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Back in the '90s, marching bands
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across the country
were stepping up their game
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by taking hit songs from MTV
straight to the halftime show.
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At William Penn,
I was determined to make sure
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that my marching band
was doing the same.
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- Um, what's this?
- Our lead-off song
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for the Keystone State
Marching Band Competition.
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This isn't "On Top of Old Smokey."
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No more songs with "old" in the title.
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We need something fresh and new.
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That's why we'll be bringing the
heat with some Barenaked Ladies,
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which are actually just
four fully clothed men.
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Isn't that song, like,
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super-fast and impossible
for children to play?
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No. It's... It's easy. Listen.
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♪ Like Kurosawa I make mad films ♪
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♪ Yeah, I don't make films ♪
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♪ But if I did, I'd have a samurai ♪
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♪ Tiny nubs and a
hmm-hmm-hmm da-da-ta-ta ♪
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♪ Flying off the back swing ♪
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This isn't easy.
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♪ Ka-too-too-hmm-hmm ♪
Yeah.
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Nope.
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Now that I hear it,
it's a real tough song.
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So, we don't have to do it?
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All the more reason to!
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Just 'cause something's hard
doesn't mean you should give up.
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What do ya say?
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I say we're guaranteed to fail
in a very public forum.
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I hear "yes."
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From the top.
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Five, six, seven, eight!
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Come on! Fast fingers! Who's with me?
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Wow. It is fast.
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But it's okay. We got this.
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I'm running out of breath.
It's very fast.
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♪ One of these days,
you're gonna get outta here ♪
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♪ Live your life and finally be free ♪
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♪ Go where you wanna go,
do what you wanna do ♪
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♪ Someday, you will say
"Those were the days" ♪
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It was October 23rd, 1990-something,
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and the week was starting
with a nasty epidemic.
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Okay, guys, listen up.
Another teacher down.
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First Cinoman, then Crosby.
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Now Taraborelli just called in sick.
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- Oh, my God.
- A kid just yacked in Neiman's class.
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- Ugh.
- Well, it's this flu going around.
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Nobody come near me.
I'm already at my goal weight.
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Most of the year, nobody even
thinks about the janitor.
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Suddenly... flu season, and
the man with the vomit sawdust
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is the belle of the ball.
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I'm all of a sudden
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not feeling so great, either.
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I better hazmat up.
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Okay, all hands on deck.
I need everybody to pitch in.
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Uh, CB, I need you to take
Coop's Spanish classes.
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People do say I'm the
Ricky Martin of William Penn.
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Your nana and who else?
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- Rick, can you take Taraborelli's class?
- Got it.
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And, Wilma, can you handle
Crosby's wood shop? Thank you.
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And then, last but least,
social studies, and...
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I'm gonna go make a few calls.
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Where Principal Sweater Vest?
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He say he need me substitute.
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Don't you work in the kitchen?
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I sometimes teach talk class, too.
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Talk class?
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The English? "Blah, blah, blah."
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Mother. Hi.
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Thank you for returning my call.
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How do you feel about teaching home ec?
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John, I can't help but notice
you never pick me to substitute.
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Gotta go.
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Maybe I'll regret asking you why, but...
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No, it's a good instinct.
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You've got a lunch lady
teaching Honors English.
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Petra has five advanced degrees.
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She sent the first Cosmonaut to Mars.
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A Cosmonaut made it to Mars?
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Well, made it most of the way.
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That's why she's here making pierogis.
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Win-win.
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Doesn't sound like anyone won.
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Try her pierogis and get back to me.
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Come on. Nelson's out sick
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and you've got no one to teach home ec.
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I can crack an egg.
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No, you can't.
You're not minimally competent.
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Oh! Yeah, well, you have a weird head!
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Whoa. I'm gonna let that slide
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because I'm very secure
in my head shape.
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"Minimally competent"
is an official term.
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All substitutes need
a certificate from the state
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saying you have the lowest level
of remedial knowledge
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in basic subjects like reading and math.
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I have a diploma from this school.
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You'll have to do better than that.
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This is important to me, John.
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Everyone else is pitching in.
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How do I get one of these certificates?
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You can get certified in a week
at night school.
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CB is actually teaching a class
at the community college.
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That's even better.
He gives out lollipop for A's.
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This is adult education.
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Well, then, maybe he gives out
free cigarettes or something.
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I don't know.
As long as I get something free.
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Back in the day,
each sub had their own style.
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The sub that showed movies...
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Your calculus teacher called in sick,
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so we're gonna watch
a math-based movie...
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"Cannonball Run II."
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How is that a math movie?
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2.
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Got a number in it. Math.
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...the sub who took it
way too seriously.
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Sometimes, you had a random
non-teacher who confused you...
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- I'll be your sub for the next 30 days.
- Sweet.
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It's gonna be a lot of learning today,
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so if you gotta make, do it now.
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...and some teachers like CB,
who used the opportunity
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of subbing to learn something
new themselves.
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El granjero montaba un burrito.
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"The farmer was riding a burrito"?
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No. Oh.
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A "burrito" means "small donkey."
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Makes me wonder what I've been
eating at the Taco Hut.
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Thank you, Tom Scott,
for opening our "ojos"
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to the perils of "rapido" food.
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Wilma, you're a science gal.
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Got to teach a quantum physics
class in about 10 minutes.
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So, my question is "Sister Act"
or "Mrs. Doubtfire"?
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I'd go with "Sister Act"
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because I'm showing
"Mrs. Doubtfire" in wood shop.
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When will it be safe to go back
into the teacher's lounge?
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It depends on if he has hazmat
suits for the rest of us.
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Hmm. Well, I think I got all
of our classes covered.
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As long as we stay healthy, we're good.
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What was that?
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Just got a little tug-of-war
in my tummy.
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I left my jerky out in the sun
a little too long.
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- I'll push through.
- You're sick.
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- You should go home.
- No. Nobody goes home.
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Everybody, relax.
I have an elite immune system.
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I could eat a ball of used Band-Aids
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and not come down
with so much as a sniffle.
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Ooh. Wait.
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You're burning up.
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Yeah, well, we have the most
important wrestling match
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of the season on Friday.
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Winner takes home the Jenkin Cup,
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and I am not leaving this guy
in charge of that.
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He'll turn 'em into wusses.
Do not worry.
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I just need a little power nap
in my office, and I'll be 100%.
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Uh... uh.
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Turns out, nothing was 100%,
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especially my marching band.
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Okay.
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Good stuff. It's really... coming along.
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Any questions?
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Any questions that aren't
about if I'll let you quit?
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Eh, it's not about quitting per se,
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but what if we pivot and do
"Three Blind Mice" instead?
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Okay. Take five, and, uh,
study your sheet music.
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And no nursery rhymes.
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Uh, Glascott said you wanted to see me?
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Yeah, I'm taking your night-school class
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- so I can become a sub.
- Aw, sweet.
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That's totally cool that you care.
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But also, why do you care?
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I'm just so tired of always
being passed over
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like I'm not even there.
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Lainey Lewis, I... see... you.
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What are you doing?
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I'm not sure. Uh, class starts at 8:00.
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We're gonna be hitting the
geography on the test tonight.
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Test? What test? Why is there a test?
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'Cause that's how classes work.
You're a teacher.
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It's troubling you don't know this.
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Oh. Gotcha. But, yeah, I quit.
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Hey, never give up, kids.
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No quitters in this class, right?
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Except for me. Big quitter right here.
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I thought you were tired of
always being passed over.
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I am, but I also thought
your class was just
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you doing lame puns in dorky costumes
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as you gave out lollipops.
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That's, like, so freaky
that you said that
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because that's exactly what I do.
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I'm still out. So, we're good?
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As a friend, I refuse to let you quit.
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- I already did.
- Didn't hear ya.
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Ready? Two, four, five.
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I already said no.
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I can't hear you. I'm sorry.
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Not happening!
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I'm so glad you're excited, though.
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My God! You suck!
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I'll see you at 8:00!
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CB really wanted me to substitute.
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Meanwhile, Glascott
had already become one.
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Nice wrestling, guys.
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I like the look of all the wrestling.
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I really like the looks
of the wrestling.
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They're doing well, right?
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Ronnie should have pinned him by now.
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Good note, Weasel.
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00:06:58,196 --> 00:07:00,496
Ronnie, whenever you are
ready to "pin" him,
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that would be super.
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00:07:03,468 --> 00:07:04,533
Sorry!
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00:07:04,602 --> 00:07:06,802
My head's not in it.
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00:07:06,871 --> 00:07:08,971
When Coach gets back,
he'll straighten me out.
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00:07:09,073 --> 00:07:11,907
Well, right now, I am the coach.
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00:07:12,009 --> 00:07:14,310
In fact, isn't a former
guidance counselor
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just a coach by another name?
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00:07:16,180 --> 00:07:18,214
I've had Gatorade dumped on my head.
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00:07:18,282 --> 00:07:20,483
Not in victory, but by a clumsy waiter.
217
00:07:20,551 --> 00:07:22,918
But I'm still qualified
to give you advice.
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Yeah. Like when I was worried
I didn't have
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00:07:25,122 --> 00:07:27,456
the smarts to be a doctor,
and you told me I did,
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00:07:27,525 --> 00:07:29,525
just not one for people or animals...
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00:07:29,594 --> 00:07:30,793
or trees.
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00:07:30,895 --> 00:07:32,928
And I steered you towards that
job with The Rug Doctor.
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I can help you like that.
224
00:07:34,699 --> 00:07:36,465
Oh, I don't have the grades
to be a rug doctor.
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00:07:36,534 --> 00:07:38,601
When you were having trouble
pinning Karl,
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00:07:38,669 --> 00:07:40,369
was it him you were wrestling with,
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or was it "inner Ronnie"?
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"Inner Ronnie"?
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00:07:43,407 --> 00:07:44,540
Knock, knock.
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Can "inner Ronnie" tell me
what's on his mind?
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Well, I guess we're both kinda
bummed about my grandma.
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She practically raised me.
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Coach is listening.
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00:07:51,682 --> 00:07:53,516
Well, she's got
this new boyfriend, Hank,
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00:07:53,584 --> 00:07:55,217
and he's never gonna be my grandpa,
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no matter how many 50-cent
pieces he pulls out of my ear.
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I think you know what you'll have to do
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before you're ready to wrestle Karl.
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Wrestle Hank.
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00:08:02,360 --> 00:08:05,427
No. You need to open up
to Hank and your granny,
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00:08:05,530 --> 00:08:08,764
and this time, let
"inner Ronnie" do the talking.
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Oh, thanks.
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- Yeah.
- I'm on it.
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That's good coaching, Coach.
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Thanks, Weasel.
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00:08:14,405 --> 00:08:16,772
What the hell kind of
cockamamie practice is this?
247
00:08:16,874 --> 00:08:18,541
Why is there no sweat on the mat?
248
00:08:18,643 --> 00:08:19,742
Why is nobody wrestling?
249
00:08:19,844 --> 00:08:21,844
Where's that musty armpit smell?
250
00:08:21,946 --> 00:08:24,446
Rick, you should be home in bed.
You look terrible.
251
00:08:24,549 --> 00:08:28,250
I feel terrible, too.
Got my temperature up to 104.8.
252
00:08:28,352 --> 00:08:29,685
That's a personal best.
253
00:08:29,787 --> 00:08:31,453
I stopped sweating 'cause I'm all out.
254
00:08:32,523 --> 00:08:34,056
Where's Ronnie, my best wrestler?
255
00:08:34,158 --> 00:08:35,724
I sent him home for some training.
256
00:08:35,826 --> 00:08:38,131
- Weights?
- Yes. Emotional ones.
257
00:08:38,172 --> 00:08:40,863
- And those are the heaviest of all.
- No, they're not.
258
00:08:40,965 --> 00:08:42,898
Emotions and feelings
don't mix with wrestling.
259
00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:44,199
I knew you'd botch this up.
260
00:08:44,302 --> 00:08:46,168
I was actually making
some real progress here.
261
00:08:46,270 --> 00:08:48,070
By sending Ronnie home
to cry in his journal?
262
00:08:48,172 --> 00:08:49,905
Journaling would be a huge step.
263
00:08:50,007 --> 00:08:53,309
I need to coach this team
to victory over Valley Forge!
264
00:08:53,411 --> 00:08:54,410
Whoa. Okay. Come on.
265
00:08:54,512 --> 00:08:56,111
We're taking you to the emergency room.
266
00:08:56,213 --> 00:08:57,279
Huh? No way.
267
00:08:57,381 --> 00:08:59,615
Not until you promise
to call your colonel pal
268
00:08:59,717 --> 00:09:01,984
and tell him to postpone
this meet until I'm better
269
00:09:02,086 --> 00:09:03,919
and I can undo all the coaching you did.
270
00:09:04,021 --> 00:09:05,621
If that's what it takes, fine.
271
00:09:05,723 --> 00:09:07,723
I will call Colonel Welch and postpone.
272
00:09:07,825 --> 00:09:09,024
Now let's go.
273
00:09:09,126 --> 00:09:11,293
- Hello, Colonel Welch?
- Who is this?
274
00:09:11,395 --> 00:09:13,028
It's John Glascott over at William Penn.
275
00:09:13,130 --> 00:09:15,130
Coach Mellor's come down with a fever,
276
00:09:15,232 --> 00:09:17,366
and I promised him
that we would postpone
277
00:09:17,468 --> 00:09:19,101
until later, when he's better.
278
00:09:19,203 --> 00:09:20,936
Hell, no!
279
00:09:21,038 --> 00:09:22,805
What the [bleep] was that?
280
00:09:23,442 --> 00:09:25,348
After failing to postpone
the wrestling meet,
281
00:09:25,419 --> 00:09:27,090
Glascott had to break the news to Coach.
282
00:09:27,160 --> 00:09:30,043
Rick? Hey, buddy, you feeling better?
283
00:09:30,106 --> 00:09:32,470
He was still really sick,
but recovering in his own way.
284
00:09:32,510 --> 00:09:33,709
What's up, pal?!
285
00:09:33,778 --> 00:09:34,911
Rick, shouldn't you be in bed?
286
00:09:34,979 --> 00:09:36,445
There's no stopping the Mellor machine.
287
00:09:36,514 --> 00:09:39,115
My mind is moving in a million
different directions.
288
00:09:40,852 --> 00:09:44,353
I just got an idea
for a "Police Academy" movie.
289
00:09:44,422 --> 00:09:46,489
I need a pen and some paper.
290
00:09:46,591 --> 00:09:48,291
So, listen, I was talking
to Colonel Welch
291
00:09:48,393 --> 00:09:49,392
over at Valley Forge.
292
00:09:49,460 --> 00:09:52,228
Valley Forge. Pivotal moment in the war.
293
00:09:52,330 --> 00:09:54,630
I hope General Washington
knows what he's doing,
294
00:09:54,699 --> 00:09:56,732
that cherry-tree-chopping
son of a bitch.
295
00:09:56,801 --> 00:09:59,201
Yeah, and so, listen,
I talked to Colonel Welch
296
00:09:59,304 --> 00:10:01,304
about postponing the wrestling match,
297
00:10:01,372 --> 00:10:02,772
but he's being a real blowhole.
298
00:10:02,874 --> 00:10:03,973
You're a true friend.
299
00:10:04,075 --> 00:10:05,107
You and...
300
00:10:05,209 --> 00:10:06,342
Have you met Eileen?
301
00:10:06,444 --> 00:10:07,977
- No.
- Oh.
302
00:10:08,046 --> 00:10:11,080
- She's... a hell of a gal.
- Mm.
303
00:10:11,149 --> 00:10:13,149
She's a bit clingy, though, you know?
304
00:10:13,217 --> 00:10:15,051
Don't worry, Rick. The boys
and I won't let you down.
305
00:10:15,119 --> 00:10:16,252
I know you won't, Jeremy.
306
00:10:16,321 --> 00:10:17,620
- Mm-hmm.
- Godspeed.
307
00:10:17,689 --> 00:10:19,055
I'll walk you to the door.
308
00:10:19,157 --> 00:10:21,123
Stop smothering me, please!
309
00:10:21,225 --> 00:10:23,793
It was the first of CB's
night-school classes,
310
00:10:23,861 --> 00:10:26,529
and he was already diving into
his trademark teaching style...
311
00:10:26,598 --> 00:10:28,864
silly costumes, baggy cargo pants,
312
00:10:28,900 --> 00:10:32,101
and close-up magic, all to make
boring subjects seem more fun.
313
00:10:32,203 --> 00:10:34,437
And transitioning into state capitals,
314
00:10:34,505 --> 00:10:35,705
but I don't need an outfit for that
315
00:10:35,773 --> 00:10:37,873
because the fun is right there.
316
00:10:37,976 --> 00:10:39,609
Alaska. What's the capital?
317
00:10:39,677 --> 00:10:41,077
Peter, d'youknow?
318
00:10:42,313 --> 00:10:43,679
No one's getting the puns.
319
00:10:43,781 --> 00:10:45,281
Psst! Ms. Lewis.
320
00:10:45,383 --> 00:10:46,515
What are you guys doing here?
321
00:10:46,618 --> 00:10:48,264
Sorry, it's a marching-band emergency.
322
00:10:48,334 --> 00:10:49,365
Is everybody okay?
323
00:10:49,443 --> 00:10:52,822
We had a trombone/bass-drum
collision during band practice.
324
00:10:52,890 --> 00:10:54,190
Looks like the trombone won.
325
00:10:54,258 --> 00:10:55,858
Not really.
326
00:10:55,927 --> 00:10:57,426
So sorry. I have to replace these,
327
00:10:57,528 --> 00:10:58,794
and the place closes at 10:00.
328
00:10:58,863 --> 00:11:00,463
- I'll be back if I can.
- Wait.
329
00:11:00,531 --> 00:11:02,665
Before you go, what's
the capital of Delaware?
330
00:11:02,734 --> 00:11:04,600
- Uh...
- While you're gone,
331
00:11:04,702 --> 00:11:06,035
why don't you think it Dover?
332
00:11:06,137 --> 00:11:08,237
I definitely will. Let's go.
333
00:11:09,907 --> 00:11:11,340
Hey, thanks for the help, guys.
334
00:11:11,442 --> 00:11:14,010
Although, you didn't actually
have to break the instruments.
335
00:11:14,078 --> 00:11:15,378
We really wanted to sell it.
336
00:11:15,446 --> 00:11:16,679
You did poorly.
337
00:11:16,748 --> 00:11:17,780
He knows!
338
00:11:17,882 --> 00:11:19,482
Hey, you.
339
00:11:19,584 --> 00:11:21,350
Look, I can explain.
340
00:11:21,419 --> 00:11:24,387
You paid children to help spin
your desperate web of lies?
341
00:11:24,455 --> 00:11:27,089
Yes, but they sucked, and I will
be asking for the money back.
342
00:11:27,191 --> 00:11:28,891
You should really get back to my class.
343
00:11:28,993 --> 00:11:30,318
You're supposed to start subbing
344
00:11:30,342 --> 00:11:31,483
- on Monday.
- What?
345
00:11:31,529 --> 00:11:33,763
Virus took out the sixth grade
history teacher,
346
00:11:33,865 --> 00:11:35,598
and I told Glascott you'd
be ready to fill in.
347
00:11:35,667 --> 00:11:37,633
- Why'd you do that?
- 'Cause you got a great teacher,
348
00:11:37,735 --> 00:11:38,834
and he's gonna help you pass that test.
349
00:11:38,935 --> 00:11:40,936
Or the teacher just
passes me to be nice.
350
00:11:41,039 --> 00:11:42,263
The teacher's not gonna do that.
351
00:11:42,326 --> 00:11:44,807
Then the teacher needs to tell
Glascott that he's a bonehead
352
00:11:44,909 --> 00:11:46,498
for signing me up without even asking.
353
00:11:46,560 --> 00:11:48,110
Don't call the teacher a bonehead.
354
00:11:48,179 --> 00:11:50,413
Teacher's a bonehead,
and his close-up magic is lame.
355
00:11:50,515 --> 00:11:52,548
The teacher knows you're only
saying that 'cause you're mad.
356
00:11:52,650 --> 00:11:55,017
Does the teacher also know
that gluing felt numbers
357
00:11:55,086 --> 00:11:56,652
to his coat makes him
look like a doofus?
358
00:11:56,721 --> 00:11:58,454
Now you're just hurting
the teacher's feelings,
359
00:11:58,523 --> 00:11:59,655
but he still believes in you.
360
00:11:59,724 --> 00:12:02,358
Ugh! I hate this super-caring
and supportive teacher!
361
00:12:02,460 --> 00:12:03,893
Teacher knows you don't mean that
362
00:12:03,995 --> 00:12:06,062
and sees this as a happy end
to the conversation.
363
00:12:06,130 --> 00:12:08,264
Watch out for that bench.
364
00:12:08,366 --> 00:12:10,966
On the day of the big meet,
Glascott was trying to be
365
00:12:11,069 --> 00:12:13,569
the inspiring coach
Mellor said he could never be.
366
00:12:13,638 --> 00:12:16,138
Principal Glascott, I'm back.
367
00:12:16,240 --> 00:12:17,640
And I'm ready to wrestle.
368
00:12:17,742 --> 00:12:19,419
Well, that's great, Ronnie,
but what about
369
00:12:19,497 --> 00:12:21,536
your granny and
her special friend, Hank?
370
00:12:21,599 --> 00:12:22,982
We all talked, and with your help,
371
00:12:23,060 --> 00:12:25,481
I've come to accept my
grandmother as a sensual being.
372
00:12:25,583 --> 00:12:27,149
Those are the words I wanted to hear.
373
00:12:27,218 --> 00:12:28,317
Thanks for everything, Coach.
374
00:12:28,419 --> 00:12:29,852
That's right. I am the coach.
375
00:12:29,921 --> 00:12:32,555
But I stand in the shadow
of a great man, Coach Mellor.
376
00:12:32,623 --> 00:12:36,092
A great man who doesn't always
appreciate the crucial role
377
00:12:36,194 --> 00:12:39,295
that guidance counseling
can play in athletic success.
378
00:12:39,363 --> 00:12:42,765
But nevertheless, I am honored
to call him my best friend...
379
00:12:42,834 --> 00:12:44,100
at work.
380
00:12:44,168 --> 00:12:45,801
Let's win this one for Coach Mellor.
381
00:12:45,903 --> 00:12:47,189
Yeah!
382
00:12:47,299 --> 00:12:49,238
Glascott stepped out onto that mat
383
00:12:49,307 --> 00:12:51,774
and coached his team
the best way he knew how.
384
00:12:51,876 --> 00:12:53,642
Ronnie, remember to love yourself,
385
00:12:53,745 --> 00:12:55,277
no matter how this turns out!
386
00:12:55,379 --> 00:12:57,713
I'm a work in progress, Coach!
387
00:12:59,283 --> 00:13:01,317
Glascott couldn't wait to share
the good news with Mellor,
388
00:13:01,419 --> 00:13:04,153
that he and the wrestlers had
won the trophy just for him.
389
00:13:04,255 --> 00:13:06,555
You won this for me?! Are you crazy?!
390
00:13:06,657 --> 00:13:08,624
Why are you yelling?
I thought you'd be happy.
391
00:13:08,693 --> 00:13:10,526
Happy? I couldn't turn
those kids into winners,
392
00:13:10,628 --> 00:13:11,894
and you do it in two days?
393
00:13:11,963 --> 00:13:13,229
I'm so mad right now!
394
00:13:13,297 --> 00:13:16,065
Look, all I did was focus
on the missing ingredients
395
00:13:16,167 --> 00:13:17,833
that your team is in desperate need of.
396
00:13:17,935 --> 00:13:19,935
Creatine? The answer better be creatine.
397
00:13:20,037 --> 00:13:21,070
Emotional healing.
398
00:13:21,172 --> 00:13:22,972
It's creatine of the mind.
399
00:13:23,040 --> 00:13:24,240
They don't need any of that.
400
00:13:24,308 --> 00:13:26,742
They need to work on their
duck-unders, their single-legs,
401
00:13:26,811 --> 00:13:28,944
- their double-legs, their half-Nelsons.
- No Nelsons.
402
00:13:29,013 --> 00:13:31,480
I just had them wrestle
with their personal issues.
403
00:13:31,582 --> 00:13:32,915
Someone had to do it.
404
00:13:32,984 --> 00:13:35,684
That someone is me, and I help
them plenty with that stuff.
405
00:13:35,787 --> 00:13:37,553
Do you?
406
00:13:37,622 --> 00:13:38,854
Weasel, go!
407
00:13:38,956 --> 00:13:41,457
My parents are going through
this, like, really bad break-up,
408
00:13:41,526 --> 00:13:45,027
and I just feel like it's all my fault.
409
00:13:45,129 --> 00:13:46,929
Okay, here's what we're gonna do.
410
00:13:47,031 --> 00:13:49,231
We're gonna pretend
none of this was said.
411
00:13:49,333 --> 00:13:51,467
And give me some frog squats.
412
00:13:51,569 --> 00:13:53,636
Everybody knows that frog squats
413
00:13:53,738 --> 00:13:55,538
are the cure for body and mind.
414
00:13:55,640 --> 00:13:58,040
Can I give you a little advice,
coach to coach?
415
00:13:58,109 --> 00:13:59,842
No, because you're not a coach.
416
00:13:59,944 --> 00:14:01,310
My trophy says otherwise.
417
00:14:01,412 --> 00:14:02,645
This is not your trophy.
418
00:14:02,713 --> 00:14:04,947
This is my trophy,
even though you won it.
419
00:14:05,049 --> 00:14:06,248
Look, champ...
420
00:14:06,350 --> 00:14:09,218
No, no, no. Don't try to connect
to me by using sports lingo.
421
00:14:09,320 --> 00:14:11,453
I know that my more hands-on method
422
00:14:11,556 --> 00:14:13,189
is a little scary for you...
423
00:14:13,291 --> 00:14:15,658
No, don't sit backwards
in the chair like you're cool
424
00:14:15,760 --> 00:14:17,326
and relatable so I open up to you.
425
00:14:17,428 --> 00:14:19,595
Come on, big guy.
Let's dig into those feelings.
426
00:14:19,664 --> 00:14:21,330
My feelings are locked and sealed
427
00:14:21,399 --> 00:14:23,666
behind a solid wall of muscle
that is my torso.
428
00:14:23,734 --> 00:14:25,234
We both know a great coach
429
00:14:25,303 --> 00:14:27,803
teaches more than just
wrestling moves, ace.
430
00:14:27,905 --> 00:14:30,139
You're not a coach, and I'm not good
431
00:14:30,241 --> 00:14:31,874
at talking about feelings and problems.
432
00:14:31,976 --> 00:14:32,954
You don't have to be good.
433
00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:34,710
You just have to be there
for 'em, slugger.
434
00:14:35,746 --> 00:14:37,213
What if I can't be?
435
00:14:37,315 --> 00:14:39,181
We both know that if anyone can do it,
436
00:14:39,283 --> 00:14:42,051
it's you, Sporty McSportperson.
437
00:14:42,119 --> 00:14:43,152
You run out of nicknames?
438
00:14:43,254 --> 00:14:44,887
Yes. I have.
439
00:14:44,989 --> 00:14:47,489
As Mellor was letting
Glascott's advice sink in,
440
00:14:47,592 --> 00:14:50,492
CB was hoping his own advice
had worked on me.
441
00:14:50,595 --> 00:14:52,733
Finally doing that practice test, I see.
442
00:14:52,803 --> 00:14:54,624
Yeah. And you're right.
I actually think I did pretty good.
443
00:14:54,686 --> 00:14:56,202
I don't doubt that for a second.
444
00:14:56,272 --> 00:14:57,867
Let's see what we got here.
445
00:14:57,969 --> 00:14:59,401
Shoop. Magic.
446
00:15:00,738 --> 00:15:01,904
"Draw the food pyramid."
447
00:15:01,973 --> 00:15:04,440
And then you just drew a bunch
of apples into a pyramid.
448
00:15:04,542 --> 00:15:05,608
Nailed it.
449
00:15:05,710 --> 00:15:08,310
"When did the Cold War end?"
"When it got hot."
450
00:15:08,412 --> 00:15:09,478
That one's my fave.
451
00:15:09,547 --> 00:15:10,679
"Name the four oceans."
452
00:15:10,781 --> 00:15:13,349
"Jack, Chrissy, Janet, Mr. Roper"?
453
00:15:13,451 --> 00:15:15,317
I love that show.
454
00:15:15,386 --> 00:15:17,620
"What is pi?" And then you drew pie.
455
00:15:17,722 --> 00:15:19,555
Boom. I'm a genius, right?
456
00:15:19,624 --> 00:15:22,324
"Describe the Big Bang." "Really loud."
457
00:15:22,426 --> 00:15:23,559
How'd I do?
458
00:15:23,628 --> 00:15:25,594
Well, if it's a test
for sarcasm and spite,
459
00:15:25,696 --> 00:15:26,562
then you aced it.
460
00:15:26,664 --> 00:15:27,796
Aw. My first A-plus.
461
00:15:27,899 --> 00:15:30,432
Oh, your answers are so creative
and infuriating.
462
00:15:30,534 --> 00:15:32,301
You could've just spent
the time studying.
463
00:15:32,403 --> 00:15:33,702
You would've actually passed.
464
00:15:33,804 --> 00:15:34,803
More like failed.
465
00:15:34,906 --> 00:15:36,305
Look, when I was a student here,
466
00:15:36,407 --> 00:15:38,674
taking tests and memorizing
stuff was not my thing.
467
00:15:38,776 --> 00:15:40,242
It's not the '80s, Lainey.
468
00:15:40,344 --> 00:15:43,212
There's a ton of ways now to help
people who learn differently.
469
00:15:43,314 --> 00:15:45,180
Sounds like a nicer way
to just say I'm a dummy.
470
00:15:45,283 --> 00:15:47,616
No. You're just as smart
as everyone else.
471
00:15:47,718 --> 00:15:49,451
You just need to find
another way of learning
472
00:15:49,553 --> 00:15:50,653
that works best for you.
473
00:15:50,755 --> 00:15:52,054
Or I just stick to music.
474
00:15:52,156 --> 00:15:53,722
That's the one thing
that always comes easy
475
00:15:53,824 --> 00:15:54,924
and always makes sense to me.
476
00:15:55,026 --> 00:15:56,814
Well, I believe you can do
much more than that.
477
00:15:56,884 --> 00:15:58,923
Maybe it's time to stop believing in me.
478
00:16:03,245 --> 00:16:05,414
I had given up on wanting
to become a substitute
479
00:16:05,464 --> 00:16:06,985
and was back to focusing
on the one thing
480
00:16:07,039 --> 00:16:09,870
I was already qualified to
teach... music.
481
00:16:15,136 --> 00:16:17,434
Wow! See what happens when you
don't give up?
482
00:16:17,510 --> 00:16:19,776
I mean, do I feel bad for
bribing some of you guys
483
00:16:19,838 --> 00:16:22,205
to help me give up when I found
something challenging?
484
00:16:22,307 --> 00:16:23,579
100%, yes.
485
00:16:23,649 --> 00:16:25,423
But this isn't about me
and how much I suck.
486
00:16:25,478 --> 00:16:27,478
It's about how you guys
are hot like wasabi
487
00:16:27,546 --> 00:16:28,692
when you bust rhymes.
488
00:16:28,752 --> 00:16:30,418
That sounded pretty spicy to me.
489
00:16:30,487 --> 00:16:31,953
I'd put it on my burrito,
490
00:16:32,022 --> 00:16:34,084
which apparently means "small donkey."
491
00:16:34,710 --> 00:16:36,158
Listen, I really hate the idea
492
00:16:36,226 --> 00:16:37,554
of you missing that test tonight.
493
00:16:37,609 --> 00:16:38,781
I love that you care so much,
494
00:16:38,843 --> 00:16:40,535
but what's the point
if I'm not even gonna pass?
495
00:16:40,614 --> 00:16:41,846
You're obviously unfamiliar
496
00:16:41,915 --> 00:16:44,149
with the "CB jam while you cram"
study technique.
497
00:16:44,251 --> 00:16:45,850
Okay, guys, let's do a rehearsal.
498
00:16:45,953 --> 00:16:47,852
One, two, three.
499
00:16:47,921 --> 00:16:50,689
♪ It is Denver, Colorado ♪
500
00:16:50,757 --> 00:16:52,991
♪ And California...
that's got Sacramento ♪
501
00:16:53,093 --> 00:16:54,993
♪ Honolulu, Hawaii-i ♪
502
00:16:55,062 --> 00:16:57,128
♪ Utah's where you'll find
Salt Lake City ♪
503
00:16:57,197 --> 00:16:59,230
♪ How can I help you, Lainey,
figure out these capitals? ♪
504
00:16:59,299 --> 00:17:01,232
♪ I wanna teach you Columbus, Ohio ♪
505
00:17:01,335 --> 00:17:03,034
♪ I'm the kinda guy who loves
to go to Madison ♪
506
00:17:03,103 --> 00:17:04,402
♪ Don't understand where that is? ♪
507
00:17:04,504 --> 00:17:05,303
♪ Wisconsin ♪
508
00:17:05,372 --> 00:17:07,138
♪ These are the state capitals ♪
509
00:17:07,207 --> 00:17:09,441
♪ Where is Boise?
It's right there in Idaho ♪
510
00:17:09,543 --> 00:17:11,443
♪ Phoenix, Arizona ♪
511
00:17:11,545 --> 00:17:13,712
♪ And Harrisburg is right here
in Pennsylvania ♪
512
00:17:13,814 --> 00:17:15,413
♪ Massachusetts is Boston ♪
513
00:17:15,515 --> 00:17:17,949
♪ And you know that Texas is Austin ♪
514
00:17:18,018 --> 00:17:19,784
♪ And maybe we can visit Albany ♪
515
00:17:19,853 --> 00:17:21,820
♪ To celebrate you passing
this geography? ♪
516
00:17:21,922 --> 00:17:23,154
Wow.
517
00:17:23,223 --> 00:17:25,523
You made yourself look like
a total jackass just for me?
518
00:17:25,592 --> 00:17:27,692
Well, I-I... Well, I thought
I looked pretty awesome.
519
00:17:27,761 --> 00:17:29,961
You said you're not much
for memorizing facts.
520
00:17:30,030 --> 00:17:31,596
How about lyrics?
521
00:17:31,698 --> 00:17:33,198
That, I can do.
522
00:17:33,300 --> 00:17:34,799
Thanks, CB.
523
00:17:34,868 --> 00:17:36,034
It's important to remember
524
00:17:36,103 --> 00:17:37,902
that learning isn't just for students.
525
00:17:37,971 --> 00:17:40,872
We teachers have to keep growing, too.
526
00:17:40,974 --> 00:17:43,108
And even though
it may seem tough at times,
527
00:17:43,176 --> 00:17:46,344
all you really need is
the right person to guide you.
528
00:17:46,413 --> 00:17:48,980
My God, she's glorious.
529
00:17:49,049 --> 00:17:51,649
You got yourselves one heck
of a trophy there, boys.
530
00:17:51,752 --> 00:17:53,418
It's all thanks to you, Coach G.
531
00:17:53,487 --> 00:17:55,987
It's Mr. G.
You got your real coach back.
532
00:18:00,060 --> 00:18:02,527
Ronnie, wait.
533
00:18:02,596 --> 00:18:03,661
I know you've been wrestling
534
00:18:03,764 --> 00:18:05,130
with some family problems lately.
535
00:18:05,198 --> 00:18:07,665
Ah, nah, it's just dumb stuff
about my grandma.
536
00:18:07,734 --> 00:18:10,635
Who raised you by herself
and is like a mom to you?
537
00:18:10,704 --> 00:18:11,836
Yeah.
538
00:18:11,905 --> 00:18:13,805
When I was your age,
it was just me and my mom.
539
00:18:13,907 --> 00:18:16,941
When she found someone new,
it was tough.
540
00:18:17,044 --> 00:18:19,277
Wish I had someone to talk to.
541
00:18:19,379 --> 00:18:21,880
So, I'm here if you need me. Always.
542
00:18:21,982 --> 00:18:23,415
Thanks.
543
00:18:24,363 --> 00:18:26,105
Well, look who finally took a page
544
00:18:26,160 --> 00:18:28,319
out of the John Glascott playbook.
545
00:18:32,492 --> 00:18:34,259
Here.
546
00:18:34,361 --> 00:18:36,528
Little thank you for coaching me, coach.
547
00:18:36,596 --> 00:18:38,546
Stop. All you've ever wanted
548
00:18:38,617 --> 00:18:40,498
was to have this trophy in your case.
549
00:18:40,567 --> 00:18:43,601
Yeah, well, I'd much rather
have it in your office.
550
00:18:43,703 --> 00:18:45,670
You earned it... champ.
551
00:18:45,772 --> 00:18:47,105
Thanks, slugger.
552
00:18:56,883 --> 00:18:58,750
Hi.
553
00:18:58,852 --> 00:19:00,852
Looks like someone
earned their lollipop.
554
00:19:00,954 --> 00:19:02,187
Holy crap!
555
00:19:02,289 --> 00:19:04,456
I aced the test?
I've never done that before.
556
00:19:04,558 --> 00:19:06,124
Well, like I said, all you needed
557
00:19:06,226 --> 00:19:08,526
was a different way to learn.
558
00:19:08,628 --> 00:19:11,296
Hey, CB? Next time you see the teacher,
559
00:19:11,398 --> 00:19:14,199
thank him for always believing in me.
560
00:19:14,301 --> 00:19:15,467
I'll let him know.
561
00:19:19,706 --> 00:19:22,674
And so, the next time
a teacher called in sick,
562
00:19:22,776 --> 00:19:27,979
Glascott had another substitute
he could rely on... me.
563
00:19:28,081 --> 00:19:30,348
_
564
00:19:30,450 --> 00:19:33,852
H-Hello, everybody, I'm sitting
here with the real CB.
565
00:19:34,054 --> 00:19:35,086
Can you break dance?
566
00:19:35,188 --> 00:19:36,187
Absolutely not.
567
00:19:36,289 --> 00:19:38,289
So, I'm gonna teach you
the most basic stall.
568
00:19:38,357 --> 00:19:39,290
Okay.
569
00:19:39,357 --> 00:19:40,607
So, you're gonna go like this.
570
00:19:40,685 --> 00:19:42,427
I know.
571
00:19:42,529 --> 00:19:45,163
- So, then, just like...
- What?
572
00:19:45,265 --> 00:19:47,699
Yeah. Okay, yeah, no, that'll work.
573
00:19:47,801 --> 00:19:49,567
That's actually really cool.
574
00:19:49,669 --> 00:19:50,802
- You grab your foot...
- Yeah.
575
00:19:50,904 --> 00:19:52,403
...and then you... jump over it.
576
00:19:52,506 --> 00:19:54,260
Oh, my God. And freeze.
577
00:19:55,121 --> 00:19:57,292
Hey, guys, I got a fun idea.
578
00:19:57,363 --> 00:19:59,441
We should go see that new movie
"Outbreak."
579
00:19:59,527 --> 00:20:01,880
A deadly virus takes out a whole city?
580
00:20:01,951 --> 00:20:03,069
Sound familiar?
581
00:20:03,115 --> 00:20:04,215
I already saw it with Barry
582
00:20:04,317 --> 00:20:05,850
before the flu crushed this place.
583
00:20:05,896 --> 00:20:06,841
It's too soon, dude.
584
00:20:06,935 --> 00:20:09,186
I'm boycotting AMC
until they start letting me
585
00:20:09,288 --> 00:20:10,688
use my ab-roller in the aisle.
586
00:20:10,790 --> 00:20:12,122
The real star was that monkey.
587
00:20:12,225 --> 00:20:13,490
Pretty sure it was Marcel
from "Friends."
588
00:20:13,593 --> 00:20:15,125
It was not Marcel from "Friends."
589
00:20:15,228 --> 00:20:16,794
Why? Because he's known for comedy?
590
00:20:16,896 --> 00:20:19,763
You don't think Marcel can cross
over into dramatic roles?
591
00:20:19,866 --> 00:20:22,533
Marcel is a completely
different sub-species.
592
00:20:22,635 --> 00:20:23,801
It's called acting, Wilma.
593
00:20:23,903 --> 00:20:25,636
Tom Cruise isn't a vampire, either.
594
00:20:25,738 --> 00:20:29,340
Okay, look, this movie has
Dustin Hoffman and maybe Marcel.
595
00:20:29,442 --> 00:20:30,474
We gotta go.
596
00:20:31,911 --> 00:20:32,810
Was that you?
597
00:20:32,912 --> 00:20:34,411
- I don't think so.
- Oh, no.
598
00:20:34,513 --> 00:20:36,247
- It's starting.
- No, no. It's impossible.
599
00:20:36,349 --> 00:20:38,315
I got confirmation from Nurse Steve
600
00:20:38,417 --> 00:20:41,852
that the school is...
601
00:20:41,954 --> 00:20:44,588
...clear and free
of that pesky ol' virus.
602
00:20:44,690 --> 00:20:45,856
You don't look so good.
603
00:20:45,958 --> 00:20:47,892
No, no. I feel great.
604
00:20:47,994 --> 00:20:50,027
But I-I actually...
I-I gotta go real quick
605
00:20:50,129 --> 00:20:51,962
and take care of some urgent business.
606
00:20:52,064 --> 00:20:56,397
Um, I'm gonna be gone for
possibly four to six days.
607
00:20:56,452 --> 00:20:58,953
Oh, no! Oh!
608
00:21:00,940 --> 00:21:08,112
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com