1
00:00:07,668 --> 00:00:11,293
I wish my dad
could stop being such an asshole.

2
00:00:11,376 --> 00:00:13,501
I wish I had my parents back.

3
00:00:13,584 --> 00:00:18,334
I wish my dad loved me
the way he loves that stupid baby.

4
00:00:18,418 --> 00:00:20,418
I wish I was irresistible.

5
00:00:20,501 --> 00:00:23,168
I wish I wasn't me.

6
00:00:29,584 --> 00:00:30,418
What?

7
00:00:30,501 --> 00:00:33,751
Wait a minute.
What am I doing on the couch?

8
00:00:33,834 --> 00:00:36,126
And why do my nuts feel so heavy?

9
00:00:36,209 --> 00:00:37,626
Oh, Jesus, no!

10
00:00:37,709 --> 00:00:40,834
Oh my God! I look like my dad.

11
00:00:42,126 --> 00:00:43,668
And I sound like him too.

12
00:00:43,751 --> 00:00:45,418
Holy shit. Andrew?

13
00:00:45,501 --> 00:00:47,293
Maury, I'm my dad.

14
00:00:47,376 --> 00:00:48,793
Oh no. Oh me. Oh my.

15
00:00:48,876 --> 00:00:50,293
How did this happen?

16
00:00:50,376 --> 00:00:51,251
I don't know.

17
00:00:51,334 --> 00:00:54,876
But if you're in your dad's body,
then… then who's in yours?

18
00:00:54,959 --> 00:00:57,959
Why the hell is my penis so short and fat?

19
00:00:58,043 --> 00:00:59,626
Dad? Is that you?

20
00:00:59,709 --> 00:01:02,084
-Andrew?
-Dad, you're me.

21
00:01:02,168 --> 00:01:03,459
Nuh-uh. You're me.

22
00:01:03,543 --> 00:01:05,001
What's going on?

23
00:01:05,084 --> 00:01:08,251
Oh, baby Jesus and all my infant gods.

24
00:01:08,334 --> 00:01:09,834
They've <i>Freaky Friday'd.</i>

25
00:01:09,918 --> 00:01:13,293
Freaky, my ass.
This is a fucked-up Friday.

26
00:01:13,376 --> 00:01:14,584
This is your fault.

27
00:01:14,668 --> 00:01:17,084
Who me? <i>Me</i> me, or you me?

28
00:01:17,168 --> 00:01:19,709
You me. It's you me's fault.

29
00:01:19,793 --> 00:01:21,418
-You big little pervert.
-Aw.

30
00:01:23,418 --> 00:01:25,918
<i>Mrs. Birch, I need to talk to Nick.</i>

31
00:01:26,001 --> 00:01:26,834
Marty?

32
00:01:26,918 --> 00:01:27,959
No. I mean, yes.

33
00:01:28,043 --> 00:01:30,834
Yeah. I mean…
Would you just put Nick on, please?

34
00:01:30,918 --> 00:01:34,751
Nick, Andrew's dad
is on the phone for you.

35
00:01:35,251 --> 00:01:36,959
Mr. Glouberman?

36
00:01:37,043 --> 00:01:39,459
Oh, Sorry, Grandpa MacGregor,
I needed to talk to Nick.

37
00:01:39,543 --> 00:01:40,376
This is Nick.

38
00:01:40,459 --> 00:01:42,834
Wait. Why is my voice so weird?

39
00:01:42,918 --> 00:01:45,709
And why do I feel my skeleton?

40
00:01:45,793 --> 00:01:47,626
Aw, shit.

41
00:01:47,709 --> 00:01:49,543
Nick, it happened to you too.

42
00:01:49,626 --> 00:01:51,501
-<i>What happened?</i>
This is Andrew.

43
00:01:51,584 --> 00:01:53,376
I woke up in my dad's body.

44
00:01:53,459 --> 00:01:55,126
What? What are you talking about?

45
00:01:55,209 --> 00:01:56,751
Just go look in the mirror.

46
00:01:58,251 --> 00:02:00,418
Ah! My face. My body.

47
00:02:00,501 --> 00:02:04,334
Oh, shit, Nick.
You turned into a California Raisin.

48
00:02:04,418 --> 00:02:07,668
I'm my fucking grandpa.

49
00:02:07,751 --> 00:02:11,043
Oh God. Do you think
this has happened to anyone else?

50
00:02:12,001 --> 00:02:14,168
<i>Where am I? Why can't I move?</i>

51
00:02:14,251 --> 00:02:16,709
-<i>I can't speak. What's going on?</i>

52
00:02:16,793 --> 00:02:19,209
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
It's okay, Delilah.

53
00:02:19,293 --> 00:02:21,834
Mommy and Daddy are here, sweet boo-boo.

54
00:02:21,918 --> 00:02:24,251
-<i>What?</i>
-Holy shit, Jessi.

55
00:02:24,334 --> 00:02:25,959
You're the baby, baby.

56
00:02:26,043 --> 00:02:30,209
<i>Oh fuck. So is the baby me?</i>

57
00:02:31,251 --> 00:02:33,876
Oh my God, Jessi.

58
00:02:33,959 --> 00:02:38,709
Did your mom hide her tranquilizers
in your Children's Tylenol bottle?

59
00:02:38,793 --> 00:02:40,293
Um, been there.

60
00:02:42,959 --> 00:02:44,584
Genuine LOL.

61
00:02:44,668 --> 00:02:47,876
You are hilarious
when you're tranqued out.

62
00:02:48,584 --> 00:02:51,334
<i>Yes. My wish came true.</i>

63
00:02:51,418 --> 00:02:54,376
<i>I'm not me. I'm Coach Steve.</i>

64
00:02:54,459 --> 00:02:56,543
Yay, I'm Coach Steve too.

65
00:02:56,626 --> 00:02:58,251
-<i>Wait a minute, what?</i>
I'm sorry.

66
00:02:58,334 --> 00:03:01,251
Was I supposed to leave
when you came into my body?

67
00:03:01,334 --> 00:03:03,334
I didn't understand the assignment.

68
00:03:03,418 --> 00:03:05,584
<i>Oh shit, we're brain buddies.</i>

69
00:03:05,668 --> 00:03:08,168
<i>Do we both control your body?</i>
<i>How does it work?</i>

70
00:03:08,251 --> 00:03:11,084
<i>Oh, look, look. I got the right side.</i>

71
00:03:11,168 --> 00:03:16,168
And I've got <i>The Blind Side</i> on DVD
if you wanna, you know, hang out.

72
00:03:16,251 --> 00:03:19,918
<i>Uh, yeah,</i>
<i>as long as I'm not stupid shitty-ass me.</i>

73
00:03:20,001 --> 00:03:23,543
But hold on, then. Where is you?

74
00:03:23,626 --> 00:03:24,626
<i>Who cares?</i>

75
00:03:24,709 --> 00:03:28,501
<i>I ran into the woods and passed out.</i>
<i>Fuck my old body.</i>

76
00:03:28,584 --> 00:03:30,001
All right.

77
00:03:30,084 --> 00:03:31,584
Holy shit, Missy.

78
00:03:31,668 --> 00:03:33,168
You're Nathan fucking Fillion.

79
00:03:33,251 --> 00:03:34,418
Oh my gosh.

80
00:03:34,501 --> 00:03:37,084
I'm stuck
in his gorgeous mountain of a body.

81
00:03:37,168 --> 00:03:38,209
You sure are.

82
00:03:38,293 --> 00:03:40,084
Oh my God! Oh my God!
Oh my God, what do I do?

83
00:03:40,168 --> 00:03:41,668
Quick. Feel your own buttocks.

84
00:03:41,751 --> 00:03:43,543
Mona, this is serious.

85
00:03:43,626 --> 00:03:46,668
-But so is this can, eyebrows, eyebrows.

86
00:03:46,751 --> 00:03:49,126
Uh, Mr. Fillion,
they're ready for you on set.

87
00:03:49,209 --> 00:03:50,501
Be there in a minute,

88
00:03:50,584 --> 00:03:53,168
because I'm Canadian beefcake
Nathan Fillion,

89
00:03:53,251 --> 00:03:56,626
not a terrified teenage girl
touching my own butt.

90
00:04:29,751 --> 00:04:32,418
Oh, Dad, what are we gonna tell Mom?

91
00:04:32,501 --> 00:04:34,543
Nothing. We have to keep this a secret.

92
00:04:34,626 --> 00:04:37,751
Andrew, your salami and eggs
are getting ice cold.

93
00:04:37,834 --> 00:04:39,043
Come down for breakfast.

94
00:04:39,126 --> 00:04:40,001
Okay, Mom.

95
00:04:40,084 --> 00:04:42,668
Ugh, Marty, why are you calling me Mom?

96
00:04:42,751 --> 00:04:44,501
What this idiot means is

97
00:04:44,584 --> 00:04:46,084
I'll be right down,

98
00:04:46,168 --> 00:04:48,834
because I'm your disgusting
pervert son. Let's go.

99
00:04:48,918 --> 00:04:51,043
Ugh, don't talk like your father, Andrew.

100
00:04:51,126 --> 00:04:52,918
One Marty is more than I want.

101
00:04:53,001 --> 00:04:54,459
Dad, what do we do?

102
00:04:54,543 --> 00:04:56,334
I can't go to school like this.

103
00:04:56,418 --> 00:04:58,876
No shit, you tall moron.

104
00:04:58,959 --> 00:05:00,834
Until we figure out how to fix this,

105
00:05:00,918 --> 00:05:03,251
you go to my job, and I go to your school.

106
00:05:03,334 --> 00:05:04,334
What? Why?

107
00:05:04,418 --> 00:05:07,168
'Cause that's what they do
in these movies!

108
00:05:08,918 --> 00:05:12,209
Oh, what the hell, Nicky?
Are you drinking a beer?

109
00:05:12,293 --> 00:05:15,168
Bugger off, princess.
I'm not your pansy son.

110
00:05:15,251 --> 00:05:16,626
Excuse me?

111
00:05:16,709 --> 00:05:19,959
I don't like the way
your grandfather is rubbing off on you.

112
00:05:20,043 --> 00:05:21,834
Now brush your fucking teeth
and get to school.

113
00:05:21,918 --> 00:05:23,626
-Wait! No, don't do that.
-Stay out of this.

114
00:05:23,709 --> 00:05:26,001
But I'm not Grandpa. I'm your son.

115
00:05:26,084 --> 00:05:28,793
Shut up, both of you.
I don't like this joke.

116
00:05:28,876 --> 00:05:32,834
Fuck you, woman.
Get your bloody hands off me.

117
00:05:32,918 --> 00:05:33,793
-Hey, Dad.
-Huh?

118
00:05:33,876 --> 00:05:36,793
When I get home tonight,
I'm gonna twist those nipples so hard,

119
00:05:36,876 --> 00:05:39,168
you're gonna look like
a breast-feeding street dog.

120
00:05:39,251 --> 00:05:40,751
-But I'm not--

121
00:05:42,793 --> 00:05:44,001
Hard Daddy out.

122
00:05:44,084 --> 00:05:46,709
Oh, okay. I think I get it now, man.

123
00:05:46,793 --> 00:05:50,209
Okay, so you're Nick, and I'm Nick,
and everybody's Nick.

124
00:05:50,293 --> 00:05:54,043
And this is Nick at Nite on Roku.

125
00:05:56,293 --> 00:05:59,084
-Uh, Mr. Glouberman?
-Yeah.

126
00:05:59,168 --> 00:06:01,876
I'm stuck in this little perv's body.
Who the hell are you?

127
00:06:01,959 --> 00:06:04,043
It's Nick. Have you seen… me?

128
00:06:04,126 --> 00:06:05,876
What do you mean, me? You're you.

129
00:06:05,959 --> 00:06:07,501
Why is everybody stupid today?

130
00:06:07,584 --> 00:06:09,334
It's a classic body swap.

131
00:06:09,418 --> 00:06:11,209
For you see, I'm not a young girl.

132
00:06:11,293 --> 00:06:16,001
I'm, in fact, TV's Nathan Fillion
trapped in a young girl's budding body.

133
00:06:16,084 --> 00:06:17,376
That's disgusting.

134
00:06:17,459 --> 00:06:19,876
Thank you. I know all about body swaps

135
00:06:19,959 --> 00:06:22,959
from a pilot I did for NBC
called <i>Oopsie Daddy.</i>

136
00:06:23,043 --> 00:06:25,709
Okay, so how do we swap back?

137
00:06:25,793 --> 00:06:28,084
Well, we each need to learn
a life lesson to--

138
00:06:28,168 --> 00:06:29,168
Learn a lesson?!

139
00:06:29,251 --> 00:06:31,293
That's the stupidest thing
I've ever heard,

140
00:06:31,376 --> 00:06:33,793
and I went to Drew Carey's Ted Talk.

141
00:06:33,876 --> 00:06:36,084
Hey, Missy, can we talk for a sec?

142
00:06:36,168 --> 00:06:37,459
Oh, I'm sorry, young man.

143
00:06:37,543 --> 00:06:40,043
I'm off to learn
something critical about myself.

144
00:06:40,126 --> 00:06:44,876
Enjoy your schooling and watch <i>The Rookie,</i>
Sundays on ABC, at 10/9 Central.

145
00:06:44,959 --> 00:06:47,209
Oh, thank God, Jessi.
Do you know where Jay is?

146
00:06:47,293 --> 00:06:49,668
I haven't seen him
since I shattered his self-esteem

147
00:06:49,751 --> 00:06:51,418
and he ran into the woods.

148
00:06:51,501 --> 00:06:52,709
-Oh my God.

149
00:06:52,793 --> 00:06:55,418
Oh, please. Grow up, Matthew.

150
00:06:55,501 --> 00:06:59,626
It's perfectly normal
to absolutely obliterate your pants

151
00:06:59,709 --> 00:07:02,168
when you're geeked up on tranqs.

152
00:07:02,251 --> 00:07:03,793
This one, that one.

153
00:07:03,876 --> 00:07:07,043
-This one, that one. That one.
-<i>Whoa, Steve. We're doing it.</i>

154
00:07:07,126 --> 00:07:09,584
Oof-magoof, walking's hard.

155
00:07:09,668 --> 00:07:11,334
Well, Coach Steve seems normal,

156
00:07:11,418 --> 00:07:14,043
but everybody else is acting very strange.

157
00:07:14,126 --> 00:07:17,626
Come on, lady,
where do you hide your booze? Cough it up.

158
00:07:17,709 --> 00:07:20,751
Grandpa, listen, we need
to learn some stupid lesson

159
00:07:20,834 --> 00:07:22,876
so we can switch back to our own bodies.

160
00:07:22,959 --> 00:07:25,334
-Fuck you. My old body's shite.
-Wait, no!

161
00:07:25,418 --> 00:07:28,418
I'm gonna go find a goddamn bar
that'll serve a child.

162
00:07:28,501 --> 00:07:29,418
Ugh.

163
00:07:31,001 --> 00:07:34,626
<i>Dad, help. I'm trapped in the baby's body.</i>

164
00:07:34,709 --> 00:07:38,626
Oh, does my little chunky monkey
want a little tubby wubby?

165
00:07:38,709 --> 00:07:40,501
<i>No, no, no. No, thank you.</i>

166
00:07:40,584 --> 00:07:42,209
No daddy washy assy.

167
00:07:42,293 --> 00:07:44,626
<i>Oh God, this is so embarrassing.</i>

168
00:07:44,709 --> 00:07:45,959
-Here we go.
-<i>Wait.</i>

169
00:07:46,043 --> 00:07:47,334
<i>-I don't want--</i>
-And bloop.

170
00:07:47,418 --> 00:07:48,543
Oh.

171
00:07:48,626 --> 00:07:50,459
<i>Oh, this actually feels nice.</i>

172
00:07:50,543 --> 00:07:51,793
How's the water, kiddo?

173
00:07:51,876 --> 00:07:52,709
<i> Uh…</i>

174
00:07:52,793 --> 00:07:56,334
Yeah, get that warm water
all up in your neck rolls.

175
00:07:58,834 --> 00:08:01,543
-Boop.
-<i>Connie, I could get used to this.</i>

176
00:08:01,626 --> 00:08:07,001
There ain't no bubble bath
like a baby bubble bath, baby.

177
00:08:07,584 --> 00:08:09,918
Guys, I've been looking around
for 20 minutes.

178
00:08:10,001 --> 00:08:12,334
I still have no idea what my dad's job is.

179
00:08:12,418 --> 00:08:15,043
Why does he have
dog food cans all over his desk?

180
00:08:15,126 --> 00:08:17,334
And a machete in his filing cabinet?

181
00:08:17,418 --> 00:08:18,959
-What? A machete?

182
00:08:19,043 --> 00:08:20,043
Good morning, Marty.

183
00:08:20,126 --> 00:08:22,043
Oh, my dad's associate, Susan.

184
00:08:22,126 --> 00:08:24,418
I mean, my associate, Susan.
I mean, Susan.

185
00:08:24,501 --> 00:08:26,418
Wow, <i>the </i>Susan.

186
00:08:26,501 --> 00:08:28,626
This is such an honor.

187
00:08:28,709 --> 00:08:31,043
I've seen you
in all of Andrew's jerk-off fantasies.

188
00:08:31,126 --> 00:08:34,834
I'd say my personal favorite is
"Andrew Gets Fucked at the Beach."

189
00:08:34,918 --> 00:08:36,376
Are you ready for the presentation?

190
00:08:36,459 --> 00:08:38,793
The presentation.
Of course, yes. Of course, yes.

191
00:08:38,876 --> 00:08:41,293
Yes, let me just get my…
my dog food together?

192
00:08:41,376 --> 00:08:42,293
Okay…

193
00:08:42,376 --> 00:08:45,084
Quick, Andrew. Masturbate to Susan
with your father's dick.

194
00:08:45,168 --> 00:08:46,668
-What?
-Absolutely not.

195
00:08:46,751 --> 00:08:50,209
Oh, you think he should fuck Susan
with his dad's dick,

196
00:08:50,293 --> 00:08:51,709
-because I'd love that.
-Maury!

197
00:08:51,793 --> 00:08:54,751
His parents' marriage
is already in shambles.

198
00:08:54,834 --> 00:08:56,293
Wait a minute.

199
00:08:56,376 --> 00:08:59,834
Maybe we could use your father's body
to woo your mother back

200
00:08:59,918 --> 00:09:02,501
with a romantic gesture
like we learned about in therapy.

201
00:09:02,584 --> 00:09:03,584
Boring.

202
00:09:03,668 --> 00:09:05,418
No, Flanny's right.

203
00:09:05,501 --> 00:09:07,959
This is my chance
to get my parents back together.

204
00:09:08,043 --> 00:09:08,876
-Marty?
-Who?

205
00:09:08,959 --> 00:09:10,751
They're in the conference room waiting.

206
00:09:10,834 --> 00:09:15,751
I'm so sorry, Susan,
but I have to go home and woo my mom.

207
00:09:15,834 --> 00:09:16,668
I mean, my wife.

208
00:09:16,751 --> 00:09:18,084
Okay…

209
00:09:18,168 --> 00:09:20,668
Quick, before we go,
beg Susan to fuck you,

210
00:09:20,751 --> 00:09:23,043
just like in "Andrew Begs to Get Fucked."

211
00:09:23,126 --> 00:09:24,459
Another personal favorite.

212
00:09:24,543 --> 00:09:25,751
And… action.

213
00:09:25,834 --> 00:09:28,251
Morning, chief.
Uh, what are we looking at?

214
00:09:28,334 --> 00:09:29,418
Bad news, Nolan.

215
00:09:29,501 --> 00:09:31,959
Kid was found sliced ear to ear
with a bread knife

216
00:09:32,043 --> 00:09:34,084
and this rusty bike horn
shoved up his ass.

217
00:09:34,168 --> 00:09:35,376
-Hmm, Still works.

218
00:09:35,459 --> 00:09:37,668
I'm sorry, I don't…
I don't think I can do this.

219
00:09:37,751 --> 00:09:39,293
Uh, no, Nathan.

220
00:09:39,376 --> 00:09:42,751
Your line is, "I can do this forever.
I love being a cop."

221
00:09:42,834 --> 00:09:43,959
I am so sorry.

222
00:09:44,043 --> 00:09:45,626
Violence makes me barf.

223
00:09:45,709 --> 00:09:48,959
And I can't even pretend
to hold a gun. So…

224
00:09:49,043 --> 00:09:50,251
Nathan, where are you going?

225
00:09:50,334 --> 00:09:51,334
Taxi.

226
00:09:51,418 --> 00:09:52,709
One adult, please.

227
00:09:52,793 --> 00:09:54,751
To Bridgeton Middle School.

228
00:09:55,834 --> 00:09:57,084
<i>Come on. Tell them, Steve.</i>

229
00:09:57,168 --> 00:09:58,501
The little boy inside me

230
00:09:58,584 --> 00:10:00,959
wants you to run laps
with your butts hanging out.

231
00:10:01,043 --> 00:10:02,543
Ha, ha!

232
00:10:02,626 --> 00:10:06,793
We are the Sorcerers of the Square Table.

233
00:10:06,876 --> 00:10:09,501
Whoa, cool. Adult men.

234
00:10:09,584 --> 00:10:11,626
<i>No, not cool. These guys are losers.</i>

235
00:10:11,709 --> 00:10:14,793
We are looking for the schoolchild
known as Jay Bilzerian.

236
00:10:14,876 --> 00:10:16,709
He's the only magician skilled enough

237
00:10:16,793 --> 00:10:18,876
to help us bring back
The Magnificent Gary.

238
00:10:18,959 --> 00:10:21,376
Who is trapped in The Bread Bowl Realm.

239
00:10:26,418 --> 00:10:30,501
Jay, you gotta go do magic
so that guy doesn't become cheese.

240
00:10:30,584 --> 00:10:33,084
<i>No! I'm not a magician anymore.</i>

241
00:10:33,168 --> 00:10:34,918
<i>Matthew was right. Being Jay sucked.</i>

242
00:10:35,001 --> 00:10:39,626
Don't you dare talk about my best friend
and body roommate like that.

243
00:10:39,709 --> 00:10:42,293
<i>I'll say whatever I want</i>
<i>about my shitty self.</i>

244
00:10:42,376 --> 00:10:45,126
Not while you're sitting
at a little table in my tummy.

245
00:10:45,209 --> 00:10:46,334
<i>It's my tummy too.</i>

246
00:10:46,418 --> 00:10:48,459
Ow! My restaurant.

247
00:10:53,043 --> 00:10:55,043
Yeah, that's it. Give her a good scrub.

248
00:10:55,126 --> 00:10:58,959
Ooh, yeah,
swing those big old balls for Mommy.

249
00:10:59,043 --> 00:11:01,334
Oh, they're so much heavier
when they're wet.

250
00:11:01,418 --> 00:11:03,543
Marty? What are you doing?

251
00:11:03,626 --> 00:11:06,084
Nothing. Just washing your car.

252
00:11:06,168 --> 00:11:08,376
You know, like I used to do.

253
00:11:08,459 --> 00:11:12,334
You haven't done something like this
in years.

254
00:11:12,418 --> 00:11:15,293
And look, you still have
your spicy little shorts.

255
00:11:15,376 --> 00:11:18,876
Yeah, and they're chock-full of nuts.

256
00:11:18,959 --> 00:11:20,251
Maury, I'm going to hell.

257
00:11:20,334 --> 00:11:24,168
What the hell is that depraved sicko
doing with my body?

258
00:11:24,251 --> 00:11:28,751
Shut up.
Barbara doesn't look like she hates you.

259
00:11:28,834 --> 00:11:32,543
So now that I've wooed you,
can we be married again?

260
00:11:32,626 --> 00:11:33,501
Excuse me?

261
00:11:33,584 --> 00:11:36,293
You know, like you said in family therapy.

262
00:11:36,376 --> 00:11:37,376
I fixed everything.

263
00:11:37,459 --> 00:11:38,793
What? No.

264
00:11:38,876 --> 00:11:41,418
Washing my car once doesn't fix anything.

265
00:11:41,501 --> 00:11:43,209
What do you want me to do?

266
00:11:43,293 --> 00:11:46,043
Clean the microwave? I'll do it nude.

267
00:11:46,126 --> 00:11:48,001
Ugh! You've clearly learned nothing.

268
00:11:48,084 --> 00:11:50,459
Great job, schmendrick. You blew it.

269
00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:52,543
-Wait. Uh, Mom.
-Ugh!

270
00:11:52,626 --> 00:11:54,459
And stop calling me Mom.

271
00:11:54,543 --> 00:11:56,418
Yeah, what are you, Mike Pence?

272
00:11:56,501 --> 00:11:59,959
<i>Mm, Connie, I feel like a little mummy.</i>

273
00:12:00,043 --> 00:12:03,876
Oh, yeah, all swaddled up
like a baby burrito.

274
00:12:03,959 --> 00:12:06,834
<i>Ow!</i>
<i>All of a sudden, my stomach is killing me.</i>

275
00:12:06,918 --> 00:12:09,501
-Oh, you probably got that baby gas.

276
00:12:09,584 --> 00:12:12,293
You still don't know how to use
that brand new butthole.

277
00:12:12,376 --> 00:12:13,918
Okay, Greg, what's going on?

278
00:12:14,001 --> 00:12:15,334
<i>I have gas, Dad.</i>

279
00:12:15,418 --> 00:12:17,918
<i>It feels like I swallowed</i>
<i>a square bowling ball.</i>

280
00:12:18,001 --> 00:12:19,918
I don't know.
Maybe she's hungry again?

281
00:12:20,001 --> 00:12:22,209
Uh, okay, all right.
I'm gonna try feeding her.

282
00:12:22,293 --> 00:12:24,418
Yuh-oh, Stepmom titty, incoming.

283
00:12:24,501 --> 00:12:27,168
<i> No,</i>
<i>I don't want your boob in my mouth.</i>

284
00:12:27,251 --> 00:12:28,501
Uh, she's not latching.

285
00:12:28,584 --> 00:12:30,668
Jam it in there.
Don't give her the option.

286
00:12:30,751 --> 00:12:32,626
<i>Get that away from me.</i>

287
00:12:32,709 --> 00:12:35,251
<i>Fucking burp me.</i>

288
00:12:35,334 --> 00:12:38,209
We will also accept a fart.

289
00:12:39,084 --> 00:12:41,584
And so Jay is now my body brother,

290
00:12:41,668 --> 00:12:45,251
but he didn't wanna come here
because he's not a musician anymore.

291
00:12:45,334 --> 00:12:50,251
<i>Uh, no, Steve. I didn't wanna come</i>
<i>because magic sucks rock-hard shit.</i>

292
00:12:50,334 --> 00:12:52,334
Hey, oh. Stop hitting myself.

293
00:12:52,418 --> 00:12:55,084
Oh, yes,
I've seen sorcery like this before.

294
00:12:55,168 --> 00:12:56,543
And if Jay's really in there,

295
00:12:56,626 --> 00:13:01,209
then we have the quartet of magicians
we need to rescue The Magnificent Gary.

296
00:13:01,293 --> 00:13:03,668
-<i>Fuck no. I'm not doing magic</i>.
-Hey. Come on, Jay.

297
00:13:03,751 --> 00:13:06,251
Everyone, make the sign of the Bread Bowl

298
00:13:06,334 --> 00:13:09,501
and repeat after me, Arenap.

299
00:13:09,584 --> 00:13:12,501
Arenap. Arenap.

300
00:13:12,584 --> 00:13:13,543
Saran wrap.

301
00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:16,876
No, Arenap, as in Panera backwards.

302
00:13:16,959 --> 00:13:18,043
Lollipop.

303
00:13:18,126 --> 00:13:19,084
Arenap.

304
00:13:19,168 --> 00:13:20,168
Oh, of course.

305
00:13:20,251 --> 00:13:22,418
-Kit Kat.
-Say it correctly or it won't work.

306
00:13:22,501 --> 00:13:24,168
Help me say it, Jay.

307
00:13:24,251 --> 00:13:26,918
<i>Fuck them and fuck you!</i>

308
00:13:27,793 --> 00:13:28,751
Ow!

309
00:13:28,834 --> 00:13:32,334
I got glass in my doody oven. Awesome.

310
00:13:33,793 --> 00:13:36,043
Oh, thank God, you're home.
I need your help.

311
00:13:36,126 --> 00:13:37,918
Oh, what now, Seamus?

312
00:13:38,001 --> 00:13:40,626
I'm not Seamus, Mom. I'm Nick.

313
00:13:40,709 --> 00:13:42,626
I swapped bodies with Grandpa.

314
00:13:42,709 --> 00:13:45,543
Oh, great. Now he's got
fucking dementia too.

315
00:13:45,626 --> 00:13:47,626
Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom,
please, it's really me.

316
00:13:47,709 --> 00:13:51,001
Okay, "Nicky," prove it.
When's my birthday?

317
00:13:51,084 --> 00:13:52,418
I have no idea.

318
00:13:52,501 --> 00:13:55,751
I forget every year,
but Dad buys you a present from me

319
00:13:55,834 --> 00:13:58,751
and makes you a thoughtful card
that I sign without reading.

320
00:13:58,834 --> 00:14:02,084
Oh, my boy. It really is you.

321
00:14:02,168 --> 00:14:03,084
Mom.

322
00:14:03,168 --> 00:14:05,001
Oh, this is awful.

323
00:14:05,084 --> 00:14:07,209
My son is trapped
in my father-in-law's body.

324
00:14:07,293 --> 00:14:09,376
My husband's acting
like a different person.

325
00:14:09,459 --> 00:14:12,626
Wait. Maybe that's why
I swapped bodies with Grandpa.

326
00:14:12,709 --> 00:14:16,043
So I could help Dad
become Soft Daddy again.

327
00:14:16,126 --> 00:14:16,959
What do you mean?

328
00:14:17,043 --> 00:14:21,668
Well, Nathan Fillion said I need
to learn a lesson to swap bodies back.

329
00:14:21,751 --> 00:14:23,376
Sure, okay…

330
00:14:23,459 --> 00:14:28,293
Maybe I'm supposed to show Dad
the love that Grandpa never could.

331
00:14:28,376 --> 00:14:30,209
Hey, hey, Rick. What'd I miss?

332
00:14:30,293 --> 00:14:31,501
I don't know, man.

333
00:14:31,584 --> 00:14:34,168
I never understand these season finales.

334
00:14:34,251 --> 00:14:37,918
They always gotta do something cuckoo,
and I don't get it.

335
00:14:38,001 --> 00:14:41,709
Monica, I didn't think anything
could be as gorgeous as your eyes,

336
00:14:41,793 --> 00:14:45,959
but your ancient grain focaccia
is coming awfully close.

337
00:14:46,043 --> 00:14:49,126
You know, it almost feels like
you're flirting with me, Missy.

338
00:14:49,209 --> 00:14:51,501
And would that be a problem?

339
00:14:51,584 --> 00:14:53,668
-Oh.

340
00:14:54,376 --> 00:14:56,334
Mom. I mean…

341
00:14:56,418 --> 00:14:58,584
May I speak with your daughter, madam?

342
00:14:58,668 --> 00:15:00,459
Nathan Fillion?

343
00:15:00,543 --> 00:15:02,793
I know this sounds totally bonkers,

344
00:15:02,876 --> 00:15:06,626
but your daughter and I
are linked supernaturally.

345
00:15:06,709 --> 00:15:07,959
-What?
-Don't worry,

346
00:15:08,043 --> 00:15:10,793
you hot mom
who doesn't know how hot she is.

347
00:15:10,876 --> 00:15:11,918
I'll handle this.

348
00:15:12,001 --> 00:15:13,084
Okay.

349
00:15:13,626 --> 00:15:16,709
So, how's my body
been treating you, Missy?

350
00:15:16,793 --> 00:15:18,168
Did you feel my buttocks?

351
00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:21,709
Oh God. I'm so sorry, Mr. Fillion.
I couldn't resist.

352
00:15:21,793 --> 00:15:25,251
No, no, I get it.
I miss those meat mountains myself.

353
00:15:25,334 --> 00:15:26,876
-Uh, Missy?
-Elijah.

354
00:15:26,959 --> 00:15:29,751
Uh, who's the white dude
with the high butt,

355
00:15:29,834 --> 00:15:31,043
and why does he know my name?

356
00:15:31,126 --> 00:15:33,834
Wait, you don't know
who Nathan Fillion is?

357
00:15:33,918 --> 00:15:37,459
Go ask your mother, young man.
I guarantee she knows.

358
00:15:37,543 --> 00:15:41,334
Okay. But, Missy,
can we actually talk privately?

359
00:15:41,418 --> 00:15:43,209
-It's kind of important.
-Oh, God, Mona.

360
00:15:43,293 --> 00:15:46,209
-Do you think Elijah's here to dump me?
-Of course he is,

361
00:15:46,293 --> 00:15:49,001
'cause he finds you
so physically repulsive.

362
00:15:49,084 --> 00:15:52,251
Well, if it's personal in nature,

363
00:15:52,334 --> 00:15:55,251
I think Nathan
should stick around for this.

364
00:15:55,334 --> 00:15:58,209
Yes. I should… I should probably stay.

365
00:15:58,293 --> 00:16:01,376
Uh, dang. There's no way
I could've prepared for this.

366
00:16:01,959 --> 00:16:04,543
You really screwed up
with that car-wash nonsense.

367
00:16:04,626 --> 00:16:09,168
Me? You screwed up with Mom
every day for the past 20 years.

368
00:16:09,251 --> 00:16:11,876
I mean, do you really even care
about her anymore?

369
00:16:11,959 --> 00:16:14,126
Of course I care about her, you idiot.

370
00:16:14,209 --> 00:16:15,834
I love her, and I admire her.

371
00:16:15,918 --> 00:16:19,376
You don't know what you'd do without her.

372
00:16:19,459 --> 00:16:22,084
Exactly. She's my whole life.

373
00:16:22,168 --> 00:16:24,126
You gotta tell her that, Dad.

374
00:16:24,209 --> 00:16:26,043
I can't tell her that.

375
00:16:26,126 --> 00:16:28,918
What if I do,
and she still doesn't want me?

376
00:16:29,001 --> 00:16:30,709
Then… I'm nothing.

377
00:16:30,793 --> 00:16:33,918
Andrew, if your father can't tell
your mother how he really feels,

378
00:16:34,001 --> 00:16:35,418
then maybe you can.

379
00:16:35,501 --> 00:16:37,126
You mean, use his body?

380
00:16:37,209 --> 00:16:38,501
To fuck Susan.

381
00:16:38,584 --> 00:16:41,126
Finally. We're all on the same page.

382
00:16:41,209 --> 00:16:44,251
Ooh, I'll get a scrunchie
to tie back your father's balls.

383
00:16:44,334 --> 00:16:45,834
Ow! Oh!

384
00:16:45,918 --> 00:16:48,876
I'm sorry I bashed your skull through
a bakery display, Steve,

385
00:16:48,959 --> 00:16:50,501
but I'm not a magician anymore.

386
00:16:50,584 --> 00:16:53,334
-Well, then, who are you?
-Uh, I'm Jay.

387
00:16:53,418 --> 00:16:57,251
No, the Jay I know is a sweet boy
who loves magic.

388
00:16:57,334 --> 00:17:00,084
But maybe you're not that Jay anymore.

389
00:17:00,168 --> 00:17:03,251
Maybe you're Jay Leno?

390
00:17:03,334 --> 00:17:05,001
What? I'm not Jay Leno.

391
00:17:05,084 --> 00:17:06,751
Then who are you?

392
00:17:06,834 --> 00:17:08,876
Okay, Steve, I get what you're doing.

393
00:17:08,959 --> 00:17:11,168
What am I doing?
Help me. I don't know who I am.

394
00:17:11,251 --> 00:17:15,459
You want me to go help the sorcerers
do magic and bring back Gary.

395
00:17:15,543 --> 00:17:19,209
No, I just want you
to bring back my friend Jay.

396
00:17:19,293 --> 00:17:22,376
You mean, like, the Jay who loves magic

397
00:17:22,459 --> 00:17:24,418
and running naked in the woods?

398
00:17:24,501 --> 00:17:27,459
Yeah, the Jay who's my bestest buddy.

399
00:17:27,543 --> 00:17:29,043
I miss that guy.

400
00:17:29,126 --> 00:17:31,251
I think I miss that guy too.

401
00:17:31,334 --> 00:17:34,626
Because I am a magician, Steve.

402
00:17:34,709 --> 00:17:36,584
It's in my bones.

403
00:17:36,668 --> 00:17:38,168
Especially my dick bone.

404
00:17:38,251 --> 00:17:39,959
You mean <i>our</i> dick bone.

405
00:17:40,043 --> 00:17:41,168
Exactly.

406
00:17:41,251 --> 00:17:44,834
Now let's go save Gary
from the Bread Bowl Realm!

407
00:17:44,918 --> 00:17:48,501
All right. Leno's back, baby. Team Coco!

408
00:17:48,584 --> 00:17:49,751
All right, old man.

409
00:17:49,834 --> 00:17:52,584
Ready for Hard Daddy
to pop those Snapple caps?

410
00:17:52,668 --> 00:17:57,376
Actually, son, I thought maybe instead of
brutalizing each other's nipples today,

411
00:17:57,459 --> 00:18:00,209
-we might, uh… caress them?
-Caress them?

412
00:18:00,293 --> 00:18:05,334
Because it's okay for men to be tender
with each other, right, Seamus?

413
00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:06,501
Yeah.

414
00:18:06,584 --> 00:18:09,376
You're always telling me that.
I mean, telling Nick that.

415
00:18:09,459 --> 00:18:10,876
Well, okay.

416
00:18:10,959 --> 00:18:13,334
I guess I could
gently squeeze my father's grapes

417
00:18:13,418 --> 00:18:14,834
before I rip them off the vine.

418
00:18:14,918 --> 00:18:20,293
You know, Elliot, I've always acted
like your softness was weakness,

419
00:18:20,376 --> 00:18:26,251
but now I'm beginning to understand
your vulnerability is actually strength.

420
00:18:26,334 --> 00:18:27,543
No, it's not.

421
00:18:27,626 --> 00:18:29,043
Yes, it is.

422
00:18:29,126 --> 00:18:30,751
You were right all along,

423
00:18:30,834 --> 00:18:34,168
and I'm sorry I never said it before, but…

424
00:18:34,251 --> 00:18:36,501
I love you, Elliot Birch.

425
00:18:36,584 --> 00:18:38,293
Oh my God.

426
00:18:38,376 --> 00:18:40,876
I've been waiting so long
to hear you say that.

427
00:18:40,959 --> 00:18:43,876
And this is exactly
how I pictured it happening.

428
00:18:43,959 --> 00:18:47,209
Except we're not sitting face-to-face
on the same horse.

429
00:18:47,293 --> 00:18:52,376
Missy, it's kind of weird to talk to you
about this in front of… him.

430
00:18:52,459 --> 00:18:55,459
Well, anything you can say to me, <i>Missy</i>,

431
00:18:55,543 --> 00:18:59,084
you can say to Nathan Fillion,
a world-class actor,

432
00:18:59,168 --> 00:19:01,501
wealthy enough
to hire his own penis cleaner,

433
00:19:01,584 --> 00:19:04,001
but humble enough to do it himself.

434
00:19:04,084 --> 00:19:07,709
Yeah, Elijah,
we both really care about you.

435
00:19:07,793 --> 00:19:09,251
Okay, sir.

436
00:19:09,334 --> 00:19:10,918
Okay.

437
00:19:11,709 --> 00:19:13,459
Here it goes.

438
00:19:13,543 --> 00:19:15,668
I love hanging out with you, Missy.

439
00:19:15,751 --> 00:19:17,751
I really love holding hands with you too,

440
00:19:17,834 --> 00:19:20,251
but I think that might be it for me.

441
00:19:20,751 --> 00:19:22,959
Like… physically.

442
00:19:23,043 --> 00:19:24,959
Because you don't think I'm pretty?

443
00:19:25,043 --> 00:19:27,459
Please, sir. This is hard enough.
Could you stop talking to me?

444
00:19:27,543 --> 00:19:31,959
I think what <i>Nathan</i> means
is you don't think I'm pretty.

445
00:19:32,043 --> 00:19:34,168
No, no, it's not that at all.

446
00:19:34,251 --> 00:19:36,876
It… I… I think you're beautiful.

447
00:19:36,959 --> 00:19:37,793
It's just…

448
00:19:38,293 --> 00:19:40,876
I'm… asexual.

449
00:19:40,959 --> 00:19:41,918
Oh!

450
00:19:42,001 --> 00:19:43,751
Oh, so it's not about me.

451
00:19:43,834 --> 00:19:45,209
None of this is about you!

452
00:19:45,293 --> 00:19:46,918
But, Missy…

453
00:19:47,001 --> 00:19:48,543
…I really like being with you.

454
00:19:48,626 --> 00:19:51,251
And I hope me being asexual
doesn't mean we have to break up.

455
00:19:51,334 --> 00:19:55,376
Well, I'd love to respond to you,
of course…

456
00:19:55,459 --> 00:19:57,501
But I think it might be better if I did.

457
00:19:57,584 --> 00:19:59,168
What the fuck, man?

458
00:20:00,459 --> 00:20:02,126
What do you want from me now, Marty?

459
00:20:02,209 --> 00:20:04,543
I don't want anything from you, Barbara.

460
00:20:04,626 --> 00:20:06,709
I'd actually like to offer you something.

461
00:20:07,251 --> 00:20:09,168
-An apology.
-Oh.

462
00:20:09,251 --> 00:20:10,334
Okay…

463
00:20:10,418 --> 00:20:12,668
I've been stubborn and selfish.

464
00:20:12,751 --> 00:20:15,543
And nasty, and loud, and cheap, and--

465
00:20:15,626 --> 00:20:16,918
And I'm sorry.

466
00:20:17,001 --> 00:20:18,501
-You see, I felt…
-I felt threatened

467
00:20:18,584 --> 00:20:22,001
that you wanted more
after all these years, because…

468
00:20:22,084 --> 00:20:25,543
I thought that
I might not be enough for you anymore.

469
00:20:25,626 --> 00:20:26,543
Marty…

470
00:20:26,626 --> 00:20:29,876
And even though I think
synagogue is a waste of time

471
00:20:29,959 --> 00:20:32,501
-and God's a total asshole--
-God's a total asshole.

472
00:20:32,584 --> 00:20:34,418
-Dad!
-Sorry, sorry.

473
00:20:34,501 --> 00:20:38,209
The truth is, I admire you for growing…

474
00:20:38,293 --> 00:20:39,959
And being your own woman.

475
00:20:40,043 --> 00:20:42,168
How come you never said this before?

476
00:20:42,251 --> 00:20:43,501
Um…

477
00:20:43,584 --> 00:20:45,001
'Cause I'm a rotten guy?

478
00:20:45,084 --> 00:20:47,543
No, you idiot. Because I was scared.

479
00:20:47,626 --> 00:20:50,251
Right. It's because
I didn't wanna seem weak.

480
00:20:50,334 --> 00:20:54,168
But the only thing that matters now
is that you know how much I love you.

481
00:20:54,251 --> 00:20:57,001
Oh, Marty, I love you too.

482
00:20:57,084 --> 00:20:58,543
Good work, schmendrick.

483
00:20:58,626 --> 00:21:02,543
Marty, your apology
got me all hot and bothered.

484
00:21:02,626 --> 00:21:03,584
Oh God, it did?

485
00:21:03,668 --> 00:21:05,084
-Yeah.
-Wait, no.

486
00:21:05,168 --> 00:21:08,918
And you're still wearing
those spicy little shorts.

487
00:21:09,001 --> 00:21:10,709
-Ah!
-But not for long.

488
00:21:10,793 --> 00:21:13,376
Oh Shit. Oh, Maury, what do I do?

489
00:21:13,459 --> 00:21:16,209
Um, I think
you might have to fuck your mom.

490
00:21:16,293 --> 00:21:17,834
What? Oh no.

491
00:21:17,918 --> 00:21:19,501
No, Flanny, tell him he's crazy.

492
00:21:19,584 --> 00:21:21,209
Andrew, I'm afraid Maury might be correct.

493
00:21:21,293 --> 00:21:22,876
Oh shit!

494
00:21:22,959 --> 00:21:26,668
-Here I come, big boy.
-Cowabunga.

495
00:21:26,751 --> 00:21:31,001
Arenap. Arenap. Arenap.

496
00:21:31,084 --> 00:21:34,793
What in the sweet fucking hell
are you fairies doing?

497
00:21:34,876 --> 00:21:37,501
Stop tickling each other's teats
and act like men.

498
00:21:37,584 --> 00:21:38,584
Don't listen to him.

499
00:21:38,668 --> 00:21:40,459
Choose love, Elliot.

500
00:21:40,543 --> 00:21:41,918
Because that's what real men do.

501
00:21:42,001 --> 00:21:43,251
<i>Arenap.</i>

502
00:21:43,334 --> 00:21:46,293
Oh, God, Mona. What should I tell Elijah?

503
00:21:46,376 --> 00:21:49,376
Well, he likes you
and thinks you're beautiful.

504
00:21:49,459 --> 00:21:51,293
Yeah, I guess he does.

505
00:21:51,376 --> 00:21:54,751
But he doesn't want
to french your brains out.

506
00:21:54,834 --> 00:21:56,376
Are you okay with that?

507
00:21:56,459 --> 00:21:58,876
Oh, Maury. Is this actually gonna happen?

508
00:21:58,959 --> 00:22:02,376
Just go with it.
Remember, you've been in there before.

509
00:22:02,459 --> 00:22:04,584
Here, Andrew, bite down on this.

510
00:22:04,668 --> 00:22:07,626
Real men aren't lovey-dovey pansies.

511
00:22:07,709 --> 00:22:09,334
You're all pathetic.

512
00:22:09,418 --> 00:22:12,334
Oh, Nicky. I've been setting
such a bad example.

513
00:22:12,418 --> 00:22:16,251
I was only acting like Hard Daddy
to get my father's love.

514
00:22:16,334 --> 00:22:17,584
You were?

515
00:22:17,668 --> 00:22:19,376
Yes. But the truth is,

516
00:22:19,459 --> 00:22:22,418
the only way to get love is to give love.

517
00:22:22,501 --> 00:22:26,793
And, Nicky, your Soft Daddy
loves you very much.

518
00:22:26,876 --> 00:22:28,459
I love you too.

519
00:22:28,543 --> 00:22:32,584
Arenap. Arenap. Arenap.

520
00:22:32,668 --> 00:22:35,876
Nathan, what do you think I would say?

521
00:22:35,959 --> 00:22:37,626
Arenap.

522
00:22:37,709 --> 00:22:40,876
-I feel so helpless, Greg.

523
00:22:40,959 --> 00:22:43,043
We don't know what you want.

524
00:22:43,126 --> 00:22:46,001
<i>I wanna burp! I wanna fart!</i>

525
00:22:46,084 --> 00:22:49,168
Andrew, wait. Have you thought
about where you're gonna finish?

526
00:22:49,251 --> 00:22:50,751
-What?
-Have mercy, Maury.

527
00:22:50,834 --> 00:22:53,126
Hey, I'm just trying to do my goddamn job.

528
00:22:53,209 --> 00:22:55,834
-Arenap.
-Holy bread bowli.

529
00:22:55,918 --> 00:22:57,709
<i>It's working.</i>

530
00:22:57,793 --> 00:22:59,126
I think you'd say…

531
00:22:59,209 --> 00:23:01,668
Elijah, I accept you for who you are

532
00:23:01,751 --> 00:23:04,251
and very much
want to remain your girlfriend,

533
00:23:04,334 --> 00:23:05,793
if you'll have me… have her.

534
00:23:05,876 --> 00:23:07,501
Missy, who is not me.

535
00:23:07,584 --> 00:23:08,626
Is that true, Missy?

536
00:23:08,709 --> 00:23:11,543
Yes, I want to be your girlfriend.

537
00:23:11,626 --> 00:23:15,376
<i>Arenap. Arenap. Arenap.</i>

538
00:23:15,459 --> 00:23:17,376
We're doing it!

539
00:23:17,459 --> 00:23:19,126
Hug him back, you little old drunk.

540
00:23:19,209 --> 00:23:21,584
Oh, for fuck's sake. All right.

541
00:23:21,668 --> 00:23:23,043
<i>Arenap.</i>

542
00:23:26,709 --> 00:23:27,709
<i>Arenap.</i>

543
00:23:27,793 --> 00:23:30,876
What's everyone up to this weekend?

544
00:23:30,959 --> 00:23:33,668
<i>Connie,</i>
<i>I don't wanna be a baby anymore.</i>

545
00:23:33,751 --> 00:23:36,626
But won't you miss
those baby bubble baths?

546
00:23:36,709 --> 00:23:38,418
<i>I wanna give myself my own baths.</i>

547
00:23:38,501 --> 00:23:40,168
Yeah, with a showerhead.

548
00:23:40,251 --> 00:23:42,668
<i>I want my old life back.</i>

549
00:23:42,751 --> 00:23:45,376
<i>Arenap. Arenap.</i>

550
00:23:45,459 --> 00:23:48,626
Oh, gross. Why do babies
suck on their own feet?

551
00:23:48,709 --> 00:23:50,959
Because, honestly, once you get older,

552
00:23:51,043 --> 00:23:52,918
it's just, like, hard to find the time.

553
00:23:53,001 --> 00:23:56,084
My pervert son is about to schtup my wife.

554
00:23:56,168 --> 00:23:57,876
What do I do? What do I do?
Do I go in there?

555
00:23:57,959 --> 00:23:59,834
I love you, Marty.

556
00:23:59,918 --> 00:24:02,501
Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. Whoa!

557
00:24:05,209 --> 00:24:06,501
Oh, I'm back.

558
00:24:06,584 --> 00:24:07,668
Oh, me too.

559
00:24:07,751 --> 00:24:09,751
Andrew, are you spying on us?

560
00:24:09,834 --> 00:24:12,668
No, no, I was just… just listening.

561
00:24:12,751 --> 00:24:15,126
I told you he was disgusting, Barbara.

562
00:24:15,209 --> 00:24:17,918
Relax, pervert, I'll take it from here.

563
00:24:18,418 --> 00:24:19,709
-Oof.

564
00:24:19,793 --> 00:24:21,126
<i>Arenap.</i>

565
00:24:21,209 --> 00:24:22,459
He's back!

566
00:24:22,543 --> 00:24:23,876
Is this heaven?

567
00:24:23,959 --> 00:24:25,793
Better. It's a Panera.

568
00:24:27,751 --> 00:24:30,376
Oh, that was crazy, huh, Jay?

569
00:24:30,459 --> 00:24:33,376
Mr. Leno?
Knock, knock, you still in there?

570
00:24:34,668 --> 00:24:36,459
-Oh.

571
00:24:36,543 --> 00:24:40,209
Hey, guys. Sick bones.

572
00:24:40,293 --> 00:24:42,668
Wait. I'm a wolf too. See?

573
00:24:42,751 --> 00:24:46,376
Pillow-fucking magician wolf!

574
00:24:50,418 --> 00:24:53,501
Oh, it's so good
to be back in my own body.

575
00:24:53,584 --> 00:24:55,001
Speak for yourself.

576
00:24:55,084 --> 00:24:58,501
Someone get me some booze
to dull the pain.

577
00:24:58,584 --> 00:24:59,959
I'm as dry as a bone.

578
00:25:00,043 --> 00:25:02,376
-Well, I, for one, am not dry.
-Ugh.

579
00:25:02,459 --> 00:25:06,168
What do you say we go upstairs
and make Soft Daddy hard again?

580
00:25:06,251 --> 00:25:08,209
Two words, carry me.

581
00:25:08,293 --> 00:25:11,126
Oh, no, Nicorice.
Your mom's trying to fuck you.

582
00:25:11,209 --> 00:25:14,168
What? No, I was never even
in my dad's body, you fucking idiot.

583
00:25:14,251 --> 00:25:17,001
So you think your mom
is trying to fuck me?

584
00:25:17,084 --> 00:25:19,209
Cowabunga, baby.

585
00:25:19,293 --> 00:25:22,501
-Shh, shh, shh!
-Dad, Caitlin, the baby has gas.

586
00:25:22,584 --> 00:25:26,793
Oh, of course, because she's a baby.

587
00:25:26,876 --> 00:25:30,209
-There you go, you little fart factory.

588
00:25:30,293 --> 00:25:31,584
That feels better, right?

589
00:25:31,668 --> 00:25:34,876
Delilah is really lucky
to have you as a big sister.

590
00:25:34,959 --> 00:25:38,168
Mama, do you think
you'll ever want another baby?

591
00:25:38,251 --> 00:25:42,876
Oh, sweetie.
It was a real struggle to even want you.

592
00:25:42,959 --> 00:25:44,793
Before you go, Mr. Fillion,

593
00:25:44,876 --> 00:25:48,793
I just want to say I am sorry
for putting you through all of this.

594
00:25:48,876 --> 00:25:51,751
Oh, no need, Missy.
This was the role of a lifetime.

595
00:25:52,251 --> 00:25:54,001
Good luck, you two. Taxi.

596
00:25:54,084 --> 00:25:55,959
One adult, please. To the set of…

597
00:25:56,043 --> 00:25:57,293
<i>The Rookie.</i>

598
00:25:57,376 --> 00:25:59,793
-Oh, Marty.
-Oh, yeah.

599
00:25:59,876 --> 00:26:03,043
Barbara, you haven't been
this damp in years.

600
00:26:03,126 --> 00:26:05,168
It's like a cellar down here.

601
00:26:05,251 --> 00:26:06,376
Maury, do you think--

602
00:26:06,459 --> 00:26:10,751
That you pre-gamed your mom for your dad?
Yes. Yes, I do.

603
00:26:10,834 --> 00:26:11,793
Ugh.

604
00:26:11,876 --> 00:26:13,334
I'm very proud of you, Andrew.

605
00:26:13,418 --> 00:26:16,209
You know what? I'm very proud of myself.

606
00:26:16,293 --> 00:26:18,959
-Oh, Marty.
-Cowabunga!