-- I have not slept so well in ages.
-- You're welcome.
-- How you doing, pumpkin, you know, with the wedding coming up?
-- I'm fine.
-- Well, you're not fine, so don't pretend.
I'm not going to say "times a great healer", because it isn't.
There's still a few dorks I'm smarting over from the '90s.
-- I'm going to stop you there, I know you've got the best intentions.
Both of you.
Yeah, it hurts.
And, yeah, it upset me and yes,
I do feel a little bit foolish.
But I'm moving on, putting all that behind me.
Mum, I love you, but
shut up.
Right, I'm off to school.
-- That is not normal.
-- What happened?
Why am I with you?
Did we bond?
Is this a kidnapping?
-- Do you remember we were talking about my wedding?
-- That I remember.
-- Well,
you had a point.
-- I did?
-- I was all for calling the whole thing off last night,
I have every right to.
But that would have been selfish.
-- This is the rest of your life, you're talking about.
-- This is my life.
Who I am.
You see these people,
Rose...
..she loves me.
My grandad was an important man here.
Right, he was loved and well respected.
I can't just throw all that away.
You see sometimes...
..you've just got to accept that
not everything is always going to turn out the way
that you want them to.
-- You're right.
-- Come on, we're going to be late.
You are now officially invited to my wedding.
-- Nice.
Do I have to bring a present?
-- Just yourself.
-- Right, let's get going.
Things to arrange, people to meet.
Obviously not assuming I'm your best man.
But we have shared, so pretty darn close.
I need to ask you a favour.
-- Whoa.
OK.
-- Come on. -- What's going on?
-- This is for you, man.
Come on, man, what are you doing?
Let's go.
-- OK. Right.
So, this is all you, yeah?
-- I know it's a bit short notice but if it weren't for the invite
I wouldn't have bothered.
Just go with the flow, bro.
I know we're not bessies but we are bonding, aren't we?
Give me your hand.
-- Maharaja for a day.
-- You're the groom, OK. Time to step up and be a man.
-- So what does this make me rich then now, huh?
-- I mean it is Pakistani Rupees.
About 20 quid's worth of Chunky Chicken, man.
I am going to need that back by the way.
-- All right, bro.
-- Hey, up, someone must be getting married?
-- Saturday, no-one was supposed to know.
-- Ah, how is that working out for you?
-- Good one, sir. Good one.
-- That's what I'm here for.
-- You've got moves, man. Come on.
-- Sir.
Will you come?
I know my grandad would have invited you.
-- Yeah. I'd be honoured, Johnny.
Thank you.
-- Don't let me down now.
-- I'll be there.
-- There you go. There you go.
-- Are you all right?
-- Guess I'll have to be.
-- Are we?
-- That's up to you.
-- I just want to be us again.
-- We can.
But you've got to understand, I'm different, Fizz.
I'm not always going to agree with you,
that doesn't mean I'm being disloyal.
-- I never thought that.
-- You did and I can understand why you thought it.
It wasn't meant to hurt you.
-- But you did.
-- I know.
-- I know I'm a control freak,
but you're my best friend and I don't want that to change.
I love you.
-- I love you too.
Oh, come here.
-- It's all my fault.
-- It wasn't.
Look, can we just go back to sharing everything,
no matter how inappropriate, please?
-- OK. -- OK.
-- My thrush is back on the rampage.
-- No.
-- I want to talk to you...
-- What part of stay away did you not understand?
We've got nothing to say to each other, all right?
The sooner you get that in your head, the better.
-- Please...
-- Look, I don't want to live with you any more!
-- Just give him time.
-- It's my fault, I lied to him.
-- You were protecting him,
there's a big difference.
-- Hiya.
-- Hi, Sir.
Sir, do you mind if I don't work with Kayla, today?
-- Oh, you're normally joined at the hip?
-- See, me, Kayla and Johnny Cooper, kind of had a little bit of a tiff
and I wondered if you could kind of help me break the ice between them.
So like if you could partner her, with him?
-- Is this some kind of ruse?
-- No, no, sir, I promise, cross my heart
and swear to vote Brexit Party.
-- Yeah, yeah. All right.
Go on.
Good morning, Campers.
No?
Today, you'll be working in pairs.
Not your usual partners in crime.
This is not an opportunity for you to discuss the football,
the cricket or whatever rubbish your favourite social media zombie
is flogging you this week.
I want you to work closely and diligently.
OK, eyes down for a full house.
Pawel and Rukhsana.
Saleem and Spud.
Kayla and Johnny.
-- No.
-- Pardon?
-- I mean,
lovely.
-- Go to work. Off you go.
Change positions.
Off the bums.
Bums are waiting.
It's rectum time, let's go.
Thank you.
Yeah, yeah.
Go on. Get a move on.
This is a very important part of biology.
What goes on at that end of your body is very important to understand
because a healthy gut is a happy gut.
And we all want to be happy.
-- I for one am not going to feel awkward about this.
-- Good.
-- I mean. OK, let's not pretend that nothing has happened between us.
-- Hardly anything.
-- Unless the Wuthering Heights wild and windy kiss
is raised in evidence, which if it is, it won't be by me.
-- Or me.
-- We were good friends well before you slept with Fizza.
And "the kiss", and the wedding, neither me nor Fizza knew about.
Let's just acknowledge those blips in our otherwise
unblipable relationship and just move on down the track.
-- Do the project.
-- Which I'm sure will be very interesting and informative
for both of us.
-- How do bowel movements work?
-- Then again, maybe not.
-- Fizza, rectum and anal canal.
Saleem, haemorrhoids,
Kayla and Johnny, anal sphincters.
-- You read my mind, Sir.
-- Lovely.
I thought you were moving on.
Or, haven't you?
-- Yeah, well.
I'm sort of stepping on the train, but suddenly realising
I might have forgotten something on the platform
and I'm casually tossing my head over my shoulder,
to see if I've left anything unsaid.
-- The only thing you left is me.
And I completely understand you.
It makes me love you even more.
I never for one second wanted to hurt anybody, right?
Especially you.
I hope you really believe that.
Because I'd hate for you to think that it was a lie.
Thank you.
-- Don't thank me.
I don't want that.
The one that's thanked always seems to be left behind.
-- Kayla...
-- And no-one has been, have they?
God. This is hard.
I didn't think it would be this hard.
But it's for the best,
we'll see that.
-- Will we?
-- In the end.
Won't we?
Say we will.
-- Yeah.
Yeah, we will.
-- "You've every right to ignore me.
"I'm ashamed of the way I treat you.
"I'm sorry, Kayla."
-- There, beautiful.
-- Thank you.
-- I...
I really don't get you most of the time.
-- Yeah. Tell me about it, Enoch.
But you're my sister, and I love you.
You may not get me yet, but I get you.
-- Here, try this. -- OK.
-- My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding, here we come.
CLICK - CLICK
We look amazing. --Can you see everyone staring at us?
-- I know. It's cos we look so good. --Gosh. -- Hiya. -- Afternoon.
-- Hi. -- Hiya.
Must be an ethnic cultural thing, you know?
-- Definitely.
-- Thought you were going to wear black?
-- I thought I'd surprise you.
-- I really need you to get through this.
Thank you for coming.
-- It's all right. --SHE CHUCKLES
MUSIC: Wedding March by Mendelssohn
-- She looks beautiful. -- Yeah.
I'll give her that.
Sure you're all right?
-- I feel sure that Johnny and Rose would like me
to thank you for joining them here today, to celebrate
the beginning of their new life together, as husband and wife.
May I ask you all to be seated, please?
You are all here today to witness the joining in matrimony
of Johnny Danior Cooper and Rose Florence Defiance Boswell.
If anybody here knows of any lawful impediment,
why these two people should not be joined in matrimony,
he or she should declare it now, or forever hold their peace.
Love... -- She can't marry him.
She loves me.
-- Sit down, Liam.
-- Who's Liam?
-- Get him out of here.
-- Don't do it, Johnny.
Mate, you don't love her.
You told me.
-- Who the hell's he?
Is he telling the truth?
-- I'm sorry.
I thought I did, but...
But I don't love you, Rose.
I don't think I ever have.
I've lied and I've cheated on you for years.
-- She did with Liam as well, don't forget.
-- I'm sorry, Rose, but I can't do it any more.
I love her.
-- The hairy one?
-- Is that it? All this time you've been cheating on my daughter?
-- Maybe we should all just have a minute.
-- Come on, Kayla, pick up the pace.
-- Oi, you, hairy.
Get back here.
-- Come on.
-- This is as far as I go, OK?
I want you to be happy. -- No.
-- And you are happy.
I'm happy for you.
Nothing matters more to me than that.
-- Come on.
-- DRIVER BEEPS HORN Go. -- Come on, love, hurry up.
-- Go. -- Thank you.
-- FAINTLY: -- Oh, my God, I was wondering what you were about to say.
-- I couldn't let him go ahead with it.
-- Obviously. I thought you were going to declare your love as well. --That wouldn't have been
-- I told you, I don't want to see you. --Just shut up and just listen to her.
-- Thank you. OK, OK.
I messed up.
I should have told you and I didn't.
And I should have made your dad tell you.
-- I had a right to know. You know, that's my family. -- I know...
-- So he just dumped me and ran off. --No, no.
He was hurting. -- So was I.
I just wanted me mam...
..and I didn't have her any more.
My dad said it was all my fault she died cos I hurt her, but I didn't.
They should be here, you know, my dad should be here, with me.
I just wanted to stand by his side and pray for her.
-- Oh, your mother loved you so much.
She loved you very much and she would understand.
People, they behave different when someone die.
They see things differently, eh, na?
This was nobody's fault.
Nobody's.
I know you miss her.
I miss her, too.
So we remember her, we will remember her together.
We are your family now.
OK?
-- Is this the moment I fall into your arms and say "I love you?"
-- I think I've earned it. -- You think?
You picked your moment.
-- Yeah.
-- Look, this is real now, you know, this you and me.
I'd like...
I'd like it not to be another lie,
you know, that I'm not second guessing.
I'd like to be able to feel safe with you.
-- I want you to know,
that when I told everybody that I loved you,
I've never felt more sure or honest about something in my life.
I don't expect you to feel the same way.
I don't deserve it,
but right here, this second,
I've never been happier.
And if I'm never happy again...
..I'll always have this.
-- Now you've earned it.
-- Ready?
OK. -- Bismillah.
PRAYS SILENTLY
-- This is for my mother.
Oh, Allah, You are her sustainer.
You are her creator.
You provided her with sustenance,
guided her to Islam, and took her soul back to You.
You best know her secrets and public life.
We plead to You on her behalf, forgive her sins and give her peace.
-- Ameen.
-- Well done.
Good lad.
Right.
-- OK.
Make sure you...
Saleem, you have to have the green today.
You are never eating the greens. Give him double.
MUSIC: Baltimore by Nina Simone
-- # Beat-up little seagull
# On a marble stair... #
-- Where's Johnny?
-- Oh, gone to face the music.
-- Gives it a whole new perspective of Ackley Bridge, from up here.
You need that, sometimes.
THEY CHUCKLE
-- As long as we always get to see it together.
-- Woe betide anyone who tries to stop us.
Subtitles by Red Bee Media