- ♪ Rise of the ♪
♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ♪
♪ Rise of the ♪
♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ♪
♪ Heroes in the half-shell Turtle power ♪
♪ Rising up against evil paint the city green ♪
♪ Raph is ready for a fight Leo's making a scene ♪
♪ Mikey's got mad skills Donnie rocks machines ♪
♪ With each other they discover ♪
♪ Their destiny and rise ♪
♪ Cowabunga ♪
♪ Rise of the ♪
♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ♪
♪ Heroes in the half-shell Turtle power ♪
♪ Rise ♪
Buy a cookie, and help me save trees!
Without trees there'd be no air.
Without air, there'd be no us.
Think of the trees, people!
[cheering] - [whimpering]
Try Grandma CJ's Brownies,
and you'll see just how good a brownie can be!
Way better than a cookie.
[gloomy organ music]
[sighs]
And the list of my failures continues to grow.
That crashed harder than my aviary club.
Ha ha! - [cooing]
[hawk shrieks] - Huh?
Miniatures club...
[sighs]
Huh? Magician's Assistants Club...
[sighs] And that was just Tuesday.
Sounds like you could use a little help
from an experienced salesman. Sit and watch!
[somber music]
- Do you think you are a failure?
Are you afraid you'll never achieve your goals?
Well...
Hot Soup that attitude in the face!
Hello, I am action star, Lou Jitsu.
You know from hit films and hit infomercials like
"Greeting Card Neckties,"
and "Dreamcatcher Gloves."
I am here to talk to you about
my patented five step Lou Jitsu: J-I-T-S-U Strategy.
- Mm-hmm. - Follow my plan,
and you can karate chop any obstacle
between you and your goals.
Into splinters.
What?
This is the best part! - You're in.
But we need something to disguise this...
whole situation.
All right, April, just remember this:
When making a sale, you are not selling the cookie,
[chewing] you are selling an idea.
Go on, fly, my little Lou.
Okay. You can do this, O'Neil.
[inhales]
[exhales] People of New York,
are you enjoying the sunny spring day?
The outdoors? The breathing of air?
Buy this cookie,
or there won't be any more air!
Or cookies or us, because trees!
- [screaming] - Mmm.
[groans]
[laughter]
Eh, don't sweat it, April.
Sit back and watch how it's done.
[sniffing]
Mmm, remember this smell?
- Hm? - What?
Piping hot chocolate chip cookies, like mom used to make.
Oh, it brings me back to simpler times.
[crying]
Times when I had someone to kiss my boo-boos,
[laughing] to read me stories,
to tuck me in at night.
[crowd awws]
Now who wants to buy some love? [crowd cheering]
- I want one! - Me, me, me!
Please!
Ha! Ugh.
[cheering]
[rock music]
[grunts] Aah!
♪ ♪
Grr.
I don't currently take Mandarin, Spanish, Swedish,
and Flemish, to be outsold by these [indistinct].
[phone rings] [indistinct talking]
Uh, Julia, Grandma CJ wants to see you.
[gasps]
[shady music]
[kids chattering]
Boss, I know sales are down, but you gotta believe me.
It's not my fault.
There's this new super cool hairy teen
in--ugh--skinny jeans slinging cookies like rocks.
Cookies!?
The peasants of desserts are beating my brownies?
This will not stand!
Excellent.
I shall crush our chocolate chip enemies between my fists.
[chuckles] - No!
Bring them to me.
This fashion-forward punks are either going to work for me,
or they're never going to work at all!
$80, $90, $95, $110, $120, $135!
What'd I tell you? We nailed it!
You did.
No one took a pamphlet except for the one guy
who used it to wipe the cookie off his face.
Okay, that's it. What has gotten into you?
Without you, I wouldn't have raised a single dollar
to plant new trees.
I'm such a failure.
April, you're not a failure. You are--
Wah! [coughing]
[gasps]
[giggling]
Girls, could you give us a minute?
I was just ramping up to a life-changing speech.
The only thing you're ramping up to
is a meeting with Keats... [knuckles crack]
...and Fitzgerald. [knuckles crack]
I read at a 10th grade level. Rah!
- [grunts] - [grunts]
[villainous music]
♪ ♪
[whistles] [bells ringing]
♪ ♪
Wha--where am I? What am I doing here?
Grandma CJ wants to see you.
Apparently, she wants to recruit you.
Why would she want me when she's got you guys?
You're amazing.
Yes. Yes, we are.
You should really let me go.
If you do, this'll go a lot easier for you.
[both laughing]
And how are you gonna break outta here?
Ha ha. Breaking out of places is easy.
Me, I'd just scoot through that duct.
Whoa. You can crawl in that duck?
It's duct, not "duck."
Duck, that's what I said.
No, you didn't.
- Ya-huh. - Nah-uh.
I don't know what you're talking about!
[grunts]
Brownie! Maybe you should hit me again?
Do not lie to me, Lou Jitsu!
I know you're here to stop my world takeover!
- World takeover? - Yes!
As Grandma CJ? Oof!
Brownies are the key.
You sell enough, you get to meet everyone.
Fortune 500 CEOs,
mayors,
world leaders.
Once everyone knows our brand,
we'll be able to get into any office in the world.
Even the oval one!
Sounds complicated. How long is this going to take?
Based on my projections and factoring in inflation
and natural disasters to the Coco Region,
it should only take--
ten years!?
[somber music]
[sniveling and crying]
Uh...
[quacks] - Duct, duck.
Duct-- - 'Scuse me, 'scuse me.
Whoa, did you just, like, untie yourself with a walnut?
Amazing!
Eh, that was basic. Nyuh!
Aah!
[metal creaking]
Urgh.
- [shrieks] - That was amazing.
Guards! Attack!
[nose honks] - [grunting]
You know, those Foot Clan guys,
they never really treated me right,
but we were doing cool stuff, you know?
Like trying to raise the Shredder.
You do that, and you're top dog.
The world is your oyster to crush.
Mm-hmm. We have all been there.
Now, I'm looking at brownie projections
and watching the next ten years just bake by.
I'm a failure! - Ha, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta.
Just because you failed doesn't make you a failure.
You're focusing only on the negative, not the positive.
What do you mean?
Let me tell you about a girl I know.
She also thinks she's a failure.
Agh! [grunting]
- She's incredibly tenacious and capable.
Not everything she does works out.
- Oof! - Ha!
Huh? all: Yah!
Come on!
But that never stops her from trying.
Aah!
[all grunting]
Who's next?
[metal clanking]
I hate to beat up an old lady.
- I'm 16! - Ha ha!
Hmm, exactly. [grunts]
She could fail again.
Oof!
- And again! - Ooh, ow!
And again!
[gasps]
- Rah! - And again.
But despite her many failures, she never gives in.
She always finds a way forward.
- [laughs manically] - [grunts]
[exciting music]
- You remind me a lot of her.
Your passion. You both strive for greatness!
Aah! [grunts]
Aah!
♪ ♪
Don't forget milk!
Wow, did you just French braid all of us together?
[laughs] Amazing!
Huh?
And maybe brownies are not your key to world takeover,
but if anyone was
going to take over the world with brownies,
I doubt they could do a better job than what you have.
[honks nose] Thank you so much.
You're such a great listener.
Uh, I feel like I did most of the talking.
I feel like things are gonna be different from now on.
From this day forward--
You're going to start being a good person?
Nobody will stand in my way to world domination!
Wrong lesson! Wrong lesson!
[metal clanging]
Aah!
[grunts]
You've taken out my entire Brownie Clan.
Impressive.
Let him go.
- Make me. - Everyone calm down.
[chuckles]
I'm sure we can all find a way to get along.
Enough! Talk's cheap.
I could agree more.
See how much you have in common?
both: No we don't! She's my enemy!
Need I say more?
Give me back my money and the rat.
How about I let him go, but I keep the money.
Hmm. Well...
[stammering] Really!?
[groans] Fine.
[grunts] Oof!
[coughs]
Well, she's gone, and so is our tree money.
[sighs]
Looks like another typical April O'Neil failure.
April, you are not--
- Although, I did rescue you. - Yes, which--
And I did take out a troop of lethal little girls.
See, this is what--
And I got myself free with a walnut!
A walnut!
Ah, look at you.
A J-I-T-S-U course graduate!
Yeah, but I still can't even sell a single cookie.
Oh, I know you will.
It is like I say in my video tape:
There is no one path to success,
other than the one you make.
If a pompadour punch isn't working,
approach your problem with a flaming gorilla arm bar.
Yes, teach me how to arm bar my way to world domination!
[dark music]
[snarling]
♪ ♪
Hah!