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‎NETFLIX 影集

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‎嘿，小威利

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‎再拿一罐啤酒來

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‎還有旁邊的高級堅果和糖果

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‎爸，我說了，是“艾略特”

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‎還有高級堅果是花生巧克力

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‎但等你腳踝好了，我們再討論這個

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‎和你對我造成的幾十年的創傷吧？

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‎爸，他要待多久？

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‎他一直尿在啤酒罐裡

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‎整形外科醫師說
‎他的石膏要打六到八週

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‎很快就過了

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‎你不覺得他死在地上比較舒服嗎？

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‎你在建議把爺爺安樂死嗎？

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‎當然不是，我們會請人動手

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‎尼克拉斯柏奇！

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‎黛安媽咪在叫你的全名

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‎你爺爺會在這裡
‎都是因為你愛追根究柢

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‎所以你要端啤酒和高級堅果給他

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‎-但…
‎-端過去就是了

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‎是我的尿尿管家

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‎這樣叫你，是因為你可以把尿端走了

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‎我才不要拿你的尿罐，它還熱呼呼的

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‎告訴我，你的人生悲慘嗎？

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‎沒錯

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‎想像一個完美無缺的未來

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‎當可能與不可能相遇

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‎一切的奧秘源自你的上衣

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‎為您介紹…蘋果胸針

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‎真是高級又閃亮

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‎好像胸部有個發光標誌

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‎上面寫著：“我有閒錢能浪費”

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‎我一直想要個胸針

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‎只是我現在才知道

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‎給任性的有錢賤貨買的廢物

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‎媽、爸，我可以買蘋果胸針嗎？

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‎當然可以，真抱歉你還得開口問

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‎當然不行

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‎什麼？

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‎我說過，不要研究你爸的過去

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‎結果家裡變成這樣

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‎你要為行動付出代價

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‎但我想要一只蘋果胸針！

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‎人家需要

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‎我說不行，不要再問了

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‎我覺得你媽有問題

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‎把她重新開機吧？

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‎她當機了，寶貝

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‎潔西，妳竟然丟下我一個人陪妳爸

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‎把他說的蠢話都傳訊息給我好嗎？

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‎沒問題，美女

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‎我喜歡凱特琳

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‎如果我的夢想都幻滅，我想成為她

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‎我吃花生時

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‎感覺像在嘴裡做花生醬？

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‎但我吃葡萄時，不覺得我在做果凍

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‎-妳懂我的意思吧？
‎-天哪

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‎什麼…有什麼好笑的事？
‎什麼事這麼好笑？

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‎沒什麼，只是…
‎只是凱特琳傳給我的訊息

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‎真有趣，妳們有內部笑話，真好玩

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‎但我們該走了

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‎我一直等著看《鑽石求千金》

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‎我覺得艾希莉 S.終於要被淘汰了

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‎妳知道嗎？其實是艾希莉 R.

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‎-我和凱特琳看了
‎-原來妳自己看了

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‎還對我爆雷，這也很有趣

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‎等一下…珊儂？

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‎-關於“潔西基金”…
‎-你是指撫養費？

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‎對啊，潔西基金，能給我現金嗎？

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‎珊儂真有錢

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‎想不到我媽有這麼多錢

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‎她需要啊

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‎女人沒有錢，就得長得漂亮

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‎我們都知道珊儂長得很抱歉

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‎寶貝，對不起

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‎我現在受不了你爸

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‎讓我自己靜個兩天

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‎好，我會幫妳向爸說：“嗨”

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‎拜託不要，但我愛你

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‎我很遺憾，安德魯

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‎但你知道怎麼能讓你開心點嗎？

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‎我媽回家嗎？

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‎不是，我是指有機會成真的事

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‎蒙特爾服裝展

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‎這是古馳的西裝

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‎巴黎世家的運動鞋

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‎當然還有本季最炫的配件

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‎蘋果胸針

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‎本少爺看起來是富二代吧？

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‎等等，你花了800元買胸針給嬰兒？

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‎首先，蒙特爾在學走路了

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‎荷爾蒙男怪老得很快

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‎所以不會一整季都是嬰兒？

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‎-當然不會
‎-那就好

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‎-我討厭節目多個嬰兒
‎-我也是！

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‎好，但學步兒幹嘛用蘋果胸針？

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‎重點不是“用”它

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‎而是擁有，你這梨形鄉巴佬

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‎蒙特爾，對他好一點，他媽不愛他了

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‎也許我該存錢，買一個給自己

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‎今天是零用錢日，我又沒有金錢觀念
‎所以…

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‎零用錢？

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‎你做了什麼？哪有資格拿我一分錢？

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‎媽媽通常會給我…

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‎“給”？想要我給錢，就要為我工作

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‎-哪種工作？
‎-性工作？

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‎粗活，勞力活

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‎-但你會付我錢？
‎-薪水非常低

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‎先去刷廁所吧

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‎以前是你媽在做，但她拋棄我們了

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‎所以你現在是我老婆

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‎好，每套保健組都有牙刷，放了

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‎一雙襪子，放了

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‎還一盒膠原蛋白平腹茶？

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‎對啊，路克牧師閒暇時是健身教練

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‎助人為快樂之本

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‎有些人生活匱乏，我們卻擁有很多

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‎拜託，妳擁有什麼？

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‎妳又沒有以利亞的屌或翹臀
‎甚至連接吻都沒有

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‎親愛的，妳是性愛窮人

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‎莫娜，妳知道我們決定慢慢來

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‎不要慢慢來，要硬著來

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‎我不知道，我覺得慢慢來還蠻性感的

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‎期待會提高性張力

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‎就像《柏捷頓家族：名門韻事》

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‎女士，是否願意跳一段整個舞廳

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‎不知為何都記下來的複雜舞蹈？

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‎好，但不是和你

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‎我聽說你一貧如洗，大屁股王子

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‎佛曼葛林沃小姐，妳今晚明艷照人

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‎讓我想與妳半裸騎馬越過輕霧

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‎大猛男公爵，過獎了

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‎你是來邀我和你貼掌跳舞嗎？

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‎可惜我無法與妳共舞

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‎我兩週後要投入神職

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‎這樣…不得體

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‎說得對

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‎不好意思，我的手套掉了

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‎糟糕，小姐，我來效勞

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‎免得我們熱情觸碰到彼此的手指

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‎太棒了，放肆愛撫我赤裸的手

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‎說得對，沒有隔閡，好放肆

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‎天哪，真火辣

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‎快點，快回家自慰

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‎米希，妳還好嗎？

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‎妳閉著眼睛，跳了很複雜的舞蹈

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‎對，我…

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‎該走了

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‎小潔

150
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‎下車前，我要送妳一個小禮物

151
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‎-真的？
‎-是蘋果胸針

152
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‎謝謝妳，媽，這個好…貴

153
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‎別這樣說，別擔心價錢

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‎稅前要800塊就是了

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‎我只想讓妳知道，我有多愛妳

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‎這樣好嗎，康妮？
‎我適合別蘋果胸針嗎？

157
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‎潔西，親愛的潔西，妳當然適合

158
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‎妳現代又時髦

159
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‎看看妳，妳上 Netflix 了

160
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‎以27個語言串流播放

161
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‎金多謝

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‎潔西，我在胸針裡看到自己的靈魂

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‎-沒錯
‎-而且它超有錢

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‎天哪，媽，謝謝妳，你最酷了

165
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‎搞不好比凱特琳更酷吧？

166
00:08:00,584 --> 00:08:02,543
‎那是什麼？

167
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‎潔西有蘋果胸針

168
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‎沒錯，凱勒

169
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‎天哪，大家對我很著迷嗎？

170
00:08:09,876 --> 00:08:12,418
‎對，那當然，怎麼可能不著迷？

171
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‎-好炫的胸針，潔西
‎-我們知道了：潔西很有錢

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‎我盯著她的奶也不會有事

173
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‎天哪，潔西，我們是走廊的皇室

174
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‎你就像梅根莫可

175
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‎我確定是“馬可”

176
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‎我沒說錯
‎是《無照律濕》的梅根莫可

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‎-康妮媽咪…
<i>‎-</i>‎蒙特爾

178
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‎-抱…
‎-等等，你怎麼有蘋果胸針？

179
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‎爸買給我的，因為他愛我

180
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‎小莫，你太誇張了

181
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‎學走路的小孩
‎不必戴高科技的昂貴胸針

182
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‎康妮，放心，我用信用卡付的
‎又不是用真的錢

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‎-嘿，尼克
‎-好…

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‎妳怎麼有蘋果胸針？

185
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‎離婚的戰利品，尼克

186
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‎-也許你該讓爸媽離婚
‎-真的好不公平，尼克

187
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‎你媽應該買一個我送你才對

188
00:08:58,543 --> 00:09:01,418
‎等等，你怎麼知道我的賤人媽媽？

189
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‎人家無所不知，人家是蘋果胸針耶

190
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‎那是當然

191
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‎幹炮王的終極象徵

192
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‎我非買你不可

193
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‎沒錯，尼克

194
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‎我會讓你變成《柏捷頓家族》裡
‎最性感的小男生

195
00:09:14,126 --> 00:09:18,543
‎我拿到手的第一件事就是幹這只胸針

196
00:09:18,626 --> 00:09:20,126
‎天哪，妳們聽聽

197
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‎鮑魚屁小姐說，我在昨晚的舞會
‎打扮得完美無瑕

198
00:09:25,668 --> 00:09:28,918
‎她究竟是誰？絕對不是我

199
00:09:29,001 --> 00:09:30,751
‎誰在乎鮑魚屁小姐是誰？

200
00:09:30,834 --> 00:09:32,959
‎大家都很在乎

201
00:09:33,043 --> 00:09:36,043
‎但她的身分仍是個謎

202
00:09:36,126 --> 00:09:38,251
‎我在乎的是書

203
00:09:38,334 --> 00:09:41,168
‎女性上大學和穿高領服

204
00:09:41,251 --> 00:09:45,793
‎米希，要鎮定
‎大猛男公爵在吃蛋奶凍

205
00:09:45,876 --> 00:09:49,376
‎好讚，他熱情地舔湯匙

206
00:09:49,459 --> 00:09:51,834
‎現在又要舔碗

207
00:09:51,918 --> 00:09:53,709
‎濃濃的奶味

208
00:09:53,793 --> 00:09:55,459
‎他今晚會不會生病啊？

209
00:09:55,543 --> 00:09:56,751
‎我不知道

210
00:09:56,834 --> 00:09:59,418
‎但看起來有些會濺到桌子上

211
00:09:59,501 --> 00:10:03,001
‎讚啦，吃吧，你這淫猥的白蟻

212
00:10:03,834 --> 00:10:04,668
‎我的老天鵝啊

213
00:10:04,751 --> 00:10:09,001
‎以利亞不必碰妳，也能帶妳上天堂

214
00:10:09,084 --> 00:10:11,293
‎我就說了，慢慢來很煽情

215
00:10:11,376 --> 00:10:12,543
‎說得對極了

216
00:10:12,626 --> 00:10:17,043
‎米希，你覺得鮑魚屁小解是誰？

217
00:10:17,126 --> 00:10:18,501
‎這…絕對是蘿娜

218
00:10:18,584 --> 00:10:20,043
‎不…繼續自慰

219
00:10:20,126 --> 00:10:22,418
‎我們回天堂調查

220
00:10:22,501 --> 00:10:23,876
‎好吧

221
00:10:26,251 --> 00:10:28,209
‎爸，你好嗎？

222
00:10:28,293 --> 00:10:31,251
‎不好，尼基，你爺爺一直吃蘆筍

223
00:10:31,334 --> 00:10:33,501
‎對啊，我們壓力都很大

224
00:10:33,584 --> 00:10:37,459
‎我其實有點擔心我的自尊受創

225
00:10:37,543 --> 00:10:38,876
‎你的自尊受創？

226
00:10:38,959 --> 00:10:41,834
‎對啊，學校的潔西拿到蘋果胸針

227
00:10:41,918 --> 00:10:44,834
‎讓我覺得自己沒有

228
00:10:44,918 --> 00:10:45,834
‎好可憐

229
00:10:45,918 --> 00:10:47,751
‎但沒關係，媽是對的

230
00:10:47,834 --> 00:10:50,126
‎我不配擁有，我是壞小孩

231
00:10:50,209 --> 00:10:51,584
‎尼基，別這麼說

232
00:10:51,668 --> 00:10:54,709
‎我是垃圾，我很臭，臭死了

233
00:10:54,793 --> 00:10:56,959
‎別這樣說，你很好聞

234
00:10:57,043 --> 00:11:00,251
‎別難過，拿我的信用卡去買蘋果胸針

235
00:11:00,334 --> 00:11:01,751
‎但是爸，媽媽那邊怎麼辦？

236
00:11:01,834 --> 00:11:04,834
‎我們死也不能讓她知道

237
00:11:04,918 --> 00:11:07,668
‎沒錯，我會用老方法來保守秘密

238
00:11:07,751 --> 00:11:10,626
‎小聲對著病人的蛀牙說這個秘密

239
00:11:10,709 --> 00:11:12,626
‎然後馬上縫起來

240
00:11:13,251 --> 00:11:14,501
‎好，安德魯

241
00:11:14,584 --> 00:11:17,876
‎之前我常聽到刮擦聲
‎但現在只剩超臭的味道

242
00:11:17,959 --> 00:11:19,793
‎所以裡面的東西一定死了

243
00:11:19,876 --> 00:11:23,293
‎確定不要叫專業滅蟲公司來？

244
00:11:23,376 --> 00:11:25,084
‎你到底要不要賺這3塊？

245
00:11:25,168 --> 00:11:27,876
‎我不確定，感覺下面很可怕

246
00:11:27,959 --> 00:11:29,959
‎但你如果想買好東西

247
00:11:30,043 --> 00:11:33,001
‎就要委屈自己做粗活

248
00:11:33,084 --> 00:11:34,751
‎這就是資本主義

249
00:11:35,626 --> 00:11:38,626
‎爸，我什麼都沒看見

250
00:11:38,709 --> 00:11:40,501
‎但的確很臭

251
00:11:40,584 --> 00:11:43,584
‎沒看見屍體，我絕不給錢

252
00:11:43,668 --> 00:11:44,918
‎等…等一下

253
00:11:45,001 --> 00:11:46,293
‎有東西

254
00:11:46,376 --> 00:11:48,793
‎對，是死掉的負鼠

255
00:11:48,876 --> 00:11:51,209
‎臭得要死，一定死了好…

256
00:11:52,168 --> 00:11:53,418
‎是活的

257
00:11:53,501 --> 00:11:54,959
‎只是很臭而已

258
00:11:55,834 --> 00:11:57,376
‎牠在抓我的臉

259
00:11:57,459 --> 00:11:58,876
‎糟了，跑進衣服裡了

260
00:11:59,418 --> 00:12:01,293
‎負鼠佔了上風

261
00:12:01,376 --> 00:12:03,376
‎衣服是負鼠的了

262
00:12:03,459 --> 00:12:06,043
‎好，誰贏了就是我真正的兒子

263
00:12:06,126 --> 00:12:07,668
‎贏家和我晚餐見

264
00:12:09,001 --> 00:12:11,459
‎香蕉在貼著“酪梨”的條板箱裡

265
00:12:11,543 --> 00:12:14,459
‎我心想：“我大概知道酪梨在哪裡”

266
00:12:14,543 --> 00:12:17,126
‎很抱歉，你覺得這個可以拍成電影？

267
00:12:17,209 --> 00:12:20,001
‎天哪，好炫的科技產品
‎那是新的蘋果胸針？

268
00:12:20,084 --> 00:12:21,501
‎-很讚吧？
‎-超讚的

269
00:12:21,584 --> 00:12:23,668
‎天哪，凱特琳，妳該買一個才對

270
00:12:23,751 --> 00:12:26,418
‎但我們沒這個預算

271
00:12:26,501 --> 00:12:28,293
‎真抱歉，我該想到的

272
00:12:28,376 --> 00:12:33,793
‎我忘了你們沒有…這樣的財務規劃？

273
00:12:33,876 --> 00:12:35,043
‎別擔心…

274
00:12:35,126 --> 00:12:38,918
‎妳放心啦，我們的確很煩惱錢

275
00:12:39,001 --> 00:12:42,043
‎我幹嘛這樣說？
‎語氣真像欠揍的富二代

276
00:12:42,126 --> 00:12:43,543
‎不，潔西…

277
00:12:43,626 --> 00:12:45,793
‎貼心、聰明又有錢的潔西

278
00:12:45,876 --> 00:12:49,668
‎妳比大家都棒，因為妳有我

279
00:12:49,751 --> 00:12:51,001
‎我知道

280
00:12:51,084 --> 00:12:54,793
‎我們點高級壽司到房間自己吃吧

281
00:12:54,876 --> 00:12:56,959
‎這個主意棒到令人討厭呢

282
00:12:57,043 --> 00:12:58,459
‎吃巖蝦

283
00:12:59,043 --> 00:13:01,084
‎天哪，蘋果分店

284
00:13:01,168 --> 00:13:03,376
‎賈伯斯有精神病

285
00:13:03,459 --> 00:13:06,626
‎但若對大家吼能有這樣的成果
‎那我敬佩他

286
00:13:06,709 --> 00:13:09,459
‎有人嗎？看這裡！
‎我是拿著信用卡的小孩

287
00:13:09,543 --> 00:13:11,501
‎柏奇先生，歡迎回來

288
00:13:11,584 --> 00:13:14,709
‎太棒了…看看這些創新產品

289
00:13:14,793 --> 00:13:18,293
‎東西基本上都一樣
‎只是形狀和尺寸不同

290
00:13:18,376 --> 00:13:21,334
‎但是安德魯，我是最新的地位象徵

291
00:13:21,418 --> 00:13:23,751
‎想想你的地位
‎你不想要地位嗎？地位…

292
00:13:23,834 --> 00:13:25,459
‎胸針，我好需要你

293
00:13:25,543 --> 00:13:28,001
‎沒有你，我只是一無所有的鄉巴佬

294
00:13:28,084 --> 00:13:31,834
‎對啊，寶貝
‎想想把我別在上衣時走路的樣子

295
00:13:31,918 --> 00:13:35,918
‎不會再有人敢直視你的眼睛

296
00:13:36,001 --> 00:13:38,834
‎因為他們都會盯著你的胸口

297
00:13:38,918 --> 00:13:41,668
‎我終於知道當女人的感覺

298
00:13:41,751 --> 00:13:43,834
‎安德魯，你有1萬元嗎？

299
00:13:43,918 --> 00:13:47,709
‎我有4塊錢和一片漱口片

300
00:13:47,793 --> 00:13:50,334
‎天哪，我試過要買備用充電線

301
00:13:50,418 --> 00:13:51,959
‎他們卻剪掉我的信用卡

302
00:13:52,043 --> 00:13:54,959
‎顯然我欠這些公司真的錢

303
00:13:55,043 --> 00:13:56,334
‎你覺得呢？

304
00:13:56,418 --> 00:13:59,001
‎我看起來像不像幹炮王？

305
00:13:59,084 --> 00:14:01,001
‎可惡，真的很像

306
00:14:01,084 --> 00:14:04,043
‎這個自大的王八蛋

307
00:14:04,126 --> 00:14:05,043
‎嘿

308
00:14:05,126 --> 00:14:09,001
‎米希，妳這週表現得真好
‎耶穌會以妳為傲

309
00:14:09,084 --> 00:14:11,751
‎耶穌要小心囉‵因為她是我的

310
00:14:11,834 --> 00:14:16,126
‎對啊，蘇兄，小心囉
‎以利亞會找上你

311
00:14:16,209 --> 00:14:18,043
‎開玩笑的，我尊重妳的意願

312
00:14:18,126 --> 00:14:20,918
‎妳要是想和耶穌在一起
‎那是妳的自由

313
00:14:21,418 --> 00:14:23,918
‎-妳真尊重我的自主權
‎-是啦…

314
00:14:24,001 --> 00:14:25,209
‎但我們是不是該回家

315
00:14:25,293 --> 00:14:28,918
‎想想該讓大猛男公爵
‎舔哪些新的地方？

316
00:14:29,001 --> 00:14:30,001
‎好，大夥兒

317
00:14:30,084 --> 00:14:34,251
‎今天是空閒時就服侍上帝

318
00:14:34,334 --> 00:14:36,626
‎而不是服侍魔鬼的好例子

319
00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:38,251
‎在我們離開之前

320
00:14:38,334 --> 00:14:41,501
‎大家來唱：“別碰妳的花朵”

321
00:14:41,584 --> 00:14:43,168
‎我沒聽過這首歌

322
00:14:43,251 --> 00:14:46,543
‎別碰妳的花朵

323
00:14:47,043 --> 00:14:50,126
‎別碰妳的花朵

324
00:14:50,209 --> 00:14:53,709
‎千萬別撒出妳的種子…

325
00:14:53,793 --> 00:14:56,126
‎抱歉，這首歌講的是什麼？

326
00:14:56,209 --> 00:14:57,334
‎歌詞沒押韻

327
00:14:57,418 --> 00:14:58,876
‎它講的是

328
00:14:58,959 --> 00:15:02,501
‎不要單獨到…南半球旅行

329
00:15:02,584 --> 00:15:03,626
‎因為茲卡病毒嗎？

330
00:15:03,709 --> 00:15:08,959
‎不是，是叫妳不要碰自己？

331
00:15:09,834 --> 00:15:12,751
‎原來如此，因為茲卡病毒嗎？

332
00:15:12,834 --> 00:15:16,334
‎不是，因為那是罪

333
00:15:16,418 --> 00:15:18,876
‎完全違背了自制

334
00:15:18,959 --> 00:15:21,751
‎對啊，當然，是自制

335
00:15:21,834 --> 00:15:24,293
‎莫娜，我是失控的自慰王嗎？

336
00:15:24,376 --> 00:15:28,293
‎那當然，我只喜歡妳這一點

337
00:15:29,126 --> 00:15:30,626
‎（嬰兒車使用手冊）

338
00:15:30,709 --> 00:15:32,209
‎站住

339
00:15:32,293 --> 00:15:34,543
‎我知道妳扭曲的紅腦袋在想什麼

340
00:15:34,626 --> 00:15:37,084
‎不准把胸針送人

341
00:15:37,168 --> 00:15:40,626
‎但我不想要了，感覺很怪

342
00:15:40,709 --> 00:15:43,001
‎我不需要物質的東西來耍酷

343
00:15:43,084 --> 00:15:46,084
‎寶貝，長得抱歉的人別說這種話

344
00:15:46,168 --> 00:15:48,543
‎凱特琳，我一直在想

345
00:15:48,626 --> 00:15:51,501
‎我很希望妳收下我的蘋果胸針

346
00:15:51,584 --> 00:15:54,918
‎天哪，潔西，妳真貼心

347
00:15:55,001 --> 00:15:56,918
‎但妳知道我不能收下

348
00:15:57,001 --> 00:15:59,251
‎那借妳到生產為止？

349
00:15:59,334 --> 00:16:01,418
‎可以用來記錄陣痛時間

350
00:16:01,501 --> 00:16:03,293
‎或是在串流平台

351
00:16:03,376 --> 00:16:05,209
‎看當律師的起司的節目？

352
00:16:05,293 --> 00:16:07,168
‎-喔，妳是說《法庭女起司》？
‎-對啊

353
00:16:07,251 --> 00:16:10,168
‎凱特琳，妳根本不是起司女

354
00:16:10,251 --> 00:16:13,334
‎妳是乳品女王，親愛的

355
00:16:13,418 --> 00:16:15,209
‎而且妳有資格擁有我

356
00:16:15,293 --> 00:16:17,793
‎好，但我只是借用

357
00:16:17,876 --> 00:16:22,418
‎潔西，妳能忍受…18個小時嗎？

358
00:16:22,501 --> 00:16:25,334
‎看來我們只能看書了

359
00:16:25,418 --> 00:16:26,334
‎（威佐蝴蝶餅）

360
00:16:27,501 --> 00:16:28,626
‎瑞克，給你看

361
00:16:28,709 --> 00:16:30,918
‎我在蘋果胸針點了蝴蝶餅

362
00:16:35,168 --> 00:16:37,543
‎死都別想，癩蝦蟆也想幹胸針

363
00:16:37,626 --> 00:16:38,959
‎人家知道啦

364
00:16:39,043 --> 00:16:40,334
‎安德魯，要吃蝴蝶餅嗎？

365
00:16:40,418 --> 00:16:44,251
‎尼克，我吃不起有撒鹽的辮子麵包
‎我是赤貧人口

366
00:16:44,334 --> 00:16:47,501
‎你有多少給多少
‎其他的我用胸針的錢來付

367
00:16:48,626 --> 00:16:51,168
‎好，你不會想要漱口片吧？

368
00:16:51,251 --> 00:16:52,709
‎好啊，我收

369
00:16:52,793 --> 00:16:56,459
‎聽我說，尼克，你知道他是誰嗎？
‎他是欠揍的富二代

370
00:16:56,543 --> 00:16:57,959
‎-對啊
‎-你知道你是誰嗎？

371
00:16:58,043 --> 00:16:59,709
‎勞工階級英雄

372
00:16:59,793 --> 00:17:01,709
‎我是紐澤西硬漢

373
00:17:01,793 --> 00:17:04,876
‎你比他有資格擁有我

374
00:17:04,959 --> 00:17:07,376
‎對啊，你應該是我的

375
00:17:07,459 --> 00:17:09,543
‎你會是我的

376
00:17:11,584 --> 00:17:12,543
‎沒錯

377
00:17:12,626 --> 00:17:13,709
‎好，米希

378
00:17:13,793 --> 00:17:17,584
‎如果手淫是罪
‎為什麼上帝讓它這麼爽？

379
00:17:17,668 --> 00:17:20,168
‎手淫的確很爽

380
00:17:20,251 --> 00:17:23,334
‎反正妳已經在手淫室了

381
00:17:23,418 --> 00:17:24,584
‎妳是指我的臥室？

382
00:17:24,668 --> 00:17:25,876
‎我不想這麼做

383
00:17:25,959 --> 00:17:29,209
‎要是妳不自瀆
‎我的工作簽證會被撤銷

384
00:17:29,293 --> 00:17:30,168
‎好過分

385
00:17:30,251 --> 00:17:34,751
‎拜託，米希
‎快去妳的花園挖土…為了我？

386
00:17:34,834 --> 00:17:38,251
‎好吧，為了妳的工作簽證

387
00:17:40,543 --> 00:17:44,001
‎大猛男公爵，你怎麼在這裡？

388
00:17:44,084 --> 00:17:46,293
‎我在舔花朵

389
00:17:47,501 --> 00:17:50,001
‎但我們不是不能碰花朵嗎？

390
00:17:50,084 --> 00:17:51,793
‎我情不自禁

391
00:17:51,876 --> 00:17:55,293
‎過了今晚，我就要發誓成為牧師

392
00:17:55,376 --> 00:17:57,126
‎我希望今晚和妳共處

393
00:17:57,209 --> 00:17:59,459
‎親愛的公爵，我很樂意

394
00:18:00,834 --> 00:18:01,709
‎好驚訝

395
00:18:01,793 --> 00:18:03,543
‎真可恥

396
00:18:03,626 --> 00:18:07,501
‎不公開這件事
‎老娘就不叫鮑魚屁小姐

397
00:18:07,584 --> 00:18:09,668
‎不過我不是，那不是我

398
00:18:11,126 --> 00:18:13,376
‎不，抱歉，我做不到

399
00:18:13,459 --> 00:18:15,168
‎這是違背上帝的罪

400
00:18:15,876 --> 00:18:19,043
‎還是你再舔花朵一次吧？

401
00:18:19,126 --> 00:18:21,084
‎不，良緣就這麼毀了

402
00:18:21,168 --> 00:18:22,834
‎是妳毀掉的

403
00:18:22,918 --> 00:18:24,334
‎我得快點走

404
00:18:24,418 --> 00:18:25,668
‎不，別走

405
00:18:25,751 --> 00:18:26,709
‎留下

406
00:18:26,793 --> 00:18:28,209
‎留下

407
00:18:28,293 --> 00:18:29,376
‎怎麼回事？

408
00:18:29,459 --> 00:18:32,918
‎對不起，莫娜，我沒辦法手淫了

409
00:18:33,001 --> 00:18:36,168
‎但我們還是不知道鮑魚屁小姐是誰

410
00:18:36,251 --> 00:18:39,043
‎是蘿娜，顯然就是蘿娜

411
00:18:39,709 --> 00:18:40,959
‎天哪，尼克

412
00:18:41,043 --> 00:18:42,584
‎你有蘋果胸針？

413
00:18:42,668 --> 00:18:45,376
‎你也有一只？

414
00:18:45,459 --> 00:18:46,418
‎不是啦

415
00:18:46,501 --> 00:18:49,668
‎我的是第一代數位音樂播放器
‎我在太創買的

416
00:18:49,751 --> 00:18:51,084
‎我黏在上衣上

417
00:18:51,168 --> 00:18:54,418
‎尼克要我轉8塊給他？發什麼神經？

418
00:18:54,501 --> 00:18:57,334
‎8塊？但我們身無分文

419
00:18:57,418 --> 00:18:59,959
‎喂，伯納馬多夫，幹嘛要我轉帳？

420
00:19:00,043 --> 00:19:04,043
‎-是購物中心的那塊蝴蝶餅，我不急
‎-我以為你要請客

421
00:19:04,126 --> 00:19:07,501
‎我幹嘛請朋友吃蝴蝶餅？
‎我又沒有要上你

422
00:19:07,584 --> 00:19:09,126
‎那甚至不你的錢

423
00:19:09,209 --> 00:19:11,793
‎是你爸的信用卡，你那是遺產

424
00:19:11,876 --> 00:19:16,126
‎等等，因為我家有錢，我就該請你？

425
00:19:16,209 --> 00:19:18,126
‎對，要贊助我，尼克

426
00:19:18,209 --> 00:19:19,793
‎你要自己賺錢

427
00:19:19,876 --> 00:19:22,959
‎要自力更生

428
00:19:23,043 --> 00:19:25,709
‎-我要走了
‎-我被負鼠攻擊耶

429
00:19:25,793 --> 00:19:27,334
‎在房子底下

430
00:19:29,376 --> 00:19:33,126
‎看看他舔湯匙的樣子，米希

431
00:19:33,209 --> 00:19:34,126
‎莫娜，拜託

432
00:19:34,209 --> 00:19:35,168
‎那可以是妳

433
00:19:35,251 --> 00:19:39,418
‎像隻骯髒的小貓
‎被他的舌頭舔遍全身

434
00:19:40,959 --> 00:19:43,209
‎拜託你吃東西正常一點好嗎？

435
00:19:43,293 --> 00:19:44,126
‎妳還好嗎？

436
00:19:44,209 --> 00:19:45,168
‎很好，非常好

437
00:19:45,251 --> 00:19:48,209
‎-你舔湯匙舔個不停
‎-我可以用手吃

438
00:19:48,293 --> 00:19:51,334
‎這樣更糟，你乾脆塗滿胸部算了

439
00:19:51,418 --> 00:19:52,876
‎怎麼回事？

440
00:19:52,959 --> 00:19:54,668
‎我是罪人

441
00:19:54,751 --> 00:19:58,709
‎我…我會照顧花園
‎拼命照顧，以利亞

442
00:19:58,793 --> 00:20:03,626
‎我會翻土，會翻穀子
‎會深耕我的肥田

443
00:20:04,334 --> 00:20:07,043
‎現在你知道我常拈花惹草了

444
00:20:07,126 --> 00:20:09,126
‎也許不想和我約會了

445
00:20:09,209 --> 00:20:12,334
‎我要問清楚，我們說的不是園藝吧？

446
00:20:12,418 --> 00:20:15,793
‎沒錯，我是失控的自慰王

447
00:20:15,876 --> 00:20:19,834
‎以利亞，你怎麼做到的？
‎為什麼你可以不撒種子？

448
00:20:19,918 --> 00:20:21,918
‎我不知道，我天生就是這樣

449
00:20:22,001 --> 00:20:24,251
‎對我並不困難，這樣很怪嗎？

450
00:20:24,334 --> 00:20:26,126
‎不，你怎麼會這麼想？

451
00:20:26,209 --> 00:20:29,543
‎我只覺得在這裡，大家都很愛園藝

452
00:20:29,626 --> 00:20:31,918
‎那我在這個節目要幹嘛？

453
00:20:32,001 --> 00:20:35,584
‎我不知道，但你的出現讓我很開心

454
00:20:35,668 --> 00:20:37,626
‎我完全不覺得你很怪

455
00:20:37,709 --> 00:20:41,793
‎你很完美，人很好
‎完全就是上帝要的樣子

456
00:20:41,876 --> 00:20:43,668
‎好，照這個邏輯

457
00:20:44,168 --> 00:20:48,251
‎妳也很完美，人很好
‎完全就是上帝要的樣子

458
00:20:49,084 --> 00:20:50,501
‎以利亞

459
00:20:50,584 --> 00:20:54,043
‎我絕不會批評妳是…綠拇指

460
00:20:54,126 --> 00:20:57,918
‎我不常用拇指，因為角度有點…

461
00:20:58,001 --> 00:21:00,209
‎說真的…其實…謝謝你

462
00:21:00,293 --> 00:21:02,959
‎米希，真意外，他覺得手淫沒問題？

463
00:21:03,043 --> 00:21:04,501
‎好像是

464
00:21:04,584 --> 00:21:09,334
‎太好了，我有個點子
‎可以用上妳的拇指

465
00:21:09,418 --> 00:21:12,043
‎我…我該走了

466
00:21:15,668 --> 00:21:16,668
‎小朋友

467
00:21:16,751 --> 00:21:19,126
‎我們不認識，但我要那只胸針

468
00:21:19,709 --> 00:21:21,543
‎安德魯，你想幹嘛？

469
00:21:21,626 --> 00:21:23,709
‎把胸針給我

470
00:21:23,793 --> 00:21:24,709
‎沒錯

471
00:21:24,793 --> 00:21:27,084
‎交出來，你這香腸嘴

472
00:21:27,168 --> 00:21:30,126
‎安德魯，兄弟，放輕鬆

473
00:21:30,209 --> 00:21:32,751
‎說得倒輕鬆，富二代

474
00:21:32,834 --> 00:21:34,834
‎你有胸針和游泳池

475
00:21:34,918 --> 00:21:37,626
‎你的辣媽不會離家出走

476
00:21:37,709 --> 00:21:39,751
‎快把胸針給我

477
00:21:39,834 --> 00:21:42,751
‎天哪，小聲點，不然我媽會知道

478
00:21:42,834 --> 00:21:43,918
‎殺了他

479
00:21:44,501 --> 00:21:46,126
‎天哪

480
00:21:47,543 --> 00:21:49,418
‎很棒…為我打架

481
00:21:49,501 --> 00:21:53,084
‎這就是資本主義，要耕耘才有收穫

482
00:21:53,168 --> 00:21:55,959
‎快點，蒙特爾，去搜刮衣櫥
‎全都帶走

483
00:21:56,043 --> 00:21:58,001
‎不了，他的衣服好醜

484
00:21:58,084 --> 00:21:59,959
‎瑞克，快來幫忙，你在幹嘛？

485
00:22:00,043 --> 00:22:01,001
‎你他媽的

486
00:22:01,084 --> 00:22:05,626
‎有機會我就不放過
‎“喂，是我，瑞克，怎麼回事？”

487
00:22:05,709 --> 00:22:07,334
‎什麼事這麼吵？

488
00:22:07,418 --> 00:22:10,126
‎爸，他想偷我的蘋果胸針

489
00:22:10,209 --> 00:22:11,043
‎什麼胸針？

490
00:22:11,126 --> 00:22:13,084
‎-慘了
‎-完蛋了

491
00:22:13,168 --> 00:22:15,168
‎抱歉，尼克，你自求多福

492
00:22:17,043 --> 00:22:20,209
‎好，窗戶，被你擺了一道

493
00:22:20,293 --> 00:22:22,376
‎乖女兒，可以離開了嗎？

494
00:22:22,459 --> 00:22:24,668
‎這間公寓讓我想起我20多歲的時候

495
00:22:24,751 --> 00:22:26,209
‎好，我去拿包包

496
00:22:26,293 --> 00:22:29,001
‎別忘了妳的蘋果胸針

497
00:22:29,084 --> 00:22:29,918
‎嘿，妳好

498
00:22:30,001 --> 00:22:32,834
‎我正要剖椰子，妳要果肉還是椰奶？

499
00:22:32,918 --> 00:22:34,209
‎不用了，謝謝

500
00:22:34,293 --> 00:22:37,459
‎妳…妳也買了蘋果胸針？

501
00:22:37,543 --> 00:22:39,209
‎-糟糕
‎-沒有

502
00:22:39,293 --> 00:22:40,668
‎潔西借我的

503
00:22:40,751 --> 00:22:42,376
‎我生產完就還她

504
00:22:42,459 --> 00:22:44,501
‎非常好，妳送給凱特琳了

505
00:22:44,584 --> 00:22:47,376
‎這和我買給她一樣差不多

506
00:22:47,459 --> 00:22:50,543
‎-是我不好，我不該戴的
‎-別給我

507
00:22:50,626 --> 00:22:51,834
‎-這是潔西的
‎-沒錯

508
00:22:51,918 --> 00:22:54,376
‎-如果是我的，那我要讓凱特琳用
‎-不行！

509
00:22:54,459 --> 00:22:57,751
‎我買給妳的，潔西，這是妳的了

510
00:22:57,834 --> 00:22:59,251
‎那我不要了

511
00:22:59,334 --> 00:23:02,876
‎-那給椰子吧？
‎-椰子不要的話就給我

512
00:23:02,959 --> 00:23:05,543
‎那是潔西的！胸針是潔西的！

513
00:23:05,626 --> 00:23:07,543
‎我是買給她的！

514
00:23:07,626 --> 00:23:12,043
‎不是給你，也不是給妳
‎更不是買給椰子的！

515
00:23:12,126 --> 00:23:14,459
‎媽，妳為什麼情緒失控？

516
00:23:14,543 --> 00:23:18,418
‎因為我…
‎我想和妳一起看《鑽石求千金》

517
00:23:18,501 --> 00:23:20,043
‎這是我們的親子時光

518
00:23:20,126 --> 00:23:21,459
‎我們批評女性

519
00:23:21,543 --> 00:23:25,043
‎然後擔心我們批評女人
‎就是不支持女權

520
00:23:25,668 --> 00:23:29,459
‎我真討厭妳媽有人類的感覺

521
00:23:29,543 --> 00:23:30,959
‎什麼鬼胸針

522
00:23:31,043 --> 00:23:34,418
‎真抱歉，我不是故意要偷妳的東西

523
00:23:34,501 --> 00:23:36,168
‎我也很抱歉，媽媽

524
00:23:36,251 --> 00:23:38,793
‎我沒想到妳給我胸針

525
00:23:38,876 --> 00:23:42,293
‎-是希望我多和妳在一起
‎-不，那是…那不是…

526
00:23:42,376 --> 00:23:45,209
‎我想說的是，我愛妳

527
00:23:45,293 --> 00:23:47,709
‎不管怎樣，我都會想和妳出去

528
00:23:47,793 --> 00:23:48,959
‎天哪，潔西

529
00:23:49,043 --> 00:23:53,168
‎妳真貼心，這樣騙妳媽媽

530
00:23:53,251 --> 00:23:55,834
‎這樣吧，胸針妳留著，凱特琳

531
00:23:55,918 --> 00:23:57,876
‎那只是物質，不是愛

532
00:23:57,959 --> 00:24:01,668
‎珊儂，妳這偉大的女老闆

533
00:24:01,751 --> 00:24:05,126
‎最有資格擁有蘋果胸針的就是妳

534
00:24:05,209 --> 00:24:09,376
‎對啊，我會買個玫瑰金的
‎比凱特琳的更好

535
00:24:09,459 --> 00:24:10,418
‎讚啦

536
00:24:11,626 --> 00:24:15,584
‎安德魯
‎不准你來我家搶我家人的東西

537
00:24:15,668 --> 00:24:18,376
‎對不起，我被資本主義影響了

538
00:24:18,459 --> 00:24:19,793
‎還有，艾略特

539
00:24:19,876 --> 00:24:22,334
‎不准偷偷給小孩信用卡

540
00:24:22,418 --> 00:24:24,168
‎這會破壞我的管教方式

541
00:24:24,251 --> 00:24:26,793
‎我整天看你發號施令都不嫌膩

542
00:24:26,876 --> 00:24:28,001
‎還有，尼克

543
00:24:28,084 --> 00:24:29,793
‎你什麼都有

544
00:24:29,876 --> 00:24:32,584
‎卻什麼都不珍惜

545
00:24:32,668 --> 00:24:35,251
‎-妳說得對，我學到教訓了
‎-糟糕

546
00:24:35,334 --> 00:24:38,376
‎我不會就這樣放過你，你有個工作

547
00:24:38,459 --> 00:24:40,501
‎啊！你該當個殭屍獵人！

548
00:24:40,584 --> 00:24:45,001
‎你是爺爺新的尿尿總管
‎要負責清尿罐

549
00:24:45,084 --> 00:24:48,584
‎小子，我準備了一整罐給你

550
00:24:48,668 --> 00:24:50,918
‎嘿，安德魯，想賺錢嗎？

551
00:24:51,001 --> 00:24:52,876
‎要我清你爺爺的尿罐？

552
00:24:52,959 --> 00:24:55,209
‎一罐10元，蝴蝶餅的欠債就抵銷

553
00:24:55,293 --> 00:24:56,543
‎先讓我看到錢

554
00:24:57,501 --> 00:24:59,293
‎莎呦娜拉，賤人

555
00:25:00,709 --> 00:25:01,543
‎像鳥兒一樣

556
00:25:02,126 --> 00:25:03,293
‎親愛的讀者

557
00:25:03,376 --> 00:25:07,334
‎我在滿是馬屎的街上聽說
‎優秀的牧師以利亞

558
00:25:07,418 --> 00:25:11,459
‎還是很喜歡佛曼葛林沃小姐

559
00:25:11,543 --> 00:25:16,501
‎可惜大屁股王子的階級直線下降

560
00:25:16,584 --> 00:25:20,709
‎現在成了熱黃尿男爵

561
00:25:20,793 --> 00:25:24,834
‎至於本社交季熱門問題的答案

562
00:25:24,918 --> 00:25:31,043
‎沒錯
‎瑞克大人終於擄獲蘋果胸針的芳心

563
00:25:31,126 --> 00:25:35,459
‎瑞克，你這頭勇猛的色情狂
‎太厲害了

564
00:25:35,543 --> 00:25:39,084
‎要是賈伯斯沒死，看到這種畫面

565
00:25:39,168 --> 00:25:42,584
‎對這樣的發展和我的表現

566
00:25:42,668 --> 00:25:44,459
‎一定很驕傲

567
00:25:44,543 --> 00:25:46,876
‎我噴得像火箭一樣

568
00:26:33,084 --> 00:26:37,168
‎字幕翻譯：易敬能