1
00:00:09,084 --> 00:00:11,043
Oh, come on, answer.
2
00:00:11,126 --> 00:00:12,626
Jesus. What's wrong with you?
3
00:00:12,709 --> 00:00:15,959
I've been texting Bernie
non-stop all morning.
4
00:00:16,043 --> 00:00:17,293
Oh, like a true psycho.
5
00:00:17,376 --> 00:00:18,293
Exactly.
6
00:00:18,376 --> 00:00:20,293
And she hasn't responded once
7
00:00:20,376 --> 00:00:23,126
because she's hanging out
with her friend Alison.
8
00:00:23,209 --> 00:00:24,793
Okay. So, what's the big deal?
9
00:00:24,876 --> 00:00:26,751
Alison's a boy, Nick.
10
00:00:26,834 --> 00:00:28,501
A boy named Alison
11
00:00:28,584 --> 00:00:30,376
hanging out with a girl named Bernie.
12
00:00:30,459 --> 00:00:34,334
Up is down, left is right. Soup is salad.
13
00:00:34,418 --> 00:00:37,084
Ooh, yeah, and Alison's hot.
14
00:00:37,168 --> 00:00:38,793
Like, way hotter than you.
15
00:00:38,876 --> 00:00:42,543
That gorgeous specimen
is probably wooing Bernie right now.
16
00:00:42,626 --> 00:00:44,876
Oh! That's why she hasn't texted you back.
17
00:00:44,959 --> 00:00:46,709
Oh God. You're right.
18
00:00:46,793 --> 00:00:48,043
I'm gonna text her again.
19
00:00:48,126 --> 00:00:51,084
911, FaceTime emergency, all caps.
20
00:00:52,001 --> 00:00:53,876
Hey, I'm at the movies. What's wrong?
21
00:00:53,959 --> 00:00:56,376
Hey, Andrew.
I've heard so much about you, man.
22
00:00:56,459 --> 00:01:00,459
Fuck you, Alison.
We will cave in your fucking face!
23
00:01:00,543 --> 00:01:02,376
Oh shit, my Red Hots.
24
00:01:02,459 --> 00:01:05,751
Dear God, Andrew. His ass is magnificent.
25
00:01:05,834 --> 00:01:08,334
-Hold my hand while I weep.
-What? No.
26
00:01:08,418 --> 00:01:11,251
Andrew, do something! Say something!
27
00:01:11,334 --> 00:01:13,876
Distract Bernie from that ass!
28
00:01:13,959 --> 00:01:15,376
Uh, I love you.
29
00:01:15,459 --> 00:01:18,584
Okay. Was that the emergency?
30
00:01:18,668 --> 00:01:21,251
Yep, that was it.
Now you gotta say it back.
31
00:01:21,334 --> 00:01:24,418
Yes. And say it
in front of Alison's perfect pooper.
32
00:01:24,501 --> 00:01:27,043
Okay. I love… you. I gotta go.
33
00:01:27,126 --> 00:01:28,126
Oh fuck.
34
00:01:28,209 --> 00:01:29,793
That was not a convincing "I love you."
35
00:01:29,876 --> 00:01:31,543
She said it like the Pledge of Allegiance.
36
00:01:31,626 --> 00:01:33,168
Andrew, you must take action.
37
00:01:33,251 --> 00:01:34,793
You don't want to end up like your dad,
38
00:01:34,876 --> 00:01:37,834
losing the only woman
who will ever love you.
39
00:01:37,918 --> 00:01:40,459
-You're right. I'm gonna go to Vermont.
-What? Really?
40
00:01:40,543 --> 00:01:42,084
I'm gonna surprise Bernie
41
00:01:42,168 --> 00:01:44,376
and make sure
that she doesn't fall in love
42
00:01:44,459 --> 00:01:46,209
with that gorgeous piece of ass.
43
00:01:46,293 --> 00:01:47,668
Andrew, you are being crazy.
44
00:01:47,751 --> 00:01:49,543
Crazy with love.
45
00:01:49,626 --> 00:01:50,626
And jealousy.
46
00:01:50,709 --> 00:01:54,043
And rage. Rage. Fucking rage!
47
00:01:54,126 --> 00:01:56,834
Boys, let's go block a cock.
48
00:02:29,959 --> 00:02:33,584
Oh gosh, Elijah,
I am so nervous to meet your family.
49
00:02:33,668 --> 00:02:36,084
Relax. It's just a cookout.
And they're gonna love you.
50
00:02:36,168 --> 00:02:37,751
Missy, even I'm nervous.
51
00:02:37,834 --> 00:02:40,959
Everyone here is Black.
We have to be cool.
52
00:02:41,043 --> 00:02:43,334
Do you think there's gonna be
vegan options at this cookout?
53
00:02:43,418 --> 00:02:44,709
-Ow!
-I said cool.
54
00:02:46,459 --> 00:02:48,251
-Oh shit.
-Elijah.
55
00:02:48,334 --> 00:02:49,501
Okay, those are my uncles.
56
00:02:49,584 --> 00:02:52,376
Do not say the word "backflip" around them
because they'll start flipping
57
00:02:52,459 --> 00:02:55,501
-and then somebody's gonna get hurt.
-Got it. No BFing.
58
00:02:55,584 --> 00:02:57,584
So, uh, this your little girlfriend?
59
00:02:57,668 --> 00:02:59,876
Uh, yeah. Everyone, this is Missy.
60
00:02:59,959 --> 00:03:03,418
And she is my regular-sized girlfriend.
61
00:03:04,418 --> 00:03:07,209
-Girlfriend?
-Fuck yeah. He made it official.
62
00:03:07,293 --> 00:03:08,709
-Ooh!
-Hey, Elijah.
63
00:03:08,793 --> 00:03:10,709
If she's good enough to be your girl,
64
00:03:10,793 --> 00:03:13,251
then she's good enough
to be my spades partner.
65
00:03:13,334 --> 00:03:14,668
-That's my Auntie Amber.
-Oh.
66
00:03:14,751 --> 00:03:16,793
She's rich and cool,
and she hates everybody.
67
00:03:16,876 --> 00:03:18,126
That's my kind of woman.
68
00:03:18,209 --> 00:03:19,751
Now, come over here, sweetheart.
69
00:03:19,834 --> 00:03:22,376
Let's win some money off my sad cousin.
70
00:03:22,459 --> 00:03:23,668
-Oh, okay.
-Good luck.
71
00:03:23,751 --> 00:03:24,793
Hey, Elijah.
72
00:03:24,876 --> 00:03:26,918
What have you and your girlfriend
been up to?
73
00:03:27,001 --> 00:03:29,751
Well, we've been to two restaurants
and three movies.
74
00:03:29,834 --> 00:03:30,918
No, we mean physically.
75
00:03:31,001 --> 00:03:33,168
-Y'all doing hand stuff, mouth stuff?
-Foot stuff?
76
00:03:33,251 --> 00:03:34,751
We hold hands all the time.
77
00:03:34,834 --> 00:03:37,751
-That doesn't count for anything.
-You need to at least be kissing the girl.
78
00:03:37,834 --> 00:03:39,293
Or sucking her toes.
79
00:03:39,376 --> 00:03:41,876
'Cause if you don't satisfy your woman,
somebody else will.
80
00:03:41,959 --> 00:03:42,793
I know that's right.
81
00:03:42,876 --> 00:03:45,626
Hey. Don't listen to these fools, Elijah.
82
00:03:45,709 --> 00:03:46,626
They're all single.
83
00:03:46,709 --> 00:03:47,668
And from what I hear,
84
00:03:47,751 --> 00:03:50,709
none of them can do a backflip
to save their lives.
85
00:03:50,793 --> 00:03:52,709
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
You hold on now.
86
00:03:52,793 --> 00:03:55,126
You take that back.
I will do a backflip right now.
87
00:03:56,293 --> 00:03:58,126
Shit. My ACL.
88
00:03:58,209 --> 00:03:59,334
Oh shit.
89
00:03:59,418 --> 00:04:01,709
Oh, are you following me?
90
00:04:02,709 --> 00:04:05,418
Wow!
Does that mean I'm getting my own story?
91
00:04:05,501 --> 00:04:08,501
And if you're getting
your own story, buddy,
92
00:04:08,584 --> 00:04:11,959
that means you're gonna need
your hormone monsters.
93
00:04:12,043 --> 00:04:14,626
-Oh, hey, guys.
-Gil, can you believe it?
94
00:04:14,709 --> 00:04:17,418
We're on Big Mouth. What an institution.
95
00:04:17,501 --> 00:04:19,876
Yeah. What do you think, Elijah, huh?
96
00:04:19,959 --> 00:04:21,918
-You wanna jerk off onto the grill?
-What? Why?
97
00:04:22,001 --> 00:04:25,418
Because it's Big Mouth.
These people are sick.
98
00:04:27,084 --> 00:04:29,793
-Hi. You must be the plumber.
-That's right, little lady.
99
00:04:29,876 --> 00:04:32,043
Is the man of the house home?
100
00:04:32,126 --> 00:04:34,168
Uh, there are no men in this house.
101
00:04:34,251 --> 00:04:35,168
Oh, okay, ladies.
102
00:04:35,251 --> 00:04:36,876
Uh, how can I explain this?
103
00:04:36,959 --> 00:04:39,459
I'm like a doctor for your sink.
104
00:04:39,543 --> 00:04:42,418
You don't have to use a metaphor.
We know what a plumber is.
105
00:04:42,501 --> 00:04:43,876
Wow, for such a cute little girl,
106
00:04:43,959 --> 00:04:46,584
you're kind of a bossy
little pain in the ass.
107
00:04:46,668 --> 00:04:47,876
Am I right, lonely mom?
108
00:04:47,959 --> 00:04:49,751
Just fix the damn sink.
109
00:04:49,834 --> 00:04:51,918
Can you believe this sexist pig?
110
00:04:52,001 --> 00:04:54,251
Yeah. We know how to fix a sink.
111
00:04:54,334 --> 00:04:56,501
Well, no. Technically, we don't.
I'd be lost.
112
00:04:56,584 --> 00:04:58,793
But he shouldn't just assume that
because we're women.
113
00:04:58,876 --> 00:05:01,001
Well, of course, sexism sucks,
114
00:05:01,084 --> 00:05:04,168
but it's really all a part
of this whole crazy obsession
115
00:05:04,251 --> 00:05:06,834
you humans have with gender roles.
116
00:05:06,918 --> 00:05:09,126
-What?
-Well, before one of you is even born,
117
00:05:09,209 --> 00:05:11,751
it's all, "Is it a boy or a girl?"
118
00:05:11,834 --> 00:05:14,959
With the pink blankies
and the blue blankies.
119
00:05:15,043 --> 00:05:17,459
Oh, and what about
those stupid little headbands
120
00:05:17,543 --> 00:05:19,168
they put on their babies to say,
121
00:05:19,251 --> 00:05:21,876
"Don't worry.
She's bald, but she's still a girl."
122
00:05:21,959 --> 00:05:24,834
You know, I never really thought about it
that way before.
123
00:05:24,918 --> 00:05:26,543
That gender puts you in a box,
124
00:05:26,626 --> 00:05:29,251
and you spend your whole life
trying to claw your way out
125
00:05:29,334 --> 00:05:32,084
until you end up
in a literal box under the ground.
126
00:05:32,168 --> 00:05:35,001
-Yeah.
-Knock, knock. Dr. Sink Doctor.
127
00:05:35,084 --> 00:05:37,293
There's something wrong with my toilet,
128
00:05:37,376 --> 00:05:40,501
but I can't tell what it is
because I'm in a skirt.
129
00:05:40,584 --> 00:05:41,876
Say no more, sweetheart.
130
00:05:41,959 --> 00:05:44,126
And that, Jessi, hmm,
131
00:05:44,209 --> 00:05:46,209
that's how you get
your shitter fixed sweetie.
132
00:05:47,418 --> 00:05:49,834
Bernie Sanders, here we come.
133
00:05:49,918 --> 00:05:52,501
Oh, I can't wait
to see the look on her face
134
00:05:52,584 --> 00:05:55,751
when you show up
unannounced and uninvited.
135
00:05:55,834 --> 00:05:56,793
Hey, guys, do you mind?
136
00:05:56,876 --> 00:06:00,626
I'm listening to a fascinating podcast
from the makers of Serial.
137
00:06:00,709 --> 00:06:02,918
It's about cum in the 1960s.
138
00:06:03,001 --> 00:06:04,876
Look at us sitting here.
139
00:06:04,959 --> 00:06:07,334
I don't know why train travel
gets such a bad rap.
140
00:06:07,418 --> 00:06:08,584
It's really quite elegant.
141
00:06:08,668 --> 00:06:09,793
Ow.
142
00:06:09,876 --> 00:06:12,668
Hey, kid. Where are your adults?
143
00:06:12,751 --> 00:06:15,668
Um, they should be joining me any moment.
144
00:06:15,751 --> 00:06:18,459
Okay, I'll be watching.
145
00:06:18,543 --> 00:06:21,376
-Oh, hello, Bernie.
146
00:06:21,459 --> 00:06:22,459
Hey. Where are you?
147
00:06:22,543 --> 00:06:24,376
Don't ruin the romantic surprise.
148
00:06:24,459 --> 00:06:25,959
I'm at home.
149
00:06:26,043 --> 00:06:28,543
-Tickets, please. Take out your tickets.
-Who's that?
150
00:06:28,626 --> 00:06:32,209
Oh, it's my dad.
He's, uh, selling tickets for lunch now.
151
00:06:32,293 --> 00:06:37,168
So, how was
your cinematic rendezvous with Alison?
152
00:06:37,251 --> 00:06:38,209
It was fine.
153
00:06:38,293 --> 00:06:41,418
-Fine like platonic?
-Of course. Why are you being so weird?
154
00:06:41,501 --> 00:06:44,126
Well, I mean, honestly,
Alison's the one who's weird.
155
00:06:44,209 --> 00:06:47,668
Sketchy, really. Shady. I don't think
you should be hanging out with him.
156
00:06:47,751 --> 00:06:49,126
You're doing so well.
157
00:06:49,209 --> 00:06:51,501
Alison is not sketchy. He's my friend.
158
00:06:51,584 --> 00:06:53,584
I also think Alison sounds sketchy.
159
00:06:53,668 --> 00:06:55,043
See? The creepy guy gets it.
160
00:06:55,126 --> 00:06:56,293
Guys, please.
161
00:06:56,376 --> 00:06:57,918
Ira Glass is talking right now
162
00:06:58,001 --> 00:07:00,834
about how Lady Bird Johnson
was actually a squirter.
163
00:07:00,918 --> 00:07:03,959
Act three. Things are getting wet
in the White House.
164
00:07:04,043 --> 00:07:04,959
-Oh!
165
00:07:05,043 --> 00:07:06,084
Holy shit!
166
00:07:06,168 --> 00:07:07,209
Uh, I gotta go.
167
00:07:07,293 --> 00:07:09,168
-My house is tipping over.
-Oh no!
168
00:07:09,251 --> 00:07:10,918
I can't hear my podcast.
169
00:07:13,626 --> 00:07:15,876
Okay, guys, I really like Missy.
170
00:07:15,959 --> 00:07:17,584
Sure. She's a top-shelf lady.
171
00:07:17,668 --> 00:07:20,209
I just wish I was more excited
to make out with her
172
00:07:20,293 --> 00:07:22,959
or do some of that feet stuff
like my uncle said.
173
00:07:23,043 --> 00:07:26,334
I always thought once you met
the right person, you'd get, you know…
174
00:07:26,418 --> 00:07:30,001
-Horny?
-Yeah, with the dick and the uh, uh, uh.
175
00:07:30,084 --> 00:07:34,084
I don't really think
I feel a lot of the uh, uh, uh, like ever.
176
00:07:34,168 --> 00:07:38,376
Well, then, let's get some blood pumping
into those big fat genitals, huh?
177
00:07:38,459 --> 00:07:41,001
I mean, that's our job, right?
To get your nuts all fat?
178
00:07:41,084 --> 00:07:42,834
Focus. Focus. Focus. Here we go.
179
00:07:42,918 --> 00:07:45,209
Okay, let's see what giggles your pickle.
180
00:07:45,293 --> 00:07:49,376
How about this lady having
from-behind relations on a motorcycle?
181
00:07:49,459 --> 00:07:52,584
-Whoa. That's a bit much.
Yeah, 2 Fast 2 Furious, right?
182
00:07:52,668 --> 00:07:54,709
How about this photo
of the Kravitz family?
183
00:07:54,793 --> 00:07:57,043
Zoe, Lisa, Lenny.
184
00:07:57,126 --> 00:07:59,209
Jason Momoa?
185
00:07:59,293 --> 00:08:01,376
-Mm, nah.
-No J-Mo?
186
00:08:01,459 --> 00:08:02,876
-You sure?
-I like girls.
187
00:08:02,959 --> 00:08:05,626
All right, what about this lady
in a Donald Duck suit?
188
00:08:05,709 --> 00:08:08,584
Huh, you a furry?
You want some "suffering succotash"?
189
00:08:08,668 --> 00:08:12,001
First of all, "suffering succotash"
is Sylvester the Cat.
190
00:08:12,084 --> 00:08:13,668
Oh, so you want a cat.
191
00:08:13,751 --> 00:08:15,668
No, I don't want any animals.
192
00:08:15,751 --> 00:08:18,459
I got it. I got it. Halle Berry.
193
00:08:18,543 --> 00:08:21,626
Oh, my uncles are always talking
about how fine she is.
194
00:08:21,709 --> 00:08:25,084
Well, what do you think?
What do you think of Ms. Berry?
195
00:08:25,168 --> 00:08:26,751
You horned up, E-man?
196
00:08:26,834 --> 00:08:29,209
Actually, I'm just really proud of her.
197
00:08:29,293 --> 00:08:32,668
I mean, she probably worked really hard
to get in such good shape.
198
00:08:32,751 --> 00:08:35,543
But you're not feeling the uh, uh, uh?
199
00:08:35,626 --> 00:08:36,709
Guys, no offense.
200
00:08:36,793 --> 00:08:39,709
I just think we might need
some outside help.
201
00:08:39,793 --> 00:08:41,543
Like a real expert in horniness.
202
00:08:41,626 --> 00:08:43,126
-Condoleezza Rice?
-Pete Rose?
203
00:08:43,209 --> 00:08:44,918
Snoopy when he's wearing sunglasses?
204
00:08:45,001 --> 00:08:47,334
No. Someone even hornier.
205
00:08:47,418 --> 00:08:48,876
Hornier than Snoopy.
206
00:08:48,959 --> 00:08:50,043
Okay.
207
00:08:50,126 --> 00:08:52,501
Welcome back to Boy Fight.
208
00:08:52,584 --> 00:08:53,876
B-B-B-Boy Fight.
209
00:08:53,959 --> 00:08:58,293
Where two boys fight in a parking lot
over whose Barbie doll this isn't.
210
00:08:58,376 --> 00:08:59,334
It's not mine.
211
00:08:59,418 --> 00:09:01,959
-I only play with guns and barbed wire.
212
00:09:02,043 --> 00:09:04,876
You see, humans and gender.
213
00:09:04,959 --> 00:09:06,459
It's a real shit show.
214
00:09:06,543 --> 00:09:10,001
So, on that, do hormone monsters,
like, do it differently or…
215
00:09:10,084 --> 00:09:11,043
Of course.
216
00:09:11,126 --> 00:09:13,084
In hormone monster culture,
217
00:09:13,168 --> 00:09:17,626
we raise the fruits of our jizz
gender-neutral until puberty
218
00:09:17,709 --> 00:09:20,126
and then they get to pick
their own gender identity.
219
00:09:20,209 --> 00:09:22,668
It's all explained right here
in my favorite book,
220
00:09:22,751 --> 00:09:25,501
So, You're Becoming a Fuck Monster?
221
00:09:25,584 --> 00:09:27,543
-Oh, cool.
Right?
222
00:09:27,626 --> 00:09:30,418
Now let's get up inside these pages.
223
00:09:41,084 --> 00:09:44,501
-Whoa.
224
00:10:15,043 --> 00:10:17,084
This place is amazing.
225
00:10:37,584 --> 00:10:38,459
Yeah.
226
00:11:08,376 --> 00:11:10,251
Montel, wow.
227
00:11:10,334 --> 00:11:12,543
-You really--
-Sing even better than my mama?
228
00:11:12,626 --> 00:11:13,459
Yeah.
229
00:11:13,543 --> 00:11:15,876
Hey, both of you shut the fuck up.
230
00:11:15,959 --> 00:11:18,084
I do not like this dynamic.
231
00:11:18,168 --> 00:11:20,043
Sorry about that train oopsie, folks.
232
00:11:20,126 --> 00:11:23,501
But we will be getting you to Vermont
in just 18 short hours.
233
00:11:23,584 --> 00:11:24,418
-Thank you.
234
00:11:24,501 --> 00:11:25,876
-Ugh!
-Ah. Ah.
235
00:11:25,959 --> 00:11:30,751
Oh, Bernie. I'm so glad
we're becoming more than just friends.
236
00:11:30,834 --> 00:11:33,626
Ugh, me too. Andrew never had a chance.
237
00:11:33,709 --> 00:11:38,418
He lives so far away,
and your beautiful ass is so close.
238
00:11:38,501 --> 00:11:41,043
No. Bernie, don't. I'm coming.
239
00:11:41,126 --> 00:11:42,626
Oh shit, Andrew. Look down.
240
00:11:42,709 --> 00:11:45,834
-You're running on Alison's fantastic ass.
-Ah!
241
00:11:45,918 --> 00:11:48,293
Oh God, it's so supple.
242
00:11:48,376 --> 00:11:49,668
Whoa!
243
00:11:51,501 --> 00:11:53,501
Ah! Oh God. I really gotta poop.
244
00:11:53,584 --> 00:11:55,251
But, Andrew,
245
00:11:55,334 --> 00:11:59,376
you can't seriously be considering
taking a shit on a Greyhound bus, right?
246
00:11:59,459 --> 00:12:02,543
We've done a lot of disgusting things
over the last several years,
247
00:12:02,626 --> 00:12:04,876
but I don't know
if I can be a part of this.
248
00:12:04,959 --> 00:12:08,251
I can't very well hold it in
until we get to Vermont.
249
00:12:08,334 --> 00:12:09,751
-No!
250
00:12:09,834 --> 00:12:13,126
This is my own fault
for holding in that poop when I was 13.
251
00:12:13,209 --> 00:12:15,084
See? I'm not ending up like her.
252
00:12:15,168 --> 00:12:19,793
It's time for Andrew Glouberman
to shit on a Greyhound bus.
253
00:12:19,876 --> 00:12:23,126
Hey, kid. Have a great doodie.
254
00:12:24,209 --> 00:12:27,876
I know that I'm new here
and we don't know each other very well,
255
00:12:27,959 --> 00:12:31,043
but I've come to pay my respect
and to seek your advice.
256
00:12:31,126 --> 00:12:33,834
I've heard tell
of your legendary horniness,
257
00:12:33,918 --> 00:12:36,834
the potting soil, the pillows, the turkey.
258
00:12:36,918 --> 00:12:38,918
Turkeys. Plural.
259
00:12:39,001 --> 00:12:43,126
I've fucked many. And one even fucked me.
260
00:12:43,209 --> 00:12:44,668
Jesus Christ.
261
00:12:44,751 --> 00:12:47,126
This guy is hornier than Snoopy.
262
00:12:47,209 --> 00:12:50,418
How do you do it, man?
How do you get so horny?
263
00:12:50,501 --> 00:12:54,543
Oh, I don't get horny. Horny gets me.
264
00:12:54,626 --> 00:12:57,126
You know, with the dick
and the uh, uh, uh.
265
00:12:57,209 --> 00:12:58,959
Yes. The uh, uh, uh.
266
00:12:59,043 --> 00:13:01,084
That's what I'm looking for.
What does that feel like?
267
00:13:01,168 --> 00:13:04,334
I guess it's kind of like
there are butterflies in my stomach.
268
00:13:04,418 --> 00:13:06,626
Butterflies? That sounds sweet.
269
00:13:06,709 --> 00:13:09,959
But they're all doing full penetration.
270
00:13:10,959 --> 00:13:13,418
Fuck me
until I turn back into a caterpillar.
271
00:13:13,501 --> 00:13:15,168
Oh yeah. Fill my thorax.
272
00:13:15,251 --> 00:13:17,584
Oh, treat me like a fucking moth.
273
00:13:17,668 --> 00:13:19,501
And then it tingles
in all the right places,
274
00:13:19,584 --> 00:13:20,584
if you know what I mean.
275
00:13:20,668 --> 00:13:21,709
-I don't.
-Oh.
276
00:13:21,793 --> 00:13:25,709
My dick, balls,
nipples, hands, and forehead.
277
00:13:25,793 --> 00:13:27,709
But we've got butterflies too,
right, Elijah?
278
00:13:27,793 --> 00:13:30,209
I mean, I have butterflies,
279
00:13:30,293 --> 00:13:33,876
but they haven't really
started penetrating each other yet.
280
00:13:33,959 --> 00:13:37,084
It's so exciting to be Missy's boyfriend.
I love her braces.
281
00:13:37,168 --> 00:13:38,876
We should take her on a vegan picnic.
282
00:13:38,959 --> 00:13:42,209
I gotta say, your butterflies seem lovely.
283
00:13:42,293 --> 00:13:44,168
But I want them to be more like yours.
284
00:13:44,251 --> 00:13:46,376
I mean, Missy and I are official now,
285
00:13:46,459 --> 00:13:48,584
and if I don't kiss her, I might lose her.
286
00:13:48,668 --> 00:13:50,584
-And I really like her. And--
-Whoa, whoa, whoa.
287
00:13:50,668 --> 00:13:52,001
Okay, that's the problem.
288
00:13:52,084 --> 00:13:53,626
You're thinking way too much.
289
00:13:53,709 --> 00:13:55,959
And thinking is the enemy of horniness.
290
00:13:56,043 --> 00:13:57,751
Don't think. Ugh!
291
00:13:57,834 --> 00:13:59,918
I can't believe we didn't think of that.
292
00:14:00,001 --> 00:14:00,959
Just kiss her, man.
293
00:14:01,043 --> 00:14:02,376
And I guarantee you,
294
00:14:02,459 --> 00:14:05,876
your butterflies will start
fucking the shit out of each other.
295
00:14:05,959 --> 00:14:07,501
Okay. I won't think.
296
00:14:07,584 --> 00:14:09,959
I'm just gonna kiss my girlfriend.
297
00:14:10,043 --> 00:14:13,168
Thank you, Jay. You really
are the Godfather of horniness.
298
00:14:13,251 --> 00:14:14,251
I know.
299
00:14:14,334 --> 00:14:19,043
Just when I thought my dick was out,
they keep shoving it back in.
300
00:14:19,126 --> 00:14:22,251
Okay, easy-breezy, tushy squeezy.
301
00:14:22,334 --> 00:14:23,459
And we're done.
302
00:14:23,543 --> 00:14:24,751
Huh, that's different.
303
00:14:24,834 --> 00:14:26,709
The blue water. It's rising.
304
00:14:26,793 --> 00:14:28,168
-Oh shit.
-Stomp it down.
305
00:14:28,251 --> 00:14:29,418
Hail Mary, full of grace,
306
00:14:29,501 --> 00:14:33,751
please guide Andrew's foot
and send his waste back down to hell.
307
00:14:33,834 --> 00:14:37,001
Oh! Oh, okay.
Oh, the toilet's got my shoe.
308
00:14:40,418 --> 00:14:43,501
Oh God!
What kind of sick fuck shits on a bus?
309
00:14:43,584 --> 00:14:45,251
Oh, I don't know.
310
00:14:45,334 --> 00:14:48,251
I mean, if we ever do find out who did it,
311
00:14:48,334 --> 00:14:50,751
we should probably
show them some mercy, right?
312
00:14:50,834 --> 00:14:52,376
Oh, we all know it was you, kid.
313
00:14:52,459 --> 00:14:53,793
Fuck you. I quit.
314
00:14:53,876 --> 00:14:56,584
Well, that's the driver.
All right. Shit. What do we do now?
315
00:14:56,668 --> 00:14:58,334
Andrew, I hate to say it,
316
00:14:58,418 --> 00:15:01,626
but it might be time
to cut our losses and go home.
317
00:15:01,709 --> 00:15:04,001
And let Alison steal the love of his life?
318
00:15:04,084 --> 00:15:06,459
Never. We'll just hitch a ride.
319
00:15:06,543 --> 00:15:08,209
Yeah, hitchhiking.
320
00:15:08,293 --> 00:15:12,543
The safest way
for a young boy to travel alone.
321
00:15:13,626 --> 00:15:15,584
Hey, guys, I'm back.
322
00:15:15,668 --> 00:15:18,126
Whoa. Are you painting my room pink?
323
00:15:18,209 --> 00:15:20,376
Actually, it's called bubblegum nostalgia.
324
00:15:20,459 --> 00:15:23,668
It matches this dope ballerina lamp
that I got for the baby.
325
00:15:23,751 --> 00:15:25,793
And this headband I got,
you know, in case she's bald.
326
00:15:25,876 --> 00:15:28,709
You guys, they got the headband.
What do I do?
327
00:15:28,793 --> 00:15:29,793
This is your chance.
328
00:15:29,876 --> 00:15:32,834
You can save that baby
from the clutches of Big Gender.
329
00:15:32,918 --> 00:15:37,584
Yeah, be the change you wanna see
in your dad's shitty apartment.
330
00:15:37,668 --> 00:15:40,168
Hey, guys. I've been giving it a think,
331
00:15:40,251 --> 00:15:41,584
and just wondering
332
00:15:41,668 --> 00:15:44,918
if maybe you should raise the baby,
you know, gender-neutral.
333
00:15:45,001 --> 00:15:48,501
Whoa, that's a great idea.
What does that idea mean?
334
00:15:48,584 --> 00:15:50,959
Well, we wouldn't assign them a gender.
335
00:15:51,043 --> 00:15:53,918
We'd get them
gender-neutral clothes and toys.
336
00:15:54,001 --> 00:15:56,126
We'd use gender-neutral pronouns.
337
00:15:56,209 --> 00:16:00,168
So, she would wear the headband
like a belt or…
338
00:16:00,251 --> 00:16:01,209
No, more like
339
00:16:01,293 --> 00:16:04,626
they wouldn't wear the headband at all
because it's oppressive.
340
00:16:04,709 --> 00:16:07,459
Yeah, but hold on. We're gonna raise
our daughter to be a strong woman.
341
00:16:07,543 --> 00:16:10,418
-Oh yeah. We're raising a strong woman.
-Just like you, Jessi.
342
00:16:10,501 --> 00:16:13,084
No, you should raise a strong person.
343
00:16:13,168 --> 00:16:15,626
Right. Right, right.
Strong person is better.
344
00:16:15,709 --> 00:16:19,043
Okay. Look. If one day
she realizes that she's not a girl,
345
00:16:19,126 --> 00:16:20,584
I will totally accept that.
346
00:16:20,668 --> 00:16:22,876
But until then,
we're raising her as a girl.
347
00:16:22,959 --> 00:16:23,793
Yes. Yes.
348
00:16:23,876 --> 00:16:26,793
We gotta let the girl person decide.
Pro-choice, Jessi.
349
00:16:26,876 --> 00:16:30,751
But why force
all this gendered bullshit onto a baby?
350
00:16:30,834 --> 00:16:34,418
Girls can't fix sinks.
Boys aren't allowed to cry. It all sucks.
351
00:16:34,501 --> 00:16:38,501
No, actually, what sucks is you storming
into this bubblegum nostalgia room
352
00:16:38,584 --> 00:16:40,668
and making me feel bad
for wanting a little girl.
353
00:16:40,751 --> 00:16:41,918
Just say baby.
354
00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:43,918
Ugh, leave me alone.
355
00:16:44,001 --> 00:16:46,501
I'm too young to be a stepmom.
356
00:16:46,584 --> 00:16:50,001
All right, this is how change happens.
357
00:16:50,084 --> 00:16:52,751
One crying pregnant lady at a time.
358
00:16:52,834 --> 00:16:54,418
Aw, fuck me.
359
00:16:56,043 --> 00:16:59,626
You guys are not gonna believe this,
but I gotta take a dump again.
360
00:16:59,709 --> 00:17:01,709
Jesus. Oh, wait, wait, wait.
Someone's stopping.
361
00:17:01,793 --> 00:17:03,293
Oh, finally, a kind soul.
362
00:17:03,376 --> 00:17:05,293
Hey, kid, hop in.
363
00:17:05,376 --> 00:17:09,126
It's wetter than
Lady Bird Johnson's pussy out there.
364
00:17:09,209 --> 00:17:13,168
Andrew, as much as I appreciate
this man's taste in podcasts,
365
00:17:13,251 --> 00:17:15,043
we can't get in the car with him, right?
366
00:17:15,126 --> 00:17:16,668
Oh, quiet yourself, Maury.
367
00:17:16,751 --> 00:17:18,418
He's practically a friend by now.
368
00:17:18,501 --> 00:17:21,043
And if he was gonna kill me,
369
00:17:21,126 --> 00:17:23,459
he would have done it
after I shit the bus.
370
00:17:25,251 --> 00:17:27,376
See? Hitchhiking's not so bad.
371
00:17:27,459 --> 00:17:29,459
Uh, Maury,
why are you sitting in a car seat?
372
00:17:29,543 --> 00:17:32,168
Oh, you know,
I actually was wondering the same thing.
373
00:17:32,251 --> 00:17:33,834
-This is weird.
-Hey, Mario.
374
00:17:33,918 --> 00:17:37,501
Quick question. How come your rental car
has a toddler's car seat?
375
00:17:37,584 --> 00:17:40,084
And why are the cup holders
full of Honey Nut Cheerios?
376
00:17:40,168 --> 00:17:44,209
Busted. I carjacked a family.
377
00:17:44,293 --> 00:17:47,209
-Carjacked?
-And my name's not really Mario.
378
00:17:47,293 --> 00:17:49,334
That's just what they called me
at the facility
379
00:17:49,418 --> 00:17:54,001
because I tried to escape
through the pipes with my friend, Luigi.
380
00:17:54,084 --> 00:17:56,459
-Oh God. It's the cops.
381
00:17:58,209 --> 00:18:00,918
Oh fuck. I can't go back to the facility.
382
00:18:01,001 --> 00:18:03,459
-Sir, are you aware your taillight's out?
-Fuck you, copper!
383
00:18:03,543 --> 00:18:04,501
I'll kill you!
384
00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:05,626
Holy shit!
385
00:18:07,084 --> 00:18:08,334
Kid. Grab his gun.
386
00:18:08,418 --> 00:18:10,251
Do it, Andrew. You'll feel so powerful.
387
00:18:10,334 --> 00:18:13,668
No, run. Run for your life.
And take the Cheerios.
388
00:18:13,751 --> 00:18:16,459
Ah! Oh fuck, my glasses.
389
00:18:16,543 --> 00:18:21,001
Andrew, kill this police officer. Please.
390
00:18:21,084 --> 00:18:24,459
Uh, no, thank you.
But thanks for the ride.
391
00:18:25,626 --> 00:18:28,209
So, that cookout was really fun.
392
00:18:28,293 --> 00:18:29,501
Yeah. It was great.
393
00:18:29,584 --> 00:18:30,834
Uh, my favorite part
394
00:18:30,918 --> 00:18:34,251
was probably when you called me
your regular-sized girlfriend.
395
00:18:34,334 --> 00:18:35,334
Eyebrows, eyebrows.
396
00:18:35,418 --> 00:18:38,001
Okay, Elijah, I think that's our cue.
397
00:18:38,084 --> 00:18:40,126
Just do it. Don't even think about it.
398
00:18:40,209 --> 00:18:41,751
Here. Watch. Muah.
399
00:18:41,834 --> 00:18:43,709
Okay. Well, watch this.
400
00:18:44,793 --> 00:18:47,293
And then, once I kiss her like that,
I'll get horny?
401
00:18:47,376 --> 00:18:48,668
It's working for me.
402
00:18:49,501 --> 00:18:51,584
-Hey, Missy.
-Yeah?
403
00:18:51,668 --> 00:18:54,459
Permission to consensually kiss you?
404
00:18:54,543 --> 00:18:58,126
Yes. Say yes, baby. Suck his fucking face.
405
00:18:58,209 --> 00:19:00,709
Um, fudge yeah.
406
00:19:01,293 --> 00:19:02,501
-Mm.
-Finally.
407
00:19:02,584 --> 00:19:03,584
Hump me good, bug daddy.
408
00:19:03,668 --> 00:19:04,501
Hump me good.
409
00:19:04,584 --> 00:19:05,918
Absolutely cocoon me.
410
00:19:06,001 --> 00:19:07,626
I needed this.
411
00:19:07,709 --> 00:19:10,834
Now, make up for the lost time
and stick your finger up his ass.
412
00:19:10,918 --> 00:19:12,418
How's it going in there, buddy?
413
00:19:12,501 --> 00:19:15,209
Are your butterflies going uh, uh, uh?
414
00:19:15,293 --> 00:19:16,584
This is nice.
415
00:19:16,668 --> 00:19:18,959
Do you, um… Do you wanna fuck me?
416
00:19:19,043 --> 00:19:21,209
No, uh-uh, but thank you for asking.
417
00:19:22,334 --> 00:19:25,084
Ooh, wowie-zowie. That was incredible.
418
00:19:25,168 --> 00:19:26,251
What happened, guys?
419
00:19:26,334 --> 00:19:29,168
My butterflies didn't even
wanna do hand stuff with each other.
420
00:19:29,251 --> 00:19:31,709
-Uh, should I kiss Joe again?
-Couldn't hurt.
421
00:19:33,376 --> 00:19:34,584
What's wrong with me?
422
00:19:34,668 --> 00:19:39,001
Oh God. I wanted this for so long. Mm.
423
00:19:41,543 --> 00:19:43,584
I feel like I've been walking forever.
424
00:19:43,668 --> 00:19:45,751
I am also tired from the walking.
425
00:19:45,834 --> 00:19:49,293
Not me. The hours flew by.
This podcast is riveting.
426
00:19:49,376 --> 00:19:52,293
Did you know Muhammad Ali's
birth name was Cassius Cum?
427
00:19:52,376 --> 00:19:53,709
Of course, this name change
428
00:19:53,793 --> 00:19:56,876
came years before Ali's legendary
fight against George Foreman,
429
00:19:56,959 --> 00:19:58,626
The Rumble in the Bunghole.
430
00:19:58,709 --> 00:20:01,501
Andrew? Hi. What are you doing here?
431
00:20:01,584 --> 00:20:06,668
I'm here to surprise
and delight you, my dear.
432
00:20:06,751 --> 00:20:08,293
Oh boy. Are you okay?
433
00:20:08,376 --> 00:20:10,668
-Hey, Andrew. Nice to see you, man.
-Uh…
434
00:20:10,751 --> 00:20:12,501
Whoa! What happened to you?
435
00:20:12,584 --> 00:20:14,168
Isn't this lovely?
436
00:20:14,251 --> 00:20:15,626
Alison's here.
437
00:20:15,709 --> 00:20:18,001
And of course, yeah.
438
00:20:18,084 --> 00:20:21,918
-He brought his world-famous ass.
-Hold on.
439
00:20:22,001 --> 00:20:26,334
Did you come all the way to Vermont
just because you're jealous of Alison?
440
00:20:26,418 --> 00:20:28,459
Yeah, of course that's why I came.
441
00:20:28,543 --> 00:20:30,834
He likes you. He wants you.
442
00:20:30,918 --> 00:20:32,626
He craves your body, I think.
443
00:20:32,709 --> 00:20:33,751
No, he doesn't.
444
00:20:33,834 --> 00:20:36,668
Alison, please tell him
you don't like me like that.
445
00:20:36,751 --> 00:20:40,626
Actually, I don't think I would have had
the courage to say this
446
00:20:40,709 --> 00:20:43,918
if Andrew hadn't come here
and forced my hand,
447
00:20:44,001 --> 00:20:46,918
but I do like you like that.
448
00:20:47,001 --> 00:20:48,001
-What?
-Oh no.
449
00:20:48,084 --> 00:20:48,959
-What?
-Fuck.
450
00:20:49,043 --> 00:20:53,626
I think you're a beautiful person
inside and out.
451
00:20:53,709 --> 00:20:59,251
You are the most unique
and special human I have ever known.
452
00:20:59,334 --> 00:21:01,584
Oh my God. Alison.
453
00:21:01,668 --> 00:21:05,001
Shit, that's beautiful.
I think I'm falling in love with Alison.
454
00:21:05,084 --> 00:21:07,084
Andrew, punch him in the face
like Cassius Cum.
455
00:21:07,168 --> 00:21:09,876
Okay. I'll try.
456
00:21:11,584 --> 00:21:12,501
Oh.
457
00:21:12,584 --> 00:21:13,626
Fuck, I missed.
458
00:21:13,709 --> 00:21:15,668
Andrew. What are you doing?
459
00:21:15,751 --> 00:21:17,209
Oh, I'm sorry.
460
00:21:17,293 --> 00:21:21,918
I just don't wanna be like my dad
and lose the love of my life.
461
00:21:22,001 --> 00:21:25,543
You're the most unique
and special human I've ever known.
462
00:21:25,626 --> 00:21:28,459
Oh, Andrew. That's Alison's line.
463
00:21:28,543 --> 00:21:29,834
That's… That's okay.
464
00:21:29,918 --> 00:21:31,293
Do you want me to help you up,
465
00:21:31,376 --> 00:21:34,376
and you can maybe try to punch me again?
466
00:21:34,459 --> 00:21:35,834
Yeah, please.
467
00:21:35,918 --> 00:21:37,959
No. Nobody's punching anyone.
468
00:21:38,043 --> 00:21:40,959
Because the whole thing today
impressed you a lot,
469
00:21:41,043 --> 00:21:43,918
and even though Alison's beautiful
and he likes you,
470
00:21:44,001 --> 00:21:45,876
you don't like him
and you're about to tell him?
471
00:21:45,959 --> 00:21:49,418
Oh, Andrew,
that's not what's gonna happen.
472
00:21:49,501 --> 00:21:52,543
I figured.
473
00:21:52,626 --> 00:21:53,876
I figured.
474
00:21:55,584 --> 00:21:57,793
-Hey, Caitlin.
475
00:21:57,876 --> 00:22:01,876
I'm so sorry. You can totally
call the baby "her" if you want.
476
00:22:01,959 --> 00:22:03,043
I won't be mad.
477
00:22:03,126 --> 00:22:06,834
Oh, boo. Compromise
is for the weak and the married.
478
00:22:06,918 --> 00:22:08,584
But if it's okay with you,
479
00:22:08,668 --> 00:22:12,168
I would like
to call the baby "them" instead of her.
480
00:22:12,251 --> 00:22:14,668
You can call the baby whatever you want.
481
00:22:14,751 --> 00:22:17,418
-Thanks.
-I'm gonna call the baby fuck stick.
482
00:22:17,501 --> 00:22:20,834
And I'm sorry that we painted your room
bubblegum nostalgia
483
00:22:20,918 --> 00:22:22,293
without talking to you.
484
00:22:22,376 --> 00:22:23,918
That's like ugh.
485
00:22:24,001 --> 00:22:25,001
Um…
486
00:22:25,084 --> 00:22:27,918
What do you think about
lemon drop daydream instead?
487
00:22:28,001 --> 00:22:31,626
-Is that yellow?
-Yeah, it's… it's just yellow.
488
00:22:31,709 --> 00:22:32,543
That sounds great.
489
00:22:32,626 --> 00:22:35,251
A yellow room? That's it?
490
00:22:35,334 --> 00:22:37,376
I thought we were abolishing gender today.
491
00:22:37,459 --> 00:22:40,501
Oh, sweetie, humans change slowly.
492
00:22:40,584 --> 00:22:42,001
You gotta give 'em time.
493
00:22:42,084 --> 00:22:44,501
But I thought
you said they'd all be dead in ten years.
494
00:22:44,584 --> 00:22:47,418
Shh! Baby, they don't know that yet.
495
00:22:48,001 --> 00:22:49,584
Guys, what am I gonna do?
496
00:22:49,668 --> 00:22:51,418
Yeah, that kiss confirmed it.
497
00:22:51,501 --> 00:22:53,584
You have zero horn in your tank.
498
00:22:53,668 --> 00:22:55,209
Hmm, I'm so confused.
499
00:22:55,293 --> 00:22:58,084
Elijah, I was hoping to see you
before I left.
500
00:22:58,168 --> 00:23:00,418
Why don't you come walk Aunt Amber
to the car, baby?
501
00:23:00,501 --> 00:23:01,334
Okay, Auntie.
502
00:23:01,418 --> 00:23:04,751
Are you all right? And be honest now,
'cause I already know the answer.
503
00:23:04,834 --> 00:23:06,668
I think there might be
something wrong with me.
504
00:23:06,751 --> 00:23:08,834
Everyone else at school is so horny,
505
00:23:08,918 --> 00:23:11,209
and I don't even wanna,
like, kiss my girlfriend.
506
00:23:11,293 --> 00:23:13,376
Well, maybe you're just not ready.
507
00:23:13,459 --> 00:23:15,126
Or maybe you're like me.
508
00:23:15,209 --> 00:23:17,834
A fabulous rich lady
who's too good for the rest of her family?
509
00:23:17,918 --> 00:23:19,418
Well, yes.
510
00:23:19,501 --> 00:23:21,543
But also, you see, when I was younger,
511
00:23:21,626 --> 00:23:24,918
everyone told me
that when I found the "right person,"
512
00:23:25,001 --> 00:23:26,001
it would click.
513
00:23:26,084 --> 00:23:29,168
-So, I was a true ho.
-Really?
514
00:23:29,251 --> 00:23:35,084
I tried everything. Being straight, bi,
very gay, demisexual, pansexual…
515
00:23:35,168 --> 00:23:36,459
Whew! You're like Dennis Rodman.
516
00:23:36,543 --> 00:23:40,626
But after all that,
I found that asexual is what works for me.
517
00:23:40,709 --> 00:23:42,501
Asexual. You guys know what that is?
518
00:23:42,584 --> 00:23:46,293
Oh, it's when someone feels little
to no sexual attraction for other people.
519
00:23:46,376 --> 00:23:47,209
Kinda like you.
520
00:23:47,293 --> 00:23:50,418
Oh! Joe, he's asexual.
521
00:23:50,501 --> 00:23:52,418
We probably should have known that.
522
00:23:52,501 --> 00:23:55,251
Well, life comes at you fast.
You can't beat yourself up.
523
00:23:55,334 --> 00:23:57,334
So there's nothing wrong with me?
524
00:23:57,418 --> 00:23:58,751
Maybe I'm just asexual?
525
00:23:58,834 --> 00:24:02,084
If that's what you feel right now,
then that's what you are right now.
526
00:24:02,168 --> 00:24:05,751
Yeah, but, Auntie Amber, I don't wanna
have to break up with my girlfriend.
527
00:24:05,834 --> 00:24:07,001
You don't have to.
528
00:24:07,084 --> 00:24:09,959
Being asexual doesn't mean
you have to be alone.
529
00:24:10,043 --> 00:24:13,168
I love so many people,
and so many people love me.
530
00:24:13,251 --> 00:24:14,584
I just don't wanna pork 'em.
531
00:24:14,668 --> 00:24:17,376
And you have so much disposable income.
532
00:24:17,459 --> 00:24:19,001
I sure do.
533
00:24:19,084 --> 00:24:21,918
My life is absolutely better
than all your uncles'.
534
00:24:22,001 --> 00:24:25,001
And, baby, this is how you do a backflip.
535
00:24:26,043 --> 00:24:27,834
-Damn.
536
00:24:27,918 --> 00:24:29,584
You know what? That didn't look so hard.
537
00:24:29,668 --> 00:24:30,918
Ow!
538
00:24:31,001 --> 00:24:32,334
Ooh, my ACL!
539
00:24:32,418 --> 00:24:35,793
Fuck. Ah! My clavicle. My nose, Joe.
540
00:24:35,876 --> 00:24:38,793
-It's all broken. It's all broken.
-Oh, and, buddy, your ass is bleeding.
541
00:24:38,876 --> 00:24:42,334
No, that's something else.
I cut it while I was shaving. Fuck!
542
00:24:42,418 --> 00:24:43,959
Ah!
543
00:24:44,043 --> 00:24:46,918
Thanks for sitting with me
while I wait for my mom.
544
00:24:47,001 --> 00:24:48,126
No problem, Andrew.
545
00:24:48,209 --> 00:24:49,959
What are you gonna do
after I get picked up?
546
00:24:50,043 --> 00:24:51,084
You two gonna fool around?
547
00:24:51,168 --> 00:24:54,126
-Probably.
-Yeah. We're really gonna go at it.
548
00:24:54,209 --> 00:24:57,334
Andrew, what were you thinking?
You could have been killed.
549
00:24:57,418 --> 00:24:58,543
Oh, Mommy.
550
00:24:58,626 --> 00:25:00,668
I was in a train crash,
551
00:25:00,751 --> 00:25:04,209
and I ruined the whole Greyhound bus
with my dookie.
552
00:25:04,293 --> 00:25:05,751
And then there was a shootout.
553
00:25:05,834 --> 00:25:09,293
And now Bernie likes that beautiful boy.
554
00:25:09,376 --> 00:25:11,251
And it's all my fault.
555
00:25:11,334 --> 00:25:13,751
Oh, sweetie. It's okay.
556
00:25:14,334 --> 00:25:17,376
Sometimes things just don't work out.
557
00:25:17,459 --> 00:25:20,251
Is that what's gonna happen
with you and Dad?
558
00:25:20,334 --> 00:25:21,543
I don't know.
559
00:25:21,626 --> 00:25:23,501
But let's go home and get you cleaned up.
560
00:25:23,584 --> 00:25:25,918
Does this mean Andrew's mom
is finally coming home?
561
00:25:26,001 --> 00:25:27,751
I don't know, man. I wasn't listening.
562
00:25:27,834 --> 00:25:32,334
They just dropped a bonus episode
about Buzz Aldrin cumming on the moon.
563
00:25:32,418 --> 00:25:34,584
And some people say
that on a clear night,
564
00:25:34,668 --> 00:25:38,126
if you look up in the sky,
you can still see Buzz Aldrin's semen
565
00:25:38,668 --> 00:25:42,043
orbiting this big blue marble
we call home.