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‎NETFLIX 影集

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‎真令人嘆息

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‎我的生活好寂寞

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‎都是因為聖喬瑟夫騎士

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‎也就是我的陰毛…死了

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‎他們被斬首

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‎是朕下的命令

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‎聽到沒？遠方有號角聲？

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‎偶的天啊

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‎我的陰毛回來了

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‎是的，女王，我們回來了

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‎我們並不氣妳在村莊廣場把我們斬首

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‎老實說
‎我生命中的其他男人都拋棄了我

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‎你們卻回來了

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‎我們要設宴慶祝

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‎不能只是一般的宴會

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‎要歡天喜地慶祝一番

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‎我和夥伴齊聚慶祝

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‎不需要魯蛇朋友或花俏的裝飾

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‎因為只有一種方法，能消除我的性慾

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‎我要仔細品嚐軟爛的預製餅皮

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‎給我義式臘腸

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‎-菲力牛排
‎-火腿起司

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‎切達起司肌肉

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‎這是披薩堡派對，我永遠不想離開

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‎火熱的派對，披薩堡派對

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‎美食吃下肚，壓力跑光光

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‎-填滿空洞的胃
‎-和空洞的人生

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‎我們要開披薩堡派對

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‎今晚要開蘿娜音樂節

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‎火熱的派對，披薩堡派對

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‎微波爐好忙碌

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‎轟轟轟，唱不停

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‎一聽叮聲響，我餓虎撲羊

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‎從紙碗拿出熱騰騰的美食

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‎馬上吞進喉嚨裡，因為我等不及

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‎這是披薩堡…

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‎幹！我的嘴巴！

39
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‎是煎餅？好娘的早餐

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‎怎麼會？

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‎它們又圓又軟

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‎就像你這個遲鈍的矮子

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‎西繆斯，聽好，艾略特有話對你說

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‎對，我想說的是

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‎我愛你，勝過豔陽愛天空

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‎不是這個，艾略特
‎把我們剛剛討論的告訴他

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‎父親
‎我和兒子們這週末要幫你清房子

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‎這樣才能賣掉

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‎我不准

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‎這筆錢會拿來讓你住在
‎舒適的輔助生活社區

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‎老人之家？操你媽！

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‎幹嘛要我去？

53
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‎我又不是…怎麼說？搬家公司什麼的

54
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‎麻煩是你帶來的，你當然要幫忙

55
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‎而你需要搬出去

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‎因為你吐口水在地毯上
‎睡覺時會尖叫

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‎不知為何，還會咬郵差

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‎他知道自己罪有應得

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‎你在這裡給我們太大的壓力

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‎我甚至沒辦法吃我最愛的菜
‎黛安的鮑魚

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‎拜託，爸

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‎就這樣？

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‎你要聽老婆的話，把我丟在停屍間？

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‎我正好同意黛安而已，向來如此

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‎你乾脆自己養鮑魚來舔好了，艾略特

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‎抱歉，不好笑

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‎只說我的上顎脫皮

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‎就太淡化我受的傷害了

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‎我的朋友，披薩堡太燙了

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‎反對，本來就該是燙的
‎名稱寫得很清楚

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‎-沒那麼燙
‎-反對無效

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‎史康比小姐

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‎妳嚴重燙傷時，爸媽在哪裡？

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‎我沒有爸爸

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‎我媽是追星族兼工作狂

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‎她一如往常，正在旅途中

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‎她的假釋官羅尼
‎連忙送我去口腔醫院

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‎但紀錄顯示羅尼的車臭死了

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‎庭上，是我的錯
‎有隻松鼠死在後車廂

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‎知道了，史康比小姐，妳好像很寂寞

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‎願意唱歌表達一下嗎？

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‎那我恭敬不如從命…

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‎我在淒冷的公寓裡甦醒

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‎電視的聲音

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‎讓寂靜更震耳欲聾

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‎我搭著菁英優步上學

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‎勉強微笑，假裝鎮定

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‎但基本上，我討厭這樣的生活

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‎媽寄來明信片，訴說她刺激的歷險

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‎開心自在跟著四堅情全國巡迴

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‎我卻孤單在家生悶氣

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‎好比可憐的麥考利克金

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‎我只想說，我討厭

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‎這樣的生活

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‎庭上，我討厭

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‎這樣的生活

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‎我聽夠了

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‎就烏法格里奧史康比控訴披薩堡一案

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‎本席宣判史康比小姐勝訴

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‎我的熔岩起司啊，我要變富婆了

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‎-爸、媽
‎-嘿，乖女兒

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‎先別走

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‎其實，下犬爸

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‎這週末可以帶我參加父女舞會嗎？

105
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‎舞會？

106
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‎我想介紹一個人讓你認識

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‎聽起來像是男生，做媽的就懂

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‎他叫以利亞

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‎那這位以利亞要小心了

110
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‎因為塞勒斯大爸爸狠起來可不得了

111
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‎我喜歡你說自己是“大爸爸”

112
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‎太好了，這週末在生命甘泉教會

113
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‎什麼？

114
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‎是教會？

115
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‎但妳知道爸媽對宗教組織的感覺

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‎我知道，但…

117
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‎就人類學來說
‎它嚴重戕害了這個世界

118
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‎但到時會很好玩

119
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‎我們會吃披薩和扭屁股

120
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‎我真的想要讓你認識以利亞
‎拜託啦！

121
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‎既然妳這麼說

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‎看來我只能說：“瑜珈答應妳”

123
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‎爸，你是我最愛的喜劇演員

124
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‎現在我有錢了，我想買一架私人飛機

125
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‎這樣就不用坐你臭死人的車，羅尼

126
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‎妳有想過留些錢當大學基金嗎？

127
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‎我已經從社會大學畢業了

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‎親愛的，我還是以第二名畢業

129
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‎天哪，你們看

130
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‎真的是她

131
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‎你們三個是誰啊？

132
00:07:23,126 --> 00:07:27,959
‎我們是死忠三兄弟！

133
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‎什麼兄弟？

134
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‎就是知名的後9/11男團啊！

135
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‎死忠三兄弟！

136
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‎親愛的，我們在電視上看到妳

137
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‎為了火熱的起司伸張正義

138
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‎我們馬上就知道
‎妳一定是酷琪史康比的女兒

139
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‎我們認識妳媽很久了

140
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‎可惜烏鴉正好飛過她面前

141
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‎喔，我死都認得出她的招牌蓬鬆頭

142
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‎那是我媽

143
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‎沒錯，想聽聽驚人的消息嗎？

144
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‎我們其中一個是妳爸

145
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‎等等，什麼？怎麼可能？

146
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‎那是在幾年前的夏季巡迴演唱會
‎那時我們還當紅

147
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‎我們是性感小鮮肉，表演門票都秒殺

148
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‎有錢、有粉絲又有名氣

149
00:08:09,209 --> 00:08:13,126
‎我們都記得很清楚，有位歌迷很特別

150
00:08:13,209 --> 00:08:14,418
‎因為她又辣又風趣

151
00:08:14,501 --> 00:08:17,584
‎也只有她和我們三個都在一起過

152
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‎她叫酷琪史康比，生性熱情又狂野

153
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‎九個月後，她生了一個孩子

154
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‎我們想說的是

155
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‎女孩，我們和妳媽溫存過

156
00:08:31,751 --> 00:08:34,876
‎當時我們魯莽、好色又年輕

157
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‎喜歡無套

158
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‎女孩，妳媽超性感

159
00:08:39,876 --> 00:08:45,584
‎妳老爸是死忠三兄弟

160
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‎女孩

161
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‎我在飯店房間除胸毛，聽到敲門聲

162
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‎原來是酷琪扮成房務員

163
00:08:55,459 --> 00:08:57,543
‎她把我壓倒在地

164
00:08:57,626 --> 00:09:01,709
‎她在洛城偷搭巡迴巴士
‎溜進我的床鋪

165
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‎到了聖荷西，她正在磨我的鐵杵

166
00:09:06,293 --> 00:09:10,168
‎我的經紀人擔心我太娘

167
00:09:10,251 --> 00:09:14,584
‎但和妳媽的短暫姦情，破除所有謠言

168
00:09:14,668 --> 00:09:18,043
‎女孩，我們和妳媽溫存過

169
00:09:18,126 --> 00:09:21,293
‎當時我們有名、好看又愚蠢

170
00:09:21,376 --> 00:09:23,043
‎我們採取體外射精

171
00:09:23,126 --> 00:09:26,501
‎女孩，妳媽是辣妹

172
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‎妳老爸是死忠三兄弟

173
00:09:32,834 --> 00:09:34,751
‎死忠三兄弟！

174
00:09:35,251 --> 00:09:37,209
‎我的老天鵝

175
00:09:37,293 --> 00:09:40,543
‎我早就想知道我爸是誰

176
00:09:40,626 --> 00:09:43,959
‎但現在有了一堆老爸

177
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‎我很擔心，小蘿

178
00:09:45,459 --> 00:09:47,751
‎這些陌生人很可疑

179
00:09:47,834 --> 00:09:51,168
‎妳變富豪的消息一曝光，他們就出現

180
00:09:51,251 --> 00:09:53,626
‎羅尼，我完全不這麼想

181
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‎我絕對相信他們，來抱抱，爸爸們

182
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‎-沒問題，蘿娜
‎-讚到爆

183
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‎女兒，妳抱得好用力

184
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‎（恭喜蘿娜史康比受傷削爆！）

185
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‎妳爸要來舞會，我好興奮

186
00:10:06,543 --> 00:10:10,876
‎聽說去年很精彩，有葡萄汽水和柳橙

187
00:10:10,959 --> 00:10:14,043
‎一定有人混著喝，然後…

188
00:10:15,793 --> 00:10:18,209
‎天哪，是父女舞會？

189
00:10:18,293 --> 00:10:22,459
‎正合我最近的人生變化

190
00:10:22,543 --> 00:10:25,501
‎米希，妳有幾個爸爸？

191
00:10:26,001 --> 00:10:27,918
‎-一個？
‎-好可憐喔

192
00:10:28,001 --> 00:10:31,876
‎我有三個，等著被我慘電吧

193
00:10:31,959 --> 00:10:34,001
‎潔西，妳該帶妳爸來

194
00:10:34,084 --> 00:10:35,793
‎“生命甘泉教會”？

195
00:10:35,876 --> 00:10:38,001
‎但時會有基督教諷刺畫家

196
00:10:38,084 --> 00:10:40,876
‎他會畫妳在十字架上的樣子
‎妳可以拿著籃球

197
00:10:40,959 --> 00:10:44,584
‎等等，這是父女守貞舞會？

198
00:10:44,668 --> 00:10:46,293
‎什麼？不是啦，一般舞會而已

199
00:10:46,376 --> 00:10:49,084
‎米希，其實舞會有節慾的規定

200
00:10:49,168 --> 00:10:50,084
‎-我就說嘛
‎-什麼？

201
00:10:50,168 --> 00:10:53,459
‎爸爸們要發誓保護女兒的貞潔

202
00:10:53,543 --> 00:10:55,751
‎好，這場舞會太荒謬了

203
00:10:55,834 --> 00:10:59,043
‎對啊，無聊，不該阻止小孩幹砲

204
00:10:59,126 --> 00:11:00,751
‎媽媽，什麼叫“幹砲”？

205
00:11:00,834 --> 00:11:04,709
‎好，蒙特爾，兩個生物深愛彼此

206
00:11:04,793 --> 00:11:08,001
‎或發現彼此在同一間機場廁所裡時

207
00:11:08,084 --> 00:11:11,501
‎他們磨蹭彼此身上黏糊糊的地方

208
00:11:11,584 --> 00:11:14,376
‎到大家爽翻天為止

209
00:11:14,459 --> 00:11:16,251
‎真讓我茅塞頓開

210
00:11:16,334 --> 00:11:18,626
‎很好，現在來談談拳交

211
00:11:18,709 --> 00:11:19,668
‎好啊

212
00:11:19,751 --> 00:11:20,959
‎（自助搬家）

213
00:11:21,043 --> 00:11:25,251
‎所以你要把老爸丟進死亡營裡？

214
00:11:25,334 --> 00:11:27,959
‎爸，我告訴黛安了
‎所以我們勢在必行

215
00:11:28,043 --> 00:11:30,918
‎媽的，我把搬家手套留在衣櫥了

216
00:11:31,001 --> 00:11:32,876
‎尼基，去幫我拿好嗎？

217
00:11:32,959 --> 00:11:35,918
‎我知道你的衣櫥在哪裡
‎柏奇醫師，我去拿

218
00:11:37,084 --> 00:11:40,126
‎是藏寶窟，我們偷看一下吧？

219
00:11:40,209 --> 00:11:41,084
‎好

220
00:11:41,168 --> 00:11:43,501
‎什麼叫“男貞操帶”？

221
00:11:43,584 --> 00:11:45,209
‎我又怕又性奮

222
00:11:45,293 --> 00:11:47,293
‎就像巧克力花生給我的感覺

223
00:11:47,376 --> 00:11:51,918
‎“貞操帶是男性藍牙守貞裝置“

224
00:11:52,001 --> 00:11:53,376
‎我懂了

225
00:11:53,459 --> 00:11:58,168
‎要把你的鑫鑫腸插進去，它會上鎖
‎讓你硬不起來

226
00:11:58,251 --> 00:11:59,543
‎誰會想這樣做？

227
00:11:59,626 --> 00:12:01,876
‎安德魯，讓別人掌控你的屌

228
00:12:01,959 --> 00:12:05,251
‎是很情色的事情

229
00:12:05,334 --> 00:12:08,001
‎我順從的屌絕對吃這一套

230
00:12:08,084 --> 00:12:12,001
‎爸比，你要穿高跟鞋踩我嗎？

231
00:12:12,084 --> 00:12:13,709
‎-要啊，賤貨
‎-安德魯，專心點

232
00:12:13,793 --> 00:12:18,459
‎我一定得試戴好友老爸的
‎性器虐待裝置吧？

233
00:12:18,543 --> 00:12:19,668
‎沒錯，一下下就好

234
00:12:19,751 --> 00:12:20,626
‎先擦一擦…

235
00:12:20,709 --> 00:12:24,293
‎上面說尺寸是“脆迪酥”
‎但你的比較像“鑫鑫腸”

236
00:12:24,376 --> 00:12:27,126
‎要是我折一下…

237
00:12:27,626 --> 00:12:28,918
‎進去了

238
00:12:29,001 --> 00:12:31,043
‎感覺好調皮，小莫

239
00:12:31,126 --> 00:12:32,834
‎糟了，貞操帶扣上了

240
00:12:32,918 --> 00:12:35,834
‎所起來了，沒辦法假釋出獄了

241
00:12:36,334 --> 00:12:38,918
‎為什麼我會被嚇到勃起？

242
00:12:39,001 --> 00:12:40,751
‎-安德魯，親愛的，該走了
‎-糟了

243
00:12:40,834 --> 00:12:44,251
‎-怎麼辦，小莫？
‎-你等服刑期滿吧

244
00:12:44,334 --> 00:12:47,751
‎所以我們才叫“死忠三兄弟”

245
00:12:47,834 --> 00:12:51,459
‎因為我們永遠是好友，也絕對反墮胎

246
00:12:51,543 --> 00:12:55,793
‎感謝美國之神，妳媽沒把妳打掉

247
00:12:55,876 --> 00:12:57,209
‎真是太好了

248
00:12:57,293 --> 00:13:00,293
‎好開心有你們三個老爸

249
00:13:01,043 --> 00:13:03,251
‎-沒有騙人家吧？
‎-那當然

250
00:13:03,334 --> 00:13:04,959
‎你們三個出現時

251
00:13:05,043 --> 00:13:08,084
‎我的美好人生才剛開始

252
00:13:08,168 --> 00:13:10,001
‎就像我們的歌

253
00:13:10,084 --> 00:13:11,584
‎老爸出現時

254
00:13:11,668 --> 00:13:13,793
‎人生才開始

255
00:13:13,876 --> 00:13:16,043
‎胎兒開車該合法

256
00:13:16,126 --> 00:13:19,084
‎天哪，你們的歌很有深度，我喜歡

257
00:13:20,543 --> 00:13:23,043
‎羅尼？你在這裡幹嘛？

258
00:13:23,126 --> 00:13:26,876
‎小蘿，我查過死忠三兄弟的背景…

259
00:13:26,959 --> 00:13:27,918
‎什麼？

260
00:13:28,001 --> 00:13:30,543
‎我們應該做個詳細的DNA檢定

261
00:13:30,626 --> 00:13:33,168
‎我不知道這些帥哥是不是真是妳爸

262
00:13:33,251 --> 00:13:37,668
‎在我看來，我爸不只是他們其中一個
‎而且全部都是

263
00:13:37,751 --> 00:13:41,043
‎陛下，羅尼先生只是為妳好

264
00:13:41,126 --> 00:13:43,876
‎雖然他的皮衣是假的，心意卻不假

265
00:13:43,959 --> 00:13:44,834
‎夠了！

266
00:13:44,918 --> 00:13:47,501
‎羅尼，所有單身女孩在這一刻

267
00:13:47,584 --> 00:13:50,876
‎都得看著她母親假釋官的雙眼

268
00:13:50,959 --> 00:13:54,584
‎說：“我有三個爸爸，不需要你了”

269
00:13:54,668 --> 00:13:55,626
‎但是蘿娜，我…

270
00:13:55,709 --> 00:13:57,959
‎羅尼？華麗退場吧

271
00:14:00,126 --> 00:14:06,668
‎我的日子充滿無趣的互動

272
00:14:07,834 --> 00:14:14,043
‎只有遺囑認證員、前科犯和假釋犯

273
00:14:15,793 --> 00:14:19,709
‎幫他們報到，之後他們就離開

274
00:14:19,793 --> 00:14:23,376
‎他們從不留下和我小聊

275
00:14:23,959 --> 00:14:26,084
‎沒有人

276
00:14:26,168 --> 00:14:31,501
‎關心我好不好

277
00:14:32,001 --> 00:14:34,501
‎但我會站在妳的走廊，蘿娜

278
00:14:35,293 --> 00:14:39,626
‎直到妳開啟心門

279
00:14:39,709 --> 00:14:42,334
‎讓我進去

280
00:14:42,418 --> 00:14:45,209
‎羅尼，不准在走廊痛哭

281
00:14:46,334 --> 00:14:47,584
‎是我不好，小蘿

282
00:14:48,668 --> 00:14:50,709
‎還是自己家最好

283
00:14:50,793 --> 00:14:54,751
‎讚啦，果然和聽說得一樣邋遢

284
00:14:55,543 --> 00:14:59,459
‎天哪，安德魯，你的屌的脈搏
‎我一里外就聽得見

285
00:14:59,543 --> 00:15:03,584
‎對啊，可惡
‎這個虐待器壓著我的大雞雞

286
00:15:03,668 --> 00:15:06,126
‎還有我的睪丸，小莫
‎它們現在蠢蠢欲動

287
00:15:06,209 --> 00:15:09,543
‎也許這個鬼地方有工具箱

288
00:15:09,626 --> 00:15:10,459
‎好主意

289
00:15:10,543 --> 00:15:15,084
‎各位，我失陪一下，人有三急

290
00:15:15,168 --> 00:15:17,126
‎-大便那種
‎-又要上？

291
00:15:17,209 --> 00:15:20,126
‎多謝你載我回家，老婆奴

292
00:15:20,209 --> 00:15:21,501
‎你在幹嘛？

293
00:15:21,584 --> 00:15:24,543
‎把這裡當自己家啊，我哪裡也不去

294
00:15:24,626 --> 00:15:28,126
‎你不能住這裡了
‎這裡應該當廢物屋才對

295
00:15:28,209 --> 00:15:31,084
‎快起來，很多輕便馬桶需要整理

296
00:15:31,168 --> 00:15:34,459
‎要我起來，得看你的本事

297
00:15:34,543 --> 00:15:35,751
‎動手吧，爸，逼他起來

298
00:15:35,834 --> 00:15:39,584
‎對啊，他都這麼老了
‎你應該能制伏他

299
00:15:39,668 --> 00:15:43,876
‎不行，我們家講愛，不講拳頭

300
00:15:43,959 --> 00:15:45,376
‎沒出息的膽小鬼

301
00:15:45,459 --> 00:15:48,084
‎老子才不去老人之家

302
00:15:48,168 --> 00:15:52,584
‎去叫那個大便男，全滾出我家

303
00:15:52,668 --> 00:15:53,584
‎（父女舞會！下週：母子生存遊戲）

304
00:15:54,251 --> 00:15:57,668
‎吳腦袋DJ大駕光臨，到上帝之家

305
00:15:58,876 --> 00:16:00,584
‎我很怕上帝

306
00:16:00,668 --> 00:16:03,751
‎幸會，塞勒斯佛曼葛林沃先生
‎我常聽她提到你

307
00:16:03,834 --> 00:16:07,126
‎那給你個小考，這位高手
‎我最愛什麼顏色？

308
00:16:07,209 --> 00:16:08,043
‎爸

309
00:16:08,126 --> 00:16:10,543
‎橘紅色，不是橘色，而是橘紅色

310
00:16:10,626 --> 00:16:12,334
‎很厲害喔，年輕人

311
00:16:12,418 --> 00:16:13,834
‎打開雙門

312
00:16:13,918 --> 00:16:15,918
‎女王駕到，掃視中

313
00:16:16,001 --> 00:16:17,126
‎打量中…

314
00:16:17,209 --> 00:16:21,126
‎蘿娜，我仔細觀察了
‎妳豔冠群芳的女兒

315
00:16:21,209 --> 00:16:26,126
‎還有，親愛的
‎其他人的父女比例很普通

316
00:16:26,209 --> 00:16:28,918
‎對嘛，我差點就要同情他們了

317
00:16:29,001 --> 00:16:33,126
‎但老實說，我只覺得棒透了

318
00:16:33,209 --> 00:16:34,376
‎為了我自己

319
00:16:35,209 --> 00:16:38,043
‎我有爸…

320
00:16:38,126 --> 00:16:39,668
‎從我屁股蹦出來

321
00:16:39,751 --> 00:16:42,293
‎她的老爸一卡車

322
00:16:42,376 --> 00:16:46,959
‎沒爸爸的蘿娜已成過去

323
00:16:47,043 --> 00:16:49,001
‎沒人能阻擋我們

324
00:16:49,501 --> 00:16:52,543
‎我是所有孤兒奢望的美夢

325
00:16:53,251 --> 00:16:56,709
‎像汽水機一樣，痾出一堆爸爸

326
00:16:56,793 --> 00:17:01,626
‎只有一個爸爸的笨蛋
‎可以親我們的六顆蛋蛋

327
00:17:02,876 --> 00:17:04,793
‎因為我有很多爸爸

328
00:17:04,876 --> 00:17:06,876
‎爸爸多的是

329
00:17:06,959 --> 00:17:08,126
‎她有很多爸爸

330
00:17:08,209 --> 00:17:09,876
‎比妳多很多

331
00:17:09,959 --> 00:17:11,668
‎好多爸爸

332
00:17:11,751 --> 00:17:13,543
‎我媽是千人斬

333
00:17:13,626 --> 00:17:15,126
‎那女孩有很多爸爸

334
00:17:15,209 --> 00:17:17,668
‎我們是四口之家

335
00:17:17,751 --> 00:17:18,751
‎我和我的…

336
00:17:20,459 --> 00:17:21,334
‎一堆爸爸

337
00:17:21,876 --> 00:17:23,084
‎拿去，用這把鉗子

338
00:17:23,168 --> 00:17:25,709
‎夾緊貞操帶再轉

339
00:17:26,418 --> 00:17:27,793
‎幹，拿不下來

340
00:17:27,876 --> 00:17:30,668
‎也許該轉鬆一點，像玻璃罐？

341
00:17:31,459 --> 00:17:32,834
‎連我的內臟也在痛

342
00:17:32,918 --> 00:17:34,918
‎大便男，我要來帶你走

343
00:17:35,001 --> 00:17:36,793
‎不可以，別進來

344
00:17:36,876 --> 00:17:38,626
‎-尼克.
‎-你在幹什麼？

345
00:17:38,709 --> 00:17:41,543
‎這其實是很有趣又感人的故事

346
00:17:41,626 --> 00:17:46,334
‎爸，你會把屌鎖在小盒子裡
‎只有媽能開嗎？

347
00:17:46,418 --> 00:17:47,793
‎不算盒子啦

348
00:17:47,876 --> 00:17:50,293
‎那是藍牙裝置，我和你媽…

349
00:17:50,376 --> 00:17:53,334
‎在玩感官遊戲時，我偶爾會戴

350
00:17:53,834 --> 00:17:55,959
‎真是娘到無下限

351
00:17:56,043 --> 00:18:01,001
‎要是你沒把屌鎖起來
‎也許就能滿足你老婆

352
00:18:01,084 --> 00:18:03,918
‎是你害我沒辦法讓老婆滿足才對

353
00:18:04,001 --> 00:18:08,251
‎我六天半沒喝到她的“精華液”了

354
00:18:08,334 --> 00:18:09,168
‎爸！

355
00:18:09,251 --> 00:18:13,376
‎就連我得了咽喉炎
‎也沒中斷超過兩天過

356
00:18:13,459 --> 00:18:15,918
‎去西雅圖出差也一樣

357
00:18:16,001 --> 00:18:19,293
‎我每48小時飛回家吃黛安

358
00:18:19,376 --> 00:18:21,376
‎閉嘴…別在聊媽的鮑魚了！

359
00:18:21,459 --> 00:18:23,543
‎天哪，我的籠中鳥在晃動

360
00:18:23,626 --> 00:18:29,459
‎所以，你讓她鎖住妳的小爛屌？

361
00:18:29,543 --> 00:18:32,543
‎難怪她是個凶狠的母夜叉

362
00:18:32,626 --> 00:18:33,876
‎你説什麼？

363
00:18:33,959 --> 00:18:37,501
‎我說…你老婆是賤貨

364
00:18:37,584 --> 00:18:38,876
‎黛安是神

365
00:18:39,376 --> 00:18:42,168
‎天哪，爸，你打了爺爺

366
00:18:42,251 --> 00:18:43,668
‎我愛你，爸

367
00:18:43,751 --> 00:18:45,584
‎天哪，我都做了什麼？

368
00:18:45,668 --> 00:18:47,459
‎父親，你沒事吧？

369
00:18:48,334 --> 00:18:50,084
‎-看看你
‎-起來吧

370
00:18:50,626 --> 00:18:55,418
‎威廉華勒斯馬蓋仙，歡迎回家，兒子

371
00:18:56,584 --> 00:18:59,709
‎加油，塞勒斯…！

372
00:18:59,793 --> 00:19:03,126
‎好強，想不到他會側空翻

373
00:19:03,209 --> 00:19:05,209
‎對啊，這是新招，他練很久了

374
00:19:05,293 --> 00:19:06,418
‎在我謊報的美好人生裡

375
00:19:06,501 --> 00:19:10,418
‎今晚最快樂

376
00:19:10,501 --> 00:19:12,376
‎-我們也是，乖女兒
‎-沒錯

377
00:19:12,459 --> 00:19:15,709
‎就算妳拿不到打官司的賠償金

378
00:19:15,793 --> 00:19:18,543
‎我們還是很樂意當妳爸

379
00:19:18,626 --> 00:19:20,709
‎三位爸爸，這是天大的好消息

380
00:19:20,793 --> 00:19:23,793
‎因為我拿不到賠償金

381
00:19:23,876 --> 00:19:25,001
‎-什麼？
‎-什麼意思？

382
00:19:25,084 --> 00:19:27,876
‎因為我決定把和解金…

383
00:19:27,959 --> 00:19:30,043
‎先暫停製造氣氛

384
00:19:30,126 --> 00:19:33,043
‎換成披薩堡，好讚

385
00:19:33,126 --> 00:19:34,168
‎妳這白癡

386
00:19:34,251 --> 00:19:36,043
‎怎麼可以這樣耍我們？

387
00:19:36,126 --> 00:19:37,168
‎再見，費莉西雅

388
00:19:37,251 --> 00:19:40,209
‎等等，什麼？三個爸爸
‎為什麼這麼說？

389
00:19:40,293 --> 00:19:43,084
‎笨蛋，我們才不是妳的親生爸爸
‎我們只想要妳的錢

390
00:19:43,168 --> 00:19:46,209
‎對，死忠三兄弟隆重付出需要錢

391
00:19:46,293 --> 00:19:49,168
‎我們為閣樓買了雙人雙層床

392
00:19:49,251 --> 00:19:51,626
‎但我以為我們是一家人

393
00:19:51,709 --> 00:19:55,043
‎那你們歌詞裡邊的故事呢？

394
00:19:55,626 --> 00:19:59,168
‎都是騙妳的
‎我不可能搞大妳媽的肚子

395
00:19:59,251 --> 00:20:01,793
‎我們只射在屁股，用基督教式

396
00:20:01,876 --> 00:20:04,334
‎對啊，我中學時就割掉睪丸了

397
00:20:04,418 --> 00:20:07,501
‎為了飆高音，寶貝

398
00:20:07,584 --> 00:20:10,376
‎妳媽只是趁我哭的時候幫我打手槍

399
00:20:10,459 --> 00:20:11,584
‎標籤：“天生如此”

400
00:20:11,668 --> 00:20:14,459
‎等等，拜託別走

401
00:20:14,543 --> 00:20:18,084
‎女孩，我們沒和妳媽溫存

402
00:20:18,168 --> 00:20:21,293
‎我們的愛都是騙局

403
00:20:21,376 --> 00:20:24,293
‎這首歌好洗腦，討厭

404
00:20:24,376 --> 00:20:28,959
‎各位，上帝的男友有消息要宣布

405
00:20:29,043 --> 00:20:30,751
‎各位跑趴狂，你們好嗎？

406
00:20:30,834 --> 00:20:32,418
‎我知道我們玩得很開心

407
00:20:32,501 --> 00:20:35,543
‎但我們今晚有個特別的任務

408
00:20:35,626 --> 00:20:36,876
‎要發神聖的誓言

409
00:20:36,959 --> 00:20:38,668
‎沒錯，理查和理查

410
00:20:38,751 --> 00:20:42,626
‎請在場的所有爸爸發守貞誓言

411
00:20:42,709 --> 00:20:43,918
‎發什麼誓言？

412
00:20:44,001 --> 00:20:46,793
‎爸，拜託別小題大作

413
00:20:46,876 --> 00:20:49,834
‎親愛的女兒，今天在上帝面前

414
00:20:49,918 --> 00:20:52,709
‎-我謹鄭重發宣…
‎-什麼？不…

415
00:20:52,793 --> 00:20:55,459
‎要保護妳的貞潔

416
00:20:55,543 --> 00:20:58,751
‎不！別說了！你們在幹嘛？

417
00:20:58,834 --> 00:21:01,751
‎他們在向上帝保證女兒不會有性行為

418
00:21:01,834 --> 00:21:03,834
‎但我們的女兒不是無助的物體

419
00:21:03,918 --> 00:21:06,418
‎不需要我們提防她們有性行為

420
00:21:06,501 --> 00:21:08,918
‎-爸
‎-她們自己能做決定

421
00:21:09,001 --> 00:21:10,043
‎好，現在安靜

422
00:21:10,126 --> 00:21:13,876
‎這就是我不帶妳上教會的原因

423
00:21:13,959 --> 00:21:15,501
‎向赫齊爾致敬

424
00:21:15,584 --> 00:21:19,043
‎宗教組織總建立在壓抑女性之上

425
00:21:19,126 --> 00:21:20,001
‎不是這樣的

426
00:21:20,084 --> 00:21:22,501
‎基督教追求善工和社區服務

427
00:21:22,584 --> 00:21:23,918
‎對，還彼此相愛

428
00:21:24,001 --> 00:21:26,418
‎小朋友，你閉嘴

429
00:21:26,501 --> 00:21:29,334
‎爸，別在朋友面前讓我丟臉

430
00:21:29,418 --> 00:21:31,751
‎我不喜歡這位柯克卡梅隆

431
00:21:31,834 --> 00:21:33,959
‎無緣無故把妳拖來這間教會

432
00:21:34,043 --> 00:21:37,084
‎孝順？節慾？他會帶壞妳

433
00:21:37,168 --> 00:21:39,334
‎你這固執的精英主義者

434
00:21:39,418 --> 00:21:42,001
‎早知道就不邀你參加這場舞會

435
00:21:42,084 --> 00:21:43,084
‎米希，等等

436
00:21:43,168 --> 00:21:47,043
‎理查，恭喜你嫁女兒

437
00:21:47,126 --> 00:21:51,126
‎她要冠父姓或是我要冠？

438
00:21:51,751 --> 00:21:53,668
‎天哪，今天好累

439
00:21:53,751 --> 00:21:55,959
‎小威力，你真的打得我暈頭轉向

440
00:21:56,043 --> 00:21:57,834
‎爸，你的手怎麼了？

441
00:21:57,918 --> 00:21:59,543
‎我揍了我爸的臉

442
00:21:59,626 --> 00:22:01,459
‎-你說什麼？
‎-真是太爽了

443
00:22:01,543 --> 00:22:04,793
‎爸把他揍倒，然後爺爺起來打掃房子

444
00:22:04,876 --> 00:22:07,626
‎看看這個洞，和黑桃一樣黑

445
00:22:07,709 --> 00:22:08,626
‎天哪

446
00:22:08,709 --> 00:22:09,959
‎我決定好了

447
00:22:10,043 --> 00:22:12,418
‎我爸不會住到輔助生活社區

448
00:22:12,501 --> 00:22:15,126
‎他會永遠和我們一起住

449
00:22:15,209 --> 00:22:17,501
‎-等等，什麼？
‎-我拋棄他一次

450
00:22:17,584 --> 00:22:18,959
‎不想再拋棄一次

451
00:22:19,043 --> 00:22:22,501
‎等一下，艾略特
‎這個家不是這樣做決定

452
00:22:22,584 --> 00:22:24,418
‎不准插嘴，黛安

453
00:22:24,501 --> 00:22:27,251
‎現在搖晃著妳美麗的胴體上樓去

454
00:22:27,334 --> 00:22:29,959
‎因為老子吃魚的時間到了

455
00:22:30,043 --> 00:22:33,043
‎既然你都這麼說了，好吧

456
00:22:33,126 --> 00:22:34,543
‎媽，妳認真？

457
00:22:34,626 --> 00:22:38,209
‎莉婭，晚點我們再對付
‎妳爸煩人的新人格

458
00:22:38,293 --> 00:22:41,376
‎-柏奇太太？
‎-怎樣，安德魯？要幹嘛？

459
00:22:41,459 --> 00:22:45,293
‎我想麻煩妳解開妳老公的貞操帶

460
00:22:45,376 --> 00:22:47,501
‎它不巧在我的屌上

461
00:22:47,584 --> 00:22:49,584
‎真受不了

462
00:22:50,959 --> 00:22:52,918
‎我的小鳥終於能呼吸了

463
00:22:53,001 --> 00:22:54,459
‎滾出我家

464
00:22:54,543 --> 00:22:55,459
‎好，我知道

465
00:22:55,543 --> 00:22:57,418
‎尼克，我們學校見

466
00:22:57,501 --> 00:22:59,668
‎米希，原來妳在這裡

467
00:22:59,751 --> 00:23:02,543
‎你快回家吧，反正你想說的都說了

468
00:23:02,626 --> 00:23:05,793
‎聽我說，很抱歉我今天讓妳難堪

469
00:23:05,876 --> 00:23:09,501
‎但妳好像越來越不像妳

470
00:23:09,584 --> 00:23:12,251
‎不，我是越來越不像你

471
00:23:12,334 --> 00:23:14,751
‎你說女生該自己做決定

472
00:23:14,834 --> 00:23:16,459
‎為什麼我就不能？

473
00:23:16,543 --> 00:23:19,334
‎我想，如果妳要服務社區

474
00:23:19,418 --> 00:23:21,293
‎和不逼妳上床的

475
00:23:21,376 --> 00:23:23,709
‎乖男生在一起

476
00:23:23,793 --> 00:23:26,293
‎我必須學著接受

477
00:23:26,376 --> 00:23:27,251
‎謝謝你，爸

478
00:23:27,959 --> 00:23:29,793
‎嚴格來說也是我會逼他

479
00:23:29,876 --> 00:23:31,168
‎我沒聽清楚，妳說什麼？

480
00:23:31,251 --> 00:23:32,126
‎（待售）

481
00:23:33,001 --> 00:23:35,293
‎至少我選擇一次兌現

482
00:23:35,376 --> 00:23:36,626
‎但人家藍瘦香菇

483
00:23:36,709 --> 00:23:42,376
‎我唯一能得到的溫暖
‎是這條巨型披薩堡的熱度

484
00:23:42,876 --> 00:23:44,668
‎會是誰呢？

485
00:23:44,751 --> 00:23:49,793
‎還有騙子想粉碎
‎我支離破碎的芳心嗎？

486
00:23:49,876 --> 00:23:51,959
‎小蘿，事情我都聽說了

487
00:23:52,043 --> 00:23:56,001
‎你說吧，說：“我早勸過妳”
‎要是我就會說

488
00:23:56,084 --> 00:23:59,793
‎不…我來安慰妳，妳該擁有更好的

489
00:23:59,876 --> 00:24:01,084
‎隨便啦，羅尼

490
00:24:01,168 --> 00:24:03,793
‎你的車才該擁有更好的味道，你走吧

491
00:24:03,876 --> 00:24:04,709
‎你稱心如意了

492
00:24:04,793 --> 00:24:07,043
‎殿下，別讓他走

493
00:24:07,126 --> 00:24:09,043
‎羅尼先生很英勇

494
00:24:09,126 --> 00:24:11,584
‎他是妳最忠實的臣子

495
00:24:11,668 --> 00:24:16,959
‎有趣、果斷、和妳的情感互補

496
00:24:17,043 --> 00:24:18,209
‎羅尼，等等

497
00:24:18,293 --> 00:24:20,626
‎我一直把你的關心視為理所休葛蘭

498
00:24:20,709 --> 00:24:21,834
‎你想說什麼？

499
00:24:21,918 --> 00:24:24,418
‎我想說，我只是個女孩

500
00:24:24,501 --> 00:24:27,334
‎站在母親的假釋官面前

501
00:24:27,418 --> 00:24:31,043
‎請他當她的自選父親

502
00:24:31,126 --> 00:24:34,668
‎蘿娜，我感覺就像剛做完汽車美容

503
00:24:34,751 --> 00:24:36,626
‎現在該做什麼，我的自選女兒？

504
00:24:36,709 --> 00:24:41,209
‎當然是再唱一首歌，你這大豬頭

505
00:24:41,293 --> 00:24:43,626
‎專心點，天哪，羅尼

506
00:24:43,709 --> 00:24:48,918
‎寂寞時有兩根同志陰毛安慰我

507
00:24:49,834 --> 00:24:54,751
‎還有巴不得當我爸的魯蛇

508
00:24:55,793 --> 00:24:57,876
‎我確信我認識的男生

509
00:24:57,959 --> 00:25:00,668
‎都偷偷地想上我

510
00:25:02,084 --> 00:25:06,751
‎和我相比，你們的人生好可憐

511
00:25:06,834 --> 00:25:08,501
‎因為我是蘿娜

512
00:25:08,584 --> 00:25:10,834
‎她是蘿娜

513
00:25:10,918 --> 00:25:13,001
‎我是神力女超人

514
00:25:13,084 --> 00:25:14,501
‎強者蘿娜

515
00:25:14,584 --> 00:25:16,751
‎強者蘿娜

516
00:25:16,834 --> 00:25:19,751
‎我是這個影集的爆紅女星

517
00:25:19,834 --> 00:25:22,626
‎沒人會要她道歉

518
00:25:22,709 --> 00:25:24,793
‎我們不期望她道歉

519
00:25:24,876 --> 00:25:25,793
‎不可能

520
00:25:25,876 --> 00:25:31,751
‎我天生愚鈍、魯莽、厚臉皮

521
00:25:31,834 --> 00:25:33,918
‎誰是她頭號粉絲？

522
00:25:34,001 --> 00:25:35,084
‎蘿娜

523
00:25:35,168 --> 00:25:36,793
‎誰最大聲？

524
00:25:36,876 --> 00:25:37,793
‎蘿娜

525
00:25:37,876 --> 00:25:39,876
‎誰的配音是男生？

526
00:25:39,959 --> 00:25:41,501
‎就是我

527
00:25:41,584 --> 00:25:45,293
‎-我是蘿娜
‎-她是蘿娜

528
00:25:45,376 --> 00:25:47,584
‎我最優秀，我是女神

529
00:25:47,668 --> 00:25:51,209
‎-我是蘿娜
‎-強者蘿娜

530
00:25:51,293 --> 00:25:54,584
‎我最嗆、最優、最火辣

531
00:25:54,668 --> 00:26:01,668
‎女王在此，眾人鞠躬

532
00:26:17,251 --> 00:26:21,334
‎字幕翻譯：易敬能