1
00:00:07,668 --> 00:00:11,293
I wish my dad
could stop being such an asshole.
2
00:00:11,376 --> 00:00:13,501
I wish I had my parents back.
3
00:00:13,584 --> 00:00:18,334
I wish my dad loved me
the way he loves that stupid baby.
4
00:00:18,418 --> 00:00:20,418
I wish I was irresistible.
5
00:00:20,501 --> 00:00:23,168
I wish I wasn't me.
6
00:00:24,459 --> 00:00:26,543
[chimes tinkle]
7
00:00:27,793 --> 00:00:29,501
[panting]
8
00:00:29,584 --> 00:00:30,418
[Marty] What?
9
00:00:30,501 --> 00:00:33,751
Wait a minute.
What am I doing on the couch?
10
00:00:33,834 --> 00:00:36,126
And why do my nuts feel so heavy?
11
00:00:36,209 --> 00:00:37,626
Oh, Jesus, no!
12
00:00:37,709 --> 00:00:40,834
Oh my God! I look like my dad.
13
00:00:40,918 --> 00:00:42,043
[gasps]
14
00:00:42,126 --> 00:00:43,668
And I sound like him too.
15
00:00:43,751 --> 00:00:45,418
Holy shit. Andrew?
16
00:00:45,501 --> 00:00:47,293
Maury, I'm my dad.
17
00:00:47,376 --> 00:00:48,793
Oh no. Oh me. Oh my.
18
00:00:48,876 --> 00:00:50,293
How did this happen?
19
00:00:50,376 --> 00:00:51,251
I don't know.
20
00:00:51,334 --> 00:00:54,876
But if you're in your dad's body,
then… then who's in yours?
21
00:00:54,959 --> 00:00:57,959
Why the hell is my penis so short and fat?
22
00:00:58,043 --> 00:00:59,626
Dad? Is that you?
23
00:00:59,709 --> 00:01:02,084
-Andrew?
-Dad, you're me.
24
00:01:02,168 --> 00:01:03,459
Nuh-uh. You're me.
25
00:01:03,543 --> 00:01:05,001
What's going on?
26
00:01:05,084 --> 00:01:08,251
Oh, baby Jesus and all my infant gods.
27
00:01:08,334 --> 00:01:09,834
They've Freaky Friday'd.
28
00:01:09,918 --> 00:01:13,293
Freaky, my ass.
This is a fucked-up Friday.
29
00:01:13,376 --> 00:01:14,584
This is your fault.
30
00:01:14,668 --> 00:01:17,084
Who me? Me me, or you me?
31
00:01:17,168 --> 00:01:19,709
You me. It's you me's fault.
32
00:01:19,793 --> 00:01:21,418
-You big little pervert.
-Aw.
33
00:01:21,501 --> 00:01:23,334
[phone ringing]
34
00:01:23,418 --> 00:01:25,918
[Andrew as Marty]
Mrs. Birch, I need to talk to Nick.
35
00:01:26,001 --> 00:01:26,834
Marty?
36
00:01:26,918 --> 00:01:27,959
No. I mean, yes.
37
00:01:28,043 --> 00:01:30,834
Yeah. I mean…
Would you just put Nick on, please?
38
00:01:30,918 --> 00:01:34,751
Nick, Andrew's dad
is on the phone for you.
39
00:01:35,251 --> 00:01:36,959
Mr. Glouberman?
40
00:01:37,043 --> 00:01:39,459
Oh, Sorry, Grandpa MacGregor,
I needed to talk to Nick.
41
00:01:39,543 --> 00:01:40,376
This is Nick.
42
00:01:40,459 --> 00:01:42,834
Wait. Why is my voice so weird?
43
00:01:42,918 --> 00:01:45,709
And why do I feel my skeleton?
44
00:01:45,793 --> 00:01:47,626
Aw, shit.
45
00:01:47,709 --> 00:01:49,543
Nick, it happened to you too.
46
00:01:49,626 --> 00:01:51,501
-[Nick as Seamus] What happened?
This is Andrew.
47
00:01:51,584 --> 00:01:53,376
I woke up in my dad's body.
48
00:01:53,459 --> 00:01:55,126
What? What are you talking about?
49
00:01:55,209 --> 00:01:56,751
Just go look in the mirror.
50
00:01:56,834 --> 00:01:58,168
[grunting]
51
00:01:58,251 --> 00:02:00,418
Ah! My face. My body.
52
00:02:00,501 --> 00:02:04,334
Oh, shit, Nick.
You turned into a California Raisin.
53
00:02:04,418 --> 00:02:07,668
I'm my fucking grandpa.
54
00:02:07,751 --> 00:02:11,043
Oh God. Do you think
this has happened to anyone else?
55
00:02:12,001 --> 00:02:14,168
[Jessi] Where am I? Why can't I move?
56
00:02:14,251 --> 00:02:16,709
-[baby cries]
-[Jessi] I can't speak. What's going on?
57
00:02:16,793 --> 00:02:19,209
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
It's okay, Delilah.
58
00:02:19,293 --> 00:02:21,834
Mommy and Daddy are here, sweet boo-boo.
59
00:02:21,918 --> 00:02:24,251
-[Jessi] What?
-Holy shit, Jessi.
60
00:02:24,334 --> 00:02:25,959
You're the baby, baby.
61
00:02:26,043 --> 00:02:30,209
[Jessi] Oh fuck. So is the baby me?
62
00:02:31,251 --> 00:02:33,876
Oh my God, Jessi. [gasps]
63
00:02:33,959 --> 00:02:38,709
Did your mom hide her tranquilizers
in your Children's Tylenol bottle?
64
00:02:38,793 --> 00:02:40,293
Um, been there.
65
00:02:41,084 --> 00:02:42,876
[laughs]
66
00:02:42,959 --> 00:02:44,584
Genuine LOL.
67
00:02:44,668 --> 00:02:47,876
You are hilarious
when you're tranqued out.
68
00:02:48,584 --> 00:02:51,334
[Jay] Yes. My wish came true.
69
00:02:51,418 --> 00:02:54,376
I'm not me. I'm Coach Steve.
70
00:02:54,459 --> 00:02:56,543
Yay, I'm Coach Steve too.
71
00:02:56,626 --> 00:02:58,251
-[Jay] Wait a minute, what?
I'm sorry.
72
00:02:58,334 --> 00:03:01,251
Was I supposed to leave
when you came into my body?
73
00:03:01,334 --> 00:03:03,334
I didn't understand the assignment.
74
00:03:03,418 --> 00:03:05,584
[Jay] Oh shit, we're brain buddies.
75
00:03:05,668 --> 00:03:08,168
Do we both control your body?
How does it work?
76
00:03:08,251 --> 00:03:11,084
Oh, look, look. I got the right side.
77
00:03:11,168 --> 00:03:16,168
And I've got The Blind Side on DVD
if you wanna, you know, hang out.
78
00:03:16,251 --> 00:03:19,918
[Jay] Uh, yeah,
as long as I'm not stupid shitty-ass me.
79
00:03:20,001 --> 00:03:23,543
But hold on, then. Where is you?
80
00:03:23,626 --> 00:03:24,626
[Jay] Who cares?
81
00:03:24,709 --> 00:03:28,501
I ran into the woods and passed out.
Fuck my old body.
82
00:03:28,584 --> 00:03:30,001
All right.
83
00:03:30,084 --> 00:03:31,584
Holy shit, Missy.
84
00:03:31,668 --> 00:03:33,168
You're Nathan fucking Fillion.
85
00:03:33,251 --> 00:03:34,418
Oh my gosh.
86
00:03:34,501 --> 00:03:37,084
I'm stuck
in his gorgeous mountain of a body.
87
00:03:37,168 --> 00:03:38,209
You sure are.
88
00:03:38,293 --> 00:03:40,084
Oh my God! Oh my God!
Oh my God, what do I do?
89
00:03:40,168 --> 00:03:41,668
Quick. Feel your own buttocks.
90
00:03:41,751 --> 00:03:43,543
Mona, this is serious.
91
00:03:43,626 --> 00:03:46,668
-But so is this can, eyebrows, eyebrows.
-[knock on door]
92
00:03:46,751 --> 00:03:49,126
Uh, Mr. Fillion,
they're ready for you on set.
93
00:03:49,209 --> 00:03:50,501
Be there in a minute,
94
00:03:50,584 --> 00:03:53,168
because I'm Canadian beefcake
Nathan Fillion,
95
00:03:53,251 --> 00:03:56,626
not a terrified teenage girl
touching my own butt. [chuckles]
96
00:03:59,001 --> 00:04:04,626
♪ I'm going through changes ♪
97
00:04:08,543 --> 00:04:13,959
♪ I'm going through changes ♪
98
00:04:14,668 --> 00:04:16,834
♪ Oh, in my life ♪
99
00:04:18,251 --> 00:04:21,334
♪ Oh, ooh, ooh ♪
100
00:04:29,751 --> 00:04:32,418
Oh, Dad, what are we gonna tell Mom?
101
00:04:32,501 --> 00:04:34,543
Nothing. We have to keep this a secret.
102
00:04:34,626 --> 00:04:37,751
Andrew, your salami and eggs
are getting ice cold.
103
00:04:37,834 --> 00:04:39,043
Come down for breakfast.
104
00:04:39,126 --> 00:04:40,001
Okay, Mom.
105
00:04:40,084 --> 00:04:42,668
Ugh, Marty, why are you calling me Mom?
106
00:04:42,751 --> 00:04:44,501
What this idiot means is
107
00:04:44,584 --> 00:04:46,084
I'll be right down,
108
00:04:46,168 --> 00:04:48,834
because I'm your disgusting
pervert son. Let's go.
109
00:04:48,918 --> 00:04:51,043
Ugh, don't talk like your father, Andrew.
110
00:04:51,126 --> 00:04:52,918
One Marty is more than I want.
111
00:04:53,001 --> 00:04:54,459
Dad, what do we do?
112
00:04:54,543 --> 00:04:56,334
I can't go to school like this.
113
00:04:56,418 --> 00:04:58,876
No shit, you tall moron.
114
00:04:58,959 --> 00:05:00,834
Until we figure out how to fix this,
115
00:05:00,918 --> 00:05:03,251
you go to my job, and I go to your school.
116
00:05:03,334 --> 00:05:04,334
What? Why?
117
00:05:04,418 --> 00:05:07,168
'Cause that's what they do
in these movies!
118
00:05:08,918 --> 00:05:12,209
Oh, what the hell, Nicky?
Are you drinking a beer?
119
00:05:12,293 --> 00:05:15,168
Bugger off, princess.
I'm not your pansy son.
120
00:05:15,251 --> 00:05:16,626
Excuse me?
121
00:05:16,709 --> 00:05:19,959
I don't like the way
your grandfather is rubbing off on you.
122
00:05:20,043 --> 00:05:21,834
Now brush your fucking teeth
and get to school.
123
00:05:21,918 --> 00:05:23,626
-Wait! No, don't do that.
-Stay out of this.
124
00:05:23,709 --> 00:05:26,001
But I'm not Grandpa. I'm your son.
125
00:05:26,084 --> 00:05:28,793
Shut up, both of you.
I don't like this joke.
126
00:05:28,876 --> 00:05:32,834
Fuck you, woman.
Get your bloody hands off me.
127
00:05:32,918 --> 00:05:33,793
-Hey, Dad.
-Huh?
128
00:05:33,876 --> 00:05:36,793
When I get home tonight,
I'm gonna twist those nipples so hard,
129
00:05:36,876 --> 00:05:39,168
you're gonna look like
a breast-feeding street dog.
130
00:05:39,251 --> 00:05:40,751
-But I'm not--
-[barks]
131
00:05:40,834 --> 00:05:42,709
[screams]
132
00:05:42,793 --> 00:05:44,001
Hard Daddy out.
133
00:05:44,084 --> 00:05:46,709
Oh, okay. I think I get it now, man.
134
00:05:46,793 --> 00:05:50,209
Okay, so you're Nick, and I'm Nick,
and everybody's Nick.
135
00:05:50,293 --> 00:05:54,043
And this is Nick at Nite on Roku.
136
00:05:54,126 --> 00:05:55,043
[bell rings]
137
00:05:56,293 --> 00:05:59,084
-Uh, Mr. Glouberman?
-Yeah.
138
00:05:59,168 --> 00:06:01,876
I'm stuck in this little perv's body.
Who the hell are you?
139
00:06:01,959 --> 00:06:04,043
It's Nick. Have you seen… me?
140
00:06:04,126 --> 00:06:05,876
What do you mean, me? You're you.
141
00:06:05,959 --> 00:06:07,501
Why is everybody stupid today?
142
00:06:07,584 --> 00:06:09,334
It's a classic body swap.
143
00:06:09,418 --> 00:06:11,209
For you see, I'm not a young girl.
144
00:06:11,293 --> 00:06:16,001
I'm, in fact, TV's Nathan Fillion
trapped in a young girl's budding body.
145
00:06:16,084 --> 00:06:17,376
That's disgusting.
146
00:06:17,459 --> 00:06:19,876
Thank you. I know all about body swaps
147
00:06:19,959 --> 00:06:22,959
from a pilot I did for NBC
called Oopsie Daddy.
148
00:06:23,043 --> 00:06:25,709
Okay, so how do we swap back?
149
00:06:25,793 --> 00:06:28,084
Well, we each need to learn
a life lesson to--
150
00:06:28,168 --> 00:06:29,168
Learn a lesson?!
151
00:06:29,251 --> 00:06:31,293
That's the stupidest thing
I've ever heard,
152
00:06:31,376 --> 00:06:33,793
and I went to Drew Carey's Ted Talk.
153
00:06:33,876 --> 00:06:36,084
Hey, Missy, can we talk for a sec?
154
00:06:36,168 --> 00:06:37,459
Oh, I'm sorry, young man.
155
00:06:37,543 --> 00:06:40,043
I'm off to learn
something critical about myself.
156
00:06:40,126 --> 00:06:44,876
Enjoy your schooling and watch The Rookie,
Sundays on ABC, at 10/9 Central.
157
00:06:44,959 --> 00:06:47,209
Oh, thank God, Jessi.
Do you know where Jay is?
158
00:06:47,293 --> 00:06:49,668
I haven't seen him
since I shattered his self-esteem
159
00:06:49,751 --> 00:06:51,418
and he ran into the woods.
160
00:06:51,501 --> 00:06:52,709
-Oh my God.
-[cries]
161
00:06:52,793 --> 00:06:55,418
Oh, please. Grow up, Matthew.
162
00:06:55,501 --> 00:06:59,626
It's perfectly normal
to absolutely obliterate your pants
163
00:06:59,709 --> 00:07:02,168
when you're geeked up on tranqs.
164
00:07:02,251 --> 00:07:03,793
This one, that one.
165
00:07:03,876 --> 00:07:07,043
-This one, that one. That one.
-[Jay] Whoa, Steve. We're doing it.
166
00:07:07,126 --> 00:07:09,584
Oof-magoof, walking's hard.
167
00:07:09,668 --> 00:07:11,334
Well, Coach Steve seems normal,
168
00:07:11,418 --> 00:07:14,043
but everybody else is acting very strange.
169
00:07:14,126 --> 00:07:17,626
Come on, lady,
where do you hide your booze? Cough it up.
170
00:07:17,709 --> 00:07:20,751
Grandpa, listen, we need
to learn some stupid lesson
171
00:07:20,834 --> 00:07:22,876
so we can switch back to our own bodies.
172
00:07:22,959 --> 00:07:25,334
-Fuck you. My old body's shite.
-Wait, no!
173
00:07:25,418 --> 00:07:28,418
I'm gonna go find a goddamn bar
that'll serve a child.
174
00:07:28,501 --> 00:07:29,418
Ugh.
175
00:07:29,501 --> 00:07:30,918
-[baby crying]
-[Jessi groans]
176
00:07:31,001 --> 00:07:34,626
Dad, help. I'm trapped in the baby's body.
177
00:07:34,709 --> 00:07:38,626
Oh, does my little chunky monkey
want a little tubby wubby?
178
00:07:38,709 --> 00:07:40,501
[Jessi] No, no, no. No, thank you.
179
00:07:40,584 --> 00:07:42,209
No daddy washy assy.
180
00:07:42,293 --> 00:07:44,626
[Jessi] Oh God, this is so embarrassing.
181
00:07:44,709 --> 00:07:45,959
-Here we go.
-[Jessi] Wait.
182
00:07:46,043 --> 00:07:47,334
-I don't want--
-[Greg] And bloop.
183
00:07:47,418 --> 00:07:48,543
Oh.
184
00:07:48,626 --> 00:07:50,459
[Jessi] Oh, this actually feels nice.
185
00:07:50,543 --> 00:07:51,793
How's the water, kiddo?
186
00:07:51,876 --> 00:07:52,709
[Jessi] Uh…
187
00:07:52,793 --> 00:07:56,334
Yeah, get that warm water
all up in your neck rolls.
188
00:07:56,418 --> 00:07:58,751
♪ Baby, do you like that?
Yes, yes, yes ♪
189
00:07:58,834 --> 00:08:01,543
-Boop.
-[Jessi] Connie, I could get used to this.
190
00:08:01,626 --> 00:08:07,001
There ain't no bubble bath
like a baby bubble bath, baby.
191
00:08:07,584 --> 00:08:09,918
[Andrew] Guys, I've been looking around
for 20 minutes.
192
00:08:10,001 --> 00:08:12,334
I still have no idea what my dad's job is.
193
00:08:12,418 --> 00:08:15,043
Why does he have
dog food cans all over his desk?
194
00:08:15,126 --> 00:08:17,334
And a machete in his filing cabinet?
195
00:08:17,418 --> 00:08:18,959
-What? A machete?
-[knock on door]
196
00:08:19,043 --> 00:08:20,043
Good morning, Marty.
197
00:08:20,126 --> 00:08:22,043
Oh, my dad's associate, Susan.
198
00:08:22,126 --> 00:08:24,418
I mean, my associate, Susan.
I mean, Susan.
199
00:08:24,501 --> 00:08:26,418
Wow, the Susan.
200
00:08:26,501 --> 00:08:28,626
This is such an honor.
201
00:08:28,709 --> 00:08:31,043
I've seen you
in all of Andrew's jerk-off fantasies.
202
00:08:31,126 --> 00:08:34,834
I'd say my personal favorite is
"Andrew Gets Fucked at the Beach."
203
00:08:34,918 --> 00:08:36,376
Are you ready for the presentation?
204
00:08:36,459 --> 00:08:38,793
The presentation.
Of course, yes. Of course, yes.
205
00:08:38,876 --> 00:08:41,293
Yes, let me just get my…
my dog food together?
206
00:08:41,376 --> 00:08:42,293
Okay…
207
00:08:42,376 --> 00:08:45,084
Quick, Andrew. Masturbate to Susan
with your father's dick.
208
00:08:45,168 --> 00:08:46,668
-What?
-Absolutely not.
209
00:08:46,751 --> 00:08:50,209
Oh, you think he should fuck Susan
with his dad's dick,
210
00:08:50,293 --> 00:08:51,709
-because I'd love that.
-Maury!
211
00:08:51,793 --> 00:08:54,751
His parents' marriage
is already in shambles.
212
00:08:54,834 --> 00:08:56,293
[gasps] Wait a minute.
213
00:08:56,376 --> 00:08:59,834
Maybe we could use your father's body
to woo your mother back
214
00:08:59,918 --> 00:09:02,501
with a romantic gesture
like we learned about in therapy.
215
00:09:02,584 --> 00:09:03,584
Boring.
216
00:09:03,668 --> 00:09:05,418
No, Flanny's right.
217
00:09:05,501 --> 00:09:07,959
This is my chance
to get my parents back together.
218
00:09:08,043 --> 00:09:08,876
-[Susan] Marty?
-Who?
219
00:09:08,959 --> 00:09:10,751
They're in the conference room waiting.
220
00:09:10,834 --> 00:09:15,751
I'm so sorry, Susan,
but I have to go home and woo my mom.
221
00:09:15,834 --> 00:09:16,668
I mean, my wife.
222
00:09:16,751 --> 00:09:18,084
Okay…
223
00:09:18,168 --> 00:09:20,668
Quick, before we go,
beg Susan to fuck you,
224
00:09:20,751 --> 00:09:23,043
just like in "Andrew Begs to Get Fucked."
225
00:09:23,126 --> 00:09:24,459
Another personal favorite.
226
00:09:24,543 --> 00:09:25,751
And… action.
227
00:09:25,834 --> 00:09:28,251
Morning, chief.
Uh, what are we looking at?
228
00:09:28,334 --> 00:09:29,418
Bad news, Nolan.
229
00:09:29,501 --> 00:09:31,959
Kid was found sliced ear to ear
with a bread knife
230
00:09:32,043 --> 00:09:34,084
and this rusty bike horn
shoved up his ass.
231
00:09:34,168 --> 00:09:35,376
-[horn honks]
-Hmm, Still works.
232
00:09:35,459 --> 00:09:37,668
I'm sorry, I don't…
I don't think I can do this.
233
00:09:37,751 --> 00:09:39,293
Uh, no, Nathan.
234
00:09:39,376 --> 00:09:42,751
Your line is, "I can do this forever.
I love being a cop."
235
00:09:42,834 --> 00:09:43,959
I am so sorry.
236
00:09:44,043 --> 00:09:45,626
Violence makes me barf.
237
00:09:45,709 --> 00:09:48,959
And I can't even pretend
to hold a gun. So…
238
00:09:49,043 --> 00:09:50,251
Nathan, where are you going?
239
00:09:50,334 --> 00:09:51,334
Taxi.
240
00:09:51,418 --> 00:09:52,709
One adult, please.
241
00:09:52,793 --> 00:09:54,751
To Bridgeton Middle School.
242
00:09:54,834 --> 00:09:55,751
[whistle blows]
243
00:09:55,834 --> 00:09:57,084
[Jay] Come on. Tell them, Steve.
244
00:09:57,168 --> 00:09:58,501
The little boy inside me
245
00:09:58,584 --> 00:10:00,959
wants you to run laps
with your butts hanging out.
246
00:10:01,043 --> 00:10:02,543
[Amazing Paul] Ha, ha!
247
00:10:02,626 --> 00:10:06,793
We are the Sorcerers of the Square Table.
248
00:10:06,876 --> 00:10:09,501
Whoa, cool. Adult men.
249
00:10:09,584 --> 00:10:11,626
[Jay] No, not cool. These guys are losers.
250
00:10:11,709 --> 00:10:14,793
We are looking for the schoolchild
known as Jay Bilzerian.
251
00:10:14,876 --> 00:10:16,709
He's the only magician skilled enough
252
00:10:16,793 --> 00:10:18,876
to help us bring back
The Magnificent Gary.
253
00:10:18,959 --> 00:10:21,376
Who is trapped in The Bread Bowl Realm.
254
00:10:22,626 --> 00:10:24,084
[grunts]
255
00:10:25,376 --> 00:10:26,334
[screams]
256
00:10:26,418 --> 00:10:30,501
Jay, you gotta go do magic
so that guy doesn't become cheese.
257
00:10:30,584 --> 00:10:33,084
[Jay] No! I'm not a magician anymore.
258
00:10:33,168 --> 00:10:34,918
Matthew was right. Being Jay sucked.
259
00:10:35,001 --> 00:10:39,626
Don't you dare talk about my best friend
and body roommate like that.
260
00:10:39,709 --> 00:10:42,293
[Jay] I'll say whatever I want
about my shitty self.
261
00:10:42,376 --> 00:10:45,126
Not while you're sitting
at a little table in my tummy.
262
00:10:45,209 --> 00:10:46,334
[Jay] It's my tummy too.
263
00:10:46,418 --> 00:10:48,459
Ow! My restaurant.
264
00:10:48,543 --> 00:10:49,668
[rock music plays]
265
00:10:53,043 --> 00:10:55,043
Yeah, that's it. Give her a good scrub.
266
00:10:55,126 --> 00:10:58,959
Ooh, yeah,
swing those big old balls for Mommy.
267
00:10:59,043 --> 00:11:01,334
Oh, they're so much heavier
when they're wet.
268
00:11:01,418 --> 00:11:03,543
Marty? What are you doing?
269
00:11:03,626 --> 00:11:06,084
Nothing. Just washing your car.
270
00:11:06,168 --> 00:11:08,376
You know, like I used to do.
271
00:11:08,459 --> 00:11:12,334
You haven't done something like this
in years.
272
00:11:12,418 --> 00:11:15,293
And look, you still have
your spicy little shorts.
273
00:11:15,376 --> 00:11:18,876
Yeah, and they're chock-full of nuts.
274
00:11:18,959 --> 00:11:20,251
Maury, I'm going to hell.
275
00:11:20,334 --> 00:11:24,168
What the hell is that depraved sicko
doing with my body?
276
00:11:24,251 --> 00:11:28,751
Shut up.
Barbara doesn't look like she hates you.
277
00:11:28,834 --> 00:11:32,543
So now that I've wooed you,
can we be married again?
278
00:11:32,626 --> 00:11:33,501
Excuse me?
279
00:11:33,584 --> 00:11:36,293
You know, like you said in family therapy.
280
00:11:36,376 --> 00:11:37,376
I fixed everything.
281
00:11:37,459 --> 00:11:38,793
What? No.
282
00:11:38,876 --> 00:11:41,418
Washing my car once doesn't fix anything.
283
00:11:41,501 --> 00:11:43,209
What do you want me to do?
284
00:11:43,293 --> 00:11:46,043
Clean the microwave? I'll do it nude.
285
00:11:46,126 --> 00:11:48,001
Ugh! You've clearly learned nothing.
286
00:11:48,084 --> 00:11:50,459
Great job, schmendrick. You blew it.
287
00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:52,543
-Wait. Uh, Mom.
-Ugh!
288
00:11:52,626 --> 00:11:54,459
And stop calling me Mom.
289
00:11:54,543 --> 00:11:56,418
Yeah, what are you, Mike Pence?
290
00:11:56,501 --> 00:11:59,959
[Jessi]
Mm, Connie, I feel like a little mummy.
291
00:12:00,043 --> 00:12:03,876
Oh, yeah, all swaddled up
like a baby burrito.
292
00:12:03,959 --> 00:12:06,834
[Jessi] Ow!
All of a sudden, my stomach is killing me.
293
00:12:06,918 --> 00:12:09,501
-[crying]
-Oh, you probably got that baby gas.
294
00:12:09,584 --> 00:12:12,293
You still don't know how to use
that brand new butthole.
295
00:12:12,376 --> 00:12:13,918
Okay, Greg, what's going on?
296
00:12:14,001 --> 00:12:15,334
[Jessi] I have gas, Dad.
297
00:12:15,418 --> 00:12:17,918
It feels like I swallowed
a square bowling ball.
298
00:12:18,001 --> 00:12:19,918
[Greg] I don't know.
Maybe she's hungry again?
299
00:12:20,001 --> 00:12:22,209
Uh, okay, all right.
I'm gonna try feeding her.
300
00:12:22,293 --> 00:12:24,418
Yuh-oh, Stepmom titty, incoming.
301
00:12:24,501 --> 00:12:27,168
[Jessi] No,
I don't want your boob in my mouth.
302
00:12:27,251 --> 00:12:28,501
Uh, she's not latching.
303
00:12:28,584 --> 00:12:30,668
Jam it in there.
Don't give her the option.
304
00:12:30,751 --> 00:12:32,626
[Jessi] Get that away from me.
305
00:12:32,709 --> 00:12:35,251
Fucking burp me.
306
00:12:35,334 --> 00:12:38,209
We will also accept a fart.
307
00:12:39,084 --> 00:12:41,584
And so Jay is now my body brother,
308
00:12:41,668 --> 00:12:45,251
but he didn't wanna come here
because he's not a musician anymore.
309
00:12:45,334 --> 00:12:50,251
[Jay] Uh, no, Steve. I didn't wanna come
because magic sucks rock-hard shit.
310
00:12:50,334 --> 00:12:52,334
Hey, oh. Stop hitting myself.
311
00:12:52,418 --> 00:12:55,084
Oh, yes,
I've seen sorcery like this before.
312
00:12:55,168 --> 00:12:56,543
And if Jay's really in there,
313
00:12:56,626 --> 00:13:01,209
then we have the quartet of magicians
we need to rescue The Magnificent Gary.
314
00:13:01,293 --> 00:13:03,668
-[Jay] Fuck no. I'm not doing magic.
-Hey. Come on, Jay.
315
00:13:03,751 --> 00:13:06,251
Everyone, make the sign of the Bread Bowl
316
00:13:06,334 --> 00:13:09,501
and repeat after me, Arenap.
317
00:13:09,584 --> 00:13:12,501
Arenap. Arenap.
318
00:13:12,584 --> 00:13:13,543
Saran wrap.
319
00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:16,876
No, Arenap, as in Panera backwards.
320
00:13:16,959 --> 00:13:18,043
Lollipop.
321
00:13:18,126 --> 00:13:19,084
Arenap.
322
00:13:19,168 --> 00:13:20,168
Oh, of course.
323
00:13:20,251 --> 00:13:22,418
-Kit Kat.
-Say it correctly or it won't work.
324
00:13:22,501 --> 00:13:24,168
Help me say it, Jay.
325
00:13:24,251 --> 00:13:26,918
[Jay] Fuck them and fuck you!
326
00:13:27,793 --> 00:13:28,751
Ow!
327
00:13:28,834 --> 00:13:32,334
I got glass in my doody oven. Awesome.
328
00:13:32,418 --> 00:13:33,709
[panting]
329
00:13:33,793 --> 00:13:36,043
Oh, thank God, you're home.
I need your help.
330
00:13:36,126 --> 00:13:37,918
Oh, what now, Seamus?
331
00:13:38,001 --> 00:13:40,626
I'm not Seamus, Mom. I'm Nick.
332
00:13:40,709 --> 00:13:42,626
I swapped bodies with Grandpa.
333
00:13:42,709 --> 00:13:45,543
Oh, great. Now he's got
fucking dementia too.
334
00:13:45,626 --> 00:13:47,626
Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom,
please, it's really me.
335
00:13:47,709 --> 00:13:51,001
Okay, "Nicky," prove it.
When's my birthday?
336
00:13:51,084 --> 00:13:52,418
I have no idea.
337
00:13:52,501 --> 00:13:55,751
I forget every year,
but Dad buys you a present from me
338
00:13:55,834 --> 00:13:58,751
and makes you a thoughtful card
that I sign without reading.
339
00:13:58,834 --> 00:14:02,084
Oh, my boy. It really is you.
340
00:14:02,168 --> 00:14:03,084
Mom.
341
00:14:03,168 --> 00:14:05,001
Oh, this is awful.
342
00:14:05,084 --> 00:14:07,209
My son is trapped
in my father-in-law's body.
343
00:14:07,293 --> 00:14:09,376
My husband's acting
like a different person.
344
00:14:09,459 --> 00:14:12,626
Wait. Maybe that's why
I swapped bodies with Grandpa.
345
00:14:12,709 --> 00:14:16,043
So I could help Dad
become Soft Daddy again.
346
00:14:16,126 --> 00:14:16,959
What do you mean?
347
00:14:17,043 --> 00:14:21,668
Well, Nathan Fillion said I need
to learn a lesson to swap bodies back.
348
00:14:21,751 --> 00:14:23,376
Sure, okay…
349
00:14:23,459 --> 00:14:28,293
Maybe I'm supposed to show Dad
the love that Grandpa never could.
350
00:14:28,376 --> 00:14:30,209
Hey, hey, Rick. What'd I miss?
351
00:14:30,293 --> 00:14:31,501
I don't know, man.
352
00:14:31,584 --> 00:14:34,168
I never understand these season finales.
353
00:14:34,251 --> 00:14:37,918
They always gotta do something cuckoo,
and I don't get it.
354
00:14:38,001 --> 00:14:41,709
Monica, I didn't think anything
could be as gorgeous as your eyes,
355
00:14:41,793 --> 00:14:45,959
but your ancient grain focaccia
is coming awfully close.
356
00:14:46,043 --> 00:14:49,126
You know, it almost feels like
you're flirting with me, Missy.
357
00:14:49,209 --> 00:14:51,501
[chuckles] And would that be a problem?
358
00:14:51,584 --> 00:14:53,668
-[doorbell rings]
-[chuckles] Oh.
359
00:14:54,376 --> 00:14:56,334
Mom. I mean… [clears throat]
360
00:14:56,418 --> 00:14:58,584
May I speak with your daughter, madam?
361
00:14:58,668 --> 00:15:00,459
Nathan Fillion?
362
00:15:00,543 --> 00:15:02,793
I know this sounds totally bonkers,
363
00:15:02,876 --> 00:15:06,626
but your daughter and I
are linked supernaturally.
364
00:15:06,709 --> 00:15:07,959
-What?
-Don't worry,
365
00:15:08,043 --> 00:15:10,793
you hot mom
who doesn't know how hot she is.
366
00:15:10,876 --> 00:15:11,918
I'll handle this.
367
00:15:12,001 --> 00:15:13,084
Okay.
368
00:15:13,626 --> 00:15:16,709
So, how's my body
been treating you, Missy?
369
00:15:16,793 --> 00:15:18,168
Did you feel my buttocks?
370
00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:21,709
Oh God. I'm so sorry, Mr. Fillion.
I couldn't resist.
371
00:15:21,793 --> 00:15:25,251
No, no, I get it.
I miss those meat mountains myself.
372
00:15:25,334 --> 00:15:26,876
-Uh, Missy?
-Elijah.
373
00:15:26,959 --> 00:15:29,751
Uh, who's the white dude
with the high butt,
374
00:15:29,834 --> 00:15:31,043
and why does he know my name?
375
00:15:31,126 --> 00:15:33,834
Wait, you don't know
who Nathan Fillion is?
376
00:15:33,918 --> 00:15:37,459
Go ask your mother, young man.
I guarantee she knows.
377
00:15:37,543 --> 00:15:41,334
[chuckles] Okay. But, Missy,
can we actually talk privately?
378
00:15:41,418 --> 00:15:43,209
-It's kind of important.
-Oh, God, Mona.
379
00:15:43,293 --> 00:15:46,209
-Do you think Elijah's here to dump me?
-Of course he is,
380
00:15:46,293 --> 00:15:49,001
'cause he finds you
so physically repulsive.
381
00:15:49,084 --> 00:15:52,251
Well, if it's personal in nature,
382
00:15:52,334 --> 00:15:55,251
I think Nathan
should stick around for this.
383
00:15:55,334 --> 00:15:58,209
Yes. I should… I should probably stay.
384
00:15:58,293 --> 00:16:01,376
Uh, dang. There's no way
I could've prepared for this.
385
00:16:01,959 --> 00:16:04,543
You really screwed up
with that car-wash nonsense.
386
00:16:04,626 --> 00:16:09,168
Me? You screwed up with Mom
every day for the past 20 years.
387
00:16:09,251 --> 00:16:11,876
I mean, do you really even care
about her anymore?
388
00:16:11,959 --> 00:16:14,126
Of course I care about her, you idiot.
389
00:16:14,209 --> 00:16:15,834
I love her, and I admire her.
390
00:16:15,918 --> 00:16:19,376
You don't know what you'd do without her.
391
00:16:19,459 --> 00:16:22,084
Exactly. She's my whole life.
392
00:16:22,168 --> 00:16:24,126
You gotta tell her that, Dad.
393
00:16:24,209 --> 00:16:26,043
I can't tell her that.
394
00:16:26,126 --> 00:16:28,918
What if I do,
and she still doesn't want me?
395
00:16:29,001 --> 00:16:30,709
Then… I'm nothing.
396
00:16:30,793 --> 00:16:33,918
Andrew, if your father can't tell
your mother how he really feels,
397
00:16:34,001 --> 00:16:35,418
then maybe you can.
398
00:16:35,501 --> 00:16:37,126
You mean, use his body?
399
00:16:37,209 --> 00:16:38,501
To fuck Susan.
400
00:16:38,584 --> 00:16:41,126
Finally. We're all on the same page.
401
00:16:41,209 --> 00:16:44,251
Ooh, I'll get a scrunchie
to tie back your father's balls.
402
00:16:44,334 --> 00:16:45,834
Ow! Oh!
403
00:16:45,918 --> 00:16:48,876
I'm sorry I bashed your skull through
a bakery display, Steve,
404
00:16:48,959 --> 00:16:50,501
but I'm not a magician anymore.
405
00:16:50,584 --> 00:16:53,334
-Well, then, who are you?
-Uh, I'm Jay.
406
00:16:53,418 --> 00:16:57,251
No, the Jay I know is a sweet boy
who loves magic.
407
00:16:57,334 --> 00:17:00,084
But maybe you're not that Jay anymore.
408
00:17:00,168 --> 00:17:03,251
[gasps] Maybe you're Jay Leno?
409
00:17:03,334 --> 00:17:05,001
What? I'm not Jay Leno.
410
00:17:05,084 --> 00:17:06,751
Then who are you?
411
00:17:06,834 --> 00:17:08,876
Okay, Steve, I get what you're doing.
412
00:17:08,959 --> 00:17:11,168
What am I doing?
Help me. I don't know who I am.
413
00:17:11,251 --> 00:17:15,459
You want me to go help the sorcerers
do magic and bring back Gary.
414
00:17:15,543 --> 00:17:19,209
No, I just want you
to bring back my friend Jay.
415
00:17:19,293 --> 00:17:22,376
You mean, like, the Jay who loves magic
416
00:17:22,459 --> 00:17:24,418
and running naked in the woods?
417
00:17:24,501 --> 00:17:27,459
Yeah, the Jay who's my bestest buddy.
418
00:17:27,543 --> 00:17:29,043
I miss that guy.
419
00:17:29,126 --> 00:17:31,251
I think I miss that guy too.
420
00:17:31,334 --> 00:17:34,626
Because I am a magician, Steve.
421
00:17:34,709 --> 00:17:36,584
It's in my bones.
422
00:17:36,668 --> 00:17:38,168
Especially my dick bone.
423
00:17:38,251 --> 00:17:39,959
You mean our dick bone.
424
00:17:40,043 --> 00:17:41,168
Exactly.
425
00:17:41,251 --> 00:17:44,834
Now let's go save Gary
from the Bread Bowl Realm!
426
00:17:44,918 --> 00:17:48,501
All right. Leno's back, baby. Team Coco!
427
00:17:48,584 --> 00:17:49,751
All right, old man.
428
00:17:49,834 --> 00:17:52,584
Ready for Hard Daddy
to pop those Snapple caps?
429
00:17:52,668 --> 00:17:57,376
Actually, son, I thought maybe instead of
brutalizing each other's nipples today,
430
00:17:57,459 --> 00:18:00,209
-we might, uh… caress them?
-Caress them?
431
00:18:00,293 --> 00:18:05,334
Because it's okay for men to be tender
with each other, right, Seamus?
432
00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:06,501
Yeah.
433
00:18:06,584 --> 00:18:09,376
You're always telling me that.
I mean, telling Nick that.
434
00:18:09,459 --> 00:18:10,876
Well, okay.
435
00:18:10,959 --> 00:18:13,334
I guess I could
gently squeeze my father's grapes
436
00:18:13,418 --> 00:18:14,834
before I rip them off the vine.
437
00:18:14,918 --> 00:18:20,293
You know, Elliot, I've always acted
like your softness was weakness,
438
00:18:20,376 --> 00:18:26,251
but now I'm beginning to understand
your vulnerability is actually strength.
439
00:18:26,334 --> 00:18:27,543
No, it's not.
440
00:18:27,626 --> 00:18:29,043
Yes, it is.
441
00:18:29,126 --> 00:18:30,751
You were right all along,
442
00:18:30,834 --> 00:18:34,168
and I'm sorry I never said it before, but…
443
00:18:34,251 --> 00:18:36,501
I love you, Elliot Birch.
444
00:18:36,584 --> 00:18:38,293
Oh my God.
445
00:18:38,376 --> 00:18:40,876
I've been waiting so long
to hear you say that.
446
00:18:40,959 --> 00:18:43,876
And this is exactly
how I pictured it happening.
447
00:18:43,959 --> 00:18:47,209
Except we're not sitting face-to-face
on the same horse.
448
00:18:47,293 --> 00:18:52,376
Missy, it's kind of weird to talk to you
about this in front of… him.
449
00:18:52,459 --> 00:18:55,459
Well, anything you can say to me, Missy,
450
00:18:55,543 --> 00:18:59,084
you can say to Nathan Fillion,
a world-class actor,
451
00:18:59,168 --> 00:19:01,501
wealthy enough
to hire his own penis cleaner,
452
00:19:01,584 --> 00:19:04,001
but humble enough to do it himself.
453
00:19:04,084 --> 00:19:07,709
Yeah, Elijah,
we both really care about you.
454
00:19:07,793 --> 00:19:09,251
Okay, sir.
455
00:19:09,334 --> 00:19:10,918
[chuckles] Okay.
456
00:19:11,709 --> 00:19:13,459
Here it goes. [exhales]
457
00:19:13,543 --> 00:19:15,668
I love hanging out with you, Missy.
458
00:19:15,751 --> 00:19:17,751
I really love holding hands with you too,
459
00:19:17,834 --> 00:19:20,251
but I think that might be it for me.
460
00:19:20,751 --> 00:19:22,959
Like… physically.
461
00:19:23,043 --> 00:19:24,959
Because you don't think I'm pretty?
462
00:19:25,043 --> 00:19:27,459
Please, sir. This is hard enough.
Could you stop talking to me?
463
00:19:27,543 --> 00:19:31,959
I think what Nathan means
is you don't think I'm pretty.
464
00:19:32,043 --> 00:19:34,168
No, no, it's not that at all.
465
00:19:34,251 --> 00:19:36,876
It… I… I think you're beautiful.
466
00:19:36,959 --> 00:19:37,793
It's just…
467
00:19:38,293 --> 00:19:40,876
I'm… asexual.
468
00:19:40,959 --> 00:19:41,918
Oh!
469
00:19:42,001 --> 00:19:43,751
Oh, so it's not about me.
470
00:19:43,834 --> 00:19:45,209
None of this is about you!
471
00:19:45,293 --> 00:19:46,918
But, Missy… [sighs]
472
00:19:47,001 --> 00:19:48,543
…I really like being with you.
473
00:19:48,626 --> 00:19:51,251
And I hope me being asexual
doesn't mean we have to break up.
474
00:19:51,334 --> 00:19:55,376
Well, I'd love to respond to you,
of course…
475
00:19:55,459 --> 00:19:57,501
But I think it might be better if I did.
476
00:19:57,584 --> 00:19:59,168
What the fuck, man?
477
00:19:59,251 --> 00:20:00,376
[knock on door]
478
00:20:00,459 --> 00:20:02,126
What do you want from me now, Marty?
479
00:20:02,209 --> 00:20:04,543
I don't want anything from you, Barbara.
480
00:20:04,626 --> 00:20:06,709
I'd actually like to offer you something.
481
00:20:07,251 --> 00:20:09,168
-An apology.
-Oh.
482
00:20:09,251 --> 00:20:10,334
Okay…
483
00:20:10,418 --> 00:20:12,668
I've been stubborn and selfish.
484
00:20:12,751 --> 00:20:15,543
And nasty, and loud, and cheap, and--
485
00:20:15,626 --> 00:20:16,918
And I'm sorry.
486
00:20:17,001 --> 00:20:18,501
-You see, I felt…
-I felt threatened
487
00:20:18,584 --> 00:20:22,001
that you wanted more
after all these years, because…
488
00:20:22,084 --> 00:20:25,543
I thought that
I might not be enough for you anymore.
489
00:20:25,626 --> 00:20:26,543
Marty…
490
00:20:26,626 --> 00:20:29,876
And even though I think
synagogue is a waste of time
491
00:20:29,959 --> 00:20:32,501
-and God's a total asshole--
-God's a total asshole.
492
00:20:32,584 --> 00:20:34,418
-Dad!
-Sorry, sorry.
493
00:20:34,501 --> 00:20:38,209
The truth is, I admire you for growing…
494
00:20:38,293 --> 00:20:39,959
And being your own woman.
495
00:20:40,043 --> 00:20:42,168
How come you never said this before?
496
00:20:42,251 --> 00:20:43,501
Um…
497
00:20:43,584 --> 00:20:45,001
'Cause I'm a rotten guy?
498
00:20:45,084 --> 00:20:47,543
No, you idiot. Because I was scared.
499
00:20:47,626 --> 00:20:50,251
Right. It's because
I didn't wanna seem weak.
500
00:20:50,334 --> 00:20:54,168
But the only thing that matters now
is that you know how much I love you.
501
00:20:54,251 --> 00:20:57,001
Oh, Marty, I love you too.
502
00:20:57,084 --> 00:20:58,543
Good work, schmendrick.
503
00:20:58,626 --> 00:21:02,543
Marty, your apology
got me all hot and bothered.
504
00:21:02,626 --> 00:21:03,584
Oh God, it did?
505
00:21:03,668 --> 00:21:05,084
-Yeah.
-[Andrew] Wait, no.
506
00:21:05,168 --> 00:21:08,918
And you're still wearing
those spicy little shorts. [grunts]
507
00:21:09,001 --> 00:21:10,709
-Ah!
-But not for long.
508
00:21:10,793 --> 00:21:13,376
Oh Shit. Oh, Maury, what do I do?
509
00:21:13,459 --> 00:21:16,209
Um, I think
you might have to fuck your mom.
510
00:21:16,293 --> 00:21:17,834
What? Oh no.
511
00:21:17,918 --> 00:21:19,501
No, Flanny, tell him he's crazy.
512
00:21:19,584 --> 00:21:21,209
Andrew, I'm afraid Maury might be correct.
513
00:21:21,293 --> 00:21:22,876
Oh shit!
514
00:21:22,959 --> 00:21:26,668
-Here I come, big boy.
-Cowabunga.
515
00:21:26,751 --> 00:21:31,001
[chanting] Arenap. Arenap. Arenap.
516
00:21:31,084 --> 00:21:34,793
What in the sweet fucking hell
are you fairies doing?
517
00:21:34,876 --> 00:21:37,501
Stop tickling each other's teats
and act like men.
518
00:21:37,584 --> 00:21:38,584
Don't listen to him.
519
00:21:38,668 --> 00:21:40,459
Choose love, Elliot.
520
00:21:40,543 --> 00:21:41,918
Because that's what real men do.
521
00:21:42,001 --> 00:21:43,251
[magicians chanting] Arenap.
522
00:21:43,334 --> 00:21:46,293
Oh, God, Mona. What should I tell Elijah?
523
00:21:46,376 --> 00:21:49,376
Well, he likes you
and thinks you're beautiful.
524
00:21:49,459 --> 00:21:51,293
Yeah, I guess he does.
525
00:21:51,376 --> 00:21:54,751
But he doesn't want
to french your brains out.
526
00:21:54,834 --> 00:21:56,376
Are you okay with that?
527
00:21:56,459 --> 00:21:58,876
Oh, Maury. Is this actually gonna happen?
528
00:21:58,959 --> 00:22:02,376
Just go with it.
Remember, you've been in there before.
529
00:22:02,459 --> 00:22:04,584
Here, Andrew, bite down on this.
530
00:22:04,668 --> 00:22:07,626
Real men aren't lovey-dovey pansies.
531
00:22:07,709 --> 00:22:09,334
You're all pathetic.
532
00:22:09,418 --> 00:22:12,334
Oh, Nicky. I've been setting
such a bad example.
533
00:22:12,418 --> 00:22:16,251
I was only acting like Hard Daddy
to get my father's love.
534
00:22:16,334 --> 00:22:17,584
You were?
535
00:22:17,668 --> 00:22:19,376
Yes. But the truth is,
536
00:22:19,459 --> 00:22:22,418
the only way to get love is to give love.
537
00:22:22,501 --> 00:22:26,793
And, Nicky, your Soft Daddy
loves you very much.
538
00:22:26,876 --> 00:22:28,459
I love you too.
539
00:22:28,543 --> 00:22:32,584
Arenap. Arenap. Arenap.
540
00:22:32,668 --> 00:22:35,876
Nathan, what do you think I would say?
541
00:22:35,959 --> 00:22:37,626
Arenap.
542
00:22:37,709 --> 00:22:40,876
-[cries]
-[groans] I feel so helpless, Greg.
543
00:22:40,959 --> 00:22:43,043
We don't know what you want.
544
00:22:43,126 --> 00:22:46,001
[Jessi] I wanna burp! I wanna fart!
545
00:22:46,084 --> 00:22:49,168
Andrew, wait. Have you thought
about where you're gonna finish?
546
00:22:49,251 --> 00:22:50,751
-What?
-Have mercy, Maury.
547
00:22:50,834 --> 00:22:53,126
Hey, I'm just trying to do my goddamn job.
548
00:22:53,209 --> 00:22:55,834
-[chanting] Arenap.
-Holy bread bowli.
549
00:22:55,918 --> 00:22:57,709
[Jay] It's working.
550
00:22:57,793 --> 00:22:59,126
I think you'd say…
551
00:22:59,209 --> 00:23:01,668
Elijah, I accept you for who you are
552
00:23:01,751 --> 00:23:04,251
and very much
want to remain your girlfriend,
553
00:23:04,334 --> 00:23:05,793
if you'll have me… have her.
554
00:23:05,876 --> 00:23:07,501
Missy, who is not me.
555
00:23:07,584 --> 00:23:08,626
Is that true, Missy?
556
00:23:08,709 --> 00:23:11,543
Yes, I want to be your girlfriend.
557
00:23:11,626 --> 00:23:15,376
[magicians chanting]
Arenap. Arenap. Arenap.
558
00:23:15,459 --> 00:23:17,376
We're doing it!
559
00:23:17,459 --> 00:23:19,126
Hug him back, you little old drunk.
560
00:23:19,209 --> 00:23:21,584
Oh, for fuck's sake. All right.
561
00:23:21,668 --> 00:23:23,043
[magicians] Arenap.
562
00:23:23,126 --> 00:23:25,834
[both grunting]
563
00:23:26,709 --> 00:23:27,709
[chanting] Arenap.
564
00:23:27,793 --> 00:23:30,876
What's everyone up to this weekend?
565
00:23:30,959 --> 00:23:33,668
[Jessi] Connie,
I don't wanna be a baby anymore.
566
00:23:33,751 --> 00:23:36,626
But won't you miss
those baby bubble baths?
567
00:23:36,709 --> 00:23:38,418
[Jessi] I wanna give myself my own baths.
568
00:23:38,501 --> 00:23:40,168
Yeah, with a showerhead.
569
00:23:40,251 --> 00:23:42,668
[Jessi] I want my old life back.
570
00:23:42,751 --> 00:23:45,376
[magicians chanting] Arenap. Arenap.
571
00:23:45,459 --> 00:23:48,626
Oh, gross. Why do babies
suck on their own feet?
572
00:23:48,709 --> 00:23:50,959
Because, honestly, once you get older,
573
00:23:51,043 --> 00:23:52,918
it's just, like, hard to find the time.
574
00:23:53,001 --> 00:23:56,084
My pervert son is about to schtup my wife.
575
00:23:56,168 --> 00:23:57,876
What do I do? What do I do?
Do I go in there?
576
00:23:57,959 --> 00:23:59,834
I love you, Marty.
577
00:23:59,918 --> 00:24:02,501
Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. Whoa!
578
00:24:03,293 --> 00:24:04,668
[grunts]
579
00:24:05,209 --> 00:24:06,501
Oh, I'm back.
580
00:24:06,584 --> 00:24:07,668
Oh, me too.
581
00:24:07,751 --> 00:24:09,751
Andrew, are you spying on us?
582
00:24:09,834 --> 00:24:12,668
No, no, I was just… just listening.
583
00:24:12,751 --> 00:24:15,126
I told you he was disgusting, Barbara.
584
00:24:15,209 --> 00:24:17,918
Relax, pervert, I'll take it from here.
585
00:24:18,418 --> 00:24:19,709
-Oof.
-[grunts]
586
00:24:19,793 --> 00:24:21,126
Arenap.
587
00:24:21,209 --> 00:24:22,459
He's back!
588
00:24:22,543 --> 00:24:23,876
Is this heaven?
589
00:24:23,959 --> 00:24:25,793
Better. It's a Panera.
590
00:24:26,709 --> 00:24:27,668
[groans]
591
00:24:27,751 --> 00:24:30,376
Oh, that was crazy, huh, Jay?
592
00:24:30,459 --> 00:24:33,376
Mr. Leno?
Knock, knock, you still in there?
593
00:24:34,668 --> 00:24:36,459
-[groans] Oh.
-[growling]
594
00:24:36,543 --> 00:24:40,209
Hey, guys. Sick bones. [chuckles]
595
00:24:40,293 --> 00:24:42,668
Wait. I'm a wolf too. See?
596
00:24:42,751 --> 00:24:46,376
Pillow-fucking magician wolf!
597
00:24:46,459 --> 00:24:48,459
[howling]
598
00:24:50,418 --> 00:24:53,501
Oh, it's so good
to be back in my own body.
599
00:24:53,584 --> 00:24:55,001
Speak for yourself.
600
00:24:55,084 --> 00:24:58,501
Someone get me some booze
to dull the pain.
601
00:24:58,584 --> 00:24:59,959
I'm as dry as a bone.
602
00:25:00,043 --> 00:25:02,376
-Well, I, for one, am not dry.
-Ugh.
603
00:25:02,459 --> 00:25:06,168
What do you say we go upstairs
and make Soft Daddy hard again?
604
00:25:06,251 --> 00:25:08,209
Two words, carry me.
605
00:25:08,293 --> 00:25:11,126
Oh, no, Nicorice.
Your mom's trying to fuck you.
606
00:25:11,209 --> 00:25:14,168
What? No, I was never even
in my dad's body, you fucking idiot.
607
00:25:14,251 --> 00:25:17,001
So you think your mom
is trying to fuck me?
608
00:25:17,084 --> 00:25:19,209
[chuckles] Cowabunga, baby.
609
00:25:19,293 --> 00:25:22,501
-Shh, shh, shh!
-Dad, Caitlin, the baby has gas.
610
00:25:22,584 --> 00:25:26,793
Oh, of course, because she's a baby.
611
00:25:26,876 --> 00:25:30,209
-[burps and farts]
-There you go, you little fart factory.
612
00:25:30,293 --> 00:25:31,584
That feels better, right?
613
00:25:31,668 --> 00:25:34,876
Delilah is really lucky
to have you as a big sister.
614
00:25:34,959 --> 00:25:38,168
Mama, do you think
you'll ever want another baby?
615
00:25:38,251 --> 00:25:42,876
Oh, sweetie.
It was a real struggle to even want you.
616
00:25:42,959 --> 00:25:44,793
Before you go, Mr. Fillion,
617
00:25:44,876 --> 00:25:48,793
I just want to say I am sorry
for putting you through all of this.
618
00:25:48,876 --> 00:25:51,751
Oh, no need, Missy.
This was the role of a lifetime.
619
00:25:52,251 --> 00:25:54,001
Good luck, you two. Taxi.
620
00:25:54,084 --> 00:25:55,959
One adult, please. To the set of…
621
00:25:56,043 --> 00:25:57,293
The Rookie.
622
00:25:57,376 --> 00:25:59,793
-[Barbara] Oh, Marty.
-[Marty] Oh, yeah.
623
00:25:59,876 --> 00:26:03,043
Barbara, you haven't been
this damp in years.
624
00:26:03,126 --> 00:26:05,168
It's like a cellar down here.
625
00:26:05,251 --> 00:26:06,376
Maury, do you think--
626
00:26:06,459 --> 00:26:10,751
That you pre-gamed your mom for your dad?
Yes. Yes, I do.
627
00:26:10,834 --> 00:26:11,793
Ugh.
628
00:26:11,876 --> 00:26:13,334
I'm very proud of you, Andrew.
629
00:26:13,418 --> 00:26:16,209
You know what? I'm very proud of myself.
630
00:26:16,293 --> 00:26:18,959
-[Barbara] Oh, Marty.
-[Marty] Cowabunga!
631
00:26:19,043 --> 00:26:21,376
♪ Body, ody, ody, ody
Ody, ody, ody, ody ♪
632
00:26:21,459 --> 00:26:23,834
♪ Ody, ody, ody
Ody, ody, ody, ody ♪
633
00:26:23,918 --> 00:26:26,584
♪ Body crazy, curvy, wavy
Big tittles, little waist ♪
634
00:26:26,668 --> 00:26:29,084
♪ Body crazy, curvy, wavy
Big tittles, little waist ♪
635
00:26:29,168 --> 00:26:31,626
♪ Body, ody, ody, ody
Ody, ody, ody, ody ♪
636
00:26:31,709 --> 00:26:33,876
♪ Ody, ody, ody
Ody, ody, ody, ody ♪
637
00:26:33,959 --> 00:26:36,126
♪ Look how I bodied that
Ate it up and gave it back ♪
638
00:26:36,209 --> 00:26:38,709
♪ Yeah, you look good
But they still wanna know where Megan at ♪
639
00:26:38,793 --> 00:26:41,251
♪ Saucy like a barbecue
But you won't get your baby back ♪
640
00:26:41,334 --> 00:26:43,751
♪ See me in that dress
And he feel like he almost tasted that ♪
641
00:26:43,834 --> 00:26:46,376
♪ Num, num, num, num, eat it up
Foreplay, okay, three, two, one ♪
642
00:26:46,459 --> 00:26:48,793
♪ You know I'm the hottest
You ain't gotta heat me up ♪
643
00:26:48,876 --> 00:26:51,459
♪ I'm present when I'm absent
Speaking when I'm not there ♪
644
00:26:51,543 --> 00:26:54,626
♪ All 'em bitches scary cats
I call 'em Carole Baskins, ah! ♪
645
00:26:54,709 --> 00:26:56,876
♪ Body, ody, ody, ody
Ody, ody, ody, ody ♪
646
00:26:56,959 --> 00:26:57,834
-♪ Ah ♪
-♪ Ooh ♪
647
00:27:01,418 --> 00:27:02,959
♪ Ody, ody, ody, ody ♪
648
00:27:04,043 --> 00:27:04,959
♪ Muah ♪