- ♪ Rise of the ♪
♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ♪
♪ Rise of the ♪
♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ♪
♪ Heroes in the half-shell Turtle power ♪
♪ Rising up against evil paint the city green ♪
♪ Raph is ready for a fight Leo's making a scene ♪
♪ Mikey's got mad skills Donnie rocks machines ♪
♪ With each other they discover ♪
♪ Their destiny and rise ♪
♪ Cowabunga ♪
♪ Rise of the ♪
♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ♪
♪ Heroes in the half-shell Turtle power ♪
♪ Rise ♪
- Brethren, before you is my masterpiece,
the culmination of my myriad skills
united in one glorious enterprise!
Gentlemen, behold the--
- Ooh, is it the drill?
Is it that drill you made
when we were fighting those silverfish?
- uh, no, no, no, that-- that's still in beta.
- Lame!
- But this is better, much, much better.
I give you the--
- Is it an even cooler, even bigger drill?
- No, not a drill!
This is the big surprise.
[musical flourish]
Ta-stinkin'-da!
- Yay! A sewer tube full of nothing!
- Huh? - I'm so proud of you.
- What? Where did it go?
I built us an amazing vehicle out of the moon buggy.
Who stole our Turtle Tank?
[rock music]
♪ ♪
- [grunting]
♪ ♪
[tiger roars]
Hot soup!
[laughs]
- Hey, this is a real problem, Donnie.
Not only did they steal your tank thing...
- Now you can finish the drill.
- But they also must know where our lair is.
It must be somebody who's penetrated our inner circle.
- Maybe even someone we've known for years.
All right, you! Where's our Turtle Tank?
- Hi, Donnie.
You have nine seconds to tell me
why you just broke my door.
- Someone stole Donnie's Turtle Tank.
- [laughing] Oh, I see.
So as your best friend, you naturally suspect me.
- She gets it.
- Ho-ho, don't give me that.
You're the only one who could've taken it!
- Three, two, one.
- Oh! - Why?
[all grunt]
- [cracks neck]
Okay, good news, our inner circle is secure.
- Sorry, April!
Movie night later?
- Your treat.
Mwah!
- All right, fellas, who's our next suspect?
- It's gotta be someone who knows we exist.
- [gasps] Splinter!
Must be from April's bat.
- It's gotta be another mutant.
And I know where we can find a mutant:
the mutant pizza place!
[all grunt]
- Stand back.
Raph's got this.
Okay, Leo, do your thing.
- Ah, the ol' "smooth urban cop
digging for info in a restaurant" routine.
Watch and learn, babies.
Say, Bone Man, yo,
you seem like you have your ear hole to the ground.
What do you know about a certain missing Turtle Tank?
- A Teddy Bear Town coupon?
Well, I have no need for a Mayor Cuddlecakes.
Bye-bye. - [grumbles]
Hey there, Green Eye, know anything about a...
- [roars] - Okay.
Hey, wittle cutie, bet you know--
- [hisses]
- Oh, come on!
- Enough with your stupid routine, Leo.
I'm finding out which one of you wise guys took our tank,
or I'm smashing everything in this dump!
- What? - [grunts]
[grunting]
- Eh, pepino, your bad-cop routine
leaves something to be desired.
- Oh, no, no, no, no. [chuckles]
We're not the police.
- You are not the police, you say?
[all scream]
- Aw, man, why can't anyone
throw us into a nice soft pile of trash?
- Ugh! Hey, Donnie, why didn't you
just put a tracking device in the Turtle Tank?
You put a tracking device in salami paper.
- Oh, I was getting to that.
But then he realized
he did install the shopping cart protocol!
[laughs]
[beeping]
- Hey!
- [laughs] [alarm blaring]
Oh!
[tires screech]
Whew. What the-- What happened?
- Shopping cart protocol activated.
- What's that?
- I am programmed to stop
if I go beyond a set perimeter.
- [grunts]
Hmm.
[siren wailing, dog barking]
[grunting]
Useless.
Maybe I will call April.
She is no snitch.
- Need a hand, matey?
[suspenseful music]
- Gah! You are a freak of nature!
- Ha! Bit of a potbelly
calling the kettle black there, methinkies.
- Touché.
Say, could you give me a ride uptown?
I will leave this here and hope it all works itself out.
- Well, I could do that.
But what say we eat first?
A drizzle of lemon over thinly sliced silverfish sashimi.
- Oh, fancy!
I've only eaten silverfish off the bottom of my slipper.
[grunts]
- And I'll throw in a killer dessert.
- Okay, we should find the tank if we just track the perimeter
of the shopping cart protocol's limit.
- Whoa, are we gonna need a protractor?
- No. - An abacus?
- Literally never. - A bag full of sausages?
- Man, I don't understand how your mind works.
Hey, look, there the tank is.
- Whoa!
Donnie, nice work!
- [chuckles] she's big and beautiful!
- We are gonna get a lot of parking tickets in that thing.
Uh, hey, guys? - [humming]
- What's Dad doing down there?
- Oh, I should've known he took it.
You just can't trust adults these days.
You leave the keys to your brainchild lying around,
and next thing you know--
- Meat Sweats?
Oh, that's bad news.
Hey, we gotta move,
or Dad'll be toast or spread on toast.
Let's go! [all grunting]
- [humming]
- [chomping]
- This clarified butter shampoo will make you feel scrumptious.
[animal whines]
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I have a great idea for a chain of restaurants:
you're inside a giant wedge of cheese
and you have to eat your way out.
I call it T.G.I. Parmesan.
My sons think it's stupid.
- Sons? What must they be? Chatty opossums?
- No, no, no, turtles.
- Turtles?
Red, blue, orange, purple?
- Oh, you know their names.
- Yes, and they're right outside,
and they're looking delicious.
- Ptoo! What? We gotta bone out!
They cannot find out I took the tank.
Hyah!
- What are you doing, you dotty ol' sod?
- You steer. I will pedal.
[engine turning over]
[tires squealing]
- They're getting away!
- Turtle Tank time!
[horns honking]
- Slow! Fast! Brake, brake, brake!
- Whoa.
- Now that autopilot is engaged,
allow me to show you around my state-of-the-art Turtle Tank.
Over there is navigation.
Down here is a--wait for it-- bowling ball launcher.
Strike! And there is the--
- Soft serve ice cream machine?
Tell me there's a sprinkles cannon.
- Ooh, good one. Rainbow and chocolate.
[crash]
[tires squealing]
- Donnie, watch the road!
- I wouldn't need to if you would just take your seat.
- Huh? - It's the giant red one
with your name and your exact lumbar settings.
- That's beautiful.
- Captain, the con is yours.
[tires squealing]
- You took the tank from your son?
Well, I've done some awful things in my life,
but, you, you're an animal.
- I am not taking the fall for this.
- But what could he do to you?
- Purple is a monster!
He will fry my TV so all I get is educational shows.
- I know you're in there!
Dad, I can see your tail!
Oh, Papa, if you surrender now,
there shan't be any consequences.
- That is a lie!
I taught him that one.
- You're with a very dangerous mutant, Pop!
Meat Sweats just wants to eat you!
- Hmm. Your name is Meat Sweats?
- Well, actually, it's Rupert.
- Oh, I would stay with Meat Sweats.
[tires squealing] [vehicles banging]
- We gotta stop that truck!
[engines revving] [tires squealing]
- I'll blast it with the boom cannons!
[beeping]
- Donnie, Dad's in that thing!
- Can I at least go semilethal?
[all groan]
You never let me shine!
Harpoon hooks it is.
- Okay, Sweaty Spaghetti, give us our dad back!
- Yeah, hand over the fugitive.
- Don't snitch me out, bro.
[beeping]
- I don't think so.
You have a reservation in my stomach,
a party of five,
seating now.
- Ooh, is he finally gonna teach us
how to make that pork risotto?
- Since I assume you won't go down without a fight,
allow me to choose my weapon.
[laughs] [snake hisses]
- He's getting the mutant snake's power.
- Hey, watch out!
It's a spitting cobra!
- Hey, watch the paint, bucko!
[tires squealing] [both grunt]
- Donnie, what else you got in this thing?
- Ooh, I've been wanting to try this.
[beeps]
[ball striking pins]
- [chuckles]
[tires squeal]
- [groans, blubbers]
- Omigosh! - Oh!
[both grunting]
- Oh, no. - Oh, no!
[both yelling and grunting]
Mikey, stop 'em!
- Power-whip-jitsu!
- Huh?
[growls]
- Come on, Meat Sweats, are you even trying?
Come on, portal. Come on, portal.
- Come on, Leo! My armpits are getting tired!
- Hmm.
Got it.
- Hmm?
Gah!
- Let's get him!
- So long, dinner.
I'll just get takeaway.
[animals screech and hiss] - Ah!
[tires screeching]
[animals scream and hiss]
[whimpers] Whew.
- I'm done with you, T.G.I. Parmesan.
No meal is worth this!
- Wait! Wait! Don't leave me!
[chuckles]
- You! You reckless, irresponsible--
You are watching
the Science of Chairs Channel for a month, young man!
Followed by the Long Division Channel
and the Memorizing Pi Channel!
Spoiler alert: the 99th digit is 7!