1 00:00:13,055 --> 00:00:16,140 [gentle music playing] 2 00:00:17,893 --> 00:00:19,520 Whenever you guys are ready. 3 00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:23,898 - [Woody] You ready now? - Are you waiting for us? 4 00:00:23,899 --> 00:00:26,317 - No, we've been ready. - [Woody] Okay, just tell us when. 5 00:00:26,318 --> 00:00:28,319 - Oh, my God. - We're on the edge of your seats, so… 6 00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:30,613 - [Woody] Are you just saying that? - No. 7 00:00:30,614 --> 00:00:32,572 [Matthew] Three, two, one. 8 00:00:32,573 --> 00:00:33,658 [Woody] Whoo. 9 00:00:33,659 --> 00:00:36,410 - [Joy] What am I looking at? - [Woody, Matthew vocalizing] 10 00:00:36,411 --> 00:00:38,329 Hello, sir. 11 00:00:38,330 --> 00:00:39,914 - Oh, wow. - [Matthew] Hey, hey, hey. 12 00:00:39,915 --> 00:00:41,499 - Wait for the best part. - Hey, hey, hey. 13 00:00:41,500 --> 00:00:42,583 Whoosh! 14 00:00:42,584 --> 00:00:43,960 [laughs] 15 00:00:43,961 --> 00:00:46,045 - [Woody laughs, trills tongue] - That's the best part? 16 00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:47,213 - [vocalizes] - [Val sighs] 17 00:00:47,214 --> 00:00:49,215 - Huh? - I didn't know an article of clothing 18 00:00:49,216 --> 00:00:50,383 could make me seasick. 19 00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:51,926 [Woody] Eight-month lead-time. 20 00:00:51,927 --> 00:00:55,096 The seamstress in Phuket spoke less English than I speak Thai, 21 00:00:55,097 --> 00:00:56,597 and yet look at the workmanship. 22 00:00:56,598 --> 00:00:58,224 - First class. - I can't even look at it. 23 00:00:58,225 --> 00:00:59,475 I have, like, hysterical blindness. 24 00:00:59,476 --> 00:01:01,060 [Joy] It's mostly upsetting, 25 00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:05,064 but maybe kinda sweet that you two got each other Valentine's Day gifts. 26 00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:06,607 - [Val chuckles] - [Joy] So sweet. 27 00:01:06,608 --> 00:01:08,568 - Can't wait to see what you got us. - Yeah. [chuckles] 28 00:01:08,569 --> 00:01:10,946 [both laughing] 29 00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:15,741 Fucking Valentine's Day, bro. 30 00:01:15,742 --> 00:01:17,076 - Fuck me. - Fuck me. 31 00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:19,745 Dude, I thought Valentine's Day was in November. When did they move it? 32 00:01:19,746 --> 00:01:22,582 No, no, no, they didn't move it, and I didn't get Val shit. 33 00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:23,916 - We're good. We're actors. - Okay. 34 00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:25,168 - We'll improvise. Come on. - Yeah. 35 00:01:25,169 --> 00:01:28,296 One time, I got Joy a Tonya Harding cameo. 36 00:01:28,297 --> 00:01:31,007 - She like that? - She loved it, man. 37 00:01:31,008 --> 00:01:33,176 Woody, I don't think that's gonna fly with Val, man. 38 00:01:33,177 --> 00:01:36,721 I usually lean towards sentimental. And I… I serenade her or something. 39 00:01:36,722 --> 00:01:40,433 You're Mr. Romantic 364 days out of the year. 40 00:01:40,434 --> 00:01:42,018 She expects that. 41 00:01:42,019 --> 00:01:44,854 - Go a different direction. Yeah. - Yeah. Maybe funny. Humor. 42 00:01:44,855 --> 00:01:47,232 Laughter is the ultimate aphrodisiac. 43 00:01:48,150 --> 00:01:49,609 - I'm betting on you. Bye. - [claps] 44 00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:52,362 That's why Seinfeld's the sexiest man alive. 45 00:01:56,408 --> 00:01:57,576 Serenade. 46 00:01:58,452 --> 00:01:59,535 Thank you. 47 00:01:59,536 --> 00:02:01,413 ["Give a Little Bit" playing] 48 00:02:41,119 --> 00:02:43,037 - [Woody] Hey, Olive. - What? 49 00:02:43,038 --> 00:02:45,122 [Woody] Let's go see if the DNA test is here 50 00:02:45,123 --> 00:02:47,459 - before the old bat wakes up. - Fine. 51 00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:50,336 How's my little girl doing? 52 00:02:50,337 --> 00:02:55,467 Hmm, I feel mad, I feel sad, I feel alone, lonely. 53 00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:58,428 It's a rainbow of emotions over here. [chuckles] 54 00:02:59,638 --> 00:03:03,891 Ever see one of those trees that loses all its leaves, 55 00:03:03,892 --> 00:03:06,769 but still stands there like it owns the freaking forest? 56 00:03:06,770 --> 00:03:07,854 That's you. 57 00:03:07,855 --> 00:03:11,775 No leaves, cold wind, sad as hell, 58 00:03:12,484 --> 00:03:14,945 but spring's a-comin'. 59 00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:16,530 [exhales deeply] 60 00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:18,990 - Thanks, Dad. - [chuckles] 61 00:03:18,991 --> 00:03:20,993 That was actually incredibly sweet. 62 00:03:22,077 --> 00:03:24,912 I don't want anyone making my little girl feel like this. 63 00:03:24,913 --> 00:03:27,290 So, if you want me to send some goons over 64 00:03:27,291 --> 00:03:29,625 to, uh, have a little talk with Jimmy, 65 00:03:29,626 --> 00:03:31,210 I know some guys. 66 00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:33,337 - Good guys. - [vehicle approaching] 67 00:03:33,338 --> 00:03:34,797 Bad guys. 68 00:03:34,798 --> 00:03:35,799 Good goons. 69 00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:37,717 You remember Yuri? 70 00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:40,387 - He was excellent at cornhole, I… - [vehicle door opens] 71 00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:43,473 Oh. Hey, Roger! 72 00:03:44,349 --> 00:03:45,808 Fuck me. 73 00:03:45,809 --> 00:03:46,893 Hey, Woody. 74 00:03:46,894 --> 00:03:48,227 How you doing, brother? 75 00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:50,229 - I'm pretty good, man. - Oh, great, great. 76 00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:52,064 Are you sure this is everything? 77 00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:53,232 'Cause I can't say more, 78 00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:55,902 but my daughter and I have been expecting something to arrive 79 00:03:55,903 --> 00:03:57,028 and it's kinda important. 80 00:03:57,029 --> 00:03:59,572 No, I'm holding on to a few pieces. 81 00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:02,992 Every day, I pick five things I choose not to deliver. 82 00:04:02,993 --> 00:04:05,494 [chuckling] You got me. 83 00:04:05,495 --> 00:04:08,664 Well, I'm just saying, you could probably fetch a pretty penny 84 00:04:08,665 --> 00:04:11,293 for some Woody Harrelson mail on the black market. 85 00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:14,378 Okay. [chuckles] 86 00:04:14,379 --> 00:04:16,213 - Good seeing you, Woody. - Yeah. Yeah. 87 00:04:16,214 --> 00:04:17,297 [vehicle door closes] 88 00:04:17,298 --> 00:04:19,301 You gotta get that mail delivered. 89 00:04:20,219 --> 00:04:21,637 - Hey. - What? 90 00:04:22,304 --> 00:04:24,305 - What about Roger? - [vehicle departing] 91 00:04:24,306 --> 00:04:25,806 - No. - Too soon. 92 00:04:25,807 --> 00:04:27,141 Uh, is it too soon? 93 00:04:27,142 --> 00:04:29,352 - Yes. God, come on, just… - Okay. Yeah, just… 94 00:04:29,353 --> 00:04:31,187 How long does it take to get over Jimmy? 95 00:04:31,188 --> 00:04:33,481 You know, he's like 11 eggs short of a dozen. 96 00:04:33,482 --> 00:04:35,108 - Dad! - Sorry. 97 00:04:36,068 --> 00:04:40,530 [singsongy] Happy Valentine's Day to my Valentina. 98 00:04:40,531 --> 00:04:43,699 - Happy Valentine's Day to you. - [chuckles] Aw. 99 00:04:43,700 --> 00:04:46,827 Fresh flowers, fresh fruit, and fresh-squeezed orange juice 100 00:04:46,828 --> 00:04:49,038 - for you. - Fresh-squeezed? 101 00:04:49,039 --> 00:04:50,748 - Mwah. Hundred percent. - [chuckles] 102 00:04:50,749 --> 00:04:52,500 Says so on the box. 103 00:04:52,501 --> 00:04:54,002 [inhales sharply] Okay. 104 00:04:55,587 --> 00:04:56,754 - Me first? - You first. 105 00:04:56,755 --> 00:05:00,342 Oh, what did you do? 106 00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:04,388 Oh, wow. 107 00:05:04,972 --> 00:05:05,973 It's our first date. 108 00:05:07,182 --> 00:05:08,558 [chuckles] 109 00:05:08,559 --> 00:05:09,810 You kept the napkin? 110 00:05:10,435 --> 00:05:13,564 I knew that first night it was something I wanted to remember forever. 111 00:05:15,566 --> 00:05:17,609 That's an incredibly thoughtful gift, Val. 112 00:05:18,527 --> 00:05:20,236 [inhales sharply] Mine. 113 00:05:20,237 --> 00:05:22,990 [playful, tense music plays] 114 00:05:24,366 --> 00:05:26,409 - Yep. Uh-huh. - [Val] Yeah. 115 00:05:26,410 --> 00:05:28,578 - All right. [exclaims] No, no, no, no. - [shrieks] 116 00:05:28,579 --> 00:05:29,871 Don't want to get ahead of you. 117 00:05:29,872 --> 00:05:32,832 I just want to let you know, I didn't go quite as sentimental as you… 118 00:05:32,833 --> 00:05:34,543 - You? [chuckles] - …uh, like. 119 00:05:36,879 --> 00:05:38,296 Oh. 120 00:05:38,297 --> 00:05:39,548 [laughs] 121 00:05:40,674 --> 00:05:42,676 I see what you did there. [inhales sharply] 122 00:05:43,886 --> 00:05:45,679 - No, that's… That-That-That's it. - Oh. 123 00:05:46,471 --> 00:05:48,055 [chuckles] It's… 124 00:05:48,056 --> 00:05:49,183 [chuckles] 125 00:05:49,933 --> 00:05:53,519 [stutters] "Keep chasing Greenlights." 126 00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:55,647 - [vocalizing in distance] - Do you… 127 00:05:56,815 --> 00:05:59,401 - ♪ Wildflower ♪ - Do you hear that? 128 00:06:00,152 --> 00:06:04,488 ♪ Ooh, wildflower ♪ 129 00:06:04,489 --> 00:06:06,824 ♪ You're my wildflower, baby ♪ 130 00:06:06,825 --> 00:06:09,076 ♪ Wanna press you to my lips ♪ 131 00:06:09,077 --> 00:06:10,286 ♪ Come on ♪ 132 00:06:10,287 --> 00:06:13,332 - What is this? - That's a great fucking question. 133 00:06:13,916 --> 00:06:16,125 It's the song he wrote for me when we first fell in love. 134 00:06:16,126 --> 00:06:18,503 - ♪ Woman, when I can't resist you ♪ - Wow. 135 00:06:18,504 --> 00:06:20,129 - [chuckles] - ♪ Come on ♪ 136 00:06:20,130 --> 00:06:23,966 ♪ Wildflower, ooh, wildflower ♪ 137 00:06:23,967 --> 00:06:27,262 ♪ You are the cosmic door ♪ 138 00:06:28,472 --> 00:06:31,934 ♪ To the galaxies we will explore ♪ 139 00:06:33,644 --> 00:06:36,729 ♪ And I just want to give you more ♪ 140 00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:41,192 ♪ I want to make you come on Come on, come on, come on ♪ 141 00:06:41,193 --> 00:06:45,029 ♪ Wildflower, ooh, wildflower ♪ 142 00:06:45,030 --> 00:06:46,614 - [Woody laughs] - Wow. 143 00:06:46,615 --> 00:06:48,324 Where did Woody get all these dirty children? 144 00:06:48,325 --> 00:06:51,118 - Come on, kids. Give her those flowers. - [kids laughing] 145 00:06:51,119 --> 00:06:53,663 [Woody] Is this the greatest Valentine's Day gift ever? 146 00:06:53,664 --> 00:06:56,582 I think it is. They picked all these flowers themselves. 147 00:06:56,583 --> 00:06:58,626 - [Joy] Oh, my goodness. - Yeah. Right out of my garden. 148 00:06:58,627 --> 00:07:00,503 - Great job, kids. - Amazing job. 149 00:07:00,504 --> 00:07:01,671 What do you guys think? 150 00:07:01,672 --> 00:07:04,340 You are one serenading son of a gun, Wood. 151 00:07:04,341 --> 00:07:06,676 - What'd you get for Val? - He got me this. 152 00:07:06,677 --> 00:07:09,595 Kinda went light and easy, sense of humor this year. 153 00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:11,514 Yeah, we went with humor this year. 154 00:07:11,515 --> 00:07:13,266 - "Keep chasing Greenlights." - It's so funny. 155 00:07:13,267 --> 00:07:15,726 - Oh, I think I must love you more. - Stop. 156 00:07:15,727 --> 00:07:17,770 I don't know. What do you love more, buddy? 157 00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:19,939 Your wife? Or jacking with your buddy, McConaughey? 158 00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:21,941 Both things can be true, brother. 159 00:07:21,942 --> 00:07:23,109 Now what does that mean? 160 00:07:23,110 --> 00:07:25,152 - [chuckles] What? - Wait, what does that mean? 161 00:07:25,153 --> 00:07:28,322 No, I'm sa… I mean, if… I mean… [stammers] 162 00:07:28,323 --> 00:07:29,657 - Wait. - No, no, I'm saying-- 163 00:07:29,658 --> 00:07:32,952 Are you saying that you did all of this just to make Matthew look bad? 164 00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:34,161 - Oh. - [Woody] Negative. 165 00:07:34,162 --> 00:07:36,831 - Oh, Woody. Oh, God. - There was an opportunity to do that, 166 00:07:36,832 --> 00:07:38,958 but that is such a tiny part of it. 167 00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:40,835 Honey? [sighs] 168 00:07:40,836 --> 00:07:41,919 [Matthew groans] 169 00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:44,214 Always room for two in the doghouse, buddy. 170 00:07:45,424 --> 00:07:46,966 Thanks. 171 00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:48,177 Happy Valentine's Day. 172 00:07:50,429 --> 00:07:54,307 So, any plans for the Valentine's Day with Wyatt? 173 00:07:54,308 --> 00:07:56,893 - Keep your voice down. [chuckles] - Oh, I hope you hear this, Wyatt. 174 00:07:56,894 --> 00:07:58,478 - [door opens, creaks] - [chattering] 175 00:07:59,396 --> 00:08:00,980 Hey. Happy Valentine's Day, Kai. 176 00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:03,358 [playful music plays] 177 00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:06,528 And a happy Valentine's Day to you too, Olive. 178 00:08:07,196 --> 00:08:08,362 I know today can't be easy. 179 00:08:08,363 --> 00:08:12,158 But as Lord Byron once said, "The heart will break but broken live on." 180 00:08:12,159 --> 00:08:14,619 - Hey, girls. Happy Valentine's Day. - [Wyatt] Hey. Happy V Day, Dad. 181 00:08:14,620 --> 00:08:15,828 Not yet for me. 182 00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:19,207 Listen, buddy, I, uh… I need your help. Um… 183 00:08:19,208 --> 00:08:21,209 - What's up? - I need you to go to the jewelry store. 184 00:08:21,210 --> 00:08:24,754 Get your mom some earrings or a necklace. [stammers] Something gold. 185 00:08:24,755 --> 00:08:27,590 And take Kai with you so you can get a good female opinion. All right? 186 00:08:27,591 --> 00:08:30,052 - Great. Sounds good. - Hey. Speaking of… 187 00:08:31,386 --> 00:08:32,386 How are you two doing? 188 00:08:34,139 --> 00:08:36,139 Oh, uh, how did you know? 189 00:08:36,140 --> 00:08:37,476 [Matthew] I'm your dad, man. 190 00:08:38,059 --> 00:08:43,023 Today being Valentine's Day, it's a perfect day for you to make a move. 191 00:08:44,399 --> 00:08:46,485 Love you. 192 00:08:48,403 --> 00:08:50,655 [Matthew hums] 193 00:08:50,656 --> 00:08:53,824 [singsongy] Love, love, love, love. 194 00:08:53,825 --> 00:08:58,330 Love a couple of Aperol Spritzes for my ladies. 195 00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:00,122 Hey, hey. 196 00:09:00,123 --> 00:09:01,124 - Whoa. - [Val chokes] 197 00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:02,792 - [groans] - You okay? 198 00:09:02,793 --> 00:09:03,794 Yeah, it's just… 199 00:09:04,419 --> 00:09:07,421 I thought you said it was Aperol Spritz, not carbonated camel piss. 200 00:09:07,422 --> 00:09:09,257 Oh, Woody made them. 201 00:09:09,258 --> 00:09:11,551 Oh, so Woody's just doing everything today? [scoffs] 202 00:09:11,552 --> 00:09:14,971 Yeah. I'm doing everything I can for my little Valentine. 203 00:09:14,972 --> 00:09:16,389 Oh, cut the shit, Woodrow. 204 00:09:16,390 --> 00:09:17,515 Oh. 205 00:09:17,516 --> 00:09:20,477 Starting now, what can we do to make it up to you? 206 00:09:21,103 --> 00:09:22,186 [sighs] 207 00:09:22,187 --> 00:09:24,397 I mean, I don't even know. 208 00:09:24,398 --> 00:09:27,316 I guess, maybe a home-cooked meal might help? 209 00:09:27,317 --> 00:09:29,694 You could get ahold of your chef and we could… 210 00:09:29,695 --> 00:09:30,862 - We could do that. - Just make… 211 00:09:30,863 --> 00:09:34,949 It would be much more romantic if you and Matthew actually made dinner for us. 212 00:09:34,950 --> 00:09:36,284 - Us? - No, no, no, we got this. 213 00:09:36,285 --> 00:09:38,035 - Anything you want. - Surprise us. 214 00:09:38,036 --> 00:09:39,120 Let's suit up. 215 00:09:39,121 --> 00:09:41,123 - Yeah. Yeah. - [Joy] Please don't suit up. 216 00:09:42,332 --> 00:09:44,334 [pop music playing on car stereo] 217 00:09:53,343 --> 00:09:54,928 - [Wyatt] Thanks. - [Kai] Thank you. 218 00:09:57,556 --> 00:09:59,724 That Uber driver had, like, a smell that I, like, 219 00:09:59,725 --> 00:10:01,642 personally, have just never smelled before. 220 00:10:01,643 --> 00:10:06,230 Like, I don't know, like, boiled feet and eggs, or corn, or something? 221 00:10:06,231 --> 00:10:07,732 What is wrong with you right now? 222 00:10:07,733 --> 00:10:09,734 You haven't said anything in, like, 20 minutes. 223 00:10:09,735 --> 00:10:10,818 - [shrieks] - [yelps, grunts] 224 00:10:10,819 --> 00:10:12,361 - What are you doing? - What do you mean? 225 00:10:12,362 --> 00:10:13,863 What are you doing? You just hit me in the nose. 226 00:10:13,864 --> 00:10:17,116 Uh, you-you just came at me. Oh, my God, that was so weird. 227 00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:18,784 - [chuckles] - No, no, that was not weird. 228 00:10:18,785 --> 00:10:20,077 I was just making a move. 229 00:10:20,078 --> 00:10:21,537 On the dirty fucking street corner? 230 00:10:21,538 --> 00:10:22,622 Yeah. [groans] 231 00:10:22,623 --> 00:10:24,832 Look, whatever. I'm just gonna walk to the jewelry store. 232 00:10:24,833 --> 00:10:27,001 You can follow me, or I can call you an Uber. 233 00:10:27,002 --> 00:10:29,212 - Just walk, Wyatt. - I'm trying. 234 00:10:29,213 --> 00:10:30,671 I can't see through the tears. 235 00:10:30,672 --> 00:10:32,423 - Are you coming with me? - Yeah, yeah. 236 00:10:32,424 --> 00:10:34,551 But I'm keeping a safe distance, okay? 237 00:10:35,344 --> 00:10:37,763 Just walk, walk, we're in the middle of the street. Jesus. 238 00:10:38,555 --> 00:10:41,057 - [whistling] - Dude, I am so fucked up. 239 00:10:41,058 --> 00:10:42,266 [laughs] 240 00:10:42,267 --> 00:10:45,019 Why'd you let me blaze in the car, man? 241 00:10:45,020 --> 00:10:48,982 - You're not supposed to shop stoned. - How we doing, ladies? 242 00:10:49,775 --> 00:10:51,275 - Jesus, dude. - [shoppers chuckling] 243 00:10:51,276 --> 00:10:53,611 I can't remember what Joy's favorite foods are. 244 00:10:53,612 --> 00:10:59,700 I-I-I literally have no memory of Joy ever actually eating anything. 245 00:10:59,701 --> 00:11:01,285 I mean, has she put anything in her mouth? 246 00:11:01,286 --> 00:11:03,037 I'm not sure what Val's favorite foods are either. 247 00:11:03,038 --> 00:11:05,081 I know what they are, it's just that they always change, 248 00:11:05,082 --> 00:11:07,041 - or, like, Keto phase. - [fan] Hey, can I get a pic? 249 00:11:07,042 --> 00:11:08,167 Come here, bud. 250 00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:09,418 Paleo phase. 251 00:11:09,419 --> 00:11:11,587 - [camera shutter clicks] - There we go. Mediterranean phase. 252 00:11:11,588 --> 00:11:13,965 Fuck it, dude. Let's just put everything in here. 253 00:11:13,966 --> 00:11:15,466 - Mm-hmm. Cilantro. - Everything. 254 00:11:15,467 --> 00:11:17,468 - Rice goes a long way. - Okay, little bit of… 255 00:11:17,469 --> 00:11:19,262 - Amino acids, come on, baby. - Maybe that. 256 00:11:19,263 --> 00:11:20,346 Pasta's here. 257 00:11:20,347 --> 00:11:21,639 - That covers a lot of ground. - Pasta. 258 00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:22,807 Yeah, pastas. 259 00:11:22,808 --> 00:11:24,642 - Uh, we got the grain. - [phone buzzing] 260 00:11:24,643 --> 00:11:25,977 Hang on. Who we got here? 261 00:11:25,978 --> 00:11:27,728 Yeah! 262 00:11:27,729 --> 00:11:30,273 Hey, babe. Uh, we're just about to check out. 263 00:11:30,274 --> 00:11:31,900 [Val] Matthew, did you lose your wallet? 264 00:11:33,735 --> 00:11:36,279 Uh, my wallet? 265 00:11:36,280 --> 00:11:37,947 [Val] Yeah, I got a call from the jewelry store. 266 00:11:37,948 --> 00:11:40,157 They said that some kid was trying to use your card. 267 00:11:40,158 --> 00:11:43,953 Oh. That. Yeah, you know what? I think I did leave it down there. 268 00:11:43,954 --> 00:11:46,998 Um, glad somebody found it. [stutters] I'll take care of this. 269 00:11:46,999 --> 00:11:49,375 [Val] No, no, no, it's already taken care of. The cops are there. 270 00:11:49,376 --> 00:11:51,669 I just… [sighs] I have to deal with the credit card company now. 271 00:11:51,670 --> 00:11:54,464 - Cops are there? - [Val] Yeah, they arrested the guy. 272 00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:56,966 - [mouthing words] Fuck. - [camera shutter clicks] 273 00:11:56,967 --> 00:11:57,968 Uh… 274 00:12:00,846 --> 00:12:02,847 - Val, it's Wyatt. - [Val] I'm sorry, what? 275 00:12:02,848 --> 00:12:07,351 Yep. Yep. I gave him my credit card to go down to the jewelry store. 276 00:12:07,352 --> 00:12:09,270 [Val] Why would you do that? He has horrible taste. 277 00:12:09,271 --> 00:12:11,272 We're gonna swing by right now, and we'll go… 278 00:12:11,273 --> 00:12:12,732 We'll go handle it, okay? No big deal. 279 00:12:12,733 --> 00:12:14,193 - [Val] Just go. - Yep, yep, yep. 280 00:12:15,110 --> 00:12:16,612 Fuck the food. Let's go. 281 00:12:17,529 --> 00:12:18,530 [pants] 282 00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:21,116 Wood, this way! 283 00:12:22,993 --> 00:12:27,622 - [tires screech] - Dad! Matthew! 284 00:12:27,623 --> 00:12:29,707 You gotta come quick. Wyatt's getting arrested. 285 00:12:29,708 --> 00:12:31,460 It's all right. [grunts] We're here now. 286 00:12:32,711 --> 00:12:35,004 You know, Wyatt wouldn't last a day in prison. 287 00:12:35,005 --> 00:12:37,507 Pretty boy like that? [scoffs] They'll go to fucking town on him. 288 00:12:37,508 --> 00:12:39,133 I'm talking train on train on train. 289 00:12:39,134 --> 00:12:40,760 Choo-choo, motherfucker. You know what I mean? 290 00:12:40,761 --> 00:12:42,970 Whoa, whoa, whoa. No need for cuffs, sir. 291 00:12:42,971 --> 00:12:46,432 No, this has got to be a misunderstanding. This is my son, Wyatt. 292 00:12:46,433 --> 00:12:49,101 He was, uh, assisting me with a romantic gesture 293 00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:51,729 gone awry on my behalf, his dad. 294 00:12:51,730 --> 00:12:53,898 Local Austinite and Texan, Matthew McConaughey. 295 00:12:53,899 --> 00:12:55,734 I need you to step back, sir. 296 00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:57,778 What, is that blood on your nose? 297 00:12:58,862 --> 00:13:01,239 - You roughing up my son? - Dude, you roughed up a… 298 00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:03,491 - All right. I said get back! - No, no, no. I-- 299 00:13:03,492 --> 00:13:04,659 Get back! 300 00:13:04,660 --> 00:13:07,328 [all shouting] 301 00:13:07,329 --> 00:13:09,080 - Dad. Dad, it's a prank. - Bullshit. What? 302 00:13:09,081 --> 00:13:10,331 Dad, it's a prank. It's, um… 303 00:13:10,332 --> 00:13:12,250 - Mom set the whole thing up. - It's okay. 304 00:13:12,251 --> 00:13:14,085 - Yeah. It's true. - It's a prank? 305 00:13:14,086 --> 00:13:16,337 - I know your wife from the fundraiser. - [Wyatt chuckles] 306 00:13:16,338 --> 00:13:17,880 The toy drive at Christmas 307 00:13:17,881 --> 00:13:19,799 - that she does with the cops? - Yeah. 308 00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:21,801 - Is it Valentine's Day or April Fools'? - That's you? 309 00:13:21,802 --> 00:13:24,470 So, you're telling me that Val set this up? 310 00:13:24,471 --> 00:13:26,472 [Joy, Val chuckling] 311 00:13:26,473 --> 00:13:29,183 I don't know, I feel bad. That's mean. 312 00:13:29,184 --> 00:13:30,726 Hmm. It is not mean, 313 00:13:30,727 --> 00:13:32,687 - it's exactly what they deserve. - That's so… [chuckles] 314 00:13:32,688 --> 00:13:34,021 And we should've gone further. 315 00:13:34,022 --> 00:13:36,607 Like, you should've told them to send their dirtiest cop 316 00:13:36,608 --> 00:13:39,360 and then when they show up, the cop is just pummeling Wyatt. 317 00:13:39,361 --> 00:13:40,404 [chuckles] Wait, what? 318 00:13:41,113 --> 00:13:43,197 What if when the guys come home with groceries, 319 00:13:43,198 --> 00:13:46,158 you get Matthew to put cilantro in everything? 320 00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:48,661 I'm allergic to cilantro, my throat slams shut, 321 00:13:48,662 --> 00:13:51,164 they have to take me to the hospital. "I don't make it." 322 00:13:52,624 --> 00:13:53,791 Like, you die? 323 00:13:53,792 --> 00:13:57,628 - [chuckling] - Joy, you are sick. 324 00:13:57,629 --> 00:13:59,088 Oh, it'll be so good. 325 00:13:59,089 --> 00:14:02,091 - [Woody chuckles] How about this? - [Matthew chuckles] 326 00:14:02,092 --> 00:14:05,136 - We buy them a trip to Singapore… - Yeah. 327 00:14:05,137 --> 00:14:07,889 …and then we put just little bit 328 00:14:07,890 --> 00:14:11,142 - of cocaine in their luggage. - Cocaine in there. [chuckles] 329 00:14:11,143 --> 00:14:13,060 Boy, you might lose more than your arm doing that. 330 00:14:13,061 --> 00:14:15,021 I think they'll laugh about it later. 331 00:14:15,022 --> 00:14:17,190 - Yeah. - [siren blares] 332 00:14:17,191 --> 00:14:18,649 Oh, how about that? 333 00:14:18,650 --> 00:14:20,985 - You think that's for us? - Oh, part of the prank? 334 00:14:20,986 --> 00:14:22,111 If I know my wife, 335 00:14:22,112 --> 00:14:24,906 - we are in for hell of a long day. - Come on, man. 336 00:14:24,907 --> 00:14:27,491 They already did the cop thing. You think they're doubling down on it? 337 00:14:27,492 --> 00:14:29,494 [Wyatt] Mom didn't mention this. 338 00:14:29,995 --> 00:14:32,080 Pull over for the padre. 339 00:14:34,833 --> 00:14:36,668 All right. See his dismount. 340 00:14:37,294 --> 00:14:39,086 Oh, look at that walk. 341 00:14:39,087 --> 00:14:40,755 - He means business. - Yeah. He means business. 342 00:14:40,756 --> 00:14:41,839 I think he's just a cop. 343 00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:46,177 Ah, I hope he took some improv classes so at least this can be entertaining. 344 00:14:46,178 --> 00:14:48,138 Sir, any idea why I pulled you over? 345 00:14:48,722 --> 00:14:53,184 Well, maybe because you've been talking to our wives? 346 00:14:53,185 --> 00:14:55,269 We've been more than talking to yours. [chuckles] 347 00:14:55,270 --> 00:14:57,104 [chuckling] 348 00:14:57,105 --> 00:14:58,606 You ran a stop sign back there. 349 00:14:58,607 --> 00:15:00,900 - I didn't run a stop sign. - Yeah? 350 00:15:00,901 --> 00:15:04,153 I rolled through a red octagon that, once I rolled through it, 351 00:15:04,154 --> 00:15:06,822 - turned green. [chuckles] - Green light. [chuckles] 352 00:15:06,823 --> 00:15:08,408 All right, out of the car. Let's go. 353 00:15:10,118 --> 00:15:12,286 - What's with the getup, boys? - [exclaims] 354 00:15:12,287 --> 00:15:15,122 A couple of Valentine's gifts we gave to each other. 355 00:15:15,123 --> 00:15:18,251 You guys are really committed to this bit. Bravo to you. 356 00:15:18,252 --> 00:15:20,795 Oh. Quite the stash you've got here. 357 00:15:20,796 --> 00:15:23,715 - [Woody, Matthew chuckle] - Possession isn't a joke, fellas. 358 00:15:24,341 --> 00:15:25,633 Well, this isn't good. 359 00:15:25,634 --> 00:15:27,260 [Woody] You know what? I love a good prank, 360 00:15:27,261 --> 00:15:31,764 but, uh, Matthew and I gotta get home and find out what these wives are up to. 361 00:15:31,765 --> 00:15:33,891 We do. Hey, thank y'all. Great job. 362 00:15:33,892 --> 00:15:35,309 Better than officer Nick did as well. 363 00:15:35,310 --> 00:15:37,144 - I need you to stop right there. - Really well done. 364 00:15:37,145 --> 00:15:39,146 - Stop, stop! Stand down! - Oh, yeah. Stop or I'll shoot. 365 00:15:39,147 --> 00:15:41,315 - Stand down! - [both] Stand down! 366 00:15:41,316 --> 00:15:42,441 We better call for backup. 367 00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:44,151 814 to dispatch. Start additional units. 368 00:15:44,152 --> 00:15:46,362 Dispatch? How many cops do you think Val hired? 369 00:15:46,363 --> 00:15:48,781 Subject is being uncooperative and combative. 370 00:15:48,782 --> 00:15:51,117 - This feels pretty real. - [chattering on radio] 371 00:15:51,118 --> 00:15:52,785 Wyatt, this part of your mom's deal? 372 00:15:52,786 --> 00:15:54,829 - I don't think so. - I don't think so either. 373 00:15:54,830 --> 00:15:57,332 All right, partner. I think we might've just overplayed our hand. 374 00:15:58,333 --> 00:15:59,667 Hey, I come in peace. 375 00:15:59,668 --> 00:16:01,627 - There's been a misunderstanding. - Take it easy. Stop. 376 00:16:01,628 --> 00:16:04,046 - Just wanna let you know that… - Hands where I can see 'em. I said stop. 377 00:16:04,047 --> 00:16:05,131 - No, no, no! - [groans] 378 00:16:05,132 --> 00:16:06,299 - No, no, no! - Stand down. 379 00:16:06,300 --> 00:16:09,927 - [electricity crackling] - [grunting] 380 00:16:09,928 --> 00:16:11,387 Should we do something? 381 00:16:11,388 --> 00:16:12,389 They seem fine. 382 00:16:13,348 --> 00:16:15,392 [Woody, Matthew grunting, groaning] 383 00:16:16,018 --> 00:16:18,769 [automated voice] Do you accept a collect call from Travis County jail? 384 00:16:18,770 --> 00:16:19,979 It's a collect call. 385 00:16:19,980 --> 00:16:21,480 - [stammers] Yes. Um… - [keypad beeps] 386 00:16:21,481 --> 00:16:23,524 - [Matthew] Hey, Val. - Matthew, are you all right? 387 00:16:23,525 --> 00:16:25,276 Uh, I've been better, sweetie. 388 00:16:25,277 --> 00:16:27,486 Listen, uh, we had a little run-in with the cops. 389 00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:30,531 Woody got tased. [stammers] I got pepper-sprayed in the face. 390 00:16:30,532 --> 00:16:31,949 - What? - Not his face. 391 00:16:31,950 --> 00:16:33,451 I need you to come down here and bail us out. 392 00:16:33,452 --> 00:16:35,870 - [stammers] Yeah, y-y-yeah. I mean, I-- - [phone beeps] 393 00:16:35,871 --> 00:16:37,538 - Tell me you're not that naive. - [phone beeps] 394 00:16:37,539 --> 00:16:39,207 Matthew, hey, Joy here. 395 00:16:39,208 --> 00:16:43,002 Yeah, we will be right down just as soon as we finish making ourselves dinner. 396 00:16:43,003 --> 00:16:44,295 No, no, no. Hey, Joy. 397 00:16:44,296 --> 00:16:45,963 Hey, Joy, this is not a prank. 398 00:16:45,964 --> 00:16:48,842 [automated voice] If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try a-- 399 00:16:50,469 --> 00:16:51,719 It's not a prank, right? 400 00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:54,097 You need to get back in your cell now, Mr. McConaughey. 401 00:16:55,182 --> 00:16:57,225 [Kai] Hey, thanks for the ride home, Officer Linda. 402 00:16:57,226 --> 00:17:00,562 I've never been in a cop car before, so this is like a genuine thrill for me. 403 00:17:02,523 --> 00:17:04,524 Okay, she does not want to engage. 404 00:17:04,525 --> 00:17:08,779 Or probably just pissed 'cause she's alone on Valentine's Day, but… 405 00:17:10,071 --> 00:17:11,989 I'm really sorry about earlier. 406 00:17:11,990 --> 00:17:14,325 Oh, you're sorry? I-I punched you. [chuckles] 407 00:17:14,326 --> 00:17:18,121 Yeah. I don't think my timing was the best. Um… 408 00:17:20,082 --> 00:17:22,459 I think that maybe I misread signs. 409 00:17:23,085 --> 00:17:24,962 I just don't have that much experience. 410 00:17:27,506 --> 00:17:28,674 Neither do I. 411 00:17:29,299 --> 00:17:32,844 I mean… I mean, honestly, that's probably why I clocked you, I was just nervous. 412 00:17:32,845 --> 00:17:34,011 Really? 413 00:17:34,012 --> 00:17:35,137 Yeah. 414 00:17:35,138 --> 00:17:37,807 I mean, you look like you have a ton of experience. 415 00:17:37,808 --> 00:17:39,226 Want me to punch you again? 416 00:17:40,102 --> 00:17:42,521 I… I meant it as a compliment. 417 00:17:43,689 --> 00:17:46,357 You just… You seem so confident. 418 00:17:46,358 --> 00:17:47,567 Well, I am. 419 00:17:47,568 --> 00:17:49,111 About some things. 420 00:17:49,945 --> 00:17:51,071 Just not, like… 421 00:17:52,281 --> 00:17:54,074 normal teenage stuff. 422 00:17:54,741 --> 00:17:58,828 I only see you, like, once a year and you're… 423 00:17:58,829 --> 00:18:00,330 you're kind of my best friend. 424 00:18:05,586 --> 00:18:07,253 You're my best friend too. 425 00:18:07,254 --> 00:18:10,716 And I see lots of people all the time. 426 00:18:16,513 --> 00:18:18,264 - [siren blares] - [both grunt] 427 00:18:18,265 --> 00:18:19,558 - Fuck. - Are you okay? 428 00:18:20,517 --> 00:18:23,519 Oh. Oh, sorry. Um, a lot of traffic. 429 00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:25,522 You know, Valentine's Day. 430 00:18:28,317 --> 00:18:32,570 Come on, Nick. Hey… [stammers] You know what happened, man. 431 00:18:32,571 --> 00:18:35,323 Y'all pranked us then we assumed that the prank was still going. 432 00:18:35,324 --> 00:18:36,908 That the game was still flowing, man. 433 00:18:36,909 --> 00:18:39,577 Yeah, I get that, but I'm not the one that booked you. 434 00:18:39,578 --> 00:18:40,661 [Val] Look at them. 435 00:18:40,662 --> 00:18:42,914 - Hey! [chuckles] - Oh! 436 00:18:42,915 --> 00:18:44,582 - Hallelujah! - There they are! 437 00:18:44,583 --> 00:18:47,001 - [Woody] We are saved. - Are you serious, Nick? 438 00:18:47,002 --> 00:18:48,336 I had nothing to do with this. 439 00:18:48,337 --> 00:18:50,463 Any way we can increase their bail? 440 00:18:50,464 --> 00:18:52,840 He really got tased. This is real pepper spray in my eyes. 441 00:18:52,841 --> 00:18:53,966 That toilet doesn't flush. 442 00:18:53,967 --> 00:18:55,968 Yeah, you know what? I appreciate the commitment, 443 00:18:55,969 --> 00:18:58,804 but at least your coffee shop costumes took a little effort. 444 00:18:58,805 --> 00:19:00,264 This is a little disappointing. 445 00:19:00,265 --> 00:19:01,599 This is as real as it gets. 446 00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:03,768 Let me know when you're done with this whole comedy bit. 447 00:19:03,769 --> 00:19:05,311 - Hey, hey, hey. - We're not playing around. 448 00:19:05,312 --> 00:19:08,189 - This is not a joke. Honey. - Val. Val! 449 00:19:08,190 --> 00:19:10,858 - Hey, we're not joking. Honey. - We're not kidding, all right? You… 450 00:19:10,859 --> 00:19:12,819 - Hey! - [exclaims] 451 00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:17,532 - Hey. Oh, sorry. - Hey. 452 00:19:17,533 --> 00:19:18,950 I was just… I was gonna bring you this, 453 00:19:18,951 --> 00:19:20,368 - but you already got… - No, no. I mean, 454 00:19:20,369 --> 00:19:21,954 [stammers] I have one, but it melted, so… 455 00:19:23,080 --> 00:19:25,499 [chuckles] Okay. Here you go. 456 00:19:26,458 --> 00:19:28,751 - Are you still in pain or… - Are you? 457 00:19:28,752 --> 00:19:31,629 No, but I can taste pennies in the back of my throat. 458 00:19:31,630 --> 00:19:34,465 [chuckles] Sick. My lip hurts like a bitch. 459 00:19:34,466 --> 00:19:36,259 [chuckles] Don't be a baby. 460 00:19:36,260 --> 00:19:37,927 I'm not a baby. 461 00:19:37,928 --> 00:19:39,763 Okay. You're sleeping with a teddy bear. 462 00:19:40,305 --> 00:19:41,682 That came with the bus. 463 00:19:42,683 --> 00:19:45,017 Yeah? Well, who is this little guy anyway? 464 00:19:45,018 --> 00:19:46,352 - Well, it's not mine… - Let's see. 465 00:19:46,353 --> 00:19:47,895 …but if you hurt him, I'll fucking kill you. 466 00:19:47,896 --> 00:19:49,397 - Stop. - I'm gonna-- Just don't touch it. 467 00:19:49,398 --> 00:19:51,066 - I'm like… - What's this? What's this? 468 00:19:51,692 --> 00:19:53,776 ["Beautiful Girl" playing] 469 00:19:53,777 --> 00:19:55,529 Is this the acorn I gave you? 470 00:19:57,656 --> 00:19:58,823 No. 471 00:19:58,824 --> 00:20:00,575 No, that's nothing. 472 00:20:00,576 --> 00:20:01,577 That's… 473 00:20:02,661 --> 00:20:07,248 That's just a completely unrelated acorn with no sentimental value at all 474 00:20:07,249 --> 00:20:08,916 that I just… 475 00:20:08,917 --> 00:20:12,504 that I just keep around for no reason. 476 00:20:26,476 --> 00:20:28,436 - Ow. Ow. [chuckles] - Oh, sorry. 477 00:20:28,437 --> 00:20:30,438 Sorry, I'll work on the other side. 478 00:20:30,439 --> 00:20:31,690 This is work to you? 479 00:20:32,274 --> 00:20:33,692 - Shut up. - [chuckles] 480 00:20:38,363 --> 00:20:39,489 [song fades, ends] 481 00:20:40,073 --> 00:20:42,200 - Dude, I still got another call. - Mmm. 482 00:20:42,201 --> 00:20:45,621 I could call Willie or Owen. They've bailed me out lots of times. 483 00:20:46,330 --> 00:20:47,623 Why didn't you ever call me? 484 00:20:48,248 --> 00:20:50,082 - Matthew, let's not do this right now. - All right. 485 00:20:50,083 --> 00:20:51,292 [door opens] 486 00:20:51,293 --> 00:20:55,463 Oh, well, well, well. Look who we've got here. 487 00:20:55,464 --> 00:20:57,256 - Joe Rogan? - No, no. Even better. 488 00:20:57,257 --> 00:20:59,008 Happy Valentine's Day, y'all. 489 00:20:59,009 --> 00:21:00,968 [Matthew] Thank God, Gwen. How did you know we're here? 490 00:21:00,969 --> 00:21:03,095 You got any romantic plans tonight? 491 00:21:03,096 --> 00:21:04,722 - Just this. - This may sound crazy, 492 00:21:04,723 --> 00:21:07,016 but there's a guy that I want to set you up with. 493 00:21:07,017 --> 00:21:10,102 He's a mailman, looks great in shorts, loves his country-- 494 00:21:10,103 --> 00:21:11,687 Shut up. You. 495 00:21:11,688 --> 00:21:14,607 - Yes. - I have made the mistake, up until now, 496 00:21:14,608 --> 00:21:16,943 of treating you like People's sexiest man alive. 497 00:21:16,944 --> 00:21:18,945 - 2005. - Shut the fuck up, Harrelson. 498 00:21:18,946 --> 00:21:21,447 You have all the hallmarks of a world-class politician. 499 00:21:21,448 --> 00:21:23,407 - Well, thank you. - Let me finish. 500 00:21:23,408 --> 00:21:27,703 However, your Achilles' heel is that you have been a celebrity for so, so long 501 00:21:27,704 --> 00:21:30,998 that your brain has turned into a big old sloppy pile of goo. 502 00:21:30,999 --> 00:21:34,502 Regular people in the professional world cannot tromps about 503 00:21:34,503 --> 00:21:38,256 with the sleepover energy of two seven-year-old girls in matching pajamas 504 00:21:38,257 --> 00:21:40,342 running from the police and getting pepper-sprayed. 505 00:21:41,009 --> 00:21:42,177 No, I'm following. Yeah. 506 00:21:42,970 --> 00:21:46,389 From now on, you wear what I say, 507 00:21:46,390 --> 00:21:47,890 you say what I say. 508 00:21:47,891 --> 00:21:51,562 And if I say smile, you say, "How dimply?" 509 00:21:52,437 --> 00:21:55,440 - Got it. - Two weeks until we announce. 510 00:21:56,400 --> 00:21:58,986 No more fuck ups. All right? Let's go. 511 00:22:00,404 --> 00:22:01,988 - [cork pops] - [liquid pouring] 512 00:22:01,989 --> 00:22:05,074 - Oh. Only the best from you, Wood. - [Val chuckles] Look at that pour. 513 00:22:05,075 --> 00:22:06,909 Look at the style on this man. 514 00:22:06,910 --> 00:22:08,870 - My people call it maize. - I married him. Huh? 515 00:22:08,871 --> 00:22:11,831 Hey, I'm glad y'all had fun today, but we knew. 516 00:22:11,832 --> 00:22:12,915 - No! - What? 517 00:22:12,916 --> 00:22:14,250 - Yeah. - [Joy] You did not. 518 00:22:14,251 --> 00:22:16,961 - You wouldn't have won an Oscar for that. - No. 519 00:22:16,962 --> 00:22:18,963 - It was a good one. - A hundred percent had them. 520 00:22:18,964 --> 00:22:21,340 - We had you. Joy and Val won. - We played along. We played along. 521 00:22:21,341 --> 00:22:23,634 - We wanted to play along. - No, we had you. 522 00:22:23,635 --> 00:22:25,761 - [Joy] Where's that music coming from? - ["In Your Eyes" playing] 523 00:22:25,762 --> 00:22:26,846 Who's that? 524 00:22:26,847 --> 00:22:28,557 - You hear this? - [chuckles] 525 00:22:30,893 --> 00:22:31,977 What's this? 526 00:22:33,687 --> 00:22:35,439 Oh, that's romantic. 527 00:22:42,821 --> 00:22:43,822 Jimmy? 528 00:22:45,824 --> 00:22:47,159 What are you doing here? 529 00:22:48,035 --> 00:22:49,660 - It's Say Anything. - [scoffs] 530 00:22:49,661 --> 00:22:51,287 [Jimmy] Remember you always wanted to watch it? 531 00:22:51,288 --> 00:22:55,167 Honestly, this scene is the best part. The rest doesn't hold up su-super well. 532 00:22:57,294 --> 00:22:58,295 [mutters] 533 00:22:59,004 --> 00:23:01,048 You look so beautiful in the moonlight, baby. 534 00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:06,802 - You know this guy? - [Joy] That's Olive's ex-fiancé. 535 00:23:06,803 --> 00:23:08,972 Ah, fuck me. 536 00:23:12,309 --> 00:23:13,726 [Jimmy] Baby, you coming back? 537 00:23:13,727 --> 00:23:15,144 This boom box is weirdly heavy. 538 00:23:15,145 --> 00:23:17,147 [music continues]