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‎NETFLIX 影集

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‎我知道…各位美女，我的表演很完美

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‎謝謝大家

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‎安德魯高博曼

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‎我是黛安蓮恩
‎求你一定要在我超有才的奶上簽名

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‎黛安蓮恩，妳真是聰明又性感

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‎但可惜我心有所屬

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‎伯妮黛特桑德斯

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‎我的愛
‎在這些醋罈子面前和我舌吻吧

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‎天哪，伯妮桑德斯

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‎她是女神

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‎她是你女友了，你會過著夢幻人生

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‎-你是誰？
‎-弗藍尼奧林匹克

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‎我任憑你差遣，小兄弟

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‎好吧，我該怎麼做？

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‎要抓到你才能拿到一桶金？

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‎好吧，不用，這話有點傷人

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‎不必啦，我是你的愛蟲，你這幸運兒

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‎我的愛蟲？

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‎是因為我愛伯妮嗎？

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‎當然囉！她這麼完美

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‎13歲就認識老婆的感覺怎樣？

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‎弗藍尼，我就覺得我的幸運符刺刺的

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‎最好是，好吧，你們都笑我是小妖精

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‎現在談正事

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‎第一步：公開表白你永遠愛著
‎伯妮黛特桑德斯小姐

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‎我看不見得

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‎他上次向一個女生表白
‎她直接吐在她臉上

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‎後來我看色情片看上癮

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‎-色情片？
‎-後來被逮捕

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‎他在猶太教堂把所有的精液襪…

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‎-丟得到處都是
‎-精液襪？在猶太教堂？

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‎天哪，這個房間在轉嗎？

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‎如果這孩子就讓你不知所措
‎你該看看他的檔案

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‎聖母瑪利亞，那是安德魯的檔案？

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‎這只是目錄

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‎-我的媽呀
‎-剩下的都搬進來

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‎（脹氣問題，打手槍）

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‎好

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‎杰，你真要我和你家人見面？

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‎我覺得…不安全

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‎我只是覺得你們全家人

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‎坐在在同一個房間，沒人在哭

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‎-我覺得很酷…
‎-好吧

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‎但你知道，如果介紹我給你家人認識

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‎你就等於出櫃了？

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‎這可不是小事

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‎說得對

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‎如果我是校草的同性愛人

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‎他們絕不可能忽略我

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‎寶貝，你的邏輯太爛了

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‎把防狼噴霧準備好

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‎要記得，眼神別對到，氣勢要拿出來

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‎這是我的大麥克

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‎各位，這位是我的同性…

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‎-吃大便啦
‎-天哪

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‎-我和他對望了
‎-快逃走

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‎我哥哥常被防狼噴霧噴到

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‎已經免疫了

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‎我們當它是調味料，蠢蛋

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‎怎麼那麼吵？我又把聖誕節睡掉了？

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‎對，媽，但這次妳過了兩週就醒了

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‎太好了

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‎對了，知道爸在哪裡嗎？

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‎寶貝，當然不知道

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‎-但謝謝你問起他
‎-好

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‎我想向妳介紹一個人

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‎媽，這是我的同…

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‎抱歉，杰

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‎但這樣她的確好像比較開心

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‎各位

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‎我兩週前忘了把保溫杯從背包拿出來

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‎現在裡面都長絨毛了

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‎誰來處理一下吧？拜託

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‎-好的，爸
‎-你這是什麼意思？

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‎你小指翹起來，像爸一樣

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‎我看得很清楚

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‎你看，尼克，沒錯

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‎看來我們是小指雙胞胎了

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‎不…，這跟爸無關

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‎什麼？你才沒有

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‎低頭看，寶貝

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‎光滑的粉紅色小指，前端還硬硬的

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‎來勾小指發誓
‎我們會戴一對小指頭的戒指

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‎你學校辦漂亮的典禮時，我們再交換

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‎才不要，我不是你的小指雙胞胎
‎我是男人

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‎媽，拜託幫我洗保溫瓶好嗎？

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‎你們看，又翹起來了

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‎可惡

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‎我陰莖前端那個硬硬的部分？

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‎原來是乾掉的隱形眼鏡

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‎好，各位同學

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‎這堂課要上遺傳學和家譜

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‎各位DNA檢驗結果出來了

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‎“22對和妳”

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‎對不起，染色體不是有23對嗎？

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‎潔西，今天別這樣好嗎？

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‎天哪，報告說有三個人可能是我爸？

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‎這個故事很有趣
‎可以用在這季後面幾集

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‎等著被耍吧，觀眾

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‎上面說我有三成的奈及利亞基因

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‎想不到我有47%的奈及利亞基因

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‎這是緣分，米希，很巧吧？

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‎想想販奴的黑歷史，就不足為奇了

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‎今天別這樣好嗎，米希？

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‎真奇怪，上面說我是蘇格蘭人？

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‎還是高血壓、香腸嘴

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‎和戰士基因的帶原者

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‎上面說我的祖先是俄羅斯人

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‎對，來自鑫鑫腸屌鎮
‎鎮的形狀又短又粗

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‎誰在意他的鑫鑫腸？

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‎這些報告有沒有證明
‎他和伯妮桑德斯不是血親？

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‎安德魯才不管這些

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‎對，我才不管這些

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‎我和我的一代堂表親舌吻過

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‎之後還傳我小臭屌的照片給她

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‎親愛的，我還沒拿到亂倫那一箱

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‎是那幾箱，複數，好友

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‎讚啦，科學家研究我的痰，報告顯示

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‎多虧了我爸的猛屌
‎我有個秘密的半個兄弟

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‎-天哪，上面說的？
‎-馬修，知道這代表什麼嗎？

122
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‎-你爸背著你媽偷吃？
‎-沒錯，超常吃

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‎但這樣也好
‎我又有機會把你介紹給家人認識

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‎原來如此，還要再介紹一次

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‎是很多次

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‎各位，我的報告說我是莎曼珊

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‎這很合理，因為我是米蘭達

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‎米希，別看，大祭司走過來…

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‎嘿，米希

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‎嗨，以利亞，你…你好…啊

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‎妳好啊，妳知道我們要研究祖先嗎？

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‎知道

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‎要不要和我去奈及利亞餐廳？

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‎好啊，現在嗎？我開車

135
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‎-妳開車？
‎-開玩笑的，我酒駕太多次

136
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‎-喔，妳會喝酒？
‎-開玩笑的，我是小孩子

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‎那就好

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‎布里奇頓沒有奈及利亞餐廳

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‎但是有牙買加餐廳，如果妳想去那…

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‎好啊，牙買加菜聽起來好色…
‎我是說“好吃”

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‎天哪，米希

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‎好，便便打電話給我了

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‎我是說，我要上廁所

144
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‎但我只去尿尿，我不…大便

145
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‎妳願意的話，我可以教妳

146
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‎我是說，再見，米希

147
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‎潔西，以利亞剛剛邀我約會

148
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‎真的？他很帥

149
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‎應該是真的

150
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‎我們搞不好只會做研究
‎怎麼知道這是不是約會？

151
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‎到時去赴約，再看看狀況？

152
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‎對啊
‎像我和西恩威廉史考特喝咖啡那次

153
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‎那個混蛋帶他老婆來
‎但我們還是上床了

154
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‎-那，小指雙胞胎…
‎-別這樣叫我

155
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‎在學校學到有趣的事嗎？

156
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‎你知道嗎？我還真學到很酷的事

157
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‎知道我們是蘇格蘭人嗎？

158
00:07:42,001 --> 00:07:44,001
‎尼克，我好像不知道

159
00:07:44,084 --> 00:07:46,043
‎但我做了DNA檢驗

160
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‎-報告寫…
‎-尼克，別說了

161
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‎上面說我們是蘇格蘭人
‎我們有戰士基因

162
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‎好，讓我看看這份可笑的垃圾科學

163
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‎有人想吃這份假報告嗎？

164
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‎真好吃

165
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‎怎麼回事，爸？

166
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‎沒什麼，莉婭
‎我和我的過去都沒什麼事

167
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‎晚餐結束了

168
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‎-搞屁啊？
‎-大家去睡覺

169
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‎孩子們，你們一定注意到了

170
00:08:10,876 --> 00:08:13,418
‎我們從不聊你爸的家庭

171
00:08:13,501 --> 00:08:15,251
‎-我沒注意到
‎-妳說話時我在放空

172
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‎我忍不住一直玩手機

173
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‎我明白告訴大家

174
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‎爸爸的家庭是禁忌的話題

175
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‎什麼？哪有什麼禁忌的話題？

176
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‎爸每天都聊幫妳口交的事

177
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‎別逼我，你這小混球

178
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‎小心我把你的好東西都奪走

179
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‎天哪，為什麼我爸媽這麼怪？

180
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‎爸媽都很蠢，尤其是我的

181
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‎因為我媽很無腦，我爸是乞丐

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‎他們感情很好，在一起很久了

183
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‎藍綠色的法拉利？
‎我的秘密半個兄弟一定很有錢

184
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‎他絕對是比瑟瑞恩家的人

185
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‎好…你躲到那裏的樹叢後面

186
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‎直到我說“同性愛人”這個詞

187
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‎之後你再跳出來

188
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‎我會把鴿子從背包裡放出來

189
00:09:04,543 --> 00:09:07,376
‎好點子，但你也許該先認識這傢伙

190
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‎在突然對他公開我們的關係

191
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‎好，你按電鈴了，電鈴還是叫床聲

192
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‎幹，害我要硬著屌見我的秘密兄弟

193
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‎他來了

194
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‎天哪！

195
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‎你一定覺得我很讚

196
00:09:22,959 --> 00:09:27,168
‎天哪！你是40歲的魔術師毒蟲？

197
00:09:27,251 --> 00:09:29,626
‎我其實才26歲，你哪位？

198
00:09:29,709 --> 00:09:31,251
‎我叫杰比瑟瑞恩

199
00:09:31,334 --> 00:09:32,918
‎-你的半個兄弟
‎-所以咧？

200
00:09:33,001 --> 00:09:36,584
‎既然我們從同一根屌噴出來

201
00:09:36,668 --> 00:09:39,584
‎我希望你能無條件地愛我

202
00:09:39,668 --> 00:09:41,959
‎還有見我的同性…

203
00:09:42,043 --> 00:09:45,043
‎聽好，你爸幹了我媽
‎不表示我們是家人

204
00:09:45,126 --> 00:09:47,251
‎地方媽媽有候就是會被幹

205
00:09:47,334 --> 00:09:51,084
‎好，說句公道話，我們的爸爸
‎在法律廣告裡會說這句話，所以…

206
00:09:51,168 --> 00:09:54,334
‎鎮上大多數的洞
‎都被蓋伊比瑟瑞恩的精液噴過

207
00:09:54,418 --> 00:09:57,126
‎去煩她們吧，屎蛋

208
00:09:58,084 --> 00:10:00,626
‎杰，很遺憾事情不順利

209
00:10:01,126 --> 00:10:03,543
‎但真的不順利嗎？他給了一個線索

210
00:10:03,626 --> 00:10:06,376
‎-我爸噴了精液
‎-是啦…

211
00:10:06,459 --> 00:10:08,459
‎噴精液…精液到洞裡…

212
00:10:08,543 --> 00:10:11,584
‎噴到洞裡，噴到陰道裡…

213
00:10:12,418 --> 00:10:13,918
‎天哪，馬修

214
00:10:14,543 --> 00:10:17,126
‎精液加陰道會變出寶寶

215
00:10:17,209 --> 00:10:18,043
‎很可悲，但說得對

216
00:10:18,126 --> 00:10:21,959
‎所以還有其他比瑟瑞恩家的人

217
00:10:22,043 --> 00:10:23,251
‎我們要把他們找出來

218
00:10:23,334 --> 00:10:26,543
‎我要把你介紹給他們所有人認識

219
00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:29,126
‎鴿子，把我的兄弟們帶過來！

220
00:10:29,209 --> 00:10:30,376
‎天哪

221
00:10:31,793 --> 00:10:35,209
‎是黛安的衣櫥，安迪
‎聞得到她的味道嗎？

222
00:10:36,751 --> 00:10:37,584
‎可以

223
00:10:37,668 --> 00:10:40,501
‎好，安德魯，別再愛撫我媽的洗衣籃

224
00:10:40,584 --> 00:10:42,876
‎幫我找我爸覺得可恥的東西

225
00:10:42,959 --> 00:10:44,084
‎尼克，讓一讓

226
00:10:44,168 --> 00:10:46,709
‎我要使出我的十成變態功力

227
00:10:46,793 --> 00:10:50,376
‎推斷你爸把可恥的秘密藏在哪裡

228
00:10:51,668 --> 00:10:55,168
‎-小莫，他在幹嘛？
‎-看大師要發功了

229
00:10:55,251 --> 00:10:58,334
‎他不會放在顯眼的地方

230
00:10:58,418 --> 00:11:01,168
‎好東西都會放在隱密的地方，對吧？

231
00:11:01,251 --> 00:11:02,626
‎岩石下方…

232
00:11:02,709 --> 00:11:04,668
‎等等，我硬了，就在這裡

233
00:11:04,751 --> 00:11:06,501
‎真是歪打正著

234
00:11:07,001 --> 00:11:11,334
‎好，奇怪的獎章和舊護照？

235
00:11:11,418 --> 00:11:14,251
‎威廉阿拉史泰爾馬蓋仙？

236
00:11:14,334 --> 00:11:15,709
‎這是你爸小時候？

237
00:11:15,793 --> 00:11:18,918
‎他是不是有…祕密身分？

238
00:11:19,001 --> 00:11:20,668
‎怪恐怖的

239
00:11:21,168 --> 00:11:22,918
‎這個東西倒是不恐怖

240
00:11:23,001 --> 00:11:25,918
‎安德魯
‎我好像不小心發現黛安的內褲抽屜

241
00:11:26,001 --> 00:11:29,834
‎求求你，拜託別拿這女人的內褲

242
00:11:29,918 --> 00:11:31,793
‎好吧，那我拿圍巾

243
00:11:31,876 --> 00:11:35,793
‎讚啦，圍巾是脖子的內褲

244
00:11:36,751 --> 00:11:38,959
‎脖子是頭的屁股

245
00:11:39,043 --> 00:11:39,959
‎《燻肉居》

246
00:11:40,043 --> 00:11:40,959
‎（請稍後）

247
00:11:41,043 --> 00:11:42,501
‎-謝謝
‎-妳別擔心

248
00:11:42,584 --> 00:11:45,418
‎雖然我們是小
‎還是會給妳很多小費

249
00:11:45,501 --> 00:11:49,626
‎米希，把腳放在以利亞腿上
‎執行找屌大作戰

250
00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:52,334
‎不要，他好像在祈禱

251
00:11:52,418 --> 00:11:55,376
‎搞不好他在祈禱妳用腳幫他打槍

252
00:11:55,459 --> 00:11:56,293
‎阿門

253
00:11:57,001 --> 00:12:00,084
‎糟了，是我不對
‎我沒問妳要不要一起禱告

254
00:12:00,168 --> 00:12:02,626
‎沒關係，你的禱告讓我想起

255
00:12:02,709 --> 00:12:04,418
‎天主教主教應該對

256
00:12:04,501 --> 00:12:08,543
‎把奴隸從非洲帶來新世界負責
‎所以…

257
00:12:09,334 --> 00:12:11,418
‎-對
‎-這是我的想法

258
00:12:11,501 --> 00:12:12,668
‎搞什麼，米希？

259
00:12:12,751 --> 00:12:13,751
‎仔細想想

260
00:12:13,834 --> 00:12:17,293
‎教會和販奴的關係真令人難過

261
00:12:17,376 --> 00:12:19,126
‎天哪，現在換他了

262
00:12:19,209 --> 00:12:22,418
‎快點，幫他尻槍，幫他手淫

263
00:12:22,501 --> 00:12:24,459
‎吹他的喇叭？

264
00:12:24,543 --> 00:12:28,209
‎這樣吧，別再聊販奴了

265
00:12:28,293 --> 00:12:31,876
‎你有沒有聽過奈及利亞的貝南圍牆？

266
00:12:31,959 --> 00:12:35,334
‎它們是前機械化時代最大的人工建築

267
00:12:35,418 --> 00:12:38,626
‎對，比萬里長城還長四倍

268
00:12:38,709 --> 00:12:40,293
‎等等，他也是呆瓜？

269
00:12:40,376 --> 00:12:45,709
‎但別低估伊費人
‎他們的煉鐵術和玻璃品…

270
00:12:45,793 --> 00:12:47,959
‎伊費人真不是蓋的

271
00:12:48,043 --> 00:12:49,959
‎我去年夏天去布魯克林博物館

272
00:12:50,043 --> 00:12:54,001
‎看到了900年歷史的伊費陶器

273
00:12:54,084 --> 00:12:56,376
‎你這小“陶器”，別唬我

274
00:12:58,584 --> 00:12:59,459
‎好好笑，米希

275
00:12:59,543 --> 00:13:01,918
‎這兩個書呆子看來很投緣

276
00:13:02,001 --> 00:13:05,459
‎但我無聊到想火燒鮑魚

277
00:13:05,543 --> 00:13:07,293
‎就是現在

278
00:13:07,876 --> 00:13:08,751
‎好，媽

279
00:13:08,834 --> 00:13:11,334
‎我要給妳一點

280
00:13:11,418 --> 00:13:13,459
‎我從豐田經銷處偷來的咖啡

281
00:13:13,543 --> 00:13:15,709
‎我每天早餐都會喝

282
00:13:16,376 --> 00:13:18,876
‎這壺棕色的熱酒是什麼？

283
00:13:18,959 --> 00:13:22,959
‎我知道妳討厭清醒，但這件事很重要

284
00:13:23,043 --> 00:13:26,626
‎妳知道爸認識妳以前
‎有其他小孩嗎？

285
00:13:26,709 --> 00:13:30,293
‎當然，之前和之後都有

286
00:13:30,376 --> 00:13:32,293
‎妳不會不爽？

287
00:13:32,376 --> 00:13:36,334
‎別為杰他媽擔心

288
00:13:36,418 --> 00:13:41,668
‎-等等，這是什麼？
‎-這是杰他媽的保單

289
00:13:41,751 --> 00:13:45,584
‎我失蹤的話，就找出這本書好嗎？

290
00:13:45,668 --> 00:13:49,459
‎再見了，杰他媽的兒子，杰

291
00:13:50,334 --> 00:13:53,418
‎好，殼牌公司…

292
00:13:53,501 --> 00:13:54,918
‎無名塚？

293
00:13:55,001 --> 00:13:57,459
‎激進管教法？

294
00:13:58,334 --> 00:14:02,334
‎找到了，精液，跟著精液走

295
00:14:03,418 --> 00:14:06,251
‎威廉阿拉史泰爾馬蓋仙

296
00:14:06,334 --> 00:14:08,501
‎點第一支影片就對了，我不看文字

297
00:14:09,751 --> 00:14:11,293
‎小心了，跆拳道

298
00:14:11,376 --> 00:14:13,834
‎蘇格蘭扭乳頭術傳到紐約了

299
00:14:13,918 --> 00:14:14,918
‎扭乳頭？

300
00:14:15,001 --> 00:14:19,418
‎這門古老武術出現一顆閃亮的星星
‎威廉馬蓋仙

301
00:14:19,501 --> 00:14:20,834
‎天哪，那是我爸

302
00:14:20,918 --> 00:14:22,751
‎你看他，全身都抹油

303
00:14:22,834 --> 00:14:25,251
‎溫柔爸爸，來爸爸這裡

304
00:14:25,334 --> 00:14:26,959
‎我以為他喜歡的是媽媽

305
00:14:27,043 --> 00:14:29,293
‎看來只要是活的都行吧？

306
00:14:29,376 --> 00:14:32,293
‎我沒那麼挑，我還幹過一顆蕃茄

307
00:14:32,376 --> 00:14:34,376
‎威廉的爸爸兼教練西繆斯馬蓋仙

308
00:14:34,459 --> 00:14:37,418
‎努力推廣這項運動
‎希望能納入夏季奧運

309
00:14:37,501 --> 00:14:40,876
‎扭乳頭需要力量、毅力

310
00:14:40,959 --> 00:14:43,501
‎和極為特殊的老繭

311
00:14:43,584 --> 00:14:44,668
‎那是我爺爺？

312
00:14:44,751 --> 00:14:46,501
‎全世界很快會看到

313
00:14:46,584 --> 00:14:50,043
‎評斷男人的真正標準

314
00:14:50,126 --> 00:14:52,293
‎就在他的奶頭

315
00:14:52,376 --> 00:14:56,334
‎天哪，這些手指真的是戰士的武器？

316
00:14:56,418 --> 00:14:57,793
‎只有一個方法才能證明

317
00:14:57,876 --> 00:15:00,084
‎你要我扭你的乳頭？

318
00:15:00,168 --> 00:15:02,709
‎拜託，快點扭，扭我壞壞的巨乳

319
00:15:02,793 --> 00:15:06,293
‎這些猥褻的話，他說的真順口

320
00:15:06,376 --> 00:15:08,959
‎抱歉，我得出去散散步

321
00:15:09,043 --> 00:15:10,334
‎好，但快回來

322
00:15:10,418 --> 00:15:13,709
‎別錯過他的巨乳懲罰秀

323
00:15:13,793 --> 00:15:17,751
‎這就是我的聲音有點不同的原因

324
00:15:17,834 --> 00:15:21,418
‎感覺最後他們做出正確的抉擇

325
00:15:21,501 --> 00:15:23,209
‎好，小朋友，要結帳時再跟我說

326
00:15:23,293 --> 00:15:25,543
‎好，連服務生都覺得你們在約會

327
00:15:25,626 --> 00:15:28,834
‎如果要正式在一起
‎就讓他用爸媽的錢請妳

328
00:15:29,751 --> 00:15:30,584
‎我來付

329
00:15:30,668 --> 00:15:31,626
‎-讚啦
‎-好啊

330
00:15:31,709 --> 00:15:33,084
‎還是你想平分？

331
00:15:33,168 --> 00:15:34,293
‎不要，妳在幹嘛？

332
00:15:34,376 --> 00:15:36,418
‎好啊，我們可以平分帳單

333
00:15:36,501 --> 00:15:38,876
‎-好主意，好像蠻恰當的
‎-如果妳願意的話

334
00:15:38,959 --> 00:15:41,626
‎不，以利亞，別聽她的
‎她腦筋不清楚

335
00:15:41,709 --> 00:15:46,334
‎但我週五晚上要參加派對
‎妳要“伊費”去嗎？

336
00:15:46,418 --> 00:15:48,793
‎-當然要…！
‎-我怎樣都會去

337
00:15:48,876 --> 00:15:51,168
‎我是說…好啊，沒問題

338
00:15:51,251 --> 00:15:53,626
‎這算…約會嗎？

339
00:15:53,709 --> 00:15:54,876
‎沒錯，是約會

340
00:15:54,959 --> 00:15:56,001
‎天哪

341
00:15:56,084 --> 00:15:58,084
‎我又要火燒鮑魚了

342
00:15:58,168 --> 00:16:01,043
‎但這次要用炸藥

343
00:16:01,126 --> 00:16:03,043
‎盤絲洞要爆炸了！

344
00:16:03,793 --> 00:16:04,668
‎超扯的

345
00:16:04,751 --> 00:16:06,001
‎他長得和杰好像

346
00:16:06,084 --> 00:16:07,501
‎而且沒有家具

347
00:16:07,584 --> 00:16:10,626
‎只有一座魚缸，裡面放了電吉他

348
00:16:10,709 --> 00:16:13,168
‎抱歉，我應不付不了兩個杰

349
00:16:13,251 --> 00:16:14,209
‎嚇死老娘

350
00:16:14,293 --> 00:16:15,126
‎-杰
‎-馬修

351
00:16:16,043 --> 00:16:17,668
‎我有個好消息

352
00:16:17,751 --> 00:16:21,418
‎我爸竟然有幾十個祕密精液陰道寶寶

353
00:16:21,501 --> 00:16:22,584
‎他是指手足

354
00:16:22,668 --> 00:16:24,584
‎別這樣叫他們，他們是我兄弟

355
00:16:24,668 --> 00:16:27,501
‎我要把你介紹給他們所有人認識

356
00:16:27,584 --> 00:16:28,834
‎沒必要

357
00:16:28,918 --> 00:16:31,334
‎有，我真的喜歡你，馬修

358
00:16:31,418 --> 00:16:34,293
‎我要我所有的精液兄弟都知道

359
00:16:34,376 --> 00:16:35,918
‎好甜蜜

360
00:16:36,001 --> 00:16:39,168
‎對啊，好玩的是
‎精液味道酸酸的吧？

361
00:16:39,251 --> 00:16:40,126
‎他又來了

362
00:16:40,209 --> 00:16:42,084
‎杰，我也很喜歡你

363
00:16:42,168 --> 00:16:45,584
‎但我不想再去其他低俗魔術師的家了

364
00:16:45,668 --> 00:16:47,709
‎親愛的，你不必去

365
00:16:47,793 --> 00:16:50,668
‎我要叫這些低俗魔術師來我們這裡

366
00:16:50,751 --> 00:16:54,001
‎我要辦比瑟瑞恩雜種家聚

367
00:16:54,668 --> 00:16:55,501
‎聽起來…

368
00:16:55,584 --> 00:16:59,168
‎是繼袋中鴿之後，最棒的點子吧？
‎我知道

369
00:16:59,251 --> 00:17:02,459
‎想想看，我的兄弟集聚一堂

370
00:17:02,543 --> 00:17:05,709
‎好像回到我爸的睪丸裡

371
00:17:05,793 --> 00:17:08,626
‎好，但要怎樣才能讓一堆比瑟瑞恩

372
00:17:08,709 --> 00:17:10,126
‎參加陌生的派對？

373
00:17:10,626 --> 00:17:12,876
‎簡單，大家都知道比瑟瑞恩家的人
‎無法抵抗

374
00:17:12,959 --> 00:17:15,418
‎-四樣東西
‎-好

375
00:17:15,501 --> 00:17:16,418
‎-牛仔短褲…
‎-了解

376
00:17:16,501 --> 00:17:17,626
‎-賭場牛排…
‎-真的？

377
00:17:17,709 --> 00:17:19,001
‎-臨時武器…
‎-收到

378
00:17:19,084 --> 00:17:22,084
‎當然還有，偷看正妹洗澡

379
00:17:22,168 --> 00:17:23,043
‎和犯罪

380
00:17:24,251 --> 00:17:26,251
‎好，我們該怎麼做？

381
00:17:26,334 --> 00:17:29,959
‎只要捏對方的乳頭再扭就好了？

382
00:17:30,043 --> 00:17:31,959
‎對，就這麼辦吧

383
00:17:32,543 --> 00:17:35,751
‎我不知道我為何一直笑，我好興奮

384
00:17:36,668 --> 00:17:39,251
‎幹，好爽，21世紀

385
00:17:42,418 --> 00:17:47,126
‎對，感覺祖先的血液流過我的血管

386
00:17:47,209 --> 00:17:49,293
‎他們可以奪走我們的乳頭

387
00:17:49,376 --> 00:17:52,959
‎但他們絕不會奪走我們的乳頭

388
00:17:53,043 --> 00:17:57,043
‎天哪，我覺得祖先的血液
‎流過我的血管

389
00:17:57,126 --> 00:18:01,001
‎不要停，儘管壓迫我吧

390
00:18:01,084 --> 00:18:04,376
‎徵收我的猶太文化遺產吧

391
00:18:04,918 --> 00:18:06,126
‎你們在幹嘛？

392
00:18:06,209 --> 00:18:07,834
‎尼克，住手

393
00:18:07,918 --> 00:18:09,459
‎我們找到你的秘盒了

394
00:18:09,543 --> 00:18:12,168
‎我知道你真正的身分，威廉馬蓋仙

395
00:18:12,251 --> 00:18:13,418
‎不准說那個名字

396
00:18:13,501 --> 00:18:15,793
‎威廉馬蓋仙不在世上了

397
00:18:16,334 --> 00:18:20,043
‎我是艾略特柏奇，你的小指雙胞胎

398
00:18:20,126 --> 00:18:22,668
‎小莫，我的乳頭在跳動

399
00:18:22,751 --> 00:18:24,251
‎我的屁眼在抽動

400
00:18:24,334 --> 00:18:26,709
‎我的會陰渴望加入

401
00:18:26,793 --> 00:18:28,584
‎夠了，我受不了了

402
00:18:28,668 --> 00:18:30,043
‎短短一天內

403
00:18:30,126 --> 00:18:34,834
‎這個墮落的野蠻人讓我忘了愛的真諦

404
00:18:34,918 --> 00:18:36,376
‎-弗藍尼…
‎-別叫我“弗藍尼”

405
00:18:36,459 --> 00:18:37,293
‎我不幹了

406
00:18:37,376 --> 00:18:41,209
‎我這輩子再也不想看到乳頭

407
00:18:41,293 --> 00:18:43,668
‎等等，不
‎只是因為我說了“會陰”？

408
00:18:43,751 --> 00:18:46,084
‎我可以改叫它“下極”
‎這樣比較文雅嗎？

409
00:18:46,168 --> 00:18:49,918
‎對啊，醫學術語其實是“糞城大橋”

410
00:18:50,543 --> 00:18:54,793
‎這個有我四種最愛的陌生派對超讚的

411
00:18:54,876 --> 00:18:56,668
‎把賭城牛排給我

412
00:18:56,751 --> 00:19:00,043
‎你們兩個被幹過了嗎？
‎還是你們只是裝飾品？

413
00:19:00,126 --> 00:19:01,668
‎我畢生的夢想

414
00:19:01,751 --> 00:19:04,959
‎就是被小屌古挪威人頂到肺

415
00:19:05,043 --> 00:19:07,293
‎天哪，她在抹肥皂

416
00:19:07,376 --> 00:19:10,334
‎小甜心，妳超美的
‎我的賭城牛排送妳

417
00:19:10,418 --> 00:19:12,834
‎這場派對很歡樂吧？

418
00:19:12,918 --> 00:19:15,209
‎我擔心沖澡妹會生凍瘡

419
00:19:15,293 --> 00:19:19,834
‎別告訴別人
‎沖澡妹其實是史提夫教練

420
00:19:19,918 --> 00:19:20,751
‎謝啦，杰

421
00:19:20,834 --> 00:19:25,084
‎我在寵物店的醫師會很興奮
‎我竟然沖澡了

422
00:19:25,168 --> 00:19:26,168
‎準備好了嗎？

423
00:19:26,251 --> 00:19:29,501
‎現在該宣布我們的大事了

424
00:19:29,584 --> 00:19:30,959
‎好，我看起來怎樣？

425
00:19:31,543 --> 00:19:32,959
‎-像懷孕的肥婆？
‎-太好了

426
00:19:33,043 --> 00:19:36,084
‎你們這群蠢貨在這裡幹嘛？

427
00:19:36,168 --> 00:19:40,001
‎爸？天哪，想不到你真的來了

428
00:19:40,084 --> 00:19:44,209
‎只要有女生沖澡
‎我就會收到特殊提醒

429
00:19:44,293 --> 00:19:48,709
‎注意，各位比瑟瑞恩雜種
‎他就是我們的爸爸

430
00:19:48,793 --> 00:19:51,918
‎這位是我的同性…

431
00:19:52,001 --> 00:19:54,918
‎爸？天哪，教我騎單車好嗎？

432
00:19:55,001 --> 00:19:57,126
‎教我刮背毛好嗎？

433
00:19:57,209 --> 00:19:59,709
‎教我怎麼和棒球手套打炮好嗎？

434
00:19:59,793 --> 00:20:02,543
‎想享受父愛，時間多得很

435
00:20:02,626 --> 00:20:05,918
‎但我要先宣布一件大事
‎我要向你們介紹…

436
00:20:06,001 --> 00:20:10,084
‎等一等，差點被射在牆上的孩子
‎我要去大便

437
00:20:10,168 --> 00:20:11,251
‎沒問題，爸

438
00:20:11,334 --> 00:20:14,334
‎這裡很多人等這一刻，等了一輩子

439
00:20:14,418 --> 00:20:16,668
‎我想等你撇條應該沒問題

440
00:20:16,751 --> 00:20:19,626
‎聽我說，尼克，我爸很嚴格

441
00:20:20,209 --> 00:20:23,168
‎我從出生起，他只愛一件事

442
00:20:23,668 --> 00:20:25,918
‎扭乳頭這種古代運動

443
00:20:26,418 --> 00:20:29,168
‎蘇格蘭人原本叫它“轉奶頭”

444
00:20:29,251 --> 00:20:31,834
‎他們藉此抵禦外敵

445
00:20:32,501 --> 00:20:34,001
‎但是我父親

446
00:20:34,668 --> 00:20:35,834
‎卻沉迷太深

447
00:20:36,334 --> 00:20:39,334
‎我唯一覺得真正被愛的時候

448
00:20:39,418 --> 00:20:41,834
‎是我蹂躪別人乳房的時候

449
00:20:41,918 --> 00:20:43,126
‎就是這樣，威廉

450
00:20:43,209 --> 00:20:44,334
‎狠一點

451
00:20:44,418 --> 00:20:47,918
‎想像這個白癡賤貨的爸媽在他墳前

452
00:20:48,001 --> 00:20:50,293
‎我極度渴望愛

453
00:20:50,376 --> 00:20:53,626
‎徹底失去控制

454
00:20:55,376 --> 00:20:58,751
‎天哪，你把他的乳頭拉斷了？

455
00:20:58,834 --> 00:21:00,626
‎很遺憾，你說對了

456
00:21:00,709 --> 00:21:04,793
‎我驚慌失措，永遠離開我爸的家

457
00:21:04,876 --> 00:21:07,793
‎放棄扭乳頭，成了外科醫生

458
00:21:07,876 --> 00:21:10,834
‎用我有力的雙手幫助別人

459
00:21:10,918 --> 00:21:15,043
‎我暗自發誓
‎要做個和我爸相反的父親

460
00:21:15,126 --> 00:21:16,543
‎像是溫柔爸爸？

461
00:21:16,626 --> 00:21:19,376
‎最溫柔、最有父愛的爸爸

462
00:21:19,459 --> 00:21:23,668
‎很高興你不是暴怒的神經病

463
00:21:23,751 --> 00:21:26,668
‎我也很高興你是我的小指雙胞胎

464
00:21:27,168 --> 00:21:28,626
‎好吧

465
00:21:29,459 --> 00:21:32,959
‎搞什麼？我們的爸爸拉屎45分鐘了

466
00:21:33,043 --> 00:21:36,459
‎沒關係，他也許吃了硬牛排
‎大不出來

467
00:21:36,543 --> 00:21:40,126
‎那讓我們看看，他是我們的爸爸

468
00:21:41,043 --> 00:21:43,251
‎糟了，他挖地道逃走了

469
00:21:43,334 --> 00:21:44,459
‎天下的爸爸都是一樣的

470
00:21:44,543 --> 00:21:45,501
‎搞屁啊，杰？

471
00:21:45,584 --> 00:21:48,543
‎你邀我們來
‎是想讓我們再被拋棄一次嗎？

472
00:21:48,626 --> 00:21:50,418
‎不！我邀你們來

473
00:21:50,501 --> 00:21:53,126
‎是想向你們介紹我的同性…

474
00:21:53,209 --> 00:21:54,459
‎你這大爛人，杰

475
00:21:54,543 --> 00:21:55,584
‎搥蛋拳

476
00:21:56,084 --> 00:21:57,251
‎我們走

477
00:21:57,334 --> 00:21:58,709
‎把家具都偷走

478
00:21:58,793 --> 00:22:01,751
‎這幅阿雞師的畫我要帶走

479
00:22:01,834 --> 00:22:04,043
‎-給我啦
‎-別偷東西

480
00:22:04,918 --> 00:22:06,793
‎天哪，真是一群王八蛋

481
00:22:06,876 --> 00:22:09,459
‎不，他們說得對，我爛透了

482
00:22:09,543 --> 00:22:11,376
‎現在全家都討厭我

483
00:22:11,459 --> 00:22:13,168
‎誰管你家人怎麼想？

484
00:22:13,251 --> 00:22:14,918
‎你比他們優秀太多

485
00:22:15,001 --> 00:22:16,376
‎-真的嗎？
‎-真的

486
00:22:16,459 --> 00:22:20,334
‎你有爛基因，家教又超差

487
00:22:20,418 --> 00:22:22,834
‎長大後卻還是變成好人

488
00:22:23,418 --> 00:22:27,834
‎我想說你是奇蹟
‎但是杰，你其實是基因突變

489
00:22:27,918 --> 00:22:29,626
‎馬修，我不懂那是什麼

490
00:22:29,709 --> 00:22:34,251
‎但你說的話總能讓我勃起

491
00:22:35,418 --> 00:22:36,334
‎頭抬起來，杰

492
00:22:36,418 --> 00:22:39,876
‎你的兄弟發現我假扮“沖澡妹”後

493
00:22:39,959 --> 00:22:41,626
‎把我的鬍子偷走了

494
00:22:41,709 --> 00:22:43,626
‎所以我得用眉毛了

495
00:22:43,709 --> 00:22:45,168
‎這叫雌雄同體

496
00:22:45,251 --> 00:22:48,251
‎史提夫教練？因為你就像我爸一樣…

497
00:22:48,334 --> 00:22:50,834
‎因為我上了你媽嗎？

498
00:22:50,918 --> 00:22:54,376
‎對，還有你總是支持我

499
00:22:54,459 --> 00:22:57,584
‎別說這個了，你可能還沒聽說

500
00:22:57,668 --> 00:23:02,209
‎我和馬修是同性戀人了

501
00:23:02,293 --> 00:23:05,668
‎-太棒了
‎-對啊，是很棒

502
00:23:06,793 --> 00:23:07,793
‎謝謝你，史提夫

503
00:23:07,876 --> 00:23:09,543
‎謝什麼？你哪位？

504
00:23:09,626 --> 00:23:13,209
‎想不到我會和以利亞約會

505
00:23:13,293 --> 00:23:16,126
‎等等，親愛的，不可能在這裡開趴

506
00:23:16,209 --> 00:23:17,209
‎這裡是教堂耶

507
00:23:17,293 --> 00:23:20,168
‎我知道，但他傳給我的地址是這裡

508
00:23:20,251 --> 00:23:22,168
‎-嘿，米希
‎-嗨

509
00:23:22,251 --> 00:23:25,334
‎妳…準備好在上帝的地下室
‎開趴了嗎？

510
00:23:25,959 --> 00:23:28,918
‎當然，希望你指的不是地獄

511
00:23:29,001 --> 00:23:30,709
‎我覺得就是

512
00:23:30,793 --> 00:23:32,668
‎米希，歡迎來到青年團契

513
00:23:32,751 --> 00:23:34,709
‎以利亞說妳要來

514
00:23:34,793 --> 00:23:38,543
‎但沒說妳戴的牙套超炫

515
00:23:38,626 --> 00:23:39,918
‎-真好看
‎-謝謝

516
00:23:40,001 --> 00:23:43,001
‎你好酷，週五晚上和一堆小孩一起玩

517
00:23:43,084 --> 00:23:44,084
‎星期六也會

518
00:23:44,168 --> 00:23:47,834
‎打個岔
‎以利亞怎麼會覺得這是派對？

519
00:23:47,918 --> 00:23:49,668
‎大家開始吃披薩前

520
00:23:49,751 --> 00:23:53,084
‎讓我們手牽手，感謝初代約翰爸爸

521
00:23:53,168 --> 00:23:55,376
‎真高興妳來了

522
00:23:56,209 --> 00:23:58,876
‎莫娜，他牽了我的手

523
00:23:58,959 --> 00:24:03,043
‎哈利路亞…！

524
00:24:03,126 --> 00:24:05,501
‎今晚逆轉勝了

525
00:24:05,584 --> 00:24:08,709
‎謝謝祢，耶穌，我信祢了

526
00:24:08,793 --> 00:24:10,209
‎各位在拿披薩時

527
00:24:10,293 --> 00:24:11,918
‎我想簡單聊聊

528
00:24:12,001 --> 00:24:14,793
‎為什麼絕對不能手淫

529
00:24:14,876 --> 00:24:16,709
‎好，果然有圈套

530
00:24:16,793 --> 00:24:19,626
‎想吃免費披薩根本是做夢吧？

531
00:24:19,709 --> 00:24:24,751
‎安德魯壞壞，竟然偷我的圍巾

532
00:24:24,834 --> 00:24:28,584
‎對不起，柏奇太太，妳懲罰我吧

533
00:24:28,668 --> 00:24:30,543
‎弗藍尼，你真的要放棄？

534
00:24:30,626 --> 00:24:33,918
‎抱歉，小莫，我覺得這孩子噁爛到爆

535
00:24:34,001 --> 00:24:36,709
‎-是沒錯啦，安德魯有點怪…
‎-沒錯

536
00:24:36,793 --> 00:24:39,376
‎但他心地善良，值得被愛

537
00:24:39,459 --> 00:24:41,418
‎前幾天

538
00:24:41,501 --> 00:24:44,376
‎他洗澡時做了超可愛的事

539
00:24:44,459 --> 00:24:47,709
‎他想把洗髮精瓶子插進屁眼裡

540
00:24:50,209 --> 00:24:54,418
‎我只希望這小子
‎有安德魯一半奇怪就好

541
00:24:54,501 --> 00:24:56,293
‎我想到了

542
00:24:56,376 --> 00:24:58,959
‎-我怎麼現在才想到？
‎-什麼？想到什麼？

543
00:24:59,043 --> 00:25:01,126
‎-你愛他
‎-沒有

544
00:25:01,209 --> 00:25:03,501
‎你對他是真愛

545
00:25:03,584 --> 00:25:07,043
‎你真心愛著這個小神經病

546
00:25:07,126 --> 00:25:11,376
‎我只覺得他和伯妮很登對

547
00:25:11,459 --> 00:25:14,376
‎也許為了我，你可以留下來？

548
00:25:14,459 --> 00:25:18,084
‎好，小莫
‎我會從你的角度看待這個小色鬼

549
00:25:18,168 --> 00:25:19,001
‎讚啦

550
00:25:19,084 --> 00:25:20,459
‎-嘿，安德魯
‎-什麼事？

551
00:25:20,543 --> 00:25:22,459
‎我覺得你該問伯妮

552
00:25:22,543 --> 00:25:25,584
‎用哪種體香劑

553
00:25:25,668 --> 00:25:27,668
‎這主意不錯，繼續說

554
00:25:27,751 --> 00:25:32,043
‎這樣你就能買來擦遍全身

555
00:25:33,001 --> 00:25:35,418
‎感覺像我穿著用伯妮做的衣服

556
00:25:35,501 --> 00:25:36,459
‎沒錯

557
00:25:36,543 --> 00:25:38,418
‎這樣你就能一直聞她的味道

558
00:25:38,501 --> 00:25:41,626
‎這樣一來…你的屌就會充血

559
00:25:41,709 --> 00:25:43,001
‎你喜歡這樣

560
00:25:43,084 --> 00:25:44,334
‎弗藍尼

561
00:25:44,418 --> 00:25:47,001
‎歡迎成為我們的夥伴，兄弟

562
00:25:47,084 --> 00:25:48,793
‎-這是你的雨披
‎-雨披

563
00:25:48,876 --> 00:25:50,126
‎我沒提到嗎？

564
00:25:50,209 --> 00:25:54,084
‎親愛的，坐哪裏都會被安德魯噴到

565
00:25:54,834 --> 00:25:55,668
‎快放片尾字幕

566
00:26:42,251 --> 00:26:46,334
‎字幕翻譯：易敬能