm sorry, I've got to… I've got to go and have a walk. 329 00:15:09,043 --> 00:15:10,334 Okay, but hurry back. 330 00:15:10,418 --> 00:15:13,709 You're gonna wanna see those little piggies get punished. 331 00:15:13,793 --> 00:15:17,751 And so, basically, that's why my voice sounds a little different now. 332 00:15:17,834 --> 00:15:21,418 Oh, it sounds like, eventually, they made the right choice. 333 00:15:21,501 --> 00:15:23,209 Hey, kids. Whenever you're ready. 334 00:15:23,293 --> 00:15:25,543 Okay, even the waitress thinks it's a date. 335 00:15:25,626 --> 00:15:28,834 Now, to make it official, let him pay with his parents' money. 336 00:15:29,751 --> 00:15:30,584 I can pay. 337 00:15:30,668 --> 00:15:31,626 -Yes. -Sure. 338 00:15:31,709 --> 00:15:33,084 Unless you wanna split. 339 00:15:33,168 --> 00:15:34,293 No. What the fuck? 340 00:15:34,376 --> 00:15:36,418 Yeah, sure. We can split it. 341 00:15:36,501 --> 00:15:38,876 -Indeed. Seems appropriate. -If that's what you want. 342 00:15:38,959 --> 00:15:41,626 No, Elijah. Don't listen to her. She's not well. 343 00:15:41,709 --> 00:15:46,334 But, hey, I'm going to this party on Friday night, "Ife" you wanna come? 344 00:15:46,418 --> 00:15:48,793 -Yes. Yes. Yes! -Try to freaking stop me. 345 00:15:48,876 --> 00:15:51,168 I mean, okay, sure, whatever. 346 00:15:51,251 --> 00:15:53,626 Would you say… it's a date? 347 00:15:53,709 --> 00:15:54,876 Yeah, it's a date. 348 00:15:54,959 --> 00:15:56,001 Holy shit. 349 00:15:56,084 --> 00:15:58,084 I'm gonna set my pussy on fire again, 350 00:15:58,168 --> 00:16:01,043 but this time with a stick of dynamite. 351 00:16:01,126 --> 00:16:03,043 Fire in the hole! 352 00:16:03,751 --> 00:16:07,501 It was crazy. He looked just like Jay, and he had no furniture, 353 00:16:07,584 --> 00:16:10,626 except one fish tank with an electric guitar in it. 354 00:16:10,709 --> 00:16:12,918 I'm sorry. I don't think I could handle another Jay. 355 00:16:13,001 --> 00:16:14,209 -Oh shit. 356 00:16:14,293 --> 00:16:15,959 -Jay. -Matthew. 357 00:16:16,043 --> 00:16:17,668 I've got incredible news. 358 00:16:17,751 --> 00:16:21,418 Turns out my dad made dozens of secret cum vagina babies. 359 00:16:21,501 --> 00:16:22,584 Siblings. He means siblings. 360 00:16:22,668 --> 00:16:24,584 Don't call them that. They're my brothers. 361 00:16:24,668 --> 00:16:27,501 And I'm gonna introduce you to every single one of them. 362 00:16:27,584 --> 00:16:28,834 Jay, you don't need to do this. 363 00:16:28,918 --> 00:16:31,334 Yes, I do. I really like you, Matthew, 364 00:16:31,418 --> 00:16:34,168 and I want all my brother loads to know it. 365 00:16:34,251 --> 00:16:35,918 Oh, that is kinda sweet. 366 00:16:36,001 --> 00:16:39,168 Yeah, and it's funny because loads are kind of sour? 367 00:16:39,251 --> 00:16:40,126 Okay, and we're back. 368 00:16:40,209 --> 00:16:42,084 Jay, I really like you too, 369 00:16:42,168 --> 00:16:45,584 but I don't wanna go to any more sleazy magicians' houses. 370 00:16:45,668 --> 00:16:47,709 You don't have to, my darling. 371 00:16:47,793 --> 00:16:50,668 I'm gonna bring the sleazy magicians to us 372 00:16:50,751 --> 00:16:54,001 by throwing a Bilzerian bastard family reunion. 373 00:16:54,084 --> 00:16:55,501 Oof. That sounds-- 374 00:16:55,584 --> 00:16:59,168 Like the greatest idea since doves in a bag? I know. 375 00:16:59,251 --> 00:17:02,459 Imagine it, all my brothers in one place. 376 00:17:02,543 --> 00:17:05,709 It'll be just like we're back in our dad's balls. 377 00:17:05,793 --> 00:17:08,626 Okay. But how do you get a bunch of Bilzerians 378 00:17:08,709 --> 00:17:10,001 to come to a random party? 379 00:17:10,084 --> 00:17:12,876 Uh, doy, everybody knows there are four things 380 00:17:12,959 --> 00:17:15,418 -a Bilzerian cannot resist. -Okay. 381 00:17:15,501 --> 00:17:16,418 -Jean shorts… -Sure. 382 00:17:16,501 --> 00:17:17,626 -…casino steaks… -Really? 383 00:17:17,709 --> 00:17:19,001 -…improvised weapons… -Copy that. 384 00:17:19,084 --> 00:17:22,084 …and, of course, a lady in the shower to peep on. 385 00:17:22,168 --> 00:17:24,168 -And a crime. -Woo! 386 00:17:24,251 --> 00:17:26,251 Okay, how do we do this? 387 00:17:26,334 --> 00:17:29,959 Do we, like, just, like, grab each other's nipples and fucking twist them? 388 00:17:30,043 --> 00:17:32,001 Yeah, I guess that's what we do. 389 00:17:32,084 --> 00:17:35,584 I don't know why I can't stop laughing. I'm so excited. 390 00:17:35,668 --> 00:17:36,584 Ah! 391 00:17:36,668 --> 00:17:39,251 Fuck, yeah. Twenty-first century. 392 00:17:40,543 --> 00:17:42,334 That's it, baby. You're a warrior. 393 00:17:42,418 --> 00:17:47,126 Yeah, I feel the blood of my ancestors coursing through my veins. 394 00:17:47,209 --> 00:17:49,293 They may take our nipples, 395 00:17:49,376 --> 00:17:52,959 but they will never take our nipples. 396 00:17:53,043 --> 00:17:53,959 Oh God, 397 00:17:54,043 --> 00:17:57,043 I can feel the blood of my ancestors coursing through my veins. 398 00:17:57,126 --> 00:18:01,001 Don't stop. I deserve to be oppressed. 399 00:18:01,084 --> 00:18:04,418 Now confiscate all of my Judaica. 400 00:18:04,501 --> 00:18:06,126 What are you doing? 401 00:18:06,209 --> 00:18:07,834 Nicky, stop it. 402 00:18:07,918 --> 00:18:09,459 I found your secret box. 403 00:18:09,543 --> 00:18:12,168 I know who you are, William MacGregor. 404 00:18:12,251 --> 00:18:13,418 Don't you say that name. 405 00:18:13,501 --> 00:18:15,793 William MacGregor no longer exists. 406 00:18:15,876 --> 00:18:20,043 I'm Elliot Birch, your pinky twin. 407 00:18:20,126 --> 00:18:22,668 Oh, Maury, my nipples are pulsing, 408 00:18:22,751 --> 00:18:24,251 my asshole is throbbing, 409 00:18:24,334 --> 00:18:26,709 my taint is begging to get involved, simply begging. 410 00:18:26,793 --> 00:18:28,584 That's it. I can't take anymore. 411 00:18:28,668 --> 00:18:30,043 In one short day, 412 00:18:30,126 --> 00:18:34,834 this depraved little heathen has made me forget what love even means. 413 00:18:34,918 --> 00:18:36,376 -Flanny-- -Don't "Flanny" me. 414 00:18:36,459 --> 00:18:37,293 I quit. 415 00:18:37,376 --> 00:18:41,209 And I never want to see a nipple again for as long as I live. 416 00:18:41,293 --> 00:18:43,668 Wait, no. Was it because I said "taint"? 417 00:18:43,751 --> 00:18:46,084 I could call it my "grundle" if that makes it nicer for you. 418 00:18:46,168 --> 00:18:49,918 Yeah, I mean, the clinical term is actually "the Bridge to Doodie City." 419 00:18:50,543 --> 00:18:54,793 This random party with my four favorite things fucking rules. 420 00:18:54,876 --> 00:18:56,668 Gimme that casino steak. 421 00:18:56,751 --> 00:19:00,043 So do you two get fucked? Or are you just decorative? 422 00:19:00,126 --> 00:19:01,668 Oh, it's always been my dream 423 00:19:01,751 --> 00:19:04,959 to get eviscerated by a Norseman with a little dick, bro. 424 00:19:05,043 --> 00:19:07,293 Oh man, she's soaping herself up. 425 00:19:07,376 --> 00:19:10,334 You're beautiful, sweetheart. Take my casino steak. 426 00:19:10,418 --> 00:19:12,834 Isn't this just the most lovely party? 427 00:19:12,918 --> 00:19:15,209 I'm worried that shower lady's gonna get frostbite. 428 00:19:15,293 --> 00:19:16,334 Well, don't tell anyone, 429 00:19:16,418 --> 00:19:19,834 but the shower lady is actually Coach Steve. 430 00:19:19,918 --> 00:19:20,751 Thanks, Jay. 431 00:19:20,834 --> 00:19:25,084 My doctor at Petco is gonna be so excited I took a shower. 432 00:19:25,168 --> 00:19:26,168 Are you ready, Matthew? 433 00:19:26,251 --> 00:19:29,501 Because I think it's time for our big announcement. 434 00:19:29,584 --> 00:19:30,793 Okay, how do I look? 435 00:19:30,876 --> 00:19:32,959 -Uh, fat and pregnant? -Ah, perfect. 436 00:19:33,043 --> 00:19:36,084 What the fuck are all you shitbags doing here? 437 00:19:36,168 --> 00:19:40,001 Dad? Oh my God, I can't believe you actually came. 438 00:19:40,084 --> 00:19:44,209 I get a special alert whenever there's a lady in a shower. 439 00:19:44,293 --> 00:19:48,709 Attention, Bilzerian bastards. This is our dad. 440 00:19:48,793 --> 00:19:51,918 And this is my same-sex-- 441 00:19:52,001 --> 00:19:54,918 Dad? Oh my God. Will you teach me how to ride a bike? 442 00:19:55,001 --> 00:19:57,126 And teach me how to shave my back? 443 00:19:57,209 --> 00:19:59,709 And teach me how to have sex with a baseball mitt? 444 00:19:59,793 --> 00:20:02,543 Hang on. There'll be plenty of time for all of you to get parented. 445 00:20:02,626 --> 00:20:05,918 But first, I have an announcement. I wanna introduce you to-- 446 00:20:06,001 --> 00:20:10,084 Hold that thought, almost abortion. I, uh, gotta take a dump. 447 00:20:10,168 --> 00:20:11,251 Uh, sure thing, Dad. 448 00:20:11,334 --> 00:20:13,834 A lot of these guys have waited their whole lives for this moment, 449 00:20:13,918 --> 00:20:16,668 so I think they can wait for one more shit. 450 00:20:16,751 --> 00:20:19,626 You know, Nicky, my father was a hard man. 451 00:20:20,209 --> 00:20:23,168 And from the day I was born, he loved only one thing, 452 00:20:23,668 --> 00:20:25,918 the ancient sport of nipple twisting. 453 00:20:26,418 --> 00:20:29,168 Originally, the Scots called it "tweaking teats." 454 00:20:29,251 --> 00:20:31,709 For them, it was a means of preventing invasion. 455 00:20:31,793 --> 00:20:34,001 -But for my father, 456 00:20:34,668 --> 00:20:35,834 it was an obsession. 457 00:20:36,334 --> 00:20:39,334 And the only time I felt truly loved 458 00:20:39,418 --> 00:20:41,834 was when I was brutalizing someone's breasts. 459 00:20:41,918 --> 00:20:43,126 That's it, William. 460 00:20:43,209 --> 00:20:44,334 No mercy. 461 00:20:44,418 --> 00:20:47,918 Picture that stupid twat's parents standing over his grave. 462 00:20:48,001 --> 00:20:50,293 I craved his love so badly, 463 00:20:50,376 --> 00:20:53,668 I… I completely lost control. 464 00:20:55,376 --> 00:20:58,751 Oh my God. You pulled his nipples off? 465 00:20:58,834 --> 00:21:00,626 I'm sorry to say I did. 466 00:21:00,709 --> 00:21:04,793 And I was so horrified that I left my father's home forever. 467 00:21:04,876 --> 00:21:07,793 I gave up nipple twisting and became a surgeon 468 00:21:07,876 --> 00:21:10,834 to help people with my strong little hands. 469 00:21:10,918 --> 00:21:15,043 And I vowed to myself that I'd be the exact opposite kind of father. 470 00:21:15,126 --> 00:21:16,543 You mean, like a soft daddy? 471 00:21:16,626 --> 00:21:19,376 The softest. And the daddiest. 472 00:21:19,459 --> 00:21:23,668 Well, I guess I'm glad you're not like a raging, angry maniac. 473 00:21:23,751 --> 00:21:26,668 And I'm glad you're my pinky twin. 474 00:21:27,168 --> 00:21:28,626 Yeah, okay. 475 00:21:29,459 --> 00:21:32,959 What the hell? Our dad's been in there for 45 fucking minutes. 476 00:21:33,043 --> 00:21:36,459 It's fine. He's probably just having a hard steak shit. 477 00:21:36,543 --> 00:21:40,126 Well, then, let us watch. He's our dad. 478 00:21:41,043 --> 00:21:43,251 Shit. He El Chapo'd us. 479 00:21:43,334 --> 00:21:44,459 That is classic Dad. 480 00:21:44,543 --> 00:21:45,501 What the hell, Jay? 481 00:21:45,584 --> 00:21:48,543 Did you invite us all over here just so he could abandon us again? 482 00:21:48,626 --> 00:21:50,418 No! I invited you here 483 00:21:50,501 --> 00:21:53,126 so I could introduce you to my same-sex-- 484 00:21:53,209 --> 00:21:54,459 You suck, Jay. 485 00:21:54,543 --> 00:21:55,584 Nut stab. 486 00:21:56,084 --> 00:21:57,251 Let's get outta here. 487 00:21:57,334 --> 00:21:58,709 Let's steal the furniture. 488 00:21:58,793 --> 00:22:01,751 I'm taking this painting of Chef Boyardee, bro. 489 00:22:01,834 --> 00:22:04,043 -Gimme that. -Stop the steal. 490 00:22:04,918 --> 00:22:06,793 Christ, what a bunch of assholes. 491 00:22:06,876 --> 00:22:09,459 No, they're right. I suck. 492 00:22:09,543 --> 00:22:11,376 And now my whole family hates me. 493 00:22:11,459 --> 00:22:13,168 Who cares what your family thinks? 494 00:22:13,251 --> 00:22:14,918 You're so much better than them. 495 00:22:15,001 --> 00:22:16,376 -Really? -Yes. 496 00:22:16,459 --> 00:22:20,334 Between your rotten genes and your truly horrific upbringing, 497 00:22:20,418 --> 00:22:23,334 -you still somehow ended up a good person. -Aw. 498 00:22:23,418 --> 00:22:27,834 I'd say you're a miracle, but, Jay, you're a genetic anomaly. 499 00:22:27,918 --> 00:22:29,626 I don't know what that is, Matthew, 500 00:22:29,709 --> 00:22:31,459 but somehow you always know 501 00:22:31,543 --> 00:22:34,251 just the right thing to say to get me hard. 502 00:22:35,418 --> 00:22:36,334 Heads up, Jay. 503 00:22:36,418 --> 00:22:39,876 When your brothers found out I was a pretend "lady in the shower," 504 00:22:39,959 --> 00:22:41,626 they stole my mustache. 505 00:22:41,709 --> 00:22:43,626 So, I gotta use my eyebrows now. 506 00:22:43,709 --> 00:22:45,168 Uh, you know, so yin-yang. 507 00:22:45,251 --> 00:22:48,251 Hey, Coach Steve? Since you're kind of like a dad to me-- 508 00:22:48,334 --> 00:22:50,834 -Because I made thick in your mom's warm? -Ugh. 509 00:22:50,918 --> 00:22:54,376 Yeah, but also because you're always there for me. 510 00:22:54,459 --> 00:22:57,584 Anyway, I'm not sure if you've heard, 511 00:22:57,668 --> 00:23:02,209 but Matthew and I are same-sex lovers now. 512 00:23:02,293 --> 00:23:05,751 -That's awesome. -Yeah, it is pretty awesome. 513 00:23:05,834 --> 00:23:06,709 Wow! 514 00:23:06,793 --> 00:23:07,793 Thank you, Steve. 515 00:23:07,876 --> 00:23:09,543 For what? Who are you? 516 00:23:09,626 --> 00:23:13,209 Oh, I can't believe I'm going on a full-on date with Elijah. 517 00:23:13,293 --> 00:23:16,126 Well, hold on. This can't be where the party is, darling. 518 00:23:16,209 --> 00:23:17,209 It's a bloody church. 519 00:23:17,293 --> 00:23:20,168 I know, but it's the address he sent me. 520 00:23:20,251 --> 00:23:22,168 -Hey, Missy. -Hi. 521 00:23:22,251 --> 00:23:25,418 So, you ready to party in God's basement? 522 00:23:25,501 --> 00:23:28,918 Uh, sure. Just hope that doesn't mean hell. 523 00:23:29,001 --> 00:23:30,709 Sounds like hell to me. 524 00:23:30,793 --> 00:23:32,668 Welcome to Youth Group, Missy. 525 00:23:32,751 --> 00:23:34,709 Elijah told us you were coming, 526 00:23:34,793 --> 00:23:38,543 but he did not mention those rocking braces. 527 00:23:38,626 --> 00:23:39,918 -Look at you. -Oh, thank you. 528 00:23:40,001 --> 00:23:43,001 It's, uh, so cool that you hang out with a bunch of kids on a Friday night. 529 00:23:43,084 --> 00:23:44,084 Also on Saturdays. 530 00:23:44,168 --> 00:23:47,834 I'm sorry, but how could Elijah possibly consider this a party? 531 00:23:47,918 --> 00:23:49,668 Now before you all get into that pizza, 532 00:23:49,751 --> 00:23:53,084 let's join hands and thank the original Papa John. 533 00:23:53,168 --> 00:23:55,376 Hey, I'm really glad you came. 534 00:23:55,459 --> 00:23:58,876 Mona, he's holding my honking hand. 535 00:24:03,126 --> 00:24:05,501 This evening has been saved. 536 00:24:05,584 --> 00:24:08,709 Thank you, Jesus. I believe. 537 00:24:08,793 --> 00:24:10,209 Now, while y'all grab a slice, 538 00:24:10,293 --> 00:24:11,918 I want to say a couple quick words 539 00:24:12,001 --> 00:24:14,793 about why it's absolutely wrong to masturbate. 540 00:24:14,876 --> 00:24:16,709 Okay, there's always a catch. 541 00:24:16,793 --> 00:24:19,626 You never get pizza for fucking free, do you? 542 00:24:19,709 --> 00:24:24,751 You're such a bad boy for stealing my scarf, Andrew. 543 00:24:24,834 --> 00:24:28,584 Oh, I'm sorry, Mrs. Birch. Maybe you should punish me. 544 00:24:28,668 --> 00:24:30,543 So, you're really quitting, huh, Flanny? 545 00:24:30,626 --> 00:24:33,918 I'm sorry, Maury, but the boy makes me sick to my bones. 546 00:24:34,001 --> 00:24:36,709 -Okay, sure, Andrew's a little weirdo… -Yes. 547 00:24:36,793 --> 00:24:39,376 …but the kid's got a good heart, and he deserves love. 548 00:24:39,459 --> 00:24:41,418 I mean, just the other day, 549 00:24:41,501 --> 00:24:44,376 he was in the shower and he did the cutest thing. 550 00:24:44,459 --> 00:24:47,668 He tried to stick a bottle of Pantene Pro-V up his butt. 551 00:24:50,209 --> 00:24:54,418 I can only hope that this little one is half the monster that Andrew is. 552 00:24:54,501 --> 00:24:56,293 Of course. 553 00:24:56,376 --> 00:24:58,959 -How did I not see this before? -What? See what? 554 00:24:59,043 --> 00:25:01,126 -You love him. -No. 555 00:25:01,209 --> 00:25:03,501 That's the real love story here. 556 00:25:03,584 --> 00:25:07,043 You genuinely love that little maniac. 557 00:25:07,126 --> 00:25:08,876 I just think there might be something, 558 00:25:08,959 --> 00:25:11,376 you know, really great with him and Bernie. 559 00:25:11,459 --> 00:25:14,376 And maybe you could stick around, you know, for me? 560 00:25:14,459 --> 00:25:18,084 Okay, Maury. I'm going to try to see this little pervert through your eyes. 561 00:25:18,168 --> 00:25:19,001 Yes. 562 00:25:19,084 --> 00:25:20,459 -Hey, Andrew. -Yeah? 563 00:25:20,543 --> 00:25:25,584 I was thinking maybe you should ask Bernie what type of deodorant she wears. 564 00:25:25,668 --> 00:25:27,668 I like that idea quite a lot. Go on. 565 00:25:27,751 --> 00:25:32,043 And that way, you can buy some and rub it all over your body. 566 00:25:32,126 --> 00:25:35,418 Oh, like I'm wearing a suit made out of Bernie. 567 00:25:35,501 --> 00:25:36,459 Yeah. 568 00:25:36,543 --> 00:25:38,418 Then you can smell her all the time 569 00:25:38,501 --> 00:25:41,626 so that your penis fills with blood. 570 00:25:41,709 --> 00:25:43,001 -How you like it. -Ah. 571 00:25:43,084 --> 00:25:44,334 Flanny. 572 00:25:44,418 --> 00:25:47,001 Welcome to the fucking team, brother. 573 00:25:47,084 --> 00:25:48,793 -Here's your poncho. -Poncho? 574 00:25:48,876 --> 00:25:50,126 Oh, did I not mention? 575 00:25:50,209 --> 00:25:54,084 With Andrew, every seat is in the splash zone, honey. 576 00:25:54,168 --> 00:25:55,668 Roll the credits.