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(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
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WOMAN: The big question is,
how aggressive do you want to be?
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LEIGH: Very aggressive.
We don't want to lose any more time.
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You've been trying for...
Two years?
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And four months.
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Uh, I have the app monitoring ovulation,
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taking temperature and mucus levels,
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we've been, uh, planning
and pacing intercourse.
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It's been very romantic.
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So we're looking at IUI or IVF.
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IUI is the least invasive.
And outpatient.
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IUI...
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Didn't you read the thing?
I told you to read the thing.
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DOCTOR: Intrauterine insemination.
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The sperm are injected
directly into the uterus.
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- And yes, it's outpatient.
- Let's start there.
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- DOCTOR: You're 39, Steven?
- Mmm-hmm.
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Okay, we'll test your sperm for count
and motility percentage.
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And how far away are we
from your period, Leigh?
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It's unpredictable.
A week, maybe 10 days.
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DOCTOR: Your cycle's unpredictable?
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Is that a problem?
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DOCTOR: Possibly, possibly not.
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That and your age are all factors.
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Over 35, the situation
becomes more difficult.
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But very often, it's manageable.
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But it might be likely that,
based on your test results,
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we go straight to in vitro.
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LEIGH: Will Insurance help with that?
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DOCTOR: Most companies won't cover IVF,
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but very often, the genetic testing
for the man will be covered.
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- Oh, that sounds fair.
- (DOCTOR AND LEIGH CHUCKLE)
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DOCTOR: All right, so, Steven,
when can we schedule your tests?
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Which tests?
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A blood panel for chromosomal diagnosis,
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a sample of your semen.
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When did you last ejaculate?
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A week.
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Maybe less.
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No, it's two weeks.
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When...
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Ah.
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DOCTOR: We'll need to reschedule it
for another time.
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We need within three to five days after.
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Homework, honey. (CHUCKLES)
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(SIGHS)
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We gotta talk.
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About what?
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Steve?
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Steve!
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Steve.
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Steve!
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Oh. I'm sorry.
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- I'll just put it there.
- I can fix this.
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SHIRLEY: No, I don't want to cancel it,
I just wanted a usage alert.
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So you'll text me
next time it's used?
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Okay. Thanks.
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He hasn't used the credit card yet.
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They're going to send me
an alert when he does.
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We can get a location from that.
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God, I hope he
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just tries an ATM
and doesn't trade the card for dope.
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Does he have your PIN?
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Are you kidding?
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Why would he try an ATM?
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I'm sorry, Steve.
Do you have a better suggestion?
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He took the card to use the card,
and now we'll know if he does.
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He didn't have to break the house.
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HUGH: No, I don't think he did.
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Me neither.
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Someone ask you
what you think, Theodora?
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Sorry.
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SHIRLEY: If it wasn't Luke, who was it?
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STEVE: Maybe one of your kids.
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SHIRLEY: Yeah, that makes sense.
It was probably my kids.
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Or maybe it was the guy
who just stole a car
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to put a needle in his arm.
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I'm worried about a lot more than that.
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What do you mean?
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I mean, that suicides
can cluster in families,
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especially twins.
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If they lose a twin,
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the odds go up.
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He may not be
planning to come home.
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- Where... Where would he go?
- SHIRLEY: He could be anywhere.
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He was picked up off Mass Ave
a few times when he was living here.
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Methadone Mile.
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- What's that?
- Mass Ave, south of downtown.
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It's basically an open-air drug market.
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I remember it.
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- I'll go look for him.
- SHIRLEY: It's a waste of gas.
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- He could be anywhere.
- Yeah, I'll... I'll go with you.
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- I got this.
- SHIRLEY: Just wait a bit.
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- We'll see if he's using the card.
- STEVE: Call me if he does.
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SHIRLEY: What are you gonna do?
Drive in circles?
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- Hope he's standing on some corner?
- STEVE: Maybe, I don't know.
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We're really not gonna
tell them what we saw?
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(SCOFFS)
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Damn it, Luke.
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(SIGHS ANGRILY)
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We going or what?
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I just want to help.
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YOUNG STEVE: I just want to help.
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Look, bud, I know you do,
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but I'm gonna start using
some really strong chemicals down here,
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and it just isn't safe.
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I can help with something else, then.
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Look, pal,
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I've already hired
all the help I can afford
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just to get everything else
finished by the end of summer.
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I could use your help
with something, though.
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- Yeah?
- Yeah.
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See, your mom's gonna
go to your Aunt Janet's in a few days
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and stay a bit.
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Maybe a week.
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How come?
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Well, you know, she's been cooped up
in this house all summer, and...
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Anyway, I know it's not
the most exciting thing,
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but I could really use your help
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watching your brother
and your sisters while she's away.
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Yeah.
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Yeah, I got you.
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Okay.
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(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
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(HAMMERING)
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(GENTLE TAPPING)
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Mom?
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OLIVIA: What do you mean, sweetheart?
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Of course you're safe with me.
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- Mom.
- (GASPS)
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Are you okay?
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Where...
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Where are the twins?
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Downstairs.
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(SIGHS)
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Of course.
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- Are you sure...
- I'm fine, sweetie. I'm fine.
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(ZAPPING)
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(BEEPING)
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(UPBEAT MELODY PLAYING)
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Okay, thanks.
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Well, he's... He's not at Holy Family.
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Well, he's probably
not gonna instantly OD.
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You're gonna call
every hospital in Boston? That the plan?
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What, you're gonna just drive around,
hope we spot him in a city of 700,000?
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I'm not looking for him.
I'm looking for a beat-up green Jeep
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with not one, but two,
Ani DiFranco bumper stickers,
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and I'm looking for it
where I know he used to score.
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Gotta do something.
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Yeah, we do.
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- So, um...
- (STEVE SIGHS)
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What's going on?
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- Hmm?
- What's going on with you and Leigh?
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What do you mean?
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Well, I mean...
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- How's your marriage?
- (CHUCKLING) You're kidding, right?
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You're not living at home,
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and I couldn't help but notice
at the funeral...
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- You aren't seriously doing this.
- Well, yeah, I am. I...
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Jesus Christ, Dad, you're out of line.
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We might be in the car for a while,
and so I thought to myself,
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"I'm going to ask my son
about his life." What's wrong with that?
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Doesn't work that way, Dad.
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Your mom and I were married 15 years.
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Together five before that.
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She used to say
she was the kite and I was the line.
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She was a... Creature of the clouds
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and... And I was a creature
of the earth.
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And she'd say that,
without me, she'd become untethered
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and she would float away
up into the...
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And then, without her,
I would just, you know,
172
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crash, just drop right down
to the ground,
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and, you know.
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But... Together... (CHUCKLES)
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We...
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You know, we separated.
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You... You didn't know
that, probably.
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Briefly, we separated.
You were one year old.
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Stupidest thing I ever did.
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You know, I made some stupid
proclamation, and that was it.
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Two weeks.
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Two weeks. I don't even know
how we got there. I just know we fought.
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I don't know what we fought about,
but I finally came to my senses, and...
184
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(SIGHS) I thought, "What the hell,
185
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"you stupid asshole.
What are you, insane?"
186
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So, you know, I came back
and knocked on the door,
187
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she answered it,
she put her arms around me,
188
00:10:04,854 --> 00:10:07,346
she kissed me,
she forgave me with her eyes, and...
189
00:10:08,650 --> 00:10:09,650
She handed you to me.
190
00:10:09,776 --> 00:10:12,689
I had you in one arm
and her in the other, and that was it.
191
00:10:13,738 --> 00:10:14,854
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
192
00:10:17,075 --> 00:10:18,075
We were back at it.
193
00:10:19,994 --> 00:10:21,826
And Shirley came along, and...
194
00:10:23,081 --> 00:10:24,947
From that moment on,
we were on the same team.
195
00:10:25,041 --> 00:10:26,907
You know, we still fought sometimes,
196
00:10:27,669 --> 00:10:28,669
but it was...
197
00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:32,080
It was different.
We fought with love. She taught me that.
198
00:10:32,590 --> 00:10:33,706
You fight with love.
199
00:10:34,050 --> 00:10:35,131
Yeah, when you're...
200
00:10:37,512 --> 00:10:40,300
You're on the same team even when
you're in the middle of a fight.
201
00:10:40,765 --> 00:10:41,765
During the fight,
202
00:10:42,392 --> 00:10:43,928
you're... You're forgiven.
203
00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:46,511
There's no fear.
There's no danger. You're safe.
204
00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:50,769
I hope, really,
you get to experience that sometime.
205
00:10:51,025 --> 00:10:52,025
It's a...
206
00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:53,851
It's a beautiful way to be.
207
00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:59,106
You know, look, we weren't perfect...
208
00:11:01,286 --> 00:11:02,868
But we were always kind.
209
00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:05,954
And we loved each other hard.
210
00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:10,998
And I love her today
just as much as I did in the beginning.
211
00:11:14,632 --> 00:11:15,793
The kite and the line.
212
00:11:20,221 --> 00:11:23,009
So whatever you need to fix
between you and Leigh...
213
00:11:25,226 --> 00:11:26,967
I really... I really hope you do.
214
00:11:30,565 --> 00:11:31,565
And, uh...
215
00:11:33,401 --> 00:11:35,859
That's all I...
That's all I really wanted to say.
216
00:11:39,282 --> 00:11:41,490
ALLIE: Candy, candy, candy, candy!
217
00:11:41,743 --> 00:11:43,234
Sure you won't come with us?
218
00:11:43,328 --> 00:11:44,328
You guys have fun.
219
00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:46,324
Come on, Mom, candy!
220
00:11:46,414 --> 00:11:48,827
We'll bring her back some.
Mom's had a very hard day.
221
00:11:49,083 --> 00:11:50,494
Would you stop that?
222
00:11:51,169 --> 00:11:53,502
I'm still disappointed
you're not going as Captain Lame.
223
00:11:53,630 --> 00:11:55,496
(SIGHS) I swear to God, Dad.
224
00:11:55,590 --> 00:11:57,047
ALLIE: Candy, candy, candy!
225
00:11:57,717 --> 00:11:58,717
Hey.
226
00:11:59,677 --> 00:12:00,884
Can we talk when I get back?
227
00:12:01,971 --> 00:12:04,088
How? You'll be back at the hotel.
228
00:12:05,391 --> 00:12:06,391
Okay.
229
00:12:07,602 --> 00:12:08,602
Okay, Shirl.
230
00:12:10,396 --> 00:12:11,396
Stop.
231
00:12:11,898 --> 00:12:13,778
- Let's go.
- SHIRLEY: Turn off the porch light.
232
00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:15,641
I can't handle
trick-or-treaters tonight.
233
00:12:18,655 --> 00:12:19,655
I love you.
234
00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:22,235
You guys have fun.
235
00:12:30,667 --> 00:12:34,331
- (PIECES CLATTERING)
- (SIGHS)
236
00:12:53,064 --> 00:12:54,145
What the hell?
237
00:12:55,984 --> 00:12:57,145
(DOORBELL RINGS)
238
00:13:03,908 --> 00:13:05,274
(DOORBELL RINGS)
239
00:13:07,036 --> 00:13:08,527
Sorry, no candy here.
240
00:13:12,542 --> 00:13:13,828
(DOORBELL RINGS)
241
00:13:16,254 --> 00:13:17,711
Goddamn light's off.
242
00:13:24,595 --> 00:13:26,052
(INSECTS CHIRPING)
243
00:13:39,402 --> 00:13:41,189
HUGH: I'm gonna
call the hospitals again.
244
00:13:41,279 --> 00:13:43,692
- Maybe he just forgot his ID.
- STEVE: And ask them what?
245
00:13:43,781 --> 00:13:45,568
If they've seen a junkie
in a funeral suit?
246
00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:47,945
He's 90 days clean
and he's your brother.
247
00:13:48,036 --> 00:13:49,243
He's a good man, Steve.
248
00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:50,945
They're not mutually exclusive.
249
00:13:51,039 --> 00:13:53,406
He's my brother, but he's a junkie.
250
00:13:56,085 --> 00:13:57,997
We're not gonna
find him like this.
251
00:13:58,171 --> 00:13:59,771
- You didn't have to come.
- Yeah, I did.
252
00:13:59,797 --> 00:14:01,959
- No, you really didn't.
- Yeah, I did, Steve.
253
00:14:04,385 --> 00:14:06,172
He's my son. You know? My...
254
00:14:06,512 --> 00:14:09,346
I don't know what I'd do
if I lost him, any of you.
255
00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:10,640
(SCOFFS)
256
00:14:12,435 --> 00:14:13,767
Yeah, I had to come.
257
00:14:15,104 --> 00:14:16,936
I can't... I can't lose...
258
00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:20,148
I can't lose anyone else. (SIGHS)
259
00:14:22,236 --> 00:14:24,319
One day, when you have children,
you'll understand.
260
00:14:24,405 --> 00:14:26,317
(SCOFFS) I'm never having children.
261
00:14:27,658 --> 00:14:29,741
Well, that's... That's a shame.
262
00:14:30,828 --> 00:14:33,286
'Cause you kids
are the best thing in my life.
263
00:14:33,498 --> 00:14:35,034
You mean Aunt Janet's life?
264
00:14:35,416 --> 00:14:37,256
She's the one
who raised your kids, didn't she?
265
00:14:37,335 --> 00:14:39,480
- You don't know what it was like.
- You never told me.
266
00:14:39,504 --> 00:14:41,166
Everything I did,
I did to protect you.
267
00:14:41,255 --> 00:14:43,042
To protect us, I know, yeah.
268
00:14:43,132 --> 00:14:44,589
Just like you protected Mom.
269
00:14:46,761 --> 00:14:47,761
Here we go.
270
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:49,423
I saw the police reports.
271
00:14:52,141 --> 00:14:54,133
Her skull cracked like a melon...
272
00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:55,827
All right, Steve, why don't you just...?
273
00:14:55,895 --> 00:14:58,638
There was blood
all over the library carpet.
274
00:14:58,940 --> 00:15:01,353
There were bruises
on her upper arms
275
00:15:01,442 --> 00:15:03,855
because someone
grabbed her pretty hard.
276
00:15:03,945 --> 00:15:04,945
Okay, Steve...
277
00:15:05,029 --> 00:15:08,693
And a contusion on the back of her head
from being shoved into a wall?
278
00:15:10,034 --> 00:15:12,242
Her ankle was twisted,
so she was limping,
279
00:15:12,328 --> 00:15:14,661
she was bruised to hell,
depressed out of her mind,
280
00:15:14,747 --> 00:15:17,865
unmedicated, untreated,
and abandoned.
281
00:15:17,959 --> 00:15:19,450
It wasn't like that.
282
00:15:19,544 --> 00:15:21,661
I did my best.
You have no idea...
283
00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:23,962
You threw us in a car,
you left her there alone,
284
00:15:24,048 --> 00:15:26,586
and she threw herself
off the goddamn staircase,
285
00:15:26,676 --> 00:15:27,712
and that was your best?
286
00:15:27,802 --> 00:15:30,447
All right, well, she should
not have been left alone in the house...
287
00:15:30,471 --> 00:15:33,179
Fuck the house.
It wasn't the house. She was sick.
288
00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:36,304
She was sick in her mind,
and the one person,
289
00:15:36,394 --> 00:15:38,761
the one person
that was supposed to take care of her
290
00:15:38,855 --> 00:15:41,723
didn't do a goddamn
thing to get her help.
291
00:15:43,151 --> 00:15:44,187
(SIGHS)
292
00:15:47,572 --> 00:15:48,572
I miss her.
293
00:15:51,325 --> 00:15:52,566
I miss my mom.
294
00:15:56,622 --> 00:15:57,783
I miss her too.
295
00:16:01,669 --> 00:16:04,082
It's certainly beautiful.
Where did you find it?
296
00:16:05,089 --> 00:16:06,089
The game room.
297
00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:08,335
- The what room?
- Upstairs.
298
00:16:08,426 --> 00:16:11,169
You know, I think a little paint,
maybe fix those doors,
299
00:16:11,262 --> 00:16:13,754
- and she might really love it.
- I'm sure she will.
300
00:16:14,682 --> 00:16:16,799
So do you know
where the paint and stuff is?
301
00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:20,014
- Why don't you ask your father?
- I did. He's busy.
302
00:16:20,146 --> 00:16:22,980
He said if it wasn't tagged for sale,
I could do whatever I wanted.
303
00:16:23,065 --> 00:16:24,556
And it's not tagged for sale.
304
00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:27,727
Well, I do know
where some paint is.
305
00:16:32,366 --> 00:16:33,607
(SIGHS) I thought so.
306
00:16:34,285 --> 00:16:36,117
This must have been Poppy's.
307
00:16:36,621 --> 00:16:37,621
Poppy?
308
00:16:38,873 --> 00:16:39,909
Poppy Hill.
309
00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:42,578
She was William's wife.
310
00:16:43,544 --> 00:16:44,751
She was insane.
311
00:16:45,254 --> 00:16:47,041
Yeah, she looks kind of wild.
312
00:16:47,507 --> 00:16:48,793
No, I mean clinically.
313
00:16:49,300 --> 00:16:50,300
So was he.
314
00:16:51,385 --> 00:16:54,344
William's parents sent him
to an institution when he was a kid.
315
00:16:54,430 --> 00:16:57,423
They called it private school,
but it wasn't a school, though.
316
00:16:57,517 --> 00:17:00,635
It was just a place where rich parents
hid their embarrassments.
317
00:17:02,188 --> 00:17:04,396
They met in the mental institution.
318
00:17:04,774 --> 00:17:06,515
They fell in love in an asylum.
319
00:17:06,901 --> 00:17:08,267
She was insane.
320
00:17:09,779 --> 00:17:10,779
Did you know her?
321
00:17:12,156 --> 00:17:13,192
Oh, yes.
322
00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:16,529
She was just as crazy,
just older. (SCOFFS)
323
00:17:17,828 --> 00:17:21,742
She was a beautiful
young woman in her time, though.
324
00:17:23,084 --> 00:17:24,325
No doubt about that.
325
00:17:33,177 --> 00:17:35,840
If you really want
this to be a surprise for your mom,
326
00:17:36,597 --> 00:17:38,759
I'd suggest you don't
work on it in your room.
327
00:17:40,810 --> 00:17:42,642
(VIDEO GAME ZAPPING AND BEEPING)
328
00:18:22,768 --> 00:18:24,009
(DOORBELL RINGS)
329
00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:27,437
(BREATHING DEEPLY)
330
00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:29,272
(DOORBELL RINGS)
331
00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:39,904
Just take the fucking candy and go.
332
00:18:45,750 --> 00:18:46,750
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
333
00:18:47,251 --> 00:18:48,412
(INHALES SHARPLY)
334
00:19:00,014 --> 00:19:01,014
(DOOR CLOSES)
335
00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:02,555
You're very clever.
336
00:19:03,601 --> 00:19:05,217
How about you try another house?
337
00:19:05,311 --> 00:19:06,927
I'm not in the fucking mood!
338
00:19:13,569 --> 00:19:15,561
(SIGHS)
339
00:19:17,239 --> 00:19:18,239
(GASPS)
340
00:19:23,037 --> 00:19:24,037
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
341
00:19:32,713 --> 00:19:33,749
(URGENT KNOCKING)
342
00:19:34,548 --> 00:19:35,548
(SIGHS)
343
00:19:38,302 --> 00:19:40,089
What the fuck do you want?
344
00:19:42,306 --> 00:19:43,672
Um... Oh.
345
00:19:44,767 --> 00:19:46,508
I was just coming to apologize.
346
00:19:48,396 --> 00:19:49,637
Who were you yelling at?
347
00:19:51,565 --> 00:19:52,931
Some fucking kids are...
348
00:19:54,402 --> 00:19:55,402
Just forget it.
349
00:20:02,910 --> 00:20:04,242
- Wait.
- Not now.
350
00:20:04,370 --> 00:20:05,906
- I can explain.
- I doubt that.
351
00:20:06,163 --> 00:20:08,725
- Shouldn't you be packing?
- I know what it looked like last night.
352
00:20:08,749 --> 00:20:10,149
You were making out
with my husband.
353
00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:12,041
No. No, there was no actual...
354
00:20:12,128 --> 00:20:15,292
Okay, so from what I can remember,
which isn't a lot actually,
355
00:20:15,464 --> 00:20:16,464
he pushed me away.
356
00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:19,007
- Is that supposed to make this better?
- It wasn't even him.
357
00:20:19,093 --> 00:20:22,006
It wasn't... I didn't see him.
It wasn't about him.
358
00:20:22,096 --> 00:20:24,213
It's about you getting out
of my guest house
359
00:20:24,306 --> 00:20:25,547
and off my fucking property.
360
00:20:25,641 --> 00:20:27,007
If you would just let me talk.
361
00:20:27,101 --> 00:20:28,808
I don't care what you have to say.
362
00:20:28,894 --> 00:20:31,181
Don't you understand? Get out!
363
00:20:31,272 --> 00:20:32,729
You are impossible.
Do you know that?
364
00:20:32,815 --> 00:20:34,181
I'm sorry, have I offended you?
365
00:20:34,275 --> 00:20:37,036
You are always throwing it in my face
that I live in your guest house.
366
00:20:37,111 --> 00:20:38,111
Won't happen again.
367
00:20:38,404 --> 00:20:39,940
I choose to live there, Shirley.
368
00:20:40,030 --> 00:20:42,943
- With you, for you.
- Oh, I can't thank you enough.
369
00:20:43,033 --> 00:20:44,194
You ice people out.
370
00:20:44,285 --> 00:20:45,285
You always have.
371
00:20:45,369 --> 00:20:46,450
I ice people out?
372
00:20:46,620 --> 00:20:47,986
Have you met yourself?
373
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:50,697
And so I chose to live there
to help try and keep you warm.
374
00:20:50,791 --> 00:20:52,453
You fucking suck at apologies.
375
00:20:52,543 --> 00:20:56,036
I don't have to live in your guest
house. I'm not some bohemian weirdo.
376
00:20:56,130 --> 00:20:57,211
I'm an adult.
377
00:20:57,339 --> 00:20:58,830
I am a fucking doctor.
378
00:20:58,924 --> 00:21:00,381
You're a fucking slut.
379
00:21:02,011 --> 00:21:03,218
I just need you to know
380
00:21:03,721 --> 00:21:05,907
that it wasn't Kevin's fault
and he didn't do anything...
381
00:21:05,931 --> 00:21:08,218
Don't you fucking dare
defend my husband.
382
00:21:08,309 --> 00:21:10,926
All of us, all of us
are just always helping you
383
00:21:11,020 --> 00:21:13,808
keep up this idea in your head
that you're perfect Shirley,
384
00:21:13,898 --> 00:21:15,855
and we're just a bunch
of fuck-ups fucking up.
385
00:21:15,941 --> 00:21:17,252
Perfect Shirley's
perfect fucking life...
386
00:21:17,276 --> 00:21:18,276
Out!
387
00:21:18,736 --> 00:21:19,736
No!
388
00:21:19,820 --> 00:21:22,062
You do not just get to shut me
out of your...
389
00:21:24,241 --> 00:21:25,357
(GASPS)
390
00:21:26,911 --> 00:21:28,618
Did you just punch me in the boob?
391
00:21:30,498 --> 00:21:31,498
Yeah.
392
00:21:32,416 --> 00:21:33,416
Yeah!
393
00:21:34,168 --> 00:21:36,205
If you kiss my husband,
that's what you get.
394
00:21:36,295 --> 00:21:38,378
You get punched in the fucking boob.
395
00:21:38,881 --> 00:21:39,881
And you get evicted
396
00:21:40,007 --> 00:21:41,767
- from my fucking house.
- (KNOCKING ON DOOR)
397
00:21:44,094 --> 00:21:45,380
(POUNDING ON DOOR)
398
00:21:59,401 --> 00:22:00,733
(POUNDING AT DOOR)
399
00:22:01,111 --> 00:22:02,318
(GASPS)
400
00:22:02,530 --> 00:22:03,737
(KNOCKING AT WINDOW)
401
00:22:06,909 --> 00:22:08,195
(BANGING ON WINDOW)
402
00:22:10,579 --> 00:22:12,320
(RHYTHMIC BANGING ON WINDOW)
403
00:22:13,123 --> 00:22:15,285
(LOUD BANGING ON DOOR
AND WINDOWS)
404
00:22:17,545 --> 00:22:19,036
(CRASHING AT DOOR)
405
00:22:23,634 --> 00:22:24,634
(BANGING STOPS)
406
00:22:34,812 --> 00:22:35,848
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
407
00:22:45,614 --> 00:22:46,775
(CAR HORN BLARING)
408
00:22:48,659 --> 00:22:50,070
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
409
00:22:51,370 --> 00:22:52,370
Shirl?
410
00:22:52,997 --> 00:22:54,033
What's up?
411
00:22:54,874 --> 00:22:55,955
THEY: They...
412
00:22:58,252 --> 00:22:59,252
Sorry, they...
413
00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:01,916
They got a hit.
414
00:23:03,257 --> 00:23:05,749
He used the card at a gas station.
415
00:23:06,844 --> 00:23:08,631
202, just east of Amherst.
416
00:23:09,930 --> 00:23:10,930
Amherst?
417
00:23:11,098 --> 00:23:12,098
Um...
418
00:23:12,266 --> 00:23:13,973
Can you text me the address?
419
00:23:17,229 --> 00:23:18,595
- Shirl?
- Yeah.
420
00:23:18,898 --> 00:23:20,890
I'm here. Sorry. Uh...
421
00:23:21,901 --> 00:23:24,018
Yeah, I'll... I'll text you the address.
422
00:23:25,112 --> 00:23:27,820
- Amherst is on the way...
- HUGH: Yeah, I know where it is.
423
00:23:27,907 --> 00:23:30,240
You guys are gonna stay there.
We're gonna go to Amherst.
424
00:23:30,326 --> 00:23:33,660
I'm saying, if he's stopping
in Amherst, he's heading...
425
00:23:33,746 --> 00:23:35,829
Shirley, listen to me,
you're gonna stay put.
426
00:23:35,915 --> 00:23:37,747
- You hear me?
- Tell them what happened.
427
00:23:38,792 --> 00:23:40,328
Tell them what just happened.
428
00:23:41,879 --> 00:23:42,995
I'll text you.
429
00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:47,423
Some fucking kids
playing a prank is what happened.
430
00:23:47,509 --> 00:23:48,509
You know it wasn't.
431
00:23:49,178 --> 00:23:50,178
You know that.
432
00:23:51,513 --> 00:23:54,722
That's not the only thing like that
that's happened here tonight.
433
00:23:58,979 --> 00:24:01,437
I think Luke is going to the house.
434
00:24:02,399 --> 00:24:04,356
STEVE: Of course he is. (SIGHS)
435
00:24:04,443 --> 00:24:06,400
The goddamn house.
436
00:24:06,987 --> 00:24:10,105
It was a good enough spot for Nell,
it's a good enough spot for Luke.
437
00:24:10,199 --> 00:24:11,280
He always wanted to do
438
00:24:11,367 --> 00:24:12,574
what she did his whole life.
439
00:24:12,660 --> 00:24:13,901
- You think you know.
- Uh-huh.
440
00:24:13,994 --> 00:24:15,906
And you just don't,
you don't understand.
441
00:24:15,996 --> 00:24:17,828
Last time I saw Mom,
442
00:24:18,582 --> 00:24:19,868
the look in her eye,
443
00:24:20,292 --> 00:24:21,373
I've seen that look.
444
00:24:21,794 --> 00:24:23,205
In Nell over the years,
445
00:24:23,295 --> 00:24:24,911
and Luke, from the start,
446
00:24:25,005 --> 00:24:26,086
from when he'd sit there
447
00:24:26,173 --> 00:24:27,414
drawing crazy ghouls
448
00:24:27,508 --> 00:24:28,508
in his tree house.
449
00:24:28,592 --> 00:24:31,005
And, hell, I've seen that look
in the mirror.
450
00:24:33,347 --> 00:24:34,713
Our family has a disease
451
00:24:34,807 --> 00:24:35,847
that's never been treated,
452
00:24:35,933 --> 00:24:38,471
because it was easier
to listen to your crazy stories
453
00:24:38,560 --> 00:24:39,596
about an evil house.
454
00:24:42,106 --> 00:24:43,458
You think you saw it in the mirror?
455
00:24:43,482 --> 00:24:45,202
That's why you think
you'll never have kids?
456
00:24:45,275 --> 00:24:46,811
Oh, I know I'm never
having children.
457
00:24:46,902 --> 00:24:47,938
Because you think that
458
00:24:48,028 --> 00:24:50,065
they'll just have the same
imaginary sickness?
459
00:24:50,155 --> 00:24:52,192
They would. We all do.
460
00:24:52,282 --> 00:24:54,649
Nell was delusional, depressed.
461
00:24:54,743 --> 00:24:57,656
Luke's an addict,
Shirley is a control freak,
462
00:24:57,746 --> 00:25:00,614
and Theo's basically
a clenched fist with hair.
463
00:25:01,458 --> 00:25:04,246
The whole fucking family is
on the brink of a breakdown
464
00:25:04,336 --> 00:25:05,918
and seeing things that aren't there,
465
00:25:06,005 --> 00:25:07,496
hearing things that aren't there,
466
00:25:07,589 --> 00:25:10,047
and that shit happened
after the house.
467
00:25:10,134 --> 00:25:11,295
It's not the house.
468
00:25:11,385 --> 00:25:14,002
There's something wrong
with our goddamn brains.
469
00:25:14,388 --> 00:25:16,129
So yeah, I'm never having children.
470
00:25:17,599 --> 00:25:18,635
I made sure.
471
00:25:22,354 --> 00:25:23,354
A vasectomy.
472
00:25:25,733 --> 00:25:26,733
Right out of college.
473
00:25:28,193 --> 00:25:31,277
And it was the right call, believe me,
because if I ever doubted it,
474
00:25:31,363 --> 00:25:34,447
some of the bullshit
I've been hallucinating this week...
475
00:25:37,036 --> 00:25:38,036
You really did?
476
00:25:39,079 --> 00:25:40,079
Yeah.
477
00:25:42,499 --> 00:25:43,785
Before you met Leigh?
478
00:25:46,420 --> 00:25:47,536
(SIGHS DEEPLY)
479
00:25:47,963 --> 00:25:48,963
Boy.
480
00:25:50,799 --> 00:25:51,799
You didn't tell her?
481
00:25:53,594 --> 00:25:54,675
You didn't tell her.
482
00:25:56,221 --> 00:25:57,221
No.
483
00:25:59,475 --> 00:26:01,011
She wanted kids, I knew that.
484
00:26:02,019 --> 00:26:05,262
And I kept thinking, "I'll tell her
later, now's not the time."
485
00:26:07,232 --> 00:26:10,145
(SIGHS) But then we were engaged,
and then we were married,
486
00:26:10,235 --> 00:26:13,444
and then we were trying,
and she was upset it wasn't working.
487
00:26:16,825 --> 00:26:18,111
I couldn't say,
488
00:26:18,702 --> 00:26:20,534
"I can't. My genes...
489
00:26:21,371 --> 00:26:24,034
"My genes are rotten, Leigh."
490
00:26:24,124 --> 00:26:25,865
(STAMMERS) So I... I...
491
00:26:28,629 --> 00:26:29,870
I didn't tell her.
492
00:26:31,215 --> 00:26:34,504
And I thought I was being kind,
I really thought that.
493
00:26:36,095 --> 00:26:38,838
(SIGHS) See, we're all fucking crazy.
494
00:26:40,390 --> 00:26:41,631
The crazy Crains.
495
00:26:43,602 --> 00:26:45,639
This sickness already killed two of us,
496
00:26:45,729 --> 00:26:47,186
might kill a third tonight.
497
00:26:47,606 --> 00:26:48,606
That's...
498
00:26:49,608 --> 00:26:50,689
Almost half.
499
00:26:52,903 --> 00:26:54,235
It'd be almost half of us.
500
00:26:56,073 --> 00:26:57,109
(SIGHS)
501
00:26:57,908 --> 00:27:00,867
So, you want to tell me more
about the kite and the line?
502
00:27:03,163 --> 00:27:04,163
Or just...
503
00:27:05,165 --> 00:27:07,282
Just tell me
what a shitty husband I was.
504
00:27:07,960 --> 00:27:08,960
Go ahead.
505
00:27:12,005 --> 00:27:13,086
I'm so sorry.
506
00:27:14,341 --> 00:27:15,341
I'm just...
507
00:27:18,804 --> 00:27:20,045
I'm just so sorry, son.
508
00:27:21,974 --> 00:27:23,010
OLIVIA: You did this?
509
00:27:23,433 --> 00:27:25,846
I mean, this is beautiful.
You did this by yourself?
510
00:27:26,311 --> 00:27:27,927
Thought it might cheer you up.
511
00:27:28,397 --> 00:27:29,729
Dad said you've been...
512
00:27:30,691 --> 00:27:32,557
What? What did he say?
513
00:27:32,693 --> 00:27:34,229
I'm... I just...
514
00:27:34,319 --> 00:27:36,402
I know you're taking a little vacation.
515
00:27:36,488 --> 00:27:38,024
I wanted to cheer you up.
516
00:27:40,075 --> 00:27:41,075
Oh, sweetie.
517
00:27:42,703 --> 00:27:44,490
How long are you gonna be gone?
518
00:27:44,621 --> 00:27:45,828
Oh, not long.
519
00:27:46,123 --> 00:27:47,159
Not long, honey.
520
00:27:47,791 --> 00:27:49,282
I just need a little time away.
521
00:27:49,376 --> 00:27:50,742
It's nothing more than that, okay?
522
00:27:51,295 --> 00:27:52,295
Okay.
523
00:27:53,881 --> 00:27:55,042
This is perfect.
524
00:27:56,800 --> 00:27:59,133
(CHUCKLING) Thank you.
Thank you! I love it.
525
00:28:03,640 --> 00:28:04,721
(PANTING)
526
00:28:06,018 --> 00:28:07,018
Mom?
527
00:28:08,270 --> 00:28:09,386
(GRUNTS)
528
00:28:14,860 --> 00:28:16,021
Oh, baby.
529
00:28:18,155 --> 00:28:19,271
Oh, I'm so sorry.
530
00:28:20,282 --> 00:28:23,070
This is an older picture.
He would have been wearing a suit.
531
00:28:23,160 --> 00:28:25,618
- About an hour ago. Did he come in?
- Yeah, I think so.
532
00:28:25,704 --> 00:28:26,704
Yeah?
533
00:28:26,788 --> 00:28:28,905
Did he say anything weird
or do anything...
534
00:28:28,999 --> 00:28:30,240
He filled up his Jeep.
535
00:28:30,626 --> 00:28:32,083
- Green Jeep?
- That's right.
536
00:28:32,169 --> 00:28:34,832
And then he filled up
some cans, like, five cans.
537
00:28:35,589 --> 00:28:37,125
Five cans, you say?
538
00:28:49,519 --> 00:28:50,805
- STEVE: Was it him?
- Yeah.
539
00:28:51,980 --> 00:28:53,312
STEVE: What are you doing?
540
00:28:53,398 --> 00:28:55,355
- I'm driving.
- STEVE: No, no, no, this...
541
00:28:55,442 --> 00:28:56,558
This is my rental.
542
00:28:59,613 --> 00:29:00,729
(ENGINE REVS)
543
00:29:02,866 --> 00:29:04,573
STEVE: Jesus, Dad, slow down.
544
00:29:04,660 --> 00:29:05,940
He bought five cans of gasoline.
545
00:29:05,994 --> 00:29:07,222
He's not going there to kill himself,
546
00:29:07,246 --> 00:29:09,406
- he's going to burn the house down.
- That's a relief.
547
00:29:09,456 --> 00:29:11,743
He's in more danger now
than he's ever been,
548
00:29:11,833 --> 00:29:14,200
and if he tries to burn it,
it will defend itself.
549
00:29:14,294 --> 00:29:15,876
You really didn't hear a word I said.
550
00:29:15,963 --> 00:29:17,443
I did. Now you're gonna listen to me.
551
00:29:18,715 --> 00:29:20,206
There's a lot you don't know.
552
00:29:21,343 --> 00:29:24,632
I thought I could keep you kids safe
if you didn't know, but for 20 years
553
00:29:24,721 --> 00:29:27,367
I've been holding the door closed,
'cause I knew there were monsters
554
00:29:27,391 --> 00:29:29,053
on the other side,
do you understand me?
555
00:29:29,142 --> 00:29:30,383
Not even a little.
556
00:29:30,477 --> 00:29:33,845
Our family is like
an unfinished meal to that house,
557
00:29:33,939 --> 00:29:36,477
and your brother is walking
right back into...
558
00:29:37,985 --> 00:29:42,320
That house is the most dangerous place
in the world for all of us,
559
00:29:43,198 --> 00:29:44,734
but especially for you.
560
00:29:45,200 --> 00:29:46,532
- For me?
- Yeah, you.
561
00:29:47,077 --> 00:29:48,077
What? Why?
562
00:29:48,203 --> 00:29:49,865
Because I read your book,
563
00:29:49,955 --> 00:29:53,665
and you are the last person
that should ever step foot in that house
564
00:29:53,750 --> 00:29:56,242
because of what you wrote
and how you wrote it.
565
00:29:56,586 --> 00:29:58,999
You think you know what you saw?
566
00:29:59,256 --> 00:30:02,249
- You think you know what you wrote?
- What?
567
00:30:03,176 --> 00:30:04,667
I know you saw a ghost.
568
00:30:05,470 --> 00:30:07,336
- (SCOFFS)
- Yeah, chapter 19.
569
00:30:07,472 --> 00:30:08,472
Yeah.
570
00:30:08,682 --> 00:30:11,425
That little story about
the vanity you painted for your mother.
571
00:30:11,518 --> 00:30:13,931
That's a story about
a schizophrenic woman
572
00:30:14,021 --> 00:30:15,933
having a manic episode
in front of a mirror.
573
00:30:16,023 --> 00:30:17,605
You don't understand what you wrote...
574
00:30:17,691 --> 00:30:20,399
No, I saw Mom smash that glass
575
00:30:20,485 --> 00:30:22,021
- for no reason.
- Before that.
576
00:30:22,112 --> 00:30:25,981
Go to the beginning, that little bit,
about the vanity and why you did it.
577
00:30:26,074 --> 00:30:28,282
- You found the vanity in the game room.
- Mmm-hmm.
578
00:30:28,368 --> 00:30:30,576
And you walked by
the man repairing the clock,
579
00:30:30,662 --> 00:30:32,949
and then you saw your mother
looking into the twins' room,
580
00:30:33,040 --> 00:30:34,281
staring at their empty beds.
581
00:30:34,374 --> 00:30:37,037
Textbook dissociative episode.
She was not well.
582
00:30:37,127 --> 00:30:38,413
No, no, not her.
583
00:30:38,503 --> 00:30:40,290
The man repairing the clock.
584
00:30:41,590 --> 00:30:42,590
What about him?
585
00:30:43,258 --> 00:30:45,500
Do you know what witness marks are?
586
00:30:46,803 --> 00:30:47,839
They're scars.
587
00:30:48,555 --> 00:30:52,424
Little marks inside the clock,
scrapes, lines, divots,
588
00:30:52,517 --> 00:30:54,258
from tools, gears,
589
00:30:54,644 --> 00:30:56,556
pieces removed from the clock.
590
00:30:56,646 --> 00:30:59,855
They're basically evidence of repairs
that have been done to the clock
591
00:30:59,941 --> 00:31:01,227
and what the clock was.
592
00:31:01,943 --> 00:31:05,607
And with antique clocks,
you almost never have a repair record,
593
00:31:05,697 --> 00:31:08,189
so you have to learn
how to read the witness marks,
594
00:31:08,283 --> 00:31:10,275
so you can understand
what was done to the machine
595
00:31:10,369 --> 00:31:13,032
- and how it is meant to function.
- (SCOFFS)
596
00:31:13,121 --> 00:31:15,579
Witness marks tell
the story of the piece,
597
00:31:15,832 --> 00:31:17,448
if you know how to read them.
598
00:31:17,542 --> 00:31:19,124
What are you trying to say?
599
00:31:19,419 --> 00:31:21,786
I had that clock evaluated
by a professional
600
00:31:21,880 --> 00:31:23,712
before we even moved
into the house.
601
00:31:24,091 --> 00:31:28,051
I just wanted to know its history,
know its value.
602
00:31:28,637 --> 00:31:30,799
That clock hadn't been touched
since the '60s.
603
00:31:31,264 --> 00:31:33,972
You hired a slew of workers
toward the end...
604
00:31:34,059 --> 00:31:35,846
Not for that clock, I didn't. Uh-uh.
605
00:31:38,021 --> 00:31:40,021
No, and if I had,
it would have taken a specialist.
606
00:31:40,107 --> 00:31:42,627
There's only a handful in the world
who know how to do it right,
607
00:31:42,651 --> 00:31:43,691
and they take it off-site.
608
00:31:44,194 --> 00:31:46,436
No. No one touched that clock.
There was no man there,
609
00:31:46,530 --> 00:31:50,149
and certainly not one in old overalls
with a handlebar mustache.
610
00:31:50,242 --> 00:31:52,074
That man wasn't there.
611
00:31:53,286 --> 00:31:54,447
You probably just forgot.
612
00:31:54,538 --> 00:31:57,030
You know, you think you're writing
about your crazy mom,
613
00:31:57,124 --> 00:31:59,741
your crazy brother
making scary faces in the tree house.
614
00:31:59,835 --> 00:32:02,452
You see the marks,
but you don't know how to read them.
615
00:32:03,422 --> 00:32:06,165
I never built you kids a tree house.
616
00:32:07,175 --> 00:32:08,916
What? Luke was in there all the time.
617
00:32:09,010 --> 00:32:10,363
I used to go fetch him for dinner...
618
00:32:10,387 --> 00:32:12,094
We were there flipping a house.
619
00:32:12,180 --> 00:32:14,467
We were gonna be there
maybe eight weeks.
620
00:32:14,558 --> 00:32:18,097
How would I even have the time
to build you kids a goddamn tree house?
621
00:32:18,186 --> 00:32:20,929
- Maybe it was already there.
- There was no tree house.
622
00:32:23,066 --> 00:32:24,786
Now, when we get there,
you can have a look,
623
00:32:24,818 --> 00:32:25,962
but I have to tell you something.
624
00:32:25,986 --> 00:32:27,648
Your mother, she was not sick.
625
00:32:28,280 --> 00:32:30,738
She wasn't crazy,
and neither was your sister,
626
00:32:30,824 --> 00:32:32,941
neither is your brother,
neither are you.
627
00:32:33,034 --> 00:32:34,775
Whatever you saw this week,
628
00:32:34,870 --> 00:32:37,783
and I'm very sorry you have to
be taking all this in right now,
629
00:32:37,914 --> 00:32:38,914
but you have to.
630
00:32:38,999 --> 00:32:40,319
Do you understand me?
You have to,
631
00:32:40,375 --> 00:32:43,334
because your brother's
life depends on it.
632
00:32:44,045 --> 00:32:47,379
That house is the most dangerous place
in the world for all of us,
633
00:32:47,674 --> 00:32:50,382
and that's why
I told your sisters to stay put.
634
00:32:52,429 --> 00:32:53,795
You really think they will?
635
00:32:59,352 --> 00:33:00,468
Do you think he's...
636
00:33:02,314 --> 00:33:03,314
You know...
637
00:33:04,858 --> 00:33:07,100
Going there like Nell went there?
638
00:33:07,527 --> 00:33:08,893
Like going to kill himself?
639
00:33:10,238 --> 00:33:11,238
I don't know.
640
00:33:13,700 --> 00:33:14,700
No.
641
00:33:14,868 --> 00:33:15,949
I guess I don't.
642
00:33:18,205 --> 00:33:20,071
I'm not perfect, you know.
643
00:33:21,583 --> 00:33:22,583
I know.
644
00:33:23,668 --> 00:33:24,668
I'm really not.
645
00:33:26,004 --> 00:33:27,586
So go ahead, tell me.
646
00:33:29,174 --> 00:33:30,174
Try again.
647
00:33:33,386 --> 00:33:35,218
Dad and I were in your office,
648
00:33:35,305 --> 00:33:38,173
and the forever house
was on the floor,
649
00:33:38,767 --> 00:33:40,474
and we heard a noise
under the desk...
650
00:33:40,560 --> 00:33:42,392
Not that. You already told me that.
651
00:33:44,272 --> 00:33:45,558
I was really drunk.
652
00:33:46,358 --> 00:33:47,690
I swear to God, Theo...
653
00:33:47,776 --> 00:33:48,776
And the lights went out
654
00:33:49,778 --> 00:33:51,735
While we were down there, and I...
655
00:33:53,156 --> 00:33:55,614
Couldn't see. I was in the dark.
656
00:33:56,910 --> 00:33:59,027
I mean, like I was in the dark
657
00:33:59,704 --> 00:34:02,162
that whole night, and I just needed...
658
00:34:02,249 --> 00:34:04,411
I... I needed... I...
659
00:34:06,169 --> 00:34:07,501
I couldn't see
660
00:34:08,046 --> 00:34:09,046
him,
661
00:34:09,172 --> 00:34:10,538
if that makes any sense.
662
00:34:10,674 --> 00:34:12,381
You know what? Never mind.
663
00:34:12,884 --> 00:34:14,045
I'm trying to tell you...
664
00:34:14,135 --> 00:34:15,501
Forget I asked.
665
00:34:15,595 --> 00:34:17,928
You just don't know
what I'm dealing with.
666
00:34:18,014 --> 00:34:19,300
We've all been dealing,
667
00:34:19,391 --> 00:34:20,598
and we somehow managed
668
00:34:20,684 --> 00:34:22,324
not to try to fuck
each other's spouses...
669
00:34:22,394 --> 00:34:23,704
Hey, that's not what this was about.
670
00:34:23,728 --> 00:34:24,809
It just isn't.
671
00:34:24,896 --> 00:34:27,183
So, you were drunk,
672
00:34:27,274 --> 00:34:28,501
and that's supposed to be okay?
673
00:34:28,525 --> 00:34:29,891
I'm telling you.
674
00:34:30,402 --> 00:34:32,735
I don't even know why
I let you come with me.
675
00:34:33,905 --> 00:34:36,773
I touched Nell's body
the night before.
676
00:34:37,409 --> 00:34:38,820
The fuck is wrong with you?
677
00:34:40,662 --> 00:34:41,948
Why don't you listen?
678
00:34:42,038 --> 00:34:43,745
- I don't... No, no...
- I'm telling you.
679
00:34:43,832 --> 00:34:44,832
I'm trying to tell you.
680
00:34:44,916 --> 00:34:46,908
I don't need to hear your excuses...
681
00:34:47,002 --> 00:34:48,771
- I'm not making excuses.
- ...or your bullshit.
682
00:34:48,795 --> 00:34:49,795
I saw...
683
00:34:49,921 --> 00:34:50,921
(SCREAMING)
684
00:34:55,719 --> 00:34:56,800
(GASPING)
685
00:35:00,890 --> 00:35:02,882
(SEAT BELT CLICKS)
686
00:35:04,894 --> 00:35:06,226
(THEO WAILING)
687
00:35:10,567 --> 00:35:12,729
SHIRLEY: Are you okay?
THEO: That was her!
688
00:35:12,819 --> 00:35:15,732
That was her! That was her!
689
00:35:16,156 --> 00:35:18,022
Did you see that, Shirley?
690
00:35:18,116 --> 00:35:20,108
Do you fucking believe that?
691
00:35:24,372 --> 00:35:25,988
You ought to know why I did it.
692
00:35:27,167 --> 00:35:29,375
I touched Nell because I had to know.
693
00:35:30,295 --> 00:35:31,911
You know what I'm talking about.
694
00:35:32,005 --> 00:35:33,462
Don't pretend that you don't.
695
00:35:34,466 --> 00:35:36,628
You know what happens
when I touch people.
696
00:35:36,718 --> 00:35:38,710
A part of you knows, it always has.
697
00:35:40,847 --> 00:35:42,338
I had to know, and I...
698
00:35:43,558 --> 00:35:44,558
I touched her.
699
00:35:45,602 --> 00:35:46,602
And I felt...
700
00:35:47,937 --> 00:35:48,937
Nothing.
701
00:35:50,565 --> 00:35:52,056
Just nothing.
702
00:35:53,568 --> 00:35:56,276
And it spread,
it spread everywhere in me,
703
00:35:56,363 --> 00:35:59,481
this nothing, until I couldn't
feel anything anymore.
704
00:35:59,574 --> 00:36:01,110
I was just this dark,
705
00:36:01,618 --> 00:36:03,325
empty black hole.
706
00:36:03,828 --> 00:36:06,115
And I tried to fill it up,
I tried to fill me back up.
707
00:36:06,206 --> 00:36:09,415
I called Trish, and she came right away,
and I felt nothing.
708
00:36:09,542 --> 00:36:12,455
And then I tried to mourn at the wake
and I felt nothing.
709
00:36:12,545 --> 00:36:15,913
And so I drank and I drank,
and nothing worked.
710
00:36:16,007 --> 00:36:18,124
I couldn't feel anything, Shirley.
711
00:36:18,218 --> 00:36:21,552
After I touched her skin,
I couldn't feel...
712
00:36:22,722 --> 00:36:23,883
Anything.
713
00:36:24,641 --> 00:36:27,725
And then we're in the basement,
and the lights go out.
714
00:36:29,145 --> 00:36:30,431
And I can't see.
715
00:36:31,106 --> 00:36:32,438
And I can't feel.
716
00:36:33,483 --> 00:36:37,648
And I'm just... I'm just floating
in this ocean of nothing,
717
00:36:37,737 --> 00:36:40,354
and I wonder if this is it,
if this is what death is,
718
00:36:40,448 --> 00:36:44,408
just out there in the darkness,
just darkness and numbness and alone,
719
00:36:44,494 --> 00:36:48,363
and I wondered if that's what she felt
and that's what Mom feels,
720
00:36:48,456 --> 00:36:52,325
and it's just numb
and nothing and alone.
721
00:36:56,089 --> 00:36:58,832
What if that's what
it is for all of us
722
00:36:59,884 --> 00:37:01,091
when the time comes?
723
00:37:02,554 --> 00:37:06,639
And then... And then the lights came on,
and there he was, and I...
724
00:37:07,225 --> 00:37:09,262
I didn't see him. I didn't see him.
725
00:37:09,352 --> 00:37:11,184
He was a light in the darkness.
726
00:37:11,271 --> 00:37:13,888
He was a life preserver
in the ocean.
727
00:37:13,982 --> 00:37:17,316
I just... I reached for him
because I had to feel something.
728
00:37:17,402 --> 00:37:18,643
I had to feel anything.
729
00:37:19,070 --> 00:37:21,733
(PANTING) And I didn't see him.
730
00:37:22,157 --> 00:37:24,399
I didn't... I didn't see him.
I didn't see him.
731
00:37:24,617 --> 00:37:25,617
I didn't see him!
732
00:37:25,702 --> 00:37:27,193
And he stopped me. He stopped me.
733
00:37:27,287 --> 00:37:29,074
He took my hands, and he said no,
734
00:37:29,164 --> 00:37:31,531
and then I saw him,
and then you walked in.
735
00:37:33,001 --> 00:37:35,209
God, I'm so glad I did it, though.
736
00:37:36,671 --> 00:37:37,912
Because it worked.
737
00:37:38,840 --> 00:37:40,376
Oh, God, it worked.
738
00:37:40,884 --> 00:37:42,420
I started feeling things again,
739
00:37:42,510 --> 00:37:45,594
and I felt... I felt shame,
and I felt grief,
740
00:37:45,680 --> 00:37:47,888
and I felt... Scared.
741
00:37:47,974 --> 00:37:49,636
I felt so fucking scared
742
00:37:49,726 --> 00:37:52,560
that I was gonna lose
the only sister that I had left.
743
00:37:54,606 --> 00:37:55,606
And I...
744
00:37:55,899 --> 00:37:59,392
Honestly, I had to do it,
because it felt better than nothing.
745
00:37:59,527 --> 00:38:02,611
That thorough fucking shame
746
00:38:02,989 --> 00:38:06,983
was so much better
than that horrible, empty nothing.
747
00:38:07,076 --> 00:38:09,739
I can't... Shirley, please.
748
00:38:12,207 --> 00:38:14,369
I am... I am so...
749
00:38:14,459 --> 00:38:16,075
I am so, so, so sorry.
750
00:38:16,878 --> 00:38:18,119
I'm so sorry.
751
00:38:19,047 --> 00:38:21,039
Please, just please.
752
00:38:26,429 --> 00:38:27,590
(THEO SNIFFLES)
753
00:38:44,155 --> 00:38:45,771
(INSECTS CHIRPING)
754
00:39:27,073 --> 00:39:28,530
(LIQUID TRICKLING)
755
00:39:58,313 --> 00:40:00,646
LUKE: One, two, three, four,
756
00:40:00,773 --> 00:40:02,389
five, six, seven.
757
00:40:07,238 --> 00:40:08,524
(BREATHING HARD)
758
00:40:08,823 --> 00:40:09,823
One,
759
00:40:10,033 --> 00:40:11,820
two, three,
760
00:40:12,368 --> 00:40:14,030
four, five,
761
00:40:14,537 --> 00:40:15,537
six...
762
00:40:16,122 --> 00:40:17,533
(BREATHING HARD)
763
00:40:24,339 --> 00:40:25,625
(GASPS)
764
00:40:51,240 --> 00:40:52,240
Mom.